Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction
Author's Chapter Notes:

Thank you again Kim for your help with this chapter :)

Brian and Aidan have a chat at Aidan's place...

 

Brian’s POV

As Brian enters the apartment, he is struck by the simplicity and elegance emanating from the place.

The small hallway leads to a beautiful kitchen on the left, opening to a big room on the right, simply yet beautifully furnished. Brian can see a door adjacent to the kitchen in the far left corner, which he presumes is the bedroom. The bathroom must be in there, too, as he doesn’t see any other doors in the room.

Conversely, he immediately notices the multiple framed pictures which are adorning every wall, creating a feeling of awe from the observer who discovers them for the first time. Brian has never doubted Aidan’s talent before, but seeing his previous works from assignments all over the world, displayed before his eyes, makes him feel like a privileged person somehow. The passion clearly radiates out from every one of them, the subjects seemingly telling a story to the observer. Brian feels like he is discovering the extent of Aidan’s talent for the first time.

“Your place is…”

“Purpose-driven? Special? One of a kind?”

Brian tries to think of a good word to use as a way to describe how he feels about this place, but he can’t find one. “Well, all of the above, actually,” he finally responds. He peers intently at a picture of a man with two children, his hands on their shoulders as they walk through what appears to be a former building reduced to a heap of rubble and litter; the contrasting colors accentuate the forceful presence of the three persons in the picture, and is mesmerizing to him. “The pictures, they’re…I’m not sure that ‘beautiful’ is the right word for them. They’re…powerful, disturbing in a way. It’s just a picture, but it’s telling a real story.” He pauses to study a few more of them before he tells him sincerely, “They’re amazing. I love them.”

“You’re here to talk about the pictures on the walls? Really?” Brian turns to look at Aidan. “You should have told me sooner; it would have saved me from almost having a heart attack when I saw you earlier.”

“A heart attack, huh?”

Aidan’s eyes immediately glare at him. “Don’t play smart with me, Brian…” The man heads for the kitchen and takes two bottles of water from the fridge. He puts one on the counter for Brian, who understands the message and comes closer to the kitchen counter, focusing completely on the conversation ahead. “So…You wanted to talk to me?”

Brian knows he has to proceed carefully and not say something stupid. “Yeah.”

“Then talk.”

“You’re not going to make things easy for me, are you?”

“Easy is not in my vocabulary these days… And you don’t deserve easy,” Aidan adds with an insincere smile on his face.

Apparently not.

“So…” Aidan raised his eyebrows, as a gesture to encourage Brian to talk.

Brian clears his throat noisily, trying to find the right words. “I came to…” He stops.

Focus, Kinney. It can’t be that difficult.

Aidan prompts him to continue. “To what?”

Brian tries again. “I wanted to…”

In light of Brian’s obvious lack of words, Aidan huffs. “You sound like a girl.”

That causes an immediate reaction. “I do not.”

Careful, Kinney.

“I thought you used words for a living; it should be easy for you.”

Brian can’t help but give him a pointed look.

Aidan notices. He seems amused. “You’re actually nervous.”

Maybe trying to lighten the mood would be a better way to start this conversation. Brian can give it a try, anyway. “I’m not nervous.”

“No?”

“No.”

Aidan huffs again. “Try again.”

“I’m not.”

“If you say so.”

Brian can play this game. “You’re mean.”

A half smile appears on Aidan’s lips. “And you’re cute.”

“Me? Cute? Are you crazy?”

Aidan laughs then. That’s when Brian realizes that he isn’t sure this conversation is moving in the right direction.  Aidan’s laughter seems off somehow. Still, he tries to play along.

“Stop laughing. I’m not cute. I’m the hottest stud in this burg, I can’t be cute.”

Aidan regains his composure, and for a brief moment the atmosphere seemed less strained; now, it suddenly becomes charged with tension. Brian is right; he definitely isn’t going to let it go so easily.

“Okay, enough with the bullshit, tell me why you’re here.”

Silence has often been a good friend for Brian. But right now, it’s definitely the enemy. Yet, he can’t succeed in opening his mouth.

Aidan sighs, and Brian knows he is going to give up; if he doesn’t react right away, it will be too late. “Aidan, I…” God, I hate this . “I’ve been an asshole.”  Very eloquent, Kinney.

“You think? You’re perceptive when you want to be.” Aidan’s voice is filled with sarcasm, making Brian squirm.

“Aidan…”

“What?” Aidan finally snaps. This isn’t good. “You want me to say that all is fine in the world, and that what you did doesn’t matter?”

Brian doesn’t even know how to respond to that. He doesn’t have the time to, anyway, as Aidan seems to have just started.

“Well, you know what?  It doesn’t matter. And you want to know why? Because YOU don’t matter. Not now. Do you know that I’ve been by my sister’s side for these past three weeks, helping her not to lose it, helping her children not to lose it, helping her husband not to lose it? I’m there every day, helping, soothing, taking care of her, doing everything I can to make them all feel better, even if I know that there is a damn good chance the day after is going to be worse than the day before. I’m not sorry for doing it. I want to. I want to stay by her side every step of the way. But you know what? I’m realizing that I can’t do it anymore. It’s too much. And do you know how I feel? I feel shitty, even if I know it’s not my fault. I know it. I really do. Yet, I feel like crap. I’m physically exhausted. But even then, it’s nothing compared to what I’m going through emotionally…” Aidan pauses for a few seconds.

Sensing that Aidan isn’t finished yet, Brian stays silent while the man takes a deep breath.

“I’m a tough man, Brian. I will manage eventually. But, fuck! I can’t deal with you right now. I can’t. I’m not strong enough for that. So, either you tell me right now what you want from me, or you leave.”

Whoa.

Fuck.

Move, Kinney. Now.

“Do you feel better?”

Aidan shakes his head wearily and rests his elbows on the counter, cupping his hands in front of his mouth. “No, not really,” he admits.

“Well, now you’re going to listen to me .”

Aidan looks up, seemingly surprised by the conviction he hears in the other man’s voice. Brian takes a few steps closer, walking around the kitchen counter as he plants himself in front of Aidan.

“I was an asshole to you. I never should have reacted the way I did. It was selfish, immature, and childish. I could place the blame for that on my fucked-up childhood, my aborted relationship with the love of my life, or solely on the fact that I’m an asshole, but it really doesn’t matter. I fucked up. It’s as simple as that.” Brian stares at Aidan, making sure that the other man hears and understands all he is saying. “That being said, I want to make it up to you. I want to prove to you that I can be here for you, that you can lean on someone. I don’t know how, but I want to. You’re not alone.” He doesn’t lower his gaze. “So now all you have to do is to accept my help. And if you do, I will be with you every step of the way.”

Their eyes don’t leave each other’s until Aidan breaks the contact, pacing for a few seconds before turning once again to look at him.

“I don’t know, Brian. You know it’s not that simple. You can’t just expect me to say that I believe you after what happened…”

What happened? Oh, that…

“You mean after I kissed you and freaked out?”

“Yeah.”

Brian is determined. “I can’t blame you. But I can  promise you that it won’t happen again. I mean, I can still fuck up in the future – I’m not exactly known to be the best even-tempered man on the planet – but I can promise you that I won’t run away from you again.” Brian can only hope that it’s enough to make Aidan consider his help.

Aidan’s next question isn’t what he was expecting. “Are you sure?”

“What?”

“Think about it, Brian. Are you absolutely sure that you want to help me? That you want to put up with my moods? Because believe me, there’re going to be bad ones. Will you want to be there when I feel like killing anybody who tells me that life is worth everything I’m going through? Will you stay with me when I snap at every person who tells me they understand? I definitely won’t be the happiest man to hang with.” Aidan looks intently into Brian’s hazel eyes. “Think about it, Brian. Really think about it. I don’t want you to answer me before you’re absolutely sure of what you’re dealing with here.”

Brian pauses. One thing he knows without any doubt right now is that Aidan loves his sister unconditionally. You don’t react the way he does for no reason.

Brian tries to put himself into the other man’s shoes. If the woman that raised him and saved him in a way, the woman that loved him and accepted him like a son, was to disappear in front of his eyes, and he could do nothing at all to stop it, how would he react? It would be like a painful and infinite torture for all the people who loved her as they were forced to watch her slowly slipping away. Brian can’t begin to imagine how he would feel if that happened to one of his friends. Furthermore, he suspects that Olivia and Aidan share a connection not many people can understand. The only time he saw them together, on that fateful Monday in the park, Brian had understood that fate had bonded the two siblings with a seldom-seen intensity.

As for Aidan’s question, Brian already knows the answer.

“I am.”

Aidan is visibly startled by Brian’s voice, since he was simultaneously having a silent conversation with himself during the small amount of time Brian took to decide.

“What?”

“You asked me if I was sure I wanted to stay by your side, even if you’re going to be the worst companion to be with,” Brian responds, a little smile playing at the corner of his lips. “And I just gave you my answer.” He moves closer to Aidan and positions himself right in front of him. “I am.”

This time, it’s Brian who is surprised by what comes next. Aidan’s gaze fills with unshed tears as he looks at Brian. He comes closer and lays his hand on Brian’s cheek. Then, he closes his eyes and breathes deeply, before opening them again. There’s desire in there, but not only that. Caring, even love? Brian doesn’t know, and doesn’t have the time to analyze it.

A second later, Aidan’s lips claim his, and his heart suddenly accelerates. After his initial surprise, he responds to it with all his being, feeling all kinds of emotions.

Aidan’s lips are warm, so fucking warm. Brian opens his mouth to allow the other man’s tongue to enter, after he seeks permission by subtly pressing against his own lips. The fire he feels inwardly makes him react immediately. He pushes Aidan against the fridge as the kiss intensifies, both men letting their repressed desire for so long take over.

In the back of his mind, he knows his friend is too exhausted to stop this, even if he wanted to. Brian doesn’t think it’s the case, but still, he doesn’t want Aidan to think later that he took advantage of the situation. Yet, he can’t just stop this; it feels so fucking good, but he wants the man to understand he can be trusted.

Making a quick decision, he puts his right hand on Aidan’s hard on, held captive in the tight confines of his jeans, and begins to slowly stroke it without opening his pants. The other man responds with a long moan as the two men’s mouths continue to devour each other. Brian is already so fucking hard he thinks he could come just with a little rubbing like a fucking teenager, but he doesn’t want to. Right now, it’s not about him.

Brian’s hand picks up the pace, adding more pressure on Aidan’s cock. Both men are moaning softly now, Aidan’s reaction to his ministrations being such a turn on, that Brian can’t help but emit soft moans of his own. The desire and lust are nearly unbearable.

Brian feels the exact moment when the other man is going to lose it. He stops what he’s doing, and opens his friend’s jeans slowly, allowing his beautiful organ to spring free. Then he proceeds to give him a really good hand job, trying to make it last as long as the man can take it. Aidan’s cock is leaking, creating a natural lubricant, and Brian alternates his moves between slow, firm strokes, and quick ones, watching with fascination as Aidan’s face gives him indications of his degree of pleasure between hungry kisses.

Aidan’s gasps are becoming shorter and shorter. Brian finally can’t take it, and caves in to his desire, sinking to his knees and taking Aidan’s cock in his mouth, sucking the whole length in one move. He brings him over the edge, as the other man climaxes in his eager mouth. Aidan almost screams.

Next, Brian stands up and supports the other man as he recovers from the pure pleasure he just experienced from the masterfully executed hand job, theirs bodies melting, and Aidan’s face buried in his neck. Brian’s cock is still painfully hard, but he chooses to ignore it.

It’s not about him for now.

“Brian…” Aidan finally recovers enough to stand on his own and regain the power of speech. He’s still breathing hard, his forehead resting on Brian’s shoulder. Finally, he finds the strength to raise his head. “I…What was that?”

Brian laughs. “I’m pretty sure you can answer that one without my help.”

Aidan smiles. “I’m pretty sure I can’t, actually. That was…fuck, Brian!  I didn’t believe all the rumors about you on Liberty Avenue, but I think I will have to change my mind. You really are a sex god.”

“Glad you liked it. Now that you’re so relaxed and all – thanks to my mind-numbing skills – it’s time for you to go lie down and sleep.”

“Huh? What about you ? You didn’t even…”

Brian shakes his head. “It’s not about me.”

“Brian…”

“No. You implied you wanted to trust me.  So, believe me when I say you need to rest, not to fuck.” He touches Aidan’s forehead with his. “And besides, you will need all your strength to put up with me, too.” Referring to their earlier conversations, Brian hopes that Aidan finally believes he is the “friend” that he needs.

Aidan smiles and pulls back to look at Brian. “Okay, you’re right.”

“I’ll let you rest, then.” Brian is about to step back when he feels a pressure on his arms. Aidan’s stopping him from breaking their embrace.

“Brian?”

“What?”

“Can you stay? I mean, I’m going to sleep, I promise, but…” Aidan sounds hesitant, vulnerable.

Brian stares into Aidan’s green eyes and sees something here. He should be scared. He should freak out. Of course he promised that he wouldn’t. But it’s not the reason that makes him want to stay.

He realizes he truly wants to . “Sure. I promised you I wouldn’t leave until you told me to.”

Five minutes later, they are both lying in Aidan’s large bed, Brian fully clothed with his tee shirt and jeans on, and Aidan clad only in his underwear. Even if he had decided not to fuck Aidan, two precautions are better than one.

“Come here.” Brian encourages Aidan to come closer and put his head on his shoulder. He slides his right arm under the other man’s body, and takes the other man’s right hand in his left hand, their joined hands coming to rest on his belly.

As Aidan’s breathing evens out, Brian doesn’t move. Being here, feeling peaceful for one of the first times in a long time, he allows himself to think about his ex-lover. He still loves him so much that it’s frightening. He knows without a doubt that neither time nor distance is ever going to change that. Even if he never sees him again, he will love him until his final breath on Earth.

However, he believes now that it doesn’t mean he has to live in limbo for the rest of his life. His feelings might never change, but he can decide to stop fighting it, and find a little happiness. He can choose to allow himself to be happy again. Even if the thought brings a temporary pang to his chest because of the true meaning of what it implies…

…that he and Justin are over, and that his mind  is finally learning to  accept it, even if his  heart never really will.


Brian must have dozed off for a while, because he’s jolted awake by the insistent ringing of a phone. Disentangling himself from the body against him, careful not to wake him up, he closes the bedroom’s door slowly and makes his way to the kitchen. He finds the source of the ring, sitting on the counter. Coming closer, he notices the caller’s name displayed on the phone’s screen.

It’s not any of his business, but he doesn’t care. He answers it, ready to give the caller a piece of his mind.

“Brian Kinney.”

“I…” Samuel’s voice shows his surprise, and he seemingly has to think about his next sentence. “Hi Brian, it’s Samuel, Aidan’s brother-in-law.”

“I know who you are, we saw each other, remember? At the hospital.”

“Yeah, right…” Samuel pauses. “Listen, is Aidan there? I really need to speak to him…”

“No…I mean, yes, he’s here; but no, you’re not going to talk to him.”

“Excuse me?”

“Listen to me. Are you listening? In case you didn’t notice, your brother-in-law is about to burn out. He is about to literally freak out, crash, have a meltdown, whatever you want to call it.” Brian knows he doesn’t need to lose his temper now, but fuck, seeing Aidan in the state he is in, has really shaken him. “So, if you don’t tell him to stop, he won’t. He has such a feeling of love and obligation for your  wife and  your  children that he’s unable to listen to himself. And someone has to step in for him. If you’re not going to do it, then, I think I’m the only one who can.”

“Who are you to him?”

Good question.

“I’m his friend.”

The silence that follows makes Brian understand that Samuel is thinking about what he just heard.

“Okay.”

Okay to what? “What?”

“I…You’re right, Brian. I know I should intervene and find some help, other than Aidan. He can’t go on like this, I’m aware of that. It’s just…Have you ever tried to stop him from doing what he wanted? Aidan is a stubborn man.”

The man is still finding an excuse, even if Brian knows Aidan hasn’t left him with many choices. “Yeah, he might be stubborn, but believe me, he knows his own limits. And he is reaching them. But it’s too hard for him to admit that he can’t keep going. You have to make him stop.”

“How?” Samuel seems lost, like he truly doesn’t know how to deal with the situation. Hearing the tone in the man’s voice, Brian softens, as he finally realizes that he is genuinely lost. He is losing his wife, a part of his life, maybe even a part of himself. Brian can’t imagine what the man is going through.

Brian isn’t sure that Samuel would consider a placement in a private facility for now, nor does he know if it’s a good solution. He is no expert. So he keeps his mouth shut about that. Yet, someone who could take over from time to time would be a solution. “You’re a doctor. You’re in a good position to ask around and see if someone who is not emotionally involved like you are could come to your home and help you out. Maybe a few hours a day, or at night, or whenever it’s better for you.” As an afterthought, he adds, “Don’t ask Aidan for his opinion on the matter for now. Just do it. You  have to ask for help. Do it for you. Do it for Aidan. And do it for your children.”

“You’re right… I will.”

Brian feels the need to add, “Don’t misread my words. I don’t mean to pry; I’m only telling you this because I know that Aidan won’t before it’s too late. Furthermore, I think he is afraid to tell you that you both need help…One thing I know for sure is that he won’t hold out for long now.” He hears a deep sigh over the phone.

“Do you know what the worst is?” The silence adds a dramatic effect to what Samuel says next, which makes Brian shiver. “I can’t even look her in the eyes anymore.”

Brian can feel the man’s pain through the phone. Once more, he tells himself that people tend to forget that being healthy is so important, and that the alternative can alter so many people’s lives. “Ask for help. You can’t do this alone.” Brian waits for Samuel’s reply, hearing his breathing through the phone.

“Brian?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you. I’m glad to know that Aidan is not alone dealing with this.”

“No problem.” He is happy that he has stopped running away, and that he is acting like an adult for once. He thinks of one more thing to ask before hanging up. “Wait, do you want to leave a message?”

Samuel’s answers tells him that he was right to interfere. “No, nothing that can’t wait until tomorrow.”

After hanging up, Brian takes a deep breath. He is glad that Aidan’s brother-in-law had agreed to listen to him, and he can only hope that the results of their conversation will have a beneficial effect for Aidan and for his family.

Five minutes later, Brian is leaning on the bedroom’s doorway, watching the sleeping form in front of him. He stays there for a long time before making his way back to the bed.

 

 

 

Chapter End Notes:

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