Why Not With Me?

Chapter Thirty-Three: Listening
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I could be mean
I could be angry
You know I could be just like you

I could be fake
I could be stupid
You know I could be just like you…

I could be cold
I could be ruthless
You know I could be just like you…

I could be weak
I could be senseless
You know I could be just like you…

You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you.

- from Just Like You, by Three Days Grace

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-------------Brian’s Point of View -----------------------

Justin left this morning for a quick New York trip. He is coming back Monday, and I decided to stay in Pittsburgh.

It’s the first time we’ve been apart since he came out here. I know I’m going to miss him, so I plan to spend Saturday with Gus. Mel and Lindsey seemed grateful for the prospect of having a quieter night at their house, and I wouldn’t be too surprised if they’re pawning off JR for a night with Mikey and the Professor.

After I put Justin on the plane, I go to work. After work is my appointment with Dr. Stevenson… I’ve never had one and not gone home to Justin after that. I’m almost nervous about it, but Justin made me promise to call him and he has an hour planned anyway. I just have to follow his instructions.


The day goes by quickly at Kinnetik, as Fridays often do, with people scuffling out the door at the earliest possible moment. I get so wrapped up in work that it takes me a minute to remember why Cynthia’s reminding me I have to leave at 4:40.

-------------Dr. Stevenson’s Point of View ----------------

Brian seems about as usual when he comes into my office.


“So, do you have any plans for the weekend?” I ask after our usual greetings.

“Actually, yeah. My son is staying with me, from tomorrow morning until Sunday morning. Justin had to be in New York to show some samples to a couple gallery owners for potential shows,” he says, sounding genuinely excited.

“That sounds like a big weekend for you. How do you feel about Gus staying overnight?”

He grins from ear to ear, but his fingers tap a little against the arm of the chair.

“I’m really looking forward to it. I rented the new Power Rangers movie, which he really likes. And it’ll be nice for it to be just me and him for a while,” he says, still smiling enthusiastically.

“What makes is different about it when there’s no one else there but Gus?” I ask.

He pauses, the grin fading slowly from his face.

“Well…I’m not sure. It’s just…there aren’t any expectations, I guess.”

“I’m not sure I understand what you mean by expectations,” I say, hoping he’ll elaborate.

He frowns a little, trying to think of a better explanation.

“I guess…people expect me to be a certain way. The way I usually am. But Gus doesn’t.”

I think I’m starting to see what he means now.

“So you’re saying that often, you feel like you’re expected to do certain things or say certain things, and you fulfill those expectations. But with Gus, those expectations are not there, so your behavior is freer,” I surmise.

He nods, smiling slightly.

“How do people expect you to behave?” I ask the obvious question.

He looks at me, expression blank and now sucking in his cheeks a little.

“Just…the cool person. Sort of…distant. Business like. I am a business man, after all. And just sarcastic, I guess. Kind of… an asshole,” he says simply.

“I understand where that image might come into play, but where do you get the term asshole from?”

----------Brian’s Point of View ------------------

Where do I get that term from? I can’t think back far enough to know.

I shrug instead.

“People call me that,” I say, “always have.”

“Doesn’t that bother you?”

Bother me?

“Why would it?”

Dr. Stevenson frowns at me in a worried way and I see him writing something down.

“Well, because you’re not an asshole, for one. Also, because that’s a very derogatory term. Who uses it toward you?”

Who uses it?”

“Almost everyone, I guess. I don’t really pay much attention. Debbie, uh, Michael maybe, probably Ted at some point. Mel… lots of people,” I say casually.

“And you’re not bothered by it at all?”

--------Dr. Stevenson’s Point of View-----------

“It’s just a nickname,” he insists, scowling at me.

“Do you have any other nicknames?” I ask, seeing that I wasn’t making much progress yet.

He pauses for a long moment and a blush rises in his cheeks. The same one I got Wednesday when he finally admitted that Justin holds him.

“Yeah,” he half mumbles. “Justin calls me…Beautiful.”

I smile very quickly and then move on. I’m thrilled to hear it, of course, but I can see that Brian will melt of embarrassment if we talk about it any further just now.

“Has Gus ever stayed overnight with you before?” I ask and watch as his embarrassment fades.

“No.”

“Is there anything you’re worried about?”

I see him tense a little, his right hand gripping his knee. He glances out the window then back at me.

“Not…especially for tomorrow,” he admits.

“Okay, then you worry about Gus generally. You brought up before your concern that you were a poor role model for him,” I say evenly.

He glances out the window again for a long moment.

“I am a pretty bad role model for most things. I wouldn’t really want him to be like me in most ways.”

“Let’s talk for a minute about the ways in which you are a good role model then,” I suggest.

“Well…independence is one. That’s what I want for Gus. To live by his own standards,” he says.

His views and clarity on this subject, for Justin and for Gus, are deeply moving to me. What he wants for them is an ability to live life on their own terms, to find their own happiness.

“That’s a rare gift that you give,” I say softly and Brian doesn’t look at me.

“Can you be more specific about the worries you have?” I ask after a moment.
He shakes his head no, but then turns more thoughtful and eventually answers.

“Well…I guess it’s just…I don’t know how to be a parent. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, really. In some situations I do; situations that I’ve handled. But as he gets older, there will be more…and since I can’t say to follow my example, I just don’t know that I’ll handle anything well.”

He’s not emotional at all -- he’s entirely objective, and it’s clear that he’s considered this from a neutral standpoint, without making judgments about either himself or Gus.

---------Brian’s Point of View --------------

“I think I understand your worry,” Dr. Stevenson says. “You feel like you haven’t witnessed good parenting and can’t simply order Gus to do as you’ve done. You’re not sure what sort of parenting skills that will leave you with.”

Immediately I know his answer is right. He has a remarkable way of saying what I wanted to say. I nod.

“Well, that’s a genuine and thoughtful concern. New situations arise with children all the time and it isn’t easy to know what to do. Even for those who have several children, and who were raised in appropriate circumstances, parenting is the most difficult job,” he says, and hearing this makes me feel better.

“I’m sort of glad that you said that,” I admit and he smiles at me.

“Maybe we can explore this topic a little. This weekend when Gus is with you, try to pay attention to how you react to new situations with him, and how you feel about it. Then if you want, we’ll be able to discuss it later. Do you think something like that would help?”

I think for a moment.

“Yeah…actually…in a way I guess we’ve talked about parenting a little bit. You’ve told me more about what children need -- love, limits, consistency, predictability -- than I’ve ever known,” I realize.

--------Dr. Stevenson’s Point of View ------------

I’m a little taken aback at his statement; I wouldn’t have pegged him as someone who would have been able to reflect that much on those sessions just yet. I would’ve guessed that pain too raw to be applied in that way. But Brian has impressed me again.

“It’s wonderful that you think of it that way; it shows a lot of strength and concern for your son,” I say and he bites his lip.

“How do you feel those things might apply to this weekend?” I ask, seeing if I can push him further.

He looks at me for a while, thinking. But I can see the struggle -- the struggle of not being able to imagine a normal domestic, parent-child interaction.

“What are you thinking about?” I ask quietly, depending upon his honesty to get some insight.

He frowns but answers.

“Times with my parents at his age. The yelling…the hitting. Being punished.”

“What sorts of things were you punished for?” I ask.

He squints his eyes a little and shrugs.

“I don’t really know. Upsetting people. Making mistakes, maybe?”

I rest my hand on his shoulder for a moment.

“Okay, so that was the wrong thing for a child to experience. A child should always know what the rules are ahead of time, and what he’d have to do to break them,” I say softly.

I watch his face as he sees the link between what felt so bad to him and what I’m telling him about good parenting. He looks at me closely.

“Did you or your sister ever do anything that was wrong, growing up?” I ask.

I watch him think back again for a long minute.

“Yeah. That day with my sister’s makeup bag. I wasn’t supposed to touch her things. I got hit for it before and did it again,” he says, voice quavering just slightly. I tighten my grip on his shoulder.

“Okay. So let’s look at that. They made a rule, not to touch her things. But their response was entirely out of proportion to any rule breaking. Nothing would warrant the abuse they caused,” I say first, wanting this much entirely clear to him.

I wait until he meets my eyes and nods.

“But there is something else. In that episode, touching your sister’s things was not even in their excuse for why you were abused. Correct parenting would have had a punishment that was reasonably linked to what you did, and was minor, as was your error.”

Brian’s watching me intensely, his breath a little fast.

“So, for example. One response might have been to have you apologize to your sister, either verbally or in writing. Another might have been to have you help your sister clean her room because that undoes some of the effect of messing with her things.”

Brian is blinking at me with a sad look on his face. I can’t really tell what he’s thinking.


------------------Brian’s Point of View ----------

I never thought about it that way. I never realized…how…inappropriate my parents are. I mean…there are lots of ways to punish kids, and I would have disliked those things. But…it would have really…been a lot different than rinsing blood out of my hair in the shower by myself.

If I never knew this…how am I going to do this with Gus? If I never even thought much about this..?

I clear my throat.

“I…hope I can do this with him tomorrow,” I admit hesitantly.

He smiles kindly at me and offers to help.

“Well, I think you’ll be perfectly fine, but if it would help we can talk more about it,” he says. I nod eagerly.

“Okay, I recommend first of all having some simple rules, like no running, jumping or yelling.”

I nod, although I doubt that will be any problem with Gus.

“The next thing is, when you go to do something with him, take a moment to imagine how you want him to behave. Then tell him what you’re expecting, and what will happen if he does not do what is expected. So, for example, you said you were going to the park. What do you expect then?”

Okay, this is not so bad. I do this, sort of, with him already. I just need to be more conscientious about it.

“Well, that he not talk to strangers. That he makes sure he can see me all the time. And that he check in with me every once in a while.”

Dr. Stevenson smiles broadly at me and I feel a tiny bit proud of myself.

“That’s excellent. Okay, now, if he did not do one of those things, what would you do?”

Huh. That’s…a good question. I try to think back to things I’ve seen Lindsey or even Mel do, and I’m just not coming up with anything. I feel my heart start to pound a little faster.

“I’m not sure.”

“That’s alright. Just think for a moment about what would be related. He ran off and got out of eyesight, and did not come check in with you. You have to go find him or call him over. What would be a sort of…opposite, a way of following that rule?”

I swallow. Umm. The opposite of running away and being too caught up in playing.

“I guess I could have him sit out for a while.”
Dr. Stevenson beams at me and I feel that little bit of pride again.

“Right. Time out is a great way to make kids more conscientious about their behavior. It’s immediate, and fast, and it keeps them from doing what they want, but without harming them.”

That makes a lot of sense.

“Now, the other exception would be harder. If you saw him talking to a stranger, what would you do?”

Just the idea of Gus talking to a stranger makes the hair raise on my arms.

“I’d be so angry,” I say.

“It’s good to recognize that. I remember the first time I saw my older son start to respond to someone he didn’t know -- it was to a parent, but still -- I was so furious I pulled him over and yelled at him in front of everyone. That was the wrong thing to do, but I was so caught up with that feeling of anger and panic that I did it.”

It’s sort of weird hearing Dr. Stevenson talk about his own life, but I feel better knowing that even he would lose his cool at a time like that.

“What I should have done,” he says, continuing, “is to pull him aside and remind him of that rule, and why it exists. Role playing situations like that can also be a big help so kids can recognize the situation when it happens.”

Role playing. Wow. I never, ever would have thought of that, either. I’m glad this came up.

---------Dr. Stevenson’s Point of View --------------

He’s looking a little overwhelmed at this point.

“You look overwhelmed. Are you okay?” I ask softly.

“Yeah…just…a lot I never thought about,” he replies.

“Well, it’s like that for all parents. Do you feel like this is helping at all?”

He smiles genuinely at that.

“It is helping, a lot.”

“Good. Now, you’re okay without Justin this weekend, right?”

He nods again.

“I’ll have Gus tomorrow, so I won’t be alone. I’ll obviously be very busy,” he says smiling.
“Okay. Now I want you to know that I think everything will turn out very well. Few people have the thoughtfulness and concern that you have in wanting to do right by your son. Your good intentions and considerations will make a big difference,” I say.

“Thank you,” he replies, voice quiet.

It makes my heart soar when he accepts the compliment.

“If for any reason at all -- this weekend or any other time -- you need me, remember that you do have my number and you can call anytime.”

He shakes my hand gratefully, thanks me and leaves the office.


------------Brian’s Point of View -----------

I feel both calmer and somehow more uncertain about the upcoming weekend now. I hadn’t given a lot of thought to it before; my time with Gus is usually so good, I never thought about the ways in which this weekend would be different. The ways that it would put me into new situations with him.

I’m glad though, because Dr. Stevenson gave me a lot to think about… and a way to think about it. And I feel like, as long as I do what he said, everything will be fine.

When I get home, I call Justin on his cell. He answers right away. I tell him about Gus; about what Dr. Stevenson said. Justin sounds happy and tells me he knows the weekend will be a wonderful one for me and for Gus. That really makes me smile.

Then Justin instructs me through my hour; complete with a shower (on speakerphone), and some phone sex (also on speakerphone), it’s not nearly like having him here, but it still helps tremendously.

We hang up soon after that, and somehow I find myself tired, even though it’s early. So I settle back against the couch for some television and leftovers, then to bed early.

------------------

The next morning I pick Gus up and we go to breakfast as usual, only today he has an overnight bag in the trunk of the car.

“I really get to stay all night at your house?” he asks for the fifteenth time.

“Yep, and at this time tomorrow I’ll be driving you back home,” I explain for what I hope will be the last time.

Gus nods and returns to his pancakes.

When Debbie comes by with the check a few minutes later, he informs her of his latest adventure.
“I’m staying over at Daddy’s tonight, all day today and all night tonight,” he announces proudly.

I see Deb raise her eyebrows in genuine surprise.

“Oh really? Well, that should be a lot of fun. What will you boys be doing this weekend?” she asks, watching both him and me.

“Going to the park, and Daddy got the new Power Rangers movie I’ve been wanting to see.”

“Sounds great. I’ve heard that’s a good movie,” Deb says. After that, Gus excuses himself to the bathroom and Debbie slides in across from me in the booth.

“So, you’ve got him for most of the weekend,” she says, stating the obvious. I nod.

“Nervous?” she asks.

I shrug.

---------Debbie’s Point of View -------

I’ve heard through the grapevine that something is going on with Brian. That he’s been trying to come to terms with his past, more or less. I’m pretty impressed; I guess I never imagined him looking backward.

Plus, I was witness to enough of it that I would fully understand it if he didn’t, frankly.

But I guess he has; Michael blurted out something and Ben gave me a summary of whatever it is. Self-help or whatever the latest term is. I have to wonder if this latest thing with Gus has anything to do with that.

At any rate, I remember a few weeks ago how awful he looked when Gus brought up Jack, and I do want to support Brian in this whole thing if I can. And, though he clearly won’t ever admit it, he does look a little ill at ease, knowing he has the next 24 hours with the kid.

“You’ll be fine,” I say, smiling at him.

He smiles back a little.

“Of course I will,” he says, but softly.

A few minutes later and he and Gus are out the door.

----------Gus’s Point of View ---------------

The park is so much fun! I can hardly wait to get out of the car and run right over to the new Super Slide they just put in. Momma wouldn’t take me last weekend, but I should have known Daddy would.

I’m just about to jump out of the car when I feel Daddy’s hand on my shoulder, so I stop.
“Gus, I’m going to be waiting on the park benches over here,” he says, pointing off over near the Super Slide. “I’m going to be watching you and I need to be able to see you all the time.”

I look up at him and nod. He tells me this all the time, and I don’t think I’ll forget today.

“If you can’t see me, then I can’t see you, and you need to check in with me,” he continues just like always.

“Okay, Daddy,” I say. I’m ready to run already.

“Alright, and no talking to --”

“Strangers. I know, Daddy.” What does he think I am, four or something?

Then I start to run off, because I think he’s done. He calls after me and I go back over to him.

“There’s something else I should tell you,” he says, in a sort of funny voice. “If you don’t follow these rules, you will have to have a time out.”

A WHAT? He’s never said that before.

“But Daddy --”

He shakes his head and looks a little….serious. He kneels down so he’s just my height.

“That’s something I need to work on, Gus. There are rules and they’re there for a good reason. You need to learn to follow them. So if you don’t, you will have a time out.”

This is starting to sound just like school.

“I won’t do anything wrong, Daddy,” I say.

“I know you’ll do your very best. But no one is perfect and you deserve to know what will happen if you make a mistake,” he says quietly.

Then he ruffles my hair with his big hands, smiles at me, and I run off.

------------Brian’s Point of View-------------

I could tell Gus was surprised when I told him about the time out thing. The rest of my speech he’s heard before, but he’s never really heard me talk about punishments.

Still, he got over his surprise and seemed to understand what I was talking about.

The next half an hour passed pretty much uneventfully, with me watching Gus and trying to avoid small talk with the rest of the parents on the benches. One of them, however, wouldn’t leave me alone and starts talking to me about some stupid PTA meeting next week. Gag me.

It’s at about this time that I see Gus come running from behind some large trees on the far side of the park. I see him perfectly now, but obviously wouldn’t have seen him 10 seconds earlier when he was behind the trees.

He’s heading back to the playground at full speed and I wait until he’s close enough to see me wave him over.

My heart is pounding a little but I’m calm and know what I need to do.

“Gus, I saw you coming from way back by those trees.”

“Yeah, we were playing Super Heroes,” he explains innocently.

“I’m glad you were having fun, but I can’t see behind those trees. You need to be where I can see you.”

He looks at me with one eye closed.

“So have a seat with me for a couple minutes, then you can go back and play with your friends,” I finish quietly, taking his hand in mine.

“But Daddy --” he exclaims with a little whining in his voice, yanking his hand from me.

“That’s the rule, Gus,” I say, my voice still soft.

-------Gus’s Point of View-----------

This is so unfair! All I was doing was just playing with my friends. And he said he could see me, only just not for a little while.

Plus, I’m fine so I don’t see what the big deal is. Why should I have to sit with him and all the grown ups while my friends are still playing? They were behind the trees, too.

“But Daddy, no! My friends were there too, and they’re still playing!”

“Well, that’s up to their parents. Your safety is up to me, and I’m saying you need to sit with me for a few minutes,” he says.

Oh, this is so stupid! They’re even on the Super Slide now, and I’m missing it, because of him!

---------Brian’s Point of View ---------

I don’t much care for the tone in Gus’s voice right now. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him take his best shot at sounding terribly put-out and annoyed.

“I don’t want to sit with all the grown ups,” he says, stomping his foot angrily. Drama Prince moment.

I take his hand in mine and when he tries to pull away I don’t let him.

“Daddy, this is so unfair,” he says, mood turning fully toward petulant now as we reach the bench again.

I can’t help but notice that the PTA lady is watching me with great interest now.

“It’s fair because you need to learn that rule, Gus, and you haven’t yet,” I say, feeling slightly embarrassed at this situation.

“But I have, so let me go,” he insists, eyes glaring at me.

------Gus’s Point of View --------

He just shakes his head at me and won’t say anything else.

I cross my arms and have to sit there watching my friends on the Super Slide.

“I hate you,” I mutter, wishing I could be with my friends on the Super Slide.

When I look up at Daddy, he’s rubbing his eye.

-------Brian’s Point of View ----------

Okay, that really hurt.

Hates me? Over this?

I mean…I’m pretty sure he’s just angry but…the fact that he could even say something like that…

I bite my tongue and watch Gus in full pouting mode.

I have no idea how to respond to that, to his contention that he hates me. I take a deep breath and try to imagine what Dr. Stevenson would do.

After a moment, it comes to me -- what Dr. Stevenson does best.

“How do you feel, Gus?” I ask in my best Dr. Stevenson impersonation.

Gus gives me a blank look that I faintly recognize.

“I’m mad, Daddy. I wanna go play with my friends and I don’t think you’re fair,” he says.

I nod and continue channeling Dr. Stevenson.

“You’re angry because you feel like you’ve learned your lesson,” I paraphrase. Dr. Stevenson does that all the time.

Gus nods emphatically at me.

“Well, that’s understandable. But it doesn’t change anything. The rule was broken; you’re in time out. You have 60 seconds left and you can go play.”

Gus looks at me, his anger only slightly diminished, and starts counting to sixty. When he gets to zero he looks at me and I nod. He takes off running for the Super Slide.

I take a deep breath as he leaves. I can tell he’s still angry at me, but I also think I’ve done the right thing.

--------------------------------------

That night while he’s caught up in his Power Rangers movie, I decide to take a shower.

“I’m going to take a quick shower,” I tell him, “just stay where you are, watching the movie,” I say.
Gus nods, obviously distracted by the movie.

In the shower, I think about the park. It’s been quite a while since I’ve seen Gus’s bratty side, and never for so long.

When he said he hated me, it really hurt, even though I knew somehow he didn’t mean it.

But I’d stayed calm, which was good. And I did what Dr. Stevenson said.

When I have my pajamas back on and go back to the living room, I see that Gus has Justin’s video games spread all over the floor.

I feel a faint flush of anger wash over me at having been disobeyed.

“What are you doing?” I ask sharply.

Gus answers without looking up from the Nintendo DS.

“Playing with Justin’s games.”

The fact that he’s not even…worried. And that he knows they’re Justin’s games…just makes me more angry.

I’d been quick in the shower and by my calculation, he must have practically planned this for the moment I left the room.

I snatch the game out of his hand and he stares up at me, his mouth open.

“What did I ask you to do?”

He sets his jaw much as Justin does when preparing to be stubborn.

“Watch the movie. And the movie’s still on,” he says, gesturing over to the television which is, in fact, still playing the movie.

His guile is making every muscle in my body tense.

“I told you only to watch the movie. And you *know* that these are Justin’s games,” I say, my voice tight and angry.

------Gus’s Point of View--------

I’ve never seen Daddy look so angry.

I mean…he did say just to watch, but the games were just over in the cabinet so why not? I’m still watching the movie anyway, and Justin’s not even here.

------Brian’s Point of View---------

I feel the anger coursing through my veins and I am a little frightened at how upset I actually am. It usually takes a lot to rattle me; this is basically nothing and yet I feel myself flushed with anger.

I take a deep breath and try hard to be calm.

“Put all the games back where you got them, right now,” I say, keeping my voice steady.

Gus looks up at me and makes no move to put away anything. I swear I almost start shaking at his defiance.

I shut my eyes and an image of my father, flushed and shaking, flashes before my eyes.

I open my eyes in a hurry and pull out my cell phone.

Walking into the kitchen, I press the button for Dr. Stevenson’s cell.

He sounds somewhat surprised to hear me, and I’m so happy that he answered the phone.

---------Dr. Stevenson’s Point of View -------------

My heart went into my throat when I saw that Brian was calling me.

I had no idea what it would take for him to call me at home, and I didn’t think I wanted to know.

He explained the day to me quickly, starting with what happened at the playground.
“You handled that just right,” I assure him and I hear him take a deep breath.

He then tells me about the incident with the video games. I can hear him upset; in fact, I’m not sure I’ve ever heard him angry before. Then he tells me about closing his eyes and imagining his father, and I understand now why he had to call me.

“Brian, you’re okay. Take a deep breath and tell me how your body feels right now.”

I can hear him taking a deep breath and his voice is calmer when he answers.

“Tense…hot…my jaw is tight.”

“Okay. So that’s some of the physical feeling of anger and frustration. That’s normal. You feel maybe disappointed that this happened; that Gus doesn’t always listen to you,” I suggest softly.

I hear his breath catch over the phone and I know I’m right.

“Okay. Now, no child always listens to their parents. Gus is just trying to test the limits and see what the security is; what will happen when the rules are broken, how he will be treated. And you are being totally fair. Your anger is fair, Brian. You’re fine.”

I hear him let out another long breath.

“I can see why you’re afraid, but you did the right thing. We need to talk more about coping mechanisms, but you did entirely the right thing. You decided to be extra cautious out of care and love for your son.”

I can practically hear him listening on the other end of the phone.

“You just asked for help in advice because of how much you care and love Gus; that is something your father never did once. You are not him,” I say firmly and I hear Brian breathe faster.

“And right now, you’re in complete control. You tell Gus to put them away or he won’t be playing with them next time he comes over, either. You hold to what you say, and when you feel yourself angry, think of how good it feels to have rules. He’s just testing his, and it’ll feel good to him inside when he knows what they are.”

-------------Brian’s Point of View --------------------

I flash back to how good it felt when Justin and I had rules again.

That clarity is definitely what I want for Gus.

And I feel so much better now that I talked to Dr. Stevenson. I can handle the anger and the disappointment if I just remember what it will mean to Gus to know the limits.

“Okay, I will,” I tell Dr. Stevenson, grabbing a bottle of water out of the refrigerator.
“You’re okay, Brian. You’re doing everything just right,” he says as I hang up.

I turn back to Gus, feeling a whole lot better than before.

He’s still sitting there, looking through Justin‘s games.

When I feel myself getting angry about it again, I just remember how good rules are for me and assume it’ll be the same for him.

“Gus, you need to stop playing with Justin’s video games. Put them away,” I say, standing over him.

He looks at me curiously.

“You’re not playing them tonight, or watching the movie because you’re not listening. Either put them away now, or if not, you won’t be playing any games tomorrow either.”

I don’t feel a hint of anger anymore. I’m almost excited to give him the rules.

“But, Daddy… I wanna play the games,” he says, voice whiny.

I flip off the television.

“Put the games away, Gus,” I repeat.

He stares at me and still doesn’t pick up anything.

“You will not be using games that you treat this way,” I say quietly.

I can tell he’s thinking about that; he glances back at the games and rests his hands on one.

“I’m going to give you until I count to sixty to decide. If you decide not to, you’ll be going to bed now. And because you are still not listening, you won’t be playing games next time you’re here. If you decide to pick them up now, you can not play tomorrow but you will next time.”

Gus is still thinking, and frowning as he realizes no fun is left tonight at all.

--------Gus’s Point of View -----------------

I don’t even care anymore about the games.

Besides, I don’t know…Daddy never really did this before. I don’t know what will happen. He says no games and bed.

But I can’t play now anyway.

I hear him get to sixty.
-----Brian’s Point of View---------

I take Gus’s hand when I get to sixty and he pulls away from me for a moment. I pull him back over to me, half hugging him while I talk.

“Gus, you’re not listening tonight. You’re not following the rules or listening to me. You’re being rude and disrespectful,” I say, still not angry. Focused on the magic of rules.

“But Daddy, you’re supposed to be always fun. This is supposed to be the fun house,” he says.

“Well, we can have lots of fun. But I’m also here to make sure you grow up to be a wonderful adult, and for that you need to be safe and learn some rules about how to act. You’re growing up fast, Gus, and I want you to know better than this,” I answer, my arm pulling him into my lap.

“But I like Justin’s games.”

“I know, but right now you don’t deserve them because you broke the rule. Plus, you’re leaving them all over the floor. That is not how you treat things that you like.”

He looks at the games all over the floor.

“Go pick them up now,” I say firmly.

This time he goes and I wait as he picks them up.

When he’s done, he comes back to me.

“That’s much better. Now you are listening and doing what I asked you to do.”

Gus looks up at me hopefully.

“So I can play now?”

I shake my head and watch the pout-y lip return.

“No, because that rule was still broken. Next time you need to listen when you’re told, and not talk back to me,” I tell him.

He frowns and I see a tear in his eye. Then he nods.

“I have to go to bed now then?”

I nod, happy to see that he understands this better now.

He goes and puts his pajamas on and brushes his teeth.

Then he comes back over to the couch and sits next to me.

“Are you mad at me, Daddy?” he asks.


-------Gus’s Point of View ----------

Daddy looks over at me and puts his hand in my hair and messes it up a little.

“No, Gus. I was mad before because I don’t like it when you don’t listen. But after this is over, I hope you won’t ever do it again,” he tells me.

No, I won’t, because now no movie, no games. Nothing. Just bedtime.

“I won’t do it again, Daddy…I should have listened before. I‘m sorry.”

I should have, too. He is my Daddy, after all.

-----------Brian’s Point of View ------------------

Gus curls himself up next to me for a minute after he says that.

“I understand, Gus,” I say, putting my arm around him.

“I love you Daddy,” he says.

Looking down at him, I see that the anger and annoyance of before are gone, and he seems not happy but peaceful, content.

“I love you too,” I say and kiss the top of his head.