Pittsburgh Daily News

 Business Section; Page B-1

Kinnetik Inc. buys U.S. Steel Tower

 Kinnetik Advertising owned by Brian and Justin Kinney has entered an agreement to purchase the U.S. Steel Tower on Grant Street for $1.2 billion yesterday. A spokesperson at U.S. Steel confirmed the press release by Kinnetik saying; “Mr. Kinney made us an excellent offer we couldn’t refuse. We will still keep our corporate headquarters in the building for at least five years.”

The tower was constructed in 1970 and has 64 floors with over 12.5 million square feet of office space. Kinnetik now occupies the entire 46th floor. The terms of the purchase are confidential. Kinnetik Advertising Inc. is promising excellent contract terms for advertising provided to all tenants of the tower. CEO Brian Kinney says: “The businesses leasing in our tower are important to us. We wish to help them succeed in these challenging times with outstanding marketing concepts. Our offer for PR help is extended to existing renters and future ones too. Anyone renting here is part of the Kinnetik family, and we take care of our family.”

 The Assistant CEO and Director of Art and Media, Justin Kinney said: “I’m beginning to design a new interior for the first floor lobby area bringing the tower’s appearance into the 21 century with very modern art and décor. Kinnetik Tower will continue to be the major landmark of Pittsburgh and the pride of our great city. Soon this will be the best building to locate your business in Pittsburgh.”

Broker Jennifer Taylor closed the deal for U.S. Tower

Independent broker Jennifer Taylor, formally of Century 21 until recently exclusively closed the deal for the $1.2 billion sale of the U.S. Steel Tower to Kinnetik Advertising Inc. This makes Ms. Taylor the only billion dollar real estate producer in the state and the highest earning agent this year. When asked what are her future plans: “I’m proud to announce the creation of Kinnetik Real Estate located in the new Kinnetik Tower. I’ll own the company with my son Justin and his partner Brian Kinney. We’ll buy and sell real estate, and provide listing and sales for clients who expect superior performance in these difficult economic times. No listing or buyer is too small or too large for us to handle. We can make the deal or buy your property wholesale. We have significant capital to do business with.”

Kinnetik Advertising enters a $5 billion Contract with Ford Motor Co.

CEO Brian Kinney of Kinnetik Inc. announced yesterday the signing of a $5 billion international contract with the Ford Motor Company. The CEO of Ford, Bill Ford flew to Pittsburgh yesterday and hired our local PR firm for his massive worldwide account. When asked how Brian Kinney landed the deal he said: “Things just snowballed in our favor. First we made smaller national accounts very successful. Then we did great work for Marvel Comics. That account led to Budweiser Beers. After selling a lot of beer, Bill Ford called us wanting my team to work our magic for his company too.  We’re looking to expand our employees with the best talent available; especially in art and video media.”

Mr. Kinney also stated that several Ford commercials will be shot in the Pittsburgh area bringing many needed dollars to our city’s economy.

Kinnetik’s comic “Barrack the Black Super Hero” sold to Marvel

An unknown young artist at Kinnetik Advertising sold his creation rights to the unique comic concept of a black super hero fighting crime named Barrack to Marvel Comics for $700,000 yesterday. Kinnetik Inc. retained the PR rights to promote the new comic in conjunction with their existing contract for all of Marvel Entertainment. “We felt the young artist deserved the rights to the comic since he created it on his own while an employee here. Although legally we owned the comic he created as an employee, we felt this time he deserved the total credit for his work. Kinnetik also granted him the 10% sign on bonus for the PR contract for the comic, and a very nice raise for a job well done. It pays to work for Kinnetik” said Justin Taylor, Director of Art and Media and assistant CEO of Kinnetik in their press release.

Vangard Advertising Inc. enters BK: Ch. 7

Vangard Advertising is closing their doors by Friday confirmed owner Gardner Vance. He has reached an agreement to hand over his existing client accounts and obligations to provide them with PR work by Kinnetik Advertising. The terms of the agreement are confidential. Brian Kinney, CEO of Kinnetik said: “The PR business is very competitive and Vance fought the good fight and did his best. Kinnetik isn’t making any money in this deal but we feel his clients should not suffer for his business miss-fortune. It would be a black eye to the PR profession for them to be left hanging without the marketing help they have paid for and damaging to Pittsburgh’s economy. I ask that those Vangard clients allow Kinnetik a reasonable period of time to work up their advertising concepts and everyone will win. Some employees with Vangard will be retained by Kinnetik however we must avoid duplication of most staff positions.”

Anyone with a credit issue with Vangard is instructed to contact their attorney Melanie Marcus. When asked for a statement Ms. Marcus said: “Sadly there is no money in the pot for Vangard creditors and no tangible assets. Kinnetik is losing millions of dollars accepting the PR responsibility for Vangard’s clients. You can file you claims but frankly this is a dry well.”

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Brian, Justin, Ted, Cynthia, and the other department heads sat in the conference room each reading the morning paper with most of the first page of the business section all about Kinnetik. Brian had that cat who ate the canary grin on his face; Ted was foaming at the mouth with the thought of the business this would bring them; Cynthia knew this day was wasted with phone calls kissing their asses; the HR director feared a wave of resumes from New York wanting to work here, and Justin’s head was spinning wondering if they can keep up with the new impossible workload facing their young company.

“BRIAN!” The older man looked at his young lover and instantly knew the problem. He grabbed Justin’s hand and led him to the CEO’s private bath room and locked the door. He then unbuckled Justin’s belt and pants lowering them to the floor with his underwear; he reached into his pocket and pulled out a package of lube and put in on Justin’s entrance and his cock. Without so much as a finger’s preparation he rammed his cock straight into Justin’s ass and started pounded him into the wall of the stall as he began to lecture to his art department head.

“You will motivate your teams, you will draw brilliantly, you will come up with all the new ideas we need, you will be a fucking genius in everything you create, you will not falter or get afraid, you will be the master of the art and media in this nation, you will delegate what you can and make sure they get it done, and when you do these things…….AHHHHHHHHHHH….YEAH!!!!” Brian rammed in and shot a huge hot load inside Justin’s tender ass. “I will reward you with a great fuck; deal?”

“You got a deal Mr. Kinney; thank you.”

“Good; be fucking brilliant and make me proud. Hire whoever you need and buy what you need; just make your department kick out the ideas that sells this shit. This is the same thing we’re already doing Justin only more of it. My admen can’t touch your brain tank in the art department yet.”

“You always know how to ground me when I start to leave the planet.”

“It works both ways Sunshine; I needed this too. Let’s go sell; but first….” Brian offered to blow the blond but he quietly refused it.

“Time to work now Justin?”

“Yeah” Justin pulled up his pants and got dressed. He walked to the art department and went into his office. On the company database he updated all the new client responsibilities he had. Then he decided who could handle what. He made a list of the jobs and who would work on them. He saved some things for the new artists from Vangard starting tomorrow. Justin went out and called a department meeting and he was fucking brilliant setting up the show maximizing his talent pool.

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 “Here’s the signed divorce agreement Jerry. And here’s your new Will with Mark Davis replacing your wife. I also got her quick claim deed to the mansion and your estate in Hawaii. She agrees to leave all the furnishings and art in the mansion.”

“Well done Adam; what did her attorney cost me?” Adam smiled.

“After we had a private chat before seeing your wife in conference; he twisted her left arm as I broke off the right one. He has my gentleman’s agreement you will transfer 50 million dollars into his off shore account from your Swiss account when the divorce is settled. His fee representing her is $50,000.”

“Well done Adam. Let me get two witnesses in here for the will. Set up a basic trust fund for Mark with a million from my retainer for now. I might do an adoption later since Proposition 8 fucked us for marriage rights. I want him very much protected with the best shells and hidden assets.”

“I have to do it out of country to avoid gift taxes Jerry.”

“I know, open him an account with my bank in Zurich. I can transfer funds there later. Provide me the accounts numbers and keep them in your safe.”

“I’ll email the account info to you later today in two emails for security.”

“I have the routing number, just give me the account number and let me set up the online passwords.”

“Will do Jerry, when can I meet this young man?”

“Come to dinner with us in Malibu Friday night at seven. Bring your lover too.”

“We would like that very much; he’s only 22 himself.”

“I’ll have my chef make something special for the boys.”

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“Ms. Marcus, I have to meet payroll from my bank account this week.”

“I’m permitted to allow you to lay off everyone today and pay them up to today. You can pay no vacation or sick time to your employees. You can’t take a draw for yourself. The balance of your business account must be giving to me today for Kinnetik to deposit. They’re taking on over 20 million in account responsibilities for you and you will have less than 5 million and some office equipment and such to make up for it. You have no company assets to sell or pay debts with. Creditors need to hear you couldn’t pay your employees all you owed them otherwise they will be all over this bankruptcy with challenges.”

“I thought we have until Friday?”

“Vance, get off the ship before it takes you down with it. I have a company coming today to move all your files to Kinnetik’s office. Here is your settlement agreement with Kinnetik.” Vance took the agreement and began to read it.

“I never agreed to transfer copyrights of my existing ad concepts.”

“Brian Kinney isn’t flexible on that point. It’s the only thing that makes it possible for him to break even some day stopping your downfall.”

“I won’t agree to this.”

“Fine, I’m not representing you; Kinnetik will not help you, and you can take your chances now with your employees, creditors, the Federal Court, and your adoring clients.” Mel started to pack up her briefcase.

“Wait; can we talk to them about a small cash payment for copyrights?”

“I know Kinnetik’s position and it would be a waste of time. With all due respect Vance, you’re not my only client. Shit or get off the pot.“ Mel opened her briefcase, pulled out the agreement and handed Vance the pen.

“Fuck!” The man took her pen and signed the document. Mel smiled.

"Now I need a check to Kinnetik for $4.85 million; make payroll and give the balance to my company with your CEO files. Vance wrote and signed the check.

“You get to keep your shirt; smart man. Let my people have all your equipment and files today.” Mel took the signed agreement not leaving Vance a copy, and left the office before breaking out laughing out loud. Vance never read past page two. As Mel got in her car she whispered to herself;

“Sucker! You're not even my client. You keep your shirt but not your pants.”