Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction
Author's Chapter Notes:

everyone's eyes are open - in more ways than one

 

 

 

 

Across town, Justin sat in his mother's living room, relaying the string of events that had happened since he had arrived back in Pittsburg. Jen was distressed to hear that Gus was so ill, and took a moment to call Debbie to see how she was handling everything while she waited for the teapot to whistle. She didn't mention that her son was sitting only a few yards away from her, astutely aware that Justin would want to make his presence known in his own time, in his own way.

"Of course you can stay here Justin, " Jennifer quickly told her son. "I wouldn't have it any other way. Who besides me knows that you are in town?"

Justin glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. Had the situation been different, he might have been amused at the blatant attempt to pump him for facts,  information he was sure she thought might help her find out if he had seen Brian yet. "Just Melanie, and Lindsay, and Brian," he said matter of factly, not giving her an opening to ask any more questions. "The four of us are going to meet back in Gus's room, and then decide a schedule from there, I guess, so that one of us is always in the room with him."

"Oh, Justin, do you think that's wise? After all, you're not really his..." Justin was grateful as he heard his cell phone ring, not wanting to hear the rest of what his mom had apparently decided needed to be said. After all this time, she still didn't understand that as far as he was concerned, and apparently the girls and Brian as well, Justin was just as much Gus's parent as any of them. The realization brought a new tear to his eye, as he looked down to see that the phone call was from Brian.

He answered with a start, afraid that he was about to hear news that he would not be able to handle. He sat down slowly as he heard Brian start to speak. "Justin, I'm on my way to pick you up" Brian told him. "No arguments...the doctors think that Gus is beginning to stir. I want all his parents there when he wakes up.  I'll be there in five minutes. Later."

Justin didn't know what to react to first. Gus might be coming around, that was the best news he could get. Brian was coming to get him, acting like the last 1 and ½ had never happened, and he would have to sit in the car with him for the trip back to the hospital , without letting on that he wanted nothing more than to jump into his arms, throwing his own arms around Brian's neck and hold on for dear life.

And then, what was that last thing he said? Later. The same word that they had used for so long, neither of them ever wanting to say good-bye again after the pain they had endured during their separations in the past.  Always...later. But that was before Brian, what left him, walked away, called it quits...no matter what you called it, they were over, and later held a promise that just didn't exist anymore.   

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The four anxious adults listened to the doctor as he told them that the swelling had gone down drastically, and it appeared that Gus was responding well to the medications. It would still be hours until he woke up completely, although the fluttering of his eyelids they had been noticing was definitely an indication that he was having periods of awareness of his surroundings. Still, they wouldn't know until he was fully awake if there had been any permanent damage done as a result of the high fever and the viral infection that had attacked the boys system.

As they had agreed, they took turns keeping watch at his bedside, alternating with trying to rest in the corner of the small waiting room and trips to the cafeteria for coffee and snacks to keep everyone energized.

Every so often, Gus's eyes would open, and then just as quickly close again, and while the episodes seemed more and more frequent, there still didn't seem to be any deliberate movement or responsiveness to those around him.

It was almost noon the next day, nearly twenty four hours since Gus has first slipped into a coma, that he opened his eyes and looked around him. The first thing he saw was his dada, head down on the side of his bed as he gave in to his exhaustion, arm through the side-rails as he gently but firmly held onto his son's tiny hand.

It was his next sight, though, that provoked a reaction from the little boy. As Justin walked through the door to relieve Brian so he could catch a few winks, Gus suddenly rambled, "Justin, you're here! Dada, wake up, my Justin's here. Where are we Justin? This room smells funny and my head hurts. Why are you crying, Justin? Come closer. I want you to be over here with me. Please Justin." The youngster seemed to become more and more frightened as he became increasingly aware of his surroundings.

Brian awoke with a start, hearing his son's excitement at the same time as he realized how scared and confused the child was becoming. "Hey, that's a fine how do you do. What about me, Sonny-boy. What am I, chopped liver?"  Brian tried to use humor to gently calm the young boy's fears.

"No, that's silly, Dada." Gus exclaimed as he smiled at the brunette rubbing his eyes at his bedside, "but I see you all the time. I haven't seen Justin in a long time. Not since the day after Mommy and Mama took me to see The Smurfs at the big theater. "   

Brian smiled to himself, glad that his son was awake, but wanting to gently help his son become more oriented. "I don't think so, Sonny-boy. That was only three weeks ago. I'm sure it's been much longer than that since you saw Justin. You'll be less confused as you wake up more, and I'm sure Justin will help you remember the last time you saw him."

Gus's bottom lip began to quiver, as he looked at his dad and a single tear made its way down his tiny face. "I did see him, dada. I did. Tell him Justin!"

Brian looked towards Justin, who had now taken a seat on the other side of Gus's bed. He raised one eyebrow, a silent plea for help in clearing up the misunderstanding.

"That's right, little man," Justin said quietly, letting his eyes make contact with the deep pools of hazel that sat across from him. He looked down almost immediately, not wanting to let the other man see the emotions that he knew were written across his face. "We went to McDonald's and you got a Papa Smurf in your Happy Meal."

Brian's head snapped up in surprise. "You were here? Here in Pittsburg? Why didn't anyone say anything to me?"

"No, Brian, I was in Butler, at the girls' house. I go as often as I can get away to visit with Gus. There was nothing I could do when you walked away from us, but I damn sure wasn't going to let Gus think that  our break-up made any difference between him and me. He needed to know that he was just as important to me as he always was, and that nothing could ever change how much I love him!" Justin said with more irritation than he meant to, not wanting to do anything to upset the boy, or to reveal more than he needed to know at his age about the ‘big people' drama going on around him.

"I am going to go tell the girls that Gus is awake, and then have the nurse alert the doctor as well." Justin said firmly, letting the brunette know without a doubt that the rest of this discussion would have to wait.

As Brian watched him walk away , he realized that even after all this time, this man who had stolen his heart still had the uncanny ability to astonish and amaze him.

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The two men sat at the concrete picnic table, eyes locked one moment, and averted the next. The doctor had arrived about a half hour after Justin had spoken to the charge nurse, and with a smile that reached all the way to his eyes, told the four parents standing right outside the child's room that he couldn't be more pleased with Gus' progress, and the fact that he recognized everyone and was carrying on quite the little conversations with everyone around him, there was no reason to think that there would be any long term neurological damage from his ordeal.

Mel and Lindsay wanted to spend some time alone with the child, and with all that had transpired, Brian and Justin were anxious to clear the air between them as well. They went to the cafeteria to grab a bite to eat, taking it outside where they could have more privacy to speak their peace.

Now that they were alone, however, neither knew exactly where to begin.

"How long have you been going to see Gus?" Brian asked, still stunned at how much better Justin was at this parenting thing than he thought he would ever be. "How often do you see him?"

Justin looked at the beautiful man across the table from him. Even after all this time apart, Brian could still make his heart beat faster and his breath catch in his throat. "I never stopped. I see him at least once a month, sometimes more often if he has something special he wants to do or an activity he wants me to attend. "

"I never thought I would be a father, and I know that Gus is not really my son, but he counts on me, and I made up my mind a long time ago that I would never let him down like my dad did me. "

"It was very important to me that he know that nothing could change how much I love him. I tell him all the time that he can tell me anything, and that I may not always understand or agree, but I will always listen, and not judge him."

Brian sighed as the corners of his mouth curled up into a smile. "I may be his father by nature, Justin. But no one could be a better father to that little boy than you. How did you pull this off all this time without me knowing about it?" Brian asked incredulously.

"I always talked with the girls before I made my plans, so that I could avoid overlap with your schedule. The last thing I wanted to do was interfere with your time with Gus, or make things uncomfortable by showing up at the same time you did. I knew that you didn't want me in your life anymore, and I tried to find a way to accept that. But I had to be sure that Gus knew that was between you and me, and had nothing whatsoever to do with him."

Brian ran his fingers through his hair, and left his fingers press across the bridge of his nose. He had no idea how to tell Justin what Michael had done, hell, he didn't understand any of it himself.

"Justin," Brian began, " do you remember the last time we saw each other? I had come up to New York for a three day week-end. You ended up having to work two of the days I was there and we hardly saw each other. I was so fucking disappointed, but I knew that you couldn't really help it. Then,  right after I got back, Mikey came up for that Comic Book convention and stayed at your place. "

"Yeah, I remember that. We didn't see each other very much because I had to work that week-end, too. My art had not taken off yet, and so I had to keep the jobs at both the gallery and the deli in order to pay for my apartment and my studio time. " Justin responded.

"Yeah, well," Brian continued, " he made it sound like you spent more time together that week-end than you apparently did. Then he came back and told me that we needed to talk. He told me that you wanted out, that the long distance thing was not working out for you, and that I was holding you back. He said that you told him that we had too much history for you to hurt me, and that you didn't know how to let me down easily. "

Justin's eyes flashed with a series of emotions that Brian could easily read, one at a time, as if some strange slide show was playing out right in front of him...shock, then confusion, hurt and then righteous indignation, leading up to the one he was seeing right now...total, combustible anger.

"Who the fuck does he think he is to play with people lives the way he does? We never had any such conversation. In fact, the only thing I can remember saying to him at all was that I couldn't wait until my artwork started supporting me, so that I could prove to you that I had met your goal, and I could come home. I hated being away from you...I still do. " The last part was whispered so low that Brian almost didn't here it. Almost.

"What are you saying, Sunshine? " the nickname flowing over his lips as easily as it ever did.

"I'm saying that even though you always told me I was free to do whatever I wanted, I knew you would never let me come home until I showed you that I had taken full advantage of the time and opportunities available in New York. Hell, I wanted to come home from the day I got there. Truth be told, I never wanted to get on that fucking airplane that morning at all. If it was up to me, we'd be an old married couple by now, living the life of my dreams. Because all my dreams are centered around you. Wherever you are is home for me."

Brian stood up and walked around to the other side of the table, pulling Justin up into his arms,  wrapping them around him and running his fingers through the silky blonde hair he had missed so much. "You have no idea how much I have missed this. Missed us! It almost killed me to walk away from you. I've been like an empty shell, because my heart and soul were somewhere in New York with you. I love you, Justin. Always have, always will."

The two men remained in their embrace, tears of joy flowing unrestrained, and the future brighter with possibility than ever before.  

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By the next day, Gus was sitting up in bed, and the IV had been removed. The doctor said he wanted to keep him for one more day to be sure there was no set-back, and then tomorrow he could go home.

Without the distraction of worry and fear, Mel and Lindsay began to notice that something was going on with Gus's two dads. Lindsay was the first to bring it up.

"So, Justin, now that Gus is out of the woods, do you have a plan for when you will be returning to New York? I'm sure that you have a lot of time to make up for having been down here for so many days. "

Justin looked back at her, the color rising in his cheeks as Brian stood by his side, tongue in cheek. "Actually, Lindsay, I do have a plan," he revealed. "A very specific plan, to be exact. "

"Oh," the two ladies sang in chorus. "Do tell," Mel said, sure of what Justin would say next, but not at all comfortable about how her partner was going to take the news.

"I am moving back to Pittsburgh," Justin told them, his face almost glowing from the joy he was finding it hard to contain. "I will stay until Gus is home and completely recuperated. Then , Brian and I are going up to New York to pack up my things. I have already spoken to a realtor who has someone to sublet my apartment, although I am going to keep my studio to use when I have to go back for shows or meetings. There is a separate bedroom and a kitchen area, and that's all we will need for the short trips that we will need to make from time to time. "

"We...Justin, have you really thought this through?" Lindsay asked, feeling the color drain from her face.  "You need to be where the action is, where your dreams can come true, and Pittsburgh is not it."

"That may have been your dream, Lindsay, but it's not mine. All my dreams begin and end right here, in Brian's arms. He's all I've ever wanted, and I wish I had never let you convince me to leave in the first place. But I did, and it taught me a lot. Now I know that I never want to be away from him again."

Mel put her arm around her partner saying, "come on, let's go take a walk. I think these two have more time to make up for. We'll be back in about a half an hour, and then you two can go plan your future. I'm sure that there are some, ummm, details, that you have not gotten to explore yet, with Gus being sick. Maybe you want to go back to the loft and, umm, clean up or something." Mel could barely contain her amusement. She was genuinely thrilled that the two men had found their way back to each other. She had known that they were each miserable without the other, and that nothing could fix it until they were back in each other's arms.

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Chapter End Notes:

TBC

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