Closing his eyes, Justin lets his pencil slowly slide down his finger and rest on the sketch pad against his thumb. He didn't mind waiting. Though Brian told him to go home, to go to the god-forsaken mall, to go anywhere but under no terms was he to stay here. Justin had smiled sweetly at Brian's words and sat himself down on one of the chairs in the hospital waiting room. Pulling out his sketch pad, he had promptly told his lover to fuck off. And that was that.

Forty-five minutes didn't warrant an excuse to leave the hospital. It wasn't as if Justin had Kai with him.

Sighing, Justin looks up towards the sliding doors that had amused his brother so much. It pained him to see Kai act so differently from Gus. But perhaps having them interact more... teaching Kai to interact more... could help? He felt so useless.

Of everything in the world that Justin hated, feeling useless was on the top of the chain. Fuck fuck fuck he wanted to blame someone. It was as if being angry would make it better, but Justin knew that was a lie. Shaking his head, he picks his pencil back up and continues to doodle absently until his mind returns to Brian's earlier suggestion of that morning. Having Kai over on the weekends excited Justin, but also scared him. Were they ready for this? They had just gotten back together, and now they were going to add Kai to the mix? Justin had to smile, Brian knew that Kai and Justin were a package deal...but it still surprised him that his partner would suggest such an arrangement.

Thankfully, Brian's final treatment would be this Friday, so inviting Kai over on Saturday could be enjoyable. Perhaps, Justin mused, he could pick his brother up after lunch: that way, he and Brian could spend the morning together. And then Justin could return Kai to Craig sometime on Sunday afternoon. He knew Craig would love the idea, why wouldn't he? Now he could go on fucking whatshername at his house.

Would he keep Kai's door closed? Probably. And if she saw it, Justin wonders what Craig would say. He finds himself shaking his head again, deciding that Craig would probably avoid a tour all together, or if anything, say it was Molly's room. asshole. He couldn't understand what his mother ever saw in that man.

Checking his watch, he puts his sketchpad away and stretches his hands out, watching his fingers straighten and bend on cue. There wasn't a day that went by when Justin wasn't thankful that his hand had responded to the therapy. He couldn't imagine how his life would be if he could never draw again.

He remembers back when he was so depressed, thinking his hand would never be the same and therefore he could never be the artist he had so hoped to become. That emptiness that consumed him, nearly killed him... disappeared with the support and love that came from Brian Kinney. Back then no one thought twice about the things Brian did. It was just money. But Justin knew. Justin knew what it meant. It meant that Brian understood. He understood and wanted to give him what he lost: hope. And that came in the shape of a computer.

Smiling, Justin wishes more people could see Brian for who he really is. But maybe that was the point. That the guarded secret of Brian's heart was only to be seen for a select few. And boy, were they select.

Standing up, Justin smiles a bit wider at the ache in his ass as he moves towards the table to check out the magazines. Brian had given him an unexpected surprise this afternoon: a ten-inch vibrating dildo to be exact.

Justin had been relaxing on the bed, listening to his ipod, oblivious to the fact that Brian had awoken the nap he had taken after lunch. Brian, the stelth that he was, snuck into the toy box to pull out the 'surprise' along with the high-end lube.

Feeling the dip in the bed, Justin didn't think anything of it as he hummed along to the song playing. But when he felt Brian's long and slender fingers slowly slide into his ass, the music lost its importance.

Long, slow finger fucks were like weekends: sometimes they relaxed you, and other times they revved you up. And this delicious torment was treating Justin to the latter. It wasn't long before the blond was clawing the sheets, trying so hard not to moan or beg. He had bitten his tongue so hard to prevent himself from shouting Brian, please, fuck me! because he knew Brian couldn't, and he really didn't want this feeling to stop.

And then suddenly it did and Justin wanted to cry. He didn't know if perhaps he said something aloud, if maybe Brian's feelings were hurt, or if he had become frustrated... and then, like the music, his thoughts lost importance once the dildo slid into him.

A hard and fast fuck with the dildo was the last thing Justin had expected that Sunday afternoon... and when it was over, he couldn't stop telling the brunette how much he loved him. Even after Brian told him to shut up, repeatedly.

Sighing, Justin checks his watch again and wonders if 45 minutes was simply a ballpark figure. Taking a magazine, he sits back down, biting back a smile at the reminder from his ass.

He skims the magazine, finding it incredibly boring, and goes back to the table. Sometimes there was nothing better than an actual conversation. The waiting room was empty today, and as much as Justin hated striking up conversations with people he would generally never talk to, he suddenly felt the urge to talk.

Maybe it was because he and Brian were actually talking more. It's funny what you can do when you aren't fucking 24/7. Ella, a PIFA classmate of his, often would say "Everything happens for a reason: there are no accidents." If this were true, then in Ella's mind, Brian was meant to have cancer, Kai was meant to have autism, and Justin was meant to be bashed in the head. Clearly, Ella was an idiot.

And Justin, clearly, had to tell her that. Ella smiled and explained to Justin, as if he were a small child, that his cynicism was purely an effect of having an old soul, and that since she had a young soul, she was free to accept life as it was and go through the flow with joy and wonder. Justin, being the old soul felt compelled to have this young soul listen to her elder. So with a smile, he told her exactly where she could stick it.

Funny how the two haven't spoken much since then.

Not that it mattered as Ella was clearly an idiot.

"I thought I told you to go home?" Brian's voice startled Justin for a moment as he entered the waiting room, looking exasperated and annoyed.

Grinning, Justin walks over and kisses Brian's cheek, "and I thought I told you to fuck off?"

Tongue-in-cheek, Brian turns and walks away, his sway slow as he pushes past the exhaustion. He was tired of being tired all the time, and he didn't need the nurse to remind him that even once the radiation treatment finally ends on Friday, the fatigue could last for another 4-6 weeks. Brian of course, refused to accept that. In fact, he had overheard Ben and Mikey talking a few days ago about the AIDS ride to Canada. Perhaps that was the motivation Brian needed to show everyone he was fine, including himself. Of course he was fine. This was just a bump in the road... a very annoying and admittedly scary bump in the road. But it was almost over: he could taste the finality.

Reaching the car, Brian doesn't say anything when Justin opens the door for him. He doesn't say anything when Justin sits in the driver's side and starts the engine. He still doesn't mutter a word as they exit the parking lot.

Brian had planned to stay quiet the entire drive until Justin speaks up, "Tired?"

"What do you think, Sunshine?" Brian hates how his voice sounds. He doesn't mean to sound irritated, it's not Justin's fault that he's tired, that he's always tired.

"I'm sorry," Justin says with a sympathetic smile, turning to look at Brian for a moment, ignoring the scorn on his lover's face.

"Sorry's--"

"Bullshit, I know," Justin finishes for him. "I just mean that I'm sorry you're feeling tired."

"I'm always tired," Brian mutters, turning to look at the window.

"That must suck."

"No shit." Brian closes his eyes, letting Justin know that the conversation is over.

The drive doesn't take long and soon they are back at the loft. Brian ignores Justin's hand when the blond tries to help him out of the car and instead walks to the elevator and pushes the button. He remembers the burst of energy he had felt after the short nap he had taken earlier this afternoon. Turning to Justin as the two stand side by side in the elevator, Brian remembers the first thought he had when he felt that rush of energy: Justin. He wanted Justin to feel as good as he suddenly felt.

Brian tries not to smile as he remembers the hot sounds coming out of Justin's mouth... sounds that usually would awaken his dick. But not today. Fuckin' cancer. But once the treatments were over... Friday night. Maybe Saturday morning. His doctor had told him not to be surprised if it took awhile for him to 'get it up,' so to speak. Obviously, the doctor was not familair with Brian's reputation. I'll be fucking Justin by Saturday morning. The doctor had even suggested trying some medication. Brian had laughed, again the man was underestimating him.

The elevator doors open and Brian follows Justin out, his eyes focused on the perfect ass walking to the loft door. He couldn't wait to fuck Justin again. If only his dick would cooperate now. Scowling, he curses cancer and radiation treatments... and republicans. Yes, republicans too, just because he could.

"What are you scowling at now?" Justin asks as he closes the door once Brian enters.

"Fuckin' republicans..." Brian mutters as he walks past the blond and into the bedroom.

"Oookay..." Justin follows him to the bedroom, not the least bit surprised when Brian goes to the bathroom and locks the door behind him. The blond sits down on the edge of the bed and waits.

After a few minutes, his stomach starts to growl, "Hey, Brian, do you want me to order something for dinner?"

The door opens and Brian walks out, his hair and face wet. "Do what you want." He lies down on the bed and closes his eyes. He can feel Justin slide over beside him, lying down on the pillow next to him.

Justin whispers, "Is this okay?"

"Are you planning on talking?"

"Do you want me to talk?" Justin asks.

"Do I have to talk back?"

"No."

"Then talk."

Put on the spot, Justin hesitates for a moment, then begins. "People are idiots."

Brian opens his eyes for a moment, looking at blue ones staring back at him. Okay He closes them again and Justin continues.

"Some people think they are smart, and really, they are just idiots. Other people know they are idiots, but pretend to be smart... which makes them even bigger idiots." Justin sighs, "And then other people are really smart, but don't know it, and are idiots because of that...."

"Justin," Brian begins, his eyes still closed, "does this story have a point?"

"Not really."

"Okay. Go on."

Justin smiles, rolling onto his side, "Some people like to believe idiots, which makes them even more of an idiot."

"People are idiots." Brian confirms.

"New topic?" Justin asks.

"Why are people idiots, Sunshine?"

Turning onto his back, Justin looks up at the ceiling, "Because nothing happens for a reason." He looks back at Brian, "Things do NOT happen for a reason. If that were true, then what would be the fuckin' point of anything? We might as well just lie down on the road and wait to die."

Brian opens his eyes again, "This is why I didn't want you in the waiting room."

"Ella is an idiot."

"Okay."

"And Craig is an asshole."

"Noted."

"And my mother is an idiot for ever marrying him." Justin continues, crossing his arms on his chest.

"Sure, okay..."

"And people who don't see you as a wonderful man are idiots." Justin forces the tears to stay in his eyes and not slide down his face. He takes a deep breath, "And cancer... cancer is an idiot."

"Cancer isn't a person, it can't---"

"Shut up, I'm talking, remember?" Justin argues, still staring at the ceiling. "Cancer IS an idiot. It just shows up one day and decides to fuck up someone's life. I don't care how early it's caught... it FUCKS up your life."

"Justin...."

"And autism is an idiot. Autism takes away something so special like social interaction! Like eye contact, like being able to play a fuckin' mailman game!" The tears start rolling down and Justin angerily brushes them away.

Brian tentatively reaches over to touch Justin's hand, but the blond swats him away, "I will not fuckin' believe that everything happens for a reason. Fuck that and fuck all those idiots who say shit like that!"

Brian waits for a moment, waiting for Justin to finish. He watches as Justin tightly shuts his eyes, his body tense, his jaw clenched. After a long pause, Brian finally whispers, "Fuck 'em."

Forcing a smile, Justin nods in agreement. "Fuck 'em."

"They're all idiots." Brian continues, his eyes never leaving Justin.

Finally turning his head to look at his partner, Justin nods again, ignoring the tears that won't stop spilling. He hadn't meant to cry. He hadn't meant to say anything, nothing like this. He wanted to be the strong one. He wanted to hold it all together...

Brian reaches out to him, and Justin rolls into Brian's arms, burying his face into his lover's chest as he listens to the sound of Brian's heart beating. "We'll make our own story."

"We always do, Sunshine," Brian reminds softly, kissing the blond hair against his chin.

"And it's going to have a happy ending," Justin promises.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Brian replies.