"A collar?" Justin asked in a tone loaded with disapproval while inspecting Eric's Christmas present, "He gave you a fucking collar? Like a dog?"

"Hey, it's not like that" Eric corrected defensively, "its special, like a wedding ring, a sign of our commitment. Don't diminish this for me Justin. I'm blissfully happy."

Justin shook his head. It was just too strange to think of Eric living such a non-vanilla lifestyle but ever since his night with Roberto after Daniel's wedding, there was a distinct shift in his friend and former lover. He bit his tongue, content to let Eric make his own decisions, and forced a worried smile. "Well as long as you're happy." He continued.

"I am, I mean I was with you too, but with Robbie it's just even more perfect. It's like with you and Brian, perfection."

Justin laughed through his stress, "I wouldn't call Brian and I perfection."

"Oh no, what happened? I've been so wrapped up in Robbie I haven't even talked to you since your trip."

"Well it started off really badly and then got worse" Justin began filling in the details of the horrible first night, his fight with Brian and the way they made love for a full twenty-four hours before Brian finally made him return to Debbie's for Thanksgiving to confront his family.

Brian shifted uneasily on the brown leather couch and glanced around at the sterile environment. This was his fourth visit with Garret; the three earlier visits were years ago when he was first diagnosed and couldn't get an erection. Brian began his latest story of woe; the one that he said began with his trip to Florida but may as well began thirty years ago when his Dad first hit him for crying over his sister's refusal to let him play with her Ken doll. The first of many beatings he would suffer for not subscribing to his father's particular brand of manliness.

"So you finally told him. Good for you. How are you feeling about that now?" Garett encouraged.

Brian grimaced from the physical pain he felt when speaking to his true feelings. Like Justin, Garret wasn't one to let Brian slide with evasive nods.

"Fine, I guess. I mean the sex is incredible." Brian sighed, his wistful inflection contradicting his assertion.

"Well that doesn't seem happy, what's behind the tone?" Garret pushed.

"Um, I guess I still feel like it's going to fall apart."

"Brian, we've spoken about this before with your cancer. You can't live life expecting the worst. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Focus on the things you know. What would make the relationship not work, what is really happening now that threatens the relationship, deal with those?"

"Justin's career for one. He's going to get noticed and move to New York and I can't stop him."

"Did Justin tell you he was leaving for New York or are you projecting your fears of being left?"

"Fine, but I mean I couldn't even tell Michael he's my boyfriend, I can't tell him I love him. Why would he want to stay? He's going to want to get married and have kids. That's just not me. I can't be a Stepford fag."

"Brian, do you hear yourself? This is exactly why I think we need to keep coming here on a regular basis. All these 'I cant's' are really impeding you from getting the things you say you want. You say you want Justin but the only thing that I hear standing in the way of that are you and your 'I can't's', which fortunately you have complete control over."

Brian opened his mouth to absurdly answer "I can't" only to close it again without saying anything. He let Garret's words settle into him, holding back his urge to swing them away with his emotional bat. "I don't want Justin; I need him" Brian corrected.

"Okay then, are you willing to come back? I have an opening on Tuesday."

Brian nodded and left Garret's office with a glimmer of hope.

Justin entered his apartment wishing Daphne was back from her ski trip with her new beau so he could talk to her. He returned to his bed still unmade from this morning. Being alone in his bed was hard. He hated not sharing it with Brian but it was for the best. They needed this break, things were getting too heavy between them and Justin felt their paths start to diverge against their will, just like they had with Eric. Only he had meant what he said, he was Brian's forever. And they were still together, technically, but after Thanksgiving things were difficult. He returned to Debbie's condo following twenty-four hours of being worshipped and adored in every way possible, Brian just ripped him apart, broke something that no matter how much sex they had, no matter how good it was, they couldn't seem to repair.

He started to tear up remembering the look of utter pain on Brian's face when he suggested he should sleep at his own place again, alone. It nearly killed him to even say it but Brian's look was like a dagger through his heart, so piercing that he thought he might double over in pain. For the past week, they had barely spoken. Justin had been pouring his emotions out onto canvas making use of the top of the line paint brushes Brian had bought him and Brian had been distant, saying he was busy at work preparing Kinnetik's first Superbowl campaign for Brown Athletics. Now Justin didn't know if they were still taking their trip over New Year's to New York or if he was going alone.

The phone rang and Justin sighed relieved to see Brian's number. "Hey Babe" Justin answered.

"Hi, listen Justin, I know you said you wanted some time alone but can we meet for dinner? I'll cook."

"Brian, I said I wanted to sleep alone, not that I wanted to be alone. Of course I'll have dinner with you. What time?"

"Come up whenever, use your key. I'm just going to run to the store. Chicken Marsala okay?"

"Sounds good" Justin said enthusiastically, knowing full well that Brian was making his favorite dish as a peace-offering. "I'm just going to shower and I'll be up."

Forty minutes later Justin entered Brian's loft with the sweet aroma of Marsala wine filling the air. "Hi babe" Brian greeted him with a kiss to his temple.

"Hey, I've missed you" Justin confessed grabbing his hips from behind him and kissing his neck while he stirred.

"Me too" he smiled. Justin poured himself a glass of Riesling from the bottle in the fridge and sat at the bar while Brian cooked. He loved watching Brian be domestic, like everything the man did, he was brilliant at it and looked sexy as fuck doing it. Justin felt a stir in his pants, even when things were bad between them, he couldn't fight that magnetic pull Brian had on his cock.

When dinner was ready, they sat at the table to eat. "I like the candles" Justin remarked acknowledging the extra effort Brian was making.

"Good. I thought we could use some romance tonight"

Justin sighed, debating in his head between enjoying the romance and the sex that was soon to follow or finally clearing the air at the risk of another blow up fight. He opted for the former against his better judgment because he was scared and horny. That's why it came as such a shock to him when Brian broke their silence with the words, "I need to apologize"

After Justin finally stopped coughing from the piece of chicken he aspirated, "okay" he said simply, prompting Brian to continue.

"I should never have let my family believe you were anything less than my partner at Thanksgiving. I know I didn't handle that well."

"Brian, Michael asked you if you loved me and you said you didn't believe in love."

"I know"

"Then Lindsay asked if it was fair for Gus to get close to me if we weren't serious and you said probably not"

"I know that but I told you the truth, I need you."

"Brian, then why? Why would you take me there and tell me that and then let everyone else in your life believe it wasn't true. Are you ashamed of me, of us?"

"No, of course not"

"Then why?"

"The truth?"

"Of course the truth!" Justin exclaimed exasperated.

"I don't know" Brian said simply

Justin tossed his napkin down. It was the same answer he got back in November when he had stormed out of Debbie's house again only this time back to the airport on Thanksgiving Day. "Brian, that's not good enough."

"I know that!"

"Then where do we go from here?"

"Well you go to New York for your show."

"You're not coming with me? Oh God, are you breaking up with me?"

"No! God this is not coming out the way I want it to. Can we…are you done? Can we go to the bedroom and lay down…just to talk?"

Justin let Brian clear the table and followed him into the bedroom. Apparently, Brian wanted to talk naked as he began to unbutton Justin's shirt and let his fingertips run  slowly over his exposed skin awakening all of Justin's nerve endings. Brian's touch felt so good that he let him, even with everything still unsaid. The talk was clearly being postponed as Justin felt Brian's straining erection over his trousers and the look of desiderium on his face. Brian undressed himself and sat back on his bed, pulling Justin over him like a blanket and surrendering himself to his kisses and touches. "God, I need you inside me" he pleaded, the words always falling unnatural from his lips, yet the sensation feeling so right.

Justin sucked in a breath. He loved Brian being vulnerable with him, even if he wasn't ready to be that way with his family; he knew it was a special gift every time it was offered. He smiled and took Brian's cock in his hand and gave it a few gentle strokes before leaning into kiss him. Justin placed light kisses on Brian's lips, his neck, his jaw and down his chest. Brian moaned as Justin found his nipples and bit gently and tugged the nubs between his teeth.

"Does that feel good?" Justin asked, moving downward to Brian's stomach, licking along his navel, feeling the waves of muscles on both sides of his abdomen. Brian shifted his legs, grinding up against Justin as a response and letting another moan loose.

"Just fuck me" Brian asked more forcefully.

"You want my cock?" Justin whispered, loving the direction this was headed. "Suck me" he ordered as he climbed up Brian's body and straddled him, lining his throbbing member up to Brian's mouth rubbing the smooth skin of his cockhead over the smooth skin of Brian's lips. Brian complied. If this was his punishment; he couldn't wait for more.

Brian opened up and took Justin in. The angle was difficult to accommodate but Brian relaxed and let Justin fuck his throat as he swallowed around him.

"God that feels good" Justin cried as he came dangerously close to the edge before pulling out and repositioning himself so he could work Brian open with one hand as he stroked him with the other. Brian spreading his legs for him might be the single sexiest act the man ever performed. Justin gave him all the attention he could before the need was overpowering. He reached for a condom and Brian stopped him by grabbing his wrist. "No don't" Brian said, his eyes filled with lust and longing.

Justin eyes grew wide in disbelief. They both tested regularly but there was never a discussion about taking that step. "We don't have to do that" Justin added, hoping the offer wasn't simply part of an apology.

"I know" Brian responded, "I want to. Don't you?"

Justin did, more than anything, but they still hadn't resolved things and it didn't seem right with so much between them still unspoken.

"Not this time" Justin panted into Brian's ear while placing the condom hoping the momentum wasn't lost. Justin felt Brian stroke him a few times and he knew it wasn't going to stop them. He entered him quickly but worked his way in with care. Then when his length was fully seated inside Brian it took his breath away like it always did. He began to move inside him, thrusting his hips with reckless abandon; letting his brain shut off and his primal urge to climax drive them forward.

"I love you" Brian cried out as he came, shuttering under the pure intensity of his orgasm.

Justin collapsed on to Brian, his muscles burning from overexertion. He was dazed, not certain he had heard Brian correctly. "I love you" Justin whispered while stroking Brian's cheek and wiping away beads of sweat from his forehead, mixing the perspiration into his already damp hair. He lay on his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

"Did you hear me?" Brian asked.

"I love you too" Justin said, certain it would be better to not make a huge deal about it.

"Yeah but why?" Brian asked in a voice as soft as a scared little boy.

"Why? What do you mean why? Why wouldn't I love you? You're amazing."

"In bed? In the boardroom?" Brian questioned, the only places he felt he was worth anything to anybody.

"Yes in bed and the boardroom and everywhere else. You're always amazing. You're crazy if you don't know that." Justin decreed, with a supportive kiss to punctuate his affection.

"Maybe that's why I'm in therapy" Brian asked, testing the waters. His defenses were always weakest after climaxing.

"I think that's a good thing." Justin responded calmly making a point not to scare him with his enthusiasm over the idea "Is it helping?"

"I said I love you" Brian repeated, knowing the words were a victory in and to themselves. "Will you wait for me?"

"Wait?" Justin asked, "You don't need to change for me. I fell in love with you the way you are. As long as I know what we are. It should be up to you to tell your family what you want to."

"I don't want you to think it's about me being ashamed of you. I think I need to prove to myself that I can do this. That I can be the man you want before I can claim you as mine, at least before I tell them what we are."

"If that's what you need, then I'll wait." Justin responded.

"Will you live here while you wait?" Brian smiled, renewing an ongoing controversy with playfulness.

"No, but I'll sleep here while I wait." Justin responded, giving his best offer, "on one condition….you come to New York with me for New Year's like we planned."

Brian nodded, "Deal" he answered with a smile.

2 Months later….

"Happy anniversary baby" Justin whispered, waking Brian up from his adorable slumber. "Today's the day!" he repeated grabbing his healthy testicle and rolling it gently in his hand.

Brian shifted and stretched. "What anniversary?" They had met in June so February couldn't be anything notable. Besides they were already back in New York at the Plaza for their first Valentine's Day so he was off the hook for any gift-giving occasion forgetfulness.

"Five years cancer free deserves a celebration fuck" Justin clarified while continuing to stimulate Brian lazily with his hand, "so wake up and fuck me" he ordered.

Brian's eyes opened wide at the realization. Fuck, he had beaten cancer. All his latest therapy had focused on his current issues with Justin and the day would have gone by unnoticed if it wasn't for Justin's impeccable memory for important dates. Before Brian could stop him, Justin was on his lap and working Brian's cock, steel stiff from his morning stiffy and slicked raw with lubricant, into his hole. The tight muscle hugged his dick making him moan and writhe as Justin rode him hard and fast.

He felt his only ball might have exploded he came so hard. He loved fucking raw; the first time was just over a month ago on New Year's in New York. A step they took following a deep conversation held completely clothed and Justin's successful showing in the East Village. Now they were back, for another show, at a bigger gallery, which happen to fall on Valentine's Day weekend and the anniversary of Brian's last treatment. A show which caused Brian to continuously worry about Justin's future without him.

They were up and showering before Justin finally asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing" he answered, too quickly and too harshly to be true.

"Brian, you know what Garret said." Justin reminded him. He had attended therapy with Brian off and on for the past month and it was incredibly helpful to know what Brian was dealing with; the extent of his reliance on his unhealthy defense mechanisms. Garret suggested that Justin might be able to help Brian stop relying on his old patterns if he understood and Brian had reluctantly agreed.

"Okay, fine, I'm worried about holding you back. You should be here full time."

Justin laughed, "Brian, I can barely afford Pittsburgh, there is no way I need to be in New York and there's no way I would want to be here without you even if I could. Now stop worrying, it's our last day here. Are you up for some celebratory shopping?"

"Actually I have a surprise for you." Brian replied, "I booked some spa time for you while I get everything ready."

"Really? Oh my God, I love surprises" Justin gushed, thinking of his hot air balloon ride and wondering what remarkable event Brian had in store.

While Justin was getting a massage, Brian packed their stuff and let the hotel know they were departing early, he called the airport and made the arrangements. Garett was right. He felt ready, it was time.

Justin came back later in the afternoon refreshed and relaxed and hoping Brian would blow him. What he found was packed luggage being hauled out by a limo driver. No matter how many questions he asked, Brian refused to give any answers. When the private jet landed in Toronto, Justin was nervous. He was even more apprehensive, to the point of panic, when driver pulled onto the street where Michael and Ben lived and Brian held his hand tightly as they walked into the family room of a man Justin had no desire to see.

"Can I have your attention please!" Brian called loudly.

The noise and chatter came to an abrupt end when they walked in. Even JR stopped her tantrum over a refused cookie and the room fell silent. Gus ran up to his dad's side and held his other hand.

"Debbie, Carl, Lindsay, Melanie, Ben and Michael" Brian called to each of his present family members, then added, "Gus and JR" as Gus pulled his hand to be included in the announcement.

"I would like you to meet Justin Taylor."

"Brian, we know Justin, what are you doing…." Lindsay started, confused by the formality of the introduction.

"Shut up Lindsay" Brian hushed her.

"You met Justin at Thanksgiving and that did not go well because I was, well, I was an idiot . So I am trying this again."

"So you brought him all the way to Canada to introduce him as your boyfriend?" Debbie gushed, "Honey I'm so proud of you."

"No Mom" Brian corrected, "I brought him all the way to Canada to introduce him as my partner and the love of my life and hopefully the man I get to spend the rest of my life with."

The silence was deafening. Brian looked over at Justin's bright smile. "I love you" he said, "And if I can beat cancer; I know I can put that fucking beautiful smile on your face every day if you let me."

Justin was speechless and nodded in ecstatic disbelief. Then there was a kiss, the most perfect, blow your mind, knee's buckling, kind of kiss that told Justin exactly what Eric meant when he called it blissfully happy, when he said the word perfection. This thing with Brian; his beautifully exasperating, passion-filled, amazing gorgeous man; a man that gave him constant butterflies when they touched, a man that showed a vulnerability and tenderness only with him; this was perfection

"That is exactly what I need" he answered and since it didn't matter what Brian's family had to say, they left as quickly as they arrived back to their life together.