What though the radiance
which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendor in the grass,
of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind.

-William Wordsworth

Justin

Time inevitably heals all wounds.  That's what Justin kept telling himself.  When Brian immediately reverted to his wild ways of sex, drugs and booze, it confirmed Justin's belief that Brian Kinney would never settle down.  The man had an aversion to anything remotely resembling a relationship and appeared determined to be a perpetual bachelor.

In the months that followed their breakup, Justin's fantasies about Brian diminished.  Having wisely immersed himself in his relationship with Ethan, and relegating any remaining free time in the pursuit of his academic and artistic studies, it left little chance that his mind would wander. 

At the beginning, Justin was totally ensconced in the romance of it all.  Ethan was the perfect boyfriend.  Justin took comfort in the knowledge that he would never have to share him with a never ending list of nameless tricks.  Ethan also happened to be a musical genius who aspired to sharing his gift with the world, much like Justin with his art.  They certainly seemed to have a lot in common.  Much more than he ever had with Brian.

Justin was living the life he had always envisioned for himself, although he had once upon a time foolishly envisioned it with Brian, not Ethan.  For his part, Ethan remained true to his word.  He was romantic and carefree.  On the surface, Justin appeared content.  He could rely on his boyfriend's unwavering devotion in making their time together special.  Their intimate nights always ended up the same way, with Ethan professing his love and later affectionately snuggling up to his blond haired lover. 

After their first year together, the newness and excitement of their relationship had dwindled dramatically.  It was replaced by mundane routines and complacency.  Justin was growing weary of working extra shifts at the diner and watching Ethan play his violin in the streets to pay their bills.  So, when Ethan finally won the Heifitz Competition and was signed to a world tour, Justin became suddenly hopeful.  He was ready to have a chance at refining his own artistic talent, as well as being more than just a supportive boyfriend to Ethan.

The young lovers traveled throughout Europe for the next 18 months.  Although it was refreshing to be studying in places he had only dreamed about, Justin felt something was definitely lacking.  Was this all life was about?  Maybe this was what happened when you matured and were no longer a starry-eyed, naive kid.  Justin became melancholy at the reality of this notion, but quickly resigned himself to the path his life seemed to be taking.  He knew that Ethan loved him very much and he was committed to making their relationship work.

During occasional stretches of boredom when Ethan was playing somewhere and he did not attend, Justin turned to his art.  He found himself drifting back to a time when he was the envy of every guy on Liberty Avenue; when he was the object of Brian Kinney's attention.  The feelings it evoked fueled his creative juices and he infused it into his painting.

Justin's works of art began to garner him some notable attention.  His paintings were high in demand and soon fetching impressive prices for an up and coming artist.  Justin's dream of being a world renowned artist was on its way to becoming a reality.

Brian

At first Brian thought he could just pick up where he left off with his life pre-Justin.  He told himself that he was now free of the constraints that having a young man living with him had imposed on his lifestyle.  Brian's rebirth as the King of Liberty Avenue lasted about six months.  By then he started to tire of the countless tricks who couldn't hold a candle to Justin in bed, or fill the void in his heart. 

Brian realized that he was wrong in letting Justin go.  However, it was too late.  There was nothing he could do about it now, he convinced himself.  His world was lonely without the blond and he felt the pain of losing love for the first time in his life.  Brian vowed to never let anyone get that close to him ever again. 

Nights at Babylon were becoming few and far between.  Instead, Brian submerged himself in his work much to the dismay of his friends.  Michael lamented and gave Brian his famous pep talk, the one that ended with "you're Brian Kinney for fucks' sake!"  However, Michael had found love with Ben and was now living with him.  That made it easy for him to give up on Brian after a few failed attempts.  He shrewdly chose to focus his energies on his life with someone who could give him what he needed.

No one dared to say it out loud, but their lives were all changing.  Even Emmett, although still his flamboyant self, was evolving into a more grounded person.  It was a natural progression since he was striving to be taken seriously as one of Pittsburgh's premier party planners.

There wasn't a solitary day that went by that Brian didn't think of Justin Taylor.  As hard as he tried to forget him, he could never really succeed.  He was always lurking in the back of Brian's mind with his sunshine smile and his milky white skin.  Strangely enough, Brian could not seem to recall any of their difficult times together and only had recurring visions of the magical moments they had shared.  One of his visions was so vivid in fact, that he had to jerk himself off to relieve some of the sexual tension it had invoked.

Brian continued to live his life by his own rules while keeping watch over his adopted family and friends just like he always had.  But those who were close to Brian, like Lindsay and Debbie, realized that something had changed about him.  There was a disturbing sadness and bitterness about him that hadn't existed before. They both suspected that it had something to do with Justin. 

Brian was becoming a workaholic.  He was successful and cunning.  Through the fruits of his labor, he opened his own advertising agency called Kinney Advertising.  The suite of offices were spacious and tastefully decorated. 

Although he would usually feign disinterest, Brian looked forward to Lindsay's unsolicited reports about Justin's latest accomplishments.  After all, it was because of his influence and monetary support that the lad appeared to be evolving into a first rate artist.  So it was only natural and a good investment when he purchased a Justin Taylor original to adorn a wall in his office.

Looks, wealth, a beautiful son and a thriving business.  Brian appeared to have everything, yet he was not completely happy.  Something, or rather someone was missing.

Even four year-old Gus noticed that his daddy was different somehow.   One day when he was visiting with his Dad, he innocently asked, "Daddy, why are you always sad?" 

"Daddy's not sad, Sonnyboy.  Daddy's just thinking."

"What are you thinking about daddy?"

Not wanting to divulge his secret, Brian merely responded, "I was thinking that some day you'll be grown and you won't want to visit with your old man anymore."

The little boy frowned and said, "Don't worry Daddy, I'll still come to visit you when you're old.  I love you."

Brian smiled and gathering his precious child up in his arms, hugged him close to his chest.  He unexpectedly felt tears welling up in his eyes as he thought of another boy who had once professed his love so innocently.  He found himself wondering what Justin was doing right at this moment.