CHAPTER SIX

On the horses of the carousel she rides along with you and me,

She rides like she knows wherever she goes we’ll be there.

On the carousel things are going well,

Everyone can tell we’re in love.

On the carousel you’re gonna like the way you feel.

-          The Great Divide - Neil Young

BRIAN

“So we’re flying in on Friday.”

I find myself smiling.  It’ll be wonderful to see Gus again.  It’ll be wonderful to see Linds.

“Where are you staying?”

“At my parents.”

I snort.  “I bet Mel’s really looking forward to that.”

There’s a silence.  Then Linds says brightly, “Oh, it’s just Gus and me.  Mel and J.R. are staying in Toronto.”

Ah.  So there is trouble in Magical Muncher Land.  I thought she’d sounded a little tense the last couple of times I’d spoken to her, but being Linds, she’d laughed it off.

“How’s Justin?” she asks, with an obvious attempt to change the subject.

“Last time I heard he was doing okay,” I reply.  “I haven’t spoken to him for a while.”

“Oh.”  She sounds sad, but not really surprised.  “Well, it was always going to be difficult at first, Bri.  He has to concentrate on getting established.  And I expect he’s really busy … I bet his feet haven’t touched the ground yet!”

I take a deep breath.  I’m surprised the family grapevine hasn’t already filled her in.  “Truth is, Linds, we’re finished.  It would never have worked in the long-term.  I guess we both knew that.”

“Oh Brian, I’m so sorry.”  The sympathy in her voice cracks me up a little, and I’m glad she can’t see my expression.  “I know how difficult it was for you to let him go, even though it was the right thing to do.  Still, think how much worse it would’ve been if you’d got married before the review came out … then he’d have really felt he had no choice other than to stay in Pittsburgh.  At least it’s better that you both saved yourselves that grief.”

“Yes,” I agree.  “Much better.”

“And sometimes, these things just don’t work out,” she says, and there’s a little catch in her voice.  “No matter how much you want them to.”

“Wendy, is everything alright?” I ask sharply.

“Of course, Peter!”  She laughs, that high brittle laugh which means things are everything but. “I’m just upset for you, that’s all!   Well, Gus will take your mind off things for a few days.  He’s so excited!  He’s been missing his Daddy so much, especially since Christmas.”

“I’ve missed him too,” I tell her truthfully.  “And his Momma.”

******************************************************

When I open the Loft door I’m expecting to be pounced on by an exuberant five-year old, but there’s only Linds, looking nervous and clutching her purse.

“Hey you,” I say, pulling her into a hug.  “Where’s Sonny Boy?”

“I left him with my Mom,” Linds replies, trying to smile and not doing a very good job of it.  “I’m sorry, Bri … I know you can’t wait to see him, but I need to talk to you.  And I don’t want to do it in front of Gus.”

She looks thinner, more drawn.  There are shadows under her eyes that I haven’t seen since the bad old Sam Auerbach days.  She’s fidgeting nervously with her hands, her purse.

I lead her to the couch and sit down beside her, taking her hand.  “Linds … what the fuck’s going on?”

She looks at me with over-bright eyes.  “I’ve left Melanie.”

“Oh.”  I thought it was serious.  “What’s she done this time, invited Leda to stay again?”

She smacks my arm, hard.  “God I hate you!  You always have to trivialise everything!”

“That’s because you two have split up more times than Prince Harry and Chelsea.”

She looks at me miserably.  “This time I think it’s for good, Brian.  I thought I understood her … I guess I don’t know her at all.”  She pulls a tissue from her purse and wipes her eyes with it.  “I always knew she had a temper … that she was a little volatile.  I just never thought …”

She takes a sudden, hitching breath and then she’s sobbing helplessly, her shoulders shaking with the violence of her tears.  Really worried now, I move closer and put my arm around her.  “Hey, come on, it can’t be so bad …”

“I didn’t think so either, at first,” she weeps.  “When she started getting so snappy with me and the kids I put it down to the fact that she was studying so hard, and trying to hold down that stupid office job as well.  And she kept bitching at me about the bills, and I tried really hard but the kids always needed stuff, and there was never enough money!  And so when I managed to get a job at the Art College as an assistant teacher I thought she’d be so pleased, even though it was only part time!  But she just got insanely jealous of one of the professors and accused me of having an affair with him!  Even though he was married!”

“So was Sam,” I can’t help but point out.

“Happily married!” she snaps, glaring at me.  “But even then, I tried to believe it was just stress … I kept trying to smooth things over … but then … then …”  She dissolves into more tears.

“Linds …” I realise belatedly that isn’t just Lesbian histrionics; something is very wrong.  “What the fuck did she do?”

She looks up at me with streaming eyes.  “We had a huge fight.  She hit me,” she whispers.  “Only a slap.   I could have lived with that.  It wasn’t the first time.  But then …”  she hesitates, biting her lip.

I’m starting to get a very bad feeling here.  Because it’s frightening enough that Mel has resorted to physical violence with Linds, never mind that Linds is trying to justify it … and the only thing that could be worse …

“She hit Gus, didn’t she?”

Her face says it all.

“Fuck!  Fuck!  That fucking bitch!  I’ll fucking kill her!”  I’m on my feet, pacing furiously.  No-one hits my kid.  No-one.  Especially not his fucked-up Lesbian surrogate mother.  I spin round to face her.  “What about Michael?  Have you told him?  He needs to know.”

Lindsay stares at me in confusion.  “Michael … no, of course not.  Why would I?”

“Because he’s J.R.’s father, that’s why!”  I yell.  “It might interest him to know that she’s being raised by a child-beater!”

“J.R.?”  Linds repeats.  “Mel would never hit her, she adores her!”

“She claimed to adore Gus too, but it didn’t stop her!”  Christ, to think I signed over my parental rights to that bitch!

“J.R’s still a baby,” Linds says.  “Gus is at the age where he can be … difficult.  He’s very like you, Brian.  Strong-willed, stubborn.  I don’t think Mel wanted him to turn out … well, like you.  She said he needed more discipline.”

Discipline!  Yeah, I know all about that, thank you very fucking much.  And nobody’s going to inflict it on my son!

“You’re not going back,” I tell her.  “No way.  I’ll withdraw my consent if you try to take him out of the country again.  That cunt isn’t coming anywhere near him!”

“Of course I’m not going back!” Linds declares.  “Do you think I’d ever put our son in danger?  But Bri … I can’t stay with my parents permanently.  You know how they never wanted me to be with Mel in the first place … they’re trying to be supportive, but they can’t stop saying we told you so.  As if I don’t feel bad enough without that!  And Mel will expect me to be there … I don’t want her harassing them.”

“We’ll see Carl and slap a restraining order on the bitch,” I tell her angrily.  “And if she comes anywhere near either of you, I’ll have her fucking arrested!”

“It won’t come to that, Brian,” Linds protests.  “I’m sure she won’t do anything stupid.  I just need somewhere Gus and I can stay until I can work out what I’m going to do … until I can find a job and a flat or something.  In fact …” she hesitates a moment.  “I was wondering if we could stay here.”

That pulls me up short.  Fuck.

“Linds, that’s not a good idea.  Not unless we don’t have any other option.  I mean, look at it … the Loft’s not exactly kiddy friendly, is it?  And besides … um … I’m not actually on my own at the moment.”

She seems to slump a little.  “Justin,” she sighs.  “I should have known you wouldn’t be able to stay away from him …”

I swallow hard.  “No.  No, it’s not Justin … it’s someone else.”

Her mouth falls open.  She looks utterly stunned.  “Some … someone else?”  she stammers.  “You mean … after Justin … you’ve let someone else move in?”

I sit back down beside her and take her hand.  “I know how it sounds.  I know how it looks.  But Linds …”

That’s when she slaps me.  “How could you?” she rages.  “You bastard!  Justin was different to all the others … he was a one off!  Don’t you dare tell me that you’ve taken up with some other trick already!  Don’t you dare!”

I’m not surprised she’s pissed at me.  She’s been Justin’s champion from the first time she met him; she was the first to realise how special he was, and I’m touched that she’s so outraged on his behalf.

“Linds, it’s not really like that.  He’s just a guy I hooked up with, and he stays over sometimes.  That’s all.  But you can see it might be a little awkward…”

“Well, of course I can see that!”  She’s grabbing her purse, standing up.  “Of course I can see how awkward it would be for me and our son to stay here … how inconvenient we would be for your guest.  Well, I’m sorry I dumped my problem in your lap; it was extremely thoughtless and selfish.  So if you’ll excuse me I’d better be getting back to my parents … to start trying to make some sense out of this fucking mess!” 

I catch her arm and pull her back down.  “For Chrissakes, Linds, shut up a moment.  Of course I’ll help you … I’ll put you both up in a fucking hotel if I have to.  But I’ve got a much better idea.  A place that’s quiet and out of town, where nobody’s going to bother you and there’s plenty of room for you and Gus to relax and take as much time as you need to work out what you want to do.”

She stares at me wide-eyed.  “Where, Brian?”

I smile back at her.  “Britin, of course.  It’s perfect.”

TBC