Three months later

Ted’s POV

The end of the summer is fast approaching, days growing shorter as the first signs of the upcoming autumn can be observed in the shifting colors of the landscape, and the coolness in the air. Ted Schmidt is walking with a sure step on the pavement, deep in thought; five minutes later, he arrives at his workplace, formerly known as the ‘Liberty Baths.’

The last four months have been a rollercoaster for him.

First, his boss’ partner had left him nearly overnight, leaving Brian in a state of mind that Ted had never witnessed before in the past. The inevitable effects, both in his professional and personal life, hadn’t taken long to impact the people that Brian interacted with. Ted Schmidt was on the front line to witness it all, being Brian’s right-hand man and personal friend.

Then, Justin Taylor, Brian’s first love, had suddenly made a comeback worthy of a best seller, after having been gone for seven years. Of course, his return had to take place two weeks after Aidan’s leaving. Talk about irony. Justin’s arrival didn’t help with Brian’s weird mood, as Brian had withdrawn even more from everyone.

Moreover, Blake had broken his arm in a stupid accident at work in mid-July; he had fallen from his chair during a disastrous session he was leading, involving a disturbed man who had experienced a breakdown in the middle of it, pushing Blake backward when the man hadn’t expected it. When Ted had received the call informing him that his husband was at the hospital, he had momentarily panicked in the middle of a meeting with a big client. Fortunately, Blake hadn’t been severely injured.

All that in less than four months. Let’s just say that Ted’s life – personal and professional – had been a little disrupted.

Blake had broken his right arm. Being a right-handed person, Ted has had to help him in his everyday life for nearly two months. The injury has nearly completely healed now, but Ted wants to be there as much as possible until Blake fully recovers. Still, he also has to resume his functions at work. That’s why he is entering his office this Monday at five past two in the afternoon, after having spent his lunch break with his husband, a habit he had acquired during the past two months.

At two-thirty, Ted makes his way to the conference room for a meeting with the staff about a new campaign they are going to undertake. Marty, the Art Director, and Cynthia are already there. Brian is nowhere to be seen yet.

Ten minutes later, Brian appears at last, walking straight to the front of the conference table without greeting anyone, a closed look on his face. Ted’s eyes follow him closely, trying to ascertain what the mood is going to be for the day. He doesn’t have to wait too long to receive his answer. As Brian scans the room quickly, his gaze hardens.

“Where the fuck is David?” His voice is sharp, betraying his visibly bad mood.

David is an employee of the Art Department who should have been there. Ted has no idea why he isn’t, but it seems Cynthia knows the reason. “He called in sick this morning. He has a high fever due to a bad flu.”

“A bad case of flu in September? That’s his excuse?” Brian shakes his head disapprovingly. “Well, I’m glad to know some of us can take the time to relax at home when there is so much work to do.” Brian scowls at the file on the table in front of him while speaking, his face showing nothing but disapproval over the man’s absence. “So, can we begin? Or, do we have to wait for something in particular?”

Ted frowns. Brian is definitely in a foul mood. It’s not an unusual trait these days, as Brian is not the happiest man at the moment, but there is something here that worries Ted more than usual. “No. We can proceed.”

“Good.” Brian finally lets go of his anger briefly in order to concentrate on the meeting. For the next hour, Ted forgets all his worried thoughts too, at least temporarily.

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Sixty minutes later, the meeting comes to an end, and the people present around the table filter out one by one to go back to their own offices. Ted pretends to reread another file in his hand, gazing up from time to time to see if there is anyone left, so he can as subtly as possible have a word with Brian.

As he looks up one last time, Brian is looking at him intently, tongue-in-cheek, eyebrows raised.

So much for subtle.

“What?” Ted plays it innocently, knowing full well Brian will never buy it, but refusing to admit defeat yet.

“You really want to play that game?” Brian retorts, not grinning at all in response to Ted’s futile attempt to play him. Then, Brian turns around and enters his office, leaving the door open in a silent invitation for Ted to join him.

Ted sighs and follows his friend, closing the sliding door behind him.

“So, out with it.” Brian gets straight to the point, as usual.

“Okay. What’s going on?” Ted has learned a long time ago that going round in circles is not the solution when someone wants Brian Kinney to talk. Hell, even with a direct approach, it’s an almost impossible task.

The operative word being ‘almost.’ Ted likes to think he is one of the few that can take up the challenge.

“What do you mean?” Brian answers, standing in front of his desk and looking at some papers in his hand; In other words, avoiding the question.

“I mean you’re not yourself today.” Brian’s gaze stays down, seemingly scanning something on the paper, but an amused, yet sarcastic smile appears on his face as he snorts. Finally, he gazes up and says, “And you’re telling me this, because...?”

Ted frowns. “You’re not even denying it?”

“Whether I deny it or not, I’m pretty sure the result would be the same.” Brian lays the paper on his desk. “You will pry, and pry, and pry again, until I tell you what you want to hear. So, what would be the point in denying anything? It would only be a loss of energy.” Ted is momentarily rendered speechless by Brian’s diatribe.

Brian continues as he walks toward him, “So, what will it be, then?” the tone of his voice becomes derisive as he continues. “Brian, you really should talk about what you feel, you can’t do this alone! Or will it be, Brian, you really should accept our help? Or maybe, Brian, why are you such a fucking shit, we just want to help you, you must be so devastated with what is happening to you?  Oh, and my favorite: Brian, you have to suck it up and move on!” By now, Brian is shouting in Ted’s face, with a level of anger Ted has rarely heard from his friend. That’s telling him something.

Ted knows Brian’s anger is not really directed at him or even at his friends, but more at the choice his now former partner has made, and maybe something else that Ted isn’t aware of. After the initial phase of shock has worn off for Brian, now he is definitely angry, but doesn’t know how to deal with it. As the two men stand face-to-face in Brian’s office, Ted can almost see the steam escaping from Brian’s nostrils and ears. He can’t help but chuckle at the image. Of course, it’s more a nervous reaction than anything.

He is initially anxious when Brian peers over at him as if he has lost his mind, but decides his reaction was actually a good one, since it apparently serves to relax his friend as he asks, “What the fuck are you laughing at?”

The only problem is, now he can’t stop laughing, barely managing to answer, “I’d just imagined you blowing smoke out your nose and ears like some cartoon character; you should have seen your face. It was scary...!”

Brian tries hard to keep a smile from appearing on his face, but to not avail. He finally chuckles along with Ted.

When their laughter dies down, Ted heads for the couch, indicating to Brian to come and sit next to him. Brian pauses for a few seconds, seemingly debating what to do, before he follows Ted and takes a place to his left.

Then, Ted puts a hand momentarily on Brian’s knee and starts to speak. “I wouldn’t presume to give you any advice about how you should deal with your predicament right now. I really don’t know what you’re going through. But I do know you have good friends who are willing to help. Michael, Lindsay, Debbie, Emmett. Even...” Ted stops there, afraid to cross a line.

Brian surprises him by completing his thought. “Even Justin?” Brian sighs, cupping his hands in front of his mouth, before putting them on his knees. “Yeah, I know...”

Wait...

“You’ve seen him?” Ted isn’t sure he understands him right.

“Uh...” Brian hedges his response.

Ted frowns as he asks him, “When?” Even though he isn’t certain he’s going to receive an answer.

Brian clears his throat. “Three months ago.”

That is a surprise “Oh...”

“Oh? That’s all you can manage to say?” Brian teases him.

“I just...I didn’t know you’d seen each other. I’ve seen Justin several times since his return, and I’m pretty sure he’s never mentioned that to anyone.” Ted had spent some time with Justin during the summer. The young man had been slowly but surely reinserting himself into the Liberty Gang, and everyone had been happy to welcome him back into their lives, especially Debbie, of course. As the mother of them all, having one of her lost children back had been very emotional for her at the time. Ted was fairly certain Justin would have died from suffocation if it hadn’t been for Emmett’s intervention. Ted swears Justin was coughing a little after that, but the smile on his face was priceless and really quite revealing about how happy he was to be back. In addition, Justin seems to be doing really well and is in a good place in his life. Ted is really glad about that. But not once did Justin mention Brian in front of him, even when they had run into each other at an informal get-together at Lindsay and Mel’s place with the kids about a month ago. Naturally, Brian has been a no-show during the entire summer.

“Um...” Brian seems lost in thought. “How is he?”

“Justin?”

Brian nods.

Ted isn’t surprised by Brian’s question. He knows his friend still cares about his former lover, even if it is not necessarily in a romantic way anymore. “He’s doing well; great even. He seems truly happy to be back.”

Brian doesn’t respond, and Ted knows he won’t. So he decides to try and see if his friend is going to confide in him about what is going on in his head. “So, what happened today?”

Brian huffs, “You’re not going to leave this alone, are you?”

“I will, but only if you tell me to fuck off,” Ted answers in an attempt to lighten the mood.

“Fuck off!” Brian replies, pushing Ted’s shoulder.

“Hey!” Ted reprimands, rubbing his shoulder while pretending to be offended.

“What? You asked for it!” Brian smirks.

“Fuck you!”

Both men laugh a little over their stupid behavior before allowing a companionable silence to seep into their conversation.

Ted knows if Brian decides to confide in him, it will be his choice; he won’t push it. So he waits. However, Brian remains mute. 

After a few minutes, Ted is about to stand up and return to his own office when Brian’s voice finally breaks through the silence.

“I helped Samuel move yesterday. He accepted a position in Philly, so he could be closer to his daughter.” Ted looks up then, studying Brian’s facial expression. His eyes say it all, as Brian sighs sadly and finally confesses what has been eating him alive inside. “Now, Aidan’s presence in my life is only a memory. All of it is gone.”

Fuck.

“I’m angry, Ted... So fucking angry.” Brian shakes his head, his gaze unfocused-looking, lost.

Ted admits, “I’ve noticed,” earning an intimidating stare from Brian; one that he normally reserves for someone when he clearly wants them to shut up. Ted raises his hands as if in surrender before both men resume their initial posture, Brian with his hands clasped together on his knees and Ted sitting still next to him.

Finally, Ted tries again. “You should come to Debbie’s tomorrow. Everyone is meeting there at six.”

“Everyone?”

Ted understands the real question. “Everyone.”

Brian just stares straight ahead.

“You can’t hide forever, you know. It’s been three months already. And Gus will be there.” Ted pauses, letting the words sink in. He knows Brian visits his son, so Gus must be the only one who has had the privilege of seeing him these days. Even Michael and Debbie haven’t succeeded in reaching him this summer; Brian has shut down completely, and hasn’t wanted to see anyone. Lindsay has tried to talk to him, too, when he has come to pick up Gus, but she’d had no more luck than the Novotnys.

Then, as an afterthought, Ted adds, “You might remain angry for quite some time; but look on the bright side. At least you’ll have plenty of people to yell at,” he jokes.

Brian chuckles as he turns to look at his friend. “Theodore, why didn’t you bring that up sooner? I hadn’t thought about that. That’s the best argument you could have come up with...”

“It’s a joke, Brian,” Ted answers as if he’s reprimanding a child.

“Is it?” Brian answers with an innocent look on his face.

Ted shakes his head and stands up.  Squeezing Brian’s shoulder briefly, his friend gazes up at him with a searching look on his face as he tells him, “No matter what happens, you’re still Brian Kinney. Because of that, I have no doubt that you will make it.” Quietly, he nods briefly before turning and quietly exiting the office.

As Ted leaves the room, he can feel Brian’s eyes following him, and he is pretty sure his friend is currently pondering his words and the seriousness of it all.

No matter what, his friend will make it. There is no other way.

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Brian’s POV

Fucking hell…

Brian is sitting in his car, peering over at the house across the street, and at the newly repainted red door at the front entrance. It’s 6:17 on a Tuesday evening, or at least according to Brian’s phone, and the man is struggling over whether he should exit his car or not. All his friends – or maybe he should use the word family – are inside that home, no doubt already spreading the latest gossip and laughing over their latest exploits, while he is alone and waiting for God knows what in the safety of his ‘Vette. Looking up toward the sky, Brian whispers, “Do you really think this is a good idea? You know I will fuck it up, don’t you?” before gazing down to his hands and closing his eyes.

The last six months have been hell for Brian. He doesn’t even know how he can still function some days, but he does. Aidan’s departure had hurt him so fucking much; he didn’t recognize himself the first few days after their last encounter. Sure, denying all of it had ever happened had been easier most of the time, but it wasn’t a solution. Shutting himself off from the pain, from his thoughts, even from his friends, had helped at the beginning, but not anymore. Now, he isn’t able to deny the pain, and he is so fucking angry at the world. So when at first he had refused to see his friends to protect himself, now he is hesitating in order to protect them.

He is one fucked-up man.

Michael, Debbie, Lindsay, even Emmett have tried to talk to him and to propose their help:  Michael with his subtle ‘junk food and James Dean movie’ party, Debbie with her ‘tuna-macaroni and pot’ party, and Lindsay with her ‘visit with your son’ party. Brian had been obligated to tell them in no uncertain terms to drop their masquerade and just leave him alone, even if he had been more tolerant with Lindsay because there had been Gus to consider.

Sometimes, it sucks to have a family…

Okay, not so much…

Brian knows he had been an asshole at the time. Still, he isn’t sorry. Anybody in his situation would have felt and done the same. Do people really think that you want to talk about it over and over when this kind of event happens to you? Does reliving the pain again, and saying how you feel, make things easier? Brian doesn’t think so. Shutting down is so much easier.

However, shutting down can’t last, or you would definitely stay alone for a long time. Truthfully, Brian is grateful for his friends, even if he wasn’t able to appreciate their efforts at first. Still, now that denial had been replaced by anger; he is scared he will hurt someone if they try to make him talk. Ted had been the first one to make an attempt in the last two months, and he had snapped at him immediately. If not for his unexpected reaction, Brian could have crossed a line at one point, and he would have been sorry for it if it had happened. Moreover, Brian needs Ted by his side, and the man knows him well. Even too well by now. It’s scary sometimes.

Then there is Justin.

His former lover’s return couldn’t have happened at a worst time.  When Michael had come to deliver the news, Brian couldn’t believe it. Really? Justin was coming home? Now? Was it a bad joke? Brian hadn’t been able to process the news. He was too busy forgetting about his own pain.

Therefore, when he had discovered Justin at his doorstep four days after Michael’s revelation, he hadn’t been able to face him. He couldn’t. Hurting him hadn’t been his intention at all, and Brian hopes that Justin had understood that. But really, what was he supposed to say? You want to help me? Of course, come on in; let’s forget you’re the only man I loved in the past, before Aidan came into my life, my partner that just left me? And no worries; all will be so cool between us and not weird at all? It goes without saying that I am perfectly able to deal with it right now?

Yeah, right…

Now, three months later, Brian still isn’t sure seeing Justin again is a good thing. Their past relationship could still be a problem between them, as Brian feels it could be awkward interacting today. Brian doesn’t know if they can have any sort of relationship, either as just acquaintances or as friends. One thing is sure, though; Brian isn’t ready for anything else with Justin. If he so much as hears a single suggestion about it from his friends, he doesn’t know what his reaction will be. And that’s one of the reasons why he is so worried about exiting his car.

Of course, Brian still loves Justin. Maybe not in the same way he had loved him when they had been together, but Justin has and always will have a special place in Brian’s heart. Justin is the man who taught him how to love. Brian can’t erase that from his heart. It will always be there.

Brian wants Justin to be happy; that hasn’t changed. When Ted confided in him the day before that Justin seemed to be in a good place in his life, Brian had felt a really satisfying feeling spreading in his chest. He was happy for Justin, because the young man only deserves the best. Brian hadn’t changed his mind about that. He never will.

Of course, even if Brian isn’t sure seeing Justin again is a good idea, he knows he can’t avoid him, either. Justin is back in the gang, and Brian will not be the one to stop him. Justin has as much right to be there as every member of the family. So, really, Brian will have to deal with it, one way or another.

Taking a deep breath, Brian reaches a decision.

I can do it. I can face them all. And if I’m going to see him in the future, I have to start somewhere. Better sooner than later…

Brian exits the car and crosses the street at exactly 6:42 PM.

Always be fashionably late to make a lasting effect on your audience; that’s the key to success…

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A few seconds later, Brian is standing in front of the door, ready to knock. Just as he is about to do it, though, the door opens, revealing a delighted Debbie on the other side.

“Brian, Honey. It’s so good to see you! Come here!” She pulls him into her arms for a big hug; Brian is so surprised that he doesn’t respond to it at first, letting his arms hang by his side. Finally, he hugs her back, whispering in her ear, “Thanks, Deb, but please, I can’t breathe…” She has the good grace to look contrite as she releases him.

Brian’s eyes stay on hers for a few more seconds, revealing all he can’t say out loud, before the man finally turns to look around the room. Emmett is standing near the window while Michael, Ben, Lindsay, Melanie, Ted, Blake, Liam, Justin, Gus, Jenny-Rebecca and Carl are sitting at the family table.

By the looks on their faces, everyone is anxious, if not surprised to see him there, except maybe Ted. Also, all of them seem to be holding their breath for the next act like performers in a drama.

Showtime…

“So, who was the idiot who ratted on me, huh?” He turned to look at Emmett with an insisting stare as Brian adds, “Was it you, Honeycutt?”

“Hey, it’s not like your ‘Vette isn’t the most in-your-face car in all of Pittsburgh. It’s hard to miss it when you see it parked out on the street,” Emmett replies defensively.

“And what exactly were you doing, standing by the window? Trying to ‘see the light’ again?” Brian retorts, tongue-in-cheek, before making his way to the table and standing next to it, frowning. “Debbie…”

“What, Honey?” Debbie answers, coming back to the table.

“Do I have to sit on the floor?” He teases her, gazing at her with a soft look.

“Oh… Just give me a minute!” Debbie storms out of the room in search of an extra chair, as Michael stands up to go find another set of cutlery, which he places next to Gus and Lindsay.

Two minutes later, Brian is sitting next to his son as the conversation slowly returns to life after the brief pause his appearance had caused, and Brian feels like he might be able to survive this shared meal without a hitch.

Looking up, his gaze locks on his former lover for a few seconds.

As he finally looks down to pick up his fork, he realizes he is happy to be here. With his family.