Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction

Brian  

It's been nearly two weeks now and Brian's mind is still reeling.  Justin, his Justin left him in the middle of the fucking Rage party for a greasy kid with a fiddle.  But it isn't just the public humiliation that has him out of sorts, it's the unfamiliar feelings he is harboring now.  Brian fucking Kinney. Mr. I believe in fucking not love, is a mess on the inside.  If he wasn't so experienced at keeping up his Stud of Liberty Avenue facade, it would have shattered into a million pieces that very night.   

So, his blond haired boy chose to be with Ian.  He knew it all along that someday this would happen, that Justin would leave him for someone his own age, but he wasn't quite prepared for what he would feel.  He feels pain, real fucking pain spanning from his chest to the bottom of his gut.  It makes it hard for him to breathe at times, especially when he's forced to look at Justin with his new "boyfriend".  Of course he tries to act indifferent to this travesty, but somehow his best friend, Mikey, and his fag hag, Lindsay, have managed to see right through it.  Annoyingly, they keep asking him if he is all right.  Lindsay even spews some romantic bullshit about it not being too late to get Justin back.  

As if he would ever entertain the thought of going after his former lover. Although, Brian does have to admit to himself that there is a part of him that misses the boy.  Maybe it's because of the way his hands always seemed to find themselves tangled up in Justin's incredibly soft, honey wheat strands at some point or another during their fucking sessions. Or the way the small, sweaty body would contently curl up into his side and mold perfectly to the contours of his own.  Then again, it might be because of the way Justin would break out into a grin every time they showered together the next morning, particularly when he insisted on lathering the lad's hair.  Brian reflected on how genuinely happy Justin appeared and how it made him feel a special warmth inside.  

Damn kid!  He wasn't his fucking concern anymore and Brian should be thrilled.  So why does he feel so completely devoid of any emotion?      

 

Justin  

It had been nearly two weeks since he brazenly left the almighty God, Brian Kinney.  Now Brian's not so high on that pedestal anymore.  Imagine, some blond twink succeeded in knocking him off it and in a big way.  So why does Justin feel like such a shit?   

Brian fucking deserved what Justin had done to him in front of everybody.  After all, his older lover had the audacity to be fucking Rage in the backroom with him looking on in disbelief!   

Of course, then Ethan unknowingly happened to show up at the right moment looking all cute and needy.  It was the perfect opportunity to give the master a dose of his own medicine.  At the time Justin had thought to himself, "I can be a heartless shit like him".  And so he nonchalantly walked away from a man he used to worship into the eager arms of a man who vowed to worship him and only him.   

For an instant, just one tiny, minuscule moment he almost didn't leave.  He hesitated when he saw Brian remove his mask and his eyes held the briefest flash of regret and pain in them.  Or had Justin merely imagined that?  Nevertheless, he went through with it because he felt Ethan could give him the romance and the words he so desperately needed.   

So why does he feel this chasm deep inside his soul?  Why does he still dream of Brian every night?  He even found himself lying to Ethan when questioned recently about why he was whimpering in his sleep.   

Time...he just needed some more time.  Brian had been a tremendous impact on his youth, his coming of age.  It was only normal for him to mourn that loss now.   

Brian had been his first love, Justin further reasoned.  He'd always cherish their time together and he'd always love him.  But the man was a part of his past.  Ethan was his future.         

 

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