Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction
Story Notes:

This will most likely be a short story.  It has taken me a very long time to start this story.  I promise to finish it and have several chapters written.  I wanted to wait until I was sure I could update regularly in the beginning.  Real life is very busy but I promise to update and complete the story.  Beautiful banner by Marny.

Author's Chapter Notes:

Feedback is always welcome.  There are many stories about Justin and Brian having children.  I hope I can do the topic justice and my readers find it entertaining.  I'm playing in this sandbox. 

Justin sat in the booth of the restaurant while he waited for his mother.  He had chosen the Italian restaurant as it was one of her favorites.  It was a small place, barely seating 50 people; therefore, it was usually crowded, especially during the lunch hour on a week day.  It was located in the middle of the business district and attracted the business crowd as well as many tourists who happened to venture into the downtown area. The tables were meant to seat 4-6 people and were fairly close together.   If a patron wanted total privacy this was not the place to go, but since the din of people talking was usually constant, there was an air of separateness afforded to the patrons.  

The small wooden tables had a glossy shine to them, allowing the patrons to see their reflections, personal mirrors as it were.  The real reason for the shine was to allow easier clean up especially with red and white sauce served with most dishes.  The chairs were wooden as well with straight backs.   Pictures of Italian countrysides were mounted on the walls and the lighting was soft as was the Italian music playing in the background. 

He was seated facing the door, awaiting his mother's arrival.  Small butterflies played in his stomach and he felt a nervous tension drumming through his body.   He picked up his phone from its place on the right of his table setting and glanced at the time, realizing that it was still 5 minutes until his mother was supposed to arrive.  She was usually prompt, her WASP upbringing instilling in her the importance of not wasting anyone's time.  He looked up and smiled when he saw her gracefully coming in the door. She waved at him and made her way back to his table.  Leaning down, she placed a quick kiss on his cheek and then sat down. 

"I was so happy you called yesterday to invite me to lunch.  It's been too long since I've eaten at Erio's.  I just love their Eggplant Parmesean.   No one makes it like they do."  Jennifer picked up her silverware wrapped in the traditional heavy linen napkin, rolled it open, placing her silverware in their proper place on the table and then setting the napkin in her lap.  

"I was in the city and I thought it would be nice to visit, just the two of us." Justin smiled and picked up the menu, reading the many options on the multi- page booklet.

The waitress came and set two glasses of water on the table. 
"Can I get you something to drink?"

"I'd like a glass of white wine," Jennifer said as she watched her son across the table.  "The house brand is fine."

"Just a Coke for me."

The waitress wrote the orders down and said, "I'll be right back with your drinks and some bread.

Justin studied the menu again, trying to pick something.  He was too nervous to eat and he knew if he told Brian that, he would just laugh and look at him incredulously.  Finally laying down the menu he gave his mother a small smile.

"Is everything okay Justin?"  She recognized the slight strain in his neck shoulders and the way his smile didn't quite fill his face.

Justin frowned, realizing that his mom, Brian and Daphne were the only people he really could not fool with his cool aloofness.  He was pleased that his mother recognized the slight tension, but he was still nervous.

"No.  Nothing is wrong, but there is something I wanted to talk to you about."

Jennifer took a deep breath, quickly running through her mind all the possible scenarios of "nothing is wrong but I want to talk" that Justin would entertain.  She didn't speak, waiting for him to continue.

"Brian and I have been talking a lot lately."  He wanted to start out small, not come out and tell her his news right away.  He didn't want to tease or tantalize her, but instead wanted to determine her reaction before he made his announcement.

"Ok.  Brian and you have been talking."  She didn't want to speculate on the topic.  She took a roll from the bread basket that the waitress had delivered to their table a few moments ago.  Tearing it open, she placed the two sides on the bread plate and took some butter from the small round butter dish and placed that on her plate as well.  She proceeded to butter one half of the roll and then tore off a small piece to eat it. 

"Maybe I should have had a shot of Beam," he joked before continuing with his story.  "How did you decide you were ready for me?"  Justin plunged into the conversation, hoping his mother would get the gist of his talk.

She looked at him, understanding the anxiety.  With a small smile she answered.  "We had talked about children, most couples do at some time.  Even if they decide not to have them, the conversation usually comes up."

"So I was planned?"

"Yes.   We wanted to have a baby." The question threw her off a little.  It wasn't everyday your adult son talks about your family planning decisions.  She hoped she wasn't blushing, but it was a little embarrassing to discuss your sex life, albeit by proxy. 

"I want to have a child."  He drew a deep inhale after making the statement.  The reason for the get together was now on the table and he hoped that his mother would be supportive.

"You want to have a child," she repeated his statement giving herself a few moments to digest the words.  She looked at her son's eager face, recognizing the desire for approval from her, his mother.  "And Brian?"

Justin reached for the rolls, taking one from the basket and repeating the routine his mother had recently completed to take a bite from the home made roll.  He sucked in his lip and bit it slightly.

"He's okay with it."

"Justin?" she asked, the question obvious without being spoken.

"A few months ago, before the stalker incident..."  Justin shivered when he mentioned the event, even though he assured people that he was fine with the outcome.   "Daphne and I were talking about kids and she made a comment about me being a dad.  I like the idea but told her it wouldn't happen since Brian didn't want that type of commitment.  During the time we were dealing with "him" Linds brought Gus around a lot.  Partly because he likes to paint and hang with us but partly to serve as a distraction for me."   Justin took a second and third bite of his roll and then took a drink of his Coke.  "I realized that a child is a legacy that I could leave, even if never picked up a paint brush or created another piece of art.  Brian and I talked about it and he said if I wanted a child, he was okay with it."

The waitress brought their food, telling them the plates were hot.  Jennifer picked up her fork, taking a small bite of her favorite dish.  The mixture of tomatoes and cheese with a slight breading was delicious.  "Mmmm," she said as she savored the delicacy.

"I hear a hesitation."

"I think it's what I want, a child- a legacy, but it's a daunting task."

"Raising a child is a life time commitment.  True. But it's a life time reward as well."

"Did you ever regret having me and Molly?"

"No.  Any mother that regrets having her children should never have been a mother."

"Maybe I shouldn't have a child."

Jennifer reached across the table, laying her hand on her son's hand.  "Every parent has fears about being a good parent.  We don't do everything perfectly and we make plenty of mistakes, but people make mistakes even if they aren't parents."

"So you don't think this is a bad idea?"

"Sweetheart.  What I think isn't important.  This is a decision for you and Brian."

"Do you think I'll make a good dad?"

"Yes.  I see the way you interact with Gus and he isn't even your biological child."

"I've known him since he was born.  Was there the night he came into the world.  It's the most natural thing in the world to love him.  He's an extension of the man I love, the man I chose to spend my life with.  Why wouldn't I love him?"

"You have your answer.  A child is an extension of the person you love and I know that Brian loves you unconditionally.  I take it you would be the biological father?"

"Yes.  Brian is Gus' father and he understands that I want this child to be my biological son or daughter."  He thought about what his mother said about loving the child when you love the parent and it did make perfectly good sense.  "So you don't think Brian would have an issue loving my biological child?"

"If Brian Kinney says he will raise a child with you; I think that is all the truth you need.  Brian doesn't agree to things he dislikes."

"So, how far along in this process are you?  Do you have any idea who will carry the child?  Are you going to hire a surrogate or use someone you know?"

"We aren't sure.  We don't think we want to ask Daphne or Mel or Linds.  Asking Linds would mean that Gus and the baby would at least share some DNA, but we both agree Linds is not a good choice.  She has enough difficulty separating Brian and Gus in her mind and adding another child would just be asking for trouble."

Jennifer frowned and looked a little confused at Justin's statement.  "Separating Brian and Gus?"

"While she knows that Brian and she are not a couple, sometimes she acts like the three of them are a little nuclear family.  I think she secretly has this fantasy of them being married and Gus is their child.  The difficulty being Brian is a homosexual and she's a lesbian, or at least Bi- sexual."

"I didn't know that.  It must make things difficult at times."

"Yes.  She uses Gus as a pawn when she wants Brian to do things.  I feel sorry for Gus and Brian.  Brian is really enjoying being a father to Gus, but it seems to me she thwarts his efforts at times.  She tells him he'd rather go to the bars or to some orgy rather than hang out with Gus.  It really hurts Brian."

"Brian seems very attentive when I've seen him with Gus.  I think he makes a great father."

"So do I, but he's always fearful he'll be like his father and he doesn't want to do that."

"Honey, Brian is a very caring man.  He wouldn't have come to the hospital every night to check on you if you didn't matter.  Whatever his parents did or didn't do when he was a child, he learned compassion and he demonstrates that with everyone he cares about."  Jennifer smiled at Justin, hoping her words would assure him.

 "Justin.  I love Brian.  I know we had a rocky start, but I really do care deeply about him and his happiness.  I've seen him with Gus and there is obvious love there.  I don't think either of you should worry that Brian's less than stellar childhood will result in harming your child."

 "NO!!!!  He would never hurt our child.  He gets upset when Mel and LInds even yell at Gus, even when he deserves it.   I just don't want to put him in a position where he's uncomfortable."

"All parents get upset, Justin.  We all yell and lose it when we shouldn't.  It's about being human.  It's important for a child to be loved."

"I know.  Do you think we should have a child?"  Justin looked eagerly at his mother; an adult wanting acceptance of a life changing decision.  He now understood what it meant when people said that you were always your parent's child.  He took a drink from his water glass and glanced at the crowd in the restaurant.  People were enjoying their meal, some talking animatedly and others softly whispering.  Life was happening all around him and his major decision was only one of many that were being made at that point in time.

"Justin, I can't make that decision.  It's not up to me whether you do this or not.  I will love you regardless of your decision."   Jennifer saw a glimpse of her possible future as a grandmother and she liked that vision.  She was mentally picking out blankets and books for the unborn child. "It's a big decision.   You have to find someone to carry the baby, especially if you don't want to use one of your friends."

"I know.  I really want this.  I think we'd make great parents.  And, we'd have a huge extended family to help.  I can just imagine you as a grandma, rocking and cooing a baby."  Justin too was picturing a nursery painted with a soothing theme, maybe an ocean or a garden.  There would be soft colors on the wall and a few mobiles hanging from the ceiling to entertain the infant.

"I'd like that.  Either way you decide, I'll support your decision, honey."

"Thanks mom."  He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. 

Jennifer studied her son.  He was a far cry from the young naïve 17 year old who was picked up by Brian. She had learned that story from Debbie many years later and was happy that she hadn't known the whole truth at the time.  She had come to love Brian as her son's partner and only thought of their rocky start on rare occasions.  She hadn't really thought about him wanting a child or being a father, but now that the topic had been broached, she thought it was an excellent choice.  But as she told Justin, it was a decision she could not make. 

"What else have you been doing lately?  It's been a while since we talked."

"I've been busy in the studio and I've been working with Carol to set up a series of small shows.  I've decided that I'd like to show my work in a variety of settings, not just the major galleries. When Brian and I have a child, I may be limited in my travel for a few years.  We decided I'd like to gain exposure to some smaller markets as well as the major ones."

"You really have thought a lot about having a family," she said as she finished her lunch.

‘Yes. We have.  Sometimes it feels that this is all we've discussed in the last month."  Justin finished the last of his food and took a drink from his Coke.  "As a gay couple, there are so many more steps we have to complete.  It's not like we can wake up one day and decide ‘okay, let's try and get pregnant'.  We have to consider who's going to carry the baby, find a good OB and hospital, decide how much the mother will be involved, take care of legal issues and then the easy part is getting pregnant.  Well, that may not be easy either, but there is so much preliminary work."

"How far along are you in the process?"

"We've discussed the legal stuff and agreed we want a child.  The next step is finding someone to have the baby."

The waitress came to take their plates away.

"Can I interest you in any dessert today?  Our specialty is cheesecake.  We also have a lovely happy hour special on drinks that starts in fifteen minutes."

Jennifer looked at her watch, not realizing they had been at the restaurant for so long.  "No, thank you.  I have to get back to work."  She looked at Justin to see if he wanted anything.

"No, just the check please." 

"Brian and I are meeting with a surrogate tomorrow and I think there is another meeting next week.  We plan to start very soon."  The waitress brought the check to the table and Justin picked it up.

"I'm happy for you, sweetheart.  This is an exciting time for both of you."

"I hope you're right."  Justin took out his credit card and laid it on the bill.  The waitress took the placard and returned a few moments later with the receipt.  He signed it and left a nice tip.  Leaning over the table, he kissed his mother and then got up from the table together.

"I'll talk to you later this week.  Remember, not a word, mom."

"Of course, Justin.  I respect your privacy."

They walked out of the restaurant; each going in different directions.

TBC

Chapter End Notes:

I hope this is an exciting start to the next chapter in their lives.

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