Between Pittsburgh and Wheeling...Thirty Minutes Earlier

Justin cast his eyes out the window as the scenery went rushing by on the rather isolated highway road, his thoughts swirling with all sorts of questions about what had happened to his daughter and how she was doing.  Michael had told him very little, and his attempts to phone Brian had resulted in him being sent directly into his voicemail.  Where was Katie during all this, also?  Had she been with Kaylee when it had happened?  If so, he could only imagine how terrified she must be at the moment; probably as frightened as he was.  If anything happened to either one of his girls, he just wouldn't want to live without them.  The intensity in which he loved both of them almost scared him in a way; before they were born, he hadn't given much thought to being a father except for the occasional pangs he felt whenever he had watched Gus or Jenny; once his little girls had come along, though, and they had promptly stared up at him with those sparkling, blue eyes and had crooked a chubby little finger around his, he had fallen deeply and hopelessly in love, and over the years it had just become stronger and stronger.  Now he couldn't imagine life without either one of them.

The thought of Gus caused him to turn his head to stare over at the boy who had somehow almost in the blink of an eye turned into a young man; he was pretty much the same age that he had been when he himself had first met Brian and fallen irretrievably under his spell.  He looked so much like Brian now, even more than when he had last seen him so long ago:  same shade of chestnut-colored hair, same strong, chiseled face, even the slightly crooked nose, even though he always thought Brian had gotten that from a fist fight somewhere along the way.  Even the long fingers tightly gripping the steering wheel reminded him of his ex-partner, so much so that it was almost painful to look at him.  What made it even more awkward was the tight purse of his lips as he drove them resolutely toward their destination.

"What?"

He was startled out of his reverie when Gus abruptly turned his head to look over at him, almost like he could see right through him and know what he was thinking.  "Nothing," he mumbled in embarrassment over being caught studying him as he looked away out the side window.

Gus sighed.  He didn't like being angry with Justin; deep down he still loved the man, even though he thought he had been absolutely shitty in his treatment of his father.  "I'm still waiting for an answer to my questions earlier," he stated flatly as he returned his eyes to the road, deciding two could play that game.  Hell, he knew Justin was worried, but he was, too; he hadn't even gotten to meet Kaylee yet, and she could very well be lying severely injured in a hospital bed now.  Neither of them knew the extent of her injuries, but being thrown from a horse was an extremely serious situation.  And if she had hit her head...

Just that possibility made him think back to when Justin had been hit in the head with that baseball bat a long time ago, and how it had affected his Dad so dramatically.  A few years ago, he had questioned his mother at length about that time in his father's life, wanting to know everything about his and Justin's life together, and she had told him in great detail about how his father had virtually gone off the deep end when Justin had been hurt; how he had sunk into such a tailspin that he almost didn't come back out in one piece.  How he had muted his pain with booze, drugs, and an endless sea of unnamed tricks for months until Justin had reentered his life and given him back his sanity and a purpose to his life.  She had told him how that episode had changed his father's life forever, had changed BOTH their lives.  Apparently forever wasn't as long as it was cracked up to be, though.

"Gus... This is really not a good time..."  Justin finally replied as he turned his attention back to his companion.

Gus's eyes flashed.  "When IS it a good time, Justin?  You've had ten years to justify what you did.  Ten years to explain to me what happened!  Well, it seems we have plenty of fucking time right now on the way to the hospital for me to meet the sister I haven't met since she was born!  I'm all ears, so let's hear it."

Justin sighed; feeling like the tension inside the car could be cut with a knife.  The hostility was almost rolling off the young man in waves as he silently recalled the countless days that he had colored with him at the diner or pushed him on the swings or played with him on the floor at Mel and Lindsay's house with his train set; hell, he had even changed the boy's diaper more times than he could remember and had fed him more pureed bananas than Brian probably had when the two women had asked him to babysit.  Could he possibly count on their prior bond now, though, to help Gus understand exactly what had happened to break him and Brian up? And how did he do that without making Gus's father, the man his son adored, look like a jackass?  Because that was not his intention; yes, he was still hurt over what had happened, and he felt that he should be truthful about it, but he never wanted to destroy Brian's bond with his son, either.

"Okay," he finally responded softly as Gus glanced over at him somewhat in surprise that he was agreeing to talk about it.  "You're right; I'm worried enough about Kaylee as it is. Maybe talking about something else would help me take my mind off it."  He snorted ironically.  "Although I'm not sure talking about this is exactly going to lighten the mood."  He paused for a moment before saying, "But you're old enough to understand what I'm about to say and you deserve the truth - the whole, unvarnished truth, good or bad.  What exactly did your father tell you happened back then, Gus?"

Gus took a breath and let it out, keeping his eyes on the road as he replied, "He said the two of you had a misunderstanding when you came to Kinnetik one day and when he tried to explain about what happened you wouldn't listen to him.  He said you just packed up your bags and moved out, and then a week later you filed the custody papers to keep Kaylee with you and Katie with my father.  And right after that you just up and moved to Chicago like it was nothing."  He swallowed as he felt tears beginning to form in his eyes; it was all so painful even now.

Justin shook his head in disbelief, trying hard not to let his anger boil over.  "That's all he said about it?  That we had a misunderstanding?  Are you shitting me?  He didn't explain what the so-called ‘misunderstanding' was all about?"

Gus shifted his attention from the road back over to Justin as he explained a little hesitantly, "Well, he said that you saw him with another man coming out of his private bathroom and immediately jumped to conclusions about what had happened without giving him a chance to explain.  He told me he was the son of a potential new client and you took one look at the two of them and just ran out."

"Oh, my God!" Justin cried out in astonishment.  "That's what he told you?  Shit!  Gus, believe me; I knew your father like the back of my hand back then, and when he and that, that guy came out of the bathroom right after each other and I saw the guilty look on his face, there was no question in my mind what had happened!  Do I have to spell it out to you?"

"No, I understand exactly what you THINK you saw happened!" Gus retorted stiffly, his face contorted in righteous anger in defense of his father.  "Did you even give him a chance to explain, Justin?  Or did you have so little faith in him that you just made a hasty judgment and wouldn't allow him to even try?"

Justin huffed out an angry breath.  "I can't believe this," he muttered as he shook his head.  He inhaled deeply in an attempt to calm himself down; he was already upset over Kaylee being hurt, but getting angry at Gus and yelling at him wasn't going to help anything.  "Gus, your father and I DID talk when he came back home.  And your father admitted that I saw exactly what I thought I saw - him and this man coming out of his bathroom after... Okay, he said he was going to be honest with him... after he fucked him in an attempt to help persuade him to get his father, a very influential and powerful businessman, to sign on with Kinnetik.  He admitted it, Gus!  Ask him yourself!  But you know what?  That isn't what hurt the most.  Your father had made mistakes before; hell, so had I.  I wasn't a saint, either, when it came to keeping promises, although we had gotten much better over time about trusting each other and having faith in our love for each other by the time this happened."

He took another deep breath, the pain of that period still fresh even now, even after all this time.  "No, Gus," he said sorrowfully as he lowered his voice, making Gus have to strain to hear what he was saying now as he peered over at him.  "What hurt the most was that we were a family then, and your father had promised to be faithful to me.  He had not only promised in words, but in deeds."  He found himself a little embarrassed as he explained, "A few months before that happened, your father and I had decided to make the ultimate commitment to each other.  We had decided to remove all barriers between us when we were...intimate."  Justin could feel his face flush; he never thought he would have to have this type of conversation with his ex-partner's son, and it was quite awkward but necessary just the same for him to completely understand the gravity of what Brian had done.

Gus eyed Justin intently.  "You mean...?"

"I mean that it wasn't just your father being your father and slipping back into his old ways that hurt me so much; it was your father breaking the greatest promise that he had ever made to me.  To know that we had committed to each other in the most intimate way that the two of us could, only to have that thrown back in my face in such a flagrant manner..."  He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the headrest, wishing it still didn't hurt as much as it did.  But it did, almost like it had just happened.  Why couldn't he just let it go, damn it?  He still loved Brian, that hadn't changed.

"Justin?"  The voice now was softer and less accusatory, almost sympathetic as Justin opened his eyes and turned his head to look over at Brian's lookalike son.

"Yes?

"I guess that must have hurt.  Kind of like when you left him for that violin player."

Ouch.  Justin winced; he didn't think Gus was intending to hurt him more, but that hit a little too close to home.  It still wasn't quite the same, though... was it?  "Yeah, I guess it was," he had to concede.  "But that was different, Gus.  Your father gave me the choice of who I wanted to be with at the time, and he couldn't give me what I thought I needed back then."   He thought fleetingly about telling Gus how his father had almost pushed him into Ethan's arms by making sure he saw him fucking that Rage lookalike in Babylon's backroom, but ultimately he chose not to bring it up.  It wouldn't change anything.

"Like what?" Gus asked curiously as he looked over at Justin who he thought appeared decidedly uncomfortable.  "You wound up going back to my Dad eventually, so you must not have found what you thought you were looking for."

That was a good question; what HAD he been seeking?  Romance, undivided attention, appreciation?  Flowery words that sounded good but in reality didn't mean a damn thing if they weren't backed up with action?   He sighed.  "I... At the time I thought I needed reassurance that I wasn't just a convenience, that... That I meant something important to someone, someone who had the same hopes and goals that I did.  At the time it seemed like your father and I were heading in different directions."

Gus eyed him thoughtfully as he pondered that information, switching his attention back and forth from the road to Justin as they drove deeper and deeper into the rural roads of West Virginia toward the hospital.  "But you didn't find what you were looking for, and you wound up hurting Dad in the process when you left him."

"Yes," Justin admitted.  "But at the time I didn't realize just how much it had hurt him.  He let me go, Gus.  If... If he had fought for me, if he had only told me how he really felt about me back then, I never would have left."

"Then why did you return to him?"

Justin bit his lip pensively for a moment before he stated simply, "Because I never stopped loving him.  I tried, believe me," he admitted.  "I tried to move on past him, even after Ethan was unfaithful to me.  But I couldn't get him out of my mind.  And eventually I decided that while your father might not be the most verbal person when it came to expressing his feelings," he said with a sort of ironic snort over how much of an understatement that was, "when it comes to showing someone how much he loves and cares about them, he's a master at it."  Once you knew the Brian Kinney Operating Manual, actually, it became quite easy to tell how Brian was feeling; you could see it in his eyes and in the way he moved, even, and in his touch, as well as in the countless quiet things that he did behind the scenes for the people he cared about.  As he thought back over the past few weeks, though, why hadn't he remembered that?  Every time he had seen Brian with the girls, it was so obvious how much he loved them and missed being in both their lives.  And he didn't even need the operating manual to know that Brian still loved him; the man had just come out and told him so.

Gus nodded.  "And you still love him now, even after what happened that day."

Justin peered over at him unflinchingly.  "Yes, God help me, but I do," he verified, one side of his mouth quirked up wryly.  "I never stopped loving him, just like back then," he added softly.  "No, actually, that's not true," he corrected himself as Gus looked at him in surprise.  He admitted, "I probably love him even more now."

Gus digested all that information; so his father hadn't been completely upfront with him about what had happened.  That was disappointing in a way; all this time he had been blaming Justin for the breakup, when it had been his father who had mainly caused it.  What a tangled mess!  Justin still could have tried to stay and work things out with his father and find a way to forgive him, but he was just now beginning to understand a little more clearly what had happened, and while it didn't take all the hurt away regarding Justin and his sister's abrupt departure from his life, it at least helped to explain it.

"He still loves you, too, you know," Gus replied as he looked back over at Justin.  He sighed.  "Can't you two work this out somehow, Justin?  Hasn't it been long enough?  Has it been worth all this hurt for you and Dad?  For me?  For Kaylee and Katie?  What is it going to take to get you back together?  Isn't that what all of us want?  What you want?  Be honest with me."

Justin felt the prickling of tears at the back of his eyes over the mournful tone of Gus's voice.  He knew Gus was right - it was time to clear this up once and for all.  It was time to make a decision.  Either he was going to have to find a way to forgive Brian and forge a new life with him and the girls, or he needed to make a clean break with him once and for all.  He would never hold Kaylee hostage from him - God, he didn't even know how she was at the moment but he refused to believe she wouldn't be all right - but if he couldn't reconcile with Brian, either, he needed to make that clear to him and go back to the life he had created for himself in Chicago.  First, though, he had to make sure his little girl was going to be okay; that was uppermost in his mind.

"I... I do still love him, Gus.  I... I miss him like hell, and yes, I do want us to find a way to be together again," he found himself saying.  "All of us... As a family."  He let out a deep breath.  "First I have to make sure that your sister is okay, though.  Until I'm sure that she is, I can't think about anything else."

Gus nodded, feeling a burning need to ask one more question.  "Did you think of me?"

Justin frowned at the unexpected query.  "What?"

"I said... Did you think of me all this time while you were gone?"  He turned his head to peer out the driver's side window, feeling decidedly young again, almost like he was that uncertain, little kindergarten boy once more.  "Dad wasn't the only one who got hurt when you left, you know," he confessed.

Justin tamped down the lump in his throat.  "Yes, I know," he whispered back.  "I thought of you all the time."  He paused for a short moment before he asked, "You do believe me, don't you?"   It was important to him that he did; in all the pain and confusion that had ensued, he had neglected to fully consider just how much one little boy might have been hurt due to his and Brian's separation.  How could he have not realized that?

Gus pondered that; Justin sounded sincere and he wanted to believe him... "Maybe," he finally replied truthfully.  He turned to stare over at Justin as he added, "But it still hurt not hearing from you all this time.  I was young when you left, Justin, but that didn't mean that I didn't remember you or miss you when you were gone.  And when you took Kaylee with you..."  He swallowed hard as tears began to form in his eyes.  He took a deep breath to compose him a little more before he continued.  "When you AND Kaylee left and I never saw either one of you again, the older I got, the more I resented it.  I felt like she was more important to you than either Katie or I was, and that hurt.  A lot."

Justin's eyes also filled with tears of regret.  It seems his entire day had been full of guilt and ‘what-could-have-beens' from the moment he had awakened.  "I never really gave much thought to that, Gus," he told him honestly.  "I mean, I never stopped thinking about you and Katie," he insisted hastily before Gus got the wrong impression.  "I never once stopped loving either one of you."  He paused again to swallow as he told him, "I was so caught up into making sure that Kaylee was taken care of, and trying to establish a whole new life for me and her, and the pain was still so raw from my breakup with your father that I didn't consider the ramifications of what I was doing to you.  And as far as Katie goes, the legal agreement that Brian and I signed stipulated that I was to have no contact with her until she was an adult and Brian was to do the same with Kaylee.  In hindsight it was the worst fucking decision either of us could make, but at the time I don't think either one of us was thinking clearly at all.  Now I know we never should have done that.  If it hadn't been for my mother intervening to have the girls finally meet, who knows how long this would have gone on?"  He shook his head and let out a soft snort.  "At first I really resented what she had done, but now I see that she was the only one thinking clearly about the whole thing."  He quickly filled Gus in on all the details that Katie hadn't told him about regarding their reunion at Camp Pineland and how Brian had brought Kaylee back up to Chicago to bring her home, only to have the entire plan backfire afterward, forcing him to return to Britin with Brian and the girls until their ruse could be straightened out.

Gus had to grin at his Grandma Jen's ingenuity as well as his sisters' cleverness.  "I seemed to have rubbed off on both my sisters," he murmured with a soft smile.  "I had a hell of a time persuading my moms to let me get a license as soon as I turned sixteen, but I finally persuaded them that the benefits far outweighed the risks by joining every type of club I could think of that would require that they shuttle me back and forth between them.  Worked like a charm.   Just the thought of keeping up that busy a schedule made them decide that my getting a learner's license was for the best, and now here I am."

Justin couldn't help returning his smile as a thought occurred to him.  "Very clever of you indeed," he agreed, "But how were you able to rent this car?  Don't you have to be at least twenty-one to do that?"

"Twenty-five, actually," Gus informed him.  "This old jalopy?  It belongs to Grandma Debbie; actually it used to be her brother Vic's.  She told me where to find a spare key for it and I took a shuttle from the airport to pick it up at her place.  Very accommodating of her, wasn't it?"

"Very convenient," Justin agreed dryly, shaking his head a little.  Was there no limit to what lengths Debbie would go to in an attempt to try and reunite him and Brian again?  Pitting Gus against him was dirty pool, indeed, but it seemed to be having the desired effect; he was feeling decidedly ashamed and guilty over how he had held Brian at arm's length for so long.  He didn't stop to dwell on all the years he and Brian had wasted while he wallowed in self-pity, nor concentrated on how much the two girls had missed by not being together or with their other father.  If he did, he wasn't sure that he would be in the right frame of mind to deal with Kaylee's injury, and that was uppermost in his heart at the moment.

There was silence for several seconds before Justin spoke again.  "Gus?"

Gus glanced over at Justin as he eased the car off the exit ramp and onto the highway leading toward the hospital.  "Yeah?"

"I hope you know that if I could all this all over again, I would change a lot of things."

Gus noticed the sign for the hospital coming up; in just a few short minutes, he knew he and Justin would be immersed in Kaylee's condition and he suspected it would be some time before they could discuss this again.  He gave his older friend a nod finally and a slight smile as he slowed down to make the turn into the emergency room parking area.  "Yeah," he told him softly.  "I think I do.  I really do."

Michael emerged from the elevator car that had brought him down the two flights from the cafeteria to the ER on the ground floor; carrying a rigid, cardboard beverage tray, he almost dropped it as he glanced over and observed Justin rushing into the hospital through the ER entrance doors with Gus directly on his heels.  Unlike Justin, Michael had run into Gus on occasion when he had come to visit, normally not so much in Brian's company as his mother's.  Gus and his mother had maintained a cordial relationship over the years, despite the troubles that his father and Justin had experienced, so by virtue of that ongoing relationship and his frequent trips into the diner, it was natural that he, too, would encounter Gus on a fairly frequent basis.  What did surprise him, though, was seeing him and Justin together.

Justin looked frantically around the busy ER waiting room, hoping to catch sight of Brian or Katie, until Gus tugged on his sleeve and nodded his head toward the bank of elevators off to the right down a short hallway and he spotted Michael at about the same time that he did.

"Michael!" Justin called out urgently as Michael rushed over to him.  "How is she?  Where's Brian? Is Katie with them?"  There were so many questions he needed answers to that they came out in a virtual torrent now.

"Hey, Justin, Gus," Michael told them a little breathlessly as he sidestepped a couple of people wanting to get on the elevator so he could talk to the pair.  "They've got her in Radiology right now, doing some x-rays and a CT scan to check her out.  She should be coming back down soon."  He paused to look directly at Justin as he told him, "I'm glad you're here.  They wouldn't do any further treatment of her until you got here, unless it was a life or death sort of thing."

Justin's mouth gaped open as he grabbed his sleeve.  Life or death?  Was it that serious?  "What the fuck, Michael?  What are you talking about?  How bad off is she?"

"Calm down," Michael told him quietly as he tried not to jostle any of the liquid out of the two coffee cups, knowing Justin had a right to be worked up but needing time to explain.  "I didn't say she was that injured; the doctor just told Brian that as a noncustodial parent he didn't have the right to make any of those choices; only you did, so I'm glad you're here.  I'm sure Brian will be relieved, too.  He's been worried sick about her."

"Where is she, Michael?" Gus asked urgently, a little perturbed over his obtuseness in light of the urgency of the situation.  "And where're Dad and Katie?"

"That's what I'm trying to tell you!" he answered him.  "Come on," he told them gruffly.  "They're in a consult room waiting down the hall."

Justin could barely contain his patience as Michael trudged down the garishly-lit hallway toward a series of rooms on either side at the end, finding it difficult to keep up but managing it nonetheless; he simply gritted his teeth and ignored the shooting pain flaring up in his ankle.  As Michael neared the last one on the right, he nodded his head toward it.  "In there," he told them as Justin quickly dodged around him and yanked the door open.

From their position sitting next to each other on the loveseat, Katie and Brian looked up a little startled as the door was suddenly flung open.  Brian's heart leapt at the sight of his ex-lover as he rose to his feet to greet him.

"Daddy!" Katie cried out as she, too, jumped to her feet in relief next to her father.  "I'm so glad you're here!"  Her eyes widened as she noticed who was hurrying in behind him.  "Gus!" she exclaimed.  "Oh, my God!  You, too?"

Gus came rushing over to sweep his sister up into a tight embrace as Katie allowed her tears to flow freely now; this was more than she had hoped for.  Having both fathers as well as her brother there suddenly made everything much better; it was as if God were telling her that Kaylee really would be okay.  Surely He wouldn't let something happen to her with all this love surrounding her, would He?

Justin hurried up to Brian as fast as he could, deliberately ignoring the achiness still emanating from his ankle as he noticed how haggard and drawn he looked; his ex-partner's normal, flawlessly smooth bronzed face was presently creased with worry lines and there were crow's feet around his eyes, which were bleary with exhaustion.  "I came as fast as I could," he said a little breathlessly.  "How is she?"

At that moment, Brian wanted nothing more to sweep Justin into his arms and hold him, although he wasn't sure if it was for Justin's benefit or his own.  The look on his ex-lover's face mirrored his own concern as he said, "They've got her up in Radiology right now to do some tests; as soon as she's back down here they promised me they'd let me know.  Justin, I wanted to be with her, but they fucking wouldn't let me," he practically spat out in disgust, still angry over his previous encounter with the ER doctor.

Justin almost didn't realize it as he instinctively reached out to grab Brian's wrist just like he used to do when he was trying to get him to focus on something. "They wouldn't let you stay with her at all?"

Brian's lips drew into a tight line as he told him, "No.  I had to practically threaten the doctor just to let me see her when she gets back down here to her room.  He said only you could do that, at least until I got him to listen to reason."

Justin couldn't help the slight, knowing smile that spread across his lips as he nodded.  "I know how persuasive you can be."  He sobered as he said, "You mean because of the custody agreement?"   Brian nodded.  "That is so fucked!" Justin growled in disgust.  "You are no less a parent to her than I am!"

Brian's heart swelled at that statement; despite their problems, it was good to receive validation about his place in Kaylee's life.  He only hoped when he got finished explaining what happened that Justin would still feel the same way.  He was very concerned that Justin would be quick to place blame on him for what had happened to their daughter.

Michael quietly placed the tray of beverages down on a small, wooden, square table in between a couple of the chairs and sat down, not wanting to place himself in the middle of this unorthodox family reunion.  It was surreal in a way watching Brian and Justin together again after all this time, but he wasn't fooled.  They may have problems at the moment, but when the need warranted it, they were still on the same side and there could be no mistaking the looks they were giving each other whether they realized it or not.

Katie pulled back from her brother's embrace as Gus looked over at his father; wordlessly he walked the few steps over to his dad and hugged him tightly as Justin watched in amazement.  Except for the fact that Gus was a lot older - and a lot taller - it was almost like seeing an instant replay of countless times before when Gus was much younger and Brian would greet him when he would come for a visit.

"Hey, Sonny Boy," Brian murmured as they broke apart.  He glanced over at Justin.  "I'm glad you're here, but I never expected to see the two of you walking in together."  He lifted an eyebrow at his son in silent question.

"Grandma Debbie called and told me Justin was back in the Pitts," he told him, "and that he was at the diner.  She strongly suggested I come and talk to him.  I was there when he got Michael's call about Kaylee."

Brian pressed his tongue into his cheek in amusement.  "I'm sure she did," he said dryly as Justin huffed slightly.  "I would have loved to have heard that conversation."

"We can talk about it later," Justin cut him off. In fact, he had every intention of discussing it with Brian.  The two of them still had a lot to hash out, but now was not the time.  "But I'm more concerned with our daughter at the moment.  What exactly happened to her, Brian?  All I heard was that she had been in some accident with one of the horses.  How did she even get ON a horse?  She was scared to death of them."

Brian looked over at Katie as he shuffled his feet nervously, watching his daughter's face pale with regret. He knew exactly what she was thinking and he had to put the kibosh on that immediately; if anyone was to blame, it was him.  "I asked Michael to come out to Britin for a visit, and while he was there the girls decided to walk down to the stables so Katie could feed Eton and Ceres and groom them."  That wasn't all they were going to do, Kinney; spit it out, damn it.

"Okay... But that still doesn't explain how Kaylee wound up on top of a horse."

Brian was about to admit he had actually suggested the two girls think about taking the horses out for a ride - figuring deception at this point wasn't a very good idea.  But he was prevented from doing so when their daughter spoke up all of a sudden.

"It was my fault, Daddy!" Katie wailed out as her tears flowed freely down her cheeks, giving Brian no chance to explain.  "I talked her into trying to ride Ceres and she did it for ME!  Daddy didn't know anything about it!  I'm the one to blame!"

Shit.  Brian's heart broke at the anguish on his daughter's face and her outright lie regarding his culpability in the whole disaster.  He was not going to let her take the blame for what had happened.  "Katie, it was my..."

Justin gazed into his daughter's troubled, tear-stained face as she cried out vehemently, "No, Dad!  It's true!  If I hadn't pushed Kaylee into it she would have never gotten on the horse!  She was doing so well until something spooked Ceres and she couldn't hold on any longer!  Oh, my God, what have I done?  If she isn't all right, I'll never forgive myself!"

Justin reached over to crush her against his chest as she blubbered and sniffled in distress, sliding his arms around her back comfortingly as she cried into his shirt and quickly dampened it with her tears.  "Shhh," he murmured to her as he placed his hand on top of her head and tugged her closer, much like Brian had done before.  "I don't want to hear you talking like that, Honey.  No one is to blame for what happened.  There's nothing to forgive, Katie."  He lifted his gaze to stare into Brian's eyes as they locked onto his, so much being said in that one moment without any words passing between them.  Something shifted in that second, something subtle but still pronounced before Justin placed his arm around Katie's body and his daughter slid her own arms around her father's waist to accept the comfort he was providing to her.

Finally after a few moments, he reluctantly let go of her, needing to go see Kaylee as he told her, "I don't want you to ever say anything like that again, Katie, do you hear me?  Do you understand?  I do not blame you for what happened, and I'm sure Kaylee doesn't either."

She nodded with another sniffle as Justin looked around for a tissue; Gus reached over and plucked out a few from a nearby box as he wordlessly handed them to Justin who took them and gently wiped the tears from her eyes and her cheeks.  "Katie?  Do you believe me?"

He handed her the last tissue and she blew her nose before looking up at him and nodding, still feeling scared about her sister but no longer feeling so heavy-laden with guilt.  "I'm still worried about her, Daddy," she whispered as Justin nodded.

"So am I," he admitted.  "But I know she's going to be okay; she has to be."  He let out a tense breath as he gently turned her to face him and grasped her by the upper arms to tell her, "I'm going to go find out right now how she's doing, okay?  Will you stay here with your brother and Michael while I go find the doctor?"

She nodded as Gus, too, indicated his agreement that he would watch over her.

"I'll stay here with them," Michael softly assured him.  "Go."

Brian was hoping that only meant one thing, but he held his breath until Justin uttered the words he was hoping to hear.  "Come with me."

Brian nodded as they gazed into each other's eyes and sought mutual comfort and reassurance from each other.  He stood there uncertainly for a second longer until he tentatively reached out with his hand, his heart in his throat before Justin reached over and joined his hand with his, curling his fingers firmly around the larger one as Brian grasped his back tightly.  It was such a familiar feeling that rushed through them at that moment as silently they walked toward the door together and disappeared a few seconds later, Brian slowing down to match Justin's more labored gait.

A few minutes later the two men found themselves on the elevator alone, on their way up to the third floor where the Radiology Department was located.  Neither had been content to wait for Kaylee to return to the ER, and now that Justin had arrived they were able to go up and be with their daughter together.

Justin fumed as he leaned against the back of the elevator car and softly muttered to Brian, "I still can't believe they wouldn't let you be with her; that's the most asinine thing I've ever heard.  She has to be scared out of her mind right now.  What kind of fucked up policy is that?"

Brian shook his head.  "I couldn't believe it, either."  He gazed into Justin's eyes as he added, "We didn't think about something like this before, did we?"

Justin shook his head softly.  "No," he conceded.  "I guess I never thought it was necessary before."

Brian nodded at him.  "Me, neither."  He inhaled deeply as he looked over at his ex-partner; despite the seriousness of the situation, he couldn't help noticing how just being in such close quarters with Justin still affected him, and how much simply seeing him here made his heart flutter.  There was so much they needed to say.  "Justin..."

Justin shook his head to Brian's dismay.  "Not now, Brian, please.  I know we have a lot to talk about still, but I need to focus on our daughter right now.  Okay?"

Brian let out a deep breath of disappointment between partly opened lips as he nodded; he understood - of course, Kaylee was most important to him as well.  But his heart was aching to tell Justin that he couldn't just let him go this time; he wouldn't let him go, not without a fight no matter what he had told him earlier about him being done with it all.  Being here and realizing how fragile life was, he realized that their love was worth fighting for; he had to somehow make Justin understand that, too, and fully explain why he had done what he had so long ago.  "Okay," he said softly.  "But when this is all over, you and I are going to sit down and talk, Justin, really talk."

Justin nodded, relieved somewhat as the bell rang signaling arrival on the third floor so the two of them didn't have to revisit their previous conversation for now.  Hobbling over to the doors as they swished open, he waited for Brian to exit before he joined him, both men searching the plaques on the wall to locate a sign for the Radiology Department.

Brian reached out to grasp Justin's elbow almost protectively as he told him, "This way," signaling toward the right.  He looked into his ex-partner's eyes, noticing the pain on his beautiful but strained face as he whispered, "Ankle bothering you more?"

Justin was about to retort that he could take care of himself and to just forget it, but thought better of it.  It hadn't been Brian's fault that he had fallen.  "A little," he found himself admitting.  "But I'll deal with it; let's go find our daughter."

Brian nodded, knowing better than to question Justin's ability to stay on his feet; and he sure as hell didn't dare suggest a wheelchair for his stubborn ex-partner, not unless he wanted to be thoroughly chewed out for it.  Instead, without bothering to ask permission, he slid his arm around Justin's waist to partially support his weight against his body as he held his breath and waited for a snappy, indignant response.  To his surprise as well as relief, Justin actually leaned into his side instead and slid his arm around Brian's waist to brace himself as together they slowly trod down the hallway.

A few minutes later, they reached the CT patient waiting room. They were about to enter when a hospital bed was wheeled out and Kaylee appeared lying on it, her short blond hair skewed in all different directions with a thin, white cotton blanket draped across most of her body to help keep her warm.  To his great concern, Justin noted that she was wearing a cervical collar to help immobilize her neck as he was able to get his first look at her.  He couldn't help the shudder that went through him; his mother had told him that they had had to place the exact same contraption on his own neck when Hobbs had assaulted him, even though he had no remembrance of it.

"Kaylee!" Justin cried out as the orderlies came wheeling the bed up to them.  "Stop!" he commanded.  "I'm her father."  He glanced at Brian, not bothering to explain as he clarified, "We both are.  Let me see her for a minute."

"Sir, we have orders to take her back down to the E.R..."

"I don't give a fuck about your orders!" Justin barked.  "I said - Let me see my daughter."

Brian stood up to his full height and pasted his most impressive glower on both men, who decided that perhaps a minute or so wouldn't be a problem as they stepped a few feet back in acquiescence.  Justin limped toward his daughter as Brian fell into step right behind him, both men standing side-by-side as they held onto the cold metal railing of the portable bed.

"Kaylee?" Justin whispered at the little girl lying so small and still beside him, her eyes were closed and her head was facing straight out directly in front of her.  Her normally light-colored skin was even paler, almost bluish under the harsh glare of the overhead hospital track lights as he reached out to grasp his daughter's left hand that was lying on top of the blanket to give it a light squeeze.  "Kaylee, it's Daddy.  Can you hear me?"   His heart stuck in his throat and his breath threatened to stop altogether until he noticed his daughter slowly open her eyes and shift them from side to side until they focused on him; with the cervical collar on she found that she couldn't move her neck very much.

"D... Daddy?" she managed to whisper out as her eyes began to brim with tears borne of both discomfort and fright.  She had never been in a hospital before, and all the unfamiliar sights, smells, and sounds scared her.

Justin forced a reassuring smile on his lips.  "Yeah, Sweetheart, it's me.  Your Dad and I are both here now, and you have nothing to worry about, okay?  We'll be with you every step of the way until you're out of here.  Just keep holding my hand and don't let go."  Justin could feel Brian take his other hand from behind him as he found himself clutching it tightly, finding that he needed the reassuring touch that only he could give him.

Kaylee nodded as she swallowed the lump in her throat, fixing her eyes on her father's loving face and holding on tightly to his hand as Justin nodded at the orderlies and they began to slowly wheel his daughter back toward the elevator.  Brian let go of Justin's hand to grasp the metal bar of the bed beside him and peer down with a soft smile at Kaylee to let her know that both of her fathers were there with her and weren't going anywhere until she was better.

A few minutes later, the entourage arrived back down at the ER.  As Kaylee was wheeled back into her room, a doctor wearing a white, mid-length jacket with a stethoscope draped across his neck walked briskly in with a metal clipboard, several papers attached to it.  Dr. Saunders glanced up at the unfamiliar face in the room that was protectively grasping his patient's hand and instinctively knew that this was the missing, vital piece of the puzzle.  "Are you Kaylee's father?" he asked as he walked up to him, the orderlies quietly leaving now that their duties were completed.

Justin bristled as he replied stiffly, "Brian and I are both her fathers.  And you are?"

The doctor pursed his lips tightly together; apparently Kinney wasn't the only unpleasant part of his patient's entourage.  "I'm Dr. Saunders, your daughter's attending physician," he explained.  "I just got the results of your daughter's tests back." He found two pairs of eyes staring intently at him as he advised, "I'm happy to say that there is no sign of any broken bones or any other lasting brain damage according to the CT scan and x-rays that were performed on her.  In addition, I had a neurologist examine her earlier for any cognitive deficiencies and he concluded that her brain function appears to be normal.  She no doubt suffered a slight concussion from the fall and will be quite bruised for several days.  We'll admit her overnight for observation, but if nothing out of the ordinary is found by tomorrow morning, she can be discharged provided that someone can stay with her and ensure that she gets complete rest until she has fully recovered.  And obviously any sports- or horseback riding - is completely out of the question until her family doctor clears her to presume her normal physical activities."  He glanced down once more at the group of papers attached to the file before lifting his head to inquire of Justin, "There will be someone available to take care of her if I let her go home tomorrow?"

Justin nodded.  "Yes, of course.  Either Brian or I will be with her at all times."  He turned to look at Brian for confirmation, who nodded in agreement.

The doctor nodded as he leaned over Kaylee's bed to examine her briefly, satisfied that her color seemed better and she was resting as well as possible.  Kaylee blinked up at him silently as he advised the two fathers, "I'll have a nurse come and remove the cervical collar in a few minutes, so that should make her more comfortable and allow her to get some rest.  If she experiences any extreme discomfort or pain, I will prescribe some Tylenol to be given to her as needed, but she cannot have a sedative.  That will mask any effects from her injuries and we do not want that."  He smiled politely down at his young patient as he told her, "Try to get some rest, Kaylee, okay?"  He leaned back up to tell Justin, "They'll be someone in here soon to move her upstairs to a regular room."  He peered over at his former adversary to say curtly, "Mr. Kinney," before he turned and briskly strode from the room.

Justin couldn't prevent an amused smile from escaping his lips as he told Brian dryly, "Being your normal charming self with the good doctor, I see."

Brian shrugged.  "I did what I had to do.  He was being an asshole about the whole thing.  I was lucky to get him to let me come back to her room."  He gazed down tenderly at Kaylee who was staring up at him with those incredible blue eyes that looked so much like her father's before he told Justin, "I wasn't going anywhere as long as she needed me."

Justin looked away to avoid the tears that threatened to fall, not wanting Brian to know how much this was affecting him.  Somehow the righteous indignation he had been previously feeling over Brian allowing Kaylee to injure herself had quickly been replaced by something else that he refused to identify yet.  He was supposed to still be angry with Brian... Wasn't he?  He took a deep breath to compose himself before he turned back to look at his daughter, still holding tightly onto her hand.  "How are you feeling, Sweetheart?"

"H... Hurts, Daddy," she managed to whisper out between breaths of pain.  Her eyes were brimming with tears as she fought to hold back a sob.

Justin's heart broke at the sound of his little girl's voice.  "I know, Baby," he told her softly.  "I'll have the nurse bring you some medicine to help with the pain.  You need to try and rest somehow.  We'll be right here with you."  He reached down to gently wipe the hair from her forehead.  "Just keep on holding onto our hands and don't let go."

Kaylee nodded as she closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but the pain was still so intense it was extremely difficult.  Justin's brow furrowed in concern over the obvious discomfort his daughter was feeling until he lifted his gaze to peer into Brian's eyes after a few minutes.  The call button had been pressed at the first sign of their daughter's distress, and they had been told someone would be in ‘shortly.' "What is taking that fucking nurse so long?" he snapped.  "She's in a lot of pain here!"

Brian's own eyes stared at Kaylee in concern as he made an impromptu decision.  "I'll go exert some more of my ‘charm' to find the nurse and get it," he told Justin determinedly as one side of his lips turned upward into a half-smile.  He leaned down to lightly kiss Kaylee on the cheek.  "Be right back, Princess, don't you worry," he whispered to his daughter.  He gently extricated his hand from Kaylee's as he turned and walked quickly but quietly out of the room, leaving Justin to stare after him thoughtfully.

Less than two minutes later, Brian returned followed by a slightly flustered, tall, blonde-haired female nurse who appeared to be in her mid-thirties. She was carrying a small tray with a white paper cup resting on it.  Brian appeared to have a smug look on his face as he walked up and gently nudged Kaylee's shoulder with his hand.  "Kaylee?" he whispered near her ear.  "The nurse is here with some medicine to help you sleep better."

The nurse placed the small tray down on the narrow, portable hospital table as she reached for the remote. Speaking way louder than she needed to, she said, "Kaylee?  I'm going to need to raise your bed up so you can sit up a little and take this medicine, okay?"

Justin winced at the loudness of her voice, wondering if she had been taking care of way too many geriatric patients as he continued to hold onto his daughter's hand.  Kaylee's eyes sprung open, startled, as she looked around to get her bearings.  Her face honing on in Justin's, she relaxed a little as she nodded slightly.  The nurse pressed the remote control button on her call unit to slowly raise the bed up several inches; reaching over to snag the small cup and Kaylee's plastic drinking glass with a straw in it, she held the cup in front of her as she said, "This is acetaminophen for the pain.  You need to swallow these."

Kaylee looked up to her Justin for reassurance as he nodded.  "It's just Tylenol, Honey; see if you can take a sip of water and swallow them.  It'll help you to feel better and get some rest."  He took the drinking glass none too gently out of the nurse's grasp, not caring too much for her lack of bedside manner as he held it up with the straw near his daughter's mouth as she shakily accepted the medicine from the nurse and sucked on the straw just enough to take in sufficient water to swallow the two pills.  With a sort of half-sigh, half-groan of success, her head fell back onto the pillow as if in exhaustion as she closed her eyes again.

"An orderly will be coming in shortly to take her upstairs to a room," the nurse told them coolly.

Justin exchanged disgusted looks with Brian over the nurse's seeming lack of compassion as he asked, "Do you know the room number?"

"They'll tell you when they come to get her," was the clipped reply.  "Anything else?" she asked, not really exuding much care either way.

"Yeah," Justin growled, "How about a nurse that actually gives a damn?"  He couldn't help it; whenever his daughter or anyone else he cared about was being treated badly, it got his hackles up.

The nurse actually had the decency to appear a little ashamed as she admitted, "It's been a hell of a day; two nurses called in sick today."  She took a deep breath and let it out as she turned to go.  Just as she left, she added softly, "I hope your daughter will be okay," before she turned and headed out the door.

"Too little, too late," Brian muttered as he watched the harried woman go, not satisfied with her reason for being so rude.  He looked over at Justin with renewed respect.  "You beat me to it, Sunshine," he murmured in appreciation.  "She was being a real bitch to Kaylee."

Justin nodded, too caught up in his daughter's discomfort to truly acknowledge Brian's statement.  "I just wish the pills would kick in," he murmured as he watched his daughter whimper softly and wriggle restlessly on the bed, clearly uncomfortable.  He slowly caressed her hand as he looked at her creased face, clearly broadcasting her distress.  "If I could take her place right now, I would..."

Brian's own face contorted in pain as a memory suddenly flashed through his head of a time so long ago when he had felt the same way; Justin, lying with a bloodied bandage wrapped around his forehead as he lay on a gurney, lifeless and still, waiting to be placed inside an ambulance in a cold, stark parking garage after one of the most wondrous nights of their lives - the night that Brian had discovered to his surprise that he was falling in love with him.  As much as he hated the idea of Kaylee going through such pain, the thought of it being Justin lying there again was just too much for him to bear and he had to look away toward the pale yellow wall by the side of the bed to control his emotions.

"Brian?"  Justin whispered in concern, noticing his ex-partner's reaction before he had a chance to avert his face away.  "You okay?"

Brian swallowed hard before he turned back to face Justin.  "Yeah," he breathed out a little raggedly.  "I'm fine.  It's just that..."  No, he wouldn't tell him; why should he now?  He would just think I'm trying to take advantage of the situation.

But Justin immediately caught the hesitation in his voice and like a tenacious bulldog wouldn't let it drop.  "It's just that what?" he pressed.

"It's nothing," Brian mumbled self-consciously.

"Bullshit," Justin whispered as he stared into Brian's eyes.  "What were you thinking just now?"

Brian sighed.  "It's what you said just now, about taking her place.  When you said that, I couldn't help thinking about... About...."

"The garage?" Justin pressed softly, not needing to elaborate more.

To his surprise, Brian shook his head as he lifted his gaze to look into Justin's eyes.  "No, not exactly.  I was thinking about after you were taken to the hospital," he whispered, his mind taking him back to that awful time several years ago.  "When you were lying there in that hospital bed, night after night, thrashing back and forth while you had nightmares about who knows what, and about how I would have given anything to have taken your place."  His eyes took on a faraway look as he went back in time, not realizing what he was divulging in doing so as he stared off into space, the garish lights and beeping sounds of the hospital monitors fading away.  "Every fucking night you tossed and turned in your sleep.  The nurse said that I should go in and sit with you, to let you know that I was there, but I could never make myself do it."  Brian lowered his eyes in embarrassment, realizing what he had just revealed.  He had done such a superb job up until now of concealing that fact from Justin; he didn't really know why he had felt a need to, but he had.  Now it was out in the open and he found himself feeling like Justin's eyes were boring into him even though he wasn't returning his gaze.

The effects of the pain pills seemed to be having some benefit as Kaylee slowly calmed down and closed her eyes, her face not quite so lined with discomfort now as Justin's eyes widened in shock at Brian's revelation.  "You... You came to the hospital to see me?  After I was hit?"

Brian bit his lip as he slowly turned his gaze upward to look into his ex-partner's astonished face.  He knew it would be fruitless to dispute it, especially after all the trouble that had occurred with regard to another lack of trust and honestly.  So instead he chose to be frank.  "Yeah, as a matter of fact, I did," he told him simply.  "Every fucking night until you were released."

Justin's mouth hung open agape in shock.  No one had ever told him that.  All this time he had thought that Brian hadn't given a shit after his assault and had stayed away because he couldn't do anything for him.  He thought Brian had bowed to his mother's wishes all this time and had avoided him like the plague, when all along he had been coming to see him at the hospital every night?  Why hadn't he or his mom told him that?  It might have changed so many things if only he had known.

"Brian..." he began, but he was interrupted just then by two men in matching, light blue uniforms walking in with a sheet of paper, announcing they were there to move Kaylee up to a room on the fourth floor.   Caught up in making sure they had all of Kaylee's belongings, his ex-partner hurriedly offered to go find Michael and Gus so they could be informed what was going on and follow them upstairs to a closer waiting room before Justin had a change to question him further.  It was almost as if Brian were relieved to escape from his questioning stare, but as he headed out the door Justin made a silent vow to question him further about his astounding admission.