Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction
Author's Chapter Notes:

chapter added Sun., 6/3/12

Chapter 20:  You’re Holding Me Too Tight


The next morning, Justin and Brian did take their bath indoors.  And, after they showered they went inside the kitchen and together they made breakfast.   Usually when they are back in the Pitts, Justin prepares breakfast by himself while Brian’s in and out of the bathroom and then back inside the bedroom getting dressed for work.  However while on their honeymoon, no one has to go to work, so they did it together.  And, as they were preparing each item, the other would pop a small sample in the other one’s mouth to test the flavor and always followed by a quick peck on the lips.


“Keep this up and our lips are going to become swollen and sore after awhile,” Brian warned.


“Oh, and keep fucking me like you did last night, and I’ll have a sore ass-hole to bout,” Justin warned.


“And, speaking from experience, Justin, regardless of how sore you become you still can’t resist my cock.  You just LOVE dick.”


“Your dick especially,” Justin made that quite clear.  “However, I love everything else about you as well.”


“Thanks,” Brian said.  “Now get the guava juice out of the frig… will you?”


“Most definitely will,” Justin realized Brian was lighting the topic of discussion.  However, Brian’s been even sweeter than Justin ever imagine, so he’s not about to give Brian slack about anything.   Strange as it was a lot about this honeymoon was even better than the first one even though Brian had trusted Justin more then.  Justin thought on too many levels that was too weird; especially when he figured in that some of what is going on might not be all pretense on Brian’s part.  He rarely mentions the agreement anymore and when he does speak of it, he hints at it rather than refer to it directly.


Then they sat down to breakfast and fed the other one from the other’s plate until they were done eating.  After dinner, they realized that they were sucked out, rimmed out and fucked out, so they decided to give their cocks and ass a break.  They then got dress in shorts and polo shirts, and sandals and decided to explore the mass beauty of the private paradise that belonged exclusively to them for the next two weeks.


“Wow!  I never knew it was this many different varieties of flowers and plant life, Brian,” Justin noted.  “And butterflies so big and with such different patterns, and the different kinds of birds are to write home about.  Did you see those birds that were almost the size of a soda cap?”


“Yeah, that was really fabulous.  I never knew there was a species of birds that tiny,” Brian agreed.


Then they went to a spot near the water where there were several water falls (short and tall).  It was so spectacular to see.  Next they stood and stooped down at the edge of a lake and where they could clearly see the marine life swimming around.  And again they saw life species that they never seen before – sea life that was fascinating, beautiful and even scarier than anything they ever saw walk on land before or flying in the sky. 


“If this is not Heaven… it has to be something quite close to it,” Brian thought that place was so immaculately spectacular.  “How did you and Emmett ever find this place?”


“Well, I explained to Emmett what I wanted and I actually showed him some scenes of the Breaking Dawn movie and he did most of the research himself.  When it comes to planning a wedding and a honeymoon, Mr. Honeycutt’s…”


Brian finished his sentence for him, “Sheer genius.”


“He most definitely is.”


“Do you think we will ever come back here again though, Brian?”


“Hey, we haven’t left it yet, Justin.  Let’s take it a day at a time… won’t you?”


“Sure,” Justin smiled and then he pointed to a tall hill or mountaintop maybe even.  “What’s that?  It almost looks like a mountain but it kind of has steps.  And, looks like an easy enough climb that you don’t even need climbing gear.”  It was almost a straight walk up because the rocks were like flat slates.   “Let’s travel all the way up to the top, Brian?”  Justin suggested.


“Are you sure, Justin?  Is it safe?  I hope Emmett and you have done your homework and you didn’t bring us to a place where a wild gorillas, lions, tigers, hippos, elephants, or lord knows what other things might be in a tropical place such as this.   Where there’s ultimate beautiful sometimes lurk ultimate danger as well.  It could even be human cannibals or some other uncivilized natives with bizarre religious ritual practices that are dying for a couple of unknowingly naive White boyz to come around, so that can sacrifice us to their sun god or something.”


“Stop being a wussy, Brian, and let’s climb that.  Obviously, you watched too many of those racist Tarzan movies.  Emmett says this place is perfectly safe.  There are no wild animals here.  You just have to watch out for snakes maybe or insects that sting, but we have shit like that in Pittsburgh.”


“Really, Justin, I have never come across a snake in all my life in Pittsburgh; and the only stingy things I ever saw were bubble bees or wasps maybe.  However, usually I stay out of there neck of the woods and they stay out of mine.   This place is definitely not my neck of the woods and I have no idea whose domain I might be stepping on out here.”


“Well, Brian, you can climb it with me… or you can stay behind.  Either way I’m going… I prefer you come along with me though.”


“Fine, I wouldn’t want to deny you anything, Justin.  Even if it does mean that we might not survive this honeymoon to be ever live long enough to celebrate an anniversary together again.”


“Hmm,” Justin thought on that as Brian and he begin to walk their way up the mountain.  “Being that you and I are only going to be married for one year, what do you think of me suggesting that we have a wedding anniversary every three months instead of the usual twelve?  That way we can get in a few anniversaries before we divorce again.”


“Sounds good to me, Justin.  You know how I just love a reason to celebrate.”


“Good, Brian!  But those anniversaries have to be something really elaborate and special… something really over-the-top considering the circumstances.  In fact, everything about this year of marriage has to be over the top since we both know that it’s only for a year; and therefore, there aren’t any reasons for surprises – at least not any that isn’t really pleasant.”


“I’m in one hundred percent agreement with you.  And, like you initially stated at the wedding… All is so good so far.  I’m having a helluva great time.  Good to have this excuse for not being on the job.  Let’s just hope when we get to the top of this mountain, that life as we once known it doesn’t end.”


“You worry about nothing,” Justin led the way.  “Just as long as one of us don’t get to the top and fall off, I guess we’ll be okay,” Justin warned and already he saw that it was a long way down from where they had walked already.   If either of them were to fall, they wouldn’t have to have to worry about wild animals and cannibals sending them to their quick demise.  However, Justin didn’t want to think about that; so, he just walked the trail and he and Brian got higher and higher on that stony and green mountain.


“Wow!”  Justin stopped as he and Brian was nearing the top.  “Look at that flower.  I got to pick that one, Brian, and bring it back to the house and put it in a vase.”   However, the flower was in a dangerous place that requires Justin get on a much thinner slate and he got on the slate but when he reached for the flower, part of the slate gave way.  Justin lost his balance and nearly fell off, but Brian quickly rushed up and yanked him back on the wider piece of rock… literally saving him from falling to his death.  It was a long fall from where they stood then.


Brian held Justin so tight it felt like Brian would break every bone inside Justin body, but to Justin that crushing feeling was the best feeling in the world, it was packed with so much love.


*


“Justin!”  Brian had cried out when Justin almost fell from the mountain and then he ran and grabbed him and held him protectively and securely against his chest, Justin could hear the loud beating of his husband’s heart it sound like an African drum and his pulse was racing so quickly that he feared Brian might go in cardiac arrest. 


Brian held Justin so tight that it nearly defeated the purpose of saving him from falling to his death, because had Brian held him any tighter he would surely have squeezed him to death (a much nicer way to go though).


“I’m okay, Brian, I’m okay,” Justin tried to convince him; and coax his heart rate back to normal.  “I’m okay.”


Brian held Justin long and tight and profusely rocked him inside his arms and rested his chin on top of his head and his heart continuously raced out of control.  Justin stayed very quiet and still as he listened to his husband’s heart rapidly thumping fast.  And, when after a very long while, Justin noticed that Brian breathing was normal again, he then spoke.  “I’m alright, Brian.”


“Sure?”  Brian checked.  “Are you sure?”


“Yeah, I’m sure, Brian.  I’m definitely in one piece and I didn’t actually fall… you prevent that.  Wow!”  Justin looked down then.  “Boy, had I fallen I would have definitely died.  You saved my life, Brian.  Thank you.  But are you alright?  You heart was really beating out of whack there!”


Brian’s mouth gaped and drool seeped out and ran down his chin.  He didn’t know what to say at first and had his pride not gotten in the way, he might have said something much differently that what he said next. 


“Hey!  I had to save you.  I had no other choice!  Just try to imagine what kind of Death Tax I would have to incur on my money if you had fallen to your demised… it’s even more of a liability than the gift tax.”  Brian let go of Justin then.  “Just watch your step,” he advised as he took farther up the rocky hill (ahead of him).


“Right,” Justin sweetly and delightfully moaned thinking that Brian’s full of shit and he’s definitely on to him.


They made it to the top of the mountain and there were no wild animals, cannibals or any other uncivilized citizens there.  Instead, it was just more of the sensational beauty that was down below… only drawback up there was that the air was a lot thinner.  So, Justin and Brian didn’t spend too much time up there before they made their way back down the mountain. 


The combined trip up and then back down the mountain, however, exhausted the two urban males and they went back inside the house and took a nap. 


Later when they got up, Brian decided he’d like fish for dinner.  However, they didn’t bring fishing equipment, so they had a lot of fun making their own from gathering things from the wild to make the rods.  They used thick branches they found that had already pre-fallen from trees and used really thick vines to use for rope and dug up worms to use for bait.


“You know in all the time you and I’ve known each other we never done anything as outdoorsy as this,” Justin noted.


“You’re right.  It’s so much fun.  It’s a lot better than our last honeymoon when we visited Paris and did nothing but a whole bunch of sightseeing.  And, that was pretty terrific, but this is so much more energetic and uplifting isn’t it?”  Brian concluded.


“Yes, it is, Brian… and the best thing about it is that it’s just the two of us.  There’s no one else around.  It’s our own private world.  And, there’s nothing bad whatsoever about sharing any space where there’s just the two of us.”


“Not, bad at all,” Brian said when he saw his line tug. 


“Fuck!  Brian!  It’s a BIG one,” Justin screamed and he and Brian had to battle together to pull it in. 


“Do you think it’s a shark, Brian?”  Justin joked.


“Now who’s afraid of the big bad wolf and eerie monsters now, Justin?”  Brian teased as Justin and he gave it one last tug and pulled it in.


“Fuck!  Is that ACTUALLY what I think it is?  I was just joking then.”


“Yes, Justin, it is.  Have you ever eaten shark meat before?”


“No, Brian, I haven’t.  In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever eaten anything that I have known to eat me as well.”


“Well, like I said at the wedding…”


And they chorused, “There’s a first time for everything!”  They burst in loud mirth.   And, they kidded all the way back to the house as they took the shark back there with them to prepare it for their next meal.


“Don’t take it into the house,” Brian ordered Justin and stopped him before they got on the porch with the fish.


“Huh?”


“We can clean as well as cook it out here.  We can gather some sticks and make a blaze; and roast it over a campfire.”


“You know how to make a campfire?”  Justin asked Brian.


“Hey, did I ever tell you about my affiliation with the boy scouts, Justin?”


“Oh, really, Brian, you were once a boy scout?” Justin got excited.  “You never told me that before.”


“No!” Brian confessed.  “However, I kicked some boy scouts’ ass before for calling me a faggot.  And, I roasted one of their ass over a campfire that I made him conjure up as I watched how he did it.  We both learned lifelong lessons that day.”


Justin burst into laughter and he left the shark outside with Brian while he ran inside the house and got dinnerware, drink and other food in the way of side dishes to go with the shark.


They skinned and cooked the fish together and a lot of kissing, touching in the manner of playfully slapping, shoving and tapping each other took place.  The two males couldn’t keep their hands off each other.  And, when they got the fish cook, they sat right there at the roasting campfire and finger fed each other.  They didn’t use any dinnerware other than cups.  Everything… the fish and the side dishes they place on leaves and then they ate directly off each other’s fingers to consume the food.


“Look at that, Brian.  Not even two full days in the wilderness and you and I have already descended to wild savages.”


“And, you’re the most desirable savage I’ve ever seen, jungle-boy… or should I say ME Tarzan and YOU Jane.”


“Fuck you, Brian,” Justin good humouredly snapped at him.


“Would you rather I had call you Cheetah instead?”


“Funny, Brian, do I look like a monkey to you?”


“Do you really want me to answer that?”


And, then Justin punched Brian in the arm.


After they ate they cleaned up outside after themselves but any dinnerware that they used they put inside the sink with the morning dishes.  They then retired to the living room.  However, the moon was not like it was the night before so they lit the fireplace to get a cozy glow.


“Let’s get this fireplace going?”  Justin suggested and Brian and he got it going and then they cuddled up on the couch and watched the flames. 


“This is so romantic, Brian.”


“It’s definitely what honeymoons are made of,” Brian agreed with him.  “And, I do recall being able to do something similar to this in Paris.”


“Do you know what the biggest difference between this honeymoon and our first honeymoon?”  Justin asked.


“So much is different, Justin, and on so many levels.  It would take quite a bit of concentration to narrow it down to the biggest difference.”


“What I think is the biggest difference is that we know so much more about each other now.  On our first honeymoon, we were just getting to know things about each other.  We talked about ourselves a lot more during our first honeymoon than this one.”  Justin summarized.


“Well, that’s understandable.  We were just getting to know each other.  The first time we got married, we did it pretty quickly.  One day we were meeting for the first time in that theatre on Liberty Avenue, next thing we knew we were married to each other – although we barely knew each other.”


“But we knew at least that we were in love,” Justin sentimentally expressed.  “And, I never saw it as us, barely, not knowing each other, even then, Brian.”


“Huh?”


“I feel I’ve known you all my life.  I just didn’t know about your experiences then such as the places you’ve been, things you’ve done and the people you’ve met.  However, I felt from nearly the first day that we met that I already knew you… the man.  Now, this time around I don’t only feel I know, you, but I also know all those other things about you already.  So, now instead of spending this time getting to know you, I just want to spend this time enjoying you, especially when I think how short-lived it’s going to be.  I’m aware of how quickly a year goes by.”


“Well, let’s not talk about that.  Let’s just pack as much enjoyment into this one year as we can.”  However, Brian didn’t hold true to his own declaration, when he asked next, “Are you really going away after the second divorce?  Where?”


“Yes, and I dunno.”


“Huh?”


“I know I’m going away because I already promised you that I would get out of your hair.  But, what I don’t know yet is where I’m going.  I guess I’ll have a better idea of where to when the time comes.  And, not only that, but I won’t have the riches that I own now, so that would impact gravely on where I might go.  It has to be somewhere I could afford.”


Brian then buried his chin on top Justin’s head and instinctively tightened his embrace around him and held him much tighter than he realized.  And, Justin’s body ached so much he had to complain, “Hey, I’m not going anywhere this instance, Brian.  You don’t have to hold me so tight that every muscle in my body aches and I can barely breathe.”


“Sorry, Justin,” Brian loosened his grip, “Is that better now?”


“Much better,” Justin murmured as he cozily rest up against Brian’s burning hot chest.  It was the most warm and comfortable spot on the planet to be.


“Happy honeymoon, Justin,” Brian brought his mouth to Justin’s ear and said.


“Happy honeymoon back at you, Brian.  I love you.”


“I…,” Brian paused and didn’t say anything further, but that only sparked intense curiosity in Justin.


“What were you going to say, Brian?”


“Nothing.”


“No, you were going to say something… what is it?”


“You probably don’t really want to know, Justin.”


“Why wouldn’t I?”


“Because I can’t necessarily promise you that what I was about to say was sincere or it was just the agreement talking.”


“Tell me anyway.  I don’t mind too much if it was the agreement talking.”


“I was simply about to respond that:  I know.”


“Know what?”


“I know that you love me.”


“Do you really know that, Brian?”


“Does it really matter, Justin?”


“Yes, it matters to me.  So, what do you know?”


“I know whatever it is you WANT or TELL me to know.  I definitely recall the terms of our deal.”


Justin was almost sorry he asked then.  And, he hated the uncertainty surrounding Brian and his relationship.  That is, constantly trying to figure out what was real and what was Brian just playing along with the deal. 


And, sometimes when he had to wonder if anything was real, he would think about on top of the mountain when he almost fell to his death, how Brian had held him so tight and close, and how his husband’s heart beat erratically out of control.  That part had to be real – you just can’t fake something like that. 


However, deep thought made Justin rethink that even, when he asked himself:  What if Brian was out of breath and his heart beat uncontrollably because he was just tired and beaten down by the long hike up the mountain?   Considering that possibility, Justin didn’t know what to think then.  And, then he thought some more and remembered:  Brian told me that he loved me when he thought I was asleep.  And, he didn’t dare ask himself:  ‘How real was that?’


“Maybe, I shouldn’t think so much, Brian,” Justin thought out loud, “Instead, I should just cherish our time together and not fret so much about every little ‘why’ and ‘if’.”


“Yeah,” Brian agreed, “We both ought to just go with the flow.  And, what does it matter anyway, when we all know how this ends.  That is provided you keep your end of the bargain when our year is up.  You give me back all my possessions… and I go my way… and you go your way.  It’s all as simple as that.”


And, Justin had to fight back the tear when Brian said that because to him that was a clear indication that Brian still doesn’t fully trust him.


“Are you all right?”  Brian asked when he noticed the quick change in disposition in Justin, and like earlier he tightened his embrace around Justin to the point it hurt again.


“I’m good,” Justin answered.  “I was just thinking.”


“Didn’t you just say you shouldn’t think so much?”


“Yeah, but… I was thinking that a year can be a very short while, or even a very LONG while, depending on what you are trying to accomplish.” And, Justin wondered if a year was enough time to get Brian to trust him again.  “Brian?”


“Yeah?”


“You’re holding me too tight again.”

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