FOREVER MY AVALON by Moonshadow Woman
FeatureSummary:

***Featured Story for March 2017***

Brian is a Navy Seal who has never found love...until he meets a young, blond artist during a photo shoot for the military.  When Brian turns up missing, Justin finds a way to discover Brian's innermost feelings.  Will the two lovers be parted forever?

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THIS STORY WAS CRAFTED BY ACACIA AND ELSA ROSE - BRYANT MACLAGAN


Categories: QAF-U.S. FICTION, FEATURED STORY, Alternate Universe, Brian/Justin Characters: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 20 Completed: Yes Word count: 180528 Read: 113708 Published: December 08, 2008 Updated: March 01, 2017

1. Chapter 1 by Moonshadow Woman

2. Chapter 2 by Moonshadow Woman

3. Chapter 3 by Moonshadow Woman

4. Chapter 4 by Moonshadow Woman

5. Chapter 5 by Moonshadow Woman

6. Chapter 6 by Moonshadow Woman

7. Chapter 7 by Moonshadow Woman

8. Chapter 8 by Moonshadow Woman

9. Chapter 9 by Moonshadow Woman

10. Chapter 10 by Moonshadow Woman

11. Chapter 11 by Moonshadow Woman

12. Chapter 12 by Moonshadow Woman

13. Chapter 13 by Moonshadow Woman

14. Chapter 14 by Moonshadow Woman

15. Chapter 15 by Moonshadow Woman

16. Chapter 16 by Moonshadow Woman

17. Chapter 17 by Moonshadow Woman

18. Chapter 18 by Moonshadow Woman

19. Chapter 19 by Moonshadow Woman

20. Chapter 20 by Moonshadow Woman

Chapter 1 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter One

Justin had been sitting for hours staring at the stained leather cover of the journal in his hands. Time had stopped for him when the two naval officers had appeared at his door and handed him the small bundle of Brian’s personal possessions. He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to breathe again, let alone open up the cover of the book in his hand. It was Brian’s and it was private and he’d be back and hate that Justin had read it. He couldn’t betray the man he loved by reading his innermost thoughts. And yet he sat here alone in their home with the book in his hand. Brian’s wedding ring glistened like a teardrop on the floor where Justin had dropped it. The bracelet that matched the one he himself wore, puddled beside the ring; the engraved words ‘Forever My Avalon’ mocking the sentiment.

Justin knew that Brian couldn’t wear personal jewelry on a mission, he knew and wasn’t surprised that these things had been returned. Missing didn’t mean dead, he’d tried to explain that to the two men who had stood in their living room with somber faces. Missing means you go and find the other person. Missing means he’ll be home soon. Dead was forever and Brian wasn’t dead – because if Brian was dead than so was he and he still breathed, though it was hard.

There was a knock at the door, but he knew it wouldn’t be Brian. Brian would come through the door after a mission, throwing it open wide and shout “I’m home honey.” In that laughing teasing manner he had. So Justin continued to sit and stare at the stains on the leather and wonder if they were Brian’s tear stains or his.

^^^^****^^^^^

Justin,

I guess if you are reading this then something has happened to me. I have asked the guys in my unit to make sure that this gets to you, and I can only hope that it will help you understand things a little more.

Enclosed within this book are my true thoughts and whatnot… things that I couldn’t tell you. First off, I want you to know that it is not my choice to hold things from you, but it’s what I have to do. I can only hope that this book will answer some of the questions you may have. Maybe it will let you understand me a little more.

Know that if I have a chance, if there is breath in my body, I will return to you. You are my very soul, and I can’t leave you alone. I can’t live without you. I made the promise to you that I would always return, and I plan on keeping that promise.

You are my life, and I will see you again one day. Even if it is in the afterlife.

Forever my Avalon.

Love,

Brian.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

12 May 2016


Do you remember the day we met? I do. I think of it often. It was six years to the day that I first saw you. I remember it all, what you were wearing, how you smelled, everything. I still can’t believe that in the span of twenty seconds, I was lost. I was never one to believe in love at first sight, or any of that bullshit, but you changed that in an instant. Cause when I saw you, I knew that I had to have you. And not just for sex. I needed you to survive.

When you look back on that day, what do you remember? Did you feel the spark that flew between us? Did you feel the connection?

We never really talked about it. It is just another thing that we didn’t talk about. For that I am sorry. I’m sorry that I was so closed off, that I didn’t talk about things with you like a partner should have. I wish I was different, but I’m not. Once again, this is the reason why I’m writing this. I’ve never been good at words, at least not verbally. So hopefully I can get this across to you, and let you know how I truly feel.

Christ, I remember the first time I went to your place, outside of Baltimore. I remember how impressed I was, and how inadequate I felt. I kept thinking that I would never be able to win you over. I mean, look at me. There I was, a Cadet at the Naval Academy, making only enough money to survive, and there you were with a beautiful house, everything that a person could ask for.

I saw your paintings, and I knew you would make it big. You had such talent, it was overwhelming. I wasn't sure where I would be able to fit in. Could I fit into your world? Would you give me the chance?

To say that I fell for you that day would be an understatement. I fell HARD. I had to restrain myself. All I wanted to do was rip your clothes off and have my way with you.

I’m glad we waited though. It sure as hell meant a lot more to me. Granted, I don’t know if you knew how hard it was to keep my hands off of you. Especially after the whole mess with making dinner. ‘Take off your pants.’ Christ! I don’t know if I could have… I was so hard.

Granted, I do have to admit that if I hadn’t had to get back to the Academy I would have easily taken you up on your offer.

Thinking back on that time, I realize how much I hurt you later on. I wanted to give you the world, still do. I only wonder what you think of me now. Do you still love me like you did then? Or did I destroy that too?

I love you, Justin.

You are my Avalon… forever.

Brian.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Six years earlier

“Lindsay! You can’t fucking be serious. Tell me you’re not serious.” Brian practically begged his friend the moment he sat down at the booth beside her He had received an e-mail from her just hours before, asking for a meeting. When he had read the rest of the message, Brian instantly felt like he had been sucker-punched. “You better not have done that shit. I mean it, Linds.”

Lindsay, his one true friend from childhood, sat across from him in a small, dark diner just outside of the Academy, and reached across to lay her hand on top of his. “Brian, you’re perfect for it. You have the looks, and you’re exactly what they are looking for.” She said trying to convince her friend that she was doing the right thing for him. She had been worried about Brian as she watched him during the last three years bury himself into his studies. He hardly ever left the Naval Academy, choosing to spend his nights in his dorm room with a book instead of spending a night on the town. She had been there for him during his troubled childhood, and she knew that he was determined to make something of himself. She only wished that he would take time for himself – find someone who could make him whole. This was her way of trying to get him out there… so to speak.

“I am not going to pose for some stupid ad. Can you imagine what the other guys would say if they saw it? I have enough problems with some of the guys who are either some damn rednecks or old-school Navy brats. I don’t need this shit added on top of it too.” Brian tried to explain to his friend. Yes, gays were accepted in the military, and yes, he didn’t have to hide. Although it was accepted finally in the military it didn’t mean that everyone was happy about it. Brian had already gotten into a couple of fights and he only wanted his last couple of months to go smoothly so he could get out of that damn school and start what he had been busting his ass to do. He knew exactly what he wanted to do when he had seen the Navy recruiter all those years ago; he only had to make sure that it happened. He wasn’t going to do anything to jeopardize that.

“Brian, I already kinda told them you would.” Lindsay stated running her hand across the table. She didn’t want to see the anger in her friend’s eyes when he realized he was stuck.

Brian leaned back in the booth and looked at his friend. He was trying to keep the anger down, not letting it burst out of his body, but it was hard. He had worked hard trying to get out of his family’s shadow; he wasn’t going to be some abusive, insensitive, drunk like his father. He couldn’t let his anger come out, he knew he could never lash out at someone he cared about. Taking a deep breath, Brian reached across the table to place his hand on top of Lindsay’s. “Linds, I wish you would discuss this type of shit with me. I know you think that you’re doing something to help me, for some reason. But I don’t need your help. I don’t need to be out there. I’ll do it this one time… but next time, ask me first.” He told her.

Lindsay smiled brightly at Brian, grateful that he didn’t totally blow her off. She was worried that he didn’t go out that often, that he didn’t go out to meet guys. She figured this was a good way to get her friend to meet someone who would love him… or at least care about him. She wanted the best for Brian, and she hated the thought that he could be alone. If Lindsay had anything to say in the matter, Brian would never be alone again. “Good, cause they want to meet with you in an hour.”

“Christ, Linds! Let’s not give me any warning here.” Brian stated running his hand through his hair. “Fine, fine. Let’s get this shit over with.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian pulled his old car into the parking lot at one of the nicest restaurants in the area. After he had left Lindsay, he had quickly gone back to the dorms and dressed in his best uniform. He hated that he had to do the meeting in that, but he knew he didn’t have anything else that was nice enough. One day he would own a suit, but for now, his uniform would just have to do. He gave the valet the keys, put his cap under his arm, and walked into the building. “I’m here to meet a Justin Taylor or Matt Curtis” He told the man at the front counter.

“Yes, sir. Right this way.” The man stated as he began to lead Brian through the main dining area toward a table in the back. “Here you are, sir, would you like anything to drink?”

Brian just stood there and looked at the two men at the table. One was an older gentleman, most likely in his mid-forties, with a receding hair-line. The other caused Brian’s heart to pound in his chest and his breath to catch in his throat. The man was beautiful – blond hair the color of the sun, blue eyes that reminded Brian of the sky on a clear day, and a body… what he could see of it, definitely showed the care the man took in remaining healthy. Brian had never seen anything more beautiful in his life, and he knew that he never would. “Uh, water.” He answered the waiter, as he pulled out a chair and sat down. Suddenly his legs couldn’t hold him upright, he needed to take a breather before he fell over. “I’m Brian Kinney. My friend Lindsay told me to meet you two here.” He tried to sound professional, hoping that his voice held out.

The older man of the two held out his hand to Brian and shook the offered one. “My name is Matt Curtis, and this is my art director, Justin Taylor. Let me be the first to say that it is a pleasure to meet you.”

Brian held out his hand to Justin. Once the blond’s flesh touched his, Brian felt an electric shock run through his system. It sent a direct signal to his cock, and his heart. He never believed in love at first sight, never was one to believe in all the crap about soul mates, but this man was making his body do things that Brian had never experienced before. ‘It has to be lust. He’s hot… that’s the only explanation. You are so screwed, Kinney. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.’ “It’s a pleasure.” He replied back, looking directly into the deep blue eyes of the man across from him. He felt like he could easily drown into their depths.

“How much have you heard about what we are looking for,” Matt asked Brian, bringing the man out of his musings about the blond.

Brian shrugged and leaned back in his chair slightly, looking down at the menu in front of him. He wanted to act cool, like he wasn’t out of his element. He only hoped he pulled it off. “From what I’ve been told you are doing an ad for the Navy. Trying to get recruitment up, so you’re looking for Naval personnel who … what’s the word… represent the finer elements of the Navy.” He answered with a small smirk on his face. Brian thought that the whole thing was just bullshit. It was just another lie that they were trying to sell, just like the ‘it’s not just a job, it’s an adventure’ crap. Anyone who spent one day in the Navy knew that was a complete lie. “So where would I fit in?”

“We want you to be in the ad. Your friend stated that you were a cadet at the Naval Academy, and I must say you look the part.” The other man stated.

Brian tried to hide his smirk, hiding it behind his hand. “Really?” he asked shaking his head. He knew he was good-looking, hell he worked hard to keep his body in shape, but he wasn’t sure if he could be a poster-boy for the Navy. “And what would all of this entail?”

“All we would need is a couple of shots of you in uniform, maybe in different locations. We would fit it into the layout we have come up with. If the Navy PR department chooses you, you’d be asked to maybe do a commercial or two.” Justin answered, drawing Brian’s attention.

Brian leaned forward on his elbows, thinking about what he was told. “Why me? I’m sure I could pick out 20 other men and women who would be more qualified for this thing.” Brian asked honestly curious.

Matt leaned forward as well and looked at Brian. “What do you want out of the Navy, Brian? Where do you see yourself in the Navy?”

Brian looked over at the older man and shook his head. “If you want to know why I joined… it’s simple. It’s the right thing to do. I want to help protect this country. I want to do what is right, what other’s can’t – or won’t – do. Some people just aren’t cut out to be in the military, they don’t have what it takes. It’s dedication, it’s honor…” Brian took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “Have you ever heard the Marine Creed? My God, my country, my corps? That’s the way I feel. This is my country, and it hasn’t treated me that badly, so why not give something back to it. This is my way of giving back. It’s my duty… everyone’s duty. Does that answer your question enough?” Brian knew he wasn’t going to tell these two what he was going to be doing for the remainder of his military career. It was none of their business. If they wanted someone to do this ad, they shouldn’t base it on what ‘job’ they had. It shouldn’t matter if the person was a lonely non-designated enlisted or if the person was a SEAL. It’s the reason they were there that mattered.

Matt knew that Brian was avoiding the question and briefly wondered what the young man was hiding. Was the man ashamed of what his job would be? Matt wasn’t sure but he was determined to find out. Cadet Kinney would be a part of this ad, of that Matt had no doubt. This Kinney was everything the heads of the Navy wanted, and it was now Matt’s job to sell it. Well his and Justin’s job. Matt still wasn’t too sure why his boss had requested that Justin attend this meeting as well, but if it got the cadet into their camp, then it was all right with him. “Enough. So what do you think? Would you be interested?”

Brian looked over at the older man and caught on to his eagerness. The man wanted Brian for the ‘part’, it was the man’s reasoning that was in question He still wasn’t sure where this Justin stood, but Brian knew that he couldn’t let his sudden attraction to the blond be a factor in his decision. “Can I let you know in a couple of days? I have to check my schedule, check the guidelines on this, and so on.” Brian asked knowing he would need time to think this over. He had to decide if doing this would cause him more problems at school. He needed to get his friend’s input and try to get a feel for what others thought before he agreed to do anything.

Justin pulled out a business card from his pocket and handed it to Brian. Brian took it and ran his finger over Justin’s name without even realizing it. “I’ll let you know by Wednesday.” Brian informed them as he threw a couple bucks on the table, knowing that he really didn’t need to. If Brian would allow himself to think about it, he would have to admit to trying to impress the blond. To try and show the blond that he was someone, someone who could spend some time with him.

Brian left the table and picked up his car from the valet. He needed to think about this, and briefly wondered where this Mr. Taylor fit into it all At the stoplight down the street, Brian pulled out the business card and once again ran his finger over Justin’s name. He would be willing to try and get to know Justin, even if this whole ad thing didn’t work out. Brian wondered if Justin would be at all interested. He hoped so.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin watched Brian retreat out of the restaurant. The man was everything and then some. There was no argument there. He knew now why his boss had insisted that he be part of this meeting. The old ‘gaydar’ had been pinging away so hard he could barely hear. He didn’t need this shit. His work should be good enough without his boss pimping him out just to get a government contract.

“So Justin, what did you think of Cadet Kinney?” Matt’s question brought Justin out of his daze.

“He’ll do.” Justin thought he’d more than ‘do’ but right now he didn’t need the grief. After Ethan, he was never dating another military man. They thought only of themselves and their fucking job.

“I heard he was gay. Do you think he is?” Matt asked. “I mean if anyone would know…. “ his words trailed off.

“Why, do you think there’s a secret handshake or something?” Justin asked. For fuck sake, give him a break.

“No…. of course not…. I just thought” Matt floundered for the right words.

“Look Matt, if Cadet Kinney agrees to this, I’m sure we’ll put together an amazing shoot. You might even get him to do a couple of TV spots. But it’s his decision and believe me it won’t hinge on whether he’s attracted to my gay boi ass.”

“Cadet Kinney won’t have any choice in the matter. I can have a word with his commander. The navy wants this promotion and it wants it fast.”

“Hey that always works for a fun shoot, force the guy.” Justin’s voice was bitter. He didn’t know whether he was defending Brian Kinney’s rights or pissed because he felt that he’d been tricked into the shoot himself.

“Whatever gets the deal done.” Matt looked smug. He stood up and grabbed the check. “I’m heading back to the office. Do you want a lift?”

“No I have some things to do. I’ll be there in an hour or so.” Justin signaled the waiter for another cup of coffee. He needed time to think. The meeting with Brian Kinney needed to be savored. When he was finally alone – Justin allowed himself to think about blazing hazel eyes and auburn hair that defied the military cut. The hard body that was hidden under the uniform would be amazing in a painting and he wondered if his imagination could do justice to it. He’d have to try some sketches tonight when he got home.

“Well, what do you think?” the bouncy brunette threw herself down next to Justin.

“Daphne, what in hell are you doing here?” Justin wasn’t amused. He definitely felt set up now.

“Well, Brian Kinney is Lindsay’s best friend like forever and we were talking one night about you and him and we decided that the two of you should meet. So Lindsay talked to her Dad about the recruitment campaign and then to Brian. He doesn’t really want to do it you know.”

“Lindsay, she’s the girl you met at college?” Justin asked. “I didn’t know you two were still hanging out together.”

“I do have a life Justin besides hanging with you.” Daphne sat back and grinned. She reached for his coffee and he slapped her fingers away.

“Get your own.”

“I only want a sip. Don’t be mad. It’s been two years since you and Ethan split and he really didn’t deserve you.” she drank deeply of Justin’s coffee.

He signaled the waiter for another one for both of them. “I don’t like being manipulated. I had enough of that with the great and wonderful Ethan.”

“Just think how envious he’ll be when he hears that you’re with an ‘officer’” her voice said the word with reverence.

“First of all, I’m not ‘with’ an officer. Secondly, why would I tell Ethan?” Justin had to laugh at his friend.

“All I want you to do is give Brian a chance. He’s had a crappy life and Officer Candidate School hasn’t been a walk in the park. He’s earned every damn one of his grades. Did you know that he’s top in his class? Do you have any idea how the rest of the guys resent that some fag from a Pittsburgh working class family being first in the class?”

“Gee, how would us fags every get along without fag hags managing our lives?”

“Is that a rhetorical question?” Daphne laughed, “Or should I answer it?”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian woke to reveille and looked at the clock. He was beginning to wonder if they were purposely trying to kill them. Every month the wake up call came earlier and earlier. At least it felt that way to him. Crawling out of bed, he grabbed his toiletries and headed for the shower. He spotted some of the other guys coming in and out of the ‘community’ showers, and Brian laid his stuff on one of the benches. “Kinney.” One of the men stated as they moved to sit down on the bench next to Brian. “Are you going out with us tomorrow to celebrate our orders?”

Chris was one of the few that Brian had fucked there at the academy… long before he realized that sleeping with anyone there would be a huge mistake. Brian preferred to have the one-night stand and be done with it. Chris proved that if you saw the person every day it made that plan difficult. Chris had been trying to get Brian to fuck him every moment since that day three years ago.

Chris was a definite closet case, and if there was one thing that Brian resented more than anything else, it was someone who wouldn’t admit that they were gay. Someone who felt they had to hide. Times had changed; society was more tolerant… why did people still feel the need to hide who they were. Yeah he wasn’t one to flaunt himself, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to pretend to be someone he wasn’t. To hell with what other’s thought was his philosophy.

Chris was also a worthless piece of meat, in Brian’s opinion. The man was striving to be a glorified secretary. He had no goals, hell the man didn’t even want to be in the Navy. He only was there because his father told him to, and he was there to get an education and get out. Brian on the other hand knew what he wanted, where he wanted to go. He had already seen the Captain, and already got his designator. His hard work over the past couple of years had paid off. Now the others would find out. Brian couldn’t wait to see the look on these smug bastard’s faces when he got orders to report to Coronado, California for SEAL training. “No thanks. I have plans. You boys enjoy your fate.” Brian answered as he headed off to the showers.

‘Only eight more months, then I’m out of here. Eight more months before I start the real training. Eight more months of dealing with these assholes.’ Brian thought with a smile, as he got ready for his day. Today would be one of the best days he would have in a long time. He would get his official acceptance into the SEAL program, and he would watch all the ‘macho good ol’ boys’ drool over him, envy him. He would have the final laugh.

Once this day was over, he would most definitely have to give thought to the ad proposal. If for no other reason than to see Justin Taylor again. “Maybe see Justin and forget the ad.” He said to himself as he walked down the p-ways to his first class of the day. Decision being made, Brian put all thoughts of ads out of his mind and turned his attention back to his Military history test today.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian wasn’t surprised to find that he was ordered to appear at the studio in full dress whites two days later. He’d seen the gleam in Matt’s eyes and could read the man like a book. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. At first Brian thought about resisting but he knew it was useless to even go there. By being ordered to attend, it would help when the guys found out. He could say he was following orders and they would understand – well most of them would.

He was surprised when he was called to the telephone the night before he was to report. ”Cadet Kinney?” Justin asked, his voice quivered a bit, he was nervous and he didn’t know whether Brian Kinney was even allowed to get phone calls. The military remained a mystery to Justin despite his brief affair with Ethan Gold and Ethan had only been a private in the army. Brian Kinney was training to be an officer.

Brian knew immediately who the breathy voice was. “Kinney here.” He said briskly though he felt a glow infuse his body at the sound of Justin Taylor’s voice.

“I know you have to show up tomorrow, but I wanted you to know that it wasn’t me who insisted on having you. I mean, I want you…. for the shoot I mean…..” his voice trailed off and he felt like an illiterate fool.

Brian had to laugh at Justin’s nervousness. “It’s okay Taylor, I won’t bite, not unless you want me too.”

“Thanks I think” Brian could hear the relief in Justin’s voice. “I can’t believe that Matt went over your head for this shoot. That really sucks and I told him so.”

“Don’t worry about it Taylor, it’s one less afternoon of PE that I have to do.”

Justin giggled “I hated PE in school”

“You look like you take care of yourself.”

“It’s an optical illusion, I have an amazing metabolism.” Justin smiled when he talked and Brian could hear that smile. It enveloped his heart and made it light.

“Lucky you,” Brian laughed. “I work hard for my body.”

“That sounds almost sexy.” Justin was flirting and Brian knew it.

“It could be.” Brian’s laugh was so unusual that two of the other cadets walking by turned to stare at him. “I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Later” Justin almost whispered as he hung up the phone.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin was standing off to the side talking to the photographer when Brian walked into the busy studio. He stood in the doorway not sure of where to go or who to ask for dressed in his white uniform, his cap under his arm. Justin wondered if the man knew that the sunlight haloing him made him not only look good enough to eat, but devastatingly handsome. Brian’s eyes lit up when he saw Justin and the blond couldn’t help but feel the heat of pleasure surge through his body. He just hoped he didn’t show it as he walked toward Brian. “Hey Cadet Kinney, you look amazing.” Justin blurted out the words without thinking.

“Brian, I’m Brian.” He licked his lips that suddenly felt dry.

Justin watched the tip of Brian’s tongue in fascination as he willed his cock to remain down. Fuck this was going to be a tough shoot.

Justin introduced Brian to the others – and then reluctantly had to track down the photographer again while his assistant ran through what was to be expected of the other man.

“Hey Rod” Justin began, his voice low. “Want to pay me back?” Justin was referring to the week before when he’d covered for a very hung over photographer.

“Sure Justin, what do you want?”

“When you’re shooting Mr. Navy Boy, can you get him to do a couple of beef cake ones – maybe with his shirt off or something for my private collection.”

“And mine”

“Hands off Rod – this one is all for me, I don’t share my toys.”

“I’d pout, but you never ask me for anything so I’ll do it.” Rod smiled at his friend. This was the first time Justin had ever shown any interest in any man that he was aware of since the grand breakup with soldier boy.

“Thanks Rod, I appreciate it.”

Justin finished up the business part of his conversation and then headed back to watch the shoot.

Brian knew that the photographer’s request for him to take off his jacket and shirt, and undo the top button on his dress pants wasn’t for the Navy but rather for the lush blond who watched from the side lines with his blue eyes sparkling and his hard on barely under control. Brian hammed it up making his muscles flex. His eyes had that come-hither look and he licked his lips again hoping to see the same reaction he’d seen earlier, adding his cap for added effect for some shots. He was rewarded with a barely suppressed moan and Justin’s face turned fire engine red.

When the shoot was over, Justin walked over to Brian. “I think it went well.” He began.

“Can you leave now?” Brian asked. He couldn’t believe how light headed he felt when he stared into Justin’s blue eyes.

“Sure,” Justin turned to the crew. “I’m out of here guys, see you tomorrow.”

“Hey Jus, I’ll have those ‘special’ proofs on your desk when you get in.” Rod grinned at Justin’s embarrassment.

“Asshole” Justin muttered.

Brian grinned “I thought they were for you. I wish I had some of you. I don’t suppose …” He let the words trail off.

“I might be persuaded, I have a digital camera at home and a pretty good printer.”

“Well let’s go then.” Brian put his arm on the other man’s shoulder. “I’ll drive, what’s the address?”

“You want to go to my place?” Justin was flustered.

“My place is a bit crowded.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian led Justin out to his car, opening the door for the other man. Once seated in the driver’s seat, Brian shook his head. “Sorry about the accommodations.” He stated waving his hand around. “It’s not much, but frankly it’s all I can afford right now.”

Justin smiled at Brian’s apparent discomfort. He reached out and put his hand on Brian’s arm, pulling the other man’s attention to him. “Brian. It’s okay. You act like you’re trying to impress me.” He said with a small smile playing across his face.

“Is it working?” Brian asked, eye-brow raised and his tongue place firmly in his cheek. “I’m only asking for curiosity sake of course. I’m wondering how hard I have to work.” Brian saw Justin’s slight blush, and reached out across the distance to run his fingers lightly over Justin’s cheek. “You’re hot when you blush.” Shaking his head, Brian turned his attention back to what he was supposed to be doing… driving. “So where to, James?”

“Head toward Baltimore. I’ll point you in the right direction.” Justin said with a small smile. He couldn’t get over how connected he felt with the Brian. He felt at ease with the other man, so unlike anyone else he had ever met before. Heck, he never would have ever thought about showing someone where he lived after only meeting them twice. This was so out of character for him. “So why the Navy?” Justin asked as they traveled down I-97.

Brian shrugged slightly. “I want to be a hero.” He laughed. “No, really. I guess it’s just something that I’ve wanted to do for a while. My life growing up sucked. Father was a drunk, never wanted me. So I worked my ass off in school to get the best grades. I figured that if I worked hard enough I would get a scholarship or something. Then 9-11 happened.” Brian took a deep breath, calming the sudden pain that shot through his chest. “See my sister, Claire went on a class trip that day. Went to New York. She got away from the group… didn’t make it back.”

“I’m sorry.” Justin stated sincerely, placing his hand on Brian’s arm to try and bring the man some comfort.

Brian only shrugged. He had dealt with those demons a long time ago, at least that’s what he convinced himself of. “Anyway, my home life only got worse, so I figured what the hell. I wanted to try and protect the U.S from anything like that happening again. I wanted to try and do something. So here I am.” Brian stole a quick glance in Justin’s direction, giving a small smile to let the blond know he was okay. “Of course it helped when they went ahead and said that gays could now join and not have to hide.” He added with a smirk. “So what’s your story? Why did you go into advertising? Or is it only to ask people to get down to their skivvies and pose?” He asked with an evil glint in his eye.

Justin laughed and shook his head. He couldn’t believe Brian, the man knew how to make him laugh when only moments ago he wanted to cry for the other man’s loss. “Reader’s digest version… I love to create. I’m an artist. It’s not easy to make money just off of art, and since I liked to eat and live, I knew I had to go into something that would let me live my life. Of course my father wanted me to go into business, so I knocked out two birds with one stone, so to speak. So I paint in my off time. It doesn’t pay the bills yet, but I’m hopeful.”

“I’m sure that one day I will walk into some gallery and see your name in lights. ‘Hot, young artist Justin Taylor’.” Brian stated with conviction. “Everyone will be jumping at the bit to have a Justin Taylor original.”

“You haven’t even seen my work. I could be the worst artist around.” Justin laughed.

“Not possible. I saw how you took charge at the shoot. You knew what looked good, and you made it happen.” Brian informed the blond, letting the hidden meaning flow out of his mouth. He couldn’t believe that he was being this straight forward with anyone… let alone someone who was as good looking as Justin. He didn’t want just a one night stand with this guy, what he did want, Brian didn’t know yet. But he wanted to find out.

Already it seemed like they were connecting, and it was both frightening and elating. Brian wanted to get to know everything there was to know about Justin Taylor – even if it took forever. The two chatted about everything from politics to art the rest of the way to Justin’s place. By the time they pulled up, Brian knew he had made the right decision. For once he was glad for the order to go to the shoot. “Nice place.” Brian said in awe as they walked up to a small town home. The building was gated, and looked very secure which pleased Brian. The last thing he wanted was to think that something could happen to Justin. Despite the fact that they had just met, Brian wanted the chance to know the young man, not have to worry about his safety.

“Thanks. Welcome to my humble abode.” Justin led Brian into the house and stood off to the side to try and gauge the man’s reaction. He wanted Brian to be pleased with the place, he wanted Brian to feel at home. ‘Where the hell is that coming from?’ Justin asked himself.

“Shit.” Brian breathed as he walked further into the house. Looking around he could see various paintings hanging on the wall. “Did you do these?” He asked pointing to one of the pictures. Justin only nodded, not sure what to say, or if he could even answer. “I was right… you’re going to be famous one day.”

Justin beamed at the praise and he could feel his cheeks redden. No one had ever commented so highly on his art before… at least not one that seemed as sincere as Brian did. Ethan never paid any attention to his art. His father thought it was just a passing phase. The only other two who seemed to care were his mother and Daphne. But hearing the praise coming from the man before him brought Justin to new heights. “Thanks.” He said with a huge smile on his face.

Brian turned to catch the smile, and felt as if all the air in the room suddenly disappeared. He felt like he was caught in the direct rays of the sun, feeling the warmth surround him. Feeling his cock start to harden in his pants, Brian turned his attention back to the rest of the house hoping to get his libido under control. The last thing he needed to do was tear into Justin, and throw him on the ground. That would not make things easier. “Well let me tell you, this is way better than where I’m living right now. Hell, I think my room could fit in a closet here.”

“What’s it like? You know, being there. What do you do? What are you going to do when you graduate? You do graduate?” Justin asked, having the questions just fly out of his mouth before he realized it. Lowering his eyes in order to try and keep Brian from seeing the blush that had once again graced his face, Justin laughed slightly. “Sorry. I really shouldn’t…”

“No, it’s alright.” Brian quickly replied. “You can ask me anything.”

“Well why don’t we take this into the kitchen then so we can at least start dinner.” Justin led Brian down a hallway toward a very modern kitchen. He briefly wondered if he would be able to eat past the butterflies working their way in his stomach. “So what are you hungry for? I have steak, lasagna, fish, salad?”

“Anything is fine. I eat Navy food, so I think I can eat almost anything.” Realizing what he just said, Brian quickly tried to fix his mistake. “Not that I’m saying you’re a bad cook or anything… it’s just… Fuck!” He cursed, running his hand through his hair.

Justin laughed and shook his head. “It’s okay. I understand. And I didn’t take offense to it.”

“Good, I’m glad. Anything is fine.” Brian told Justin, grateful that he hadn’t insulted the man. That was the last thing he wanted to do. “Can I do anything? I mean, I’m not real handy in the kitchen but I can at least make a mean salad.”

“Good, you are in charge of the salad then, Cadet Kinney. Hop to it.”

For some reason hearing that name on Justin’s lips made Brian smile. He liked the sound of it. The two began to get everything out and start the preparations. “So you were wondering something?” Brian asked, trying to remember what they were talking about before he had almost insulted Justin.

“Which question?” he laughed. “Just tell me about yourself. What is it like… where do you see yourself after you get out of the academy? Anything?” ‘Would you stay the night?’ Justin thought. ‘Don’t go there, Taylor. Not yet. Let’s see if we can get through dinner without attacking each other.’ Justin tried to calm himself, wanting to be sure that Brian wasn’t like Ethan, that Brian was different than any other military person he knew. The last thing he wanted was to get too attached only to have his heart broken again. ‘Granted it may already be too late.’ He realized.

“Let’s see, I’m stuck in this small dorm with about fifty other men. Some gay, some… well white trailer trash comes to mind. The whole good ol boys network. I do have some Military brats there who think that things shouldn’t change, that the Navy has been fine without gays for hundreds of years so why disrupt things now. For the most part things are pretty cool though.” Brian began to tell Justin as he started to make the salad. “Let’s see what’s the next question?” he said with a smile. “Ah yes, Graduation. Yes we have something like it. We call it Pass in Review. Long, boring ceremony, but it’s kinda nice too. Christ I can’t wait to be done.”

“Tired of it already? How much time do you have left?” Justin asked as he began to marinate the steaks. He figured that Brian need the extra meat since he looked entirely too thin.

“Not really tired, just ready to move on to the next step. And I only have like 8 more months before Pass in Review.”

“Then where?”

“Actually on the other side of the country. I leave good ol’ Annapolis and make my way to Coronado, California,” Brian told Justin. When he glanced over he saw the confused look on the young man’s face. “Sorry… SEAL training is there.”

“SEALs? You’re kidding me.” Justin exclaimed.

Brian looked over at Justin trying to see if the he could see disgust on his face. Seeing only honesty and maybe a slight bit of pride, Brian smiled. “No, I’m not kidding. I worked hard trying to get in. It wasn’t easy, but luckily they thought I was the perfect candidate. Now we’ll see if I can get through the 38 weeks of training required. Not many do.”

Justin laid his hand on Brian’s arm, forcing Brian to look at him. “You’ll get through it. Somehow, you don’t seem the type to give up easily.”

“So ever dated a SEAL before?” Brian braved. “Would you want to?”

“I don’t know. We’ll have to see.” Justin replied giving Brian a small smile in return.

Brian felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. At least Justin wasn’t throwing him out; at least there could be a chance at something. Only time would tell of course, but he was hopeful.

Brian slipped his jacket off and placed it on the back of a chair before beginning to assemble the salad. “I hope you don’t mind” he said.

Justin smiled as he took in the hard chest. “I don’t mind at all. Here’s an apron or do you want to take off your pants?”

“I’m not wearing underwear, it spoils the look.” Brian admitted.

‘Even better.’ Justin thought through his shit-eating grin. But he handed Brian the apron to protect his white trousers. He sighed - silently he hoped – the site of a naked Brian would have been a great appetizer.

Justin thought he’d never laughed so much making supper before. Brian kept him entertained with stories of his life as a cadet. While the tall half dressed man sat on a bar stool at the counter, Justin began to set the table. He wanted this meal to be special, it was after all the first time he’d ever had such an interesting man over to his new townhouse. For that matter he’d never had anyone over before at all. He smiled to himself thinking about it.

“Am I that amusing?” Brian asked. “You were looking off at nothing and smiling.”

“I was just thinking that this is the first time I’ve had anyone here. I moved from my old place a couple of months ago and I’ve never had anyone over yet.” He grinned at Brian. “You’re my first.”

“Hmmm, I’ve never been anyone’s first before.” Brian smirked. “It feels good.”

Justin laughed out loud. He set the table with an Irish linen tablecloth that had been his grandmothers. He opened a bottle of red wine to let it breath before making sure the china and silver were placed just so. Finding two ivory candles he put them into ivory porcelain candleholders. “Do you have a match Brian?” he asked.

“Let me.” Brian leaned over and lit the candles. His chest touched Justin’s shoulder and the heat from the other man was like fire. Justin turned at his touch, his blue eyes sparkling and unable to resist, Brian brushed Justin’s full lips with his own not sure of the reaction he would get.

“Can’t you do better than that Navy boy?” the desire in Justin’s voice was evident to them both. Justin cupped his hand behind Brian’s head and kissed him deeply, his tongue seeking and tasting the other man. They broke apart breathless. “Now that’s a kiss.” Justin whispered before slipping away from Brian.

Brian wasn’t sure just exactly what had happened. It was if he’d never been kissed or kissed before. Justin’s lips had wiped away any and all who had ever touched him leaving only the taste and feel of the blond. ‘That was some kiss’ he mentally agreed.

“Dinner is ready Brian.” Justin served the two plates.

“It looks like a restaurant.” Brian said.

“I hope it tastes like a ‘good’ one.” Justin answered. “I think you’ll like this wine, make sure you have a napkin over your pants. I wouldn’t want to stain that beautiful uniform.”

“Christ no. We have to pay for cleaning them ourselves.” The words were out before he could stop himself. Brian hated to admit he wasn’t flush with money. He looked around; obviously Justin did not bad in that department.

“That must add up.” Justin poured a glass of wine for Brian. “Try this.” He held up his glass to make a toast. “To new beginnings” his smile was shy but returned by an equally shy smile from Brian.

“To new beginnings” Brian echoed. They touched glasses and then drank. The wine was full and rich and like nothing Brian had ever had before. He looked casually at the label to memorize the brand. He’d have to look it up on the net when he got back to the base.

The evening passed far too quickly for both of them. Brian checked his watch when he noticed that the sky was dark. “Shit, I have to go Justin. I’ve got an eleven o’clock curfew during the week.”

“Are you able to be off base on the weekends?” Justin asked.

“Not overnight, no. We have a twelve o’clock curfew on weekends but a lot depends on what’s happened that week. Sometimes we aren’t allowed off at all.”

“Really?”

Brian was standing and putting on his jacket. “Yeah, a favorite punishment is to make us all pay for something only one guy does. It’s supposed to make us work as a team. But mostly it just pisses everyone off. It doesn’t really matter. I hardly ever leave the base. I stay in and study. There are still eight more months to go.”

“If you’re interested in a good study place that has to be more relaxing than the base, you’re welcome to come here.” Justin offered. He found another of his business cards and wrote some numbers down. “This is my cell number and my home phone number. I usually paint on the weekends so I wouldn’t disturb your studies, but I would make sure you were fed.”

Brian looked deep into Justin’s eyes, not sure what he was being asked. “I’ll keep that in mind Justin.” He said softly and then let himself kiss Justin tenderly. He knew if he did any more he’d be lost. “Later” he whispered before he went out the door.

Justin leaned against the closed door. He let himself sink to the floor, the memory of Brian’s lips against his was burning, his fingers touched his lips as he tried to hold the memory there and all he could hear was Brian’s old car roaring down the road away from him. It was the loneliest sound he’d ever heard.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
END of Chapter One


Chapter 2 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Two

Brian walked down the p-way toward his room. All day he had dealt with the other cadet’s and their comments. The ad had come out late last night, and since then he had not heard the end of it. The name-calling, the hoots and hollers… the pinches to his ass. He knew that the next person who touched him would get a fist in the face.

Brian had known that he would get some grief over doing the ad, but he had hoped that his being ordered to do it would calm things down a little. That little fact only made things worse. He had been called the ‘Admiral’s Pet’, and the other cadets were wondering what ‘favor’ he had done to get that job. It didn’t matter that Brian was the top of the class. Nothing mattered.

He knew that he wouldn’t get any studying done in the dorms that night, so he headed straight to the phones in the main lobby. Pulling out Justin’s business card, Brian dialed the other man’s cell phone. He knew the number by heart, but a part of him still wanted to pretend that he wasn’t caught up in the blond as much as he was. “Hello.” Justin’s voice came across.

Hearing the other man’s voice brought a small smile to Brian’s face, instantly making his day better. “Hey, it’s Brian.” He stated.

“Hey.” Justin quietly replied, smiling at hearing the other man’s voice. He had been hoping that Brian would call, would take that step.

“I was wondering… well you said that I could come over if I ever needed a place to … well if I needed a quiet place to study.” Brian fumbled. He hated that he sounded so unsure, that his inner feelings were coming out. He wanted to appear strong, but at that moment he was sounding needy. “I know you said the weekends, but…”

“Come on over. I’ll cook us some dinner.”

“Thanks. I’m heading out now.” Brian let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding, and brought his lower lip into his mouth. “Later.” Hanging up the phone, Brian quickly ran to his room to grab his bag. He needed to get away from the mess that was surrounding him in the dorms. He had to get away from the other cadets, even if it was only for a couple of hours. He only wished that he could stay away for the night.

Ignoring the glances of the cadets sitting in the lounge, Brian left the building. His car refused to start at first but eventually gave in. He made a mental note to look under the hood over on the weekend and see if he could figure out what was wrong with it, besides the fact it was eleven years old and had more than two hundred thousand miles on it. It only had to last eight more months. It wouldn’t have mattered before. He could have stayed on the base or taken a bus if he had to get into town, but now there was Justin and the chance to be with him even if it was only to study.

Pulling into the tidy parking area of Justin’s home, Brian almost sighed with relief at being there. The hardest part of Navy life that he’d had to get used to was the fact that rarely, if ever, were you alone. For someone of a solitary nature, this was hell and only focusing on his goals kept him from completely queening out on occasion. Fuck, if he ever did, he’d never live it down.

“Hey Brian” Justin called from the open door. “You stuck?” he laughed.

Justin’s smile was infectious and Brian grinned back. “Just thinking.” He grabbed his books and headed into toward the open door and Justin’s smile.

“I really appreciate this Justin. I can’t seem to concentrate at the base. It’s important for me to be top in my class or at least to try my best.”

“I told you, all I do in my spare time is paint. I promise not to paint loudly.” He joked. “But just in case, I’ve made you a study room in one of the spare bedrooms.” He led Brian up the stairs and threw open a door. “I was kind of hoping you’d want to come over to study and ……" Suddenly Justin was shy because the room had been outfitted with everything Brian could want to study with. There was a large library desk, a state of the art lap top computer and printer, paper and pens and pencils. A good reading light was placed over the desk and another by a heavy leather chair that stood in the corner. There was even a drafting table complete with a wheeled stool and the burgundy leather office chair looked sleek yet comfortable.

Brian looked at Justin and then back at the room. “Holy shit Justin, is this your study? It doesn’t even look used.”

“Actually, it was designed as ‘your’ study.” Justin’s voice was soft. He was hoping Brian wouldn’t take his offer in the wrong way. “I had this fantasy that maybe you’d take me up on my offer. I researched on the internet what you’d probably need and got it and I kind of asked a friend who knows someone at the Naval Academy to make sure I got the right books, software and things.”

“What if I hadn’t called?” Brian found it hard to even speak. No one in his entire life had done something like this for him.

“Then I guess the next step for me would be to join the Navy, but I get sea sick just looking at the water.” Justin grinned.

“Hmmm, that would be some sacrifice. I guess I wouldn’t want to see you join up if you get seasick. I’ll have to use it then.” Brian had walked into the room, his eyes trying to take in everything that had been done. The paintings on the wall were all various ocean views. All except one that was of him, shirt off, white pants with the top button undone, his cap tilted over his eyes and his muscles buff and cut set in a background that could only be the ocean beach. He laughed out loud when he saw it. “I’m surprised you didn’t give me a tattoo.”

“I would have but I couldn’t decide on the design.” Justin cocked his head to one side, critically observing his painting. “Though traditionally, don’t all you Navy Boys have at least one tattoo?”

“I haven’t had the time to get one or the desire.” Brian answered honestly. “I might consider one though.”

“Hmmmm, where would you put it?” Justin had many thoughts about where a tattoo would look hot.

“Not sure.” Brian put his books on the desk. “I’d better get studying.”

“One more thing and I’ll leave you alone.” Justin reached into his pocket and pulled out a key. “In case I’m not home, I thought you could use this.” He tucked the key into Brian’s hand, closing his fingers around it.

“Justin…” Brian was at a loss once again for words.

Justin kissed the taller man’s cheek. “It just makes things easier Brian. Don’t worry about intruding on me. You’re the only one who’s ever been here and I’m not planning tricking and bringing them back here ever.” With that said he turned and left the room.

Brian sat at the desk. At first he arranged his books the way he liked them and then he turned on the computer. He had to grin when he saw that Justin had put a picture of himself on the screen as the background. It was Justin painting, wearing only a pair of shorts that hung low on his hips. He was painting a picture of Brian, in fact it seemed to be the one on the wall and Brian did laugh out loud when he saw that. Smiling to himself he soon was lost in his studies.

He barely looked up when Justin came quietly into his office. Justin sat a plate filled with sandwiches down, a carafe of coffee and a bottle of water. He kissed the top of Brian’s head and then left once again. No words were spoken by either of them but Brian felt a warmth spread through his body. Somebody cared about him. It was a nice feeling.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

In the weeks that followed Brian’s first evening of study, the two men quickly found a routine. Brian gave up trying to study at all on the base. Since the publicity surrounding his ad campaign had magazines such as the Advocate calling him for interviews and wanting more pictures, Brian was trying to avoid everyone. One of the other cadets had taken a message from the Advocate and since then his life had been hell. If it hadn’t been for Justin’s calming influence he just knew he would have ended up in the brig and thrown everything he’d worked for away because he was so close to exploding. Chris was the worst one and now the guy had a following of friends who seemed to go out of their way to see how far they could take their harassment.

For the last two days they all had been confined to base because of some piratical joke that Chris had played on another classmate that had backfired. No one was too pleased with the other cadet and because of that, some of the heat had been removed from Brian.

He found himself daydreaming when he should have been studying. He was missing the peace and quiet of his own study office. He missed the suppers that Justin prepared, the conversations they had and the quiet almost shy kisses they’d exchanged. For some reason neither of them had gone any further with their relationship. Brian hoped it wasn’t because Justin wasn’t interested. Because it was all he could do to restrain himself some nights. Luckily his books called to him louder than his dick, but it was a damn close race.

With no privacy at the bank of phones in the hallway by the lounge, Brian couldn’t even talk more than a few minutes each night to Justin. He actually ached to feel the touch of the other man’s hand on his arm. If everything went okay, he had four days off because of Thanksgiving. Four days when there was no curfew. He usually spent the time at a hotel downtown and studied. He could have stayed on base, but he hated the emptiness of being there alone. At least at a hotel there were other people around.

Brian looked around before picking up the phone and calling Justin. He varied the times he called to eliminate anyone waiting to listen. All of them wanted to know what he was up to and who he was seeing. By now they figured he was seeing someone, not that he confirmed the fact. “Hey” he said into the phone when Justin answered. “I can come over tomorrow.”

“So you got your ‘get out of jail free’ card in the mail.” Justin teased. And then he said more seriously. “It hasn’t been the same without you studying hard in your office.”

“Can’t hear any wheels turning eh?” Brian said with a laugh.

“That must be the sound I’m missing.” Justin grinned. The sound of Brian’s voice always made him giddy. “Are you able to spend the weekend here? I mean it is Thanksgiving and everything.”

“You mean sleep there?” Brian asked.

“Is that so hard to imagine?”

“The sleeping part maybe.” His voice was full of suggestion.

“It won’t change anything between us will it?” Justin asked. “I mean what if we suck?”

“That would be a good thing.” Brian answered pretending not to understand what Justin meant.

Justin laughed. “Yeah, it would be a good thing Navy Boy.”

“Ohhhh, you say the sexiest things.” Brian laughed, his voice low so he wouldn’t be overheard by the guys in the lounge.

“So if I promise to let you study in between ‘sleeping’ will you spend the weekend?”

“What, no time to watch football?”

“Do you really want to?”

“No” Brian whispered.

“Then no football. I’ll have to think of some other sport for you to watch.”

“I’d rather play.”

“That could be arranged too.” Justin’s smile came over the phone lines. “Later” he whispered before hanging up.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Justin, the man of the hour.” Matt Curtis walked into Justin’s office the day before the Thanksgiving break followed by two Naval Officers.

Looking up Justin took in the group of three and stood up. “Matt, what can I do for you?”

“I’d like you to meet Captain Isaac and Lieutenant Adams.” Justin shook hands with both of them. He noticed that the Lieutenant looked better in her uniform than the Captain did in his. They are here about the recruitment campaign we did a few months ago.”

“What about it?”

“Mr. Taylor, I’ll come right to the point.” Justin didn’t like the smart ass smirk on the face of Captain Adams though he willed his face not to show anything. “It’s about Cadet Kinney. I understand that you and Cadet Kinney have become involved.”

“That’s really none of your business.” Justin answered. Damned if he’d let this asshole intimidate him.

“Cadet Kinney is my business Mr. Taylor. He’s chosen a career path that makes it very much my business. I feel that it is in Cadet Kinney’s best interest if you and he go your separate ways.”

“Or what?” Justin said. “Or you’ll kick him out; you’ll see that he fails, just what will you do to him?” He sat down and began to look at the proofs on his desk. “We have nothing to say. Who I see is none of your business. We’re friends, just friends. You two do understand the concept don’t you?”

“It is important that Cadet Kinney focuses on his studies. His career with the Navy depends on it. I have reports that he’s been off base every night and every weekend since the shoot.”

“And have his grades gone down?” Justin asked.

“No, but it’s only a matter of time.”

“Have you discussed this with Brian?”

“We felt it would be best to come directly to you. After all you are the source of the potential problem.”

Justin ached to wipe the sneer off of the Captain’s face. His hand clenched so hard he snapped the pencil he was holding in half. “I will talk to Brian about your little visit. It will be his decision whether we stop seeing each other.”

“That won’t be necessary.”

“But it will, we don’t keep secrets from one another.”

“That’s our whole point Mr. Taylor. Cadet Kinney’s career choice involves a lot of secrets, secrets that he can’t tell you under any circumstance. Are you prepared to deal with that kind of relationship?”

“I’ll worry about that when the time comes. Don’t let me keep you any longer.” Justin turned back to the story boards in front of him. For the first time he began to realize what a relationship with Brian might mean and he wondered if he emotionally confident enough to survive a lifetime of secrets and absences. Perhaps this little visit would be one secret he’d have to keep. Brian didn’t need the grief.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
Day before Thanksgiving Day 2010

Brian walked out of the Academy trying to keep the bounce out of his step. This would be the first time that he was actually going somewhere for the holiday instead of spending it alone in some sleazy hotel. Throwing his small bag in the back of his car, he silently prayed that his car would start. ‘Only seven more months’ he thought. Starting the car, Brian pulled out of the parking lot and made his way down toward Justin’s without a backward thought or glance to the buildings behind him.

He couldn’t wait for this weekend to happen. Four whole days alone with Justin. Brian wondered briefly if they would take the next step in their relationship, or if Justin even felt that way about him. The last thing he wanted to do was to alienate Justin, or push the other man away. Justin was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he didn’t want to destroy the friendship that they had started.

Granted, not taking things further would be hell on Brian, but he knew that he would if that was Justin’s wish. During the 35 minute drive, Brian tried to calm his nerves and think of anything other than spending the night with Justin close by. He was trying to convince himself that he could actually get some sleep with Justin in the room down the hall.

Brian only hoped he could hold out.

Time came too quickly for Brian when he realized that he was sitting in front of Justin’s house. Taking a deep breath, Brian stepped out of the car, grabbed his bag and used his key to get into the house. “Justin.” He called out not knowing if the other man was there or not.

“In the kitchen.” Justin called out to Brian from deep within the house.

Brian made his way back toward the kitchen, and set his bag down on the table. He walked behind Justin and leaned his body into the other man’s, placing a kiss on the side of Justin’s head. “Smells good.”

“Me or the food?” Justin asked turning round in Brian’s arms so he could wrap his own around the other man’s waist.

Brian buried his face in Justin’s neck and sniffed. “Hmm. Both.” He answered against Justin’s flesh before placing his lips against the delicate flesh. All thoughts of how this was NOT what he wanted to do flew out of the window the moment he walked through the door. Brian knew that they would have to talk about this, or else they would both suffer.

“Down boy…” Justin reluctantly stated, however his body was saying something different. Justin could feel Brian’s lips on his neck pulling his flesh into Brian’s warm mouth. “Oh God.” Justin breathed.

Brian pulled back and saw the lust in Justin’s eyes, knowing that his own reflected the same. Lowering his head so their foreheads touched, Brian closed his eyes and tried to calm his raging hard-on down. “Food… cooking.” Calming himself enough to pull away from the blond, Brian moved to the other side of the kitchen counter. “So um, where can I put my stuff?” He asked not trusting himself to get any closer to Justin for fear that he would do something that they would both regret.

Making a show of turning off the oven Justin faced Brian. “I don’t want you to run off or anything, but I want you to know right now, upfront, that I wanted you to spend this weekend with me, in my room, in my bed, in me. That is when you aren’t studying.”

“Is that an order pretty boy?” Brian looked at Justin with a gleam in his eye. His cock was already at attention.

“It could be.” Justin took a step closer to Brian. “I heard Navy boys really know how to fuck.”

“I heard pretty blond boys give good head” Brian came around the counter.

“We like the protein, what can I say.”

“Us Navy boys like the exercise.” Brian had reached Justin. He picked him up and threw him over his shoulder. Justin began to laugh even though he was upside down. “Us Navy boys also know never to turn down an offer from a pretty blond boy.”

“There had better only be one blond boy for you.” Justin said with a laugh. “I don’t share my toys.”

Brian dumped Justin on the bed and fell on top of him, making sure that he was braced at the last minute so the smaller man didn’t collapse under his weight. “So pretty blonde boy, does this mean we’re bunking in together?”

“If you don’t mind, think of the laundry it’ll save and if we shower together we’ll be doing the environment a favor.”

“That’s what I like about you civilians, always thinking of the environment.” Brian leaned down and began to kiss Justin.

Justin gave himself up to the kiss, shutting his eyes and breathing in the scent of Brian fresh from his shower. He loved the heady smell of fresh soap and the underlying smell of Brian. It was an aphrodisiac that could be bottled and sold for millions. “Clothes off” he managed to get out of his mouth before he felt himself being devoured. Neither one wanted to part and they struggled to remove their clothing, a tangle of limbs and cloth.

“Don’t stop” Justin whispered once when necessity meant they move apart.

“Never” Brian almost shouted as he ripped his leg out of his pants. And then they did, they stopped and lay panting on the bed beside each other, Brian suddenly shy and almost afraid though he didn’t know why. It wasn’t as if they were strangers.

Justin rose up on one elbow so that he was looking down at Brian. “You know you are the most beautiful man I’ve ever known. Not just on the outside, but inside too.” Justin kissed first his eyes and then slowly made his way to Brian’s mouth, not passionate kisses just kisses of love. “I feel so lucky to be with you, to share my home with you” he punctuated each word with a kiss his hands traced the other man’s face and then down his body to the cock that was rock hard and leaking.

Brian kept silent not knowing what to say but being smart enough to know that what they were doing couldn’t come close to fucking. This was making love and he’d never done it before. Brian’s whole body tingled as if he had bits of electrical current dancing on his skin everywhere Justin touched. And when Justin’s mouth found the head of his cock, the shock took his breath away and he melted completely under the ministrations of the warm mouth that worshiped his rod, sucking and gently biting and licking until Brian thought he’d scream, maybe he was screaming inside, for the room was filled with a high pitched keening and who knew which one of them was making the sound or if it was both.

Justin moved lower leaving the straining cock alone as he raised Brian’s hips and began to move over each testicle, taking them into his mouth and sucking, his hands cupping the heavy sack. His tongue reached Brian’s hole and as it probed and licked, Brian wrapped his fingers through Justin’s hair not wanting him to continue but not wanting him to stop either. He had no words, no voice to protest or beg for more; the feelings were like nothing he’d felt. And when he thought he couldn’t handle any more, he heard the snick of a tube of lube opening, the tear of a condom wrapper and then his cock was encased in latex and slicked down with lube, Justin’s fingers sure and steady. Justin lifted himself up until he was poised above Brian’s cock. Slowly he lowered himself, pausing to adjust to the hardness and girth. Blue eyes locked with hazel ones shouting to each other how they felt without forming the words. Words were forever and neither one was ready for forever and yet inside they both knew that this was forever. This was their forever no matter what happened to either of them, they would always have this first time. No one and nothing could ever take it away from them and that’s why they couldn’t break the look. They needed the connection. They needed to read each other’s innermost feelings as slowly inch by inch Justin’s tight hole, warm and dark enveloped Brian’s cock and they were connected.

The age old rhythm began, Justin being more agile than Brian realized, bent down and licked the end of Brian’s dick with every down stroke sending the other man into spasms of ecstasy. Until with a firestorm of lights behind their eyes they both came in an endless orgasm that took both of their breath away and left them spent.

As Justin collapsed down on Brian, the other man rolled over so he would remain inside as long as he could. Justin held on tight. If ever two men were meant to be together then they were, but neither would say the words. It was too early in their relationship but they both were thinking the same thing. This was it. This was forever.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin woke suddenly feeling the emptiness in his arms. He cracked open his eyes enough to see Brian pulling on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. “Wha?”

Seeing his lover awake, Brian silently cursed. It wasn’t his intention of waking the blond. He moved over to the side of the bed and ran his hand across Justin’s cheek, leaning in to place a light kiss on his lips. “Nothing, go back to sleep. I’m just going to go out for a run. I’ll be back before you know it.” Brian stated not wanting to keep Justin up.

Slowly Justin turned his head to glance at the clock beside the bed, and groaned. “Brian, it’s 5 in the morning. Come back to bed.” He moaned as he tried to pull his lover back into bed with him.

Brian quietly laughed and pulled away to finish getting ready. “Go back to sleep. I’m up long before now every day. I guess it’s hard to get back into a normal routine. I’ll be back soon.” With that Brian left before Justin could convince him to climb back into the bed.

Stepping out into the cool November air, Brian thought about the turn in their relationship. He could call it that now. He was really in a relationship. Brian had never thought he would ever be here, but now that he was, he wondered why he waited so long. “Cause none of them would have been Justin, you dork.” Brian told himself as he began his five-mile run. He wasn’t sure where they were headed, or if this relationship could even work out, but Brian was willing to try anything to keep Justin in his life. What he felt last night was something he knew he could not live without.

Brian had felt like he had finally found his home, his safe-haven. With Justin, Brian wanted to please him more than get pleasure himself. He wanted everything to be perfect for the other man. Brian was even willing to give up his tightly held control to Justin. Not that he would tell Justin that… not yet anyway. No he had to keep some things for later. Brian only hoped that they would have a long time to get to know one another and find out all the things about each other.

Justin lay in the bed that still had pockets of warmth from Brian’s body. He rolled over and grabbed the other pillow inhaling deeply. Fuck, he loved the smell of Brian. He’d have to remember to buy Brian another sweatshirt so that he could keep his sweaty one with him. Something to remind him of ‘his man’. ‘His man’ he almost giggled like a school girl at the thought.

Justin pulled the pillow tighter and shut his eyes. He could almost see Brian running in the cold dawn. He’d have to get up soon and watch for him. He wanted the exact picture in his mind to maybe paint at a later date. Maybe he’d find his camera and lay in wait for him by the hedge.





~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian sat down at his desk with books piled in front of him, making notes. He had a huge test coming up in Wars and Confrontations, and in Military Etiquette, so Brian was spending all of his free time at Justin’s studying. Not that he couldn’t think of other things that he would rather being doing there at his lover’s house, but he knew that if he didn’t pass these tests he could lose his billet. He felt Justin’s hands on his shoulders, gently massaging the tense muscles. Brian closed his eyes and leaned back into the touch. “You’re as stiff as a board.” Justin stated working his magic on a tight knot at the back of Brian’s neck.

“If you keep that up, I’ll have more than a stiff neck to worry about.” Brian joked. Every time he felt the blond’s hands on his body, Brian felt his body temperature rise – among other parts of his body. Brian briefly wondered if he would ever get enough of Justin… if there would ever be a time when just being around the other man wouldn’t send his whole body into a tailspin. “You know, I’m not getting much studying done this way.”

“Maybe it’s time for a break.” Justin whispered in Brian’s ear, lightly running his tongue across the delicate flesh. Justin had been meaning to ask Brian what the man was doing for the holidays so he would know when to give Brian his gift, but he wasn’t sure how to broach the subject.

“Okay spill.” Brian sated as he turned around in the chair to look at Justin. Holding the other man’s hands in his own, putting an end to the massage. “You’ve been wanting to ask something, so ask.”

Justin looked at Brian in shock. He couldn’t believe that the man even realized that he had been hiding anything, or wanting to ask something as the case may be. It still amazed him how well they knew each other after such a short amount of time. “What makes you think that I’ve been wanting to ask you something?”

“Please, you’ve been tiptoeing around like you’re hiding something.” Brian stated shaking his head. “Plus you will open your mouth as if you want to say something, then close it all the sudden. Trust me… you’re not a very good liar.”

“Fuck you,” Justin laughed. “Okay, Mr. Navy Boy, you’re right. This once,” he added quietly. “I was just wondering what you were doing for Christmas. When were you going to head out?”

“Let’s see, I was going to check into the hotel on the 21st then check out two weeks later.” Brian informed Justin as he turned around in his chair to get back to his studies. He didn’t want Justin to think any less of him, to feel sorry for him, so he kept his explanation to a minimum.

“Aren’t you going to stay with your folks, or maybe friends?” Justin asked as he moved to sit on the table next to Brian. “You are going home, right?”

Brian let out a sigh, knowing he was going to have to explain things to Justin, and he hated every minute of it. “No… if I never step foot in Pittsburgh again, it will be too soon. I will be spending the holidays the same I have for the past couple of years… alone in a hotel, just me and my books.”

“But…”

“Justin, I’m fine. I’ve never had a Christmas, so I don’t even know what I am missing. I’m happy. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Now if you don’t mind…” Brian left the statement hanging as he pointed to his books. He didn’t want Justin to feel sorry for him, and he wasn’t going to let the blond try and talk him out of his normal plans. He had told Justin the truth. He didn’t know what Christmas was, so it wasn’t like he would miss anything. And anyone that he would spend it with wouldn’t even realize he was there except to use as a punching bag. No, Brian was much happier spending his time in a hotel over the holidays. Much happier.

“I know that this is short notice.” Justin began. He looked away. This was kind of a big step for him and for Brian too. “I have a place, it’s just a little place, nothing fancy, but it’s in Baja. It was my parents and was part of their estate. I never sold it ‘cause there’s a lot of good memories there. I know there isn’t snow and stuff, but I’d really like you to go there with me for Christmas if you aren’t going anywhere else.” There he’d said it and the world hadn’t collapsed. The sun was still shining and Brian hadn’t disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Brian couldn’t believe what Justin had asked him. He wanted to spend Christmas together. “Snow is nice, but it is cold” he began. “And highly over rated by the Christmas card industry.” He held out his arms. Justin all but flew into them. “I told you Justin, Christmas has never been a big deal for me and I would have to study. I know I get two weeks, but I still need to spend time with the books.”

“You could bring your books and your laptop and I promise to let you study.”

“Hmmm, I’ve heard that before.” Brian let his thumb trace down the side of Justin’s face, lingering every now and then as if memorizing it. “How would we get there?”

“Coincidently I have two tickets on a Liberty Air flight leaving on the twenty first.”

“You were pretty sure of yourself.”

“I was hoping my winning ways with my excellent award winning blow jobs would persuade you.”

“You’ve won awards?”

“No, but I bet I could.”

“Modesty isn’t your strong suit is it Sunshine?”

“Nor is it yours Navy Boy.”

Brian lifted Justin up in his arms and headed for the bedroom.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
Christmas Day

Justin was sitting on the floor, his back to the bed they were sharing. It was Christmas morning and like all Christmas mornings for Justin for as long as he could remember, it somehow felt magical. Maybe it was the man stirring in the bed behind him, maybe it was the fact that this was his first Christmas where he was in love. Not that he would ever tell Brian, he didn’t want to scare the man off. No it would be his secret, another secret. Fuck he hated keeping secrets from the man he loved yet he’d do anything on this earth to keep Brian happy. Justin fingered the box in his hand. He wondered if maybe it was over the top considering that they had only known each other a few months. He put the box down twice and picked it up each time wondering if he had the nerve to give to Brian. It was a platinum and gold version of the Naval Academy ring. He had seen the order form in some of Brian’s papers. Brian had the silver version circled. The cheapest one, it had been easy to hide the order form. Brian had never said a word about the missing piece of paper and Justin hadn’t either.

“Hey pretty boy” Brian leaned over and gave Justin a kiss. They snickered at the upside down awkwardness. “Did Santa manage to find us here in Mexico?” he was teasing. Justin was such a child about this time of year. Brian found it strangely endearing even if he couldn’t quite understand it himself.

“As a matter of fact, he did.” Justin thrust the small box up at Brian before he lost his nerve.

“Justin, you didn’t have to get me anything. You paid for the plane tickets and everything.”

“I’m writing it all down what I spend on you. I figure with interest you’ll be supporting me for a long time when you’re an Admiral.” Justin joked.

“Admiral Kinney” Brian snorted. “Like that’s going to happen pretty boy. If I were you I’d be looking for a better investment.”

“I have the best investment ever, now open up your Christmas present.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Why not?”

“It’s too pretty.”

“Presentation is everything.” Justin smirked and Brian swatted him gently on the head.

He pulled off the silver ribbon careful to not destroy the bow and then peeled the silver paper slowly off the small box. It was a ring box, he knew it was a ring box, but what did it mean? Brian’s hands shook as he opened it up. He was speechless completely speechless as he stared at the ring inside. “How did you know?” he managed to gasp.

“What that you like to unwrap presents? That you are partial to silver paper? That your hand felt naked without an Academy ring?” Justin smiled up at Brian. “I guess I’m just psychic.”

Brian put the ring on and admired his hand. He knew it was the platinum and gold one. “Thank you Justin, I love it.” He couldn’t stop smiling as he climbed out of bed to join the other man on the floor.

Brian sat down on the floor next to Justin. Looking down at the floor, suddenly he was unsure if this was the right thing to do. He wanted to get something for Justin, but Brian was beginning to wonder if his gift would be too much. If it was too soon. “Bri?” Justin asked reaching out and lightly running his hand across Brian’s neck.

Brian reached over to his bag beside the couch and pulled out a small box. “I wanted to get you something. I mean after everything you have done for me… I wanted to show you that… well that I’m glad that you’ve come into my life.” Handing the box over to Justin, Brian leaned back against the couch, putting some distance between the two men. “I never had a Christmas growing up, none that I remember. Jack was always drunk, and Joanie was always at the church. Since I entered the academy, I would go to a hotel and spend the whole time just sitting there thinking. Or studying. But I never had anything that even comes close to a real Christmas.”

Turning slightly he faced Justin, and reached out to hold his lover’s hand. “I know that I can never repay you for everything you have given me, I just hope that I can make sure you don’t regret it. I want to try. I want to try and make us work. Maybe it’s too early, and maybe you don’t really feel the same way for me that I do about you… but…” Brian let out a nervous laugh and shook his head. Running his hand through his hair, he tried to get his nerve back. Taking a deep breath, Brian turned his attention back to Justin, looking into Justin’s eyes. “I … I think that… well I think I love you.” Brian held his breath waiting to see what Justin’s response would be. He only hoped that he wasn’t making the biggest mistake of his life, he hoped that he didn’t lose Justin because of his words.

Justin’s only answer was to lean in and lightly kiss Brian. It wasn’t a heated, passion-filled kiss, this was a kiss of love. “I love you too, Brian.”

“Thank God,” Brian breathed. “I wasn’t sure…” Brian leaned in again and kissed Justin with all the passion and love he could muster. He wanted the blond to know what he was feeling. Puling back, Brian rolled his lip into his mouth. “Well, open it.”

Justin laughed as he removed the cover to the box. Inside sat a bracelet. He pulled it out of the box, and held it up to the light from the fire. The bracelet was platinum with gold Celtic symbols interwoven on the thick band. Justin felt tears begin to build behind his eyes as he looked up at his lover. “Bri.” He breathed. “It’s… it’s beautiful.”

“Look inside.” Brian stated as he turned the bracelet over.

Justin leaned in closer to see what his lover was talking about. In a delicate Celtic script, Justin could make out three words engraved deep into the band. ‘Forever my Avalon’ it stated. Justin was puzzled over what the meaning of the words meant.

Brian reached over and held Justin’s hand, keeping his eyes on the bracelet. “When I was growing up, I used to stay in my room all the time reading. It was an easy way for me to escape, pretend. One of my favorite stories was anything dealing with King Arthur and the Knights of the roundtable.” Brian laughed, shaking his head. He stole a quick glance up at Justin and saw that the other man’s eyes were still on the writing. “There’s a tale of this place, Avalon. It’s said to be hard to get to, covered and hidden by mist. The only way to get there is a spell, or something like that. But it is said to be this magical place – beautiful, peaceful.”

“The story goes that when King Arthur died he was sent there as his final resting place.” Justin added looking up at Brian. He felt like his heart was going to pound out of his chest. He wasn’t sure what this meant, but he hoped it was what he was thinking it meant.

Brian shrugged slightly and ran his finger over the lettering. “I had nothing in my life, nothing or no one that I cared about enough to spend any time with. I wanted to get out of that house, get out on my own. Then at the academy all I cared about was doing the best I could. So I just threw myself into my studies, never leaving that damn dorm.” Brian said with a small smile. “Then I went to this restaurant and saw this blond who changed my life completely around.”

“Funny, I was thinking the same thing. I had to run a shoot of some annoying Navy guy and I was thoroughly pissed at the thought. I was going to blow him off and then there he was all big hazel eyes, luscious lips and a body to die for. I didn’t stand a chance.” Justin who had been sitting on the floor beside Brian, their backs against the bed, turned so that his head was in Brian’s lap. He held out his arm for Brian to put the bracelet on.

“I’ll never take it off Brian, for as long as I live, it will never come off.”

Brian’s eyes filled with tears he tried to turn his head not wanting Justin to see how his words had affected him. Instead the blond noticing Brian’s emotion moved until he was sitting up facing the other man. He cupped his chin in his hand making Brian look at him. “Don’t you ever be afraid to show your emotions when you are with me.” Justin let his thumb brush away a stray tear that had escaped.

“I feel like such a wuss. Some strong manly Navy man.” Brian tried to make light of his tears.

“That’s what is going to make you one of the best Navy men. You have emotions and feelings and you can show them. Someday the men you command will hold you in respect just for that alone. I’m so proud of you Brian. I’m proud of what you have done to get this far in your life and I’m proud to be a part of your future for as long as you let me.”

Brian ran his hand across the side of Justin’s face, lightly caressing. He leaned in and brushed his lips over Justin’s own. Every touch was light, barely touching, only giving the sense of presence. Brian wanted to show Justin what he meant to him, what he made Brian feel. Brian never before had anyone make him feel confident and strong. He could never show emotions in his house, he could never cry. Knowing that Justin wasn’t repulsed by it, made Brian’s heart race in his chest. Love pouring out of every pore.

Slowly Brian lowered Justin to the ground and ran his hands in feather light touches across Justin’s chest, opening the silk robe to uncover more of Justin’s light skin. “I love you,” Brian breathed against Justin’s lips before he moved down Justin’s chest to worship the body before him. He felt like he was one of the druids in ancient times, and Justin was his altar. Sacred and beautiful. Brian had all intention of properly paying homage to his gift. The gift of life and love that Justin so freely gave to him.

Brian still wasn’t sure if he deserved Justin’s love, but he also knew that he wouldn’t have it any other way. Now that he had tasted the sweet waters of Avalon he could never return. He was home.

Brian’s hands undid the belt, opening Justin fully to his view. “Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?” Brian asked. “Cause you are.” Without waiting for an answer, Brian continued to show Justin just how beautiful he was. Placing light kisses on the inside of Justin’s thighs, Brian glided his hands across Justin’s chest. He ran his hands over Justin’s sensitive nipples, bringing them to attention, while his mouth continued to graze across Justin’s legs and around his cock, making sure to not touch the prize yet. He wanted Justin to enjoy this, to feel loved. He wanted to give Justin everything that he had been given by the blond.

“Brian, please.” Justin moaned, running his hands through Brian’s cropped hair, enjoying the silkiness of the amber locks. “Please.”

Brian decided to take pity on Justin as he took Justin’s member fully into his mouth, letting Justin’s slit touch the back of his throat. He held it there, not moving only letting the heat from his mouth warm Justin, as his throat muscles worked on the sensitive flesh at the tip. Moving one of his hands away from Justin’s nipples, Brian let it lightly run across the inside of Justin’s leg. He made sure to never completely touch Justin, only light run his hand across the feather light hair. He could feel Justin’s hands gripping painfully at his hair, trying to get Brian to do more, and Brian tried not to laugh.

Brian let Justin’s cock slip out of his mouth a little so that he could run his tongue across Justin’s piss hole, while his hand moved to cup his balls. Brian could tell that Justin wouldn’t be able to last if he kept this up, so he moved his hand to lightly brush against Justin’s awaiting hole. The last thing he wanted was to make Justin suffer… even if this was a good type of suffering. He wanted to taste Justin’s essence, wanted to feel Justin come in his mouth. Wanted everything that Justin had to offer, and he wanted it now. Brian’s own need was escalating with every moan, every breath the blond took.

Brian slipped one finger into his mouth beside Justin’s cock and made sure that it was wet. Of course, running his finger across Justin’s slit with both his tongue then finger brought a long, drawn out moan from deep within his lover. Slowly, Brian withdrew his finger from his mouth, and slid it into Justin’s hole. He could feel the heat and tightness surrounding him, and all Brian could think of was how it felt against his own cock. How right Justin felt surrounding him.

Justin nearly ripped a handful of hair out of Brian’s head when Brian’s finger found the tight bundle within him. He could feel Brian run his finger lightly across it, bringing Justin closer and closer to the edge. He knew he wouldn’t last long, so Justin held on for the remainder of the ride.

Brian quickly added another finger to join the first, as he moved his mouth up and down on Justin’s thick, beautiful cock. He couldn’t get enough of this man… the taste, the smell. Everything about Justin brought Brian to new heights… a whole other plane of existence. He felt Justin tighten around his fingers then the creamy essence begin to fill his mouth. Brian held on, trying to get all of Justin in, drink up everything the man offered him. The last thing he wanted was to ever let go.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Once again Brian was out running early in the morning. As Justin lay there it suddenly came to him that this wasn’t going to be the first. If he stayed with Brian waiting would become a way of life for him. If they did stay together, there would be many times he’d be alone waiting for the other man to return. He knew what he had to do. He had to make sure that Brian had something to remind him that someone who loved him was waiting for him. Justin sat up, galvanized. Today he’d order an identical bracelet for Brian. He looked down at his arm. His fingers traced the words Forever My Avalon, Brian was his Avalon too.

Justin jumped out of bed and pulled on a pair of shorts. It was early and the sun was only now appearing over the horizon. He headed to the beach hoping he’d see Brian running. He loved to watch him, he loved to see the sweat puddling in his rippled muscles. But most of all he just loved to look at him. He’d never get enough of looking at Brian ever.

The beach was deserted, but far away was the steadily moving body of his lover. As Brian got closer Justin salivated, he wanted the other man so badly. Playing the fool Justin held out his arms and began to run in mock slow motion like a badly done commercial. Brian grinning like a fool held out his arms too and shouted at the top of his voice “I LOVE YOU JUSTIN TAYLOR” the last word ending as the they crushed together in a sweaty and laughing hug. Brian picked Justin up and raced into the waves with him where he proceeded to kiss him until they were both desperate for air. “I love you, I love you, I love you” they both chanted – a mantra for the madness they felt, the perfectness of their time spent together. Justin fished a condom out of his pocket and managed to get the foil package open and the latex over Brian’s stiff and wet cock. Rolling together in the waves they both roared their pleasure as they fucked wildly, not caring that the water eventually tossed them onto the sandy shore where they lay panting and sated.

On the last day of their stay Brian headed out for his run. Justin had been acting strangely but Brian put it down to the fact that they were soon leaving.

Brian ran an easy pace down the beach, his feet being caressed by the warm ocean water. This was paradise if he had ever seen one, and although he knew that their time there was short, Brian still prayed that they could bottle this up and keep it with them. He wanted to enjoy every minute of every day that they had together in this beautiful place. A place where they had basically made a small commitment to each other.

Brian tried not to think too much into it, into the reasoning’s and rationales behind it, but he knew that the giving of the bracelet and the meaning behind the words engraved there, that he was now committed to Justin for as long as the blond would have him. He didn’t want to think of what Justin thought about, or what he thought it all meant. He was half afraid that Justin would only look at the bracelet as what it was… a gift, and not look farther into the meaning behind it.

No, he couldn’t think about that. He had to be grateful of the gift that Justin had given him. He knew that Justin loved him. If it was the type of love that Brian felt for Justin, he wasn’t sure. All Brian knew was that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Justin, he couldn’t think about that other now. ‘One day at a time, Kinney. One day at a time.’ He told himself as he continued his trek.

Tomorrow they would be on a plane heading back to Maryland. Brian would only have two more days before he had to report back from Leave, and he was already dreading these last couple of months. He tried to remind himself that it was almost over, then he would only have another 38 weeks of training before he was assigned to a unit. Then of course he was on ‘probation’ so to speak and OJT for another 6-12 months. Luckily, by the time he got to his unit he would be free to live wherever he wanted. He hoped that it would be with Justin, but he wasn’t sure he could ask the blond for that quite yet.

Brian knew he loved Justin, more than he had ever loved anyone in his life. He had never felt this connection, this ‘tingle’ with anyone before. Brian just wished he knew how he could keep it. He wondered what he could possibly give Justin that would make the other man stick around for the long haul. Brian didn’t want to force Justin to stay with him, but he wasn’t sure if he could survive if Justin were to talk away and never return. That was something Brian was most afraid of. That his future, that his choice of careers would eventually push the other man away. That’s why he had been so scared to start anything with anyone. That’s why he was so willing to spend his time alone.

Hell, he even spent his summer vacations training at the special SEAL training school in California each year.

But now, he had something to look forward to, someone to share his life with. He wanted it to always be there.

Brian spotted Justin standing at the end of the stairs leading up to the house. Just seeing the man brought a smile to Brian’s face, and a warmth to his soul. He couldn’t even begin to describe what Justin did to him. Breaking out into a fast run, Brian stopped right in front of Justin and leaned in for a kiss. “I stink.” He said as he grabbed the offered bottle of water and towel.

“I happen to like you all sweaty.” Justin answered with a smile, pulling Brian in for a longer kiss, slipping his tongue into the other man’s mouth. “I could help you get all clean.”

Brian laughed and shook his head as he ran the towel over Justin’s face. “You just want to get me all sweaty again afterwards. So what’s the point?” ‘Not that I would mind of course.’ Brian thought with a smirk.

“True. Come on, dinner’s ready.” Justin led the way up the stairs with Brian closely behind back up to the house. Brian stayed back far enough to keep one of his favorite sites in view. He loved Justin’s ass, especially when Justin was wearing those tight fitting shorts of his. Justin laughed as he heard a groan coming from his lover, knowing that any thoughts of getting clean were now thrown out the window. His plan had worked.

Justin had stood there on the deck overlooking the ocean watching a topless Brian run up and down the beach. Watching the sweat pour off of the man, and the way the sun glistened off of the wet, tanned flesh, had sent a signal directly toward Justin’s cock. He’s been hard for an hour now, and he planned on making the most of it.

When the two reached the kitchen, Brian sat down in one of the chairs taking a long drink from his bottle. He spotted a small box sitting in the middle of the table, and turned toward Justin who was busy getting the food out of the oven. “What’s this?” Brian asked with a raised eyebrow.

Justin glanced up from the oven, and realized that he had forgotten about the box. Quickly making his way toward the table, Justin picked up the box and placed it in his pocket. “Nothing. Hungry?”

“Justin.” Brian warned.

Justin let out a breath and turned to his lover. “Fine… this is for you.”

Brian shook his head as the box was placed back on the table in front of him. “Justin.” Brian began. “You’ve done enough. You don’t have to get me anything. Just being here with you is enough. Haven’t I already explained that? I don’t want anything else.”

Justin kneeled in front of Brian and grabbed a hold of his hands. “Brian, please. It makes me happy to see you happy. I want to give you things. I want to share things with you.”

“I am happy.” Brian tried to tell the blond. “I don’t need anything.”

“But I want to give it to you.” Deciding that an argument was not what he wanted at that moment, Justin decided to try another tactic that he had learned always worked with Brian. “It makes me happy to give you things. It will make me happy if you just accepted it. Please.”

Brian looked into his lover’s eyes, and realized that he had lost this round. He couldn’t deny Justin this. Justin wanted Brian to have whatever was in that box, and he knew enough that if he didn’t take it, it would cause Justin pain. That was something that Brian wanted to avoid at all costs. ‘He knows how to play me so well.’ Brian realized. The scary thought was, Brian didn’t really care. He was glad that Justin knew him, that Justin could make him do things that he normally wouldn’t do. Of course there was a limit, but Brian knew that he would do anything for the man kneeling before him. “Okay,” he said picking the box up, and unwrapping it.

Justin leaned in and kissed Brian lightly on the lips. “Thank-you.” He whispered. Justin wanted Brian to have everything, he only had to get past Brian’s walls to get the man to accept it. Justin knew he couldn’t make up for Brian’s past - a past that all he knew about wasn’t fun – but he wanted to make the future for Brian one to come home to every night. He watched as Brian placed the wrapping on the table and slowly open the box. He saw the confusion written all over his lover’s face, and the sudden crushed look in his eyes.

Suddenly it hit Justin what was worrying his lover, so he reached out and pulled the bracelet identical to his own out of the box. He let Brian get a clear view of the one on his own wrist. “Forever my Avalon.” Justin stated as he placed the thick chain on Brian’s wrist. “Forever.” He whispered against Brian’s wrist as he locked it tightly.

Brian reached over, placed his hand under Justin’s chin pulling it up and looked into Justin’s eyes. Seeing the love shining through the blue orbs, Brian pulled Justin’s face closer. “Forever,” he answered as he kissed Justin with all the love he had in him.

~~~***~~~***~
Part 2 ended

Chapter 3 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Three

Present time – 2016

“Justin, Justin.” Daphne knelt beside her friend. She’d managed to break into his house with only minor damage.

He looked at her not comprehending that she was there. Finally he held out the book in his hand wordlessly showing her. She tried to take it from him but he held fast. “No” he whispered “no, no, no, no, no, GOD” the word were torn from his throat but he remained dry eyed.

Daphne began to cry, Justin’s pain was her pain and it was never-ending and almost too much to bear.

Justin opened the book in his hand and turned to the last entry that was written. The one that would still have the touch of Brian’s fingers imprinted on the page for him to feel. He closed his eyes when he saw the writing; the pain of it almost more than he could stand. With his eyes shut he could picture the man he loved sitting somewhere far away and writing these last words to him. He began to read.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
May 21, 2016

Dear Justin,

What can I say to you right now? What can I say that will explain what I’m feeling at this moment?

I have a bad feeling about this mission, I don’t know why, but something is screaming inside of me to find a way to put an end to it. How, I wouldn’t have a clue, but I wish that there was something.

I can’t tell you how hard it is for me right now to put the bracelet in my box, and I can’t even begin to describe the pain I’m feeling at trying to take off the ring. I’ve tried 8 times so far and I can’t do it. It won’t come off. That’s a good damn clue to me that it’s not meant to come off this time. But I have to. I have to take it off and put it with the rest of the things.

My only hope is that this mission will not be my last, that I will be able to reclaim these items and place them right back where they belong. I hope that you won’t have to see the tears I’ve cried, the same tears that have discolored this book. I don’t know if I could survive this mission or any other knowing that if I don’t make it, that you would have to suffer like Christine did when Matt died. I don’t even want to think about you having to suffer through it alone.

I guess that has to be my motivation. I have to come back. That’s my promise to you, Justin. I will come back from this mission, no matter the cost to me or to others outside of the unit. I will come back no matter what. This sick feeling I have be dammed. I will come home to you. I have to, cause the alternative is unthinkable.

“Never leave anyone behind.” Is the motto, remember? So I will be back to claim these. They will be back where they belong.

Of course if you’re reading this, then most likely I didn’t make it back. I hope to God I’m not dead, only missing. Cause death is something I don’t want to think about. Being without you would kill me, and I don’t want you to go through that pain alone.

But anyway, if you are reading this I do wonder if you found the others yet. It’s hard to believe how much one person can write. One for each year I’ve known you. Locked safely away. They are yours to do with what you will. Burn them, read them, toss them away.

I think that these entries are for me as much as they are for you. This is my way of being able to share all of this with you, to share a part of my life that I’ve had to keep hidden. I never wanted to keep secrets from you, but it’s my job, and it’s what I have to do.

Know that no matter where I am, I love you with every fiber of my being. I love you until this damn universe ends. Know that I am thinking about you every second of every day.

The ring is off now, but I can still feel you near. Having you here with me keeps me sane, and will bring me home. Don’t forget that. Don’t give up on me. I will come back to you.

Forever, remember. Forever my Avalon.
Love you always,
Brian.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

The words blurred before his eyes. Justin traced the last ones with his finger. It was then he realized the gift Brian had given him. All these years when Brian kept himself locked up tight inside – being the dutiful soldier – he was opening his heart on the pages of books like this one for Justin to have someday.

Justin turned to the last page and tucked into the binding of the book was a safety deposit key. The number 4451 written on the inside cover of the book. It was a safety deposit box key. It had to be for their bank in Baja. The place they returned to time and time again. The place where they could be themselves and love one another without the prying eyes of Uncle Sam and his minions watching them.





~~~***~~~***~~~***

January 2011 –

“Well look what the cat dragged in.” Rod the photographer was standing by the water cooler when Justin stepped off of the elevator.

“Fuck off Rod.”

“Such a bitchy mood. Is my little sweetums unhappy that he has to leave his little Navy Boy and join the real world again.”

Justin glared at him. Rod had hit the nail on the head. Brian had left for the base last night and Justin didn’t expect to see him for at least a week. It was going to be one long damn week.

“Ooooh, what have we here? Show Uncle Roddy” Rod grabbed Justin’s arm and looked at the bracelet. “Yummy, a Navy boy who not only tastes good, but has good taste as well. You are a lucky gay boi.”

Justin had to laugh at his friend’s antics. “Do you like my tan?” he twirled around. And while he was hardly tanned, he was a lovely shade of golden brown which was much better than his usual ivory white.

“So Christmas vacation wasn’t spent only in bed. There was some time for sunshine on the beach. Come and tell Uncle Roddy just everything and don’t leave out any of the juicy details.”

“Damn Rod, you’re worse than Daphne. She’s been on the phone twice since I got back. Don’t you guys have lives of your own?”

“Moi? A life? You jest fair Justin.” Rod sat on the edge of Justin’s desk. He was prepared to wait until Justin spilled all.

~~~***~~~***~~~***






Brian headed up the stairs toward his room, trying to wipe the smile off of his face. He couldn’t help it, he was happy. For the first time in his life he was truly and totally happy. Hearing voices from farther down the hall, Brian paused in his step and cleared his mind of any thoughts of Justin and his time away. He couldn’t let these jackasses think they had one on him. “Hey Kinney, have a nice break?”

“The usual,” Brian stated as he tried to push past the wall of Cadets in front of him. Chris and his usual band of merry closet-cases were standing there trying to start something. Brian was sick and tired of having to deal with these guys, and it was only getting worse as time went on.

He knew that these past couple of months he had been acting ‘out of character’ for him, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t there to impress any of the other Cadets, only to get his education and move on with his life. Of course now he had someone who would be willing to share it with him. Was that so wrong of him? Couldn’t he have what the straight guys had? Shaking his head, he once again tried to maneuver past the group. “Get the fuck out of my way, before I throw you down these steps.”

“What’s with the tan, Kinney? I didn’t think they had tanning booths in the rat hole hotel.” Another cadet stated, looking Brian up and down. “And why have you been disappearing after class every day? Found some nice piece of ass? Fucked a couple of queers?”

Brian rolled his neck around, trying to get the kinks out of it, wanting to have the tension and anger lessen. The last thing he needed now was to get kicked out of school. For the past 4 years he had never caused a ruckus, had never let these guys bug him or get in his way. Now when he was just months from getting out of here, his life within these walls had become a daily trial. He had to keep himself from lashing out at anyone here. He had to try and keep his cool. ‘You’re almost out of here, don’t fuck it up now.’ He told himself. “Maybe I have. It’s sure as fuck more than what you get in your life.” Brian said with a smirk, realizing that all of his talk about not fighting back went to the wayside.

“Fuck you, Kinney.” The cadet stated as he pushed Brian slightly.

Brian caught himself before he went tumbling down the steps. Thankfully he had good enough balance to keep from falling, but it had been enough to send his blood boiling. “What I do on my down time, is none of your fucking business. As long as I don’t have my dick up your ass, I’m not bothering you. So for the last time, Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Way.” Brian calmly told the men as he finally pushed past them. He had to get to his room before he really did deck one of them and send them down the steps.

“What’s this?” Chris asked as he reached out for Brian’s arm, stopping Brian from making it any further. “Got some rich fuck to buy you presents? Where did you go? Did your sugar daddy take you on a trip?” Chris mocked in a child-like voice. “Kinney’s got a sugar daddy.”

“Ahhh. Do you let him fuck you?”

“Figures, I knew he was out for money.”

“Probably the Admiral.”

"Fuck off.” Brian yelled as he turned around, pulling his arm free of Chris’ grasp. Brian took a step toward the other man, and got right in his face. “Jealous? I bet you are, aren’t you?” Seeing the sudden fear that flashed in Chris’ eyes, brought an evil grin to Brian’s face. “Who and what I do, is none of yours, or anyone’s business. If you get in my face again… if you lay a fucking hand on me again, I will make you regret it. It may not be today, it may not even be while we are cadets, but I promise you I will make you pay. What’s yours will be mine, I will destroy you, and you won’t even see it coming.”

“Is that a threat? I could have you kicked out of school for that.” Chris stated with a slight tremble of fear in his voice.

“I don’t make threats, I make promises. Remember, I know the size of your dick, and I wasn’t impressed.” Brian said as he leaned in to whisper in Chris’ ear. “Remember, I heard you scream harder, faster, oh fuck yeah. I made you cum so hard you couldn’t sit down for a week. Fuck with me, or have your buddies fuck with me… I will tell them just how much of a nelly bottom you really are.” Pulling back, Brian looked at Chris with an evil look in his eye. He knew he had Chris right where he wanted him. Chris was so afraid of being discovered that he would do almost anything to keep Brian from talking, from telling people about their night together. “Remember that. Remember and make sure it happens. Cause as long as we’re ‘cool’,” Brian laughed. “As long as you leave what I do on my down time alone, and keep your mouth shut… mine will too.”

With his promise delivered, Brian walked the final feet to his room. Once it was open, he threw his suitcase down on the floor, and fell on top of the bed. Already he missed Justin.

Brian glanced down at the bracelet on his wrist and smiled. He could still feel the warmth of the sand beneath their bodies as they made love on the beach. He could still feel Justin surrounding him. But most of all he could look at the proof of Justin’s love for him all times of the day and know that someone out there gave a damn about him.

The next day as Brian made his way to class, he had heard the comments about how dark he was, and the questions about where he had gone for break. Ignoring them, he would just move through the day and count the hours until he was back with Justin. Lucky for Chris, his little band left him alone. Brian was grateful that his jacket and shirt covered up the bracelet. There were just some things he wanted to keep private, and no one in that school needed to know anything about his special gift. No one needed to know about the special blond about 30 minutes away.

'Only four more months... a little over four months then I'm out of here. What they don't know won't hurt them? It's no ones' business but Justin's and mine.' He told himself. The only one he knew he would even consider telling was Lindsay and when she returned from Europe in April, he knew he would have a LOT of explaining to do. But for now, Brian was happy to keep his little blond away from the prying eyes and gossip of the Naval Academy.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
January 6, 2011

Justin,

I know I told you this already, but I just have to say it here as well… You have made me the happiest man alive these past couple of weeks. You gave me my childhood, made it special for me again.

I had never had a Christmas like that; well not as long as I can remember. I only wish I could repay you for half of the things you had given me. I want to be the man you deserve. Do you think I could? Do you think we could last? I hope so, I really do.

I think for the first time in my life, I can look toward the future and not see sadness. You have brightened my life in a way I can never describe. I think when I told you I love you, it was the first time I had ever said those words to anyone. I hope you know what you mean to me. I hope I was able to tell you.

I’m trying, Justin. I’m trying to be the man you deserve, the man who is worthy of the love you so willingly give. I will not be another Ethan for you. I want you to have the world.

I still can’t believe I stood on the beach and yelled that! You bring out the child in me. See… you’re good for me. I hope that we can last a lifetime…no, a thousand lifetimes.

Ah hell, and eternity. Who knows, maybe. Even if we don’t last, I know deep within my soul that you made me a better person. I have never felt this free, been this open before. I like it. I like the new me.

I wonder what the guys here will think when I’m not around? Time will tell. But let me tell you this… I wouldn’t change a moment of it. I would cross the ocean to be with you.

Love always,
Brian.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Valentine’s - Week – 2011

Brian shuffled nervously as he rifled through the cards at the Hallmark Store. None of them were right. None of them said what he wanted them to say. His bracelet caught the light and he smiled. It always made him smile. Sometimes standing at attention the weight of the bracelet would remind him of Justin and he would have to bite the inside of his cheek to remain stoically impassive in the proper manner while being reviewed. He smiled looking through the cards and then made himself stop in case the sales person thought he was some kind of an idiot. But fuck, Justin brought it out in him. There were times when he couldn’t imagine any life before he’d met the blond. And he knew he’d have no life if ever something should happen to him.

Looking at the cards in defeat, Brian left the store. He wandered down the street aimlessly until in a small antique shop, something caught his attention. It was a music box, a tiny but perfectly rendered painting on the lid of what Brian had always perceived as Avalon. Unable to resist, he went inside.

“Can I look at the music box in the window?” he asked the woman behind the counter.

“Ahh, the Avalon one, it’s always been my favorite.” She replied.

“The Avalon one?”

“Yes, the painting is titled Avalon” she pointed out the tiny script. “I always thought it was a perfect rendition. Do you know the story of Avalon?”

“Yes, I know it.” Brian held the small box in his hand enthralled with the perfection of it. It carefully opened it up and the tinkling notes of “Fair Thee Well My Own True Love” began to play.

“It’s an old fashioned song,” the woman said. “But somehow suited to the box. It’s really only the chorus. It goes like this and she began to sing along with the small box.”

Oh the sun is on the harbor, love
And I wish I could remain
For I know it will be a long, long time
Till I see you again

“There are more words than that of course. But these are the ones that go with the tune.”

“Is the box very expensive?” Brian asked. He knew he had to have it for Justin. For while the words weren’t appropriate now, they would be soon when he left for SEAL training. Justin wouldn’t know the words, but he would.

“Is it for your true love?” she asked.

Brian hesitated, then looked her in her eye. “Yes, for Valentines Day.”

“Why then I’m sure we’ll be able to find a price that suits us both.” She laughed with a laugh that said she once knew a love like his.
Justin was also searching for something to give to Brian for Valentines Day. They had come a long way since that October day when they had met. He wasn’t sure what to give a man who by necessity needed to travel light. But surfing through the internet he had an idea. He only hoped he had enough time to get it done before the big day.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian was leaving the dorm with his books in a backpack. He’d hidden Justin’s present in the trunk of his car the day he’d bought it. He knew better than to bring it into the snake pit where he lived.

“Kinney, going to see your Valentine?” Brian turned at the sound of the voice, but there were a gang of six guys standing at the end of the hallway and he didn’t know for sure which one it was. They were relentless and he didn’t know if it was jealousy because he had someone or if they were just assholes in general. He was inclined to go with the latter. He glared at them all and turned around to head to his car.

Continuing down the hall, he opened the heavy glass doors, he could see the reflection of the guys. Chris was winding up to throw something at him. Brian also could see that Chief Petty Officer Wardell was approaching. Smiling to himself he timed it perfectly, he stepped through the door just as the CPO stepped inside, only to have a bag of shit hit him in the face. Brian controlled his urge to laugh as he all but ran to the parking lot. Brian knew he’d pay for this later, but it was worth it now. Chris and his little band of merry men would be in deep shit, pun intended.

Even though his car could barely keep up with traffic, Brian made it to Justin’s in good time. He was excited and nervous at the same time about his gift.

“Hey Navy Boy, are you here to see me?” Justin shouted from the door of his home.”

“Nope, any pretty boy blond will do.” Brian said with a grin.

“Good, ‘cause I’m waiting for a hot Navy Boy who is my very bestest friend and only plays with me.”

Brian feigned looking around. “I guess that would be me.” He said and pulled Justin off of his feet and twirled him around. “Happy Valentines Day pretty boy.” He whispered before kissing Justin soundly.

“Do you have lots of studying to do tonight?” Justin asked. Their arms were around each other’s waists as they walked inside. “I made you your favorite Irish Stew for dinner.” He looked at Brian seductively “with biscuits”.

“I was thinking more along the lines of some pretty blond boy ass.” Brian swatted Justin’s behind.

“That’s dessert.” Justin smirked.

“In that case, let’s eat.” The two of them continued their banter through dinner. When the plates were cleared away, Brian reached for his knapsack and pulled out Justin’s gift. “Happy Valentines Day Justin” he said nervously.

Justin beamed at him. “I want to unwrap it in your study.” He grabbed Brian’s hand and led the way. Brian noticed the painting right away. “It’s a painting of Avalon and there we are.” Justin pointed to two figures holding hands. His voice got husky “And this is for you. I know that I won’t always be with you, your job will see to that. But when I’m away from you I’ll always paint this message to you in anything I do.” He pointed to the words that until that moment Brian thought were part of the painting, so intricately hidden were they in the foliage of the trees.

Go deo mo tearmann

“”It’s Gaelic for Forever My Avalon” Justin said. “Because you are and I want you to know that.”

Brain felt a surge of emotions run through him as he stepped closer to the painting. He could see clearly the words speaking to him, letting him know that someone was there for him – loving him. His eyes took in the rest of the picture – slightly similar to the one on the music box, Brian knew which one was his favorite. “It’s beautiful.” He whispered, his voice catching in his throat. He looked closer at the two figures standing together in Avalon, and he knew that that was how he saw them. Together for all eternity.

Thankfully, Justin saw them the same way.

Turning around he wrapped Justin in his arms, and tenderly brushed his lips against his lover’s. He felt like he was home, where he belonged. “I love you, Justin Taylor.”

Justin reached up with his empty hand and touched Brian’s cheek. “I love you, Brian Kinney.” Placing another kiss on Brian’s lips, Justin pulled back slightly and smiled up at his lover. “My turn.” He said with a smile.

“I see how you are. Get a gift nearby and you forget everything else. I didn’t think that I could ever be turned down because of a gift.” Brian pouted.

Justin laughed as he sat down in the chair and pulled on Brian’s hand to bring the other man’s lips once again to his own. “That’s for dessert, remember?”

“Who needs the main course?” Brian breathed against Justin’s lips, trying to bring the blond’s attention to where he wanted it.

“Later,” Justin replied pulling away and immediately ripping into his gift. Once the paper was set aside, he caught sight of one of the most beautiful music boxes he had ever seen. He knew that it was an antique; just by the way the box was made. Seeing another rendition of Avalon, Justin tried to keep the tears from falling. He was thrilled that they could share something like that, share a place – even imaginary – together. He knew he would need it in the coming years with Brian. And there would be years with Brian, if he had anything to say about it. To hell with anyone telling him any different.

Carefully, he lifted the lid and the gentle song began to fill the room. “It’s beautiful. What is it?” he asked his lover. He knew he had never heard anything like this song before. It felt like it was reaching into his heart and entwining his soul with Brian’s.

“It’s called 'Fair Thee Well My Own True Love’. I don’t know, it just seemed to fit.” Brian informed his lover. Brian felt Justin pull him down to him again, bringing their lips together in a passion filled kiss. Both knew that everything else would have to wait, it was time for dessert.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

2011

Brian was heading down to Justin’s, thankful that the weekend had finally arrived. For some reason the heads of the school had determined that no one was to leave the school during the week, since three of the plebes were caught out after lights out, drunk off their asses. When the upper classmen complained, it was explained to them that they had to set an ‘example’ for the younger midshipmen, and that they were a team. When one screwed up they all did. So now for two weeks he had not been able to leave that hell except on weekends.

Brian was grateful that it was coming up on the spring break period so he could actually spend some time with Justin. He had missed his lover over the past couple of weeks, having gotten used to their nightly meetings, and quiet dinners.

About halfway to the house, Brian began to feel his car start to slow. “Ah come on… don’t fucking do this to me now.” He cursed as all power in the car shut down, and Brian had to try to pull the car off to the side of the road. “Piece of shit.” He tried to start the engine again, but nothing came… not even the sound of the starter trying to kick in. “Fuck!”

Getting out of his car, Brian popped the hood and looked at the engine for any sign of trouble. After testing the tightness of some of the wires, and checking the fluids, Brian determined that it would take more than his knowledge to try and find out what was wrong. He hoped that it wasn’t too bad, since he knew he didn’t have a lot to spend on fixing the piece of crap. It only had to last two more months!

Brian went around to the trunk and pulled out his overnight bag. He had to find a phone and call a wrecker. Then he would have to try and explain to Justin that their weekend might not even happen. “Fuck!” He cursed again, kicking the offensive bucket of bolts. “Just two more months!”

Taking a deep breath, Brian started down the side of the road toward the closest exit. The next chance he got he would definitely have to look into a cheap cell phone. It wasn’t an expense he could really justify, but it had to be better than walking toward the closest gas station. Twenty minutes later, hot and even more pissed, Brian stepped up to the counter of the gas tenant. “Where’s your phones?” He asked, praying that it was inside out of the chilly air. The tenant pointed to the far corner of the shop, and Brian thanked her.

Picking up the phone Brian dialed Justin’s home number knowing that the man was there since he had talked to him only an hour before. “Hello?” Justin answered, question evident in his voice.

“Hey, it’s just me. I’m going to be a little late. Damn piece of shit car broke down and I have to try and get a wrecker out here to get it. I might not even make it tonight. I don’t know yet.” Brian explained hating every word that was uttered out of his mouth.

“What? Where are you at?” Worry and fear apparent in Justin’s questions.

Brian let out the angry breath, calming himself. The last thing he wanted was to get angry at Justin. It wasn’t Justin’s fault that his car broke down. “I’m at some damn gas station, half way between the Academy and your place. Look can you look up the number of a wrecker for me. These damn phones don’t come with a phone book.”

Justin quickly moved about the house, trying to find his keys and wallet. “I’m on my way. We’ll call one when I get there.”

“Justin…” Brian began, then realizing that it was worthless trying to argue with his lover. When Justin put his mind to something, you had better watch out. The man would latch on and never let go. “Fine. There’s a damn Waffle House next door to the station. I’ll be in there.” Brian told Justin which exit he was at, then hung up. Picking up his bag he walked across the parking lot and into the small restaurant. He really hated these places. The only thing this place was good for was when you were drunk out of your mind and needed a cup of coffee at four in the morning. At least that’s the way Brian felt. The food in there was full of grease and grime… no one could possibly survive if they ate there.

Twenty minutes later, Brian spotted Justin walking into the building. Not waiting for the man to come in fully, Brian grabbed his bag, threw down a ten to cover the coffee and a generous tip, and headed in the direction of his lover. “It’s between this exit and the one north of here.” Brian told him, giving the man a smile as greeting.

“Well let’s go, Navy boy.” Justin opened the door letting Brian walk out first. After throwing the bag into the trunk, Justin climbed into the driver’s seat of the Stingray, and stole a quick glance at Brian.

Brian meanwhile, sat in the passenger seat with his head pressed against the window. He felt Justin’s hand push some stray hair off his forehead, silently asking him if he was okay. “I’m fine. It’s just a damn long walk in this weather. Plus I just put in $800.00 on that damn piece of shit.” Brian informed Justin feeling slightly pissed at himself for sounding like a cheapskate. He wished that he didn’t have to worry about money so much, that it didn’t matter to him, but he didn’t know what he could do to change it. At least not now. He knew that Justin didn’t care that he didn’t have money, but it still was upsetting.

“Well who knows, it could be nothing. I mean, it only has to last what… two more months I think you said.” Justin said with a smile as he pulled his car out of the parking lot and headed north. “Besides walking is good for your health. Much better than running.”

“Oh, is that why you won’t go running with me in the morning?” Brian laughed.

Justin shrugged and shook his head. “No, I don’t run with you cause it’s too damn early in the morning to even consider being awake. You have to be a little crazy to do that every day.”

Brian set his hand on top of Justin’s on the stick-shift. “Then I guess I’m a little crazy. I’m with you aren’t I? I think that constitutes as being certifiable.” Brian joked.

Justin turned to look at Brian and tried to appear upset. Giving up he laughed at his lover. “Actually, brat, I think it’s the other way around. I’m the one who should be locked up.”

“Time will tell, I’m sure. Maybe we both need to be locked up… hey, I know. They could lock us in the same cell, saves on space.” Brian replied raising his eyebrow in an obvious challenge. “Tight quarters, padded walls. Yeah, I can see the draw to that.”

“You’re crazy.” Justin laughed, picturing the place. Brian was right… it did have its advantages.

“I thought that’s what I just said.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Mr. Kinney.” Came the call from the counter at the repair shop. Brian stood and walked up to the man and waited for the news about his car. When Justin had pulled up to the car on the side of the road, Brian had silently prayed that the car just might have been overheated and would start again. He knew it wouldn’t but he had hoped anyway. While he was looking the car over again, trying to see if he missed anything, Justin stood beside him waiting for the tow-truck.

When the truck finally arrived not long after, the two men followed it to a small shop near Justin’s place. Brian had tried to talk to his lover about how crazy it was to have it towed all the way down there, but Justin reasoned that it was easier. His argument was that this way they didn’t have to come all the way back up during their weekend together, and all Brian had to do was pick up the car and be done with it.

That’s where they found themselves the next morning – sitting in the repair shop waiting for some news on Brian’s car. “How bad?” Brian asked as he began to pull out his wallet, and trying to figure out his expenses for the next couple of months. He knew what he could live without, but he knew that his trips down here was something that he could not justify eliminating. To hell with the price of gas, he would pay whatever it took to make this trip.

“Well, basically you need a whole new engine.” The man began and Brian cursed silently. He knew how much a new engine cost and thought he might be able to pull that off. The man went on to explain the other problems to the car, with it totally around a couple of grand. Brian knew there would be no way he could pay for that, not on the little pay he did get now. He would be paying on the car for five months at least! “Honestly, it’d be cheaper to just put that money toward another used car.” The man informed Brian.

Brian ran his hand through his hair, wondering now how much another car would cost. “Fuck,” he cursed.

“Thanks, Jim.” Justin smiled at the mechanic. “But I don’t think getting it fixed would be a good idea.”

Brian only nodded. He gave the guy information on how to dispose of the car, and told him he would be back with the title. Shaking his head, Brian headed out toward Justin’s car. “I don’t need this shit now.” He said as he put his head down on the roof of the car.

Justin walked up behind Brian and ran his hand across Brian’s back. “Why don’t you just take this car?” Justin proposed.

“I’m not taking your car, Justin. I’ll try and go out this week and get another car.” Brian tried to explain to him. “Besides, you will need it to get around.”

Justin shook his head. “Actually, I have other ways of getting around. I don’t live far from work, and everything is close by. You need a car, so take it. I insist.”

Brian turned and looked at Justin, amazed at the trust that Justin was displaying. Brian wasn’t sure if he would be as willing to hand over his car in the same circumstances. However, looking into Justin’s eyes, Brian knew he would in a heartbeat. It still didn’t make his taking Justin’s car right. “No.”

Justin handed Brian the keys, and climbed into the passenger seat. Once Brian moved around to the other side of the car and climbed in himself, Justin looked at his lover with a smile on his face. “I don’t know why you’re complaining. You know that this is an argument that I will win. So make it easier on yourself now and just say yes.”

Brian turned in his seat and shook his head. Justin was brave, and never one who was afraid to say what was on his mind. Of course the blond was right. This was an argument that Brian knew he wouldn’t win. “We’ll talk about it.”

“Just make sure you use premium gas in it.” Justin smirked as he looked out the window. He loved fighting with Brian, neither one was a loser in the end. They definitely kept each other in their toes, and their minds sharp.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian had been trying to avoid everyone there at the academy for the past week. He knew that by now everyone knew about his ‘new car’, he just didn’t want to hear all the snide comments about him having a ‘sugar daddy’ and whatnot. He didn’t want to explain himself, not that he would. But the comments would be non-stop. “Hey Kinney,” One of the female cadets stated as she sat down next to him at mess. Jacobs was a young military brat, but Brian could actually get along with her. The two were constantly battling for the top position in their class.

Luckily it was a friendly competition, unlike many of the others there. “Jacobs. How did you do on the Engineering test?” Brian asked as he glanced down at his plate. He hated eating the crap they served in the galley, only wanting the home-cooked meals that Justin provided him every night. Eating the Navy food only made him miss his lover even more.

“I’m not sure. Michaels is a pain in the ass instructor. He’d fail us just in spite.” She answered as she dug into her food. She was another one who had to scrape by to survive. Her father had left her mother, and it wasn’t easy being a lonely enlisted personnel and caring for a small child on your own. Jacob, luckily, battled out of it, and worked hard to get into the Academy. Her views were similar to Brian’s in almost all subjects.

Brian thought back to the test and the class which hopefully he didn’t have to retake. She was right about Michaels, the man would work hard to make everyone fail. Brian could, however, see where the man was coming from. He was trying to make his student the best around. “Kinney, where’d you get the car? Did your ‘daddy’ get it for you?” came a voice from the next table.

“Assholes,” Jacob whispered, then turned in her chair to stare at the men at the next table. “Don’t you guys have anything better to do than try and get into a fight? For one, you should be working on trying not to fail out of school. We all know that you’re as dumb as a rock, and you’ll be lucky if they send you to Antarctica or Iceland for your duty station. Pushing paper, and going no where.” Brian hid his smirk behind his hand as he listened to this fiery red head lash out at the class bullies. “Secondly, we all know that Brian could kick your ass without even breaking a sweat. He’s more athletic, stronger, and definitely smarter than all of you combined. So you should be counting your blessings that he hasn’t wiped the floor with you.”

“Jacob.” Brian said as he laid a hand on her arm. The last thing he wanted at that moment was to get into a fight there in the galley. If Jacob kept it up, he wouldn’t have any choice.

“And lastly,” she continued without even acknowledging Brian’s warning look. “I don’t doubt that whoever his lover is… if he has one, would give him a car. Cause I can tell you boys, Brian has a better body, and I’m sure is a million times better in bed that I KNOW you boys are.”

The other cadets at the surrounding tables began to laugh at Chris and his friends’ plight. “Besides, anyone … even my 3 year old nephew has a bigger dick than you.”

“I’ll make you pay for that, Jacob. You too, Kinney.” Chris and his buddies left the galley surrounded by the laughter of everyone within.

“You really shouldn’t have done that.” Brian told her as she turned her attention back to her meal. “I don’t need you trying to defend me. I can take care of myself. All you’re doing is causing problems for yourself. I just ignore them… you should to.”

Jacob smiled, pleased with herself. “Please, I didn’t do that for you… okay not completely.” When she caught sight of Brian’s disbelieving looks she shrugged. “What, you think you’re the only one they bug? Not likely. They haven’t left me alone since the moment I stepped through those doors. That was for the past four years of hell they have been giving me. And everyone else here. It’s time to fight back.” She said with a smile.

Brian only shook his head as he turned back to his own food. Luckily he had her on his side. He wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of one of her fits.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
Easter 2011

It was Easter Sunday and the two of them had been up until all hours enjoying the spring weather outside on Justin’s patio in the hammock built for two that Justin had placed there. Brian could still remember Justin’s laughter as he tried to instruct the blond on the correct way of getting in and out of the thing. Insisting that as a Navy man he knew everything about hammocks and Justin equally insisting he was a Navy Boy and knew nothing.

He had discovered making love in a double hammock was wonderful. Another first in the Kinney/Taylor list of firsts. Taking care not to wake Justin up he carefully rolled out of bed to get ready for his run and stepped on the edge of a hard basket. He peered down in the shadowed gloom of the early dawn and saw a small but gaily wrapped Easter basket.

The card attached was hand made.

This Easter Basket is for a very special Navy Boy
Some Bunny Loves him very much.

Brian sank to the floor by the bed, all thoughts of his run gone. He wiped his eyes. He had an Easter Basket. His whole childhood he’d wanted an Easter basket. It was a stupid thing to want and ridiculous in the Kinney household to even consider, but he’d wanted one. Only once had he asked and instead of a basket he’d gotten a black eye.

Carefully he unwrapped the cellophane trying not to make too much noise. His tears were coming faster and faster as he exposed the dark chocolate rabbit and the decorated chocolate eggs with his name written on them in white icing along with hearts; some with JT heart BK – there were a few jelly beans and some yellow peeps --- and at the very bottom was a disc of chocolate with the words ‘made with love by JT bunny for his very own Navy Boy.’

The disc of chocolate did it. Brian began to sob, doing his best to make no noise, but soon loving arms wrapped around him and held him close while he cried away his childhood Easter memories and replaced them forever with his first Easter with Justin.

Afterward, when the tears had disappeared and they had made gentle love on the king size bed. Justin snuggled in close to Brian. “Are you still mad at me because I bought another car?” he asked.

“No, I wasn’t mad at you.”

“You sure fake it good.”

“I …. I don’t know how to explain it; I mean you gave me the Stingray for gawd sake. Gave it to me. That’s bordering on being my sugar daddy and trust me, I hear all about ‘my sugar daddy’ at the base." He remembered how Justin’s fingers had traced the base parking sticker on the window and how he’d smiled looking at it as if it was some kind of award. “You gave me your car and then went out and bought another one.”

“Well, you would never have let me buy you one.” Justin reasoned. “And this one is better for me anyway, I can carry my paintings around in it easier.” He sat up on one elbow and grinned at Brian. "And you have to admit that you look amazingly hot driving the Stingray”

“That’s true.” Brian admitted. “But don’t buy me stuff. You know how it makes me feel.”

“Does it make you feel special? Does it make you feel loved? Does it make you feel like you have the best boyfriend in the whole wide world?”

“I don’t need you to buy me things to feel like that. I just have to look at my bracelet or my ring or into my heart and I know that I have the best boyfriend in the whole wide world.”

“I like to buy you things.” Justin kissed the end of Brian’s nose. “I have the money honey and I like to spend it on the man I love.”

“Did I ever tell you how much of a brat you were pretty boy?”

“Frequently” Justin kissed him again. “Now about your graduation, I’d like to have a few friends over for a small celebration. Daphne has been bugging me and so has Lindsay. Do you want to ask some of the guys at the base?”

“What part of no party didn’t you grasp?”

“I don’t understand the word no, now who should I ask from the base?”

“I suppose if I don’t give in you’ll have all the bastards here.” He looked at Justin. “I really only have two people there I’d even consider associating with after hours. Not that I ever have, but that would be Jacobs and Bartlett.”

“Do they have first names?”

“Yeah, Cadet Jacobs and Cadet Bartlett.”

“An amazing coincidence are they related?” Justin laughed.

“Considering that Bartlett is black and Jacobs isn’t, I doubt they are related by blood.”

“Why don’t you ask them? It’ll just be the girls and I and your two friends. Something small and intimate; think of it as practice for when you are an Admiral and need to entertain."

~~~***~~~***~~~***

03 May 2011


Graduation if finally coming. Thank fucking God. I have just about had it with all the BS that goes on here. I’m sick and tired of having to deal with Chris and his little minions. I can’t wait to be done so that I can go on with my life.

My life with you.

Christ, who would have ever thought that I would be in this position? I sure as hell didn’t. I never thought I would be waiting to get out and have my two weeks before I have to report. I never thought that I would have anyone to share that time with. Maybe we can go away for the two weeks… who knows.

You have been bugging me and nagging me, wanting to come to the graduation. You want to see me get my award, and see the pass-in-review. No matter how many times I try to explain to you that you can’t take a week off of work, that you don’t have to be there, you just dig your heals in and tell me you’ll be there.

Truth be told, I’m not really upset either. I may pretend to be upset with you over this, but in reality I’m thrilled. I know, at least I sure as hell hope that my folks don’t show. I about had a heart attack when one of my instructors told me they were sending out the invitations to my family and friends back in Pittsburgh. I don’t want them there, but I know I don’t really have a choice. If they show, I guess I will just have to deal.

The only thing that is going to make the whole graduation worth something is you being there. That is the only thing that I’m looking forward to. Yeah, I don’t want to have to share you with the rest of the class, I know Jacob wants to get her hands on you, but I think I can suffer through it. I know whose bed you’ll be in at night.

Do you see what you have done to me? I don’t think I have ever had these thoughts before. I’m turning all soft and squishy inside. Ahhh. Scary thought.

No, it’s not. I’m happy. Insanely happy. I don’t ever want to be without you. It’s you, Justin, who makes me who I am. You make me feel like I can conquer the world. You make me feel like I can be someone. And I love you for it.

I only hope that I am giving you half as much as you give me.

Anyway, I better start getting into my whites. It’s almost time for the ‘family and friends’ to arrive for the opening ceremony.

I love you, Justin, My Avalon. Until the day I die.

Brian

~~~***~~~***~~~***
Justin took his place in the stands with the rest of the family and friends of the cadets. He had arrived early to get the best seat possible. Justin glowed with pride he was so proud of Brian and all that he’d accomplished. There were moments he thought he burst out grinning and everyone would think he was nuts. Still a smile stayed on his lips as he waited for the man he loved to appear.

Brian stood beside his two friends in formation, waiting for the signal to start the possession. This was it… the time was finally there. They were graduating and getting the hell out of there.

Brian wished he could see if Justin had made it in okay, but knew trying to find one person in the thousands sitting in the stands at least 50 feet from where they would march past would be impossible. The Navy band was playing ‘Stars and Stripes’ while the rifle drill team performed. Brian tried not to move as the future graduates waited. Unlocking his knees slightly he suddenly wanted something to drink. It was an unbelievably warm day for the first part of May, and standing there not allowed to move was killing Brian. Stealing a quick glance over to Jacob and Bartlett, he could see that they were in the same situation as he himself was.

Finally they heard the signal that they had all been waiting for. The announcement of the graduating class of 2011 came over the mic. They began to march, keeping in step by the beating of the drums. Once they were all lined up in rows of six deep in near the back of the field they were called to halt. Now Brian knew that they would have to stand there switching between parade rest and attention for the next hour. He remembered all the times that they had practiced this, and wanted it to be over.

No one was expecting the large cannon at one end of the field firing. It was their salute to the graduates and their wishes for ‘fair seas’. Brian however was trying to calm his racing heart. Coming from behind them, Brian heard the roar of some fighter jets. Yet another salute to the graduates as the U.S. Navy Blue Angels flew over head. Brian tried not to laugh at all of the ‘well wishes’ they were getting. He was beginning to think that it was a serious overkill. Luckily he didn’t have time to worry about it as they were called to attention one last time by they sound of the bugle. It was time. That last couple of minutes before he could rush back into his dorm, change, and look for his lover.

The formation began to move around the field, bringing their swords up in salute as they passed by the review stand. Brian saw the Chief of Naval Operations was in attendance as was the Secretary of the Navy. He hoped that they were perfect. He wanted the CNO and SECNAV to be pleased with this class. He wanted them to be proud of the young officers they were becoming. It meant a lot to Brian to know that their hard work was being recognized. Before they cleared the stage, Brian also caught sight of the Admiral whom he had talked to about joining the SEALs. Brian could make out a small smile on the Admiral face as he gave a salute in return to the young officers.

Pleased that the Admiral was there to see him, Brian knew that this would be one of the best days of his life. Now the only thing that would make it better was seeing his boyfriend and sharing this with him.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin found Brian immediately though he was so far away it was almost impossible to really know it was him. When the cannon sounded and the jets flew overhead and then the cadets marched past, Justin had to force back the tears that threatened to fall. He had never felt so proud of Brian. He saw the small exchange between Brian and the Admiral and he sighed with relief. Brian had someone of rank on his side. It would help him in his career. Justin certainly knew that much about the military. Despite what everyone did to earn their rank, having people in high places didn’t hurt.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian walked out of his dorm and down the steps leading toward the parking lot. He had given Justin the visitor’s pass the night before so he hoped that his boyfriend didn’t have any problems getting in. He still couldn’t believe that Justin had given him the Stingray and bought a new car. The things that man did to him.

Shaking his head he spotted Justin walking his way. With a smile on his face, Brian walked over and gave Justin a quick hug. He wanted to do more, but remembered where he was and what he was supposed to be doing. “You made it.” Brian stated. “Ready for the grand tour.”

“Lead the way, Navy Boy.” Justin stated as he slid his arm into Brian’s. The two walked back toward Brian’s dorm. Justin listened intently as Brian would share little glimpses of his life within these walls. Places he used to hang out, pranks he used to pull. Justin laughed as Brian told him about the time Chris had hit the Master Chief with a bag of shit. “So where’s your room?”

Brian lead Justin up the stairs, unlocking his door, he stepped aside as Justin got his first look at his place. Brian didn’t know why he was suddenly nervous, but he wanted Justin to like it. He watched as Justin made his rounds around the small one-man room, stopping to run his hand across the small models Brian had on his book shelf. “King Arthur?” Justin said with a smile as he glanced at the book titles on the shelf above the small desk. Justin picked up a frame that lay on the corner of Brian’s desk and smiled at his lover. It was a printout of the picture Justin had put on the laptop. The picture of him painting.

“Even if I couldn’t have you here before now, you were.” Brian walked over and wrapped his arms around Justin pulling the other man against his chest. The two just stood there, taking comfort from each other. “So ready to see the rest of this hellhole?”

“I don’t know.” Justin stated, turning around in Brian’s arms. Shaking his head, Justin pulled back trying to shake the sudden pictures of undressing Brian from his whites and having his way with him on the lone bed in the middle of the room. “I think we better go before we don’t ever leave.”

Brian caught the look in Justin’s eyes and leaned down to kiss the full lips of his lover. “I think you’re right.”

Brian led Justin out of the dorms and began to show him the rest of the base. They went into the Exchange, and Justin insisted on buying a ‘My Boyfriend’s in the Navy’ shirt. Brian could only shake his head at his boyfriend’s antics. He had to quickly get Justin out of there before he saw anything else he liked. The last thing he needed was Justin to get thing that he thought Brian would need.

As the two made their way toward the reception hall for the ‘Welcome aboard’ meeting, Brian stopped in his tracks as he spotted someone walking toward them. “Fuck!” He cursed, wanting to flee as far away from there as he could.

“What?” Justin asked suddenly worried about his lover’s change. “Brian?”

Brian felt Justin’s hand on his arm, feeling the calming effect of his lover. Nodding in the direction of the people heading their way, Brian closed his eyes. “My folks.”

Justin immediately turned his head and looked in the direction Brian was looking. “I didn’t think you invited them? How did they get here?”

“One of my instructors thought it might be good to have my parents here. Since I’m the top of the class and everything. He thought that they might want to share this with me.” Brian laughed, the pain he was feeling making it fall short. “I really don’t need this shit. This is supposed to be a fun time. Now… fuck!”

Justin wanted to comfort Brian, wanted to take his lover away before his ‘parents’ arrived. When he saw them in front of Brian he knew he was too late. “Mom, Dad. When did you get in?” Brian asked calmly, trying to keep the anger and disappointment out of his voice.

“Brian. Why didn’t you tell us you were graduating?” The older woman asked her son. When she tried to reach out to hug Brian, the man stepped away from her so that her touch never reached him.

“So Sonny Boy’s a Naval Officer.” Jack Kinney stated. Justin could tell that the other man’s voice was already slightly slurred. The man must have found the cocktail bar already. “Still don’t know why you would want to do something stupid like this. You should have stayed home and worked in the plant with me. It would be a hell of a lot better than having to wear something stupid like that.”

Justin tried to step forward and say something, but Brian put his hand out to stop the blond. “Joan and Jack Kinney. I would like you to meet Justin Taylor. Justin these are my parents.”

Justin only looked at the two, not sure what to say. He had an idea of what they had put their son through while he was growing up, and now they were trying to ruin this time for Brian. Justin knew that he wouldn’t let these two embarrass his lover, nor give this day any bad memories. He wanted Brian to look upon this day with happiness, not with the obvious pain that his parents would inevitably cause. “It’s a pleasure.” Justin stated resorting to his old ‘country club’ manners. He would not be the cause of any problems between the four. He would not be the reason this is ruined.

“Who the hell are you?” Jack Kinney asked Justin, turning his full attention to the blond.

“He’s my boyfriend.” Brian stated, then berated himself for even mentioning it. He had gotten so used to saying those words in referring to Justin that it hadn’t even occurred to him that he might have to ‘come out’ to his parents. He still hadn’t told them he was gay.

Brian felt the fist connect with his jaw before he could get any further in his thoughts. “Don’t tell me you’re a fucking fairy. Not my son.” Jack Kinney yelled.

”Brian!” Joan Kinney yelled herself in shock. “Don’t joke about that sort of thing. You know what the bible states. How the church feels about…”

Brian stood straight and tall as he looked over at his parents. “I know all about what the bible states, mom.” Brian began stressing the last word making it sound like poison. “But the thing is, I’m gay. I’ve always been gay, I will always be gay. And if I go to hell because of it, then I do. I don’t fucking care.”

“Don’t speak to your mother like that, Sonny Boy. You mind your manners, and remember who raised you.” Jack scolded.

”But the thing is,” Brian continued completely ignoring his father’s words. “It’s not your life. It’s mine. I wrote the two of you off the moment I walked out of that house. I didn’t ask you here, and I don’t want you here. If you don’t like it, then leave. I could care less. But if you stay, you will treat Justin with the respect he deserves. You will never touch me again, Jack. Do you understand?” Brian asked. He didn’t wait around for an answer, just stormed off into the banquet hall. He didn’t want to be around the two people who were supposed to be his parents any longer. He would get his award, and graduate that night. Once he left that place he never was going to see them again.

Justin’s eyes followed the stiff back of his lover. He wanted to run to him and offer his comfort and he would, but first he had to have a ‘chat’ with the Kinneys.

He turned back to the two of them. Jack Kinney swaying slightly and Joan Kinney looking like someone had hit her in the face with a dead fish. Not even realizing the tone of voice he was using. A tone of voice that had been handed down by years of WASP country club upbringing when addressing scum, Justin began.

His voice low he started. “Look, I have no idea why the two of you are here. You obviously don’t give a rat’s ass about Brian and from what I gather you never have. So if you think you’ll get any brownie points in heaven or that they’re handing out cash prizes here, you’ve both got another think coming. I’m going to give you two choices. You can stay and pretend that you don’t know who in hell you have graduating. Like maybe you just wandered in off the street. Or you can take this hundred bucks” he reached into his wallet. “And get the fuck out of here, go have lunch, go to the beach, but just go. Brian doesn’t want or need you here and neither to do I.”

“You can’t talk to us like that.” Joan Kinney began. Jack was eyeing the hundred dollar bill. He snatched it from Justin’s hand.

“Come on Joan, I saw a nice little restaurant with a bar not too far form here.” He grabbed her elbow and they walked away.

Brian had almost reached the far side of the banquet hall. Justin ran to catch up with him. “Hey Navy Boy, wait for me.” He called out. Brian turned and smiled, Justin could do that to him every time.

“Is some pretty blond boy calling my name?” he laughed.

Justin kissed his cheek when he caught up with him. “Your parents have decided that they can’t stay, they have an urgent luncheon engagement.”

“What did you do, give Jack some money?” Brian laughed and he laughed harder when he saw Justin’s flush. “You did, didn’t you, you brat.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Now Brian about the stuff at the commissary, are you sure there isn’t anything you’d like there?”

~~~***~~~***~~~***
end of chapter 3
~~~***~~~***~~~***

Chapter 4 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Four

May 2011

Brian sat next to Jacob and Bartlett in the large auditorium as the VIP’s began their speeches. Brian knew he would have to calm himself before he was called to the stage, it wouldn’t do anyone any good if he was upset. And he was upset despite Justin’s efforts at getting rid of Jack and Joannie. He smiled thinking of his feisty blond boyfriend who would do anything to see him happy. He still couldn’t imagine what he’d done to deserve someone like Justin. Seeing his parents there had thrown him for a loop, one that he wasn’t sure he could overcome. Luckily Jack’s sucker-punch didn’t leave a mark. That was the LAST thing he needed.

Brian knew now that he would be able to follow through with his plans. He knew now that it was the right decision for him. This day would be the best in his life…he hoped.

He felt Jacob’s hand lightly touch his arm and he turned to give the woman a small smile. They were both receiving awards for being the top two in the class. Brian was glad that he had her up there with him. “Cadet Stacy Jacob and Cadet Brian Andrew Kinney.” Came the announcement. Both Brian and Jacob moved up the stairs onto the stage. “Cadet Jacob, for showing excellent leadership abilities, and for your hard work ethics, we present you with this Letter of Achievement, Certificate of Achievement, and Letter of Appointment to the JAG Corps. Congratulations Ensign Jacob, we wish you the best at your next command.”

“Thank-you, Sir,” Jacob stated as she shook the Admiral hand with her right, and took her awards with her left. Standing straight, she saluted and moved off to the side.

“Cadet Kinney.” The Admiral began as Brian stepped forward. “For showing outstanding leadership abilities, work ethics, and the best attention to detail and naval regulations I have seen in a Cadet in years,” the Admiral began with a small smile on his face. “I present you with Letter of Commendation, The Naval Achievement Medal for being the top in the class of 2011, and your Letter of Appointment to the U.S. Navy SEALs.” Brian felt the pride that was flowing off of the Admiral. “Congratulations Ensign Kinney, we wish you all the best in your further training and your next command. You will make one hell of an officer.”

Brian shook the Admiral’s hand, and retrieved his awards. Stealing a quick glance at the documents in his hand, he saw one other sitting on top. He saw the personal Letter of Recommendation from the Admiral himself standing on top. Brian stood as straight as he could and snapped his best salute to the man whom he admired and had taught him so much. “Thank-you, Sir. I will try to do you proud.”

The Admiral smiled at Brian as he returned the salute. “You already do, son. You already do.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin watched Brian receive his awards. He didn’t even try to stop the tears, not caring who saw. He felt a nudge and looked beside him. A woman handed Justin some tissues and whispered. “That’s my daughter who just won an award. Is that your brother?”

“He’s my lover.” Justin whispered back fervently. “Thanks for the tissues; I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I cried during the Pass in Review too.”

“It was that song wasn’t it – the one by Lee Greenwood.” She said and nodded her head. “It got me too.” Before turning back to watch the rest of the ceremony.





~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian continued to pack the last of his belonging into the boxes that Justin had brought up from his car. He had already completed his check out earlier in the day, since he had no intention of staying long after the final ceremony. He wanted to graduate and leave, now it was becoming a reality.

Stealing a quick glance at his lover as Justin packed up the few civilian clothes that he had, Brian couldn’t help but smile. He still couldn’t believe how his life had changed since that day in October. And to think he was actually angry with Lindsay over bringing up the ad to begin with. Shaking his head, Brian returned to his packing.

“What’s so funny?” Justin asked as he heard Brian’s small laugh.

Brian turned to look at his lover and shrugged. “Just happy. Is that allowed?” He said with a smile, taking the sting out of the words. “You know, this is the best day of my life… well what I hope will be the first of many.”

“Despite your parents showing up?” Justin asked still a little worried about his lover’s reaction to seeing his parents.

“Even with them showing up.” Brian moved over to where Justin was and took some shorts out of the other man’s hands. “It showed me something. Something that I had seen before, but I guess with my thick skull it didn’t really register until now.”

Justin took Brian’s hand in his own, and sat down on the bed, bringing Brian down beside him. “What’s that?” He asked curious as to where his lover’s mind was.

Brian stood up from the bed and sat on the edge of the small desk facing Justin. He knew that if he was near the blond he would never get the words out that he wanted to. He would never get everything out into the open like he wanted to. He wanted Justin to understand how much he meant to him, and being that close to his lover, Brian knew that he would try to use his touch to convey what his heart was saying instead of the words he wanted to use.

Brian took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He looked down at the ring on his finger, the class ring that Justin had give him, and smiled. This was what he had to do. “No one has ever stood up for me like that. Especially not against Jack and Joannie. No one.”

“They were wrong, Brian. You didn’t invite them, you didn’t want them here. And to say that shit… today of all days.” Justin looked down at his hands. “I wanted to hit them for causing you pain.” He said honestly looking back up at Brian, letting the man see the truth of his words. “I don’t ever want you to feel unwanted like that. Your pain is my pain.”

“It means a lot to me that you did that.” Brian whispered. “And I love you for it. Hell for everything you have given me, Justin. Because of you I am the man I am today. I am a better person, and I hope a better officer than I would have been if I had never met you. I can’t imagine what my life would be like if you weren’t here.”

Justin smiled, letting the love he felt toward the man show on his face. “I feel the same way. Luckily we won’t have to find out. At least not if I have anything to say about it.”

“Somehow I don’t doubt that.” Brian laughed as he pictured Justin standing up to anyone who got in their way. Talking down to anyone who ever said a cross word about him. Brian knew without a shadow of a doubt that Justin meant what he said, and he would follow through with it no matter what. “So I wanted to ask you something, and I want you to think about it. Don’t just answer me, say what I want to hear. I want you to think about it, long and hard.”

Justin felt a sudden sense of fear run through his system. Was Brian telling him that he wanted to end things? Or did Brian want to cool things down until after his training? “Okay, I promise.” Justin stated, trying to calm himself. He knew he had to hear Brian out before he reacted hastily.

“Okay,” Brian began. He took a deep breath wanting to calm his nerves, and racing heart. Even a year ago, Brian never thought he would be in this position. Now he found himself looking at the man of his dreams, the man he wanted around for a long time, and feeling his nerves lessen and his resolve fortify. “Do you remember when I brought the Stingray back that next weekend?” He asked and saw the answered nod from Justin. Giving a small smile, Brian once again recalled his lover on that day. “I saw you, Justin. I saw the look in your eyes as you ran your finger across the base decal.”

Justin blushed, slightly embarrassed at being caught in his secret fantasy. “It just looked right being there. I can’t explain it.” He tried to reason.

“I think it was more than that. If you ask me, I think that it was a look of longing. Like you wanted that for yourself. You wanted to be a part of it.” Brian explained. “Now tell me the truth… would you mind getting one for your car?” Brian asked, wondering if Justin would get his meaning.

“I’m sure we could. I mean if you wanted to take my car instead of the Stingray. Yeah, sure. It might be a smart thing to do.” Justin replied.

Brian lowered his head and ran his hand though his hair. “I’m not saying this right.” Catching Justin’s confused look, Brian moved from his spot to where Justin was. Kneeling down in front of Justin, he took the other man’s hands in his own. “What I’m trying to say is … do you want to be my partner for life. It won’t be easy, I’ll be away a lot, and I know that everything will change. I’ll move around a lot, and you’ll have to give up your job… but all I know is, I want you there with me. No matter where I am, no matter where I go. Justin would you do me the honor of marrying me?” Brian asked as he pulled his class ring off of his finger and held it out to Justin. “We can put it somewhere else until you decide. But I want you to have it… to think about.”

Justin looked up at Brian, tears running freely down his face. “Do you know that it’s all I have thought about since Christmas?” Justin took the ring from Brian and with Brian’s help placed it on his left ring finger. “Yes, I will marry you, Brian Andrew. Kinney.” With the ring now firmly placed on his finger, Justin reached up and pulled Brian toward him. He had to be close to him, be with him. Now.

Slowly Justin began to remove Brian’s jacket as the two fell back onto the bed. They weren’t going anywhere for a while, and both men had all intention of showing each other how much they loved one another. They both needed to feel the other completely to seal the deal. “I love you, Justin Kinney.” Brian said with a small smile as he looked down into the shining blue eyes of his lover. “You have just made me the happiest man on the planet.”

“And you me, my husband.” Justin answer then proceeded to show Brian just how happy he was. The party would have to wait; they had their own celebration to get to.





~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Justin who are all of these people? I thought we were just inviting a few.” Brian looked around the crowded living room. People were eating and talking in groups. Brian recognized more than a few people from the base.

“I did only invite your two friends, but they each called me and asked if they could bring a few others. It seems you were greatly admired by quite a few of your class and looked up to by a number of the lower classmen.” Justin kissed his cheek. “I couldn’t really say no because I kind of understand how they feel. I’m so proud of you and happy and they are too.”

“You could have warned me.” Brian grumbled but somehow pleased none the less.

“Hmmm, you could have warned me that this was going to be an engagement party so I think we’re even.” Justin looked again at his ring gleaming on his hand.

“I didn’t know if you were going to say yes.” Brian looked into Justin’s eyes. “I know I don’t show it all the time, but I still can’t believe you love me.”

“Brian Kinney, Navy Boy extraordinaire, I have loved you since I saw you standing in the doorway of a certain restaurant.” Justin pulled Brian’s head down and gave him a passionate kiss that left them both breathless when they broke apart to everyone clapping.

“Hey Kinney, that’s some kiss.” Ensign Bartlett said. “You’d almost think you liked the guy.”

Brian held up Justin’s hand. “I not only love him, I like him and best of all he’s agreed to marry me.” It was the first any of their friends had heard. Up until then everything had been too busy with the ending of the day, the packing up of Brian’s room and the beginning of the party to tell anyone.

“Justin Craig Taylor, you shit.” Daphne yelled from the other side of the room. “You’re going to get married before me.”

Everyone burst out laughing. Lindsay walked over to the happy couple. “So Brian are you still pissed about that little modeling job?”

“Linds, we’ll name our first born after you. Oh yeah, we can’t have kids, so how about we name our first cat Lindsay.” Brian joked.

“Don’t do me any favors” Lindsay said with a laugh. She kissed both of her friends and whispered congratulations to them both.

Brian and Justin didn’t have a chance from that point on to even move. Person after person came up to them to congratulate them. Stacy Jacobs was talking to Brian when a piercing whistle was heard and the words. “Admiral on deck” rang out. The former cadets all snapped to attention. Justin looked over at his front door, and standing inside having been let in by Daphne, was Admiral William Smith.

“No rank in the mess” he said as he made his way to Brian and Justin. Gradually the party noise began again. He held out his hand to Justin who shook it while on automatic pilot. “Justin, my friends call me Smitty, I just stopped by because I had word that you and Ensign Kinney here are engaged. I wanted to be one of the first to congratulate you both. It isn’t easy being married to a SEAL, my three wives will tell you that.” He laughed. “But you look like a man who’ll last.”

“Thank you sir.” Justin said. “Brian makes it easy.”

“Well, son, don’t be surprised when the Brian you’ve fallen in love with changes as the years go on. It won’t mean he doesn’t love you the way he did in the beginning. It just means he’s a good SEAL and you have to learn to live with that. Not many can.”

“I can sir. I’m tougher than I look.” Justin squared his shoulders and he looked at Brian with all the love in his heart showing in his eyes. “It’s nice to know he has you looking out for him sir.”

“I always have since the moment I first met him. And I always will. There’s something in you Ensign Kinney that reminds me of me when I was younger. I only wish I had someone like your young man here to stand by me. It might have made me less of a grouch.” He laughed at the look on Brian’s face. “I know what they say behind my back, not much escapes old Smitty.”

“Ensign Kinney, I understand you have a flight to meet at twenty one hundred. I’ll send my car to take you both to the airport. Have a nice flight and a great honeymoon. You’ll need something to remember when I have you in my clutches for thirteen weeks.” He laughed and turned around to leave.

“What the heck was that all about?” Justin asked. “How did he know we were getting married?” It only happened this afternoon.”

“I’ve learned in the last four years that very little gets past him.” Brian admitted. “Very damn little.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***
19 May 2011

To my Future Husband,


Fuck, it’s strange to think that, let alone write it. Today we will be getting married. It’s frightening yet, I can’t stop the happiness that is flowing through my body. I know I’ve said this before, but this time, I know for a fact that THIS is the best day of my life. There will be another day like today. Never.

I’m still not sure if this is a good idea. I still think that maybe we are making a mistake. I know what I want, I know I want you with me forever, but I can’t help but wonder if this is right for you. I don’t want you to ever regret marrying me. I don’t want you to hate me a year from now… 10 years from now.

I want only the best for you, Justin, and I don’t want to disappoint you. I only hope I can be the man you deserve.

I guess for now, though, I will take what I can get. I will bask in the knowledge that we are together, for better or for worse, and all that other BS. I just hope we’re not making a mistake.

Fuck it, I’m happy. I have the hottest guy. I will have the hottest, sexiest spouse around. So why not be happy while it lasts? Why not just take what I can get and hope for the best?

Know that today, Justin, you have made me the happiest man alive. I will do everything in my power to protect you, to love you, to keep you safe. Nothing will ever touch us, nothing will ever take away what we are sharing today.

I love you, with everything that I am, and everything that I have.

In two hours, we will be standing on the beach, beginning our life together as a couple. Thank-you for this. Thank-you for loving me. Thank-you for giving me today.

I love you, Justin Craig Taylor-Kinney. From now until the end of time, I love you.

You are my Avalon, forever and ever.

Your future husband,

Brian





~~~***~~~***~~~***

It was their second night in their private haven when Brian held Justin against his chest, both staring into the brightly lit fire. Brian still couldn’t believe that Justin had agreed to marry him; it still felt like a dream to him. He felt safe and loved, and he was the happiest that he had ever been.

Then reality began to sit in. Brian knew that their life was about to change. He knew that from the moment that he stepped foot on the base he would change. He didn’t know if he could do that to Justin. “You’re thinking too much,” Justin said against Brian’s naked chest as they sat against the couch. “What’s wrong?”

Brian looked down at Justin then turned his attention back to the burning flames. “I’m just thinking about whether or not this is the right thing to do.” Brian said, not sure he could look at his lover and see the pain in his eyes. Brian knew that Justin would be hurt by his words, but he wanted to be sure Justin knows the truth. “Things are going to change for us, Justin. I might not be the same man in 6 months that is here now. I might not be someone you can recognize, or love.”

Justin moved his head off of Brian’s chest and with a gentle touch to Brian’s cheek brought the other man’s attention back to him. “Brian, no matter what happens, I know who you are. Nothing can change that. You may be someone different on the outside, but who you are; the man I love will always be here.” Justin explained laying his hand on Brian’s heart. “Nothing can change that.”

“I just don’t want you to regret this, you know. Once we do this, there’s no turning back. Who’s to say that I change so much that you hate me? That you want out? I don’t know if I could survive.” Brian tried to get his lover to see reason. He knew he wouldn’t survive if Justin ever hated him, if he ever regretted their time together. “You heard what the Admiral said, Justin. I will change; I will have to keep things from you. Do you honestly think that you will be okay with that?”

Justin moved so that he was sitting on Brian’s lap, blocking the man’s view of the fire, and forcing Brian to look at only him. “I will never regret this. There will never be a time when I don’t want this.” Justin could see the protest forming in Brian’s mind, and he halted it with a finger to Brian’s lips. “It’s true, Brian. You have become a part of me, and how can I ever regret feeling complete for the first time in my life? How can I ever regret loving you? I know, okay. I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is right, that this is forever. Nothing will change that, nothing will change the way I feel about you.”

“I know that things will change, Brian. I’m not stupid. But I also know that it’s a part of life. It’s who we are, who we will become. We will be able to get through anything as long as we’re together. If you start doubting us now, what will we have?” Justin told his lover. “Together we are eternal. I can feel it. So stop your silly little musings, and just give in. You’re stuck with me, Ensign Kinney, so learn to live with it. I’ve got you now and I’m not letting go.” He added with a smile as he leaned down to kiss Brian on the lips. “So no more talk about not being together. Understand?”

Brian shook his head, and pulled Justin’s body closer to his. He still had his doubts, he always would. He wanted the best for Justin, and knew that if the time ever came that Justin had had enough, Brian wouldn’t protest. He would give Justin everything. But for now, Brian knew he would take what he could get. His feelings for Justin would never change, he only hoped that if the day came that Justin didn’t want him, he would be able to survive. “Yes, sir.” Brian whispered in Justin’s ear, keeping his thoughts to himself. He tried not to think about this being the first of many secrets that he would have to keep from Justin.

“Good. Now tell me about what’s going to happen in the next six months.” Justin stated as he moved off of his lover to lay his head on Brian’s lap.

Brian leaned back against the couch and lightly ran his hands over Justin’s golden locks. He loved the feel of Justin’s silky hair gliding between his fingers. “Well for the first five weeks is Indoc. I’ll be able to leave base every night for a while, at least until it gets closer to the main part of the training. From what the Admiral told me, this is where we’re going to be taking the final tests and stuff to make sure we’re cut out for the training. We’ll be taking physical tests and written tests so they can see where we will be placed.”

“What type of physical tests? I thought you just had your physical test three weeks ago.” Justin asked. He remembered Brian complaining about the semi-annual test, Justin also remembered the many pictures he had of a hot and sweaty Brian. He loved the physical tests, although he would never tell Brian that.

“This one is different.” Brian began. “Here we have to meet the SEAL standards. We have to do a lot of shit in little time. Starting off with a 500- yard swim in less than 12 minutes, 42 push-ups in 2 minutes, 50 sit-ups in 2 minutes, 6 pull-ups, and a mile and a half in 11 minutes, in boots and uniform pants, which they never did at the Academy. You get basically only 10 minutes between each test.”

Justin stared up at his lover, amazed at what was required. He couldn’t even do 10 push-ups let alone any sit-ups. Now all those early morning runs and workouts made more sense to Justin. “Damn,” he breathed still shocked at what Brian would have to go through. “I can't even begin to … I’d never be able to do that.”

Brian smiled down at Justin, and lightly pinched his lover. “That’s why the SEALs are the elite of the elite.” Shaking his head, Brian laughed at the picture of Justin trying to do the exam. “I’d love to see you do the pull-ups. I can say this though… you’re damn good at that. Too bad the testing isn’t sexual in nature.”

“Brat,” Justin replied, laughing, as he lightly hit Brian in the chest. “Don’t make fun of me.” He pretended to pout.

”Oh,” Brian whined as he put his own lip out. “I’m sorry. I’ll never make fun of you again. Do you forgive me?”

“Shut up,” Justin laughed. “You know I do. Just watch it, Navy Boy. One day I’ll beat you at something.”

“You already do, brat.” Brian stated as he leaned down to kiss his lover. Leaning back against the couch, Brian continued to explain the coming months to Justin. “After Indoc, the next 8 weeks will be the actual basic training. I won’t be allowed to be off base then at all. Hell, from what I hear, I’ll be lucky to get any sleep at all.” Brian shook his head with a small chuckle. “There’s this week called Hell week. From what I hear, you’re lucky if you get 4 hours of sleep at all that week.”

“They can’t do that, can they?” Justin asked suddenly worried about his lover’s health. A person couldn’t survive on that little of sleep could they?

“Don’t worry Justin, it’ll be alright. A lot of other guys have gone through it. It’s what they do, out there on missions. Remember out of the hundreds who start this training only 3 percent of the guys make it though the first 13 weeks. Most drop out.”

“You won’t be one of them. I know it. You’ll make it though and be a SEAL,” Justin said with conviction. He could tell that Brian was beginning to doubt if he would be able to make it through the training. Justin didn’t want Brian to do that. He wanted Brian to realize that he would make it, that his dreams would come true. He didn’t want Brian to think that all the hard work he had done in the past four years were for nothing. It would destroy the man. Justin couldn’t allow that.

Brian smiled down at Justin, love and thanks showing in his eyes. “My own cheering section.”

“It’s the truth.” Justin said with conviction. “You’ll make it through.”

Brian nodded then proceeded to tell Justin about the rest of the training. Once the basic part of it was over, Brian would be able to come home every night… well most nights anyway. The last 22 weeks would be the rest of the training, between dive training, parachute training, and Land Warfare, Brian was grateful that he would at least be able to come home and relax on some nights. At least he would since he would be married.

There was one positive thing about marrying Justin, Brian realized. He would have the blond with him, no matter what.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Wedding Day – May 2011

“Justin will you hold still,” Daphne with her hands on her hips looked at her friend in exasperation.

“I told you I’m not wearing a tie.” Justin insisted. “This is a very informal wedding.”

“Fine, be like that. Just what do you want to wear?”

“This” Justin held up a silk gauze shirt in a pale shade of blue, almost white. His trousers that lay on the bed were also gauze but this time white. They left nothing to the imagination at all.

“Justin, you’ve got to be kidding.” Daphne laughed out loud. “Everyone will be able to see all of you.”

“No they won’t, I have a white thong to wear with it.” He held said thong up triumphantly.

“If that’s what you’re wearing as the blushing bride, what is Brian wearing?”

“I don’t know, he wouldn’t say.” Justin peeked out his door hoping to see a sign of his husband to be. But Brian was no where to be found.

“I think he and Lindsay headed out somewhere.” Daphne volunteered. She actually knew what they were up to but wasn’t about to tell Justin.

“He is coming back isn’t he?” Justin asked. “He’s really nervous about this Daphne. He thinks he’s doing the wrong thing.”

“Doesn’t he love you?”

“Hell yes he loves me and I love him. He thinks that he’s going to change when he’s a SEAL – you know go all broody and introspective. And that he’ll be like living with some kind of Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde kind of guy.”

“He might not be far wrong Justin. In the psychology that I’ve studied that very thing happens. It has a lot to do with his job and the things he has to do because of his job. Some of them aren’t very nice and unlike most guys, he won’t be able to talk to you about them, also because of his job, so he’ll internalize.”

“Then it’s up to me to make sure that he knows I love him all the time no matter what. I have to understand that his job comes first.”

“But will you be able to that? What happens the first time you plan to be somewhere together and his job interferes? What happens if he’s away on some mission on your anniversary or your birthday or Christmas?” Daphne sat on Justin’s bed. She didn’t want to hurt her best friend, but he had to be aware of this.

“Daphne I’m not some dumb blond you know. I have researched what Brian is training for and I’ve talked to a few people. I know it’s going to be hard once in awhile, well most of the time. But it doesn’t matter. We’ll have each other and it’s not like he’s going to be a SEAL forever. He will retire or go up in rank enough that he doesn’t have to do combat missions.”

“Justin that might never happen.”

“I don’t care. Brian’s the man for me and even one day as his husband would be better than none. So for better or for worse, we’re going to be together. Besides, it’s not as if I have to sit at home and knit, I have my own career. I’m planning on painting and maybe I’ll do a little free lance work for Matt or some other advertising firm.”

Daphne got up and put her arms around her friend. “I’ll always be there for you Justin. Don’t forget that. So if you want to bitch and moan give me a call. That way you can be little Susie Sunshine for your Navy Boy.”

“Thanks Daphne, I appreciate your offer.” Justin kissed her cheek. “Now get out of here so that I can shower and dress.”

“I though as the maid of honor I was supposed to help with that.”

“Not on your life Daphne.” Justin said. “We aren’t five anymore. I don’t want you to pine for what you can’t have.”

“In your dreams” Daphne said with a laugh. She left and hurried outside to do what Brian had asked of her. The small gazebo had been delivered earlier. It had taken a lot of persuasion and agility to keep Justin from noticing the arrival. Daphne headed there now to finish adding the flowers to it. She looked over at the next beach house and waved to the group of men standing on the porch. Justin was going to be so surprised.

Finally the time arrived when the wedding was to take place. Brian slowly made his way from the beach house next door and stood with the justice of the peace inside the flower covered gazebo. He was breathtakingly handsome in his dress uniform. Lindsay stood beside him dressed in white as well. Seated in a few chairs to watch were some of Justin’s friends from his work. They wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Brian had issued the invitation unknown to Justin. He wasn’t having the man he loved get married like some little shop girl in Vegas.

Music began to play and Justin walked out of the house, his arm through Daphne’s. It was then he caught sight for the first time of the gazebo with Brian and Lindsay as well as his friend from work. Between the music and the people Brian had gathered together Justin could feel tears well up. And then he saw Brian clearly. Dressed like something out of the movies. His white uniform impeccably pressed, he stood ramrod straight, a smile of delight on his face as he watched the man he loved walk toward him.

As Justin moved past the sight line of the other beach house, the men who had been waiting there filed out to join the wedding party, though Justin didn’t see them. They were forming an honor guard with ceremonial swords for Brian and Justin to walk through the arch they made once the ceremony was completed.

The ceremony was moving and even their honor guards were hard pressed to keep any tears from welling up. The word’s:

‘I, Justin Craig Taylor, will love and cherish Brian Andrew Kinney, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, from this day forward ‘till death do us part.'

‘I, Brian Andrew Kinney, will love and cherish Justin Craig Taylor, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, from this day forward ‘till death do us part.'

Rang out clearly in the early evening air. The sun cooperated and began to set in a fiery display of red, gold and purple when the two men were pronounced married. They turned and the wedding march began and Justin’s eyes grew big at the six men standing, swords forming an arch for them to walk through. He looked at Brian questions in his eyes.

“For you pretty boy, a wedding to remember.” Brian whispered before taking Justin by the hand and walking through the arch formed by his fellow officers.

Afterward Brian stood with Justin watching everyone eat the lunch that Daphne and Lindsay had prepared. “We could have had this catered.” Justin said.

“I know, but our friends wanted to do this for us.” Brian could barely take his eyes off of Justin. “I bet you are the most handsome not to mention beautiful bride ever.”

“Bride, you’re the bride.” Justin replied. “And you aren’t bad yourself.”


”I can’t be the bride. I’m in dress white’s mister. Navy Tradition.” Brian explained as he lightly pinched his lover’s ass. “Besides, in that outfit… let’s just say that it doesn’t leave much to the imagination. You have everyone drooling all over you. Should I be jealous? Going to go and run off with Rod?”

“Not on your life! You’re stuck with me, so get used to it.” Justin turned around so that he could wrap his arms around Brian’s waist. “I’m in it for the long haul, Navy Boy.” Justin laid his hand on the back of Brian’s neck and pulled the other man down for a long passionate kiss. “I love you, and I’ll stand beside you. From now until eternity. We promised Avalon, remember.”

“Forever my Avalon.” Brian whispered against Justin’s lips as he plunged his tongue into his husband’s mouth. “My husband.” Pulling away enough to rest his forehead on Justin’s Brian stole a quick glance over to the group gathered at the tables. “When do you think they’ll leave?”

“Not soon enough.” Justin replied, wondering if he could sneak away and start his honeymoon off with a bang.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin stretched in bed, enjoying the feel of Brian’s head resting on his chest, and Brian’s arm wrapped tightly around his body. Just the feel of his husband’s flesh against his own, brought a sense of peace to him. ‘Husband. Fuck I’m married!’ Justin thought with a smile.

Justin knew that they would have to talk about what the next coming days would consist of, especially since Brian was required to report to the base in a week. Justin had to try and decide what HE wanted to do. Neither one knew where Brian would be stationed after his 38 weeks, which unit he would be assigned to, but Justin knew that no matter where Brian went, he would be right there beside him. He had his man, and he wasn’t going to let him go, no matter what.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” came the sleep-filled voice of his lover.

Justin smiled a little as he ran his hand through Brian’s auburn locks. “I’m happy. Isn’t that allowed?” Justin answered back, replaying Brian’s words from the day at the Academy. Justin knew he would remember every word, ever caress, every kiss from that day. It was the day that he knew that Brian was his. The wedding only confirmed it. It was the day Brian proposed, that Justin knew it was forever.

The wedding was amazing. He couldn’t believe the gift that Brian had given him. Having all of his friends from work there had been something that Justin had never thought would have happened. Passing through the honor guard as husbands, gave Justin the strength he knew he would need to get through the years ahead. It was like he was officially becoming a ‘Navy Wife’… no ‘Navy Spouse’. The Navy accepted them, and now all he had to do was earn that honor. And he would. He would stand by his man, through thick and thin. He couldn’t let Brian down.

Brian raised his head off of Justin’s chest, and lightly kissed his husband. “There’s only one reason why someone should be up at…” Brian began as he glanced at the clock. “two in the morning, and I don’t think reflection is one of them. In fact, I know the only thing that someone should be awake this early for.” Brian stated as he began to glide his hands across his lover’s chest and down between Justin’s legs. Lightly running his hand over Justin’s growing erection, Brian smiled when he heard the slight intake of breath. “Now how about we continue to consummate this marriage. No more words, no more thinking… Show me what it’s like.”

Both men proceeded to show the other what they were feeling. No words were spoken as they let their bodies do the talking. When the sun began to fill the room with morning light, the two lovers finally closed their eyes, confident in their love for one another.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian walked into the kitchen and spotted Lindsay and Daphne sitting at the table. He took the offered cup of coffee from his friend’s hand and sat down at the table. “Don’t we look satisfied.” Daphne stated as she looked at Brian.

“Well fucked, I might add.” Lindsey laughed. “So how was your wedding night?”

Brian looked at the two women and shook his head. “None of your damn business, ladies. Besides as a future SEAL it is my duty to not discuss things of a TOP SECRET manner.” He smirked as he took a sip of his coffee, letting the warm liquid bring life to his body. “Besides, get your own life, don’t live vicariously through us. Get laid… get fucked. Something!” He sat there and began to have images of the women and what they might do. “Fuck!” he cursed as he slammed his cup down on the counter. His wide eyes caught the two women staring at him in confusion. “Gross. Just… fuck! Justin!” Brian yelled as he quickly got up from the table and headed back to the bedroom.

Daphne and Lindsay looked at each other and burst out laughing. “Think he has a problem?” Lindsay asked through her laughter, trying to act innocent. Trying not to sound like she had just enjoyed seeing Brian’s scared look.

“I think he’s going to get some good ol’ gay loving.” Daphne answered. Both women heard a yelp in the direction of the bedroom as they heard moans coming from down the hall. “Oh yeah. Most definitely.”

Both women just continued to laugh all throughout breakfast, knowing exactly what was going on just down the hall.

~~~***~~~***~~~

“Goodbye girls.” Brian stood on the small veranda, his arm around Justin’s shoulders; Justin had his arms around Brian’s waist. “We’re glad you came but it is our honeymoon.”

“Brian, don’t be mean.” Justin whispered but he knew what Brian meant. It was one thing to have his man to himself and quite another to know that two nosey females were just down the hall despite the relatively sound proofed rooms.

“I’m not being mean, I’m being truthful, I can’t stand it when I’m cuming and you’re moaning and they are laughing. It puts me off my stride.”

“What a well trained Navy Boy like you?” Justin teased as he waved to the two girls who were now backing out of the driveway.

“Quiet brat, we’ve got important stuff to do.” Brian began to lead Justin inside. Justin was surprised when instead of heading to the bedroom; Brian led him to the kitchen table.

“Kinky Brian.” Justin giggled.

“It’s not what you’re thinking.” Brian pulled out a file folder from his duffle bag that had been sitting in the pantry.

“I thought that you emptied that.” Justin nodded at the bag.

“I have now.” Brian opened the folder. “I have a bunch of things I need you to sign and I’m not sure of all of your information.” He spread out the papers. “As my spouse, there is tons of stuff that we have to make sure you have entitlement to.”

“Like what?” Justin was curious; he picked up one of the papers.

“There is the matter of life insurance, pay allotments, base security needs some info, and you need parking passes and passes for the officer’s mess and any building that civilians can go in on each base. I don’t ever want anyone to hassle you. I want you covered every which way you can be. No one hassles my husband.”

“Do we need to do this now?” Justin tried not to whine. He looked toward the bedroom.

“Let’s get it over with this afternoon. Then we can play.” Brian had his military voice on so Justin knew not to argue, but he did smile to himself. He liked a forceful Navy Boy.

“In that case, we’d better go to the bank and make my account joint. I want you to have access to everything I have as well.” He looked at Brian and wondered if he should tell him now about his house. Taking a deep breath Justin began. “Brian, you know how we promised to be together as much as we could?”

“Yes”

“And you know how you are going to be all over hell’s half acre during the next few months training?”

“Spit it out Justin.” Brian looked at his husband.

“I’msellingmyhouseandalreadyhaveanoffer.” Justin blurted out and then looked away.

“What the fuck did you say?” Brian had some idea but he thought he’d heard wrong.

“The house, I’m selling it. I’m seeing my lawyer when I go back to finalize things and I’m putting this one in both of our names. We can buy another house when we know where you’ll be posted. Or we can rent on base if it’s a short posting.”

“No fucking way Justin. What about your job, your career? Shit, that house was where we first made love.”

Justin could see that somehow Brian felt at a loss over the sale of the house. He rounded the table and pushed until he was sitting on Brian’s lap. “Brian what is in the house is just things. Things that can be moved where ever we’ll be or put in storage. The point is, my home is with you, no matter where that might be. As long as it is physically possible for me to find you, I will be either on the base or as close to what ever base you are on. You can kick and scream and sulk but I won’t budge on that. Your job is to look after the country. My job is to look after you. We both have important jobs. Personally I’m thinking mine is the most important, but then I’m not a Navy Boy, only someone who loves one.” Justin kissed the end of Brian’s nose and then tenderly kissed his lips.

“And Brian, I’m an artist. A damn good artist, I can paint anywhere in the world, though I admit if you are sent to Antarctica I might not do too many landscapes. I can work and be happy where ever we are.”

“Justin I’m damned if you are going to give up your career to be a Navy wife. This isn’t what I wanted for you when I asked you to marry me.”

“What did you want Brian?” Justin asked quietly.

“I wanted you to be there for me. I wanted to be there for you…..” he began.

“You wanted someone to love you, to cherish you, in sickness and in health and that’s what you have. I wouldn’t ask you to give up the Navy because the Navy is part of who and what you are. Just like you wouldn’t ask me to give up my art, because that’s a part of me. But Brian, my art is just a part of what makes Justin Taylor-Kinney breathe. You are the other part. I promise you that if I ever feel the need to be somewhere apart from you, I’ll tell you. But until then, you can’t deny me my rights as the man who loves you.”

“Besides, working in the ad field is not who I am, Brian. If I leave there I will still be me. More of me. Art is who I am… not an ad man. So you’re not making me be someone I’m not. Understand?”

Brian rested his forehead against Justin’s as he thought of what Justin had said. “I can’t talk you out of this can I pretty boy?”

“Why waste our time?” Justin replied. “I’m only going to win this war.” He placed his lips on Brian’s and began his favorite mantra. “I want you, I need you, I want you inside of me, now.” Over and over he whispered the words as he punctuated them with kisses until any thoughts of banks and paper signing were forgotten in their haste to find the bedroom.

The next day of course, reality set in. The day was fast approaching when Brian had to report to Naval Amphibious Base in Coronado. Justin sat at the table and dutifully signed where he had to sign. He was surprised at the amount of paper work that was involved. Brian laughed and told him this was only a small part of it. And that when they arrived at the base, he’d be give ID that identified him as Brian’s spouse and that it was important not to lose it.

Not to be outdone, Justin dragged Brian off to the local bank. He’d had an account there since he was a child and it was where he kept the main part of his finances. “Brian it’s like this. We’ll always have the Baja house. No matter where in the world we go, this place will always be here for both of us. Think of it as our safe haven. No matter what shit we’re dealing with, this is a neutral zone. You’re going to need that and so will I.”

“And you’ll have the house in Maryland.” Brian stated, not giving up on that argument yet. He would be dammed if Justin gave that up. His husband was NOT going to be sitting around waiting on him. Not if Brian had anything to say about it. Justin thought he had won that war, but Brian knew that it was only beginning. He wasn’t going to let Justin give everything up for him.

“We’ll see.” Justin replied as made their way into town.

Brian decided that he would make his point to his husband another time. Now he had other things that he knew they would fight about. ‘One argument at a time,’ Brian decided. ‘One argument at a time. Fuck this married shit is hard.’ “I want to get a safety deposit box then.” Brian said.

“I have one, I’ll make it joint.”

“I want one for myself, I’ll make it joint to, but I have some things that I’d like to keep there.”

Justin felt a twinge of hurt that Brian didn’t want to share what he was putting away in the box. Brian must have sensed it for he pulled Justin close. “Justin, there is nothing in my life that you can’t be part of. If you want to check out what I’m putting in the box, go ahead. I just really would prefer that you didn’t until the time is right and you’ll know when that is.”

Justin sighed. He realized that this was probably the beginning of Brian’s secret life as a SEAL. As much as he wanted to know what it was and as much as he hated to have secrets from each other, Justin knew that this was almost a test. He put his hand on Brian’s arm. “Brian, I trust you with my life. And I trust you with yours. I will never pry into things that involve your job. I’ll never force you to choose.”

Brian shut his eyes for a moment. He stroked Justin’s arm idly. “I love you pretty boy. Thanks for understanding.”

Justin’s hand covered Brian’s and their platinum wedding bands caught the sun. Engraved in fairie script the words ‘go deo mo tearmann’ glowed reminding them both of what they were to each other.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

27 May 2011

Dear Justin,

This is the last entry in this book. The first book of many. We’ve been married now almost a week and I know now that there will be tons of ups and downs. Hell if the arguments we’ve had lately are any indication, life will never be boring.

I just wish you would listen to reason, and keep your life outside of me. I don’t want you to give up your life…your house!

I guess this is just one more thing that we will have to talk about some more.

Anyway, in a couple of days we’ll be off to San Diego. Things will change for us. I only hope we’ll be strong enough to make it through. To see our first anniversary.

No matter what, Justin. I love you. Even with the fights. You’re fiery spirit, and love for life is what will get me through.

My Avalon,
Love always,
Brian.

~~~***~~~***~~~***






Brian left Justin alone in the house to paint as he headed into town to start the process of his ‘gift’ to Justin. He hoped that this would never have to become a reality, he hope that Justin would never have to be forced to look into the contests of the safety deposit box, but he was enough of a realist to know that it just might be. His chosen field might just take the choice out of both of their hands.

Brian knew that this was a necessity. He had enough talks with the Admiral to know that his wives had resented the fact that things had to be kept secret. They had hated that there was a part of his life that they could not be party to. Brian had sworn that Justin would always know what he was feeling, what he was thinking. Even if Brian couldn’t tell Justin with his voice. He would tell Justin everything deep within these leather bound books.

Brian stood off to the side, and set the book down on the small table. Pulling out his pen, Brian began to write. He wanted Justin to know what he was feeling, what he was thinking. Every day, Brian would write something. That was his pledge to Justin, even if the blond didn’t know it yet. Brian wouldn’t keep Justin in the dark.

Brian finished his letter, determined to start every book off basically the same way. Telling Justin what was being held within the cover. He also knew that he would keep a spare key tapped to the lining of the current book. Justin would know where to look for the others if the need ever arose. Justin would know what he was thinking and feeling.

In the end Justin would have no doubt as to what he meant to Brian.

Setting the book carefully into the box, Brian closed his eyes. It was done. From this day forth, the lies the secrets would all be answered and stored in this box. He only hoped that Justin wouldn’t need to open it, that Justin wouldn’t need to see them until the day Brian retired from the Navy.

Then all bets were off. But Brian knew that one day Justin would read them. Until that day, they would be safe.

“Until next year.” Brian said in good-bye to the attendant.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

End of Chapter Four
~~~***~~~***~~~***

Chapter 5 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Five

Brian got out of the rental car, trying to ignore the scowl from his husband and walked up to the door of the hotel. He walked up to the counter and rang the bell. “May I help you, sir?” An elderly woman asked as she came out from a room behind the counter.

”Yeah, I need a room for about 5 weeks, maybe six.” Brian asked. “The weekly rooms come with a kitchen right?” Brian knew that Justin wouldn’t be able to live without a kitchen so he had wanted to make sure his lover was happy. He hated that Justin was upset with him, but Brian also knew that the blond would get over it. Brian just didn’t see the point in renting an apartment if Justin was going to go back to Maryland in 5 weeks. He wasn’t going to let his husband sit around and wait for him while he was in training. He wasn’t going to let Justin be just another ‘Navy wife’ waiting for his husband to come home. He wouldn’t do that to Justin.

Of course he knew that one of the first things they would have to do is get Brian’s car out to California. He could put it in storage for 8 weeks, but he’d be dammed if he would spend the extra money on two rental cars.

Paying the bill, and grabbing two sets of keys, Brian walked back out to the car to grab his pouting lover. He pulled open the door and knelt down beside Justin. “Justin, come on. This is only temporary. We talked about this, and we both agreed. It’s only for 5 weeks, then you’ll be going back to Maryland until my training’s over.” Not getting a response from his lover, Brian reached over and ran his hand across the side of Justin’s face. “Let’s not fight about this, please. Not now. We have five weeks left, and I want to fucking enjoy it. God only knows I’ll need it to get through the rest of training.”

Justin turned his face toward Brian and caught the look in Brian’s eyes. He could tell that this was important to his husband, and Justin silently cursed himself for making such a big deal out of this. Brian was right, they would both need happy memories to get them through the 8 weeks Brian wouldn’t be allowed to leave base. “Okay, but we’re not done yet. But I promise, I won’t bring it up again until you’re done with basic.”

Brian leaned in and kissed Justin lightly on the lips. “Thank-you. Now can we please get upstairs and get our shit inside. It’s been a long day, and I want to try and take my husband out for a nice night on the town.”

“What, no sex?” Justin asked as he undid his seatbelt, and got out of the car, and went to help Brian get the luggage out of the trunk.

Brian laughed as he led Justin toward the elevator, uniform bag swung over his shoulder, and suitcases in hand. “Oh, I’m sure we can fit that in. Of course we do have four more days before I even have to report. What pray tell will we do with all that time?”

“I’m sure we can think of something.” Justin replied as he pulled Brian down for a kiss. “And we might even leave the room once in a while.”

Brian laughed as he watched his lover walk down the hall toward their temporary home. “Just so long as we take the time to get you registered on base tomorrow. You need an ID card, and I need to update my paperwork.” Brian stated. Throwing the bags on the bed and carefully setting his garment bag down, Brian picked Justin up and tossed him down on the bed. Laying down on top of his lover, Brian ran his hand through Justin’s hair. “Then you can be a real Naval Dependant.” He said with a smirk. “Privileges and all.”

Justin wrapped his arms around Brian’s waist and leaned back as much as he could so he could look Brian in the face. Trying to keep a serious expression on his face, Justin let out a sigh. “And here I thought you didn’t want a Navy Wife.” Justin stated batting his eyelashes to let Brian know that he wasn’t trying to start another argument.

“Don’t be a brat, you know what I mean.” Brian joked. “Besides, I wouldn’t have a wife. I like my husband. Big cock, ass, and all.”

“I see where I belong. You only love me for my body.”

“I thought that’s why you loved me? And it’s not your body I love… well not the only thing I love, and you know that.” Brian touched their foreheads together and looked into Justin’s eyes. “Ready to get a taste of those special privileges?”

“Show me, big man. I’m ready.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian leaned down and kissed Justin on the cheek before unbuckling his seatbelt. “So what are your plans today?” Brian asked his lover. Today was Brian’s first day of Indoc, and it was back to the real world for the both of them. The honeymoon was officially over, and Brian already missed it.

“I don’t know. I have to get some groceries and stuff. I might go down to the beach for a little while. Maybe check out all the hot, young sailors as they work down at the piers…” Justin ended with a small smile. “You know how hot it makes me to see men in uniform.”

“I better be the only one in uniform that makes you hot.” Brian looked at Justin with his tongue firmly planted in his cheek. “I own you now, blond boy. Don’t you forget it.”

“How could I?” Justin laughed as he once again looked down at the rings on his finger. “I don’t think anyone could ever look as hot as you in uniform. It would be a sin.”

“Good, remember that.” Brian opened the door and grabbed his small gym bag out of the back seat. “I’ll call you when I’m done for the day. It may not be until after dinner though.”

Justin reached over before Brian could close the door and grabbed his lover’s hand. “I’ll be waiting. Good luck, not that you need it.”

“Piece of cake.” Brian laughed, grateful that Justin was trying to ease his tension. “Love you. Later.”

“Love you, Brian.” Justin said as the door closed behind his lover. Justin sat there watching Brian walk down the sidewalk, saluting the enlisted men who walked past him. It brought a small smile to Justin’s face seeing Brian get the respect he deserved. He knew his lover was worried about the tests, and Justin had tried everything in his arsenal to try and ease Brian’s worries. He never had a doubt that Brian would succeed in the coming weeks. He never once thought that Brian would be one of the ones who didn’t make it. He only wished he could convince Brian of that.

“I’ll just have to work hard these next five weeks to get him to realize it, since he’ll be all alone for 8 weeks without me.” Justin told himself. Knowing what he had to do, Justin put the car in drive and headed into town. He had to find something to do with his time, and Justin knew his first stop would be an art store. He might as well get a head start on his new career.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian felt like he was ready to die. He had just completed the physical test, and leaned against the wall trying to catch his breath. He knew he would have no problems with any portion of it… it was just that he had never tried it all at once. He definitely took advantage of the ten minutes in between sections. He only hoped that the Jacuzzi tub in their room was worth the extra price. He knew he would be sore for days after this.

“Good work, Ensign.” Brian heard next to him as he saw a figure lean against the wall. Brian knew who it was, and for once he was grateful that he wasn’t in full uniform and didn’t have to salute. Hell he wasn’t even sure he could stand up without falling, let alone raise his arm in the air enough to reach his head.

“Thank-you, sir.” He breathed, still trying to catch his breath. “I guess I wasn’t in as good a shape as I thought.” He said as he began to feel like his chest wasn’t on fire.

“You’re in wonderful shape, you’ve worked hard to get here and it shows. Most of these men most likely won’t make it past the test today. They will have other chances, but it’s not easy to pass the test the first time through. But you did. That speaks volumes about your physical training.” The Admiral stated with pride. He was proud of Brian. He had always known that the young man would make it, today only proved that he was right. “Now why don’t you hit the showers, and go home. Tomorrow is another day.”

Brian glanced up at his mentor, and nodded. “Thank-you, sir. But I think I’ll try out the Jacuzzi tub instead.”

“Ah, the wonders of modern technology. I wish they had those when I had started my training, many years ago.” The Admiral said with a smile. “Now go home to your man.”

“Yes, sir.” Brian replied pulling himself away from the wall and heading toward the locker room. The first challenge was over. Now it was time to find out if the coming home was what it was cracked up to be. With a small smile on his face, Brian picked up the phone and dialed Justin’s cell phone number. “I’m home honey.” He said into the phone. “Come get me. I’m tired, and need a backrub.”

Justin had a busy and eventful day. He’d picked up some art supplies and made a mental note to have Daphne ship some of his favorite things to him. Luckily she now had a key to the house. He’d also arranged to have the cars shipped out, both of them. He knew that Brian was going to freak when he found out, but he’d worry about that then. There was no way he was going back to Maryland on his own. Brian had better get used to it.

And now to find a suitable apartment to rent, he’d only had time to look at two of them and neither one was suitable. He needed a studio area and Brian needed a fully equipped gym, hot tub and pool. He’d made a list of what furniture he wanted to have shipped out and what he wanted to put into storage. He made sure that everything in Brian’s study was coming as well as a few of his own favorites including their bed.

It was only for barely half a year, but Brian had to realize that they needed to be comfortable. When his cell phone rang, Justin was on his way to the base. “Hey Navy Boy” he said into the phone. He knew no one else had the number. It had to be Brian.

Justin laughed at Brian’s words. “I’m on my way; I’ll be there in five minutes.”

True to his word Justin pulled up as Brian walked out of the door. “Hey, it was cool showing my ID” he said to Brian. “I can say that being an officer’s spouse has the added privilege of also getting saluted. I never thought I would be on the receiving end of one of those.” He leaned over and gave his exhausted husband a quick kiss. “Do you want to drive?”

“I can’t, I’m dead” Brian’s head was back on the seat, his eyes shut.

“Poor guy” Justin began to head to their motel. “I won’t even make you carry in the parcels in the trunk.”

“What parcels?”

“I bought a few things for you and we needed some groceries.” Justin said off hand.

“I don’t need anything.” Brian kept his eyes shut, he could feel sleep overtaking him in the heat of the rental car.

“Brian, you’ve been in uniform like for four years with only brief forays in civvies. I bought you some things to wear.”

“We can’t afford to spend money on whims Justin. I don’t make all that much despite my fancy sounding title. Hell, I’m not even a SEAL yet, so we can’t count on that money yet.”

“Brian, we’re partners aren’t we?” Justin asked.

“Of course we are.”

“So since when do partners only use one of the partner’s money. I mean don’t I count for anything?”

“Sure you do baby, but you aren’t working right now.” Brian patted Justin’s thigh.

“Brian, did you even look at the stuff I had you sign at the bank?”

“I looked at it.”

“But did you suck it back?”

“What do you mean?”

“Didn’t you notice that there was rather an excessive amount of paper to sign?”

“Sure, banks are paper crazy.”

Justin rolled his eyes. “I guess I’d better give you a little light reading when we get to our humble abode.”

Brian could hardly let Justin carry in everything in the trunk, so despite his exhaustion he grabbed a handful of bags. The two of them made it inside though it took Justin an extra trip. “Let me make you a bath Brian.” Justin said. Brian was sitting on the side of the bed. Justin ran the water into the large Jacuzzi tub adding some bath salts. He came back to find Brian hadn’t moved. He knelt down and untied his heavy boots, pulling them off of Brian’s feet. And then stood him up and helped take the rest of his clothes off before leading him into the bathroom. “Relax in the tub Brian, I’ll make supper and I promise you an amazing back rub before bed.”

“Did I tell you I love you today?” Brian asked. “Hey, why don’t you give me the papers you wanted me to read.”

“Are you sure?” Justin didn’t know whether that would be a good idea. The last thing he wanted was for Brian to drown in the tub. “I’ve put your new bathrobe on the door.” He tried to change the subject.

“The papers Justin and what was wrong with my old bathrobe?”

“Nothing, but this is Ralph Lauren, it’s silk and the color of your eyes when we’re making love. I saw it and I couldn’t resist.”

Brian wasn’t impressed but how much could a bathrobe cost anyway. He held out his hands for the papers. “Papers Justin, now please.” It was his military voice, Justin scurried to find the papers.

Justin handed him the copies of what they had signed at the bank and beat a hasty retreat stopping only long enough to give Brian a chaste kiss on top of his head. He began to prepare a simple supper for them both when he heard. “JUSTIN!”

Justin winced but ran into the bathroom. Brian was sitting up shaking the papers. “Is this some kind of a joke?”

Standing behind the tub Justin began to massage the knots out of Brian’s neck. “No joke, it’s just the copies of the bank’s paper work. There was lots of stuff to be changed over into both of our names.” He kissed him. “I love you Brian.”

“Justin, there are a lot of zeros here.”

“It’s only money.” Justin was trying to be reasonable.

“Justin it’s one fucking great pile of money. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You never asked and my parents always told me it was impolite to discuss money until you were married and then only occasionally.”

“What is this, the nineteen hundreds?”

“Nope” Justin continued to massage. “Brian, what’s the big deal; so we have money.”

“You have money.”

“Apparently you still are unclear on the concept of marriage and partnerships.” Justin cocked his head to one side. “Didn’t they cover that in the last four years of school?”

“Don’t be a smart ass. I can’t take your money.”

“Again I mention the word partnership. As I understand it, it means that we share. You share what you have and I share what I have and we’re both happy.”

“Justin, I’m not taking your money.”

“Don’t you love me?” Justin’s voice quivered and he stopped massaging Brian’s neck. “You promised you loved me. You said forever. You said I was your Avalon.” He began to cry and ran out of the bathroom. Justin looked around wildly, he had no where to go. They were stuck in a one room suite with a kitchen nook, the only place he could retreat to was the balcony. He slipped outside and shut the heavy door before sliding down the glass, barely containing his sobs.

“Fuck Kinney, now what?” Brian shouted. He threw the offending papers on the floor and pulled himself out of the tub. Grabbing a thin hotel towel, he wrapped it around his waist or tried to, it was pathetically small. So he pulled the thick silk bathrobe off of the bathroom door and pulled it on. The six hundred dollar price tag fluttered to the floor. Brian picked it up, looked and looked again. He wanted to rip the robe off and make Justin return it but he remembered the tear-filled and heartbroken blue eyes that had looked at him before Justin ran out of the room.

“Justin” he said as he stepped out of the bathroom. Justin was nowhere to be found. He couldn’t have gone far Brian thought. He stood for a minute and then he heard a sharp intake of breath before another sob. It came from the balcony. Brian walked over and pulled the door open. “Justin come in here.” He asked.

“No, you don’t love me anymore.” Justin knew he was being unreasonable, but he couldn’t help it. “You promised me forever and you lied.”

“I didn’t lie.” Brian sighed. Fuck he hated this drama queen shit. “Justin I was surprised that’s all. I didn’t know that real people had that kind of money. You must have thought I was an idiot trying to save a buck when we were looking for a place to stay.”

“No, I just thought it was cute. How was I supposed to know you didn’t read what the bank guy gave you to sign?”

“I was too busy looking at your ass.” Brian said honestly. “I love your blond boy ass.”

“So you’re not mad ‘cause we have a few million dollars?” Justin asked. He wiped his nose on the back of his hand. Brian handed him some tissues.

“Christ don’t say it out loud. I don’t want anyone to know.” Brian sighed. “Justin, it’s going to take some getting used to. I was lucky to have twenty bucks in my pocket by the time payday rolled around. Now I find that I’m a fucking millionaire. Again, you might have mentioned it. I mean you were working for fuck sake. I thought you were working to earn money. I thought you just were a real good money manager.”

“I am a good money manager; I just have a lot to manage.” Justin said. “Now you can help”

“Christ I’m not even sure Navy SEALs are supposed to have that kind of money.” Brian ran his hand over his shorn head.

“It’s not like you stole it or anything. I mean some is from my grandparents and some is from my parents and some is from me. It’s all been earned honestly.”

“And you were working why?”

“So I could meet a hot Navy Boy?”

“Wrong answer pretty boy.” Brian’s good humor was returning. “Are there any more surprises you have for me?”

“Well, not really, except I did send for our cars. You can’t be waiting for me to pick you up every day and I need a car too.”

“Geeze Justin, you’re only here for six weeks or so and then it’s back to Maryland while I finish my training.”

“About Maryland” Justin began.

“Do I want to know?”

“Probably not.” Justin smiled at him, his tears forgotten. “Hey you look hot in that robe. I knew it was the perfect color for you.”

“Six hundred fucking dollars worth of perfect color.” Brian’s tone was a tad bitter.

“I know, wasn’t that a good deal, it was marked down fifty percent.” Justin stood up and let Brian wrap him in his arms. “I love you Brian.”

“I love you too Justin, but damn you’re hard on my nerves sometimes. I may not have to worry about ducking for bullets. You may be the death of me one day.”

“You’re no walk on the beach either Navy Boy.” Justin said with a sniff.

Brian pulled Justin tighter against his body, and held his little drama queen. ‘No, full-blown queen of drama queens,’ Brian thought. “Now, Justin. Repeat after me. I will not spend all my money on Brian.”

Justin figured that he could repeat that one. “I will not spend all my money on Brian.” It wasn’t a lie. He wouldn’t spend it ALL on Brian. Just a good portion of it. They were married, so it only made sense to make Brian happy. A happy Brian made for a very happy Justin.

Brian thought that this was going too easy, but he decided to continue. “I will not go out and buy Brian things without prior consent of Brian. Not counting holidays of course, in which I will not go overboard.”

Justin looked at Brian and raised his eyebrow. “Huh? You expect me to remember all of that?”

“Justin,” Brian growled.

”Well, I mean that’s a lot to remember to repeat back to you. See I already forgot how it began.” Justin stated deciding that if he didn’t remember it he wouldn’t have to repeat it. He wouldn’t follow through with that one anyway.

“I will not go out and buy Brian things without prior consent of Brian.”

“No.” Justin replied. “Brian, I can’t promise that. I think that some surprises are necessary for a marriage. It keeps things interesting. Don’t you? And if I agree to that, then you would have to agree to the same thing, since everything is equal in this partnership. And I know you… you would be somewhere, and see something. You would have to get it for me… and well I wouldn’t know about it and the whole prior consent thing would be blown out of the water then. So see, it’s a stupid rule. Why would we need rules anyway? We’re married. What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours. I just happen to have more right now than you. But it’s ours. So it only makes sense that…”

Brian stopped any further words from coming out of his husband’s mouth by crushing their lips together. “Will you go make dinner? I’m tired and sore, and hungry as hell.” Brian turned and walked away back toward the waiting bath water. This conversation was officially on the shelf, but Brian swore that he would one day soon revisit it.

Justin walked back to the kitchen with a smile on his face. He had won this round. One day Brian would see the truth. Everything that Justin had was now Brian’s also. Justin wanted Brian to have everything he wished for. And if Justin felt the need to spoil his husband that should be his right. “Oh yeah… I’ve got his number.”

“I heard that!” Came the cry from the bathroom.

Justin laughed knowing that the game had just begun. Just wait until Brian saw what else Justin had bought. And let’s not even get into what Justin had planned for them. No, let Brian have his fun, let him think that he could get Justin to agree. What would a marriage be without some arguments? He would make it up to Brian. One little backrub and Brian would forget all about money, gifts and rules.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

11 June 2011

Justin,

Let me just start off and say that you are one annoying, conniving, little brat. You’re lucky I love you so much. Cause I tell you that there are times in the past week that I have wanted to wring your neck!

Okay, that’s not entirely true, but damn, you irritate me at times. I wish that you could understand where I’m coming from. I wish that you could understand why I don’t want you to spend your money on me. I wish… hell, I wish for a lot of things.

And to think I was worried about money. I still haven’t given that up.

I guess this will just have to be one of those damn compromises that couples have to go through. I know what it means to you, I know and understand that you feel you must take care of me, but Justin you need to understand that there is a limit. I don’t want you going out and buying me clothes and stuff like that. I do have my own money and I can get my own damn underwear.

I just wish you could see things from my perspective. I wish you could understand.

You can’t fully understand, like I can’t fully understand you. I’m learning that. We come from totally different backgrounds. You came from money. Your parents gave a damn about you, loved you. I didn’t have that. I was lucky for the clothes on my back! I was lucky if they weren’t some damn hand-me-downs from the people at church. Cause God knew Jack Kinney couldn’t be bothered with spending his money on a kid he didn’t even want.

But you… you had it all. At least that’s what I believe. And maybe I’m wrong. I don’t know. As I said. I don’t know what it’s like to have parents who cared, who had money. At least who had money and didn’t spend it on the whores down the street or the booze in the cabinet… hell or the damn church. They always got more than I ever did.

So I’ll compromise, I will. Cause as I said… the alternative is unthinkable. I can’t live without you. I just hope you don’t kill me in the process of loving me. Fuck!

Anyway, let’s see. Training. The first day… I swear that I was almost ready to call it quits then. I felt like I was ready to die. Luckily the Admiral was there to lift me up. Things did calm down some though, and the first week wasn’t too bad. I know it will only get worse. The way I look at it, if I can make it past hell week in 9 weeks I’ll be alright. If I can make it past then… I should be able to make it past anything.

Even an annoying brat of a husband.

I mean that in a good way.

I do love you, Justin… even when you annoy me.

Forever My Avalon,
Brian

~~~***~~~***~~~***
Justin sat back in the passenger seat of the Stingray, the wind blowing through his hair. He was going to have to get it cut one of these days. He looked over at Brian who still looked a tad sulky. “Hey Navy Boy, put that bottom lipin, you know you like driving your car better than that rental.”

“That’s not the point.”

Justin leaned over in the confined space and snuggled as close as he could to Brian. “Of course it’s the point. It’s all about making my man comfortable. You get enough shit and abuse on the base.” He rubbed his cheek on Brian’s arm. “Besides, I happen to like to spoil you. I think it’s because you look so hot when you pout.”

“SEALs don’t pout.”

“Apparently SEALS in training do.” Justin grinned. “We must work on that bottom lip Ensign Kinney.” He giggled. He knew Brian wasn’t really mad. He was actually getting used quite quickly to the comforts that having money could buy. Though he did put up a good fight.

“Where are we going again?”

“I want to go to the art supply store, one of the large grocery stores, the Bon and maybe Ethan Allan Furniture Gallery.”

“That’s too many stops, I’m supposed to be resting and recuperating.”

“Then why were you up at the crack of dawn running like a bunny.”

“I don’t run like a bunny.”

“Hmmmm, I guess you’ve never seen yourself or a bunny run.”

“Brat” Brian turned into a large strip mall. “Art store first, grocery store last.”

“Cool, I need a few more pastels and I think I’ll replace my water colors.” They had pulled up in front of the large store. “Are you coming in?”

“No, I brought one of my text books. I’m going to review some things. Take your time”

“Yes dear.” Justin said in falsetto. He leaned in to give Brian a kiss before getting out of the car. “But you have to come into the Bon with me.”

“We’ll see.”

“I’ll buy you a zillion presents if you don’t.”

“I’ll come in with you.” Brian said shaking his head.

Justin grinned and headed inside the store. He was loading up his basket when a striking oriental woman tapped him on the arm.

“Excuse me.” She said rather shyly. “I want to learn to paint, and I was wondering, I saw that you seemed to know what to buy. Can you recommend which of these water color sets I should get.”

“Sure.” Justin smiled at her. “I love working in water color, it gives such a surreal look to a sketch. I don’t really do an entire painting, more like color a sketch.” Justin picked up a book of basic sketching techniques. “See, if you sketched this apple for instance, what would make it stand out more is a tiny wash of color, and that’s it.”

“Oh, that sounds wonderful. I’m Komari Smith by the way.”

“I’m Justin Taylor-Kinney.” They shook hands. “I trained four years in Pittsburgh at the Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts and I’ve worked in advertising, but right now I’m here while my husband is doing his training at the base.”

“My husband works at the base too.” She said. “Would you consider giving lessons?”

“I’ve never really thought about it.” Justin admitted. “I mean I’ve shown some techniques to friends.”

“Are you working during the day?” she asked.

“No, I’m not planning on getting a job. Brian will be training here for a few weeks and then I guess I have to do something with our house in Maryland. I’ll probably wait and do that when they have him confined to the base. It’ll be too lonely knowing he’s so close, but that we can’t really see each other.”

“I know what you mean. Sometimes when my husband is away I could just scream. I hardly know any of the wives. I think they resent me or something.”

Justin laughed, “Probably because you’re better looking than they are.”

His new friend smiled at him. “You are too funny.”

“I’d better go; Brian is waiting in the car for me.” Justin picked up one of the water color sets. “This is the one I’d go with if I was just starting out. And get yourself a good beginning sketch book. The biggest thing about sketching is to practice. It’s like everything, you can’t run before you walk.”

“Thank you so much Justin. I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me.”

Justin laughed, his smile was infectious and Komari smiled back. “See Komari, we could be great friends and best of all I wouldn’t have to worry about you hitting on my handsome husband.”

“Maybe I will see you on the base some time.” She said shyly.

“Sure, or if you’re really bored, give me a call, I’m staying at the Starlight Motel until I can find us an apartment to sublet. Brian is being a bit of a grouch about that. He doesn’t want me to spend the money.”

“If you don’t mind Justin, I would love to call you. We could have lunch or I can take you to some wonderful spots to sketch. I’ve been living here with William for almost four years now.”

“Cool, call me; I’m free all day while Brian is training.” Justin leaned over and gave her a hug. “See you soon.”

Justin paid for his purchases and hurried to the car. He was afraid he’d been away too long, but Brian was engrossed in his text book and barely looked up when his husband got into the car. Justin leaned over and put his hand on the page. “Navy Boy, as chauffer today, we should get moving.”

“Sorry brat. I was at in interesting part.”

Justin glanced at the book on Naval law. “riiiiiiight.” He said shaking his head.

Finding a parking place at the Bon wasn’t easy, but Brian finally settled on one. “Come on Brian, you promised.” Justin whined.

“I didn’t promise, I’ll tell you what. I promise to go to Ethan Allen, by the way what is Ethan Allan again?”

Justin rolled his eyes. “A furniture store.”

“Justin we don’t need any furniture.”

“I like to look” Justin wasn’t going to argue with him, but there wasn’t a chance in hell he was staying for months on end at the Starlight Motel. He was going to find an apartment by the end of the week or die trying.

“Fine, I don’t know why you need to waste time looking at furniture, but I’ll go in there with you.”

“You know I’m going to buy you something at the Bon don’t you?”

“No you aren’t, we discussed that.” Brian looked at Justin closely. “You did listen to me didn’t you?”

“Can I just buy you one shirt?”

Brian rolled his eyes. “One shirt that’s it.”

“And a pair of pants.”

“Justinnnnnn”

Not wanting to prolong the agony any longer Justin hopped out of the car. He walked around to Brian’s side and leaned in the open window. Brian had already grabbed his text. Justin stuck his head in and turned Brian to kiss him soundly. “Now study with a hard on.” He whispered.

“Brat” Brian muttered as he squirmed in his seat. He watched Justin deliberately swish away and he had to laugh at his husband’s sense of humor.

Justin decided to go to the towel section first. He needed to buy some towels; the motel ones were pathetic. He had almost reached the section when he spotted his new friend. “Hey Komari, are you following me?” He asked with a smile.

“Justin, no, I thought I would spend some time window shopping. My days are anything but exciting. William is playing golf today with his buddies. You would think that he would get enough of them all week.” She gave a lonely laugh.

“Well his loss is my gain. I’m looking for some towels. The motel ones are a zillion years old and made for midgets; they don’t go around my husband’s waist.”

She laughed. “William likes a nice thick towel too. I bought some of these last week.” She led him over to a display. “They washed up wonderfully well and feel them, lovely and thick.” She handed Justin a towel.

“Hey nice.” He said. “I wonder what color I should buy?”

“If you don’t have your own place maybe you should stick with white?”

“I should but white is so boring.” Justin fingered some rich burgundy towels. He held one up. “Doesn’t this one look amazing?”

Komari had to laugh. Justin was so full of enthusiasm and he wasn’t the least bit intimidated by her or her husband. “It is a wonderful towel Justin. But the price, it’s thirty five dollars for each bath towel and even more for the bath sheets.”

“Well just between you and me and the fence post, I’m a trust fund brat and I really don’t care what they cost.” Justin picked up a handful of the towels and then included some face cloths. “I’ll just have to find an apartment with a bathroom to match my towels.”

“In that case, you should have six bath towels, two bath sheets, four face towels and six face cloths.” Komari and Justin checked the pile of towels finally making their choice. She laughed. “Shopping with you is fun Justin.”

“As long as we don’t start getting our nails and hair done together, I like it too.” Justin giggled. “Of course I wouldn’t say no to a pedicure.”

“You are such a brat.” Komari giggled. “Your husband must love you very much to let you out by yourself.”

“He’s in the car studying. It’s very important to him that he make SEAL.” Justin confided. “Of course he will because he not only looks the part, he is the best they’ll ever have go through that course. Not that I’m bragging or anything, but he really is good.”

“Have you two been married long?”

“We’re newly weds. We got married after he graduated and before he came here. He wanted to make sure I could have spousal benefits. It wouldn’t have mattered. I would have followed him any way. I have no shame when it comes to Ensign Kinney.”

“Congratulations Justin. Being the spouse of a SEAL is a hard life. But if anyone can do it I’m sure you can.”

“Have you and your husband been married long?” Justin asked as they stood at the checkout counter.

“We’ve been married five years. I’m Williams’s third wife. His first one died and the second one was a bitch and now he has me.”

Justin laughed. “Well you know what they say, ‘third times a charm’. I’m sure he appreciates you – you’d be a good contrast after the bitch.”

“That was my plan.” She giggled. They had wandered into the men’s department.

“I’m looking for a shirt for Brian. I’m trying to build up his non military wardrobe, so nothing white or blue.” Justin fingered some deep red silk shirts and then his eyes lit on a black and khaki print Egyptian cotton shirt with a many tiny tucks down the front. “Look at this; he’d look awesome in it.”

Komari held up a pair of deep khaki linen trousers. “These would look great with that shirt.”

“Not too gay?” Justin asked.

“I don’t think so.” She replied.

“Then I’ll get them both.” He declared. He finished paying for his purchases and then said goodbye to Komari. They agreed to get together the next week. She’d call him on Monday.

The towels were heavy despite the large plastic bag and Justin was struggling by the time he got to the car. Brian saw him coming and got out to help him put the bag in the trunk.

“Geeze Justin what did you buy?”

“Just some towels and I bought you a shirt and a pair of pants.”

“Justin….”

“Only one shirt, only one pair of pants.” Justin kissed him. “You’ll look hot when you take me to dinner on Sunday.”

“I’m taking you to dinner?” Brian smirked. “I guess there’s a MacDonald’s here somewhere.”

“Don’t be a bitch.”

“It takes one to know one.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian fell to his knees and tried to stop the sudden sickness that he knew was coming. He had heard from the enlisted men about the gas chamber, but damn. ‘Seeing is believing.’ Brian thought as he once again tried to stop the rise of bile. Luckily he saw that he wasn’t the only one on his knees. “This is worse than boot-camp,” one of the seamen stated from beside Brian. “I don’t know if they use different gas, or we were in there longer, but fuck!”

Brian wanted to laugh, but he was afraid to open his mouth. After about five minutes Brian finally felt like he wasn’t ready to die, and carefully stood up. “Fuck is right.” He stated as he helped the seaman up off the ground. “You okay?”

“Yes, sir. Thanks.”

”No problem.” Brian gave the poor man a small smile as they began to walk back toward the small classroom. One thing that Brian had realized early on was that during SEAL training he was basically the same level as the enlisted men in his group. They were all working for the same thing; were all striving to become a SEAL… ranks didn’t matter there as much as they did outside of their training grounds. Brian guessed that it was because they all had to be closer than the men and women serving on the ships. They had to count on one another more. Whatever the reasoning, Brian was grateful.

“So slime, how did you like the chamber.” Stated the chief SEAL in charge of the class. ‘Nope, no ranks here, we’re all slime.’ Brian mused as he sat down in one of the chairs. “That’s just a taste of what you will be going through during your training. If you think that when you get out there in the field that you won’t be exposed to chemical and biological warfare then you are living in a dream world. And there’s one thing that I hate is delusional people. This is the real world, boys. As SEALs you are the elite of the elite. If you want to be here you have to be better than the Army. Better than the Marines. We won’t even go into the Air Force. If you can’t handle a little tear gas, a little nerve gas, then you know where the door is, slime. Get the hell out of my SEALs cause I don’t want you here.”

“You are here for a reason, and that reason is because for some odd reason, you got lucky. You got lucky enough to pass the tests to make it to the second week of Indoc. If you think that this will be a walk in the park, you’re wrong.” Stated a Lieutenant standing next to the chief. Brian’s instructor. And he thought that some of the ones at the Academy were tough. He began to wonder if Michaels was a former SEAL. “IF you make it through Indoc, and IF you make it through the Basic phase, then you will graduate from being slime. I might even consider you to guard my back. If I don’t think you can cut it… if I can’t trust you to watch out for your fellow SEALs then I will make your life a living hell. You will think that Dante’s version of hell is heaven with what I will do to you.”

The thing that Brian realized was that these men could actually follow through with what they were saying. He had no doubt in his mind to anything they were saying was a thousand percent true. There was a reason why the SEALs were the best, why their training was the hardest of all the armed forces. Now, Brian was finally starting to realize how that title came to be. The best of the best, the elite of the elite was earned not given. Earned by the hard work and dedication that these men had to one another and to their mission.

And unfortunately for him and the other members of his class… their mission was making men out of slime. ‘Lucky me.’ Brian realized how lucky he was that Justin gave damn good back-rubs. For once he actually had a good thought to his husband’s uncanny spoiling of him. He was for once grateful that his husband wanted to take care of him.

For some reason, Brian knew he would need it now and in the coming weeks. Not that he would tell Justin that. No, let the brat think Brian hated it. And although he did, Brian knew enough to know that there were certain advantages to it as well.

“Now slime. You have the weekend off. Two days of freedom. Use it wisely. Bask in your freedom, cause slime… in another couple of weeks, you’re ours 24-7. For eight weeks you will be ours to do with what we will. So enjoy your time off. Monday come in here fresh and ready to work.” The Lieutenant stated, as looked around the room at the tired and sick looking sailors. “By the way, don’t eat too much. Monday is another physical evaluation test. Have fun slime.”

When the Lieutenant and Chief left, Brian could hear the groans of the others in his class. “Fuck me,” Brian quietly stated as he laid his head down on his table. “Thank god for Jacuzzi tubs.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin went out to pick up the paper after Brian left for the base. Even Brian had to admit having their cars here was a good idea. Justin was really sick of living in one room. Brian wanted to study and Justin was afraid to move once the text books were open. It was driving him nuts and he knew that it was doing the same to his husband despite what he said to the contrary.

Justin spread the classifieds out in front of him. Maybe there would be something new that would take a short term rental. If worse came to worse he’d sign a year’s lease, pay in advance and who cared if they moved in six months. It was only money.

The phone rang just as he was about to call a likely place. “Justin here.” He answered.

“Justin, it’s Komari, would you like to join me for lunch today?”

“Sounds good Komari, but I really want to find someplace to live. This place is too small and cramped and truthfully, while I love Brian dearly, being in the same room with him constantly is not a good thing.”

She laughed, “I can help you look. I know the area.”

“That would be great, should I pick you up or do you want to meet me here?”

“Why don’t I pick you up?” she offered. “I can be there in an hour. I want to phone someone I know who has a real estate company. She may have some ideas for us. How much room do you want?

“It ‘s not so much the room we need. I mean two bedrooms would be great; Brian could use one for his study. I can have his stuff shipped from Maryland. But he needs a building with a good gym, hot tub and a pool. He’s a fitness freak.”

“All SEALs are.” Komari said. “You have no idea how often my William works out at the gym and he really doesn’t need to anymore. But he said he’d never ask any of his men to do something that he couldn’t do himself.”

“Hey, there should be more guys like him.”

“Oh I think one William is enough.” She laughed. “I’ll pick you up in an hour.”

“I’ll be waiting.” Justin hung up the phone. It was great that he’d made a friend. And it was nice that her husband worked on the base. She would understand better what it was like to be married to a Navy man. Her husband sounded like a good guy.

He tidied up their room finishing up just as Komari pulled into the parking lot. She was driving a mustang convertible. “Hey cool car.” Justin said as he got in. “I found a couple of places to look at.”

“I’ve got something better I think.” Komari said with a smile. "The girl I was telling you about has a great apartment that will suit you just fine. It’s in a new building and it’s the penthouse. The company that is buying the suite doesn’t want it right now. They are reorganizing and are willing to give you a nine month lease which should be perfect for you. It’s a little longer than you need, but it’s better than a year.”

“Great.” Justin beamed at her. “Let’s take a look.”

It didn’t take the two of them long to find the building. The building superintendent was expecting them and took them to the penthouse suite right away. The first thing Justin noticed was that one wall was nothing but windows. Perfect for him to paint. The building had a complete gym and pool on the lower floor and the apartment had it’s own spa tub outside on the roof garden. Justin could picture romantic nights with Brian in the tub. “It’s perfect” Justin couldn’t stop grinning. “I’ll have some of our furniture shipped out from Maryland and I’ll pick up a couple of things here. I saw the most amazing chairs at Ethan Allan’s on the weekend. We won’t really need a lot of furniture until I find out where Brian’s posting is going to be.”

“It’s wonderful” Komari agreed. “But won’t your Brian be upset at the price? I think you mentioned he hated you spending money.”

“I know he wouldn’t be too pleased.” That was an understatement. The rent was three thousand a month. “But it’s not like we don’t have the money. He just has to get used to thinking of the money I brought into the marriage as ours and not mine.” He looked a Komari “Besides I’m not going to tell him are you?”

“Not me” she giggled. “Let’s go sign the lease and then we can have some lunch. Have you been to the Officer’s mess yet?”

“No,”

“Well wives are allowed to use the dining room at lunch time. I sometimes meet some of the other wives there. Why don’t I take you and introduce you to any that might be there?”

“Are you sure it’s okay, I mean Brian might…” Justin began.

“Brian will be too busy to even notice. The training is brutal during these first weeks.” She giggled. “Us wives have to stick together.”

Justin laughed with her. “I’m so glad I met you Komari. My stay here is going to be more fun than I thought it would be at first.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“You can’t be serious. You’re not serious.” Justin stated with wide eyes and hands on hips. “How can I be grounded? Don’t you think that I’m a little old to be grounded?”

Brian had come home that night and flat out told Justin that they were not going out at all that weekend, that in essence Justin was grounded from leaving the new apartment at all. “I’m deadly serious.” Brian stated as he began to take off his uniform to place them in the dry cleaning bag behind the bedroom door. “Every time you’re out of my sight you have this little habit of spending money. Money for the most part on me! I told you countless times that you are NOT to spend your money on me, and you even agreed!”

“I did not.” Justin sat down on the edge of the bed to watch his husband change into a pair of black pants and a wife beater. Justin had to tear his eyes away from the sight of Brian’s body so he wouldn’t reach up and bring his lover down to the bed with him. He was mad at him, it wouldn’t do to try and forget everything because he loved the way Brian looked in those skin tight black pants that showed off Brian’s lean legs, and articulated his cock. Nope, wouldn’t do to think about that.

“You did to,” Brian told Justin as he moved out of the bedroom and headed toward the kitchen. Once there, Brian pulled a beer out of the refrigerator and looked to see if Justin had followed. Watching Justin move into the kitchen behind him, Brian tried not to laugh. He couldn’t believe how much fun it was to argue with Justin at times. Justin always made a huge play at trying to confuse Brian. Justin talked and talked trying to get Brian to forget the original item up for discussion, or have Brian just give in and drop it. Most of the time Brian did drop it, at least temporarily… but he wasn’t giving up this time.

“When?” Justin asked crossing his arms over his chest in defiance.

Brian leaned up against the kitchen counter and stared at his lover. “Let’s see, it was a little over a week ago. You had repeated word for word what I had said. Let’s see if you remember this ‘I will not spend all my money on Brian.’ Do you remember that?”

“I didn’t spend ALL my money on you.” Justin lifted his arms out to his side in exasperation. “It’s not like I’ll go broke, I mean I have lots of money so it’s not ALL.” Justin realized what he had said and looked up at Brian. “Oops. Busted?”

Brian shook his head, and then walked out of the kitchen. He needed to get away from Justin before he said something he would regret. He ignored Justin calling his name as he sat down at his desk and pulled up his e-mail account. Setting his bottle down beside his computer Brian turned in the chair to look at his husband. “Justin, I mean it. Quit spending your money on me. We don’t need this damn apartment for one, especially since in two weeks I will be starting basic. I sure as hell won’t need it, and we agreed that you were going back to Maryland. We don’t need this place!”

Justin knelt down in front of Brian and laid his hands on Brian’s knees. “It’s easier for me. It will give me a place to paint, work, whatever. Plus you have your own gym here so you won’t have to go out.” Justin began to move his hands across the top of Brian’s legs, hoping to calm his lover. “Besides you won’t be in basic forever. You still have months here after that. It only makes sense to have a place. It’s cheaper in the long run than paying week to week on that small hotel room.”

Brian ran his hand through his hair, and looked down at Justin. Grabbing the other man’s hands, Brian put a halt to the movement. Justin wasn’t going to win this one, no matter what. “You are not to leave the apartment this weekend, plain and simple. I will not budge on this. Hell, if I could stop you from leaving while I’m on base I would. But from here on out, you are not to go anywhere without me being present. If I am around and not in training or on a mission – and I’m talking about training like the next 8 weeks, not if I’m coming home at the end of the day – you are not to go anywhere except the grocery store or the art store without me. You are only to go places for you, and you will not go overboard even then. Do I make myself clear?” Brian stated using his military voice.

“But…” Justin tried to argue.

“Do I make myself clear? The answer is yes. Yes, Brian, I will do as you ask. Since I won’t listen about spending money on you, I will abide by your wishes and not go out without you.” Brian stated as if he was talking to a child. And in a way he was, or at least he felt like he was. Justin took everything he said literally. At least things concerning money. Brian hadn’t meant the whole ‘spending money on me’ thing the way Justin had turned it around in his mind. Brian figured he would have to be more specific when it comes to trying to get his husband to do things. “Justin, it’s not that I’m trying to prevent you from having a life, from spending your money… I just wish you would ask me before you do it. You talk about everything being OURS, well don’t you think that I might have wanted to be asked about how OUR money is being spent?” Brian asked trying to use Justin’s own words against him. If scolding didn’t work, then Brian knew he would have to resort to other means.

Justin thought about what Brian had said, and although he knew that if he felt Brian needed something, or if it would make Brian happy, then Justin would do whatever it took, spend whatever money he had to make it happen. But he also realized that Brian did have a point, especially since it was his own words. Deciding that he could still make it out of this with no problems in the future, Justin gave Brian a small smile. “I will confer with you on how we spend our money, as long as it is not a manner of life and death, and as long as you are around.” Justin felt pleased with himself that he got out of that mess. As long as Brian was not in training or on a mission, he would abide by Brian’s rules… but once Brian left, well all bets were off.

“If I’m around you will not make any major decisions with out my prior approval, right? And if I am not around, you will ask quickly if the chance presents itself, right?” Brian asked wanting to make sure that Justin understood and agreed. Brian knew that he couldn’t stop Justin from doing things if he was not around, but he would at least try to lesson things all around.

Justin nodded as he moved his hands back to Brian’s lap to unbutton Brian’s pants. “I understand and I promise. Shall we shake on it?” Justin asked with a small smile playing on his lips.

“You’re still grounded, and I’m tired.” Brian stated as he turned his chair back around to face the computer. “Tonight is punishment night.”

Justin realized then that Brian was planning on holding out on him and he stood shocked. “You’re not serious?!”

“I’m deadly serious. No sex tonight, dear… I have a headache.” Brian laughed as he picked up his empty bottle of beer. “So now, why don’t you be a good grounded and punished husband and get me another beer.”

Justin narrowed his eyes, ripped the beer out of Brian’s hand and headed toward the kitchen. “This is so unfair,” he cursed as he heard Brian’s laughter floating from the office area. Oh yeah, he’d get even. What he did to make his man’s life easier and better while Brian was away couldn’t be held against him. Brian was in for one wild ride. Justin would get his payback. It was his duty after all to make sure Brian is happy and comfortable. Nothing would stand in his way of that job… it’s one that he took very seriously. Brian would just have to deal with it.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“So when does your plane leave?” Brian asked Justin as they were laying together on the deck of the penthouse suite they were renting.

Justin laid his head on Brian’s chest, trying to soak up whatever contact he could. He had known that this time was coming, but it didn’t mean he had to like it. Eight weeks without Brian around, eight LONG weeks without being able to hold, touch, kiss his husband was almost more than Justin could bear. He knew that he would have to. He also knew that this was the first of many times in which Brian would be away from him. He didn’t have to like it, he just had to deal with it. “Tuesday at 10.” Justin informed Brian.

“You couldn’t get an earlier flight?” Brian asked wondering why Justin was leaving so late. He didn’t like the thought of Justin being alone without him there. He didn’t like to think that the first time that they were going to be separated from each other, Justin wouldn’t have anyone around to help him through it.

“It was the earliest flight I could get,” Justin stated, tightening his arms around Brian. They had two days left, and Justin wasn’t going to let Brian out of his sight, out of his reach.

Brian tightened his own arms around Justin and placed a light kiss on his husband’s head. “I wish that you could get there sooner. I’d feel a lot better if you had someone around.” Brian told Justin honestly. “I don’t want you to have to go through this alone.” Brian whispered against Justin’s hair.

“I know you don’t, and I won’t be alone. I’ll have Daphne, and Lindsay. I’ll have the Admiral and everyone else. Plus,” Justin began as he lifted his head off of Brian’s chest to look his lover in the eye. “You will never be far away from me, Brian. You’ll always be there with me, always. You are in my heart, you’re my soul. How can I be alone if you’re with me forever?”

“Just remember if you need anything there are bases around there. And make sure Daphne knows that if anything happens, to get to the Red Cross, they’ll get me there.” Brian stated wanting to make sure Justin remembered that part if everything else he said was forgotten.

“I’ll remember.”

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” Brian asked running his hand over Justin’s cheek.

“Something good, I hope.” Justin replied as he leaned down to take Brian’s lips onto his own. Justin would make the most of what was left of the weekend. He would pile away the memories of his husband to bring up during the lonely nights a head. He would make sure that Brian had something to keep him warm and loved while he was trying to survive the next 8 weeks. It was his duty, and Justin wanted to have a happy, satisfied man leave his presence on Monday morning. The last look he wanted of Brian is a small smile, and a happy glow radiating from his husband. Nothing else would be allowed. Not if Justin had anything to say about it.

~~~***~~~***~~~
End of Chapter Five

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Chapter 6 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Six

Present time May 2016

Brian slowly opened his left eye and tried to look around to figure out where he was. The last thing he remembered was going into the building with their ‘contact’, nothing else registered in his mind. All he knew now was that he wasn’t where he should be. The swelling on the right side of his face was not allowing him to get a good look at the situation. His whole body felt like it was on fire, pain emanating from different parts of his body. Worse yet, he felt cold, clammy. He knew that he had caught some virus or something in the God awful place… now was not the time for him to have it become full blown.

Brian tried to sit up, tried to figure out a way out of that place, wherever there was. He knew he had to escape. He had to. Justin was waiting for him. Justin might think he was dead. He had to get home. He had to let Justin know he was alive.

Brian collapsed back down on the ground, trying to fight the dizziness and wishing he could breathe again. Rest. Yeah that was what he needed. Rest.

Then he would get out of there and go home.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Present time 2016

Komari sat beside her friend. Daphne was busy in the kitchen making them tea. She laid her head on his shoulder offering what comfort she could. “William told me today that he’s sending a team to find Brian. He’ll bring him back to you Justin. William’s word is law around those boys.”

“Thanks Komari, you know Brian wouldn’t want any special treatment.” Justin had to say the words even though he was screaming inside for them to hurry and find his husband. He had never in all their years together once let Brian know what these missions did to him. Endless letters and romantic dinners, countless hours making love but never, never would he let Brian know how he really felt; that there were days when he was dead inside. He fingered the book in his hand. The passages he read told him the same story and he wanted to scream and scream and scream until he couldn’t make a sound for all the secrets, all the lies that they both had been forced to endure. Instead like a good little Navy wife he sat in his chair and allowed Daphne to force-feed him cups of tea. He smiled and nodded at the appropriate times to all those who came to offer their support and he wondered. When Brian was found, when they brought him back, would he be able to smile pretty the next time his man was called on to lead a mission.

Komari knew what Justin was thinking. She picked up his hand, turned his head so that he could look at her. “If you love him, you’ll do what you have to do. You made that decision on the day you agreed to marry him. The hell that Brian is going through is no less than the hell you are going through. If he can go out again, then you will stand by him, steady and true.”

“They should give us wives fucking medals” Justin said bitterly. “We should be covered in them.”

“We stand together Justin, we’re there for each other, we hold each other up when we need to. We do it for our men and we do it for our country.”

“It fucking hurts Komari.”

“I know Justin, that’s why a lot of marriages don’t work.”

Justin looked at her, really looked at her. “I couldn’t do that to him no matter how I feel, I couldn’t hurt him like that. I’d give my life for him, he’ll never know. Never.”

“Justin, do you remember years ago when William and I hosted that little get together for the SEAL candidates after they finished the first stage. I’ll always remember the look on Brian’s face when the two of you were coming down the receiving line.”

Justin chuckled. “I was such an immature brat. How was I to know that you were Admiral Smith’s wife and that Susan was the wife of the Base Commander.” He laughed again, “Remember when I said ‘Hi Smitty, to William and then gave you a hug and Susan a hug, Brian damn near had a stroke.”

The two friends laughed together for a moment. Komari continued. “I remember the look on Brian’s face, he didn’t know whether to growl at you, apologize to William and Robert or to kiss you. But his eyes were full of love for you and in all these years that has never changed.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

May 2011

Justin was sure he was going to break down and queen out completely. He watched Brian pack what he needed for the next eight weeks. “Are you sure you have everything, that’s not a very big bag?”

“I’m not a pretty boy like you – I don’t need three large suitcases and a trunk.” Brian replied tongue in cheek. “Actually we have a list of what we are to bring and if it isn’t on the list, it isn’t in the bag.” Brian knew what Justin was feeling, he was feeling it himself. He walked over to where Justin was sitting on the bed and threw himself down beside his husband. Pulling him close, he held him while Justin tried to get himself together and then giving up he cried quietly, drenching Brian’s chest. And Brian himself cried, though he would never admit it to anyone.

“I’m sorry Brian, I promised I wasn’t going to cry.” Justin managed to get out. “I mean it’s only eight weeks.”

“That’s right, it’ll be over before you know it. Now I want you to make sure you go back to Maryland and be with your friends. I know you’re determined to sell the house there, but you can use for the next few weeks. Daphne and Lindsay will love to see you and I’m sure the guys at your old office wouldn’t mind you stopping in.”

“Yes sir.”

“Justin, I’m not ordering you to do this. I just want you to be happy and have something to do. You manage to get yourself into the damndest things. I still can’t believe that you’ve been hanging around with Admiral Smith’s and Captain de Cardenas’ wives.”

“We are all just Navy wives, rank doesn’t count when you’re friends.” Justin insisted. It was the argument he’d been using ever since the party.

“Well, YOU aren’t a Navy wife. You’re a Navy spouse.”

“Same thing.” Justin stuck his lip out and Brian leaned over and bit it gently.

“Justin, please just say you’ll go to Maryland so I don’t have to worry about you.”

“I have my ticket already.” Justin leaned up and kissed Brian. “Don’t worry about me. Did I tell you how proud I am to be married to you? Cause I am.” He snuggled closer.

Admiral Smith had told Justin in confidence that when Brian finished his SEAL training he’d be sent to Virginia. Justin was planning on finding them an awesome house during these eight weeks. Not that they could move there yet, but they would eventually.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

May 28, 2011

My Favorite Navy Boy – this is so weird writing an actual letter after years of writing emails – I’ve forgotten all the niceties.

Yes dear, I did leave for Maryland, no I’m not holing up in our little penthouse in the sky. At least not this week. – Gotcha – My flight was uneventful but I was picked up at the airport by Melissa, a friend of Komari’s and I’m staying with her and her husband until I decide what to do with house. Don’t start Navy Boy – the house is too lonely without you, I think I should be allowed to stay with friends. Besides, it doesn’t have much furniture there – remember it’s all in our sky palace as you insist on calling the San Diego apartment.

Daphne and I and Melissa have been exploring the countryside, it keeps us busy and it keeps me from missing you too much – (that’s a lie – I miss you dreadfully)

I’m counting the days and minutes until you and I are together. No I didn’t buy you anything yet – Daphne is keeping an eye on me – why did you have to tell her? For a Navy Boy, you are one big brat sometimes.

I’ve done some sketching and when I get settled I’ll start painting. I think I’ll find myself someone to represent me and maybe do a couple of shows. That is if the art world is ready for nude renditions in living color of my favorite model. Did I tell you he’s hot and does things with his tongue in bed that drive me wild?

Hmmm, I didn’t? Oh well, I’ll tell you about him next time.

When you are officially a SEAL and of course you will be because god knows you’re the best they’ve ever had – I was wondering – can I buy a tee shirt saying Property of this SEAL with an arrow pointing to you?


I love you madly passionately deeply and forever –

Justin

~~~***~~~***~~~***

02 June 2011

Dear Justin.

It’s been a week since I last saw you and already I miss you. I did get a letter today though, and I’m attaching it here in this journal. I wanted so much to tell you everything, to tell you what was going on right now, but I can’t.

I guess this is where it starts huh? The whole withholding information. Fuck, I wish I didn’t have to lie to you. Here I’m telling you in letters that everything is fine, that things here are going great, when in reality I want to just say fuck it and leave.

I don’t know if I can do this Justin. I don’t know if I can continue and make it through this. I don’t know if I can make it another 7 weeks without seeing you. For me, Hell week is 8 weeks long.

I hope you’re behaving yourself. I hope that Daphne’s there for you. It’s tearing me up inside wondering what you’re doing and if you’re okay. I love you, Justin, and I worry about you all the time.

I wish I could talk more, but we have to be up at 3 and if I don’t get some sleep… Fuck, I miss you. I can’t sleep without you next to me.

How sad is that.

I love you, Justin, and I miss you,
Brian

~~~***~~~***~~~
“Justin, I’m not really comfortable with doing this.” Daphne had been arguing with her friend all morning.

“I don’t care if you’re comfortable with it. I’m going to wait for Brian at our apartment in San Diego. Besides, Brian was worried that I’d be moping. I have friends there too. You can come if you want. I’ll buy your ticket.”

“I guess I could come for a week or so.” She conceded.

“Great, I’ll call and get you a ticket.” Justin gave her a quick hug. “I need to be close to him Daph, not half way around the damn country.

“It’s just that he’s going to be sooooo pissed at you.” she shook her head. “I sure don’t want to be around when he finds out.”

“He loves me, he’ll get over it.” Justin said confident in his husband’s affection. “As long as you are there for the closing on the house in Virginia, things should work out okay.”

“I still can’t believe you bought that house.” Daphne shook her head as she headed out the door. “That’s one argument I’d love to see.”

Justin grinned at her, but she was right. Brian would need lots of convincing about the house. Oh well, he had lots of time to worry about it..

Justin finished his packing. The last thing he did was to forward all his calls from the Maryland house to the phone number at the San Diego apartment. Brian was due off Hell week tomorrow and he’d told Justin he would phone him. Justin wasn’t going to take any chances on missing the phone call.

~~~***~~~***~~~

“Shit Justin, no wonder Brian was pissed about the apartment.” She stood in the vast living area and looked around. “Oh my gawd, you can see the whole world from here.” Daphne ran to the window. “You must be able to paint all day.”

“It’s the best light I’ve had in a long time to paint by.” Justin picked up the phone for the tenth time to make sure it was still working. Brian hadn’t called yet. “Daph, use your cell and call the Maryland number and see if it forwards here.” He asked.

“Justin it did the last three times. I’m not doing it again.” Daphne looked at him and shook her head.

When the phone did ring, Justin was caught by surprise. He was in the bedroom changing. “Hey, if it isn’t my Navy Boy hang up.” He said into the phone.

“Hey pretty boy, how are things in Maryland?” Brian’s voice sounded rough and exhausted.

“Who cares,” Justin said. “I’m talking to the man I love. Did you miss me?” he asked shyly.

“Every second of every minute of every hour.”

“Me too.” Justin brushed away an emotional tear. “Are you okay?” he had been so worried about what Brian was going through. He’d watched two videos about it and he couldn’t get them out of his mind.

“I’m fine. I’m a tough old Irishman, it was a piece of cake.” Brian could tell Justin was worried. “You aren’t crying are you baby?”

“No, allergies, Daphne insists on wearing some kind of cheap perfume.”

“I heard that” Daphne shouted.

“So Daphne is there with you. That’s nice. I don’t want you sitting around brooding.”

“That’s your job; you’re the brooder in this relationship. They should call you Angel Kinney.” Justin teased while he hastily tried to wipe the tears away that were flowing faster and faster.

“I can’t talk long, this is only a touch base with the wife kind of phone call.” Brian sighed. He wiped his own eyes on the back of his hand. “Fuck Justin, you feel so close to me. I can almost smell you.”

Justin giggled, if Brian only knew. “You know what they say; I’m just a phone call away. Hey Navy Boy, what ‘cha wearing?”

Brian laughed; Justin always knew how to make him smile. “Only a smile for you pretty boy.”

“Me too” Justin sighed. “I love you Brian, more today than yesterday and not as much as tomorrow. Don’t forget that. I love you and I’m proud of you.”

“Justin,” his name a caress on Brian’s lips, “you are my life. Later” he hung up the phone.

Justin stared at the phone receiver in his hand not believing Brian was gone. He placed it carefully down and then turned to the pillow wrapped in Brian’s workout tee and cried for the man he missed more than life itself.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Brian sat on his rack, re-reading Justin’s letter. He hated lying to Justin, but he knew that his lover/husband didn’t need to hear what was going on here. He couldn’t really bear what was going on. Yeah, all Justin had to do was rent a movie about SEAL training and he would get an idea, but those movies didn’t tell everything. Brian could feel his muscles protesting as he placed the letter into his journal and hid both under his rack. The last thing he needed was for anyone to find them. These were private, and for Justin’s eyes only.

Brian could say one thing about Justin though, the boy could write. The letters came almost every day, and each one was at least 5 pages in length. Hearing the stories of the latest adventures of Justin and Daphne, or what the sunset looked like over the Atlantic, always brought a smile to Brian’s face. It was almost like being there. Almost.

Brian missed Justin terribly, and he wanted to leave this place. Each time the thought of quitting came into his mind however; Brian would look down at his bracelet and know that Justin was there with him. That Justin believed in him, and Brian wasn’t going to let him down. He couldn’t. Justin wanted Brian to have this, and he was proud of Brian’s accomplishments.

Brian lay back in his rack and stared at the ceiling. His mind began to drift toward the people he has had in his life. His parents had never once had anything good to say about him. His father never wanted him, and made it his life’s work to make sure Brian knew it every day. His mother… she was too engrossed in the Church to even notice that Brian was around.

Every time he would bring home his grades or some award he would have won, it never made a dent in the Kinney resolve. He never received even a ‘good job, Sonny boy’ from his old man. Not once.

That’s why being with Justin was like having his childhood back, or his first childhood. Justin had given him everything he could ever had imagined. That’s why he kept trying to tell Justin to not spend money on him… the most important things Justin always gave him without any thought. The love, the passion, the praise, the look of pride in his lover’s eyes. Those were the most important things for Brian, not the material things.

He knew of course that Justin wouldn’t understand that part of him. Giving the gifts were what made Justin happy. Justin thought they made him happy, but the only thing that made Brian happy was seeing the childish look on his husband’s face. He loved seeing Justin’s eyes light up whenever he would give Brian a gift. He would see the love that Justin was sending. Each gift to Justin was a way to show his love for Brian, so Brian knew he would always accept them. If it made Justin happy, then it made Brian happy.

It had been a long two weeks. Brian was thinking ahead, wondering where he would go after all was said and done. Would he be stationed with a team on the west coast, the east, or overseas? Brian hoped for the east coast, that way Justin could be by his friends. Justin would need the support group while Brian was away on missions.

Twenty men had already dropped out of his class, saying they couldn’t cut it. Brian knew that it was hard work, hell lifting a 150 pound bag over your shoulders and running through mud was not fun. And let’s not forget the huge tree trunk they had to carry up hills. But Brian knew that things would only get worse. Their training had just begun, and hell week hadn’t even arrived.

He missed Justin’s touch, though. That was what Brian missed the most as he lay down in bed each night. Justin always had a way of making all the pain and stiffness go away. Justin would always make the day just slip away. Brian couldn’t wait until he was back with his love again.

‘Only 6 more weeks.’ Brian stated. ‘Forty-two days and a wake up.’

~~~***~~~***~~~
In San Diego 2011 – the penthouse

“Komari, you are doing great.” Justin stood back and admired his friend’s efforts. The two easels stood side by side. “At this rate you’ll be giving me a run for my money.” He teased. He loved to see her smile.

“Justin I don’t know what I would have done without you for these weeks. With William being away and everything, I think I would have gone crazy.”

“So you were glad when I didn’t stay in Maryland?” he asked with a smile.

“I wasn’t the least bit surprised when I got that email from the office of the Chief of Naval Operations telling me you were on your way home.”

“I hope Brian understands.” Justin looked gloomy for a moment. He was beginning to have second thoughts on returning.

“Brian loves you. I bet just knowing you are waiting for him helps him through these days. I know when William comes home we have a real good time.”

“Ewwwh, hetero sex, more than I want to know” Justin said with a laugh. “But I didn’t exactly tell him I was here when he called after Hell week. He was pretty insistent that I stay in Maryland with my old friends. He just doesn’t understand, I have you and Susan here and Daphne did come and visit for a week.”

“That’s the one tiny problem with having an officer for a husband. I see you’re finding that out. They are under the delusion that they can order their home around like they do their men.” Komari laughed. “That is just unrealistic. I think William married me thinking he’d finally won. I’d be the dutiful Japanese wife.” She giggled. “Boy was he in for a surprise. Believe me our first two years were verrrrrry interesting.

~~~***~~~***~~~
June 2011
Excerpt from a letter to Brian

My Darling Navy Boy- I do believe this is Hell week for you. I want you to know that I am with you every second. I’ve bought crystals for healing thoughts, I’ve spent hours meditating trying to be there on some astral plain for you. But most of all I’ve painted you. I’ve painted you the way you looked when you walked in the restaurant. I’ve painted you when you saw me after your car broke down and your eyes lit up when I came into view and I melted completely inside. I’ve painted so many faces of my Navy Boy, I know every inch of you by heart and I never tire of putting them down on canvas or paper – you are my everything.

Daphne and my friends who watch me sketch endless drawings of your fingers, or your lips or your eyes, say I’m obsessed. And I admit, maybe I am. But it helps me when you are away. It brings me just that little bit closer to you.

It could be worse, I could become addicted to country music – those songs are always good for missing someone.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Brian lay back in the mud, wanting to close his eyes, wanting to get some sleep, but knowing that if he did close his eyes it would be over. He would be done. It was the third-day of hell week, and Brian was seriously beginning to think that he had made a huge mistake in wanting to be a SEAL. He wasn’t cut out for this type of thing, at least not without sleep.

They had been awoken three days ago just two hours after lights out by the sounds of gun fire. Of course we all fucking jumped right out of the racks. Dressed in full battle gear, they began the week off with a 10 mile run. We were divided into groups, each group having to perform the same drills, the same activities as the others. Brian knew that it was to promote teamwork, but it’s hard to work as a team as some members of your team drop out.

Having to lift a 600 pound log over their heads, Brian worked to get his team together so it would be easy on everyone. Everyone was a different height, so the shorter guys didn’t have to work as hard. That changed when they had to try and do sit-ups with the damn thing on their chests of course, but Brian was grateful for his team. Everyone was trying their hardest to make it easier on everyone else.

By day three, Brian was starting to see things. They had only gotten an hour sleep since hell week started, and despite the fact that they had been fed, he still felt like he was ready to die. He had found himself tripping over rocks during the 4 mile run, but luckily still made it in the required 32 minutes. A fellow trainee, Peters, and Brian had held each other up, motivating each other throughout the week thus far. Where one was weak the other was strong.

Brian had come to rely heavily on a small group of five. They had worked well together, always making each other work, succeed, and survive. He only hoped that they would all survive this, cause Brian wasn’t sure that he would be able to get through the rest of the training without them. They were a team, no matter what anyone said, and Brian was thankful that they were there.

Brian did have to help Christenson during the 2-mile swim when he got caught in the heavy undertow of the bay. He could hear the yelling coming from the instructors, telling them that they wouldn’t make it, to just ring the bell and leave. They weren’t cut out to be SEALs, they were nothing. But no one in Brian’s group listened to the cries. Each one of them took the words and turned it into motivation to continue.

He could remember South yell at them that no one in his group was a worthless piece of shit, that they were going to prove those assholes wrong and make their life a living hell from that moment on. And that became their little motto. They were all determined to make it past this week so that they could throw it back in their instructor’s faces that they were NOT beaten down.

Brian had been designated the leader of his group since he was the only officer. Although he didn’t know the first thing about leading a team, well except from the leadership classes at the academy, Brian lead them through every test that the instructors threw at him. He had help, of course. The other five in his group took some of the responsibility unto themselves. They were all willing to do as Brian asked, no questions asked.

Brian couldn’t ask for a more willing and able group of guys. He only wished that wherever they were stationed, they would be together. They worked well together, it would be a shame to split them up.

By the last day, day 5 and a half, the men were all told that they would be taking their final test. At midnight they had all taken the mile and a half swim in the bay, and the 2000 meter pool swim. All they had left was the 4-mile run, obstacle course, and another 2 mile swim. Brian only hoped he didn’t fall asleep and drown. With only 4 hours of sleep that week, Brian wanted to find a rack and sleep for a month.

When the testing was finally over, Brian fell on top of his rack, and looked at the bracelet that had remained on his wrist the entire week. It was the real reason he had for not giving up when he had wanted too. His team brought him through the physical part of it, and kept him strong, kept him going. They knew his trigger, and they had played it. They all had known about Justin and the mysterious bracelet, and everyone in his unit had kept him going with reminding him that he was doing it for Justin, he was surviving for that reason. Brian knew that he was also surviving so that his men didn’t lose hope, cause he knew that if one of them had fallen, the rest would have also.

Over three fourths of the beginning class had dropped out by the end of the week. Only 32 remained. Brian wondered how many would make it the remainder weeks. Brian pulled his pillow over his head, and dreamt of a certain blond in Maryland.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Brian pulled the Stingray into the parking lot and grabbed his bag out of the trunk of the car. As much as he wanted to just go upstairs and rest, Brian knew he had a plane to catch in three hours and he had to get to Justin. The blond was planning something, and Brian wanted to find out what.

Justin’s letters appeared to be missing things, from what Brian could tell. He didn’t blame Justin for not telling him everything since he himself was withholding information from his husband, but it was different with Justin. Justin was supposed to be the one to share everything, Justin was the one who was supposed to be open. When Justin got quiet, or didn’t tell Brian everything, the man knew his husband was up to no good.

“He better not have gone over board with the damn gifts and shit. I’ll tan his hide so hard he won’t sit down for a fucking month.” Brian said with a smile as he pressed the button to the top floor. His sky-palace. His home.

Brian had to admit to himself that he loved the place. It was more than anything he could have wanted, or dreamed of having. Justin had thought of everything when he had picked the place out, and Brian could tell that the blond had him in mind. Everything fit his current life-style perfectly. Justin knew him entirely too well.

With a small smile playing on his lips, Brian thought about what he wanted to do with his husband the moment he saw him. The flight couldn’t be in Maryland quick enough for his liking. He pulled his keys out of his cammies and slid it into the lock. Once inside he threw his bag on the couch and headed directly toward the bedroom to pack a quick suitcase. He wanted to be out of there in the next 20 minutes so he would have enough time to check in.

Brian’s plans however were halted as he walked past Justin’s small studio. Spotting the blond sitting there looking at him, Brian immediately felt his blood begin to boil. “What the FUCK are you doing here?”

“Hi, honey. I missed you?” Justin quietly said with a nervous smile on his face. “Aren’t you glad to see me?”

“You’re supposed to be in Maryland… where by the way I was just heading to the airport to get on a plane to. So once again I ask… what the fuck are you doing here? This sure as HELL isn’t Maryland.”

Justin stood from his stool, took a towel from his small tray beside his easel, and shrugged. “I got lonely? I wanted to be here when you got home, like a Navy Wife… Spouse is supposed to?” Justin’s answers came out as questions, not sure if he could read his husband’s mood. He knew that Brian appeared upset, but Justin didn’t think he would be this upset. It completely threw his plans for a loop.

“Dammit Justin! WE agreed.” Brian just shook his head and stormed out onto the terrace. He couldn’t be around Justin at that moment. Justin was acting like it wasn’t a big deal, but Brian knew it was. He hated the thought that Justin had been there in their home, albeit temporary home, alone. That’s why Brian had been so adamant about Justin being in Maryland. He didn’t want to think that Justin didn’t have anyone around, that he was sitting there in their home waiting… like a good Navy wife. “Fuck!” He cursed as he ran his hand through his hair. “For once I wish you would listen to me. Just once! Christ! Is that too much to fucking ask?” Brian asked when he heard the door open behind him.

Justin tried to touch Brian’s arm, but felt the stinging of tears as his husband pulled away. “Brian…”

“Just tell me the truth Justin. How long have you been here? How long have you been staying in this place, when I’ve been under the impression that you have been at a ‘friend’s house’ in Maryland? And don’t lie to me, Justin… I want the truth.”

Justin leaned against the railing and wrapped his arms around him. He hated that Brian was upset, that wasn’t his plan. Daphne had tried to warn him, tried to convince him to come back to Maryland before Brian got out, but he didn’t listen. “I just wanted to be near you!” Justin cried, feeling the tears fall down his cheeks. He quickly wiped them away and looked at Brian. “I couldn’t be that far away from you. It hurt too much. I had to come back; I had to be here in case you needed me.”

“I needed to know that you were in Maryland. Where we agreed you would be!”

“I couldn’t!” Justin yelled back. “Please don’t be mad. I just couldn’t do it.”

Brian leaned back against the wall and raised an eyebrow at his husband. “You haven’t answered my question, Justin. When did you get here? How long have you been in this apartment and not in Maryland?”

“sincehellweekiforwardedthephonessoiwouldn’tmissyourcall.” Justin mumbled.

“What? You have been here since Hell Week?! Oh when I get my hands on Daphne, I’m going to kill her!” Brian ran his hand through his hair, and stared at his husband. “So you lied to me is that it? I distinctly remember asking you how it was in Maryland in that phone call and you were here the whole time? What other surprises should I expect? What other things have you lied to me about?”

”I didn’t lie, I only withheld information.” Justin tried to explain. “I know that there will be times that you can’t tell me things, and I’m okay with that. Why can’t I have my own secrets, too?”

“Because, it’s my job to lie, and I don’t do it because I want to. You on the other hand…” Brian took a deep breath trying to calm his anger. He didn’t want to be angry with Justin, he didn’t. Hell he could even understand it, in part. It was just that he expected more from Justin. He had hoped that things wouldn’t have turned out this way. “Is this what our marriage will be about from now on? Lies? What’s the fucking point in even continuing this if there’s no trust, when I can’t trust what you’re telling me is the truth.” Brian looked out at the ocean, watching the waves crash against the rocks. “There’s a huge difference between me lying to you in things relating to what I do, and you lying to me. I can’t tell you things, Justin. Not because I don’t want to, I have to. Do you think I like keeping things from you? Do you?”

“No. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know if I can look at you right now. I’m going out, and when I get back, we’re going to have to sit down and have a nice long talk about honesty. Cause I tell you, Justin. This marriage won’t work unless we can trust each other when it comes to us. I will never lie to you if it relates to us. I will never lie to you if it has something to do with you and me. I expect the same thing from you.” Brian turned to head back into the penthouse and toward the door.

Justin quickly ran after Brian. He knew that he couldn’t let Brian walk out that door. He wouldn’t survive it if they left things the way there were at that moment if Brian left, even for a second. “Please. Don’t go.”

“Justin…”

“Listen, I’m sorry. I didn’t think. I didn’t think it was a big deal. I promise you, I will never lie to you if it relates to the two of us, if it concerns us I will tell you. I can’t lose you, Brian, I love you. Please don’t leave me.” Justin begged as the tears were flowing down his face.

Brian reached out and ran his hand against Justin’s cheek wiping away the tears. “It will take time, Justin. I need to know that I can trust you. I can’t go out on missions and not know where you are. Don’t do that to me. What type of SEAL would I be if I’m supposed to be concentrated on the mission and I can’t because I don’t know where you are? Please, don’t do that to me.”

Justin fell into Brian, wrapping his arms around the other man to prevent him from walking out the door. If Brian left, then so would Justin. “I promise… I promise.” Justin whispered against Brian’s chest.

“Okay, I believe you.” Brian told Justin as he pulled the blond’s face up so he could look him in the eyes. “I believe you. But you still need to be punished,” He said with a small smile trying to ease some of the tension that had filled the room. “I have a unused plane ticket that I’m going to take out of your hide. Are you ready for your punishment, blond boy?”

Brian got the response he wanted when he saw the smile begin to appear on Justin’s face. “Yes, sir.” Justin replied.

Brian quickly leaned down to lightly kiss Justin on the lips. “I do love you, but you sure as hell will give me a heart attack one day.” Brian quickly picked Justin up and threw his husband over his shoulder. It was time to get his money’s worth, and Justin would be paying over and over for his little white lie. Brian figured at least two days worth of serious bed time was in order. He had 8 weeks to make up for… why not start now?

~~***~~~***~~~

Justin lay with his head on Brian’s shoulder, glancing up at his husband with a small, satisfied smile on his face. “I miss you, I missed this.”

“You’re just a little sex fiend is all you are.” Brian replied lightly pinching Justin’s ass.

“Ow. What was that for?” Justin asked, leaning up on his elbow so he could look down at Brian.

“You’re still being punished, young man.”

”Why you…”

Brian laughed as he pulled Justin down on top of him. “You love it and you know it.”

Justin placed his head on top of Brian’s chest and let out a deep breath. “I love you. Everyhting I do is for you.” He lifted his head up off of Brian’s chest to look at his lover. Running his fingers through Brian’s hair he smiled. “You’re buff. The SEALs are good for you. You’re a little too thin, but we can work on that.”

“Why thank-you. I’m glad I have your seal of approval.” Brian laughed. “I missed you too Justin. More than you will ever know.”

“So what’s next? What’s the next part of this whole training thing?” Justin asked interested in what Brian would have to go through. “You will get to live off base for that part right?”

“Yes, dear, I get to come home to you every night. Just remember the rules, and everything will be fine.” Brian stated as he rolled Justin off of him. “I have to use the head.”

“I’ll give you head.” Justin purposely pretended to not understand. It didn’t come out the way he wanted it too as he laughed at the look on Brian’s face. “I couldn’t resist!” He waited until Brian returned and both leaned back against the headboard of the bed, taking light sips of wine. “Soooooo, what’s next?”

“Well first off is 8 weeks of diving. Basically when I’m done there I can honestly say that if we ever go on a cruise and there’s a bomb on the hull, I’ll be able to disarm it.” Brian stated with a smile and a raised eye-brow. He wanted to share things with Justin. Despite the fact that Brian couldn’t share the details, he would find a way to share the basics with his husband. He now knew first hand how tough it was going to be. Lies would destroy them, and Brian wouldn’t let that happen.

“Cool! Diving? And you learn how to what… disarm a bomb underwater? That can’t be easy.” Justin couldn’t keep the awe out of his voice. He had a basic idea on what Brian would learn from articles on the web, but to actually hear about it brought it all to life. It was like he really didn’t believe what he had been reading before.

“Yep, that’s basically it. I’ll find out how hard it is. They won’t let me leave that part of training until I can do it perfectly. Then it’s off to jump school. We get to play with the Army and Marines. Jump out of a perfectly good airplane and what not. Not really my idea of fun, but…”

”Diving and parachuting? I’ve always wanted to learn. Do you think I can do that? Could you teach me?” Justin asked letting his enthusiasm show. He wanted to learn, wanted to share that with his husband. He never had the chance to follow through with those dreams, and now Justin could see them in his sights.

”Fuck no! You are not going to learn. Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? I will not have you get hurt because of some stupid stunt. What if your shute doesn’t open, or your tank runs out… no way. No.” Brian was shaking his head. He couldn’t let Justin do those things… he could get hurt. Brian had no choice, Justin did. And Brian’s choice was to make sure Justin stayed safe. “You are not to try it. Do you understand me? No.”

Justin didn’t reply just let Brian think what he wanted. He was going to learn, and Brian would just have to deal with it. As Komari said… living with an officer is hard work. But Brian couldn’t order him around. If he wanted to learn, he would. Brian would never know.

“Justin, out with it.” They were laying in bed, tangled in the bed covers and each other. All Brian’s intentions of punishing Justin had disappeared when he placed the first kiss on his husband’s lips and looked into the watery blue eyes that were filled with love and trust. They had made love so many times, Brian lost count. Justin had insisted that Brian eat more than just a high protein snack and they’d eaten in bed in between lovemaking

Brian felt compete, his belly was full, his ass ached pleasantly, and his cock all but glowed. But the blond in his arms was thinking and that Brian had learned, was never a good thing.

“I was thinking about what you said, about how when you are out on a mission you don’t want to be worried about what I’m up to.”

“Yes, Justin, it’s important that I know you’re safe.”

“I’m going to make a promise to you right now. I don’t ever break my promises and this isn’t some kind of trick. I promise you that when you go on any missions away from where ever we may be living, I will stay put until you return. I’ll keep busy with friends and my art, but I won’t do anything that would make me less safe than when you are with me. I can’t promise you not to surprise you with stuff, but I’ll keep my surprises to the times your feet are in the United States and we are together.”

Brian thought for a moment. “That sounds fair. I can live with that.”

“One other thing.”

“I knew there would be a catch.” Brian sighed.

“It isn’t a catch.” Justin hesitated for a moment. “If there ever comes a day when you can’t come back to me, I’ll wait for you at our home in Baja for you to return.”

“I might not come back Justin, you know that happens sometimes.” Brian was serious.

“I’ll wait for you at our home in Baja if it takes the rest of my life Brian. I’ll never stop waiting for you to find me. Never.”

Brian realized then just how much Justin loved and trusted him. He felt bad for telling Justin that he couldn’t trust the blond because it wasn’t true, he could trust him. Oh not about spending money and wanting to surprise him. But he could trust him with his life and that was the most important thing of all.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

13 July 2001

Justin,
Why do I get the feeling that once again you are keeping something from me? I don’t know if I can explain it, but some of the questions you ask… I don’t know. It seems like you already know the answer to them. Are you doing what I had asked you not to?

Christ, Justin. I wonder if the day will ever come when you will actually listen to me. Then again, maybe I don’t want that day to come. I love your spirit, and you definitely make my life interesting. A living hell most of the time, but interesting none the less.

Of course if you think that I will ever admit to you any of this shit… you’re wrong. I will fight you tooth and nail about this shit. I don’t want you to hurt yourself, Justin. I know I have to try and accept your choices, but I don’t know if I can.

One of the guys yesterday was hurt. Something got caught on his line, and he almost suffocated to death down there. It’s shit like that that makes me pray that you are doing what I asked of you. You don’t understand the dangers. You don’t see what I see every damn day. That’s why I tell you not to do things. I know the bad side of things, I know what CAN happen.

But you won’t listen. Of course not. Little defiant shit.

But you’re my shit, and I guess I’m stuck with you.

What did I do to deserve you?

Since I know you’re doing something you shouldn’t, I just hope and pray that you’re being careful. I can’t lose you. I’m the one who’s in a dangerous job, not you. A Navy Spouse is not supposed to get you killed! Don’t make me bury you. Please!

I love you, even when you piss me off. Just please heed my words, and know that I’m only saying this because I love you, and I want you around for a long, LONG time.

My Avalon,
Brian

~~~***~~~***~~~***

July 2011

“Justin, William assures me this is one of the better diving schools.” Komari and Justin were standing in front of a disreputable looking building. “Ace Diving School” hand lettered on a board nailed to the front of the building.

“I don’t know Komari; it looks kind of creepy to me. He does understand that we are going to be underwater doesn’t he?”

She giggled. “Of course, he said he would teach us himself if he had the time, but this school is run by an old Navy buddy of his.” She looked at Justin and giggled again. He looked like a terrified child. “Justin we don’t have to learn to dive.”

“You don’t Komari, but I’m going to learn. I want to be able to do stuff with Brian. And I want to understand what he does. I know this isn’t going to be SEAL training or anything, but I want to be able to hold my own with him.”

“I think it’s a great idea Justin, I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself. William was downright frisky when he found out I was going to learn to dive.”

Justin rolled his eyes at her words. “Brian will probably just be pissed. He thinks I’m some kind of delicate ‘artiste’ he emphasized the word in the French manner. “Come on, it’s now or never.” He grabbed her hand and they headed inside.

Three weeks later the two of them met at the pier. They were going to have their final lesson. Justin had amazed himself at how much he enjoyed diving. It opened up a whole new world for him to paint and record.

Komari began to giggle when she saw Justin and their instructor, Jeff Davis, burst out laughing. “What are you supposed to be, some kind of tropical fish” he finally sputtered.

Justin looked down at his new wet suit and air tanks. Everything was in fluorescent shades of greens, pinks, yellows, and blues alternating every now and then with black. “Let me tell you Jeff, there is no way any one is going to lose me under the water.” Justin said with conviction. “And that includes Brian if I ever get the nerve to tell him I can dive.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

End of Chapter 6

Chapter 7 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Seven



July 2011

“Ensign Kinney, you are requested to report to the Admiral’s office.” The young seaman stood ramrod straight as he nervously gave Brian the message. Brian was gathering his things together getting ready to head home.

Returning the salute, Brian headed for Admiral Smith’s office wondering what now. Surely he hadn’t flunked out or failed one of the tests.

“Come in Ensign” Admiral Smith walked around his desk behind Brian and shut the door. “I’m sorry to keep you from heading home son. But I thought I might offer my thoughts on a few things regarding your spouse.”

“Justin sir?”

“Relax son, it’s nothing bad. Your Justin has become very good friends with my wife Komari and Susan, Captain de Cardenas’ wife.”

“I’ll talk to him about it sir.”

“No, you don’t understand,” the Admiral, laughed. “I don’t want to have to look for wife number four. You can’t dictate your spouse’s friends; you don’t even want to try that one son. No, what I wanted to say to you is that in the next few months the three of them will be spending a lot of time together. We’re going to be very busy; I just don’t want you to worry about Justin. I know that they are planning a few adventures that you might not approve of, but know this, whatever the three of them get up to; they are doing it out of love for us guys. We would all do well to remember that. I think the job sometimes insulates us to the world where our wives live. Sorry I meant spouses live. And between you and I, I have someone keeping an eye on them, they won’t ever be without guidance in any of their exploits.”

“Sir, can you explain that please.”

“Not without betraying a confidence and I’d never do that.” Admiral Smith smiled at Brian. “I’d prefer that this little chat be between the two of us. I don’t want it to get back to Komari; she’s a spitfire when aroused."

Brian didn’t imagine she’d be any worse than Justin would be if he found out he and Komari and Susan were being watched over. This was one secret he wouldn’t mind keeping from his blond bombshell. “Thank you for letting me know sir. I do worry about him.”

When Brian left the Admiral’s office and drove the few miles home, he had to wonder what Justin and the other two wives were up to that the Admiral felt obliged to soften the blow so to speak. He’d have to see if he could figure it out. It was beginning to almost be a game between the two men. Justin would see just how far he could go and Brian would watch carefully before pouncing.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
12 September 2011

Justin,

You will be the death of me one of these days I swear it. But the truth is, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Of course I will not tell you that, but hey, what’s one more secret right? This is a good secret. At least one that makes my life a lot easier. If you knew how much power you had over me, I wouldn’t live it down.

I have been thinking a lot of how things will be when this training is over. I wonder what our life will be like, what will happen to you. I worry about you, and how you will be able to handle my leaving for parts unknown for an unknown length of time. How will you handle it? Can you handle it? I know you are strong, hell you wouldn’t have lasted this long if you weren’t, but I wonder if how my leaving will effect you.

I don’t think you really realize what I have to do. I don’t think that you have thought this through. I don’t know, but that’s the way I feel. I know you have talked to the Admiral’s wife, and fuck… the CNO’s wife, and you know what is ‘required’ of you.

Bullshit!

No one knows what you need to do, but you. Don’t let them fill your head with stuff, telling you what is required of you. You know what you have to do, and that’s to take care of yourself. I can handle myself; I wouldn’t have gotten this far if I couldn’t. Jack and Joannie didn’t destroy me, the Academy didn’t, and basic didn’t. So don’t think that this will. What I want is for you to take care of yourself, and NOT take stupid chances, which I know you will. Somehow I just know it.

The thing is, do you really think you can handle it when we are in the middle of something – I don’t know a dinner or family gathering, and I get the call to leave. I don’t have a chance to hang around and be there the first chance I can get away. When the call comes in, I’m gone. That’s the way things have to be. Do you think you can handle that? Really? I wish that I knew beyond a reasonable doubt that we made the right decision to be together, but I can’t say that.

Yes, I love you, I always will. And I know that you love me. But you deserve so much more. You came from a life where frankly, being married to a Naval Officer is not very … prestigious, dare I say? If you go to the country club now, you’ll be laughed out.

I know this, I’m not stupid. I know how people act. I just wish there was a way I could give all of that back to you. I wish there was a way that I could take away the pain that you will go through in the future. Cause, Justin, don’t delude yourself into thinking that things will be okay, cause they won’t. You’ll be alone, and wondering where I am… if I’ll make it back. You will go through hell.

Meanwhile, I will not be allowed to think of you really at all. I won’t be able to go around and think about what it is like to be in your arms. If my mind isn’t 100% on the job, then I’m dead, and possibly the members of my team. I can’t do that to them, or you. I will promise you that I will return, that’s my promise to you. I will return, whether or not it’s in one piece, but I will return to you.

I love you with all my heart, Justin. I just wish I could make you understand what the future holds for us.

My Avalon, my heart.
Brian.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

September 2011

“Tell me again why we have to have a driver?” Justin asked Komari. They were sitting in the back of an official looking car that belonged to the base command. Their driver studiously paid them no attention, yet Justin had the sneaky feeling she was all but taking notes.

“William said if I got one more speeding ticket I’d have to have a driver until my license was clear. You remember the other day, we were in such a hurry to get back from the airport, I just forgot and guess what?” she giggled and Justin rolled his eyes. “I got another speeding ticket.”

“Geeze Komari, you’re worse than Daphne. I could have driven us.”

“But that would mean you’d have to go all the way out to the base to get me and then back again. Besides, we can pretend we’re important. After all we have a driver." This time it was the driver who rolled her eyes, but the two in the back didn’t notice.

“After we get our jump certificate, do you want to try hang gliding?” Justin asked. “I thought it would be cool.”

“Sure,” Komari agreed. “I want to do some free fall stuff first though. I saw this thing on TV about it.”

“I don’t know, I thought that was dangerous, Brian would be pissed if I splatted on the ground.”

“It’s not that bad Justin and if I can do it so can you. We’ll ask Susan to come too. She’ll love it. We can do free fall tricks.”

The two of them broke into giggles that continued until they were dropped off at the airport for their lesson in skydiving.

They watched their driver park the car and sit back to wait before they broke up again. “Do you want to make a bet as to how fast it’ll be before William has a ‘little’ chat with me?” Komari asked.

Justin could barely contain himself. The two of them had figured out that they were being monitored a few weeks back. They were constantly going out of their way to send outrageous reports back to their husbands. “Brian is going to be standing on his head trying to tell me not to do what he’s not supposed to know I’m doing.” Justin could barely catch his breath he was laughing so hard.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
Brian sat down on the couch and looked through the newspaper, hoping to see that something interesting would be in there. Something besides death and destruction that was. Justin was in his studio painting, letting Brian have a little quiet time, as Justin called it.

Brian couldn’t help but wonder if Justin was in his studio plotting his next little excursion. What was it about him and Komari? Those two were always getting into trouble. I was making his life a living hell. He wanted to grab Justin and confront him, wanted to tell him to stop it. If those two knew what they were putting him and the Admiral through…

‘They are doing it to cause us to lose our hair. I don’t look good bald’ Brian realized. “Little twat.”

“Who’s a twat?” Justin asked as he came out from the back room to sit down on the couch next to Brian. He quickly grabbed up the paper to look through the living section.

“You.” Brian said with his tongue in cheek expression. “So have you talked to someone about showing your art yet?”

Justin shrugged and just continued to look through the paper. “I don’t know, Bri. The guys here seem to be worthless. I don’t think they would even know a Picasso if it was right in front of them.”

“There are other places, Justin. You could go to New York for a weekend, or whatever. Check into places. That way you can see if you can get a showing. Anything right now, I would think, would be nice.” Brian shook his head. He couldn’t believe that Justin wasn’t jumping at the chance to try and get seen. “Why don’t you want to have your own show?”

Justin looked up at Brian and set the paper down on the coffee table. “It’s not that I don’t want to have my own show, Brian. It’s just that I have a lot of other things I need to do first. You’re here, and I can’t just up and leave to go to New York.”

“Justin,” Brian began as he grabbed a hold of his husband’s hand. “You should go. Try it. Your art is wonderful, perfect. Everyone will think so. All you have to do is show a little bit of that courage that I know you have and take that step.”

“I’m not scared.” Justin defiantly stated.

”Okay, then prove it. How about we go to New York for a little bit over Thanksgiving, or Christmas? We’ll take your portfolio and talk to some of these dealers.” Brian stated already planning the trip in his head.

"Brian, if and when I want to have a showing, should be on my time-table, not yours. I’ll decide when I’ll be seen.” Justin stood up from the couch and stormed down the hall.

Brian knew that Justin had been nervous about showing his work, about taking the step toward trying to get a showing, but he hadn’t realized that it was this bad. He knew he would have to force Justin’s hand in this matter. It was important to Justin to be seen, and loved. Brian was going to make his husband happy by making sure he had a showing before they left California… or at least one set up. Even if Brian had to do all the legwork himself, Justin’s work would be seen.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
25 October 2011

Justin,

Do you know how many times I have been called into the Admiral’s office in the past couple weeks? I’m getting quite a few nice little reports about your little excursions? You can’t stand still for one minute can you? You can’t stay out of trouble for one day?

There are times when all I want to do is strangle you. Have I told you that lately? I know that ‘talking’ to you about this stuff won’t make a bit of difference, you’re going to do what you want… and the scary thing is, the truth is, I don’t really mind. I do, but I don’t.

I don’t want you to put yourself in danger, I don’t think I could ever survive if something happened to you. But on the other hand it’s keeping you sane, I think it will help you in the long run for when I’m away. It will give you something to occupy your time.

But damn… does it drive ME to insanity.

What would I ever do without you?

Luckily the diving is almost over, and it’s off to learn how to jump out of a perfectly good airplane. Personally, if it flies and is still in the air, I don’t see the point, but luckily it’s only for 3 weeks. They had rearranged our schedule because of the holiday break.

Where would we go for the holidays? There’s a part of me that wants to take you back to Maryland to see Daphne and for me to see Linds… maybe get that house thing out of you. But the other part of me wants to go home to Baja.

I guess it will be wherever we end up. Where you are, I am.

I love you,
Brian

~~~***~~~***~~~***
16 October 2011

Justin,

It’s been over a year since we met, and I already feel like it’s been an eternity. That’s not meant to be a bad thing, and I don’t want you to think that. In fact, I think it’s the best damn thing that has ever happened to me. No, I know it is. Meeting you has brought something into my life that I didn’t even know I was missing.

My training is almost over, thankfully. A year is a long time, especially since we don’t get to see each other that much. I know that as soon as I’m done here at Fort Bragg, I will be sent to my unit. I know that I want you to be there with me. I hope that you will, but I’m not sure I can ask you to give up what you love for me. Would you? Would you give everything up for me?

I’m not sure if it really matters. I don’t know if we could even work out. We hardly see each other between your work and my training… time together is few and far between. But I do know that I care for you. More than I have ever cared about anyone before in my life.

So this is my gift to you. This is something that I have to do, for the both of us. I know that from the moment I get out of here what I am able to share with you will be next to nothing. Not that I am able to share a lot of things with you now, but at least for now it’s only job related. Somehow I know that once I get out of here, emotionally I may not share things with you. I don’t want to hide from you, but I know that for both of our
survival, that’s the way it has to be.

So within these pages I will be putting everything that I can’t verbally say to you. I hope it can answer every question that you have. Even if we aren’t together in say ten years, you will be able to try and understand why I am the way I am. Why I have been closed off. It’s not that I don’t care about you, I do. I have never cared about anyone more in my life. I think I may actually be in love with you, or close to it. I know I want you in my future; I want to share things with you. Is that love? I hope so.

Anyway, I hope I can actually keep up with this. I’ve never been one for words, never been one to have a journal, but for you I’m willing to give this thing a shot.

Now here’s the deal. I know that there will a lot of things in here that you may not like… that may hurt you, so I apologize now. I know I can’t promise you that if we ever get together completely that I won’t sleep around. I can’t promise that. I would love to, but it would be unreasonable. Unreasonable for me to do it, and unfair of me to ask that of
you. I won’t do it. So things on these pages may be painful, and I’m sorry But I want to share it all with you. I want you to be a part of my life completely and since I can’t tell you face to face… this is my way… the only way I can.

I hope you understand. It’s not a lot, and it’s not what you deserve, but it’s all I have. All I can give for now.

Wherever I am… you will be. Know that. I will keep you close to my heart, even when I’m far away. It’s the least I can do for you showing me what love can be like.

You are my Avalon, forever.

Brian.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian sat down in the dressing area to finish removing his gear. He had been underwater for hours. This week’s lesson was trying to remove up to four bombs placed on the side of an aircraft carrier. Brian couldn’t believe how much bigger the ship was from underwater than what he believed.

Brian wished he could actually get enjoyment out of diving. Diving without the worries of having people’s lives depending on you. Maybe he would have to teach Justin diving so that they could go out one day in the ocean surrounding their Baja home.

“Tough day, sir?” one of the other trainees asked Brian as he sat down next to him.

“Just another day in the park, Petty Officer.” Brian joked as he began to remove his jumpsuit, and slip into his khakis. Justin loved Brian in his khakis… of course Brian knew that Justin was more partial to the whites, but Brian hated wearing those all the time, so Justin would have to deal with what he was dealt.

Brian knew that Justin had said he needed to go to the exchange for some things this next week, and for some reason the blond never completely felt right going without Brian. Personally, Brian felt that Justin only wanted to spend time with him in uniform. Brian knew that Justin loved it when Brian would walk around and get saluted by all the enlisted men. He wondered if it had anything to do with Justin’s ex.

The two men continued to chat as they headed out toward their cars, for once ending the day early. The instructors felt that the group needed to have a ‘treat’ for doing so well during the week and gave them – in the instructor’s books anyway – a long weekend. Brian was grateful for the six extra hours he had been given.

Driving off base, Brian drove down the boulevard toward the sky palace, wondering if Justin would even be home. Justin had mentioned that he might head out early this morning after Brian left to pick some things up from town. Personally, Brian had hoped that Justin was going to meet with that promoter whom they had met two weekends ago. If Brian accomplished anything, he would try and get his husband’s work seen.

He wanted Justin to be able to have his own show, to be successful with his art. Art was Justin’s life, and Brian partly hoped that if Justin was consumed in his art and shows, he wouldn’t have that much time to worry about Brian while he was away.

Plus Brian hoped that it would keep his wayward husband out of trouble.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian got home earlier than Justin was expecting. He showered and changed into a pair of comfortable jeans and a black silk wife beater. He still couldn’t figure out why Justin would buy silk and not regular cotton. He idly wondered what a silk one cost compared to a cotton one and decided he probably didn’t want to know. It was rare that he was alone in the apartment. Justin was always home before he was, like a dutiful wife. Brian laughed to himself. Justin wouldn’t be pleased with that analogy, or maybe he would, it was hard to read the blond sometimes.

Brian sat down at Justin’s desk; he was going to check his emails when he noticed a stack of envelopes with an elastic band and a sticky note saying ‘send to accountant’. ‘Accountant, we have an accountant’ ran through Brian’s mind. He took the elastic off. It was the bank statements for the last several months. He opened the one for July. Seeing his name and Justin’s together on a document always made him smile. He loved to see the scrawl that Justin the artist thought of as handwriting. He grinned at how orderly everything was. Receipts were stapled to the statements for the accountant’s benefit no doubt.

Groceries were obvious; they were direct debits from the account and Brian was usually with Justin when they went grocery shopping, it was something he enjoyed doing. A bill caught his eye. The little shit. He bought a wet suit; in fact he bought a complete diving kit. Shit, two thousand dollars for diving lessons. Lessons he wasn’t supposed to be taking no less. And what was this, a lawyer’s statement regarding the purchase of a house in Virginia. He bought a house in Virginia for HOW much? Brian heard the elevator reach the their floor. He hastily bundled everything back up. Now that he knew how to check up on his little fiend, he was going to do it more regularly.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

30 November 2011

Diving? Fucking Diving? You have been taking diving lesions? You little shit. And now you are going to start parachuting lessons? You’re trying to hide it, but I know.

See Justin… I have a way of finding out. There’s this wonderful thing called JOINT accounts. I have access to everything. Not that I’m going to tell you that, but I know.

Oh and let’s not get into some house in Virginia you bought? Do I even want to know what type of house costs … I can’t even think about it. Why the hell do we need a house that costs that much, Justin?

I think I need to have a talk with you one day about being discrete. I think I need to have a talk with you about what it looks like to have an Ensign in the Navy, let a lone a SEAL in training having a house that expensive. If the FBI comes knocking, I’m sending them your way. I don’t need this shit.

You think that you are just so smart, don’t you? I do think it’s funny that you can hide this shit from me. You’re slick, I admit that.

My little shit. If I didn’t love you so much, I would wring your neck.

What else will I find if I dig a little more? I wonder if you have anything else to tell me? Christ Justin! What did I do to deserve you? What evil deed in my past lives did I do?

I wish you would tell me these things, Justin. I really do. I wish that you would do as we agreed and talk about things that affect the both of us. And don’t tell me that diving and parachuting does not affect the two of us… I can let that go. But I won’t let go a HOUSE!

Alright… I am letting go of your ‘friendship’ with my bosses. I don’t have a say in who you hang out with… and in a way I’m thrilled that you are making friends. Having people around who can help you get through the hard times ahead. But why the Admiral and CNO? Christ!

You are one amazing man, I must say that.

And one day you will be the death of me, but I love you nonetheless.

My blond bombshell, my little shit…

My love,
Brian

P.S. I will be keeping a close eye on that account from now on, Justin. Don’t think that I won’t. If you think you can try and get something past me… I wouldn’t even attempt it. Cause one day, I will collect, and the amount of punishment that you have coming you won’t be leaving my sight for a month at least. Can’t wait until it’s time collect… how much time will you owe me. You’re ass is mine for the rest of eternity.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Sir, Ensign Kinney is here to see you,” Brian heard the Yeoman state into the phone. “The Admiral will see you now.”

Brian walked in and stood in front of the Admiral’s desk, only sitting when he was granted permission. “Sir, I was meaning to ask you something, and I hope I’m not over stepping my bounds here.” Brian began. Brian watched as the Admiral set his papers aside so that Brian had his full attention, and waved his hand for him to continue. “I saw the flyers out around base about the charity art show.”

The Admiral nodded and leaned back in his chair. “Yes, Komari has been talking about it non-stop for days now. I know she wants to have her paintings in there, but she’s nervous. Why do you bring this up? Is Justin going to show some of his art in the show?”

Brian leaned back in his own chair and looked down at his hands. “No, he’s not planning on it. In fact I was kind of hoping you would talk to him, sir. Maybe have Komari ask him to be in it with her.”

The Admiral smiled and shook his head. “He nervous too, isn’t he?”

“When I brought it up he stormed out of the room, and slammed his door. He won’t talk to me about it. He won’t even be in the same room if I try to mention it.” Brian ran his hand through his hair and tried not to laugh. “He can be a pain in my ass when he gets in his queen modes.”

“I know all about that, son. Now tell me, what do you really have planned?” The Admiral asked knowing full well that the young Ensign before him had something up his sleeve. Something that was far greater than some small Navy art show.

“Well let’s just say that the amount of money I have spent this past week on making copies of his portfolio and shipping and handling to any top gallery owner on the East Coast… I may not have any money left to get a pair of socks.” Brian laughed. He had spent all of his free time this week doing research on the galleries in New York and Chicago trying to find the best, hoping that one of them would take an interest in Justin’s work. “If one of them shows up to the art show, and he isn’t there…”

“I see your problem. I’ll work on Komari and we’ll see if we can get Justin there.” The Admiral leaned forward in his chair and started to look at his calendar, wondering how much time he had to try and convince his wife to talk to Justin. How much time they all had to convince Justin to be there. “You are good, Kinney. I hope this works out.”

“So do I. Justin may think that he can always pull one over on me, that he can be sneaky, but I’m the master. He’ll find out soon enough that when I want something, I will bust my ass to get it.” Brian smiled, knowing that he had an ally in the war between the husbands and spouses.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Yes, I believe we could do that… Yes, sir. He is a wonderful artist… Yes… Yes, I agree… Of course, his work needs to be available for the world to see… I completely agree… So we can count on you then for the showing… Yes, sir… I will personally make the arraignments myself… We will see you then.” Brian hung up the phone with a smile. This was turning out better than he had planned. Already he had three gallery owners in New York wanting to attend the show to see Justin’s work and one from Chicago. Now all he had to do was get his husband to agree to attend.

That however was the problem. With only three weeks left until the showing, Justin still hadn’t budged. Brian was beginning to wonder if the Admiral had been able to convince his wife to attend, which in turn would force Justin to go.

Brian heard laughter coming from Justin’s studio, and closed his eyes. He only hoped that Komari was convincing Justin to take that step. After all it wasn’t a big time showing, it was only for the Navy sailors and their families. That was Brian’s story and he was sticking too it. Justin would find out on the night of the event just how important this night really was going to be. Brian would personally make sure that his husband looked his best, and showed his best work. Even if it was him naked… nah… would not be good.

Brian realized would have to approve any painting that went into the show. The last thing he would need is a naked picture of him hanging on someone’s wall. Especially not when he would have to see these people on a daily basis. Brian realized that this could be dangerous. Really dangerous.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“I don’t care Komari, I just have a feeling that Brian and your husband are behind this.” Justin was hanging two more of his paintings. Both of them were nudes of Brian, they didn’t show his face, but anyone who knew him would have no doubt as to who it was.

“But Justin, Brian said only the seascapes.” Komari looked at the paintings with a worried look in her eye.

“Komari, we live in San Diego, do you have any idea how many seascapes have been painted. Probably too many to count. And besides, these are seascapes.”

“Justin they are pictures of Brian naked in the sea. I don’t think that’s what he meant.”

Justin giggled as he looked at the next one he was preparing to hang. It was one of his favorites. Brian was standing in the surf, his air tanks on his back, face mask on, a wave strategically placed so that while he was naked, the picture would be suitable for all ages. A porpoise was rising behind him holding Brian’s bathing trunks on its snout.

“Well Brian is just going to have to suck it up. I just know he had something to do with you and I showing our stuff.” He looked at his friend. “Do you have any naked Admiral pictures?”

“Gawd no” she giggled, “Well not in the show.”





~~~***~~~***~~~***
10 December 2011

Justin,

Well today is the big day huh? I hope it goes well, I hope that my little surprise will make you happy. Even if it’s a fraction of how happy you make me, I think I’ve accomplished something. Know that everything I have done this past month has been for you. I hope you know what you mean to me.

Why did I do this? I hope you know why, but if not, I guess I will have to explain myself. I want what’s best for you, Justin. I want you to be happy. I know that painting, drawing… it’s your life, it makes you happy. I can see the look in your eye when you are working on something. You glow. I could sit for hours just watching you work. Watching your vision captured on the canvas.

I want the world to know just how great you are. I want you to have your dream. This is your dream Justin, don’t deny it. You want to be a famous painter one day, and if I can help that along I will. I know you’re scared and nervous, hell who wouldn’t be? But I know that once you get past the initial fear, you will be wonderful… totally amazing.

I really fucking hope this works out. I hope that I didn’t fuck this up for you. But with as many damn gallery owners that are here for this… one of them better take you up, show your work. I’m almost a full SEAL and I won’t be afraid to use a little muscle to get them to show your work.

Nah, I wouldn’t do that. I’d want to, but I wouldn’t. It wouldn’t mean as much to you. It’s your hard work and dedication that is getting this done, Justin, I just helped it along.

So anyway, the gallery owners came in late last night, and I have to pick up Daphne and Lindsay from the airport this morning. Fuck me. I’m so lucky that the Admiral is willing to help me out. He got a couple duty drivers to work tonight so that everyone will get there in style. He tells me that it’s good PR for the Navy, but I know that he did it for you. He really admires you, and is grateful for everything that you have done for his wife.

You do that, did you know that. You enter a room and just take control of it. You meet people and they instantly fall in love with you. I wish I had that ability, I wish I could be that free spirited. I guess that’s why we fit so well together. Why we get along so well. Who said that opposites don’t attract? They never met us, babe. ;-)

In a little over two hours I will know if this was the best idea I had or the worst. I hope that you will forgive me for planning this… especially if you don’t like it. I just want you to be happy Justin. That’s all I want. Know why I did it, and why I went to such lengths to keep it from you.

See, Justin… good lie, not a bad one. There is a difference. Unlike this damn house I still need to find out about… and those lessons. But that’s okay. I won’t get pissed about them. Yet. The day will come for those. Tonight is your night. Tonight you will shine.

I love you Justin. Let the world see my Avalon at his best.

Forever,
Brian

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Justin let’s go, we have to be there in a half an hour. The show starts in one.” Brian yelled at his husband who was still getting ready. Brian was grateful that he didn’t have to search real long for something. Dress uniform was required by all officers who attended, and this was the first time Brian had been able to wear his dress blues this year, so they were still firmly pressed and ready to go.

Brian had been thrilled when Justin had informed him that he would do the show. That Komari had made him promise to be a part of it with her. Justin thought he was doing her a favor, when in reality she just did him a HUGE one. Brian tried to hide the smirk that was playing across his face. He only hoped that Justin was pleased with his surprise.

He had spend all of his free time the past two days getting the gallery owners settled into their hotel rooms, and cars ready to pick them up. The Admiral was more than helpful in finding the things that Brian didn’t have. Lucky for Brian, the credit card bills wouldn’t appear for another month so it helped keep it silent from his husband.

“I’m ready. How do I look?” Justin asked nervously.

Brian felt his breath catch in his throat, his heart speed up, and his cock tighten in his pants at the sight of his husband. Justin was wearing a black pin-stripped suit, over a dark blue silk shirt that had the first two buttons undone. Brian had never seen his husband look more handsome. “Fuck, you’re beautiful.” Brian breathed. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Justin.

Justin blushed slightly at the praise his lover was giving him. He wanted to look nice, wanted to impress everyone, and show everyone that he was worthy of the man beside him. For him, Brian was without a doubt going to be the best looking man there. Brian’s dress blues were form-fitting, showing off his muscles, and lean frame. Brian was a walking wet-dream, and Justin wanted to look half as good as Brian himself was. Seeing his lover’s reaction, Justin knew he had at least one person’s approval… the most important one. “Thanks, I’m glad you like it.”

“I more than like.” Brian stood and put his cap on his head. Holding out his arm for Justin to take, he gave his lover a smile. “Now we have to pick up Daphne and Lindsay up from their hotel before we go.”

“What? When did she get in? When did they get in? Why didn’t you tell me?” Justin asked lightly hitting Brian’s arm. Although he wouldn’t admit it, Justin had missed his friends back in Maryland. He had missed having them around.

“They got in this morning, and it was a surprise. I thought you would want them here for you?” Brian asked suddenly unsure if he had made the right decision. “Is it alright that they’re here? I can call them and tell them we will just have lunch with them tomorrow.”

“Don’t you dare… Let’s go. I can’t wait to see them again.” Justin leaned up and kissed Brian on the cheek. “Thank-you.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Justin will you sit still, it’s only a small traffic accident. We’ll get by in plenty of time to pick the girls up.” Brian could tell that Justin was beyond nervous. It couldn’t be about their friends arriving as a surprise, it had to be the art show.

“I don’t feel good.” Justin said. Brian looked at him and he did look miserable.

“Justin, I love you.” Brian said and watched his husband’s lips twitch up, he never could resist Brian telling him that. “I think you are the most amazing talented guy I know. Don’t worry about a thing. It’s just an art show, not the end of the world.”

Justin was quiet as they made their way around the accident. He still never said a word as Brian turned into the hotel where Daphne and Lindsay were staying. But when Brian parked the car Justin began to speak. “I know this is going to sound really, really dumb, but this is how I feel. You and the guys at the base, you guys are training to save the world. You all do important jobs and there isn’t one of you that isn’t brilliant not only intellectually, but physically fit and everything. I just don’t want them to know that you are married to some blond bimbo who ‘paints pretty pictures’ instead of --- oh I don’t know building rocket ships or something.” He looked at Brian. “Maybe I should have sent my stuff to New York, or maybe just sold it locally, but not where anyone would know I’m your husband. I don’t want them to laugh at you.” he looked away miserable. His joke about the naked Brian paintings was looking dismally bad. Maybe he could call Komari and get her to remove them before anyone saw them.

Brian turned in his seat and looked at Justin astonished at the words that had come out of his mouth. “You are worried about people laughing at ME because you’re an artist?” he shook his head. “For fuck sake Justin, here you are a brilliant and I’m not exaggerating here, artist. Who is wealthier than god --- I know, I know, we share in the money – you are incredibly good looking and you fall in love with a poor Irish Mick without a pot to piss in and who can’t even spend a normal amount of time with you. And YOU are worried about people laughing at ME?”

He huffed a laugh, “Let me tell you this pretty boy. The guys in my group are pea green with envy that I have someone who loves me as much as you do. You don’t bitch about the time I spend away from you. You love me and support me. You are always there for me and I know at the end of the day or the end of a tour that you will be there waiting for me. Just how many of the guys at the base can say that? Well let me tell you, not very damn many.” He pulled Justin into his arms. “So what if you like to drive me wild and crazy with your surprises and your present buying. They should be so fucking lucky to have someone like you.” he kissed him. “Now here come the girls, stop with the drama queen shit and smile pretty.”

Justin looked up at Brian, his eyes full of love. “You know for a Navy Boy you’re alright.” He reached over and kissed the smiling lips of his husband and lover.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Justin, where did Brian go?” Lindsay asked. They were in the foyer of the auditorium where the show was being held.

“I’m not sure, he took off with Daphne.” Justin looked around. “There he is talking with those guys over there.” Justin pointed in Brian’s direction. “Come on Linds, let’s go in and see the show.”

“I want to see your work. Did you do any of Brian?”

“I prefer to think of the ones I have in the show as a study of the male body, model anonymous.” Justin winked at her. His good humor had been restored on the ride to the base.

“Justin, you better not have done anything bratty.” Lindsay admonished. “Brian will be pissed.”

“Brian loves me; he’ll see the humor in it.” Justin grinned at her.

“Justin, Justin,” Komari called. “Come quickly.” She motioned him over to where his paintings were hung.

Justin and Lindsay walked over. “Komari, this is my friend Lindsay from Maryland. Lindsay this is Komari Smith, my buddy here on this side of the country.”

“Hi Komari, Brian has mentioned you in his emails. You and Justin do seem to have adventures.” Lindsay smirked.

“Did I mention that Lindsay was a ‘Brian’ spy?” Justin smirked. “Now what’s all the excitement about Komari?”

“All of your paintings, every single one of them have been sold. And for an amazing amount of money, the children’s hospital will be so pleased.”

“No shit, they all sold?” Justin said as he made his way to the paintings. “Brian hasn’t even seen them yet.” He looked at Komari, “You don’t think anyone from the base bought one do you?” he glanced around to see Brian making his way toward them. Brian wouldn’t be pleased if someone from the base had bought his bare ass.

“No they were all bought by people from out of town. Two of them were even fighting over the one with Bri – I mean the man and the porpoise.” She looked at Brian and flushed. He’d heard her last comment.

“Komari and Justin together. Why do I get chills when I see the two you smiling like that?” Brian towered over the shorter Komari. To Justin he seemed taller than usual. Justin looked down to see if Brian was standing on his toes.

“Hey Brian my stuff all sold, so we might as well go and look at the others.” Justin took his arm and tried to steer him away.”

“Just a minute pretty boy,” Brian stood in one place stubbornly; Justin didn’t stand a chance to budge him. “I want to see these famous paintings.”

“It’s okay, I think Komari wants us to look at her stuff.” He elbowed his friend.

“Oh yes Brian, I would love you to give me your opinion.” Justin rolled his eyes at her while she did the ‘little Japanese lady thing’.

“Can it Komari.” Brian strode over to the divider that had hidden Justin’s work from where he stood. Justin, Komari, Lindsay and Daphne watched Brian’s eyes bug out and his face turn red and then purple. They could tell he was on the verge of exploding when.

“So is this the young artist who painted these paintings?” a tubby grey haired man looked directly at Justin. “Francis Steeple of the Steeple Gallery in New York.” He said as he presented Justin with a card. “I purchased three pieces of your work. I would have purchased more but I was too late. I know that you are busy, but please give me a call. I would like to discuss hanging your work in my gallery.”

Justin, his thoughts of the about to explode Brian gone from his mind, could barely speak. Soon they were joined by another and yet another Gallery owner. They all crowded around Justin monopolizing him completely.

Brian seeing that what he had set out to do had worked, began to calm down though every time he caught a glimpse of his ass, he could feel his blood pressure rising. Finally Daphne taking pity on him led him to a wall filled with pictures of big eyed children and dogs playing cards.

“You do know that when all is said and done, I’m going to kill that lovely blond,” Brian informed Daphne with a sickenly sweet voice. “I told him no naked pictures. That little shit.”

Daphne shrugged and elbowed Brian. “Well at least your plan worked didn’t it? You should be happy for Justin. Look at the response he’s getting.”

Brian caught one of the sailors standing next to the painting of him and smile at Brian, looking him up and down. “Oh yeah, I’m thrilled, but it still doesn’t get him out of trouble. He’s lucky I love him or he’d be dead now.”

“Oh will you stop. You love it.” Daphne told Brian as she reached for a glass of champagne from one of the waiters. “Besides it’s not like they have a face to the paintings. He could have hung some of the ones I’ve see from your personal collection. Now those would have left NOTHING to the imagination. These however, are tasteful. It leaves the viewer with only their imagination… of what they THINK is there.”

“That’s what worries me.” Brian said as he took a glass for himself. He wanted to get so drunk, but knew that if he got started he wouldn’t stop. That’s what happens when you’re around alcohol all your life. Brian knew he could easily slip into the same pattern as his father. “One of these days he might actually listen to me. Maybe when I die, but at least he will one day.”

Daphne turned to look at Brian and shook her head. “Don’t talk like that. You’re going to be around forever to bug Justin… to let Justin bug you. That’s what makes you two work so well. You love torturing one another. Besides how can you be mad at him when he has all of this… when he’s so happy right now?”

“Oh I am happy, excited for him, thrilled that everything worked out. That is until I look over and see my ass hanging on a wall for all to see.” Brian told Daphne, not daring to look back at the wall, and trying his best to ignore the looks some of the sailors were giving him. “I’m in hell.” He cursed as he ran his hand through his hair.

Daphne leaned in to whisper in Brian’s ear. “Just think of the punishment you can get out of him. Just think about how happy he will be to please you, to thank-you. I think you can work this to your benefit. Not that I’m telling you something you don’t already know…and I would never betray Justin… even for you. But I love seeing him happy. It’s time he gets his chance.”

“Yeah, he does.”

“And I’m glad he found you, Brian. I may not have said this before… but I’m happy that you two are together.” Daphne told Brian. She was happy for her friend. Brian made sure that Justin was taken care of, was happy. It was so unlike Ethan, and that relationship had almost destroyed her friend. It was about time things started to look up for her friend. He deserved it.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“So Kinney, are you and Justin going anywhere for Christmas?” Brian looked over at one of his team. They were in the locker room getting changed.

“Yeah, we’ll probably go to Baja, we have a place there. Well it used to be Justin’s parents, but it’s ours now.” Brian realized he really didn’t have to explain, he could have just said we’re going to our place at Baja. Our place. He liked that.

“Cool, we’re going to Bett’s folks. You know too much turkey, two many kids, too many family members.”

Brian laughed. “Well, Justin doesn’t have any family left and I don’t ever want to see mine again. I couldn’t imagine doing a traditional Kinney Christmas. Fuck what a nightmare that would be.”

“Enjoy it while you can Kinney. When you and Justin have kids, that’ll be the end of Christmas’ in Baja. You have to have snow when you have kids.”

“Queers – not going to have kids.” Brian joked.

“Don’t count on it buddy. I’ve seen Justin; he looks like the nesting type to me. You wait and see; one of these days he’ll be convincing you that it would be a good idea for the two of you to have a kid.”

“Well, since it isn’t physically possible he’ll have his work cut out for him.” Brian smirked tongue in cheek.

The two friends talked for a few more minutes before Brian was left alone in the locker room. He couldn’t get what his friend had said out of his mind. He began to think about the implications of having a child would mean. What it would mean to him and what it would mean to Justin.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Hey Justin, get your ass in gear. I want to leave before the traffic is too bad.” Brian had already loaded the car with everything he could think of that they would need for almost two weeks at their Baja home. Justin was still on the telephone to his agent discussing the possibilities of a show in April. Three of the gallery’s were having a bidding war on who should have the first Justin Taylor-Kinney show. Brian was beginning to think he’d released a monster when he arranged for Justin to put his work on display.

Justin was either painting or on the phone. If Komari didn’t come over he might never have left the apartment. This wasn’t what Brian had wanted.

“Navy Boy, don’t get your shorts in a knot.” Justin said with a smile. He entered the room and Brian was again stupefied by how he glowed in the California light. “We have to stop by Ace’s Diving Shop down at the marina first.”

“Why?” Brian wondered. Was the little shit finally going to come clean about the fact he could dive.

“Cause your present is there.”

“There is nothing there I need. The Navy keeps me well supplied.”

“But the Navy has no sense of color and you can’t play with me in the ocean dressed as a SEAL.”

“I don’t need any special equipment to play with you in the ocean pretty boy.” Brian grabbed his hand and led him out the door.

“Don’t be a shit; just drive me to the place.” Justin gave him that ‘you’d better do it or I’ll queen out look.’

“Yes dear, what ever you say dear.” Brian answered in falsetto.

“Asshole.”

“Brat” they continued that way during the ride in the elevator and the walk to their car.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

End of Chapter Seven

Chapter 8 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Eight

Present day May 2016

Brian slowly sat-up and leaned against the wall of his small cell. His head was spinning, and his whole body hurt. He couldn’t breathe, and he could barely see. He couldn’t figure out how long it ahs been since he had been brought back into this cell after being questioned, but he knew that it had been at least an hour. Setting his feet flat on the ground, Brian pushed himself up, using the wall as a stabilizer. He had to get out of there before his captors came back.

The cell was dark, and Brian could see that it was night outside. What time it was, he couldn’t tell but he knew that he didn’t have much time. With his hand sliding against the wall to keep his balance, Brian made his way over to the door. He glanced out the small window and saw a lonely guard standing beside his door. Brian asked in clear Farsi. He needed to get the guard close enough so that he could grab him. When the guard began to slide a small cup through the door, Brian reached out and grabbed a hold of the man, slamming his head against the rusted bars.

Brian was able to hold the guard up as he went limp in Brian’s grasp. Quickly he searched the man’s pockets for a key, and then dropped him flat on the ground. With the door open, Brian reached down to check the man, feeling for a pulse. The man’s neck evidently broke on impact; so Brian reached down to pick up his gun, pulled the man into the cell, and start down the hall. All the pain he had been feeling slipped away as he concentrated on his new mission – getting home.

With each cell he passed, Brian checked for others who might be held as well. "Commander?” Brian heard a quiet question coming from his left. Brian quickly made his way over to the cell, and spotted four Navy personnel within the walls. “Commander… oh thank God.”

“Let’s get you guys out of here,” Brian stated as he pulled the keys back out of his pocket releasing the other prisoners. “Do you know if there’s a command center here? A map?”

“Down this way,” one of the sailors stated as they headed down the hall. Once they reached the room, Brian quickly searched the contents and found one lone map buried beneath a large stack of papers.

The five men left their prison in the dead of night with only their stolen guns and a single map. All were injured, hungry, tired, and cold. Brian only hoped that they could find a military convoy or a place to hide before they were discovered missing. The last thing he wanted was to go back to that place. He needed to get home to his family. Nothing else mattered.

~~~***~~~***~~~
Present time 2016

“Justin, I don’t think Brian would want you to go to Baja and leave all this behind.” Daphne waved her hand indicating the large house that Brian and Justin shared.

“Daphne, I know you can’t understand this, but Brian and I have talked about something like this happening. I’m not a fool; I know the danger that he’s in. We agreed that if he doesn’t return within a month after being reported missing, then I’m to go and wait for him in Baja.”

“Brian agreed, or you told Brian that’s what you’d do.” Daphne shook her head. “Because I can’t see him wanting you to give up your life and everything you’ve accomplished to sit in Baja.”

“Oddly enough Daphne, I can conduct my business just as well from Baja as I can from here. We are in the age of technology. I will be here for one more week and then I’m packing up the house and heading for our home down south.”

“What about me, what if you still want me to have Brian’s baby?” Daphne was referring to the fact that Brian had his sperm stored two years before. He hadn’t wanted to take a chance on becoming infertile or tainted somehow with chemicals. He and Justin had discussed it and he’d agreed to store it should they decide to have a child.

“Daphne, I told you. It has to be one hundred percent your decision – you know that with my DNA combined with Brian’s sperm, the child will be ours – you’d only be the incubator.” He gave her a hug. “A cute and wonderful and marvelous incubator and of course Brian and I would want you to be part of our child’s life. But we would raise her.”

“I know, I’ve read all the papers Brian gave me ages ago. I was just hoping to use this argument to persuade you to stay. I miss you when you’re gone.” She leaned her head on his shoulder.

“Well, I know Brian is alive. I know they’ll find him soon. So maybe it’ll happen before I leave.” Justin’s eyes filled with tears and he turned away. He forced himself not to cry. He’d cried so much since he’d been notified that Brian was missing that he just couldn’t start again. He was afraid he’d never stop.

~~~***~~~***~~~
December 2011

Brian laid back letting the sun caress his body, enjoying the view of his husband painting beside the ocean. He was glad they had come to their home in Baja for the holiday. Brian definitely needed the break. He felt like had been going non-stop for months, and this break in the routine was nice. For his gift, Justin had finally broken down and told Brian about the diving lessons, of course after they were already on the boat heading out to sea. And after they had started to get their wet suits on.

Brian had enjoyed the gentle dive. It was like nothing he had done thus far. He didn’t have to worry about whether or not a bomb would explode; he didn’t have to have someone depend on him getting the job done so that they could go home alive to their families. Once they had gotten into the dive, Brian had found himself not watching Justin, and not making sure that Justin was okay. He could tell that whomever the Admiral had found to teach Justin how to dive knew what he was doing. Justin was turning into a wonderful diver. Knowing that Justin would be all right, that he needn’t worry about his husband, Brian has finally settled back and enjoyed their underwater adventure. And what an adventure it had been. He could recall every detail of that day, every touch, every feeling. It had been memorable, no doubt in Brian’s mind. Taking a quick look up at his lover, Brian closed his eyes and relived the day

He remembered swimming over to an interesting cluster of rocks ringed with bright yellow fish, Brian hadn’t noticed his husband at first and when he did, he burst out laughing and almost choked, *note to self – no laughing while scuba diving* Justin had removed his swim trunks and was slowly stroking his engorged cock while giving Brian a come hither look. Or at least he was trying to look that way, his pink facemask hid most of his face, but it wasn’t his face that Brian’s eyes were focused on. Justin swam close and let his hand stroke the now hard cock of his husband and then turning abruptly he swam away.

Immediately the chase was on, Brian’s powerful legs closed the distance between them quickly. He almost caught his blond beauty, when Justin, knowing Brian was close, swam between two rocks that were small enough for his lithe body, but that Brian couldn’t traverse with his heavier scuba gear. Justin looked back and laughed before disappearing into a man made diving barrier. Brian got a glimpse of his bubble butt, pale in the clear sea and then it was gone. The little shit, Brian thought. Swimming with a raging hard on wasn’t part of his training.

Following the trail of bubbles Brian traced his lover’s path up and over the barnacle covered obstacles until he broke free of the barrier. Justin was heading toward a large rock formation. Brian caught a glimpse of him as he disappeared into an underwater cave. Didn’t the brat learn that you should never go into those things? Brian felt a trace of fear hit him and he swam harder until he disappeared into the cave himself. A few feet into the cave, the tunnel ended. Brian looked around, there was no sign of Justin and then a stone fell past his face, he looked up and there grinning at him, face mask and breathing gear off was his blond.

Brian rose up out of the water ready to chastise Justin when he noticed that the cave they were in had obviously been prepared before hand. Sitting on the rocks was a half bottle of wine, condoms and lube and an air mattress. “You should never dive alone.” He said.

“You shouldn’t either.” Justin said with a laugh. “Komari and I came here last week and got this spot ready. Jim at the diving school told me about it. Now Navy Boy, you have a horny blond, condoms and lube, a mattress, a drink of wine. What ever shall you do?”

Brian heaved himself up and onto the flat rocky ledge. While he was doing that, Justin lay down on the air mattress. In no time at all Brian had joined him. He stroked Justin’s body with his callused hands, looking at it in awe as if he’d never seen it before. Slowly his lips descended until they captured Justin’s, the passion was hot between them, it always was and Brian knew that it always would be.

Before he began to make slow intense love to the man of his dreams. Brian said. “Thank you for this. Now when I think of diving I won’t think of death and destruction. I’ll think of you and love and what things could be like if this was a perfect world.” His voice was husky with emotion. Justin blinked rapidly to clear his eyes of emotional tears at Brian’s words. He pulled his man close to him and let his feelings flow through his kiss. The kiss was deep and full of promises. The intensity of the moment filled the small cave with sparks of electricity that seemed to emanate from their bodies, sending orgasmic jolts directly to both of their groins. Brian felt himself being pulled deeper and deeper into Justin. The moment was surreal but neither one could break the bond between their lips and he knew that this was a special moment in time that defined the love they had for one another. A time that he’d always remember for as long as he lived, the touch of his blond water nymph so eager to please him, so desperate to make his way in life easy, filling his mind with memories that washed away the years before they met. And suddenly, like teenage boys, they both came with wave after orgasmic wave flowing through bodies with an intensity that was unreal until gasping for air they broke apart, only their eyes and their sticky bodies connecting.

“What does that kiss tell you Brian?” Justin said with a lazy smile.

“To make damn sure it’s only my pretty boy that I follow into an underwater cave.” Brian joked. “Oh and that I love you.”

“Good answer.”

~~~***~~~***~~~

‘Oh yeah,’ Brian thought with a smile. ‘It had been a good day.’ He wasn’t quite sure about the sky-diving yet, but the Admiral had proven once again that he would watch out for Justin, and make sure that he was alright. Brian had to put his faith in Justin and his decisions, even if he didn’t like them.

They both had agreed not to get really anything for each other this year. This year it was just mainly about being together. They hadn’t been able to spend much time with each other these past couple of months, and there was no telling what the future would bring, so they both agreed that this year was about them spending time together, and enjoying each other’s company. “So how many master pieces do you think they will want?” Brian asked his lover.

Justin shrugged as he stole a quick glance over to Brian before returning back to his painting. “It all depends on who I go with. I think I’m going to check their places out, you know. See if I can get a feel for them; see what they are looking for.”

“Maybe you should head out that way one day during a week, while I’m stuck on base. That way you can see what they are like during normal hours and stuff.” Brian sat up a little to watch Justin a little more. He was glad that things with the owners had worked out so well for Justin. Knowing that Justin would have something to do while he was gone made leaving that much easier.

That brought Brian back to the discussion he had the day before they left California. Could Brian honestly think about a child? Would that make their relationship stronger or worse? Could he leave Justin alone with the child while he was on a mission? Hell would he even be around to see the child grow up? Vincent was right about one thing… Justin was a natural father. He would be an excellent father. Brian wasn’t too sure about himself, especially considering his own childhood, but Justin would be great. Could he deny Justin that one thing if he asked?

Shaking his head in order to clear those thoughts, Brian got up off of his towel to stand behind Justin. “You’re making them work aren’t you? Seeing who has the most money? Brat… I knew there was a reason why I loved you.” Brian laughed as he wrapped his arms around Justin’s neck to plant a small kiss behind his lover’s ear.

Justin gave a small smile as he leaned back against Brian. “And here I thought it was my blowjobs, sexy body, and my intellect that you loved.”

“Oh those are an added bonus.” Brian stated as he reached around Justin, taking the brushes out of Justin’s hands. “I think your light is fading,” Brian whispered against Justin’s neck. “Maybe you should continue this in the morning.”

Justin rolled his lips into his mouth, and tried not to smile. “I think you’re right.” He said standing up and turning around in Brian’s arms. “What shall we do with our time?”

“Oh I don’t know. I’m sure even a pretty blond boy like you should come up with something. I would think that it taking care of your husband’s needs would be a priority.” Brian tried to pout but fell flat.

Justin reached up and ran his hands over Brian’s cheeks. “What a bad, bad husband. How can you ever forgive me?” he said sweetly, batting his eyelashes for added effect.

“I think I might be convinced. It could be a lot of work, though. Think you’re up to it?” Brian challenged with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m more than up for it. Let’s go Navy Boy. Let me show you just how happy you’ve made me.”

~~~***~~~***~~~
New Year’s Eve – San Diego 2011

“I don’t think that we’re ever going to be ready in time.” Justin lamented. He took his shirt off and threw it on the bed. He couldn’t decide what to wear.

Brian, who had been dressed for the past hour, lounged in the easy chair in the corner watching the show. He grinned widely. “Try the dark blue silk shirt again. I liked that one.”

“You shit, you just want to see me strip.” Justin glared at him. “I have to look good. Komari and Susan said there would be some important people at the party tonight. They wouldn’t tell me who. Crap women are irritating.”

“Considering that their husbands are the highest ranking officers on the base. I can’t imagine who would be there that was more important.” Brian laughed. “Of course who would have thought my little blond would be buddies with the brass and their wives.”

Justin turned to look at him, “there, how do I look?”

“Not bad” Brian said in an understated way, but by the tenting of his dress trousers Justin could tell that he thought Justin’s outfit was perfect.

Justin ran over and sat astride Brian’s legs. “I love your tan Navy Boy.” He kissed Brian’s nose, something that drove his man wild.

Brian, who loved the casual affection Justin was always quick to give him, preened under the assault of blond husband. “Are you ready pretty boy to wow the high pooh bah’s?”

“Yep, I have my dancing shoes on and everything.” Justin wiggled his patent leather shod feet.

“Then let’s get out of here. The faster we get there the faster we can come home.”

“A New Year’s Party means we have to be there on New Year’s.” but seeing the look of disappointment on Brian’s face, Justin took pity on him and said. “I promise you that we’ll spend the last two days of your leave in bed.”

“Doing what?” Brian took the bait.

“Reading, relaxing, I know how busy you’ll be when your training resumes.” They were out the door and in the elevator now. Brian swatted Justin’s ass as the elevator door closed but took him into his arms for a deep kiss on the way down to the lobby.

~~~***~~~***~~~
February 2012

“Tell me again why we are staying in New York?” Daphne asked. She was stretched out on the other bed of the hotel room that the two friends were sharing.

“I have to see what’s up with this show that’s supposed to come off in April and I want Brian to smarten up and realize that my place is with him.” Justin reached over and grabbed a handful of potato chips with one hand while he flicked the channel changer with the other. “He is so damned determined that I have a life other than with him, that he all but threw me out of the house. He insists I do these fucking shows and no matter what I say he figures I’m somehow copping out or to chicken or something.”

“Can’t you talk to him. ‘Cause geeze Justin, all these trips to New York are seriously interfering in my social life.”

“Stop whining Daphne, and help me out here. We have to somehow let my Navy Boy, who I’m beginning to think is not too bright where it comes to relationships, realize he has to let me be me. And if being me is living with him and being with him and caring for him when he’s home, then he should fucking well let me do it.”

He reached for more potato chips. “So I figured, let the Navy Boy survive on his own for a few days rather frequently, maybe he’ll break down and admit I can run my own life.

“And if he doesn’t” Daphne asked. She was already planning on tracking Brian down and giving him a severe talking to and lesson in how to treat your spouse.

“If he doesn’t I’ll probably just kill him and get it over with.” Justin sighed dramatically.





~~~***~~~***~~~

My pretty blond boy,

Why am I starting it off with that? I don’t know… for some reason it just seemed to fit. I am learning about compromise, I am finding out what it has been like for you these past couple of months. I guess there’s a part of me that actually thought that when I was home it would be us, not you, me, and your painting.

I know, I’m not complaining. I’m not. I’m thrilled that you have this, have your art and your shows. I don’t want you to think that I’m not thrilled and happy… no ecstatic, I’m just… okay fine, I can be truthful here. I would like some time with my husband. I’m getting blue balls here, Justin. Christ!

I guess maybe I should go on to something else, huh? Since I’m trying this whole compromise thing and then I can do this. I mean hell, this is nothing compared to what I’m going to force on you when I go away. Of course this is just making it worse. For me, that is. I’m beginning to understand at least a little of what you will go through. Yeah you will have friends, and your art, whatever, but at least I have you here, I can still talk to you. You won’t have that.

So where does that train of thought inevitably lead me? Fuck! Okay, I’m going to say it. There are times when I wish you hadn’t agreed to marry me. You feel things a thousand times more than I do, Justin and to say that this is killing me would be an understatement. What in the hell would it do to you? If you hadn’t married me, then you would be free to have whomever you wanted. You wouldn’t be tied down to some worthless piece of shit like me. You could have everything that someone of your talent… your stature deserves. Not sitting at home doing whatever Navy spouses do, waiting for me.

The thing is… I can’t let you go. I know it would be the best thing all around, that letting you go would be the best thing, the right thing to do. But I can’t. I just can’t.

And of course that shit brings me right back to the damn thing that has been bugging me to NO end for over a month now. Kids…

If I know I can never fully commit to you, the way you should be committed too, how could I do that to a child?

I love you, Justin. I only hope that you don’t hate me someday for being selfish and wanting you here with me.

My Avalon, my love,
Brian

~~~***~~~***~~~

Daphne sent Justin out for some ice cream she knew he couldn’t find without some heavy duty traveling in New York traffic. Taking a chance that Brian was home because it was a Friday night, she quickly dialed. “Hey Kinney” she all but yelled into the phone. “When are you going to get a fucking clue and talk to your husband about what he thinks.”

“Daphne, lovely to hear from you. Justin isn’t home right now. Can I take a message.” Brian’s voice was sugary sweet.

“No asshole, you can’t take a message. I know where he is, he’s in New York looking for some ice-cream for me.”

Now that got Brian’s attention. He sat up straight. “Now tell me all this verrry slowly.”

“Justin is only doing this show thing because you forced him to. He was perfectly content to sell his art or paint or whatever locally. He doesn’t like being pressured and he feels forced to produce. It’s become an ordeal for him to paint rather than the fun it used to be. And to top it all off, he is away from you and miserable. He hates it but he says you insisted and went to a lot of trouble for him so he’s stuck with it. So he keeps coming to New York to make you think he’s having fun but he makes me come with him and Brian I’ve got things to do.” Daphne was all but whining at high volume. She had to say everything before Justin got back.

“He’s miserable?” Brian asked.

“Duh, you stupid Navy guy.” Daphne sighed. “He married you to be with you. He knows he won’t always be able to. But he damn well wants to as long as you are in the same country. This is killing him. And if he makes me eat any more junk food I’m going to explode.”

“I didn’t know.” Brian’s voice was soft and confused. “Daphne, I’m coming to New York. I’ll get the next flight, don’t tell Justin.”

“Don’t tell him I called, he’ll be pissed with me.” Daphne had calmed down(,) now that Brian was going to rescue her.

“Daphne, I assume that you two are sharing a hotel room?” Brian asked.

“Yes, he says you check the credit card bills now. He thinks you don’t know that he knows, boy you guys have a strange relationship. Anyway, he only wants one room to show up.”

Brian chuckled, so he was found out, was he. “Well call the front desk and get yourself a room but don’t take it until I get there. I’m sure you won’t want to be around while we have some hot hotel make up sex.”

“Actually, I wouldn’t mind.” Daphne said.

“Get a room.”

“Geeze.” She hung up the phone in a much better mood.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Brian grabbed a taxi from the airport, directing them toward the hotel Daphne told them they were staying at. He had grabbed the first flight he could get, for once grateful for all the money Justin had… no ‘they’ had. He had to get Justin to see where he was coming from and be back on base Monday morning at 5 a.m. ‘Christ, he’s going to be the death of me.’ Brian thought.

He had been thinking about what Daphne had told him, about how miserable Justin was, and Brian hated that he hadn’t caught on. He should have known, but for some reason he had been blind to his husband’s problem. He had honestly thought that this was what Justin had wanted, he had thought that it would have been good for them. He had hated that Justin had given up everything to be with him, and he wanted Justin to have this. Brian just couldn’t figure out where he had gone so wrong.

After paying the driver, he walked into the lobby. He spotted Daphne sitting in one of the chairs and headed over there. “How did you get away?” Brian asked as she handed over the cardkey to the room.

“I told him I was going out to get this… since he seems to be addicted to it lately.” She informed him as she thrust a gallon of ice cream at him. “You better fix this mister, cause I’m getting tired of making all these trips. Now you go up there and make this right. I’m going to my room.” She stated, turning to walk away.

Brian looked down at his hands at the ice cream and cardkey in his hand. The things he does to try and make Justin happy. He headed toward the elevators, and made his way toward the room. Sliding the card in the slot, he could hear the TV blaring in the background. “Daph, did you find it?” Brian heard Justin call out from the bathroom.

“She did.” Brian stated, as he waited for Justin to come out.

Hearing his husband’s voice instead of Daphne’s, Justin ran out of the bathroom and stood there staring at Brian standing in the room. “What? What are you doing here? Where’s Daphne?”

“A little bird called me and told me to come here to and I quote, fix this.” Brian told Justin as he set the ice cream on the table in the middle of the room and his bag down on the chair. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Brian asked turning to face Justin. “Why didn’t you tell me that you didn’t want to do this? I thought you wanted this… I thought it made you happy. I thought… fuck I don’t know what I thought.”

Justin walked over to his lover and wrapped his arms around Brian, laying his head on Brian’s chest. He had missed Brian in the time he had been away. He knew he would always miss Brian. If only Brian would understand that, understand where he wanted, no needed to be. “I am happy. I’m happy being with you. I don’t want to be away from you, don’t you understand that. I married you. I want you. I don’t want to be some famous painter if it’s not with you.”

Brian pulled away from Justin and sat down on the edge of the bed, running his hand through his hair. “Why didn’t you tell me? I thought you were happy, I thought that this was what you wanted. It’s what you told me you wanted when we first met.”

“But then we got together, Brian. Really together. Don’t you see, nothing in my life matters besides you. I want to be with you all the time. Nothing will change that; nothing can take its place. I’m not whole unless I’m with you.” Justin tried to explain to his husband.

“So in other words, I should just give up trying to do things for you, things that I think you want, but evidently I don’t know for sure. Now I know why I never gave gifts before. Fuck! I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making this harder on you and making you miserable.”

Justin knelt down in front of his husband, and lifted Brian’s chin so he could look into his eyes. Justin could see the pain that Brian was in, and he hated that he had helped put it there. “Brian, I loved your gift. Don’t ever think that I don’t. I just wish you would have asked me if I wanted this… wanted to do New York now. But I love that you wanted to do this for me. And maybe in time, I will want to do this, but right now… I want you, I want to be with you. Nothing else in the world matters to me. Nothing.”

Brian wrapped his arms around Justin and pulled him tight against his body. “I love you. I just wish I knew how to show you. I never knew what to do, I never had anyone show me what someone does when they are in love. I’m learning, you have to help me. I don’t ever want to make you miserable. I want you to be happy.”

“I am.” Justin stated lifting himself up on his elbow so he could look at Brian and run his hand across Brian’s cheek. “You make me happy. Just being with you makes me happy. When we’re apart… I can’t stand it. I deal, and I will deal, but it hurts.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Brian, you show me every day that you love me. Just let me be where you are. I can do my art, Brian. I can sell my paintings anywhere. But it won’t mean anything to me unless you’re there to share it with me.” Justin told Brian as he ran his hand through Brian’s hair. “I love you, Navy Boy. You just have to accept the fact that I’m going to be around wherever you are for years to come.”

Brian reached up and pulled Justin’s lips down to his own. Brian wanted to make things right… he wanted to show Justin how much he meant to him. He lightly ran his tongue over Justin’s beautiful, full lips asking for permission, asking for forgiveness. He got his wish when Justin opened his mouth to Brian’s awaiting tongue.

Justin began to move his hands across Brian’s chest, slowly lifting his shirt up over his body. He needed to feel Brian against him. He needed to make sure that Brian understood what he wanted, and he wanted Brian to know that he wasn’t upset. He didn’t blame Brian for wanting to make his Justin happy, for thinking that he had wanted the whole New York scene. He had at one time. But that was before, and this was now. Now all he wanted was his Navy Boy. That’s all there was for him. They broke the kiss long enough to lift Brian’s shirt over his head, then resumed their exploration.

The removed each other’s clothes with care, never leaving a newly exposed part of their bodies untouched, and unexplored. With each touch their love would show, slowly bringing them closer together, binding them for eternity. It wasn’t about the physical act that night… it was about the love they had built between them, the love that would continue to grow. Their bodies moved against one another, slowly bringing them toward euphoria and slowing down bringing them back from the brink. Neither one wanting it to end, neither one wanting to be away from the other.

When they finally crossed over, they collapsed into each other’s arms content in the knowledge that everything would be okay. That no matter what happened they would get through it. They would survive. Yes, they had a long, hard road ahead, but as long as they were honest with one another they would survive. “I love you, Justin.” Brian whispered planting a light kiss on top of the blond head laying on his chest.

“I love you, Brian. Wherever you are, I am.”

”I’m trying to understand, I am. But I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

~~~***~~~***~~~

Brian came into the penthouse, papers in hand. He had finally been given his assignment, and Brian knew that they would have a lot to do in the next two months. Luckily Brian didn’t need to report to the Norfolk area and Little Creek until April 9th so they had time. The only problem was, they had a LOT to do. Packing, arranging, moving… and Brian was beginning to wonder if Justin would even tell him yet about that damn house he had bought. He would need the address for the Supply– Personal Property Office so that they could have their household goods moved.

He moved through the house heading straight back toward Justin’s studio, knowing that it was the most likely place for his blond boy to be. When he reached the room, he saw no sign of Justin. “Justin?” He called out, but received no answer. Shaking his head, Brian went through the rest of the house trying to find his lover. Sitting on the counter beside the refrigerator, Brian found a small note. He reached in, grabbed a beer and sat down by the counter to read the note.

My darling husband, (haha)
I had to go to the store real quick, ran out of some paints and stuff. So if you get home before I do, I will be back shortly. I don’t think it will be long.
Loving you forever,
Your husband.

Brian shook his head, and set the note down on the counter. Justin had been sickenly sweet these past couple of weeks, and frankly it was making Brian nervous. He wondered briefly if Justin knew he had felt a little neglected or not, knowing that the only place he had even brought the subject up was in his journals, but knowing that Justin would never read those. His blond boy was just being himself, and Brian could only sit and wait.

Still, he couldn’t help but wonder what Justin was up to. Somehow his husband always had a way of getting knee deep in shit, and bringing Brian right along with him. Since the party at New Years, Justin had been spending a great deal of time with the wives of the ‘bosses’. Brian only hoped that Justin wasn’t trying anything. Hearing Justin’s key in the door, Brian looked up and watched his lover come into the room, arms filled with supplies. “I’m home, honey… you weren’t here.”

“Brian! Christ you scared the shit out of me. I didn’t realize you were home yet.” Justin cried out almost dropping his things all over the floor. “Would you mind helping me here?” he asked.

Brian shook his head and took a sip of his beer, not moving to assist Justin. “I don’t know… what are you up to?”

“What? Christ Brian, can you help me here? Please?”

Brian stood up and quickly relieved his husband of everything in his hands, placing them beside the door. Leaning into Justin he pushed the blond against the door, kissing Justin with all the passion he could muster. “You were saying?” Brian breathed against Justin’s lips.

“What?” Justin replied trying to catch his breath and calm his raging hard-on.

“What are you planning, Justin? You seem to be spending a lot of time with the boss’, and you’ve been extra attentive to my needs lately… so what’s going through that head of yours?” Brian asked as he began to run his hands over Justin’s body, touching his lover in all the right places as he began to plant feather light kisses on Justin’s neck and behind his ear. Knowing that it was driving the blond wild.

“Oh God, Brian. Don’t stop.”

“What are you planning, Justin. Come on… you can tell me.”

“Nothing, just don’t stop.” Justin moaned enjoying the feel of his husband against him, wanting to feel Brian inside him.

“Come on, tell me.” Brian whispered in Justin’s ear, blowing hot air lightly over the delicate flesh.

“Nothing too bad… they want us over for dinner once we get settled in Virginia.” Justin stated as he began to remove Brian’s shirt ripping it off of his shoulders.

“And how did you find out about Virginia? Is this why you bought that house there?” Brian asked hoping to finally get the truth out of his husband.

“Yes, now please, Brian…” Justin sighed losing himself in the feeling of his lover. Before he could reach out to unbuckle Brian’s pants, the pressure was gone and cold air began to rush against his flesh. Slowly he opened his eyes the haze of passion slowly dissipating. “What?”

Brian stood before Justin and shook his head. “House Justin… Dinner with the CNO and Admiral in Virginia? You knowing this and not telling me? Do we need to have another talk about keeping secrets from one another? You know… good secrets… bad secrets… that sort of thing.” Brian asked as he made his way back over to the counter and picked his beer back up while he tried to calm his own pressure in his pants. He had been turned on as much as Justin, and Brian was amazed that he had been able to stop.

“How did… who told you?” Justin stumbled as Brian’s words filtered through his mind. “You bastard.” Justin said. He wanted to be pissed at Brian for his little game, wanted to be angry for him finding out about the house, but he knew he couldn’t. But it didn’t mean he would let his husband off the hook. If Brian thought he would get any that night… quickly shaking his head, Justin knew that that thought would never fly. He wouldn’t be able to be in the same house with Brian without touching the man. It would be torture.

“Let’s just say I have my ways, Justin. Were you going to tell me?”

“Yes.”

“When? When we arrived in Virginia?” Brian asked knowing full well what the answer was.

“Well, I thought … I wanted it to be a surprise. And don’t start with me. I had gotten the place before our little agreement, so it wasn’t like I was breaking the rules or anything.” Justin stated the looked up in fear at Brian, realizing what he had just said. “Oops.”

“So when you went to Maryland to sell your place there, you just decided to buy another place. It would make sense with you knowing then that we were moving. Christ, Justin… what am I ever going to do with you?” Brian asked shaking his head. “What else?”

“Nothing I swear.” Justin stated as he walked over to Brian so he could wrap his arms around Brian’s waist. “Don’t you trust me?”

“Only as far as I can throw you, dear.” Brian rested his head against Justin’s, knowing that there were other secrets that the blond was keeping from him. He could tell by the way Justin would look away slightly when he said nothing, or just by the glint in his eyes. Brian only hoped that it wouldn’t be the death of him. “Now can you give me the address so I can fill out the forms for the move?”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

14 February 2012

Justin,

I remember last year at this time, and I can’t help but think about how far we’ve come. At that time, I didn’t ever think I would be married for one… I was still so unsure about us. I worried that you wouldn’t want to stick the training shit out with me, that you would still be there in Maryland while I was here. So many things that I can look back at now and almost laugh.

I still don’t think, and never will honestly, that I’m good enough for you, but that’s my problem. I have to try and work that out myself, if I ever can. I’m sitting here, wondering if you have anything planned at home, if I’ll walk into the penthouse and shake my head. You can go a little overboard, blondie when it comes to the holidays, you can’t deny that.

Until I met you, none of the holidays had any meaning to me. Yeah, in school I would get those cheap ass cards and stuff from all the ‘girls’, but it didn’t mean a thing to me. The only reason why I even bothered to sneak a box and give some to the other kids in school is so I didn’t appear any different. That the holiday wasn’t just another day to run and hide in my room. To pretend that I wasn’t sore from Jack’s rage the night before, knowing that there would be much more that day.

Flowers were only meant to be a pitiful thing… one Jack would give Joannie as some fucked up apology for fucking around on her, then he would turn around most of the time that same day to do it again. Oh yeah, we were the perfect family all right.

I often wonder what life for you was like. You never talk about it, never tell me about your family, what you used to do during the holidays… or hell for a normal day. I knew it was NOTHING like mine, but I still wonder. It had to have been wonderful, cause whatever your parents did, and whatever they taught you sure as hell makes my day. I have learned so much about sharing and love, and how to love from you. It shows me how much love you had growing up.

So anyway, I may not show it every day… not the way that most people do, or I might do some stupid shit at times, or whatever, but I don’t ever want you to think that I don’t love you, that you aren’t a part of my soul. I want to give you the holidays you deserve, but I just don’t know how. I’m learning from you, and maybe in 20 years or so I will get it right.

How does one show their soul mate, their life how much they mean to them only one day out of the year? Why only today? I guess the only thing I can do is let you show me. Show me how.

I love you Justin, my Avalon.
Happy Valentines Day
Brian.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin was nervous. He had the table set with their best china and silver, the candles lit and soft romantic music playing. Brian was out in the field today and he didn’t expect him back until late. He checked the deck outside. The hot tub was steaming, rose petals floating in the water he’d scented with oils. Who cared that he would have to clean it tomorrow? He’d filled the tub with fresh water so that he didn’t have to put any chemicals in it. He figured it would be like a hot bath, used once and down the drain with it.

He checked the massage table he’d had placed beside the hot tub. Relaxing oils were ready on a small table together with a frosted pitcher of Sangria. It was a work night and Brian couldn’t have much in the way of alcohol, the stress of his training the next day would be too hard on him. Nervously he tugged at the hem of his short silk robe. It was the color of a Mediterranean sky and made his eyes look wonderful. He checked in the mirror, he’d had his eyelashes tinted with blue-black vegetable dye and added a hit of kohl eyeliner. He wasn’t sure what Brian would think of that. He rubbed his chest gently. When Brian had left on his field trip five days ago, Justin had gone with Komari and had his right nipple pierced and his navel as well. He had a gold chain attaching the two rings together. He chanced a look in the mirror – he had healed fast and now the look was hot or at least he hoped Brian would think so. He was still reeling from their New York weekend. Brian was constantly amazing him. One of these days he was going to have to take a chance and tell him about his childhood and even about Ethan. Maybe it would help Brian’s inferiority complex.

Hearing Brian’s boots in the tile hallway, Justin ran to the door. Brian opened up the door, the lights were off and dozens of candles burned everywhere. “Welcome home my Valentine.” Justin purred. He took Brian by the arm and helped him out of his jacket.

“What this all about, didn’t you pay the hydro bill?” Brian teased.

“It’s Valentines Day and I’m giving you my gift.” Justin began to unbutton Brian’s shirt punctuating each button with a small kiss.

“I don’t see any parcels – shit Justin you don’t have a pony on the balcony or anything do you? ‘Cause I was joking about wanting something hung like a horse.”

“I’m not going to dignify that with an answer Navy boy.” Justin now had Brian’s shirt off of him. And was going for the pants.

Brian put his hands on Justin’s shoulders. “Hold on there pretty boy, I’ve been in the field all week, let me at least wind down.”

“Oddly enough, I know where you’ve been.” Justin smiled as he bent down to untie Brian’s heavy boots. “So relax and shut up you Navy SEALs in training talk far too much.”

“Justin” Brian tried to protest. He could take his own damn boots off.

“A silent Navy Boy is a good Navy Boy.” Justin said as he slipped Brian’s boots off of his feet and then removed his socks. “This is your Valentines Day gift from me. You are my Valentine and I’m giving you my love.” Brian stood naked and tired in front of his blond. He wanted to say something but he couldn’t because of the lump in his throat. Justin led him to the balcony. “Get up on the massage table. You will soon be feeling the nimble fingers of a master masseuse taking the ache out of those hard done by muscles.”

Brian could see that Justin had gone to a lot of trouble. He climbed up on the surprisingly comfortable massage table. “You have to lie on your stomach or I’ll never get past the good bits.” Justin said with a grin.

“Maybe that was my plan.” Brian replied, but he turned over and lay his head face down. He could hear the music being turned up slightly. It was a CD that Justin had bought in New York. 19 Great Love Songs. Brian had teased him about his choice but he had to admit that the songs were beautiful. Justin took off his robe. Brian heard it slither to the floor; he almost turned his head but didn’t because the blond climbed up on the table and straddled his legs. “I’m not sure that that’s allowed by the college of masseuses.” Brian muttered though it should be he thought, as he felt Justin’s balls resting of the back of his legs.

“Oh it’s part of the curriculum at the college I went to Navy Boy.” Justin said. He began to kneed the stiff muscles in Brian’s back, leaning in to let his hard cock slap against the firm ass as he worked his magic. Brian relaxed under Justin’s firm hands. The smell of the oil he was using had a hint of lavender in it and he could feel himself drifting. Justin continued his ministrations working his way further and further down Brian’s back and then on to his tight and well developed ass.

Justin poured more oil into his hands and began working it into the firm cheeks. Unable to resist Brian’s relaxation, Justin leaned over and holding the cheeks apart, ran his tongue from Brian’s balls to his hole, stopping there to lick and nibble at the shocked opening. A deep groan filled the air. “Justin what are you doing?” Brian managed to gasp.

“If you have to ask Navy Boy, I’m not doing it right.” With that said he plunged his tongue into the now anticipating and quivering hole. Brian’s ass raised up with a will of its own while Justin continued his ‘massage’. Finally, reluctantly he left the sweet spot and continued down Brian’s legs, first one and then the other spending more than fifteen minutes on each foot. From the noises Brian was making, Justin was sure the man had to have cum at least once.

“Turn over, it’s time for your front.” Brian moaned, he could barely move he was so relaxed. But he did turn over and that’s when he saw his golden boy with the two gold rings and the golden chain.

“Fuck me Justin.” Brian exclaimed, his eyes drawn back and forth along Justin’s body.

“Hmmm, just what I had in mind, though I’m glad you asked.” Justin purred. Brian lunged for him, but Justin moved quicker and his man missed.

“Come here pretty boy, NOW” Brian all but growled.

“No, if you aren’t going to lay still for me to do the front, come and join me in the water.” He grinned, “I’ve got food.” He offered as a temptation. Brian was always hungry when he got back from field maneuvers. Quicker than Brian gave him credit for, Justin got into the hot tub. It was then that Brian noticed the rose petals and the glasses by the frosted pitcher of Sangria.

“You are amazing” Brian said and shook his head, climbing into the hot tub. Justin handed him a glass of the cold liquid and then held up his for a toast.

“To my favorite Navy Boy on Valentines Day.” They touched glasses and before Brian could take a drink, Justin was in his arms, his back against his chest, nestled in his favorite spot. “I have finger food here.” Justin nodded at the small table beside the water. And I have a great dinner waiting for us inside.” He turned his head so that Brian could kiss him.

“Justin, I don’t know what to say. Everything you’ve done tonight is so romantic, it’s ridiculously romantic even. But I didn’t know what to get you. I’m afraid I didn’t get you anything.” Brian was embarrassed.

“Yes you did.” Justin said. “You came home after a being away on field maneuvers, you let me undress you. You patiently let me take you out and give you a massage. I remember a rim job there as well. We are in a hot tub together drinking Sangria and later we’ll have a great dinner before I spend the night fucking you into the mattress. I’d say that was a pretty good present.”

“Who is going to be fucking who pretty boy?” Brian teased.

“You did say you wanted me to have a present.” Justin turned and began an assault on Brian’s lips. Brian could never refuse him anything and Justin knew it.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Alright the movers will be here on Tuesday, so whatever you want to pack yourself, we’ll do that this weekend. That way we can leave Monday to check out of the base, and finish any last minute details.” Brian explained as he sat down next to Justin going over what the coming days were going to consist of. This was going to be their first official military move, and Brian wanted to make sure it came off without a hitch.

“I guess that means the toy chest.” Justin said with a smile.

“Definitely the toy chest. That’s the last thing I need after everyone saw my ass at the art fair.” Brian said with a smirk, letting Justin know he was only partly kidding. “Besides, we’ll need to make sure that your paintings are crated up. I don’t trust military movers to get that right. Then tomorrow night we are having a little get together with the class, sort of a end of training type thing.” Brian continued letting Justin in on the one secret he hoped would make his husband happy and hopefully make up for the last one. He was still smarting over his fuck-up with the galleries.

“I thought we were just going to spend time here, getting ready for the move.” Justin stated looking at Brian. “Now who’s up to something? Tell me.”

“It’s nothing that major. I wanted to keep it a secret until it’s official… well mostly official. I know you, Justin, and I know you well enough to say that, without a doubt, you would have gone overboard with it.” Brian told Justin. He had kept this a secret cause he knew Justin would have a huge party to celebrate. He didn’t want that, and that’s why he had kept it quiet. Luckily the Admiral hadn’t told his wife, so Brian knew that for once, it was actually kept a secret. Unlike where he was being stationed.

“Tell me.” Justin sat back in the kitchen chair and crossed his arms over his chest so he could stare at Brian. “I thought we agreed no more secrets.”

“We did… except when it’s good secrets, remember. And this one is a good one. But now, I think I can tell you. Especially since one, it’s too late to change the plans and two, you will be too busy tomorrow to come up with anything.” Brian smiled, feeling proud of himself.

“Brian!”

“Okay, geez. I’ve been promoted. After tomorrow night I will officially be a Lieutenant Junior Grade.”

“What?! Brian that’s great. Why didn’t you tell me?” Justin yelled as he jumped from his chair right into Brian’s lap. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank-you kind sir,” Brian smiled. “I didn’t tell you cause it’s not that big of a deal. I don’t want a huge shindig, and I knew you would feel you had to do one.” Brian truthfully told Justin. “Don’t say you wouldn’t cause you know you would. I just want a small gathering of the gang here, you… when they pin me.”

“I love you. And I’m proud of you.” Justin leaned down and kissed Brian. “How about we start the celebrations early? I’ve never made love to a Lieutenant before.”

Brian lifted Justin up off of his lap, and began to walk toward the bedroom. “And you won’t until tomorrow night. But you can fuck an Ensign one last time… that is if you’re up for it.”

Justin jumped from the chair and ran after Brian. He would most definitely show Brian how proud he was… starting with the ending of one phase and moving on to the next.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian stood at attention in front of Admiral Smith with his right hand raised. He was surrounded by his fellow classmates, and out of the corner of his eye he could see the beaming smile of his husband. He could tell Justin was crying, and Brian gave his lover a small smile. “I, Brian Andrew Kinney, do swear to uphold the duties of Lieutenant Junior Grade, and all the responsibilities and honor that the title hold. I do solemnly swear to uphold the highest standards of Officers in the United States Navy, and honor the traditions set forth before me. I will obey the officers above me, and the orders of the Commander in Chief. I promise to protect the colors, and defend the Constitution of the United States of America.”

Admiral Smith reached up and removed the gold bars on Brian’s collar and replaced them with the single silver bar. After handing Brian the certificate of his appointment he returned the salute and stepped back. “May I introduce to you Lieutenant Junior Grade Brian Andrew Kinney.” Admiral Smith stated.

Brian gave a small wink toward Justin before bringing his husband into his arms for a quick hug. “See, not much to it.”

“I’m proud of you, Brian.” Justin stated through his tears as he fingered the silver bars shining brightly against the blue uniform. “Lieutenant Kinney. I like the sound of that.” Justin laughed.

“Better believe it, Pretty boy.” Brian laughed.

“Congratulations, Lieutenant.” Petty Officer Peters stated. “I guess all that hard work keeping each other afloat during hell week finally paid off.” He joked.

“Better believe it. Of course now that you and South are also going to Virginia, I’d keep an eye out. One day I may be in charge of you sorry saps, so don’t fuck up.” Brian replied with his tongue in his cheek. When Peters walked away, Brian turned to Justin and shrugged. “Peters and South made sure I survived hell week. Fuck all of training. I owe them a lot.” He explained.

“Then I owe them my gratitude. I’m glad they were there for you, Brian. They seem like good friends.” Justin said, wishing he could wrap his arms around Brian, but knowing he couldn’t at that moment. There were times he hated Military regulations.

“Luckily one of them may end up in my unit. We’re not sure yet, we’ll find out when we get there. Even if we don’t, we’ll still be in the same area, so that’s okay. As for being friends… as much as the regulations will allow us to be. I guess it’s one of those, as long as you don’t get caught type things.” Brian looked at the men who had helped him survive training and shook his head. “Oh well. Life goes on, and now we’re on another chapter of our lives. You ready for that, Mr. Kinney?”

“Of course, Lieutenant Kinney. You know I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Justin lightly ran his hand over Brian’s wrist to touch his bracelet, wanting some type of connection with his lover. “Brian?” He asked, fear in his voice when his hand came up empty.

Brian looked down to see what had caused his husband to become scared, and then smiled. It seems that Justin had found the second part of his surprise. Brian pulled Justin over to a small table, away from everyone else. This was one discussion that he really didn’t think anyone needed to know. “Don’t worry, Justin. It will go back on in a day or so.” He began. Brian could see the worry in his lover’s eye, and knew he had to calm Justin. “Remember when I told you that I would never take it off, and I meant it. But then I realized that it was a promise I couldn’t keep.”

Brian reached over and grabbed a hold of Justin’s hand and held it in his own. Lightly he ran his finger across Justin’s own bracelet, hoping to make his lover understand. “I learned that on missions we can’t have jewelry, so that means every time I went out, I had to take it off. So I decided that I had to do something about that.” Brian lifted up the sleeve of his right arm, and began to remove the small bandage that covered his wrist. “You can’t really tell right now, cause it’s all puffy and scabs are covering it, but you can basically see it.”

Brian could feel Justin’s gentle touch on his sore flesh, caressing the image that was represented there. “Our bracelets.”

“Our words,” Brian explained. “Since I couldn’t wear the real thing, or the wedding ring, I knew that I had to have something… this, Justin. This is my pledge to you. So you know that no matter where I am, no matter what I’m doing, you’re with me.”

Justin felt the tears flow freely down his face, and he didn’t care who saw it. Brian had given him the greatest gift ever. Nothing could tear them apart. Not time, not distance. Brian would now have the bracelet, the words with him longer than any clasp could. “I love you. Thank-you.”

Brian reached across the table with his other hand and wiped the tears from Justin’s face. “Forever, remember. That’s my pledge.” They sat letting the light touch on Brian’s wrist talk for them.

Justin could make out the words buried beneath the slightly red and puffy skin. go deo mo tearmann … Forever my Avalon

~~~***~~~***~~~
End of Chapter Eight
~~~***~~~***~~~

Chapter 9 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Nine



Present day May 2016

It seemed to Brian that the farther they got from their prison, the harder it was for him to breathe. His lungs felt like they were on fire, and his whole body cried out in pain. The entire right side of his face was swollen, and Brian knew at minimum, he had to have a cracked cheekbone. He knew the cuts were deep since it took a long time for the blood to stop flowing into his eye. His back was burning with each open wound from the leather strap. They had to find a place to rest before he collapsed. There had to be an empty cave around these mountains where they could hide out before it got light.

“Sir, are you okay?” One of the men asked. Brian nodded as he wiped the sweat off of his brow trying to get a good look at the map. He wished he still had his lighter. He only smoked on missions since he knew that Justin didn’t approve of that little habit he had picked up.

Suddenly Brian began to cough, and he couldn’t seem to stop. With each force out of his chest, he could feel it through his whole body. It felt like his insides were being ripped to shreds with each aching cough, as he felt the blood fill his mouth. ‘Great,’ he thought. ‘Now I’m coughing up blood… this shit can stop.’ Once he was able to get it under control, Brian pointed east not wanting the former POW’s to think he couldn’t get them out. He knew that they were worried about him but he had a job to do, and since they had not – evidently – been where the team had been informed, it was now up to Brian to complete the mission and get their boys home.

He only hoped that his team would come back for him. He knew they would, they wouldn’t leave him behind. It was just a matter of when.

Brian had started to lead the group up a small path, until he knew he couldn’t continue any more. The coughs were coming more and more often, he couldn’t breathe. Finding the Chief in the group, Brian pointed to where they needed to go. It was time to pass the torch to someone else who could lead them out. Brian didn’t know what was being said as everything went black as he collapsed in the dirt beneath him.

The Chief knelt down to check Brian over. Pleased that their savior was still alive, he caught sight of a small tattoo that circled Brian’s right wrist. “Let’s get him up to the cave. Find some water… it looks like we’re in here for the long haul. At least until they come looking for us.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

April 2012 – Virginia

“Justin, for the tenth time, I need to be close to the base. I’ll be on call. I have, if I’m lucky, thirty minutes to get there.” Justin listened to Brian go on and on, barely hearing a word he said. They were standing, waiting for their luggage to come off of the carousel at the airport. Justin had refused to tell Brian where there house was located, other than the address which meant nothing to Brian being in an unfamiliar city.

“That’s the last bag” Justin nudged Brian with his hip. He was exhausted. He’d been packing for two days straight even though they had movers who would do it for him. He hadn’t wanted to take any chances with things like his paintings.

Brian reached over and grabbed the green Louis Vuitton bag that was making its way past them. He placed the bag on the luggage carrier and counted. They had the five bags, all matching of course, and his sea bag. It looked like a poor cousin next to its rich city relatives. “How come this luggage of yours never looks beat up?” Brian asked, eying up the matching bags.

“No one would dare scratch a Louis Vuitton bag. I think there’s a death penalty on that.” Justin joked.

“I guess that’s one of those ‘in’ jokes that this Irishman will never get.” Brian smirked.

“I’ll tell you, but you’ll only yell at me.”

Brian looked at his tired husband. “I guess they are expensive?”

“Possibly.”

Brian let it drop. Justin’s answer told him all he needed to know. “I’ve been here a week sleeping alone in a flea bag hotel. I hope there was a good reason for you not letting me go to our home.” Brian hoisted his bag on his shoulder and began to push the luggage cart. He’d taken a cab to the airport and now they would be taking a cab to their home. He’d be glad when the cars would arrive. He had two days off and then he’d be on call. If the cars didn’t get here, he’d have to rent one.

“It’s our first ‘home’” Justin hesitated. “And my last big gift to you ‘cause I promised not to do stuff like that anymore.” He looked at Brian from under his lashes.

“Don’t give me that look pretty boy, I know that your promise is as only as good as the next time you see something you’re sure I’ll want.”

Justin beamed at him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “I promise you’ll love this house. When I saw it I thought of you. It’s old, almost a hundred and twenty years old. It was built by a guy from England, some second son of a second son who was sent here to stay out of his family’s way. And it’s absolutely perfect. I’ve had a few renovations done, Daphne supervised them. I know there are things that you like and that you need to be comfortable.”

“Justin, I don’t need much, you know that.” Brian began and then became quiet. He’d promised himself he’d let Justin have this one last ‘big’ surprise without throwing a hissy fit.

“Close your eyes, we’re almost there. See I told you it wasn’t far from the base. You can be called out and be at the base before anyone else.”

“I’m not closing my eyes.” Brian’s voice had that ‘don’t argue’ tone to it.

“Fine, this is our turn.” Justin sat forward in his seat to get a better look at the house. He held onto Brian’s hand tight.

Brian blinked and then blinked again. A long tree lined drive opened up to show a house that was modeled after an old English castle, very much like the pictures in his book depicting Avalon. It was fucking huge. “Tell me this isn’t the house Justin.” He was finally able to gasp.

“Isn’t it great?” Justin all but glowed. “It has seven bedrooms. I guess we don’t really need that many, but it would be good for visitors. And it has a conservatory, a huge kitchen, a dining room, a living room, a library, a den. I’ve had an exercise room installed for you. And wait until you see the master bedroom and bathroom. You’ll just die.”

“No you’ll just die. I can’t live in a house bigger than the house the Admiral lives in. Christ Justin, I’m barely a Lieutenant. The rest of the guys are going to think I’ve fucking bought my position.”

“I already talked to Admiral Smith about the house. He knows that it was my money that we now share that bought the house. He’s cool with it.” Justin looked down not wanting to admit that the Admiral had also said Brian was going to have a hard time dealing with the house.

Brian’s lips were drawn tight. He got out of the taxi and helped the driver lift out the bags from the trunk and from the front seat where the extra ones were stored. Justin knew Brian was upset. He could tell by the rigid set of his shoulders. Justin stood and watched the cab drive back down the long driveway leaving him alone with his very upset husband.

“Unlock the door Justin.”

“Don’t you want to carry me over the threshold?” he had to ask the question even though he knew it was like poking a stick at a bear. Brian’s glare cut through him and he turned and unlocked the door. His hands were shaking and for the first time in their marriage Justin was afraid he’d gone too far. Sex wasn’t going to fix it this time.

“You’re lucky I’m not throwing you over the threshold.” Brian carried the bags inside. He placed them by the door. He looked around trying to orient himself but the vastness of the place overwhelmed him. He did see a crystal decanter filled with what he hoped was Jim Beam on a small table in a room across from the large foyer. He made his way over to it and poured himself a large glass and then downed it, barely wincing at the sting of the liquor.

Justin’s eyes filled with tears. He blinked rapidly; he wouldn’t resort to tears, keeping his voice low he said. “I’ll sell it tomorrow.”

Brian turned at the sound of Justin’s voice. He could see his husband was trembling, he hoped it was emotion and not fear. “Justin, we can’t live here. It’s too much.”

Justin nodded not trusting himself to speak. He looked at Brian, his heart in his eyes.

Turning away from the sight of Justin, Brian poured another glass of liquor. Seeing him do that Justin said. “Brian”

“Not now” Brian strode by him, glass in hand and out the door. He stood for a moment on the front steps and then walked down them heading toward the road. He needed to walk to clear his head.

Seeing his husband leave their home, the home Justin had invested so much hope and all of his dreams in, brought the blond to his knees. He sobbed heartbreaking sobs. When Brian hadn’t returned in more than an hour, Justin got to his feet. Still crying, but able to walk, he wandered through the big house. It was the house of his childhood fantasies. The childhood he had never had. He touched the wood on the doors and ran his fingers over the walls. He had old memories of Daphne and him running through the halls of a house much like this one. A house where Daphne was loved and he had tagged along like some kind of lost puppy hoping for a scrap of affection. The thoughts became too much for him and when he reached what was supposed to have been their bedroom; the bedroom of his dreams with his handsome Prince, Justin collapsed in a heap just inside the door. He cried himself to sleep, exhausted after the past few days of packing and the stress of the move.

Brian walked along the side of the highway. He didn’t know where he was going, but he knew he had to get away from Justin. He was afraid of what he might do to him and he never wanted to be in that position. Dusk fell and then it was dark. Realizing that he wasn’t going to accomplish anything this way, he finally turned around to head back to the house. He hadn’t gone far when a car passed him. He watched the brake lights go on and then saw it start to back up.

“Brian is that you?” it was Daphne who called through the open car window. “Get in I’ll give you a ride. I was going past your place anyway.”

Brian was tired and he got into the car. “Did Justin call you?” he asked. His voice was weary.

“No, why?” she asked. But she knew instantly what was wrong. She turned to Brian, “Brian, I don’t mean to interfere, but did you growl at him because of the house?”

“Daphne, it’s a fucking great mansion.” Brian ran his hand through his hair and then turned to stare out the window.

Daphne sat for a moment and then she asked quietly. “Does Justin ever talk about his childhood?” her voice was serious and sad.

Brian turned and looked at her. “No, I don’t think he ever has.” And he realized what he’d said was true. Justin never mentioned his childhood. He had never asked either. What kind of a fucking husband never asks about his best friend’s childhood?”

Daphne hesitated. “I’m going to tell you a little story. You can take it however you want.” She sighed. She was probably betraying her best friend in the world but she couldn’t have him hurt by Brian. Brian didn’t know.

“When I was six I was sent to a private school in Pittsburgh. I lived in the city so I could go home every day and while it was scary for me at first, I had a friend right from the first day. He was the same age as me and had white blond hair. You couldn’t have found two more opposite looking kids if you tried. He hardly ever talked. I would find him in various tucked away corners of the school. He always had a pencil and paper with him. He was always drawing and he always looked incredibly sad.

"The saddest day for him was Fridays. I was only six and I didn’t know why at first. I guess it was about Thanksgiving when I finally came out of my six-year-old girly world of dolls and excitement about Thanksgiving to ask him what he would be having at dinner. He told me that the cook at the school had promised to bring him a TV dinner with turkey. Otherwise he would be eating the sandwiches that she left for him and whichever teacher got stuck staying with him over the weekend. The little boy never went home on the weekends. In fact he never went home at all. We graduated from there when we were both eighteen and in all those years, only once was he allowed to go home. His parents were always away on some trip somewhere in the world. He was provided with room and board at the school. I’m sure they paid well for it.

"From September to June he was in school and in July and August it was summer camp. Sometimes I could get my parents to let me have my friend come and stay with us on the weekend and at Thanksgiving. But most of the time he was at the school. We used to, as we got older weave fantasies about his parents and why they didn’t ever come and see him. He would look through magazines and find pictures of houses and rooms inside houses and we would pretend that it was our house. He always wanted a house like the one he bought. He said it was a house made for love. A house of fairy tale romance and someday he would live there with the man of his dreams.

"When he turned nineteen and had his own apartment near the University campus, his parents were killed in a plane crash just off the coast of Africa. He inherited everything they owned. But you know what the saddest thing of all was? He never cried because he said it was like someone told him two strangers had died. He wasn’t even sure what they looked like. Now that’s sad.

"I knew the day he met you that he had found his Prince. He called me and told me he’d seen the face of God. He was terrified you’d hate him or worse yet not even notice him and when you and he became friends and then lovers, all of his dreams were beginning to be realized.” Daphne stopped talking and looked at Brian. “I’ll take you home now.” She started the car and moved onto the highway.

Brian sat silently as they drove trying to process what Daphne had told him. Why in God’s name hadn’t Justin ever told him what his childhood had been like? And then he realized that he had never really talked to Justin about his own childhood, except for the odd time or two when it couldn’t be helped. “There are no lights on” his unnecessary comment was out before he could stop himself.

The large house was dark and foreboding in the shadows. “Maybe Justin isn’t there.”

“Where would he go, we don’t have our cars yet.” Though Brian knew Justin could have called a cab.

“Do you want me to wait?” Daphne offered.

“No, if I have to I’ll call a taxi.” Brian sighed. He felt like such an asshole. His husband was only trying to live his idea of a marriage and he’d all but kicked him in the teeth. When were they going to learn to talk about what was bothering them and what they were doing? Brian turned to Daphne as he got out of the car. “Thanks Daphne for picking me up and for telling me your story. And Daphne, thanks for being Justin’s friend.”

She smiled at him before driving away. Daphne was confident that Brian would repair whatever damage had been done.

Walking inside, Brian noticed that their bags were right where he’d placed them. They hadn’t moved. “Justin” he called. There was no answer. The house was filled with unfamiliar shadows, but he could feel that his lover was somewhere in the house.

Methodically turning the lights on and going through each room Brian realized the thought and care that Justin had put into decorating and choosing the furniture for their home. He knew that the furniture from San Diego would fit in with what was here perfectly and he marveled at Justin’s decorating ability. He could take an impersonal house and turn it into a home. A home filled with love. Brian recognized his certificates of achievement that he’d thought packed away. They were all tastefully framed and hanging in what had to be his study. The shelves in the library contained books that they both enjoyed as well as texts pertaining to his job.

There was still no sign of Justin. He took the stairs two at a time, worried now about the man he loved and hating himself for making what must have been planned as a joyous homecoming into a homecoming from hell.

He looked into the rooms one by one until he came to a room that wouldn’t allow him entrance. Something was blocking the door. Shit, it was Justin. Brian pushed the door open and gathered Justin up in his arms. He could see the dried tear tracks and Justin’s red puffy eyes and he wanted to vomit for putting him through what he did.

Instead Brian picked Justin up in his arms and carried him down the stairs. As the cool night air hit him Justin woke up and realized he was in Brian’s arms. “Brian?” he questioned. Brian stood him up on his feet. They were on the front porch of the house.

“Justin Taylor-Kinney, my pretty blond boy, I love you dearly. I want to start this day over. Will my husband allow himself to be carried over the threshold of our very large but tastefully decorated home?” Brian said tongue in cheek.

Justin blinked back his tears of joy. He’d cried entirely too much today. “I would love my husband to carry me over the threshold of our home.” He held out his arms.

“Will you forgive me for being an asshole?” Brian asked.

“If you’ll forgive me for buying something that we both should have had input about the purchase.”

“It’s never easy for us is it pretty boy?” Brian said as he swung Justin up into his arms. “But maybe by the time I retire we’ll have gotten it right.”





~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian sat down at the table with his unit commander in the galley, going over what they were planning, how things were going to be. “You’re the best sharpshooter we have, so I want you to be our look out. Our eyes in the sky, per say. Well that besides being my second-in-command, of course. Us Officers need to stick together at times.”

“Okay, not a problem. When does Ericson retire?” Brian asked. Senior Chief Ericson was whom Brian was replacing as second-in-command, and he wanted to learn everything he could from the seasoned veteran.

“Three weeks. It’s hard to believe. I don’t know if I would ever reach that place. I’m a lifer… but my version of life and his … well his wife’s version is slightly different. I think his wife convinced him to finally call it quits. If it was up to him he would be in another 10 years at least.” Commander Anderson explained. “I guess that’s why I’m not married. I don’t know how anyone could handle having their loved one go out at strange times and not knowing if they will return. They deserve the medals not us, that’s for sure.”

“I can understand that. I have no idea how Justin is going to handle things when the time finally comes.” Brian stated. When he had first met his Commander, he had explained his situation, knowing that in these tight quarters, you had to be open. You had to trust the person you were with, who was watching your back. Brian didn’t want to start off with any problems. He knew that him being gay could cause problems with some, and the fact that he was married could also be seen as an abomination. Brian didn’t care what people thought of him, he had never been afraid to be who he was. He just wanted to make sure that they would watch his back if and when the time came, and he wanted them to trust him.

Lucky for Brian no one seemed to have a problem with it. He was finding out that being out in the fleet was a lot different than within the walls of the academy. No one cared out there as long as they knew they could count on you. He wasn’t sure what the ‘real fleet’ was like, but at least with the SEALs things were good. As long as you could do your job, and since you got through training, everyone knew that you were made of the right material. Brian knew he had finally found a family that he could trust.

“You’re lucky, Kinney. From everything I’ve seen of Justin, you have a good one. One who will stick around and not bitch about the Navy taking their spouse away. One who will stick by you, and let you be what and who you are. Not many can say that.” Anderson said. “I can’t tell you how many guys I see at the bar late at night, crying over their beer about their wives leaving or cheating on them. Or the women who would sit there and bitch about their husband being out to sea. The same goes of course, for the opposite sex. If it’s not one bitching about their spouse being away it’s the other. Hence, why I’m never getting married.”

“I don’t know what I did to get Justin, but I’m glad I did. He keeps me going, that’s for sure. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him.” Brian explained. “Now we’ll just have to see how well he can handle being a Navy spouse. I haven’t really left his side since we met, so this will be the first real test I guess. We’ll see if we can last.”

“Somehow, I don’t think you’ll have any problems in that area. I’ll be there at your 50th wedding anniversary, reminding you of this conversation.”

“Somehow I don’t doubt you will, Commander. I don’t doubt that at all.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

April in Virginia was soon over and May was wonderful as far as Justin was concerned. Daphne and occasionally Lindsay spent a lot of time at the big house keeping Justin busy with one thing or another. They had all; Brian included, decided the house was ridiculously large for just the two men so the girls and Justin decided to put the space to good use. He wasn’t sure yet what he’d do. The girls suggested everything from a Bed and Breakfast to renting out the rooms like a boarding house. But neither Justin nor Brian wanted to have their free time filled with other people. They still considered themselves in the honeymoon stage.

“You know Justin, we were happy in San Diego in our sky palace.” Brian said lazily. He was lying on the lush green grass with his head in Justin’s lap. They had been working on the flowerbeds. “No grass to cut, no dirt to dig, we could just relax.”

“You don’t want to move to an apartment do you?” Justin asked. He looked around, the grounds were big, but he did love the place. He could picture the grass full of children playing.

“Well, not exactly.” Brian replied. “Since we have more money than we can begin to spend, not that you don’t try. Why don’t you do something that would make us both happy? Why don’t you have the house made into say, four good-sized luxury apartments, with us getting the nicest one? That way you could spend tons of money and let your artistic sense go wild. And” Brian looked up at him. “We could pay a caretaker to do all the heavy work. We could use the rent money.”

“We could call it Avalon” Justin said getting into the swing of things. “And have a sign and everything.”

Brian smiled to himself. He had won another battle, though it had taken awhile. He’d be living in an apartment, though a luxurious one if Justin had anything to do with it. Justin would have something to occupy his time for months and maybe for once, Brian could relax. His blond would stay out of trouble. Brian mentally calculated that it would take Justin at least a year to accomplish turning the stately home into luxury apartments. A year of peace. So what if he spent money. At least it would be an investment of sorts.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
May 2012

Brian still couldn’t believe that Justin had convinced him to go to dinner with the Admiral and the CNO. Brian could only shake his head, wondering what the men in his unit would think of him now. He hated to think that everyone would believe he was getting special favors because of his ‘wife’, that he got where he was today because of some outside influence. He knew that within his unit there wasn’t that belief, but he hoped that no one else thought that. The last thing he needed was some hotshot punk who flunked out of SEAL training thinking that Brian got his spot.

Despite his apprehension about the night, Brian knew that for Justin he would do anything, including having dinner at the Chief of Naval Operation’s house. Just seeing the look on Justin’s face, and hearing his laughter was enough for Brian. He found however, that he was even beginning to enjoy the night out. He shared ‘war stories’ with both superior officers, and laughed at some of the antics of fellow sailors, and even some of their fellow command staff. It was refreshing for Brian to be able to talk about everyday Navy things that Justin just could not understand. It wasn’t that Justin didn’t want to understand, it was just that until one lived it day in and day out, every second of the day, you just could not understand. Things that civilians could never grasp.

Brian knew that anyone connected to the military shared a bond, and understood how things were, but it was the daily routine of the sailors, especially SEALs that someone who did not live it just couldn’t comprehend.

He looked over and saw the ‘wives’ in a heavy discussion as they all waited for dinner to be served. Brian knew that even though Justin could never understand what he did, he could never understand what Justin had to deal with every day. It was something that they had to learn about one another, and learn to deal with. Without the families, the sailors would never be what they are, and visa versa. It’s the bond they share that would bring them out of any problem that would arise.

“I wonder what are they talking about?” Admiral de Cardenas asked as the three men drank their beers.

“I don’t think I want to know, sir.” Brian stated shaking his head. “If I know Justin… I don’t want to know. It’s safer for everyone.”

“Your Justin isn’t that bad, Kinney. He cares a great deal about you, and only wants what’s best for you. I wish more sailors had that type of dedication from their spouses.” Admiral Smith told Brian.

“I’ll drink to that.” The other two agreed.

“Still, I get worried. He likes to plan things without my knowledge. Things that are gigantic in proportion. Justin has a tendency to go to the extreme.” Brian could only shake his head, remember some of Justin’s bigger ‘surprises’ when the sound of a beeper going off stopped everyone in their tracks. Brian looked down at the item on his belt. “Sorry, but it looks like I’ll have to take a rain check on dinner. Justin.” He stated as he started toward the door.

With Justin following closely behind him, confused as to what was going on, Brian headed directly toward the car. “Brian. What’s going on?” Justin asked placing his hand on Brian’s arm, and turning him around to face him.

“I’m getting called in. I have to make a 45 minute drive in 30, plus I have to stop by the house to pick up my gear. Do you think you can get a ride from someone?” Brian asked already plotting the quickest way to the house and the base.

“I’ll come with you.” Justin stated as he placed his hand on the door, trying to get into the passenger’s seat.

Brian put his arms around Justin and planted a light kiss on his husband’s lips. “Stay here, okay. Finish dinner. I have to run. If I can’t enjoy this, I want you to… for the both of us.”

“But…”

“We knew this would happen, okay. You said you were okay with it.” Brian wanted to make sure that Justin was okay. He wouldn’t leave until that happened, even if it caused him to be late. “Please tell me you’re okay with this. That you’ll stay and enjoy yourself.”

Justin looked into Brian’s eyes as he felt the tears start to build behind his eyes. “I understand. When will you be back?” He asked not wanting Brian to see him cry. He wanted to be strong for Brian. This is what he had prepared himself for, what he had promised himself he could handle. The reality of the situation however, was different. Justin was finding out he wasn’t ready, and no amount of believing would prepare him for his husband leaving.

Brian gave Justin a small smile in thanks, as he kissed Justin once more. “I’ll have someone give you word, okay. I promise. When I find out, I’ll get word to you. Now, go back inside and have dinner, talk, and have a great night. I’ll be home soon.”

Justin kissed Brian one last time before watching as his husband pulled out of the driveway and disappear. He didn’t know how long he stood there; willing the tears from falling, hand over his mouth. He felt like his world was crashing in on him, and he didn’t know what he could do, if he could survive the pain that was surrounding him.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and glanced up to see Admiral Smith behind him. “Don’t worry, Justin. He will be back. I called in to see what was going on. It’s a simple retrieval mission… nothing that won’t make him come back. Now, why don’t you come inside? You won’t do him any good standing out here.”

“Yes, sir. Thank-you.” With one last look down the driveway, Justin sent a silent prayer for Brian’s safe return.

Justin went back in to the dinner party. He reached back into his childhood for the strength to put on a cheerful face when in reality he was dying inside. It was something he’d grown expert in. He laughed and joked with the other couple, amazed that he could put on a perfect little wife front. Afterward, after he’d been driven home by Komari, Justin sat in the small gazebo at the very back of their home. It was tucked in close to the apple orchard and one of his favorite places. Justin sat there and reviewed his performance and it was a performance. He critiqued it worse than the most haughty drama critic. NEVER would he have anyone tell Brian that he wasn’t a perfect Navy spouse. NEVER would he allow himself to show his feelings to anyone when Brian was called away. But here, in the privacy of his small refuge, with only the night sounds of crickets, here he could allow his fear to show and give way to the rage he felt inside.

It was something he knew he’d always have with him. That rage toward the unknown that could remove Brian from him. But it was a deep and dark secret he would take to his grave before he’d ever let Brian know.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian pulled the Stingray into the garage, and pulled his bag out of the back. The mission luckily hadn’t been too bad. His first one of many. Brian felt good, pleased that everything went without a hitch. For the first time in his life he felt like he had done some good, helped people where others couldn’t. Shaking his head, he opened the door leading into the house, and smiled. “I’m home, honey!” he cried out and was immediately attacked by his beautiful blond boy. “Miss me?” He laughed, twirling them around the kitchen.

Justin leaned back a little, giving Brian a bright smile. “Only a little.”

“Right. Well I missed you,” Brian stated as he dove in and kissed his husband with all the pent up passion he had. It had only been five days, but for Brian it had felt like it was forever. When he had time during the mission he would find himself wondering how Justin was. He had seen the tears that had been threatening to fall, and it had torn him up inside. He hated doing that to Justin, but there was nothing he could have done. “How are you?” Brian asked looking Justin directly in the eye.

Justin could hear the worry in Brian’s voice and cursed himself for not being stronger, for allowing his emotions to get the best of him. Yes, he had been living in a dream world, that everything was perfect and his husband would never be called away. Then when the sound of the beeper had come, to Justin it was like a bomb exploded next to him. It was the only thing he could hear. He had tried to be strong for Brian, had tried to pretend that everything was alright, that he was okay with it, but he had fallen short.

“I’m fine… I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry.” Justin told Brian, he felt a slight blush creep beneath his skin. “I guess I wasn’t as ready as I thought I was. I didn’t mean to let you down.”

Brian placed his forehead against Justin’s after planting a light kiss against his lover’s lips. “You didn’t let me down. You could never let me down. I’m proud of you, so fucking proud. You let me go,” Brian said with a smile playing on his face. “I mean you could have knocked me out, thrown me in the trunk and dragged me away to some hidden cabin in the woods.” Brian laughed picturing it in his mind. “Of course, then I would have been sent to Leavenworth, cause no one would believe that you kidnapped me… not by looking at you.”

“I wouldn’t let you go, I’d protect you.” Justin said pulling away from Brian. “Now, how about we get out of these clothes, and jump into the hot tub. Relax those tired muscles.”

“How about this… we get undressed and have some hot, passionate sex in the bedroom?” Brian asked as he started toward the bedroom. “You coming?”

Justin smiled to himself as he followed his husband. They had survived their first test. He only hoped that when the time came again, he would be ready. For Brian he would. He would put on a happy face, and watch his husband drive away. He wouldn’t let Brian see his heart breaking in his chest as his soul was ripped from him. No, Brian didn’t need that. Justin would pretend, no matter the cost.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin continued to get ready for the party he had planned with Brian. Brian had just returned from a mission but it must have been a bad one because he was closed off more than usual. He silently cursed the powers that be that would hurt the man he loved. But outwardly he kept a smile on his face. He couldn’t let Brian see how he felt. The man had enough problems. Justin didn’t even want to know what had happened. He knew that it would kill him to see how torn up inside Brian was if he had to tell him.

And for the first time in along time, Justin prayed as he worked. “Please give me the strength to be the kind of husband Brian needs. Let him realize that there is nothing he can to that I would look down on him or scorn him about. I will stick by him not matter what he does or what happens. Please let him know that.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***
4th of July 2012

Brian sat in his office, trying to block out the sounds of the party going on outside. He had told Justin the night before when he had returned home from this latest mission, that he wasn’t up to having any sort of celebration. He had tried to convince him to call everyone and cancel. He didn’t want to see anyone; he didn’t want to celebrate anything. Justin however didn’t listen. He had tried to tell Brian that it would be fun, that it would help him relax. It was just one thing that Justin could not understand, and Brian wasn’t sure he knew how he could explain it.

How do you tell your husband that you’re a murderer? Yes, it had been in the act of a mission, and yes it wasn’t the first person he had killed. Brian was positive that he had killed someone during the first mission, but this one was different. He was different. Justin could not understand, and Brian was grateful for that fact… he just wished that Justin would give him some space. He could get over this, and file it away like he did with everything that happened during his childhood, but he needed time and space to do that.

Brian knew that he would have to try and pretend with Justin. He would have to try and act like everything was normal, and he was okay. He swore to himself that no matter what happened on a mission, he would never let Justin know that something was bothering him. He couldn’t do that to Justin. Brian wasn’t sure what hurt him more… killing someone, or seeing the pain in Justin’s eyes. He was determined to just let things slide, to pretend for Justin. He had to, even if it meant coming home a day later to give himself time to decompress. No matter the cost, Brian would never let Justin see how much pain he was in. Justin was being strong for him; he could give the same back. He had to, Justin deserved as much.

“Brian?” came the question from the door to his room. “Are you coming down?”

“Linds, why don’t you go down and enjoy the day. I’m just not in the mood right now.” He told her. Brian could never lie to Lindsay, she knew all of his moods, and could read him like a book. He felt her touch his shoulder as she moved to sit down next to him. He looked up and caught the question in her eyes. Brian shook his head, and took a deep breath. “I’ll be all right, Linds. I’ll survive.”

“You need time, I know. I know your way, Brian.” She looked out the window watching everyone moving down below in the back yard. “I remember the times that you used to climb through the window of my room, bruised and battered. I remember that one time when you had found out about how you were ‘unplanned’. Remember that?”

Brian nodded and tried to keep the memories from coming. “Jack had told me how he had tried to convince Joannie to get rid of me, how I was ‘Satan’s work’, wanting to try and use her beliefs against her. He went so far to tell her that it was God’s will that she end the pregnancy, since God would never want to have that evil released. Everything fell into place when I found that out. Why Joannie never once tried to stop Jack. I mean I knew why Jack hated me… but Joannie…”

“You were distraught, in so much pain. You crawled in and climbed into bed with me. I held you for hours as you cried. I mourned the loss with you, hating that you had to live like that.” Lindsay stated remembering all the times that Brian used to come to her. She knew every slap, every word, and every pain that Brian had gone through, since she was the one who held him as he cried. She was the only one who knew it all, who knew the pain he went through. Brian had tried to please his parents, tried to make them proud of him, but nothing worked.

“You were there for me when I finally gave up on them. I remember that damn mock funeral we had for them when I turned 16. Christ I thought your parents were going to kill us for having the fire in their backyard.” Brian laughed, remembering the day he had said good-bye to his parents, or his belief as to who parents should be. Remembering why he was there and not outside enjoying the day, sobered him up as he felt the cold feeling return. “He doesn’t understand, Linds. I know he didn’t have the best childhood around, but at least he had something. He had some place he could go; some glimpse into what a family should be like. And although I used to sneak into your room, I never saw what your family was like. I hardly ever saw them when I was over. I was just some poor Mick who you had taken under your wing, who didn’t deserve their attention.”

Lindsay laid her head on Brian’s shoulder and wrapped her arm around him, trying to offer whatever comfort she could. “Take the time you need, Brian. Put this behind you. Whatever happened, you can get past it. Take your time, but know that no matter what… you have someone out there who cares for you. Who loves you no matter what. Look at everything he’s done because he wants you to feel better. Even if you can’t tell him what’s going on, let him know that you need some space, then you will be your lovable self.”

“I tried that, Linds. You can see how that turned out.” Brian stated shaking his head.

Lindsay stood up and planted a light kiss on Brian’s head. “I think he understands more than you think. He’s giving you the time you need, even if all he wants to do is come up here and be with you. But you need to deal with your own issues at times, I know that. It’s who you are. So take your time, deal with whatever you have going on, but never forget that we are here for you. My window is always open for you, and Justin will be here for you when you’re ready.”

Brian reached out and pulled Lindsay down to plant a kiss on her cheek. “Have I told you how much I love you?” He gave her a small smile, as he squeezed her hand. “Thanks, for everything. Then and now.”

“I’ll try to explain it to Justin. Try to get him to understand. I’m not promising anything, but for you… I’ll try.”Lindsay told Brian as she walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. She knew she would try and have a talk with Justin. If Justin wanted to make their relationship work, he would have to learn to give Brian some space at times. He would have to learn when to push, and when to back off. It wasn’t easy, the line between the two as thin as thread. But Justin would have to learn it, if he was going to survive Brian Kinney.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Lindsay was walking out the patio door just as Justin was coming in. “Linds, I’m glad I found you.” Justin said. “Look, could you and Daphne hostess the party and when you think it’s okay, start to send everyone home? This was a mistake, a bad one. I have to be with Brian and he doesn’t need people right now.”

“Maybe Justin, you should give Brian some space.” Lindsay began.

“Linds, if you could just get rid of everyone as soon as you can, I’d appreciate it. I’ve talked to Daphne already. I’ll give you a call in a day or so.” Justin barely stopped to give her a quick hug before heading up to Brian’s office.

“Hey Navy Boy,” Justin said softly. He walked into the dark office carefully closing the door behind him and locking it.

Brian looked up at his beautiful husband. He wanted desperately to not feel like he did, but he couldn’t stop it. He didn’t know what to do or say that would make Justin understand. Justin walked over to him and took Brian’s hand. “Come here.” He led him through the door that joined their bedroom. He sat Brian down on the bed and after making sure that door was locked and the drapes pulled, darkening the room. He walked over and still without saying anything, removed his clothes and then Brian’s. Pulling back the covers he gently pushed Brian until he lay down. Justin crawled in and covered them both with a light quilt. Taking his man in his arms he cradled Brian against his chest and whispered. “You and I, we’re a team. I know there are things you can’t talk about and I know that some of the things you have to do hurt you down to the very bottom of your soul. But know this Navy Boy, you aren’t alone in this world. You have me and I might be small, but I’m damn tough. I love you with all of my heart and there is nothing that will change that no matter what you might think. So let me hold you and help you heal because really all we can do when things turn to shit is hold each other and let the love we feel heal the hurts.” While he talked his hands were rubbing comforting circles in Brian’s back, and he combed his fingers through the short auburn silk on his head. He could feel all of Brian’s tense muscles slowly relax one by one until the other man had melted into him completely.

Nothing more was said. Justin held his husband tight, healing him with his love as the party broke up and everyone left. As far as Justin was concerned no party was as important as the man in his arms.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

5 July 2012

Justin,

First off, let me say that I’m sorry. I know, by the time you ever read this journal you’ll be sick and tired of me telling you that, but I am. I’m sorry if I ruined your plans for the 4th, I’m sorry I’ve been distant.

When I came home three days ago, all I wanted was to be with you. Not with friends and family…only you. I tried to tell you that, but when you wanted an explanation, I couldn’t give you one. I wish I could explain to you what I’m feeling, instead of you having to find out this way.

I killed someone the other day. My first. I mean, I’m sure on the other missions one of my bullets hit someone, and might have killed them, but to be face to face with someone and pulling the trigger… actually seeing the life drain out of them. All I wanted was to hold you, and have you make things better.

This will be the first of many, I’m sure. It’s what I was trained to do, and I’m willing to do that, don’t get me wrong. I’m doing what I want to do what’s right, but it doesn’t get the images out of my head, it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. I guess the day that I don’t care is the day I’m completely lost. That’s why I need you. I need you to keep me grounded to keep me sane.

Let me set it up for you. Tell you what really happened so that you might understand. We were called in to try and take out some splinter cell of some terrorist group… I don’t think we will ever be rid of these guys, but hey they tell us to go, so we go. I remember being on the sub that night thinking of you, and some of the crazy places one could have sex here. Talk about tight quarters… fuck even my rack was right by the nukes. I guess me ever having kids in the future could be in jeopardy.

Anyway, we got the call to move out, and within in thirty minutes we were on shore. I remember it seemed like the whole damn city was in flames. People were perched high up in the buildings shooting anything that moved through the streets. We were dodging bullets left and right. Parker was hit in the shoulder by shrapnel when the car next to us was hit with a rocket.

Needless to say it was crazy. I felt like I had stepped right into hell, and I only hoped that we would find a way out of it in one piece.

That’s when it happened really. I was trying to patch up Parker, as quickly as I could when someone stepped out from behind the building. The guy’s gun was pointing right at us. I felt like time had slowed down, really. It was frightening. I could see his finger start to close in on the trigger, watched as it was being pushed. I didn’t think, I only reacted. I don’t even remember aiming my gun, but the next thing I knew there was blood everywhere, his chest was blown out.

I’m a sharpshooter, I’m not used to being this close to one of my targets. Seeing it for real and not through the lens is unreal. Luckily the medic came and took over, so I pushed it out of my mind. I had to, cause the guys were relying on me to watch over them. They were relying on me to cover their backs and get them home.

It wasn’t until everything was over and we were on the plane coming home that it hit me. The need to see you, to feel you was so strong, I thought I would die if I didn’t see you soon.

I know that I’ve never really told you what I do in the SEALs, what my job was, but I know you knew. You know a lot of things that I can’t tell you. How you know… I have no idea, but I’m glad you do. It’s just that, actually seeing what happens to a body when the bullet rips into them… having their blood cover your own – it’s frightening. It’s not something I want to do everyday, that’s for sure.

So yes, when I say I’m sorry for ruining your party… I mean it. Cause, Justin… I can’t live without you. I can’t. I don’t even want to know what my life would be like if you weren’t there to bring me back to life. When you came into my office and took me to the bedroom, at first I was mad that you couldn’t understand. But when you held me and whispered those words to me I realized then that you did understand and for that I’m forever grateful. What you did for me yesterday afternoon was ti heal a part of me that had been broken for a long, long time.

I owe you so much. I wonder if you know what you mean to me.

Do you remember sitting down one night a couple of weeks ago, and we were talking about our favorite books? I told you that my favorite story was any tale about King Arthur. Remember Avalon? It’s the safe haven, so to speak. A beautiful place, magical place. To get there, or even see it you need a special key, of sorts. A way to unlock the mists and open the gateway to this realm. For some reason, I found the key… You are my way into the magical place, peaceful place. Hell, you ARE that place.

Like King Arthur, you will be my Avalon… my final resting place. That’s the
way I see us, see you.

Forever my Avalon,

I love you, Justin.

Brian.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
End of Chapter Nine

Chapter 10 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Ten



August 2012

Brian sat down at the small drafting table in his office with a blueprint of the house. Since they had talked about what they were going to do with the large house, Brian had been trying to find some guys on base to help with the construction. The last thing he wanted to do was spend too much money on it. Justin had already insisted on making sure that at least two were furnished, maybe all three. Brian could only shake his head at his husband’s antics. At least it was keeping Justin busy which is what he had hoped for. Since his plan for Justin to be an artist with his gallery openings in New York had failed, he wanted Justin to have something to occupy his time while Brian was away. This time it was Justin’s idea, and Brian loved it.

He only hoped it kept Justin out of trouble while he was at it. He wasn’t sure how they would chose their ‘tenants’ but Brian was positive that they could think of something. Hell, he knew someone who worked in Intelligence who could do a background check on them. The last thing he needed was someone who would cause Justin problems, his husband didn’t need the added stress.

The caretaker was working out nicely. One of the men on base who had recently retired had been looking for something to occupy his time. Justin had instantly fallen in love with Harry as he likes to be called. The man had been with the Navy 26 years before he got out after his wife passed away. It was the best of both worlds for Brian. Harry not only was in the military but also a spouse of one, Brian hoped he could help be a link between the two for Justin, help Justin through the tough days and years ahead.

“I was thinking about having a small community area.” Justin stated as he walked into Brian’s office. “You know, a place where we can all just hang out and stuff.”

“I know what a community area is, and do you really think that’s a good idea?” Brian asked turning around in his chair to look at Justin. Justin was standing there in his oldest jeans and t-shirt, with paint splatters covering him. Brian saw small paint streaks on Justin’s cheek, and he could only laugh. “And here I thought you painted for a living. Don’t you know you’re supposed to paint the walls not you?”

“Well it would make things a lot easier if you would help. You’re taller than me, you could reach the high ceilings.” Justin answered back with a challenge in his stance. “Unless you’re afraid to get dirty, Navy Boy.”

“That’s one challenge I will have to take you up on …. Later. Right now, we have to figure out how in the hell we’re going to do this. The kitchen for one. We may need to add another one in. I can’t see myself trying to sit down to a quiet dinner with you, and having someone else coming in. And the damn hot tub is off limits. We’re going to have to move that up here. I’m not letting anyone else in there.” Brian began as he turned back to the blueprints.

“Maybe we should have a pool added. You know, keep the hot tub for ourselves, enclosed with a lock on the door, and they can have that.” Justin suggested.

Brian ran his hand through is hair. “Do I even want to know how much this is going to cost?”

“Nope. But you did find those guys on base who would help with some of the stuff. They knocked down one of the walls just this morning. I think that one will be for a family.” Justin looked over Brian’s shoulder looking at the paper in front of him. “The new wall will be here,” he said pointing to one area. “Then they will have their own bathroom, two actually they can have access to.”

“We need to look into a small parking area. The garage is ours, they can park their cars outside.” Brian added as he tried to figure out where he would put it.

“See, I knew this would work out. It’s keeping your mind busy, which is good. We wouldn’t want you to get soft on your time off.”

“Getting soft has never been a problem for me when you’re around, Pretty boy.” Brian stated pulling Justin down to his lap. “I could show you just how soft I am… or not.”

“I love the way you think, Navy boy.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***
October 2012

“Can you believe we’ve been together for two years?” Justin said as he sat down at the breakfast table with Brian.

“With this construction it feels more like ten years.” Brian grumbled. “I thought we agreed no hammering when I was home.”

“But you’re never home during the day. How was I supposed to know you had this day off?” Justin reasoned. He pushed the paper that Brian was reading out of his hands and sat on the other man’s knee wrapping his arms around Brian’s neck. Kissing him softly “Hmmm, peanut butter and coffee, my favorite.” He said.

“You’re just trying to butter me up because you want something. Now out with it. It may be two years, but I’ve been on to you for most of that time.”

“What makes you think I want something?” Justin asked.

“Could it be that pile of tile samples by your plate?” Brian mused. “I told you, we need a nice apartment, but we don’t need a palace.”

“But it’s not like it will be money wasted. Think of this as an investment.”

“It was supposed to be an investment in my peace of mind. Something to keep you from wanting to learn to skydive in the nude or something.”

“Been there done that.” Justin smirked. “These tiles are for our foyer.”

“Who needs a foyer?” Brian grumbled. Relenting he kissed Justin’s nose. “I told you that you could do what you wanted pretty boy. As long as you don’t guild the lily too much I’ll be happy.”

“If I’d know that Navy Boys were so easy I would have gone for one years before.” Justin said with a laugh.

“Instead you tried out that runt of an army asshole, the banjo player.”

Justin rolled his eyes. Brian was never going to let him forget his big mistake called Ethan.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
November 2012

“Harry, are you sure you don’t need any help?” Justin looked around, he didn’t want Brian to hear him talking to Harry.

“Justin, it’s just a one room cabin. It’s not that hard and I was a ship’s carpenter for more years than you’ve been walking around. If I need help, then I’ll ask for it.” He ruffled Justin’s hair. He knew Justin hated it, but loved the attention. The kid was like some kind of puppy dog. You’d think he’d never had a father or something.

“But it has to be perfect. It’s his Christmas present.”

“Rest assured, it will be perfect and it will be finished by Christmas. Now did you order the things I asked for?”

“Yes, you can pick them up on Tuesday.” Justin looked around, anxious not to get caught.

“Don’t worry; Brian is in the hot tub.” Harry said. “I heard the jets start up ten minutes ago.”

“This is so cool; all of the apartments are almost finished. The guys from the base sure work fast.”

“They could use the extra money for Christmas. There’s going to some real happy families this Christmas thanks to this job of yours.”

“I guess the Navy doesn’t pay that great eh?” Justin said. “I kind of feel bad sometimes because we have so much money. But it was from my folks, they died when I was nineteen and between life insurance and family money, well it kind of added up.”

“How does your Brian handle that?” Harry was curious.

“He comes up with ‘make work projects for Justin’ like this one.” Justin laughed. “But I don’t mind, it’s fun. I’ve learned a lot about house design and what goes into the construction and soon I’ll be a landlord. That’s going to be kind of fun.”

“Well you know what Willie Nelson says” Harry paused for a moment and thought. “You can only take with you to Heaven what you give away. I always liked that philosophy myself. Not that I’ve had a lot to give away, but I do what I can, always have.”

“That’s real nice Harry.” Justin sighed. “I guess I’ll go find Brian. He’s a bit cranky about the construction.”

Harry burst out laughing. “Now that’s what I call an understatement. I was on my deck this morning and watched that man of yours running for all he was worth. I could tell he was running off his frustration.”

“You get up at that gawd awful time too?”

“It’s the Navy son, that’s part of it.”

“I’m glad I’m just a Navy spouse. Did your wife get up with you every morning?”

“Yes she did. Every darn one of them. By the time I was out of the shower, my coffee was ready and she was starting my breakfast.”

“Awesome. I wish I could wake up like that. I tried, but Brian is even crankier in the morning. I’d probably pour the coffee in his lap.”

“I’ll have to admit young Justin, I’ve had more than one cup of coffee on my lap. Makes a man mighty nervous around a woman with something in her hand.”

Justin giggled. “I guess it would.” He looked at Harry. “Do you think if the construction is all done by Christmas that I could have the guys and their families over for a Christmas party to say thank you?” Justin was a bit nervous. “I mean would they think I was weird or something?”

“I think that’s a fine idea Justin. You could have it in the common room. It’s a nice comfortable room and it will kind of be like a test of the facilities.”

“Are you staying here over Christmas Harry?”

“No I’m heading south for the holidays. The wife and I always went somewhere warm on our Christmas leave. I can’t really see that changing. We never did have a family to play in the snow with.”

“Brian and I have a house in Baja. You’d be welcome to join us there. There’s tons of room. And the scuba diving is great. We’ll do some diving.”

Harry had heard rumors of Brian’s Christmas present to Justin, so he didn’t think the two of them would be spending the whole two weeks in Baja. “Well, that sounds very nice Justin. I might take you up on the offer. Though don’t you and Brian want to spend at least a week here in your new home? There might even be some snow.”

“Do you think Brian would want to stay?” Justin asked.

“Well there is your Christmas present for Brian. It would be hard to transport.”

“That’s true.” Justin thought for a moment. “Maybe I should see if he wants to stay here for at least the first week. You could have the Baja place to yourself. You’d be doing us a favor checking it out.” Justin knew the old man would be too proud to accept the free use of the house otherwise.

“I think I just might do that. I’m sure there are lots of little things I could fix up and make ship shape.” Harry looked pleased with the idea.

“Great, I’ll tell Brian. See you Harry.” Justin turned and headed for the house. It looked the same on the outside but once inside there was the world of difference. The grand foyer and part of the drawing room was now the common area. A double door of carved oak on the ground floor was the entrance to Brian and Justin’s apartment. They pretty much had the entire ground floor. A door off to the side of the staircase led to the basement where there was a storage area for the tenants, a laundry room and where Brian’s exercise room was, though that could only be accessed from Brian and Justin’s apartment. Up the stairs to the second floor, two apartments had been made and on the third floor one more apartment. All of them were fully contained apartments. The second floor ones were two bedrooms each and the third floor apartment had three. It had after all been a very large house.

Justin had managed to keep the main integrity of all the rooms so the ceilings soared and the plaster and moldings were ornate. He was very pleased with the results. His and Brian’s apartment had the most obvious face lift. He’d wanted an old fashioned look, yet Brian liked clean sleek lines. The compromise they’d arrived at worked wonderfully. Justin had his studio, Brian his office/den, they had a huge master bedroom and bath as well as two guest rooms, each with their own bathroom. There was a kitchen and open concept living and dining room filled with the sleek Italian furnishings that Brian had coveted in the showrooms. Outside their bedroom, Justin had walled off a section of the garden making the hot tub and rose garden their own private area. He liked to refer to it as their ‘secret garden’ because it was built in such a way that no one would ever know it was there.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“It’s a beautiful model, Brian. Barely 3 years old.” Chris Ericson stated. He had just officially retired from the Navy a little over two months ago, and had started his move back to the west coast where he was originally from.

“When you said boat, I was thinking a small speed boat, not… Christ, this is a fucking house.” Brian stated as he began to walk through the 70’ houseboat. “This really wasn’t what I had in mind.”

“I’m sure it’s not. But think about it. It’s a tax exempt, plus I think that once you get your house open to the public… you will want some peace and quiet.” Chris followed Brian through the boat.

Brian had to admit he did like it. It was a Cruise Craft 7015 2010 Edition. The lower level had two staterooms, a fireplace, and huge galley. But the upstairs is what really caught Brian’s attention. There was a study area where they could just relax, a hot tub, and king sized bed. Brian knew that(HE WOULD BUY IT,) no matter what the cost. “Alright. You do up the papers and I’ll sign.”

“I knew you’d like it.” Chris went down to the lower deck as Brian walked out onto the foreword deck. Chris had known that it would fit his replacement’s tastes, and it would fit in perfectly with what he had discovered about the couple. When he had seen Brian and Justin together, he had seen him and his wife when they had started out. He could see the love that they had for one another, and he knew that they would last a long time. That’s why he only asked Brian about buying the boat, and he was willing to cut the price nearly in half.

Of course he knew that if Brian had known what the boat really went for, Chris would be in for a fight. But Brian deserved this, and Chris was more than willing to give it to the man.

Brian stood out looking at the ocean. It was cold on the Atlantic this time of the year, and he knew that they wouldn’t be able to really use it until spring, but he knew that Justin would love it. They could escape; even take the boat down the coast. Just the two of them, or four if they decided to invite Lindsay and Daphne. All Brian knew was that he had to get this boat. They deserved this damn boat. Pulling out his checkbook, Brian began to fill it out.

Wouldn’t Justin be surprised? Now all Brian had to do was find a way to keep this a secret until Christmas.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian headed toward the phones located at the pier, knowing he had to let Justin know what was going on. He hadn’t seen Peters or South so he had to find another way to let his husband know he would be gone. He heard the phone ring and switch over to voicemail. “I hope you’re just busy, Pretty boy. Listen, I can’t talk right now, I’m on my way out. We just got called up and I have to go. I should be home in a week. I’m sorry that I won’t be there for the interviews, I wish I could. Just be careful. If you don’t think you can handle them put them off until I get back. And for god sake Justin, make sure you get the names to Mark and Jason so they can run them. The last thing we need is some damn ax murder or something living there. I love you, and I’ll see you soon.” Brian stated as he hung up the phone. He had wished he could have reached Justin instead of voice mail, but figured it was for the best.

He knew that if he had actually reached his husband he would have talked longer and would never have gotten on the transport. He had to trust Justin’s judgment and pray that his lover would make the right choices.

Picking up his pack and the rest of his gear, Brian made his way over to the jeep that would take them to the pier. If there was one thing that Brian had learned thus far is that he hated the tight quarters of a submarine. That was one job he knew he could never do for any length of time. He often wondered what Justin would think of it. Would his lover come up with some tale of romance in some underwater world? Justin did a great job of finding that underwater cave in California. Brian wondered if they would have something like that around here. He would most definitely have to start a search or something to find one. Even if it was miles down the coast. They could take the boat out and look for caves.

Shaking his head in order to clear the images of their diving experiences, Brian turned his attention back to the matter at hand. He had a mission to go on… then he could think about underwater caves and his little water sprite.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin was nervous. Brian was called away and he had to do the interviews himself. He had thought about postponing them but decided not to. He was after all an adult. He heard a car door slam. It had to be the first people. The lady’s name was Mrs. Novotny and she said her son lived with her. Justin was picturing having a child around the house. It made him smile.

With a big sigh to strengthen him, Justin answered the door when he heard the knock. “Hi, I’m Justin Taylor-Kinney.” He began.

“Well for fuck sake aren’t you just adorable.” Debbie Novotny breezed in trailed by her son who had to be at least thirty. “This is my son Michael” she waved her hand toward the man who stood behind her.

Justin smiled at them both. “Come on into the common room” he led them to the tastefully decorated room filled with comfortable furniture, a card table and bookcases.

“Sunshine this is a wonderful room, but it could use some color.” Debbie began. “Maybe a few chakis on the mantle over there.” She pinched his cheek for emphasis. “Sit down Michael, don’t just stand there.”

“Can you tell me a little bit about yourself.?” Justin was floundering. He realized immediately that he hadn’t a clue how to conduct an interview.

“Let’s just get a peek at this apartment first honey. No point in boring you to death with my life story if it isn’t suitable.”

“Sure” Justin stood up. “There are two on the second floor, both of them are just slightly different from one another but both have two bedrooms. And there is a three bedroom suite on the third floor.”

“I want to see the one on the third floor.” Debbie said. “My brother Vic comes down from New York every now and then to visit. I don’t like him sleeping on the sofa.”

“It’s right up these stairs.”

“But Ma, the third floor. There’s no elevator.” Michael piped up.

“What, your legs are broken? Hell I work all day in the diner and I don’t have a problem with a few stairs.” She looked at Justin. “A bit of stair climbing is good for your heart, isn’t that right Sunshine?”

“I guess” Justin said when he realized she was talking to him. “It’s a nice apartment. There are two bathrooms and the kitchen is great. I like to cook so I made sure that all the kitchens are big.”

“A man after my own heart.” Debbie beamed at him. “Wait until you taste my lasagna, it’s to die for. And my brother Vic’s coconut cake – mmmmmm mmmm. The best.” She kissed her two fingers with a smacking sound.

The three of them walked through the door off the third floor foyer. “Here it is.” Justin said.

They looked around the cheery spacious rooms. Debbie poked into the cupboards, ran the taps, flushed the toilets and generally investigated every nook and cranny. Michael checked out one bedroom and then stood with Justin waiting.

“So you live with your mom?” Justin asked trying to make conversation.

“So what if I do?”

“I was just asking.” Justin looked around, hoping Debbie would appear soon. “It’s nice that you can help her out.”

“Hell, I’m helping him out Sunshine.” Debbie had appeared and overheard their conversation. “Mikey bought himself a little business downtown, a comic book store and he’s having a problem finding money to live on. Of course he could bunk down in the back room of the store, but I said, come on home honey and move in with me.”

“Thanks for blabbing Ma.” Michael muttered.

“I like this place. I can see myself living here. Let’s talk rent.” Debbie said. “I’ll tell you right now, what you’re asking just isn’t in my budget. I can pay half of that, but you’ll have to wait until after Christmas for the deposit. Vic has been sick and all my tip money has been going to help buy his meds.” She looked at her son. “And Mikey hasn’t got a pot to piss in, isn’t that right sweetie?” she pinched her son’s cheek and shook his head.

Justin couldn’t take his eyes off of her long nails like glistening red talons. He liked that she was wearing probably every gay themed lapel pin that had ever been made. And she was kind of loveable in an overblown sort of way. And then there was Harry. He was sure Harry would understand so he said. “That’s okay, I’ll put the deposit in for you, you can pay me back later.”

Debbie rushed over and enveloped Justin in a smothering hug. “I knew this was my lucky day Sunshine. You come on down to the diner any time and I’ll buy you a coke. Is there a lease to sign or something? We can move in on January 2nd. I have to work on the first. The bank took our house from us so they can darn well wait an extra day for us to leave.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin hid a yawn behind his hand as he listened to Mr. and Ms. Vincent Advent go on and on about their background. They had arrived one LONG hour before, and Justin knew within the first twenty seconds that they just would not do. But he decided that he would give them the benefit of the doubt. He was after all, trying to find some good tenants who would be willing to pay. . He knew that he already had the Novotny’s, he had hoped that after that first stroke of luck he would have had more.

However as the minutes began to drag on, Justin knew that if these two moved in he wouldn’t have to worry about them being murderers, he would commit suicide. “Our son, Joseph, is currently at Yale. He’s working on his law degree. Oh and our beautiful daughter, I’m sure you would love her, is a doctor.” Ms. Advent stated.

Justin could see where this was going, and knew he had to put a stop to it right away. There was no way in hell he was going to have someone try to ‘convert’ him… and they were not getting their little paws on Brian. “That would be nice. I have a couple of other interviews, and I will be getting back to you with my decision.” Justin stated quickly, getting up from his chair and ushering them out. Closing the door behind them, Justin leaned against it and took a deep breath. “There is no way. ‘She’s a doctor,’” he said in a high pitched imitation of the woman’s voice. “Fuck that.”

Heading back to the table, he quickly crossed off their name from the list. He wanted to prove to Brian he could do this on his own. But Justin was beginning to wonder if that was such a bright idea. “three down… twenty to go.” He stated as he waited for the next potential.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“The backyard would be a great place to have a huge party. My band could play. You don’t mind us practicing here right. I mean, my last landlord called the fucking cops on us. And Jimmy, well he already has a record, which is totally bullshit, you know.” Justin sat there listening to this young college student go on and on about her life, and what she would LOVE to see. He knew the moment she opened her mouth that this would not work. Brian wanted quiet, not some rich spoiled brat. “Of course my folks, well they just don’t understand, they just want me to be someone, they don’t understand…”

“I understand. I’ll call you by the end of the week and let you know our decision.” Justin stated quickly leading her out the door. ‘Seven down.’ He thought. Justin was beginning to wonder if he would ever find someone before he went insane.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

By day three, Justin actually thought he might have found someone. Someone who both he and Brian could get along with. He sat back and starting asking her questions. She was a nice young lady, who seemed to have a good head on her shoulders. The only problem was… she was on probation for trying to kill her roommate. So she was out of the question.

Justin sat back running his hand through his hair. He was beginning to wonder if he would ever find anyone besides the Novotny’s. “Hello?” came a quiet question from the doorway. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I was wondering if this is the place with the room for rent?”

Justin looked up at the door and saw this tall, thin man in a bright pink shirt, and pokadotted pants. “This is the place. I’m Justin Kinney, and you are?”

The man breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped into the room. His light southern accent brought a smile to Justin’s face, and the obvious pride the man displayed was like a breath of fresh air. “Emmett Honeycutt. I just moved here from Mississippi, and I saw this little ad asking for applicants, so I figured why not.”

“Can you tell me a little about yourself?” Justin asked the colorful, kind man before him. Justin found he had an instant like of this man, a very good feeling about how this could turn out.

“Well, as I said, I’m from a small little town in Mississippi. I just had to get out of there, you know. They were blinded by my light,” Emmett laughed. “I just knew that there was somewhere where my flame could burn bright and beautiful, so here I am.” Emmett leaned in a little so he could whisper to Justin, like he was going to tell Justin the secrets of the world. “Besides, I had heard these things about Navy boys… and they look sexy in those uniforms. Hot and buff.”

“Don’t I know it.” Justin stated leaning back with a laugh, shaking his head. “Well we have on the second floor, two apartments. Each has two bed rooms, a small kitchen, and private bath.”

“Sounds fabulous. When I saw the listing in the paper, I knew that this was a match made in heaven… then of course when I saw your home, it was like a fairy tale come true. I don’t have a lot of money right now, since I’ve just started my job at the clothing store down town. You know the one, Toro’s?” Emmett stated, knowing that Justin had to know of the place. “But if you want to know the truth, I’m only biding my time until I can start my own party planning business.”

“You like to plan parties?” Justin asked thinking ahead of what he might be able to use Emmett for. He had already decided that no matter how much he had to go down in the price, Emmett would be living here. This man had a way of bringing light – so to speak – to the dreary place. And Justin knew that when Brian wasn’t there, the place needed something to keep it warm. Emmett seemed to fit the bill. Well him and Debbie. He couldn’t wait to see these two meet. “Well how about I take you upstairs so you can look it over, and if you like it, we can work out a payment plan that would fit your budget.”

“So… I can stay?” Emmett placed his hands over his chest and then quickly got out of his chair to wrap Justin in a hug. “You are the fairy princess, who has come to watch over all of us. Thank-you. I promise you that I will be the best tenant you could have.”

“I’m sure you will. Come on.” Justin stated as heled Emmett up the stairs to his new home.

When Emmett looked at the room, he turned back to Justin with a huge smile on his face. “For the first time in my life… I am the Princess. The castle, the land, everything I could have ever dreamed of. Where do I sign?”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin went to bed satisfied with his day of interviewing. After Emmett had become one of the tenants, he had then become a friend. They had spent the afternoon raiding Justin’s store of furniture he wasn’t using and pulling and carrying it into Emmett’s new apartment. The young southern man was a welcome breath of fresh air for Justin. They both agreed that they were meant to be the sisters neither of them had had.

Justin now had family and it felt damn good. Of course he would have to somehow slip the difference in both Emmett’s and Debbies rent from his housekeeping allowance and into the rent account. He didn’t need Brian to get all bent out of shape. But it felt good helping where he could and it wasn’t like he really needed the money. What he needed were people around him to help him survive Brian’s absences.

Justin woke up the next day and was sitting in his sunny kitchen drinking a coffee and wondering what the day was going to bring as far as prospective tenants were concerned when a tapping at the window caught his attention. He looked over startled to see a tall woman, with long dark hair and a five o’clock shadow of a beard waving to him through the window.

Curious, Justin went over to the back door and looked out. Gingerly walking toward him in her high heels and tripping over her long skirts, the woman said. “Hi there, I’m Mysterious Marilyn; I was on my way home from the clubs when all of a sudden I had to come here about my new residence. Oh by the way, Brian is just fine, there was a bit of trouble yesterday, but nothing he couldn’t handle. Isn’t it marvelous the way his men all look up to him?”

“You know Brian?” Justin was astonished. He couldn’t picture Brian knowing someone like this.

“Well, dear, I ‘know’ him through the oracles. But I’ve never personally met the man. Though he does appear rather handsome and of course he’s completely devoted you. You are a lucky man.”

Justin grinned. This person was going to be fun to have around. “So you’re here about the apartment?”

“Didn’t I mention that dear? Yes, though I would much prefer a different shade of blue in the second bathroom, but that can fixed, it’s only paint after all.”

Justin looked confused. “You’ve seen it?”

“Oracles dear” Mysterious Marilyn tapped her head. “We commune a great deal of the time. I must say you’ve made a wonderful choice for my flat mates. Why Emmett will brighten up our lives and Debbie will of course be the mother I never had. Now Michael, he’s a hard one to read, we’ll just have to find him a love interest – I do believe he’s just a tad too close to his mommy. Every gay boy needs a mommy, but really there are limits.”

Justin smiled at Mysterious Marilyn. “Do you want coffee?”

“Oh, I never touch the stuff dear, but I will have some of that wonderful Chamomile tea you have in the top cupboard over there. I do love that brand.” Mysterious Marilyn sat down at the table. “Careful Justin, the ooops,” water from the tea kettle spilled on the floor. “Sorry, sometimes I just don’t have time to warn people.”

“So the apartment will be ready on January 2nd, will that be okay?” Justin asked as he wiped up the spill.

“Yes, that’s fine, I understand with your Brian being called out on New Year’s Day, you’ll be a bit too upset to have all of us moving in the same day as he leaves. But I believe Emmett will be over about an hour after Brian leaves. He’ll make you smile.”

Justin beamed. Mysterious Marilyn was going to be great to have around. “I suppose you’re on a limited budget too.” Justin figured he might as well get this part over with. He was beginning to suspect that all of his tenants would be wealthy in personality and not money.

“Now that you mention it,” Mysterious Marilyn said. “I was going to discuss that with you.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“I’m home, honey.” Brian called out to Justin as he stepped into the house. He looked around and was impressed with how far the renovations had come in the week he had been gone.

Justin came up behind Brian and wrapped his arms around his husband, happy to have his lover there with him again, and enjoying the feel of Brian’s body next to his. “How was work, honey?” Justin asked as he walked around Brian so he could pull him in for a kiss. “I missed you.”

“I can tell.” Brian said with a smile across his lips. “How about you show me just how much.” Brian lifted Justin up over his shoulders and carried his boy to their bedroom, slamming the door closed behind him. “Are you ready for round one?”

“Make love to me, Brian. Please.” Justin begged as he began to remove Brian’s clothes. They made love passionately, releasing all the pent up emotions they had been building for a week apart. After the initial lust had been appeased, Brian laid his head on Justin’s chest and lightly ran his hands over Justin’s body. “I love reunion sex.”

“Lust will do that.” Brian laughed. “So how did the interviews go?”

“Really well. I think I found the right ones. They are great, Brian. I know you will like them.” Justin told Brian, praying he was right and Brian would, if nothing else, learn to love them as much as Justin had. “I figure that everything will be done by the first of January and they will be moving in shortly there after.”

“Good, that should keep you out of trouble.” Brian said with a smile. “I was wondering something.”

“What?” Justin asked wondering about the sudden change in Brian’s voice. He seemed a little shy, and that’s not something that Justin would relate to Brian.

Brian leaned up on his elbow so he could look down at his husband. “If I gave you your Christmas present now, would you be upset?”

“Now? Why?” Justin asked, excitement filling his body. He had wondered what Brian was going to get him for Christmas this year, since his lover had been extremely quiet about the whole holiday.

Brian got up from the bed and reached into his bag, pulling out an envelope. “I was hoping we could use it for a couple of days around Christmas.”

Justin grabbed the envelope from his lover and ripped it open. Inside was a dock assignment, and Justin knew immediately that Brian had gotten them a boat. They had talked about it often since they had started diving together; they both knew it would be cheaper in the long run to get something instead of renting all the time. Plus having their own boat would allow Justin a chance to learn how to drive one. He reached in with a huge smile on his face to get the other documents out of the envelope. Pulling out a picture of the boat, Justin felt tears fill his eyes. It was his dream boat, one he had always seen out on the waters and dreamed that one day he would have one. “Brian…” he began getting caught up in his emotions. “I love it.”

“I hoped you would. Chris had to get rid of it before he headed out west, so he asked if I wanted to take a look at it. Once I saw it I knew that you had to have it.” Brian explained. “I knew it was meant for us. See?” Brian asked as he pointed to the ship’s name. ‘Avalon’ was painted in a beautiful script on the side of the large houseboat. “It’s our safe house at sea.”

“Thank-you. I love it. Can we go now? I want to see.” Justin stated as he climbed out of bed to quickly get dressed.

Brian shook his head as he pulled his pants up from beside the bed and pulled them on. “You do know we have to prep it before we go out, so you can forget doing that for at least a week.” Brian added as he began to get caught up in Justin’s enthusiasm.

“I can wait. I want to see it now.” Justin was already at the door, as Brian reached down to pull on his shirt and start with his shoes. “Are you coming!?” Justin yelled from down stairs.

Brian could only shake his head and roll his eyes. “Now he decides to get dressed fast.” Pulling on his shoe, Brian laughed as he heard Justin call for him again. “Coming dear.” He knew that he had made the right choice, and hopefully they would have many hours in their small section of paradise.

~~~***~~~***~~~
Christmas Eve – 2012

“That was a nice idea Justin, letting Harry use the Baja house while we’re here. He was thrilled completely. He kept insisting he’d take his tools and put everything shipshape for us.” Brian lay on the sofa, his head in Justin’s lap. Justin was running his fingers through Brian’s hair, enjoying the softness of it and the closeness of his husband.

“I told him he could use it whenever he wanted to get away. He said he and his wife used to go someplace warm every winter leave.”

“Hmmmmm” Brian was falling asleep, he was so content. Justin was reminded of big old house cat with a loud purr as he looked down at his spouse and continued to ‘pat’ him. “Did you give the names of our tenants to Mark or Jason yet? We need to get them checked out.”

“I will, don’t worry.” Justin replied though he thought ‘fat chance’ as he remembered his motley crew of tenants.

“So when do we leave to spend a few days on the Avalon?” Brian asked lazily.

“Well, it is Christmas Eve; you do have to get your gift.” Justin leaned down to kiss Brian.

“That’s right, there doesn’t seem to be anything with my name on it under the tree.” Brian observed. He looked over at the bright twinkling lights on the small tree in the centre of their foyer.

Justin changing the subject smiled at him. “The guys and their wives, sorry spouses and kids seemed to have fun yesterday.”

“Yea, they did. But your Santa Clause was a tad over the top wasn’t he?” Brian asked. “I mean Santa doesn’t normally wear glitter eye shadow, at least not as far as I know.” Unknown to Brian, Justin had asked Emmett to be Santa Claus. The man needed the extra job and he’d helped cater the party besides. Luckily Brian had been busy on base for the last couple of days and he’d paid no attention to the activities for the party. Justin was thankful for Mysterious Marilyn’s heads up regarding Brian. He knew he would be prepared for him to leave New Year’s Day. In fact he’d already secreted a small box of home made fudge in his duffle bag to share with the guys.

Justin had given each family a gift certificate for dinner at one of the nicer restaurants in the area and each child was presented with a gift from Santa. It had taken a lot of questions for Justin to find out the ages and sex and likes and dislikes of all the children involved, but he was glad he’d gone to the trouble. Christmas was definitely for children.

“Was Harry okay with his plane ticket to Baja?” Justin asked shyly. He hadn’t known what to get the old man and had finally settled on the plane ticket. He had told him it was sort of a bonus for all the hard work he’d been doing on Brian’s gift.

“Yes, the old guy even had a tear in his eye.” Brian said. “I think you have a soft spot for old sailors.”

“Some more than others.” Justin agreed.

“So when do I get my gift?” Brian couldn’t imagine what Justin had bought for him. He’d taken to asking the men who had been working on the house and even Harry, but none of them would tell him though Brian suspected they all knew.

“At midnight” Justin said. “I’ll give it to you at midnight.”

“It’s eleven forty five now.” Brian reminded his husband. “Where is it?” he sounded like an anxious little boy and the thought made Justin smile to himself. Brian Kinney had come a long way from the man who distained holidays.

“We have to get our coats and boots on.” Justin said.

“It’s in the garage?” Brian asked. But he got up from his comfortable spot and stretched. He was too curious not to find out.

“No”

“Is it in the tool shed?”

“No”

“Where is it then?”

“Past the apple orchard.”

“Where the creek runs?” Brian was very curious now. “Why would you hide it there?”

“It’s not really hidden, that’s just where it is.” Justin was pulling on his boots. There had been a few feet of snow fall during the day.

The two men left from the rear door of their apartment. Hand in hand they began to follow a pathway that had been shoveled. Justin gave a silent cheer of thanks to Ron, one of the construction crew, who must have come over when he’d seen the snow falling. He had told Justin he would.

The night air was full of magic. The stars glowed, keeping pace with the shining moon. The fresh snow sparkled like diamonds heavy on the tree branches. It was as if Justin had ordered the scene set for his presentation. As they walked Justin began to talk.

“A while back, when you came back from your first bad mission, you told me you needed space to regroup. I know that now we’ll have a house full of people and lots of activity and I suspect that you have made a mental note to just stay away and not come home until you can face our life here. Well I don’t want that. I need to know you are safe and I need to be close to you. It’s for both of our sake. I won’t always be able to hold you and help you heal but I wanted you to have a place that was yours and only yours.” As Justin said the last word, they reached the top of a small hill.

A serene and calming scene opened up before the two of them. The icy cold water of the small creek, swollen slightly with winter run off, rushed past a small cabin. Brian could see smoke coming from the chimney. He was mesmerized by it all. Through tear filled eyes he walked down the path until he reached the small house. A screened in porch with a swing almost filled one end. He could imagine sitting there watching the creek as he decompressed. Justin caught up with him and handed him two keys. “These are the only keys to your fortress. No one else has one, not even me.”

Brian unlocked the door and stepped inside. Justin stayed out until Brian turned and “Justin come in, I’m inviting you in.” Justin grinned and joined his husband. Together they looked at what the old ship’s carpenter had built.

Inside was reminiscent of an old ocean liner – the captain’s quarters. The finest of oak and mahogany was used to build a captain’s bed into one wall. Where deep blue velvet duvets looked warm and inviting. There was an easy chair and a built in desk. Book shelves lined the walls filled with copies of some of Brian’s favorite books. A cheerful fire glowed in the fireplace and over the mantle was an oil painting Justin had done of the two of them on their wedding day. He’d captured their love perfectly on the canvas.

“Through that door” Justin pointed “is the head” Brian grinned at his husband’s use of the nautical term “and the galley, but not in the same room, they are side by side. He turned to Brian. “I’ll know that if the flag is raised on the pole outside that you are home but need time alone. I’ll sleep easier knowing you are safe on our property.”

“Justin I don’t know what to say.” Brian was fingering the carvings of the wood. He could see the care and skill it had taken to build this. He could see touches of his husband everywhere, and yet it was his and his alone.

“There is no phone, but there could be if you want one. The wiring is there. I wasn’t sure about the phone part.” Justin admitted.

“There’s just one problem.” Brian was sitting on the bed. He pulled Justin close to him and pressed one of the keys into the palm of his hand. “You are never locked out of my life.”

Justin sighed with relief. He knew that there might come a time when he’d be needed to help Brian get his life under control and he’d hated the thought of not being able to reach his man. But Brian had to give him the key of his own free will. “Thanks Brian,” he breathed. “I love you.” he didn’t have to say anything else. Both of them knew that Justin would never abuse the privilege of having a key to Brian’s safe house.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

January 6, 2013

Justin,

I wish that I hadn’t had to leave on New Years day. What a fucking way to start off the New Year, huh? Christ. Things have been hectic these past couple of months and I want to tell you how proud I am that you have taken charge and gotten it all done. I am so proud of you.

The place looks great. Your talent, and love for the old house shines in every fixture, and every little thing there. I only hope that it doesn’t go to waste with the new ‘tenants’. I hope that they don’t ruin anything that you have worked your ass off to do.

Plus, you also hand picked the people who will be moving in. I guess today is the day, huh? I wanted to be there to help you pick them out, I wanted to be there today for you. I’m sorry that I’m not the type of husband who can do those sort of things.

Yes, am I starting to feel sorry for myself again? Yes. I still can’t help but think that you deserve someone better than me. You deserve someone who is around all the time. But the thing is Justin… I love my work. I love what I do. I have no idea what I would be doing if it wasn’t this. I have no idea who I would be. Would you even love me?

I am doing some great things here Justin. I am starting to see that. There is good to the bad. We are helping people here. To see a child of someone we helped, or saved… to find the stolen treasures of someone who was robbed by some terrorist, or had been kidnapped by some terrorist/fanatic. That … I can’t even begin to explain the feeling I get.

I love my work, and I know that in the end what I’m doing is important. Just like what you’re doing is important. If I didn’t have you – the strong, loving, caring, man I married – I would be lost when I return home. Hell, I wouldn’t have a home to come to.

You’re what holds it all together, and I couldn’t love you more. You’re the reason why I’m out here. I love you, Justin.

My Avalon and everyone’s savior,
Brian.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

End of Chapter 10

Chapter 11 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Eleven






23 January 2013

Justin,

What the fuck!? Here I was thinking that I could come home, and take you in my arms… but what instead of a nearly naked blond do I see? The fucking circus rejects invading my home! Okay, I know I’m not giving them the benefit of the doubt, but fucking Christ, Justin… where the hell did you pick these people up? Rejects.com?

Okay… I don’t want you to think that I feel you did a bad job, or that I don’t trust you to do the right thing, cause I do. I trust you with my life, and more importantly with my heart. But come on, Justin… a man can take only so much craziness. I deal with shit every damn day, all I want to do when I come home is relax, not get fucking yelled at by some red head with an attitude problem, or stripped by some comic book geek, or have my future read… or whatever with Emmett. I want peace and quiet. Don’t you understand?

Okay… I guess I will just have to put on a fucking sweet, kind smile and pretend that it doesn’t matter. That I’m okay with this. I am… in a way. As long as you’re happy while I’m away, I guess I can deal with this. But damn, Justin. You are going to KILL ME!

I love you, you blond brat.
Brian.





~~~***~~~***~~~
January 2013

Brian pulled the car into the garage, and walked out to the house. He had been gone for three weeks, and the moment they had touched land again and debriefed, Brian was in his car on the way home. He hadn’t even bothered to change, just grabbing his belongings and was out the door. He hated these long missions, but knew that they were a necessity on occasion. All he knew is that he wanted to be home with his husband and relax.

He had hated that Justin had to deal with the whole tenant thing without him, from choosing the candidates to supervising the move. He had wanted to be there and help his husband out. Justin had told him that he would just love the new ‘roommates’ and Brian could only nod. The new tenants should be up in their own damn rooms as far as Brian was concerned, but knew that he would have to eventually meet them. All Brian wanted to do was take his husband into their room and not leave for three days, to hell with the tenants.

Once he opened the door he was greeted by the smells of lasagna, and loud laughter coming from the common area. “Justin,” Brian called out as he entered the room, and stopped dead in his tracks. What Brian saw was not what he had expected. Sitting down in the living room was a loud woman with red hair and a shirt that stated ‘Are you hung?’ The man next to her looked around their age, but it was hard to determine age since the man was wearing a comic book t-shirt and sweat pants. Across from him was someone else who was an obvious queen, with a bright pink boa wrapped around his neck to help accent the see through shirt and pants he wore. Lastly, Brian saw someone sitting near the corner working with a stack of tarot cards, and telling Justin his future. “Justin,” Brian called out louder catching everyone’s attention.

“Brian! You’re home!” Justin yelled as he ran over to his husband to wrap his arms around him. “I want you to meet everyone.”

“In a minute. Outside, now.” Brian stated as he set his bag down beside the door and with Justin’s hand firmly placed in his own, led the two out into the main hall. Brian turned toward Justin and leaned back against the door. “Do you want to explain to me what the HELL that is about? Who are they?”

“They are our new tenants.” Justin explained as he began to run his hand over Brian’s chest. He could feel his husband’s anger start to rise, and he wanted to stop the argument before it started. Justin knew he would have enough to explain since he had never once told his new friends exactly what Brian did for a living… then of course there was the whole fact that he might have told a little white lie about who was renting the rooms in their house. “Brian, just give them a chance. I’m sure you will love them.”

“Somehow I doubt that. Don’t they have their own fucking rooms? Isn’t that what this was about?” Brian asked as he ran his hand through his hair. “Is this what I’m going to see every time I come home? I thought we had agreed that it was to be quiet, peaceful…! That is NOT what I had been thinking of.”

Justin moved up so that their bodies were flush against one another. “Please. For me?”

Brian looked down at his husband and shook his head. “Fine. I’ll reserve my judgment. But I’m telling you, we will have to talk about this later.” When Brian got his wits about him, he released Justin, straightened his shoulders and walked into his own living hell. He smiled as he walked back into the room, and let it drop immediately when he saw ‘comic book guy’ over by his bag. “Rule number one… don’t fucking touch my shit.” Brian stated as he grabbed his bag and went to sit at a small desk in the corner of the room. He gave Justin a small smile as his lover placed a large metal box in front of him. Brian knew he would have to find some other place to do this, since he didn’t think taking apart his gun and cleaning it would be a smart move in front of their new guests. But for now they would just have to suffer. He wasn’t ready yet to bring the gun into his and Justin’s apartment.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Silence had filled the large room, until with a collective gasp, all eyes were turned on the gun Brian was busily cleaning. He looked at them and tongue in cheek said. “Don’t piss me off gang.”

The first one to move over to him was the larger than life red headed woman. “Well honey, I’m Debbie Novotny, Michael and I live in the third floor apartment. I don’t fucking care how tough you are, you better not give my Sunshine a hard time. He’s doing his best to keep up a brave front while you’re gone. You may look tough but believe me if pushed, I can rip you a new asshole.” She reached over and gently cuffed him upside the head. “Now smile and play nice. I have supper almost ready. You look like you could use some meat on your bones.”

When Debbie was not shot on the spot, everyone sighed with relief including Justin, who had been standing there frozen in place when Debbie had approached Brian. Brian kept his head down to hide the smile he couldn’t stop. Looks like ‘Sunshine’ had found himself a defender.

“Sugar, I couldn’t help but notice that very big and rather fierce gun you have there.” Brian looked up to see the flamboyant one standing by the desk. “I’m Emmett, Emmett Honeycutt of the Hazelhurst Mississippi Honeycutts. Of course that’s neither here nor there now that I live in this wonderful castle. Here I’m just plain old Princess Emmett. You will be careful with that dreadful thing won’t you? I mean you aren’t one of those” he shuddered “manly men who insist on killing Bambi and his friends are you?”

“Not unless Bambi and his friends piss me off.” Brian answered. “There is too much paperwork involved.”

“Such a relief sweetie. You know black is really your color though maybe just a teeny bit of accessorizing, perhaps a bright red scarf or something.”

“Oh you want me to wear a target for the bad guys, make it easier to find me?” Brian said with a laugh. "Well you’d better clear that with the little woman over there, he might have something to say about that” Justin stuck his tongue out at the little woman comment before relaxing enough to set the large table that had been placed in the middle of the floor.

Now it was comic book guy’s turn to hassle him. Brian could see him approach from the corner of his eye. “So are you like Captain Astro?” the guy asked.

“Do I fucking look like Captain Astro?” Brian asked.

“Sort of like he was in issue 221” came the answer.

“No I’m not.” Brian was almost finished cleaning his gun. He looked closely at the guy standing in front of him. “Why are you still living with mommy?” he asked.

“She needed help making expenses and so did I. Uncle Vic is sick and she helps him out now that he can’t work.”

“Does Uncle Vic live here too?” Brian looked around.

“No, but not because Ma hasn’t asked him. He’s just too stubborn to move in with us.”

“Good for Uncle Vic.” Brian packed away his cleaning supplies and laid the gun in the metal box. He carefully locked it and then stood up. The gun safe was in a small metal safe protected by a combination lock by the door of their apartment. It was cleverly disguised as an occasional table. . Brian removed his jacket and vest, setting them on the back of a chair, and walked over to Justin. Wrapping his arms around the waist of his husband, he lightly kissed him on the cheek. He had missed Justin terribly during his three weeks away, that all he wanted to do was take him into their apartment and not leave for days. Unfortunately Justin believed that Brian had to get along with their new guests, so Brian sucked it up and tried to please his husband. Justin would owe him for this later, however.

Brian glanced at the guy in drag sitting with the tarot cards. He still hadn’t heard from him. Mysterious Marilyn glanced up and stared into Brian’s eyes. “You should call someone named Chief South, he’s having an appendicitis attack and he hasn’t gone to the doctors about it. He thinks it will pass but he really should have it looked after.” Mysterious Marilyn looked back at the tarot cards and Brian, shaking his head walked away. He locked up the gun and was about to go back into the common room when Justin handed him the phone. “Call the Chief Brian. Don’t ignore shit Mysterious Marilyn tells you.”

Brian looked at Justin, the look said a lot. “You have to be fucking joking” he finally said to Justin. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Please Brian.” Justin placed the phone in his hand. “You have got to be kidding me, Justin. Who the hell are these people you have brought here?”

“They are all good people, Brian. You just have to get to know them. I know you’ll like them. Now please… call.” Justin kissed Brian on the cheek and left his husband alone to make the call.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this. Seeing the future, whatever. What has Justin got me into?” Brian asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed and made the call.

Sighing heavily and dramatically Brian punched in the numbers for the Chief’s house. “Hey Chief” Brian said. “What’s up?”

“Fuck Lieutenant, my gut hurts. You’d think some asshole had a bayonet in there.” The other man gasped. “I was just going to take a couple of pain killers and have a glass of rum. Why did you call?”

“Get your ass down to the hospital Chief. That’s an order.”

“I don’t have time for hospitals. It’s been like this before, it always goes away.”

Mysterious Marilyn drifted past were Brian was standing talking on the phone. “He really only has an hour or so before it bursts.” She said as she started up the stairs.

“Chief, I’m sending an ambulance over there right now. Don’t take any pain killers. Just have a shot of whisky.” Brian turned to Justin. “Call an ambulance on the other line and send them to the Chief’s; I’m going to stay on here with him.”

Justin gave Brian a quick kiss on his cheek and headed into their apartment. “I’ll get one to him right away.” Brian shook his head, and looked at Justin.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian lay on his back staring up into the night sky. Justin lay tight beside him. They were in their secret garden. It was the end of January and Justin had insisted on trying out Brian’s Arctic gear. They were bundled up in the down filled sleeping bag. Brian passed the joint he was smoking to Justin who inhaled deeply. The two of them sighed. “You know pretty boy, the best idea you had was having this secret garden built.” He took another hit of the joint. “It is still a secret isn’t it? I’m not going to wake up with any of the gang staring at me am I? Cause if I am I need some stronger shit.”

Justin giggled, high on the weed and Brian’s sense of humor. “It’s still a secret.” He giggled again. “I’ve discovered something.” He said.

“What’s that pretty boy?” Brian combed his fingers through Justin’s blond hair.

“I like to fuck Navy Boys in the snow.” He giggled again.

“You’re high, no more smoke for you.”

“And not just any Navy Boy, I like fucking you in the snow.” Justin giggled. “In our secret garden.”

“Want to know a secret?” Brian whispered to Justin taking the opportunity to nibble on Justin’s ear. “I like screwing pretty blond boys in the snow in our secret garden.” With a deft flip he had Justin once again under him.

“Excuse me, hello, hello is anybody in there?” the door in their garden wall rattled. “I lost my Captain Astro plane. I think it sailed over this wall.”

“Get the fuck out of here.” Brian growled.

“Hey is that you Mr. Kinney, can you see my plane, I can’t get this door open.”

“Who the fuck plays with toys in the middle of the fucking night?” Brian grumbled. He looked around. Floating on the surface of the hot tub was a model airplane.

“Let me in.”

Brian got out of the sleeping bag and stomped over to the hot tub. He fished out the plane and then walked through the snow and pitched it over the high stone wall.

“Ouch you hit me.” Whined Michael’s voice.

“JUSTIN GET MY GUN” Brian roared. The sound of feet beating a hasty retreat filled the night. Brian climbed back into the sleeping bag.

“Brian, your dick is cold and your feet are cold and wet.” Justin said with a shiver.

“I know where my dick is going and it’s a nice warm dark place. You’ll just have to put up with my feet.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian once again looked over at his lover and shook his head. He had wanted a nice quiet weekend on the boat… maybe sail on down south for some warmth, but once again his lover had other ideas. When Brian had started packing up the car, he had noticed Debbie also packing up her car, and Emmett’s. It seemed that the lonely weekend away was turning into a ‘family vacation.’ “Tell me again why they are coming along?” Brian asked as he started to load the boxes and bag on the boat. It seemed to him that when the time came to unload all the cars, everyone else had somewhere else to be.

“Brian, I think it would be great. A great opportunity for everyone to get to know one another. You have to admit that since you came back a month or so ago, you haven’t really been friendly to our housemates.” Justin told Brian as he began to unload the food into the refrigerator. “You’ve been downright rude to Michael, and have ignored everyone else.”

“Yeah, well… I do have other things on my mind then trying to make friends. Hell, I swear that Debbie thinks I’m some mafia hit man or something and she always needs to tell me how to treat you. Since I’m evidently in her mind NOT treating you right.” Brian walked over to Justin and placed his hand under Justin’s chin so he could look him in the eye. “She’s just making that up right?” He asked suddenly worried that maybe there was some truth to the things Debbie had been telling him.

“Brian, she’s partly true. I’m not going to lie to you. I do miss you terribly when you’re away, and I do worry about you, but I don’t know a Navy wife who doesn’t. But I’m okay with it. I do as you ask, and keep myself busy. I know you’ll come home to me.” Justin told Brian still hiding the truth behind his words. It wasn’t a complete lie… just not the whole truth.

”Okay. Just if things change, you’ll tell me right?”

“I will, I promise.”

“I will always come home to you, Justin. No matter what happens or where I am. I will always come home.” Brian promised his husband. He wanted Justin to know how he felt, what he would do for Justin.

Justin smiled then turned back to unpacking the boxes, as Brian went back down the gangplank to get more things from the trunk. He had hoped the others would at least try to help. Brian looked up at his and Justin’s boat, and smiled. This had been a good investment. Justin had loved it at first sight, and Brian knew that, like his little cabin, this would be Justin’s home away from home. Like they needed any more of those, but Brian figured one couldn’t have enough.

Finally once everything was on board, and they were underway, Brian could actually pretend that it was just him and Justin. They had pulled out of the pier and made a quick beeline straight down the coast to warmer weather. Not that they could find much in late February, but Brian had hoped.

After two hours into the trip, Brian handed the wheel to Justin and went out on the aft deck to look out over the ocean. It was different seeing it from their boat than from the aircraft carriers he had been on. Things were more peaceful here. Glancing up to their hideaway this weekend, Brian saw something moving about in his and Justin’s room. The only thing running through his mind was someone was invading his home, and he felt the anger burst through him.

Brian stormed up the gangplank and up the ladder well toward his and Justin’s quarters. He opened the door to see Michael standing there looking through their small movie collection in the sitting room. “Just what the fuck are you doing here? What part of do NOT go upstairs did you not understand!?” Brian yelled. He wanted to kill Mikey. He felt violated and knew that the anger was rising within him. All Brian could see was red.

“I was just looking for something. I didn’t know what was up here, so I wanted to check it out.” Michael tried to get out, his voice quivering in fear. “I just…”

Brian didn’t hear anything else that Michael could possibly say, as he grabbed him by the shirt and lead him out to the small deck up on the upper level. “Hope you can swim,” Brian stated as he threw the other man overboard. Rushing back into his and Justin’s room, Brian searched for his small handgun. He had enough of Michael getting into his things.

Justin saw something come flying past his window and land into the water. He heard the cry from the aft deck, and began to slow the boat down to a stop. Justin rushed out to see what was going on and saw Michael breaching the surface, trying to catch his breath. He didn’t know why Michael was out there, but he knew that they had to get him back in the boat. The water was near freezing and the last thing any of them wanted was to have Michael die of hypothermia. “Brian!” Justin yelled as he glanced up to the upper deck. What he saw brought everything clear into Justin’s mind. “Don’t you dare!”

“Stay out of it. He wants to get into our stuff, and break my rules…” Brian began as he started loading his gun.

Justin rushed up the ladder to stop his husband. He reached Brian before the man could take aim and fire, reaching over and placing his hand on Brian’s arm. “Don’t, Bri. Please. It wouldn’t’ do any good to kill him. You need to let it go.”

“Bullshit, Justin. This isn’t the first time I have found him going through OUR things. I’ve had it.” Brian stated as he began to lift the gun to point it at the person floating in the ocean.

“I’ll talk to him, okay. I’ll handle it. Please, Bri. Please.” Justin begged. He was really scared that Brian would actually pull the trigger. Everyone else might think that Brian wouldn’t, Justin wasn’t too sure. He would like to think that his husband wouldn’t, but he knew that if it came to the two of them… Brian would do whatever he needed to do to protect what they had.

Brian looked over at Justin, and lowered his gun. “Keep him away from me for the rest of this trip. If he comes near me, talks to me… I will shoot on sight. I’m not kidding Justin. He needs to learn what’s ours and to not interfere.”

Justin nodded as he watched Brian head into the bedroom. Letting out the breath he had been holding, Justin immediately went back downstairs to rescue Michael.

Once Justin had dragged Michael back onto the deck, showered, and changed clothes he went back down stairs to have a talk with all of them. “That monster threw my son into the ocean. I don’t know what you see in him, Sunshine, but I’m not impressed. I should go up there and give him a piece of my mind.” Debbie complained as she began to make her way toward the stairs.

Justin stood in her way, not allowing her past. “Deb, Michael, Em, Marilyn. Brian doesn’t like to have our private lives interfered with. We have enough problems without someone trying to get into what we have. It’s mainly psychological, but there are enough people who would like to see us not together anymore… and the Navy, well they separate us all the time when he goes on missions. So when we’re together, it’s us. He doesn’t like anyone interfering. It’s just something that you have to understand. There are places that we don’t like ‘tainted’ by anyone else.” Justin tried to explain.

Emmett sat in one of the chairs in the galley looking up at Justin. “He really wouldn’t have fired that gun at Michael would he? I mean, I don’t understand what he does, but he wouldn’t kill someone… right?”

Justin took a deep breath trying to figure out what he should tell these people. He had never really explained what Brian did for a living, mainly that he was in the Navy and went away a lot. Maybe it was time to let them know all of the truth. “Brian’s a Navy SEAL… they are trained to kill, and I believe he has before. So yes… if he feels threatened, or if he feels that what we have, or if I’m in danger, I think he would.” Was all Justin said as he let that get digested by everyone. He needed to check on Brian, the others would just have to wait to get more questions answered. His husband needed him now.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Justin found Brian standing by the rail staring into the ocean, his handgun still in his hands. “You wouldn’t really have shot him would you?” he had to ask. He couldn’t actually picture Brian firing the gun at someone they knew, but he had to ask.

“Look out there pretty boy, what do you see?” Brian nodded toward the spot where Michael had been thrown in.

Justin looked out on the grey water. “I don’t know, big fish I guess.” He said. There were slim grey bodies circling in the water. Just under the surface.

“Sharks, Justin, they’re sharks. I wasn’t thinking when I threw him overboard. I forgot this is shark heaven. Remember jaws, well it was filmed near here. I needed my gun to kill one if it came too close. The rest would be attracted to the blood and give us time to drag Michael’s sorry ass back aboard.”

“You should tell them.” Justin’s voice was quiet, he rested his head on Brian’s arm. “They’re scared of you.”

“Good, let’s keep it that way.” Brian’s voice was gruff. He was embarrassed at his earlier actions but he’d never let the others know that. He suspected Justin knew though.

Justin leaned up and kissed Brian’s cheek. “Why don’t you steer the boat for awhile. I’ll go and check out lunch.”

“No, it’s your boat. You guide her. I want you to get used to it. Remember to watch the gauges and follow the course I plotted. We don’t want to run up on some rock, we aren’t that far off the coastline.”

“Yes sir, Navy Boy sir.” Justin saluted and then stuck his tongue out earning him a swat on the ass and a quick kiss. He headed for the bridge. Brian watched him retreat and then moved reluctantly down to where the others were congregated. He locked his gun up in its gun cupboard on the way past.

Brian could hear animated talking as he headed down the stairs. It stopped abruptly when he reached the salon area. All eyes turned toward him. He figured he’d have to say something to them all or they would continue to give Justin a hard time about him. And there was one thing Brian was confident of, and that was Justin’s loyalty to him. He knew that it would only make his husband unhappy to have his new friends hate the man he was married to.

“Michael, I hope you learned something from your little swim in the Atlantic.” Brian began.

“Look asshole, what fucking right did you have to throw my son into the water?” Debbie began. She stood directly in front of Brian, her hair bristling and her face flushed with anger.

“I had every right to throw his ass in the water. He’s lucky that it was all I did. I believe I explained to all of you when it became apparent that this was going to be a ‘family’ outing. That the top deck was off limits for all of you. It is our private quarters and the word private Mr. Novotny in case you are unaware, means stay the fuck out. Justin and I have little enough that is ours alone and I will not tolerate what we have violated by anyone for any reason.” He sighed and looked at all of their faces.

“I know you guys are becoming good friends to Justin. That’s great, good even. He needs to have friends to keep him occupied when I’m on a mission. He worries too much and when he’s worried then I worry. Knowing that you’re there for him helps me. It keeps my mind on my job rather than on Justin and believe me for all concerned, my job requires I stay focused.”

“Emmett, I have to thank you for the great parties you’ve put together since I’ve known you. They certainly have interesting themes. I gave your business cards to my team. Their wives might throw some business your way.”

“Thanks Brian.” Emmett blushed with the compliment. “I try my very best.”

“Debbie, you’ve been like a mother to Justin. He never had a mother to look up to. It’s been good for him. Michael, I have to say is like a big brother. You give Justin someone other than me to worry about.” He turned to Mysterious Marilyn. “I know I don’t have to tell you what a godsend you’ve been to my husband. When he knows you’re around he relaxes. For some reason he feels that you will protect him from the powers that be.”

“Mysterious Marilyn will always look out for the innocents.” Marilyn agreed. “You’d better go check on him now. He’s too close to those rocks that are coming up in a mile or so.”

Brian grinned at her and said. “Thanks for the heads up.” He turned to go find his navigationally challenged husband. At the last minute he turned back. “The gun was to shoot any sharks. I didn’t want you to be shark bait.” It was Brian’s somewhat lame apology and everyone seemed to realize it.

~~~***~~~***~~~
March 2013

Justin slammed his door shut and then kicked the wall. All the frustration and fear that had been building up for the last couple of days seemed to explode from his body at once. He stormed off in the direction of the road, not sure where he was going or why. Brian had been called out in the middle of the night two days ago and he’d never had a chance to say a real goodbye. He’d been too sleepy to realize that his man was leaving and he’d been pissed with the world ever since.

Half way down the long drive he came across Mysterious Marilyn who for some reason was sitting on the lawn under a spreading oak tree. The leaves were beginning to bud out and it was really rather beautiful. Though Justin thought it might still be cold and damp on the ground. He stopped walking and stared at his friend unsure whether to talk to her.

Marilyn looked up at him and said. “In the future you will be renowned for your wonderful abstracts. The depth of passion and feelings that will emanate from each and every canvas will be the envy of artists throughout the world. And it will all have come from your heart and soul for that’s what you will be painting. You’ll be painting the times when your husband is called away. You’ll be painting the fear you have and the love. You’ll be painting the anguish that he has to endure and that you are unable to save him from. You’ll be painting all that you are and all that you will be for the sake of the man you love.” Marilyn looked directly at Justin. “Perhaps it’s time you began on these canvases. Your world waits for you. Oh and Justin, this time you’ll only need a small canvas.”

Justin stood there looking at Marilyn and then he began to look inward at himself and he realized that since the apartment conversion, he hadn’t touched a paintbrush. “Thanks Marilyn” he whispered before he turned and ran back to the house.

It was the beginning of what Justin later would refer to as his creative therapy. He’d rarely worked in the abstract before this. But he found that he could project his feelings completely onto the canvas in color and technique. When Brian asked him once much later in life, why the canvases were numbered MI#1 and so on. Justin would smile and look mysterious. But it was really his numbering system for the missions that Brian was called out on – Mission Impossible # 1. The few occasions that Brian arrived home and went directly to his cabin after raising the flag, Justin named those HS#1 etc. For Home Safe. Generally these works showed the calming effect of the relief at knowing Brian was home safe and sound even if it was in his cabin decompressing.

He and Mysterious Marilyn had agreed from the beginning that she would only tell him how many or how large the canvases should be. She would never tell him details of Brian’s missions for fear that one day something would be too bad to tell him and then Justin would know and it would be agony waiting for the news and it could jeopardize Brian’s life if he somehow knew about what he was going to face. Some thing too that he would do in each and every painting, was sign these and only these with go deo mo tearmann written in the fairie script of his wedding band.

Future art critics and analysts would ponder this signature. Eventually someone translated it. But Justin never answered any questions regarding the words. They were between him and his husband and always would be.

But that was later, much later. It was well after 2016 before Justin began to show these paintings that were so much a part of him. It required a time of hardening that only a few years could do. It required great sorrow and great sacrifice on his part. Justin felt at home among the great artists of the world by the spring of 2017 when he had his first show. Because he knew then what they had to have lived to produce the art that they did. He felt he’d earned the right to stand beside each and every one of them by then. Though it was a thought he kept to himself like all of the other secrets that were necessary for him to keep so that Brian could be the man he was meant to be.

~~~***~~~***~~~
March 2013

Brian arrived home from his latest callout after being away four days. He was tired and cranky but looking forward to seeing Justin. This callout, while it wasn’t a walk in the park, wasn’t bad. He actually felt rather good about the rescue he and his team had facilitated in and he wanted to hold his blond boy close. It was all the ‘down time’ he’d need. He’d hated leaving Justin in the middle of the night and he suspected he’d have to pay the price for that despite how good Justin was about the callouts.

“Brian” Justin threw himself into Brian’s arms. He pulled Brian’s head down for a long and passion filled kiss. “You shit sneaking away like that, but I forgive you.”

“I found your fudge tucked away in my pack again. I think the guys are beginning to expect it.” Brian said when he was allowed to breathe.

Justin couldn’t help but laugh, Brian had a super sweet tooth. It was something he hid well. When he had discovered the man’s passion for his fudge he began making it in various flavors and putting packages in his kit with enough to share. He tried to hide it different spots each time just for fun.

“Cool, you guys deserve a treat.” Justin kissed him again.

“You seem in a good mood for a man who was abandoned in the middle of the night.”
Brian began to unbutton Justin’s shirt, while at the same time Justin unbuttoned his shirt.

“That’s because I am. I have my man home for a little while. I have friends for when he’s gone and I’m painting again.”

“I’m glad you’re painting again pretty boy, I’ve missed the smell of turpentine and oil in your hair.” Brian nuzzled Justin’s neck before picking him up and throwing him over his shoulder. “Now enough of this small talk, we have some serious reunion sex to get to.”

~~~***~~~***~~~

“Oh my gawd, oh my gawd, Justin you’ll never guess.” Emmett gushed. He’d seen Justin out in the garden. “Your friend Komari just called. She wants me to cater a party for her in May, a spring garden party.”

“Oh Emmett, your first big break. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I was going to ask you this first. You can say no, but could I ask Vic Grassi, you know Debbie’s brother if he would come and help? He really should move in with Deb, but he doesn’t want to feel like he’s a burden. This way he could be earning a few dollars.”

“Of course you can. Let’s talk to Debbie, I saw her come home a few minutes ago.” Justin linked his arms with Emmett and the two of them headed up to Debbie’s.

Brian watched from where he was sitting under an apple tree reading. The Admiral had asked his opinion of Emmett; he didn’t want to take a chance on anything going wrong with the first large event his wife hosted on this base. Brian, who had sampled the flamboyant man’s creations on more than one occasion, gave him a good recommendation. He hadn’t said anything to Justin in case it didn’t go through. He loved to see the smile on Justin’s face when he was given the good news. Watching the two of them, Emmett and Justin, was a great reward.

~~~***~~~***~~~
April 2013

Brian sat at his small desk in HQ and looked over the papers in his hand. He had been informed that on the day of the Family day, he would officially be off of probation, with the ‘pinning ceremony’ the next day. He knew that he wanted that to be a surprise to Justin… it was what they had both been waiting for. Brian was officially becoming a SEAL. All the hard months for the both of them had finally paid off.

Then of course there was the scuttlebutt about the Commander being transferred to California and SEAL Team One. Brian wasn’t sure what he would do, where he would be placed, but people were telling him that he would get his own Unit Command. Until it was official Brian wasn’t going to tell anyone about that little bit of news for fear that it would jinx it. He knew he could most likely ask Marilyn about it, but the drag queen scared him a little.

Before him however, were orders to temporarily transfer to Rota, Spain for six months. He knew that there would be no way in hell he would leave Justin for that long, and he would have to tell his lover about it. He had talked to the Admiral and was informed that since the orders were for 6 months and could go as long as a year, Justin would be allowed to travel with him. Somehow that made Brian’s job a lot easier. The only problem he could see however was what Justin would do without his support system if and when Brian was called out.

It was something he would have to talk to Justin about in depth.

Picking up the phone he dialed Justin’s cell, wanting to share the news with his lover right away. “Hello, Navy Boy. Are you allowed to make these calls in the middle of the day?” Justin joked on the other end of the line.

”Only if you’re a good boy.” Brian replied. “I am calling for one reason only, really… and it’s not that unfortunately.” Brian tried not to laugh when he heard his husband’s sad sigh. “I hope it will be better news, actually.”

“Out with it. What is better than phone sex?” Justin asked. Brian sounded pleased about something, and it brought a smile to Justin’s face. Anything that could get his lover to laugh and joke in the middle of the day was fine by him. He didn’t care what it was.

“How about orders to Spain for 6 months to a year?” Brian asked suddenly worried about Justin’s reaction.

“Spain? As in Europe Spain? As in… real close to Italy, Spain?”

“Yes, that Spain. I have the orders in hand, we would officially leave on May 22, but I figure I’ll head over there a week sooner to get us settled in housing. Sooo? What do you think? Are you going?”

“You better believe it, Navy Boy. I had always wanted to go to Europe. You have just made me one happy gay boi, and I love you a thousand times more every day.”

~~~***~~~***~~~

Brian led Justin and the whole damn gang up to the front door of SEAL Team 6’s temporary home. Since they were the one unit who went all around the world, they had no real ‘homebase’, but lucky for Brian, his unit was out of the Norfolk area… at least for now. He had heard talk in recent weeks about switching the units around. That would mean that he would have to pack up the house with Justin and move to wherever they sent him.

Brian had tried not to laugh when the topic of base family day had been brought up. Admiral Smith was not too pleased with having his men show where they worked. He had tried to argue that it was a matter of national security that their headquarters not be a part of it. He had not disagreed with the idea of a family day, it was the location. So they had decided to have the SEAL’s day out on the training ground. All four SEAL teams had set up a small section of their training center with picnic tables and barbeque pits.

Admiral Smith thought it would a good idea to have a ‘day in the life’ of the SEALs, let the kids and family members go through the obstacle course, and the ‘cityscape’. Brian was trying to picture any one of his ‘family’ going through those. As it was, the teams had spent the past week trying to get everything ‘kid friendly’ as it were.

“So what was the Admiral saying about today?” Justin asked as he walked beside Brian toward the field. “I know Komari said something about fun and games. I didn’t think that was what family day was all about.”

Brian walked beside Justin not wanting his lover to leave his sight. “Well since with the classified stuff we do, we had to come up with other things. We couldn’t let you guys into our headquarters without a quote security breach unquote, so this was the next best thing. Look, it was either this or cancel the whole thing.” Brian said with a shrug. “And I know one certain blond and his little friend who wouldn’t let that happen.”

Justin rolled his lips into his mouth, not wanting Brian to know just how much influence him and Komari had over this whole thing. He knew that Smitty had been all ready to cancel it for the families of the SEALs, but Justin had gotten together with Komari and some other spouses to lay down the law. Justin was going to find out, even if it was a little, what Brian did every day. No matter what. He also felt that he needed to show Brian that he supported him, and the only way to do that is to see what he did day in and day out. That’s why Justin had pushed so hard to have this day. The families needed this day, and so did the SEAL team members.

Brian led Justin over to the area where his team was, and began introductions. His unit within the team were intermingled with the other members of the team. He could also see some of the teams start to intermingle as well. To them, units and teams didn’t matter, they were all SEALs and a family. Spotting his two friends from training, he pulled on Justin’s arm lightly and led them over. “South, Peters. Don’t tell me you actually have families?” Brian asked with a raised eyebrow.

Chief South shook his head, and laughed. “One of the happily married, sir. Unlike this loser here.”

“Hey, I’m happy. Wouldn’t want to let the ladies go to waste, sir. You shouldn’t let the world go without, is my thinking.” Peters joked.

“Hi, I didn’t realize you guys were part of the same team Brian was.” Justin stated. He had known the two men were going to be stationed here, but he hadn’t realized they were the same team. Justin felt a little better knowing who was going to be watching Brian’s back out on missions.

”Same team, not exactly same unit,” Brian explained. “Maybe one day same unit, but for now…” Brian told Justin. “Oh… by the way. I don’t know if you gentlemen realize this, but as of today, our probation is over.” Brian turned to Justin, with a smile on his lips, finally letting his husband in on the good news. “We are now officially SEALs.”

Justin turned to Brian and quickly planted a light kiss on his husband’s lips. “You didn’t tell me! I’m so proud of you, Brian. I knew you could do it.”

“Yeah, and from what the latest scuttlebutt is telling me, you are going to be getting your own unit command soon.” Chief South added.

”Nothing’s been confirmed yet, Chief. The Admiral hasn’t gotten back to me on that. He said it could happen, especially since Commander Kline is transferring over to Team One.” Brian told them, mainly so that his lover would understand the reason why he hadn’t mentioned anything before now. “I want to be sure before I say anything, so keep it quiet.” He told his friends.

“Yes, sir. But you know that you have two men here who wouldn’t mind being on your team.” Peters offered.

Brian nodded and led Justin off to the rest of the family. “You know why I didn’t tell you, don’t you? The official designator and the promotion.” The last thing Brian wanted was Justin upset with him. Things had been a little strained with all the changes in their lives lately.

Justin stopped and faced Brian, placing his hand on Brian’s arm. “The official notice of being a Full-Fledge SEAL? I understand. And the promotion, well we’re not sure if it’s true or not. But you will tell me when it happens, right?”

“I promise. You’ll be the second to know.” Brian glanced over at the others in their group. “Do you think we can get Michael into the obstacle course and lose him?”

“Don’t be mean. You need to be nicer to them, Brian. If you work at it, I’m sure you could all get along great.”

“Oh I don’t have too much of a problem with the others, but Michael has this knack for getting into places he isn’t allowed. Plus have you seen the looks he gives me. It fucking creeps me out.”

“As long as he doesn’t touch, I don’t care. You’re hot, sexy, and have this aura about you. Men and women fall at your feet. It’s only natural that he likes what he sees.” Justin explained. Justin too had seen some of the looks and had wanted to smack them off of the other man’s face. But hearing that Brian wasn’t the least bit interested brought a smile to Justin’s face. He could deal with the looks, but the moment Michael tried to take it farther, all bets were off.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Brian stood at attention next to Chief South and Petty Officer Peters waiting for the Captain and Admiral to appear. They had been told to arrive at 0430 and wait in the conference room at attention, in dress uniform. That was four hours ago. Brian was beginning to wonder if anyone would even show up. The door opened promptly at 0830 and the entire SEAL Team 6 who were stationed stateside was there, along with the Admiral, Captain, and about 20 other SEALs from the other teams. Brian knew that this was not going to be fun.

The actual placing of the trident on their lapel was simple, but the ceremony wasn’t over yet. Although hazing was banned years ago, everyone knew that what happened behind closed doors was their own business. The real ceremony wouldn’t begin until the brass left.

After the Admiral placed the trident on the three, and the Captain gave them their letter of designation, they left the room. “Alright boys, let’s make sure that they stick.” One of the SEALs stated.

Each man in the room walked up to the three and ‘tacked on’ the pin, making sure that the tridents wouldn’t be removed. With each hit on Brian’s chest he could feel the pins dig into his flesh, letting him know that the frogs had been forgotten. He could feel the blood fall down his left nipple, covering the left side of his chest in blood. He would most definitely have to change his uniform and shower before going to see Justin that night.

Brian knew however, that this was an honor, tradition. Every SEAL went through it, and having those before you ‘tack on’ the trident was a huge honor. It meant you had made it, you were one of them. Brian didn’t move an inch throughout the ceremony.

He was now a SEAL He had beaten the odds, and he had made it. When everyone told him he wouldn’t, he had proof. He could walk around with his head held high. He was someone. He was a man, a U.S. Navy SEAL.

‘Take that, Jack and Joannie. Your boy is a man.’ Brian thought as he took each punch, each slap onto his chest.

~~~***~~~***~~~
The Evening after ‘Family Day’ 2013

Brian sat back in the chair that had been placed in the position of ‘honor’ out under the apple trees. Emmett was tending to something on the grill dressed in a fuchsia jumpsuit that was almost see through. Brian thanked his lucky stars the ‘queen’ had chosen not wear that particular outfit the day before. Michael sat cross-legged on the grass away from the grill and talked quietly to Daphne. Lindsay and Mysterious Marilyn were engrossed in a conversation and it looked suspiciously like good old Marilyn was reading Lindsay’s palm. Debbie was walking across the lawn from the house with her brother. He was carrying a cake and she was carrying a plastic bowl of some kind of salad. Everyone looked happy and content, especially Justin, who was sitting off to one side. Not too far from Brian, busily sketching the scenes before him, a contented smile on his face.

Brian resisted the urge to go over and kiss him. He loved watching Justin sketch when he would lose himself in his muse. His tongue was barely sticking out between his lips as he concentrated.

It would be something for him to write about in his journal. He was officially a SEAL and he officially was having a ‘family’ celebration that was thrown just for him; complete with a cake with his name on it. He’d never had that before, his very own cake with his name on it. He’d envied the other kids in the neighborhood whose mother’s would bake them birthday cakes and carefully print their names in pink or blue frosting on the top of the cake. He’d given up ever expecting one of his own well before he was ten and now at close to thirty, his childhood dream was coming true.

Looking at Emmett again Brian remembered the day before when the man had insisted that he could make his way through the obstacle course faster than Michael. And he almost laughed out loud remembering that Michael had taken up the challenge. The end result was three of the ten year old girls had to come and get their dads to rescue the two lame ducks. They had gotten stuck in the ‘mud’ course. It had taken four of the guys to pull the two men free with Debbie having a hissy on the side not wanting Michael to be damaged. He should have left him there, but someone with big blue reproachful eyes had inspired him to see that Michael was rescued.

Justin had had fun painting the faces of the children and even some of the wives. Mysterious Marilyn was the one who had made out like a bandit. Brian was sure he’d see a steady stream of familiar faces visiting the psychic. He hoped they paid well. He suspected that Justin was supplementing her rent. It wasn’t firm knowledge, but he had his suspicions.

Unconsciously Brian rubbed his chest where he’d been ‘pinned’ with his SEAL pin. It still stung. Remembering Justin’s indignant outcry when he’d seen the small wound brought a smile to his face. His little blond was like a pit bull when it came to defending his mate.

~~~***~~~***~~~
May 2013

“Are you sure we can go here honey?” Emmett looked around the commissary full of Army men and their wives. To Emmett they looked larger than life and twice as intimidating as Rambo. The taller man was all but hiding behind Justin as they moved their basket through the aisles.

“Emmett, get a grip, yes we can go here. It’s a lot better than the Navy one and I wanted to get some stuff for the house.”

“But you won’t even be here sweetie. You don’t need anything.” Emmett’s eyes were darting back and forth.

“Yes we do. I don’t want Harry to worry about buying stuff.” Justin sighed. “He damn near rebuilt the Baja house and I have no idea how I’m going to pay him for that. He refuses to take any money.”

“Well if it isn’t the famous artist. What are you doing here?”

Both Emmett and Justin turned at the sound of the voice. “Fuck off Ethan.” Justin hissed under his breath.

Emmett eyed the short dark haired man with distain. “Honey, khaki really isn’t a good look on you.” he said. He could tell this guy wasn’t a friend of Justin’s.

Ethan, ignoring Emmett, grabbed Justin’s hand looking at the carved wedding ring and seeing the bracelet on his wrist. “So the rumors are true. You did get married.” His fingers touched the bracelet and Justin jerked his hand away as if it had been burned.

“Keep your fucking hands off that.”

“Where did you get it? It looks interesting, I might pick one up for my new boyfriend.”

“There are only two in the world and both of them are taken.”

“Don’t be like that Justin, you know you miss me. Tell me where you got it.” Ethan put his hand on Justin’s arm.

“Honey child,” Emmett said stepping in between the two men. “I don’t know who you are or why you are sucking around us. But if I was you, I’d get you all’s ass out of here now.”

“Or what, you’re going to cry?” Ethan sneered.

“OH MY GAWD, OH MY GAWD, THIS MAN PUT HIS HAND ON MY PENIS” Emmett screeched at the top of his voice. “PLEASE, PLEASE SOMEONE SAVE ME HE SMELLS FUNNY.”

The large store was suddenly silent. Even the music stopped playing while all eyes turned to Emmett who was now in a flood of tears. Ethan stood frozen in spot and Justin had stepped a few feet back so it was just Ethan and Emmett who everyone was watching. Two MP’s appeared from nowhere and grabbed Ethan’s arms. They began to remove him from the store while Justin pretended to comfort Emmett while barely controlling his laughter.

When Ethan and the MP’s had disappeared through the doors and the sounds of the store activity had resumed, Emmett stood up tall and said. “Now baby, should we buy the blue towels or the yellow ones for the common room bathroom?”

~~~***~~~***~~~
End of Chapter Eleven

Chapter 12 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Twelve



May 23, 2013

Brian sat at the small terminal on base waiting for the MacFlight to arrive. The attendants behind the counter had informed him that the plane had been delayed in Philadelphia and they would be arriving within the next two hours. Brian had thought about going to the small kitchen located in the terminal, but when he had smelled nothing but grease he quickly turned away. Instead he pulled out a copy of the Stars and Stripes and settled in.

“The macflight from Philadelphia is arriving. All passengers will check in with Customs at the baggage claim area.” Brian went through the door separating the arrivals and departures to wait for his husband. There were many sailors standing around waiting for their new command personnel. Brian was once again grateful for the sponger programs. It helped the new person get settled in a little more.

Brian spotted his lover as he stepped through the gate, and waited until he was away from the ‘security check-point’ area. Walking up he wrapped his arms around Justin and kissed him lightly on the lips. “Have a good trip?”

Justin nodded trying to hide a yawn. “It wasn’t too bad. Just woke up though.”

“Well let’s get your shit and get on the road.” Brian stated as he went to pick up Justin’s bags from the turntable. “We need to make a quick stop to get you your Spanish ID card, but that won’t be too bad. They want us at this damn indoc class next week so that we can know Spain.” Brian stated as they were walking out to the small used car Brian had bought. Both had agreed that it wouldn’t have been wise to try and get their cars shipped over when they weren’t going to be there that long. It would take 2 months just to get there.

“Don’t tell me that they want all of us to go. Everyone in your unit?” Justin asked trying to picture a room full of Navy SEALs.

“Well we only have to go for like 2 days, or so they are telling me. You however, and the rest of the spouses have to go the whole week. Just think about it this way… you get to go out and experience the city.” Brian laughed, shaking his head. He couldn’t believe the shit they were trying to get them to do when the base knew they weren’t going to be there long. The Base Commander had told him that it was a good way to get accustomed to the way the Spanish people did things, that it would be good for relations if they knew a little about the culture. Brian figured it was just one more way the Base Commander could try and put a leash on the Team.

Everything he had heard said that the Base Commander had been giving the SEALs on base a hard time. Not much of one since he had no actual command over them, but he had tried to get them under his wing. Brian knew that the Admiral had put his foot down, but it didn’t stop the crap that they had to jump through. Brian found out all the necessities during the past week he had been there with his talks with the leaving Team leader.

“A whole week?” Justin groaned as he rested back in his seat of the older model BMW. “There’s no way around it huh?”

“Nope, trust me I tried. The Base Commander doesn’t like the fact that we’re here and he can’t control us. He likes to think that he’s in charge, even though we have our own small command here, with a damn Captain. It’s just a power play, normal for the Navy.” Brian explained as he went down the street toward one of the three gates leading off base. “I think you’ll like the place I found though. The owner is going away for a year to the U.S. or France, or hell somewhere, and he left everything there for our use. He even has a damn pool in the back yard.”

“From the pictures you sent me, I like it already. And there’s a phone in there right?” Justin asked knowing that not all places had a phone connection. Having a phone was too costly in Spain so not everyone had one.

Brian nodded as he pulled up to the small villa just outside of the town square. The villa was only 10 minutes from the beach, and 20 minutes from the base. Close enough for Brian’s needs on base, but far enough away that they could pretend that they weren’t connected to the Navy at all. Brian had been thrilled when the orders had come in. The past year had been hard on him and Justin; they hadn’t had much time alone. Brian had hoped that even though he would be called out, that this assignment could strengthen their relationship. He knew they needed time together, he only wished that Justin had some of his friends here to help with the separation time. One couldn’t have everything.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin couldn’t believe that he was sitting in this small classroom listening to some man talk about the rights and wrongs of dealing with the Spanish people. Yes, he thought it was a good idea, everyone should know so they don’t cause some international incident, but to be here for 5 days was a little much. As he looked to his left he could see Brian trying to fight to keep his eyes open, as were the rest of his men. The instant Manuel had started to say break-time, they were out the door before the sentence was finished.

“Are you stationed here?” A young woman asked. “My husband is going to be working at VQ-2. We have three long years here.”

Justin smiled as the two walked out the doors. He spotted Brian leaning up against the wall with a cigarette in his hand, and shook his head. He knew that Brian smoked, had known. He also knew that Brian for some reason never did it in front of him. “My husband is with the SEALs. We’re only here for like 6 months or so.” Turning to the woman he held out his hand. “I’m Justin Taylor-Kinney by the way.”

“Maria Vega Thompson.” She stated. “Personally I think that this whole class is just crazy. I mean, I’m Spanish born and raised in this area, married a Navy man, moved away, and they are telling me that I have to be here! Please. I could tell that man a thing or two.”

Justin laughed shaking his head. He could relate. Although he hadn’t been to Spain before, he thought it was stupid to have someone who was born there attend this class. Of course he thought the class was stupid to begin with, but what could he do? “Which one is your husband?” Justin asked, wanting to have someone to talk to.

Maria pointed to a tall, red head standing a ways away from everyone else. “He’s a little shy can’t you tell? I don’t know how he can be with me as a wife and him in the military, but what can I say. I’m working on that part.” She laughed. “Is yours here now?”

Justin nodded, knowing he would have to bring both Maria and her husband into their circle. “The one against the wall, trying to hide his cigarette from me.” Justin laughed. “I can’t say he’s shy… just more like evasive. He is so used to keeping secrets that he comes off shy at times, I guess. I can tell you he’s nothing of the sort, of course.”

“He’s one of the SEALs in the group. I don’t know if I could handle that. Not knowing if Richard was coming home or not. Not knowing when he would be there. I admire anyone who is with those type of men.” Maria said with pride and awe at Justin.

Justin could only shrug and look at Brian. “Someone has to, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I think they need love more than the rest of us. They deal with death so often; they need the reality of life and love as often as they can.”





~~~***~~~***~~~***
June 2013

Justin Baby – do you miss me yet? Well let me tell you things around here are popping.

You had barely cleared the runway when Michael was nosing around your little garden. I had to tell him a little white lie. I said Brian had a video camera on it 24/7 and he’d be checking all the time.

I have all your MI paintings in my spare room – I was going to crate them for storage but I think that Harry’s idea of building you a studio is the better one. We will make sure there is a lock on the storage area and that it is insulated and temperature controlled to protect these wonderful canvas. I look at them sometimes and get shivers all over.

Three parties, I’ve had three parties to cater since you left. Not bad. Komari has been great at referring business to me. I can see why you love her so much. Marilyn has been helping me and so has Vic Grassi. His health is actually improving. I think you were right when you said he just needed to be needed. A big hug to you.

Did you really mean it when you said we could all come to visit you? It would be sooooo exciting. Maybe Thanksgiving week would be good. Spain should be lovely then and Deb could cook us all a turkey. Are you sure Brian won’t mind? I mean it’s a lot of money for you to spend on tickets for all of us.

Well I must toodle off – I’m going to head to the shops and see if there is anything exciting on sale.

Love and Hugs from your friend
Emmett

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin sat by the pool reading the letter from Emmett, enjoying the taste of home. He missed being there in their small palace, but he knew that his place was by Brian’s side. He needed to make sure that Brian survived this time, and he knew that if he was in the states that would never happen.

There had been times when Justin felt Brian’s distance. He wasn’t sure what it was, or what had caused it, but he had seen the signs. Brian very rarely ever smoked pot, even though the Navy ignored that drug now a days in their drug tests The Navy figured that as long as a person wasn’t smoking on duty, getting ready for duty, and it wasn’t in excess they would overlook it. So when Brian actually smoked some, Justin knew that his husband was hiding something. He only wished he knew what it was so he could help Brian.

The sun was just coming up over the hills and laying a bright yellow and orange glow over everything. Brian had returned the night before from a mission, and Justin come down stairs so he could let Brian sleep. His husband had looked exhausted, which was another indicator to Justin that something was wrong. It was almost funny how Justin was learning all of Brian’s signs and could tell if a mission was good or bad. Brian didn’t even have to go to one of his hideaways, Justin could tell.

“What time is it?” Brian asked as he climbed onto the chair with Justin, pulling his lover back against him.

“Just after 7:30. You could go back to sleep. You don’t have to go onto base today do you?” He asked wrapping Brian’s arms tighter against him. He loved the feel of Brian’s naked flesh against his, never wanting that feeling to disappear.

“No, we’re off today, thank God.” Brian closed his eyes, and relaxed for the first time in two days. He had missed Justin, and when his lover had crawled out of their bed earlier, Brian knew he would not get back to sleep. It had been getting harder and harder for him to sleep without Justin nearby when he was home. He had to have the connection, the reconnection to the real world.

“I was wondering if it would be okay if we had the gang over for Thanksgiving. Fly them out here, you know. Let them spend a couple of days.” Justin asked his husband, finally letting Brian in on his plans.

Brian shrugged not even opening his eyes. “Sure. I think it would be good for you to have them here. Of course we’d have to have some of them in a hotel nearby or something. This place sure as hell isn’t big enough for everyone. I don’t know where I’ll be, if it’s here or out there, but if I can I will be here.”

“I know you will. You always are.” Justin leaned back against Brian and watched the sun rise. He knew without a doubt that if Brian could be there he would… if for no other reason than to be there for Justin. Justin was happy that Brian had agreed though. He wasn’t sure he would, considering how Brian felt about having the others around all the time.

“Maybe we can just send them to the casino just outside the city, and let them have fun… maybe get loose. Or better yet, take them to Seville, the gay section of Seville… maybe they won’t go back home.”

Justin sat up some so he could look Brian in the face. He could see the evil glint in his husband’s eyes and shook his head. “You are mean.”

“I’m an angel.”

“In your dreams, mister. In your dreams.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

July 2013

Dear Justin, Harry here, I got the final approval from the zoning board to start construction on your studio. Are you sure that the plans are correct; they show a rather large storage area with built in storage slots for paintings. But this appears to be more than 12 x 25 – isn’t that a lot?

It’s no problem to build; I was only wondering is all. The same crew who worked on the renovations said they would come out and work on this in their free time. At least they are familiar with the odd ball family we have out here.

Debbie stopped over the other night and invited me up to have dinner with her and Michael. I have to admit it felt kind of strange having dinner with another woman. I don’t know if I’m comfortable doing that much. I hope she doesn’t ask again.

Vic Grassi has been a big help putting out the bedding plants with me. He’s slow and no gardener, but we get things done. I’ll send you a picture when everything is in full bloom.

Harry

~~~***~~~***~~~***
4th July 2013

“Brian, how in the world can we have a 4th of July festival and fireworks if we’re not even in the U.S? Won’t that like offend the nationals, or isn’t it against the rules… I don’t know.” Justin asked as the two got out of the car and headed toward a large empty field behind the Officer’s Club. Justin had been feeling different the past couple of days, missing the states terribly. He knew that it was because of the fact that they were overseas at one of the most festive and best holidays. The 4th meant something to them, to the ones living in the States, they were celebrating their freedom, and Justin was stuck in a foreign country.

“Justin, just because we are overseas, and sharing a Spanish Naval Base doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate. It’s the 4th of July! It’s fireworks, rides… it means barbeques and beer. It means sharing time with friends and to hell with everyone else.” Brian stated as he flung his arms out to the side. “Kids playing, laughing…”

“Okay… shit, I get the idea.” Justin laughed as the sounds of a live band began to fill the air. “What?”

Brian smiled as he watched Justin break out into a run toward the sound. He knew that Justin had been depressed and was grateful that the base had their yearly festival. The fact that they could still have fun and act normal in a foreign country pleased Brian, because he knew that Justin needed this. Brian walked up behind Justin as his lover took in the sights. Filling the large field were cassatas lining either side of the field, children playing on the rides throughout, a live band playing on a large stage. It was everything that Brian knew Justin would want. They may not be stateside and have their friends nearby, but at least they had this. “We’re over there.” Brian said as he wrapped his arm around Justin and led him through the crowds.

The two men came up to an empty section surrounded on either side by cassatas, with at least 20 SEAL Team members and their friends and family. “Welcome to SEAL Team haven.” Peters stated with arms wide. “We figured we’d buy us a spot, to hell with sharing our shit, and party like there’s no tomorrow.”

Justin looked around and smiled, wrapping his arm around Brian’s waist. “This is great! Are they having fireworks too?”

Brian nodded as he led Justin over to a lounge chair and pulled him against his body. “Fireworks and all the fixings. The base is open to the locals, and we’re just having one big ol’ American party.” He explained. “Happy?”

“Extremely. It’s kind of silly being upset that we couldn’t have this.”

Brian placed his hand under Justin’s chin and turned his face to look at him. “No it’s not. It’s normal. If they wouldn’t have had this here, I would have found you a celebration.” Brian lifted up slightly so he could brush his lips against Justin’s. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Brian. Happy 4th.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

August 2013

Sunshine, your letter just brightened up my day. Vic is excited about his trip to Italy – it’s something he’s always wanted to do and to think that you have made this possible. I can’t believe it.

Michael has met a new man. His name is Ben and he’s a college professor. Very good looking but he’s positive, so Vic and I are not too happy, but what can you do.

Brian had better be treating you okay. I don’t like the idea of you being there all alone with him. I’ve heard that these Navy guys can snap – Post trama syndrome or something. You be careful and watch him.

Love
Deb

~~~***~~~***~~~***
‘Post Traumatic Syndrome’

Justin kept looking at those words in Deb’s letter and he hated them. He knew that one day Brian would have to deal with the things he does when he goes out on missions, but he still didn’t like the thought of Brian being sick or hurt.

He knew that Deb was worried about him, that she worried about how Brian was treating him. He had heard enough times from her how Justin deserved better, that Justin didn’t deserve to be left in the middle of the night, that a Navy guy wasn’t who Justin needed. He had heard it all and let it slide. Justin figured that Deb was entitled to her opinion; it didn’t mean he had to like it.

Justin knew he would never leave Brian, and that Brian was the best thing for him… the right thing. He only wished that Deb would get it out of her mind that Justin deserved someone else. He wished that she would see that he belonged to Brian and Brian to him. Deb just saw that Brian wasn’t treating him right, that Brian chose to leave Justin.

Justin decided he would just have to have a talk with Deb… and soon. The last thing he needed was that kind of help from friends. This wasn’t the type of help he needed.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
September 2013 – Rota Spain

The phone in their apartment rang and Justin answered it sleepily. “Hello”

“A large canvas but only one.” And then the phone disconnected. It wasn’t much but Justin knew that Brian would be called out soon and that it would be for more than a week but less than two. The code Mysterious Marilyn and he had devised had been pretty accurate so far. He rolled over preparing to go back to sleep.

“Who was that?” Brian asked.

“Wrong number” Justin mumbled.

“We seem to get a lot of wrong numbers. I thought it would stop once we were in Spain but apparently they have the same problem.” Brian considered having a tap put on his phone and then dismissed the idea. Not only would Justin kill him if he found out, but it would limit what he could say to his blond boy when they only had the telephone connecting them.

“S not important” Justin was drifting back to sleep.

Brian got up on one elbow and looked at his peacefully sleeping husband. Justin was right; it wasn’t anything to worry about. Certainly the phone calls never seemed to bother Justin, in fact if anything, he relaxed more. Brian’s sixth sense, the one that made him a top notch SEAL told him there was more to the wrong numbers than Justin was saying, but he’d let it drop for the moment.

When the bright Spanish sunshine finally forced the two of them out of bed, Brian headed to the base to work out in the gym there. While he was away, Justin busied himself making enough fudge for the team to last ten days. He had everything cleared up and packed away, including the tin packed in Brian’s kit, before Brian returned home. Later that afternoon Justin and Brian headed for the art supply store. For some reason that Brian couldn’t fathom, Justin felt he needed a larger canvas than the ones he already had. They returned home later that day with a canvas that to Brian’s eyes was ridiculously large. “You know Justin, every time you buy one of these, I never see you use it.” Brian shook his head. “Is it just some kind of weird art ritual or is there a stack of blank canvases somewhere waiting until you get the urge to paint me larger than life-size and nude?”

Justin burst out laughing. “You discovered my secret only what you don’t know is that there are dozens of nude Navy Boys ready to show the world. Just piss me off some day and we’ll have a sell out show.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***
September 2013

Dear Justin: Harry here, thanks for having Emmett put on the party for the construction gang and their families. You didn’t have to do it you know. But they all appreciated it and the bonus checks. I’m sending you the pictures of your studio. It’s something you’ll enjoy I’m sure and because it was going to be built close to your private garden area, I actually increased the wall around it to include the studio.

With all of these strange ducks living here I figured you could use the privacy. I just wish I could put a barbed wire fence around Brian’s cabin. If I’ve run off Michael once, I’ve run him off a dozen times from snooping around the cabin.

Emmett helped me load all of your completed works into the storage racks in the order you requested. And yes we photographed each one for the insurance company. The two you sent from Spain arrived last week and I’ve added them to the inventory list. My Maggie would have loved to have seen your work. Maybe she’s looking down on it from Heaven. Did I tell you she was an artist too? You kind of remind me of her, or what our child might be like had he lived. He’d have been about your age.

I appreciate the offer of a ticket to come and visit in Spain, but if you don’t mind I’ll take a rain check. I think I’ll just stay here and enjoy the peace and quiet when your rag tag bunch goes. But I will go to the Baja house at Christmas again. Since you and Brian won’t be using it this year. I met a couple of retired Navy boys who live not too far from your place. We’ll sit in the sun and tell tall tales.

I drained and cleaned the hot tub like you asked and I’ve gotten three quotes for the pool. I don’t like any of them so I’m going to check around for another one or two.

Take care boy.

Harry.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

31 September 2013

I’m stuck here, deep in some fucking jungle in god only knows where. It’s hot and rainy… really miserable. The one thing that is allowing me to get through this is thinking about you sitting by the pool, enjoying the sun and whatnot. How I wish I was there right now. I’m not sure how long this mission will last, it should only be a couple of days, but no one is exactly sure.

The thing is even when we are done here, we are still on alert. It seems like that whole world is at war, conflicts popping up all over the fucking place. Christ! All I want is to be home.

Granted, I’m not totally lost here. The only thing that makes it a little easier is to take my frustration out with someone. Sex is always a good stress relief, and I’m not hurting here for a quick blowjob or quick fuck.
It’s not really what I need or want, but it helps ease the tension. My hand can only do so much.

I know that hearing that I fuck around most likely hurts you, in fact I’m sure it does. I know it would be if I heard you did it, but I know that there’s nothing I could do to stop you. The way I look at it, as long as I’m faithful to you in my heart and soul… what my body does is different. Am I wrong in thinking that way? Maybe, but you know me. You know how I feel. If I could be with you and only you, I would. If I could give you my all, I would. But this is real life. With the way things are now, I couldn’t do it.

Justin… I do have to tell you though, and I guess it’s truth time huh? I have screwed around on you. Twice now. Fuck! What I said in the above paragraph is a lie, it’s what I have been trying to convince myself is true. I am trying to tell myself that shit every second of every day. I want to be faithful, but damn Justin it’s hard. I miss you so much when I’m away. I see the hot guys biting at the bit to get to you. I hear what Deb and some of the others are saying about me, about how you need to dump me and move on to greener pastures.

It hurts. It hurts a lot. Mainly cause I know it’s true. You do deserve better, you deserve it all. Yes, I have said that time and time again, but you do. But I’m selfish. I can’t give you up.

Just like I can’t give this job up either. I love my work, I love what I do. It’s right, it’s helping others. I just wonder what I would do if I ever had to chose between you and this job. Could I do it? I don’t know.

It’s times that Deb’s words or my fathers play in my head, or hell some stupid shit happens, that I lay there and crave your touch so fucking bad. I need to feel you so bad it hurts that it happens. I shouldn’t let it, but it does. Twice. Two times too many.

Chief did get me thinking though; he said some things to me that made … well helped me realize some things. I started to think about what I would do if it was you. If you were the one fucking around. I realized I hated it. I felt like my heart was coming out of my chest, being ripped to fucking shreds. So I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for doing that to you.

I want to try, Justin. I want to say it will never happen again. I want to make sure I’m faithful to you. I will do everything I can to keep that from happening. I only hope I can succeed. But if I don’t… know that I don’t want it to happen. I don’t ever want to put you in this position again.

Please forgive me.

Forever my Avalon,
I love you, Justin.

Brian.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

September 2013

“Okay Lieutenant, don’t keep it to yourself. I know Justin sent you out here with fudge.” Brian’s team was for once dry and able to rest in relative safety. At the word fudge, all of the other men’s ears perked up.

“Peters, he probably didn’t have time. We were called out early.” Brian leaned against his pack. Fudge would be a nice treat he thought to himself.

“Justin always knows when you’re going to be called out. My wife said she wishes we lived closer. She’d know that when he’s making fudge, we’re going to be heading out somewhere.”

The others laughed at the absurdity of knowing in advance about the call outs. Peters was given a few boos and cat calls.

“I haven’t found any fudge.” Brian admitted.

“Can you look right at the bottom of your pack? I can see the outline of the tin.” This time it was Chief South who asked. Brian’s men were all familiar with the tin that held the fudge.

Hoping that South was right, Brian sat up and pulled his pack forward, he looked at the bottom and sure enough it did look the hard container could be there. He dug into his bag to return triumphant with the box that had to hold Justin’s fudge. ‘I don’t know how you do it pretty boy’ Brian thought ‘but you have no idea what a life saver this is.’

While each of the men savored the flavor of the butter pecan fudge Justin has sent for them; Chief South, who was sitting close to Brian asked quietly. “Does Justin mind when you fuck around on him? I mean most of the wives would kill their guy if they did what you do.”

“It’s different with guys.” Brian said. “They understand needs and sex are different from love and sex.”

The Chief thought about Brian’s words for a few minutes. “I just hope you’re sure about that, because Lieutenant, Justin is one fine man and I’d hate for him to be hurt.” The Chief carefully wrapped up what was left of his piece of fudge and stowed it for later. He nodded to Brian before getting up and wandering over to the other men.

Brian sat still, wondering if his Chief had been giving him a warning or whether it was just casual conversation. He did feel guilty when he tricked, but it was just to relieve the tension of the moment, he didn’t mean anything by it. Justin probably did the same thing when he was gone. The thought of Justin fucking someone else rolled through Brian like a bolt of lightning. He knew he’d hate it if he ever found out. He suspected Justin would feel the same way.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
October 2013

Brian tried to be as quiet as he could. The plane had gotten in late and the debriefing seemed to take forever. He was lucky one of the guys was able to drop him off. He would have hated to wake Justin.

Tiptoeing in to the bedroom Brian was surprised to find their bed empty. There was no sign of Justin anywhere. He could feel panic welling up inside him. Justin had left him. He’d found out about his slips and had left him. He knew it was an unreasonable assumption, but ever since South had talked to him Brian had been filled with the weight of guilt, more than he’d ever thought possible. Not to mention a jealous rage that filled him to capacity at the thought that Justin might have had the same urge to find solace in another man’s cock.

Just as he was about to panic, Brian looked out by the pool. There in the water that still held the heat of the day was Justin, floating on his back, naked, staring at the night sky.

Brian’s sigh of relief was loud in the silence of the night, though Justin didn’t hear it so intense were his thoughts.

Removing his clothing Brian, using his SEAL stealth training, slipped into the pool water with barely a ripple. He moved over to where Justin was floating and stood there and smiled. Sensing Brian was near Justin turned to his head to see and was immediately wrapped in the strong protective arms of his husband. “Hey pretty boy, were you looking up at the stars thinking of me?”

Justin kissed Brian thoroughly before answering. “Sort of, Komari called today and we must have talked for two hours. She had found out that Smitty had screwed around on her when he was on a mission and she was going to leave him she was so mad.”

“She was, but now she isn’t?” Brian asked.

“Yeah, we kind of talked it out.” Justin said. He kissed Brian again and again.

“Well, aren’t you going to tell me what changed her mind?”

“Oh, well I told her that some guys relieve stress with sex or they’ll have sex with someone similar to the one they can’t have, kind like projecting what they want. It doesn’t really mean anything. Well it’s sort of a betrayal, but it isn’t love. It doesn’t mean that the Admiral doesn’t love her or anything. It just means that he maybe needed the few seconds of feeling loved that this kind of sex gives. It’s not like he screws around on her when he’s on base.”

“So that took two hours to tell her?”

“Well, we talked about you and me and if you’d screwed around on me and if I’d screwed around on you and stuff like that.” Justin kissed Brian again, this time letting go of more of his emotions that he’d been keeping inside since Brian had left.

“Well” Brian said when he could breathe.

“Well what?” Justin looked at him.

“Have you?”

“What, screwed around on you?” Justin looked at him puzzled. “Why in hell would I do that?” he was genuinely shocked that Brian would even ask.

“I have been away a lot.”

“So, I’m not some kind of sex addict or something. I’m a guy who loves his husband and frankly doesn’t find any other guy attractive. If I tricked I wouldn’t enjoy it so why trick.” Justin explained reasonably.

“What did you tell her about me?”

“I told her you did once, well twice now. I know you did when you were away on this mission.” Justin was quiet, his eyes burned into Brian’s.

“How do you know?” Brian could barely get the words out his chest was so tight.

“Because I feel it right here” Justin hit himself on his chest with a splash of water. “I can see it in your eyes when you came home the last time and this time.”

“Do you forgive me?” Brian looked down not wanting Justin to see how guilty he felt.

“Brian,” Justin tilted the other man’s chin so that Brian was once again looking into blue eyes. He wrapped his legs around Brian’s waist in the water. “What do you see when you look at me.” He paused slightly. “I’m hoping you see a man who loves you unconditionally. Yes it hurts me that you’ve tricked, yes I want to scream and cry and rant and rave. But mostly I just want to love you just a little bit more so maybe, just maybe there will come a day when I’m all that you want and need, even if you’re a thousand miles away for a thousand days. Because Brian, you’re all I want and need. So I just try a little harder.”

“You ARE all I want and need.” Brian whispered. “I don’t know why I did it. It was nothing. It was worse than nothing because after, I wanted to scream and cry and tell you that I only want you and no one else.”

Justin kissed the end of Brian’s nose and smiled broadly. “Then let’s just put this behind us. You try a little harder and I’ll keep trying. We have the rest of our lives to get it right.” Justin laid his head on Brian’s shoulder, the warm water enveloping them both

Afterward, after they had made love filled with the passion of long waiting lust in the pool and then later, the gentle lovemaking that cries out for one partner to forgive the other, to finish with tender kisses and soft caress that said all is forgiven. Justin lay awake in Brian’s arms watching the night shadows turn to morning ones and then watched as the Spanish sun chased even those away.

He laid there his mind raging silently at Brian for betraying their love with another, though he would never say anything out loud. He realized that he would have to spend some time in the make shift studio he’d created here in Spain to work out his feelings of hurt and betrayal. It was one thing to ‘think’ Brian had tricked and it was quite another to actually hear him say the words. Justin listened to Brian’s relaxed breathing and wanted to be able to lash out at him and scream and shout, but he didn’t, he willed himself to relax and once again wondered if it was all going to be worth it in the end.

Finally he gave up all pretense of sleep and moved out from under Brian’s arms and off of the bed. He pulled on some shorts and headed for the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. As Justin leaned against the counter waiting for it to brew, the phone rang, he snatched the receiver up before it completed the sound. He didn’t want Brian to wake up.

“Twice in a lifetime is not bad for a lesson learned. It often takes more. Forgiveness is the hardest thing to do, but it is the best gift you can give.” The phone went dead. Justin sat there analyzing Mysterious Marilyn’s words and then smiled as what she had said sunk in. Brian wouldn’t do it again and he desperately needed Justin’s forgiveness.

Brian had come awake when the phone rang. He stretched and realized that Justin wasn’t there. He felt fear that maybe Justin hadn’t forgiven him when the man he was thinking of walked into the bedroom carrying two mugs of steaming coffee and wearing nothing but a brilliant smile. “Hey Navy Boy, I made you coffee.” He said.

“Another wrong number?” Brian asked taking a mug, the warmth of Justin’s smile warming him already deep inside.

“Nope, a right number.” Justin carefully climbed in beside Brian. He leaned his head on Brian’s shoulder as they sat with their backs against the headboard and sipped their morning coffee.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian sat down on the couch watching his lover sketch. He hated to bother Justin, but Thanksgiving was coming up and he still didn’t know when everyone was coming… hell he didn’t even know who was coming and for how long. Taking a deep breath, Brian cleared his throat.

“What, dear?” Justin asked as he looked up at Brian with a smirk. “They are coming the day after tomorrow, all of them including Vic and Michael’s new man. Most of them of course are staying at the hotel downtown, and they are here for a week.”

“How the fuck did you know what I was going to ask?” Brian shook his head. It was happening more and more since they had arrived in Spain. Justin had been ‘reading Brian’s mind. It was almost like Justin knew exactly what Brian wanted, what he was thinking. “And stop doing that… it’s fucking scary.”

“What, read your mind?” Justin laughed.

”Yes. You have been hanging out with Marilyn too much. That’s it. I forbid you from seeing her again.” Brian laid down the law as he headed toward the fridge to get a beer. “It’s frightening, Justin. I can’t do that with you.”

“Are you upset because you can’t read my mind and I can yours?”

“Yes! It’s unfair.” Brian pouted throwing himself back onto the couch.

Justin laughed as he made his way over to Brian. Taking the beer out of Brian’s hand he set it down on the table and sat down on his husband’s lap. “Brian, it’s not so much that I can read your mind, its the fact that to me you’re easy to read. I know you like I know myself. I love you and since you’re a part of my soul, I know what you need. Even if you don’t. That’s what Husbands do for each other.”

Brian reached up and ran his hands through Justin’s hair. “I wish I could say the same thing. I wish I could give you more than I do. Hell, you knew it when I…” Brian began as he closed his eyes. Brian still hadn’t forgiven himself for his ‘slips’, and he sure as hell couldn’t understand how Justin could forgive him. “I still can’t believe that you forgive me for that.”

Justin leaned in to wrap his arms around Brian, and kiss him lightly on the lips. “It’s because I love you. You’re everything to me, and I can’t lose you. I know you won’t do it again, I have your word.”

“I wish I was so sure.”

“I know. Just trust me, trust in me, and trust US. That will get you through anything. It does me.”

Brian quickly grabbed Justin’s shoulders and threw him down on the couch. Lying on top of his husband, Brian looked Justin in the eyes, seeing the love the blond had for him, the trust he was willing to put into Brian. Realizing that it wasn’t worth a fight, Brian knew he would put his trust in them, as Justin had asked him to. IT was the least he could do. “When did you get so smart?” Not waiting for an answer, Brian kissed Justin with all the love he could, all the passion he had for the blond in his arms, sealing the promise that he was making. “I will. I trust you, us. As long as you’re here, I can do anything. I won’t hurt you again.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***
Three Days Before Thanksgiving 2013

“Komari can you phone him please?” Justin was sitting on the edge of a hospital gurney in the emergency ward of the local hospital. “He’ll take it better from you. You know he’s going to completely freak out.”

“Justin, how do you think he’s going to react if I phone him from Virginia?” Komari was trying to reason with her friend, though she could barely keep from laughing.

“Could you ask the Admiral to phone him? He won’t scream at the Admiral.”

“I’ll ask William to call. Will you be alright for awhile there?”

“Yeah, they have to x-ray it and then I have to have a cast put on. This shit takes time.” Justin sounded depressed. “Komari he’s going to kill me when he finds out.”

“Well why did you climb down to the water over the rocks?” she asked. “I thought you told me Brian said not to unless he was there.”

“The thing is Komari, Brian tells me not to do lots of things. If I listened to him all the time, I might as well stay in bed.”

“Which is apparently where you’ll be for the next six weeks.” She started to laugh. “I miss you Justin, you always keep me laughing.

“Tell the Admiral to have Chief South with Brian when he talks to him. The Chief can usually keep Brian rational.” Justin explained patiently.

“I’ll see what I can do. William is going to have to pull in some favors to call the base and find both Brian and Chief South.”

“Well he’s an Admiral,” Justin reasoned. “It’s good for him to do stuff like this, keeps him humble.”

“I’ll tell him you said that.” Komari could barely be understood she was laughing so hard as she hung up the phone.

“Lieutenant Kinney and Chief South, you are to report to the CO’s office for a phone call from Admiral Smith.” The Yeoman stood nervously while relaying the request. These SEALs terrified him.

Brian looked at South his eyebrow raised. “Both of us?”

“Well, it’s really a call for you, but the Admiral requests Chief South to be with you.”

Brian’s heart almost stopped. Something must have happened to Justin was all he could think. The Chief saw Brian’s face go white, they both hurried to the office. Brian all but collapsed at the desk with the phone. “Admiral Smith what’s happened to Justin?” his words were hard to get out, his chest was so tight.

“No son, calm down. I told Komari this wasn’t a good idea. Justin is fine. He broke his ankle and he’s at the local hospital. He will need you to pick him up. I’ve arranged for you to leave early to do so.”

“And South, why did you need him?” Brian had to ask.

“Seems Justin was afraid of your reaction; something about you probably killing him. He felt the Chief could keep you calm.” The Admiral laughed. “I knew it wouldn’t work but trying telling my wife that.”

“Thanks for the call Admiral.” Brian said. His hand was shaking when he hung up the phone. He turned to the Chief South. “The little shit broke his ankle and had the nerve to call his buddy Komari in the states and ask her to get the Admiral to phone me. Like the Admiral is just there hanging around waiting for Justin’s little crisis.” Brian was fuming.

“Hey, it could have been worse. He could have called the President.” South tried to bite back the smile that was threatening to take over. “Justin probably knew I’d save his ass from you frying it/ that’s why he needed me.” And then he did burst out laughing. Brian glared at him and then he began to laugh too.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“So Lieutenant, what are you and Justin doing for Thanksgiving?” Chief South asked as he sat down next to Brian.

“The family is coming in three days, and I have to leave here early to go and get them. Fuck we have to rent a fucking van to pick them up in… no scratch that… two vans. Justin told me that they are all coming.” Brian stated running his hand through his hair. As the time came closer he had been having serious thoughts of canceling it. He knew he couldn’t for many reasons, but the thought was there none the less.

He couldn’t cancel it because it meant so much to Justin. That was the main and basically ONLY reason why he didn’t. The reason why he wasn’t finding a hotel himself for the next couple of days was because he didn’t want Justin to have to try and explain why his no good husband wasn’t there. Deb was pissed enough that Brian didn’t want to give her any more ammunition; she was already going to rip him a new asshole when she saw that Justin was laid up.

The night before had been hell. When he had gotten the call from the Admiral as he was heading out the door the night before, Brian had gone through various emotions. The first one was fear when the words Justin and hospital, the anger when he found out WHY Justin was there. One of these days the blond would actually listen to what he tells him. Justin should learn that when Brian tells him ‘don’t do that’ that there is a reason behind it. But no, Justin was determined to do what he wanted.

“So I need another body to come with me, since Justin so eloquently broke his fucking ankle last night.” Brian said with a small smile on his lips. “Let’s go, Chief.”

“Fuck, LT. I would like to make it home alive to my wife!” He tried to reason with his boss.

“Sorry, if I have to deal with a pissed off Italian PFLAG mom, who just adores her little Sunshine, and thinks I’m Satan incarnated… you can too. We watch out for each other remember. Now move.” Brian got out of his chair, pulling Chief South behind him.

“When I said I would protect you, LT… this was NOT in my contract. I need more hazardous duty pay for this.”

“Join the Navy… see the world.”

“Have Lieutenant get you killed by the in-laws… HIS.” Chief South stated as he followed Brian out of the building. “I didn’t sign up for this shit. You’re lucky I like Justin so much.”

~~~***~~~***~~~
End of Chapter Twelve

Chapter 13 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Thirteen

Present time - 2016

Brian rolled over onto his side, trying to catch his breath. He was beginning to wonder if he would ever be able to breath right again. He could still taste the blood every time he coughed. Sweat poured off of his body, his skin cold and clammy. Brian knew that he would only get worse, and he could only hope that he would make it out of here to at least see Justin again.

He was starting to see visions of Justin sitting beside him, telling him that everything would be all right. Brian could hear Justin telling him that he had to be strong, to hold on. Justin was telling him that he would be waiting. Brian knew that it wasn’t real, but he took comfort in the fact that Justin would be there when and if he ever made it out of there. He only wished that he would be there now. Justin could make him warm again, help take away the pain.

“Do you think he’s going to all right?” one of the other men asked the Senior Chief , looking over at the sick Commander wondering if he would make it until help arrives. “He’s talking to someone, but I can’t really understand him.”

The Senior Chief shrugged a little and looked over at the Commander. “If his fever keeps going up, we’re going to have to try something. He’s starting to hallucinate, and it he doesn’t seem to be getting any better.”

“Hopefully they will be here soon, right?”

“We can only hope. Until then let’s try and find some food and water. Maybe see if there’s something we can use to keep him warm.” The Senior Chief ordered the others. He had no idea what to do, or how to go about it, but he was willing to try. They had to try to keep them all alive so they could all make it home.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
Present time 2016

To anyone looking at Justin, he would have seemed to be asleep. But in reality as the plane flew across the continent to take him on a fast trip to Baja, Justin was wide-awake. He had a feeling deep inside that Brian needed him desperately. He couldn’t see him, but he could feel the pain his husband was feeling. He could feel the heat of his fever. So for the entire flight, since the onset of this dreadful feeling, Justin kept up a mantra in his head. Over and over, a thousand times a hundred thousand times, he kept repeating. “Hang on Navy Boy, I love you, you can do it. You can come home to me. Hang on Navy Boy.”

When the plane landed Justin wondered if anyone had even missed him. He’d be back on the next flight to Virginia, but he had to retrieve Brian’s journals first. There was an urgency involved that he couldn’t quite understand, but he knew it was important to both of them that he learn as much as he could about the man who was so strong and silent about his feelings.

Justin didn’t need to waste time with luggage; he hadn’t brought anything other than the small carry on bag that he hoped to put the journals in. Continuing his mantra he hailed a cab directing the driver to take him to his bank. When the safety deposit box was opened, Justin could only stare silently at the worn and stained leather journals that held the key to the man he loved. His hands shook slightly as he lifted them out one by one and placed them in his bag. He could almost feel Brian’s hands touching his. Shaking his head and not daring to open even one, for he knew he’d be lost in the world between the pages, Justin closed the box and once again headed for the airport. He didn’t want to be gone too long. Brian might need him.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
Present time – 2016 – in the air over the continental United States.

“It must be a sad book” the stewardess looked down and smiled sympathetically at Justin who was reading the first of the journals Brian had written.

Justin brushed the tears from his eyes and looked up at her. “Actually it’s a great book, not sad at all.”

“Do I know the author?”

“I don’t think so. He’s kind of a hero of mine, he’s my husband.” Justin smiled at her and turned back to his reading. Reliving their first year through Brian’s eyes was an amazing experience. It was a gift from the heart and something Justin would always cherish as long as he lived. He’d have to have Harry build him a special cabinet for the journals. Something out of the ordinary, like the man who wrote them.

Somehow the act of reading Brian’s gift to him calmed Justin. He no longer was walking through a thick fog. Brian had given him his heart and his innermost thoughts. It was comforting to know that somewhere out there Brian was fighting to get back to him. To know for sure that he’d never give up. The pages of these journals told him that clearer than any prediction from Mysterious Marilyn.

Justin dozed during the cab ride back to Avalon. He dozed but he never lost his grip on the handles of the bag that held his lover’s journals. When he finally walked into the big old mansion he was surprised at all the faces looking at him. The whole family was sitting in the common room and they all jumped up when he came in. “Baby, we thought, maybe you were in your studio painting.” Emmett began. “We were just wondering if we should get Harry to go and interrupt you.”

“No, I had to get something Brian left for me.” Justin’s voice was soft reflecting his tiredness. He walked into the room and gave his friend a hug.

“I’ll get you a cup of tea Sunshine.” Debbie said and hurried to the small kitchenette to put the kettle on.

“Thanks Deb.” Justin said and sat down in the chair that was always reserved for Brian. No one ever sat in it except his husband, but he wanted to feel close to the tall auburn haired man, so he indulged his bit of whimsy and sank into the down filled leather cushions. “I have something I thought you guys might like to hear. Remember that Thanksgiving when you all came to Spain. Remember I’d broken my ankle and Brian was having a major hissy about looking after me and dealing with ‘family’”

“That’s not hard to forget Justin.” Michael said. “I thought Brian was going to kill me a number of times. Especially when I went down where you fell to get your paint box for you and slipped myself.”

They all laughed remembering Brian’s stricken face when Michael had to be hauled up the side of the cliff on a stretcher by the rescue team. He only had a bad sprain, but the fact that Justin had climbed out of the same cliff with a broken ankle stabbed Brian to the quick.

“You never let go of my paint box. I’ll always remember that.” Justin smiled. “Thanks Mikey.”

“Well you saved me when Brian threw me to the sharks, it was the least I could do.” Michael laughed. “I have to admit since I met your husband my life has been more interesting.”

“So the stories Michael tells me about Brian are true?” Ben asks quietly.

Everyone in the room laughed their agreement.

“I remember how protective he was of you Sunshine.” Debbie said. “I felt bad that I’d railed on him when I saw the love in his eyes. He reminded me of some feral cat protecting his kitten.”

“Not a comparison the grand Mr. Kinney would appreciate.” Emmett said with a laugh. I remember that time verrrry well. I stayed on until Justin’s ankle was better. I saw how Brian’s eyes would look haunted when everyone seemed to overwhelm him and then how calm he’d get when Justin would touch his hand.” Emmett looked at Justin. “He really loves you baby.”

“The love Brian and Justin share, they’ve shared in many lifetimes.” Mysterious Marilyn said. She looked at Justin, “He’s sick, but he’s alive, it’s only a matter of time.”

Justin glowed at her words. “I had a feeling he was sick. I could feel him.” He whispered.

“Vic, you aren’t saying much, do you remember that Thanksgiving?” Debbie asked.

“I’ll never forget it.” Vic’s voice rumbled. “I remember you were being a little spoiled brat.” He smiled at Justin. “I remember that Brian knew it but indulged you though it was close at times. Brian still had a lot of insecurities he needed to work out.” He looked at the journal in Justin’s hands. “Brian told me he was writing his feelings out, I see you found his books.”

“Yes, he told me about them a long time ago. He told me that when I needed them the most, to go and get them out of the safety deposit box.”

“He’s a good man, your husband.” Vic said quietly.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
26 November 2013

“Brian hurry, the plane will be here soon.” Justin called from his place in the middle of their bed. Brian looked in and glared at him.

“You should have thought of that when you were playing Tarzan on the rocks.” He grumbled. “I have a lot of shit to do to get ready for these guys and they’re your fucking friends, not mine. Tell me again why I’m involved with this up to my eyebrows.”

“Cause you love me?”

Brian rolled his eyes. “I had to get South to drive the other van. He’s got a life outside of the Navy and the Kinney crises you know.”

“Tell him I’ll make him something special for the next time you guys get called out.”

“You’d better hope it’s not in the next six weeks or you’re going to be one sorry ass gay boi all alone here in the house.”

“You wouldn’t leave me here alone.” Justin declared.

“I don’t have time to be looking for babysitters when I get a call out.”

“Brian” Justin said with his voice all but purring. “I really, really love you and I’ll make it up to you I promise.”

Brian’s anger melted under the watchful blue eyes. “Whatever, I have to go.” He mumbled but he did stop by the bed to give Justin a kiss and make sure that he had everything he’d need for the next hour or so.

Justin watched his husband leave. When the noise of the van faded in the distance he made his way off of the bed and walked carefully into the kitchen. He checked that Brian had bought the stuff on his grocery list and poured himself a glass of juice.

His ankle was killing him, but it wasn’t all that bad. He figured though he’d better play it up as much as possible. Brian wasn’t as ready to kill him when he thought Justin was in pain. Grabbing his favorite sketch book and some pencils, Justin went back to bed to wait for the arrival of the family from back home.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“OH MY GAWD, SUNSHINE” Debbie’s high pitched voice cut through all of the other voices as the gang trouped through the door.

Brian rolled his eyes. “Hey don’t touch that bag.” He shouted at Michael. “You guys are staying at a hotel.”

“Ma said we were staying with you.” Michael continued to haul out the heavy bag. “Where is my room?”

“At the hotel.” Brian stormed into the house. “Everybody SHUT THE FUCK UP” he roared. Silence fell on the gang who were crowded around and on Justin’s bed. “Now that I have your attention.” His voice dripped sarcasm. “You can have a half hour visit with Justin and then you will be taken to your hotel.”

“Just a darn minute here Brian Kinney.” Deb began. She walked up to the outraged man and shook her finger in his face. “Sunshine has had a very traumatic experience. He needs his family around him.”

“His family dear Deb is ME. I’m his family.” Brian began.

“That’s okay Brian, Deb said she didn’t mind sharing the green room with Vic. There are twin beds in it and Emmett and Michael will have the blue room. And Marilyn said she much prefers to use the lounge by the pool. It’ll allow her the chance to study the stars from this hemisphere.” Justin looked up at his husband and batted his eyes.

“Fine, I’ll take the hotel rooms. Let me know when you guys leave.” Brian was about to turn and stomp off when he caught a glimpse of Justin’s blue eyes filling with tears. “Fuck” he said and headed for the bathroom slamming the door behind him.

Justin smiled a watery smile at everyone. “Brian will be okay, he just doesn’t take surprises well.”

“I never noticed honey.” Emmett said with a smile. “Brian is behaving rather well. So far he hasn’t pulled out his gun.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***
26 November 2013

Justin,

My dear, sweet, loving husband. How I just want to strangle you. Not only do you go against what I told you NOT to do, you break your ankle. So that means no fun for Justin… that means that I have to put up with all the shit from our ‘family’ because of this. Do you have ANY idea how much Deb wants to kill me right now for not taking care of you? She fucking wants to drag you back to the states, and force you to get a damn separation. She’s on a warpath, and I’m the one in her sights. Thank-you so much, Justin.

So I just got them all back here to the villa, since heaven for fucking bid I try to take them to their hotel. Ohhh not when Justin is hurt. No that would be the end of the world. Of course they all want to stay here because it’s a proven fact that I can’t take care of you, so someone has to do it, and it might as well be them. I am seriously thinking of just going to the hotel and staying there… better yet, I’ll go and stay in the BOQ this weekend.

When do they leave?

Here’s the deal, Justin. When I tell you that you shouldn’t do something, do you think that I’m doing that for my own good? Do you think that I’m just blowing smoke up your ass? I’m not. There is a reason why I do and say these sort of things. What would have happened if I was not around… or if which in this case, someone hadn’t come along to help you? What would have happened then?

But do you listen to me? No, of course not. Christ Justin, do you really think that I’m telling you this to limit what you can do?

Now, back to what happened today… day one of the Thanksgiving from hell. And I thought that Holidays at the Kinney residence was bad, I am already beginning to think that this will be a thousand times worse.

The moment I parked outside the small terminal, I could see the smile on Chief South’s face, and all I wanted to do was slap the shit out of him. He only did it for you, he likes you. Hell everyone likes you. I’m the evil piece of shit, and you’re the angel. You know damn well that no one in the unit will even look cross-eyed at you because of the damn fudge.

Emmett came up to me, and immediately looked for you. Of course he asked, and I had to tell him that you were at the house with a broken ankle. That’s when Deb started in. What did I do to you? What type of person would let his husband, the man that I’m supposed to love, go out in such dangerous conditions? If you had told Deb that I was the reason for world hunger and AIDS, she would have believed you.

So for the whole 30 minutes to the villa all I fucking heard what how horrible I was, how evil I was. I can’t tell you how many times today she had slapped me upside the head.

You think I’m kidding? I’m not. It was the longest 30 minutes of my life. You’re so lucky I love you, pretty blond boy. I’m not kidding. And I’m not exaggerating either. I have never lied to you, never been one for exaggeration. What I wouldn’t do to hear what the others think of today.

And there you are, laying in bed acting all hurt. When all you’re doing is soaking up the attention. You want them to hate me, or at least get me off of my game. See I know where you’re coming from on this. You had the Admiral call me cause you knew I’d be angry. You had Chief around because you knew he could calm me down (some). Now you’re using our ‘friends’ to get out of trouble. If they turn their attention on me, then I won’t remember that I’m mad at you. That you will be punished for not listening to me, and for putting me through this.

See I do know you at least in part. You are trying to get everyone worried about you, and siding them against me. I hope you know what you’re doing. I hope you can fix this mess, no you had BETTER fix this mess the moment you are better.

You had scared the shit out of me, Justin. You did. When the Admiral had called, I knew something was wrong. I thought you were fucking dying or dead already and I had failed you. I thought I had let you down.

So what does the drama princess in you do? You are playing this up. Don’t think that I don’t realize it. You know damn well that I hate seeing you in pain, and you’re making it worse than it really is. So while you’re getting me to do your beck and call, you have everyone else ready to kill me.

Thanks a hell of a lot.

My Avalon, my death. If I survive this week, then there will be hell to pay, my lovely Pretty Blond Boy.

Brian

~~~***~~~***~~~***
27 November 2013

Justin,

Let me change one thing in what I wrote yesterday. It’s not if I survive, it’s if I let YOU survive. You little shit. How in the world did you convince Emmett that I just HAD to have that painting, and that was why you were out there? How in the world did you convince them all that you ‘didn’t really think that it would be dangerous, or slippery cause we had been out there many times’.

If they didn’t think that it was my fault before, it’s starting to look that way now. Thanks. And here I thought you loved me. Christ!

If I get one more look of death from Deb, I swear that I am taking it out of your hide! I think the only ones who are for me are Marilyn and Ben! Vic is just laughing his ass off. Thanks hun. I love you too.

So as Vic is laughing his ass off, I’m sitting here trying to keep sane. Thank God, I had a break today. I can tell you that I honestly couldn’t get to the base fast enough, and thankfully there was a huge mess to clean up before the 4 day weekend so that I had to stay late! I love the Navy at times!

And what do I come back too? A house once again full of people, and of course they are all waiting on you hand and foot. You are soaking it up, using them as protection from me. Do you even realize that all this is doing is making your punishment harsher?

Ohhh when I get my hands on you boy… You will get better one day, Justin. And let me tell you, when you do, you’re mine. They won’t always be here, they won’t always be there to hide behind. You’re ass will be mine, and I’ll make it so red you won’t sit down for a MONTH!

I love you, Justin. Don’t ever doubt that. But the damn emotional
rollercoaster you have me on these past couple of days is going to be the
death of me. It really is.

So I’ll play this little game… I’ll be the good Husband, but let me tell you
this.

Because of this… you can forget Italy for Christmas. So there!

Love you, my Avalon

Brian





~~~***~~~***~~~***

28 November 2013

Thanksgiving day… as I am hereby dubbing the ‘DAY FROM HELL’ Freddy Kruger has nothing on this damn day here at this house. They haven’t left, Justin. The rooms we are paying for aren’t even being used! That’s it… I’m gone. I’m out of here just as soon as dinner is over with. You can get all the sympathy you want, but I would rather be in the middle of the enemy lines getting tortured with gas, whatever than deal with this.

Well I survived dinner. Okay, now in case you have forgotten let me paint a picture for you on how today was. Let me tell you that I wasn’t joking about the day from hell.

First off, there you were sitting on the couch with your leg propped up. That’s fine, I agree with that. But did you have to have Emmett practically hold your damn drink. I mean it’s your ankle not your arm! Of course that was in between helping Deb and Vic in the kitchen cause heaven forbid, you even try to stand up!

Thank God for Vic though. He has been a lifesaver for me. I don’t know if I could ever repay him for everything he has given me today. I think for the first time in my life, I have felt like I’ve had a father. Well that’s not entirely true, since Admiral Smith is like a father to me as well, but Vic is different, he’s not my superior officer. He’s not my commander. He’s my friend.

And you better be thanking him too, Justin. Cause he just may help save your sorry ass. ‘My ankle hurts, can you please…’

Christ! You know how to play people like a little fiddle don’t you.

I love you from now until the end, Justin. But do we have to make the end so soon? I thought you would want me around… not swimming in the ocean with the sharks. Thanks a lot. Leave me to the wolves as you go upstairs to ‘rest’ before dinner.

Brat.

Avalon… HA! I know it’s supposed to be a burial place as well, but why now?

Love you always, even though you drive me up the wall.
Brian.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian walked down the hall secretly placing bags back into the van outside. He had hoped that they would get over their little notion to stay here with them and go to the nice hotel just inside the town. One could dream couldn’t they?

He could only shake his head at his husband’s antics. Justin knew how to play everyone. He knew what he was doing and it was working. Brian hadn’t had a moment alone with Justin since the gang had walked through the door. “If they don’t go, then Justin’s on his own… I’m fucking out of here.” Brian stated as he threw yet another bag back into the van.

“Somehow, I don’t think that will stop Debbie.” A voice came from behind Brian. “I don’t think we’ve been officially introduced, I’m Ben. Ben Bruckner. I’m Michael’s…. well.”

“So you’re the one that Justin’s been telling me about from the letters. Welcome to the wacky fucked up family. Hell, if you can get in more than me… more power to you. Just tell me your secret to winning Deb over, okay. I’ve been trying for months.” Brian stated as he sat down on the ledge of the van door.

Ben sat down next to Brian and looked out at the night sky. “Yeah, well. If I ever get into it, you’ll be the first to know.”

“So I take it Debbie isn’t too pleased with you dating Michael huh?” Brian said shaking his head. “That woman has some rose colored glasses on, that’s for sure… either that or her wig is too damn tight.”

“She’s only looking out for her son. I can understand that, and respect that even. I just hope that one day she realizes that I would never hurt Michael. I would never put him through what I’m going through. I can see where she’s coming from… no mother wants their child to date someone who’s positive.”

“No mother wants their child to be hurt at all. Well except mine, but I like to think I was an exception. I can see it, but it doesn’t mean that it’s right.” Brian told Ben. “If you care about Michael, and if you watch out for him, make sure he’s loved and cared for… who is she to say that it’s wrong? Michael’s happy right?”

Ben shrugged a little. “I like to think he is.”

“Then Deb has no fucking say in anything. She should be thrilled that Michael found someone like you. Positive or not. Of course, mothers have to protect their own. They will forever believe that no one is good enough for their child, cause no one can love their child like they do. It’s a fact of life.” Brian went on to explain. “I may not have had a mother who gave a shit about me, and frankly I think she would want to never see me again, but I have seen my friend’s mothers. It’s all the same. If the person the child is with is not good enough, they will always be on the outside looking in. Deb sees Justin as her child, so of course I’m forever out here… looking in. It’s within my reach, but just slips right through my fingers.”

“I know what you mean. I guess us outsiders need to stick together huh?”

“I guess so.” Brian stated as he took a deep breath. “But let’s hope that one day, Deb will see what you mean to Michael. Let’s hope that she will see that you will never hurt him, that you will care for him the same… if not more than she would.”

Ben gave Brian a small smile. “Let’s hope she sees the same about you. Since Justin’s own mother isn’t around to give you approval, let’s hope that Deb will. It can be like Justin’s own mom saying yes.”

“I’m not holding my breath.” Brian said shaking his head. “Now, how pissed do you think Deb will be if I just shove everyone into the van and take you guys to the hotel?”

“Don’t see that happening.”

“Thought not.”

“Just give her this… it will look good to her if you show that you’re okay with this… if you do what’s right for Justin. Even if it’s just in her eyes.” Ben said speaking from experience. He had learned a lot from his short time being with Michael.

“Good, plan. I think I’ll just pack a bag for me and leave. I’m in hell.”

“I’ll be right behind you. How many rooms did you get?’ Ben asked with a smile as the two men walked back into the villa.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
Thanksgiving Day 2013 – Vic

I must say that our little princess is pulling no punches these past couple of days. He has us all bowing to him, doing his bidding. I don’t think sis or the others realize that he’s just using us. Oh that’s not to say that he doesn’t want us here, or that he’s happy to have us. I know he is. It’s just that as I look across the room and see Brian sitting at his desk scribbling away in that book, Justin is using us as protection against his husband.

He knows us so well.

“Em, why don’t you leave Justin alone to relax and come in here and help us out.” Vic stated wanting to get Emmett out of the line of fire so to speak. If Em was caught in the death glares that Brian is sending their way, he would burst into flames. I must admit, if I was Brian I would be upset too. I know the kid, I know he is upset on many levels. He just hasn’t had time to get everything right in his mind.

Luckily Deb is leaving Brian alone for once. She has been on him like there’s no tomorrow. I love my sis, but she’s making him feel even worse… and honestly, making things worse for Justin. I wonder if Princess even realizes it? Anyway, sis is busy, putting the finishing touches on the bird as I see the coast is clear. As Brian heads out to sit by the pool, I make my way out there with him. “He only wants attention, you know. This will all blow over once we leave.” I tell Brian.

“Yeah, and once you leave his ass is mine.” Brian tells me as he looks out over the Spanish landscape, lighting his cigarette. I can see that this is getting to him. In the times I have seen Brian, he tried to make sure he didn’t smoke around Justin. It was his one rule to himself. “I don’t know, Vic. I don’t know how to deal with this shit. I try to keep him safe, try to get him to understand but he just purposely goes against everything I tell him not to do. Now look where we are.”

I can see the pain in his eyes, and know that this was tearing him apart inside. No matter what anyone thinks, what anyone else believes, Brian would never want any harm to come to Justin. He would give his life for that boy upstairs. I wish I could make Deb and the others see that, but Brian’s good at hiding what he’s feeling. I have seen the looks in his eyes, the hidden pain of a past he can’t talk about. I know he suffers. Then I can also see the light that Justin brings into his life. Without Justin, I don’t know where Brian would be. “You know he only does that to get attention. I guess he hit his rebellious age a little too late.” I tell him. I think that there is truth in that. I have heard stories about Justin’s childhood. I can guess he never had much of a chance to rebel against parents who weren’t even there.

“But does he have to rebel against me?” Brian asked shaking his head. I watch as he pulls out a blunt and lights it. Yet another thing I know he doesn’t do often. “When I got the call… I couldn’t fucking breathe. I thought I had lost him. I actually had my hand on my gun ready to end it. Then there he was sitting in that hospital bed. I lost it, just fucking lost it.”

“No one can blame you for that, Brian. No one.” I tell him as I lay my hand on his shoulder. “I know how much Justin means to you. I can’t even begin to imagine what those few minutes must have felt like.”

“I kept seeing it all, you know. Everything that he had done, against my better judgment, and I lost it. I wanted to hit him,” Brian told me and the look in his eyes tore at my soul. He was in so much pain, sooo much pain at just the thought of hitting Justin. “I’m not Jack Kinney. I can’t be him. I don’t ever want to be him, but I could see it, you know. I had a moment of clarity, a moment when I was him I guess. I wanted to reach out and just hit him so hard.”

“You are not him, Brian. You would never touch Justin, hurt Justin like that.” I tell him, and I mean it.

“But I wanted to… that’s almost worse.” Brian leaned back against the wall, it was like he needed it to stay straight, to keep from falling. “Actually what’s worse is if I don’t return from a mission. I know how much these kill him inside. I know that every time he wants to make me not go, but he doesn’t. I know that if I don’t make it back, if something happens to me it will destroy him.”

“I don’t think so. I think he will live… for the both of you. Because he loves you.” I tell him.

“If he knew what I did on those missions, would he think the same of me as he does now?” Brian threw his butt down on the ground and turned toward me. “I write these journals… I don’t know why but I guess it’s my way of getting it all out. I started them for him to read, but now I’m not sure if I want him to. I don’t know if I can stand to see the hatred in his eyes.”

I watch as Brian shakes his head and heads back into the villa before I can even reply. I wish that there was something I could say to him to make him understand that Justin loves him, but that’s something I know they will have to work out for themselves. I hope I’m around to see the day that they realize it.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
November 31, 2013

“Okay, here is the damn deal, and since none of you have listened to me this entire week you will finally do so. If not, then I will be more than happy to use this tranquilizer gun, shoot you, and make you follow through, is that understood?” Brian told us as he stood there like he was just some fucking king on his damn high horse. I don’t know what his damn deal has been this week, but Sunshine has been hurt, and it doesn’t seem like he cares.

“Now you just wait a damn minute here, Mister. If you think that I’m going to trust you to take care of Justin you’ve got another thing coming.” I can’t believe that he thinks he can order us around like we’re some peon in his unit. Well if he thinks he can boss me around he’s in for one hell of a talking to.

I can feel Vic’s hand on my arm, and I know that he’s going to try to defend this jerk. I’m not blind; I’ve seen them talking these past couple of days. I think Vic’s one of the only ones who has… well him and Ben. Ben I can understand since he’s new and all, he doesn’t know Brian. But I expected more from Vic. “Sis, calm down and hear him out.”

“He’s my husband and I can take care of him perfectly well, thank-you very much!”

“Like hell you can. Just look at him.” Yeah, he can take care of Justin. The poor boy is laid up, hurting. Where was his husband then? I mean Michael could have been seriously hurt; I can only imagine what could have happened to poor Sunshine. “How do your men come back alive if you can’t even take care of your husband?”

“Debbie,” Emmett gasps. He seems shocked that I would say something like that, and in reality I guess I am too. I mean, I like the kid. I do. I just don’t think he’s good enough for Sunshine. I think the kid deserves better than having his husband leave every couple of days. I see the pain that Justin goes through every single time, and it just tears me up.

I watch as Brian’s eyes cloud over, but it’s gone in an instant. I never have talked to Brian all that much, he’s always seemed really distant to me, but in that moment I could see that there are some serious issues there. “My men come back alive because of who they are, and what we give each other. They, unlike my husband listen to me. They listen to me when I tell them that they shouldn’t do something because it might get them hurt or killed. I will NOT have you tell me how I should treat MY husband and MY relationship. If you don’t butt the fuck out, I will make sure that you are out of our home faster than you can spit.”

And for some reason I believe him. So I shut up… for once. But I can tell you this isn’t over. If I see that he’s treating Justin badly I will confront him on it. I will, I owe it to Justin for everything he’s done for me and Michael… and Vic. I don’t know Brian Kinney from shit… not as well as I know Justin anyway. I need to stand by my boys and until Brian proves himself to me, he’s on my hit list.

“Now, here’s the way it will be. You will ALL get on that plane tomorrow. No arguments, no complaints. You will go back to Virginia and leave me and Justin the fuck alone until we come back. The ONLY one who will be allowed to stay is Emmett so that someone can keep an eye on my wayward Blond if and when I’m not around. Do I make myself clear?”

”Yes, sir.” I hear Emmett state, and I wonder what is going on with those two. That’s something I will have to keep my eye on.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Brian, come to bed.” Justin’s voice was soft and filled with worry. Brian turned at the sound of his husband’s voice. He’d been sitting by the pool staring into the water. Tomorrow they were all leaving. Debbie and Vic were off for a week in Italy, Michael and Ben and Marilyn were heading to Virginia and Emmett had agreed to stay and lend a hand with Justin.

“What are you doing out here pretty boy?” Brian picked him up ignoring the clatter of Justin’s crutches as they fell to the tiled patio.

“I was looking for my Navy Boy. I miss him.” Justin snuggled in tight to Brian; he pulled the other man’s head down for a kiss.”

“Sorry about the cigarette” Brian mumbled before succumbing to Justin’s tender mouth.

“You taste good.” Justin purred. “I love you Brian. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you about the rocks. I really didn’t think about it when I saw the seals down near the shore. I was going to do a quick sketch that’s all. It was only when I caught my ankle that your words came rushing into my brain.”

“You know I only try to keep you safe don’t you Justin?” Brian nuzzled Justin’s hair, soaking up the smell of his man mixed with shampoo.

“I wish I could keep you safe.” Justin said quietly. “I know how you feel about me. I feel the same way about you.”

“I know.” Brian smoothed back Justin’s hair from his forehead.

“Come to bed please.” Justin asked.

“I’ll be in in a minute. Keep my side warm.” Brian kissed Justin’s forehead and then tenderly kissed his lips. “Give me one more minute.”

“Only one.” Justin stood up. Brian handed him the crutches and watched Justin make his way inside.

As Justin tried to work his way past where Mysterious Marilyn was sleeping, he heard her say. “Soon you will find what you’ve always been missing. It was torn from you many years ago, but will return tenfold.”

“Nite Marilyn” Justin said quietly. He was used to his friend’s cryptic messages. Sometimes they took days for him to decipher them. Usually well after what ever the message was about was long gone.





~~~***~~~***~~~***
The week after Thanksgiving 2013

“Please Emmett, it’s okay, Brian won’t get mad. I just want to see if I can find something for him for Christmas. Something small for his stocking.”

“How sweet, you two have stockings at Christmas. I remember I had one every year when I was growing up in Hazelhurst. We didn’t have much else other than that at Christmas, it was always so special.” He looked at Justin. “Brian did say that you weren’t to go anywhere. He has just barely started talking to me.” Emmett all but stuttered. There was no way he wanted to incur Brian’s wrath a second time. His little jealous tiff during Thanksgiving was enough thank you very much.

“We’ll just drive to the next village. I’ve never been there. I’m sure there’s a coffee shop or something and there might even be some quaint little shops. Did you know that there is a legend that maybe one of the Kings of Atlantis was here at one time?”

“No I didn’t know that.” Emmett was intrigued. “Well maybe if we didn’t stay out all day and if we just sat in an outdoor café. It’s not like you were walking or anything. You can handle the crutches fine for short distances.” Emmett was trying to rationalize the outing.

“And I could add to my collection of Spanish sketches” Justin said. “Thanks Emmett, why don’t we go there for lunch and maybe stay for an hour or so and then come home. What can it hurt?”

'Me if Brian finds out’ Emmett thought. ‘he’ll have my ass back in Virginia before I can even say hey.’

Emmett called for a taxi while Justin washed his face and gathered up his sketch book and pencils.

The whole taxi ride to the village Emmett kept glancing back and out the rear window as if expecting Brian to swoop down out of the sky and grab them. He finally relaxed when the driver pulled up to the wide open café. Justin had been chattering away the whole time with the driver practicing his Spanish. The two of them had spent a lot of time laughing so Emmett wasn’t surprised to learn the driver would pick them back up in two hours to take them home.

“Emmett, let’s check out that shop across the square before lunch.” Justin indicated a cheerfully painted building. “It looks like an art gallery.”

“Oh, honey, you don’t need to look at pictures. You make marvelous ones of your own.” Emmett didn’t want Justin to do anything more than sit at a table and wait for the taxi to return them to the safety of the villa. But before he could stop him, Justin was across the village square heading in the direction of the shop window.

Justin stood looking in at the one painting that was on display. It was a rather large watercolor of a small child, a baby even, maybe six months old sitting naked on the sea shore, the froth of the waves licking his toes, sunlight glinting off of his almost white fluff that was his hair. The baby, it had to be a boy, Justin thought was smiling a wide and toothy grin at someone up over his bare shoulder. In his little hand was a seashell. His eyes were as blue as the Mediterranean water he was playing in.

“Do you like the picture?” A soft voice asked.

Justin turned to smile at the woman who had spoken. “It’s beautiful. You’ve captured the very essence of the child.” He looked at her in alarm. “I’m sorry, is something wrong?” he asked.

Her pale face looked at him as if she’d seen a ghost. She started to back away slipping through the doors of her shop and shutting them tight behind her.

Emmett had caught up with Justin by now. “What was that all about?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” Justin looked through the glass hoping he would catch a glimpse of the woman. He walked to the door and tried it. It was locked. “It’s funny, didn’t she look kind of familiar to you?” he asked his friend.

“She did, but I didn’t really get a good look at her.” Emmett rattled the door handle. “I think the store is closed.”

Justin and Emmett made their way back to the café, both of them silent for differing reasons. They ordered their lunch and Emmett sat back to people watch. It was one of his favorite things to do. Justin on the other hand couldn’t take his eyes off of the small store on the other side of the square. He had the nagging thought that somehow he knew the woman who had spoken to him, though for the life of him he couldn’t figure out how he knew.

When the waiter came with their lunches Justin asked. “The lady who owns the shop across the street, the one with the painting, can you tell me about her?”

“You mean Miss Taylor?” he asked. “She’s lived here longer than I have and I’m twenty five. I think my mom said she moved here about twenty eight or twenty nine years ago.” He looked across at the store. “She kind of keeps to herself, mom said that her brother came here once looking for her, but she wouldn’t talk to him. She had my Uncle who is the village policeman throw him out of the village.” He looked thoughtful. “That had to have been about twelve years ago.”

“She isn’t married?” Justin asked.

“No, she never married. She’s pretty good looking too. I mean for her age and everything. She’s an artist. She paints the same picture that’s in the window a lot. Tourists love it and buy it all the time. I think my mom even has a small one.” He laughed, “Don’t get me wrong, Miss Taylor isn’t weird or anything. She paints lots of other stuff; it’s just that this one is her favorite. She told me once that if she paints him often enough, maybe the baby will magically appear. He was her kid. Someone took him from her, she hardly ever talks about him, but she paints him a lot.”

When the waiter left Emmett leaned over, “Isn’t it strange that her name is Taylor too and you are both artists? If I didn’t know better I’d swear Mysterious Marilyn was lurking around here.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Brian,” Justin was lying in Brian’s arms. Despite the heavy cast, Brian had made love to him for hours and now they were both content to fall asleep. Or at least Brian was content.

“Hmmm”

“I have to tell you something.”

“What”

“I went to the next village today with Emmett for lunch”

“Did you have a nice lunch?”

“It was okay.”

“Good.” Brian smiled and kissed Justin’s forehead. Emmett had already confessed to him about the trip earlier. But Brian was happy that Justin needed to tell him.

“Something weird happened.”

Now Emmett hadn’t told him this part. Brian was suddenly alert. “What?”

“I saw this lady, she has a store, sort of an art gallery and her name is Jennifer Taylor.”

“So she has the same name as you and has an art gallery.” Brian relaxed.

“When you were a kid, did you ever imagine that you really weren’t part of the family you were living with. That maybe you were adopted or something and that somewhere your real parents were looking for you?”

“I did think of things like that once of twice.” Brian rolled so that he could put both arms around Justin. “But Justin, you know who your parents are or were. This woman isn’t some long lost relative. It’s a coincidence that your last name is the same as hers.”

“But it would have explained a lot if my parents weren’t really my parents. I mean they didn’t love me or anything.”

“They left you all of their money.”

“That isn’t love, that’s just a convenient way to make a will. He probably needed it for business purposes.”

“Cynical blond brat.” Brian chuckled. “Let’s slow the wheels down for now and get some sleep.”

“Okay, but will you still love me if I turn out to have a fairy princess for a mother?”

“You are a fairy princess” Brian teased. “And I still love you.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***






09 December 2013

Justin,

Well we finally have peace and quiet, and have for a week. It’s strange thinking that the ‘family’ has been gone for a week already. It was good having them here, but for you only. I don’t think they will ever accept me fully, but at least you have them. I just wish that they would accept me as part of your life, and make things easier on you. Cause, Justin, I know that it’s hard on you when they badmouth me. I know it.

I try, I really do. I try to be the man they think I need to be, but I don’t know if I can. I don’t know how.

For me, it’s almost like I am home. The bitching, the words… fuck I’m almost right back in the Kinney Household. Only this time Jack isn’t around to beat the shit out of me. It’s only the words this time, but I can say it doesn’t hurt any less. Not for me, though. I’m used to it. It’s what it does to you. I can see it, even if they don’t.

I wish I could be that man for you Justin. I wish I could be everything you deserve, everything you want. Is it enough that I wish it? That I do want what’s best for you, even if it wouldn’t be me? Granted I’ll never leave you, I can’t. Until the day you say it’s over, I’m there. As long as you’ll have me, I will stand beside you. I’ll try. I’ll try to show you that I love you, but if that isn’t enough… if you can’t believe that I love you, or can’t give you what you need then I’ll let you go.

For you, I’ll do it. I won’t tell you what will happen if it doesn’t work, but know I will go on in the way I have been. I will do what I have to do to survive.

Let’s hope that day never comes, but if it does… I’ll do what’s right for you. What you want.

I love you Justin, My Avalon
Brian

~~~***~~~***~~~***

End of Chapter Thirteen

Chapter 14 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Fourteen




December 6th 2013

Justin had waited patiently for this opportunity. Emmett had gone back to bed with a sinus headache after making Justin promise to call him if he needed anything. It had been two days since he’d seen the woman named Jennifer Taylor and Justin was burning up with curiosity.

So using the telephone in the kitchen, Justin called his friend Jose the cab driver to drive him back to the village. He was careful not to knock his crutches against anything and he did leave Emmett a note telling him he’d be back in two hours. He just didn’t say where he was going.

This time he had Jose drop him off at the small store after arranging to be picked up in an hour. The picture he’d admired was gone from the window and in its place was a painting of the sea. It was beautifully done as well, but it wasn’t the same.

“You came back” her voice sounded resigned. Justin had walked into the shop which appeared to have a variety of gifts and things as well as Jennifer Taylor’s paintings.

“Of course I did. How could I not come back when you acted so strange?” Justin worked his way toward her voice doing his best not to knock the awkward crutches against anything.

“How did you hurt your foot?” she asked.

“I was trying to paint some seals on the beach down from the villa I’m renting with my husband and I slipped on the rocks.”

She gave a small laugh. “That happens - you almost kill yourself for a painting and the seals don’t care. They probably sit where they do to lure foolish young artists to their deaths.”

“That’s what my husband thinks too.” Justin said with a smile. “But I just wasn’t watching where I was walking.”

“The young man with you the other day, he’s your husband?” she asked.

“Heck no, that’s Emmett, he’s a friend from home. My husband is a Navy Seal. He’s stationed at Rota.”

“He must be brave, your husband, to be a SEAL.”

“He’s the bravest man I know.” Justin agreed.

“Your family must miss you. Are you and your husband stationed at Rota for long?”

“I have no family, well no real family, Emmett is part of my made up family and Brian, my husband is my family.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, what is your name?” Her voice was almost hesitant.

“Justin, Justin Taylor-Kinney.”

“And your childhood, was it happy?”

“I don’t remember much, if anything from before I was five.” Justin hesitated. “I was sent to boarding school when I was five.”

“That’s very young to be sent away from your family.”

“Why are you asking me all these questions?”

“You remind me very much of someone I loved long ago.” She hesitated. “I was seventeen and like you, I attended boarding school.” She sighed. “I met someone, he was the handsomest man I’d ever met.” She smiled at the memory. “His name was Harold Patterson, Seaman Harold Patterson. He swept me off of my feet.”

Jennifer laughed to as she looked back. “He had blond hair and the bluest eyes I’d ever seen. We were in love, very much in love. But he had to return to his ship and before I was able to send him my first love letter, he was killed. The United States staged an intervention in Lebanon and then there was a bombing of the Marine barracks. I was never quite clear where or how he’d died. But I never heard from him other than one short letter that came two days after his ship sailed.”

“I’d want to die if Brian was killed.” Justin spoke quietly.

“I wanted to die too. But I was pregnant with his child. It was all that kept me alive.”

“The little boy who you have in the paintings?”

“Yes, my little Justin.” Her eyes clouded over. “We were poor but happy living here. I thought I’d be able to hide forever. But one day my father and brother swooped down and took my life away. You see in those days, when you are barely eighteen and an unwed mother, you have no rights. I might have fought harder if I’d had any idea what they would do. But they had convinced me it was for my own good that my baby is put up for adoption. I couldn’t give him what he needed, but someone else maybe could.”

“What was your brother’s name?” Justin could barely breathe.
“Craig, my brother’s name was Craig Taylor; he was married to a woman named Margaret.”

“My paren’t names were Craig and Margaret Taylor. I don’t remember them much. I rarely ever saw them.” Justin looked down not wanting to believe what he was thinking.

“I have a picture of my Harry, do you want to see it?” she asked. Taking a framed picture off of a shelf behind where she was sitting, Jennifer handed it to Justin. “Do you see now why I was so upset the other day?”

The picture could have been taken of him had he been wearing a Navy uniform. The eyes were the same and so was the smile. “This is Harry Patterson?” something about the man in the picture looked familiar to Justin, he couldn’t quite figure out what it was. “I know a Harry Patterson, he’s retired from the Navy, he works for Brian and I at our place in Virginia. I think he’s in his late fifties.” Justin continued to study the picture. Could it be Harry when he was younger?

Justin couldn’t take all of this in. He looked around almost panicking at the implications. “I’ve got to go” he said and started to back out the door.

“Wait, don’t go.” Jennifer pleaded.

“I have to go. My taxi will be here any minute. They’ll be missing me at home. I’m not supposed to be even out of the house.”

“Sit down, the taxi isn’t here yet.” Her hand touched Justin’s arm, her eyes pleaded with his.

Justin sat down abruptly on a small bench that sat against a wall.

“Justin, I’d like to get to know you better.” She hesitated and then went on. “I don’t know what this all means. But I do know that both of us deserve some answers for the last twenty eight years, five months, three days that you have been gone from my life.” Her laugh was bitter. “There hasn’t been a day, an hour, a minute, that I haven’t thought of you and missed you.” Tears began to fall down her cheek. “I promised myself that if you came back I wouldn’t cry.” She tried to smile.

A horn honked outside. It was Justin’s taxi. “I’ve got to go.” He stood up abruptly, and barely managed not to fall on his face. If it wasn’t for the crutches, he would have.

“Take my home address and phone number. If you want to talk, I’m at home Tuesday and Thursday afternoons.”

Justin stuffed the paper in his pocket and left the small store. His eyes were haunted and his hands were shaking with emotion. He looked back only once and then forced himself to get into the waiting taxi.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

That night Justin waited until Brian was asleep to get out of bed and as quietly as he could, go to the telephone in the kitchen. The six hour time difference between Spain and Virginia meant that Harry should be still up.

“Harry?” Justin asked hesitatingly when the phone was answered.

“Justin, my boy, what can I do for you?” The gruff voice of his old friend made Justin smile despite his anxieties.

“Oh, I just called to talk. I couldn’t sleep.” Justin lied.

“Is Brian home?”

“Yes, he’s home. He won’t be going on a mission now until after Christmas I hope.”

“Wonderful, the two of you could do with some time together. I understand the week with the ‘family’ was a tad stressful for all concerned.”

“Maybe, but Emmett is still here. Brian thinks he can keep me busy and off my feet while my ankle heals.”

“Your Brian is a good man Justin. He puts you ahead of himself whenever he can. It can’t be easy for him having Emmett around. I always thought he was a bit jealous of the easy way the two of you have.”

“I don’t know about jealous,” Justin gave a half laugh.

“Trust me boy I know. “My wife was jealous of my first girlfriend until the day she died.”

“Do you think Brian would be jealous of Ethan?”

“Of course he would.”

Justin sighed. “Did you know your first girlfriend long, is that why she was jealous?”

“No, I think it was because she knew that I had never forgotten her. She was my first love and I loved her dearly.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t really know. I went out to sea, there were a few skirmishes going on at the time, it must have been about 1983. I wrote to her dozens of times, but I only had one letter back and that was all. Not even a ‘Dear John’ letter. I looked for her on my next leave but I couldn’t find her. She wasn’t from around where I met her. She’d just been visiting. I couldn’t find anyone who would tell me a damn thing. I guess I looked for her off and on for years in every port my ship landed in. One day I met my wife and she convinced me to give up on my dream of finding Jennifer. So after awhile I did. But you know Justin, I’ve never forgotten her, I guess I never will.” He paused and Justin could hear the other man sigh deeply. “Next time you’re stateside, I’ll show you her picture. It’s a bit worn; it’s been in my wallet for a lot of years.”

“I guess I know why your wife was jealous.” Justin said quietly.

“The thing is Justin; I should never have married her. But I had been lonely for a long time and --- well it just happened. But I had made my bed and by god I lay in it. I might not have been the best husband in the world, but she wasn’t the best wife either. We got used to having one another around though. I do miss her but not as much as I miss my Jennifer. You know there’s a bit of Jennifer in you, maybe it’s the tilt of your head or something. I think that’s why I took to you right off.”

“Maybe” Justin’s mind was whirling. “I’d better let you go. I’m sorry if I disturbed your evening.”

“Hey, that’s what I’m here for Justin. You call whenever you want to talk. Goodnight boy.”

“Night Harry.” Justin hung up the phone and then sat at the kitchen table staring out at the night sky. He sat there thinking about his life and how it could have been if fate had worked the way it was intended. The sun was coming up before he moved slowly back to the bedroom and Brian’s warm body.

“Hmmmm, pretty boy, where’ve you been?” Brian said sleepily.

“In the kitchen, I couldn’t sleep” Justin’s voice was slurred. He was tired now; he snuggled close to Brian and fell asleep.




~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin found himself standing in front of Jennifer’s door the next Tuesday and then Thursday again. It was killing them both learning about her life and Jennifer learning about his childhood.

And it was killing him inside keeping it from Brian. Never before had he held so much back from the man he loved. He knew it was wrong, but he’d never had a real mother before and he selfishly wanted to keep her to himself. That was also tearing him up inside and now it had gone on so long he didn’t know what to do. Emmett was no help, he was threatening to tell Brian that he’d been sneaking out on him.
How could he tell Emmett he’d found his mother, and his father, though he hadn’t even processed that yet. How was he going to tell Harry? Justin called him almost every night now after Brian went to sleep, but he never had the nerve to say the words.

And now Brian wanted to take him on their Italian vacation for Christmas. Justin wanted to stay with his mother, but he wanted Brian to be happy as well. He’d ignored his man just a little too long. Maybe in Italy he’d be able to tell Brian what had been happening to him. Maybe Brian would forgive him for keeping it to himself.

That is if he could forgive himself for not telling Brian. He felt like the worst husband ever and he didn’t know what to do about it.




~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian sat at the bar, trying to think about how his life had changed in the past couple of weeks. Since that week after the gang had left to head back to the States, Justin had been distant. He kept replaying the conversation that Justin had with him that night, and nothing came to him. There had been times in the past week that Brian had arrived home a couple of times to find his husband not there. He knew he had to find out what was going on, so he was waiting for Emmett to meet up with him at that small dive outside of base.

“This is a nice little place. Cozy, familyish, and I must say that the view is excellent,” Emmett stated as he sat down next to Brian at the bar, looking around and admiring the men who walked around the bar.

“Yeah, nice. Now… would you mind telling me just what my dear husband is up to.” Brian asked as he downed a shot. He figured that he might need a little help to get past whatever Justin was planning.

Emmett took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Cosmo.” He asked as he tried to think of a way to get out of this without Brian killing him. Emmett decided that he would have to tell Brian, had decided that late the night before. He could only hope that Brian wouldn’t be too angry with him. “I really don’t know.”

“What the fuck do you mean, you don’t know? You’re supposed to be with him 24-7 that’s the reason why I wanted you here?!” Brian cursed, his voice rising with every word that was spilled out of his mouth. “JesusFuckingChrist. What the hell have you been doing?”

“As I told you before, Justin and I went to that cute little village close by, remember that?” Brian nodded in answer. Emmett knew that this would be a problem as he took another deep breath. He quickly took a sip of his Cosmo for strength. “Well it seems like … well since then, he has been leaving before I can stop him.”

“What do you mean, before you can stop him? What does he do? Knock you out… run quickly with his broken foot and crutches!” Brian asked, staring at Emmett. “It’s not like he can do much, he can barely even walk!”

“Well he’s sneaky. He almost always gets me onto something, or has me go look for something around the villa, then the next thing I know he’s gone.” Emmett tried to reason with the irate man next to him. “I have told him that he shouldn’t leave like that. I told him that if he wanted to go out, I would take him, but he’s not listening to reason.”

“And just what the hell is he going? What is he doing?” Brian turned in his chair so he could look at Emmett, raising his eyebrow at the man. Brian could feel the anger within him build. He had allowed Emmett to stay in hopes that the man would watch out for Justin, that he would keep his husband safe and out of trouble. Brian was beginning to wonder if he could trust anyone to keep an eye out for Justin. He was wondering if he could really trust anyone to keep Justin safe.

“I don’t really know. All I know is that he’s going to that same village every day… for hours. He won’t talk about it, but I know that whatever is being said or… done, bothers him. He’s come back into the house with his face all red like he’s been crying.” Emmett told Brian knowing he would have to let the man on everything. He didn’t think that Justin was cheating around on Brian, but whatever it was couldn’t be good. Whatever it was bothered Justin, and Emmett hoped that Brian would fix it. All Emmett wanted was for Justin to be happy, and it seemed like the young man wasn’t at this moment.

Brian only nodded, and downed another shot. Emmett ached at the obvious pain Brian was in. He only hoped that these two could work things out and fix things.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian sat in his car, parked on the side of the road, watching as the taxi Justin was in pulled out of the driveway of a small house. Brian had decided that he needed to take matters into his own hand and find out what his husband was up to. As the time moved along, Brian sat there watching for any sign as to what Justin was up to.

‘It could be another one of his surprises,’ Brian thought, but found that unlikely. If it was a surprise then Emmett wouldn’t be so worried. Justin would have tried to include Emmett in things, and would actually hide things better. He knew things hadn’t been easy for them lately, and Brian hadn’t really been the best husband in the world to Justin, but he had hoped that they were working things out. He had thought that they were getting through all the mess.

Flashes of the look in Justin’s eyes when Brian had confessed to his infidelity came across Brian’s mind. He had thought that Justin had forgiven him for that, but he was beginning to wonder.

Brian watched as another car pulled up into the driveway and a good-looking blond got out, walking into the house. Seeing this caused Brian’s breathe to catch in his throat. He didn’t want to think that it was what it was beginning to look like. He didn’t think that Justin could ever do that to him. Closing his eyes, Brian pulled the car back out onto the street and headed to base. He had some serious thinking to do, and he couldn’t do it at home.

It was six hours later when Peters found Brian alone at the bar on base. The other man had just gotten out of work and went straight to the bar for an after-hours beer. Seeing his Lieutenant sitting at the bar, drowning in the alcohol before him caused him to stop in his tracks. Brian had never been one to get trashed with the rest of them, determined to stay as sober as possible. It didn’t seem right to see his LT like this. Going over to the phone, Peters dialed HQ hoping to catch someone before everyone left for the day. “Hey, Chief. I think you better get over here. Yeah, I’m at Champions… yeah… no it’s the LT… something’s wrong. Yeah, thanks. I’ll be here.”

It was ten minutes later when Chief South came into the base club, heading straight for the bar and his Lieutenant. “Is this how you always spend your days off?” Chief asked as he gave a quick nod to Peters and sat down next to Brian.

“As I told Peters here… fuck off.” Brian slurred. “What I do on my down-time is of no concern of yours… either of yours. I think I’m entitled to spread my wings a little.” Brian continued as he began to look around the bar. He knew the last thing he wanted was to trick, but Brian didn’t know what else to do. He felt like his world was crashing in around him, and he couldn’t stop it. Spotting someone looking at him with interest, Brian began to stand from his chair, quickly grabbing the edge of the bar to keep from falling. “Now, boys, if you’ll excuse me. I think I’m going to be engaged.”

South and Peters glanced at each other and grabbed a hold of Brian. “I think it’s time for you to sober up some sir, before you do something that you will regret.” Peters stated.

“Fuck off. What’s the point anyway? It’s not like there’s anything left for me to go home to.” Brian stated suddenly feeling the weight crashing in on him. “Fuck, I need more to drink. Barkeep, Absolute, straight up.”

“That’s enough, Sir. We’re taking you out of here, and we’ll talk.” South and Peters led Brian out of the bar and out to Brian’s car. They threw him into the back of the vehicle as South got in the driver’s seat. Soon they were pulling up in front of South’s small apartment off base and they dragged Brian out of the backseat.

“Chris, what the hell is this?” South’s wife asked. “What happened?”

“I have no idea, hun. Can you put a pot of coffee on… strong?” Chris South asked as they dropped Brian on the couch. “Do you want to explain what the hell is going on here, sir?”

“Justin’s cheating on me.” Brian stated as he took the cup of coffee into his hands with a small, sad smile to Chris’ wife.

“And you know this how? Justin wouldn’t do that. He fucking adores you.” Mike Peters said, sitting down in one of the chairs next to his boss shaking his head. “I don’t see it, LT. I just don’t.”

Chris looked at Brian once again and tried to gauge the truth of his words. “What have you found out? Cause I have to agree with Mike, Justin wouldn’t do that. I don’t … I can’t see it happening.”

“He’s been distant lately, coming home after I get there. He’s upset about something… won’t look me in the eye. He’s even been ditching Emmett, just leaving without a word.” Brian explained looking down at the coffee cup in his hand that Chris’ wife kept filling. “I followed him.” Brian said looking up quickly then back down at the cup. The pain in his soul was deep. He had hoped that this day wouldn’t come, he had hoped that they were stronger than any other couple out there. But Brian had seen relationships that had seemed strong end in disaster. He had thought that they would be forever.

Brian ran his finger over the bracelet on his right wrist feeling the words engraved there, trying to take comfort from them. Justin’s words kept playing over and over in his mind as he told Brian not long ago that he wouldn’t want anyone else. “He went to this small house just outside of town… some guy pulled up and went inside it.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s cheating on you. I mean, he’s good at these surprises right?” Mike asked trying to understand what had happened to the couple that had been an inspiration to him. He had wanted something like what those two had, he didn’t want to think that it was over, that they had failed. “Are you sure?”

“What else could it be? He’s normally better at hiding than this if it’s a surprise. He’s been off, distant lately. He … he gets out of bed in the middle of the night, stays out of it until shortly before I get up to come in.” Brian ran his hand through his hair, trying to clear his head enough so he could think. He could feel the hot coffee begin to wipe away the haze of alcohol, but his mind was still sluggish. “I don’t know what to do. I keep telling myself that if he wants out… if he ever thinks he can’t handle it anymore that I’d let him go… I just don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I could survive it.”

Chris knew that if Justin ever left Brian, that the man would throw himself in the line of fire and kill himself. He knew that, and knew he had to do something. Brian was too good of a SEAL and a man to let this destroy him. “Try and win him back.” His wife stated from behind him.

“What?” all three men asked, turning around to face the woman standing by the door to the kitchen.

“Simple, if you want him, which I know you do, fight for him. Take him away and show him what he means to you. Try and rediscover what it was that brought you together in the first place. Fight for him, and don’t let him leave.” She stated with a small smile on her face. “That’s what I would want Chris to do, if we were in that position. Justin evidentily wants, or thinks he needs something that he’s not getting from you. Give it to him. Show him that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to keep him. I’m sure things will work out. Justin loves you, there’s not doubt in anyone’s mind. Show him that you love him too.”

Brian nodded as he leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. He had to think. He had to come up with a plan on winning Justin back. She was right… he had to try and fight for Justin… he only wished he knew what to do, what Justin needed that he wasn’t getting from Brian. There were some things that he knew he couldn’t change, but he would do whatever he could to make it better.

When Brian left three hours later, he had a better, clearer picture as to what he needed to do. He hoped the plan that the four had devised at the dinner table that night would work. He couldn’t lose Justin… he just couldn’t.


~~~***~~~***~~~***

19 December 2013

Justin,

I’ve made a decision, and it’s something I have to do. I know I told you many times that if you ever felt that you had to leave, I wouldn’t fight you. I know I told you that if you weren’t happy that I would stand back and let you do what you have to do, that if you need to find things in others then I’d be okay with it.

Now that it’s actually here, I find I can’t. I can’t let you go, I won’t. If you leave me, I can honestly tell you that I will kill myself. One way or another, I will end it. I shouldn’t say that to you, I shouldn’t tell you that cause I know if it ever happens, you will feel guilty. I know you, you will even if we’re not together anymore. But it’s the truth and I promised myself that I wouldn’t lie to you in these. Cause if you ever read these then you’ll want to know. So I’ll tell you.

If you leave me, I will purposely get killed on a mission. I’ll make sure that the guys are safe and secure, and I will end it. Plain and simple. Suicide by someone else, I guess.

Why do you feel you have to do this? What is it that I’m not giving you that you have to find elsewhere? Yeah, so I can come up with the obvious, but for some reason I don’t think that that’s the reason. Yes, I have to go on missions, and yes, I’m often distant… but I like to think that I share with you as much as I can. That I am as open with you as I can. If it comes to us, you are the first to know. I try, isn’t that enough?

I never thought that I might have to choose between you and the Navy. I don’t know if I can now. I don’t know if I can give up what I do to stay with you. Despite the fact that I know I won’t function without you, I don’t know if I could function without the SEALs. It’s a catch 22. I lose either way. So how do you choose between the two things you love?

There is no doubt that you are my life, that you are everything to me. But then again, being a SEAL is who I am. I do some good with them. Yes, it’s hard work, and I often wonder if we are making a difference, but I know that it’s good work. We help people, and that’s what I need. I need to think that I can make even a small bit of difference, considering what everyone thought I would become. I am someone. You married a SEAL. We had talked in depth for a long time about this, and what it would mean. I thought you had understood.

So where does that leave me? I have to try to win you back. I have three weeks before I go on my last mission here in Spain. Yes, for once I know when I’m leaving even if I can’t tell you yet. But I want to have some idea, some closure before I go. I have to try to keep you around. It will be a busy month coming up, with moving, packing, everything… I want to make sure that you are coming home with me. I hope this works, cause it’s all I have. If this doesn’t work, I don’t know what else to do. Cause even if I wanted to leave the Navy, I can’t yet. I still have a contract.

So this is my last ditch effort. It’s either this or nothing. If I can’t bring you back to me by the time the plane leaves to go back to the States, then I’m done. I’ll let you go, and let you live your life.

That’s it. That’s my plan… basically anyway. Time will tell.

I love you, Justin. Everything that I am and I have is yours. You are my Avalon even if we aren’t together.

Love forever,
Brian.

~~~***~~~***~~~***




“Justin, this trip is for you. Whatever you want to do, we’ll do. I just want you to be happy. These past couple of months have been hard on the both of us, and I want you to know that I love you. I want you to be happy.” Brian tried to explain to his husband as he stood inside the hotel room in Venice. Brian had been thinking about this moment for days, since his talk with Chris and Mike… more importantly Chris’ wife. He was determined to do whatever Justin wanted, no matter how much he might hate it, or how bored he might get… if it made Justin happy and kept Justin around then in the end he too would be happy.

“Brian, what about you? This is your vacation too. We both wanted to come here.” Justin stated from the chair where he had his crutches laying beside and his foot elevated on a small stool. “We don’t have to do just what I want. What about you?”

“I want to do what you want. Whatever you want to do we’ll do. That’s what I want. This is your Christmas present.” Brian told Justin as he turned to look out the window. He hated that he had to try and convince Justin to have fun, that he meant everything he was saying. For once, Brian had hoped that Justin would just go along with the plan.

Justin looked at his husband and tried to figure out what was going on. “So if I wanted to go out to the clubs and pick up ten guys to bring back here and fuck, that would okay? You would go along with that?” Justin asked trying to see how far Brian was willing to go. Not that he would do that, but he needed to know what was going on.

Brian felt a sharp pain in his heart, and closed his eyes from the pain he could feel. “If that will make you happy… yes.” Brian forced out of his mouth. He hated to say that, he hated to even admit that he would do anything to keep Justin. “I won’t like it, but… if you want to, I won’t stop you.”

Justin knew that something was seriously wrong. Standing from his chair, he limped over to Brian and turned his lover to him. “Okay, who are you and what have you done with my husband?” He asked trying to smile, but feeling the fear began to creep into him.

Brian shook his head and opened the door to the patio. “You know, fuck it. I don’t know why I’m even trying.” Brian walked out and leaned against the railing so he could look at Justin. “Look, let me be honest here. I want you to be honest with me, though. I think I need to know.”

“What’s going on? Brian, you’re starting to scare me.” Justin stated as he walked onto the patio so he could stand in front of Brian.

“Will you sit down, please? You shouldn’t be up and around like this.” Brian quickly went and pulled a chair from inside the room and brought it out, forcing Justin to sit down.

“I’m sitting, now tell me.”

Brian leaned back again against the railing but this time had his back to Justin. He couldn’t see the look in Justin’s eyes as the man he loved admitted that he was in love with someone else. “I know, Justin. I know you’ve been seeing someone.”

“What?” Justin asked not sure where Brian was going with this. Of course he was seeing someone, but he didn’t think that him seeing his mother would be this big of a deal. Then it hit him… Brian didn’t know about his mom. That must mean that Brian thought that… “Brian, it’s not what you think.”

“It’s okay, really. I can understand it in a way. I just want to know where we stand. I want you to be happy, Justin, and I’d like to try and be the one who does that for you. I want to know what I’m doing wrong, what I can do to make you stay. What do I have to do to make you happy?”

Justin could hear the pain in Brian’s voice as the man talked. He wouldn’t look at Justin, wouldn’t let Justin see the pain on his face. But Justin could tell. He saw the tightness in Brian’s shoulders; hear the pain in Brian’s voice. “Brian, I’m not seeing anyone else. Not like that. It’s not what you think. Why would you think that I would cheat on you?” Justin couldn’t believe that Brian would even think that he was cheating on him. Brian was his life; he would never hurt Brian like that. Never.

“Justin, you don’t have to lie.” Brian stated as he turned around to face his lover. “Emmett told me that you have been ditching him for the past couple of weeks. He told me that he would see you come home acting like you didn’t want to be there. What other thing could it be? And I followed you, Justin. I saw the man walk into the house. The house just outside of town. I just want to know what I can do to fix this, what can I do to make you love me again?”

Justin stood from his chair, not caring about the pain he might feel from his foot. The pain that he felt coming from his other half was a million times more than any broken foot could ever be. “Brian, I do love you. With all my heart. You’re my life. Nothing will change that. I’m not seeing anyone else, not romantically, not sexually. You’re all I want, all I need.”

“Then what’s going on?” Brian asked begging Justin to explain, to tell him what was going on.

Justin moved so he could lean against the railing, trying to take some pressure off of his ankle. Reaching out, Justin grabbed a hold of Brian’s hand, wanting to feel the other man’s presence. “I found my mother. Here in Spain. I found her.”

“But your mom was killed in the plane crash years ago.” Brian stated not understanding what Justin was telling him. He had hoped that Justin could come up with a better lie than that.

“My real mother. It seems that who I thought were my parents really weren’t. It seems that I was adopted.” Justin explained as he caught Brian’s look of surprise. “I don’t know everything yet, but I’m beginning to understand. Craig didn’t tell my mom anything. He just took me and left.”

Brian’s mind went back to that night a little over two weeks ago. “So that’s why you were asking about whether or not I felt like I was adopted or something as I grew up?” Brian shook his head, wondering why he hadn’t pushed the issue back then. He could have saved everyone a lot of grief if Justin had just told him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know. I guess I wanted to be sure. I wanted to get to know her before I introduced her to my husband. I wanted her to accept me first.” Justin said with a shrug. He wasn’t really sure why he hadn’t told Brian, why he hadn’t confided in his husband. He didn’t and now he was seeing how it had been affecting his lover. He never thought that Brian would suffer this much. “I’m sorry. I know I should have told you, but… I don’t know.”

“Christ, Justin. I thought you wanted to leave me. I thought you had found someone else.” Brian said shaking his head and running his hand through his hair. He felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of him, but suddenly it was being replaced with another problem. Justin evidentily didn’t trust him enough to help him through this. To help him emotionally. “I think we have a bigger problem then I had originally thought.”

“I’m sorry. I know I should have told you. Can you forgive me?”

“Justin… Do you trust me? I mean, not with your life, but with everything else. Do you trust me enough to be there emotionally for you? I know I’m not around all the time, and I know that I can’t tell you everything. I know I’m a little aloof, but … I had hoped… fuck, I don’t know.”

Justin turned and wrapped his arms around Brian. “I guess we have a lot to work on, huh?”

“You can say that again.” Brian said hoping that they could.

“There’s more.” Justin kept his head on Brian’s chest listening to the steady beat of Brian’s heart, a sound that always comforted him. “I don’t even know how to tell you this. It’s about Harry.”

“Harry?” Brian’s voice was puzzled.

“I think he’s my father.” Justin’s words were soft. Brian could barely hear him.

“Jesus Christ Justin, why in hell would you think that?” Brian pulled back to look Justin in the eye.

“It’s my mom, she” he hesitated. “she got pregnant by a Seaman Harry Patterson, Harry had a girlfriend named Jennifer. You do the math.”

Brian groaned. “Are you sure this isn’t some kind of giant cosmic joke. Maybe one of those reality shows that used to be popular and someone is going to yell ‘cut’ and we’ll be back doing normal things.”

“Don’t I wish it was something like that?” Justin’s voice told Brian all he wanted to know. He was going to have to fix things so that Justin could deal with all of this. Fixing things was something Brian did well.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian looked over at Justin trying to maneuver his way through the small shops early in the afternoon. Emmett was trying to keep up with Justin while trying to keep others away and carry everything that Justin was picking out. Brian could only shake his head. He had told Justin that he would not do any shopping; he tried to convince his lover that they had enough stuff, but the blond would not listen. “You know we’re going to have to have all this shit shipped back to the states and then we won’t have any of it until maybe March or April.” Brian called out to his lover trying to reason with the man.

“We’re shipping some stuff from here, remember?” Justin stated as he picked up another set of silk sheets. “I like this color. I think it will go great with the new duvet we got. What do you think?”

“I love it, sweetie… but don’t you think that Brian may have a point?” Emmett asked Justin. He would never try to stop anyone from shopping, since it was one of life’s necessities, but he also didn’t want to have a pissed off Brian around. He had seen enough of that lately to last a lifetime.

“Pishaw. Brian doesn’t understand the thrill of shopping.” Justin said with a smile as he stuck his tongue out at his lover.

“I may not understand shopping, but I do understand how much it’s going to cost to get this shit back to the states… and Justin you can’t send Ivory overseas. It’s still illegal in the U.S.” Brian stated as he took a small statue out of Justin’s hands. “No.”

“You are no fun, Navy Boy.”

“So,” Brian began as he began to follow Justin and Emmett though the market. He wanted to get Justin off of shopping and get the man home to rest. “When am I going to meet your mom?” Brian asked.

Justin stopped in his tracks and Emmett quickly sidestepped so that he wouldn’t run Justin over. “You want to meet my mom?”

“She does know about me, right? You said so yourself. Why wouldn’t I get to meet her?” Brian asked. He had hoped that Justin would share this with him, share the experience of having a mother who might actually care. Whether or not she did, was another question… one that Brian was determined to get answered. He wanted to meet this woman and try to gauge for himself on whether or not she would hurt Justin. He wanted to see for himself if she was being honest. He couldn’t do that if he didn’t meet her.

“Well.” Justin began, looking sideways at Brian. “I guess we could try when we get back.”

“Why not give her a call. We can pay to have her come here. I’m sure that the two of you can come up with something to do for 10 days. We just got here, Justin it’s not like you can’t. You want her around for Christmas, so go call her and invite her to come… or we could go back there. Either way, don’t you want to spend it with her?” With that being said, Brian made his way further down the walk, giving Justin enough to think about for now.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian waited until he felt Justin deep in sleep before he crawled out of his lover’s embrace and pulled on a pair of sweats. Quietly he opened the door and went to the room next to theirs. “Emmett, open the damn door, I need to talk to you.” He quietly said through the door.

”What? Do you have any idea what time it is?” Emmett asked as he opened the door in a bright orange robe and boxer shorts.

“Isn’t it illegal to wear something like that?” Brian pushed his way into the room and sat down on Emmett’s couch. “Look, I don’t have time to mess around here. You’re leaving, in the morning. I already have a plane ticket waiting for you.”

“What?” Emmett sat down next to Brian and looked at the man like he had lost his mind. “DO you mind telling me WHY I am leaving?”

Brian sat back and rested his head on the back of the sofa. “Justin just found out that who he thought was his family really wasn’t. That’s what all those mystery meetings were all about.” Brian explained.

“The woman he met at the market that day? Are you telling me she is his sister? Mother?”

“From what he’s told me, she’s his mother… and it seems that he thinks that Harry is his father.”

“What?!” Emmett exclaimed. “Why didn’t Harry say anything before now? Justin has been around him for months and it’s never been mentioned?” Emmett was hot, angry that the man he had grown to respect would do that to Justin. It just didn’t add up. “Wait a minute… he didn’t know, did he?”

Brian shook his head. “I don’t think so. But I want to do something for Justin and I need your help. I want to get everyone down to our place in Baja, have a little ‘family’” Brian began shaking his head. “Family gathering there. Have Justin, Harry, and this Jennifer there. Meet the family, get to know one another, that sort of thing.”

“And you want us there to see how she will react.” Emmett stated knowing full well where Brian was coming from. Seeing Brian shrug, Emmett knew he would help Brian out, especially if it would help Justin. “If she tries anything…”

“She’ll have to deal with me.” Brian simply stated.

Emmett knew heard the conviction in Brian’s voice and nodded. “I’ll pack and be on the plane tomorrow. Just tell me what I need to do.”

“Simple, keep Harry there. Don’t let him leave. See if you can help him get the place ready for the masses… but don’t tell him about the other added surprise. No one is to know about that, but you and I. Understand?”

Emmett gave Brian a huge smile and held out his hand. “I like the way your mind works. I’m in.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***




“Hello, is this Jennifer Taylor?”

“Yes”

“This is Brian Kinney, Justin’s husband.”

“Hello Brian, Justin’s told me a lot about you.” her voice was soft and well educated. Brian felt uneasy listening to her. He could tell she was a class above his own parents.

“Justin is having rather a difficult time adjusting to everything. I was wondering if maybe you’d like to spend Christmas with us and the rest of our ‘family’. It would mean a lot to Justin to have you meet with those he’s considered family for the last few years.”

“That sounds lovely, but I thought you and Justin were spending the holidays in Italy.”

“We talked about it once we got here and both realized he’d rather spend Christmas with his newly found mother. And what better time to meet everyone than Christmas.”

“It is a time for family. I have to agree.”

“I tell you what Jennifer. Why don’t I arrange for you to fly to Baja. We usually spend our Christmas there each year. I’ll have the rest of the family come as well. The house is large enough to hold all of us, but if you’d feel more comfortable, I can arrange for a hotel.”

“What does Justin think about this?” she asked.

“Justin loves having his family around him. But this is my little surprise for my husband, my Christmas present for him and for all of you. The weather is lovely there.”

A few more pleasantries were exchanged and Brian took down the details he would need to book her flights. He was going to warn her not to hurt Justin, but thought better of it at the last minute. But if she did hurt him, she might as well head for the hills; her life wouldn’t be safe as far as Brian was concerned. Justin didn’t need the grief.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

The phone calls to Lindsay and Daphne went much better than Brian had expected. Both of the girls were desperately homesick for their friends. It didn’t take much to persuade them to leave the cold north and fly south to Baja for a week. Especially when Brian was paying for the ticket.

Brian left telling Harry there would be a houseful up to Emmett. He’d given him his credit card and told him to make sure the house was decorated and the food and drink was plentiful.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

The last set of calls Brian made were to the ‘family’ back in Virginia. He felt relief when he got Vic instead of Debbie. Quickly he explained the situation to Vic and told the other man what he needed to know. He had already bought the tickets on line and knew that if anyone could get the rest of the gang out of the house and down to Baja, it would be Vic.

Now all Brian had to do was hope that everything would work out. He hoped that Justin wouldn’t try to contact the family and find out that they weren’t there. This had to go without a hitch, and Brian was going to do everything in his power to make sure that happened.


~~~***~~~***~~~***




“Brian?” Justin asked as he limped his way over to where Brian was sitting on the couch of their room. “Where’s Emmett? I tried his room, but they told me that he had checked out. Is he okay? Did he mention to you that he was leaving?”

Brian could hear the worry and fear in his lover’s voice, and Brian reached out to pull Justin down on his lap. “Don’t worry. Emmett and I talked about it, and I just basically told him that we wanted time alone for a bit. He’ll be waiting for us when we get home. Trust me. I didn’t do anything to chase him off.” Brian said with a small smirk.

“I certainly hope so. He’s been a big help. Have I told you that I love you, and how grateful I am that you let him stay with me?” Justin told Brian as he began to wiggle on his lover’s lap.

“Not recently… but now we don’t have time. We have to check out ourselves. We have a plane to catch.” Brian stated as he lifted his lover up off of his lap.

“What? Brian?” Justin was in shock wondering what Brian was doing. They had just gotten to Italy and now suddenly Brian was getting ready to leave? Justin didn’t understand what was going on.

Brian turned back to Justin and placed his hands on Justin’s shoulders. “You wanted to spend time with your mom for Christmas right? Well we’re going to, but to do that we have to leave here.” Brian explained hoping that Justin would be okay with his little plan.

Justin jumped up into Brian’s arms and began to plant kisses all over Brian’s face. “I love you, I love you. Thank-you.”

“Thank me when we get there. Now get your pretty blond ass in gear. We have to be at the plane in six hours.” Brian turned back around to finish the packing he had started earlier. He only hoped that this wouldn’t blow up in his face. All he knew was that by the New Year, he would have his answers.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
23 December 2014

Dear Justin,

We are on a plane right now, heading to our home in Baja. I can only hope that I’m making the right decision. I hope that I’m not fucking things up and making things worse for you. But I have to do this.

I have to make sure that she won’t hurt you, that Harry won’t turn against you. I have to try and protect you from that. If I can’t protect you from everything, I sure as hell will try to protect you from this.

Maybe it’s my own fucked up life coming back to haunt me… maybe it’s both of us being disappointed over and over again by our parents that has me on edge. I don’t know, but I do know that I won’t let you suffer because they can’t handle shit.

I love you, and I hope this week goes well. I want you to have the family you deserve; I want you to be happy. I hope this just doesn’t blow up in my face.

I love you, Justin. Everything I do I do for you.

My Avalon,
Brian

~~~***~~~***~~~***
End of Chapter Fourteen

Chapter 15 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Fifteen




“Brian, wake up.” Justin hissed and shook his husband’s arm. He looked around to make sure the other military people weren’t listening. But they all seemed to be quite calm sitting in the large cabin of the airplane.

“What?” Brian hadn’t really been sleeping but he’d been hoping that Justin would have taken the hint and fallen asleep himself. Apparently his plan hadn’t worked.

“We got on the wrong plane. I told you these military flights aren’t marked very well. I think we’re over the Atlantic.”

Brian pretended to look out the window. “Hmmm, you could be right. Well snuggle close pretty boy; it’s a long time till we land.” He put his arm around Justin and tried to move him close. Justin was unresisting though stiff.

“Brian” he hissed again. “Do something”

“I could go tell the pilot to turn around, but somehow I don’t think he’ll listen to me.”

“I’m never going to see my mother for Christmas at this rate.” Justin grumbled. “I should have known it was too good to be true.”

Brian relented and kissed his husbands forehead. “Smile for me Justin, I have a surprise for you.”

“Oh gawd Brian, not a surprise?” Justin groaned dramatically. Brian’s surprises were legendary in the Taylor-Kinney household for rarely turning out to be anything but disasters.

“Come on, the last one wasn’t so bad.” Brian smirked tongue in cheek.

“Daphne didn’t talk to me for a week.”

“Well this is better.”

“What” Justin couldn’t imagine. He’d given up thinking he could out smart Brian when it came to his little ‘arranged surprises.”

“This time it involves your mother.”

“Brian tell me you didn’t do anything to my mother. I just found her.”

“Pretty boy, you wound me deeply.” Brian put his hand over his heart and sighed dramatically.

“What did you do?

“I invited Jennifer and the gang to meet us in Baja so that we could celebrate Christmas. I thought that you and I had such a great Christmas there our first time. It would be perfect for you to get to know your mom and your mom to get to know me and the rest of the family.”

“Brian, Harry is there.” Justin all but shrieked. Heads turned to look at the two men and Justin flushed with embarrassment. “I can’t see Harry. He doesn’t know about me. Mom can’t see him, she doesn’t know about him.”

“You haven’t told your mom that Harry is around?” Brian suspected that his husband had neglected that part, which was part of this whole escapade.

“No” Justin said miserably. “She’s going to hate me now. Harry is going to hate me.”

“Why would your parents hate you? Harry already loves you like a son. And you told me your mother said she’s always loved you.”

“Because I didn’t tell mom about Harry and I didn’t tell Harry about mom and me.” Justin’s eyes filled with tears. Everything was too much, too soon.

Brian stroked Justin’s hair and then turned his husband’s face to his. “Justin, you’re a big boy, damn near thirty. You have made a great life for yourself. You’ve married a wonderful guy.” Justin rolled his eyes. “You’ve found yourself your very own little family, each of them irritating in their own special way, just like real life. So having your mother meet your father is not really a big deal. They’ll eventually love you for it. Mysterious Marilyn is probably taking credit at this moment for bringing you all together.”

“Do you think my mom will like the gang?” Justin asked.

“Well, I’m sure they’ll give her lots of reason to continue living in Spain.” Brian laughed. “Ouch” Justin had punched him in his arm.

“What about Harry; do you think he’ll hate me?”

“Na, he loves you and your cute little bubble butt.” Brian chuckled.

“Brian, I’m scared. But I’m glad you told me about the surprise. I would have killed you if I’d found out all at once. This way I have time to throw up and stuff.”

“You aren’t going to throw up. You’re my brave boy. I’ll protect you forever from the wrath of the family and anyone else who dares to bother you.”

“Did I tell you how much I love you?”

“I can’t hear it often enough Justin. Not often enough.” Brian leaned over and let his lips show Justin just how he felt. He didn’t care that the plane was full of military personnel. “So am I forgiven? Is this a good surprise?” He asked still feeling the slight sting at Justin not trusting him enough. He figured he would get a little payback from Justin for the hell at Thanksgiving. If Justin felt like Brian was really hurting and worried that he didn’t do right, then maybe Justin would cater to his needs.

“Time will tell. I’ll get back to you on that.” Justin smiled against Brian’s lips.

“Smart ass.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Lindsey looked over at Daphne as they watched the scene before them. They had been the first ones to arrive after Emmett of course, and now they watched as the rest of the gang tried to figure out what was going on. “So you’re Sunshine’s mother? Well where the hell have you been for the past 29 years!?” Deb yelled at the lovely woman standing off to the side.

Harry had come into the room, took one look at Ms. Taylor and walked out. Daphne was almost positive that she had never seen anyone turn that white. She hoped he was alright, and that he would be back.

Once she had arrived, she had quickly figured out what was really going on. “Do you think that this is a good idea on Brian’s part,” she whispered into Lindsay’s ear. “I think that we may have a huge mess on our hands.”

“I’m sure Brian is doing what he thinks is best. What, I don’t know, but I’m sure in his mind it’s the right thing to do.” Lindsay stated as she looked out at the scene before them. Debbie was on the warpath, trying to figure out what was going on and why someone would just abandon their child. “I wish Deb would leave it all alone. I’m sure that there is a good enough reason behind all of this.”

“Like what? Leave Justin alone to suffer? Let him think that he had a family who didn’t give a shit about him?” Daphne asked. That was what was bothering her about the whole thing. She had seen how much his ‘parents’ had hurt him, how much it seemed like they hadn’t cared one bit if he was alive or dead. Now she finds out that they weren’t really his parents and now this lady shows up out of the blue, years later and wants to be a family. Daphne had to take a deep breath to calm her sudden anger at the woman before her. Lindsay was right, they didn’t know. “I can tell you this… I will find out what is going on. And if she tries to hurt Justin, she’s going to he hurting. Then I’m going after Brian. This was a stupid plan.”

Lindsay placed her hand lightly on Daphne’s arm. “I’m sure that Brian knows what he’s doing. The last thing he wants is to hurt Justin, he would rather die. He knows better than anyone what it’s like to have a family who wishes you weren’t born. He wants to protect Justin from having to go through that. Justin went through hell growing up… but he never had to face the reality of having a mother or father tell you they don’t want you. Justin didn’t have the words voiced. He thought it, I’m sure… but he never heard it. Let Brian handle this. I can tell you that if anyone hurts Justin… Brian will make them pay.”

“I know… I just wish Justin didn’t have to be stuck in the middle.” Daphne looked back over at Ms. Taylor. “And when Brian’s done with them… everyone else will have to wait in line cause whatever is left, is mine.”

“Somehow I don’t think anyone will get in your way. I’ll be right beside you.” She said with an evil smile.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Brian thanks for this.” Justin laid his head on Brian’s shoulder. They had stopped in Virginia to allow time for all of the family to get together. It had been Justin’s idea to be fresh when they arrived. And now they were in the rental car driving toward the Baja house from the last airport stop. “I think in the long run it’s good to get it all out in the open and over with. I’m not sure Christmas is the best time though.”

“Why not, it’s the time of goodwill and all that.” Brian rubbed Justin’s leg. “We’re almost there. Do you see any fireworks coming from the roof?”

“Nope, it looks peaceful.” Justin sat us straight. “You know we could always don the diving gear and disappear into our cave if it gets too rough.”

“I’ve already thought of that.” Brian smirked. “I’ll get it ready first thing.”

The whole house was in a turmoil when they arrived. Brian and Justin could hear the raised voices as they walked up the porch stairs. Hand in hand they walked in the door. “Merry Christmas” they called out.

Silence dropped a blanket over the room. All eyes turned toward the two men. “Mom, I see you’ve met the family. Sorry we couldn’t get here first to greet you, but I’m sure that everyone was polite and made you feel welcome.” Justin saw Debbie’s face flush. Justin walked over and gave is mother a kiss. “Mom, this is my husband, I believe you’ve already talked to him.”

“Hey Mom” Brian said with a smile as he bent and kissed her soft cheek.

“Brian, I can see that Justin was right. There is a lot of Irish in you.” her eyes twinkled as she spoke.

“Where’s Harry?” Justin asked as he looked around the room.

“I haven’t met anyone called Harry yet.” She said.

“I saw him go out back.” Emmett volunteered. He couldn’t stop smiling. Brian had been right, Justin did need this. “I’m going to go into the kitchen and check on lunch. Marilyn do you want to help me?” he asked.

“I’d love to.” Marilyn said. She got up with a swirl of skirts. As she passed Jennifer and the two men, she said. “Jennifer dear, don’t wait to long to go out onto the wharf. You really need to go there now.”

Jennifer Taylor looked puzzled. “Mom, why don’t you do as Marilyn said? I’ve found it best not to argue with her.”

“Alright Justin, Brian, you look after him now until I can come back.”

“Always have, always will.” Brian said as he wrapped his arm around his husband.

Jennifer had barely cleared the door when Debbie started. “Sunshine what is the meaning of all this. Why is that woman here? I mean she abandoned her own child to live a life of hell, perfect hell.” She spluttered.

“Deb, you don’t know the whole story. Leave it be until my mom tells you.” Justin’s voice was quiet. Everyone’s eyes had stayed watching Brian and Justin. They couldn’t help but see how comfortable the two men were with each other and with Jennifer Taylor. Lindsay and Daphne looked at each other and shrugged. Whatever was happening was a mystery to the two of them.

“Ben, I’m glad Michael was able to bring you along. You’ll love the beach here.” Justin smiled up at Ben. “Brian, I’m going to sit down and put my foot up. Why don’t you take Michael and Ben down to the beach and show them some of our favorite spots.”

“Are you sure?” Brian asked. His eyes asked more questions and Justin was able to answer them with a kiss that deepened immediately into one filled with promises of more to come. “I guess you’re sure.” Brian said softly when they parted. “Come on boys, let’s leave Justin to the tender mercies of the women. You two behave yourself with my husband, remember he’s still fragile.”


~~~***~~~***~~~***

Jennifer didn’t know what to expect when she walked out to the end of the wharf. It was a beautiful day and she enjoyed just having an excuse to be away from the noisy group that she’d left behind in the house.

Mysterious Marilyn was quite the character; she’d have to ask permission later to sketch her. These thoughts and others were running through her mind as she strolled onto the wooden planks that made up the wharf.

A lone man stood with his head bowed at the very end of the wooden pathway that cut into the ocean. He turned as her footsteps got nearer. His eyes, blue as when she’d last remembered them, as blue as Justin’s own, looked at her. “I thought you’d disappeared. I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me.” He managed to say finally.

“Harry, but you’re dead.” Jennifer rushed into his arms. She pinched him. “You aren’t, you’re real.” She burst into tears. Instinctively his arms folded around her, cradling her and protecting her from the world.

“You thought I was dead?” Harry was finally able to say as he dried her tears with a tissue he’d had in his pocket.

“I saw the news report. You never answered my letters. Yes I thought you were dead. Though deep inside I knew you were alive. I thought it was because of our baby. I thought that’s why you weren’t dead to me. You lived through our baby.”

“We had a baby?” Harry’s eyes were wide.

“Yes, Justin is your son.”

“Justin, my Justin is my son?” Harry felt like he was on some kind of emotional roller coaster. One minute his life was that of a lonely widower and the next moment he’d found the woman he’d been in love with for thirty years and that he had a son.
“It’s funny, when I saw you walking through the door, my heart stopped. I knew it was you the moment I saw you, but I couldn’t believe my eyes. I had to get away.” A car horn blew. “I was waiting for that taxi to take me away from everything and you came out and found me.”

“Send the taxi back Harry. You can’t leave now after so long. You have to tell me where you’ve been.”

Harry took her by the shoulders. “Jenny girl, it’s been a long time. I don’t know if I can deal with all of this right now. I think I will take that taxi, but I’ll be back. Never fear, I’ll be back. I just need a bit of time to process everything. Will you wait for me?”

“I’ve waited for you all these years Harry, another few hours isn’t going to make much difference.” Jennifer smiled at his pet name for her. She stepped back to let him go, knowing that’s the only way he’d be able to return to her.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Surprisingly things were going well; at least Brian was hoping it was. The walk to the beach with Michael and Ben had allowed him to clear up any misunderstandings they might have about the week. He had felt bad when he’d found out that Harry had disappeared. He hadn’t fully taking into Harry’s feelings in this whole mess, and knew he might have some apologies to give. He liked Harry and hoped that the man stuck around, even if it was only as a friend and not a father to Justin. Justin didn’t need to lose the friendship because of this.

Brian stepped outside to grab a quick cigarette needing a break from all the family cheer. This year was different for him; it was the first year that it was not him and Justin alone. This time it was family… something he had never had before. Something that he wasn’t sure he knew how to deal with. Just another thing he hadn’t taken into account when he had planed this for Justin. The only thing on his mind was Justin, nothing and no one else mattered. He hoped that Justin liked his surprise, and his lover would forgive him for taking a break or two… or a hundred.

“He seems to be well loved.” Came the soft, educated voice of Justin’s mother from behind Brian. “I wanted to thank-you for this. For allowing this to happen, for sharing him with me this Christmas.”

“I didn’t do it for you,” Brian told her honestly. “I knew that Justin wanted to spend it with you, even if he wouldn’t tell me. He deserves to get to know you, and you should get to know him. It’s the right thing to do.”

“I won’t hurt him. I just want to get to know him, and be whatever he wants me to be.” She told Brian. She knew that Brian was worried; she figured that out the moment she walked into the house and saw what was waiting for her. She could only hope that they could work together for Justin’s sake if nothing else. “I hope that we can be friends, Brian. I want you to know that I will do anything to keep Justin from harm.”

“Just like a mother,” Brian let out a small laugh as he shook his head. His whole conversation with Ben replaying in his mind. “You wouldn’t be a mother if you didn’t look out for your young. And I hope you’re right. I don’t want to see Justin hurt, never do. As long as you don’t, we’ll get along fine.”

Jennifer nodded as she moved beside Brian. “I’m glad that he has you to watch out for him.”

“It’s them in that room that make all the difference. I’m hardly around.” Brian told her as he watched Justin talk amongst their friends. Justin looked happy, and that was all Brian had hoped for, that’s what he had wanted to happen this week. “They are the ones you have to convince, not me. As long as I see Justin happy… we’re good. If being with you makes him happy then I’m all for it. I don’t care if you only talk about art, it makes him happy. Families are overrated if you ask me, but they are important to Justin. He needs that.”

“What about you? What do you need?” She asked honestly intrigued by the man who had captured her son’s heart.

“Justin’s all the family I need.” Brian stated as he left her alone on the patio to search for his husband. Let Ms. Taylor think about that, was his thinking. He wanted her to think about what he had said, what he believed. He hoped she didn’t let Justin down, cause Brian knew that it would destroy his lover. He didn’t need to give a warning; if she was as smart as he figured she was… she would be able to read between the lines.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

After Brian had left Justin to the devices of the women, leaving instructions that his husband needed to rest, Brian went in search of the other part of this whole mess. Stepping outside, he spotted a lone figure by the gazebo where he and Justin had been married two years ago.

“I’m sorry,” Brian stated as he came up beside Harry sitting down on a lone bench so he could look out at the ocean.

“For what? Giving me a son I never knew I had?” Harry asked looking over his shoulder at Brian, giving the man a small smile. “You have nothing to apologize for, Brian.”

Brian took a deep breath not sure what was going through the other man’s mind. “I don’t know, maybe I should apologize for not thinking about you when I got everyone here… for not giving you a heads up as to what you might expect. Maybe I should have given you some warning, let you decide. Instead I took the decision away from you and forced this all on you.”

Harry laughed and shook his head. “I missed it all, you know. I wish I had been able to see him grow up, give him a better life than what he had.”

“If you had done that, then I might not be here now. It’s our pasts that make us who we are. I don’t think Justin would want to change a thing, not if it meant he couldn’t have what he does now. And not only me.” Brian began. He waited until he had Harry’s full attention before he continued. He wanted the man to know where he was in their life. “You and Justin are more than any father/son could ever be. You’re friends, good friends. He can confide in you, talk to you, more than he can with almost anyone else. Would you want to take that away from him? Will that change now that you know the truth?”

“I hope to God it won’t. I knew that there was something about him, something that I had been missing. I just didn’t know what.” Harry tried to hold back the emotions that had been threatening to fall since the moment he had seen Jennifer Taylor again. He knew at that moment what it all meant, and how his life would change. “Do you think he hates me? Cause I wasn’t the father he needed me to be?”

Brian stood from his spot to stand beside the man who had entered their life over a year ago. “No, I don’t. I think he now has more than he could ever hope for, that he will cherish what you have, and you will be able to build on it. It’s what I hope anyway. He deserves it all. The question is, do you want to be a father to him?”

Harry stood there looking out at the ocean, trying to come up with that answer. Could he erase the pain of the last 29 years and erase the pain of what he had missed? Could he see himself trying to be a father to a son he never knew existed? He knew Justin, the artist, the husband, the man… but he didn’t know Justin the son. “I want to try, but it won’t be easy. Then there’s Jennifer to consider.”

“Fuck that. You two need to work together to make this the best thing for everyone. If you two never see each other again after this, then so what… as long as you don’t try to put Justin in the middle, everything will work out.” Brian told the older man.

“I thought I could just get away, you know. I tried to get in the taxi and leave. But about a mile down the road, I realized I couldn’t. I thought about Justin, and how crushed he would be…” Shaking his head and running a hand through his light blond hair. “I couldn’t do it. So I came out here…walked actually. I didn’t think anyone would miss me.”

“We all do, and we would if you had left. Justin cares about you, loves you. Do you know he wanted to tell you every time he talked to you. He’s scared, Harry. Scared to death about what you will think, what you will do. He doesn’t want to lose you, and frankly I don’t either.” Brian couldn’t believe that he had admitted that, but he was glad he did. He didn’t want to lose Harry, he had grown very fond on the man, and couldn’t see his life without him there. “Just take some time, but please don’t shut us out. We do care, even if we don’t always show it.”

“Thank-you, Brian. You’re a good man. I’m glad that my son found someone like you. I just wish I had been able to be there the day you married.” Harry stated as he looked out across the yard. “I bet it was beautiful. Maybe one day you’ll renew your vows so that his mother and I can be there?”

“Who knows, maybe one day? We’ll see how we all survive this.” Brian laughed shaking his head. The thought of going through that again scared Brian to no end. “I think once was enough… too damn scary for words.”

“Trust me, I can relate. Now go back inside and be with your husband. I’ll be in shortly.” Harry watched as Brian began to make his way down the small path to the house. “And Brian?” He called out to the man. “Thank-you… for everything.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian walked into the living room. Emmett was talking to Marilyn. Michael and Ben were outside walking along the beach holding hands. Brian could hear Debbie and Vic bickering in the kitchen as they prepared something for everyone to eat, with small asides from Lindsay and Daphne as they joined in the conversation. Justin was on the sofa, his bad foot stretched out comfortably on a cushion, his eyes were shut and he looked exhausted. Brian walked over and sat down beside him, pulling him close. “Hey pretty boy, you look beat.” He whispered. Rarely did Brian show this side of him when the others were close by.

“Hey Navy Boy” Justin murmured.

“Do you want to lie down before we eat?”

“No, I’m okay. It’s just been kind of overwhelming. How’s Harry doing? I haven’t seen him and I’m kind of worried about him?”

“He’ll be fine. It’s a lot for him to take in too.” Brian kissed Justin tenderly. “I talked to your mom. She’s doing okay, holding her own with the gang.”

“I bet you warned her not to hurt me.” Justin gave a half laugh. He knew his overprotective husband.

“I might have mentioned something.” Brian admitted.

“I think I should go and talk to Harry.” Justin said. He pushed himself upright.

“I think you should too.” Brian’s voice was low. “I’ll talk to the girls and see how the bedrooms have been divided up. Do you want me to run you into town later? It is the day before Christmas?”

“It’s strange, with everything going on, I almost forgot that.” Justin smiled up at his husband. “I can’t believe you offered to go Christmas shopping with me.”

“Someone has to make sure you don’t go overboard.” Brian smirked.

“You love me and you know it.” He kissed Brian. “Help me up. I’m going to find my dad.” He looked quizzically at Brian. “That felt kind of strange saying that.”

Brian helped him to his feet, handed him his crutches and the kissed him soundly before whispering. “Harry is out in the gazebo.”

“Hey” Justin said when he was a few feet from the gazebo. “Crutches in sand really sucks.” He laughed.

Harry watched his independent son walking toward him. He knew better than to offer his assistance to the proud young man. Before Justin reached the small thatched structure, Harry began to speak. “I’m sorry Justin. I’m sorry you had to go through what you did as a child. I didn’t know.”

“Don’t be sorry for something you couldn’t help.” Justin smiled at him. He recognized now why Harry’s eyes had always seemed so familiar. He saw them every day in the mirror. He looked shy. “Can I call you Dad? I never really had anyone to call that before.”

“No one has ever called me that before, I’d be proud to have you call me Dad.” Harry smiled through watery blue eyes. The same eyes that looked back at him. “Life sure is strange isn’t son?”

“It sure is.” Justin agreed. “Are you and mom?” the question wasn’t finished and hung there in the air between them.

“I don’t know what your mother and I are going to do. A lot of time has passed since I first fell in love with my Jenny girl. A lot of time.”

“She waited for you all these years. She was sure you were out there somewhere.” Justin said.

“I see you get your stubbornness from your mother.” Harry said with a soft laugh. “And your liking for Navy men. I suppose if Brian disappeared you’d wait for him too.”

“I’d wait for him until the day I died.” Justin admitted. “Brian has promised to always come back to me. He never breaks his promises.”

“He might not be able to you know. His work is dangerous.”

“He’ll come back to me.” Justin said with assurance. “Even if it’s only in my dreams, he’ll be back.”

“I’m glad you have someone like Brian in your life. It makes what you went through as a child seem somehow worthwhile. It made you the man you are today.”

Justin laughed, his laugh tinged with bitterness. “A man who needs constant assurance of his husband’s love?”

“Everyone needs that son. Everyone needs to hear the words as often as they can.” Harry stood up. “Let me help you back to the house. I think you should rest that ankle. I’m sure you don’t want to spend extra time in a cast.”
“Thanks Dad.” Justin said as he allowed his father to help him to the house.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin crawled into bed, and lifted the covers for Brian to crawl in beside him. After removing his shorts, Brian slid in beside him so Justin could lay his head on Brian’s chest. “Thank-you.”

“So I guess this is one surprise that actually worked?” Brian joked, moving his shoulder so Justin’s head slid across his chest. “I mean since all of my things are disastrous.”

“Not everything, smart ass. You just have this little tendency to go overboard, to think that you know what I want. You have a very strong presence that it’s hard for someone to say no to you.” Justin stated letting the small smile on his lips show he wasn’t really upset. “I love you for it, no matter the outcome. It shows that you care, that you love me. It’s more than I could have ever hoped for.”

“I do, and I only want what’s best for you, Justin. I want you to be happy. So if this isn’t what you want, tell me… we’ll be on the next plane out of here.” Brian lifted Justin’s face from his chest and looked into his lover’s eyes. He wanted to see the truth that was buried in his soul. “Are you happy?”

“More than I could have ever hoped to be. You make me happy, every second of every day.” Justin leaned in and kissed Brian lightly on the lips. Lowering himself back down onto Brian’s chest, he began to glide his hands over his lover’s firm body. “Are you happy? I have hardly seen you since we got in.”

Brian took a deep breath and ran his hands up and down Justin’s back. “I’m happy as long as you are. It’s just a little overwhelming for me is all. I’m not really used to having a ‘family’ get-together. This is all new to me, remember. It just takes some getting used to.”

Justin leaned up to run his hand over Brian’s cheek. “I didn’t realize that this would be hard for you. I guess I was just caught up in everything; it never even registered.”

“I’m fine, Justin. Just know that if I’m not in sight, I am most likely taking a little breather. I will get used to this eventually, Justin. Time… that’s all it takes.” Brian leaned his forehead against his husbands and placed a light kiss on Justin’s nose. “Besides, this is just the first of many family gatherings, I’m sure. It’s a good test of my mental capacity, and sanity.”

“I guess if everyone comes out of this intact, and without any guns being drawn we should count this a success then?” Justin laughed knowing how his husband worked. He knew that Brian tended to get a little crazy when things got out of hand, or became overwhelming. “I’ll be there to protect you. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

“My hero. Now get some sleep… tomorrow’s a big day. Christmas here we come.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin sat in one of the plush chairs on Brian’s lap looking at everyone moving around the living room. He was thrilled that everything turned out well, that his rush Christmas shopping had gone over well. He still was amazed how patient Brian was, and the fact that the man had been so willing to take him shopping. Justin knew that his husband despised it, hated shopping with a passion, so it had meant more than anything else. Well that, and it seemed like Brian was more willing to be open around others this Christmas. “I still can’t believe this, it’s like a dream.” Justin leaned back against Brian resting his head in the crook of Brian’s neck. “I used to dream about this when I was growing up. Having my family around, having a real Christmas. I owe it all to you.”

“I didn’t do anything. You’re the one who found your parents. All I did was make some phone calls.” Brian stated as he wrapped his arms around Justin, pulling his lover tighter against his chest. “I’ll do anything as long as it makes you happy.”

Justin turned his head so he could plant a kiss on the side of Brian’s neck. “I love you. And I thank-you for giving me this.” Justin saw the small smile on his husband’s lips before he went back to resting his head against Brian. “What do you think about what Deb was talking about?”

“How dry the turkey was?” Brian purposely stated, avoiding the topic.

Justin pinched Brian, and glared up to him. “Noooo. About having a family, our own family.”

Brian took a deep breath and let it out slowly. This was a topic that he knew would be coming. ‘I’ve seen Justin; he looks like the nesting type to me. You wait and see; one of these days he’ll be convincing you that it would be a good idea for the two of you to have a kid.’ His friend told him before his and Justin’s first Christmas as a married couple. It had never left his mind. Brian was as unsure of the answer now as he was then. “Justin, think about it. What would we have to offer a child? I’m gone most of the time, that would mean you would be alone…it would be our damn childhoods all over again.”

“But it would be a part of you, have you thought about that? A child would give me something else to think about while you’re gone, keep me out of trouble.” Justin joked. Justin had never really thought about having a child, but hearing Deb mention it stirred something within him that he didn’t know existed. “Will you think about it? For me?”

“If we were to do this, who would be the father?”

“In today’s society, it is possible that we both could be the father. You know, have one’s DNA joined with the sperm of the other. The wonders of modern technology.” Justin laughed. “Scary if you think about it.”

“What would you tell the child if something were to happen to me and I didn’t come home?” Brian asked Justin letting his fears come out. “How would you… would you be able to handle the care of a child if something happened to me?”

Justin turned around slightly, realizing his husband’s fears. “Brian, if we were to have a child, I would never let them think that we didn’t love them. I would never wish that we didn’t have them. I would do everything I could to keep the child safe, and loved. They will never hear me say that I wish they weren’t there, that they weren’t born. If something were to happen, I would be able to pour everything I have into them… it would hurt, but we’d go on. I’d have a part of you with me.”

Brian nodded, taking in what Justin was telling him. He wanted to share Justin’s enthusiasm and optimism, but he wasn’t sure that it was possible. He didn’t want to think that Justin would have to handle things without him, but he knew that the possibility was there. “What if I’m sterile

“There’s one way to find out. They do tests for that sort of thing. And if you are, then we can use your DNA and my sperm.” Justin explained. He already had a reply to every one of Brian’s scenarios. “Brian, you might as well say yes… I want to have a baby with you. I want to someday have someone that we can both love and care for. I want to have something to care for while you’re away. It doesn’t have to be now, it could be years from now… but I want that. Think about it, please.”

“You really want this don’t you?” Brian asked looking down at Justin, reading the truth in his husband’s eyes. “Okay… we can do what we need to do, check into the procedures, whatever.”

“Thank-you.” Justin reached up and kissed Brian on the lips. “Now who would be the mom?”

“You?” Brian joked but felt Justin’s reply to that in his ribs as his lover elbowed him. “Okay… geeze. Well we have two candidates right there in Linds and Daphne.”

“They already are fighting over it. Did you see the look in their eyes when Deb brought it up?” Justin laughed. He couldn’t believe that the two women would fight over who would carry the child, if there was to be one. “How about we let them fight over it?”

“You know if you let them decide then we will never have a child.” Brian looked over at the two women standing in a corner of the room, obviously in a heated discussion. “Christ! I never thought that people would be fighting over our sperm. It’s just… just wrong!”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“I’ve known Brian my whole life. It would make sense that I carry the child. Plus I’m an artist as well, just like Justin. It would work out perfectly.” Lindsey tried to reason with her friend. “Besides, it’s not like I have a demanding job. I could take time off easily if something were to happen.”

“That’s beside the point. And I’ve known Justin for like ever. I would be the most likely person. I’m always around Justin when Brian’s away, and I don’t have a partner to consider. You’re seeing someone, who might not be too happy about you carrying someone’s child. Who’s to say that they don’t want to have the child themselves… try and take the child away from Justin and Brian?” Daphne threw back. “It makes perfect sense that I carry the child.”

Lindsey looked at Daphne and shook her head. “So? I would make it perfectly clear that wasn’t the case. It wouldn’t be an issue.”

“You say that now, but what about months from now?”

Brian and Justin sat back and listened to the argument, both shaking their heads. “Let them fight it out. I for one, don’t want to get in the middle of a cat fight.” Brian told Justin as the women’s argument started to get more heated.

“And I’m injured.” Justin stated as he began to follow his husband out of the room, past the two women. “I prefer to live to see tomorrow. I don’t think I will ever understand women.”

Brian glanced at his husband with an evil look in his eye. “You know, I still have Jacobs’ number. We could have her be the mom.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Justin!” Brian called out as he walked back out of the villa. “Will you let your mother go, or better yet, get her in here so you can rest!”

“He loves me,” Justin smiled at his mother, laughing. “Coming dear.”

“You really should be nicer to him. He loves you a great deal. It’s not nice to torture him so much.” Jennifer laughed as she shook her head. She was thrilled that she was able to spend this time with Justin, and it made everything easier for him that Justin had someone like Brian in his life. Brian was everything she had hoped her son would have in life, someone who would do anything for him. She grabbed a hold of Justin’s carry-on bag and followed him into the house.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
Christmas 2013 –

“Lindsay, here’s the deal” Daphne stood with her arms crossed at the far end of the beach. The two women had left the busy and noisy house to talk about their feelings regarding maybe carrying Brian and Justin’s child.

“What?”

“The thing is if either of us does this, would we be willing to let our daughter go to live with Brian and Justin with only the occasional visit?”

“That’s what’s making this such a hard decision.” Lindsay admitted. “I love Justin but I’ve been Brian’s friend forever. We share a bond that’s never going to break. I don’t know if I can really go through with this kind of pregnancy. It’s one thing for me to carry Brian’s child, and another to be carrying Brian and Justin’s child. I won’t even be part of the baby; I’ll just be an incubator.”

“Brian is never going to fuck you Lindsay.” Daphne said bluntly. “And you’re dumb to even think that he might.”

“I know, but if Justin hadn’t…..” her word trailed off.

“He still wouldn’t have, so get over that notion.” Daphne turned to look out onto the ocean. “I’m going to do it. If there ever comes a day when they want to have a baby, then I’m going to do it. I’ve read up on the procedure and it’s relatively simple. They use Brian’s sperm and they add a mix of Justin’s DNA and voila a new life is created. Well maybe it isn’t quite that simple, but you know what I mean. Then the doctors put the little bit of the boys into my womb and nine months later I give them their daughter. It’s only a few months out of my life. I know I’ll be attached to the baby, but it won’t be mine. It’ll be a baby that belongs entirely to my best friend and his husband. I’ll be her favorite auntie.”

“I’d like to do it too.” Lindsay said quietly. “But I’d want to be part of the baby’s life. I’d want to be called Mom.”

“I’d like that too. But it would be up to the baby’s parents.” Daphne smiled at her friend.
“You know, if the time ever comes, maybe we could do it together.”

“They’d be like twins but not twins.” Lindsay laughed.

“Let’s hope that we each only have one. You know there is always a chance of multiple births.” Both girls started to laugh at the thought of Brian faced with a houseful of daughters. “Plus I think right now we have them running scared with our little scene inside.”

“Yeah, let them sweat a little before we tell them.” Lindsey laughed.





~~~***~~~***~~~***

“What’s the hurry, Brian?” Justin asked as he entered the villa. It amazed him that they would soon be leaving this place and heading back to their home in Virginia. He hoped he could convince his mother to come with them, but he knew he didn’t have much time to play with.

Brian turned to look at the two as they came into the house. He could easily see the resemblance between them and he gave a small smile. Christmas hadn’t been bad; in fact he had actually enjoyed it for the most part. He knew that Justin had what he always wanted… a family. That above all else was what Brian wanted to happen. “Come here.” He quietly said as he felt Justin’s arms go around his waist. “You do remember that I have to be on a plane tomorrow right?”

“Yes.” Justin pulled Brian closer to him. Brian hadn’t told him about the mission until the night before. He had hoped that for once they could start the New Year together, not apart. But he knew that it wouldn’t happen, at least not this year. “I’m still upset that you didn’t tell me before.”

“And ruin your Christmas?” Brian asked with a small smile. He had wanted to stay and help with the packing, wanted to stay and just be with Justin, but he knew that he couldn’t. He hadn’t wanted to ruin the holiday for his lover, since he knew that if Justin had known, there would have been a dark cloud over everything. “Think of it this way, you can spend more time with your mom, and see if you can convince her to move to the states.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Justin, has Brian left?”

Justin smiled into the phone. It was nice to have someone close care about him when Brian was on a mission. “Yes, he left real early this morning.”

“Brian said that you will be moving back to Virginia soon.”

“Sooner than I want to in one way. I’m going to hate to leave you mom, now that I’ve found you.”

“I’m not saying that I will for sure. But I may just go with you and perhaps stay for a few months to see what it’s like to live there again. There really isn’t anything holding me here.”

“And Dad and I are going to be there.” Justin said with a laugh.

“Well, you are and yes, I suppose Harry is too. I’m not so sure where Harry fits into my life or where I fit into his.”

“You could stay at Avalon with Brian and I. We have tons of room.”

“I don’t think so Justin. I’d be more comfortable in a place of my own. But I can visit often. I’ll find a place close by.”

Justin thought for a moment and realized that his mother was right. When Brian was home their lives were volatile and he was sure it would make his mother uncomfortable.

“Brian really likes you mom. He doesn’t know what to do around you. His mother always has made him feel like he should never have been born.”

“That bitch” his mother hissed.

Justin burst out laughing. “I can’t believe you said that mom.”

“Well, Brian is a wonderful man. I can’t imagine him being anything less than a wonderful boy as he grew up. I just hope I never run across the woman. For both of our sakes.”

Justin continued to giggle. Having someone he loved defend the man he loved was beyond great. “Hey mom, I have to start packing, so I’d better go.”

“Why don’t I come over and help. You still have your bad ankle to deal with.”

“I’ll put a pot of tea on.”

“See you soon Justin.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

January 23, 2014

Dear Brian:

I saw your address on a letter I was mailing for Justin and thought I’d drop you a line and send you these oatmeal raisin cookies. I made enough for you to share with your friends and the nice man I talked to at the base has assured me you will get both the letter and the package.
I spent the last couple of days helping Justin pack up your home in Spain. He’s getting excited about going back to Avalon in Virginia and having you there with him. I also had a viewing of his paintings. They are out of this world – the techniques and passion he uses in the abstracts take your breath away. But I’m sure you know that.

The powers that be work in mysterious ways, but I have to say I’m still a bit surprised that they have been so good to me lately. I’ve found both the son of my body and a son of my heart, that’s you and Justin, Brian. Please stay safe and take care.

Love
The Mom

~~~***~~~***~~~***
Brian leaned against the tree, letter in hand. He had handed off the cookies after taking a couple for himself, the moment they arrived. It gave him a chance to relax and see what Justin’s mom had to say to him. He hadn’t had too much of a chance to talk to the woman, mainly letting her and Justin get to know one another, but he had liked her. She cared a great deal for Justin, and he could tell that he needn’t worry about her ever hurting his husband.

Brian closed his eyes trying to put a halt to the emotions that were raging through him. It was a shock to him when the package arrived, even though he figured that it was something Justin would do. But finding a different handwriting on the outside caused his heart to stop in his chest. His first thought was that something had happened to Justin. When he opened it and saw the small tin, he knew that his fear was for nothing.

The words ‘son of my heart’ caused his heart to pound right out of his chest. No one had ever said those words to him, even considered him to be a son. He wished that his own mother had given a damn about him, had said one kind word about him as he was growing up. He wished that his own family could be proud of him, just once. Reading those words from someone who he barely knew… someone who from a brief contact cared about him… he couldn’t comprehend it.

Brian knew that when he got back he would have to spend some time getting to know his ‘mother-in-law’. Setting the letter in the pocket of his camies, Brian felt a small smile cross his lips. He could just imagine what it would be like if Jennifer ever met his real parents. She was feisty enough to hold her own against the Kinney ‘charm’.

That was something he would pay to see. For the first time in his life, he had a family… one who would watch out for him, and take care of him.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
End of Chapter Fifteen.

Chapter 16 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Sixteen




Present time June 2016

Brian woke and looked around. Things seemed a little clearer to him, not much, but a little. He knew that it wouldn’t last long however. Seeing the others in the cave asleep except for the watchman, Brian slowly got up. “Sir,” the man on watch asked.

“They won’t be coming here. I need to find a radio or something.” Brian stated, his voice quiet and strained. He was tired, he still couldn’t take a full breath without going into a coughing fit. Despite his current limitations, he knew he had to get them out of there. If he stayed there much longer he knew he wouldn’t be going back, he would fail in his promise to Justin.

“You can’t go, sir. You’re sick.”

“If I don’t go, we’ll all die here. Now, stay here, and keep watch. I’ll be back in two hours.” With that said, Brian made his way out of the cave. He hoped he could make it to the old check-point area his team had used on the way to this mission. He knew roughly where they were when he looked at the map. He hoped that their old hide out hadn’t been ransacked yet, and there was still the small radio they had hidden. It would take a full hour just to get there, a route that should take only 30 minutes, but Brian knew he wasn’t in the best shape.

He had to get the radio, contact someone, and get back hopefully with the radio in tow. If he could do that, and survive the trip, Brian knew that they would get home. He could only pray that this wouldn’t be his last mission, that he wouldn’t collapse on the way either to the hideout or back. All he knew was that his lungs felt like they were on fire, and he wanted to get home.

With a picture of Justin laying beside the pool they had installed, Brian began to make his way to the radio and hopefully help.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
Present time 2016

“Dad?” Justin turned at the sound of his father coming into his studio. Harry was the only other person other than Brian who had a key.

“How are you holding up son?” Truthfully Harry had taken Brian’s MIA almost as hard as Justin. Justin could see that the older man had aged since they had first heard the news.

“About the same as you.” Justin said with a rueful grin. “Brian is missing, he isn’t dead.”


~~~***~~~***~~~***

Spain 2014-January

“Is your mom all settled in?” Brian asked as he was laying in the bed waiting for Justin to come out of the bathroom.

“Yeah, she loves the place. I guess it’s a good thing we found a place close by.” Justin yelled back to his husband as he finished getting ready for bed. He was happy that he had finally gotten the cast off of his foot, and could move around better. He was still a little tender, but he knew that it would be for a while yet. “She said she’ll come for dinner on Saturday. I was thinking we could have a cook-out.”

“Justin, it’s March. It’s cold outside.” Brian shook his head, knowing that if Justin wanted a cook-out they would have one. “Maybe we need to look into getting a damn greenhouse or something.”

“That would be cool. Heated, and with the feel of summer all year round.” Justin laughed climbing on top of Brian. “We could make love outside during the winter without fear of getting frostbite.”

“Now that would be worth the extra cost.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***
May 2014

Brian walked through the p-ways of the carrier, heading toward the Command Deck. His team had just arrived with their ‘load’ and the Captain immediately wanted a status report. Coming aboard this ship was a last minute decision as the small transport they were on had lost the majority of their fuel. Once he reached the door, Brian opened it and walked in. He spotted the Captain of the ship standing with the XO and the CAG in a heated discussion. “Lieutenant Kinney reporting as ordered.” Brian stated standing at attention before the CO. He was still dressed in his black fatigues, and would occasionally catch a look from some of the men and women on the deck. He figured it wasn’t often that they saw a SEAL team in full gear with mud and grime caked against their skin.

“Lieutenant, would you mind telling me what the hell you’re doing here, and why I suddenly have 7 people in my med deck.” The CO stated.

Brian tried not to roll his eyes. He hated the Captains of the ships they went to, every one of them thinking that they had to know everything. Brian loved knocking them down a couple of places, shoving it in their faces that they had no command over him. “This was the closest ship, sir. We were low on fuel, and you were here. Any other details would of course have to be discussed with Admiral William Smith, and once I debrief with the Admiral, I can try to answer any other questions you may have, sir.”

Brian could see the angered look in the Captain’s eyes, hating that this Lieutenant was telling him that he was basically nothing in front of his crew. Brian knew that he should have asked the Captain to a private corner, but he was tired and all he wanted to do was debrief and relax. He was missing his and Justin’s anniversary, and he’d be dammed if he missed the call home to his husband because of some Captain with a bug up his ass. “Is there a place where my men and I can debrief and bunk up, sir?” Brian knew he had just made another enemy. He figured that it was just one more to add to the growing list.

“I’ll let you know, Lieutenant. I need to verify with Admiral Smith that you are who you say you are.” The Captain stated dismissing Brian. Brian stood at attention and turned to leave the bridge. He really hated ship Captains.

Brian found his men gathered in a corner in the plane holding bay. “Well boys, it looks like unless we can get a plane and get the fuck out of here, we’re sleeping right where we are.” Brian stated as he sat down next to Chief South. He was grateful that he had both Peters and South in his unit, their bond only growing over their time with the SEALs, that Brian knew he wouldn’t want anyone else in his unit. Chief South had been the best second in command that Brian could ever hope for. “The Admiral said he would talk to that asshole up on the bridge, but we’ll see.”

“Captain not too pleased with having some hot shot SEALs on his ship?” Peters asked with a small smile playing on his face.

“Nah.. why would he. He already has Marines on here, plus those damn flyboys. Now not only is he graced with our fine presence, but we came bearing some damn Army Musicians. I’d hate us too.” Stevenson, the youngest of the unit stated. “Hell, we’re lucky that they don’t throw us overboard for that alone.”

Brian shook his head, knowing that the young seaman was most likely right. It wasn’t easy for someone in command to have to step aside and let someone else make the decisions for them. Luckily Brian knew that he could trust his fellow SEALs to make the right decision, it was all the other Naval personnel that he wasn’t sure about. “All I know is that if they don’t let me use the phone by morning… they will have one pissed off blond on their hands.”

South shook his head. “That’s what happens when you aren’t there for the anniversaries. Keep that in mind Stevenson.”

“Yeah, don’t ever get married.” Peters laughed.

Brian lay back, resting his head on his backpack, and closed his eyes. “Well, I for one wouldn’t change a minute of it. Someone wake me up when they let us in to see our wards… or better yet, when they let me use the damn phone.”

“Yes, sir,” was the reply. Brian just lay there wishing he was anywhere besides this damn ship in the middle of the Atlantic. He wished he was with his husband in bed… in the hot tub… anything besides there. Of course what Brian wanted directly after talking to Justin was a nice hot shower and a change of clothes. Two more weeks before he was home. It sucked to be him.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian spent the greater part of an hour trying to get various statements from the members of the army band. He was finally almost done, as he stepped up next to South who was talking to some damn violin player. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what else happened. The next thing any of us knew we were in some truck moving to the compound.” The man stated.

Brian looked the man over, and tried not to roll his eyes. Although the man’s hair was slightly longer than regulations, Brian could see the remains of hair gel in his hair. The dirt and dead leaves were sticking to it like glue. “You didn’t see who attacked you? You didn’t see anything?” Brian asked not sure he could believe the man or not. He didn’t seem like the most intelligent person, but Brian knew that if the stories from the other men were correct, then it would be hard to miss.

“I told your friend here that I didn’t see anything. I was preoccupied at the moment, trying to fix my violin. It was damaged during transport, and I wanted to make sure it was okay to play.”

South looked down at the man on the bed in shock. “Boy, don’t you know who you’re talking to? Don’t you see the bars on his collar? I know they are black, and it’s hard to see against the black uniform, but you are talking to a Lieutenant in the U.S. Navy SEALs… you will give him the respect he deserves.” Chief South stated.

The musician was smart enough to look scared. “I apologize sir. I didn’t know. With everyone that’s come in here, trying to find out things… It won’t happen again, sir.”

Brian only nodded as he felt a hand on his shoulder. “The phone will be available for your use at 2100 hours, as per the Captain, LT.” One of his men informed him.

Brian nodded his thanks as he reached up and ran his hand through his hair. He was tired, and only wanted to crawl into the rack they were now being provided. “Forget to do something sir?” Chief South asked.

Brian looked down trying to figure out what he was talking about when he noticed that something was missing on his right wrist, and left ring finger. “Fuck. Don’t tell Justin I forgot. He’d kill me.”

“I’d never do that, sir.” South said with a smile, letting Brian know that the first chance he got, Brian was in trouble.

“Asshole.” Brian cursed shaking his head.

“That’s an interesting design,” the man on the rack stated, dragging Brian’s attention to him. “I know someone who has a bracelet like that once.”

“Really?” Brian asked the man, suddenly curious as to what this piece of slime knew. “I’m sure it’s a popular design.” Brian stated knowing full well that the statement was false.

“No, he told me that it was one of a kind… I guess he was lying. Of course we were kinda busy when he told me, so maybe he was wrong. But then again he did state something about there being one other out there. Justin was always such a romantic, I guess that’s what I love about him.”

Brian tried to stop the sudden rage that began to burn within him, making him want to rip this asshole’s throat out. “Let me guess. Ian? Yeah, it has to be you. Justin never told me the slime’s last name, but… yeah, he did mention you. Told me that you weren’t worth a red cent.” Brian told the violin player before heading out of the room.

“Sir?” Chief South asked as he came up beside Brian as they made their way down to their quarters. “Who is that?”

“It seems that I just met my husband’s ex. Ian… totally treated Justin like shit. I just want to know why Justin didn’t tell me that he had seen the shit recently.” Brian thought to himself out loud. “It seems that my little blond has been keeping secrets from me.”

“It would seem so, LT. What do you want us to do with Ian.. Sergeant Gold?”

“I know what I would like to do to the fucker, but… if we run into each other then so be it. It’s a small ship, Chief, I can’t avoid him, and I sure as hell don’t want him to think that I’m afraid of him. I know who Justin chose, as long as he doesn’t try to play some game with me… he’ll make it back to land alive. If he tries to fuck with me, tries to ‘convince’ me that Justin’s sleeping with him behind my back… all bets are off. Ian will never be parted from his violin when I get my hands on him.” Brian informed his Chief as he stepped into their quarters. “I guess I can get three hours of sleep before I have a little chat with my little ‘wifey’.” He laughed

“Night, sir. I’ll make sure you’re up for your call.”

Brian heard the Chief leave the room as he pulled a small box out of his bag and crawled onto the top rack. Placing the ring and bracelet back on his body, Brian closed his eyes. He needed to get the sudden images of his love and this slimy piece of shit out of his head. The last thing he wanted was to bring up Ian to Justin today. When he got to him, then he would have to ask Justin about it.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

21 May 2014

Justin,

Let’s see, where to start today. First off, I guess I could say that it has been an interesting 3 years. Fuck, who would have thought that three years have gone past since we stood on that beach at our home in Baja and said I do. Fuck! It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long, then again there are days that make it seem like it’s been a thousand years.

I miss you, and I wish I was there with you today. I wish I could take you in my arms and make love to you, but instead of doing that, I’m stuck here in the middle of the ocean hating life. I want to hijack a damn plane and fly there, but since that’s one of the things I don’t know how to do, I guess I’m stuck here. I hope you’re behaving yourself, and not sitting around being depressed. I do enough of that for the both of us so you can’t.

Now there is one thing that is bothering me though, and I don’t think I’ll be able to drop it until I get my answers. I saw your ex today. In fact he was one of those damn army brats we had to rescue. I wonder if I had known that one’s last name was Gold, and two if I had known he was one of the ones I was rescuing, if I would have. Would I have wanted to save him?

The scary thing is I don’t know. I would like to think that my training would make me do it, that I would be able to put aside the jealousy I feel toward him aside and do the right thing. I can’t say that though. Cause, I tell you Justin… I want to rip his fucking balls off and shove them down his throat. I may not know everything that happened during your time with him, but he had hurt you at one time. You had cared about him, and knowing you as I do, you put your all into that relationship. I wanted to kill him for hurting you so bad you didn’t see anyone for two years. That tells me the wound was deep.

But needless to say I did the right thing, he was ‘saved’. He did have some words for me, though. He wants me to think that the two of you are still seeing each other. I know he’s trying to get to me, and the sad thing is that he did. The last I knew, you hadn’t seen him since long before we met. I would have thought he was full of shit, but then he mentioned the bracelet. When did you see him, Justin? Why didn’t you tell me? Did it make me doubt us for a couple of minutes? Yes. He got to me. He’s everything that I could see you being with. He’s talented, vaguely good looking, I guess. I wouldn’t fuck him but hey… I’m sure he has something that guys find sexy. He’s smart, and from what I can see, romantic. Everything that I can see you with. Plus I’m sure with his music background, he would fit right into the country club circle.

So unlike me. Well I know I’m better looking than him, most likely smarter than him too… but what do I do? Who am I? I’m a SEAL, a killer. Yes, I do some good. I rescue people, and try to protect this country and the men/women who serve. But Jesus… he’s more the type I can see them accepting.

So why did you not tell me about running into him? When did you? It had to have been since we met, since that Christmas four years ago. So why didn’t you tell me?

Now do you see why I am jealous? Do you see why I might actually humor the thought of the two of you… Christ I can’t even think that. You wouldn’t do that, but it’s still planted in my mind now.

I guess all I need right now, most of all, is to see you. Hold you. I need to know that what I’m thinking isn’t right. I need to know that you love me. Pitiful I know, but I can’t help it. I’m insecure, still after all this time. Nothing will change that.

I love you, Justin, with everything that I am.

My Avalon, my heart and soul. Take away these images.

Brian.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Happy Anniversary, Pretty boy.” Brian said into the phone as soon as the connection was made. He had taken a chance that Justin would be in his studio, knowing that it was the most likely place. Although Brian had hoped that Justin would be out having a good time with the family, he knew his husband would be hard at work in his safe haven.

“Brian! Where are you? When are you coming home?” Justin asked thrilled to be able to just hear Brian’s voice. Hearing Brian always brought a smile to his face, it confirmed everyone’s belief that Brian was well. Justin had always tried to be strong, tried to pretend that it didn’t kill him with worry every time Brian went out, but he knew that everyone could tell. Luckily they never told Brian this. He tried to be strong for Brian, but he was sure the other man could tell, at least in part. Brian would never know the extent of his pain, Justin couldn’t allow that.

“Right now, I’m in the middle of the damn Atlantic, trying to convince the Captain of the ship to loan me a fighter so I can come home.” Brian laughed. “He seems to think that I’m not qualified. I mean, how hard would it be to fly one of those?”

“Brian,” Justin laughed. “I miss you, today especially.” Justin slipped out without meaning too. He silently cursed himself for allowing it to happen.

“I miss you too. But I have news for you.” Brian began, deciding that his questions would have to wait until he got home… or if Justin brought it up. “I saw your ex today… saved his sorry little ass.”

Justin was silent on the other end. That was one confrontation that he had hoped would never happened. He knew what an ass his ex was, how stuck up Ethan could be. “Ethan?”

“Yeah, good ol’ Ian is a character. I really don’t know what you saw in him Justin.” Brian stated, shaking his head. That was one of the things that had been bothering him since he had laid eyes on the other man. He saw who Justin had loved before him, and tried to picture it. HE couldn’t… but it did bring up what Justin’s type was. “At least your tastes have improved.”

“I can’t believe he’s there… and you rescued him? Why?” Justin asked. Realizing what he had said, Justin shook his head. “I mean, he didn’t try anything with you, did he? He can be a major pain in the ass, stuck up, pig headed… He is still alive isn’t he?” Justin asked as the reality of the situation hit him. He could see Ethan causing a huge ruckus, and he could see his ex trying to get to Brian. He only hoped for Brian’s sake that the man was able to keep his temper in check.

“Still lives. Not for lack of my wanting to.” Brian shook his head. He had wanted to do great bodily harm to the little fiddle fuck, but had refrained. If he hadn’t been an officer he would have. “He had some choice words to say, I said thank-you and left him alone.”

Justin groaned into the phone. He could just imagine what Ethan had to say about anything. “Let me guess, he tried to convince you that we were seeing each other?”

“How’d you guess? Amongst other things… let’s just say he’s lucky. But can we not talk about him. I miss you, and talking about Ian is not what I had in mind.” Brian decided that he really wanted to do other things besides bring up the doubt and pain he had felt with Ethan’s words. The man had touched on the fears that Brian lived with every day, every second. All he needed at that moment was reassurance that he was the one that Justin wanted, not Ian.

“Can I say one more thing about him and then that’s all?”

“If you have to.” Brian sighed.

“Now, stick your bottom lip in. I don’t want any of the guys on the ship to see you sulking. I just wanted to tell you to be careful of him. He’s probably pissed because the one and only time I saw him since we’ve been married; well let’s just say Emmett was with me and caused enough of a scene at the Army commissary that Ethan was taken away by two very burly MP’s.” Justin laughed remembering. “Note to both of us, don’t piss Emmett off where he can throw a hissy, he is the best drama queen ever.”

Brian felt better hearing Justin’s words. “Do I want to know what happened?”

“It’s probably better if you don’t. But trust me, I won’t be going over the Army commissary any time soon.”

“Well he isn’t winning any brownie points with me or my team.” Brian drawled. Justin felt a chill.

“Brian, don’t do anything to him you’ll get into trouble for. He really isn’t worth it. Besides, despite what he might tell you, I never loved him, I never even hinted that I loved him. He was just a fuck, and not that great a one.” Justin’s tone of voice changed.
“I have this amazing Navy Boy who gives the best head in the world.”

“Is he cute, will I meet him?”

“He’s better than cute. He’s devastatingly handsome and he has the sweetest smile after we make love.”

“He does not.”

“Hmmm, yes he does. His face goes all soft and his eyes twinkle and he looks so peaceful.”

“I definitely have to meet this guy.” Brian teased. He twisted in his seat. His cock was rock hard. “Look Pretty boy, I have to go but I should be home soon. Give Marilyn a call, she’ll probably know better than me when I’m coming home.”

“So you discovered my secret?” Justin said with a laugh. “I guess I’m losing my edge.”

“Or I’m sharpening mine.” Brian paused to see if anyone was listening. “go deo mo tearrman.”

“As you are mine forever.” Justin breathed into the phone.

~~~***~~~***~~~***




“Well, well, if it isn’t our savior.” Ethan stated as he saw Brian standing on the fantail. “I should thank-you for coming to our rescue. I’m sure that Justin will be thrilled… I mean that there are no hard feelings between us. Maybe we can even be friends.”

Brian shook his head and let out a small laugh. This damn fiddler was definitely getting on his nerves and fast. He kept repeating Justin’s words in his mind, and he promised to try and not hurt the little grease pit, but it was hard. “So how were the MP’s?” Brian asked, not even turning to face the Army Sergeant. Brian looked out at the rear of the ship, watching the dolphins play in the wake of the ship. He wished he had Justin’s talent to draw. He stopped paying attention to his guest, thinking about his husband, and wondering how he could get a picture of this for Justin. He felt a hand on his arm, forcing Brian out of his thoughts. “What?! You’re still here?”

“Justin would love that scene wouldn’t he? He was always very talented, still is. What he can do with his hands…” Ethan began.

Brian took a deep breath, and felt his hand tighten as the cigarette started to burn his flesh. “Look, you don’t know shit about Justin, and you don’t know shit about me. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll leave me the fuck alone. Understand, Sergeant?” Not wanting to be around the shit any longer for fear of what he might do, Brian turned and left.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin stood at the end of the pier waiting with the rest of the families as the sailors started to disembark from the carrier. This was the first time he had actually done something like this, and he finally realized what it felt like to be a true Navy spouse. The happiness was contagious. Justin waited until he finally saw a group of Army men walk carefully down the gangplank. He tried not to laugh realizing that they were not used to ‘sea legs’. He looked at the faces as they passed, hoping to avoid Ethan at all costs.

Not seeing him, he felt a sudden fear in the pit of his stomach. Not for Ethan, but for his husband. He hoped Brian didn’t do anything. Brian didn’t need the trouble. When the team reached him, Justin felt Brian’s arms go around him as his feet left the ground. “Happy to see me, Navy Boy?” he laughed as Brian started to twirl him around.

“You better believe it, Pretty boy. Let’s go home so I can show you how much.” Brian purred in his lover’s ear.

“Ummm. Brian?” Justin asked pulling away a little to look into Brian’s eyes. “What did you do to Ethan? I didn’t see him come off the ship.”

Brian shrugged and laughed. “I have no idea. One minute he was there, the next… ask these guys. I think they had something to do with it, but they’re not saying.”

“Chief?” Justin asked once his feet were firmly planted on the ground again. “Tell me you didn’t do anything to Ethan.”

“That fiddle fuck? He’s still alive… cold but alive.” Peter’s joked. “See ya boss. Justin.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing that any good SEAL wouldn’t do. We were nice about it, really.” South began to explain, hoping to defend what they had done. “I’m sure once they find him in the closet they will send him back.”

“Yeah. How often does the plane land in Antarctica? Isn’t that a one year tour, with supply planes every six months?” Another member of the team stated. “Hey, don’t fuck with our LT, and you’ll be alright.”

“Brian? Tell me you didn’t know.”

Brian laughed at his team’s antics. “Well at least they didn’t send him over the fantail. If I had known of course, I would have told you not to do that.” Brian looked over at his second in command, with a smile on his lips.

“That’s why we didn’t tell you, LT. What you don’t know won’t hurt you. Have a great late Anniversary.”


~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian threw his kit bag in the back of the Stingray and held out his hand for the keys. Justin grinned and gave them to him. “I love it when you drive.” He admitted. “It’s so high school, kids in love kind of thing in this car.”

“Have I been gone that long Justin that you’re hallucinating again.” Brian smirked. He opened Justin’s door for him and then pushed him against the car for a deep and penetrating kiss. “Nothing High School about that kiss pretty boy.” He whispered before claiming another kiss.

Justin laughed softly. “Maybe not in your high school.” He teased as he slipped inside the car and fastened his seatbelt.

Brian just laughed out loud at that comment and got into the car. “Hey that was pretty nice that you remembered Henderson’s birthday. So far you’ve managed to have something for each of the guys when we’re away. You’re going to have to tell me how you do that sometime.”

“What can I say, you married the perfect guy.” Justin smirked. He liked to be able to make the guys in Brian’s team feel that someone cared about them and what they were doing. He thought it was important for all of them.

“Good thing you aren’t modest.” Brian leaned over and rubbed his hands through Justin’s blond hair. “Warn me now, am I going to be facing the entire gang when I get home. Because Justin I want to have a long soak in the tub, preferably with you, some hot monkey love and then I plan on sleeping for a week.”

“I told them you were coming home tomorrow. No one even knows where I went today so they are all busy with their little lives.” Justin looked satisfied. He’d planned this for a long while “I may just be able to get it up and fuck you once or twice before you fall asleep.”

“You are the perfect wife.” Brian declared. “Ouch” Justin had punched him in the arm.

“You are such a shit Brian.” Justin shook his head. “I should call them all right now.”
“I have the hot tub ready, something great to eat, some wine chilling “ Brian pulled into their driveway, up onto the lawn and drove around back to the door of their secret garden. He jumped out of the car, swept Justin out on his side and up over his shoulders. Both of them laughing; he headed for the garden door, barely getting it open enough for the two of them to slip through. Brian was ravishing Justin’s mouth as they were tearing each other’s clothes off. Hearing a soft puff of breath with hearing that had been trained, Brian stopped suddenly. Justin tried to pull him back. Brian turned around and actually yelped.

It scared the heck out of Justin who had never heard his husband yelp before. Justin peered around Brian to see what he was looking at. Both of them were still panting and both of them were hard as rocks aching for release. Sitting in the hot tub, each with a glass of wine was his mother and father and they were naked. Justin yelped too and covered his eyes. “Brian, are they really there?” he asked in a whisper.

Brian opened one eye. “Apparently they are.” He whispered back.

“Sorry boys, we didn’t know you were coming home today Brian. We’ll just leave. Harry started to stand up and then remembered he was naked.

“No, no, that’s okay. I’ll just take my husband very very carefully out this door and we’ll go down to my cabin.” Brian looked at Justin. “Want to come to my house pretty boy? I’ve got some good toys to take away all the bad stuff you just saw.”

“Thank gawd” Justin said dramatically as Brian backed him out the garden gate.


~~~***~~~***~~~***

03 September 2014

Justin,

How do I tell you I screwed up? How can I face you after this? Hell, how can I face myself and my men? How can I ever expect them to listen to me after this?

Stevenson is dead. Killed. Hell he stepped on a damn landmine. But hey… I guess the consolation is that we completed the damn mission. But how can any of us be happy about that? How can that bring our man back? He was just 19 years old! A fucking kid! How do I explain to his parents that he died a hero, when all I want to do is scream and yell at the kid for not looking where he was going… for not following the rules and lessons we were taught from day one!

He let himself get sidetracked. He let himself get distracted, and it got him killed. How do I explain to them that?

I’m sitting here on the plane, taking us all back to Virginia, and all I can do is stare at that damn body bag. Knowing he’s in there because we didn’t teach him what he needed to know… we failed in our most important mission. Keeping each other alive. How do I stand there and tell his family that WE got him killed?

Fuck, Justin. All I can think about is what you would have to go through. What would you do if that was me, and Chief or the Admiral had to come to you and tell you I was gone? I don’t even want to think about it… but it won’t leave. You deserve so much more… I know that. I’ve said it a hundred, thousand times before, but it’s true. No one should have to go through this.

I should be getting dressed. Get in my whites and think about what I’m going to say to his parents. Did you know he just got engaged? He did. Cute girl, high school sweetheart. She was … is pregnant.

I hope I never make you go through this, Justin. I really do. I can’t bear the thought of you having to hear those words. He died bravely for his country. Bullshit!

I really wish now, especially that I was someone you deserved. That I was more than I am. Yes we did good this mission, but I think that the price was too high. Entirely too high.

I love you Justin. Until I take my last breath.

My Avalon, keep me safe.
Brian


~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian walked straight and tall up to the small house just outside of Dallas. He hadn’t even stopped to call home, only got on another plane to do his duty. He wanted so badly to go home, hug Justin and never let him go. That would have to wait. He had someone to console, someone to try and comfort.

Yes, everyone knew that being a SEAL was a dangerous job, that you might not return. It’s another thing to actually have it happen. Closing his eyes, Brian knocked on the door, hoping to find the strength he needed to get through this. The door opened and a young boy answered it. “Hello?”

“Hi, my name’s Brian Kinney. Is your mom and dad home?” Brian asked.

“Hello?” A small petite woman came up behind her son, and Brian knew immediately that she knew what had happened. “Jimmy? He’s… Come in, Lieutenant. Please.”

“Thank-you.” Brian stepped into the house and looked around, seeing the trophies that lined the wall, and pictures of the energetic young man who had been a ray of sunshine to his team all over. Brian stopped in front of a small picture of the young seaman and his girlfriend… no fiancé. He remembered that day, it was the day of one of Justin’s little gatherings. Taking off his cap, and placing it under his arm, Brian knew he had to get a hold of himself if he was ever going to do this. “I’m sorry.”

“How did… was he in pain?” Ms. Stevenson asked as her husband held her, his arms holding her tightly from behind.

Brian turned and saw their other small son sitting on the steps pretending to be hidden, but still listening to everything being said. Brian nodded in his direction, letting the couple before him know. He watched as the father held out his arms for his son, allowing him to cry for the loss of his brother. “He died a hero. We were on a mission to save a young woman… a future princess. He put his life on the line for her… and for us. You should be proud of him.” Brian told them as he felt the tears start to form behind his eyes. He couldn’t tell them the truth… he couldn’t. He wanted them to be happy that he died a hero… happy that their son died doing what he loved to do. And Stevenson did, Brian now understood.

“He loved the Navy, and especially working with you. He told us that you were the best leader he had ever had the pleasure to work with. He really enjoyed working with you.” Ms. Stevenson broke down and cried; mourning the loss of her son.

Brian did the only thing he could think of. He took her in his arms and just held her… let her lose herself in the pain for a little while. For the next three hours Brian sat there telling them tales of their son, and their adventures. He let them know how much he had meant to the team… and to him. It was the least he could do.

When he left the small home, heading to the airport and his own husband, Brian couldn’t help but wonder what his parents would do if he didn’t make it back. Would they mourn his loss? Would they be proud of him? Would they even care?

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Justin” Brian’s voice cracked.

“Where are you?” Justin asked.

“I’m at the Dallas airport.” He paused. “I guess South told you eh?”

“He called.”

“Justin, can you meet me at the cabin. I really need you, but I can’t face the family right now. I need some space, but I need you in my space.”

“I’ll be waiting for you.” Justin said quietly. “I love you Brian.”

“I know you do, it’s the only thing that keeps me breathing sometimes.” Brian sounded depressed and sad. “Later” he whispered. He could hear his flight being called.

Justin was a combination of sad and happy. Sad because he’d liked young Stevenson and hated that he’d died. But happy because Brian had asked for him to be there when he came home. To be there in his private sanctuary. It was a big step for his husband to admit his vulnerability.

As the plane flew over the land heading for Virginia and Justin, Brian reviewed everything that had happened in his life. Maybe he should try and make amends with his parents. Maybe he should give it one more try. And Justin, he wanted a child. Could he really deny the man he loved a child. Something to help give Justin a reason to live if one of these times Brian didn’t come home from a mission. He needed to make a new will. He needed to make sure that Justin was protected and secure and that any child they might have would also be protected and secure.

But most of all he needed Justin right now. He needed to feel his heart beat, hear his voice and the whisper of his breath. He needed to feel Justin’s arms around him.

Justin gathered up some casual clothes for Brian and himself and made sure there was juice and things to make sandwiches in the small fridge in the cabin before settling down to wait. While Brian had been in Dallas, Justin had looked through his old sketchbooks until he found one with young Stevenson laying on a hammock and laughing at the antics of the other guys. It was a good likeness so Justin had it framed and mailed it off to his family in Dallas with a condolence note telling them about the day the sketch had been done and how much he’d liked the young man.

Dusk had fallen when Brian walked through the cabin door. Justin held out his arms barely keeping his balance when the larger man stumbled into them. Without saying a word he helped Brian undress and then they both slipped between the covers of the small built in bed. Justin held Brian tight. He knew that eventually Brian would need to talk.

“He was too young to die.” Brian whispered. “As soon as I heard that click I knew it was too late and he was gone.” He shuddered. “I’ve asked myself over and over and over, what did I do wrong that he didn’t learn he had to listen to what I said. I always bring my men back alive. Always fucking bring them back alive. But he didn’t listen and he’s dead.”

As Justin held his husband in his arms and heard the anguish in his voice he realized why, really realized why, Brian was so insistent that he listen to him. He wanted him safe. He didn’t want anything to happen to him. Now all he could do was hold on tight while his husband struggled for control of his life.

Brian shuddered and Justin realized that he was crying. Brian didn’t cry easily. “I had to look at his parents and tell them their son was never going to be with them again. I had to tell them where his body could be picked up. It fucking tore me to pieces.” He shuddered again. “And I was the brave SEAL Lieutenant. I kept my fucking SEAL face mask on. Never let them see you sweat. Never let them see you cry. Brave Navy Fucking SEALs don’t show emotion.” He shuddered. “Justin hold me close, don’t let me go. I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry I let him die. I held him in my arms, what was left of him and all the life went out of his eyes. He trusted me Justin, he trusted me and I let him down.”

Justin was crying now too. He was always the more emotional of the two of them but Brian’s pain was worse than anything he’d ever felt before. He had to be strong for the man he loved. He had to stop crying and he did. Holding Brian as tight as he could he began to talk to him. Not really waiting for an answer from the man he held, more words of comfort and love than anything that made much sense. So he lay there in the dark holding the man he loved. His brave Navy Boy who felt he had to right the wrongs of the world. Justin knew that this was his job. This was what he was put on this earth for. To be there for Brian who was out fighting evil like some kind of superhero. He was Brian’s Lois Lane.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Stacy Jacobs stood up from her desk as she spotted the very hot looking man walk through the main section of JAG Headquarters. She tried not to laugh as she saw one of the young officers practically drooling over Brian. “Hey there, sexy. How’s the hubby?” she asked, purposely adding that last little part in hopes to stop any wayward advances from her co-workers.

“Justin’s fine, and you, my dear friend, are rude.” He said as he gave her a quick hug and walked back to her office. “You know you did that on purpose, don’t even deny it. Of course now that damn Ensign will think that she can ‘change’ me. Christ what is it about straight women?”

“I have no idea. But you love it. You love being the center of everyone’s universe, always have and always will.” Jacobs sat down behind her desk and looked Brian over. “You look good, TP.” She joked. During their time together at the academy, she had taken to calling him toothpick, since he was so skinny when he had first arrived. Although he had gotten some muscle tone over the years, she knew that he would never get much bigger.

“So do you.” Brian leaned back in the chair across from her and ran his hand through his hair. “I need you to do something for me, and frankly you’re the only one I trust.”

“Sounds serious, what’s up? Does this have to do with your last mission?” She leaned forward in her chair and took a close look at her friend. Almost every time they saw each other they were joking around, laughing and just enjoying life… but she could tell that this time was different. Brian’s whole body was screaming out in pain, and she knew that this time was serious.

“I need a will drawn up… well mine updated anyway. Think you can do that for me?”

“You know I can. Do you have the old one?” She looked at the document that Brian had handed her. She knew everyone in the Navy had to have a will drawn up after boot camp. It was the way they operated now a days. The war on Terrorism was still going on… there was always a chance that some mishap on the ship could happen, or even out on leave. No one knew what would happen, so the Navy required one in everyone’s file.

Brian had also handed her a small list of changes he wanted made and she stopped dead in her tracks at one thing. “Since when did you have a kid and didn’t tell me?”

Brian gave her a small smile, and shrugged. “Not here yet… not sure when. Justin and I decided that one day we will have one, and since right now it’s in cold storage, I wanted to make sure that if Justin wants to use it, he can.”

“Sounds reasonable. There have been problems with that sort of thing before, as scary as that sounds. I can have this ready for you by tomorrow, is that okay?”

“Yeah. Look, Stace… thanks. For everything. You’re a great friend, and I know I couldn’t have made it this far without you.”

“We’ll see each other again, TP. Don’t worry about that. We’re just two stubborn Irish kids who don’t know when to quit, remember.” She smiled up at her friend and stood to give him a tight hug. She wished that they could have had a better, more enjoyable time together, but there was always time for that. They had their monthly poker game with some of the other guys. “Want to come by tomorrow, or just have me bring it to the game?”

“I’ll be here. See you then.”

“Later, and give Justin a huge hug for me. Tell him to take care of you. Don’t fall into depression, okay. I’d hate to lose my best friend.”

“Love you,” Brian whispered as he gave her one last hug before heading out the door.

Stacy’s last words made Brian smile. He was depressed about the last mission, but Justin had made him realize that there wasn’t a damn thing he could have done. So as much as he regretted Stevenson’s death, he had to move on. Justin had told him to look at Stevenson’s death as a life lesson. He could use him as an example to the next young team member who joined up with them. He reminded him of some of the things Stevenson had gotten into in his time at the base. Of the times Brian had had to get him out of bars and talk him out of hair brained ideas for getting rich. Stevenson might have been part of Brian’s team, but he was a dreamer who marched to his own drummer and that was part of what made him who he was. And Brian couldn’t save all the dreamers in the world no matter how hard he might try. All he could do was offer his best advice, his best training and hope it stuck.

Brian stopped off at the commissary and picked up a tee shirt for Justin who had a passion for stupid tee shirts. ”SEALs balance balls.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“It never is easy, losing someone.” Harry stated as he sat down next to Brian beside the pool, handing him a beer. “I remember back in ’83, I was just leaving my watch, decided to stop off and talk with one of the other guys. No one knew… we never even thought.” Harry took a deep breath as he stared out at the water, images of that time many years ago. “I remember the explosion… it blew me off of my feet and threw me at least 20 feet. When I looked up, I knew… we never saw it coming.”

“The bombing of the barracks.” Brian stated stealing a quick glance over to the man beside him. “I remember reading about it at the academy. I couldn’t imagine what it must have been like.” Brian had tried to come to terms with the last mission, had tried to bury it deep down in his psyche. He hadn’t really wanted to talk about death and destruction with Harry, or anyone, but he knew that he couldn’t be rude to his ‘father-in-law’.

“It never really goes away, and if you ask me, a person shouldn’t. If you ignore it, pretend that it didn’t happen, not only do you take a chance of it happening again, but it’s disrespectful to those who lost their lives.” Harry told Brian as he stood up. “Mourn the loss, celebrate the life, but never forget. It’s the least we can do, they deserve that much.”

Brian turned his head so he could look at Harry, swallowing the rush of depression that was threatening to surface. “I don’t know how anyone could really forget. How anyone could forget what it’s like to hold parts of someone… feel the blood soak your clothes? How could anyone forget the last words spoken, or what it looked like to see nothing in their eyes? If someone can explain that to me… explain to me how you can get past it…” Brian shook his head trying to clear his thoughts as he turned back to looking up at the sky.

Harry placed his hand on Brian’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “There will be a day when you will forget the bad, or at least when it won’t be so strong. A time will come when you can remember the good times. You need to continue living, keep doing what you know how… learn from his mistakes. You’re their leader, lead them. Be the man we know you are. Brave, strong, sure, proud.” Brian placed his hand on top of Harry’s, returning the squeeze, silently thanking the man. “You can’t always control other people’s actions, you can’t keep everyone out of danger no matter how hard you want to. Don’t let this run your life, Brian. If you do, then next body bag that comes home will be yours.”

“Yes, sir.” Brian quietly laughed.

“We love you, Brian.” Brian watched as Harry left him alone, taking in what he was told. He knew that for his team, for Justin he would have to get past this. He knew that in time he would, he had to. Brian could feel the tears threaten to fall feeling for the first time that he had father. With a family like he now had, he knew that he would be able to survive anything, including this.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Hey Navy Boy,” Justin said in greeting as he wrapped his arms around Brian. In the past couple of days he had seen his husband go through a range of emotions, and it pained him to see Brian trying to hide the pain he was obviously in. “How you doing?”

“Better.” Brian pulled Justin tightly against him, planting a kiss on top of his lover’s head. “I’m getting better, thanks to you.”

Justin shrugged as he leaned his head against Brian’s neck, breathing in his scent. “That’s what husband’s are supposed to do. I love you, and I don’t like to see you hurt.”

“Ditto.” Pulling away Brian began to walk further into the house toward the kitchen. “Actually I had a nice long talk with Harry the other day, and the Admiral today. They helped too. Helped me see some things that I guess I didn’t want to admit.”

Justin smiled a little, thankful that his dad had talked to Brian. He knew that if anyone could help Brian, who might understand, it would be him. The two shared something that Justin never could with either one of them. If they could help one another then Justin was all for it. “As long as you’re okay, that’s all I care about.” Justin didn’t press. He didn’t want to force Brian to open up to him if he wasn’t ready. When Brian was ready to talk, he would be there. Brian had, that first night in the cabin, and Justin received a huge gift that night. That night he began to understand his mysterious husband a little more. He knew that it was just the beginning, it would just take time.

“I’m not yet, but I’m getting there.” Brian pulled out a beer from the refrigerator, and sat down at the kitchen table. “I did find out though that the ‘future princess’ father wants to ‘thank’ us. The Admiral told me that there would be an awards ceremony next week.”

“That’s good. I’m proud of you.” Justin moved so he could sit on Brian’s lap wrapping his arms and legs around his lover. “I wish that Stevenson could be there though.”

“I talked to his folks today. They are coming up to accept it for him. Matt’s fiancé, Christine, will be there as well. So I guess in a way, he will be there.” Brian set his beer down on the table and laid his hands on Justin’s waist. “So will my folks.” Brian stated looking into Justin’s eyes.

“What? Why are they going to be there?” Justin tried to keep the anger out of his voice. He would never forget the scene they had tried to cause at Brian’s graduation, he could never forgive them for it.

“It’s procedure in a way. I never really told the Admiral about them, and I guess one of his Yeomen decided to send them an invite.” Brian shrugged and placed a kiss on the tip of Justin’s nose. “I’m okay with it. Maybe … I don’t know. Maybe they can be proud of me, just this once.”

It hit Justin like a Mack truck. He now understood where Brian was coming from, what he was trying to say. “I hope it works out for you. I don’t want to see you get hurt if it doesn’t happen.”

“If it does, then it does. I need to know, Justin. I need to know if there’s a chance. You found your parents, you have a family. I need to know if I have one, or if I need to bury that part of me.” Brian tried to explain to Justin. He had to try, he had to see if there was something between his parents and himself. He needed to know what they thought of him. “Just promise me you won’t do anything. Promise me you won’t try to talk to them. If this happens then it happens. I need to know their honesty. If they want to be a part of my life, then it has to be their choice, not because you stuck your nose in it. Promise me.”

Justin looked at Brian trying to decide if he could do what Brian was asking, and if he could lie to his husband. “I can’t promise, Brian. I’m sorry. I won’t let them hurt you. But I do promise that if they are there it’s because they want to, for whatever reason they are.”

Brian knew that it was the best chance he would get, the only promise he would be able to get out of his husband. “Thank-you.”

“But if they try something, if they hurt you… all bets are off.”

“My pit-bull. My protector.”

“That’s what Avalon means right? I will always be here to protect you. I love you.”

Brian could only answer with a kiss, letting Justin know that he felt the same way.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
End of Chapter sixteen

Chapter 17 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Seventeen




“I don’t know what to do Dad.” Justin was sitting at Harry’s kitchen table, his head in his hands. “This is going to be sad enough for Brian with Stevenson dead and them getting an award. He doesn’t need any flack from his parents.”

“Justin, Brian talked to me about this. He wants to give them another chance to accept him as he is.” Harry poured the two of them another cup of coffee. He added a dollop of Irish Cream to them both. “I think despite our misgivings, we have to let him try once again.”

“He shouldn’t have to try. They’re his parents for gawd sake.” He looked gloomily into his coffee cup as if for some kind of magical insight. Sitting up straight he declared. “I’m going to talk to them, tell them how I feel.”

“Brian doesn’t want you to interfere.” Harry began. “I’ve had this same conversation with your mother you know and I’ll tell you what I told her. Leave it alone. Brian’s a big boy and he can fight his own battles.”

The mutinous look on Justin’s face told Harry the same thing that the identical look on Jennifer’s face had told him. The two of them would do what they could to protect Brian.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Jennifer had called the hotel where the Kinney’s were booked in to find out their arrival time. She was pleased to find they would be there the day before the award ceremony. Dressing up in her best Alfred Sung suit she headed over to the hotel, not telling anyone that she was going. She figured it would be better to talk to the Kinney’s privately.

Jennifer was at her best in confrontational situations. She came from a wealthy and distinguished family that dated back to the Mayflower. As well, she was a well-known artist in her own right. To say that she had a background and was trained in ‘handling’ those of a lesser social position, would be an understatement. It was a natural training that came from breeding. Joan Kinney couldn’t come close.

“Mrs. Kinney” she said to the woman who answered the door.

“Who is it?” was yelled by a slurred male voice from inside the room.

“What do you want?” Joan Kinney asked ignoring her husband. The glass of wine in her hand was almost empty.

”I’m Jennifer Taylor, Justin’s mother. Brian is my son in law. I just wanted you to know that we would like tomorrow’s ceremony to be a pleasant one for Brian. I stopped by to let you know this and to ask for your cooperation.”

“Brian isn’t married in the eyes of the Lord, so you are hardly his mother in law.” Joan Kinney began.

“Actually Brian is married in the eyes of the Lord. He’s married to my son and from what I understand it was a lovely ceremony.”

“He was so ashamed of what he was doing he didn’t even invite us or you apparently. That should say it all.” Joan Kinney tried to shut the door but Jennifer kept her foot in it, making it impossible to do.

“Actually Mrs. Kinney, Brian and Justin didn’t know me at the time or I’m sure I would have been invited. I can see just from this short meeting why you weren’t.” Jennifer Taylor stood her ground. “I want to warn you both. Don’t spoil tomorrow for Brian or you both will be answering to me. Brian is like a son to me and unlike some mothers,. I will defend my son’s happiness and wellbeing to the very death.” Her blue eyes were steel, her voice razor sharp. There was no mistaking the distain she felt for the Kinney’s.
“Please think about that Mrs. Kinney. Think long and hard.”

Jennifer turned around and left Joan Kinney staring at her as she headed for the elevator.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Standing outside the hotel room written on the piece of paper in his hands, Justin straightened his jacket and took a deep breath. He figured he wasn’t breaking any promises to Brian, he had told the other man that he couldn’t promise to not interfere, he only wanted to make sure that they wanted to be there. Justin wanted to make sure that they would be there for Brian, and that they wouldn’t embarrass his husband. He would protect Brian no matter what. Even if it meant breaking a promise made. “You.” The man behind the door stated, making it sound like a curse.

Justin could smell the alcohol already on the man’s breath and he knew that he was making the right decision. “I’ve just come to find out why you’re here. Why are you really here?”

“I don’t have to answer to you. I’m here for my Sonny boy, not you.” Jack Kinney slurred, trying to keep himself straight.

Justin shook his head; amazed that Brian had survived and become the man he was with parents like this. “I’m only going to say this once, and only once. If you are here because you want to support your son, then we will have no problems. But if you are here to degrade him, or to treat him like shit, then you can just stay here; or get on the plane and leave. I don’t care, but know this, you will not be welcome.” Justin pushed the door open and walked in, without paying attention to anything the man was saying. He spotted Mrs. Kinney sitting on the bed with a glass of wine in her hand. “May I suggest that you sober up, if you are planning on going? I hope that the two of will act like the proud parents you should be.”

Justin ran his hand through his hair, trying to calm himself. “I really don’t understand how Brian can be the way he is when he had the two of you as parents. It says a lot about who he is. He’s strong, loving, caring, brave… he’s so much of a man that I can’t even imagine what he had to do, what he endured to get past what the two of you did. I don’t know what he went through, what you did to him, but I know enough. How you can call yourselves parents are beyond me. But Brian is nothing like you. For that I’m grateful. I just hope you know what you’re doing, that you will behave and act like the loving family you want people to believe. This is Brian’s day, not yours, not mine. If you can’t do that, then don’t bother showing.”

Justin turned and walked out. He couldn’t stand to be in the same room as the two of them any longer. He knew that the likelihood that he got through to them was slim, but he put the warning out there. He would do whatever he could to protect Brian. It did amaze him that Brian was the man he was, and that he didn’t turn into his parents. It proved the type of character that Brian was.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“This is to certify that the Secretary of the Navy has awarded the Navy Cross to Lieutenant NSW Brian Andrew Kinney, United States Navy for professional achievement in the superior performance of his duties at NSWG-6 during August 24 to September 19, 2014. Lieutenant Kinney’s exceptional leadership abilities and attention to detail was directly responsible for the rescue and protection of Princess Lia Chan-Sung.” Admiral Smith read, trying to keep the pride he felt to a minimum. “He oversaw the security protocols and researched the best routes to take to ensure the Princess’ safety. He provided training to the palace security in security procedures and protocols which significantly contribute to the continuing relations between the United States and countries abroad. Lieutenant Kinney’s initiative, perseverance, and loyal dedication to duty reflected credit upon himself and were in keeping with the highest traditions of the United States Naval and Marine Corps Services. Signed Leo Ryan, Admiral, U.S. Navy, Chief of Naval Operations.”

Brian took the award in his hand, and snapped a salute to one of the men he admired most in the world. The ceremony was officially over and a small banquet was beginning. Brian was actually thrilled to get the chance to sit down. The Prince had given a long speech about how thankful he was that we rescued his future wife, and went on and on. Brian was almost ready to pass out. He was proud that his men were getting the recognition they deserved, and he had felt the emotions begin to rise as Christina walked up to the Admiral with Stevenson’s little brother to accept his medal.

Slowly he made his way over to the table where Justin and the others were seated, gathering his wits about him. He had noticed his parents the moment they had stepped into the room, not sure how to react. He had hoped they would make an appearance, but he wasn’t sure if they would or not. Now that they were there, however, Brian wasn’t sure he could talk to them. He wasn’t sure he could be in the same room with them, or not. Feeling arms wrapping around him, giving him the strength he needed to make the last couple of steps to the table, Brian smiled. Justin always had a way of making him feel better. “Let’s go, Pretty Boy… the family awaits.”

“You should have seen mom. I had to give her half of the box of Kleenex.” Justin laughed. He didn’t want to tell Brian that he had used the other half, but of course Brian knew.

“How have they been?” Brian nodded his head in the direction of his parents. “Better yet, how much alcohol have they consumed?”

“They have been on their best behavior, and I think Dad told the waiter to make sure no alcohol comes to our table.” Justin smiled.

“Fuck, just when I need a drink.” Brian laughed. “Let’s get this over with, shall we?” Brian moved to one of the chairs and held it out for Justin to sit, then took the one next to his husband. “Mom, Dad, Jennifer, Harry. I hope everything has been suitable for you.”

“Better than that, Brian. I have never been to something like this. And to have a Prince…” Jennifer shook her head in disbelief.

“Seeing Matt’s girl up there…” Harry began, feeling his throat constrict slightly. “It makes it all worth it.”

“Shouldn’t have had to happen. He should have been able to be here himself, but I’m glad the Admiral let them get it for him.” Brian explained as he took a sip of his water.

“Leaving a woman with child, so he could play the hero. God would not approve.” Joannie shook her head in disgust. “And to have been unwed?”

Brian took a deep breath wanting to halt an argument. He knew how his parents were, what their views were, he had hoped that they wouldn’t have voiced them there. He wanted things to work out between them, he wanted a family like … or as close to Justin’s as he could get. “They were planning a wedding for early next year.” Brian informed his mother, knowing that it wouldn’t have made a damn bit of difference. To his mother it was still a ‘sin’, and nothing Brian said would change her mind.

“You know if you were a better leader you would have made sure he wasn’t that stupid. I hear he walked right onto a mine. That looks bad on you, Sonny boy… having stupid people in your unit. Or maybe you’re just not cut out to be in charge. If you can’t even teach them that mines can kill them.”

“Dad,” Brian warned as he clenched his fist under the table. “Enough.”

“What?” Jack asked, shrugging off any warning Brian may have given. “It’s true. You had a young, stupid kid playing with the big boys. He couldn’t handle it. That’s what happens when they bring you fairies in… it makes our boys go soft.”

“Go.” Brian stated with venom in his voice.

“What?” Joannie asked looking at her ‘son’. “We just got here. We will do our duty and stay. Everyone would look down upon us and you if we left now.”

Brian raised his eyes to stare at his parents. He knew that Justin and the others had wanted to say something, but he wasn’t going to let them interfere in this. This was his fight, and for once he wasn’t going to back down. “I said get the fuck out of here, before I pick your asses up and throw you out. You are not welcome here anymore, and unless you want to be taken to the hospital in traction, then I suggest you do as I say.”

“You threatening me, Sonny boy? The Navy teach you how to be a man? Huh? Did they teach you how to grow a pair? You were always talk but I thought I knocked that out of you along time ago. You leave the house and now look at you.” Jack shook his head and raised his arm to get the waiter’s attention.

Brian stood and walked behind Jack, placing his hand on his father’s shoulders. He began to squeeze the tendons linking the shoulder and neck, causing the older man to weaken. “You say a fucking word, if you even try to act like you’re in pain, I will make sure you are.” Brian whispered in his father’s ear. “Now you will grab Joannie, walk out of here, and you are to NEVER come near me and mine again. You are to never accept another invitation, never admit you even have a son. You are dead to me, as I am now dead to you. Do you understand?” Brian applied a little more pressure until he got Jack to agree. “Now get the fuck out of my sight.”

Brian watched his ex-parents leave the room, and headed up to the bar to get a couple of glasses of wine. Four glasses in hand he walked back to the table where the others were waiting for them. “To burning bridges.” Brian toasted as he downed his drink. When he knew Justin was going to say something, he only shook his head. “Not now. Please not now. Later, I promise, but now is just not the time.”

Jennifer and Harry looked at each. After Jennifer’s meeting earlier with the Kinney’s, she rather thought that this would happen. Jennifer held up her glass of wine. She didn’t want to bring attention to them at the table, having Brian’s parents leave would cause enough discussion.

“Brian, Harry and I would like to propose a toast to you if you don’t mind.” Brian looked over at the two people he’d come to love and respect and smiled. Somehow having them at the table today was nice.

Justin picked up his glass of wine with one hand and put his other on Brian’s leg reassuringly. Brian looked embarrassed at the attention.

“Brian, Harry and I wanted you to know how proud we are that you are part of the family. You are one of the most selfless young men I have ever met and one of the kindest. You are intelligent and you put up with our son’s every effort to drive you crazy without flinching and for that we appreciate it. We wanted you to know that we think of you as our son, the son of our heart and we would be proud if someday you could find your way clear to call us Mom and Dad.” She raised her glass higher to be joined by Harry and Justin. “To the Taylor-Kinney family and to our Brian.”

Brian blinked rapidly to ward off the stinging of the tears that threatened to fall. Justin squeezed his thigh to offer his support. “I don’t know what to say.” He finally managed to choke out. “Mom and Dad.” He slid his chair back. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to get a bit of air.” Smiling crookedly at them all, he beat a hasty retreat to the patio where he bummed a smoke off someone, lighting it and dragging deeply before walking over to a more secluded spot to think about the last half hour.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Mind if I bum one off of you?” Harry stated as he came up behind Brian.

Brian shook his head in defeat. “So much for a little alone time.” He quietly stated. Looking down at the cigarette in his hand, he handed it over to the man next to him. “I didn’t know you smoked.”

“It’s one of my bad habits. I’ve tried to break it for years, finally I was able to cut down to about a pack a week. Never smoked before the Navy though. Was highly against it.” Harry began to fill the emptiness. “You know that they don’t deserve you, don’t you? That every time you try to reach out to them, they will shut you down.”

Brian nodded, looking out at the lake behind the banquet hall. “I know. Still, I had hoped that just once they would fucking be what parents should be.” He confessed. “I look at you, Jennifer, and Justin… hell even Mikey, Deb, and Vic, and I wish that I had that for myself. I don’t know… it’s stupid really. I mean, I’m 30 fucking years old, why would I suddenly give a damn what they think of me.”

Harry placed his hand on Brian’s shoulder, letting the man know that he wasn’t alone. “I think that every child no matter how old wants to feel loved, wants their parent’s approval. It’s not strange, or stupid. It’s a fact of life. I wish you didn’t have to have them as parents, but there’s no changing the past. Unfortunately. All we can do is fix the future.”

“Yeah and how does one do that? I can’t change their views of me. They never even wanted me to begin with… what can I do to make them want to be around? To care?” Brian lifted his drink to his lips and let the burn of the liquid flow down his throat. “I remember this one time, I don’t know I must have been 8, 9. We went on this fishing trip with guys from the plant. I realize now that he was only trying to act like a caring father, and show his kid off to the others there.”

Harry remained silent letting Brian get the past out, letting Brian talk about things that had been bottled up for a long time. He watched as Brian leaned against the railing, the cigarette burning down to nothing in his fingers. “I guess I didn’t realize at the time that once you caught the fish, you were supposed to keep it. Anyway, I decided to be helpful and dump them right back into the river.”

“I think I did that once or twice. Of course I never really liked fish too much, I think I did it on purpose to protect myself from having to suffer through another ‘fish night’.” Harry laughed slightly remembering his own childhood.

“Yeah, I never really liked fish either. Of course Jack was pissed that I had just dumped our dinner back into the river, and made a fool out of him. I felt the fishing pole right across my back.” Brian rolled his lips into his mouth, blocking out the pain he had experienced back then. He had remembered the pain, the fear… everything. His father hadn’t even taken him to the hospital after that, just took him home and sent him directly to his room without dinner. “I had to wait until everyone else was already dressed and outside in gym class for three weeks after that.”

Harry wrapped his arm around Brian pulling the man into his embrace. “Well, you have a new family now. We love you, and we would never lay a hand on you like that. What Jennifer said is true… you are our son, and we are proud of you. We love you.” Harry held Brian as close as he could as he felt the man’s body shake with tears… tears his own father would never let him shed. “We will never judge you. I can promise you that.”

Brian held tightly to Harry, taking the love and comfort of a father who actually loved him. It was comforting, healing. “Thank-you.” He said pulling back a little, quickly drying his eyes.

“No matter what, Brian. I will always be there for you. And if you want to ever have someone to teach them a lesson…. Well I can do that too.” Harry said with a small smile.

Brian laughed for the first time that night, looking at his friend and adopted father. “I’ll keep that in mind. Why don’t you go in before they send out the search dogs… or Justin, which ever comes first. Tell them I’ll be a minute.”

“Don’t take too long, son or I’ll be back out here and drag you back in.”

”Thanks, dad.” Brian smiled as he watched Harry go back in.

~~~***~~~***~~~***




“May I have this dance?” Jennifer asked as she stepped in beside Brian and Justin on the large dance floor.

Brian raised his eyebrow to Justin wondering if his husband had anything to do with this latest development. “Of course not. I wouldn’t want to stand in the way of a mother and her son.”

“I meant you.” She said pushing Justin out of way so she could stand directly in front of Brian. She saw Justin give a small pout after he kissed Brian on the lips and leave the dance floor. “He’ll get over it. I can dance with him next, but for now I want to dance with the man of honor.”

“Oh is that what they call it now?” Brian placed one hand on Jenns’ waist and held her hand in his other one. “So to what do I own the honor of this dance to?”

“Can’t I want a dance with my son?”

Brian shook his head and gave a small laugh. He couldn’t believe Harry and Jennifer. They had made his night a hell of a lot better with their kindness and willingness to accept him as one of their own. “You do know that the three of you aren’t very good at lying. I know what you’re doing… and well… thank-you. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.”

Jenn gave Brian a smile as she moved across the floor with him. “Do you know what I wish most of all?” Catching the confused look on Brian’s face she shrugged. “I wish that I had been there for you as you were growing up. I wish that someone would have done something to help you, show you the love that a child should have.”

“Well it’s all in the past. As you say, all we can do is move forward. That part, I guess is officially over. If I never see them again it will be too soon.” Brian gave Jennifer a small sad smile. It still stung, the pain still fresh. He had always known that the day would come when he would write his parents off, but he hadn’t realized how much it would hurt. “Besides, I have a new family… why fuck with the old?”

“And we are, Brian. I meant everything I said before. You are the son of my heart, everything that you are, is what I would want my son to share his life with.” Jennifer reached up and laid her hand on Brian’s cheek. “There is nothing you can do to change the way I feel about you… nothing. In the short time I have known you, you have made me so proud. I see the love you have inside of you, the love that you give so freely. You are one of the bravest, and strongest men I know, Brian. Knowing who you are today, and seeing what you had to put up with growing up… I’m very proud of the man you have become. The fact that you are willing to be open, and loving is a testament of who you are. I love you, no matter what.”

“Christ, if you keep doing that I’ll never stop crying. I don’t think I’ve ever cried this much in my life.” Brian swallowed the tears that had been threatening to fall once again. “You’re bad for my image.”

“Well we can’t have that.” Jennifer laughed shaking her head. “I promise not to tell, and keep your secret safe.” She whispered in his ear. “Just remember we’re here for you, and love you unconditionally.”

“You do know that it should be a mother’s job to try and warn her son away from a man like me.”

“Please… you are so much better than anything I could have hoped for. If anything I should be warning you against my son. He can be a handful from what I have been learning.”

Brian laughed outright, twirling Jennifer around the dance floor. “You don’t know the half of it. He can be hell on wheels that’s for sure. And seeing you… I know where he gets it from.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“It was meant to be one.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***




December 2014

Brian opened the large envelope and pulled out a gaily decorated blue card. He opened it and read:

Christina Howard
Is pleased to announce the birth of her son.

Brian Matthew Stevenson

Born December 6th, 2014

Dallas General Hospital

6lbs 7ozs 21 inches.

Son of Matthew Stevenson HNSN who waits
For us in Heaven.




On the front of the card was a picture of a baby obviously taken in the hospital. His face was red and wrinkled and his eyes were shut tight.

Dear Lieutenant Kinney.

Before Matthew’s death, we had talked about asking you to be our child’s Godfather. Would you consider doing this? Matthew came to love and respect you like an older brother. He always said that he had the best Lieutenant in the Navy. The name I have given our son is one that Matthew and I had picked out from the beginning.

Your namesake’s baptism will take place next Sunday and I would be honored if you and your husband would attend.

Sincerely
Christina Howard.

Justin found Brian sitting in their living room holding the opened mail in his hand. He saw him wipe away a tear and his heart fell. Something bad must have happened. “Hey”
Justin said in greeting as he leaned over and kissed Brian’s cheek.

Brian wordlessly held up the letter and the announcement card for Justin to read.

“Holy shit.” Justin said with a grin. “I guess we’re going to Dallas on the weekend.” He jumped over the sofa and sat on Brian’s lap. “You’re going to do it aren’t you? Be Baby Brian’s Godfather?”

“Yes.”

“Cool. What can we buy the baby? You know being a Godfather is an important job. You have to be there for the kid all the time. Be a role model and everything. I think you are going to make the best damn Godfather ever.”

“Justin, calm down. I don’t know shit about being a Godfather. What if he hates me?”

Justin laughed. “He’s fresh out of the womb. He hasn’t had time to hate you. This is so cool.”

“Excited much?” Brian teased. “Is that what are life has come to, you getting excited over someone else’s kid?”

“It isn’t just any kid. It’s your Godson.” Justin declared. He kissed Brian soundly. “He is going to love you.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian and Justin arrived late Saturday night in Dallas. As soon as they were settled into their hotel, he called Christina.

“Brian Kinney here, Christina.” Brian began. He wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to say. This was all completely new and foreign to him.

“Brian, you came. Will you be little Brian’s Godfather?” she asked.

“I’d be honored.” Brian replied. “Justin is here with me. Can I come over and meet my namesake before the big day tomorrow?”

“Of course you can. I’m living with Matt’s parents. Do you remember the address?”

Brian winced. He’d never forget the address. “Yes I can find it.”

“Lovely, we’ll be waiting.” She said and hung up the phone.

“It’s now or never.” Brian said with a sigh. “Why am I so nervous about meeting a baby? It’s worse than HELL week at the training academy.”

Justin laughed and handed Brian his jacket. “I don’t think it’s quite that bad Brian.” He grabbed his camera case and a sketch book, loading both into a large bag and slinging it over his shoulder. He wanted to record this for posterity.

Seeing the state Brian was in, Justin offered to drive them to the Stevenson’s and Brian gratefully accepted.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Lieutenant Kinney, thank you for coming.” Mrs. Stevenson said as she opened the door and then to Brian’s surprise,she hugged him tightly. “I’ll never forget your kindness the day you came to tell us about Matt.” She stood on her tiptoe and kissed his cheek.

Justin smiled as Brian flushed with embarrassment. Brian never had learned to take compliments. “It’s nice to meet you” he said when Brian introduced him. “I didn’t know Matt real well, he used to come to the house quite a bit, but you know the Navy boys, they kind of stick together and ignore the spouses.” He looked into the living room and was surprised and pleased to see his framed sketch of Matt in a place of honor.

“Your picture that you sent, has given me hours of pleasure as I look at his smile and remember all the good times.” Matt’s mother said simply.

“Thank you.” Justin did know how to accept a compliment.

“Christy is changing the baby. She wanted him fresh to meet his Godfather.”

All heads turned when the young mother came down the stairs carrying a blue wrapped bundle. She walked over to Brian and handed it to him. “Brian Matthew, meet your God daddy.” She said with a smile.

Brian looked terrified at first and then his namesake made a small mou with his mouth and his dark blue eyes stared into Brian’s hazel ones. A tiny fist waved in the air. Brian looked for a chair and sat down to study the young boy. Justin kept busy snapping pictures.

“Justin, stop with the pictures and give Christy the baby’s gift.” Brian managed to say in between cooing at the child.

“Yes sir.” Justin said with a laugh. He pulled out an envelope and handed it to Christy. “Brian wanted to buy him a car, but I said no.” everyone laughed.

“Oh my gawd, sir, you didn’t have to do this.” Christy was looking with wide eyes at the papers in the envelope. “I mean Matt and I just wanted you to be part of Brian’s life. This is too much.”

Brian smiled at her. “First of all, you can call me Brian, not Lieutenant or sir. The papers were drawn up by my lawyer because in my job you don’t know what one day after the next will bring.” His eyes looked sad when he said the words. “Justin and I discussed this and we want to do it. Brian Matthew will have what ever University education he wants. These papers will see to it that my request is honored should anything happen to Justin or I.” he looked at the baby. “I won’t be seeing my namesake as often as I’d like, but I’ll do my best to be there for him.”

“You might be seeing more of him than you know.” Christy said her voice shy. “I’ve accepted a job in Virginia on the base. It pays well and I think it will be good for both of us to move there.”

“We’re going to miss Christy and Brian Matthew, but I plan on spending lots of vacation time in Virginia,” Mrs. Stevenson declared.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

The whole family and all their friends gathered inside the large house, celebrating their first real New Years together. Justin was just pleased that it looked like Brian wouldn’t be called away again this time. It looked like for the first time in years they would be able to start the New Year off right. He spotted Brian over in one of the corners in a heated debate with Chief, Ben and Vic, what they were talking about he had no idea. He would let them have their fun now, since shortly after midnight he had his own way of bringing in the New Year, and it didn’t include anyone other than his husband and him.

Sliding up beside Emmett, Justin placed his arm around his friend’s shoulder. “Soooo, do you need help?”

Emmett shrugged and looked out at the crowd. He had been a little depressed as of late after his break-up with his boyfriend of three weeks. But he knew that he had moped around enough, he just wasn’t sure how to get back in the saddle again. “I can handle it baby, why don’t you go and enjoy the night with your sexy husband. I’ll be fine. Besides, I’m the party planner and I must make sure everything is running smoothly.”

Justin laid his head on Em’s shoulder and looked up at the man. “Em. It’s been a month. Go out there and get some. I’m sure that there is someone out there that interests you.”

Emmett didn’t want to admit it to Justin but he was interested in someone. He just didn’t think that he was interested in him. Heck he wasn’t even sure if he could actually go through with it. “There might be someone.” Emmett told his friend. He could never keep anything from Justin.

“Really!? Then go for it. Don’t waste any time. Get out there and go get him.” Justin said pulling on Emmett’s arm.

”I can’t.”

“Why not? Em, I’m sure that whoever he is, he will love you. All you have to do is make the first move. Get out there.” Justin tried to convince his friend. He hated seeing Emmett sad and alone. He wanted his friend to have the same thing that he had with Brian… “He’s in the Navy isn’t he? You don’t know if you can go through the separation.”

“Oh sweetie. I see what it does to you every time Brian goes out. I don’t know if I could go through that.” Emmett leaned back against the wall and looked out at everyone there. He spotted the man he was interested in, he just wasn’t sure if he could do it.

“Em, you will never know unless you try. Trust me… all the separations do, is make your time together more precious. Any time I have with Brian means the world to me, because we don’t have as much as others do. I love him with everything I have, and I want him to be who he is. As long as you don’t try to change them, as long as you understand that the Navy is a part of who they are, then you will work out.” Justin wrapped his arms back around Emmett. “Besides, you have me to be there for you when he does go out to sea.”

“Thank-you baby. I’ll think about it. Who knows, I just might have my own little sailor in my bed at night.” Emmett smiled suddenly, thinking that it might not be that bad of an idea.

”What are you two doing?” Brian asked as he unwrapped Justin’s arms from around Emmett’s lean frame and pulled his lover back against his chest. “Up to no good, I suppose.”

Emmett laughed at Brian’s obvious display of possessiveness. He wasn’t even sure if Brian realized it, but seeing the look in Justin’s eyes, the blond knew it, and loved it. “Just chatting. Now why don’t you boys go and bring in the New Year right… I’ll hold the fort down here.”

Brian gave Emmett a grateful smile, and he began to pull Justin down the hall toward their room. “I like the way he thinks.”

“Oh yeah… but watch out. Em has his eye on his own Navy boy.” Justin warned.

“Christ, just what we need. Should I be worried?”

Justin shrugged as he pulled Brian farther down the hall, unbuttoning his lover’s shirt along the way. “Who knows, but I don’t think that we need to think about that now. Right now, I want to have my own fireworks and celebration going on by the time the clock strikes midnight.”

“Well then, Pretty boy… let’s ring in the New Year right.” Brian closed the door behind them, shutting everyone else out, leaving them to their private party. The others would just have to have fun without them.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian and Justin walked hand in hand down the hallway to their bedroom. It was almost midnight and for once they were together. Brian hoped it was an omen of great things to come. The music drifted down the hallway following them. It mixed with the sounds of laughter and people talking. Justin felt slightly tipsy from the champagne he’d drunk. Stopping suddenly he turned to Brian and caressed the other man’s face with his hand. “I love you Brian Kinney” he breathed. “I am the luckiest man in the world to have found you.”

“You’ve had too much to drink Pretty Boy.” Brian said with a laugh, though he loved the compliment.

“No I haven’t. Justin twirled off dancing to the music in his head and on the air. “I’m in love with Brian Kinney” he sang loudly.” Stopping he held out his hand. “Dance with me Navy Boy.”

Brian took the outstretched hand pulling Justin in close to him. “Every day with you is a dance Justin.” His words were filled with emotion. Leaning down he sealed the thought with a kiss. Justin’s hands went up to hold Brian’s head in place as the kiss intensified, until they were both breathless with the emotion of the moment. “Why is every time with you like the first time?” Brian asked. “The same butterflies in my stomach, the same ache in my balls, the same fullness in my heart. The familiarity of time has only intensified those first time moments.” His lips began to trail, full of hunger and yearning ,down the side of Justin’s neck causing the other man to groan deeply inside.

An urgency came over them both and their clothes began to be torn from their bodies as they rushed to have hot flesh touch hot flesh. “I need you Brian.” Justin gasped. “I want you now.” He managed to say again before his lips were assaulted again.

Brian,captivated yet again by the wonder of the man he loved, barely heard his husband’s words. Instead he was listening to his heart as he pursued the sweaty saltiness of the lithe and pale body that was Justin’s. His tongue licked, his teeth tasted Justin’s skin. Lips rained small claiming kisses everywhere they touched. Justin’s hands combed through Brian’s hair, holding him in place time and time again, though each time Brian escaped to peruse another part of Justin’s body.

Panting they sunk to the floor, both uninterested in finding their bed, instead dissolving in the urgency for completion. Somehow Brian ended up with his back on the floor. Justin taking advantage of having the dominant position roughly impaled himself on Brian’s cock, using the dripping precum as lubricant. They had long ago given up the pretense of using condoms as they both were safe and monogamous. It wasn’t a topic of conversation; it was just a fact of life. Justin’s muffled moan was a combination of welcome pain and heated lust, both intensified by Brian’s cry of pleasure as his cock filled the hot smooth and tight space. Then it began, Justin’s eyes locked on Brian’s, the silvery light of the moon reflecting off the fresh snow provided an eerie illumination as slowly Justin began to rock forward. Brian braced his feet on the floor to give Justin the proper leverage as he slowly moved. Their eyes shouted their feelings toward one another. Brian’s fingers found Justin’s and they laced together. A steady mantra of love words poured from both of them soft and whispery, like the sound of butterfly wings yet both of them heard each word clearly. It was a familiar position for the both of them not quite, but almost Tantric in it’s intensity, as they rocked together both of them riding wave after orgasmic wave until Justin was forced to collapse wet with sweat and cum onto Brian’s chest. The shouts from the other part of the house told them that the New Year had arrived as the same time as they came together.

“You know Pretty Boy, my mother always told me that whatever you were doing when the New Year came would be what you’d be doing the rest of the year. It’s an old Irish legend.”

“Hmmm, I hope your mother was right.” Justin breathed. Brian realized then that for the first time in his almost thirty one years he’d been able to talk about his mother in peace and with nostalgic sentiment. He had Justin to thank for that. “Happy New Year Justin.”

“Happy New Year Navy Boy.” Justin mumbled as he began to give way to sleep. Brian smiled. He was on the floor, his pretty boy was using him as a mattress yet again.

~~~***~~~***~~~***




It was almost midnight. Emmett looked around the large common room and was pleased with what he saw. Everyone was having a great time. The music was good and the food fabulous. He’d outdone himself.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Once Brian and Justin left, Emmett decided that he had to try. Justin was right, he wouldn’t know unless he made the move. He could have his own Navy Man, all he had to do was take that jump. Taking a deep breath, Emmett walked over to a small secluded corner of the living room where the man of his dreams was standing. “What is a hunky man like you doing here all alone?” Emmett asked as he handed a glass of Champagne over.

“Couldn’t find a date, and I guess I sort of like to watch people. It’s fun to just stand here and come up with stories to match what you’re seeing.” Mike stated as he took the drink from Emmett’s hand. “Mike Peters, by the way. I don’t think we’ve ever really been formally introduced.”

“Well, a man after my own heart. Emmett Honeycutt, at your service.” Emmett took the offered hand and felt a spark move between the two. “So what do you think they are talking about?” He asked pointing to a small group of men standing and talking to a group of women.

“Easy, the men are trying to figure out a way to get into the woman with the fake breasts’ pants, while the women are standing there wishing that they had a chance with all the hot looking gay men here.” Mike stated with a smile on his face. “Of course, you’re on the top of the red head’s list.”

Emmett looked over and sure enough spotted this cute red head checking him out. “Well I for one would never… I’m not really into redheads.”

Mike turned slightly so that he could look Emmett in the eyes, while their shoulders touched. “What is your type?”

Emmett felt a lump form in his throat as he looked into the most beautiful brown eyes he had ever seen. “Well… I like my men with dirty blond hair, brown eyes… and … well a lot like you.” Emmett felt himself jump off the cliff. He wondered if this hot looking Navy guy would save him from hitting rock bottom.

“I can say the same for you.”

And Emmett was saved from the rock below. He had his own Navy boy to entertain, and get to know. The party planner was done for the night. “Would you like to take a walk with me? There’s this little stream that goes through the property.”

“I’d love to.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

March 2015

Brian was walking through the shopping district of the small city they were in. This mission had been more political than dangerous and he and his team had 8 hours before transport took them back to the states. He wasn’t looking for anything in particular. But when he had the chance he liked to bring back something for Justin.

Someone caught his eye as he looked into a shop window, it was Peters. Brian opened the door and walked. “Hey Peters, what are you buying?” Brian asked. He was surprised when his team member turned almost purple with embarrassment.

“Sir, I do have it in the size you require.” The clerk held up a brilliant colored kimono edged in black. “Shall I gift wrap it?” she asked.

“Sure and throw in the hair thingy’s” he muttered.

“Certainly sir.”

“That’s some bathrobe Peters.” Brian couldn’t help but grin. Peters’s new love interest was certainly on the large size if the kimono was anything to go by.

“Yeah, well I thought I’d pick up a gift for a friend.”

“A special friend?” Brian was being nosey

“Very special.” Peters blushed.

“I thought you were the consummate bachelor; don’t tell me you’re thinking of settling down.” Brian teased.

“I might, I don’t know. It’s a big step.” Peters mumbled. “Didn’t you find it hard to settle down with Justin? I mean I noticed you don’t trick anymore or least I haven’t caught you at it.”

“I don’t trick anymore. It wasn’t worth the grief.” Brian admitted. “I don’t know who was more pissed with me, Justin or myself.”

“I know what you mean.” Peters said. His words rang with sincerity. “I’m keeping a low profile myself these days.”

A carved box that would be perfect for some of Justin’s keepsakes caught Brian’s eye. And then he saw the length of gold chain. It was chunkier than most chains and in an unusual design. The sign attached said it was thirty four inches. It would be perfect around Justin’s waist with a bit left over for a sexy drop. He added the chain to the box and handed both to the clerk. “I think I’ll bring Justin home something too.” Brian said with a satisfied grin.

“You were planning on chaining him to the bed?” Peters said with a laugh, glad that the conversation was on another track.

“Now that’s a thought” Brian said thoughtfully. “It might keep him out of trouble.”




~~~***~~~***~~~***



Justin looked up from his sketchbook, and smiled at his husband. He had always loved watching Brian playing with Brian Matthew, seeing a side of Brian that wasn’t seen often. “You’re good with him. And here you thought that you wouldn’t be a good God-daddy.”

Brian glanced up from making faces at the baby in his hands to stick his tongue out at his lover. “Justin’s being a smart ass.” Brian looked down at the little boy and cooed and smiled. “Have you given thought to having one?”

“One what? I have an ass, thank-you, and it’s a very nice one at that.” Justin stated purposely pretending to not understand.

Brian glared up at Justin with a raised eyebrow, and his tongue in cheek. “A baby, Justin… baby.” Brian shook his head and turned his attention back to his namesake. “Silly boy. Yeah, you would like that wouldn’t you. Someone is purposely avoiding the topic.” Brian took a deep breath and glanced up at Justin. “I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I know we talked about it before but we dropped it. I guess in light of recent things, and … I was wondering what you thought.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Justin sat down next to Brian, reaching across and running his hand through Brian’s hair. Justin wanted to hear Brian say the words that he had been wanting to hear since the talk last year. He knew that Brian would have to reach a point in his life where he would actually want it, all Justin had to do was wait.

Brian reached for Justin’s hand and held it in his hand. “It’s just that… well… I want to have a baby. I want us to have a child.”

“Wouldn’t that be a little hard? I mean, it’s not like you have the right equipment, and …” Justin began, not completing the thought as Brian pulled his head down to plunge his tongue into his mouth.

Brian pulled away and shook his head. “You little shit. You know what I’m talking about.”

“What brought this on? It’s been what… a year since we talked about it.”

“This little guy.” Brian left things at that, as he looked down at little Brian. He knew that he needn’t explain any more than that. Brian had been spending a great deal of time with his godson, as much as he could anyway, and he started to feel a yearning form within him. “I want a child of our own. I want to be able to have someone that’s both of us. I love watching him learn new stuff, and waiting for him to sit up on his own, or watching him try to walk… I want to experience that with our own child.”

Justin saw Brian turn to look toward the opposite wall, almost embarrassed by his wants. Justin sat down on the arm of the chair, as he leaned down to slowly explore his husband’s mouth, enjoying the taste of cigarettes and coffee. “I’d be honored to have a baby with you. It would take a while, tests that we need to make and then the actual procedure, but we could start.” Lifting a little Justin looked down at Brian, watching as the smile began to form on his husbands lips. “I was hoping that you would say that.”

“Now the question is… who would carry her?” Brian asked the one question that he knew would cause the most problems. “I think Daphne would be better. Linds is in this relationship… and Melanie and I don’t really get along. I just don’t see that the ‘misses’ would approve of Linds carrying it.”

“I think it would be better with Daph. You know that Lindsay will be upset. She’s totally in lust with you.” Justin laughed as he ran his fingers through Brian’s silky hair, and looked down at the smiling face of the baby in Brian’s arms. He wanted to see their child in his husband’s arms, he wanted to have something that was theirs. “How are you going to explain it to Lindsay?”

Brian smiled up at his husband with a glint in his eyes. “Simple, I’ll tell her that it was your decision and I just agreed.”

Justin slapped Brian on the arm and shook his head. “Bastard. Throwing me to the wolves.”

“I love you.” He smiled up at his husband.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
April 2015

“Sorry baby, I’ve got to go.” Brian kissed Justin on the nose and gathered his bags. He had barely enough time to get to the base. As usual his bags were packed and ready to go. Justin always made sure everything was in order as soon as he was home making that his second priority, the first one being reunion sex.

Brian rushed out the door heading to his car and ran right into Peters who was rushing for his own car. “What the fuck?” Brian said startled to see one of his team members so early in the morning in his driveway.

“Mike, you forgot this.” Emmett came running out to the big house dressed only in a brightly colored kimono. He handed Mike Peters his hat, gave him a quick kiss and ran back inside, barely acknowledging Brian’s presence.

“The mind boggles Peter.” Was all Brian said as he got into his car and headed for the base.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

End of Chapter seventeen

Chapter 18 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Eighteen
Present day – June 2016

Brian threw himself on the ground of the cave, trying to catch his breath. He had found the radio, and made it back without collapsing. He knew what was driving him, what was keeping him moving, but he wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep it up. He handed the Senior Chief a small piece of paper, not able to talk through his shortness of breath. When he had arrived at the SEAL’s small hideout he was amazed that most of the things were still there… it was almost like they had left them for him to find. The radio was still where it had been buried along with a map and paper.

Quickly, he had written the coordinates down, and what needed to be said in the secure hand-held. He knew that even if he couldn’t call for help someone else could. Laying down on the ground, Brian heard the Senior Chief begin to talk. Everything else began to fade around him, as he closed his eyes.

He wondered what Justin was doing at that moment. He wondered if Lindsay had had Gus yet. Was his son now in this world? Would he ever be able to see him? What did he look like?

The first thing he knew he would do when he got back was try to make things right with Justin. He wasn’t sure if he could, but he knew he had to try. He had to have Justin understand why he said and did what he had. He needed Justin to understand, and forgive him. The last thing Brian wanted to do was make the decision between his son and his husband, cause he wasn’t sure what that decision would be.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

09August 2015
Justin,

Well we’ve finally decided. It’s going to happen. Now of course all we have to do is go through with it. Our own child. Christ! What am I thinking?

If you would have asked me when we first got together if we would ever be here, I would have laughed in your face. I really would have. I guess I never saw myself as a father. And honestly what would we have to offer a child? Between my fucked up childhood and yours, what could we give a child?

Then it all changed. We have a family now. One who loves us both, and who will stand beside us no matter what. I never had that, and now that I do… I think we can make this work. We can have a baby, something to call our own. I like the sound of it. Dad.

Of course now all we have to do is convince Daphne to do it for us. I know I said that I wanted to wait, but there’s this small part of me that wants it now. I look at Brian Matthew and I watch him grow. I watch him experience things for the first time, and I find myself wanting that. I want to experience that with OUR child.

Who would have ever thought?

Of course the only problem with it is Lindsay. Yes, I know she wants to have my baby… she’s wanted me to sleep with her since we were kids, she’s always dreamed of us being together. I know this, but she also knows that it will never happen. I won’t hide who I am, and who I love. I’m married to you, not her. I’ll never be married to her.

However life goes on… and ours just gets crazier and crazier.

Your mom and dad… okay our mom and dad, planning a wedding. Yikes what the hell is that? That’s a picture I don’t want to have in my mind. And what is this with Emmett and Peters. Yes, dear, you were right. Fuck! I can’t believe I never saw it. I thought he MIGHT be a closeted queer, but … fuck! Seeing him and Emmett together…

My eyes. Seeing him come out of the house the other night when I got called into a mission… I couldn’t believe it. Here he was acting all big and bad with me. Acting like he didn’t have anything to hide. Okay, so we had many talks about … yuck his romantic life. He would ask me shit about what to do when we come back, how to make it up to our lover when we get called away all the sudden. He never ONCE mentioned a damn name. Never once even mentioned a sex. I just assumed.

Come on, don’t blame me. He was by far one of the biggest ladies men around. You can’t deny that. So yes, is this a shock to me? Yes!

I guess I owe you those backrubs when I get back huh?

I gotta go, Pretty boy. I will write more later.

I love you, my Avalon.
Brian

~~~***~~~***~~~***
Daphne sat down in the chair opposite Brian and Justin in their apartment at Avalon. She knew that they had something to ask her, but she wasn’t sure what could possibly be so important that they wanted to do it today. “Okay… so what’s up?”

Brian leaned back in the chair pulling Justin back against him. He was going to let Justin handle this as they agreed. Justin would handle Daphne while he had a talk with Lindsay. Frankly, he wished that they could switch their jobs… telling Linds that she wasn’t the ‘one’ would be hard on his friend. He only hoped that she understood.

“We have been talking, and we wanted to see if you would agree.” Justin began, leaning back against Brian. Although they had talked about it in length, and both agreed that they wanted to do it, actually talking about it with Daphne made everything real. They were really going to do it. “We want you to carry our child.” Justin told her.

Daphne screamed and jumped out of her chair to land directly on Brian and Justin. “Really? You really want to have a baby? That is soooo cool. “

Brian laughed as he had his arms full of a very happy woman, something he never thought he would have. “Well we can’t very well have it…since we don’t have the right equipment. That’s where we’re hoping you will come in.”

Justin pushed Daphne off of them, seeing the bright smile that spread across her face. “I take that as a yes. You will be the one to carry the child?”

“Yes. Of course I will. And I know that all I will be is a surrogate, all I ask is that I can be auntie Daphne?” She asked shyly, not sure if she should even bring it up.

“Most definitely.” Brian smiled. “Whenever you want to do it, we’ll get the papers drawn up and then… well you know.”

Daphne moved to sit down on Brian’ other knee wrapping her arms around her two favorite men. “So when will things be ready? I mean don’t they have to do something with the sperm and stuff to make it yours?”

Justin laughed as he pulled Daphne into a hug. There would be a lot more to talk about, but knowing that she would be willing made everything perfect. Justin only hoped that Brian would be alright when he broke the news to Lindsay. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Lindsay, but Justin had this feeling that it would be more trouble than it’s worth. He knew that Lindsay had secretly wanted to be with Brian, that she had these fantasies that would never happen. He hoped that she would understand and it didn’t cause Brian any problems.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Reaching across the table, Brian held Lindsay’s hand in his own. “You do understand right? You’re okay with this?”

Lindsay sat there and tried to hide her disappointment as Brian explained that she would not be carrying his child. She had hoped that when all was said and done, Brian would choose her. That wasn’t the case unfortunately, and she didn’t want Brian to see how hurt she really was. “Of course I understand. It hurts, but I understand.” She gave him a small smile, but inside she felt like she was dying. “So.. ummm. What happens now? What do you guys have to do?”

Brian removed his hand and ran it through his short hair. Leaning back against the booth. “Well I already made my deposit, and from what Justin tells me, he will be seeing the doc on Tuesday to do what needs to be done to add his DNA. Then we’ll just wait until Daphne’s ready.”

“You’re leaving it up to her? Don’t you want a say in it?” She asked, a plan starting to form in her mind. He told her that he had already done his part, now all she had to do was find out how to get a small sample. She wanted to have a baby, she yearned to have one. The only man she could see to be the father was Brian. He didn’t have to know, if she got it from a sperm bank, who would know. She had a contact in the bank… all she had to do was get the right sample. In the next two days she had to get there, get the sample and then she could have what she craved. She would have Brian’s baby, no matter the cost.

Brian would understand.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Today is the day Daphne. Brian and I are going to the clinic to hand over some of my DNA.” Justin lay on his bed talking to his friend.

“I can’t believe it.”

“Yeah, sort of science experiment freaky.” Daphne said with a laugh. “Are you sure you don’t want to knock me up the good old fashioned way?”

Justin laughed out loud. “You always did want to get a piece of the action as far as Brian was concerned.” He giggled. “Sorry my girl, he’s mine all mine.”

“A girl can wish can’t she?” Daphne smiled at the thought. Despite the fact they were gay, both Brian and Justin had often been part of her late night fantasies. A vibrator can only do so much.

“My mother by the way, thinks I am crazy. My father won’t discuss it. What does your mom think?”

“She and Deb are practically spending every waking hour in the baby departments of the various department stores.” Justin huffed a laugh. “I’ve told them that it will be up to you when this baby thing starts cooking.”

“That sounds so gross Justin.”

“Well you know.” Justin sighed. “I want it to happen right now in one way, but in another, with Brian having Brian Matthew in his life, I don’t want to take away any of that little guy’s limelight.”

“As if you two would ever do that. Besides, it does take a few months to incubate. We aren’t talking sci fi cloning here.” She said suddenly serious. “You know Justin, maybe someday you and I could make a baby together. I mean not the regular way, but you know. I kind of like to be a mom. I can sort of see where Lindsay is coming from. You do know she is still obsessed with having Brian’s child. I think it’s been a dream of hers since they were in high school.”

“She never said anything to me or Brian?” Justin said.

“I bet she has to Brian.” Daphne was matter of fact. “I know she did to me.”

“What does she think, if Brian lets her have some sperm that he’ll suddenly become hetero, divorce me and marry her?” Justin could feel a twinge of jealousy deep inside him though he knew it was foolish.

“Who knows, but she is older than me. Her biological clock is ticking.”

“And yours isn’t?” Justin laughed.

“Not yet. I mean I’ll have a baby for you guys. But as for one of my own, I’d like to be settled in a relationship first. I’m not cut out for the single mother thing and I know it.”

“I love you Daph and if you decide you want a baby of your own, as long as I can be part of its life, I would help you in any way I can.” Justin was sincere. “You’ve been there for me since we were five. It would be the very least I could do.”

“I’ll remember that Justin.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Justin it’s real simple. At least this part of it is. I don’t think that the rest of it will be too hard. I mean what can they do?” Brian held his lover trying to calm his nerves as they made their way into the small clinic. “Besides, I’ll be here if you need me.”

“Will you come in and hold me?” Justin said with a small smile and an evil glint in his eye. “I helped you. I think it’s only fair to return the favor.”

“Oh I can help you all right young man.” Brian smiled, as he pulled Justin to him and gave him a deep, passionate kiss. They held each other, probing each other’s mouth until the need for air became a necessity and only then breaking away far enough to rest their foreheads against one another. “Now, take that in there and go do this. I want to enjoy my day off.”

“Yes, sir.” Justin slowly pulled away from Brian holding onto his lover’s hand until the last possible moment.

After Justin walked through the doors, Brian went over to the nurses’ desk to get the other part of for the procedure. “I’m here to pick up the … well my sperm.” Brian told the lady. He couldn’t believe that he was in that office picking up his own sperm so that his lover… his male lover could have it.

The nurse looked up from her computer and stared at Brian. “Sir, your sample isn’t here. We’ll need to get another one for the procedure.”

“Wait. What do you mean it isn’t here?” Brian leaned against the counter to try and steal a look at the computer screen to see what was going on. He knew he had been there the week prior, so his ‘sample’ as they called it should have still been there. It was marked to save for this day.

The nurse went into the back and pulled his file. “Oh, it says here that it was picked up by your request. All the documents were in order and it was picked up and used by one Lindsay Peters.”

Brian felt like the air had just been sucked right out of him. “I had … fuck!” He couldn’t believe that this was happening. What was Lindsay thinking by taking his sperm? She knew that they needed it there so that they could do the procedure. After getting a cup, he went to give them another sample as the lady pulled up all the documents he would need to get some answers. Luckily Justin would be busy for at least another hour, so Brian figured he would have time to see Lindsay and be back there to try and explain this to his husband.

With documents in hand, Brian left the clinic and drove directly to Lindsay’s small apartment. He didn’t even wait for her to say anything as the door opened, he stormed in and waved the papers in her face. “What the FUCK is this? Who the hell gave you the right to take what wasn’t yours? Without even discussing it with me? You fucking knew we needed it for the procedure…Christ Linds! What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Brian, I know you’re upset, but hear me out please.”

“Hear you out. Hear you OUT! Lindsay you had better have a damn good explanation for this or I swear to GOD that I will have your ass.” Brian exclaimed. He had never been more upset in his life as he was at that moment. Turning away he started to pace the living room, knowing that if he stayed in one spot he would hurt her. He would do something that he would never be able to repair. “Brian, you know that I wanted a child… I told you about it. We talked about it. You agreed.”

“Yes, I agreed that you should have a child, but I didn’t agree for you to STEAL my sperm to do it! What were you thinking?” Brian saw Mel, Lindsay’s girlfriend walk out of the bedroom and saw red. “I bet she talked you into it didn’t she? DIDN’T SHE?”

“Mel had nothing to do with my decision. Yes we talked about it, but it was ultimately my choice. She said she would stand beside me in whatever I decided.” Lindsay went to stand beside Melanie and wrap her arms around her lover. “Bri, I don’t see what the problem is… it’s not like you can’t have another child. You don’t even have to be a part of this one’s life… I just wanted a baby. Is that so wrong?”

“It is when you take something that doesn’t belong to you, Linds. I should have had a say in this.” Brian could feel the pressure build behind his temples, and his neck become stiff. It was a sure sign to him that he was about to lose it, something that he hadn’t allowed to happen since he had met Justin. “Please tell me that you didn’t use it. Please, Linds tell me that even if you did, it didn’t take.”

“Brian… I can’t. I’m pregnant.”

Brian felt the world slip out from under him. His best friend had betrayed him in the worse possible way, and he wasn’t sure how he could make things right. “Christ, Linds.” Brian moved toward the door and turned back to look at his friend as his hand touched the handle. “This isn’t over, Linds. We will be talking, and we’ll decide what will be done. But right now… I can’t fucking stand to even look at you.” Brian opened the door and stormed out of the apartment. He had to think, he had decisions to make.

First off, he had to try and figure out how the hell he was going to tell Justin.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian had left on a mission that morning. Justin was in his studio staring at a blank canvas. All he could think about was the events of the last few days. He had never before felt so betrayed as he had when he found out what Lindsay had done. If it had been anyone else, he would have insisted that they press charges. He still wanted to but he hadn’t said a word to Brian. Brian was furious. In fact furious barely covered said what his husband was feeling. It was certainly no condition for him to be in before leaving on a mission.

Justin had been warned by Mysterious Marilyn only the morning before, that Brian would be called out. So when his husband had stormed into their house after confronting his friend, Justin could only commiserate. He didn’t dare add fuel to the fire. He wanted his husband to calm down and be ready to be called out.

Consequently he’d spent almost six hours showing Brian how he felt about him in a dozen different ways, as well as secreting not only the fudge in Brian’s pack, but various small notes to remind him that he was loved.

All of a sudden he began to work furiously on the canvas. It was a medium sized one so he knew Brian would be back in less than two weeks. Marilyn had never been wrong. While he worked he rehearsed what he wanted to say to Lindsay should he run across her. He didn’t dare seek her out. He was still too hurt and angry to do that.

“Justin?” it was Lindsay, at the door to his studio. “Where is Brian?” she asked. “I need to talk to him.”

Justin looked at her. His eyes flashed dislike and sadness. “Get out of my studio.” He said through gritted teeth. “Where my husband is, is none of your concern.”

“Justin, I’m sorry, I didn’t think” she began.

“GET – OUT – OF – MY – STUDIO – AND – OFF – MY – PROPERTY” he screamed almost beyond reason he was so pissed at her. He ran over and pushed her out of the door slamming it in her face and locking it.

“Hmmmm, Taylor-Kinney, that went well.” He said to himself before returning to his canvas. He felt decidedly calmer.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
27 January 2016

Dear Justin,

I guess I can use this book now to add what I can’t tell you about Gus. Yes, we picked a name out today. We saw the ultrasound, and they told us we were having a boy. Christ a boy!

I wish I could share this with you Justin, I wish that you and Lindsay hadn’t put me in the damn middle. I feel like I’m being torn in two, ripped to shreds. I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t NOT be a part of this child’s life. I won’t do that to him.

I wish you could see where I am coming from, I really do. I wish that you could be happy for me. But I guess that’s not going to happen. I guess that it is just me.

Please understand, Justin. I can’t let this child… MY child, think that I don’t want him. I can’t do that to him. I’m already feeling like I’m losing it. My drinking has gone up, my anger is showing more. I’m starting to turn into my father, and I don’t want that. I refuse to be him. But I can see the signs. And I honestly believe that if we were together on this… if I wasn’t having to choose between you and Gus, then I wouldn’t be going through this. I would have you by my side.

I love you, Justin. With all of my heart. You are my soul. Please don’t make me choose. I don’t know if I can. Our life since we found out has been hell. We fight all the damn time… practically all the time. I can’t deal with it anymore.

I love you, and I want things to go back to the way they were. I can’t give up Gus, and I don’t want to lose you. So where does that leave me?

My Avalon,
Brian

~~~***~~~***~~~***




Justin looked at the canvas before him shaking his head. For some reason the picture before him wasn’t turning out the way that he wanted, and he wasn’t sure what was missing. Sighing he placed his brushes down and turned as his husband came into the room. “Why hello, Navy Boy.”

Brian wrapped his arms around Justin from behind and looked at the painting. “Stuck?” Justin nodded leaning back against Brian, as Brian looked the painting over. He had learned more about art in the time he knew Justin then he had ever thought possible. Brian knew that he was not even close to be a professional art critic or anything, but he knew Justin and what his lover tried to convey in his work. “Personally, I would like to see that a little brighter color.” Brian stated pointing to one area on the canvas. He never once would tell Justin what he felt was wrong with a painting, he would only tell his lover what he personally would like to see. Of course there hardly ever came a time when he needed to say anything, or he felt that there was something missing. The only times a way to improve something is when he can tell his husband is dissatisfied with a piece of work.

Justin looked at the painting and knew that the color mix was wrong. He would have to try that later on in the day and see if that fixed the problem. “So what do I owe the honor of you being home early?” Justin turned around on his stool, looking up at Brian.

“Actually, I was wondering if we could talk.” Brian stated. Pulling Justin up from the stool he led Justin over to a huge pillow that sat on the floor in the corner of the room. He sat down on the pillow leaning back on his elbows, waiting for Justin to join him. “Linds went to the doctor today, it’s official. She’s pregnant.”

“I can’t believe that she would do that. She had no right.” Justin stated shaking his head as he stood standing over Brian. “I will never forgive her for this, Brian. Never.”

“Justin, please, can’t we talk about this?”

“What is she going to do?” Justin wasn’t sure what he wanted Lindsay to do with the child, he was totally conflicted. All he knew was that he wanted nothing to do with the woman and the stolen child growing in her womb. He couldn’t do it.

“She’s going to have it, and I agree with her. I can’t do it, Justin. I can’t abandon this child, or Lindsay. I want you to be a part of it with me.” Brian gave Justin a small smile as he tried to reach up and take a hold of his husband’s hand. “Justin… please.”

“I can’t, Bri. I’m sorry, but I can’t stand to be in the same damn room as her. I won’t sit there and pretend to be one big happy family when she went behind our back and did this without our consent… without yours. She’s only doing this to get you. She wants the happy little family with the white picket fence, and I won’t stand by and watch you fall into that trap.” Justin told Brian. He couldn’t let Brian think that this would all turn out okay. He knew Lindsay, he knew where she was coming from and it scared him. He wasn’t going to allow her to try and steal Brian away from him. He would fight until his dying breath to keep Brian with him.

“I won’t be my father, Justin. I will be there for Linds and this baby. I would like you to be there with me. I want you to be a part of my child’s life.” Brian tried to reason with his husband. He hated the thought of anyone doing what his parents did to him. He didn’t want Justin to hate this child because of the actions of his mother. “Just please understand. That’s all I ask.”

“I don’t know if I can, Bri. I don’t know if I can.”

~~~***~~~***~~~***

26 February 2016

Justin,

The reason why I didn’t make it to dinner is cause Lindsay had a little ‘episode’. Okay she fucking collapsed! Exhaustion they say. She keeps telling me that she’s taking care of herself, but I’m not sure.

I’m feeling so lost, Justin. Everyone is turning against me. My team, you… your parents. I have no one. Well at least I’m losing everyone. I think that they are still with me… at least for now.

Why is the consensus is that I tell Linds to fuck off? Okay, here’s the deal… As long as Lindsay is alive, and well, I have to talk to her… I have to get along with her if I ever want to see my kid. Do you understand that? Do you even comprehend that?

I guess not. Hell, I don’t even know why I’m writing in this damn thing anymore. It’s not like you give a damn. You have your perfect life, and when someone comes along and disrupts it, to hell with everyone else. Guess what Justin… fuck you.

Am I upset with Lindsay? Hell yes. She had no right. But what am I going to do?

Later,
Brian


~~~***~~~***~~~***

“You need to take it easy, Linds. The doctor said that you need to take care of yourself and take it easy.” Brian tried to reason with Lindsay as they got into the car after seeing the doctor. He had tried to be there for Lindsay for every appointment. He wanted to experience everything that he could, since he wasn’t sure when he would ever do this again.

“I am, Brian. I have been following everything the doctor had told me to do. I won’t do anything to endanger our child.” Lindsay explained. She had just passed her first trimester and was getting more and more excited about this pregnancy. Experiencing the changes within her, and knowing that a small child was growing inside of her, always brought a smile on her face. “I promise you, Brian, I will not let anything happen.” Lindsay placed her hand on Brian’s sitting on the clutch. “How is Justin handling this?””

Brian took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The whole thing with Justin was confusing to say the least. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen between them. “I’m not going to discuss my marriage with you, Linds, I told you that before. What goes on between Justin and I stays between the two of us.”

“I’m just worried about you, Brian. You seem distracted all the time, and the last thing I want is for this to cause problems between the two of you. That was never my intention.” Lindsay tried to explain.

“What the hell was your intention, Linds? What did you think would happen? How did you THINK Justin would feel?” Brian shook his head trying to clear his head. He had been getting angry more and more since this whole things started and it was starting to scare him a little. He could see himself turning into his father, he was slowly turning into an angry, drunk, bitter man and he hated it. He was trying to NOT fall into the same routine, but it was becoming more difficult as time went on. He needed Justin to stand beside him, and he needed to be with his son, even if it meant being nice to Lindsay… things however were far from perfect.

“I don’t know, Brian. I wasn’t thinking.”

“You got that right. Look, let’s just forget it. Justin is off limits. Leave him alone, and leave our relationship alone. I won’t let either one of you make my decisions for me. I will do what I want, and I won’t be influenced by either one of you. Do you understand?”

“I understand. I am sorry, Brian. I wish things could be different.”

Brian had an idea what Lindsay had wished, but what she wanted would never happen. He wasn’t sure where he was going to be when the baby arrived, but he would be where he wanted to be. He would do what he needed to do. He would have to try once again with Justin, try to get his husband to see that he was trying to make things right. All Brian wanted to do was to make things right for everyone involved. How he would do that he wasn’t sure, but he had to at least try.


~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin walked into the bedroom of their apartment and saw Brian packing a small bag. He felt his heart stop in his chest, wondering what was going on. “Brian?”

Brian turned to look at Justin, shook his head and went back to packing his gym bag. “I don’t want to talk about it Justin. I’m sick and tired of fighting, I’m sick and tired of being stuck between you and Lindsay. I need a small break.” Zipping up his bag, Brian turned back to Justin and saw the pain in his lover’s eyes. He hated that Justin was in pain, and went over to wrap his arms around his husband. “I just need a little time, Justin. I am tired… just so tired. And it’s not like I would be far… I’m just going to spend a couple days in the cabin. I’ll be right on the property, I’m not leaving.”

“I understand. I just wish you didn’t have to do this.” Justin cried on Brian’s shoulder. He knew that he had been putting Brian in a bad position, but he just couldn’t get past his anger at the situation. He was having a hard time trying to understand what was going on, and where he fit in it all.

Brian lightly kissed Justin on the forehead and grabbed his bag. “I’ll be back in two days max. I love you.” With that Brian walked out of their bedroom to spend a couple of days alone.

As Justin watched his husband walk out the door and begin to follow the path to the cabin, it was if all the air had been sucked out of the room and he’d been left in a vacuum filled with pain. He wanted to run and scream at the man who was stubbornly disappearing into the trees. He wanted to scream at Lindsay who was destroying his life.

Instead he calmly watched the man he loved walk away. It was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. Hours later, Justin stood up from the floor where he’d been sitting. He got dressed. He decided that he needed to be with someone or he’d go crazy. It wasn’t like Brian was away on a mission. He was just running away from life as usual, instead of facing it like he should and Justin was damn sick of waiting around. He headed off for one of his favorite watering holes. Tonight he needed to get wasted, as childish and immature as that sounded.

Justin found a seat at a table tucked into a corner. It was away from the rest of the crowd. He didn’t need or want to talk to anyone. He had seven empty shot glasses sitting on the table and the room had a decided tilt to it when Chief South and Petty Officer Peters sat down at the table with him. “Trouble in paradise Justin?” South asked.

“Fuck off guys, go play your little navy games with your fearless commander – oh I forgot he’s fucking sulking in his cabin. Fucking coward.” Justin’s words were slurred.

“My, oh my, we do have our panties in a twist.” Emmett said coming up with three beers in his hands. He gave one to Mike and one to Chief South.

“Who invited you?” Justin said as he signaled for another shot. “Fucking Lindsay stole what was mine and now Brian thinks he has to play house with the thieving scheming bitch. He can’t spend enough time there. I mean who sits and waits for him each time he leaves on a mission. Who worries when he’s a minute late? Who makes sure his kit is packed and his fucking shorts are washed? Not that bitch that’s for sure.”

“Are we feeling a teeny tiny bit sorry for ourself?” Emmett asked.

“Why not, don’t I deserve to have the attention of the man I love when he’s at home?” Justin laughed though it sounded more like a sneer. “Apparently not. Apparently I don’t have the right equipment for his majesty. I can’t have his fucking kid, but wonder woman can. Lindsay of the ‘but I’m Brian’s bestest friend since school’ what a crock of shit.” His head went down and hit the table. He began to snore.

“I think I should go find Brian.” South said to the others.

“Justin said he was in his cabin. You know that’s a no trespassing zone.” Peters said.

“But look at him and count the empties. It’s a wonder he doesn’t have alcohol poisoning.” South looked at Justin, worried by the burbling sound of his breathing. “He sounds terrible.”

“Maybe we should get Harry?” Emmett offered.

“Harry and Jennifer left this morning for a weekend at some resort.” Peters said. “Remember?” He and Emmett had helped the couple to load their vehicle that morning.

“Sorry, I forgot.” Emmett looked down at Justin. “His breathing is kind of funny.” He agreed.

“The Commander will kill us if anything happens to him.” South lifted one of Justin’s eye lids only to see white staring back at him. “This can’t be good. Peters you and Emmett take Justin to the hospital. I think he’s having some kind of reaction to whatever he drank. I’m going to get the Commander.”

Emmett and Mike managed to get Justin to his feet though he never regained consciousness and dragged him to their car. “Put him in his own car.” Peters said. “I don’t want him puking in mine.” Justin’s car wasn’t too far away, so Emmett found the keys in the comatose man’s pocket. The hauled him to the car and put him in the backseat.

Meanwhile South had reached the road to the cabin. He drove right up to the front porch. Brian was sitting on the swing, a glass in his hand. “Fuck off South.” He called.

“Commander, don’t give me any grief. Peters and Emmett are taking Justin to the hospital to have his stomach pumped. I just thought you’d want to know. Apparently Justin was right and you don’t give a shit.” South put his car in reverse and began to back out of the driveway.

“Wait for me” Brian yelled. He was trying to run and pull on his boots at the same time. The car stopped and Brian pulled open the door, falling into it as South pulled away. “What happened?” he asked. “Justin was okay when I left.”

“Commander, I don’t want to interfere with your life. I’ve got enough problems with my own, but you letting this old girlfriend of yours run your life is destroying Justin. He’s put his whole heart and soul into being your partner and he feels betrayed and frankly Commander, I don’t blame him. I was wondering how you would feel if it was Daphne who had stolen Justin’s sperm and was doing her damndest to keep the two of you apart.”

“You are out of line Chief. My life is off limits.” Brian’s voice was clipped as he went into Commander mode. “I asked you a question. What is wrong with Justin.”

“Sorry sir” the Chief clipped back. “Justin is suffering from alcohol poisoning and he appears to have had a bad reaction sir. In the future sir, I will deal with Justin and let you handle your private life yourself. Justin is my friend and he needed help sir.” As he spoke the last words, he pulled into the hospital parking lot. Brian glared at him as he got out. He realized that he’d gone too far, but he didn’t have the time to apologize.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Lindsay was due within the next month, and Brian had been feeling torn between what he wanted and what he felt he had to do. Although he had moved back into the house to be with Justin, he wasn’t sure if things were better or worse. They had been trying to pretend that everything was okay between them, but Brian knew that it wasn’t. The tension was thick, and Brian wasn’t sure what would happen once his son was born.

Not that it mattered much now anyway, Brian was being called out which put everything on hold. Luckily he had at least two hours before he had to report so that would allow him to check in quickly with Lindsay to make sure she was alright. “How long will you be gone?” Justin asked Brian as he watched his husband put his bag into the trunk of the Stingray.

“I don’t know. I hope that I will be here when Gus is born.” Brian stated, picking up his gun bag and placing it beside his small sea bag. “I’ll let you know.”

“Okay. I’ll be here when you get home.” Justin informed Brian. “Will you be going to see Lindsay?”

Brian shook his head, and leaned against the car. “What is it with you and Lindsay? Are you upset that she’s having my baby? Key word here, and I hope you caught it, is my? Are you pissed that it’s not ours?”

“I’m upset because she betrayed us, that she did this without our consent!” Justin raised his arms in the air and let them fall to his side. “Yes, I am a little upset that it isn’t OUR child, but it wouldn’t make a difference if it was or not. The fact of the matter is she stole from us.”

“From me, Justin. From me. It was my sperm, and I was able to give them another sample so we could go through with the procedure, so it’s not like it caused us any problems.” Brian tried to explain. He never could understand why Justin was so angry. He felt that since it was his sperm, he should be the only one upset about it. And yes, he was upset, but he knew what he had to do. “It’s not like I would go and live with her and Gus… hell, Melanie wouldn’t allow that… so what’s the fucking problem?”

“We’ll talk about this when you get home. You better go so you can say good-bye to Linds.” Justin normally didn’t try to avoid a talk with Brian, but he wasn’t sure what his problem was. Yes, he felt betrayed, but he knew that Brian figured that Justin had no actual right to feel that way. The last thing he wanted was to try and get into it now, not when Brian was going away.

Brian shook his head and stood; grabbing his bag he threw it in the trunk and slammed it. “I will not be my father, Justin. I will not have a child go through what I did growing up. No child of mine will EVER think that I didn’t want them, that I don’t love them. I know what it’s like and I will not have any child go through that. NEVER. You’re forcing me to choose between my kid) and you. I won’t be put in that position. So I suggest you get your head out of your ass and figure out what you want. Decide what you want out of me, cause one way or another, this will be settled when I get back.”

Justin glared at Brian. “I never said you had to choose between me and that slut of a friend of yours. All I’m saying is that she is not now, nor will she ever be, welcome in my home and Brian this is my home as much as yours. Your child is a different thing. I can’t blame the kid just because his mother is a slut and a thief. It’s an unfortunate part of his life. He’ll learn soon enough what she’s like. By all means be the perfect daddy. But if you think you’re going to be playing fucking house with Lindsay as mommy and you as daddy, then YOU had better get your priorities straight.

Brian got in the car and sped down the driveway, leaving Justin standing there to absorb his words. For the first time in their marriage there was no good bye kiss, no fond farewell; just two stubborn men who were fighting for what they thought was right. All Justin could do was watch as his husband drove away from him, tears streaming down his face.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
Brian was barely able to see as he drove down the road toward Lindsay’s house. His eyes were filled with unshed tears and his heart was heavy. At the last moment he made a decision. He could always let Lindsay know later that he was going out on a mission. Justin was right; he was his spouse, not Lindsay. Instead he turned toward Daphne’s apartment. He prayed she’d be home; he didn’t have much time before he had to be at the base.

“Daphne” he shouted up at her window after ringing the intercom and not getting an answer.

“Brian what the fuck do you want?” Daphne said from behind him. She had a bag of groceries in her hand and was obviously returning from the market. “Frankly I don’t have anything to say to you.”

“Daphne, I want you to talk to Justin. He has to understand where I’m coming from. I just want to be part of my son’s life.”

“Brian, for the tenth time, Justin has nothing against you being part of his son’s life. What he doesn’t like is this never ending playing husband to Lindsay. If it isn’t one thing it’s another. Twice you missed dinner because Lindsay had to have some kind of special food. You forgot Justin’s birthday because Lindsay had a back ache. You’ve come home from missions three times and gone directly to Lindsay’s place. You might as well be married to her and I don’t blame Justin one damn bit for being pissed.” She unlocked her door. “Do you realize what that man has sacrificed to be your husband? And not once has he complained. Not once has he made you feel bad about what’s he given up to devote his life to you. To make Lieutenant Commander Brian Fucking Kinney feel good when he’s down. To make your life smooth and easy.”

“Yes he feels betrayed. Yes he feels like he’s had something stolen from him. Yes he feels like you don’t love him anymore. Can you blame him? Who do you put first now? Is it Justin? No it is NOT. You put Lindsay ahead of him every time – and news flash Brian. Women have been having babies for a lot of years and Lindsay has a partner who is perfectly capable of looking after her. She’s having a smooth and easy pregnancy, she doesn’t need you at her beck and call. But she wants you there, she wants to drive you and Justin apart because then she can imagine she’s Mrs. Kinney which is what she’s wanted since grade school.” Daphne stepped through the door and blocked Brian from following her. “Go play your little war games and don’t forget to kiss your wanna be wife goodbye, because I bet you didn’t kiss Justin you no good shit.” She slammed the door in his face leaving Brian standing on the step open mouthed.


~~~***~~~***~~~***

16 May 2016

Justin,

What can I say right now. I’m so lost, so fucking lost. There is no one anymore, no one who sees what I’m trying to do. I am not trying to be a husband to Lindsay. I’m fucking not. I’ve had a long talk with Linds, and with Mel. But of course you didn’t want to hear it… none of you did. You just don’t understand. I am NOT choosing her over you. And for fuck’s sake Justin, do you really have everyone convinced that this pregnancy is easy? Have you ever ASKED me what the doctor has told me!? NO… of course not. Cause you hate Linds so much that you don’t want to know what is going on with MY life.

Well FUCK YOU, Justin.

It is official, I have lost everyone I have ever cared about. The only one left is Gus. Hopefully he won’t turn away from me too. Deb has been non-stop. Yelling, screaming… fuck! Emmett completely ignores me, Michael, and Ben… well ask them what happened at the club the other night. If you get this… tell them I’m sorry I decked them. That was a little off the top.

I’m a drunk, I’m an abusive drunk. Why do you think I have been away so much. It’s not been because I’ve been spending all this time with Lindsay like you seem to fucking think! I’ve been at the damn bars getting drunk off my ass cause frankly I can’t stand to go home and have everyone fucking call me a piece of shit. Truth time Justin. Truth. Yes I have gone over to spend time with Lindsay… but Mel has ALWAYS been there. Always. I have never, except maybe a couple of times been alone with Linds. Did you even want to know that I had papers drawn up to give Gus to Mel? Did you ask!?

No, cause we don’t talk anymore. We don’t do anything anymore except fight. Should I have told you this… most likely. But I didn’t. Just like I didn’t tell you that Mel told me flat out that if I treat Linds like shit, then she will make sure that I NEVER see Gus. She will take my son away from me. So what am I supposed to do?

I’m trying, Justin. I’m trying to do the right thing… for you, for me. That’s why I told Mel I’d sign over my rights to her. I know you don’t want me around Linds, and truthfully I don’t either, but how else am I going to see my son? I can’t avoid her?

Ohhh and let’s not forget the shit I’m getting from my team. What’s scary, is that I’m not even sure if I can trust them to guard my back. They are behind you one thousand percent. I’m the evil one. The villain. It’s not me, Justin… it’s MEL. And Lindsay. I can’t count her out. I know that. But dammit what do you want me to do?

All I have been hearing these past couple of months is Justin. Poor Justin… how can you do this to Justin. Has anyone ever asked me how I felt? No.

Why do I even bother? You know what… when I get back from this mission… I’m just going to go. I have a month’s leave time coming up… I’m just going to go. Fuck everyone, and everything. Just hop on a plan and leave. Whether or not I’ll be back is unknown. I just can’t do this anymore, Justin. I can’t. Understand that?

I do love you, Justin, and I’m sorry that being with me has fucked you over. I never ONCE wanted you to give things up because of me. But dammit, it was your choice. I have tried and tried to get you to do things, but you never did. Why? Cause you had to be near me. Screw that. I tried to get you to go to New York, but no. I tried everything I could think of to let you have your life, but you wouldn’t do that. So why is Daphne making me out to be the devil? Why is she blaming ME because you didn’t follow your dreams? It’s not my fucking fault!

You know what… never mind. I’m gone. I have to try and concentrate on this mission, hope that my team will actually listen to me and watch out for me. And when I get back, let’s hope that a month away will get things right in my mind, cause babe, right now… I’m a complete mess.

Brian

~~~***~~~***~~~***
May 21st, 2016
“Daphne” Justin sobbed. “I need you.” he continued to cry.

“Justin, what’s wrong?” Daphne had visions of Brian being killed.

“Brian, he’s going to leave me and all because of that fucking Lindsay.” Justin wailed.


~~~***~~~***~~~***

17 May 2016

Justin,

Christ what was I thinking? Was I even thinking? I don’t think so. I was drunk, plastered really. I wrote you this letter last night and put it in the mail. I’m soo sorry, Justin. I never meant to say any of that shit. I hope you can forgive me.

I guess I am my father after all. I hope you can forgive me one day, cause Justin… I can’t live without you. I can’t.

Do you realize that our anniversary is coming up? Yet another year I am going to miss. I’m sorry… I really am. Please, forgive me.

I love you, my Avalon
Brian


~~~***~~~***~~~***





Brian had been gone for half an hour when Justin realized he couldn’t send his husband off on a mission with bad words between them. Once again he would have to swallow his pride and apologize, despite what he felt and worse yet; he’d have to make Brian believe what he was saying. Brian had no doubt headed for Lindsay’s place, so Justin grabbed his car keys and headed off to intercept his husband.

He pulled into Lindsay’s driveway just as she walked out of the house. “Where is Brian” he demanded.

“How would I know?” Lindsay snapped back. “You know Justin I’m getting a little tired of your attitude.”

“Well Miss Peters, I’m more than tired of yours. You’ve systematically set out to destroy my marriage. Can you blame me for not liking it?” Justin started to back out of her driveway. He had to find Brian.

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Like fuck you didn’t mean to. That might work with Brian, but hon I see right through you. You stole something that wasn’t for you. You stole my chance for a child.”

“Brian said he made another deposit.”

“I’m glad the two of you have lots of MY life to discuss. Well for your information, Brian isn’t interested at the moment in having yet another baby around. So where the fuck does that leave me? You are forcing me to once again give up part of my life for my husband. And you know what you bitch. I’ll do it because I love him. If you really loved him you would never have stolen what is mine and put him in this position. And I’ll tell you something else cow. If anything happens to Brian on this mission I’ll sue your ass for custody of Gus and I’ll be able to prove that you stole the sperm in the first place. I’ve kept everything and I have a sworn statement from the clinic as well.” With that said ,Justin backed out of the drive and roared off in the direction of the base. He had to find Brian.

Brian looked out the window of the plane. He rarely took a window seat but this time it was the last one left. He had tried to call Lindsay and then with Daphne’s words still ringing in his ears, he’d tried to call Justin. He couldn’t reach either of them. His heart was heavy as the plane began to prepare for taxiing down the runway. Movement caught his eye. It was Justin by the fence. He could barely make him out, but he saw that Justin was trying to tell him something. What - he didn’t know. He figured they would have time to talk when he got back, after everything calmed down a little. Once he returned they would get everything out in the open. With the picture of Justin standing by the fence in his mind, Brian sat back as the plane speeded down the runway.

~~~***~~~***~~~***
Justin sat in the passenger seat, staring out the window at Mel and Lindsay’s apartment building. He couldn’t believe how pissed he was at that moment. He couldn’t believe he had missed so much of what Brian was going through. Of course, Brian should have told him, but the man was just too pigheaded to even bother to explain.

As much as he wanted to place all the blame on Brian for their current situation, he knew he couldn’t. There was enough blame to go around. Deb, Em, his parents, Brian’s team, Mikey, Ben, Daph… him. But no one was more to blame then Melanie and Lindsay. They had worked things out perfectly for themselves, and Justin now armed with the final pieces of the puzzle, was ready to fight for what was his. Once this was all said and done, Justin planned on using Brian’s month long leave to fix the mess they had made of their marriage. They would come out of this on top.

“Are you sure you want to do this now?” Daphne asked knowing full well that Justin was angrier than any other moment in his life. She had never seen him this pissed. She had tried to talk him into taking a day to think about things, but Justin wouldn’t listen. He had knocked on her door and forced her out of the house, only telling her that she was there to keep him from killing someone.

“If I don’t do this now, Daph, I’m going to be even angrier. Trust me… it’s now or never. They have played with my life too long, and it time they get a little dose of reality before Gus is born.” Justin opened the door and stormed to the door, with Daphne right on his heals. Knocking on the door, Justin didn’t wait for it to completely open when he went straight into the living room. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” he yelled, holding the letter from Brian in his hand.

“Who the hell do you think you are coming into our home and bitching at us?” Mel asked standing with her hands on her hips. “If I were you, I would get out of here before I call the cops.”

“Call the cops, I don’t care. I will have them arrest the two of you for stealing and blackmail!” Justin yelled. He saw Lindsay come out of the bedroom and just glared at her. “You… you call yourself a friend? You call yourself Brian’s friend and you do this shit to him? Do you have ANY idea what your crap has done to him? Do you even care?”

“What are you talking about? I don’t have to discuss this with you, what goes on between Brian and I is my business not yours.” Lindsay told Justin as she moved to stand beside Mel.

Justin felt Daphne come up beside him, and lightly place a hand on his arm. He wanted to shake it off, but knew that at that moment it was his only connection to the real world. “You purposely stole Brian’s sperm, and made us all think that you only did it so you could get in his pants. That’s not right is it? Cause Brian sure as hell found out soon enough. Did you even give him a chance to be happy about being a father or did you destroy his dreams at the moment the doctor confirmed it?”

“Look here, Justin. You have no right to come here and make these accusations. I suggest if you have a problem you talk them over with your HUSBAND.” Mel cursed, forcing the last word out of her mouth like it was venom.

“You stole Brian’s sperm so that the two of you could live happily ever after with a baby. Of course you had to use Brian’s sperm because with his job, you know he won’t be around that much. Hell he might even die and that would give his son a lot of special privileges. Now isn’t that convenient. Did you have him put Gus on his life insurance policy, or did you make him take another one out?” Justin took a step forward toward the two women he hated more than anything else in his life. “You keep him around, and his money by telling him that if he doesn’t ,he can’t see Gus… and of course since you, Lindsay know all about his fears and sadness over his own childhood, you knew you could play that card, didn’t you?

“And let’s not forget that as soon as Gus is born, after you already have all the paperwork in order to get everything he has worked hard to make, you will make him sign over his son to you.” Justin could only see red; only feel the hot burning hatred fill his blood. “Oh and isn’t it an added bonus that the two of you have worked so hard to try and destroy what Brian and I had; You would come to me, and tell me all these stories about how Brian was always around, always a ‘good’ father. What a sack of shit!”

“You have no proof of anything you are saying.” Mel said. “It wouldn’t hold up in court. It would be your words against ours.”

“True, but let me tell you this. If you continue to fuck with my husband and what’s mine, you will pay. I will take Gus, and make sure you will never see him again.” With that Justin stormed out of the house. He knew that if he was there any longer he would put that child in danger, cause he would beat the living daylights out of the women.

Daphne sat in the driver’s seat and took a deep breath. “I really don’t know how they could do that. How could they even think they could get away with it. And to do that to you!”

“They did it to Brian and by default me. We all let Brian down, Daph. I won’t let it happen again. Yes, he let me down, but not as much as I did him.” Justin knew he couldn’t confront the others about their treatment of his husband and their ‘help’ in placing him and Brian where they were now. The main problem was his and Brian’s inability to open up. Somewhere along the way they had failed one another. Justin knew that when Brian came back, they would have to make things right. He couldn’t live without Brian. He wouldn’t.


~~***~~~***~~~***
Present day – June 2016

“Commander?” Brian heard through the haze that was surrounding him. “It’s going to be okay, sir. We’re taking you home.”

“Justin?” Brian asked, his voice horse, raw and quiet. “Paper, please.” He was lucky that it was members of his own team, at least from what he could make out. They would understand the strange request. He felt a pen slip into his hand, as a piece of paper was laid beside him on the small cot he was on. He could hear the sound of airplane engines, knowing that finally the hell was over with. He was heading home. With a shaky hand, Brian began to write a simple message, knowing that his husband would get it, that it would be delivered without question.

‘Justin. I made it. Will see you soon. B’

Brian carefully folded the letter and closed his eyes. He needed to get some rest before he saw Justin again. He didn’t want Justin to see him like this, sick and weak. He needed rest so that he could come home to Justin the way he always did; with a smile on his face, arms wide open, and the call that he was home. Back home to Justin, where he belonged.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

End of Chapter eighteen

Chapter 19 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Nineteen
~~~***~~~***~~~***

My Dearest Darling Navy Boy:

(yes I’m sucking up) The Admiral promised if I got this to him by five o’clock, I mean seventeen hundred, that he’ll see that it gets sent out to you ASAP. So it’s going to be relatively short.

A few things have been made crystal clear to me and when you get back, I’ll share them with you I promise. But the main thing that is clear is that I love you with all my heart and soul and the rest of the world (you know who I mean) can be damned. Nothing and I mean nothing will come between us. Not now. Not ever. When you are back and things are settled down a bit - I mean the birth of Gus – then you and I need to spend time by ourselves – no family members of any kind – in Baja – We need to spend some time really getting to know one another again. Call it a delayed anniversary vacation or what ever you want. But we will be together ALONE.

Don’t you worry about the family and your team – they just side with me ‘cause I’m cute and blond and you are kind of a big tall old grouch. But they all love you despite your grouchy habits and they will back you up one hundred percent just like I will. I promise you that while it is unlikely I’ll ever be kissy, kissy friendly with ‘she who cannot be named’, I will be a gracious and friendly spouse should it be required. And I will love your son as if he were my own. He will be part of you so how could I not love him?

Look in your kit bag where I usually put your extra socks. I made peanut brittle this time and kahlua fudge. Tell South and Peters that I told you to share but only if they give you a big kiss for me.

I love you Navy Boy, more today than yesterday and not as much as tomorrow; you are my Avalon.

Forever
Justin.


~~~***~~~***~~~***

End of May 2016

Justin had gone to bed upset with the day’s events. He hadn’t heard from Brian since he’d sent his letter, but he knew that it wasn’t always possible for Brian to write back or even mail a letter. What was upsetting him was Mysterious Marilyn. For the past two days she had been avoiding him. Twice she’d turned around after coming out of her apartment when she’d seen Justin, shutting and locking her door firmly.

He’d noticed her watching him from her window off and on all day today when he was in his studio. She probably didn’t realize that his large panes of glass often acted like a mirror when they were in shadow. And now she wouldn’t answer her telephone or her door. He’d tried her eleven different times during the day. He’d have to be firm and nail her down tomorrow. It had to have something to do with Brian. He could feel the coldness deep inside that always meant Brian was in trouble. He’d called the Admiral but the Admiral wouldn’t tell him anything. Just that as far as he knew the mission was on track.

When the phone rang, Justin almost jumped out of bed, the loudness startled him. “Hello” he answered nervously. He looked at the clock. It was two o’clock in the morning.

“Lieutenant Commander Brian Kinney please.” Said a female voice.

“I’m sorry, Brian is away, this is his husband Justin Taylor-Kinney.”

“Mr. Kinney, we have your husband listed as the emergency contact for a Lindsay Peters. If your husband is unable to be here, could you please come to the General Hospital; there has been an accident involving Miss Peters.”

“What about her partner Melanie Markus, shouldn’t you be contacting her?” Justin asked. He was walking to his closet to take out something to wear as he talked on the phone.

“I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but Miss Marcus is dead. There was a car accident involving both of them.” She paused. “I really think you should come to the hospital now Mr. Kinney.”

“What about the baby, Lindsay is almost nine months pregnant?”

“We are monitoring the baby and so far there is no fetal distress.”

“I’ll be there right away.” Justin said. He hung up the phone and headed for his car.

He arrived at the hospital and managed to find the emergency cubical that held Lindsay as they were wheeling her out. “Lindsay are you okay?” he asked keeping pace with the gurney as it was being taken down the long corridor.

“Justin, I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you and Brian. Tell Brian that I did it because I loved him, but I was wrong. Please take care of Gus. Don’t tell him what I did. Tell him I loved him from the moment he was conceived.” Her breath hitched in her throat and her eyes closed. One of the nurses pushing the gurney shoved Justin out of the way as she called orders to the others and they disappeared behind the doors to the emergency operating theater.

Justin was left alone in the hospital hallway, stunned at what had just happened. Lindsay had been covered in blood. Her head was bandaged and half of her face. He’d barely been able to understand what she was saying, her voice was so slurred. He stood there staring at the doors until someone came and led him to a waiting room. He recognized the voice that was speaking to him as the nurse on the telephone. “Perhaps you’d like to call someone to be with you.” she asked tentatively.

“What’s happening?” Justin asked. He felt like he was in some kind of underwater maze, nothing made sense.

“They are taking Miss Peters to deliver the baby. He was beginning to have distress and Miss Peters was also in distress. Her body just can’t handle supporting the child’s life at the moment.”

“Is she going to be okay?” Justin looked to the nurse for reassurance.

“I’m sorry Mr. Kinney; Miss Peters’s injuries are extensive. You’ll have to talk to the doctor about her condition.”

“Where is he?”

“He’s part of the team in with her now. I’ll let him know you are waiting so he will talk to you when he comes out of the OR.”

Justin sat down abruptly on a hard leather covered bench. He looked at the pictures on the wall, his eyes seeing nothing as he waited to hear what was happening. Sometime during the next hour he phoned his mother. She must have called the others, because soon the entire family, including Daphne was in the waiting room with him.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Sir,” Peters asked trying to wake his leader before the plane landed in Virginia. He had strict orders to make sure Brian got the letter from Justin, and Mike wasn’t going to let the Admiral and Justin down again.

Brian slowly opened his eyes, wanting only to close them again and sleep. “Wha?”

“The Admiral wanted me to give this to you. I thought you might want it.”

Brian carefully took the letter from Peters’s hand and sat up a little so he could rest against the propped up pillow leaning against the wall. Squinting his good eye enough so he could read the words written by his lover, Brian felt a lump start to form in his throat. He wasn’t sure what he could expect, not sure what he had thought Justin would be telling him. The last thing Justin had heard from him was the letter he had written and sent while he was drunk. Going back over the day the letter was written, Brian knew that things would be okay. They would make things work, and they would be together.

Laying back down on the small bed below him, Brian held the letter close to his heart. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but with any luck, Justin was waiting for him. They had survived, and would make it out of this, together.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Present day – June 2016- Bethesda Naval Hospital

Admiral Smith was standing outside the room as the doctor looked Brian over. He wanted to have something to give Justin when he went to inform the young man that Brian was back and safe. He wanted to warn Justin if anything was wrong, so that the man could steel himself for what he will see. The last thing he wanted was to cause Justin any more pain. He knew about the problems the two men had been having the past year, and with the recent death of the mother of Brian’s child, and the caring for said child, the Admiral knew that Justin was hanging on by a thread. The last thing he needed was a shock to his system if things didn’t work out.

When the doctor came out, the two men went into a small room just down the hall, ready to discuss the condition of the young Lieutenant Commander. “He’s resting now. I want to keep him under for as long as I can to try and keep him as comfortable as possible.” The doctor sat down in his chair behind his desk and began to look over his notes. “I will tell you, sir, it’s not good. We’re still running tests, and from the information that the team gathered from the camp that man in there was being held at… it isn’t entirely promising. He does however have a lot going for him, so we’re hopeful he’ll come out of this with flying colors.”

“Just knock the shit off and tell me what’s wrong with him. I would like to tell his family that he’s safe and sound.” Admiral Smith stated, willing to use any means necessary to get this doctor to tell him straight out what was wrong.

“It seems that the Commander had been injected with a test drug, a biological agent. The paperwork that the team picked up from the base indicates that it’s very deadly. It attacks the respiratory system of the victim, severely weakening not only his lungs, but his immune system, and puts a strain on his heart.” The doctor looked down at the notes that he had written. “However, I do believe that since he is in such good physical health, he will get through this. It will take a year at most however, for him to be able to return to the SEALs … if ever. Time will tell how much damage had been done to his lungs.”

“What else?” The Admiral asked, wanting to hear it all. He listened as the doctor explained to him the other luckily slight injuries, and what the treatment would be. Satisfied that he now knew enough to go see Justin, the Admiral stood. “I would like to have a bed placed in the Commander’s room.”

“Sir, we can’t do that. Any family members are required to stay in the Fisher house. It’s set up for family members whose loved ones are here. It’s against protocol for anyone to stay in the room with the patient.” The doctor tried to reason with the Admiral, but knowing full well that it was an argument he would lose. Everyone knew that one phone call would have the CNO there and ordering them to do as the Admiral wanted.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Daphne came rushing into the room, completely out of breath, causing Justin to pause in his work. He hadn’t been able to leave his studio for days, waiting for some word about his husband. His life since the day Brian had gone missing had been filed with reading Brian’s journals and painting. The one he spent the most time with was Gus, and luckily he was such a good baby. Justin believed that Gus knew what was going on, and was waiting for his daddy to come home to him too.

Fear suddenly shot through Justin’s system as he tried to make out what Daphne was saying. Finally deciding that he didn’t have time, he rushed out of the room where the obvious problem was coming from. When he saw Admiral Smith standing there in the middle of the common room, Justin collapsed. He knew right away, Brian was home, he was safe.

~~~***~~~***~~~





Justin walked through the halls of the hospital straight to the room the Admiral had told him Brian was staying in. During the nearly three hour drive it took to get from Avalon to Bethesda Naval Hospital, Justin heard all about what Brian would be going through during the next 5-6 months at least. “He will need to have an oxygen tank handy in case he has an attack. Since his lungs are weak, the doctor informed me that heat, humidity will affect his breathing. Plus, he will need to keep not completely stress free, but have things as calm as he can. The doctor was smart enough to know that being completely stress free would be impossible.”

“What else?” Justin asked as if he was in a daze. Hearing about drugs, and experiments, respiratory problems and stress on the heart, was causing Justin to need to see Brian. He had to see for himself that Brian was alive and well. Everything sounded so serious that they were making it out that Brian was already dead, or dying. That was something that Justin could not accept.

“He does have a cracked cheek bone on the right side of his face, so his eye is swollen shut right now, and I’m sure that for a while he will talk a little funny, but there was no injury to his nose or eye, which is a good sign. All he’ll need for that is ice, aspirin, and soft foods for a while.” The Admiral explained. “The only other injuries are some cuts on his back and arms, which will heal in no time. None of them needed stitches.”

“So the worst is his lungs. Will he be able to return to the SEALs?” Justin asked. He hated the thought that Brian might not be able to return to something he loved, especially now that Justin knew what it meant to his husband.

“The doctors are very optimistic. They said that after the first six months, Brian’s lungs should be well enough for him to start a light training exercise program. Six months after that, he should be able to take the physical test and return to active duty.”

“Good. Good.” Justin looked out the window, counting the minutes until he could see his love. He needed to know that Brian would be okay. He needed to let Brian know that he was there, and that he loved him. All that mattered was getting to the hospital.


~~~***~~~***~~~

Justin stood outside of Brian’s hospital room watching through the window as a team of doctors stood around his bed and talked to each other, ignoring the man who lay in the bed with his eyes shut. Justin could see that someone had put Brian’s ring and bracelet on and he smiled. He bet it was South who had done that. He’d know more than any one else how much it would mean to Brian. Brian clutched something in one hand. He couldn’t tell what it was but it appeared to be a piece of paper. Finally they all began to leave.

When the room cleared Justin walked in. “Hey Navy Boy, the things you’ll do to get some attention.” Justin went over and kissed Brian’s forehead and then smoothed back his sweaty hair.

“Justin” the word was slurred. “Pretty boy is it really you?” Brian was finally able to open one eye. He tried to smile but it was too painful. “Fuck” he said clearly.

“Not now dear, I have a headache.” Justin joked.

“Asshole.” Brian pulled Justin close with his surprisingly strong grip of his right hand. He began to wheeze, unable to catch his breath. Justin quickly put the oxygen mask over his face like he’d been instructed should Brian be in distress.

“Breathe Navy Boy, calm down and breathe.”

Brian took a few deep breaths of the medicated oxygen and then removed the mask. “Stuff stinks.”

“You’re no rose yourself.” Justin smiled. He climbed up on the hospital bed. To hell with what anyone thought and cradled Brian to him. “I love you Lieutenant Commander Kinney. And when you get back in shape I’m sooooo going to kick your ass for scaring me like this.”

“Sorry for my letter. Was drunk and stupid.” Brian clutched Justin’s letter to him. “Did you write this one before you got mine?” he had to ask. Maybe Justin had changed his mind about what he’d read.

“No I wrote it after I got yours.” Justin kissed Brian’s neck. “Rest now Brian, we can talk later.”

“Need to know. Do you really still love me?” Brian knew he sounded weak and pitiful, he hated it, but he needed to hear the words.

“I love you more today than yesterday and not as much as tomorrow.” Justin repeated the familiar words. “You are my life, you are my Avalon.” He kissed his husband again, careful of his bad cheek.

“Even if I’m a selfish son of a bitch?”

“Even if you are the biggest, baddest bastard on the Eastern Seaboard.” Justin assured him. “Now be a good Navy Boy and shut up or I’ll have them give you a shot of something. You need your rest.”

“What if I can never make love to you again. I can’t breathe good enough to even pump my dick off.” Brian looked and sounded heartbroken at the thought.

“Why in hell would you even be trying to pump your dick in the condition you’re in?” Justin asked mystified.

“I wanted to see if it still worked.”

Justin rolled his eyes. “It will still work; all of you still works. I have it on good authority that you will be back to normal sooner than you think. You can even start a mild exercise program in a few months and you can requalify for the SEALS within a year. That’s not bad.”

“I don’t think I will.”

“Don’t think you will what?”

“Be a SEAL again.”

“Of course you will. I married a SEAL and damn it I expect to have a SEAL until he retires many, many years from now.”

“I can’t keep doing this to you.” Brian’s words might have been slurred but his meaning was clear.

“Look Navy Boy, I refuse to discuss this now. You just got back from where ever the fuck you were. You’re a tad broken and damned if I’m going to let you give up on the SEALs now.” Justin looked over and glared at Brian. “I am going to lie here in your bed and hold you close and count my blessings that you are in my arms. And you are going to be a nice husband and shut your eyes, turn off your brain and go to sleep.”

“I love you Justin.” Brian whispered before giving in and falling asleep. Justin held Brian close. He had to concentrate on not hurting him, though he wanted to hold on tight. Tomorrow he would have to tell Brian about Lindsay and Mel. He would call his mother and get her to bring Gus to the hospital. Brian had to see his son and move forward from Lindsay’s death and onto the new life that he was responsible for. It was something Justin knew he would need to do.

Justin stayed watch over Brian the entire night. He was awake and observed every time someone came in to check on his husband. He refused to move off of Brian’s bed and in his sleep; Brian refused to let Justin go as well. His breathing was raspy and labored, but he was breathing on his own and that was a good sign.

The next morning while Brian was being examined by the doctors and being interrogated by the Admiral and two other officers, Justin made the phone call to his mother to have Gus brought to Brian. He knew his husband needed to be as stress free as possible, but he also knew that Brian wouldn’t accept any kind of explanations as to where Lindsay or Gus was. He needed the truth and then he needed to move on.

~~~***~~~***~~~
Justin saw his mother from the corner of his eye. “Hey Navy Boy, I’ve to leave you for a minute. I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?” Brian asked. He didn’t want Justin to leave.

“Just outside the door. I’ll be right back, there’s someone you have to meet.”

“I don’t want to see anyone.”

“Tough” Justin kissed Brian on the nose. “Be a good boy and wait for me.”

“Where in hell do you think I’m going to go?” Brian griped and he glared at the oxygen tank next to his bed.

“That’s my boy, always positive and uplifting.” Justin teased as he slipped out of the room.

“Justin, have you told him yet?” His mother asked.

“No, I’m going to give him Gus to hold and I’m going to tell him. Can you wait here, I think he’ll want some privacy.”

“I’ll wait. Gus just has his bottle and a little nap.” She smiled fondly at her grandchild.

“We won’t be long.” Justin walked back inside with Gus in his arms.

“Brian I’d like to introduce you to your son.” Justin placed Gus in Brian’s arms. “He’s three days old and he has the same eyes as you.”

Brain looked at Justin and then back at Gus. “Lindsay, something has happened to Lindsay.” His voice was low and stricken with pain.

“Lindsay and Melanie were in a car accident. A drunk driver hit them head on. Melanie died instantly and Linds, well she didn’t make it through the birth. She was just too badly injured. I stayed with her as long as I could. She lived long enough to see Gus and to tell him that she loved him.” Justin watched his husband carefully for signs of stress. He could see Brian’s breathing becoming more and more ragged as he held his son, his eyes never leaving the boy’s face. Once tear escaped from his swollen eye. Justin handed him the oxygen mask and helped him breath into it.

“Gus, he’s okay?” Brian asked.

“He was born by C section, and yes he’s fine. He’s better than fine. Mom has been watching him while I’m here at the hospital. I had him before that.”

“You know about babies?”

“Gus and I are learning together.” Justin admitted. “He promised he won’t tell when I screw things up.”

“You won’t, you never do.”

“Do you want me to leave you alone for a few minutes? Leave you with Gus?”

“No, don’t leave me. I learned that lesson well. Whatever we have to face, good or bad, we have to do it together.” Brian reached out and took Justin’s hand in his. “Stay with Gus and I.”

“I will be with you forever Brian.”

~~~***~~~***~~~




“Hey sexy, you look like shit.” Lieutenant Jacobs stated as she walked into the room behind Justin. “I had heard what happened, it’s good to see you up and around.”

“Relatively speaking. Justin won’t fucking let me out of this damn wheelchair, and I can’t do a damn thing.” He said with a small smile on his lips as he looked over at his husband. “The Admiral told me that you had information for me regarding this bogus charge against me.” When Brian had talked to the Admiral he had found out that charges were being brought, what they were he didn’t know, but he was dying to find out. He didn’t think it could be too bad, hell he knew that whatever it was had to be false. He didn’t do anything wrong so whatever trumped up charges they had should easily be dismissed.

Stacy sat down in a chair across from Brian and pulled some documents out of her briefcase. “It’s not good, TP. Not good at all.”

Brian grabbed the papers and started reading them. “Christ! Twelve charges? What the fuck!?” Brian felt Justin lean into him, looking over his shoulder. “Well at least only 6 of them are punishable by death.”

“What is this? I don’t understand… how can they even bring these against Brian? I mean Espionage?” Justin exclaimed. He couldn’t understand what was going on, all he knew was that none of the charges he saw in front of them were his husband at all. Not at all the man he knew.

“Let’s see, conspiracy, Solicitation, sedition… okay they are basically saying that I tried to get others to join me in going against the U.S.?” Brian shook his head not believing what he was reading at all. “Misbehavior before the enemy… endangering my unit? Christ I’m a SEAL. We deal with danger every damn day.”

Justin glanced at the other stuff, and felt dread and fear enter his body. “Improper Use of Countersign, Aiding the Enemy and Espionage? It says here that you aided the enemy in giving information on troop movements and locations of troops willingly and with the full intent of causing injury to the United States? That’s bullshit.”

“I know that, but we have to prove it.” Jacobs said. She had known that the charges brought against Brian were bad, and that the man she knew would be upset, but it was her job to let him know the full range of what was about to happen. “The accusation states that during your time as a SEAL you gave information to the enemy, such as troop movement, intelligence and so forth, which caused great damage to the U.S. and its interest. Furthermore, they also state that you had solicited other members of your unit and other people to assist you, used extortion even, which in turn caused the death of one Matthew Stevenson, and others. That’s where the Manslaughter charge comes in.”

“Fuck! I didn’t cause Matt’s death. Anyone on my team can tell you that.” Brian ran his hand through his hair, feeling the weight of the situation surround him. “Assault? Where does that come in? Did I hit someone that I shouldn’t have while I was trying to fucking extort them?”

“All the charges were brought up by an unknown source… all but that one. One…” she began as she looked through the documents she had just received that morning. “Sergeant Ethan Gold.”

“What!?” Justin yelled. He couldn’t believe that Ethan would stoop that low. Then again it fit right into the personality of his ex. “That bastard. Brian never touched him.”

“Right now it’s Brian’s word against his.”

“Well the only one I might see is the last one… Conduct unbecoming. Fuck.” Brian leaned back trying to calm his racing heart, and slow his breathing. In all the excitement he could feel his lungs constrict, blocking the flow of air throughout his body. He felt Justin place the small oxygen mask over his mouth and nose as he began to run soothing circles across his back. He could hear Justin telling him to breathe, that everything would be alright, allowing him to slowly bring his breathing back to normal. “Thanks.” He whispered to his husband, thankful that Justin was there.

“What are his chances?” Justin asked wanting to get this over with so he could get Brian into bed, and needing to know what he could do to make this right. He already knew he would have to have a little talk with Ethan, the rest he would have to do some digging. Someone was out to get Brian, and Justin was determined to find out who it is.

“If we can find out who did it, find out why they lied on the reports… we might have a chance. But the problem is if we don’t find the person, no one knows what happened while you were held, Brian. No one else was in the room. It will be only your word. I’m sorry, I wish I could give you better news.” Stacy felt bad that she couldn’t give them a better chance, some hope that this would turn out right. She knew that Brian was innocent, but proving it would be hard. “Do you have any enemies? Anyone who would do this?”

Brian let out a small laugh and leaned back into Justin’s touch. “I’d say that in the last 6 years… somewhere between 20 and 50. Maybe more. And that’s military personnel.”

Justin was shocked at the numbers. He couldn’t imagine Brian making that many enemies… not the type who could do something like this. Yes he knew his husband could be a grouch and a down-right ass hole, but not to the extent of someone wanting to have him dead.

”Come up with a list, and I’ll start looking into them. We have three weeks to come up with something. I tried to get it moved back because of your injury, but I was overruled.” Stacy started to pack up the papers and kissed Brian on the top of his head. “We’ll get through this. I haven’t’ lost a case yet, and I don’t plan on starting now.”

“Thanks, Stac.” Brian watched as his friend walked out of the room. “I think I need to lie down. I need to think about who could do this, and frankly right now… my mind is a complete mess.”

“Well figure this out, Brian. We’ll get through this. I promise.”

Brian placed his hand on top of Justin’s and smiled up at his lover. “I know.”

“I love you, Brian. Always and forever.”


~~~***~~~***~~~
“Please William, you know that Brian won’t leave the area. He’s too ill and Justin has the new baby, he needs to be home with Gus. Can’t you have Brian released in Justin’s care?”

“Komari, as much as I’d like to, I can’t go against regulations. These are serious charges that have been put forth. I know that they’re bogus and damn it so does everyone on the team, but if Brian is released anywhere, it will be to the Brig.”

“He isn’t well enough and you know it.” Komari argued. “Why not just put him on house arrest. You can have the MP’s watch his house or hell, station them as a guard at his apartment.”

“Komari, you said hell.” The Admiral chuckled. “I guess you are serious about this.” He thought for a moment. “I’m going to stick my neck out on this one. I’ll have Brian brought home and placed under house arrest. He’d have to be guarded whether he is in the hospital or home, so having the guards at the house shouldn’t be that bad. But you’d better make sure Justin understands that Brian is to stay put. I don’t want my head chopped off if he should take it in his head to disappear.”

“William I am surprised you even said that. Brian Kinney is an honorable man and he would never run out on you and you know it.” The Admiral put his arms around his wife. “I know, I know, I’m just worried about him. I have every contact I’ve ever made out there trying to find out who has accused him of such nonsense. And if I ever get my hands on that little weasel Gold, well let’s just say it won’t be the violin he’ll be playing. I hope he knows the harp.”

~~~***~~~***~~~
“Justin I am not fucking going to be guarded at my own home.” Brian looked stubbornly away from his partner who was holding his clothing and trying to convince Brian to get dressed.

“I’m going to tell you this only once more Navy Boy. You are going to put on this uniform and get your ass in the wheelchair. I am going to wheel you down to the hospital entrance where you will be transported in a Navy vehicle guarded by two rather handsome MP’s. You will fucking shut up about it. Apparently I have two babies to take care of and frankly, Gus is a lot less bother.” Justin was standing at the side of the bed, hands on hips now and glaring at Brian.

“What happened to ‘poor Brian, he’s been through hell and back’” Brian asked.

“News flash, you are a Navy Seal, suck it up and get on with your life.”

“And how am I supposed to do that. I can’t even fuck my husband.” Brian grumbled as he began to put on his uniform. He had to move slowly or he lost all control of his breathing and needed to use the ever present oxygen.

“You AREN’T still griping about that are you?” Justin said with a laugh. “Your dick isn’t going to fall off if you don’t fuck for a few weeks.”

Brian glared at him.

Relenting Justin went over and began to do the shirt buttons up on Brian’s uniform. “Once we get home Navy Boy and in our own bed. I’ll make sure you know that your dick still works.” He kissed Brian on the nose. “Now sit down while I tie up your boots.”

“I can do my own boots up.” Brian bent over and soon realized he couldn’t breathe in that position. After he’d turned blue and accepted the oxygen mask again,. Justin squatted down and did up the highly polished boots. “Thank you “ Brian whispered. It was as close to an apology as Justin was going to get.

“Asshole” Justin said and smacked Brian gently on the ass before he sat in the wheel chair. He kissed the top of his husband’s head to take the sting out of his name calling.
“You know Brian, I love you and I believe in you. This will pass eventually. All of our friends and family believe in you and it really will be easier for me if you and Gus are together with me under one roof. He needs me there now and you need me. It’s killing me needing to be in two places at the same time.” He sighed. “Komari had to do a lot of talking to convince the Admiral to go against regulations and release you to my care. So let’s show her and the Admiral that we appreciate it.”

~~~***~~~***~~~
Brian lay awake in his own bed, propped up on pillows so that he could breathe easier. Justin had just gotten up for the second time during the night to tend to Gus. He didn’t know how the blond was able to make it through the day with as little sleep as he got.

It was the third day at home and Brian had to admit it was nicer being in his own bed in his own home than under the never ending watchful eye at the VA hospital. He felt guilty that he’d kept Justin there as long as he had, but he couldn’t stand being out of contact with Justin. It was almost as if he’d begin to panic if he couldn’t hear him or see him.

Brian listened on the baby monitor. Justin was talking to Gus as he changed him and fed him another bottle. You could hear the love in his husband’s voice. It was always there no matter how many times he had to tend to the baby. He talked almost constantly to Brian’s son when he was with him. He told him about how the day was going, about his daddy and how he was doing. Brian could hear him kiss the baby and then he could hear the soft creak of the wooden rockers. Justin was feeding Gus and singing a soft soothing nonsense word lullaby that appeared to be something he’d made up.

Brian wished he could do something to lighten Justin’s load. Justin never seemed to flag. He made sure Brian was comfortable and tended to Gus. He’d put an extra bassinette in their room so that Brian could watch his son sleep during the day. Which is mostly what Gus did. He even bathed the boy in Brian’s room so that Brian could be part of Gus’ daily care. While he watched his tireless husband, Brian vowed to make it better for him someday. He would leave the Navy when all this nonsense was over. He’d seek a medical discharge. There had to be something he could do out in the civilian world to earn a living. It wasn’t fair to Justin or to Gus to have a father who would disappear for weeks on end and may or may not come back in once piece or at all.

~~~***~~~***~~~
“Daphne, it’s Brian.” Brian spoke slowly into the phone to conserve his breath.

“Hey Brian.” Daphne felt she should apologize for the way she acted the last time they had spoken. “I’m sorry about going off on you.”

“Daphne, don’t worry about it. I should have figured it out on my own.” Brian paused for breath. “I was wondering, has Justin spoken to you anymore about having a baby?”

“You mean one for the two of you?”

“Yes”

“Brian, it’s not likely that will happen. He’s given up on that dream. He gave up on it when Lindsay became pregnant with Gus. You have to have known that.”

“Why did he give up on his dream?” Brian was puzzled.

“You’ll have to ask Justin that Brian. I’ve already said enough.”

“But you’d still do it wouldn’t you?” Brian asked.

“If it was what Justin wanted. Yes I guess I would still do it. But Brian, don’t push him on this. He is still hurting about you and Lindsay despite anything he might say. He really felt that you had chosen her over him so, he’s kind of gun shy about the whole baby thing. I even offered to have one with just him as the sperm donor, but he said only if I wanted one someday, that he would donate, but that the child would be mine.”

“Lindsay’s fucking dead and he still has issues with her?” Brian’s voice rose. He could feel himself becoming angry though he wasn’t sure why.

“Brian, calm down. I shouldn’t have talked to you about this.”

“Brian you left him for a woman. Maybe not in body, but emotionally. A woman who stole what was his and a woman who lied to you constantly, keeping you emotionally tied to her. I’m sorry if this hurts you. I know Lindsay was your friend. That isn’t something you get over quickly. And don’t bother getting pissed about what I said. I can guarantee you Justin will never discuss it with you, just like he doesn’t discuss his paintings that he does when you’re gone. You don’t have to worry. He has treated Gus as his own child from the moment he was born. He’ll be a great father for the child. Don’t ever doubt him on that.”

“What are you talking about, I mean about Lindsay?” Brian hesitated. “Daphne I need to know everything and you’re right, Justin won’t talk to me about her now that she’s dead.”

“Brian, I’m Justin’s friend, I have been for a long time, since we were five years old. But I would never do to him what Lindsay did to you. She wanted a child for her and Melanie and she wanted your child. She and Melanie had no intention of letting you be part of Gus’s life. She told Justin that. She also had an almost ‘perfect pregnancy’ though she didn’t tell you that. She was doing her best to keep you and Justin apart. I don’t know why that was her agenda, but I do know all the little tricks she pulled to keep you apart. Keeping you away on Justin’s birthday was only part of it.” Daphne sighed. “But to Justin, that is all over and done with. He doesn’t discuss it with me at all and I don’t expect he ever will. You might ask him about his abstract paintings though. The ones he does when you’re away or when he’s upset or bothered. He has a whole room filled with them in his studio.”

“Daphne, you’ve given me a lot to think about. I am going to try and get Justin to talk but if he won’t at least I know what was happening.”

~~~***~~~***~~~

“Hey Navy Boy, why are you sitting here in the dark?” Justin breezed into the living room carrying Gus. “Your son wanted to visit with his daddy.” Justin plunked Gus on Brian’s knee.

“Justin, I might drop him.” Brian said. He looked at the small face of his son. Gus returned the look and then smiled. “He smiled at me.” Brian looked at Justin in wonder.
“I didn’t know babies could smile like that.”

“Babies do lots of neat things.” Justin said. “I’ll be right back.”

“Justin don’t leave me alone with him.” Brian said his voice filled with panic.

“Why not, do you have sudden urge to toss him on the floor?” Justin asked as he left the room.

“Your other daddy is a big pain in the ass.” Brian said to Gus.

“I heard that.” Justin smirked, he’d returned with the camera. Not giving Brian a chance to object, Justin began to snap some pictures. “I need one of you and Gus for my office desk.” Justin explained.

“One, not ten.” Brian grumbled. “Can’t you wait for my face to heal?”

“Nope.” Justin sat down beside Brian on the sofa. “He’s kind of cute isn’t he?” he nodded toward Gus who was on Brian’s knee watching them from his vantage point.

“What about having Daphne help us make a sister for him?” Brian ventured.

“Oh I think Gus will like being an only child. He’ll get all the good toys and things at Christmas, won’t you Gus?” Justin made a face at the baby who responded with a smile.

“But you wanted a baby. A baby with both of us as her parents.”

“I have a baby. I have Gus and I have you. That’s more than enough for me to handle.” Justin smiled up at Brian not at all unhappy with his lot in life. Though Brian was beginning to think that his husband had more of a poker face than he’d ever suspected.

It was then that Brian realized that something had died inside his husband. Some spark had disappeared and he wasn’t sure when it had happened, but he suspected it was during the months when Lindsay was pregnant with Gus. He didn’t know what he was going to do about it, but he had to do something to show Justin that he loved him and that he was sorry for being fooled.

~~~***~~~***~~~

“We need to get everything straight, here.” Stacy stated as she sat down at the small desk Justin had set up in their bedroom. It had appeared to Stacy that Justin wanted to make sure that Brian had everything he needed while he was resting. Of course with Justin it almost meant strict bed rest, but it didn’t seem to bother Brian too much. Of course she knew he went out and wheeled around in the chair, and he had started working with the walker that he would have to use next, but Brian tried to do that when Justin wasn’t around. Brian was trying to do things on his own to lesson the load on Justin. Stacy would love to be around when Justin caught Brian out of bed when he was supposed to be resting. That would be a fight she would pay to see.

Brian leaned back against the pillows, pen and paper in hand, trying to remember everything that happened. “I don’t know how many times I can say this. I don’t fucking remember a lot about when I was being held. I was fucking out of it!”

“Will you calm down before Justin comes tearing in here and ripping me a new one for letting you get worked up?” Stacy asked as she saw Brian start to have a slight problem breathing. She reached over and placed the oxygen mask in Brian’s hand and just stared at him, letting him know that he had better listen to her. “Now, do you feel better?”

Brain set the mask beside him on the bed and shook his head. “I won’t feel better until this shit is over with. I want to move on with my life… and what it’s doing to Justin… I can’t do this to him, Stac. I can’t.”

Stacy got up and sat down on the edge of the bed next to Brian. “Justin wants to do this. He’s doing this because he loves you… why I don’t know. So live with it. We’ll deal with this, and then you work on getting better so you can go back to being a SEAL.”

“I’m not going back.”

“Why the fuck not?” Stacy was shocked. This was the first she was hearing about Brian not returning to active duty.

“I said I’m not going back. It’s too much, Stac. Justin doesn’t need to deal with that shit. I thought it before, but now I know.” Brian looked over and saw the question in her eyes. “Let’s just say that everyone opened my eyes to some things before I left on the last mission. And I’ve thought about it and they’re right.”

“And you’re listening to them because?”

“Can we just get this over with? I don’t want to talk about it right now… we have other things to get through.” Brian picked up the paper and started to once again to review the list of charges that were being brought against him. He was trying to make a list of rebuttals for every one. “So in less than two weeks, I’m going to be standing in front of the judge… well as much as I can stand anyway.”

Stacy caught the change of topics and knew that before all was said and done, she would have to have a serious talk with her friend. “It will be an Article 32 hearing. What that is, is basically a Grand Jury in civil courts. They will hear testimony and review evidence to see if there is enough to take you to court martial.”

“So I can go through this shit again? Fuck why don’t they just kill me now and get it over with?” Brian cursed. He felt his chest constrict, making it hard for him to breathe. “Fuck,” he rasped as he placed the mask once again over his face. Brian couldn’t see how in the world he could get through one trial let alone two. It would kill him. “Can’t I just request to by-pass this and only have one? I can’t do this shit twice.”

“They have already decided. Trust me, I’ve been trying to get them to move it back a couple of weeks, but they won’t.”

“Fine.” Brian closed his eyes willing the pain to go away, only opening them again when he felt he could breathe normally once more. “So we know that the Ethan thing should be easy to get rid of… it’s just all the other shit that will be a pain.”

“Unless we can find out who called in the information, and if we can get them to admit that they were false then … well it won’t be easy.” Stacy looked over at Brian, hating what this was doing to her friend. The both knew that the ‘charges’ were brought up on the eve of the would-be announcement of Brian being put in for the Medal of Honor. They had a motive, but no suspect. They all knew that it was someone who didn’t like Brian, but no idea who could hate him enough to try to get him sentenced to death. “We’re working on it, Brian. We’ll get this cleared up.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Just make sure that you update my will. Keep Justin and Gus, and any other kids safe. You might want to take out anything about pensions and benefits. When… sorry if I get convicted then those won’t be available.” Brian told her as he went back to making his list. Defeat in every fiber of his being.

~~~***~~~***~~~

“Justin is Brian near you?” Justin thought it was an odd question for Stacy to ask.

“No, he’s having a nap, but don’t tell him I told you. He doesn’t ‘do’ naps.”

Stacy laughed. “You do have your hands full don’t you pretty boy?”

“Gawd Stacy not you with the pretty boy.”

“Sorry, I’m just so used to Brian referring to you as that, it just slipped out.”

“Tell me he doesn’t call me that at the base.” Justin was mortified.

“I don’t think so, only when he’s talking to me.” Stacy assured him. “Justin I have to ask you something. You have every right to refuse my request. It could be dangerous and you know if Brian thought I’d put you in danger, my life would be worthless.”

“What do you want Stacy?”

“The thing is, I’ve heard rumors that directly involve Brian’s case. I can’t go through the regular channels because a rumor is just that, hearsay. But we only have less than a week. I need to get something positive to help Brian out of this mess.”

“Stacy, what do you want me to do?” Justin didn’t hesitate.

“It’s a long shot Justin, but it’s the only one we have.”

~~~***~~~***~~~
End of Chapter Nineteen

Chapter 20 by Moonshadow Woman
Chapter Twenty





“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Justin called out as soon as he came into their room and saw Brian standing up.

“I’m going from the bed to the desk over there. It’s not like I’m going to the living room by myself. Besides it’s a little stupid to get in the wheelchair, or use that damn walker for a couple of feet, don’t you think?”

Justin shook his head and went over to help Brian, only to have his hand slapped away. “You are the most stubborn man I have ever met. Don’t you remember what the doctor said? You know about not over working yourself, about taking it easy? Don’t you remember that?”

Brian sat down in the plush leather chair that had been set up in front of his desk and took a deep breath. He couldn’t believe how much just that simple walk tired him. “Justin it’s not like I’m doing anything that I won’t have to do eventually. I know the doctor said I would need help, but what am I supposed to do if I have to take a piss when you’re off somewhere else?”

“Oh I don’t know… call for help, wait? That’s why we have the radio system set up; for you to call when you need something.” Justin went to sit on the corner of the desk, running his hand through Brian’s hair. “You need a haircut.” Justin noticed feeling the longer than normal hair wet with sweat.

“What I need is some answers Justin.” Brian began as he sat back in the chair to look at Justin. “I need to know why you don’t want to have our baby, why you won’t talk to me about Lindsay? What are these paintings that people are telling me about?”

Justin placed his hand on Brian’s arm, wanting to calm his husband seeing the distress that is already being put on his system. “We’ll talk about all of it later, I promise. Once you’re well.”

“Once I’m well? Christ Justin, I may never be well. And even if I am, I might not even make it to see our next anniversary. Tell me what I need to know. What you have been hiding from me. I can’t fix it if I don’t know. What the hell can I do to make it right? What can I do to make you understand how sorry I am? I didn’t mean to make you feel like I chose Lindsay over you. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, or feel like I didn’t love you. Tell me what I can do to prove to you that you are the only thing in my life.”

Justin wasn’t sure what to say, or if he could say anything at all as he watched as Brian began to cough uncontrollably. Quickly reaching for the oxygen mask, he placed it over Brian’s mouth, as he ran his hand soothingly up and down his lover’s back. He knew why he couldn’t talk about any of those things, his answer was loud and clear before him. Brian was not physically able to handle any confrontation. “Shhh. Just breathe Navy boy. Just breathe.”

Brian leaned into Justin’s touch, trying to get the comfort that his lover was giving. “Please, Justin.” He tried to get out while trying to control his breathing and the racking coughs that were coming out of him. “I need to know. Please.” Brian looked up at Justin as tears were coming out of his eyes and down his cheeks. He hated that he was so emotional, that he didn’t have control over his own body.

“When you’re better, Brian. I promise. I did promise you that, remember. I always keep my promises. I love you, just know that. No matter what I will always love you.”

~~~***~~~***~~~

Brian sat inside Stacy’s office waiting for her to get done with her meeting. The hearing was to start, and all Brian wanted was for it to be over with. The trial had already been going on for practically a week now, and he was sick of it. He was tired, so tired of everything. He hated what all of this was doing to Justin. He didn’t know how his husband could handle it all. Between Gus, his illness, their friends and family, this trial, and everything else, Brian knew his husband must be going crazy. He knew that Justin would not be allowed into the hearing because of the sensitive matter that was going to be discussed, but he knew that Justin would be waiting for him after each day.

“You ready?” Stacy asked Brian as she came into the room. She had been waiting on word about the lead they were following, but none had come yet. She had hoped that this wouldn’t even have reached this point.

“Let’s just get this over with.” Brian rose from the chair and reached for the walker he was now forced to use. Everyone had wanted him to still use the wheelchair, since he was still weak, but Brian had told them that he would walk in there and out of there with as much of his own free will as he could. It was bad enough that he had to have the damn oxygen tank with him that Brian refused to bend on this.

Brian knew that this would be his day on the stand. He had flat out told everyone that he would testify on his own behalf. It was what he needed to do, for himself and for Justin. He only wished that Justin could be inside the courtroom with him. As he neared the room, he saw Justin standing just outside the door. Reaching over, Brian gave his hand a small squeeze and a small smile. “See you in a couple of hours.”

“I love you, Navy boy.”

“Love you too.” Brian held his head high as he stepped through the doors, ready to tell his side of the story.

~~~***~~~***~~~

“I call Lieutenant Command Brian Andrew Kinney to the stand.”

Brian made his way up to the stand, trying not to show any weakness. “Do you swear that the testimony you are about to give in this Article 32 hearing is the truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”

“I do.” Brian sat down in the chair and gave his name, rank, and other required information. He turned to the judge when he was asked; listening as the Judge explained to him that if he had any problems where he would need a break that he was to let them know immediately. Brian was grateful for the Judge’s acknowledgement, but hoped he never had to use that. He didn’t want to appear weak in front of the jury.

“Lieutenant Kinney, do you know Sergeant Gold?”

“We meet about two years ago. He’s my husband’s ex-lover.”

“Did you and Sergeant Gold exchange words?”

“I asked him about his group getting captured, what he knew about it. He tried to convince me that my husband and him were having an affair.” Brian explained. He knew that Stacy had told him to only answer the questions, but Brian knew that he would have to go into some explanations. He wanted the people to know where his head was at.

“Did you and Mr. Gold ever exchange more than words?”

“I never once laid a hand on him. I’m not saying that I didn’t want to. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t if someone came up to them and started talking trash about their spouse. But I always made sure that others were around when I talked to him, in case of something happening. The last thing I wanted was to get into a fist fight.” And Brian knew that what he said was true. The last thing he wanted was for him to be alone with Ethan. Even out on the fantail when he was smoking his cigarette he always had someone near by. He had covered his bases during that time. He only wished that the rest of the charges were easily dismissed as the assault one was.

“Chief South mentioned that when they had placed Mr. Gold into the locker, that you had no knowledge of that happening until after the ship had arrived in port. Is that correct?”

“Yes, they did that without my knowledge at all.” Brian still found it funny what his men did to protect him. He only wished that one day he could get that back.

“What can you tell me about Lieutenant Christopher Hobbs?”

Brian froze not knowing what to say. This was definitely something that had not been covered before and he had no idea what to make of this line of questioning. He would have to pull Stacy off to the side first chance he got and question her.

~~~***~~~***~~~




“Hey sweetie, can I buy you a drink?” Emmett had sidled up to Lieutenant Chris Hobbs. He resisted looked for Mike. He knew he’d be close by.

“I’m waiting for a friend.” Chris said but he turned and looked at Emmett who was looked especially fetching that night in tight black leather pants and a see through yellow shirt.

“It wouldn’t be that nasty piece of work Ethan Gold now would it?” Emmett asked. “Cause honey I’m telling you that boy is just no good.”

“How do you know Ethan?”

“Why he’s my landlord’s ex and I had a bit of a run in with him myself.” Emmett drank deeply of his Cosmopolitan. “I heard, now this is just between you and me, but I heard that he’s got something on someone he’s been seeing. That wouldn’t be you would it. Because I heard that he’s planning a tiny bit of blackmail. It wouldn’t be the first time. He’s been blackmailing my landlord for years.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Chris said. He looked around to see if anyone had noticed his loud voice. No one was paying them any attention.

“Oh I don’t want to gossip, it’s sooooo rude you know. But that Ethan Gold has already ordered one kick ass violin. My boyfriend works in the music store and Ethan told him that he was coming into some big money and to put the order through.”

“Ethan wouldn’t do that.” Chris said. “He loves me.”

“Apparently Ethan ‘loves’ lots of guys, but if you’re okay with that, who am I to argue.” Emmett took another drink. “But don’t worry honey, my best friend does my landlord’s hair and he told me that Lieutenant Commander Kinney’s lawyer has signed documents from three witnesses about some kind of double cross. The real culprit is some Lieutenant in the Quartermaster’s office; I didn’t catch the name.”

Just then Ethan walked into the bar. Spying Emmett talking to his boyfriend, he bristled. “What are you doing here?” he asked.

“I’m having a drink and yourself?” Emmett replied.

“Aren’t you the guy who was with Justin in the commissary?” Ethan began.

“Why as a matter of fact I am. That was sooooo naughty of you to be touching my dick and in a public place like that. I’m sure the guy you were with wasn’t too happy either.”

“I wasn’t with anyone.”

“Hey baby.” Mike came up and put his arm around Ethan. “Tell daddy about all this money you’re coming into. Who is this schmuck you’re going to run a little of the black on?”

“What” Ethan began to splutter.

“I know, I know I’m supposed to pretend we don’t know each other, but when the music store called to tell me about your violin I just knew you were close to screwing this guy. Come on over here and tell daddy all about it.” Mike began to steer Ethan away from Emmett and Chris Hobbs.

Chris looked into his drink. “I can’t believe this. I just can’t believe this.” He took a drink and signaled for another.

“Now honey, there are other fish in the sea. You don’t need him. It was only a matter of time before he’d turn on you.” Emmett patted Chris’ hand.

“You don’t understand. I’ve done things for him. I’ve put my career on the line for him. He can’t just leave me.”

“There isn’t anything that you’ve done that can’t be undone.” Emmett cautioned. “But you know the rule sweetie; whoever gets to the authorities first gets a ‘get of jail’ ticket.”

“I haven’t done anything wrong.” Chris was belligerent. “It’s not my fault that Kinney is up on charges. He should have stayed out of it. But oh no, he had to see my sister over there and the next thing you know he puts two and two together. He was never supposed to get out of there. Who knew he was some kind of Houdini.” Chris signaled for another drink.

“Well you couldn’t have known that Kinney fellow would be there, now could you?” Emmett asked.

“Well, yeah, I knew he’d be there. I saw his order.” Chris admitted. “Who in hell did you think told Kamal where the SEALs were landing? I mean the guy is good, but not that good.” He chuckled and Emmett put another drink in front of him.

“Fucking SEALs. H thought he was god almighty with his fancy boyfriend and his fancy car and bum fucking the Admiral so he could walk into the SEALS. I could’ve been a SEAL but I didn’t want to be bothered.” He downed his drink. “I guess I showed him didn’t I. I told Kamal he could do what he wanted with him. That he was a disposable commodity. Then the asshole has to come back and bring those POW’s with him. Now they think he’s some kind of fucking hero. Well I guess I fixed that didn’t I?”

“My, my, my you are the talkative little bunny when you’ve been drinking.” Emmett drawled. He scratched his belly where the adhesive of the microphone was itching. “Come along Chris, you want to talk to the nice Sergeant over there. See that tall dark and handsome one?”

Chris looked around confused. “What?”

“Now honey, we have an appointment with the nice Sergeant.” Emmett led Chris Hobbs over to the two MP’s who were waiting. Justin was in the surveillance van outside and if Chief South hadn’t restrained him, Chris Hobbs would have been one sorry assed Lieutenant.


~~~***~~~***~~~

“We went to the academy together.” Brian stated not entirely sure where this is going, but deciding that he had to go along with it for now.

“Were the two of you friends?”

“No. I had sex with him once in my first year there, but I realized that it had been a mistake.”

“Did he resent you for that?”

“Objection, your honor. Commander Kinney cannot state whether or not someone resented him.” The Government’s attorney stated.

“Sustained.”

“Did the two of you have any problems at the academy?”

“Yes, we often had some run-ins.”

“Physical encounters?”

“Mostly words. Occasionally we would shove each other, but nothing too drastic.” Brian answered. He remembered some of the ‘finer’ encounters between himself and Hobbs and his gang. Chris had made his academy years hell, but he had survived and moved on from there. He didn’t think of those years often anymore.

“Did you see Lieutenant Hobbs at all in the years since graduating from the Academy?”

Brian thought back, trying to remember when he had seen the other officer. “Yes, he was on the Eisenhower while I was on my way back Stateside. He ran into me, we exchanged words, nothing really interesting.”

“What was said during your talk?”

“He was amazed that I had made SEALs, and I could tell he wasn’t pleased with it. He went on to say that I must have fuc… had sex with the right people to be there and wondered who he had to see to get promoted like me.”

Brian remembered that the conversation had taken a much darker turn, with Hobbs cursing everything that Brian was. Hobbs had threatened him at one point… well more like warned him that he had better watch his back. At the time Brian hadn’t thought much of it, but thinking back on it now he began to wonder what Hobbs had meant.

When the call for lunch came, Brian walked out of the courtroom following Stacy through the doors. “I need to talk to you about Hobbs. I think I remember something that might help.” Stacy agreed and led them back to her office. Brian stopped in the hall and looked around for his husband. “Where is Justin?’


~~~***~~~***~~~
Back in the courtroom after lunch, Brian tried to keep calm. When he had asked Stacy where Justin was she had been unable, or unwilling to give him a solid answer. All Brian knew was that his husband was no where to be found, and if Brian knew Justin, he was into trouble. Taking a deep breath to calm himself after a slight attack during lunch, Brian sat up straight on the stand waiting to start.

“Commander, on the night of May 21 of this year, tell us what happened.”

“My team was told to search this building. We were looking for some POW’s, trying to bring them home. WE believed that this guy, Kamal had them so we went to check out some of his hideouts. Our contact had informed us the best possible location of where the POWs were.” Brian remembered seeing behind one of the buildings a familiar figure… one he had only seen once or twice years before. He couldn’t remember the face anymore, but he knew that it had to be important. “I saw someone behind of the buildings. I remember going over there, and … I don’t remember what happened next. Everything is fuzzy.”

“Do you remember who you saw behind the building?”

“I remember I knew them. I had seen them before, but… the face isn’t coming to me now.” Brian started to feel trapped. He was trying to remember who it was he had seen, cause he knew that the final pieces of the puzzle would fall into place if he could just remember who it was he saw.

Before Brian could answer however, the courtroom doors opened and three figures came walking in. Brian looked up to see Justin walking straight to the table where Stacy was, with the Admiral and Chief South right behind him. Words were exchanged, and something was handed over. “Your honor, may I ask for a brief recess. Some new information pertaining to this case has just arrived.”

“We’ll take a 15 minute break. You better not be stalling, Lieutenant.”

“No, your honor.” When the court broke, Stacy quickly pulled the prosecuting attorney out of the room, leaving everyone else behind.

Brian slowly got up from his spot and made his way over to Justin. “Want to tell me what the hell is going on?”

“We know who set you up, Brian. We got it all on tape.” Justin told his husband, helping Brian to sit down.

Brian glanced at the three men, waiting for some sort of explanation. He had no idea what was going on, and it was starting to piss him off. What was Justin thinking? Brian knew that Justin had to have something to do with this mess, but what it was he wasn’t sure. “It was Hobbs. Well Hobbs and Ethan.”

“What?!” Brian was pissed. He knew that the two men didn’t like him, but he wasn’t sure what he did to piss them off that much. “Did they say why?”

Chief South leaned against the bar and crossed his arms. “It seems that you recognized someone who you should not have.”

“Yeah, I just said that on the stand. But for the life of me I can’t remember who it was.”

“It was Hobbs’ sister. Evidentily they have been working with Kamal for years.” South continued to explain.

Finally all the pieces fell into place and Brian remembered those final moments of freedom. He remembered walking over to Ms. Hobbs and confronting her. He had told her that he was going to take her in for questioning. It wasn’t until Brian began to turn around with his hand on her arm that he realized his mistake. She had pulled free from his grasp, and felt something on his neck. That was when everything went black. “She’s the one who injected me.” Brian stated. “With the test virus. She was working for Kamal the whole time.”

“It appears so.”

“So where does Ethan fit into this quaint family affair?” Brian asked looking up at Justin.

“Ethan and Chris were lovers.” Brian finally laughed. It all made perfect sense, in a sick sort of way. He had been played for years, and he never knew it. “It’s over, Bri. It’s all over.” He heard Justin say.

Feeling Justin’s hand on his arm, Brian gave him a small smile. “Once the judge says it’s over, then it is. Thank-you.” He knew now that no matter what, when he needed them, his friends would watch his back. He hadn’t been sure about that before he was captured, but now he knew beyond a shadow of doubt that they would always watch out for him.

~~~***~~~***~~~
The Aftermath

Brian stood at attention beside Stacy as the charges as read were dismissed. He could feel Justin’s eyes on him and he didn’t know whether to kiss him when he was dismissed or spank him for putting himself in danger. When he thought of what Emmett and Peters had done as well, he felt his control slip. He had made some good friends since he’d met Justin.

When it was all over Justin ran over to him and hugged him. Brian let himself sink into his husband’s arms, more tired than he wanted to admit to himself or anyone around them.

“Hey Navy Boy, you coming home with me?” Justin asked.

“That I am.” Brian leaned heavily on Justin as the two of them made their way out of the courtroom.

“Stacy, you’re expected to come over to the house too.” Justin called.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Stacy said with a smile.

“Justin tell me you aren’t throwing a party.” Brian said through gritted teeth. “I can’t take a lot of people around me right now. I just want to go home and sleep.”

“Brian, there are a lot of friends out there who have been working day and night to get the goods on Chris Hobbs and Ethan. It’s the least we can do to let them come over. Emmett is looking after everything and it will be in the common room not in our apartment.”

“I’m sorry Justin.” Brian began.

“Brian, don’t. Now that this is over we have to talk. I made you some promises and I’m going to honor them. But for the next couple of hours I’m going to sit beside you on the sofa in the common room. Gus will be in his basket and we’ll smile and make nice with all the people who made today possible.”

“You’re a tough man Justin Taylor-Kinney” Brian smiled down at his husband. He knew when to retreat.

At the house the party was already underway. Brian and Justin arrived at the same time as the Admiral and Komari. They all walked into the house together. True to his word, Justin had a place reserved for Brian and him to sit down. Jennifer and Harry were playing with Gus nearby and Debbie was busy setting the long table with buffet items she and Vic and Emmett had prepared. They knew Brian was innocent and had fully expected to have this victory party. Even Michael and Ben were there though it was a week day and both of them worked.

All the members of Brian’s team and their wives slowly found their way to Brian and Justin to offer their continued support and congratulations. Justin watched the time carefully. He only allowed Brian one hour with all the celebrations and then he insisted that they go to their own quiet apartment. Jennifer and Harry were keeping Gus at their place overnight. They figured the two men could use some time to themselves.

“I feel like some kind of weak little fag.” Brian grumbled as Justin helped him to their apartment.

“It’ll pass Brian; you’re already ten times stronger than when you first came home. It won’t be long and you’ll be rushing out the door on some mission just like always.”

“I have to talk to you about that Justin.” Brian began.

“Not now. Tonight is just for you and me.” Justin had led him to the bed. “I’m going to make you a warm bath. It’ll help clear your lungs.”

“Will you join me?” Brian still hated to be parted from Justin. He barely tolerated the necessary times that they had to be apart. He didn’t know if he’d ever have the fortitude to return to duty. He didn’t want to put Justin through the hell he’d been through ever again.

“I could be persuaded.” Justin admitted.

When the bath was made and Brian had taken his medication. Justin helped him into the vast deep tub. It was a luxury they both enjoyed. Settling back against his husband, Justin felt it was almost like old times, except for the fact that Brian was much thinner than he had been before. But that could be fixed.

~~~***~~~***~~~




“The case is over, then? You’re back on inactive duty?” Brian’s shrink asked as he sat in the chair in front of him. He had hated coming to these things, but knew that it had been required since he had been held captive.

“It’s over. They arrested Hobbs and Gold, and I’m home free.”

“How does that make you feel? How does that make you feel about being held?”

“I learned some things that make me understand it more. I hate it.” Brian leaned back in the chair and ran his hand through his hair. “I hate what it did. I hate that because of some stupid little thing… seeing someone, and a case of envy maybe… did this. I hate what it did to Justin, what it did to me.”

The doctor glanced at Brian with his pencil in his hand. “How does that make you feel? What about Justin? You told me before that it changed how you felt about the Navy and about your husband, but you never told me how.”

“Justin is strong, don’t get me wrong. But I look at what this did to him, what my leaving to go on these missions do to him, and I can’t stand it. Do you know he has a fucking room full of paintings that he’s done?” Brian asked shaking his head. He still couldn’t believe the pain he had seen coming from some of those canvases. He could feel every emotion that Justin had been feeling. He could feel the love, and the worry, and the fear. He felt Justin’s pain every time he went on a mission. “I can’t do that to him anymore. I don’t know how he’s survived.”

“So you plan on leaving the Navy? Leaving the SEALs?”

“Don’t get me wrong, doc. I love the Navy. I love what I do as a SEAL. Do I want to quit? No, I don’t. I think I can do more good as a SEAL than I could on the outside world. I’ve thought about it. I have no idea what I would do out there. But I owe it to us to give him that. I’ll survive, as long as he’s happy. If I can do that for him, then I will.”

“Don’t you think that is putting a lot of pressure on him? Making him choose?”

“I think he needs to think about it. We have a child now, MY child. Gus needs to be considered. Do I put Justin through having to care for my child while I’m away? And what if something like this happens again? Why should I put Justin through that?”

“I think you need to sit and talk this over with Justin. Have him know how you feel about it all. Don’t just quit because of him. Give him the choice.”

“I will. If he says quit, then I’m done. I won’t keep doing this to him.”

~~~***~~~***~~~

“What have you got there?” Justin asked. He had Gus on his hip and was heading to the baby’s room to put him down for a nap.

“Stacy brought these around. They’re the forms for a medical discharge.”

“A medical discharge from what?” Justin looked at Brian.

“From the Navy.”

Justin walked over to Brian. He looked at him hard. “Stand up.” Brian stood up. “Now come with me to the studio.”

Mystified Brian followed him. When they got to the studio, what Brian saw was a room full of crates. “These are my MI paintings, the ones I showed you. They are crated up to be shown and sold at Komari’s brothers Gallery in Soho. I don’t have to attend any of the gallery functions. That’s part of the agreement.” He handed Gus to Brian. “This is Gus, remember him. He’s who I have to keep me sane while you are gone on a mission.” Justin stared at Brian. “I’m doing what I have always dreamed of. I have a career, a child and a husband who loves me. There is no way in hell I’m going to allow you to sacrifice your career that you love in some misguided attempt to make things right for me.”

“But Justin’ Brian began.

“Brian Andrew Kinney, you are my husband and you are a Navy SEAL. I’d suggest you concentrate on getting back into shape so that the testing for active duty doesn’t kill you.”
Justin put his head on Brian’s shoulder while his hand caressed the fuzzy head of the baby. “Gus and I will always be here waiting Brian. For now, we both are your Avalon.”

“Justin, you have already sacrificed so much of your life to be with me. You have given up so much. Hell, Daphne has been on my ass because of what you’ve given up to be with me. You don’t have to do that. I can stay home, with Gus, and you can have the life that being with me denied you.” Brian tried to reason with Justin. The last thing he wanted was Justin to give up any more if his life for him. He didn’t think he could stand it.

Justin came up behind Brian to wrap his arms around his husband, and look down at Gus. “What are you doing listening to other people, Navy boy? It will only get us in trouble. No one else knows us, and what we really want except us. Other people mean well, they do. But what’s important is what we want and what we need. I want you to be a SEAL, I want to be here waiting for you. That’s what I want. You NEED to be a SEAL. That’s who you are. To hell with other’s think they know. They don’t know us. I have my art, and I do have a life. I will be selling my paintings, doing what I love, with the man I love. It’s that simple.”

“But what happens the next time something comes up, another problem between us arises, or I have to leave on a mission. What then? What happens the next time I don’t come home? The next time, Justin I might not return.” Brian tried to explain to Justin. He wanted his husband to understand… fully understand what it would mean if he returned to active duty.

Justin walked around Brian and placed his hand on Brian’s cheek. “I will survive. I love you, and I will be here for you, just like we promised each other. I will work on my art, and care for Gus. That’s who I am. I won’t change. I love you and I will until my dying day and beyond. Nothing and no one will ever change that. Besides if you don’t go back, I won’t have anything to paint. Then where would I be?”

“I don’t know, Justin. I really don’t. I can’t stand seeing you in pain.”

“And I can’t stand seeing you be something that you’re not. You are a SEAL, and I am your husband. If you don’t go back, you won’t be the man I know and love. My art will suffer, and we’ll both be complete and total messes.” Justin added with a smile, trying to bring Brian out of this serious mood he was in. “Brian, don’t listen to what anyone else says. Listen to me. I want you to work your ass off, get back on duty and be the best damn Navy SEAL you can be. If you don’t, then I won’t send these paintings. I will never sell a painting. It’s that simple.”

“You’re trying to blackmail me, Mr. Taylor-Kinney?” Brian asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Whatever works, Lieutenant Commander Kinney. Whatever works. So what do you say? Do we say to hell with everyone else and go on with our lives? Do you go back and have me someday become a famous artist? Or do we both suffer the rest of our lives, old, miserable, and completely not the men we once were?”

Brian wrapped his arm around Justin, pulling him to his side and looked down at his son. “Your other daddy drives a hard bargain doesn’t he, Gus? Let’s hope you don’t try to pull the same shit on me when you’re older.” Looking at Justin, Brian leaned in and lightly kissed his husband on the lips. “You have a deal, Pretty boy. You win. Now can we get Daphne off my ass? Get her to maybe like me?”

“She adores you, Brian.”

“Yeah, only as far as she can throw me. She’s a rude little shit, and mouthy, and of course I can do no right. She thinks I’m the worst thing ever.” Brian pouted. “Thank god she doesn’t realize that we haven’t made love since I got back. Hell she’d kick my ass for that, sickness or no.”

“You know… you are getting better. We could always see if your parts are working right.” Justin smiled, running his hand down Brian’s chest. “I’m sure mom would be more than willing to watch Gus for a little while.”

~~~***~~~***~~~

January 2020

My Darling Navy Boy:

I can’t believe that I’m once again starting another year and another journal. I have to admit your journal for last year had me in stitches in places. Your take on Gus during your month’s leave was priceless.

I hated to see you go yesterday morning. By now you and the guys should have found my fudge and Peters’s birthday card. Emmett has been driving me crazy as usual. We need to get that man a hobby to work at when his man is away.

Gus began swimming lessons today. He says he’s going to be a SEAL like his daddy, but I think he’s thinking the barking - ball on the nose kind of seal. I wonder what he thinks you do.

Yes I sold the big canvas from your last long mission. You don’t even want to know what I got for it. Let’s just say it will pay for a lot of paint, tons of paint.

Daphne is pleased that she’s reached her third trimester. She finally broke it to me we are having twins. So look out when they come. I hope the Admiral wasn’t kidding when he said he would grant you some paternity leave. Gus is all excited about having two little sisters and Daphne is all excited to be an auntie. She will be moving to New York after the babies arrive. Her new job begins six weeks after their scheduled birth. So everything should work out fine.

I miss you so much already. It just never gets any easier does it Navy Boy. But I have the family and I have Gus. The only thing missing is you, but I’m keeping my heart and my bed open for when you come home to me.

I love you
You are Forever My Avalon
Justin
~~~***~~~***~~~


February 2020

Justin,

Let’s see, where to start? Today I have been thinking back on all the years we have been together and for the life of me I still am amazed that we’re here. Almost 9 long years. Fuck! It amazed me. You have stuck beside me through everything. Kept me on the right path. You wouldn’t accept anything other than what you knew I could give. I love you for that. I may not say it enough, but I do.

I think back to our ‘dark time’ and I can’t believe we came out of it. Gus, is beautiful, smart, caring, and the best damn son I could ever hope for. He might look like me, but damn he’s you through and through. Yeah, you say he’s just like me but I can see you in him. I think he is our child. My looks and your attitude. The world better watch out.

It’s strange, really. Here I am, still a SEAL, Full Commander, and a father of soon to be THREE. I never would have dreamed that this would be my life when I was growing up. I never thought I would be married for 9 years that’s for damn sure. I didn’t think anyone could put up with me for that long. Of course if ‘mom’ has her way we will be re-newing our vows on our anniversary. She keeps hinting that it would be a good thing since she wasn’t there the first time, and it would be right especially with the children. She can play me just as well as you can.

I had often wondered the first couple years we were together what you would think about this shit I write in these books. I never thought of course you would ever see them. Hell, now every year you get a new one to add to your bookshelf in your studio. Yours for me… well let’s just say that they are hidden away where only the two of us could ever find them.

I don’t know if you know, but Mike is getting ready to propose to Emmett. Christ, those two are almost sick. I am grateful that they both however have found someone to love, and care for. Emmett will need you in the coming years, as you need him. You can help him understand what it’s like to be married to a SEAL Have I ever told you what a good friend you are? You are. They are lucky to have you, as you are them.

Now…let’s see. Oh yes, Daphne. That had been a long hard road. I’m thrilled that you finally felt like you could follow through with OUR dreams. Yes, Justin they were OUR dreams. I wanted a child with you… that was our child. Gus, as much as he is like the both of us, he isn’t fully our child. You have accepted him as yours, and care and love him like he is, but he isn’t. He will never know, but it’s true. The truth is buried deep in both of our hearts. His coming into our lives will always be a scar, torn deep into our hearts. But we’ve moved past that, thankfully and can open ourselves to him fully. He will never know what his conception almost did to us.

Now we have two daughters on the way. What am I going to do with a daughter let alone two daughters? I don’t know the first thing about women, Lindsay proved that to me. But I will do my best, love them like no other. They are ours and I will love them like I do Gus. Our children.

Of course you do know that when Daphne is in labor, you will have to handle that alone. Sorry, my Pretty Boy, but I’m not braving that one. She’s just getting over her dislike of me, and we can actually be civil to one another. But she’s already started on the whole ‘it’s my fault she’s in this position’ shit. It doesn’t matter that youre DNA is there too. It was MY sperm. Christ, there is no pleasing that woman.

Next week is your big show. Well another one, but I think that this one will be the best yet. Do I say that every time? Yes, and I’m right. Your art just keeps getting better and better. You are my famous artist. My lover, my husband. This time is different cause you’re showing some of your mom’s things… sorry OUR mom’s art in the show too. And one that Gus did. My son is an artist. I guess it makes sense since his mother was, and he spends all his free time with you in your studio. My kid’s just like you. I know you say he’s just like me, but I don’t see it Justin, I just don’t. Think one of our daughters will take after me?

Wait don’t answer that… it’s just too scary to even think about.

Well I think I better finish getting everything ready. Tonight will be my gift to you, my present. Tonight is my way of saying thank-you for putting up with me, for making me follow my dreams and for sticking beside me.

I love you, Justin Taylor-Kinney with all my heart and soul.

You ARE my Avalon from now until the end of time.

Your Husband, Brian

~~~***~~~***~~~

The End

TBC?
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