"To perceive is to suffer."

~ Aristotle

"You haven't heard a single word I've said, have you?" Justin asked over the humming sound of the treadmill. He looked up from his computer and frowned.

Of course Brian didn't hear him. He had his ipod earphones in.

"Brian!" Justin yelled out.

Brian looked over at him. He was wearing a pair of Gucci navy sweats with a matching ribbed wife beater. His body was covered in a slight sheen of sweat. His breathing was labored, his leg muscles flexed with each stride on the track. He looked so fucking hot…

In fact, Brian never looked better, Justin thought. It had been two weeks since he came home from the hospital and Brian was not only back to normal, he was in better shape than ever.

He ran several miles a day on the treadmill and worked out at the gym four times a week. He also played racquetball with John every Tuesday and Friday afternoon. As if that weren't enough exercise for him, he was literally fucking Justin day and night. He was insatiable, even by Brian fucking Kinney standards! Not that Justin minded, but he got little else done and he had to catch up on a lot of missed schoolwork. They had sex at least twice every morning, and then spent the evenings fucking until the wee hours of the night. Justin was exhausted. Brian however looked more vibrant, youthful and over all more fucking gorgeous than ever, if that was possible. It was as if he were rejuvenated after his long sleep.

Brian shut the treadmill off and took out his earphones. He stepped down and stretched. "I heard you."

"Really?" Justin looked at him skeptically. "What did I say?"

Brian peered up at him. He was bent over, legs spread, grabbing on to his ankle as he stretched out his leg.

"Testing me?" he challenged with a playful smirk.

Justin's heart skipped a beat. God he was more gorgeous! Shit I'm in trouble he thought shaking his head. The old Brian Kinney was an irresistible sex magnet; this new and improved version was a fucking walking wet dream!

"Never mind." Justin sighed then turned his attention back to his computer screen.

Brian walked over to his desk and jump up on it sending his papers flying.

"Brian! I just printed those out!" Justin complained, gathering up the scattered papers.

Brian smiled down at his lover and shook his head, sending little sweat droplets flying all over Justin.

Justin started laughing…"Stop it, you're being juvenile," he said his voice full of mirth.

"Will you come and play with me if I tell you what you said?" Brian said his eyes full of mischief.

Justin sat back in his chair and eyed Brian…"Word for word?" he challenged.

Brian's smile deepened. He got down off the desk and straddled Justin in his chair. He put his hands on the armrests and leaned in close.

"Brian, have you talked to our landlord? He's thinking of selling the building. We should make him an offer. I don't want to lose the loft." Brian repeated Justin's words, verbatim.

Justin's eyes widened. "I can't believe you heard me over your ipod!" he said clearly impressed.

"If I fucking heard you from a coma, what makes you think I wouldn't hear you over Madonna?"

Justin laughed. Brian didn't admit to many people he was a huge Madonna fan.

"Ok, you win. We can play." He leaned up to kiss Brian.

Brian captured his mouth hungrily. He knew he'd been working his boy out a lot lately, but he couldn't help it. He had all this pent up energy and needed release.

He'd been working like a maniac, exercising excessively, and fucking like a seventeen year-old boy on Viagra. Well that last part was probably Justin's fault. After all, he hadn't fucked him in ten long weeks. There was a lot of fucking to make up for, his dick rationalized.

He moaned deeply into Justin's mouth as he leaned back on the desk pulling Justin with him.

He bumped up against the computer.

"Fuck!" He broke the kiss and looked behind him to make sure he didn't push it too far back. Not that he gave a shit if the computer crashed to the floor, but Justin had all his work stored in it. He looked back at Justin when he was satisfied the computer wasn't going to slip off the desk and frowned.

Justin looked pale and tired. He'd been riding him to hard. His blond needed rest.

"Go take a nap," he said releasing Justin.

Justin flopped back down in his chair, a little dazed. "What the fuck?" he said.

Brian stood up and looked down on him. "You're tired. Go nap."

Justin made a face at him. "Fuck you. First you get me all hot, and then you tell me to go nap. Yeah, like that's going to happen."

Brian reached down and pulled him up from his wrists.

"Ok, so first I'll blow you, then you nap." he said kissing Justin's neck as he walked backwards towards their bedroom dragging Justin with him.

"Hmmm… now how can I turn down an offer like that?" his voice husky.

"You can't," Brian answered pushing Justin back on the bed once they entered the bedroom.

Justin looked up at him with hooded eyes as Brian removed his clothes in record time.

Once he had his boy naked, Brian ran his tongue up Justin throat, starting right below his Adam apple, trailing over his chin and ending at his bottom lip where he traced its fullness with the tip of his tongue.

Justin darted his tongue out to play with Brian's. Brian teased him by pulling back, denying him access making Justin moan in frustration.

Brian then started licking his way down Justin's body.

Justin stretched like a contented cat. He closed his eyes and surrendered his body to Brian's will.

Brian worshipped his blond's soft milky skin thoroughly with his mouth and hands. By the time he got to his lower belly, he heard Justin's breathing change. He looked up and let out a small laugh.

Justin was asleep. Poor kid, he was exhausted. Brian slowly got up and covered him with the duvet before quietly leaving the room.

He walked into the kitchen and took a bottle of Guava juice from the refrigerator. He looked over at the bedroom as he took a long swig of the nectar.

He really needed to ease up on Justin he thought. He had a lot of work to catch up on at school. As it was, they told him he would have to retake a class over the summer. Justin was not happy about that. He wanted to spend the summer remodeling the loft, and start renovations on his school. Lucy was due late July and Justin wanted everything ready in time for the baby.

Brian knew about their landlord's desire to sell their building and was already in negotiations with the realtor to purchase it. It was the perfect solution. They were having difficulties in redesigning the loft to fit all their needs. They needed a room for Gus and one for the baby, a workspace for Brian, a playroom for the kids and a room for the nanny.

They had decided they needed to hire a live in nanny once the baby was born. Not that they weren't perfectly capable of raising their own kid, but they much rather have a nanny take care of things like shopping, laundry, diapers…. (Brian fucking Kinney did NOT change diapers, unless it was an emergency of course…), and other chores around the house. Having a live in would make it so much easier for them to spend more time with their child, and not on mundane chores. Of course they agreed they would still keep Conchetta. Brian wouldn't trust anyone else with the care of his clothes.

The loft was just too small for their growing family. They were seriously considering looking for a bigger place when their building came up for sale. If his offer was accepted, they'd have three floors they could renovate to accommodate all their needs.

Once less thing to worry about…

The sound of the loft door opening broke through Brian's' thoughts. He looked to see Rena walk in carrying two shopping bags. He went over to help her taking the bags from her.

"I thought you and John were going away this weekend?"

"We were, but there was some major glitch at the lab with the new drug they're planning on introducing next month."

"Jesus, I hope it's nothing serious. We're set to launch the ad campaign in two weeks. All TV, print and air spots have already been scheduled and paid for."

Remington Pharmaceuticals just got FDA approval for a new drug to help limit the reoccurrence of lice, crabs, and other parasite related diseases. Brian was particularly proud of his work on this one. His campaign was nothing short of brilliant.  It was sure to make him and Justin very rich.  There was a world wide epidemic of lice alone amongst children, if this new drug worked, John's company would soar globally, and open up Kinnetic to the world.

"Well, whatever it is, I'm sure you'll hear about it soon enough. You talk to him more than I do."

Brian heard the bitterness in Rena's voice. He put the bags down on the kitchen table and watched as she took her coat and scarf off. It was late March yet still very cold.

"What's up, Re?"

Rena sighed and started unpacking the bags.

"I need your advice," she said unloading cans of tomato's, spaghetti, Italian bread, and sausages.

Apparently, Brian thought, she intended to make dinner for him and Justin.

"Wait, let me sit down first. I don't think my heart can take this," Brian teased.

Rena shot him an annoyed look.

"Ok, I know I've not exactly opened up to you since I've been back, but I needed to work things out on my own. You know if there was ANYONE I would confide in, it's you, Bean. Remember YOU sent me to that shrink, and I thank you. He's really helped me work through a lot of shit."

"Do you know I didn't have one seizure the whole time you were in a coma?"

Brian raised his brow. "That's great, Re. So you've really gotten to the root of what caused them?"

"Yes. And yes, you were right. It all came back to Emilian. Once I faced that, and accepted it, I was able to move on. Now I need to know if I'm ready to move on with John."

Brian frowned. "Are you having second thoughts about marrying him?"

Rena emptied the last item from the bag and turned to face her brother.

"I love John. More importantly, I'm in love with him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. God I never thought I'd hear myself say that, but it's true. I want to make a life with him, Bean, but can I do that, and keep secrets? I mean is that a way to start a marriage?"

Brian brought his hand to his chin. "What secrets?" he asked, though he already knew the answer.

"Emilian, Andy …" she said, confirming his suspicions.

Brian sighed. "Re, how much does he know?"

"He just knows Andy died from AIDS, and what led up to it. He doesn't know the details of what happened that night."

Brian snorted. "So fucking tell him. You told Justin!" Brian said, a bit of his own bitterness showing.

Justin and he discussed what Rena told him, and though Justin was amazing about it, as Justin always is when it came to Brian's faults, Brian wasn't thrilled that Rena had told him. It was his job to tell him.

Rena cringed, but defended her ations.

"I'm sorry, really, but the circumstances justified me telling him. Besides, what's the problem? Justin feels the same way about what you did as I do. You saved Andy, Brian."

She had no regrets telling Justin that Brian had taken Andy's pain away from him that night, setting his soul free. She wanted him to know how brave Brian was, and to convince him he too would have to be that brave, if the situation ever arose where he would have to do that for Brian. Thank God it never came to pass.

Brian shrugged. "Rena, listen to me. If you want to tell John, tell him. I'm fine with it. I've made my peace."

"I think he should know, if for nothing else, it would explain the bond we have, and will always have."

Brian nodded.

They were both silent for a moment, lost in the memory of that night. They may have both come to peace with it, but neither would ever forget that night.

"Should I tell him everything?" Rena then asked cautiously, testing the waters.

That decision being made, she still had another major decision to make, though in truth, it was already made, she just needed to know if she made the right one.

She had indeed made excellent progress in therapy. She was able to face, and come to terms with her rape. Part of that meant she would have to tell John, mainly because they were having problems in the bedroom.

Rena was great at fucking. It was easy for her. She used it, much like Brian did, as a means of control and pain management. But for different reason. Brian used it to drown out the horrors he went through first prostituting himself to help Andy, then having to end Andy's suffering. She used it as means to take back what Emilian had taken from her.

The rape left her vulnerable, scared and shattered. Different people reacted differently to being violated like that. Some withdrew from sex all together, fearing it, others, like her, took control of their own sexuality, never allowing anyone to use it against her. She was always in control sexually and used it to control others.

Then John came along. She fell in love with him. Her emotions were playing a big role in their sexual encounters and Rena didn't know how to handle that. Being in love meant making love, and that meant giving up control to your partner. John caught on quickly that she was just 'fucking' him, and started demanding more from her.

She spent many hours going over this particular issue with her therapist and he said she needed to talk to John about the rape. At least if he knew, he'd understand better and could start going to therapy with her. She knew he was right and intended to tell him, but should she tell Brian?

She had asked her therapist that exact question and his answer was, only if she believed it would help in her recovery or felt it would make a difference in their relationship. The answer to both was no. John needed to know; it directly affected their relationship, but her brother? No. That was the one relationship she had that she was secure in. As for her healing, it would make no difference there either. He had no part in it. It was a deed done when he was in New York, and by her own doing. She walked right into that one. She could think of no good reason why she needed to tell him; in fact, the only thing it would accomplish was to hurt him. She decided he never needed to know. Now she needed to know if she had made the right decision.

Brian tilted his head and studied her. What was she getting at?

"Everything is a big order, don't you think? If it's important that he should know, then tell him. If it's going to affect your future with him, tell him, but if it's to confess every time you lied, cheated or fucked around in your life, then find a priest and confess it to him. John doesn't need to hear it. It would only hurt him. I don't see any benefit to that.  Of course, if it comes up, don't lie to him. Never lie to him Re, that's unforgivable,"  Brian said.

Rena took comfort in his answer.  It reassured her that she was making the right decision. Telling Brian about her rape served no purpose other than to hurt him. She already confessed it to her therapist, she didn't need a priest, and Brian never needed to know, unless of course, it came up. And Rena could see no reason why it would, or should. 

Now she just had to convince Justin never to tell him.

"You're right. I don't think John, nor Adam, would take kindly to knowing I fucked Shane," she said with an impish smile playing on her lips

Brian laughed. "Nor would Emmett take kindly to the fact that you fucked James. He might just queen out on you, royally!"

"Ok, point taken. Some secrets are best kept secret," she said winking at him.

Brian ruffled her hair and she playfully smacked him.

The phone rang.

"That's probably John now," Rena said answering the phone as she was the closest to it. "Hello."

"Um, sure, Joan, he's right here." Rena handed the phone out to Brian. "She sounds upset."

Brian took the phone frowning. "Yeah."

Rena watched as her brother's face turned white. Her heart pounded. What the fuck, now?

"I'll be right there." He hung up the phone and quickly headed for the bedroom. Rena followed.

"Justin, get up." He gently shook him.

Justin groaned and turned over. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"What?" he asked groggily.

"We need to get to the hospital. There's been an accident. Clair's dead."

PART 2

Brian paced the corridors of the hospital waiting for the doctor to come out. Justin, Rena and Emmett were in the waiting room. Brian needed some space away from everyone to think.

When they had arrived, Joan was hysterical. Apparently, a drunk driver hit Clair from behind. The boys were in the car with her. She didn't have her seatbelt on and was thrown from the car through the windshield. They said she died instantly.

Thank God neither of the boys were hurt too badly. Peter broke his arm, and Johnny needed some stitches in his head. Joan was with them now.

Brian called the boy's father to let him know. Technically, he was the next of kin. He didn't know much about him, other than he was always late and short on his child support payments. It was the only thing Clair ever told him about her ex, and only when she wanted money from him. Which he usually gave.

Other than that, he only saw Pete senior a few times in his life. Once at the wedding, and a couple of times after that by accident. Pete divorced Clair about five years ago, the year Peter turned nine. He never really knew why, not that he cared, he was never close with them, but he did know that after the divorce, Joan took care of Clair and became very protective of her boys.

Now Pete would have custody of his boys. He cringed to think how Johnny was going to handle that. Peter deserved to be with his father as far as Brian was concerned, but Johnny was different. He was kind and loving. He couldn't imagine him going to live with a father who he probably didn't even remember. As far as he knew, Pete hadn't seen his kids since the divorce. He wondered if the boys would even recognize him.

But there was nothing he could do about it, Pete was their father. The boys would survive. He knew first hand how resilient children were, and he'd make sure to keep contact with them.

Joan walked up behind him and called his name, startling him from his thoughts.

"The boys are going to be released tonight. I need to take them home, then make arrangements for Clair's' funeral," she said calmly.

The doctor's had given her a sedative. She was going to have a rough time the next few days, not to mention years. Losing a child had to be the worse thing ever. He felt her pain, having a son of his own, and another on the way. He couldn't imagine losing them.

Thank God for Emmett, he thought. How ironic that his friend and his mother formed such a close relationship. Joan had called Emmett right after she called Brian. Funny, he thought, she didn't call Pete. Well, at least she would have Emmett to help her through this difficult time. He knew she must not be thinking clearly.

"Mother, it's ok. I called Pete. He'll be here to get the kids. You don't have to worry about them, and I'll take care of all the arrangements for Clair. You need to take care of yourself," Brian said sympathetically.

Joan's eyes grew wide and her hand flew to her chest. Brian thought she was having a heart attack.

"Joan, what's wrong!" He demanded.

"No… Please tell me 'that' man isn't coming here. I won't allow him to have my grandchildren!" she said irrationally.

Brian sighed. She was losing it. He needed to calm her down, and have her see reason.

"Listen to me, there is nothing you can do. He is their father; he has legal rights to them unless he wants to give them up, which he didn't indicate he wanted to do. In fact, he sounded very distraught and said he'd come right over to get his sons." Brian tried to explain.

"My God, Brian, do you know what you've done!?" Joan asked a look of pure horror in her eyes.

Brian frowned and looked around for a doctor. Joan was in shock. She needed medical attention. He saw a nurse pass and motioned to her.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of everything," he said again in a calm voice.

The nurse walked over to them. "Can I help you?"

"Yes, I'd like a doctor to look after my Mother; she's just had a terrible…"

"Hello, Joan." A voice came from behind him.

Joan looked over at the man, murder in her eyes. Brian saw it and recoiled from it. Something was very, very wrong here. He turned to greet the man who addressed Joan. It was Pete. Brian recognized him; he hadn't changed much over the years.

"Hi, Pete. Thanks for coming so quickly. The boys are being treated. They're fine. Peter has a broken arm, and Johnny a few stitches. They'll be released tonight," Brian said.

Pete nodded. He recognized Clair's brother. His eyes reverted back to Joan's.

"You will NOT touch those boys!" she sneered at him.

Brian was stunned at Joan's hostility. He chalked it up to her grief.

"Don't mind her, she's obviously in shock, and very upset." Brian tried to explain Joan's odd behavior.

"They're my sons, Joan. I'll do what I want with them," Pete said in what Brian thought was very ominous tone.

"Over my dead body," Joan said, in an equally ominous tone.

Brian had no fucking clue what was going on between the two but there was obviously some pretty bad blood there.

"Listen, Pete, maybe the boys can stay at Joan's house tonight. They haven't seen you in awhile. It's going to be quite a shock for them. Perhaps you should give them time to adjust. For everyone to adjust," Brian tried to reason.

Pete's eyes turned hostile. "Stay out of this, Brian. This is not your business. They're my sons."

"I understand that, but right now, it's best that they stay with Joan. They are used to being with her, they just lost their mother and it's going to be a shock having to suddenly live with their dad."

He knew he should just shut the fuck up. It wasn't his business. Pete was their father, but Brian didn't like how badly Joan was reacting to him. Brian's instincts were screaming that something was very wrong here.

Pete sneered at him. "I tried to be nice. Now I'm telling you. Stay the fuck out of my business, fag."

Brian sighed. So that's where Peter got it from.

Joan squared her shoulders and walked up to Pete.

"SMACK!" She slapped Pete across the face.

The two stood glaring at each other. Brian saw the red imprint of Joan's hand on Pete's face. The silence that followed was deafening.

"How dare you talk to my son like that especially after what YOU did to Peter?"

Brian's face was stone, his blood ran cold, his body went rigid. He had a bad feeling about what Joan was implying.

He reached out and pulled Joan instinctively behind him and faced Pete.

"You got one shot to convince me I didn't hear what I just heard," Brian said in a tone that was more ominous then both Pete and Joan's were earlier.

"She's crazy."

"Peter remembers. Clair was too weak to deal with it and she didn't want Peter to go through the ordeal a court trial would bring. I couldn't do anything about it before, Clair threatened to move away if I did, and I'd never see my grandsons again. Ask him when he saw his son last? At least Clair had the good sense to refuse all visitation rights. The boys hadn't seen their father in five years. Ask him why, Brian."

Brian's mind couldn't accept what he was hearing. Did Pete molest his own son? It explained a lot. A memory flashed in his head of the last time he tried to sneak money to Peter.

"What's this, a bribe, fag?" Peter had said to him.

He remembered at the time it being odd. Before then, Peter was only too happy to accept Brian's money. But then, when he turned nine, just about the time Clair divorced Pete, Peter turned bitter and nasty. He rejected Brian, avoiding him at all cost. He acted as if Brian were vile, and wanted to be far away from him.

Oh my God, he thought. No wonder Peter distrusted him. He feared men. Especially gay men. How could he not? His own father molested him. His own father…Brian's mind was grabbling with the realization of what his nephew suffered.

He looked at the man standing before him and saw Emilian.

Rage, uncontrollable blind rage suddenly overtook him and he attacked Pete. The two men started fighting in the corridor. Joan jumped in and started hitting Pete on the head with her pocket book, cursing him the whole time.

Justin heard the commotion and Joan's loud voice cursing and ran in search of them. He found the two of them attacking some guy. Justin didn't know what was going on, but he wasn't going to let anyone hurt Brian or Joan. He jumped into the fray.

Rena and Emmett were right on Justin's heels. They had no idea what was going on, but Rena saw the look in her brother's eyes and knew she had to stop him before he killed that man. She tried to pull him off of the guy with no results; Emmett was trying to pry Joan off the man as well with less success.

The hospital security was called and they pulled everyone off of Pete. It took two guards to hold Brian back.

"You bastard!" he literally spat on Pete. "I'll see you in hell before I let you take those boys!"

Justin was frightened. He had no idea who Brian was talking to, or why Brian was so furious. But he did know that whatever the reason, it must be bad.

Pete had the good sense to remain quiet. He didn't want the whole hospital, especially the hospital security, to hear accusations of child molestation being thrown at him. Even if they were true.

"Sir, do you want to press charges?" one of the guards asked Pete.

"Go ahead, press charges. You better hope I rot and die in jail, because if I ever get out, you're a fucking dead man," Brian threatened.

Fuck, Justin was really scared now. "Brian, please calm down."

"He's not taking the boys," Brian said firmly.

"Fine, for tonight, but I'll be by the house in the morning with my lawyer."

The guards walked Pete out.

Brian was left standing in the corridor with a very confused blond.

"What the fuck was that about?" Justin asked.

Brian turned to Joan, ignoring Justin's question

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, anger seeping through his pores.

"I told you, I couldn't. Clair made me swear not to. I couldn't even tell Jack. She would have run, Brian. You know your sister was always the weak one. May her soul rest in peace, but she was emotionally crippled most her adult life. I would have pursued it, but Peter refused to talk about it. I felt it best just to make sure that animal never got near the kids again."

"He's not going to get away with this. We're bringing charges."

"Do you think that's wise? Think of what it will do to Peter. I know you never really liked the boy, I don't blame you, Peter distrusts men in general, but you can't put him through that, Brian. He's never talked about it. Right or wrong, it was Clair's choice to bury it."

Brian cursed. Joan was right. The best they could do now is to make sure Pete never saw his kids again, and that Peter got the help he so desperately needed. Fucking Clair. He knew he should be more compassionate. She was dead after all, but my God what a fucking mess she left behind.

He sighed deeply feeling sick to his stomach.

"Oh my God, are you saying what I think you're saying?" Justin asked.

Rena and Emmett both gasped in shock.

Brian confirmed their suspicious. "Pete molested Peter."

"Oh my God! Brian, we can't let him get him near the boys!" Justin protested.

Justin agreed with Joan. Bringing charges would only hurt Peter. He doubted the boy has ever dealt with it. Another Kinney family secret, Justin thought in disgust.

"Rena, call Adam," Brian said then turned to Joan.

"We'll sue for custody. I'll make sure you become their legal guardian. I'm sure after today Pete won't put up much of a fight. Actually, I doubt if we'll ever see him again, but if we do, we'll be ready." Brian said determinedly.

Joan nodded her head, satisfied.

"Um, excuse me but I don't think that's such a good idea," Emmett said.

Brian had forgotten he was there. "What the fuck are you talking about, Honeycutt?" Brian snapped.

Emmett walked over to Brian and took him by the arm. "In private, please?" he asked leading Brian away.

Justin went over to Joan.

"Come on; let's get you back to the boys. I'm sure they're ready to be released by now."

Rena followed Brian and Emmett.

"Oh, no you don't, I want to know what's going on," Rena said when Emmett tried to shoo her away.

"Fine. Brian, Joan's not well enough to take on two boys. She has serious liver damage that she won't tell you about."

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. Jesus Christ, he thought. Did it ever end?

He looked back up at Emmett.

"I can't think right now. Let's just get them home with Joan for now. We'll talk about it after the funeral. There is still a lot of shit they all have to get through."

"Good idea. In the meantime, we'll see what Adam can do. Don't worry, Bean, we'll figure it out."

"I'll stay at the house with Joan and the kids until you come up with a solution," Emmett said.

Brian smiled at him. "Thanks."

They went back to the waiting room. Joan, Justin and the boys were there. Brian looked over at Peter. His face was sullen; he looked more frightened than he'd ever seen him. His heart went out to the boy.

"Uncle Brian," Johnny cried out and ran to him.

Brian hugged him tight and let the boy cry into his chest. He rubbed his back and spoke soothing words.

"Shhh…it's ok, Johnny. Grandma and I are here. I promise you, it's going to be ok."

He looked over at Justin who had tears in his eyes. He was standing next to Peter and he could see Peter physically cringe away from him.

Brian motioned his head for Justin to move. Justin looked at him quizzically but moved away.

Brian continued to sooth the crying boy in his arms. Peter moved closer to Joan and Brian was glad to see Joan wrap her arms around the boy.

Yeah, this was going to be ok, he thought sarcastically.

How the fuck was he going to keep his promise to Johnny?