Justin’s POV

After Brian phone’s call, Justin tries to call him back three times in the minutes following their exchange – without success – cursing out loud in frustration.

Helpless.

Grabbing his car keys and exiting the loft, he calls Gus, then Michael, in order to find out if everyone in their circle of family and friends is alright, since it is the only logical thing Justin can think of to explain Brian’s behavior. If something had happened to anybody, Gus or Michael would certainly know.

Soon, however, Justin determines quickly that his worries regarding them are unfounded.

He does all he can to sound nonchalant about the fact that he is calling them so late, using his sister’s condition as an excuse about how unaware he is of the ungodly hour, when the truth is he feels like screaming inside. Yet, he decides not to reveal anything; he doesn’t want to worry them about Brian until he knows what he is dealing with. As a result, he forces himself to stay calm and ends the conversations fairly quickly, apologizing for the late calls and pretending to be exhausted anyway.

Then, without thinking any further, Justin hops into his car, deciding to drive to New York and join his partner as soon as possible. Flying is impossible; Justin knows for a fact that there is unfortunately no flight available before 5:00 a.m., meaning it would be several hours before he could possibly board any flight to join Brian in the Big Apple.   

One hour later, lost in his own thoughts – anxiety and nervousness keeping him wide awake – Justin is driving on the freeway, regretting for the thousandth time that he had not gone to New York the day before as he had initially planned, electing, instead, to stay by his sister’s side. Objectively, his head tells him that he couldn’t have predicted what was going to happen, but nevertheless his heart has difficulties not feeling guilty regarding his decision.

Thus, sitting alone in the car, Justin is a nervous mess, the silence eating him alive. He has tried to call Brian back about a dozen times with no answer. Every time the call goes to voicemail, and his level of anxiety and tension increases tenfold.

“God damn it, Brian!” Justin yells inside the four-wheel-drive vehicle, hitting the steering wheel in frustration. Sighing tensely, he forces himself to refocus on the road ahead, reminding himself that he needs to arrive in New York in one piece. The only positive side to his current state of mind is that sleep isn’t a problem right now; Justin feels like every ounce of his being is boiling at the moment because of an unwelcomed energy which can’t find its way out of his body.

Letting his thoughts take over, Justin tries once again to find a plausible explanation for this mess, but he can’t find one. Brian had been fine the last time he had talked to him this morning. More than fine. What could have caused such a reversal, then? Did it have anything to do with the exhibition? And if so, why?

Brian has never been a man who collapses at the first sign of any ordeal, nor does he show his emotions lightly. He is a tough man, even if he’s had his own aches and pains to deal with in the past. Justin had known him for nearly twenty-five years now, and has shared his day-to-day life with him for a long time, minus those seven years when he had gone to Europe. And Brian has never called him in the middle of the night, obviously deeply distraught and not being able to utter anything but his name.

Whatever is happening, then, has to be quite serious for Brian to react so badly. And it’s extremely frustrating for Justin not to be there with him already, his mind questioning over and over again the reason for it all.

There is only one thing Justin is sure of at this moment.

Brian needs him. He just has to keep driving.

Several hours later, Justin finally arrives in New York. The peaceful atmosphere surrounding the city in these early hours makes him feel strange, like life is laughing at him and mocking him with its deafening quietness.

The calm before the storm.

The contrast with his current state of mind is poignant. For a minute, he almost feels like laughing, the nervousness he has felt for the past several hours being a conduit which allows strange emotions to invade his mind. However, this urge is a furtive one, as Justin only wants – or more precisely needs – one thing.

To find Brian.

Leading the car into the underground parking facility of their building, Justin finally turns off the vehicle. Taking a deep breath, he opens the door, gets out of the car and locks it up before heading toward the adjacent elevator. He is feeling nervous, eager to return to Brian, but dreading what he is about to discover at the same time. Moreover, he doesn’t want to consider the possibility that Brian might not be home.

A minute later, he is standing in front of the penthouse’s front door. Using his key, he unlocks the door and turns its handle slowly.

The first thing that Justin notices is the silence. Not only that, but a near darkness permeates the place, reinforcing the intensity of the moment. If not for the low light filtering in from the terrace, and the very first signs of dawn beginning to break through the oversized windows, Justin wouldn’t have been able to walk into the foyer without switching on the lights. 

Making his way towards the living room, Justin’s eyes adjust to the lack of luminosity; he scans the space quickly, noticing that everything seems to be in order.

Then, Justin approaches the sofa and freezes.

Brian is there, lying on his right side, sleeping.

Justin comes closer, the security light over the outside patio door providing him with just enough brightness to discern the shape before him clearly. He kneels in front of Brian’s face and notices for the first time that there are dried tears on his cheeks and nose.

The man seems devastated; it’s like his facial features are reflecting despair, even in his sleep. Justin feels his heart tighten at the sight.

Slowly, his right hand reaches for Brian’s hair, and he caresses it softly. He hesitates for a minute before climbing onto the couch, and finally he gently lies in front of his partner, his chest to Brian’s, to pull him into his arms.

He can’t decide if he wishes for his partner to wake up or not, needing to know what’s wrong, but at the same time also wanting to spare Brian any additional pain as long as he can. However, the thought hadn’t even finished forming in his mind before he feels Brian burying his head into his shoulder and his arms wrapping around him tightly, pulling him into almost a death grip.

“You’re here...” Brian whispers, and Justin chooses to squeeze him harder in response, letting his partner know without words that he’s here to offer him all the help and love he needs in order to face whatever he is going through.

His lover stays silent for a long time, the only proof that he is still awake being the moisture Justin can feel on his shoulder.

Finally, Brian moves slightly, Justin understanding that he is ready to open up and explain what has happened. Therefore, Justin disentangles himself from his partner and sits next to him on the sofa.

He positions himself with his right leg folded under him, facing Brian, while the man sits normally, looking straight ahead of him, his elbows resting on his thighs, his hands joined.

Sensing that speaking about what had happened is still too difficult for Brian, Justin reaches over toward his thigh and lets his hand rest here, slightly caressing it as he attempts to provide silent support.

“I...” Brian begins, swallowing. “I went to the exhibition last night...”  He stops, allowing some much-needed air to fill his lungs to help him continue.  “And I...” he tries to speak, but the words seem to be stuck in his throat.  “Christ!” He curses loudly then, restlessly brushing his hand through his hair.

Justin doesn’t say a word, but his heart is breaking even more in light of Brian’s obvious sorrow. He realizes, however, that he has to let him reveal in his own way and time whatever is causing him so much pain.  So he stays silent and waits. He can hear Brian’s breathing, the kind you only have when you are trying with all your might not to lose it.

Finally Brian whispers, “There were...photographs...Part of the exhibition was about the Sundale Institution.”  His gaze is lost as a fresh tear falls from his eye. He doesn’t even seem to notice. “It’s a private institute that treats people with mental illness, and... patients with Alzheimer’s disease in particular...”

Justin frowns. What does this have to do with Brian? They don’t know anyone suffering from a mental condition. Unless...

An icy feeling creeps into his mind.

When they had reunited, Brian had told him about Aidan, about his sister’s disease, and about his unanswered questions regarding his abrupt disappearance from his life. Justin had listened intently, understanding this man had been an important part of Brian’s life for more than five years, and knowing he would always be in his heart. Justin thinks that it’s actually one of the most beautiful things about his partner. Once he loves you, he loves you forever, no matter what. Moreover, he knows Brian would do anything for those who had won his heart - his friends, his family, his son, his partner, or a former lover - because once you’re in, you never leave him.

Brian looks up and gazes at him for the first time, the pain in his eyes almost unbearable to witness. Justin wants nothing more than to take the pain away and protect him from the heartache he instinctively knows is about to come his way.

At this instant, Justin is sure that his guess is accurate. Aidan is the only man outside himself, his friends and his family who still has a grip on Brian’s heart.  

Justin just needs confirmation.  

He doesn’t have to wait for long.

**********************************************************************************

Brian’s POV

Several hours earlier, Mnemosyne Gallery

When Brian understands what he is looking at, he feels like the world stops spinning at the same time that his heart ceases to beat. The invisible hand that seems to squeeze his chest is like nothing he’s ever felt; or worse, like a distant memory from another time, when it would have been accompanied by the sound of a baseball bat, or by an awful news bulletin from the radio. Although this time, his mind instantly knows that things will never be better, and he can’t do anything to help, or to trick fate. It’s already too late.

It has always been too late.

“Brian...”

The voice calling him doesn’t enter his brain, not really. Brian feels like he’s suspended in time, the world crashing down around him as he stands in the middle of chaos, while all his surroundings disappear with a bang. He doesn’t even flinch when his glass crashes down onto the floor.

Then, his mind goes blank and the sounds fade away as he holds the pain at bay, the truth away, and clings to the thought that all of it is just a nightmare.  It is the only way he can remain standing.

This isn’t happening...

His attempt to deny reality is temporary, though. “Brian...” A hand is grabbing his arm. Brian lowers his gaze to stare at it without thinking, and finally his gaze meets green eyes that peer back at him with...what? Empathy? Understanding? Pity?

Brian’s facial features harden, a forceful rage taking over his mind. He instantly knows his presence tonight isn’t a coincidence, and that he had been tricked somehow. He doesn’t understand how – or why it has to happen now – but there is one thing he is sure of.

He is ready to explode.

“How dare you!” He yells at the young man in front of him.

The first time he had seen him, this man had been just a scared teenager, being forced to watch his mother disappear with each passing day. But now, looking at him, Brian sees that he has grown up a lot in the last ten years.

Noah Miller has become a beautiful man, but actually he could be a troll for all Brian cares.

“Let me explain...” Noah begins, trying to pacify him.

“Explain? Explain???” Brian shouts loudly, anger flooding his body. “How could you! You had no right!” Brian doesn’t really knows why he is so furious now. Is it because photographs of his apparently sick, former lover are being displayed publicly for everybody to see, or because he feels trapped and forced to discover a truth he wanted with all of his strength not to believe existed?

Either way, that doesn’t matter, as he is unable to stop the fury from consuming his entire being. His chest is tight, he is breathing too fast, and his heart is pounding in his ears. He feels like he is going to lose it completely any second.

“I need to get out of here...” He mutters, backing down, his hands up, like a man who needs desperately to escape. By now, the scene has attracted a lot of curious stares, but Brian doesn’t care.

“You aren’t going anywhere...”

The voice coming from behind him doesn’t belong to Noah. At first, Brian is too upset to realize that he has actually stopped moving. Then, turning around, he freezes as he looks at the man in front of him.

He hadn’t seen this man a lot during the course of his relationship with Aidan. In fact, when they had been together, Aidan’s childhood friend hadn’t been a regular part of his life, time having damaged their precious bond over the years.

Still, Brian knows Simon Atkins had meant a lot to Aidan. ‘Out of sight, out of mind’ isn’t always a true idiom. And if the man’s presence here is any indication, it couldn’t be further from the truth tonight.

Brian steps back, his brain flooding with emotions he can’t control. He doesn’t understand how this can be happening.

“What...?” Brian is totally lost right now.

“Not here...Come with me,” Simon interjects firmly yet softly, indicating a door at the back of the room. Then he starts walking in that direction, obviously hoping that Brian will follow him.

Brian looks at Noah, who is still standing next to him, and the young man nods at him, encouraging him to do as he’s asked.

Brian wants to run away, to pretend these last ten minutes have never happened. But in the end, he can’t. He follows Simon and Noah, his body seemingly having a will on his own, while his mind is still screaming that this isn’t real. It can’t be.

Until now, Brian has never understood why some people say that ignorance is a blessing and a curse at the same time. But now that the truth is about to be revealed, he realizes he couldn’t agree more.

The three men enter a little office across the corridor situated at the back of the photographs’ exhibition space. Simon is visibly calm, his face not betraying any kind of emotions, while Noah seems anxious and sorry at the same time.

Brian breaks the uncomfortable silence, getting straight to the point. “You had this all planned, didn’t you?” He accuses the two men, his incriminating eyes never leaving Simon’s profile.

“Yes, we did,” Simon concedes quietly.

“Why?” Brian asks, a desperate edge coloring his voice. Then, gazing at Noah, he adds, “Why now?”

Noah sighs. “Simon made me meet with the owners of this place a year ago to talk about an exhibition I wanted them to sponsor about the Sundale Institute. I’m going to give you the details later if you want, but first I want you to know that we didn’t plan to make you come.” He paces briefly, before focusing his entire attention on Brian. “But...Aidan had always wanted you to know the truth when the time came, and...” His voice trails off as he begins to gesture with his hands in an attempt to try and explain the situation.

Simon takes over and reveals, “…And I decided it was time.” Then, he stares at Brian as if he is waiting for a reaction.

Brian reminds silent.

Simon continues, “Time is running out for all of us, in fact; and we have waited too long to tell you already.” He sighs, finally admitting, “Robert, I mean Mr. Lewis, is a friend of mine. I asked him to invite you tonight, and to make sure you would come with your partner. We weren’t planning on you being here alone.”

Brian huffs. “How thoughtful of you!” Then, he shakes his head. “Let me get this straight. You invited me and my partner to come here and see for ourselves the truth about my former lover? Seriously?”

In response to the men’s silent reaction, Brian laughs bitterly before exploding, “That is SO completely fucked up! It’s a masquerade to make you feel good about yourself! You just didn’t have the balls to face me and to tell me in person!” He yells, unable to control himself. Then, his voice cracks. “Why? You’ve waited nearly ten years, for fuck’s sake! Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“It wasn’t our decision, it was his!” Simon retorts a little too forcefully. “Aidan didn’t want to disrupt your life. He wanted you to be happy with Justin. But at the same time, he has always wanted you to know the truth, but only when the time was right...” The way Simon voices it, Brian understands that he obviously didn’t agree with Aidan. Still, he has apparently respected his decision.

Brian has the impression that his thoughts are melting inside his brain. It doesn’t make any sense. “What do you mean, when the...”

“Here...” Simon cuts him off. “This is for you.”

Brian looks down at the letter that Simon is holding in his hand; He hesitates briefly before taking it, his hand slightly shaking. He doesn’t know why, but seeing the envelope with his name on it – penned in black and white by Aidan’s hand, a writing Brian recognizes instantly – makes his wrath fade away suddenly.

A rush of despair invades him instead. It’s like Brian understands at that exact moment that his anger will not bring Aidan back to the way he was before, and that fighting is useless. And that’s when he realizes what it really means...

“It’s Alzheimer, isn’t it?” Brian whispers, trying to swallow the lump that has suddenly appeared in his throat. He refuses to tear his eyes away from the letter. It’s like if he doesn’t look at Simon, it might soften the blow he is going to feel, even if he knows it’s ridiculous.

“Yes...” Simon confirms softly.

Brian steps back and turns around. He isn’t sure he is going to be able to control his emotions, and he doesn’t want the two men to look at him right now. He looks once more at the letter in his hands, at his name on the paper. He feels so many emotions right now, but he doesn’t know how to handle them.

He has one last question to ask. “Is he...?”

But saying the word is too hard.

**********************************************************************************

Justin’s POV

The daylight is starting to illuminate the penthouse. Justin looks at Brian, who has just stopped speaking, his forehead cradled in his hands, obviously still lost in the memory. The letter Brian had mentioned is lying on the coffee table, unopened. Next to it, there is a business card with Simon Atkins’ name on it, along with his phone number.

The younger man moves his hand to Brian’s face and gently wipes away the tear running along his left cheek. Brian looks up at him, their eyes locking in a silent message of love.

If anyone could see them right now, both men lost in each other’s gaze, it would be immediately understood that they share a rare connection. Truthfully, not everyone could deal with the ghost of a former lover hovering over their relationship. But these two lovers know that they can face anything, as long as they’re together.

So Justin comes closer and takes his partner’s face in his hands. Then he leans in even further and finally kisses him, Brian’s lips warm under his touch. The kiss is a little desperate, Brian being overwhelmed with too many feelings. Justin allows Brian to lose himself in the kiss for a moment, wanting to support him any way he can.

At last, Justin breaks the kiss, breathing deeply and letting his forehead rest on Brian’s.

Then he grabs the letter and puts it in Brian’s hand. “You need to open it,” he whispers softly, his hand covering Brian’s.

Brian moves back a little and stares at him, his eyes full of love, fear, and everything in between. Their eyes don’t leave each other’s for long seconds, until finally Brian starts to open the envelope, and takes out the letter.

Justin stays by his side and clasps his free hand as Brian starts to read the first words out loud, his voice slightly trembling.