Brian’s POV

Friday, Pittsburgh International Airport

It’s Friday night already, and Brian Kinney is sitting in an uncomfortable chair, ready to board a plane to see his son for the weekend.

The last few days have been hell. After his little slip on Monday night, Brian had woken up groggy and hung over; still, he had no other choice but to go to work, as he had several meetings scheduled on Tuesday afternoon. He didn’t know how he had succeeded in working his magic, but he had. When he had come home that evening, he had crashed immediately on his welcoming bed without bothering to get undressed, taking time to only remove his shoes and jacket.

On Wednesday, he had spent the day with Mr. Lewis, and by the end of it, the “ Elegance Is Here” campaign was a reality. Amour’s CEO had been impressed by Kinnetik’s stylish work, and had given his green light to the whole promotion, including a 20-second commercial spot. Brian was proud of the work accomplished by his team.

On Thursday and Friday, Brian once again had no time to think about anything else but work. He was grateful in a way, because he didn’t really want to ponder the mess that was his life at the moment.

He decided to go see his son for the weekend and called Lindsay. His friend was ecstatic, and by Thursday afternoon Cynthia had booked him on a flight departing Friday evening, with a return on Monday morning.

Ted had told him that Aidan had called on Tuesday to inform him that he would be absent for a few days, and that he would let them know about his availability the following week. Brian hadn’t been surprised at all, revealing to Ted that he had helped Aidan on Monday regarding a family emergency, without entering into details, and that Aidan needed some time off.

He hadn’t had time to really think about Aidan after that, which suited him just fine.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we will begin boarding Flight No. 8034 to Toronto in a few minutes, starting with those needing additional assistance, followed by our first-class passengers.”

Hearing the announcement, Brian stands up and makes his way to the boarding gate. Twenty minutes later, he is sitting comfortably in a first-class seat, waiting for the plane to take off.

Unsurprisingly, his thoughts revert back to the events that took place earlier in the week. Avoiding dealing with it can only work for so long, though, so he finally admits that his reaction to Aidan on Monday night was a little over the top. First, he confided in him about his personal life, something he usually loathes beyond everything else. Talking about his life, his parents or Justin is something he hates to do, as it makes him feel vulnerable, and in a way, weak. He knows his feelings aren’t rational, but that’s the way he sees it. Opening himself up to Aidan was reckless and impulsive. If not for the day they’d just lived, with the emotional ride it had brought, he would have never done it.

As if that wasn’t stupid enough, he had felt the need to kiss him. God, what was wrong with him? Aidan was a friend.

A friend.

Right.

Brian knows it’s not that simple. The sexual tension is omnipresent in their relationship, and yet, neither man has ever acted on it until then. It’s weird, and Brian has to admit that the absence of sex is in fact the proof that there is something more going on here. Brian can deny it to everyone else until his last breath, but he can’t lie to himself.

He has feelings for Aidan Cole that aren’t just reflecting pure friendship.

I’m so fucked.

When he kissed him, he hadn’t anticipated it. The words spoken, Aidan’s gaze, the special atmosphere, everything had pushed him to do it. He had wanted it. God, how he had wanted it.

He truly hadn’t thought beyond it, but the kiss had released in him a hunger, a desire, whatever it was called, that he recognized immediately. It was the kind of hunger that devoured everything else, and that he had only felt with one person in his life. Yet, he couldn’t stop, because he wanted it so much, he craved it.

He had missed  it so fucking much.

However, when Aidan had stopped him, it had hit him, hard. First, he was confused over his own need, a need he couldn’t acknowledge that he felt for the other man, not after all he’d been through since his lover’s departure. Second, by saying no, Aidan was validating that he cared about Brian too much to cross a line for which the consequences were unknown.  He was telling Brian that there was something more here.

The truth was, for Brian, Aidan succumbing to his desire would have been easier; he could have convinced himself that it was just sex, need, lust, desire. Not something more…

By stopping him, Aidan had crushed his illusion.

As a result, he had kind of lost it. He isn’t proud of himself, he knows he had been cruel and a total asshole with Aidan in the end, leaving him alone in his loft while he went to fuck and drink the night away, after hurling hurtful words at him as a way of defense. Still, he couldn’t stop it.

Hurting before getting hurt…Fuck, I really am an asshole.

Now, he knows that Aidan cares for him, maybe even has feelings for him. And of course, he is scared shitless.

To top it all off, he feels guilty. He can’t shake the feeling that he is cheating on Justin. It’s irrational and stupid and even lesbianic in a way, but he can’t help it. How he wishes that the man was with him right now, sitting next to him as they travel to visit his son, babbling about some stupid comic he read, or the next show he wanted to attend, or Debbie’s newest, improbable shirt. He would do anything for it to be real.

Of course, life is not a fairy tale. His ex-lover isn’t here, and won’t be here anytime soon. He knows it. He is learning to accept it. He is even trying to move on.

However, it’s a long path and Brian is pretty sure he is heading toward a lot of detours along the way.

Sunday, Toronto

“I’m really glad you came. Your son is so happy to see you.”

Even after all these years, it still surprises him that he has such a good relationship with his son. Gus is smart, interested in everything, and seems to always enjoy his visits. They spent some time together the day before, man to man, and as always they shared a great moment, eating junk food and playing soccer, before they took a little side trip to do some needed shopping.

“I’m happy to see him, too. It’s been too long,” Brian agrees.

He and Lindsay are sitting on the same bench as the one last Christmas, with Gus once again playing soccer in front of them. The day is warm, the sunlight filling the air with just a little breeze caressing their necks. Brian is feeling good at the moment, with his son and the mother of his child by his side.

He notices that Lindsay seems nervous. Therefore, he isn’t surprised when she begins to speak.  “Um, I have a question for you.”

“Go ahead, as if I could ever stop you.” Brian knows that Lindsay always says what’s on her mind, whether he wants it or not.

“Brian!”

“What? It’s true! You’re a real bulldozer when you want to be.” Brian smirks.

She frowns. “Thank you. I guess.”

Brian’s grin doesn’t leave his face. “You’re welcome.”

“Can you let me speak now?”

Brian makes a gesture as if he was closing his mouth with a zip.

“Okay… What would you say if I told you that we were moving back, for good?”

That catches him off guard. “You’d consider it?”

“Yes. It’s been three years already, and to be honest our move here was a little reckless. Melanie has been working nonstop to obtain the proper qualifications to practice here, taking evening classes right and left…When the simplest solution would be to just come back home.”

“Is it the only reason?”

“No. I miss the family. WE miss the family. Believe it or not, but Melanie actually agrees with me. Our family is in Pittsburgh, but we were just too proud to admit it to ourselves until recently.”

Brian ponders her words for a few seconds. “What changed?”

“I don’t know. Last Christmas was a revelation in a way. Having all of you at the house and seeing the children so happy…”

Brian looks up and stares at her with softened eyes. “That’s the romantic in you, or maybe just your lesbian side,” he jokes as she punches him lightly on his arm. Then, he asks hopefully, “So, you’re really coming back?”

Lindsay’s smile is all the answer he needs. “Yes. Melanie contacted her old firm in January, and they said they would take her back. And I contacted Sydney to offer my services as a freelancer or as an employee a few months ago. I have a part-time job beginning next September.” By the time she finishes her sentence, Lindsay is beaming.

Brian doesn’t believe it. It’s too good to be true. He has to hear her say it. “You mean…”

“We’re coming home in two months, Brian.”

Finally, Brian feels himself smiling without being able to do anything to stop it. He doesn’t want to stop it. At that instant, even if life isn’t a fairy tale, it really feels that way.

Monday morning, Kinnetik

The flight back had been uneventful. As Brian makes his way to his office at ten in the morning, he almost feels like a new man, knowing that his son and his friend are coming back. Lindsay confided to him that they haven’t broken the news to anybody yet in Pittsburgh. They’ve already planned a visit the following week to announce their return, and to look for a new place. He promised Lindsay not to say a word to anybody until then. Still, while he has never broke a promise before, he knows it will be hard not to this time, but he will manage somehow.

Cynthia comes in and starts her report, just like every week, about things that have to be done, or calls that have to be made. Next, she lists all his scheduled meetings for the week before going back to her own work. Ted follows, entering the office with a folder full of various papers to sign.

“So, how was your weekend, Boss?”

“It was great, Theodore,” Brian answers, genuinely smiling.

Ted notices. “I’m happy to see that you seem to be in a great mood this morning.”

“I’m fine, thanks. How was your weekend with the counselor? Did you two massage each other’s prostate to make sure you were still able to get it up?” Brian says, smirking.

Ted doesn’t even retort. He’s used to his friend’s borderline jokes by now. His only answer is a shake of his head. “Here, I need these papers by the end of the day.”

Brian takes the file and rolls his leather chair over to the opposite corner of his desk. “Will do.”

Ted begins to head toward the door and stops. He turns around and waits for his boss to look at him. Brian, who was tapping on his laptop, gazes up. “Yes, Theodore?”

Ted seems unsure of how to proceed with the information he’s about to deliver. “I…Aidan called this morning. He…He said he was grateful for all you’ve done for him, and for all the assignments Kinnetik provided to him. He also said that he couldn’t work for you in the future, because of a family problem that will take up all of his time.”

“What?” That seems to capture Brian’s attention.

“Yeah. It seemed…I don’t know, I may be wrong, but…it seemed that he wanted to cut all ties or something.” Ted looks at his friend, who maintains an impassive look on his face. “Did anything happen?”

“What? Why do you ask?” Brian stands up from his armchair.

“No reason…Just that he seemed uncomfortable on the phone, so I wondered…” Ted shrugs.

Brian makes his way to Ted and puts his arm around his shoulder, leading him to the door. “Well, you wondered wrong, so why don’t you go to that little office of yours now and stop speculating about other people’s lives?”

Ted gets the message. Loud and clear. “No problem, Boss.”

“That’s better.” Brian makes a final push on Ted’s back with his hand, and says, “Bye, bye, Theodore,” before closing the door.

Hence, Ted doesn’t see Brian leaning his head on it and taking a deep breath.

Fuck.

Brian has two options now. Either he lets the man be, and he goes on with his life; or, he chases him and asks for an explanation for his little act. Because he knows that, even if it’s certainly true that Aidan needs more time with his sister, he is also using her as an excuse for a way out.

The only problem is, Brian Kinney never goes after anyone. So, he will certainly not begin to do it at thirty-seven- fucking- years old.

Fuck him; it’s better this way. As if two top studs could be friends, anyway…

However, the idea of not seeing Aidan again brings an unwanted pang to his chest that he once again can’t control.

Of course, he chooses to ignore it and goes back to work.

July 2008, the diner

Debbie’s POV

June is already a memory, days fading away seemingly faster with the busy atmosphere surrounding Liberty Avenue. Summer is always a period suitable to finding more men, more women, gays, lesbians, transsexuals or undecided, parading hand-in-hand down the colorful street adjacent to the diner where Debbie Novotny still works.

She could have quit her job as a waitress, and had even tried to once, but she loves it too much. Being here, making bad jokes, listening to the latest gossip, sporting in-your-face shirts, and opening her big mouth, was what gave her an identity. She loves it, as she loves all her lost boys and girls, being one of the best defenders of the LGBT community. She wouldn’t have it any other way.

Moreover, she’d just learned a couple of weeks earlier that her granddaughter and her mothers were moving back home. What a wonderful surprise it had been! Her son was ecstatic with the news as was her foster son. She couldn’t wait to have Jenny Rebecca, Gus and the girls back where they belonged. Something was finally right again in this fucking universe.

“Hi, Debbie.”

The voice makes her pause and frown. She was just about to go and serve more coffee to some customers, but now she stops and turns around. Right in front of her, sitting at the counter, is the man who has succeeded in associating the name of Brian Kinney with “Gossip Girl.”

You can’t imagine how fast a rumor can travel in this town.

“You’re Aidan, right? Brian’s friend?”

The man winces at her words. Nevertheless, he answers, “Yes, Ma’am,” but the half smile he gives her doesn’t reach his eyes. The man seems exhausted.

“You all right, Honey? Forgive me for being so blunt, but you look like a train ran over you…twice.” She gazes at him with soft eyes, sensing a wounded soul. Wounds you can’t see are often the worst to deal with  is the thought that comes unexpectedly to her mind while observing the man sitting before her.

“Do you have some coffee? Strong coffee?” Aidan asks, choosing to ignore her question.

“Sure thing; strong coffee, coming right up!” Not a minute later, she puts a cup of the dark drink in front of him. He takes a sip and nods. However, if he thought she would leave him alone afterward, he really should have thought again.

“So…” Debbie begins. Aidan looks at her, raising his eyebrows in a silent question. “You sure look like you need to talk to someone.” He is about to answer her when she cuts him off, even before he has time to open his mouth. “And don’t tell me that you don’t. I’ve seen too many men like you in my life to know when someone needs to share whatever he’s dealing with, and it’s safer with a relative stranger. So, now that we are in the clear, just know that I’m a good listener.”

Just then, the cook calls her from the kitchen. “Debbie, order up for Table Five!”

“I’m coming!” She shouts in the direction of the kitchen. “Think about it. I’ll be right back.” Aidan just looks at her and can’t stop a sincere smile from appearing on his lips. She really is quite a character.

Five minutes later, she returns to her initial place behind the counter and waits. When she sees that he hasn’t decided whether to start talking or not, she gives him her best pointed look, places her right hand on the counter and the left one on her hip, while her dish towel hangs from her shoulder, her eyebrows raised. The effect is both daunting as well as commanding. She has never met any man who can resist her with what she considers to be such an intimidating posture.

Aidan finally opens his mouth. “You’re not going to let it go, are you?”

“I knew you were a smart man.” She grins.

“Uh, huh…”

Something changes, then. The relative light mood they were in evaporates. Debbie sees Aidan’s eyes becoming kind of weary, and she sees something else too, something hidden, but not hidden enough. It’s sadness.

“You okay?” She drops the act altogether, sensing that the man in front of her doesn’t need it anymore.

“Actually, no.” Aidan lowers his head, sighs and begins to talk. “I…I’m having a hard time at the moment. Family issues…and I just don’t know what to do.” Debbie just listens and keeps her mouth shut for once. “My sister…She has Alzheimer’s. And because the diagnosis was a late one, it’s kind of ruling my life right now. She doesn’t sleep, she becomes angry about everything, and she is beginning to forget  more and more…” He pauses for a few seconds. “She has a family. Two children. A husband. And me…No one else.” He raises his piercing eyes to look at hers. “It’s hard for all of us, but especially for her children… And I have to stay strong for all of them…So, no, I can’t say life is easy right now, but I have to keep going.” He shrugs and waits for Debbie’s reaction.

“It’s a big responsibility you have there, Honey; can’t anybody help you? Don’t you have friends you can lean on?”

“I’m not from here, Debbie, and let’s just say I don’t have a lot of friends.”

She hesitates before asking, “What about Brian?”

Aidan’s demeanor changes as his body tenses. “What about him?”

“You’re friends, right?” While asking the question, Debbie has to admit that she didn’t hear about Aidan until recently. Maybe she should keep her mouth shut. Well, it’s too late now.

However, Aidan’s reaction isn’t the one she was waiting for. Hearing her question, he bursts out laughing, even if she can see that it’s more nervousness than anything.

“Sorry,” Aidan says when his laughter dies off. “Brian and I…friends.  Right.”

A puzzled look appears on her face. “Did I miss something?”

“You didn’t miss anything; I’m sorry about that. It’s just that your question is really funny when you think about it.”

“Why?”

Aidan looks surprised. “You don’t know?”

“I don’t know what?”

“It’s just that I thought…Never mind.”

However, Debbie isn’t known for letting things go unsaid. “You’ve told me too much already, or maybe not enough, so why don’t you explain to me what this is all about?”

“No.” Aidan’s voice leaves no room for a possible argument.

“No?”

“No. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, Debbie, but if Brian didn’t talk to you about me, I’m not going to.”

“He talked to me about you.” Debbie tries anyway.

“He did?” Aidan seems to be genuinely surprised about that. Debbie isn’t sure he believes her.

“Yeah…” In front of his pointed look, she adds, “Okay, he didn’t say much, but I know him as my own son, and I know that you’re important to him, whether he is aware of it or not.” Aidan’s gaze tells her that he’s not convinced. She tries to explain again. “You have to understand, Aidan. Brian is a proud man. I don’t know what happened between you two, but I know he cares about you.”

“How do you know? If he didn’t tell you…I mean, how can you know?” Aidan definitively doesn’t believe her.

“Because of what he didn’t say, Honey.” Debbie is sure that Brian cares for this man. If he didn’t, he would have told her that the last time she went to visit him at the loft. The almost silence she had encountered when she had questioned him about Aidan was all the answer she needed to know. This man wasn’t just a simple friend.

Aidan shakes his head. “Well, it doesn’t matter anyway.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Please, Debbie, stay out of it.”

“Okay, Honey.” She knows when a man doesn’t want to hear what she has to say, and Aidan definitively fits that category. “You want more coffee?”

“No, I have to go, my sister has an appointment, and I don’t want to be late.” He grabs his wallet and leaves a five dollar bill on the counter. Then he pauses, and adds, looking straight into her eyes. “Thank you for listening.”

Debbie’s heart goes out to this man. She smiles at him. “Anytime. If you need a break, you know where to find me.”

Of course, it has to happen just now, like in a bad movie.

As he stands up from the bar stool, Aidan freezes. The bell over the front door has just rung, and the man entering the diner in designer jeans and a t-shirt is none other than Brian Kinney.

“Fuck.” Aidan looks petrified.

Debbie turns her head to look at her son’s best friend, and sees the exact moment when Brian notices him . He freezes, too, and for a second the mask isn’t there, leaving only a deep expression of surprise and something else that Debbie can’t read.

Brian approaches them, cautiously. He is the first to speak. “Aidan.”

“Hi, Brian.” Aidan is definitively on his guard.

“What are you doing here?”

“Having some coffee.” If Brian thought that they could talk, he was deluding himself. Aidan seems to want to run away as fast as possible. Brian notices; Debbie, too.

“You okay?”

Aidan seems unfazed by the question. “I’m great.” Debbie suspects that Brian immediately understands that Aidan is lying. “Sorry, but I have to go.” The silence only continues for three seconds before he adds, “Have a great day.” Then, turning to look at the diner’s favorite waitress one last time, he says, “Debbie,” and nods as a way of salutation. With those last words, Aidan walks past Brian and exits, leaving a seemingly unsettled Brian behind him.

Turning to look at Debbie, he asks without any preamble, “What happened?”

“Hello to you, too.”

“Debbie.” Brian isn’t in a playing mood.

“What? You want to know what your friend here is up to?”

“I want to know if he said anything to you.”

“You mean, besides ‘my sister has Alzheimer’s and I’m drowning, but have to keep breathing underwater for the sake of her family’?” She looks at his reaction to her words, and the vulnerable look that furtively appears on his face is all the confirmation she needs. Brian definitively cares  for the man.

“Fuck.”

“Brian…” She has to try. “I know it’s not any of my business, but… he really seems to care for you, and…”

Instead of the “It’s not any of your fucking business” pitch she was expecting, Brian surprises her, confirming her earlier conclusion. “And I’m an asshole, are we surprised?” He interjects instead, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“Brian.”

“What?” He barks, but the bark is more directed to himself than to Debbie.

“You’re not an asshole.” He raises his eyebrows while looking intently at her. “Not all the time, anyway.” His smile over that last retort doesn’t reach his eyes.

“You really know how to reassure people, Debbie. I understand better why Mikey just can’t stop whining, even at thirty-seven-years old.” Debbie notices that Brian tries to avoid speaking about what he feels, as usual. That was to be expected.

“Brian.” Debbie is nothing but a tenacious woman.

“Yeah. Okay. I get it.” She doesn’t have a chance to answer, because Brian has taken his phone from his pocket and is making a call. “Theodore. It’s me. Find me Aidan’s Cole address…Yeah, that Aidan Cole…Or do you know another one?  No, me neither. So just do it already… I’m waiting.” He asks Debbie for a pen and a paper, gesturing with his free hand. She gives it to him as fast as she can. “Okay, I’ve got it…Yeah, yeah; okay, thanks.” Then he hangs up, folds the paper, puts it in his jeans pocket, and looks up at Debbie. “Don’t say anything.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

“And the Pope is my grandfather. Seriously, Debbie, just keep quiet about it, okay?”

“Sure thing, Mr. High and Mighty.”

He’s ready to leave, but he stops. He has one last thing he feels compelled to say. “Thanks.”

Debbie’s heart beats a little faster over her foster son’s gratitude. She suspects it’s as much for Aidan’s sake as hers. “You’re welcome.”

As Brian leaves the diner, Debbie feels a pang in her chest for a second. How she would have loved for him and Sunshine to stay together and to be happy after all they’ve been through. However, at the same time, she feels a deep swell of love for her second son, and she really hopes that this time life will bring him a share of happiness. After all the shit he’s faced over the years, it would be only fair.