Michael’s POV

June is slowly progressing, bringing long hours of daylight flooding through the large windows of Michael’s shop, and the dark-haired man is presently talking animatedly with a customer about the latest issue of one of his biggest sellers. The young teenager in front of him reminds him of his younger self when he was just a goofy child who saved each cent to purchase the newest edition of the Captain Astro comic.

It’s one o’clock already, and he hasn’t eaten yet. Therefore, he is delighted to see his friend Emmett walking through the door a few minutes later, bearing a paper bag from which a tantalizing smell arises. His stomach growling in anticipation, he smiles at his friend gratefully as he moves to greet him.

“Emmett! What are you doing here?”

“Hey, handsome! I was at the diner and your mom was there, telling everybody you probably were going to skip lunch again, so I thought I would come to say hi and bring you a little food!”

“Uh, huh...” Michael laughs. “Not that I’m not thrilled about your impromptu visit, but are you sure that’s the only reason?” He picks up the bag and turns to head back to the counter, his friend following him.

“Well...” Emmett looks guilty. “I heard our little Sunshine is coming home.”

Michael shakes his head slightly, not that surprised. I knew it...Gossip is the most powerful drug for a gay man like my friend here.

“Yeah,” he confirms. “He should be here any day now.” Looking at his friend, he adds, “It’s great, isn’t it? I mean, it’s weird after all this time to know that he is finally moving back, but...”

“Yes, you’re absolutely right, I can’t wait to see him!” Emmett responds with joy, clapping his hands.

Michael laughs at his friend’s antics. “You just love gossip, and Justin’s return is first-class gossip right now.”

Emmett seems to debate for a second between being outraged over that statement, or admitting his curiosity. He finally decides on the latter. “Okay, guilty as charged... But I am delighted our little artist is coming home, I swear!”

“Yeah, I knew you would be...” Michael takes the meal from his bag. “You want some?” he asks his friend, gesturing to the still hot sandwich in his hand with a nod of his head.

“No, thanks.” Emmett raises his hands in front of him. “I’m trying to keep my figure.”

Michael snorts. “As you wish.” He takes a mouthful and starts chewing, sighing in contentment.

Emmett asks his next question innocently. “Have you seen Brian?”

You’re as subtle as Maw, Emmett.

“Yes.”

“How is he?” Emmett’s behavior changes with his words, showing a real concern over his friend’s current ordeal. He and Brian have never been that close, but they have a real respect for each other, and are family nonetheless.

Michael looks up at his friend, understanding he already knows about Aidan’s departure. “How do you think?”

Emmett shakes his head. “Ted told me Aidan is gone. How is that possible?”

Michael shrugs. He doesn’t know, but he knows firsthand what state of mind Brian is in.

**********************************************************************************

The day Aidan came back and left again, nearly two weeks ago, Brian had called him, cryptically informing him he needed to see him immediately. The tone of his voice had scared Michael, and he had feared that something bad had happened. Fifteen minutes later, he had found Brian in his loft on the floor, a vacant stare on his face. Michael had sensed immediately that something was definitely wrong.

As a result, he had moved to sit next to Brian, leaning in a little closer after a few moments and laying the other man’s head on his shoulder, taking his friend in a half-hug and offering his silent support. Brian had spoken then, saying simply, “He’s gone.”

Michael’s heart had broken for his friend that day. What? He couldn’t believe it. It really was happening, again. Seriously? What the fuck was wrong with the men in Brian’s life? Michael knew that it hadn’t been Justin’s fault the first time, and he suspected Aidan’s reasons were much more complicated, but that didn’t mean it was fair for Brian to go through the pain of losing his partner all over again. And why did it have to happen again, anyway? Wasn’t once enough? Was Brian destined to stay alone, with no other choice but to let the men he loves go? What the fuck was wrong in this universe?

Hugging his best friend, he had felt him shaking his head against his shoulder, like he had wanted to deny what was happening. Soon enough, he had felt moisture on his shirt, silent proof that Brian was losing it. Then, the tears were replaced by sobs, and Michael had hugged him tighter for a long time.

The last straw had been when Brian finally lost it for good, suddenly standing up and taking the first object he could find - namely a chair - and throwing it all over the loft, destroying a lamp as well in the process.

Seeing his friend in this state of fury over what was happening had been hard for Michael, because he knew the pain Brian was feeling had to be eating his friend alive.

That day, exhaustion had finally claimed Brian in a fitful sleep. Michael had stayed by his side all night, wanting to do more, yet knowing his presence and support were the only things he could offer then.

The next day, neither man had said a word about the events that had taken place the day before. Still, when Brian had left to go to work, he had hugged Michael and whispered two words:

Thank you.

Of course, the stare they had shared while the words were spoken had been even more significant than the words themselves.

Leaving Brian, Michael had called Ted to tell him the news, and more importantly, to ask him to keep an eye on him and to call him anytime. Hanging up, Michael couldn’t help but think over and over again how unfair it was.

**********************************************************************************

Back at the store, Michael realizes he has let his thoughts take the upper hand and therefore, he hasn’t heard Emmett’s last sentence.

“What?”

“I said, is Brian alright?”

“Not really.” Michael has tried to be there a lot for his friend since that day, but Brian seems devoid of any emotion. Every time Michael witnesses his vacant stare, he can’t help but worry even more.

Emmett continues, “I can’t believe this is happening. He and Aidan were so great together, it’s incomprehensible. Did Brian explain to you why he left?”

“No.” That’s true. To this day, Michael doesn’t know a thing about what really happened, just that Brian had seen Aidan and that he had left again, this time for good, apparently. Michael doesn’t really want to ask questions. He figures if his best friend wants to talk about it, he will. Or maybe he should ask him? He doesn’t know.

“So...”

Michael looks at Emmett then. His friend is a real gossip.

“Does he know...you know...?”

“What?” Michael frowns in light of Emmett’s hesitation.

“About Justin...”

“Justin...No.” Michael shakes his head. He hasn’t found the strength to tell Brian yet. When Justin called him three weeks ago, he had considered telling him, but had dismissed the idea. Brian had still been worried about Aidan at the time, and Michael hadn’t wanted to add anything to his plate, so to speak. Of course, he couldn’t predict what was going to happen, and now seemed like an even worse time to tell him. Still, he has to at some point. Michael can’t imagine Brian’s reaction if he was to see Justin again, or how would he feel about being kept in the dark about his return.  Nobody has told him yet, and nobody wants to. Still Michael or someone else needs to, and fast.

“And...”

Now, what?

“Does Justin know?”

“Huh?”

“That Aidan is gone?”

“I...” Fuck, I hadn’t even thought about that. “No...But it’s not like it changes anything right now.”

“Uh...” Emmett seems to disagree.

“What?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know.” In response to Michael’s pointed look, he finally decides to share his thoughts. “It’s just... I can’t help but ask myself if Justin’s return now isn’t a twist of fate, you know? I mean, he’s the first lover who left him, and now that Aidan is doing the same, Justin’s coming home without having a clue about what Brian is going through.”

Michael can’t believe what he is hearing. “You’re not seriously thinking of the two of them getting back together, are you?”

“No, of course not! Brian just lost his partner! But the more I think about it, the more I tell myself it’s going to be pretty awkward between them. Who knows what Brian’s reaction will be, especially knowing what is happening to him right now? I just hope nobody gets hurt again, even if this time I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be Brian.”

“Fuck...” Emmett is right. Brian’s current state of mind could be dangerous for Justin, since he knows the two of them, especially Justin, still have unresolved feelings regarding their former relationship. Would Brian use his pain as an excuse to hurt him, though? Michael doesn’t think so; yet, he is definitely going to have to tell both of them what is occurring in each other’s lives if he wants to avoid a useless, possible disaster.

“So, what are you doing tonight? I’m meeting with Ted and Blake at Woody’s with Liam, if you and your beautiful husband want to join us.”

“Thanks, Emmett, I’d love to, but I think I’ll pass.” Michael sighs. “I have to see Brian.”

*********************************************************************************

Same day, evening, the loft

Michael is standing in front of the door. Taking a deep breath, he knocks and waits for an answer.

A moment later, Brian is looking at him pointedly, obviously asking himself what excuse his best friend is going to find this time to invite himself into his place.

“I need to speak to you,” Michael announces as he walks uninvited into the loft, leaving his friend seemingly puzzled over his boldness.

‘Cut the bullshit’ strategy, Michael decides silently as he steps inside. That’s my best chance at success.

“Come on in, of course...” Brian responds sarcastically, looking at his best friend with a sweeping gesture of his arm before closing the door. Turning around, he joins Michael by the kitchen counter. “So?” Brian asks, leaning an elbow on it.

“So what?” Michael replies innocently, sitting on a stool.

Brian watches him, tongue-in-cheek, before replying, “I don’t know yet. But I’m pretty sure you’re going to tell me.”

Michael stares at Brian; the two men hold their gaze in a silent battle of wills. Finally, Michael gives up first and looks down. “Okay...” He gazes up. “You’re right. I need to tell you something.”

Brian snorts, straightening his back. “Really? I never would have guessed.”

Michael sighs, debating with himself about the best approach to take. Finally, he asks, “Are you okay?”  Nice, Michael, you couldn’t come up with something more lame?

Brian half-laughs over Michael’s question, looking around. He finally states, in an ‘out-and-proud’ manner, “I’m great!”

“Brian...” Yeah, that was a stupid question, Michael knows. But he doesn’t want his friend to hide his true feelings from him.

Brian sighs as he stills his movement to stare over at him. “What do you want me to say?” he retorts, seemingly exasperated.

Michael doesn’t know what he wants to hear. Still, his friend’s partner just left him without explanation. He might want to talk about it. “I don’t know...Have you heard anything else from him?”

Brian taps his fingers on the counter. “Yes, I did.”

What?

“You did?” Michael is stunned. He really didn’t think that Aidan would stay in touch. From what he had understood, Aidan was gone for good.

Brian clears his throat. “Well, not from Aidan directly. I talked to Samuel.”

Or course. That makes sense. Brian must have gone to see him.

“Oh...” Now, Michael is curious. “And?”

Brian grins, but the grin doesn’t reach his eyes. “It seems Aidan has taken off with Noah.”

“His nephew?”

“Yeah; Aidan and Noah are going to work together in Africa for the time being. Noah has just graduated, so it’s a great opportunity for him.” Brian’s voice is betraying his emotions over the news.

“Wow... I mean, fuck...” Michael doesn’t understand. Brian snorts. “Did Samuel tell you...anything else?”

Brian shakes his head, as his mask furtively slips. “No, except that he has accepted a new position in Philly, so he will be moving soon. But concerning Aidan, I think he doesn’t know much.”

“And you?”

Brian looks up at his friend. “What about me?”

Michael shrugs. He wants to help Brian, but he doesn’t know how. Maybe asking questions to make him talk might be a good thing. Or maybe not. Yet, he has to try. “Do you know why he...”

Why he left?

“No. Not really...” Brian sighs, putting his two elbows on the counter and supporting his weight on them. “What I know is...” He seemingly looks at his fingers, but his stare is unfocused. “He wouldn’t have left me without a good reason...”

He is not saying what I think he is saying, is he?

“You’re forgiving him?” To Michael, it seems Brian is trying to excuse Aidan. How can he do that? “I mean... I don’t understand how he could leave you without an explanation...”

“Mikey...” Brian replies quietly with deadly calm, hoping his friend will take the hint.

Michael doesn’t understand at first, however. “I mean, you were together for five...”

“Michael!” Brian’s voice stops him and Michael understands he is crossing a line.

Looking at his friend, he finally stands up and takes a step closer. “Sorry...”

Brian shakes his head, looking at the same point on the counter. Michael doesn’t move and is surprised when he hears his friend starting to speak again. “I don’t know why he left. But I have to believe he had no choice in his mind but to do what he did; and I have to respect that. Because otherwise...”

Brian doesn’t finish his thoughts, but Michael hears him loud and clear.

Otherwise you would lose it completely...

“Okay.” Michael has to support his friend. He has to stop himself from opening his big mouth on the matter. And deep down, he understands Brian’s point, and he truly hopes that he is right in a way, even if it doesn’t change anything about the result. Aidan is still gone, and Brian is still hurt.

Fuck you, Aidan. At least, Michael can always be angry on his friend’s behalf, even if he can’t open his mouth about it, nor show it to Brian.

Finally, Brian rights himself and stares at Michael. “Now, what did you want to tell me?”

“Me? Nothing! I...”

“Michael...” Brian’s pointed look shuts Michael up immediately. He is not stupid and he knows Michael is not here to talk about Aidan. Or at least not only that.

“Well...” Michael pauses and looks at Brian. His friend raises his eyebrows in a silent invitation to continue. “I needed to warn you about...um...” He doesn’t know why, but the words escape him at the moment. He looks up, visibly thinking.

“Mikey?” Brian lowers his head to capture Michael’s gaze and grabs his friend’s chin.

Michael frees himself from his grip and steps back. “Stop!”

“Do you think I have some hidden power to read your mind like Rage or something?” Brian watches as his friend goes to the fridge to retrieve a bottle of water. He knows it’s a delaying tactic so his friend can formulate what he wants to say, and for some reason it makes him anxious.

“No...” Michael takes a gulp after opening the bottle in his hand. He is definitely stalling now.

Brian notices and comes closer. “You’re right; I don’t. So just cut the bullshit and spill it, for fuck’s sake! You’re making me nervous.”

Michael looks contrite. “Sorry...”

“Michael!” Brian is losing his patience now.

“Okay! Okay, it’s about Justin.”

Brian is taken aback. “Justin? What about him?” His face shows that he doesn’t have a clue about what Michael is trying to say. Then, seemingly thinking fast, Brian frowns, visibly worried. “Wait...Is he alright?”

“What? Oh, yeah! He is. It’s not about that,” Michael reassures his friend quickly.

Brian seems furious and puzzled, all at the same time. “So, if he is alright, what are you trying to say?”

Michael takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and finally takes the plunge.

“He’s coming back.”

*********************************************************************************

Brian’s POV

Since Aidan’s departure, Brian Kinney feels like he is merely staying afloat and treading water, like he is an observer of his own life, but not really a part of it. He feels like he is watching a movie in a detached sort of way, and can’t really empathize with the main character. He has no emotions, no feelings, nothing. He just feels empty.

He knows it won’t last forever. Brian is a smart guy who can recognize he is reacting like someone in shock after experiencing a traumatic event. Maybe he is. It won’t last, but right now, he really doesn’t care. Life sucks. It’s not a surprise.

However, what is surprising is that he keeps going. He doesn’t use his past ‘pain management’ techniques. Still, he is not sure if it’s a good sign – a sign that he has grown up and can face pain like a normal human being – or if it’s a really bad sign. Moreover, he objectively thinks he is losing it, without making a sound. Quietly and silently.

He doesn’t care, because it doesn’t matter.

As he has already said, if only to himself, life sucks. That’s his reality.

He still can’t believe it. Denial is so much easier, except when he comes home at the end of the day, because it prevents him from experiencing the void left by Aidan’s departure. But he still feels empty.

He doesn’t even know if he is angry with Aidan or not. He knows the other man has done what he thinks is right, whatever the reason is. Brian can relate to that feeling. After all, how many times has he himself done things to or for people because he thought it was the right thing to do, without explaining himself? The answer is obvious: a lot of times. And every time, he was sure of the rightness of his actions.

Every. Single. Time.

However, Brian understands now that when a person is on the receiving end of that type of action, not knowing why is hard. So, Brian went to see Samuel, to try and find some answers, but he had no luck, unfortunately.

He knows Aidan. Intimately. He knows the man wouldn’t have left him if he thought he could do something otherwise, if he didn’t think with all his heart that it was the only solution. Furthermore, he had to have had his reasons for not explaining himself.

Still, Brian has thought of so many scenarios to justify Aidan’s decision, all more painful than the last. It’s unbearable.

Emptiness is easier.

**********************************************************************************

When Michael barges into the loft that evening, Brian is not really surprised. His best friend has never been the subtle type, and Brian knows he means well. Yet, the truth is, right now, he doesn’t really want to deal with it.  But he tries to answer Michael’s questions about Aidan nonetheless. The faster he pushes Michael to tell him what he wants to say, the faster he will be alone again, without being obligated to think.

Thinking makes him feel, and he doesn’t want to.

Of course, he can’t predict what Michael is about to say. Seeing his friend so nervous about what he is trying to tell him – and the hesitation in his voice – doesn’t sit well with Brian. He is going to lose it if his friend doesn’t start to speak soon. So, he decides to push him in the right direction.

“Do you think I have some hidden power to read your mind like Rage or something?”

“No!”

“You’re right; I don’t. So just cut the bullshit and spill it, for fuck’s sake!  You’re making me nervous.”

“Sorry...”

Oh for Christ’s sake, Mikey, stop apologizing and just get to the point!

“Michael!” Brian is losing patience now.

“Okay! Okay, it’s about Justin.”

....What. The. Fuck?

“Justin? What about him?” Brian is astounded. Hearing his former lover’s name is definitely not what he is expecting. Fuck, did something happen? A sudden and uncontrollable feeling of fear grips him.

“Wait...Is he alright?”

“What? Oh, yeah! He is. It’s not about that,” Michael reassures him.

Fuck, Michael...I could strangle you right now.

“So, if he is alright, what are you trying to say?”

Brian observes his friend visibly preparing himself for what he is about to say.

Finally, Michael just blurts out, “He’s coming back.”

The world surrounding them doesn’t stop. Yet, Brian Kinney feels like it just did.

“Get out.”

“Brian...”

“No. Not now.” Brian steps back and finally turns around, walking to the sitting area.

I can’t deal with this. Not now.

“Brian...” Michael tries again as he follows his friend. “Talk to me, please...”

Brian just shakes his head. “There’s nothing to say. Justin and I have been over for a long time. Period. End of story.” Brian turns around to face his friend, his mask firmly back in place. With all the strength he can muster, he comes closer and puts his hands on Michael’s shoulders, saying in a soft tone, “Now, get out. Go back to your husband. You’ve done your duty here.”

Michael stares at him for a long time. Brian holds his gaze, hoping his friend will get the message.

Finally, Michael sighs and heads toward the kitchen counter to grab his jacket. Turning one last time to look at his friend, he says, “Call me if you need anything.”

Brian just nods.

Five minutes later, alone in the middle of the loft, Brian is still standing at the same spot. There is only one thought that his mind repeats over and over in his head: 

It doesn’t change anything. Life still sucks.

Finally moving to sit at his desk, Brian shuts his mind and goes back to the only place he feels safe right now.

He stops thinking.