Tuesday, 2 a.m., Michael and Ben’s house,

Michael’s POV

Bang.

Bang.

Bang…

The continuous noise of a hand knocking on the front door of his suburban house rustles Michael out of a beautiful dream about him flying in the air, sporting a fabulous Captain Astro costume. Just before waking up, he has the distinct impression that he hears explosions all around him and that, being the superhero he is, he can deftly avoid them. Of course, he realizes a few second later that the explosions are just the product of a madman who is hitting the door over and over again, quickly diminishing his previous, great mood. His husband is sleeping next to him, and about to wake up, too. Michael leans above him then, whispering gently while putting his hand on Ben’s muscular arm. “I’ll get it, stay here.”  Next, he gets out of his comfortable bed, rubs his eyes and sighs.

I swear to God, whoever it is, I’m going to kill him.

Of course, there aren’t many people bold enough to knock on his door at two in the morning, and by the time he makes his way downstairs, he is pretty sure he knows who the asshole behind the door is.

Well, don’t be surprised; Brian always has to be behind something….

As he opens the door barefoot, Michael takes a deep breath and looks up.

Bingo …

Brian is here, in front of him, supporting himself on the doorway, and is now knocking with his hand meeting nothing but air.

There he is. Wasted and all…

Finally realizing that his hand doesn’t meet any resistance anymore, Brian looks up. A goofy smile appears on his face. “Mikey! What are you doing here?”

“It’s MY door you’ve been knocking on for the past ten minutes, in case you didn’t notice.”  He reluctantly lets his friend in. “What are you doing here?”

“A man can’t visit his best friend?”

“It’s two in the morning, Brian,” Michael can’t help pointing out.

“Is it?” Brian scratches his head and frowns. “Oh, yeah, it’s night already, I forgot.” He looks around, seemingly searching for something “Where is the professor?”

“Where do you think?”

“He’s asleep? And you’re not? Really, Mikey, it’s nothing serious. You really should get some more sleep, or you’re going to have more wrinkles. Wait! Is that a white hair I see there?” Brian tries to pluck a hair from Michael’s head.

Michael pushes him away with a scowl.  “Brian…!”

“What?” Brian does his best to look like the perfect picture of innocence.

“You’re wasted.” It’s not a question, definitively a statement.

“You think?” Brian feigns to be genuinely surprised.

The two friends stare at each other, and Michael seems to see something that makes him give up any idea to go back to sleep anytime soon.

“Fuck…” He says to himself then raises his right arm in the direction of the kitchen and says, “Come on, I’ll fix some coffee; you’re going to need it.”

Brian dutifully follows his friend over to the kitchen and plops down at the kitchen table while Michael puts the coffeemaker on. Five minutes later, the dark-haired man makes his way to the table, two cups of hot coffee in his hands.

He sits on a vacant chair and puts one cup in front of Brian. “So, what’s going on?”

Brian takes a sip and frowns. “What? Why do you ask?” He takes three individual sugar cubes from a box on the table and unwraps one. Then he positions it between his thumb and index finger and tries to aim at the cup, successfully landing it inside. Grinning smugly, he repeats the action with the next one.

“Brian, it’s two o’clock in the morning and I was asleep before you decided to appear on my doorstep, so I ask you again. What’s going on?”

Brian throws his last cube, which lands on the floor, and begins to play with the sugar’s wrapping. “Nothing. I’m fabulous. Just fucked three guys in a row. Had fabulous E. Life is great. I’m the most fabulous fag of this burg, and every queer wants to suck my cock. I’m the King.” Then he repeats the same thing, more to convince himself than Michael.  “Life is great.”

Michael notices. “You already said that.”

Brian frowns. “I did? You’re sure?”

Michael looks at his friend, at his expression reflected by his strong facial features. “Brian.”

No answer. Michael tries again.

“Brian…What happened?”

Brian looks at the wrapping in his hands, now torn up into small pieces.

“I kissed him.”

Michael isn’t sure he heard him right. “What…Who? One of the tricks at Babylon?”

Brian looks up and gazes intently at Michael, who understands what it means before he actually hears it. “No.”

“You mean…”

“Yeah.”

To say that Michael is surprised by this turn of events would be an overstatement. Still, he didn’t expect for it to happen so soon. “And?”

Brian snorts, “And nothing. He stopped the whole thing, even before it happened.”

Now, Michael IS surprised. “What? Why?”

Brian looks at the wall, not wanting to reveal that the rejection hit him hard. “Some fucking bullshit about not wanting to add more drama to his life. He said he didn’t want to ruin our so-called friendship. And let’s not forget the best excuse of all:  bullshit about me not really wanting it.”

“Oh.”

Brian’s eyes look over at his friend. “Really, Mikey? I just tell you the biggest gossip of the year, and all I get is an ‘ oh’ ?”

“Well, what did you expect?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe something like, ‘You kissed him? With tongue and all? Tell me everything!’ ” Brian says with a high-pitched voice while making a disgusted face. A half-smile appears on Michael’s lips in reaction to his best friend’s obvious exaggeration.

“Brian…”

Brian is leaning with his face in his hands, his elbows on the table. “What?” he responds wearily.

“We’re not fourteen anymore.”

“Don’t remind me.” Brian takes a deep breath and looks up. “Fuck, we’re getting old! What are we gonna do?”

Michael smiles over his friend’s antics, and his use of the word ‘we.’ “Right now, you’re going to sleep.”

Brian looks horrified. “Sleep? That’s a bad word!”

“Brian, it’s late, I’m exhausted, you’re exhausted, and not to forget drunk and high, so you don’t have a choice. Either you go to sleep, or I swear I’ll make you take a cold shower.” Michael gives Brian a pointed look, but Brian seems more amused than concerned by his best friend’s threat.

“Really, Mikey, you would do anything to see my cock,” he replies, tongue in cheek.

Michael shakes his head. “You know, you’re really unbearable sometimes.”

Brian’s gaze doesn’t leave his friend. “But you love me anyway.”

Michael stares at him, and finally, in front of Brian’s tender gaze, his eyes soften as he concedes, “Yeah, I do.” They stay like that for a few more seconds, both looking at each other like two brothers would do, until finally Michael stands up. “Come on now.”

A few minutes later, Brian is lying in the guest room’s bed after his best friend helped him to take off his clothes, leaving only his underwear on. Just as Michael is about to close the door, Brian’s voice stops him.

“Mikey.”

“Hmmm?”

“I love you, too, you know. Always have. Always will.”

As soon as he says it, Brian puts his head on the soft pillow and falls into a deep slumber.

Michael closes the door of the extra bedroom and sighs. Then he makes his way back to his bedroom and to his husband, hoping that he will be able to fall asleep again.

Tuesday, 8 a.m.

Aidan’s POV

The corridors of the hospital are relatively quiet at this hour of the day. Auxiliary nurses are just beginning to clear away some breakfast which had been served in the rooms, and Aidan can’t shake this unwilling feeling which comes over him as he makes his way to his sister’s room.

A nurse has just told him that his sister had slept through the whole night and that she had just awakened an hour ago, seemingly calmer than the day before. Julie, the night nurse, had thankfully been present with her at that time, talking to her slowly and calmly to soothe any possible feelings of anxiety and disorientation upon waking up in an unfamiliar room.

Yet, Aidan is nervous about the encounter that is about to occur. Seeing Olivia in such a bad condition the day before has really shaken him.

He opens the door slowly without knocking, and peers anxiously into the room. He comes in, and a breath he didn’t know he was holding escapes from his tensed body. She’s here, in front of him, seemingly asleep once again.

Aidan moves the hospital chair closer to the bed, and sits near the edge of it, his arms on his thighs, his hands joined. He looks at Olivia, all small and fragile, before lowering his head and staring at the floor. The memories of the day before come back with a vengeance:  the search, the park, the ambulance, the hospital; all of this making him feel vulnerable and relieved at the same time. It’s over; she’s here, even if he has a feeling that this is just the beginning. But he doesn’t want to think about it right now. She’s okay, and that’s all that matters.

He can’t think about the day before without feeling a pang in his chest. And if the primary reason for this feeling of tightness in his body is due to his sister, it isn’t the only one.

Brian had been his savior the day before, having helped him during the entire ordeal he’d been through, and he was so grateful to him for that. Without him, he wasn’t sure Olivia wouldn’t still be out on the streets, alone, lost and desperate. Who knows what could have happened? Brian had saved both of them by calming him down when he was desperately fighting not to lose it, and by finding the sister he dearly loved when he didn’t know where to look for her anymore.

To anybody who would ask him, the man was a fucking hero.

Nevertheless, the day had finished just as badly as it had started.

When they had made their way to Brian’s loft, Aidan had suspected it wasn’t the best idea they’d ever had. The two men were shaken by the events they’ve just been witness to, and their emotions were all over the place. Brian had even confided in him about his childhood, no less, and about his ex-boyfriend, with whom he was obviously still madly in love with. Aidan would have been lying if he had told him that his words hadn’t affected him, but he was grateful to know the truth from the man himself.

Therefore, when Brian had kissed him, he had been both surprised and unprepared. Yet, he hadn’t been able to stop it. While his head had been telling him that it was not a good idea, he had wanted it with every fiber of his being. It had felt so good, Brian’s lips on his, taking him, claiming him, devouring him. He had felt his body responding as if he were slowly drowning under the man’s touch. Until…

Flashback …

“I want to fuck you.”

Five words. Five words that have the power to make Aidan freeze.

“Stop.” Aidan takes a step back, detaching himself from Brian’s body, and putting a safe distance between them.

Brian looks at him seemingly dumbfounded. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“What…Why? I know you want me, too, don’t deny it.” Brian tries to come closer, but Aidan steps back.

“I won’t deny it, but it’s not that simple.”

Brian becomes angry then. “Oh, fuck, NOW what?  Don’t tell me you want to talk about feelings, or some other bullshit like that.”

“It’s not bullshit, Brian! You’re a friend, and…”

Brain snorts, interrupting him. “Yeah, keep telling yourself that…”

“What?”

Brian glares at him. “You heard me. You want me, and I want you. It’s pretty simple to me.”

Aidan doesn’t know how to make him understand.  “No, it’s not.”

“Bullshit,” Brian snaps. “If you don’t want to fuck, what DO you want? Or is it because you don’t want to take it up your ass? Because, I must warn you, you’re not going to fuck ME.”

Ouch, that was low.

“Brian, stop.”

“Tell me.” Brian seems deadly calm now.

“Tell you what?

“Tell me why you don’t want to fuck.”

Aidan just shakes his head. “Listen, Brian, I have enough troubles in my life right now. Furthermore, I consider you a friend, and I’m pretty sure that if we fuck, you’re going to freak out.”

That seems to cause a strong reaction from the other man, but it is not the one Aidan is expecting.

Brian is furious. “Oh, come on! Don’t bullshit me with the ‘ I don’t want to lose your invaluable friendship ’ crap! That’s the most pathetic excuse on Earth, used only by hetero breeders who don’t have the balls to say fuck off!”

“You don’t understand!” Aidan is yelling now, too.

Brian glares at him. “You’re right, I don’t. But who cares? Not you. And certainly not me.” He takes his leather jacket and makes a few steps towards the front door.

Aidan has no other choice but to go after him and grip his arm. Brian pauses without turning to look at him. “Brian, do you really want to fuck me? I mean, do you really think it would be just a fuck? Look at me and tell me it wouldn’t mean anything to you. Tell me you just want me as you would a trick. Look at me, damn it!”

Brian doesn’t move. “You’re wrong.”

“No, I’m right, and you know it. I’m ready for it to happen, Brian. But you’re not.”

They stay silent for a few seconds. Finally, Brian turns around, his eyes cold.  “You’re right. I don’t fuck my friends; how could I forget?” He stares intently at Aidan then, making his message clear, before adding, “The keys and the code of the alarm are on the counter. The mailbox is on the first floor. Don’t forget to close the door on your way out.”

The next thing Aidan hears is the loud noise of the door being violently shut.

End Flashback…

Finally, Olivia is released from the hospital on Wednesday. Dr. Moore had insisted she undergo an MRI on Tuesday, and the results were not reassuring. The disease seems to have evolved faster than normal, and the neurologist insists for the first time that they begin to consider the possibility of placing her somewhere in the near future. A few private facilities are available in Pittsburgh, with their main goal being to relieve the family of constantly having to watch over a loved one. Nevertheless, both Aidan and Samuel don’t want to hear about that right now, considering she hasn’t reached an advanced enough stage in the disease yet to contemplate such a decision.

Aidan spends all his week taking care of his sister. He calls Ted Schmidt on Tuesday to inform him that he wouldn’t be there for the next few days, and that he would contact him again next week. He is glad in a way, because he isn’t ready to see Brian, not after what had happened in his loft the previous Monday. So, all in all, it’s just easier for everyone.

The news about the deterioration in Olivia’s health is once more hard to deal with. Noah is more withdrawn than usual, and Aidan suspects that he feels guilty about the disappearance of his mother, and therefore about the evolution of her illness. So on Friday, when Samuel comes back from work early to take care of his wife, Aidan decides to take his nephew with him to shoot some pictures of the city and its surrounding area for one of his projects.  Noah has long held a real passion for photography, having admired the beautiful pictures that his uncle had photographed over the years.

After an hour’s drive, Aidan and Noah stop at an unfamiliar location, where there is nothing but beautiful land abundant with yellow flowers and a dramatic view of the sun setting over a small river. Aidan and Noah get out of Samuel’s car, take the needed equipment from the large trunk, and begin to walk to a strategic point situated a few feet away. After installing the sturdy tripod, Aidan steadies the camera on top of it and begins to make the adjustments necessary to get a clear picture.

As expected after the pervading silence in the car, Noah finally starts the conversation.  “I know why we’re here.”

Aidan doesn’t stop what he is doing. “You do?” he responds softly.

“Yeah. You want to talk to me about Mom.” Noah is feeling nervous since his mother’s episode, and he suspects his uncle has taken notice.

“Maybe.”

Stubbornness is a trait that uncle and nephew share, making this discussion more difficult. “I don’t want to.”

Unfortunately for Noah, Aidan’s always had the upper hand, being the more stubborn man in the family. “Then don’t. But you’re going to hear me out.” He plants himself in front of his nephew, takes his chin in his hand, and doesn’t release him until he catches his gaze. Then Aidan says, “What happened wasn’t your fault, Noah. For all we know, she would have disappeared even if you hadn’t missed your bus.”

Noah’s eyes fill with unshed tears and his voice breaks a little as he answers, “You don’t know that.”

Aidan’s voice stays strong and firm.  “Neither do you. Your mom is sick, Noah, and she isn’t going to get better. It’s not your fault. It’s not my fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. But we have to deal with it. And playing ‘what if’ is not going to help her, or restore her to the way she was before. So, now either you stop playing martyr right here, right now, or you will have my feet up your ass, understand?” Aidan’s eyes are full of love and understanding, softening the hardness of his words.

That makes Noah smile.  “Fuck, you’re scary when you want to be.”

Aidan nods. “Yeah, and I’m serious, too, so if I were you, I’d stop this guilty shit right away.” As an afterthought, he adds, “And don’t swear.”

Noah nods and looks away, his body still. He shakes his head, as if he wasn’t really accepting the truth.  “It’s just…It’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair, Noah. But we have to keep going.”

“Aidan…I…” Noah looks at his uncle once more. “It wasn’t just a friend.”

“What? Who?”

“The friend who sprained her ankle.”

“It’s a she?”

“Yeah.”

“I see.” Imagining his nephew with a crush at seventeen melts his heart. Teenage love is so pure in a way. He’d never really been in love, but he’d had a few crushes in high school, though, so he understands what Noah is going through.

“Aidan?”

“Hmmm?”

Noah seems to hesitate, as if he isn’t sure if he wants to ask his uncle his next question, before deciding to do it anyway. “Have you ever been in love?”

That makes Aidan pause. “Why do you ask?”

“I just, I wonder sometimes…what it feels like.”

At that point, an unexpected thought comes alive in Aidan’s brain.

It feels like your heart is being ripped in two when he walks away from you.

“I don’t know, Noah.”

“You’ve never been in love?”

Aidan stares at his nephew, not denying or agreeing with the question. Silence is his best friend in this instant as he turns away to gaze out over the now quickly-disappearing sun.

“The light is perfect now. Why don’t you come and see it?”

Avoidance. That’s the word of the week.

That evening, while the sunset was illuminating the valley, creating an atmosphere favorable to questioning inner thoughts, Aidan decides to stop working for Kinnetik. He tells himself that he won’t have any time in the near future to invest himself in new projects, anyway, and therefore he has to stop working for the firm altogether. But deep down he knows the truth.

He is in love with Brian Kinney.

He has no time to deal with it, though. So, avoidance is just easier.