Ten Minutes Later…

Justin blinked through the rain now coming down in sheets; had there not been a tree branch he managed somehow to grab onto, he would have wound up flat on his ass, lying in a puddle of mud where some of the water had pooled in a slight depression.  He cursed the fact that he had not had enough foresight to grab an umbrella, but his concern had been focused on finding Alex, and he had impulsively rushed out the door without thinking. He wiped his face with the drenched sleeve of his cotton shirt as he rushed toward the stables, heaving a sigh of relief as he finally entered the open doorway into the dry space.  The smell of manure and straw greeted his nostrils as he stood there, his chest heaving from exertion and his body shivering from the cold rain.  He had searched all over the grounds – at least as much as he could on foot – and had not seen any sign of Alex.  Taking a few moments to check each stall, he was disappointed to not find any trace of her here, either, even though she enjoyed coming out here to occasionally take photos of the horses or sketch them. He had been hoping that she might have decided to find solace here.  He sighed in disappointment as he pulled off his shirt, walking over to a cedar chest to retrieve a flannel blanket to wrap around him to help ward off the chill. The rain continued to pelt the wooden rafters as he reached inside his jeans pocket, grimacing at how wet his phone was and hoping he hadn’t permanently damaged it. 

As he wiped off his cellphone with a corner of the blanket and noticed the tell-tale signal indicator and the LED display light up, he was thankful that at least his phone was still functioning properly.  Punching in Brian’s speed dial number, he impatiently waited for his husband to answer. 

“Any sign of her?” Brian asked without any preamble on the second ring.

“No,” Justin regretfully reported.  “No sign of her anywhere.  Nothing on your end, either?”

“Not yet,” Brian told him tersely, his lips pressed into a thin line.  “Damn foolish kid!  I can hardly see anything beyond the car out here; it’s fucking raining like crazy!  You’re not out in it, are you?”  The concern for his husband was obvious in his voice, in addition to his worry about their foster child.

“Not anymore,” Justin told him.  “I’m out in the stables.” 

“Well, stay there, Sunshine. I don’t need you winding up with pneumonia on top of everything else.”  He could hear a distinct huff of annoyance on the other end of the phone in response to his overprotectiveness, but he didn’t care.

“But, Brian, she's…”

“NO buts, Justin!” was the sternly worded demand.  “I think if she’s around the house, you would have found her by now. Knowing her track record, I think she’s taken off for parts unknown.  Just stay in the stables until it quits raining, okay?”  Silence prevailed for a few moments before Brian gritted his teeth and added, “Please?”  He could hear a heavy sigh over the phone, and then more silence for a few moments before he finally heard a mumbled, “Okay.” 

Brian nodded, even though he knew Justin couldn’t see him.  “I’ll call or text you if I see or hear anything else,” he promised him.  “Try not to worry,” he added softly, knowing Justin was doing precisely that.  He was presently doing enough of that for both of them, even though he was also highly irritated with Alex. When it all came down to it, though, she was still an 11-year-old. Maybe with a 30-year-old mind…but still a child.  He rubbed his face with his hand briefly as he heard Justin speaking into the car phone speaker again.

“That’s not easy,” Justin told him, as he gazed out onto the deluge of rain continuing to pour down.  A particularly loud clap of thunder caused him to jump, startled, as one of the horses whinnied anxiously in reaction.  “Fuck! Did you just hear that? And she’s out in it, Brian!”

“I know. But she’s a smart kid; I’m sure she has enough sense to hole up somewhere, safe and dry, at least until this storm’s over.”  Brian wasn't sure about that, though; Alex could be damn stubborn when she wanted to be. 

Justin wasn’t convinced, either.  “I hope you’re right,” he told him, not sure if Alex would even be concerned about that at the moment; he supposed it depended upon how upset she was presently.

“I’m going to continue on toward the Cash-n-Carry,” Brian told him.  “I still think that’s our best bet for finding her.  With the money she took out of my wallet, she could catch a bus to fucking LA.” 

Great, Justin couldn’t help thinking. “Okay.  I only hope the rain stops soon.  Be careful, Brian. Your SUV tends to hydroplane at the drop of a hat.” 

Brian smiled over Justin’s worry about his driving skills.  “I’ll watch out for that. Got to go.  Later.” 

Justin swallowed the lump in his throat.  “Later,” he whispered back, before Brian disconnected the call.  Walking over to one of their horses – the one who had whinnied anxiously before – he began to stroke her nose.  “It’s okay, girl,” he soothed her.  “I don’t like it, either.”  He stared out at the darkened sky that continued its violent downpour.  “Alex, where are you?” he murmured plaintively.  Sitting down with his back against the horse’s stall, he pulled his knees up to his chest, and – wrapping his hands around them – closed his eyes, briefly allowing the worry and exhaustion to temporarily overtake him. 

The windshield wipers on their highest setting were little match for the buckets of rain pelting against the glass as Brian squinted, somehow hoping that would make the visibility better as he struggled to keep his vehicle on the road. He was having an extremely difficult time even seeing where the road was, much less spying a slim wisp of a petulant girl.

As he neared the one main store located in town, however, the rain finally began to let up, enough that he could see further ahead.  The previous stretch of road that had been heavily surrounded by a lush blanket of trees had now given way to farm fields and Victorian houses set back far from the road.  Up ahead, he could make out a figure of slight build, and his heart fluttered at the familiar shape.  It had to be Alex. She was wearing the same hoody she had worn the first time Brian had met her, and her arms were folded around herself as if she were either trying to ward off the cold chill from the rain, or simply attempting to somehow disappear inside herself to hide from the pain.  With her hunched up stature, she looked even younger than her 11 years as he slowed the vehicle down, thankful that due to the weather the traffic was very light at the moment. 

He pressed the button to slide down the passenger side window as he turned his head to peer over at her walking along the gravel shoulder, keeping up a slow pace with her gait.  “Want a lift?” he asked, thinking to himself what a stupid statement that was, but unable at the moment to think of anything else. 

But Alex merely kept walking as she totally ignored him, seemingly unsurprised that he had found her.  That only served to aggravate Brian, and the biting words slipped out of his mouth before he could help it.  “Oh, never mind; I forgot.  You have my money, so I guess you can call a cab instead.” 

At last, Alex turned to glare over at him.  “Go away!” she shouted, her voice breaking.  She reached in and snatched the money out of her pocket, throwing it down onto the wet ground, where it quickly became soaked from the rain.  “I don’t want your money! And I don’t want YOU!” 

Brian huffed in exasperation.  Why did he think he was cut out to handle a sassy, pigheaded, 11-year-old preteen?  He should just leave her be, and let her do her own thing.  But he had never given up in a fight, and he wasn’t about to now.  In addition, he knew Alex was playing a lot tougher than she actually was.  He had found himself doing the same thing growing up while seeking comfort at Michael’s house, leaning extensively on Debbie and Vic to help sustain him during those horrible times. That had made all the difference to him back then. Perhaps he could do something to pay it forward now.

The rain began to diminish to a drizzle as he pulled his SUV over onto the shoulder directly behind her and turned the motor off, slamming the door as he stepped out. Alex continued her dogged trek toward town as he hurried to catch up with her.  “Will you fucking stop and listen to me?”  Reaching her, he grabbed her upper arm to stop her, only to have Alex wrench it away. 

“Leave me alone!  That’s what you wanted, anyway!” Her voice hitched, and her face with wet; whether it was from the rain, her tears, or both, it was impossible to tell. But it was obvious that Alex was upset nonetheless.

“No, it’s not!” Brian growled as a thunder clap sounded in the distance.  “Although right now I’m really tempted!” he added.  At last Alex stopped to scowl over at him as Brian blew out a deep breath, trying to defuse his temper.  “Alex…quit being so damned stubborn!  Just come and sit with me in the SUV, and I’ll explain what you overheard. It’s not what you think.”  He blinked against the water in his eyes as they stood there like two bulls facing each other in the arena.

She glared over at him, her hands on her hips and her clothing stuck to her like a second skin.  “What ELSE would I think?  You said you weren’t going to keep me, that I belonged with someone else.  What else do I need to know?”

“We weren’t talking about you!”

She laughed derisively.  “Yeah…right.  So where are you hiding the other foster kid?” 

Brian shook his head.  “I knew I should have brought Justin with me,” he muttered, as the rain finally came to a stop, the rumbling of thunder now far off in the distance.  Justin was always much better at playing the diplomat.  “Alex…five minutes.  Give me five minutes to explain. If you don’t like what you hear, I’ll drop you off at the bus station myself!” 

She looked at him in shock temporarily, for some reason not thinking he would have figured out her intentions about taking the bus out of town.  Of course, that was before she had thrown all of Brian’s cash down onto the ground; now she was virtually penniless once more. It wouldn't be the first time, though; she would manage somehow. Her breath coming out in angry puffs, Alex finally snapped, “Fine. Whatever. Five Minutes.” 

Brian gazed down at the soaked bills by his feet, now caked with mud, some running in rivulets like tiny canoes down into the ditch beside the shoulder of the road.  He couldn’t help thinking that someone was going to encounter an unexpected surprise the next time the sheriff was out here doing a litter patrol with the inmates; the prisoner would be set for life when it came to buying cigarettes and drugs with the amount of cash lying on the ground, but there was no fucking way he was going to try and dig the bills out of the muddy quagmire below.  Resigned, he firmly took Alex by the upper arm, grabbed her drenched canvas duffel bag, and led her over to the SUV, standing near her just long enough to make sure she was going to enter the vehicle before he walked over and did the same, fleetingly wondering how in the hell he would ever get the seats dried and cleaned later.  At the moment, though, he felt better just sitting inside a warm, dry space.  Using the driver’s side button to close the passenger side window, the car was bathed in silence except for his and Alex’s steady breathing as he tried to control his emotions before speaking.  He took a deep breath.   “Are you ready to actually listen to me now?” he asked quietly.

Alex folded her arms defiantly over her chest as she replied stiffly, “I can’t imagine what you could say that would change my mind.”  She turned her head to gaze out through the waterlogged window to stare at the scenery, idly counting the number of cows standing in a nearby pasture.  She silently berated herself as she felt the sting of tears coating her eyelashes; she would not let Brian see her as weak.  She shivered slightly as Brian reached behind where she sat to grab a blanket lying folded in the backseat for emergencies, holding it out to Alex, who resisted for a moment before, thinking better of it, she accepted it, wrapping it around her slim body for some much-welcomed warmth, her lips still pursed together in hurt and irritation. 

Brian sighed.  Words that Debbie had uttered so long ago filtered through his mind right then, and he thought about how appropriate they were right now, even though the situation was vastly different.  It gave him the support he needed to speak to this sullen child in a more reasonable manner.  You think you’ve got everybody fooled...don’t you?  

He took a steadying breath before he spoke.  “Okay.  Yes, you overheard me and Justin discussing someone we did not feel we were qualified to foster…But it WASN’T you.  It was a newborn that Mrs. Morales had brought with her when she came to do the surprise inspection this morning.  The baby was born with a methamphetamine addiction, and Mrs. Morales had picked her up on the way here; she didn’t want to go all the way back to the office first before coming to see us, so she brought her along with her. Justin offered to watch the baby while Mrs. Morales and I were doing the house inspection, and the way he latched onto her during that time made it hard for him to let her go when Mrs. Morales was ready to leave.” 

He paused for a moment. “I won’t lie to you, Alex; he’s wanted a baby for a while now, and he was really tempted to ask if we could foster her as well.  But she would have required a lot more attention than we could give her,.  Either way, though, it wouldn’t have had any bearing on whether or not we wanted you to stay with us.  In fact, we had also talked about asking Mrs. Morales if we could extend our fostering time with you…because we want to get to know you better.”  He grimaced.  “Although, after this stunt, perhaps we should question the wisdom of that.”  Brian paused, noticing Alex swallow hard.  “I don’t really mean that,” he reassured her quietly, sensing that she needed that confirmation.  For all of Alex’s bluster and swagger, he knew that inside there still existed a young, vulnerable child, one that needed support.  He could see so many things in her that reminded him of himself, especially when he was growing up. Sometimes that made it painful to confront it – almost like he was reliving his own difficult childhood – but it also made him want to help her even more. 

“So, you see, Alex?” he continued softly.  “You jumped to conclusions.  Our discussion had nothing to do with you.”  He peered over at her profile as she stared straight ahead now, seemingly digesting all that he had said.  Would he receive some sarcastic reply in reaction…or a more honest one?   He brushed some plastered, wet hair back from his forehead and shook his head a couple of times to try and rid himself of the raindrops still dripping from his skull.  He saw Alex blink as a couple of raindrops hit her face, noting a slight smile that graced her lips in reaction, and he felt as though perhaps, just perhaps, he might be getting through to her after all.  “Alex?  I’d really like to get back home and change into some dry clothes, and you need to do the same. Justin’s worried sick about you.  He’s been looking all over for you around the grounds.  I told him to stay put in the stable before he caught pneumonia, but he’s very concerned about you.  So what’s it going to be?  Are we ready to go home?” 

At last, she spoke as she turned to face him, and Brian now knew the wetness on her cheeks wasn’t some residual moisture from the recent downpour.  “Is that what it is?” she asked plaintively, her voice sounding small and vulnerable for a change, her expression open and exposed.  “My home?”  She had never dared to think of anyplace that way, not anymore. 

The sound of her voice tore through Brian’s heart as he nodded.  “It can be…if you let it,” he told her.  “But you have to trust us, Alex. And work with us.  We’re not your enemies.”  He paused as she stared over at him silently.  “Alex?” he pressed quietly, all hint of his previous irritation gone.  It was hard to stay angry at a wet, shivering mess with tears in her eyes.

Alex took a shuddery breath and let it out before she blinked.  “I…I don’t want to leave.  I like Britin.  And…I…I want to stay.”  She paused before whispering, “If you still want me.”  How could she have been so stupid and careless? She actually wouldn’t blame Brian if he just let her go.  “I’ll...l’ll pay you back the money somehow.” She sniffled as she hugged the blanket tightly against her body.  “Can…can I stay?” 

Brian’s heart went out to her.  “Of course you can stay,” he answered her softly. He started up the car, turning once more to peer over at Alex, finding her still staring at him anxiously; he realized the reason why as he advised her, “You can pay me back the money by doing what Justin and I say without bitching about it, and following the rules we’ve set down.”  He had to bite back a smile as he noticed a scowl on her face.  She never would be enamored of ‘rules.’  He had to say that he didn’t blame her. But without rules, there could no order or stability, and if anyone needed that in her life, it was THIS girl.  “We don’t establish guidelines to be cruel to you, Alex. It might be hard to see right now, but everything we do is for your benefit.”  He studied her, the car’s motor quietly humming as it waited for Brian to put the vehicle into gear.  “So are we straight now?  No pun intended,” he added with a smirk as she rolled her eyes at him; at least some degree of normalcy was reappearing, he thought. “I need to get out of these wet clothes before they become permanently molded to my skin, and I know there is an extremely worried man back home, waiting to hear that you’re okay.”  He realized he needed to call Justin to let him know.  He had no doubt he was imagining all sorts of things at the moment.

Alex continued to peer silently at him before finally she nodded with one more sniffle, her body flooding with relief.  “Yeah,” she whispered as Brian nodded back at her.  “We’re square.” 

Brian simply nodded, as he finally placed the car into gear, and pulled out into the road, the rain finally ceasing. Pressing the phone icon on his car’s steering wheel, he pulled up Justin’s speed number on the LED display and pressed the button.  It had barely begun to ring before Justin picked it up, and his words tumbled out.

“Brian?  What’s going on? Are you okay?  Have you found Alex? The rain's stopped, so I'm going to go look around for her again. But I really think she's not here now.” 

Brian exchanged an amused glance with Alex; both of them knew how fast Justin could talk when he was anxious, nervous, or just plain excited.  “It's okay, Sunshine,” he told him.  “I’ve found her. And she’s fine.  Wet as the proverbial drowned rug rat…but fine.”  He could hear a sigh of relief from his husband as he informed him, “We’re on our way back home; we should be there in a few minutes.”

“Alex is there with you right now?” Justin knew Brian tended to use the speakerphone feature in the SUV, rather than his cell, when he drove, so he wanted to be careful about what he did or didn’t say.  He figured she could hear it all.

Brian knew exactly what that question meant as he replied, “Yes.  She’s in the car here with me, and she’s fine.  I’ll talk to you when we get home, okay?” 

“Okay.  And Alex…I’m glad you’re okay and safe.  I’ll see you both soon.” 

“We’ll be there shortly.  See you.”  Brian disconnected the call as he concentrated on the roadway ahead, which was still slick from the rain.  In this area, the road was so winding that it was fairly easy to slide off the road if you weren’t careful, even though they were only a few miles from home.  Feeling the cold chill all the way to his bones, he reached over and turned up the heat, noticing Alex shivering as well.  He realized how lucky they had been that the weather was warm enough to rain instead of snow; otherwise, the outcome could have been a lot different. 

Alex burrowed deeper into the medium-weight blanket, glad for the extra warmth.  She had been feeling miserable when Brian had found her, and if not for her pride, she would have instantly run into his vehicle to escape the rain.  She never thought in a million years that she would ever return to Britin – not after what she thought she had heard – but she was enormously relieved that she had misunderstood.  She stole a glance over at Brian’s profile, thinking about how complex he was.  He wasn’t cut and dried; he didn’t fit into any particular hole. But she sort of liked that. 

“What?” 

She blinked, not realizing she had zoned out, and was still staring at him; that is, not until Brian spoke up.  She shook her head.  “Nothing,” she murmured, feeling a little embarrassed. 

Fortunately for her, Brian decided not to press her any further as he asked, "Warming up some now?” 

She nodded.  “Still a little cold,” she admitted. “But the blanket helps.” 

He nodded back at her.  “We’ll be home soon, and then you can go take a hot shower and change your clothes. You’ll feel much better then.”  He winced, not liking the feeling of thoroughly drenched clothes sticking to his body; even his butt crack.  “We both will.” 

Alex bit her lip and took a deep breath.  “I’m…sorry you had to get so wet.  And that you had to come and find me.”  She looked down at her lap, her hands tightly wrapped around her body as she tried to eke out just a little more warmth.  “And…I’m sorry that I didn’t talk to you about what I heard.”

Brian deftly steered the car around a medium-sized branch that suddenly appeared in the middle of their lane.  “Well, the important thing is that you’re okay…and you know what really happened,” he told her, his attention still on the road ahead.  But it wasn’t just out of caution. With everyone except Justin – and his son – it was still fairly hard for him to wear his heart on his sleeve, to express his emotions. It all seemed so…unmanly.  But he had gotten better at it over the years, and it didn’t fill him with such trepidation as it used to. That didn’t mean, though, that feelings gushed out of him like a geyser.  That would never happen.  “If I know Justin, he’ll have a fire burning when we get home.”  Alex nodded in response, but he wasn’t sure if he was directing that at Alex or himself, though; a fire sounded pretty damn good about now.  Anything warm sounded good about now. 

As soon as Brian pulled into the long, curving driveway, he spied his husband standing by the front door. The sun was actually trying to break through the clouds now.  Alex suddenly gasped as Brian turned to stare over at her; her eyes were wide with awe. 

“What?”

Alex smiled in delight, envisioning all sorts of artistic endeavors in her head.  “There’s a rainbow!  I’ve never seen a rainbow before!  At least not for real.”  She gazed at it in wonder, her mouth hanging open with delight.  “It’s beautiful.” 

Brian slowed the car down and came to a stop in front of the house as he peered over at her in surprise.  Was it possible she had never seen a rainbow before in real life?  They weren’t frequent occurrences – the weather conditions had to be just right – but then again, they weren’t rare, either.  “You’ve never seen one in your entire life?” he asked.  She shook her head, continuing to gaze at the colorful spectacle, her cold temporarily forgotten.  His brow furrowed with curiosity; he wondered what else this child with the hard shell but vulnerable soul had never experienced.  The chance to further mull over that topic, however, quickly vanished as Justin came rushing over to them, his face clearly expressing his relief as he opened Brian’s driver’s side door.  Brian barely had time to exit the car before Justin pulled him into his arms and hugged him tightly.  “I’m so glad you’re back, and that you’re both safe,” he murmured against his cheek as Brian tried to pull back. 

“Justin, I’m wet…” 

“I don’t care,” Justin replied as the two men pulled back enough to peer into each other’s faces.  He glanced over at Alex as she slid out of the passenger side and walked around the back of the car to join them, still swaddled in the blanket Brian had given her earlier.

Justin thought she looked like some homeless orphan as she peered up at him uncertainly.  In a way, he realized she was.  Or at least had been.  “Alex,” he greeted her softly with a tender smile.  “Let’s get you inside.  You need to get out of those wet clothes and warm up.  I have a fire going in the study, and some hot chocolate on the stove as soon as you come back downstairs.  Maybe you’d like to take a hot shower to warm up, too,” he suggested as he placed his arm around her shoulders and led her over to the door to open it, Brian following along behind them, wrinkling his nose in distaste as he tried to walk without feeling ridiculous.  He was finding it hard, however, with all of his clothing plastered to his skin, and his hair molded to his head like some dark cap.  He could hear his expensive shoes squeaking as he walked, too; that would be one pair he would never wear again.

Alex nodded as – still grasping the blanket around her – she shuffled down the hallway, only to have Brian interrupt her. 

“Alex?”

She turned around to peer over at him expectantly as he told her, “I’m going up to take a shower, too. But after you’re done and in some dry clothes, come back down and join us in the living room.  We all need to talk.”  The quiet but firm tone in his voice left no room for interpretation or disagreement as Alex whispered, “Okay,” not sure what Brian wanted to discuss, but knowing it was inevitable. 

The two men watched her slowly trudge up the steps, the blanket trailing along slightly behind her, before she finally reached the upstairs landing and headed in the direction of her bedroom, leaving Brian and Justin alone for the time being.

Justin twirled around to face his husband – his disheveled, damp, husband.  His beautiful husband.  “Get in here,” he commanded him, as he grasped Brian’s wrist and pulled him toward the living room. 

“Justin, I need to take these...”

“You NEED to get warmed up; no argument.”

“I know a good way you can warm me up.” 

Justin blushed.  “In a few minutes,” he promised.  “But first you’re coming with me.”

“Not yet,” Brian quipped.  “But I’d sure like to.” 

Justin had to laugh as Brian rolled his lips under playfully.  “Well, I’m glad that part of your anatomy is still working…and your sharp wit.”

“Oh, it’s working, all right,” Brian assured him as the two men entered the living room.  Just as Brian figured, a blazing fire was crackling in the fireplace. 

“Come here,” Justin ordered him, as he fisted Brian’s damp shirt in his hand and pulled him toward the fire.

“I like it when you’re bossy,” Brian murmured with a smile as Justin began to unbutton his shirt.  He smirked.  “I’m all for a little sex in front of the fireplace, Sunshine, but there ARE prying eyes about, and someone will be down in a few minutes, so you’d better make it quick.” 

Justin grinned.  “In your dreams, Hot Stuff.  I’ll come up and take a shower with you, though, if that will help.  Knowing Alex, she’ll take twice as long as we will to shower anyway.”  Brian sucked in a breath as Justin placed the palms of his warm hands against his chest and slowly slid them over his now erect nipples and then on up to his shoulder blades.  Gently he walked Brian backward until he was a few feet away from the fireplace.  He could feel the heat against his back as Justin reached up on tiptoes to glide his lips over his neck and then bite down playfully on his earlobe.  “My hero,” he whispered, his voice low and throaty.

“Justin…” came the protest; Brian could feel his arousal hard and painful stirring in his jeans.  “God, Sunshine.  Don’t start something you can’t finish.”  He groaned as his husband deliberately rubbed his body against him like some sexy cat.  He pulled back from Justin’s embrace, just enough to see him grinning back at him smugly.  “You fucking tease.”  His statement was basically ignored as Justin smiled sweetly back at him before leaning in and using his tongue to swipe a wet path across his jaw and then his neck; he shivered as he felt Justin’s warm breath against his skin. 

Justin chuckled, but then gasped as Brian plastered their mouths together and kissed him deeply like a man who had been deprived of his favorite dessert for far too long. He smiled against Justin’s lips as his husband wound his arms around his back and they were once more flush against each other, their previous worry over Alex fueling their passion until at last Justin placed his hands against Brian’s bare chest and pulled back, breathless.  “Upstairs…now,” he choked out. 

Brian smiled triumphantly as he began to tug Justin toward the stairs, wondering if they would finish before or after Alex did. 

Sitting in one of the home’s overstuffed chairs several minutes later, Alex sat cross legged, facing the fire as she waited for her two foster parents to return. She had to admit that she felt much better after taking a warm shower and changing into dry clothes. The room at present was unoccupied, even though she had received a mandate earlier to come back down after she was done.  It didn’t take much of her imagination to figure out where the two men had run off to, however; she had heard the water running even after she was done, so apparently Brian had decided to take a shower as well – but not alone.  Did they ever stop? She wondered with a roll of her eyes. They were so different from her real parents in a lot of ways; not just because they were two men in a relationship, but more because they were so…predictable. So…reliable; and they seemed to genuinely care about her. She supposed she believed that deep down; she had just chosen to overlook how they had treated her up until now, choosing, instead, to reach an incorrect, hasty conclusion.  Her parents had once loved her and treated her well; at least, until the drugs became their only motivation and concern. Then, it was as if she barely existed to them.  She sometimes wondered if things might have been different in the future if they hadn’t died. She liked to think that somehow her mother and father would have found a way to get off the drugs and do something worthwhile with their lives, becoming the loving, attentive parents she had always wanted. But she knew that was only a pipe dream. The drugs had taken a hold on them so tightly that she knew they would have never been able to escape its seductive grasp.  

She stared into the flames, her thoughts a swirl of emotions.  They ran the gamut from shame over having jumped to conclusions, to doubts still about her place in this life she was presently living.  Her heart had been so disappointed and broken into tiny pieces so many times before, it had become hard for her to trust anything or anyone.  Could this finally be the exception? Could she allow herself to hope? To think that maybe she could stop running?  For someone whose middle name was cynical, it was extremely difficult to do.  But she was tired; so very tired.  Tired of not trusting. Tired of running, literally and figuratively.  She fingered the soft fabric of her pajama top, remembering how Justin had purchased the set for her a month ago when he had gone out of town for one of his painting exhibitions.  The mint green color had appealed to his artistic taste, he had told her, as he had window shopped while walking from his nearby hotel to the gallery where the event was held.  He had seen the pajama set displayed in a children’s clothing shop, and had impulsively purchased it for her.  At the time, she had been nonchalant with her thank you to him, but the soft as a feather sleepwear had quickly become her favorite pair of pajamas to wear to bed.  She knew that Justin had noticed that, too, by the pleased look on his face, but he had never called her out on it. 

She looked up then as she heard footsteps approaching from the hallway.  Brian and Justin stood in the doorway, both of them still damp from their shower – together, no doubt – before they quietly approached, sitting opposite her on the coordinating couch. She noticed that even though the oversized, leather piece of furniture had more than enough room to seat four, the two men sat close to each other, Brian’s arm lightly resting around Justin’s shoulder as Justin leaned into his side.  Alex had to admit – no matter what she might have thought before or thought now, she was always able to tell how much these two men loved each other, so much that they were almost like two parts of a whole that couldn’t bear to be separated.

Justin was the first to speak, an occasional pop from the fireplace heard in the background.  “Warm enough now?” he asked softly. 

Alex nodded silently, biting her lower lip as she peered over at him. 

Justin nodded back at her, recognizing the pajamas he had brought home for her recently. He was secretly pleased as he stated, “Brian told you what our conversation was about earlier, right?”  Alex nodded once more.  “Then you know it had nothing to do with you.” 

She swallowed the lump in her throat, observing him silently. 

As if he could read her concerns, Brian spoke up then. “Alex, no matter what happens down the road – whether we bring another child into this household or not – Justin and I both can see promise in you.  You’re an intelligent, creative girl, who can actually be sweet…at least when you’re not being a smartass,” he couldn’t help adding as Alex huffed indignantly at him, earning a smirk from Brian and a shaking of the head from Justin. 

He gave his husband a reproachful look as he told her, “What Brian is really trying to say in his own endearing way is that we want to ask Mrs. Morales for an extension of our foster agreement.”   

Alex cast her gaze downward at her clasped hands in her lap, unable to meet his gaze.  “How long?” she asked softly after a few moments, still averting her eyes as if she were afraid to hear the answer.

The two men exchanged a look before Brian quietly rose from his place on the couch to kneel down in front of Alex; he hesitated briefly before reaching over to clasp Alex’s hands in his as the girl slowly raised her gaze to peer up at him.  “Alex, I’ll be frank with you. Justin and I don’t know how long they will let us keep you here. But we want you to stay with us for as long as they will permit it.  We will support you, and do whatever we can to see that you live up to your full potential.  We both know what you have been through, and what you’ve had to face.  But you’re also very intelligent, artistic, and creative.”  He glanced over at Justin and added softly, “In a lot of ways you remind me of someone else I know...and he turned out okay.”  He grinned as Justin scowled at him, causing Alex to smile slightly despite the seriousness of their conversation. 

She hesitated then, afraid to verbalize what she was thinking, but wanting desperately to know the answer.  “But if…” her voice trailed off as she thought better of what she was going to say and shut her mouth.

“But what?” Brian pressed, his pupils darting back and forth intently as he studied her face.

She felt her face warm over his intense scrutiny as she sought to find the courage to continue.  She knew if it hadn’t mattered so much to her, she wouldn’t have any problems speaking up. But she realized it DID matter to her.  This was the first time in a very long time that she actually felt like she belonged somewhere. 

“If…If you and Justin…if you decided…”  She shook her head, unable to continue. What was the point, anyway?  “Just forget it,” she mumbled.

Justin quietly spoke up from his place on the couch. “You're trying to say that if we adopted you, you wouldn’t have to leave,” he finished for her as Alex turned her head to look at him, a little surprised. 

“I’m right…aren’t I?” Justin gently pressed her, his blue eyes boring into hers. 

She blinked back tears and let out a shaky breath before finally nodding in concession. 

“Is that what you want, Alex?” Brian asked her softly.

She bit her lip, feeling both men’s eyes on her.  Swallowing hard, she saw no reason to lie.  “Yes,” she croaked out, licking her lips anxiously.  “I…I want a family.  A real family.  One that cares about me.  One that I can depend on. One that I know won’t disappear…or die,” she stumbled over the last word.  “One that I know will be here today and tomorrow.”  She let out a shaky breath before whispering, “I’m just tired.  Tired of it all.”

Brian continued to grip her hands in his larger ones as he pressed her.  “Tired of what?”  Somehow he knew she wasn’t talking about it in the physical sense. 

She sniffled, rubbing her nose with her sleeve.  “You wouldn’t understand.”

Brian studied her face.  “No?  You might be surprised. I think you’re tired of running, Alex. I think you’re tired of not being able to trust anyone. I think you've gotten tired of not knowing what you’re going to eat from day to day, or where you’re going to sleep.  I think you’re tired of no one caring, of no one even wondering where you are from one day to the next.  You’re tired of being beaten to within an inch of your life, merely for being who you are and refusing to deny it.  I think you’re tired of not being loved.”

Justin frowned. He knew that Brian wasn’t talking about Alex now; as far as they knew, at least she had never been physically abused.  As if to bolster his suspicions, he could see Alex giving him a quizzical look.  “Brian…”   It had always bothered him that Brian had never been very open about what had happened to him as a child, and it hurt his heart to think of what his husband must have gone through when he was young.

Brian shook his head as he finally released Alex’s hands, restlessly threading the fingers of his left hand through his still-damp hair. Temporarily ignoring the concern in Justin’s voice, he continued in a low tone, “I’m right, aren’t I? At least about how you feel and why."  

Alex averted her gaze.  “They never hurt me," she mumbled, still trying for some reason to defend her parents.  She knew Brian hadn't been referring to her, though.  She scoffed.  "What…so you're psychic now?”

“No,” he told her quietly as Justin silently observed them.  “But I’ve been there,” he told her.  “Maybe not the dumpster diving, or the living on the streets. But I certainly know what it’s like to be kicked out of your house, and not know where you’re going to go.” He glanced over at Justin briefly as he told her, “Justin knows, too.”  He brought his attention back to her as he added, “And we both know what it’s like to be hurting inside.”  Alex blinked back tears as Brian reached up to gently brush the wetness from her cheeks.  “We don’t want you to worry anymore about where you’re going to wake up tomorrow, or where you’re going to be sleeping.  We want to take care of you, and give you some stability and security to your life. If you’ll let us.”

“But how can you do that if I’m just your foster kid?” Alex asked him.  “That’s temporary.”

Justin cleared his throat as Brian and Alex peered over at him questioningly.  “Alex, Brian and I have always been truthful with you, haven’t we?”

She nodded in agreement after a few moments, unable to deny that.  As much as perhaps she didn’t always like the truth they were giving her, they had always been up front with her. 

“Well, we’re not going to lie to you now, either.   Yes, fostering is temporary.  You’re right.  Adoption, though, is permanent.  Once that happens, we can't take it back, and you are a part of our family forever.  Don’t misunderstand,” he was quick to explain.  “Even if you eventually had to go back to Children’s Protective Services, Brian and I would always remain in contact with you, because we care about you.”  Brian nodded in agreement.  “But before we even consider adoption – and you consider letting us adopt you – we have to be sure that it’s the right thing to do. For ALL of us.  We need to get to know you better, and you need to get to know US better to make sure we’re all a good fit."

Alex huffed indignantly over his choice of words.  “You make me sound like I’m some piece of clothing or something. If I don’t fit, you’ll just return me.”

Brian exchanged a pained look with his husband before Justin continued.  “You know that’s not what we mean, Alex. Come on, you have to work with us here. Our wanting to extend our fostering longer is a good thing.  We all need time to figure out if adoption is the right step for all of us.” 

Brian nodded his head as Alex peered up at him, seemingly seeking a second opinion.  “He’s right,” he told her.  He reached to gently but firmly grasp her chin and slowly raise her face to meet his gaze; to her credit, she looked back at him without flinching.  “Do you understand what we’re saying, Alex?  We aren’t saying you have to agree with everything we do or say; hell, with you that’s the last thing we would expect.”  Alex snorted as he grinned at her.  “We don’t want you to be some robotron, or someone who only says what you think we’d like to hear.  That’s not what a real family does, and it’s not what we want, either.  But this is not a decision we can take lightly. It would mean a real change for all of us, and I have my son to consider as well…although he seems to really look up to you.”  Alex swallowed hard as Brian let go of her to rest his hands on his thighs.  “Does that make sense?”

Gazing over at Justin’s concerned face, and then back over at Brian, she slowly nodded, realizing the wisdom of his words.  As far as SHE was concerned, however, she had already made up her mind.  “Yes,” was the simple reply.  She wanted nothing more than to become a member of their family; she knew that now.  But she also understood it wouldn’t happen overnight.  She also knew that it could mean it wouldn't happen at all. For now, though, it was at least a possibility.  “So…you will call Mrs. Morales?” she asked, her voice catching slightly.  “About extending the agreement?” 

Both men smiled at her and nodded yes.  "I'm...I'm glad," she whispered.  Satisfied that they meant it, she suddenly felt extremely weary, all the way to her bones.  It was more of a mental exhaustion rather than physical, but tiring all the same.  “I…I think I’ll head upstairs and do some drawing,” she announced as she slid off the chair and stood on her feet. Just like with Justin, sketching something always seemed to calm her and make her less anxious.  It was a welcome escape from her worries.

Brian stood up as well, his eyes studying her.  “We’ll call Mrs. Morales first thing tomorrow, then,” he promised her as she nodded, biting her lip.

“You won’t tell her?  About...?” she asked.

Brian glanced over at his husband briefly.  “You mean about what happened today?”

She nodded, chewing on her lower lip.  “Yeah.  I mean...I…stole from you,” she whispered painfully.  “Again.”  This man had been nothing but kind to her; Alex knew that. And he had intimated that he wouldn’t expect repayment from her for the money she had stolen from his wallet, and then promptly lost in a puddle of mud and water. At least not in the typical sense.  Just how much was Brian willing to tolerate, though? She wasn’t sure if SHE were him that she would be so generous or tolerant.  Sometimes even she realized she could be a hard person to forgive. 

“We already talked about that,” he reminded her quietly.  “It’s settled.  I told you how you could pay us back.  Do you intend to abide by our agreement?” 

Alex nodded, hugging herself and appearing very small at the moment, much younger than she was.  It tugged at both men’s hearts as Brian nodded back at her solemnly. 

“Go on up, then, and get some rest, Alex.  It’s been a long day – for all of us.” 

Alex nodded once more and turned to go; impulsively, she turned around and hugged a surprised Brian, who hesitated before sliding his hands around the slim body to reciprocate.  Once released, Alex walked over and somewhat awkwardly repeated the same thing with Justin, who was still sitting on the couch.  He locked eyes with Brian as he embraced her for several seconds before letting go.

“Good night, Alex,” he whispered as she rose to stand from her leaning position.  “See you in the morning.” 

Both men watched as she turned and quietly left the room to head upstairs. To be absolutely certain Alex was out of hearing range, Brian held up his hand as he walked over to the doorway and stuck his head out, making sure Alex was, indeed, heading up to her bedroom. He wasn’t going to take any chances this time. Satisfied that she was definitely upstairs now, he let out a deep breath as he leaned against the wall next to the door.  “I’m getting too old for this, Sunshine,” he commented dryly.

Justin grinned. “You?  You’ll never get old, Brian.” 

Brian rolled his eyes.  “Guess again.  The days when Mikey used to tell me that I’m young and beautiful are long gone,” he decided wearily.  He sighed as he stared over at his husband.

“I think overall it went well,” Justin insisted.  “I think Alex understands this is not going to be a quick process. Nor should it be.”  

Brian nodded as he pushed back from the wall and walked over to sit beside him.  “Justin…”

Justin peered over at him, noticing the contemplative look on Brian’s face, and the hesitation in his voice.  “Hmm?” 

Brian paused for a moment, wondering how Justin would react to what he was about to say. He never enjoyed disappointing him.  “How serious are you about considering Alex for adoption?  You know that’s a really big step.”

Justin nodded.  “Yeah, I know.”  He sighed.  “I’m not sure how I feel, to be honest,” he told him.  “I like Alex.  And I can see a lot of potential in her. But this was all so unexpected when she showed up.  She’s eleven years old, Brian.  I mean, I know she needs a home, a secure and loving home.  And I know we could provide that for her without any problems.  But…”  He shook his head slightly, almost as if he didn't think he should complete the sentence.  Was it wrong to think this way?  He should have known he didn't have to actually voice the thought aloud, however; by now Brian could practically read his mind, and he had a feeling that his thoughts were being broadcast loud and clear to him.  He didn't have long to wait to prove his theory as Brian spoke up.

“…but she’s not a newborn, is she?" he asked softly.  "She’s not what you had expected.”

Justin stared straight ahead, peering over at the slowly dying fire he had stoked several hours ago.  “That sounds selfish, doesn’t it?” he murmured, watching the flames dancing around the charred logs.

“No,” Brian reassured him softly.  “It’s not what you had envisioned before my father’s campaign started.  You were clear about what you wanted, and it was me who asked you to put it on hold.”  He shook his head.  “Wow, it seems like an eternity since we got married and went on our honeymoon, doesn’t it?”

Justin nodded.  “Yeah.  Seems like forever.”  So much had happened in the past year; some bad, some good. He turned to gaze at Brian thoughtfully.  “Brian, I’m not saying I don’t want to pursue adopting her.  I mean, I do care about her.  I think she wants to be a good kid. She has just never really had the right example to follow.  We certainly have the financial resources and space requirements for someone like her; hell, an entire family, with the size of this house.”  He noticed an odd look flitter across Brian’s face.  “What?” he probed.

Brian reached over to take Justin’s hand in his.  “Justin…I’ve always been honest with you…”

“That sounds ominous.” 

Brian didn’t crack a smile over his attempt at levity as he stated, “Well, I’m not going to change that now."  He took a deep breath.  "If we do decide at some point to adopt Alex...I just don’t think I could handle both her and a new baby at the same time.  It would be too much, too soon.” He hated like hell to disappoint Justin, and he could see a cloud appear on his face momentarily it disappeared.  “Surely you can understand that,” he asked him.  “I wouldn’t ask you to adopt Alex merely out of a sense of obligation or sympathy, either,” he added.  “But if we do both decide it’s what we want – and Alex feels the same way – I just don’t see how we could do that AND bring a newborn into this house.  Think about it, Sunshine...you know I'm right."  

Justin would be deceiving himself if he didn’t feel a pang of disappointment piercing his heart over Brian’s statement. But at the same time, it wasn’t fair to be resentful of Alex, who badly needed a loving, nurturing home.  It wasn’t HER fault that it might very well prevent him from fulfilling a long-standing dream. 

Brian squeezed his hand to get his attention.  “Justin…I’m not saying you should give up on that wish,” he clarified as Justin's throat constricted.  “It’s just going to have to be put on hold for a while, at least until we see what happens with Alex.  I know that whatever we ultimately decide, though, you will give her a fair chance. And if it’s not meant to be…well, then, it’s not meant to be.” 

Justin glanced down at his and Brian’s hands, his wedding band reflecting off the firelight.  He gripped Brian’s hand tighter in his, the larger one resting under his smaller one, as he replied softly, “I understand.”  He raised his eyes to meet his husband’s and offer him a half-smile.  “I’m okay with it, Brian,” he told him.  “Really.  I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’m a little disappointed. Okay, more than a little disappointed.  It felt so amazing holding Hope in my arms earlier," he admitted, his eyes watering over the memory.  "But I realize that....” he took a deep breath and let it out "...you're right."  He paused for a moment before adding, “You know, maybe there’s a certain sense of fate at work here.”

Brian wrinkled his brow.  “How so, Sunshine?” 

“You were adopted.  It didn’t turn out the way it should have. Of course, you didn’t know you were adopted back then.  But maybe…just maybe…we can right a wrong here with Alex.  There’s a certain…symbiosis…in that.”  He took a steadying breath.  “Okay, then…let’s see where this goes. We'll give it a few more months?" he looked at Brian, who nodded in agreement, "...and then we’ll take it from there.” 

Brian smiled at him gratefully, his heart swelling with love for this amazing man.  Leaning down, he cupped Justin's jaw with his free hand and gently kissed him on the lips.  “I do love you," he whispered sincerely as he pulled back slightly.

Justin stared into his eyes for a few moments.  "And I love you," he told him softly.  That would never, ever change.  

Brian nodded, relieved that Justin understood.  "It’s been a long day,” he mentioned.  “Ready for bed?” 

Justin nodded as he was gently pulled to his feet; Brian placed his arm around Justin’s waist before the two men walked out of the living room together and headed upstairs, both aware this particular part of their journey was only beginning. Where it led was yet to be determined.