Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction
Author's Chapter Notes:

 

A/N no excuses for the delay as there aren´t any

 

Summary to get back into the story:

 

Julian Parish´s life takes a turn the day Myles ask him to join him on an unexpected trip to New York. Both with burdens from the past, they manage to build a relationship with each other after returning back to Memphis. Suddenly their little bubble of normality is burst by the news that Myles´ father needs a kidney and Myles might be a possible match. Myles being gay already is a disturbance in the relationship with his father, so he is eager to help him despite the fact that homosexuals are not allowed to donate organs.

 

 

 

 


Myles' POV

 

Today I was on edge. Waiting for test results was not my forte. I spent hours cleaning the kitchen in my Penthouse, straightening the living room, and tidying the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. All of this was senseless, though, since the place was spotless already thanks to Marta, my cleaning lady.

 

"Myles, let's go out."

 

I jumped out of my skin. I never heard Julian come up behind me and when he spoke I reacted.

 

"Julian, just leave me alone."

 

"No, Myles, you're driving me crazy with all this cleaning. You know you're just anxious about the blood test results and the place is already as clean as it can get."

 

"So what, it's what I need to do."

 

"We can go out, have a drink, get some food. You haven't eaten anything since breakfast and all you had was coffee."

 

"What, you're watching my food intake now? What are you, the nutrition police?"

 

Julian stood there, looking at me like I'd grown horns on my head. He didn't deserve this and I knew it. I felt bad, but I also felt I needed to be alone. The laboratory said I would hear back from them in two to three days, but the technician who drew my blood said it might be sooner once she realized my name. Together Julian and I decided to stay in New York rather than fly back home to wait. Now, in hindsight, maybe I should not have stayed. Back home I would have buried myself in my work and it would have kept my mind on other things. Instead, I keep checking my phone to make sure I didn't miss a call, after all, it had been three days now.

 

I straightened a couple magazines on the coffee table and walked to the floor-to-ceiling windows, turning my back on Julian. Staring out at the city used to calm me, but not today. The sky was a clear blue, the sun was shining brightly. It felt like a knife in my heart today. So many memories flooding my brain. The tenth anniversary of 9/11 was just days away... what if I'm not a match... what if I AM a match?

 

"Myles, please, come out with me," Julian pleaded softly.

 

"You go ahead without me."

 

"You need to eat something."

 

"Julian, please," I begged, "bring me back something to eat if it will please you."

 

"Will you even eat it?", he asked, exasperated.

 

"I will try, I promise." I turned from the window and saw his forlorn face. Damn, he didn't deserve this at all.

 

I sighed deeply and walked to him, kissed him softly on the lips and gave him a hug. He hugged me back like it was our last hug ever. With my face in his neck I reassured him.

 

"I feel like a reuben on rye. I know it's packed with calories, but I'm hoping my nutritionist will overlook that this one time." I felt Julian's smile against my neck.

 

He gave me an extra squeeze and then touched my face with his hand. He brushed his lips against mine.

 

"I'll be fine. I just don't want to go out right now," I told him.

 

"Okay," he forced a smile, "I won't be long. What do you want to drink?"

 

"Scotch," I answered too quickly. Julian raised an eyebrow in question. "Okay, okay, iced tea would be wonderful," I relented.

 

Julian grabbed the elevator key and stepped into the elevator.

 

"I can have it delivered," he stated from inside the elevator.

 

"Julian! Go... I'll be fine!"

 

The doors closed.

 

I breathed deeply, running my fingers through my hair, poured myself some bourbon and walked back to the windows. The space my eyes were drawn to in the distance was empty!

 

~~~~~

 

"Aren't they beautiful," Elijah exclaimed.

 

"They certainly are, Baby," I answered as we stood by the windows, looking out over the city. Elijah was so enamored with the Twin Towers.

 

"I'm going to work in one of those towers one day, very soon!"

 

"Oh really, are they looking for a janitor?" I teased.

 

"Very funny, Myles, very funny. I have a second interview this week and it looks very promising from what they have been telling me."

 

"What? When? Why didn't I know about this sooner?"

 

"I wanted to be sure before I even mentioned it. Keeping it from you was tougher than I thought. I was actually trying to wait until I got the position before telling you, but, here I am, divulging it beforehand. Oops!"

 

"I'm proud of you, Baby. My boyfriend might actually have a real job..."

 

"Career, it's a career," he corrected.

 

"Yes, career!", I cheered.

 

"Thank you, I'm glad you're proud, it means a lot to me."

 

Elijah kissed me and I kissed back halfheartedly. He noticed.

 

"Myles? What's wrong?"

 

"Shit, Baby, I don't want to rain on your parade."

 

"What is it?" he questioned again, holding my face in his hands. Making eye contact with his gorgeous eyes just makes me all mushy.

 

"My HIV test results came in; they want me to go back in for another. They used the word "contaminated", so they're unsure if it was positive or negative." I ran my hand through my hair and sighed.

 

"It's fine, Myles, it's just an error. You're fine. Mine was negative. So is yours."

 

"What if it's not?"

 

"It is! Stop it!"

 

Elijah kissed me tenderly, holding my face in his hands. He knew just how to calm me down with his touch. I never told him how much I loved my face held that way, he just knew it.

 

"Just look out at the Twin Towers, they always calm me, maybe it'll work for you, too!" he said cheerfully.

 

We stood arm in arm as the sun set, casting shadows across the city, turning the buildings into mirrors with their reflections.

 

Weeks later we were standing in the same place overlooking the city, celebrating.

 

"Told you it would be fine," Elijah said.

 

"You were right, it was negative!"

 

"I'm always right, admit it!"

 

"Umm... no way!" 

 

"Come on, I deserve it, just say it! Come on, you can do it!" Elijah was cajoling me as he was tickling me.

 

"Okay, okay, you are usually right," he tickled me harder.

 

"Say it, Myles, say it!"

 

I was laughing too hard to speak, being very ticklish.

 

"You're...always... right," I admitted between gasps of air.

 

"Ahhh, much better," he stopped tickling.

 

"I hope you don't treat your co-workers like this. Using tickling tactics to coerce them to side with your views."

 

"Oh no, they already side with my views. All I had to do was bat my eyelashes," Elijah chuckled.

 

"Oh Baby, I have no doubt, those baby blues of yours mesmerize just about everyone, especially me."

 

Elijah smiled. I found him so beautiful when he did.

 

"I'm so happy for you, your wish came true. Big office in the World Trade Center. All that schooling paid off for you."

 

"Don't worry, you'll graduate law school some day!" Elijah teased.

 

"Very funny! Let's have a drink and celebrate the test results and your new job..."

 

"Career! Get it right already!" he grinned.

 

"...and your new C-A-R-E-E-R," I enunciated slowly. "What shall we drink?"

 

"Scotch", was his reply.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I turned around as the elevator doors opened. Julian stood there with a paper bag. I tipped my head back and downed the rest of my bourbon. I walked over to the bar and poured another.

 

"Myles, have you been standing by the window the whole time I was gone?"

 

"Christ, Julian, so what if I was?"

 

The last three days was taking a toll on me and I wasn't getting any easier to live with. Julian was taking care of me, walking on eggshells around me, trying so hard to stay out of my way and it just seemed to me he was smothering me. The stress of not knowing if I was a match was eating at me. The truth of it was, I really couldn't decide if I wanted to be a match or if I didn't want to be. Each one brought on a new line of worry. If I was, it was good news but at the same time, a whole new problem would present itself. The fact that I am gay and a risky candidate for organ donation was going to be a huge undertaking to convince a health care professional to even consider a transplant. If I wasn't a match... I didn't even want to think about that. Father needed help and I was going to give it to him.

 

Just as I was about to sit down and eat with Julian, my phone rang. I took it in my hand and stared at it. It was the hospital phone number for Father's doctor's office. I was holding my breath.

 

"Myles!"

 

I looked up at Julian, his eyes soft and pleading.

 

I answered. "Hello?... Yes, this is Myles... No, just tell me now, I can't wait any longer... right... okay... sure. No, I understand. Thank you so much for calling... You too, bye."

 

I dropped the phone on the table and sat, placing my face into my hands.

 

Julian was being so patient.

 

"Myles?"

 

I started sobbing and shaking my head. Julian stood up and came around behind me, laying his hands on my shoulders.

 

"I'm not a match... I'm not a fuckin' match! What the hell, after all that, I can't even help my father."

 

I stood up, wiped my face off with my hands and suddenly I was angry. All that stress I had bottled up came out as I tossed my glass full of bourbon across the room.

 

"What the fuck!" I shouted, "Why? Why can't I fuckin' do anything right? I can't even get the blood type right! I need to do something right for him, I needed this to work out!" I was pacing back and forth, venting my anger.

 

"It's not your fault, Myles."

 

"Yes it is my fault, all my life I have never been able to please my father, I've tried so hard and now, this is just going to be another thing I can't do right, in his eyes."

 

"How can he blame you for this, really, I mean, come on!"

 

"You don't get it, Elijah... Julian... oh my God!"

 

Julian winced. I'd hurt him with one single word. I ran my hand through my hair and walked towards him. He backed up a step as I came towards him.

 

"Julian, I'm so sorry."

 

Julian held up his hand to stop me from coming any closer.

 

"I'm going to make it easy for you, Myles, I'll give you what you want!" He said as he turned and headed towards the elevator. "I'll leave you alone. When you're ready, give me a call, maybe I will have 'gotten it' by then."

 

The anguish in Julian's eyes made my heart ache. What had I done? 

 

"Wait, don't go!"

 

The elevator door closed...

 

 

 

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