Chapter 176:  Take A Cue From Ethan and Brian

“What kind of insanity is this, Clay?  You once told me that your husband was dead, now you claiming he’s alive?  Which is it, damn it!  Have you been lying to me all this time! Is that what your sisters-in-law were trying to tell me at the wedding?”

“Justin, when I told you that Uri had died, I sincerely believed he might have.”

“Might have?  What the fuck is that supposed to mean… how could you not know for sure!”

“I just told you that Uri was lost at sea, Justin, but his body was never found.  So, I only assumed he was dead because his boat was such a wreckage, and up until now nobody was able to find him.”

“What!  You assumed, Clay!”

“Yes, I really thought my husband had died in a boating accident.  So, it came as such a shock when I saw his face on the news and then I got the call from a P.I. that my sister-in-law Elizabeth had hired to search for her brother.  He had been searching all this time and only now located Uri on that island.”

“But when you told me he was dead, you didn’t really know for sure, but just happened to have left that pertinent detail out.”

“It had been three years, Justin.  That was a long time that passed and the more time that passed the more certain I had come to believe that he was dead.”

“Oh really, Clay?  Fuck, I remember now.”

“Huh?  Remember what?”  Clay asked.

“I remember the day we first met, and Ethan came along and had started telling me about what happened to your husband, but you cut him off and told me your version of the story instead.   Did you purposely do that because you feared Ethan was going to tell me that your husband had taken missing instead of officially claimed dead?  Fuck!  I wished I had been more perceptive when your sister-in-law (the younger one) made the wisecrack remark about not letting you misplace me like you did Uri.  What do you have to say for yourself now, Clay?  I think you’re scum for what you did!  You’ve even worse than Brian.”

“Really, Justin?  How bad are you with your secrets?”

“Excuse me!  Secrets!  What damn secrets!  Hardly did I lead you on and tell you that Brian was dead.”

“No but you lied to be me about him being quadriplegic, and I supposed that is not the only thing you lied about.”

“What?  But he was… umm… what do you mean it’s not the only thing I might have lied about?”

“Justin, that very day that we traveled from Munich to Berlin, I heard in the news that some people claimed they had seen Brian right here inside Europe and walking about.  I didn’t want to believe my ears at first until they said where in Europe.”

“What?  Where?”

“As if you didn’t know?  Right smack here in Paris and then in Berlin.  What coincidences is it that people are claiming to have seen your ex-husband in those particular two places here in Europe, Justin?  Furthermore, when you and he were together in Paris, and then in Berlin, what did you and he do?”

“What?”

“You know what I’m asking you, Justin?  Was Brian the reason you didn’t open the bathroom door right away when I had knocked that day?”

Justin just stayed silent.

“Answer me, damn it, Justin!”

“Is that the reason you went back to Brussels and starting operating again, and then went to the island and stayed away and didn’t call me in all this time?”  Justin asked.

“Well,” Clay didn’t answer, instead he posed a question of his own instead.  “Is that your way of admitting that you have been lying to me all this time about Brian being quadriplegic, and you had sex with him even before I honeymoon was in full bloom?  Shit!  When were you and he together at this house in Paris?  Did you fuck him here too, and in this bed… or the bathroom maybe?”

“No, of course not.  I didn’t know Brian had been here in Paris, until after the fact.”

“After the fact?  What fact?”

“After I ran into him in Berlin?”

“Ran into him where in Berlin?”

Justin paused again.

“Well, Justin, answer me, where did you run into Brian while we were in Berlin?”

“He was already there inside our bathroom when I arrived back to our rental.”

“Why was he there?”

“Michael had brought him there to that apartment to see Gus, and they were going out to a restaurant to eat, but Brian had to use the bathroom, so Michael and the boys went ahead to the restaurant while Brian returned to the apartment to use the toilet.  I just happened to accidentally stumble upon him there.”

“And then what?  What were the two of you doing in the bathroom when I knocked?”

“Clay,” Justin started to tear up.  “I’m so sorry, but you betrayed me too when you led me to believe that Uri was dead; and I suppose you’ve done more than just sat around and gazed into each other’s eye in all that time.”

“I really thought Uri was dead, Justin.”

“But you never told me that he was missing – you specifically told me that he was dead, and I know NOW that you purposely did that. But I didn’t lie when I told you Brian was quadriplegic, and he really was that way when I told you that.  I only found out that he got the use of his extremities back when I found him inside that bathroom that day.  I was absolutely shocked to see him there, and I didn’t mean to do… do… do it with him.  I just got so caught up in the… I don’t even know what to call it.  Seeing my ex-husband there… literally STANDING there, I couldn’t think straight at that moment, Clay?  And, you should be able to relate to that – I can only imagine how you felt seeing Uri alive again.”

“Hufff,” Clay heavily sighed, and then he dropped down on the bed and his buttocks collapsed there.  “It seemed Fate has really fucked us both over something really badly, hasn’t she?”

“Really, Clay?  I think it was you who fucked me over a lot more than Fate did, actually?”

“What?  You cheated on me, Justin, right under my fucking damn nose!”

“Whose fault is that, Clay?”

“What?  You’re going to blame me for your infidelity?”

“Yes.  Why not?  You are the blame, damn it!  None of this might have ever happened if you had been honest with me from the start, because had you been you and I might not have even been a couple (what as much as married to each other).”

“What!  How do you figure?”

“Tell me, Clay, how much of a fucking naïve idiot or a fool do you take me to be?  You intentionally stopped Ethan from telling me that your husband was missing at sea, and prevented me from finding out any other way, and that’s why you rushed to marry me so quickly?  Didn’t you?”

“Justin…”

“No!  Don’t try to pacify me!  Damn you, Clay!”  Justin wept.  “Now you’ve deceived me just like all the other men in my life (before you) have done!  You’re no different from Ethan, Brian, or Jensen.  Fuck!  Everyone is so fucking deceitful!”

“It wasn’t my intent to deceive you, Justin.”

“Oh, no!  Then what was your intent when you lied to me about Uri?  Did you lie because you figured if you had leveled with me, I might not have been so quick to tie the knot with you, and did you marry me so soon because you want to make sure you did before someone told me the truth?”

“There might be some truth in that, but still I sincerely believed that Uri was dead though, and I really did like you.”

“That’s no excuse, Clay.  You still should have told me.  I had the right to know!”

“Really, Justin?  Would you have taken a chance on me had I told you that Uri was missing at sea, and no one knew for sure if he was alive or not?”

“Well, I guess we will never know now – will we!”

“I’m so sorry, Justin.”

“I’m so sorry really doesn’t cut it, Clay.  I truly know now why Brian hates that phrase so much!”

“Brian,” Clay murmured his name.  “Face it, Justin - you’ve as much enslaved to Brian as I am to Uri.”

“I was getting pass all that, Clay.”

“Really?  Is that why you fucked him in Berlin, while we were still on our honeymoon?”

“I explained to you already why that happened, and we could have moved passed that had you not let what you heard in the news about people seeing Brian influence you so much.”

“Is that meant to be funny, Justin.  How could I not let what I had heard in the news affect me?  It was that moment that I suspected that Brian and you fucked in that bathroom that night.  Do you know what it took for me to look the other way, goddamn it?”

“Well, I guess you got through it as well as you did because you were lying to me too.  So, what happens now?  You and I did really get married.”

“What do you want to happen, Justin?”

“I know I don’t want another failed marriage, Clay.”

“I was afraid you might say that, Justin.”

“Afraid I might say that?  What the hell is that suppose to mean?  You are my spouse.”

“Justin.”

“Stop saying my name.”  Justin then snickered.  “I can’t believe this – me and my many failed marriages!  It just seems like marriage and me just don’t mix! Huh, Clay?”  However, our union had to be the biggest fiasco of them all.  I really screwed up BIG TIME, this time.  I actually married someone who’s already married!”  Justin started laughing.

Clay said nothing he just simply looked solemn at Justin.

“I just can’t fucking win.. can I!”  Justin chuckled.  “My first marriage, I screwed Brian over, and that ended in divorce; we remarried and he fucked me over then.  Next, I get engaged to a suicidal racist slash rapist.  Boy, can I really pick ‘em, huh?”  Justin started laughing heartier then.   “Last of all I picked you – which is it, Clay – bigamist or polygamist?  Do you have any more husbands other than just Uri and me?”

Clay didn’t mean to, but he actually smiled a little, but it made him feel like total shit to do that and then he grimaced.

“That’s all right, Clay,” Justin kidded, “I don’t mind one bit if you laugh at me.  I was laughing first.  Actually maybe we should laugh together, because this SHIT is really hilarious… isn’t it?”

“Justin.  There’s nothing funny about it.  I’m sorry that I smirked just then.  I didn’t mean to.”

“No one ever means to do what he does – does he, Clay?”

“I can’t speak for the other men in your life, Justin, but I meant you no harm, and my love for you is so real.  Regardless of everything, I really did care about you.”

Justin didn’t rush to respond as Clay and he just sat quietly for a short spell.

“You care about me, huh?  What is that supposed to really mean, Clay?  Does that mean you just care about me, but it’s Uri that you are actually in love with?  Uri – the man whom you haven’t seen for three years because he was stranded (that long) on a island somewhere; and you mean to tell me he couldn’t have built himself a damn boat in all that time?”  Justin wisecracked.  “Still you didn’t answer my question – what’s happens now?”

“Are you suggesting that I divorce Uri, and stay married to you?”

“How farfetched does that actually sound to you, Clay?”

“Justin, the last thing I want to do is break your heart, but Uri’s my first love.  I’m thirty-seven… I’ve been in love with him since I was seventeen.  That’s twenty years of loving that man – that’s almost a lifetime actually.  You can’t expect me to just turn off emotions such as those.  I’ll always be in love with him.”

“But what about me?  Do I just come in second place with you!  You said you were in love with me.  For fuck sake, Clay, we haven’t been married that long – we are still newlyweds!”

“I do care about you, Justin, but I’m in love with my husband Uri; and I’ve been in love with him, and married to him, a lot longer than I’ve been with you.”

“Fuck!  Up until just two weeks ago, you hadn’t seen him in three years.”

“What difference does that make… a similar thing could almost be said about Brian and you… but I bet that doesn’t make you any less in love with him.”

“I dare you say that, after you were the one who talked me out of going back to Brian when you decided you wanted me.  Now I’m going to end up alone, because you are going to leave me for Uri?  Aren’t you?”

“Justin, you’re young, beautiful, and amazingly talented… you can have any man you choose?  Hey, you can even get Brian back.”

“Oh really?  That’s pretty damn dandy of you to say I can have any man I choose, when you’re literally pushing me out the fucking door right now, Clay.”

“I never wanted or thought it would ever come to this, Justin, but you have to know that you and I can’t work it out after all that has happened?   You cheated on me with your ex-husband, and now my real husband has resurfaced.  How do you figure either of us can get pass that?”

“Real husband?  What?  Isn’t our marriage just as real? And, what about Gus and J.C., they consider you their other dad!  You don’t mind breaking their hearts either?”

“I don’t want to break anyone’s heart, Justin.  This entire ordeal is just a terrible twist of fate.”

“Will you stop with the ‘Fate’ crap already!”

“Justin.”

“Clay, you’re going to leave me for Uri, aren’t you?”

“Justin.”

“Of course you’re going to leave me for your reckless racecar driver.  Even if he hadn’t come back from the grave, you would’ve left me eventually, simply because marriage is toxic when it comes to me! So, here I go again – divorce for a third time or marriage annulled – whatever.  So why don’t you just take a lesson for Ethan and Brian, and start packing already Clay.”  Justin then chuckled.  “Brian, for one, didn’t even bother to pack before he left me – he was just instantly gone!”

“Okay, Justin, I’ll pack now.”

Clay got up and got a suitcase and started the packing.

“No Clay, stop packing please.”

“What?”

“Can you NOT pack and go this very instant.”

“What?  I don’t understand, Justin.  You do realize that it’s over between us – don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do.  You made yourself clear enough.”

“Then why are you asking me to stop packing?”

 “I know you have to do that eventually, Clay.  But do you have to rush away right this instant?”

“What do you mean, Justin?”

“Can you be courteous enough to stick around for just a little bit longer?”

“Why?”

“I need some time, Clay, can you afford me that much at least?”

“Time for what?”

“Time to adjust.  So can you hold off telling other people that it is over between us?  Please, Clay?”

“But why, Justin?”

“I’m not asking for myself – but for my boys.  I need you to keep quiet and put up appearances, just long enough for me to get my head around this, and let it sink in, and figure out the right way to tell them.  They regarded you as their other dad, Clay.  It’s not going to be easy on them when I tell them that you’re leaving us.  And, to be absolutely honest, I need some time too.  I’m not immediately up for dealing with what’s to come from my family and friends right now.”

“What’s to come, Justin?”

“The funny looks and all that well wishing they do when they know you’re about to go through a divorce.  You don’t know what that is like, Clay, but I do.  I’ve been through that song-and-dance twice before when both my marriages with Brian ended; and it’s not pretty – not the least bit pleasant and I’m just not ready for it right now.  Please, Clay, can you stick around just long enough for me to work this thing out in my head, and figure out how to tell the boys?”

“Justin, Uri needs time to adjust too.  He’s been alone on that island for three years without seeing and interacting with any other people.  Can you imagine what he might be going through?”

“Where is he now?”

“He’s at his parents’ place, and his two sisters are there with him too.”

“Well, he certainly have a lot of love ones surrounding him and helping he sort all this out.  So, will you stay for a little while, Clay?  Can you do at least that much for me, Clay?”

“Okay, I stay for appearance sake and the boy’s sake for as long as you need me to, provided it’s not too long; but I have to divide my time between Uri and you.  He needs me too?  And I can’t continue to sleep with you under the circumstances.  So, are you okay with that?”

“I guess I’d have be, Clay.”

Justin’s cell rang then, and Clay got up and started removing his clothes from the suitcase and returning them back to the closet and drawers.”

“Hi, Grandma.”  Clay heard Justin say to the caller.  “Everything is going to be okay.  Clay and I worked it out.  I don’t have a lot of time to talk right now though, Grandma.  So, I have to get off the phone.  However, I’ll call back you when I have more time to talk.  Bye for now.

“I need a drink,” Justin announced after he ended the call with his grandmother.  “Would you like something, Clay?”

“A scotch would be good.”

“I’ll make it for you,” Justin said and then he exited the bedroom and went into the living room and made the drinks and returned back to bedroom and gave Clay is drink inside a glass, but he had full bottle of Vodka, and he drank directly from that bottle.  It wasn’t long before Justin was drunk and he flopped belly-down on the bed and pouted and groaned, and Clay left the room.

Justin then made a call to Ethan.

“Hi, Justin, what’s up?  Did Clay come back home yet?”

“Yeah, he’s back home, but tell me something, Ethan?”

“Sure.  What do you want to know?”

“Ethan, you used to be one of my boyfriends… my first serious one actually; so answer me this… what the fuck is there about me that is so un-fucking-lovable?”

“What… huh, Justin?”  Ethan chuckled.  “What’s going on with you?  Your voice sound kind of groggy there.  If I didn’t know any better I’ll swear you were drunk?”

“I am fucking drunk… absolutely smashed, but still answer my question – why can’t anyone love me?”

“I can’t believe you’re even asking that question, Justin?  This level of depression is so unlike you… and, besides there’s absolutely nothing about you that is unlovable?  Justin, where’s your husband?  Where’s Clay?”

“In the other room somewhere I guess.”

“Justin, how bad are things with Clay and you right now?”

“Bad, Ethan?  Who said things were bad between us, especially when it couldn’t be any better.”

“Really, Justin?  You don’t sound like everything is all that good.”

“It’s all good, Ethan.  It really is?”

“Then why are you feeling so unloved right now, Justin?” Ethan inquired.

“It’s like the old saying or old candy-bar jingle, Ethan, you know the one.”

“Which one is that, Justin?”

“The one that says:  sometimes you feel like a nut and some times you don’t.  So, I guess there must be other times when you feel lovable and sometimes you don’t.  Do you know the feeling, Ethan?    Now answer my earlier question… why am I so unlovable?”

“I told you already, Justin, that that just isn’t true, and that you’re one of the most lovable people I know.”

“Oh really, if that is true, then why couldn’t you and I make it?”

“You wanted more than I could give at that time in my life, Justin.  You couldn’t understand that… let’s say I wanted variety in my life… and you wanted…”

“Oh, please Ethan, call it what it really fucking was!  You wanted to fuck around!”

“Whatever… but you wanted commitment… and hardly do those two ingredients mix.”

“You think overall I have bad taste in men?”

“Hey, how can I agree with that theory without putting myself out there to dry?  Where is that question coming from, especially if things are okay with Clay, like you just claimed?”

“I assure you that our marriage is just fine, but what if it’s not, Ethan?  Would you say then I have really bad taste in men?”

“Not necessarily, instead I might say maybe you just got a knack for picking the wrong man for yourself.”

“You think both Brian and Clay were bad candidates for me to fall in love with?”

“I can’t say that for certain about Clay.  Now, he’s a man who is a helluva good catch, but Brian… umm… eck!  Other than he was so fucking gorgeous and obscenely rich, and probably really good in bed…”

“How would you know that… how good in bed Brian was?  He never fucked you.”

“You told me how good, and Michael told me too.  Recall you once said that he’s really wonderful in bed but there was always a problem whenever you two weren’t inside a bed together.  That didn’t sounded like a winning combination to me either, Justin.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, but things might be different now.”

“How you figured?”

“Well, Brian’s quadriplegic… so now he’d always be refined to a bed – and if he and you were together right now, you’ll probably finally have him just where you need him to be… flat on his back inside a bed.”

“Are you drunker than I am?  And he’s not anymore, you know?”

“Huh?  He’s not what?”

“Brian’s not quadriplegic anymore, Ethan.  He can walk and swing his arms about, just like the rest of us, and his dick started working to its full capacity too.”

“Now whose alcohol is speaking for him?”

“No, I’m totally serious, Ethan.  Brian is completely whole again… he has working arms, working legs, and a working dick too.”

“Well, tell me that again when you sobered up, Justin.  Everybody knows Brian is quadriplegic and still down flat on his back.  Bye for now though, I have to hang up.  Chris needs me.”

“Okay bye, Ethan… and you enjoy your man… at least you got one… and you probably don’t even mind that he cheats on you.”

“What?  What the fuck are you talking about?  Did Clay cheat on you?”

“Never mind me right now, Ethan.  What about you and your man?”

“What about us?”

“Like you really didn’t know?  Chris even tried to bed-me-down once!”

“Bye, Justin!”  Ethan angrily hung up on him.  “CHRISSSS!”  He then called out to his mate.

“Bye,” Justin spoke to dead air in his drunken stupor, and then he put his cell phone on the nightstand.  “Hmm,” the then pondered, “I wonder what Daphne might say to me now?”

Justin then called Sid.

“Hi, Justin.  What pleasure do I owe this call?”

“Sid, how much longer am I on this dreadful tour?”

“Dreadful tour, Justin?  When did it get to be that?”  Sid laughed, and could hear the grogginess in Justin’s voice.  “Are you drunk?”  He then asked.

“This tour seems like forever already.”

“Well, you got just under three more months left… three months and some change, actually.”

“Oh, well speed it up… will you.”

“Justin.”

“Yeah?”

“What’s going on?  Why are you so drunk… and were you able to locate Clay yet?” 

“Clay’s back home with me, Sid.  Good night.”

“Good to hear that your husband is finally back home where he belongs, and good night, Justin.  I’ll see you at the gallery in the morning.”

Justin then felt fast asleep and dreamed someone was knocking at his bedroom door and he got up to answer it. “By fuck!  What are you doing here, Brian!”  He dazedly reprimanded him, and then he passed out, and was tumbling forward, and Brian caught his lethargic body inside his arms.

*****

            Justin awakened in the middle of the night that and was expecting to find Brian slumbering next to him in bed, but was even more upset to see no one was lying there beside him.  

“Brian!  Clay!  Ethan even!”  He chucked, after calling out their names.  “Fuck it.  To hell with them all,” he said and since the alcohol had not completely warn off yet, he was able to quickly fall back to sleep.