Brian’s POV

As Brian drives to Aidan’s place after their chance encounter at the diner, he takes the time to contemplate his hasty decision to go there with more accuracy. He always believed in never going after anyone, and yet, here he is. Okay, so maybe he already bent that rule once or twice because of a certain blond man, but nobody knows it and he isn’t about to correct their assumptions.

Brian has to admit, if only to himself, that seeing Aidan, seemingly exhausted and beat, had hit him, hard. He had tried everything he could to forget about the man in the past couple of weeks, and if his reaction at the diner was any indication, it didn’t work at all. Strangely, he doesn’t feel bad about it, but he does feel bad for being such a prick. He never should have reacted the way he did. It was selfish, immature, and way out of line compared to what the other man was going through. Brian had no illusions whatsoever about Aidan’s state of mind. When he saw him, it had been written all over his face, or more exactly, reflected by his eyes. They showed so many emotions at once, but primarily they showed defeat. Desperation. Exhaustion. And Pain.

Pain.

Over and over again. He was so tired of the pain.  When was it going to stop? Didn’t they deserve a little break? Hadn’t they suffered enough? How long before life would cut them some slack?

Brian knows he is lucky. His life will be almost complete when his son comes back again into his day-to-day life. If not for Justin not being by his side, life would be good, great even. Actually, if he were honest with himself, he would have to admit that he is slowly but surely doing better.

For Aidan, it’s another story. He is condemned to watch his beloved sister’s decline, over and over again, and to be a witness to the deterioration of both her body and soul, which are shutting down slowly and painfully with no hope of getting better, ever; just the certainty that at the end of the road, she will be gone.

Christ! How could you be so fucking stupid, Kinney?

He should have been there. He shouldn’t have freaked out like a stupid drama queen.

No apologies, no regrets.

That’s always been his motto.

As if it were so simple…

His thoughts are all over the place, but he knows that he has to focus on what he is going to say, because he’s sure that Aidan will have no patience whatsoever with him if he doesn’t know what he wants, or if he feels he can’t rely on him. Brian couldn’t blame him after the way he had acted at the loft.

Aidan is right. Brian has to think about what he wants from the other man. More precisely, he has to accept the fact that the other man is important to him, and that he can’t freak out whenever he feels cornered, or whenever things become too ‘emotional.’ Aidan has to feel that he can trust him, and that he can count on him no matter what.

God, how am I going to do that?

Two hours later, Aidan’s apartment

It’s been two hours already, and there is still no sign of Aidan. Brian is sitting in front of the door’s apartment, his back to it, his right leg bent with his eyes seemingly fixed on the floor. Thankfully, Aidan’s place is the only one on the top floor, so he won’t have to explain to a curious neighbor what he is doing here, nor will he have to convince the man that he’s not a squatter.

As if anyone could think that. Me... Brian fucking Kinney. A squatter.

The thought makes him smile. He is a nervous wreck at the moment, the wait increasing his already high level of tension. He could run away, and the thought is more alluring with each passing second. Yet, truthfully, he doesn’t want to.

Suddenly, the echo of steps in the stairway makes his heart beat faster, the sudden feeling inside his chest making it harder to breathe. He waits anxiously as he hears the steps coming closer before stopping a few feet away. He still can’t find the courage to raise his head, and he knows without looking up that Aidan is here and is probably surprised to see him there on the fucking floor. Hell, he would be surprised.

The steps seem to hesitate for a moment before finally coming even closer, until Brian’s line of vision finally meets the feet of the other man. He can’t back down now; it’s too late. So he looks up, not knowing what he’s going to see in Aidan Cole’s piercing eyes.

The other man’s gaze is indecipherable. Brian has always congratulated himself on being an excellent actor when having to deal with his emotions, but he has to admit that Aidan is as good an actor as he is when he wants to be.

The silence is deafening. Aidan is standing still in front of Brian. Too still.

“What are you doing here?” There is an edge to the tone of his voice.

Here we are. Showtime.

“I needed to see you,” Brian says, standing up.

“You want to see me now?” Aidan appears deadly calm, but Brian knows the man is also deadly furious, if the look in his eyes is any indication. “Well, you’ve seen me. Time for you to leave now.”

“Aidan…”

“No. I’m through with you. Right now, I can’t deal with a man who calls himself a friend, but runs away at the first opportunity he has. I just can’t.” He turns around, his back to Brian, a visible indication that he is firmly intending on leaving him out in the corridor.

Brian tries to make him listen. “Aidan, you owe me. Just hear me out, and if you want me to leave after that, I promise I will. For good, if that’s what you want.” Okay, that was low, but Brian knew that Aidan would be difficult to convince. Bringing up the fact that he had helped him in the past was his only argument to make him cave in.

Aidan stops his movement, his back still. “Fuck you, Brian.” He turns around to look at Brian, voice filled with exhaustion. “I know what you did for me. For my sister. Hell, for my whole family when you really think about it. And I will be forever grateful for that. I mean it. I won’t forget, ever.” Aidan’s anger has vanished, transforming instead into a weariness that makes Brian feel like an even bigger asshole. “But I…If I let you in, I…I just can’t deal with your shit. Not now.”

“I promise I won’t run away.” Brian takes a step closer as he vows, “I promise I won’t freak out.” Then, he repeats with conviction, “I won’t,” and looks intently into Aidan’s eyes. “I just want you to hear me out. I don’t want to make things more difficult for you. I’m here to offer my help. And I definitely promise I won’t leave until you tell me to.”

Aidan’s gaze seems to search for an answer to his doubts in Brian’s eyes. Brian can only hope that he will find the answer he is seeking there.

Finally, Aidan turns once more to his apartment and puts a key in the lock. A few seconds later, he opens the door and enters. Brian waits, knowing that this moment is a turning point in their relationship.

He releases a deep breath when he hears the other man’s answer, delivered by a single word:

“Okay.”

Aidan’s POV

The last three weeks have been hard and challenging. After having stopped working for Kinnetik, Aidan had once again focused on his sister’s care. The consequences of her health’s deterioration were having repercussions on all the people who loved her. It was a really difficult time.

Aidan was exhausted. He had stayed at Olivia’s house for a big part of the past three weeks. Olivia’s moods were dictating the life of the whole family, and Aidan was trying to support and comfort the children for Olivia’s sake. Claire was coming home every weekend, but she was more and more cautious with every passing visit. Olivia’s reaction to mundane things was becoming more and more unpredictable, leaving her family with a feeling of helplessness and incomprehension that was deeper each time these episodes occurred. Noah was spending more and more time in his room, because seeing his mother like that was just too much to take for the teenager. Samuel was a mess, having a demanding job he couldn’t just stop to take care of his wife. As a result, he felt guilty, both for not being there for his wife, but also because of the growing sense of uneasiness he could sense emanating from his children. Aidan was trying to make everyone’s life easier by being there as much as possible during the day, and even at night when he sensed that his sister had experienced a bad day, and that, consequently, she would undoubtedly suffer once more with insomnia.

However, the tiredness he felt, both physical and emotional, was growing with each passing day. After three weeks, the constant watch was wearing him out.

Today, Samuel had taken a little time off to stay with Olivia in the morning, and to drive her to her 9:00 a.m. appointment. Aidan had stayed awake a good part of the night to soothe her and help her to relax, grateful for the five hours’ sleep that he had caught in the morning after having finally left Olivia asleep in the guest room at four in the morning.

By eleven, he is drinking a strong cup of coffee at the Liberty Diner. Of course, the waitress, Debbie, notices immediately that he is a wreck. She tries to make him talk; she’s obviously one of those persons who thinks that baring their soul to a stranger is helping people. Even if he doesn’t really want to, in the face of her persistence he gives in. She has the good sense to stay silent for the entire duration of his speech. Nevertheless, he is pleased with her tactfulness and thankful for what appears to be genuine understanding on her part; at least until she has the misfortune of mentioning the name of Brian Kinney.

After three weeks without seeing the man, his initial feeling of gratitude over Brian helping him on that fateful Monday is still there, but it’s not the only one anymore. Slowly but surely, anger and even disappointment have joined his first emotion. He knows it’s irrational in a way; the man doesn’t owe him anything. In fact, Aidan is the one who owes HIM, and who decided to stop his association with Kinnetik, and consequently, with the man himself. Still, when Debbie claims that Brian is a friend and that he cares about him, he nearly loses it. He stays polite, though, good manners having always meant a great deal in his family.

Of course, his reaction over Debbie’s statement isn’t a surprise to him. At first, Aidan tried to stop thinking about the man since making the decision to stay away from him. Unsurprisingly, it hadn’t worked. The fact that he had admitted, if only to himself, that he was in love with Brian Kinney didn’t help. However, ever since he had recognized the truth, he decided that it was time to move on. Still, he is angry with Brian, which makes no sense at all. It’s as if he wants to forget the man, but at the same time he wants Brian to not forget HIM ; it’s like his head is telling him to move on, but his heart doesn’t agree, and prevents him from doing so with the worst weapon ever. Hope.

He really is a fucked-up man at the moment, in more ways than one.

When he stands up from his stool to leave, he looks over in the direction of the door.

Fate seems once again to laugh in his face, because that’s the exact moment when Brian decides to make an appearance at the diner. Without his consent, his heart begins to beat faster and his hands become instantly sweaty.

“Fuck.”

Wait, did I just say that out loud?

He sees the exact moment Brian notices him as the other man freezes, too, their eyes locked on each other. Then, he comes closer and Aidan can only hope that his body doesn’t betray his emotions.

“Aidan.”

Just the sound of his voice is enough to make him shiver. Or maybe not, but it really feels that way. He doesn’t even recognize his own voice when he answers. “Hi, Brian.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Having some coffee.”

And leaving as fast as I can.

“You’re okay?”

Sure, all is so fucking great in this fucking world.

“I’m great.”

He can’t stay here, he just can’t. “Sorry, but I have to go. Have a great day.” Then, he nods at Debbie and leaves, without looking back.

With a fast beating heart, he catches the bus to go and meet with Olivia at the hospital. The way back home is a nightmare, as Olivia doesn’t want to take a bus, claiming that ‘they’ are going to hurt her. Aidan has no clue to whom she is referring to, and he tries to soothe her as best he can. When she calms down, he resigns himself to calling a cab, hoping that she will be okay with this solution. Fortunately, she is.

One hour later, Samuel comes home, having decided to take the afternoon off to release Aidan from his constant watch over his sister. The man has watched over Olivia for the past three days and nights almost without a break, and Samuel knows his brother-in-law is exhausted. He also knows he shouldn’t lean on him so much; it’s his wife, after all. But it’s so hard to see her slowly drowning due to this disease. Furthermore, forcing Aidan to think about himself isn’t easy, the man having such a deep feeling of obligation over his sister for all she’d done for him in the past. He loves her dearly and would do anything to relieve her from her pain. At least, with time, she will realize less and less that her life is definitively and irrevocably altered, but it is a hardly a comfort to any of them.

Aidan remembers that day in April when, in one of her moments of full lucidity, she realized what was happening. Her eyes had filled with so much pain that Aidan understood at that instant the true meaning of the word ‘heartbreak.’ He could literally feel it in his chest. He had held her for a long time that day.

He’s glad that Samuel has decided to come home early today. He knows he can’t keep going the way that he has, watching his sister all the time. Deep down, he realizes he has to talk to Samuel about finding help. He knows it. Samuel knows it. Yet, it’s not that simple.

As he makes his way up the stairway leading to his apartment, Aidan just dreams about one thing; going home and doing nothing, just savoring the little time he has on his own.

So, when he reaches the last step and catches his first glimpse of Brian sitting with his back to his apartment’s door, his head down, it takes him three more steps before the sight in front of him truly registers in his mind. For an instant, he’s pretty sure he is hallucinating.

He pauses and observes the man in front of him. Brian seemingly doesn’t notice him, not turning his head as he approaches; yet, he must have heard him rushing up the stairs. And considering that he is the only tenant on the building’s top floor, it shouldn’t be too hard to guess that it was he who was standing there.

Composing himself, he makes four more steps and stops just next to Brian, who finally raises his head to peer up at him. His eyes show no surprise over seeing him standing here, confirming Aidan’s assumption that he knew it was him all along.

“What are you doing here?” Aidan doesn’t know what he feels over seeing Brian at the moment, but he does knows that he can’t deal with more of his shit. Not today. He’s too exhausted for that.

“I needed to see you,” Brian says, standing up.

Needed? Really? And where were you these past three weeks? Knitting?

“You want to see me now?” The man is unbelievable. “Well, you’ve seen me. Time for you to leave now.”

He should have known that Brian wouldn’t give up so easily, though.

“Aidan…”

He doesn’t want to hear it.

“No. I’m through with you. Right now, I can’t deal with a man who calls himself a friend, and yet runs away at the first opportunity he has. I just can’t.” He turns toward the door, hoping that his little diatribe would work.

No such luck.

“Aidan, you owe me. Just hear me out, and if you want me to leave after that, I promise I will. For good, if that’s what you want.”

Asshole. You know I can’t turn you down now. You’re an even biggest asshole than I thought.

“Fuck you, Brian.” I can’t do this anymore. Don’t hurt me. Don’t fucking hurt me again. Not today. Aidan turns around and finally, he looks at the other man. “I know what you did for me. For my sister. Hell, for my whole family, when you really think about it. And I will be forever grateful for that. I mean it. I won’t forget, ever.” Aidan feels so weary, so tired. He has to make Brian understand. “But I…If I let you in, I… I just can’t deal with your shit. Not now.”

“I promise I won’t run away.” Brian takes a step closer, “I promise I won’t freak out…I won’t. I just want you to hear me out. I don’t want to make things more difficult for you. I’m here to offer my help. And I definitely promise I won’t leave until you tell me to.”

Aidan stares at Brian. The man seems genuine. However, is Aidan ready to deal with this? More importantly, is he ready to deal with anything else other than his sister right now? His emotions are so raw, he feels like he could lose it again in a heartbeat. It’s such an uncomfortable feeling for a man like him who has always been in control, but he believes that what he is going through is a good excuse to lose it. Maybe people can’t understand the bond that he and Olivia share after all they’ve been through; he owes her so much. However, people would understand that physical and emotional exhaustion could wear any man down, making him do or say things that he wouldn’t do if not for the emotional state he is in. Yet, this lack of control over his own reactions is difficult to accept, and consequently, to deal with.

I really need to rest, I can’t continue like this. I have to talk to Samuel.

Not knowing what to do, he turns toward his apartment and puts the key in the lock. He closes his eyes for a few seconds and breathes. In and out.

Then, he opens his eyes with a new determination. He can do this. Dealing with Brian is nothing compared to what he’s going through with his sister. He trusts the man to understand that he doesn’t need any more shit right now.

He hopes he’s right.

“Okay.”

However, as he lets the other man come inside his home, he can’t help but think, I really AM a masochist; that’s the only plausible explanation.