Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction

 

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Flashback

“Are you sure that you can’t get the time off, Justin?” his mother asked, her loving eyes pleading that something shift the Earth’s axis so that her own personal world may be righted again.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I know you want me to go; I want to go but I have to work straight up until Christmas Eve. I have tried everything and I cannot get off work.” Justin said remorsefully.

He really did want to go but he could not lose this job; besides college it was his first step in the direction that he had always wanted his life to go and he had gotten it all by himself, without his father’s help, and that meant the world to him. Not that he ever begrudged his father’s or even his mother’s need to help him as much as they could, but it was great to know that he could be judged on his own merits and found good enough, even if it was a lowly assistant job.

In this instance, however, there was absolutely nothing he could do to get away for their yearly Christmas holiday. This was true even though he had never before missed a year; he really wanted to go and he would miss his family. He took this as an unwanted sign that he was growing up but he accepted it…much better than his mother did.

“Well, then we will just have to cancel the trip.  There is no way our family is not going to be together for Christmas.” Jennifer, his mother, declared.

“Mom, don’t do that.” Justin protested. “You should all go. You and Dad need this time away; you have relied on it every year as your break from the stress of work and social requirements. Not to mention that it would be so unfair to make Molly stay home when it is all she has been talking about for a month, just because I can’t go.”

“We are not going and that’s final and I will not hear anymore about it.” His mother put her foot down.

Justin knew that once his mother stated her point in such a manner that he would not have the words to change her mind, so he looked to his father with a desperate plea in his eyes. The young man would do anything in his power to not ruin this holiday for his entire family and as much as he wanted to go, he knew his mother had to also start seeing him as an adult with his own life.

His father, Craig, looked into his eldest child’s eyes and saw a million emotions flashing through the blue orbs. Therefore, while he himself would feel better being in the same place as his son for the holidays, he understood that this was a step that Justin had to take.  He had to be allowed to be an adult in this situation and as much as he and Jennifer loved Justin, they had to allow him this. The older man nodded to his son and then with a tilt of his head he silently directed Justin out of the room. Craig knew that this was something that he had to do for his son and that it would be easiest to convince his wife if the child in question was not in the room at that moment.

Justin left hoping that his father would find a way to convince his mother and it didn’t take very long to find out that he did, although his mother still clearly was not ecstatic about the idea. Justin wondered immediately what it was that his father had said to change his mother’s mind as he was sure the information would come in useful some day, but fate stepped in and the blond never even got to ask.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin sat waiting for his group to start.  Everyone in the group came early and the angelic-looking man that some still saw as a boy wasn’t sure why. He didn’t know if the others came for the conversation or if they, like him, needed time to gear up to the pain that would inevitably be revealed during the time spent there. There had never been a moment in the past months that Justin hadn’t felt consumed by his pain, but here there was no pushing it to the back of his mind or even attempting to; there was no faking a smile and pretending everything was alright like he did everywhere else.

There was no way to hide what he felt because everyone else in the room felt the same thing for the same reason.  Although each had their own personal stories, the pain was shared and that ripped the wound wide open every time. Justin sometimes wondered if this was a good thing as his frustration was mounting. He was a pretty patient person but he wondered endlessly when it was ever going to feel even slightly better. The blond despaired at the long time it had been since he felt anything at all other than grief, pain and guilt.

Justin had signed up for this group as soon as he heard of it; he didn’t know what he would get out of it but he hoped for so much. The time he had been in the group he had talked about a lot of things but he was not making the progress that he needed so much. He hadn’t felt anything in such a long time and the blond couldn’t help himself from thinking that it would be better if he just gave up and stopped coming to the group. His mind told him if there was nothing he could get from the time he spent at the community center then his time was better spent doing something else.

Justin knew that he was contemplating quitting and he had never been a quitter, but he didn’t know if he could continue to subject himself to the reopening of the wounds every time he came here.

These were the thoughts that were swirling around Justin's brain as he waited for the proctor of the group to call the meeting, but before this could happen the door behind him opened and the blond found himself looking into a pair of the amazing hazel eyes and his whole outlook on the group changed. After the man had left Justin had hoped to catch a glimpse of him when the group was over but was disappointed when the brunet was not around.  However, the chance encounter that lasted less than a minute had changed something in Justin.  He found that he was looking forward to coming to group on the off chance that he would see the other man again. The blond didn’t know what it was but he found himself drawn to the hazel-eyed man and that moment with its flare of feeling was more than he had felt in almost a year, so he found himself wanting to have more of that. He found himself looking forward to the next week and hoped that he could do more than just share a look with the devastatingly handsome stranger, although Justin didn’t give much more thought as to where he wanted it to go from there; he just knew he wanted more.

When Justin headed out for his group the next week, he found himself attempting to rehearse a conversation with the brunet that he hoped to see in his head. He didn’t know what he was going to say or even why it was so important; he almost felt that he needed to find the exact right thing to say, as if he was interviewing for his dream job or something of that nature.  However, he did know somewhere deep down inside that this was an important connection that he was attempting to establish.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian sat in his Jeep for a few minutes, his thoughts an argument that he couldn’t even believe he was capable of having with himself. He had refused to think about what he was doing when he got ready and left his loft a half an hour before he had to, but now as he stared at the door of the community center there was a part of his brain that rebelled against his actions.

“What the fuck? Since when do I doubt myself?” Brian bitched aloud.

The statement wasn’t entirely true but that was something that Brian would only admit to himself in his best moments, and those moments were very rare. Brian headed out of his Jeep and into the building, his determination to do whatever it was that he wanted firmly in place.

Once he got into the building the brunet stood by the door of the room that the grief counseling group had met in; he had done his research so he knew they would be meeting again today. The brunet figured that it was luck that the group met on the same day as his class. He wasn’t sure what it was that he wanted with the blond with the incredibly sad eyes, but for some reason he knew that he had to go through with whatever it was he had to do to find out.

Brian knew his interest wasn’t the same as it was for most guys that he found hot, not that he had not had fleeting thoughts about fucking the blond but the fact that they were fleeting told him that something else was going on here. There was something that few people knew about Brian and even those that did know had no idea of the extent of it. Brian had always been someone who felt the need to help certain people, be it his friends or someone like this blond that he just happened to cross paths with.

The brunet knew that he would do anything he could to remove the pain from those azure eyes, but first things first, he had to find out what he could do to fix what was wrong with the other man without arousing suspicion as to his motivations. Brian didn’t mind doing whatever he could to help the people it struck him to help, but he always did whatever he could to remain anonymous.

The tall man was broken out of thoughts when he saw people coming around the corner and heading towards the room he had parked himself near. He wasn’t sure what he would say to the young man when he saw him but he knew that something would come to him, it always did. He had never come across a time when he couldn’t at least bullshit his way through a situation and he was determined that this time would not be any different, so he amped himself up for coming face to face with the blond that had been occupying his thoughts for a week.

Brian saw the other man the minute he turned the corner but was almost surprised when he found himself staring into those blue eyes again. The brunet wondered if the shorter man looked at everyone in the same way; he considered that perhaps everyone was as unnerved by the blond’s laser vision that seemed to stare directly into your soul as he was. Brian didn’t know if it was just his egotistical nature, but for some reason he knew that this particular look was reserved just for him.

The older man tried to shake this thought off because some part of his brain screamed that it was ridiculous; it told him that the blond knew even less about him than he did about the blond.  It reminded him that even though he had this weird interest in the other man, the blue-eyed man probably hadn’t given him much more than a passing thought, but somehow Brian just couldn’t bring himself to believe that.  When the blond in question walked straight up to him, only stopping when he was directly in front of Brian, the brunet took this as proof that his internal argument was valid.

“Hi,” Brian said, his face carrying a rare smile.

“Hello,” Justin responded, his eyes searching but his face showing an openness that those who had known him since before his family died were beginning to think was gone forever.

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