Justin shifted nervously and tapped his foot swiftly as he sat in an uncomfortable chair in an examination room. His hands were wringing in his lap as he struggled to maintain his nerves.  He consciously took deep breaths in order stop his heart from pounding in his chest, though it didn’t seem to be helping.  He felt as if he could feel it in his throat. 

He glanced around the bland room and tried to find something to focus on to keep his mind off of why he was there. There was a motivational poster hanging on the wall and he stared at the picture in it, mentally critiquing the angle the photographer had chosen.  He managed to waste a good ten minutes criticizing the photo and when he came up short of any more reasons to dislike it, the doctor finally walked into the room.

Justin immediately stilled and straightened. His foot stopped tapping and he gave his neurologist a weak smile.

“You missed your last few appointments, Justin. You know these scans are important.”  Dr. Harding reprimanded lightly as he began flipping through the pages on his clipboard.

“I know but…Things came up.” Justin explained vaguely.  “So has anything changed?”  He asked, wanting to get straight to the point.

“No. Your brain is still in the same condition.”  The man responded, though it was clear he was less than pleased with the news.

“So no improvement still?” Justin asked, disappointment clear in his voice.

“Unfortunately no. I’m afraid at this point we can’t expect much to change if it hasn’t already.  But how are you feeling?  Any more episodes, pain, or dizziness?”  Dr. Harding asked as he wheeled a chair in front of Justin and took out a light pen.  He placed one hand on Justin’s cheek and shined it in one of his eyes.

“No. I still get migraines every once in a while, but that’s about it.  My hand doesn’t act up anymore either.”  He informed and the man nodded as he moved the light onto the other eye.

“Good, good…” He sounded distant, but Justin was used to it.  He leaned back and put the pen back in his coat pocket and gave Justin a small smile.  “Well, I’d like for you to come back in in another six months for a scan.  The past few have been pretty consistent, so it looks like your neural pathways have settled; but I’d rather keep an eye on it just to be sure.”  Dr. Harding said and Justin nodded, pretty certain it was more because he wanted Justin’s money than anything else.

“Ok, six months.” He agreed and then leaned back in the chair.

“Where’s Brian?” Dr. Harding asked as he stood up and began jotting things in Justin’s file.  “He’s usually here with you.”

Justin smiled a bit and shrugged. He’d made sure Brian wasn’t here.  “Visiting his son.  We moved out of town and so he doesn’t get as many chances to see him.  He’ll be here to pick me up though.”  Justin assured and Dr. Harding nodded a few times.

“And I see here you got some blood work done in the lab?” He asked and Justin nodded again.

“I figured I’d get a check-up while I was here. It’s not easy for us to get into town and I thought I’d hit two birds with one stone.”  He explained and the man nodded.

“Alright. Well those should be ready for you in a couple days – I’m sure the lab will give you a call with the results.”  He assured and then held out his hand.  Justin stood and shook it.  “It’s good to see you doing so well, Justin.  As always, call me if something comes up – you can never be too careful with these sort of things.”

“I know. I will.”  He assured and then waved as Dr. Harding moved out of the room and onto his next patient.  Justin hovered in the room for a moment, wishing that his anxiety would leave.

Unfortunately, the main reason for his appointment wasn’t for his MRI – he only set that up so he’d have something to tell Brian, who had the foresight to pay for his outpatient treatment in advance.  He'd be able to continue coming in for the next few years thanks to Brian's investment. However, the main reason for his appointment was the blood work.  He had a surprise in mind…

They’d been living at the manor for nearly six months now and he thought they were really in a good place. They’ve both settled and were happy there, so Justin wanted to suggest that they make it more…official.  Neither of them had had an opportunity to trick in the six months that they’ve been there.  What few chances they had to go to town were focused on family, not clubbing.  Which meant, that for the past six months neither of them had been with another man.

He hadn’t said anything up until this point, but he thought if they were ever to do it, now was the perfect chance. Even if it wasn’t permanent, and even if they decide to open up their relationship again in the future he wanted to at least present the option.  He wasn’t sure how Brian would receive it, however.

Justin couldn’t remember all of the times Brian had said ‘never’ to bare-backing; he’d honestly lost count. But that was then and now things had changed.

He walked through the familiar halls of the hospital back towards the front lobby. He sat on a bench near the door and waited, though he wasn’t sure how long Brian was going to be.  While he waited, he fretted.

“You are such a little shit, you know that?” Brian muttered as he wiped a pile of mashed potatoes from his hair.  He scowled as he flicked his wrist and sent them flying back onto the table.  Gus merely laughed, clearly amused with what he was seeing.

“Oh, you think that’s funny, do you?” Brian asked and Gus laughed again.  “You’re gonna get it, Sonny Boy.”  He taunted and then reached over to the booster seat and began tickling his son.  Gus squealed and squirmed as he tried to get away.  Brian lifted him from the seat and spun him around the kitchen a little, smiling and laughing as he did.

“Daddy!” Gus called out through his peals of laughter, and Brian paused to look at the boy. 

“You’re not messy enough, you know?” He suddenly said and reached out for a handful of mashed potatoes and smeared them on the boy’s face.

“Nooo, Daddy!” Gus protested.

“You liked putting them on me.” He reminded and Gus wiped furiously at his face.

“It funny!” The boy insisted and Brian just smiled a bit more.

“So is this.” He explained as he smeared some more on his face.

“Sounds like you two are having fun in here.” Lindsey suddenly interrupted and Brian turned and looked at her, displaying their son proudly.

“I thought I’d get him ready for dinner.” Brian teased and Gus squealed again and wiggled out of his hold and then darted away.

Lindsey finished walking into the kitchen and set the grocery bags on the counter. “Do you want to stay for dinner?”  She offered and Brian shook his head as he went to the sink to wash off his hands.

“Naw. I have to pick up Justin from his appointment and then we need to head back.”  He explained and Lindsey nodded a bit, though she looked disappointed.

“Well maybe next time.” She said wistfully.

“Yeah, maybe.” He glanced down the hallway to where Gus had disappeared.  “I need to head out.  Sorry I’m leaving him in such a mess.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s easy to clean up.”  She assured and then they shared a quick kiss before Brian walked out to the front.

On his way to the car he felt his phone buzz in his pocket and he pulled it out and flipped it open without bothering to see who was calling. “I’m on my way, Sunshine.”  He assured.

“Mr. Kinney?” An accented voice greeted him and he came to an abrupt halt just outside the door to the car.

“I’m sorry…who is this?” He asked slowly as he tried to recall the voice, but couldn’t.

“It’s Ed, Mr. Kinney. Ed Kingston.” 

Brian’s eyebrows shot up on his forehead. “What can I do for you?”  He asked carefully, not sure why the man would be calling him nearly a year after rejecting him.

“Well Brian I’ll cut right to the point. I’d like to talk to you about our advertising needs.”

A few days later, Justin was working hard in the kitchen with a large smile on his face. He’d received the call from the lab the day before with the results of his blood work – all negative.  He immediately made a batch of jambalaya so that it would be ready today when he told Brian the good news and suggested they take another step together.

He gave the pot one more stir and then tested it before adding a few more spices. He then stepped aside to the cutting board where he began working on a salad.  As he chopped up the lettuce he went through his mind what he wanted to say to Brian.  He needed the approach to be subtle and non-threatening.  Of course, threatening to Brian was just about any topic relating to relationships.

“It sure does smell good in here.” Beatrice said as she meandered into the kitchen.

Justin looked up and smiled a bit. “Good.  I was hoping it’d be perfect.”  He said and then looked down at the salad again.

“What is it?” She asked as she lifted the pot and looked at what was inside.

“Jambalaya. It’s kind of a…special meal for Brian and I.”  He said with a nostalgic smile.  “I made it for him when we first lived together.”

“Oh? So is tonight…special?”  She asked with a bit of reservation.  Justin didn’t mind.  She’d become far more civil the past few months; she’d stopped calling them names and no longer made up chores to humiliate them.  She wasn’t perfect, but any awkwardness she exuded was far preferable to her open hostility before.

“I’m hoping so.” He answered vaguely, not wanting to get into the details of just what exactly he intended to ask Brian that night.  He was sure it would give her a heart attack to discuss gay sex with her.

“Well I hope it goes well. Will you save a bowl for me?  It smells delicious.”

Justin nodded a bit. “Yeah, of course.”  He gave her a small wave when she turned and left.  He rolled his lips into his mouth and exhaled slowly as he still tried to keep calm.  He glanced to the clock and knew Brian would be coming in soon after working outside all day.  Whatever it was he was going to say, he had to figure it out soon.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize how much time had passed until two arms wrapped around him and pulled him back. He jumped a bit and spun, smiling up at Brian.  “Smells delicious.”  He said and then bent and kissed his lips.  Justin wrapped his arms around Brian’s neck and kissed him back strongly.  “I have great news.”  Brian said when they broke apart.  He instantly went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine.

“I do too.” Justin said and Brian turned and looked at him.

“Really? Well lucky us.”  He said and then began pouring the wine for them.

“I’ve made Jambalaya. Why don’t we eat first and then we can share.”  He suggested and Brian nodded in agreement.

The two swiftly went to setting up the table and then Justin dished out the food. He was glad Brian had agreed to eat first as he still hadn’t thought of what he was going to say.  They sat across the table from each other in relative silence.  Brian complimented him on the food and Justin thanked him, but they were mostly quiet, both caught up in their own thoughts.

When they finished Justin realized that maybe he didn’t need to have the exact right words. He would just say what he was thinking and be honest with Brian.  He would also make it clear that this didn’t have to be permanent.  He just wanted to try it, even if it was only once, and he knew this might be the only time it was safe.

Just as he was about to open his mouth to say his piece, Brian moved suddenly and seemed to be itching to talk. “So I got a call a few days ago.”  Brian said and Justin shut his mouth.  It was probably best to let Brian go first anyways.

“From?” He prompted.

“Ed Kingston.” Brian was smirking.

“The electronics guy?” Justin asked because he only vaguely remembered the name.

“Yeah. He called a few days ago saying he hated what VanGard had done, but because of the contract couldn’t get out of it for a year.  It took a few days to get all the logistics down and I didn’t want to tell you until it was final but…Justin he’s transferred ten million for an international campaign.  And I get a thirty grand bonus if I can increase his profits by five percent by next quarter.  And I’ve seen the numbers, Justin.  That’ll be a breeze.”  Brian spoke quickly and with so much excitement.

Justin started smiling and laughing. “I can’t believe it!  It’s really happening?”  He asked and Brian nodded, raising his glass up in the air.

“Kinnetik is officially launching with its first client.” Brian announced and Justin raised his glass as well and they took a small sip.

“Brian this is amazing! I’m so happy for you.  You’ve earned this.”  He gazed at his partner in pride.

“I have, haven’t I?” Brian smirked and said in his cocky manner.  Justin could only laugh.

Suddenly Brian reached over and grabbed his hand. Justin stilled at the intimate gesture.  “Do you know what this means, Justin?  We can get out of this fucking house, get back to Pittsburgh.  We can get our old life back.”

Justin stilled and his enthusiasm began to fade. Brian continued on about how he couldn’t wait to leave and get back to the way things were before.  The clubs, the bars, the drugs…Justin hated every word coming out of his mouth.

He didn’t want to leave. He liked it where they were now – he liked their life now.  He didn’t want to go back to the way things were before.  He thought about his big announcement and was suddenly glad that Brian had gone first.  He would have been so embarrassed if he had asked Brian to become exclusive and been answered with all of that.

“So we can get out of here as soon as possible. Do you want to tell the old hag?”  Brian seemed so pleased but Justin knew he couldn’t go back to the way they lived before.  He couldn’t go back to that life now that he’s experienced this.

“Actually…” Justin slowly pulled his hand back and looked at Brian with a terrified expression because he knew the man would hate what he was about to say.  “I want to stay here.”  He managed to get out though he didn’t know how.

Brian at first looked at him like he had made a joke, but then the man seemed to realize that he was serious.  Brian then looked flabbergasted.  "Stay here?!"  He demanded in a voice so sharp Justin actually jumped from shock.  "Why the hell would you want to sty here?  There's nothing here, Justin!"  Brian exclaimed and Justin mere shook his head.

"That's not true.  It's so beautiful here.  And the house is amazing.  You like the horses and the grounds.  Is it so crazy to want to stay?"  He asked hesitantly.  He had a feeling of where this conversation was going, and he knew he wasn't going to like it.

"Justin, I've spent the last year struggling to get back everything that I lost.  I'm not going to let an opportunity like this go to waste.  You realize that besides the costs for the ads themselves, all of that money is mine?  I have no employees, no actual building, and I get to spend it however I please."  Brian spoke quickly and was giving Justin a hard look.  As for himself, Justin was trying very hard to ignore the fact that for the first time in a year Brian said 'mine' instead of 'ours'.  "I can buy us a new loft, and new things.  Hell, I'm sure I can even buy you a fucking studio.  And you want to stay here?"

Justin was silent for a moment and shook his head.  It seemed like all Brian could think about suddenly was money and things; what about all of the good times they had the past year that didn't involve any of that?  Sure, they had struggled, but he wouldn't trade their evenings in front of the fire for anything.  Now it seemed like Brian didn't even remember they had happened.  "Yes."  He finally said and watched Brian huff, shake his head once, and then lean back in his chair.

Brian looked at him for a long time before leaning forward once more and reaching for Justin's hand.  "I want to leave.  And I want you to come with me."  He admitted and Justin knew that was probably the closest he was ever going to get to 'I love you' from Brian.  But...it wasn't enough.  He couldn't go back to that life.  He wasn't interested in other men - he had the perfect one right here in front of him!  Brian had been amazing the past year.  It had seemed like he'd changed so much...

'But he hasn't changed at all.  He's just been waiting so he could go back to his club boy life.  This was all temporary to him.'  Justin reminded himself.  He gave Brian's hand a squeeze before pulling back.  "I want to stay."  He repeated and watched disappointment in Brian's eyes quickly be covered by indifference.

Brian suddenly leaned back in the chair and gave him a long, sad look. “And I want to leave.”

They sat in silence, each fully aware of what this meant.