Chapter 85:  God, Please…

            “Shit!”  Justin moaned to himself after he had grown increasingly impatient waiting for his husband to return home.  “Brian, you should have been back by now,” he found himself thinking out loud as he powered off the TV set, and laid the remote back down on the coffee table and went inside his bedroom to locate his cell and call his husband and ask what was taking him so long to get home.

However, once inside his bedroom, Justin made a detour into the walk-in closet and smiled as he went searching for something and when he located it, he came out of the closet smiling and crooning to himself.  “The love blanket,” he gaily sang to himself in the rhythm of the old sitcom tune ‘The Love Boat”, and then he clutched Brian and his highly cherished LOVE BLANKET cozily up against his chest and face, then heavily sniffed and inhales it’s heavenly spring fresh scent.

Justin then sashayed over to the bed and removed the blanket that was already there and stretched out the love blanket in its place instead.  He had been waiting for some time now for a special enough occasion to give himself an excuse to use the precious blanket; and the current one seemed special enough.  Even better than any other event or reason that he had previously imagined.  After he had put the blanket on the bed, he kicked his shoes off and flopped merrily down in the center, sat with his legs crossed, got comfortable and then he lifted his cell phone from the nightstand and started to dial Brian’s number but then he noticed the voicemail that his husband had left him during the time he had been at the hotel and was about to cheat with Chris.

“Oh, SHIT!”  Justin cried out and a tear actually ran down his face when he got to the part of the message where Brian had said 'I love you' to him.  That was a tear of both joy and guilt.  He felt like God, fate or whatever caused Daphne’s mom to call when she did and Brian to show up when he did was definitely a blessing.  He didn’t even want to imagine how much guiltier he would be feeling just then had he gone all the way with Chris, and all on the account of a grave misunderstanding on his part.

“Daphneee,” Justin moaned her name when suddenly he was reminded about what her mother had called and told him, but the ringing of his cell suddenly interrupted his thoughts.

 “Hello?”  Justin answered when he didn’t recognize the number displayed.

[Paused].  “Yes this is Justin Taylor-Kinney.  Who’s this?”  [Paused as he horrifyingly listened].  “Whom?  What are you talking about!   Are you sure you’re not mistaken.  Oh no!  Not Brian!”  Justin cried out frantically as he burst into fitful tears.

*******

            “My name’s Justin Taylor-Kinney,” Justin, panting out of breath, announced as he frantically ran up to the person seated at the information desk in the emergency room at Pittsburgh Mercy Hospital.  “I was called and informed that my spouse Brian Taylor-Kinney was in a serious car accident and brought to this hospital.  May I see him?”

“There’s a phone against that wall over there,” the medical assistant instructed Justin, “Pick up the earpiece and press the number 3 and someone will help you.”

Trying not to panic, Justin hurried over there and lifted the receiver and dialed the single digit.

“What patient, please?”  Someone robotically asked at the other end.

“Brian Taylor-Kinney," Justin answered.  "Can you tell me where is he inside this hospital?  I’m his spouse.”

 “One moment, please.”

“Hurry please,” Justin instinctively said.

A moment later the same voice came back on the phone.  “Mr. Brian Taylor-Kinney is in the O.R.”

“Whattttt!  The Operating Room!”  Justin terrifyingly echoed as his heart nearly stopped beating.

*****

            “Ben, I have to use your bathroom,” Michael had announced when his cell phone rang and he could see it was Justin’s number, which really surprised him.  He had expected that Brian would be the one calling him instead, and he had wanted to avoid Brian at all cost, and therefore he had no intentions whatsoever of accepting any calls from Brian; and, at first he wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk to his spouse either, but then he quickly thought of a reason that Justin might call, so when he was securely inside Ben’s bathroom (and out the other man’s hearing range), Michael abruptly answered his cell.

“What do you want, Justin!”  He sardonically exclaimed as a devilish smirked stretched across his face and then he gloated. “I’d like you to know that I was totally indisposed!  And, I don’t appreciate you calling me this late.  But, I suppose you’re calling to ball me out for telling Brian what I saw tonight.  But it wasn’t my fault that you decided to cheat on him and wasn’t discreet enough to make sure that no one saw you heading into that hotel… your own husband‘s hotel.  How revoltingly is that, Justin?   You’re scum!  Are you two heading back into divorce court again?  That phony, pathetic marriage lasted longer than I would have ever expected though, and….”

“Shut the fuck up you, BASTARD!”  Justin fully lost his temper and cut Michael down. “It’s Brian!  Goddamn it!  And, I’m willing to bet this is all your fault… isn’t it, Michael!  Brian’s been in an accident! He’s in the hospital and in serious condition and he even might not make it!  You were the cause of it!   Weren’t you?   I want to know what the FUCK happened when my husband visited with you tonight!”

“What?  What are you talking about, Justin?  Did you say Brian was in an accident?  What kind of accident?  And, you can’t blame me.  I never even saw Brian tonight.  And, did you say he is so bad off that he might not make it?  What hospital is he in?”

“None of your goddamn business which hospital, Michael!”  Justin groggily scoffed him between heavy sobbing.  “I just want to know what you did to cause my husband to have an accident.”

“I didn‘t do anything, Justin.  I wasn’t with him when it happened.  I didn’t cause it.”

 “I’m sure you caused it either directly or indirectly somehow, Michael.”

“How could I have caused Brian an accident when I was nowhere around him?  And, what kind of accident was it anyway?”

 “A car accident, Michael!  And, since Brian had been with you…”

 “Justin!  Brian never met me at my place.  I wasn’t home when and if he ever got to my place.”

“What do you mean you weren't home!  Brian told you to stay put until he got there.  That only made Brian angrier.  So, it's your fault after all.  Because he only left here when he did all on the account of you breaking into his office and attempting to burn down Britin.  And, you had the audacity to leave before he got to your place.  Damn you, Michael! My husband would be safe and sound at home with me now, instead of inside a hospital hanging onto his life by a thin thread had it not been for your BULLSHIT!”

“Hey!  He was probably a lot more madder at you, Justin, than he was with me.  You could have very well been the cause!“

“I know I wasn’t the blame.  Brian and I had resolved our differences before he even left.“

“Really, Justin!  I highly doubt that!  What person whose spouse cheats on him, forgives him so fast?“

“Those details are none of your FUCKING business, Michael!”  Justin sanpped between heavily bouts of panting.  “When Brian left our home, it was YOU that he was angry with not me!” Justin sobbing and immense panting became even more intensified.  “Brian was so angry and upset earlier while he was heading to your place.  So, most likely his mind was preoccupied with you the entire time, so he wasn’t concentrating on the road.  Damn you, Michael.  You might’ve just killed my husband, goddamn it.  Shit!”

“Oh, my God!  How bad is he really, Justin?”  Michael’s heart then started beating almost as erratically as Justin’s. 

“I told you already!  Brian might die!  And, this is all your fault!  You bastard!  And, I swear if my husband dies, I will hunt you down, and rip out your heart!” 

“Justin!  I’m sorry, but what hospital is he in?   I’ll be right there!   Hello!   Hello!   Hello!”  Michael shouted into his cell but evidently Justin had hung up on him.

Michael then called Justin’s cell repeatedly hoping he would answer and tell him what hospital Brian was in.  However, it was absolutely evident to Michael that Justin was avoiding answering his calls, he then desperately started contacting all the hospitals in the area until he finally located the one that Brian was in.  He then came out of the bathroom and he was wholly crying.

“Michael?  What is it?”  Ben asked concernedly when saw how distorted and nervously shaken up Michael was.

“Umm… umm… I can’t say right now.  I just got to go, Ben.  It’s an EXTREME emergency.  I’ll call you.”  Michael went dashing out of Ben’s place.

“But Michael,” Ben ran to the door and called out to him.  “What about our move to San Fran…”

******

            Michael arrived at the hospital and went straight to the O.R. waiting room and spotted Justin sitting there alone with his head buried in his lap.

“Justin,” Michael ran over to him and sympathetically and softly whispered.

“What the fuck you’re doing here!”  Justin dramatically jumped to his feet and scolded Michael.  “The fucking gall you have, Michael,” He continuously scoffed, “To show up here after I've already told you that Brian nor I would appreciate you being here.  Go!  Get out of here, damn it!  Nobody wants you here.”

“Oh my, God, Justin, when I called they told me that Brian’s in surgery!”  Michael whimpered.  “I had been hoping that you were exaggerating when you said that Brian was holding on by a thin thread.”

“Exaggerated, Michael!   What kind of person over blows a thing like this, but YOU maybe!  Get out of my sight, Michael!  I can‘t stand to look at you!”  Justin snapped at him.  “I don’t want you here and I’m sure Brian feels the same.  And, neither of us would even be in this predicament if it wasn’t for you.  I swear, Michael, you're a DEAD MAN if my husband dies."

“I’m so sorry, Justin,” Michael sincerely pleaded,  “But I can’t go anywhere until I know for sure that Brian’s going to be all right.”

Michael then sat down in one of the chairs.

“You can’t sit here!”  Justin persistently hammered at Michael.  “You get up from here and leave!  Go!  Get out of here, Michael!  I don‘t want you here!  Get out!” Justin proclaimed loudly and his crying became worse.  “I loathe you, goddamn it!”

“Mister!  Young man!”  A nurse at the station warned Justin  then.  “Please, you can’t be that loud inside this hospital.”

“But on second thought, Michael,” Justin calmed his voice immensely but he was still crying just as hard.  “It might be best that you DO stay right where you are after all; because if Brian’s surgeons come out of that room and tell me that my husband died on the operating table, I don’t want to have go FAR looking for you in order to kill you, and I mean it, Michael... if Brian dies, you're DEAD also!  You just mark my words, Michael!  You pray Brian’s doesn’t die for both his sake and YOURS,” Justin threatened.

Justin then sat back down and buried his head in his lap again, as he profusely rocked side-to-side while shedding a river’s supply of silent tears.

“Justin?”  Several people chorused his name and Justin sat up and saw that both Brian’s parents (Jack and Joanie) and Michael’s mom Debbie and his uncle Vic had arrived.  Debbie sat immediately at Justin’s side and pulled his head into her bosom and comforted him while Jack and Joanie stood around shivering nervously; and Vic sat down next to Michael.

“Your grandmother called everyone,” Debbie started explaining to Justin.  “She would have come herself too but someone had to stay with Gus.  She also called Lindsay and Mel, and they are on their way here as well.  But will someone tell how this thing happened to Brian?”

“Ask him,” Justin nearly spat in Michael’s direction.  

“Michael,” Debbie turned to look at him but yet kept Justin close to her bosom.  “Do you know what caused the car accident?  Were Brian and you together?”  She asked mainly because she wondered why Justin preferred Michael be the one to tell what happened.  “You don’t appear to have a scratch on you though.”

“I don’t know anything, ma, other than what Justin told me; and I wasn't inside Brian's car with him when the accident happened.  Justin called me and told me that Brian was in a car accident and was hurt so badly that they had to operate on him… and…” Michael paused; because what he was about to say wasn’t easy on his conscience.  “The doctors told Justin that Brian might not make it, ma.”  Michael groggily stated as his weeping intensified.

“My God,” Joanie couldn't managed her sorrow then.  Her hands then flew up to cover her mouth just then and she burst into tears.   “I knew this day was coming.  I told Brian if he didn’t stop his wicked homosexual ways that one of these days God would str…”

“Will someone get her out of here, damned it!”  Justin began loudly cursing about Joanie.  “Get her ass the fuck out of here!”

“I dare you,” Joanie screamed at Justin.  “Who do YOU think you are?  I’m Brian’s mother, damn it.”

“And, I’m his spouse,” Justin shouted back at her.   “And, you know what the bible says about a spouse vs. a parent.”

“Don’t you talk blasphemy to me, Justin!   I know what the bible says.  It says marriage is supposed to be ONLY between a man and a woman!   No exceptions!  Have you forgot what the bible says about a man lying with another man…”

“Joanie,” Jack grabbed her firmly by the arm.   “Sit down and hush,” he ordered her.   “Our son could very well be dying, so this is neither the time nor place for that.  Now sit down, Joanie.”

Reluctantly and with a very scornful expression on her soggy face Joanie sat down next to Debbie and kept trembling nervously.  Debbie looked over at her, and she felt both pity and contempt for her, but under the circumstances she felt more sorry for her than anything else.  However, she looked over at her own son and felt even more disdain towards him than she felt towards Joanie.  She believed what Joanie says and does is sadly because she’s a victim of her own misguided, twisted thinking; but what’s Michael’s excuse for saying and doing the things he does?  And, she wasn’t happy with the answer that immediately came to her.  She blamed herself for her son's behavior.

“Vic,” Debbie ordered her brother, “You just might want to walk with Justin to the men’s room.”

“Huh?”  Justin lifted his head and looked at Debbie, stunned; and he started to protest but decided to comply when he noticed why she requested that.  Unknowingly, some time ago, he had indeed lost control of his bodily functions and had urinated on himself.   He hadn't felt, smelt or noticed a thing until she brought it to his acknowledgment just then.  Vic then walked to the rest room with Justin while Debbie attempted to take care of some other matter.

“Michael,” she comforted her son.   “I think you’ve better follow me.”

“Huh?  Follow you where?”

 “You’ll see.  Come with me?”

“But, what if Brian‘s doctors come and…”

“Surgery often takes a very long time, Michael.  It could be hours before we hear from Brian’s doctors.  So, follow me,” Debbie repeated.

*****

            “Why are we walking out of the hospital, ma?”  Michael asked after Debbie and he had taken the elevator to the main lobby and then she got off and he followed her outside.

 “We need to talk, Michael.”

“About what, ma?  I told you I didn’t want to be too far from Brian in the event…”

“Michael, I want to know what is going on here?”

“I told you everything that Justin told me over the phone, ma.  I don’t know anymore than that.”

“That is just it, Michael.  Why did Justin call and tell you?  He didn’t call anybody else.  Brian’s parents, Uncle Vic and myself only knew to come here because Justin’s grandmother had called us.   Justin hadn’t called anyone; and of all people, I just can’t imagine him calling you and asking that you come over here.  There’s a lot of bad blood between you and him; and Brian hasn’t thought highly of you in a very long while.”

“I’m here, ma.  So, it’s pretty obvious that Justin called me.”  Then Michael paused and looked over at the parking lot.  “There’s Lindsay and Mel,” he announced to his mother; and then Michael temporarily abandoned Debbie and rushed back inside the hospital, got on the elevator and returned to the O.R. waiting room; and by that time Justin had returned and he was sitting back in the chair again with his head down in his lap and his knees profusely knocked back and forth against each other.  He still had on the pants he had wetted but Uncle Vic had at least found some disinfected aerosol and sprayed it on Justin’s pants and covered up the strong smell of urine. 

Shortly, Lindsay, Melanie, and Debbie came up inside the elevator, and they all rushed to Justin’s side.  Lindsay was crying and Melanie just looked both rather annoyed and sad but she wasn’t crying any.

 Similar to earlier, Debbie sat back down next to Justin and resumed comforting him by gently rotating her hand in the center of his back, while Lindsay stood by and incessantly stroked Justin’s hair.

 “All this waiting is killing me,” Justin frustratingly and painstakingly whimpered.   “Please, God, let my husband Brian come out of this operation okay.”

“Sunshine Sweetie,” Debbie made an additional effort to console him, “Don’t you worry.  Brian will be okay.”

“You don’t know that for sure, Debbie,” Justin worrisomely vexed, and then looked rather quizzically at Brian father’s mannerism as Jack finally sat down and took a load off his feet.  Up until that moment, he had been just standing around looking very uneasy.  Justin wondered what was going through his father-in-law’s mind.

Subsequently, everything and everyone seemed to have become quite still and silent, as all concerned ones either stood about or sat down and continuously waited for Brian’s doctors to come and give them the word on his condition.

“Waiting like this is so excruciatingly unbearable.  It’s killing me,” Justin murmured once more as he tired of just sitting and felt the need to move around a bit.  He stood to his feet then and started walking.

“Justin… Sunshine?”  Debbie uttered concern for him and wondered where he was going. 

“I’m just going to walk over there to the window for a moment,” Justin declared as he walked just a few feet to reach the window; and as he peered though the glass, a downpour of rain suddenly showered down from the heavens, followed by lightning and then a loud burst of thunder.

Justin sobbed even more piteously while he stood there alone and staring helplessly at the rain.  Next, he began praying silently but profoundly. 

“God, please!”  Justin incessantly begged.  "God, Please... let my husband come out of this alive.  Please, God, please."