He sees him when he falls asleep and the future he will never have.  ‘Never to hold again and never to nurture' are the words that have interwoven themselves in Justin's continuous nightmare.  He wakes panicked and a mournful sigh escapes his lips.  Although it is not loud, it is enough to wake Brian as he has been dealing with Justin's nightmares since they lost their son.  Justin's emotions are beyond grief and Brian perceives it is because he hasn't been able to let go.  He believes, he, also hasn't fully been able to fathom the depths of their loss.  Their son had died, Brian's mother had died and Justin had shed no tears.  Brian never thought he would ever question the will of a deity, as he didn't believe in a divine being, conversely he now constantly wonders why Justin's God would do this to a man that worships Him.  As Brian contemplates a God that may hold their son in His hands he enfolds his husband in his.   Although both men desired sleep without visions of their loss this nightmare has triggered Justin back to reality.  As their bodies tremble and their faces are mirror images streaked with pain and love, they cry their tears for their lost child.  Letting go is the most agonizing experience either man has endured and as they cling to each other they know they will not face this alone.

  *****

The following day Justin stands in front of his easel.  He hasn't planned any subject.  He needs to catch up on work required for his classes.  His paint brush dabs and slides across the canvas.  Brian is watching from a distance, it is like his husband is in a trance.  As time passes Brian can see the form Justin has replicated.  It is their son.  He knew this painting as a photograph.  It is the one he took with his phone as they entered the hospital room and Justin had immediately picked up the child.  It was taken moments before Mel had declared the Adoption Liaison Officer was coming to take their son away.   Justin had a smile that radiated the love he felt for both his children.

Brian had often wondered how Justin had managed to paint Van Gogh's, The Smoker, when visiting the Barnes collection in Philadelphia as it was before he could get Justin to see the difference between art and a graven image.  Justin explained he had viewed the painting as just an object and that is what he had replicated, which was obvious when it was explained as Justin had also painted the frame.  Brian briefly wonders how Justin has been able to paint their son's image as it would be considered a graven image, since he knows Justin doesn't see his son as an object or art. 

Admittedly Justin was painting a photo and he had painted it looking exactly as the photo looks now.  Brian had printed a copy for Justin not really knowing if he would want it.  Justin had torn the photo in to tiny pieces when it was first given to him; he wanted no images of his son.   Nevertheless, Brian was aware Justin had secretly retrieved the photo and taped it back together.  The painting shows all the flaws of the paper being torn and the tape that now holds it together, which Brian considers aptly, depicts what has happened to their hearts.  However, it doesn't explain the father's love that now flows from the brush to the canvas, as that isn't coming from the photograph.

As Justin completes the painting Brian offers him another photo.  It is one Lindsay took of the twins the moment they were born, they were monoamniotic twins which means they shared the same amniotic sac, and as they were removed from Mel's womb the newborns were holding hands.  Brian loved the photo as to him it symbolized their children's souls would always be connected; linked forever.

The photo captures a happy moment in time; unfortunately though real life presents additional risks with multiple births and in this case the blood supply passed disproportionately to their son, resulting in his underdevelopment.  It hadn't been picked up in scans as the majority of him always seemed to be hidden behind his sister.  His underdeveloped organs had not been recognised immediately after birth either; however it wouldn't have made any difference to their son's fate if they had.  Justin stares at the new photo.  He has not seen this one before.  Brian hates seeing his man suffer with confusion over a perceived right and wrong so he is surprised when Justin accepts the photograph and after replacing the canvas on the easel he silently begins the loving brush strokes once again.  Brian will not ask Justin how he can paint their children and he may never know, still he is content Justin has happy visual memories of their son and not just the nightmares.

*****

Justin and Brian stand in front of their son's grave.  The headstone has just been erected and Justin is holding their son's twin sister.   His comfort begins to echo throughout the cemetery; the sounds of Amazing Grace.  He doesn't sing it with gusto.  As the verse changes two additional voices can be heard.  Justin turns instantly the sound begins and all three sing.  He is embraced as the two figures move within reach of him.

The gravestone reads.  "Abraham Taylor-Kinney, beloved son."  Justin needs his parents right now and they need to comfort their son.   Jennifer places a small bunch of flowers on the grassed area just beneath the headstone and as she straightens her stance she notices the headstone of the person alongside their grandson.  "Is this a family plot Brian?  It's a very beautiful area."

"Justin wanted Abraham to be near my mother so we purchased this plot.  Justin and I will also rest here when the time comes." Brian pauses, making sure to keep his emotions at bay.  He still has difficulty saying Abraham's name without feeling the overwhelming loss.  Although he loved the Biblical name, as it is one any son of Justin's would be proud of, speaking it only serves to amplify the void their son's passing has left.  Brian goes on to explain that Joan arranged for her priest to visit the hospital to give her the last rites.  The priest arrived as Justin had taken their sons failing body to Joan.  Justin had at least wanted Joan to see the child.  It was then he requested that their child be baptized.  His reasoning was so Joan could watch over their son in the afterlife.  Joan had assured Justin she would.  If she was rewarded with a place in heaven their son would be by her side.  He concludes by telling Craig and Jennifer that his mother was a very religious person and he did not make any derogatory remarks about her at all.  He had learnt from Justin it is not his place to judge and he believes whatever he thought of his mother's faults, when it came to him, they had all been forgiven when she didn't reject Justin and more so when she welcomed their son as her grandchild and promised to watch over him.

Justin's decision to have their son baptised is a departure from his upbringing as when Amish people reach adulthood they decide for themselves if they want to be baptised into the faith.  He knows the Catholic and Amish devotee's both prey to the same God, and he believes his reason for taking this path is sound.  Nonetheless, Justin is fearful his parents might reject what he has done.  Jennifer and Craig assure their son that they would never judge him, and his good intention for Abraham is all God would expect of him.  They understand he has done his best in such trying circumstances and without the guidance of any elders.

Mel and Lindsay also mourned the loss of their son as they would have raised and loved him like their other two children if it wasn't for a brief period of time where selfishness had ruled their lives.  Therefore, they understand the loss and have been very generous with the time they allowed Justin to spend with their daughter.  They know he needs to heal, but they could also see Justin's love for her was beyond any love he knew apart from the love he held for Brian.   Justin introduces the little girl to her grandparents.  "This is Abraham's twin sister, Jenny Rebecca."  Mel and Lindsay had picked Rebecca as their daughter's name, but once their son died they decided that Jenny Rebecca was more fitting as it would be in honor of Justin's mother.  The grandparents were overwhelmed at the little girls' existence, yet extremely disappointed they could not stay long enough to get to know her. 

Craig puts his hand to his ear that conceals the ear piece he is wearing and he tells Jennifier they must leave.  Justin's disappointment has him once again rollercoaster into grief.  Craig hurriedly explains Jack had contacted them saying Justin might need their support at this time and although their visit has been brief they need to follow Jack's professional advice as they don't wish to cause him any trouble.  On hearing this Brian rings his father.  The call only needs to go to the cemetery gates where Jack is on lookout.  Brian tells him they are all getting in to the Jeep and going home and that Jack should follow.  He hangs up so there can be no argument.

Jack had no intention of helping the Taylors beyond the letter he had Brian deliver to their home in Lancaster County as his debt had then been repaid.  However, once he had seen Brian and Justin together he was quick to offer the Taylors additional assistance when they contacted him.  From Jack's information the law assumes Craig and Jennifer have managed to escape overseas with the stolen money and they are no longer concentrating on searching for them nationally, which makes helping them a little easier.  The truth is after hiding out for a few weeks in dingy hotel rooms Jack had transported them to Ohio.  He had made the trip without stopping so no trace of him being in the area would be recorded.  He took a long deviation on the way home using extra gas he had taken with him.  Even in doing so he had managed to return in time to celebrate his anniversary with Joan and catch up with Brian and Justin's wedding celebration; albeit inadvertently.  Once again there are no phones or any other modern forms of communication in their new world and that only makes it more difficult for the law to trace them. 

Justin and his parents spent several hours together until Jack insisted that with every additional minute away from the relative safety of their new lives the risk of being caught increases substantially.  Seeing that neither party wants to end the meeting he suggests that maybe in the future he can arrange other meetings.  Justin's parents did not tell Brian or Justin that they had only moved as far as Ohio and they had joined another Amish group.  They did not tell them the new names they took or any details that might tempt Justin to locate them, because they loved their son and they wanted him safe.  Before Jennifer eases her parting embrace on Justin she whispers in his ear trusting he will carry out her request.  He promises he will.

*****

As a result of that promise Brian is now sitting in the Jeep watching his husband as he sits on the bench outside the store where they had purchased items for Jennifer at the time of their very first meeting.  Brian recalls how he felt as he climbed back in to the buggy to begin the excruciating journey back to the Taylor's farm.  He contemplates everything that has happened since then.  He doesn't pretend to believe in God's will, but he knows something, some force has brought him to this place in time with this man he loves.  Brian reaches into his pocket and retrieves his cell phone to keep a record of this momentous event in his husband's life. 

He takes a photo he knows Justin will never want, but one day Jenny may like to see it.  He smiles to himself as he acknowledges Justin will never want the photo, or will he?  His smile grows as he thinks of Justin's little rebellious streak which has caused a few cracks in his religion armour.   It seems since God took their son Justin has weakened his strict stance in a few small areas.  Although they have never discussed it he can now sketch and paint their family members, although he is still unable to replicate Brian's image.  He tries, he tries so hard to complete Brian's image that his hand cramps and that makes Brian smile a little more.  He would massage Justin's hand should his husband try to sketch him and one day when he was in a frisky mood he took Justin's cramping hand and place it upon his manhood stating Justin should exercise his hand on it.  The surprise of his husband actually doing just that was dumbfounding, delightful and the by-product of that playful comment is Justin now isn't so strict on where in the loft or at what time of the day they partake in their marital activities. 

Nevertheless, the most significant change in Justin's diversion from his Amish upbringing has been with Jenny.  Jenny has made Justin her number one parent.  It didn't matter that she didn't live with him.  Even though it is not Amish custom to pick up a child to hug and kiss them, if Jenny had a choice of all four parents it would be Justin's lap where she would sit and he was more than happy to hug and kiss his daughter.  It was also Justin she sought comfort from, if she was scared or hurt and it was Justin who always made sure he was available to her needs.   They both somehow helped fill the empty feeling in their hearts; Justin for his son and Jenny for her sibling.  Brian's smile falters as he watches the father/daughter scene unfold before him.

Justin is sitting on the bench with their daughter.  He hopes Molly still follows their ritual each year which would see her here at the local store today.  When Molly appears she approaches and Justin hands his one year old daughter an envelope as he sees his sister.  Molly cannot speak to Justin as she follows her Amish upbringing and she cannot accept something from his hands.  Justin places his daughter on the ground and places a zip lock bag containing cookies, on the seat.  He then moves away.  Molly approaches the little girl understanding what Justin has done.  She takes the envelope from the child and offers her a cookie in place of it.  Both Taylors know what a hearty appetite Justin has and it seems the child is the same; however the cookie is to insure she doesn't make a fuss that could bring attention to Molly retrieving the letter.  Molly reads the note.

Dear Aunt Molly

My name is Jenny.  I have been named after my grandmother Jennifer.  I am one year old.  I know you are not allowed to speak to my father, so I will relay his news to you.  Your parents are well and want you to know how much they love you.  I would say they are happy and well, but they miss you both so much that their happiness will forever be tainted.

Molly speaks softly to the child, yet makes sure it is loud enough so Justin can hear.  "I miss them so much and I will always love them."  Holding back her tears Molly reads on.

My father would love to embrace you and tell you how much he misses you himself, but he understands that will never be permitted.

This is acknowledged by Molly nodding her head. 

He would love for us both to see you again.  If you would like this to happen please be outside this store exactly one year to the day.  The date will easy to remember as it is the day of his birth.

We love you Aunt Molly.

Jenny xx

His birthday is the reason Justin had hoped to see Molly on this particular day, they always spent part of his birthday in town at the local store with his friends.  Just seeing Molly today, specifically, told him everything he needed to know.  She still cared and thought about him.  At the bottom of the letter Molly is instructed to hand the envelope back to Jenny so no one will find the note and she will not be punished.  As Molly concludes reading the note Daphne approaches.  She can see Justin standing a short distance away and she can see the child that looks very much like him.

Molly quickly glances at Justin, however her gaze returns to the letter before any emotions overflow.  Time has allowed Molly to understand more fully what she lost the day they returned to Lancaster County and while she realizes she will never get it back she is happy to know her parents and Justin still think about her and love her.  She reaches in to her apron pocket and hands Jenny the most precious gift she has.  She gives her a doll, the one her father had removed the head from and replaced it with a faceless one.  It is her most prize possession and she has carried it everywhere with her since her parents abandoned her. 

Daphne looks to Molly who has slightly turned her body so she can conceal the letter in her apron while she returns only the envelope to Jenny's hands.  Daphne nods her approval as she sees what she thinks is Molly returning a letter from Justin to his daughter.  As they move away Justin retrieves his daughter as she holds her arms out to him crying.  "Datt, Datt."  Molly stops and wants to look back, but knows she shouldn't.  To hear Jenny say the words with such love brought much happiness to her. 

Justin lifts his daughter into a loving hug and carries her as he heads back to Brian who is waiting in the Jeep.  He is hoping he can deliver the news of Molly to his parents in person, however if that isn't possible and if it is never possible to see them again he knows Jack will be able to get word to them.  Somehow they will get the news that Molly is well and that she loves them very much.  Justin has kept the promise he made to his mother by seeing Molly and he is ecstatic she hasn't rejected him completely.  He is hoping next year Molly will want to see him and Jenny again. 

Brian slips his phone back in to his pocket.  He hopes the photo he has secretly taken isn't the only one ever taken of the siblings together.  He hopes next year and in many more future years he will get the opportunity to record times gone by for his daughter. 

As Justin approaches, Brian exits the jeep and he retrieves his daughter from Justin's arms and places her in the child safety seat.  She is already asleep by the time he has fastened the buckles and she is clutching the gift Molly gave her.  Both men are now standing alongside the vehicle.  Justin can't help the overwhelming sadness he is experiencing by walking away from his sister.  He dwells on the possibility that God's Will may never allow him to see Molly or his parents ever again so he seeks comfort, knowing he will always find it in his husband's embrace.  Their arms automatically encircle one another and their heads rest on each other shoulders.  "My love", "My Brian" unspoken words conveying love and comfort are breathed, but never vocalized, because when these men listen with their hearts there is no need for words.