Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction
Author's Chapter Notes:

chapter 93 added Thurs., 10/18/12

 

Chapter 93:  Put Me Out of My Misery

 

While Justin and Brian both slept, the doctor came in the room and looked at Brian’s monitor and noticed that his vital readings had improved but only by a slight margin.   But he quickly acknowledged to himself though, that every improvement was quite promising regardless of how small.  Up until then it really had surprised him every time he came into the room and had discovered his patient still alive.  Like the surgeons he too had not expected that Brian would survive long enough to see the blue of daylight again; and now it’s the next evening and he’s still hanging in there.    The doctor then left the room and left both men soundly sleeping.

 

Moments later Debbie dropped by and also discovered Brian and Justin asleep.  She then walked over to Brian and placed an affectionate hand to his shoulder touching him gently, kissed his forehead, said a little prayer, and then she walked just a few beds over and took a peep at the other survival of the crash… a stranger she didn’t know.  That patient looked as bad off as Brian did.  Debbie whispered a quiet prayer for him too, and then she left and traveled elsewhere inside the hospital.

 

*****

 

            “Ms. Novotny?”  Judge Carl Horvath was surprised to see her walk into his hospital room.  He had only met the redhead woman twice before (both times at Brian and Justin’s weddings).  “What do I owe this lovely pleasure?”  He flirted with her.

 

“Glad to see someone’s chipper,” Debbie commented.  “Hi, Judge Horvath,” She walked up closer and stood to the side of his bed.  “I hope you don’t mind me just showing up unannounced like this.”

 

“I don’t mind one bit; and how’s Brian doing?  I heard he was one of the victims, as well, in that four car pile up I was in.”

 

Debbie sighed deeply frustrated.  “I just left Brian in ICU,” she announced.  “He’s hanging in there.  He’s a tough cookie, you know.  And, I for one don’t give a damn what those fucking doctors have to say… I’m quite optimistic about him pulling himself out of this.”

 

“I certainly hope you’re right, Debbie.  None of us deserved this to happened to us.  I’m still trying to figure out what the hell did happen.”

 

“Yeah,” Debbie just moaned.

 

“Justin must be going crazy with worry and grief,” Carl remarked.

 

“Yes… he is.  He loves his husband very much.”

 

“I’ve seen that,” Carl responded.  “They love each other very much.”

 

“Oh my God.  It’s been one really crazy weekend… one of the worst of my life.  I can’t believe all that has happened over the last 24 hours.”  Debbie began to shed tears.

 

“Why do I get the impression that you’tr not just talking about the motor vehicle accident… are you?”

 

“No.”

 

“What else has happened?”

 

“I don’t know if I want to bother you with my problems.”

 

“Bother me… maybe I can help.”

 

“Really?  I really do want to ask for your help, but I didn’t think now would be a good time.  You don’t think I’m selfish to ask at a time like this?”

 

“Hey!  I’m fortunate to be alive.  My niece tells me not everyone who was in that accident can say the same.  So, the least I can do is help someone else out.  Talk to me, Debbie; what do you need?  What can I do for you?”

 

“It’s been so much devastation going on, lately.”

 

“Have a seat, Debbie… relax,” Carl offered her.

 

“It just so crazy, Carl.  First, it’s this thing with the car accident.  I rushed right over here when I heard Brian was involved, and then later I discovered you were in the same car accident.  And, if that wasn’t bad enough my brother Vic died this morning,” Debbie announced as she sat down in a chair next to Carl’s bed, and her eyes started tearing up again as her voice became groggy, “And on top of that my son was arrested right in front of me.  They snatched him off our porch around noon time.”

 

“My God.  What for?”  Carl concernedly asked.

 

Debbie huffed and puffed with deep emotion.  “I hate saying this, Carl, but Michael isn’t innocent.  He admits he done what the police officers accused him of…”

 

“What was that, Debbie?”

 

“Breaking and entering.”

 

“Oh,” Carl simply moaned.  “Sorry.  But why would he do a thing like that?  He didn't need money or anything that badly... did he?”

 

“No.  It was not a burglary thing.  It had nothing to do with money but,” she paused.  “I don’t know; maybe it was about a… little… umm… insanity… I guess.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“My son’s always been jealous of Justin and Brian’s relationship, Carl.  He seemed obsessed with the couple.  He’s always had it heads over heels for Brian and then when Justin came into the picture…”

 

“It got a lot worse, huh?  Was it Brian and Justin’s place he broke into, Debbie?”

 

“Yeah.  But that’s not the worst of it.”

 

“What then?”

 

“Michael was caught on camera outside a ranch that Brian and Justin owns; he had a can of kerosene in his hand.”

 

“Oh, my God… you’re kidding!”

 

“I surely wish I was, but that is what they accused Michael of and he’s not denying it.  He said it happened just that way and he had every intent setting fire to the house on that ranch but because the place was mostly brick and stone on the outside, he had to go inside to do it, but he didn’t have the keys on him… keys he had stolen from Brian.  He only had those keys because he also broke into Brian’s safe on his job and removed them.”

 

“But why?”

 

“Anger, resentment, jealousy… you name it.”

 

“Boy,” Carl sighed heavily as he sympathized with Debbie.  “How can I help though?  You do realize that that’s actually two accounts of breaking and entering and taking the keys is considered burglary.”

 

“I know, and that’s why I thought as a judge you could give me some advice or hope even.  I mean how hard do you think the law is going to be on my boy?”

 

“Depends… does Michael have any priors?”

 

“Sort of… sort of not.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Michael lived in Portland, Oregon for a little while, and his lover ran a Ponzi scheme over there, and they accused Michael of being involved but Brian got him exonerated of all charges.  Can they hold that over his head?”

 

“Technically they can’t but the prosecutor might mention it just to harm Michael’s character.  However, with a good lawyer pleading his case and if Justin and Brian were to show some mercy he could get a significant reduction in punishment such as made to pay a fine or community service, or just a few weeks in jail.  However, if the law and the Taylor-Kinneys came down hard on Michael he can do some serious time behind bars.  Breaking and entering, and theft is a bad enough crime in itself but intensions of arson mixed into the batch that’s really bad, Debbie.  Your boy can be looking at least five years behind bars… and that’s at the low end of it.”

 

“But he didn’t do anything.  I mean he was there and he had that kerosene with him...”

 

“Which show intent, Debbie, and he’s already admitted that that was what he came there to do.  It’s a serious crime he had planned to commit, Debbie.  The best you can hope for is that Brian and Justin don’t press charges.  Have you spoken to Justin about it, at least?”

 

“No.  How can I at a moment like this?  And, if I did I know already what Justin’s answer would be.  He’d probably finally have something to cheer about, actually.”

 

“Huh?  Why would Justin find Michael’s antics amusing?”

 

“Justin blames Michael for the car accident you guys were in, so does Michael blame himself.  I (not long ago) left Michael down at the precinct; and he tells me that he’s going to plea guilty on all accounts.  In addition, he believes that he’s responsible for everyone who was injured as well as died in the accident; and for some weird reason he even thinks that his Uncle Vic’s death is his damn fault too, which I can’t seem to figure that one out!”

 

“He’s probably experiencing what they call guilt-complex, Debbie.  He’s blaming himself for anything and everything going on bad around him.  But… umm… I don’t get how come Michael thinks he was responsible for the car accident?”

 

“I guess no one will ever know what caused the accident directly, but Michael and Justin believes that Brian wouldn’t have been on that road at that particular time had it not been for Michael; and obviously in that case Brian wouldn’t have been in an accident at all.”

 

“What?  Was Michael in the car with Brian or something?”  Carl asked.

 

“No, but Brian was on that road at that specific moment because he was either on his way to or from Michael’s place when the accident happened; and he was only going over there because he had found out about the incident at the ranch and he rushed out to confront Michael about it.  Otherwise, Brian would have been home (safe and sound) with his family.”

 

“Wow!  That’s some story, Debbie.  However, if you concerned about that holding up in a court of law, don’t worry – it won’t.  No one can legally go after Michael for that.  The accident was just circumstances.  No one can bring a case against Michael on that account.  However, if he pleas guilty to the breaking and entering and attempted arson charges, he’ll suffer some degree of punishment, but pleading guilty, he can probably plea bargain and then again he might be facing probation, community service or a fine and little or no prison time.  It depends on the judge mainly then, or how hard Brian and Justin pursue justice in that case.”

 

“It’s a SAD story, Carl; and if my boy goes to prison, it’s not going to make it any more the happier.  It seems to me that everyone involved has suffered enough, and I just lost my brother this morning, and Brian is just as much a son to me as if I’ve given birth to him, and he is really bad off.  I just might lose him too, damn it!  I just can’t take any more.”  Debbie sobbed heavily then.  She was in a really bad way.

 

Carl then reached out and affectionately gripped Debbie’s hand and squeezed pretty tight. 

 

*****

 

            “Doctor?”  Justin awakened to the doctor standing over Brian examining him, and his husband’s eyes were wide opened then.

 

“How’s he doing, Dr. Sabinal?”  Justin sat up in the chair first and then slowly rose to his feet and stood very close to the physician.

 

“His vitals have improved significantly, Mr. Kinney,” the doctor answered Justin.  “He’s doing amazingly well.  Relatively speaking (that is), he’s still not yet out of the woods though.  He still will need strict monitoring.  But this is a really good leap forward.”

 

“Arghhhh,” Brian painfully groaned.  He wanted to speak but to move his lips were much too painful.  “Juuustinnn,” he grunted panging.

 

“Brian,” Justin took his hand.  “You said my name,” Justin shed a single tear.  “How are you?”

 

“Painnn,” he managed to groan.

 

“Dr. Sabinal?”  Justin piteously addressed the doctor.

 

“Brian,” the doctor accentuated.  “Tell me where you feel the pain?”

 

“Mouf.”

 

“Your mouth?”

 

“Ya,” Brian answered.

 

“Any where else you feel pain?” Dr. Sabinal asked.

 

“Na,” Brian moaned.

 

“Okay, Brian.  I’ll give you some strong doses of a really good painkiller.  When it starts to work you won’t feel the pain anymore and you should be able to speak more freely.  I’ll be right back with that,” the doctor assured both Justin and Brian and then he quickly exited the room to rush to fetch the medicine.

 

“Hey,” Justin took Brian’s right hand inside both his once again.  “You’re looking much, much, much better now.  You had me really scare there for a moment, you know.” Justin smiled softly at his husband and then he kissed all over Brian’s fingertips.  “I love you.”

 

“Hmmm,” Brian moaned again without moving his lips.  It agonized him once again that he couldn’t feel Justin holding his hand nor could he feel the kisses.  “Ju, Ju, Jus…”

 

“Shhh,” Justin hushed him.  “Don’t try to speak, if it’s much too painful for you.  It’s plenty of time for that later when the pain killers take affect.”

 

*****

 

            “Hi, Ms. Novotny,” Madeline greeted her when the teenager walked inside her great-uncle’s room and discovered Debbie there.  “How’s Mr. Taylor-Kinney doing?”  She courteously asked.  “I hope he’s much better.”

 

“I’m not sure he is,” Debbie honestly answered.  “However, your uncle seems like he’s coming along nicely.  So, I’ll better get out of both your hair and check on Brian again.”

 

“You’re hardly in our hair,” Carl and Madeline simultaneously said.

 

“Thanks,” Debbie softly murmured.  “Later.”  She then left and headed back up the elevators to ICU and when she got there she found both men fully awake; and she saw that Brian’s eyes were opened and he looked quite focused.

 

“Sunshine, Brian,” She softly whispered both their names.  “How are you doing?” She asked Brian.

 

“He’s much better, Debbie,” Justin answered for him.  “The doctor just gave Brian a strong pain killer though.  He complained his mouth really hurts.  When the pain killer takes affect Brian will be able talk to us.”

 

“That’s a really good sign, huh?”

 

“I think so, Debbie.  Brian’s very good compared to what he was like when I first saw him immediately after the operation.”

 

“I knew he’d lick this,” Debbie boisterously declared; and although the doctor had told Justin that Brian still wasn’t quite out of the woods, he wasn’t about to dispute Debbie any.  “But you, Justin, look like shit though.  You look worse than Brian.  When did you last sleep and eat?”

 

“I’ve done both today already, Debbie.  I’m just fine.”

 

“I don’t think so, but we’ll discuss that later.  I better run along for a moment and call some people.  Everyone will want to know that Brian’s condition has improved.”

 

“Thanks, Debbie.  I appreciate you calling everyone and updating them, and be extra sure to call my grandmother at my place.  She was here a little earlier and was very concerned about Brian and me.  Tell her we both are doing just fine.”

 

“I’ll tell her that Brian is… but YOU… I’m not too sure about.”

 

“I’m good, Debbie.  Really I am.  You don’t have to worry about me.  And, take my cell.  My mother’s number is there, and Brian CFO Ted’s number is there too (call him please); and can you do me a really BIG favor?  Can you call my best friend Daphne’s mom and ask how Daphne’s doing?”

 

“Daphne’s doing?  What’s wrong with her?”

 

“Oh, I don’t think I told anyone but Brian that Daphne’s pregnant and she’s having…”

 

“Pregnant!  Daphne!  Well I be goddamned.”

 

“She’s having a very rough go of it though,” Justin continued where he had been cut off.  “Her mom called just before Brian had his accident and told me that an ambulance came and rushed Daphne to the hospital, and hooked her up to a machine giving the baby life support.  However, since this happened to Brian, I haven’t talked with her mom since.  Can you check on her for me?  I need to know that things worked out for her and the baby.  She’s only in her seventh month so I hope she didn’t go into labor already and the baby had to be delivered or something.”

 

Brian blinked at what Justin had said about Daphne but he remained still and quiet though.

 

“Sure I’ll call, Justin, and get right back to you.”

 

“Thanks, Debbie.  Later.”

 

Debbie then left as Brian’s doctor was returning. 

 

“Mr. Taylor-Kinney,” he stood over Brian and addressed him.  “I think that pain killer should have kicked in by now.  You want to try to move your mouth and tell me if you still feel pain?”

 

Brian began to stretch his mouth slowly and although he felt some pain it was nowhere as intense as it had been.  “It’s better now,” he announced, “But still a little painful though but only when I open really wide.”

 

“My God!”  Justin cheered excited to hear his husband’s normal voice again, as well as hear him speak a complete sentence.  He could see though that his sweetheart was still terribly weak.

 

“Has anything else started to hurt now?”  Dr. Sabinal inquired.  “And try to minimize stretching your mouth to control the pain some.”

 

“No, but that scares me though.”

 

“Huh?”  Justin accentuated wondering why Brian would consider that a bad thing.

 

“What do you mean, Mr. Taylor-Kinney?”  The doctor asked.

 

“I probably can’t feel pain elsewhere because other than my neck on up, I can’t feel anything else or move even,” Brian replied.

 

“Umm…” Justin instantly became worried and then offered his supposition. “Probably it’s a temporary aftereffect of the anesthesia or something… right, Dr. Sabinal?”  Justin, like Brian, was hopeful that the doctor would say that that is most likely what it was. 

 

“A rare possibility,” the doctor tried to put the two men at a minimal of ease; but truthfully he highly doubted that the anesthesia had anything to do with it at all.  “However, usually when a patient awakens that’s a sign that the anesthesia has completely worn off… or most of it anyway.”

 

“But it could still be a temporary thing… right, doctor?”  Justin badgered him.

 

“When Brian’s a little stronger, we have to do some tests.  But hopefully as he get stronger, the sensation might return to him.  I’ll do a sensitivity test with you later on, Brian.  But for now, let’s test your ability to move your body parts and extremities, but don’t worry too much at this juncture, if you can’t.  It can very well be extreme weakness rather than paralysis.  Try moving your head side to side.”

 

Brian was able to do that, but still showed signs of terrible weakness doing what is usually such a trouble-free task when he’s at his normal state.  It was hard for him to accept that he was so weak and helpless.

 

“Blink please,” the doctor commanded next; and again Brian successfully obeyed, and next per the doctor’s request his lifted his brows and smiled for the doctor.  Last he flexed the neck muscles by gradually lifting his head up and down and that was quite a burdensome challenge.

 

“Flex… shrug your shoulders,” the doctor commanded but Brian was unable to respond.  “Did you try?”

 

“I tried but it won’t move.”

 

The doctor then gripped Brian’s right shoulder and pressed firmly down on it.  “Feel that?”  He asked.

 

“No… not at all,” Brian responded.

 

“Doctor?”  Justin worrisomely moaned.

 

The doctor didn’t verbally respond to Justin.  He instead continued with the examination and then he did the same test on Brian’s left shoulder and again Brian claimed he had felt no sensation.  “Can you move your arms or legs?”

 

“No,” Brian answered.

 

“Doctor!”  Justin exclaimed.

 

“Mr. Taylor-Kinneys,” The doctor addressed both men, “I have to step out of the room momentarily but I’ll return pretty quickly and continue the sensitivity test.  Excuse me a moment,” he started heading out of the room.

 

“But doctor,” Justin called to him once more.

 

“Relax, Justin.  I’ll be back momentarily,” he ordered him and then he addressed his patient.  “Sit still for a moment, Brian; I’ll have to step out for a second, and I’ll return and give you a series of tests.”

 

“Sure… like if I’m capable of NOT sitting still, doc,” Brian smart-mouthed Dr. Sabinal; and Justin was at least glad to see that his husband felt enough like himself to be that rude and mocking.

 

The doctor then left and Justin moved in closer to Brian and took his right hand inside his palms again.  “I’m kind of glad he’s gone,” he announced.  “There’s so much I need to say to you.”

 

“About what?”

 

“You… us.  Brian, I was almost sure you were a goner earlier.”

 

“How can you be so sure I’m not still going to check out on you NOW, Justin?  I don’t feel all that great right, damn it.”

 

“Shhh,” Justin hushed him.  “Don’t talk like that, Brian; don’t jinx yourself.”

 

“I can’t feel or move shit beneath my neckline, Justin; so what do you expect me to say about it.  It still hurts a lot for me to just speak.  What the fuck is that that is so heavily weighing down both sides of my face?”

 

“There’s bandages on both sides of your face, Brian.”

 

“What… bandages! Ouch! Shit!  Fuck!”  Brian really felt the pain then when he stretched his mouth too fast and wide when he shouted and cursed.  “My face is all fucked up, Justin.  What do I look like under these bandages… a beast, I bet, damn it!  The elephant man!  You mean to tell me I’m fucking ugly and crippled!  Shit my mouth and face hurts.”

 

“Brian.  That’s because you’re shouting and stretching your lips and jaw too much.  The doctor warned you about that.  So try to relax until, Dr. Sabinal returns.  You heard what he said.  He said it could be extreme weakness, or possibly a temporary aftereffect of the anesthesia or possibly another drug you were given; and don’t worry about your face.  I’m sure whatever damage is there, it probably will heal.”

 

“Probably isn’t the same as definitely, Justin.  It could be permanent paralysis and I could be ugly for the rest of my fucking life.”

 

“No, Brian.  You mustn’t think like that.  Think positively.”

 

“It is what it is, Justin.  No amount of thinking is going to change anything.”

 

“Well, in that case maybe it’s just temporary paralysis then; and any damage to your face can be fixed with cosmetic surgery.”

 

Brian just sighed heavily then and looked away from Justin.

 

“Brian,” Justin moaned as he gripped Brian’s right hand even tighter and brought it up to his chin and savored the warmth.  “Your hand is so warm against my chin.  It had been cold earlier.”

 

“Are you holding my hand, Justin, and pressing it against your chin?  I can’t fucking feel it there, damn it.”  Brian informed his husband but still didn’t look at him.

 

“My God,” Justin fretfully moaned and then he forced himself to relax some.  “It’s going to be all right, Brian.”

 

“YOU don’t know that for sure,” Brian finally turned his head and faced his husband again.  “What if I’m permanently like this, Justin,” he stared deep into Justin’s blues.  “What good could I be to anyone, or myself if I got to go through the rest of my life like this?  I just as well had died in that accident.  I’m good as dead if I have to live out the rest of my life disfigured and crippled like this.  What good AM I!  And especially, what good am I to YOU, Justin.  I certainly won’t be able to fuck you anymore!”

 

“Stop it, Brian.  I won’t stand for you downing yourself like that.”

 

“I’m just being realistic, Justin!  If I’m stuck like this – I’m completely worthless.  Life won’t be worth living anymore.”

 

“But you won’t be stuck like this.”

 

“You don’t know that for sure, Justin.”

 

“You don’t either, Brian.  But I know for sure you won’t be stuck this way, Brian, but even if you were… which I”M SURE YOU WON’T BE, but if you were you could find ways to adjust…”

 

“Adjust… my ass, Justin!”  Brian mouth pained terribly then but he didn’t care too much just then.  “If I’m left like this I want you to make a promise to me.”

 

“What promise?”

 

“That you’ll put me down like a horse and put me out of my misery.  I don’t want to live like this.”

 

“Mercy killing, Brian… NO WAY!”

 

“Hey!  If you really love me… you’ll do it.”

 

“I’ll DO not such thing… and that’s because I DO LOVE YOU!”

 

“Fuck!”

 

“Brian… no matter what the outcome is, I’ll do everything in my power to help you; but killing you is completely out of the question though.  But let’s not even worry about that, because it just isn’t going to happen. You will get all better and the day they release you, you will just simply walk out here on your own two feet.”

 

“You talk a good game, Justin.  But you still can’t promise me that I won’t leave here ugly and deformed.”

 

“Maybe not, Brian.  But I could promise you one thing though.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Regardless of whatever the outcome, I wouldn’t or couldn’t love you any less though.  I DO love you, Brian, and I never realized how much until last night when they first called and told me they had brought you in here and I waited all those long hours while they operated on you.  It was a nightmare, Brian.  There were four cars in the accident in total, and every time a surgeon came out of the operating room they would announce someone had died on the operating table.  It seemed like one by one they were all dying.  It was tortured waiting and wondering if one of the doctors would come out and announced that you had died next and…”

 

“Well, if this is my fate… I wish someone had announced to you that I was dead.”

 

“Stop it, Brian!  I meant it when I said I won’t stand for you talking like that.”

 

“Mr. Taylor-Kinney,” the doctor returned then and he had several instruments with him and another doctor who was an expert in brain and spinal injury (a neurologist).  “Let’s start those tests again,” Dr. Sabinal suggested.

 

You must login (register) to review.