Justin’s POV

When Justin comes back from his office after bidding goodbye to his newest potential client, his eyes fall upon a familiar figure; yet, for a moment, he is pretty sure that his mind is playing tricks on him; he’d never expected to see him here, considering the way their last encounter had gone.

Still, in the far corner of the gallery, Brian is standing in front of his painting. Justin’s heart starts to race at the sight.

Sometimes, you don’t know why, but you feel it anyway. The certainty to live a moment which is going to change your life.

You can feel it for many reasons. An unexpected proposition that will have important consequences whatever the choice you make. A beautiful or an unwelcomed encounter. An unexpected event. An irrevocable decision.

Whatever the reason, you know it will have an impact on your life. Nevertheless, if someone would ask you why you feel that way, you couldn’t explain it, not really. You just know it.

Justin would be lying if he declared that this is what had happened when he had first seen Brian walking out of Babylon that night years ago, an aura of self-confidence surrounding him like a glow that was emanating from within him. It’s true Justin remembers that first time with a rare clarity, that instant when he had known undoubtedly that he wanted him to be his first. But at the time, Justin was far from imagining how much his life would change after that night. He had merely been a teenager wanting to get laid, fantasizing about the real thing for months, not really cognizant of what was really going to happen and what it really would mean.

Giving his virginity to a total stranger, going home with him without a second thought, telling himself that he was brave to do so – while being truly scared shitless - had been such a stupid move. When Justin thinks about the kid he was that night, he tells himself he had been totally reckless, careless and stupid. What if he had met a man who would not have been as patient as Brian? What if he had met one of those men he had seen at the Sap’s parties? What then? Justin doesn’t even want to think about it.

That night had been the first real turning point in Justin’s life; the night when he had embraced his homosexuality for the first time, unaware of the consequences to come. But even if Justin knows it now, he hadn’t known it then. He had just been a naive kid spurred on by his own desires, and lucky enough to meet and have sex with ‘the face of God.’

However, as Justin peers over at his first love today who seems engrossed in his own thoughts, he feels it. That little part of himself that doesn’t regret the recklessness of his teenage years; it’s like an inner voice whispering in his ear that he knew all along that he would be fine with this man, that he would be taken care of and respected.

Moreover, his inner voice also tells him that here, now, he is going to live it again. He doesn’t know yet what Brian is doing here, but whatever the reason, he feels it. The moment that will break them or bring them closer. The moment when you know there will be a ‘before’ and an ‘after.’

The moment when all is going to change.

The only problem is…Justin doesn’t hold any cards in his hands. Brian does.

Justin closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, wanting to find the courage he needs to face for whatever is coming. He exhales slowly before opening his eyes and silently walking closer.

Stopping by his former partner’s side, Justin calls softly, “Brian?” His palms are sweating, his heart is racing, and his body shaking inwardly. He is almost surprised his voice seems so calm under the circumstances.

Brian turns to look at him and Justin sees something almost familiar in these beautiful, hazel eyes.

“Hey,” The older man greets him, staring at him intently.

Justin doesn’t know what to expect; therefore, he asks the only question that comes to his mind. “What are you doing here?”

In true Kinney fashion, Brian replies, his eyebrows raised, “Well, you’re the only man I know who works here; so, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that I came to see you.” He grins, tongue-in-cheek.

He is smiling...

Yet, Justin doesn’t want to reach the wrong conclusion. So, he just mumbles a few words in response, “Uh…yeah...okay.”

At that point, he is still surprised that Brian has come to see him in person, as he had expected him to avoid him at all costs for quite some time; at least until he could have tracked him down. And truthfully, Justin had already decided he would have waited only a few more days before going to see Brian, hoping to give him the time he needed to put his thoughts in order. But it seems that won’t be necessary now.

“Hey,” Brian reaches for Justin’s right forearm, squeezing it lightly. That simple touch sends a shiver throughout Justin’s body, the sight of Brian’s hand on him making his heart beat faster. His touch feels so warm, so right.

Finally, Justin gazes up just as Brian says in a low voice, “I’m sorry.” Then, he simply lets his hand fall to his side.

Justin isn’t sure he’s heard him right. He had imagined all kinds of reactions from Brian when they met again, but an apology had definitely not been one of them. “What? What for?”

Brian sighs, lowering his head before looking back up. “For...not being there to celebrate your success. I should have been there.”

Justin can’t believe it. Brian is here because he wants to apologize for not going at Babylon with him? “You didn’t have to be. I understand, believe me.”

“You’re wrong.” Brian steps closer, before repeating, “I should have been there.”

Justin shakes his head, stepping back. Why is Brian blaming himself? Why is he even here? Is it just to say he’s sorry and to move on? The mere thought causes an uncontrollable tightening in Justin’s chest. “Brian, you can’t blame yourself. We were...both in a bad place that night. Forget it.” Then he looks sideways in the direction of the painting, close to where they’re standing, because he doesn’t want Brian to see how hard this is for him; he needs to put his emotions under control if he wants to deal with whatever is coming.

That’s when he hears it.

“What if I don’t want to forget?”

The words make Justin blink. More than that, it’s the tone of Brian’s voice that makes Justin look back at Brian, a new hope creeping into his mind.

Could it be...?

Brian steps closer, again. “What if I want to remember...?” A silence follows; then Brian adds, “What if I...?” Brian is looking at him with such an intense stare, visibly trying hard to say the words that escape him.

Gazing into the familiar, hazel eyes, Justin feels an emotion like never before.

Oh, my God...

Overwhelmed, Justin needs to be sure. Does it really mean what he thinks it means? Could it be that simple? “Brian,” Justin whispers, “What...what are you doing here?”

“I came to ask if you would have dinner with me.”

Justin is dumbfounded, the scene being so unreal somehow. Is Brian really saying what he thinks he is saying? Even when Brian assures him with a few more words that he means it, Justin just stares back at him for several seconds, having a hard time believing this is truly happening. He feels an emotion close to joy and true happiness that wants to grow within him, but he can’t allow it.

Not yet. He still has one last question to ask him. 

“You...You’re sure about this?”

Brian swallows, before simply stating. “I am.”

And just like that, a feeling of pure bliss consumes Justin’s entire being. Completely.

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They will never make it to the restaurant.

A few minutes after their conversation in the gallery, Brian is waiting outside as Justin closes the front door. When Justin turns around, the older man is standing still a few feet away under the drizzling rain falling from the darkened sky. He is looking at the clouds, his umbrella forgotten in his right hand, a peaceful expression on his face. His hair is wet, drops running everywhere; and as Brian lowers his head and finally gazes at him with a soft look and a timid smile on his lips, Justin’s breath catches in his throat.

He wonders if people can see how beautiful Brian truly is; the way he sees him.

Without thinking, Justin slowly comes closer, letting the water drops hit him and slide down his body. His gaze never leaves Brian, whose smile has disappeared by now, replaced by a beautiful and meaningful stare.

They stay like that for a long moment, just looking at each other, allowing the water to permeate even deeper, soaking their clothes. Passers-by come and go around them, but they don’t seem to notice them.

Time has almost stopped for them.

They are just two men standing in the rain, savoring this last instant before the next. This moment when you know what’s going to happen, but one that you want to prolong anyway, so it may last a little longer.

The feeling that goes along with it is one of the most beautiful ones life can offer you.

At that moment, Justin knows they’re going to make it. He can’t explain it as it’s not a rational thought, but he realizes that finally, life is giving them what it has taken from them more than seven years ago.

A chance to live in true happiness. Together.

So, at last Justin moves his hand and touches Brian’s left one, caressing it slightly before slipping his fingers through it. Brian responds immediately and squeezes it with his own.

Justin’s heart stops for a second. Or maybe more, he isn’t sure.

As Brian moves even closer, their bodies touching for the first time that night, Justin closes his eyes, his forehead soon touching Brian’s. They stay there, immobile for a few more seconds, before Justin feels Brian’s hand cupping his right cheek.

Justin starts shivering, and he doesn’t know if it’s because of the rain, or because of the warmth of Brian’s body. It doesn’t matter now.

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Brian’s POV

After Michael’s visit, Brian waits for three days before going to see Justin.

On Sunday, he spends the afternoon with his son; the two of them enjoy their time alone together more and more with each passing year, if that’s possible. Brian always asks himself if the time will come when Gus will bail on him, preferring to spend his time with his friends rather than with his Old Man; but for now, Gus seems as happy as he is to be with him.

It’s still one of the wonders of his life, having a son he loves more than his own life. What is even more amazing is that when Gus looks at him, Brian can see how proud Gus is to have him as a father. There is no judgment in his eyes, just a tenderness that only the bond between a child and a parent can bring. It’s such a beautiful feeling, one of those that Brian wouldn’t change for anything in the world, one he would have loved to have shared with his own father.

Thus, at the moment, they are sitting on the bleachers of the soccer field near Gus’s school after having spent the last hour tossing the ball to each other, screaming and laughing recklessly like they were the only people in the world. As they exhale in the cold air, their breathing becomes visible as it fills the chilly air; they are sitting side by side with their gloved hands resting on their thighs.

Brian is the first to engage in conversation. “So; how is school, lately? Still making your professors sweat?”

Gus is a smart kid, earning top grades in every one of his studies. Still, he isn’t his father’s son for nothing. His witty mind and sharp wisecracks to his teachers have already caused his parents to be summoned by the principal of the school on more than one occasion.

Brian indeed couldn’t be prouder of his son.

“Dad!” Gus scolds his father lightly, pushing him playfully with his shoulder while Brian sits at his left side.

“What?” Brian replies, an innocent look on his face. Of course, he can’t hide the mischief from appearing in his eyes.

“I know how to behave,” Gus states, grinning in reaction to his father’s behavior, “Unlike another Kinney man I know.”

Brian feigns outrage. “You do? You’re sure you’re really my son?” He quips, frowning.

Gus chuckles softly. “I’m your son alright.”

“Yes, you are,” Brian responds, his tone full of pride as he momentarily ruffles his son’s hair while Gus is trying to avoid his touch. Then as an afterthought Brian asks, “And what about...what’s her name again?”

Gus gazes at him, a questioning look on his face. “Sarah?”

Brian nods. “Yeah, Sarah...” He smirks. “How is she doing?”

Gus shakes his head, a little smile playing on his lips. “She’s just as fine since the last time I told you about her...two days ago, that is.” Finally, he can’t help but tease his father. “Are you becoming old or something?”

Brian pinches his lips before responding with a grin, “Yeah; okay...fair enough...”

After that they just remain next to each other, sharing a comfortable silence for a long moment.

It’s Gus who starts speaking again. “And, what about you?”

Brian, who had been lost in his own world as he thinks about Justin once again, finally answers, “Huh?” and turns his head to look at his son.

Gus is staring at the field. “How are you?” Brian looks at the place where Gus is staring at, noticing a collie wandering around.

Taking a deep breath, Brian answers, “I’m fine.” Then he exhales slowly, watching more condensation rising into the air.

Gus nods, his expression guarded. “Dad...”

Brian turns to look at his son once more, wondering what this is all about. Since they have begun to talk, Brian senses there is something Gus wants to say. “What?”

“I miss Aidan. I mean, I know he’s not coming back and...” His voice trails off, and Brian feels a furtive squeezing in his chest at the mention of Aidan’s name.

“And what?” Brian urges him, lowering his head to look at his hands. If this is important to Gus, he wants to hear it. “Go on; you can tell me.” He peers over briefly at his son before focusing on the collie running around at the other end of the field.

Gus takes a deep breath before enunciating one name, “Justin...”

Brian closes his eyes, his chest tightening. “What about him?” He opens them again, his gaze unfocused.

Brian feels his son’s eyes on him as if it was important for Gus to know how he is going to react to his next statement. “I like him. And... I think you should let him in.”

Brian frowns before looking intently at his son.  When did Gus grow up so fast? “Why are you telling me this?”

Gus gazes back at him resolutely, with a look full of love. “Because he makes you happy again. I want you to be happy.”

Brian’s heart swells as an emotion he can’t control floods his body, his eyes fixed on his only son, the most important person of his life. “Fuck, Gus...”

Gus looks back at him, mirroring his feelings. Then he smiles softly before stating, “Don’t swear...”

And Brian laughs out loud.

**************************************************************************

Now, two days later, Brian is standing in the rain, looking at the sky, raindrops sliding along his face. He should be annoyed – the coat he is wearing becoming heavier with each passing moment – but the truth is he doesn’t care.

He is bringing the sunshine back into his life.

As he lowers his gaze, he meets Justin’s beautiful eyes, which seem to be shining brightly. Thus, he can’t help but smile. It’s been fifteen years since he’d met a frightened but determined kid under a street light, and looking at the man he’s become, Brian realizes he had never been so happy to have him close to him.

Justin walks closer before stopping in front of him. The stare they share says it all. No words are necessary, but they couldn’t do justice to the way Brian feels right now anyway. Brian just savors the moment, wanting it to last for as long as possible.

A curious thought crosses Brian’s mind as he stands there, immobile, in front of his first lover: he realizes time is passing by differently somehow. Each minute that goes by is lived fully, completely, by both of them; like they are realizing for the first time how important just one short moment can be, how it can change the meaning of their actions, the purpose of their lives.

It’s intense, fulfilling.

When Justin finally grabs his hand, Brian senses a feeling close to a spark inside his body. He chuckles inwardly at the idea that it is triggering a fire along the way, creating a path to his heart which is beating furiously in his chest as a result. That’s the corniest thought he’s had in years, maybe even in all his life.

He really has become a softie over the last few years. Or maybe he is finally admitting that he is a grown-up now, or perhaps simply a man.

At last, Brian steps closer, their bodies finally touching, and soon his forehead meets Justin’s. Brian breathes slowly, wanting this moment to never end, yet knowing he won’t be able to wait for long now.

He has to kiss Justin, like he needs to breathe.

Brian touches Justin’s cheek, asking for silent permission. Justin steps back enough to meet his gaze and responds with a soft smile, giving him all the power he needs. Then lips meet, almost bashfully at first, just grazing, barely touching for long seconds. But it’s not enough. Brian needs more and soon he is invading, devouring, kissing while taking Justin in his arms, squeezing him, his hands touching hair, his heart beating fast, so fast.

The feelings surrounding him are nearly too much to bear. Still, Brian wants them to last forever.

“Justin...” Brian stops the kiss, nearly out of breath, his forehead back on Justin’s once again, hoping the other man will understand his silent plea.

“Yes.” It’s not a question, it’s an answer.

Brian smiles, cupping Justin’s cheek once more and kissing him one last time. Then, the two men start moving, smiling, Brian’s arm around Justin’s shoulder as they walk in the direction of the car.

This climactic moment in their lives is over. Almost.

One thing is certain, though. They both know they will never make it to the restaurant tonight.