It is not about getting what you want; it is about wanting it after you got it.

~Ginny from Love Affair

"Hey, Mac, grab that rafter over there and bring it up to me," the foreman called down from where he stood on the scaffolding.

Mackenzie Shore wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his muscular forearm and went to do the boss's bidding.

He'd been on the job less than a week, which meant he did all the lifting, loading, digging, and any other hard, dirty work there always was an over abundance of on any construction site. New guy always had to pay his dues, and Mac made sure he paid his, and then some. He came in early, stayed late, never complained, never took extra breaks, and always volunteered to do the jobs the other workers didn't want to do.

One of which was to come into work today, the day after Thanksgiving, because the project was two weeks behind.

"Here let me help you with that," Chris offered.

He took one end of the long beam and Mac took the other. Mac smiled his thanks at the boy.

Chris was arrogant and cocky, with a big mouth. He was also the boss's nephew. Chris had a rep for being mean and spiteful, especially to the new guys. He loved giving them a hard time. Mac, however, was spared Chris's taunts and abuse. For some reason, Chris liked Mac and Mac wasn't about to question or refute his friendship.

His good standing with the boy was no doubt the result of Mac doing all of Chris's work. Mac didn't mind. It served his purpose.

"Fucking bullshit, isn't it?" Chris grumbled as they hoisted the heavy beam up on to the winch.

Mac shrugged, not sure what Chris was talking about.

"Just because I'm his fucking nephew he thinks I owe it to him to be here. It's fucking Thanksgiving break for fuck sakes. Not my fault the asshole is behind on this job. Maybe if he hired some decent contractors, instead of those fags he has working for him, he'd be on scheduled."

Mac let out a small laugh. Chris looked at him curiously. The man was quiet, too quiet. He hardly spoke to anyone, and kept to himself. He was tall, well built, and hard working. He didn't mind doing his share, and knew how to keep his mouth shut. Chris liked that. And it seemed he agreed with Chris's assessment of their current situation. Chris liked that even more.

Chris smiled at him. "You think working on the holidays is funny?" He knew that wasn't what Mac had laughed at, but wanted to put him on the spot.

"No, I think those fags your uncle hired are hysterical though," Mac smiled conspiratorially at him.

Chris grinned broadly. "Not a big lover of the 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy'show huh?"

Mac shrugged again. "Let's just say I'm not a big fan of any man who doesn't act like one," he said then tugged on the pulley, lifting the beam up to where their boss stood.

"Amen to that!" Chris said and watched the beam's slow progress up.

"Hey, what do you say I get my uncle to spring us a little early and we go get a drink? I know this great bar downtown where the booze isn't watered down, and the broads are hot," Chris offered enthusiastically.

Mac shrugged his shoulders, non-committal like.

"Hey man, I'm sorry; you probably got family to go back to."

"No family here. Got some back in Portland though; came out here for work."

"Man that sucks, I mean not having family around for the holidays." Chris paused, not sure if he offended the man.

Mac gave no indication he was offended.

"What do you say I show you around?" Chris asked, breaking the awkward moment.

"Guy like you needs someone to point him in the right direction, if you know what I mean." Chris let the innuendo hang in the air.

Mac gave him a small smile and nodded his head. "That's mighty nice of you. I'd like that," he said in his perfected mid western accent.

Chris gave him a hearty slap on the back. "You might just be alright, Mac."

"Hey, Hobbs, you going to stand around yapping all day or are you going to help me secure this rafter?" the boss called down again.

Chris Hobbs spat a curse at his uncle from under his breath. "Coming, Uncle Bob!" he called up a bit too cheerfully. He turned back to Mac.

"Asshole," he whispered. Both men laughed quietly.

Chris climbed up to where his uncle was with a smile on his face. The new guy was all right. Chris didn't have many friends. Not real ones. There were plenty of guys who kissed his ass at work because he was the boss's nephew, but not many wanted to hang with him outside of work. Of course that was fucking Taylor's fault. If it weren't for that fucking fag he wouldn't be the source of so many rumors.

He had gotten a lot of bad publicity for giving that freak what he had coming. It totally destroyed his social life. Most of his old friends had dumped him. Seemed fag bashing wasn't politically correct these days. Not on the heels of that fucking Laramie incident. Which, Chris was sure, that kid deserved as well. And making new friends was proving to be difficult once they found out about the bashing.

This new guy Mac, though, didn't seem like he would mind knowing that he kicked some little fag's ass. No, Mac was a man's man. His comment about not liking men who don't act like men was a good indication of where his views lie.

Chris reached his boss and helped him secure the rafter. "Hey, Uncle Bob, you mind if we kick out early? I want to take the new guy out for a drink. He has no family here and it is the holidays."

Bob looked at his nephew suspiciously. "Since when do you give a shit about some new guy?"

Chris had the good grace to look embarrassed. "He's different. He's not an asshole like the rest of them."

Bob snorted. "Fine, go. We're just about done here. Just remember to get your ass back here early Monday morning. And tell your new friend down there to do the same."

Chris smiled and turned around to wave down at Mac. "We got the green light! Time to party…Woo hoo!"

Mac looked up at Chris with a smirk on his face and waved back. Cocky, arrogant and stupid, it seemed. He didn't even have to try. His prey was coming right to him. No fun in that he thought wryly.

Mackenzie Shore strolled over to his truck and unbuckled his tool belt. He threw it on to the front seat of the beat up old Ford and hopped in. He looked out the dirty window to make sure no one was around. Hobbs was still up on the scaffold talking to his uncle. He pulled his cell phone out and dialed the number he had memorized. There were no numbers programmed into his phone, and after this call, he would erase it and clear the memory.

The person on the other end answered after the second ring.

"Don't talk, just listen. I'm in." He hung up knowing there would be no reply.

Brian sat in his Vette and shut his cell. Well, at least there was one situation that was going as planned. All he had to do now was figure out what he was going to do about Lindsey. He shifted the Vet into first gear and took off.

Flipping open his cell once again, he dialed the number he'd dialed a million times before. It took several rings before the person on the other end answered.

"Get your ass to the club. I need you," he said abruptly then flipped the phone shut before he could get a response.

He turned the Vette towards Babylon. It was after all, where he did his best thinking.

PART 2

Shane looked at Rena with complete shock on her face. Rena smiled, though it was a sad smile.

"Jesus, you think?" she asked for the second time.

Rena sighed. "It's a distinct possibility. Come on." She took Shane by the hand.

"Where are we going?"

"To the Pharmacy." Rena grabbed their coats from the hallway closet.

"But Re, I can't be!" Shane protested even as she shoved her arm into her favorite old worn leather jacket.

Rena laughed. "Yeah, well, I wish I had a dime for every time one of my patients said that."

They left the house and got into the Lexus. Rena drove.

Thankfully, Viv and Margot were out on a shopping excursion. Tom had rented a limo and was chauffeuring them around. Not much changed there Rena thought with a smile, though she'd be surprised if they did. The two of them were too ensconced in old habits to let a little thing like love and marriage change their ways.

One hour later Rena and Shane were sitting on the bathroom floor looking at the stick with the little blue strip that was lying on the floor between them.

"Well, that answers that. Now what?"

Shane was in total shock. Tears started to form in her eyes.

Rena gathered her in her arms and started to rock her. "Shhh… It will be alright, I promise you."

Shane buried her face in Rena's shoulder. What the fuck was she going to tell Adam?

PART 3

"Its way too early in the evening to be out prowling, even for you," Michael noted.

"Yeah, well he doesn't seem to think so." Brian nodded his head towards the tall dark, muscular guy dancing on the floor below.

Sap was opening up Babylon earlier these days. Rumor was, he was deep in debt and needed the extra cash flow. It was just eight in the evening and the bar was opened, and though it wasn't a big crowd, there were a respectable number of customers on the floor. Brian usually never came out before nine, and then it would be to Woody's for a few drinks, topped off with a night of dancing and fucking at Babylon. But tonight, Woody's wouldn't do. He needed to be in "his place."

Things were changing in his life. For the most part, that was good, but there were times, like tonight, he needed the familiarity of his favorite playground to remind him that though some things change, others will remain comfortably intact.

As if knowing he was being checked out, the object of Brian's interest looked back up at Brian with a look that was unmistakably an invitation.

Brian rewarded him with his best sexy grin.

Michael looked over the catwalk they were leaning on.

"Ok, he's hot," he said; a goofy grin on his face.

Brian laughed and bumped his shoulder with his own.

"Justin would say he's too old for you though." Michael made the teasing comment with a hint of reproach.

Brian scowled at him. "We're not fucking married," he spat out, his mood suddenly changing; his interest in the dark hunk now waning. He turned his back to the dance floor below and rested his elbows against the rails of the catwalk.

"God, I hate that fucking hetero ritual. Why the fuck queers are so obsessed with it is beyond me." Disgust was heavy in his voice and his expression. He turned to face Michael.

"Marriage is nothing more than a union based on rules and expectations that are impossible to keep or live up to. And once the parties involved realize they've been lied to by a society that values commitments, as long as they don't have to actually be accountable for keeping those commitments themselves, they end up giving a shitload of money to lawyers to get them out of a contract they never should have entered into to begin with. The whole idea that love has anything to do with marriage is a farce. Love doesn't warrant a contract." Brian spoke passionately.

"Yeah well, some of us queers would at least like the opportunity to make that decision on our own if we choose. That's the point. It should be our choice, but we don't have a choice."

"CHOOSE to be yourself, Michael, and not some watered down hetero version of yourself." Brian leaned over and practically shouted in Michael's face. "We ARE different, and with that comes a different set of rules. We don't play the same games straight society does. Never have and never will. Why try to be a cheap imitation of what you're not? Instead, try being the BEST at who YOU are! I expected better from you and Lins." Brian ended his tirade in a defeated tone.

"Jesus, Bri, tell me how you really feel! You're being a hypocrite anyway. You're in a committed relationship with Justin. What if Justin wants to get married one day?"

Brian gave him a sharp look. "He won't," he said brusquely.

"How do you know that? Justin doesn't share your same views on relationships. True, he's out and proud, but he's also a traditionalist. He loves holidays and family. He comes from a good old WASP family, much like Lindsey's. AND he believes in monogamy, unlike you." That last part was said with more than a touch of reproach. "Come to think of it, Justin is very much the marrying type."

Brian stared off silently into the distance, his face stiff, his lips pressed tightly together in thought. There was a lot of truth to what Michael was saying. Justin did value all those things. Things that straight society valued as well. His blond made their loft a home, and loved doing it.

He loved cooking, family gatherings, socializing and quiet evenings at home alone with him. But he also liked partying, taking risks, tricking with him on occasion, and challenging authority at every opportunity. Justin was beautiful and complex and Brian found new things to love about him every day.

Was Michael right? Would Justin want to get married one day?

Brian leaned against the catwalk's railing contemplating Michael's words for what seemed like an eternity before he responded.

"Justin is a lot of things, Michael, but he's not a conformist. Justin is an artist, a free thinker. He follows hetero traditions because he likes them, not because he wants to BE like them. He enjoys holidays, family dinners and fucking only me." Brian looked over at him with a smirk on his face.

"But he won't want to get married just because it's what society, mainly a hetero society, expects him to do. Besides, love isn't something that needs to be sanctioned by anyone other then the two involved. No one needs to give Justin and me permission, or a license, or their blessing to be together. We decided, we approved, and that's all that matters to him…and to me."

Michael could only stare at him. For a brief moment, envy, hot and burning, coursed through him. Envy over what his best friend had.

He loved Ben, with all his heart, but he doubted he would ever feel that kind of secure, unflinching, love Brian felt for Justin. There was a certainty in Brian's words that was undeniable.

While most people, including himself, wanted, no needed, that assurance that came with a marriage license that their partner truly loved them and was committed to the relationship, Brian and Justin, if Justin felt the same way, and Michael was sure he did, had no doubt of their love and commitment to each other. It was like breathing to them. As long as they both breathed, they would love each other. No marriage license could ever give them that kind of assurance.

"I hope you two know how very lucky you both are." Michael said with that goofy looking grin on his face, his eyes misting.

Brian cursed. "Don't get all fucking sappy on me now. I've enough shit to deal with."

Michael tilted his head in confusion. "What's going on?"

Brian sighed deeply. "I got my parental rights back to Gus." He said so quietly Michael wasn't sure he heard him.

"Jesus, Brian, that's great! I mean, isn't it? You should be doing cartwheels! It's what you wanted, right?" Michael was a little confused as to Brian's morose mood.

Brian studied his friend for a moment. "Mel seems to think Lindsey is in love with me. She seems to think that she has this secret fantasy of us being married and raising Gus together."

Michael frowned, shaking his head. "So now Mel knows too."

Brian made an incredulous face. "What the fuck! You knew? What does all of fucking Liberty Avenue know?"

"No, only those who love you and Mel it seems. Though I should have known Mel would figure it out eventually. You see, Bri, we who love you have our own little club. We recognize each other. Kind of like Gay-dar, only it's Bri-dar." He was only half joking.

Brian rolled his eyes. "Please. Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not. I bet Justin knows as well."

"Shit, speaking of Justin, I better call him. I told him I'd call as soon as the meeting was over." Brian pulled out is cell.

"Um, you do realize that was about four hours ago, don't you?"

Brian shot him a menacing look and put the cell to his ear.

"Justin, why the fuck didn't you call me?" he asked as soon as Justin answered, thinking to throw his blond off balance.

"Nope. Not getting a pass on this one. Jesus, Bri, I was worried something bad happened at the meeting." Justin said, and then hesitated as he heard the "thumpa-thumpa in the background.

"It's a little early to be at Babylon, isn't it?" he ventured, unsure if that was a good sign or a bad one. With Brian, it could go either way. He was either celebrating or drowning his sorrows.

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose. "Not you too, ok? I already got the lecture from Mikey."

He knew this was NOT going to be a good conversation. He could hear the concern in Justin's voice. Fuck! He told him he would call. This thing with Lindsey threw him big time. He lost track of time.

"Is Michael with you?" Justin asked, hoping he was. Obviously something went down at that meeting that upset Brian.

"Yeah, Mikey is here. Justin, listen to me, are you listening?"

Justin took a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm listening," he said, nervous about what Brian was going to tell him. Something was definitely wrong.

"I got my parental rights back. We all signed."

"Um, ok. We're happy, right?" Justin said cautiously.

"Of course "we're" happy!" Brian snapped, he drawled out the word "we're" as if it left a bad taste in his mouth. He hated it when Justin treated him like a child.

Justin took offense. "Fuck you, Brian. What the fuck am I suppose to think? You're acting very strange for a man who just got his parental rights to his son back! What the fuck happened?"

Brian sighed. "Mel wanted to talk to me alone. She's dumped some heavy shit on me today and I've been trying to process it."

"Fucking Lindsey. You would think she'd at least hide it from her lover."

Brian straightened up away from the railing and looked over at Michael. "What are you talking about?"

"Um, that Lindsey is in love with you."

"Mother fucker! How the fuck did YOU know, and I didn't?"

Michael laughed.

"Because you see what you want to see, Bri. You love Lindsey, and you can't accept the fact that she might not love you the same way. You're very good at avoiding the obvious when it doesn't fit into your mold of how you think things should be, instead of how they really are. You do it with everyone. Rena, me, Mikey…"

"Oh, so now I'm delusional, is that it?" Brian spat out sarcastically. Rena had accused him of being blind last night. Did he block out things he didn't want to accept?

"No, just stubborn. You refuse to consider there are possibilities outside of what's written in stone in the Kinney manual of how life operates."

"Yeah, well the "Kinney manual" has gotten me this far."

Justin laughed. "Yes, it has. And it's taken me three years to fucking interpret that convoluted text. And just when I think I've got a handle on it, you change it."

Brian smiled. "Just keeping you on your toes Sunshine."

There was a pause on the other line.

"So what are you going to do? Mel must be freaked."

"Freaked, and blaming me. She says I haven't done anything to burst Lindsey's little fantasy bubble of us being married one day, raising Gus together."

"She's right you know. Not that you do it on purpose, you just turned a blind eye to it all these years."

"Well what the fuck am I to do now? I told Mel I'd handle it. It was a condition of her signing the papers by the way." Brian snarled that bit of information out.

Justin hissed low. "Man, she played dirty. You're not going to throw her off Mount Kinney are you, Bri?"

Brian huffed, "What else can I do?"

"Well not that, it will kill her. She's Gus's mother, Bri."

"You don't have to remind me!" Brian snapped, frustrated with the whole situation.

"Calm down. Why don't you just talk to her, make her understand that it's never going to happen."

"First, she'd deny having those feelings, and second, she'd just go on believing it. It's not like I haven't been clear on being gay Sunshine. If that hasn't killed her fantasy, a talk isn't going to. No, I have to do something more substantial. She can't just hear it, she has to experience it."

"You're right. She knows you're gay, and still holds out hope of being married to you. Trouble is, she has no fucking idea of what being married to you would be like. She's a lot like you, you know. She sees only what she wants to see when it comes to you.  One day as Mrs. Brian Fucking Kinney and she'd run back to muncherville as fast as her little feet can take her." Justin said.

Brian broke out in a grin so big, Michael got concerned. "I know that look, Brian. What are you up to?"

"What?" Justin asked on the other end of the phone, hearing Michael's question.

"Have I told you lately what a genius you are, Sunshine?" Brian stepped back from Michael who was now approaching him with a stern look on his face.

"Brian, what are you thinking?" Justin asked, afraid he already knew the answer.

"I'm thinking I got myself a new problem, Sunshine," Brian said, his mirth not lost on Justin.

Justin didn't like the tone of Brian's voice. "What's that?"

Brian looked into Michael's eyes as he answered Justin.

"Who am I going to ask to be my best man? You or Mikey?"

"FUCK!"

"FUCK!"

Justin and Michael both voiced the same sentiment…