Thirty minutes later, Debbie’s house

Debbie’s POV

Life has a way of surprising you when you least expect it. Whether the surprise is good or bad, there are some times when a person can’t anticipate what is going to happen. One day you wake up, believing the day ahead will be the same as the day before, when it isn’t. Something is going to disrupt your little routine and change your life as you know it. Furthermore, the change can be an improvement or a step back, a win or a loss, but it always comes with a reaction of some kind.

Debbie has seen it a lot. Working as a waitress for more than twenty-five years has taught her to recognize the men and women who are experiencing these changes.

She has never been someone who stayed away from other people’s lives, even if she might suspect that she has occasionally crossed that ‘invisible’ line – the point when you realize you’re not encouraged to comment on what is happening in someone’s life and that you are going too far; when it’s not your place to give advice, or to take action on someone’s behalf. Or, when you’re just not welcome to share it at all. Of course, she knows everybody might not agree with the idea that she is the kind of woman that stays in her place and isn’t intrusive, mainly because of her ‘proud and loud’ behavior. Yet, truthfully, she does know when not to interfere.

Still, Debbie is convinced that usually when a life changes for the better, the exultation a person gains from it, and consequently shares, can also have a positive impact on those around them. Debbie herself has shared so many beautiful, emotional moments with her community, all those marvellous people with whom she has shared her life for more than two decades. Of course, everything isn’t always a fairy tale, and when the same men and women are in pain, conversely it’s nearly unbearable.

Debbie is a proud woman. She considers all her lost boys as her own. But, she is a real mother, too, with a real family. And while she can support everyone and help as much as she can, there is nothing that makes her react more than when a change happens in the life of one of the people closest to her heart.

So, it’s not surprising she is so happy tonight. Her family is sitting around the table of her home, sharing conversation and laughs, something she wouldn’t have thought possible not so long ago; at least not with everyone here tonight. That is, considering Brian hasn’t spoken to any of them for the past three months, except maybe to Ted and Lindsay…and the fact that one particular man is with them tonight.  To her, it’s nothing short of a miracle.

Of course, someone is definitely missing, and probably will be missing for a long time. Debbie can’t help but hope that Aidan will come back one day. Unfortunately, she doesn’t believe he will, and it breaks her heart to know he’s probably gone for good. She will never understand why he left in the first place. For Debbie, a man can’t leave his family. And Brian was his family. Hell, Aidan was a part of their day-to-day life for more than five years!  She still can’t believe he’s really gone.

However, one of her lost boys is back, and it fills her heart with joy. She has missed her Sunshine so much; having him back is one of the most beautiful gifts life could have offered her. And the still youngest man at the table seems to feel great. His presence lights up the room. Debbie has rarely seen a person who smiles as much as Justin does these days; he seems happy, comfortable and serene, like he knows he has made it and that life ahead represents a promise of good things to come. There is definitely a wisdom emanating from him.

Nevertheless, she knows Brian isn’t really comfortable with Justin’s presence. She can’t blame him; with all he’s been through lately, it’s a miracle he agreed to be here tonight at all, knowing that Justin would be here, too. Yet, at the same time, Debbie knows Brian would never want Justin to feel awkward because of him. Brian Kinney might not be in love with Justin anymore, but he still loves him and would do anything for the young man. His mere presence tonight is solid proof of that fact.

Debbie hopes the two men will be able to share some type of new relationship now for both their sakes, whatever it might be. It would be easier for everyone if they could be friends. Who knows what the future might hold? Of course, it’s not really her place to say anything about that, and she just wants both of them to be happy…

“Where are you, Debbie?” A strong voice penetrates her brain, but she still needs more than five seconds to respond.

“Huh?” She blinks and turns to look at Justin, who is sitting next to her at the table. Everyone is beginning to rise from their seats to head into the living room with their drinks.

“You seemed so lost and quiet just now; I thought it was my duty to bring you back among the living,” Justin teases her with a huge grin on his face.

Debbie smiles, too, grateful once more for this man’s reappearance in her life. However, as she looks around the table and then over at the living room, she frowns suddenly in realization as she inquires, “Where’s Brian?”

“Don’t worry; he just stepped outside to get a breath of fresh air; he’ll be back in eventually,” Justin reassures her, a soft smile playing on his lips.

Looking at him in that instant, Debbie realizes something. Justin has never talked once about Brian in the past three months. The only time he had said anything at all about his former partner has been when he had felt the need to defend him, and to ask everyone to just respect his privacy, typically during the times when Brian’s withdrawal from their lives had been the fodder of several discussions among themselves. Justin has continued to support Brian’s decision to stay away up until now.

So Debbie understands Justin is already being a real friend to Brian.

She leans over closer to the young man, nudging his elbow playfully with her own as she whispers, “You should talk to him.”

Justin stares at her, analyzing her words, before simply saying, “No.”

Debbie frowns. “Why not?”

“I’m pretty sure he would prefer that I leave him alone for now.” Justin looks down at the glass in his hands.

“How do you know that?” Debbie asks a little louder than necessary. She looks around, making sure no one is looking towards them, before focusing on Justin again.

“It’s the most plausible assumption for a man who is going through what he is experiencing,” Justin answers calmly, sipping his red wine.

“So, you don’t even give him a choice, Sunshine?” Debbie can’t help but try and push the young man. She knows if someone has a right – and the ability – to make up his mind, it’s Brian. Maybe he will, but it’s obvious for her that Justin would like to reconnect with the man.

Justin stares at her, seemingly pondering her words. Debbie persists, looking toward the back door. “He’s right out there, Justin; if you want to talk to him, this is your chance.” Justin seems to be considering it, not knowing if he should listen to her or not. Seeing him looking furtively at the back door, she gives him a pointed look. “I know you don’t want to be intrusive, especially knowing what he’s going through right now, and in light of your past history. But it’s been years, Justin. Brian is not the same man he was before you left, and neither are you.” She lays her hand on his, squeezing it momentarily. “He could use a friend right now.”

Justin stays silent for a minute. Finally, he closes his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath. “Okay...” Looking up at her, he says, “But you should know something first.” His blue eyes don’t reveal anything as he explains, “I already talked to him, Debbie.”

What?

“You did? When?” Debbie is astounded by this revelation.

Justin sighs, “When I came back... I wanted him to know that I was there if he needed anything.” He continues, “He wasn’t willing to consider it, though; and I completely understand why. I want to respect that.”

Debbie doesn’t know what to say to that. Justin smiles. “You’re at a loss for words, Debbie? Really?” He teases her.

Debbie looks at him, smiling back at her despite the fact that he might yet be rejected again by his former lover, and that’s when she realizes the man in front of her is not a kid anymore. He’s a man who still has feelings, whatever they might be, for a man with whom he shared most of his young life with, a man who helped him become the man he is today. Justin is grateful to Brian. That much is obvious. Still, he doesn’t appear to be hurt over Brian’s reaction, and seems to truly understand why he is reacting this way. That fact itself shows that Justin still loves Brian, maybe not as a lover anymore, but as a true friend, and that he wants to respect his privacy.

Therefore, she isn’t surprised, either, when she hears Justin’s next words. “I will go and talk to him tonight, just to see if he’s okay or needs anything. But please, Debbie, this is the last time we talk about this. I don’t want him to think that because of my return, he has to be careful around me or hold back anything. He doesn’t need anyone reminding him of our past or pushing him to accept my presence. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

That you want to respect him; to respect his life and his right to keep you out of it if he chooses...

Debbie answers, “I think I do...” Then, she stands up, leaving Justin remaining in his chair. However, before joining the others, she leans over to whisper in his right ear, “You’re a grown-up man now. I’m so proud of you.” She smiles softly as he gazes up to look at her. She cups her hand briefly over his cheek before finally moving to join the others in the living room.

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Justin’s POV

Being back at Debbie’s house – in the place where he used to live when he was younger and in the midst of people he used to hang out with every day – is a  little surreal for Justin. Since he returned three months ago, he has felt like he is in some type of suspended animation somehow, like he is living in a foggy but beautiful dream.

He is happy. He has spent a lot of time catching up with his friends, and with his mother and little sister. Now, he doesn’t even remember why he hesitated for even a second before making the decision to come home. He is relishing every moment of his new life, surrounded by his family and back where he belongs.

He has truly been enjoying rediscovering his friends and appreciating the changes in their lives. Even if he has been gone for years, he doesn’t feel out of place, or left out at all. In fact, it’s quite the contrary. He is surprised he has regained his place in the gang so easily after all that has happened. Now, he understands how lucky he is to have found all of them when he had been so young and so naïve.

He has been spending a lot of time with his mother. Jennifer is so happy to have him back in her everyday life. She is engaged to a nice guy she met through the real estate agency, after having broken up with Tucker a few years ago. Matt is a little younger than her, yet not as young as her previous lover had been. She seems truly happy with him. It’s been two years now since she met him, and Justin is glad for his mother; when he observes them together, seeing the small gestures they share or hearing their laugher filling the house, Justin truly believes Matt is the one for her.

Molly, who is finishing her studies to become a teacher, doesn’t have as much time now that she is back in classes, but they have spent a lot of time catching up during the summer. During that time, Justin promised to himself that he would be more present in her life from now on, as she’d admitted she would like to see him more, too. Justin had been relieved when she didn’t just tell him to fuck off, since he hadn’t been a regular presence in her life for the past ten years.

Justin had also contacted Daphne, who is now working as a doctor on the West Coast. She is married to a man she met while doing her medical internship, and she is working as a primary care physician in a renowned hospital. Therefore, she doesn’t come home as much as she would like to. Nevertheless, she’d told him she should be able to take a few days off in a couple of months. Justin would have gone and seen her, but she seems too overwhelmed with work, so it’s not a possibility at the moment. Still, he can’t wait to see her.

As for his professional life, his plan to open a new gallery in Pittsburgh is slowly emerging. He has found an ideal locale, situated near the gay district, and he has already contacted some contractors who are scheduled to begin renovating the place in the next few weeks. His plan is to open another Taylor-Cohen Gallery, where he can show his works, but also promote emerging artists again, along with some masterpieces from his friend Pierre Cohen’s collection. The works from the most promising artists will be exhibited in both the U.S. and France, since Justin is still in contact with Louise Cohen and her father. He has yet to find an assistant, but Lindsay’s knowledge should serve him well, since she still works for Sydney Bloom and can help him find some good candidates.

Thanks to his being financially frugal and his mother’s insight, he had found an apartment near the gay district, too, within a ten-minute walk from his future gallery. The place is exactly what he had in mind before he’d begun his research. Huge windows, a lot of natural light, two separated rooms for a bedroom and a studio.  Justin has spent a lot of time in the past two months redecorating the place and doing some minor remodelling work to it. He has yet to organize a housewarming party, but he thinks it may happen soon.

He is one busy man at the moment.

Of course, the only drawback with his return has been his former lover’s predicament. So, when Brian had simply refused to see him, Justin had understood how lost Brian was over his partner’s departure, and how hard it was for him to deal with it. Justin suspected that his return didn’t help at all; quite the contrary. How would he have reacted if Brian had come back into his life, right after facing the loss of his current partner? Justin doesn’t know, but he suspects he would have had the same reaction. Thus, he perfectly understands Brian’s need to deal with it on his own and wants to respect his wishes. It’s the least he can do.

Still, it had been hard to know the man was in so much pain, and withdrawing from all his friends, but Justin had thought that Brian would come around eventually. He always did in the past. Justin could only hope that Brian hadn’t changed that much.

Now, sitting here around this table, with his friends chattering and laughing in the living room, Justin knows he had been right. Brian is still fighting to be here, but he is here. That’s the most important part.

He is here.

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A few minutes later

Slowly opening the door leading to the backyard, Justin hesitates slightly before walking outside. It takes a few seconds for his eyes to get used to the relative darkness of the night. Finally, he spots the silhouette he was searching for a few feet away, sitting on the steps of the back porch, apparently lost in thought.

Justin comes closer and quietly sits next to Brian. He takes out his pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket, along with a lighter, and lights one. He definitely should quit, as he doesn’t even smoke a lot anymore; but, expectedly, he’s a little nervous. So, blowing the smoke in the relatively still, warm air of the rapidly encroaching night, he waits. He doesn’t have to wait for too long, though.

“You really should quit that shit.”

The voice is a welcome noise to Justin’s ears, as it means Brian is lowering his defenses, at least a little. The younger man chuckles and takes another puff.

After a few seconds, he retorts, “Says the man who has smoked like a chimney for a good part of his life.” Justin keeps his gaze ahead, not wanting to look at the man beside him for now, for fear of destabilizing the delicate balance they share at the moment.

“All the more reason for you to listen to me.” Justin can’t help but smile a little at Brian’s answer.

They stay silent for quite some time after that, Justin smoking his cigarette, while Brian just sits there, looking into the night.

“How are you?” It’s Brian who’s the first to ask that question, and Justin feels a swell in his chest. He looks at the cold ashes of his cigarette evaporating into the air.

“I’m fine.” It’s true. He is; more than fine.

“Good.” As Justin’s gaze slightly shifts towards his right side, he can ascertain that Brian is bending over, with his elbows on his knees, seemingly looking at his feet, as he rubs one foot against the cement of the steps.

“Don’t you think I should be the one asking that question?” Justin can’t help but point out. Leave it to Brian Kinney to ask about other people’s lives when he is the one going through hell.

“Maybe...” Brian answers, shifting slightly and looking up at the space in front of them. “Who gives a shit?”

Justin snorts, before responding sincerely, “I do.” He peers over at Brian, seemingly unnoticed, as Brian doesn’t acknowledge his gaze.

Brian looks down, concentrating on a stone lying at his feet. He leans over to reach it and finally whispers, “I know...,” before rearing his arm back and throwing it into the grass several yards away.

Justin has to say it once more. Taking a deep breath, he turns to really look at Brian, who is still gazing towards the place where the stone had landed. “If you need any...”

Brian cuts him off immediately, his facial features hardening. “Don’t start with that shit.”

However, as soon as the words come out of his mouth, Brian stops and softens before adding, “I’ve heard it enough by now to last a lifetime.” He sighs. “Do I look like a lost cause to you?” At last, Brian turns to look at Justin for the first time since their conversation had started.

“No,” Justin answers honestly, locking his gaze with Brian’s.

If someone would observe them now, he would think that there is an unspoken message that is being shared at that instant. The intensity of their shared look would show that there is undoubtedly a history between them.

Brian finally breaks eyes contact, saying playfully after pursing his lips together, “That’s comforting...” His retort makes Justin smile briefly.

Looking down, the younger man has to ask, “How are you? I mean, really?” Then, he turns to glance at his companion once more.

Brian hesitates, a vulnerable look appearing surreptitiously on his beautiful features.

“I will survive...” He finally answers, rubbing his face.

Justin understands it’s Brian’s way of making him know, without saying it out loud, that he is not there yet; that the hurt he feels is still there, like an unwelcomed friend who stays by his side every day. Justin’s heart goes out to Brian; still, he is grateful for the other man’s honesty. It gives him hope that one day, maybe in the not-so-distant future, he and Brian can be friends.

A new silence follows, but it is a comfortable one. Neither man needs to say anything more at the moment. Just being close to each other is enough.

Finally, Brian states, “Okay; I really don’t need any more gossip as it is. I should get back inside.” Standing up, he pauses for a few seconds next to Justin, before turning around and walking toward the direction of the back door.

Reaching it, he is about to open it when he halts. Frowning, Brian turns around and asks, “Are you coming? Or, are you going to play the nostalgic teenage girl who is sitting outside all by herself, secretly hoping that the popular guy is going to come back and woo her?” Brian finishes his sentence with a teasing tone in his voice.

Turning to look directly at Brian, Justin can’t help but tease him back, “In case you’ve forgotten, you are the one who just spent about thirty minutes outside all by himself; no doubt with a hang-dog look in your eyes,” he retorts, grinning.

Brian looks horrified. “Do you have a death wish I’m not aware off?” Still, he can’t help the ghost of a smile that appears on his face. “Come on, I’m not going to wait for you until dawn.”

“I’m coming.” Justin stands up and follows Brian inside, back to their friends.

Nobody comments as they enter the living room together. Brian leaves ten minutes later, saying his goodbyes to everybody at once as Justin’s gaze catches hazel eyes one last time.

When Justin goes back to his  place that night, he feels like the night air is a little lighter than usual.