Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction


Justin
 
"No, no, NO!" he cried out.  He was back at the crash.  Ethan was mangled and bleeding in the wreckage.  His eyes flew open in his state of panic.  
 
Justin listened for a moment and heard only the sound of his quick, harried breaths.  It had all felt so real.  He suddenly remembered that he was in his mother's condo.  The sunlight peaking through the vertical blinds barely lit the room. 

Thank God he hadn't been loud enough to wake his mother or sister!  He hated that he had inconvenienced them both by temporarily taking over Molly's room.  Jennifer had insisted that he have a comfortable bed to sleep in, scoffing at his idea of staying on the couch like the last time.  As a result, his sister was now forced to share a bed with their mother.
 
As his eyes adjusted to the glare of the early morning sun, he perused his new living quarters.  Typical girly decor.  He was surrounded by pink walls and various posters from teen magazines of young stars.  When he glanced up he could see a smoldering Robert Pattinson grinning directly above him.  Then there was this hot looking picture of a shirtless Joe Jonas plastered on the adjacent wall. 
 
Hmmm...on second thought, maybe the accommodations weren't so awful after all.
 
Although he was exhausted, he couldn't go back to sleep.  He laid there with his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling.  He had so many thoughts running through his mind at the moment.  Justin didn't know if he would be able to sleep peacefully through the night, ever again.  Especially since those hellish nightmares of the plane crash seemed to be occurring more frequently.
 
Had he really had an out of body experience when he tried to commit suicide?  Did Ethan forgive him for what he had done or was it merely wishful thinking?
 
Justin still hadn't told anyone about his experience, or about the other reason for his overbearing guilt.  It was too hard for him to face, let alone admit it to anyone else, why he should have died instead of Ethan.  Even though he liked Dr. Vaughn, there were still some things he wasn't ready to divulge.
 
Today was his first appointment as an outpatient.  He watched the clock for the next two agonizingly slow hours, waiting for a decent time to rise.  He suddenly heard bustling in the kitchen and knew it was his signal to get up. 
 
Shit, why was he having such a hard time moving?  He was so tired, his body felt like lead.  Maybe he should stay in bed a little longer.
 
"Justin...breakfast!" he heard his mother call for the second time. 
 
Gotta get up.  Gotta get up, he willed himself. 
 
Fearful that his mother would begin to worry, which was the last thing he wanted to do, he finally managed to propel himself up from Molly's twin-sized bed.  After the effort it took for him to get moving, he wondered how he would make it through the rest of the day.
 
 
Brian
 
He knew Jennifer Taylor was aspiring dutifully to be there for her son round the clock, but he also knew that she was doing so at great risk to her livelihood, as well as her own health.  Therefore, he made it a priority to do something about it.  He used his Kinney gift of persuasion to manipulate Mother Taylor into an arrangement that would most likely benefit her as well as Justin. 
 
Although Jennifer protested at first, she soon acknowledged that Brian was right.  She was unable to disagree with his main argument that she needed to work, to make money to support her family.  And as much as she loved Justin, she could also use a break away from her troubled son. 

Since real estate agents worked mostly afternoons and evenings, Brian assured Jennifer that he could be at the Taylor household by 3:30 p.m. every day.  She, of course, was concerned about Brian's business, as well as his willingness to sacrifice for her son.  Underneath all of his recent actions, Jennifer was dismayed to discover that Brian could still be in love with Justin after all this time.  She wasn't completely sure how she felt about it. 
 
"Brian, what about your job?" Jennifer had questioned with sincerity.
 
"It's one of the perks of being the boss, you get to make your own hours.  Besides, I have two competent underlings, Ted and Cynthia, who are more than capable of handling the day to day transactions in my absence."
 
That little exchange seemed to have an effect on Jennifer.  She hadn't bothered arguing with him anymore and just deferred to him in agreement.
 
Brian thought about the lengthy periods of time he would be spending with Justin.  To him, he wasn't sacrificing anything at all.  In fact, the lad was probably saving him from spending all his time obsessing over things at work.  He grinned to himself as he imagined his staff would most likely be thrilled to hear that he would not be around most of the afternoon to micro manage them.
 
Brian was being entrusted with accompanying Justin to his first visit with the doc.  Although the man was a bit of a kook and Brian wasn't entirely thrilled about his sessions with Justin, he had to put his reservations aside.  Cynthia had done some research on Dr. Vaughn and he was impressed with the man's education, as well as his publications in the field.  

Brian grabbed his jacket, left his busy corporate life behind and headed to Jennifer's. 
 
When he arrived Justin was waiting anxiously on the sofa, picking at the bottom of his tee shirt.
 
 
Justin
 
"Hey lost boy, ready to get your head shrunk," Brian proclaimed as Jennifer closed the door behind him.  The familiar blue eyes seemed to change to red for a moment.
 
"Fuck you!"
 
"That's the spirit, brat,"  Brian responded with a sardonic smirk.  He was secretly pleased that he had gotten some type of reaction from Justin.
 
Why did his ex have to be such a shit?  Didn't he know how hard this was for him?
 
His mom retrieved her coat and headed out the door with both of them in tow.
 
"Good luck, dear."  She gave him a hug and a well meaning peck on the cheek.
 
Justin smiled weakly.  It seemed a little absurd to him that she would be wishing him good luck.  It's not as if he were going to take a road test, or having his first solo exhibition. 
 
Good luck with what?  Trying to get his head on straight?  Trying to make it through the day without wanting to kill himself because of his guilt?
 
Why was he so angry at the two people who were only trying to help him?  He didn't want to feel like this. 

Fuck...double fuck.
 
The ride to the hospital was made in silence.  He was appreciative that Brian must have picked up on his foul mood and decided not to provoke him further.  In spite of the heartless facade he projected in public, his ex was a good man.  Justin knew that he was one of the few people who had been allowed to see the tender, caring side of Brian.  He longed to be embraced by that love again and to be at peace with himself.
 
It was a shame that it could never be, they could never be.  He didn't deserve love, especially not with Brian.
 
 
 

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