Chapter 178: The Accidental Spouse
“Hi, Bri, what’s up?” Ted asked over his cell, as he begun to cuddle up on the couch with his new husband Harold. “Harry, it’s your cousin Brian,” Ted casually informed him, as he leaned his back up against Harold’s chest.
“Hi, Bri,” Harold shouted out to his cousin, and then he wrapped both arms around Ted and embraced him tightly.
“Hi, Harry,” Brian hollered back at him, and then he resumed talking with Ted. “Ted, I’ve finally decided when I’m returning to work.”
“When?”
“Not this Monday coming up but the following one.”
“Good, Brian, I’ll certainly be happy to have your presence around the company again. Do you want me to notify everyone, or keep it under wraps?”
“Tell absolutely no one, Ted. I don’t want too much excitement my first day back.”
“Oh, since when don’t you welcome the fanfare and fireworks, Brian?”
“Ohhh, let’s just say I had enough excitement this weekend to last me for a lifetime.”
“Oh? What happened over the weekend that was so exciting?”
“I rather not say. See you at Kinnetic in a week’s time, Ted. Later for now.”
Brian disconnected and then Dan (who was still inside the hotel room in Vegas with him) walked up on his back and kissed his left shoulder.
“Brian.”
“What?”
“Which hyphenated name do you prefer – Middleton-Kinney or Kinney-Middleton?”
“What difference does it make, Danny? You shouldn’t get too enthused about either. As soon as we are back inside the Pitts and Monday rolls around, we’re going to visit my lawyers and get this damn fiasco annulled. So, enjoy the rest of this weekend being the new Mrs. Brian Kinney, because it won’t be long before you are just plain old Ms. Middleton again.”
“Sure, Bri,” Dan said, and then he kissed Brian’s shoulder again. “Wanna fuck, hubby?”
“You bet I wanna fuck, but, call me hubby just one more time and we won’t be getting this thing annulled after all.”
“Huh? You mean you want to stay married to me?” Dan got so excited.
“No. I just meant we’ll get out of this thing the old fashion way. That is until death instantaneously do us part, but I guarantee you I won’t be the one who was murdered,” Brian threatened, and then smilingly he gluttonously rushed his delectable new husband down on the bed and devoured him.
******
“What do you think you’re doing, Danny-Boy?” Brian asked when they arrived back in the Pitts and Brian flagged a cab at Liberty Airport and Dan got inside the back seat with him. “Don’t you think you ought to get your own cab? There are thousands of them, you know.”
“Oh? But don’t I get to go back home with my new hubby?”
“How many times have I told you already not to call me that, Dan; and your fantasy marriage ended the moment we got off the plane, and it officially ends Monday morning – the day after tomorrow. As soon as you and I meet with my lawyers next week – this thing is history and so are you.”
“Fine; I agree, but until then can’t a boy dream, Brian. Come on, Brian, take me home with you, and let’s just play house for these two days at least – please?”
“Okay, you can stay the rest of the weekend at the loft with me, Dan. But I’m only agreeing to it because I really should keep you close and a stern eye on you, because I don’t want to have to come looking for the day after tomorrow to get this thing annulled.”
“So, I’m the other Mr. Brian Kinney for the rest of the weekend then?”
“Sure, and lucky you… but like I said… don’t get too used to it, Danny-Boy.”
“What’s that, Brian? Is that’s your cell ringing, and what’s with that ring tone… You Are My Sunshine? Kind of corny.”
“Never mind that, Danny.” Brian told him, and then he answered the call. “What’s up Ted?”
“Brian, after I told Harold that you were returning to work (the week after next) he suggested that the three of us should celebrate. We can go to one of the clubs on Liberty. It would be a nice way to ring in your arrival back to work.”
“Umm… you want me to go out with you tonight,” Brian pondered on that for a few seconds. “Umm… Ted, do me a favor?”
“Huh?”
“Please refrain from saying the word RING to me!”
“Huh? What? Why?”
“Never mind, Theodore, but,” Brian looked over at Dan who was in the kitchen area preparing dinner for them. “No I won’t be able to go out with you guys tonight. I’m rather busy right now.”
“Oh, I guess I know what that means? So how HOT is he, Bri – blond or burnet?”
“Oh, you wouldn’t believe how HOT things are around here at the moment, Theodore,” Brian sardonically stated (staring over at Dan making himself really busy inside his kitchen, and the entire time Brian was twisting the ring around his finger). “Later, Ted.”
“Later, Brian. Bye, but have fun.”
“You do the same, Ted, and thanks for the offer. Bus since I’m not returning to work for another week, so how about a rain check?”
“You got it, Bri. Just let me know when you’re ready to cash that rain check in.”
“Will do, Ted. Later,” Brian then disconnected.
“Dinner’s ready,” Dan then announced. “I’m about to set the table.”
“Thanks, little woman of the house – my accidental spouse,” Brian teased, and then he walked over and took a seat at the table, and sat down to a delicious and quiet dinner with his old boyfriend who during a crazy drunken second became his new spouse, and Brian stared oddly at him as they sat and ate.
“So how was your meal?” Dan fished for compliments after Brian and he was done eating. “Kind of like old times, huh, Bri?”
“Not really, Dan. I don’t recall you being such a good cook. You’ve definitely acquired a new talent since back in the day when you and I were an item.”
“You’d be amazed how many new talents I’ve acquired, Brian. If we stayed married a little longer than…”
“Don’t even wish for it, Danny-Boy. Monday morning this thing comes to an abrupt end.”
“How about some dessert, Brian?”
“Sure,” Brian simply nodded.
*****
“You REALLY don’t have to do that,” Brian said as he sat comfortably at his graphing desk and got on his Apple™ desktop Sunday morning and watched Dan (his new husband) start cleaning house immediately after they had breakfast and got dressed. “I have a maid that comes in during the week. Leave it. She’ll take care of it. It’s what I pay her to do.”
“Hey,” Dan said as he got the vacuum started. “I said I wanted to continue playing house with you, and get a real feel of what being married was like, and since this is so short lived I got to pack as much experience as possible into this very short spell.”
“It’s Sunday already, Dan. Monday will roll around before either of us even realize.”
“Yeah, I know. So after I do all the house cleaning why don’t you and I go food shopping or something or go to the Laundromat… or do whatever else married couples usually do?”
“Again – maid’s job.”
“So what do married couples do all day then, Brian… especially newlyweds like ourselves?”
“This couple gets an annulment first thing Monday morning, Danny-Boy,” Brian sarcastically answered.
“Briannnn,” Dan whined. “I remember you being a real ethical business man, so what happened to a deal being a deal? You did promise to indulge me for the rest of the weekend. You’re really not playing very nice right now though.”
“You’re right, Dan. A deal is a deal, so what can I further do to entertain your I want to be married to a billionaire for a weekend fantasy? I can be accommodating… this one time, I guess.”
“I just want this thing to be a realistic as possible. After all we have an agreement.”
“What did you say!”
“I said we have an agreement.”
“Fuck! Say that once more to me, and you’ll see just how fast I can do a 180 and renege on a deal. Dan, never say we have an agreement to me ever again.”
“Whoa, calm down, Bri. Are we having our first marital quarrel already? Why so testy all of a sudden? What was that all about?”
“Let’s just say I’m filthy rich, and affluent couples don’t do such domesticated things like household chores like cleaning and laundry, and shopping for themselves.” However, Brian could recall that Justin and he did do some of those things together during that brief period that he had made a fruitless attempt to convince Justin that he was a poor man. “But they don’t do any kind of agreements but ironclad prenups.”
“So what kind of things does a married RICH couple do?”
“I don’t know what they do – I just know what it was that Justin and I used to do. However, that’s nobody’s business but Justin and mine’s.”
“Okay. I’ll give you that. But what do you suggest we do NEXT as a married couple?”
“Get an annulment,” Brian callously snickered once more.
“Come on, Brian. You said just agreed that a deal is a deal, and that you’ll humor me for the rest of the weekend. I think you can do a lot better than this. So what’s next on the agenda? We must be able to do something that the average married couple does other than just fuck.”
“Well,” Brian mellowed a bit, and said, “I’m returning to work soon and a lot of my business attire is kind of outdated. I can use a new wardrobe. So, let’s go shop for some clothes. I’ll buy you something too… something really nice to wear to that physical therapist convention you’re attending in New York City that you told me about.”
“Oh yeah. I recall that being one of your favorite pastimes, Brian, but it’s not what the average married couple does… is it?”
“Well, do you want to experience what it is to be married to me, Dan, or do you want to be married to the average person? That can be arranged, you know. Now do you want to go shopping with me until we DROP or not?”
“Let’s go shopping.”
********
“FUCK! I didn’t think you meant that literally,” Dan said, as he exhaustingly dropped facedown on the couch after Brian and he returned back to the loft after shopping away the entire morning and most of the afternoon.
“You look really pooped,” Brian teased. “You better take a nap while I go back out.”
“To do what – some more shopping? But where would you find even another single purchase? You’ve bought out every store we visited! And I think we visited them all! I now recall one of the reason it was torture being your boyfriend, Brian. Who has a love affair with material things like you do?”
“Hey, I want what I want, Danny. You haven’t forgotten that about me – have you?”
“Who could forget that about you, Brian, as well as love you for it. There’s a lot, Brian, I still admire and love about you, and how about we extend this blissful union beyond…” Dan started to plea, but was interrupted by the ringing of Brian’s cell.
“How the fuck did she get my number?”
“Are you going to get that?” Dan asked when Brian looked hesitant to answer the call. “Who’s she?”
“She is Joanie… my mother. FUCK!”
“Oh, it figures now. I remember you always getting this way whenever any member of your family calls. So, are you going to answer it?”
“No. I’ll let it go into voicemail, and then I’ll call her back when I’m ready.”
“Things are still really intense there, huh?” Dan concernedly asked.
“Always have been and I guess always will be,” Brian affirmed, and then he went immediately into checking his voicemail. “Melanie, you bitchhhh.” Brian snapped when he was done listening to his mother’s message.
“Who’s Melanie?” Dan asked. “I thought you said it was your mother calling?”
“My mother said in her message that Melanie was the one who gave her this number. Bitch knew that I wouldn’t appreciate that but she did it anyway. She’ll get hers one of these days for sure.”
“Oh?”
“Dan, I got to go.”
“Go where?”
“My mother asked me to come around to my sister’s place and see them.”
“Ohhhh. What about me? We had an,” he started to say agreement, but he recalled how Brian flew off the handle earlier when he said that phrase, but he still don’t know why. “I mean a deal is a deal, Brian, and you promised to be exclusively with me this entire weekend, but you can’t do that if I’m here and you’re visiting with your mother.”
“Dan, I’m anxious to go visit my family and get it over with. I haven’t seen any of them in nearly three years (not since my near fatal accident or after my father passed away); and I’ve been back here in the Pitts long enough to have visited them by now. However, I’ve been putting it off like a much dreaded appointment to the dentist office.”
“Still… what about your promise to me?”
“Yeah that. What do we do about that?” And Brian that quickly made a decision. “I’ll make it up to you by staying married to you one additional day. So we will postpone the annulment until Tuesday.”
“Thanks, Brian.”
“You’re welcome. Later though. I’m now rushing off to visit the old Kinney clan.”
“But Brian?”
“Yeah?”
“What kind of condition will you be in when you return from there?”
“Huh? Excuse me? What are you are you talking about?”
“I recall what kind of shape you usually returned home in whenever you visited with your dad or mom.”
“I’ll be just fine this time, Dan. You don’t have to worry about me. Thanks though.”
“You’re welcome, and I’ll be here for you when you get back. But Brian?”
“What now, Dan?”
“You really didn’t attend your own father’s funeral?”
“No. Back then, I just wasn’t in any condition where I could bring myself to attend.”
“You don’t have to explain that to me, Brian. I know you only too well. You didn’t want anyone seeing you while you were LESS THAN PERFECT.”
Brian then called him mother back and confirmed that he was on his way over.
“Later, Dan,” Brian said, and then he rushed out of there and went to his sister Claire’s place.