Happily Ever After by Julia
FeatureSummary:

***Featured Story for July 2016***

Brian Kinney: CEO of Kinnetik Advertising Agency, but now a recluse and making a living writing screenplays: romantic thrillers. But these are stories that never have happy endings  ~~  Following circumstances that leave him scarred and guilt-ridden, Brian has retreated to his house and buried himself in his work  ~~  Justin Taylor: A struggling artist who is commissioned to paint a portrait of Brian's son, Gus  ~~  What happens when they meet?  ~~  Can Justin persuade Brian he's still as beautiful and desirable as he ever was and that there is such a thing as a happy ending and that they can live happily ever after?  ~~  Feedback welcome  ~~  Julia  ~~  (Note: For the purposes of this story, Vic Grassi is alive and well and working for Brian. I always liked Vic and see no reason why in this fic he can't still be around!)

Rating: NC-18

Originally posted: 10/03/2005 - Updated: 12/17/2005

Reposted Sept. 2008


Categories: FEATURED STORY, Alternate Universe, Brian/Justin, Romance Characters: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Completed: Yes Word count: 137793 Read: 68934 Published: September 13, 2008 Updated: July 14, 2016

1. Chapters 1 - 5 by Julia

2. Chapters 6 - 8 by Julia

3. Chapters 9 - Epilogue by Julia

Chapters 1 - 5 by Julia

Chapter One:

“Jeez ... what is wrong with that man ... doesn't he trust us or something?” Melanie, Lindsay’s’ partner, had moaned, as Lindsay put down the phone.

“Well ... we haven't always made it easy for him ... have we?” Lindsay conceded.

“I don't know why you always defend him ... he's hardly been Father of the Year ... and we are letting Gus go down there for most of the summer break.”

“And ... we'll be able to give Jenny Rebecca some quality time to herself with Gus at his father's ... you didn't mind Michael spending time with her over Easter,” reminded Lindsay.

“That was different,” Melanie was at pains to point out. “He came up here ... besides we can trust Michael ... whereas Brian ... “

“Don't you thinks he's paid enough?”

“What? Letting Michael take the blame for something he did?“ shot back Melanie. “But then again we all know Michael's capable of lying to cover Brian's sorry ass. But what if it had been Gus ... he could have killed him ...”

“It wouldn't have happened if he'd had Gus with him ... and besides ... that was then,” Lindsay cut her short. “This is now ... and he's really trying ... you can't deny he loves Gus.”

“Maybe ... but it took long enough for him to remember he had a son,” pointed out Melanie and Lindsay sighed in exasperation.

It would seem her partner would never cut Brian any slack; never accept the father of their child and while it was true that during Gus' early years, Brian wasn't really that much in evidence, he'd always loved his son, even though he couldn't admit it. And, over time, he eventually realized he could be the father he wanted to be, not the father he feared he might be. But by then, it was too late, Melanie and Lindsay had relocated to the great white north and Lindsay always had at the back of her mind that distancing themselves from Brian was the main reason Melanie had pushed for the move. But Lindsay had always been determined that Gus would know his father and she knew how much these visits meant to Brian: especially now.

 

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Two Days Later:

Brian was half way down the path before the cab had come to a halt: he'd been watching out for them the last half-hour. He could have collected them from the airport, but he didn't go out much these days.

“DAD!”

Lindsay had to prevent Gus from leaping out of the car before it stopped. He didn't wait for the door to be opened for him and had the seatbelt off and was out of the vehicle before Brian reached the sidewalk and practically threw himself into his father's arms.

“Whoa there son,” and Brian returned the hug and then pulled back to look at him.

“I swear you've grown another two inches since I last saw you,” smiled Brian and he ruffled the boy's hair. Gus was now eight years old and Brian hadn't seen him since the Spring Term Break.

The cab driver had come around and opened the car door for Lindsay and then retrieved the suitcases and Gus' backpack from the trunk: Brian paid the man.

“Thanks, Lindsay ... I ...” said Brian and he stopped; unable to finish his sentence least he gave away too much and he was afraid in any case that Gus would hear. But he probably wouldn't; not over the noise of the cab as it drove away.

Brian and Lindsay kissed and she stroked his face with the back of her hand.

“I don't think I'll ever get used to this,” she smiled up at him; Brian's beard surprisingly soft to the touch. “Well ... you better get used to it,” stated Brian, matter of factly and then he stooped to pick up the cases that had been deposited on the sidewalk. Gus had already taken charge of his backpack and was walking up the path away from them.

“Dad ... can I go and see Buttons?”

“I think you should get unpacked first,” called his mother, but then she saw the boy's crestfallen look and relented.

“Okay ... go on then ... if it's alright with your dad?” and she looked at Brian.

“He's waiting for you ... you'll find some carrots hanging up …” Brian had to yell after him and he smiled as Gus took off around the back of the house and down to the stables.

Buttons was a six-year old Welsh cross pony; a 12 hands high gelding, chestnut in color and with a star. Brian had bought him for Gus the previous Christmas and had paid for riding lessons: a skill his son had picked up pretty quickly.

Brian took the cases inside the house and deposited them in the hallway and now away from anyone who might see, he turned to Lindsay and gave her a big hug and held on.

When he'd called her two nights before, checking that they were still coming, Lindsay had managed to reassure him that she wouldn't break her promise that he could have Gus over the summer break. And now, standing in the hallway of Brian's house in West Virginia and hugging, he didn't have to say how much he needed this: she'd seen it in his eyes and could feel it in the way he held her.

 

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Three Years Earlier:

“Sonovabitch could have killed you!” stated Debbie Novotny angrily and she stroked Michael's forehead. “Ma ... I keep telling you ... I was driving ... it was an accident.”

“I have a few abrasions ... some bruised ribs and a concussion ... nothing major,” Michael tried to reassure her, but she just wasn't listening to reason.

“Nothing major you say ... look at you!” And he did look a sorry sight, sitting on the edge of the bed, bruised and battered as Ben was helping him to dress and they knew what was going on in Debbie's head.

That Brian was probably drunk or high; out of his skull on something and had insisted on driving them back to the hotel and Michael sighed as he looked up at his husband. “Let's go home,” he pleaded with him and Ben nodded and smiled weakly.

He knew Michael; he knew he was lying and so did Debbie and they all wondered how many times Brian had got behind the wheel after having been partying. But this time, it seemed he'd ridden his luck too far.

 

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Michael owned a comic-book store; something that had been a childhood dream and one Brian had helped make possible by getting him to auction the Captain Astro First Edition comic he'd bought Michael for his thirtieth birthday. $10,000 and bingo; a down payment on Buzzy's Comic Book Store and Michael had become the proud new owner.

Subsequently, Michael had been invited to speak on gay comic book heroes at a convention, but didn't want to go on his own. Unfortunately, his husband, Professor Ben Bruckner, had to attend a residential course from college he couldn't get out of much to his annoyance as this sort of topic was right up his alley. Their foster-son, Hunter, was also at college, which meant he couldn't accompany Michael either, but secretly, Hunter had sighed in relief. He might be into comic books as much as the next young man, but attending a geeky convention wasn't his thing.

Brian knew he'd been neglecting Michael of late; he'd been tied up with work or just hadn't bothered to turn up for dinner when a far more attractive proposition came up. When Michael asked him to go with him, Brian groaned and had tried to refuse, but those big brown eyes pleaded with him so much that Brian had eventually relented, though he was sure he would live to regret it. How right he was.

 

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Michael was glad of the drive there as he had time to kill with Ben and Hunter both being away and besides, he and Brian hadn't spent any time together of late and he was hoping to catch up with his friend. He knew Brian would never say, but he didn't think his friend had had things very easy of late and he wanted him to know he'd be there for him: just like the old times.

The convention was being held in a hotel up north and Brian moaned at the cold and turned the heater in the vette on high. Michael offered to help with the driving, but for some reason Brian wouldn't let him. It would seem that he'd made up his mind he wasn't going to enjoy this weekend after all and nothing Michael could do would shake him out of it.

Things didn't go well from the start. They'd had to set out really early and the weather had been foul and made the journey even longer than planned. Then, when they checked in, they discovered the hotel had over-booked the rooms and the only one available was a double. Brian groaned, but Michael grinned as they dumped their bags on the only bed in the only vacant room.

“You promise to keep to your own side?” Brian asked him.

“I am a married man remember,” reminded Michael, feigning shock at Brian's suggestion that he might take advantage of the situation.

“And you better remember that,” came back Brian. “I don't want that husband of yours coming after me with a shotgun.”

Brian was more than a little pissed. He'd hoped he might find a little action while they were up here to break the monotony and always preferred that guys came to his territory, but sharing a room with Michael might make that difficult.

They registered at the convention later that afternoon and spent the time before dinner wandering around the stalls that had already been set up and looking at the comic books and Brian found his attitude softening a little.

Batman, Superman, Captain Astro and more: all those familiar comic book heroes from his childhood, bringing back the few good memories he had of those times. Times spent in Michael's bedroom since they were both 14, as they poured over the stories, His friend had acted them out, taking them away from that little place into a fantastic wonderland where heroes in capes and tights would swoop down and save them from monsters and villains and how often had Brian wished that might actually happen.

More than once had Michael's bedroom been his sanctuary when Brian needed to escape his own home. An abusive, drunken father and a cold-hearted mother had left him bruised and feeling both unloved and unwanted; feelings compounded by a father who repeated, on a regular basis, just how much he wished Brian had never been born and that he'd actually wanted him aborted. How Brian had longed for a caped crusader to come and carry him away to his lair and take care of him forever. But life was never going to be like that.

 

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Michael kept on talking at the dinner table and Brian found he'd consumed a couple of whiskeys and two bottles of wine all to himself, with Michael sticking to Pepsi: making the excuse of needing a clear head to give his talk in the morning. Brian wasn't really conscious of how much he was drinking, telling himself he deserved to relax and wind down a little, but was that the real reason, or was his large consumption of alcohol just because Brian was trying to block out Michael's inane conversation?

Brian looked around the dining room. Things were starting to look a little fuzzy, but he saw a few guys in pairs and one or two on their own and one or two not half bad. Seems like Michael's talk on gay comic book heroes might just have brought in the odd tasty morsel, but now he was too tired after their long drive and a little too wasted to be of much use to anyone and with Michael's assistance, Brian made it back up to their room.

His friend undressed him and rolled him into bed, but not before Michael had guiltily surveyed the other man's body and ashamedly, Michael looked away before undressing down to tee and shorts and climbing in beside him, making sure he kept to his side of the bed.

Christ. He'd hoped he'd gotten over those feelings. Even at 14, Brian was beautiful. A little geeky maybe, but those hazel eyes had just swallowed him up and, as he'd gotten older, Brian grew more beautiful each day and Michael had once hoped that Brian would return the feelings he had for his friend. But unfortunately, Brian's feelings for Michael had never been anything more than friendship.

Michael knew Brian used him as a crutch. After all, he provided all the emotional support the other man needed, while Brian went elsewhere for sex and probably enjoyed the way his friend hung on his every word: almost worshipped Brian.

But then if Michael wanted to waste his life in the vain hope that one day Brian might have feelings for him; kidding himself the man might one day feel the same way he did, then that was hardly Brian's fault.

 

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Not surprisingly, Brian didn't want breakfast the next morning and made do with the coffee Michael made in their room. Michael showered first while Brian was coming to and after his second cup of strong, if disgusting coffee, Brian heaved himself up out of bed and wandered into the bathroom to take a pee. Michael was cleaning his teeth at the sink as Brian pulled off his shorts to step into the shower. Quickly, Michael turned his back.

“Oh come on Mikey ... it's not like you haven't seen it before,” Brian reminded his friend as he stepped inside the stall. Trying not to blush, Michael smiled weakly and pulled his robe around him tightly and, grabbing his toilet bag, headed back out to the bedroom and closed the bathroom door behind him. He closed his eyes and sighed as he heard the shower start to run.

Michael had dressed before Brian came out of the bathroom and decided to go down to breakfast by himself. He yelled at Brian through the closed bathroom door, making the man promise he would come down and hear his talk. Brian promised he would, but Michael frowned. He knew this weekend wasn't really Brian's thing and would not be surprised if he didn't bother to turn up and couldn't help smiling when he saw Brian walk into the conference room just before he was about to get up and make his speech. Brian looked great: it was amazing what a couple of cups of coffee and a shower could do.

Brian knew he hadn't really behaved well the night before, getting drunk at dinner and tuning out to what Michael was saying. But in fact it was hard to admit that he was actually a little jealous of him and what he had. Even more so since Gus had moved away.

Brian had even tested the waters himself a little just lately, but he had a reputation that it seemed no one wanted him to forget.

He was Brian Kinney; stud of Liberty Avenue. Not the marrying or settling down kind. And most guys took one look at him and saw him as just someone who wanted to fuck them; knowing that a man who looked like Brian could have anyone, so why would he want to settle for just one guy? So Brian's odd attempts at coupledome had left him feeling a little used and just a little more sad and lonely and yes, he was a little jealous of what Michael had.

Michael was now married to a man he loved and had a foster-son and although Brian had a child of his own by his long time friend, Lindsay; a girl he'd met in college, he'd never really bothered to play much of a part in his son's life. Had never thought he'd be any good at it until recently.

But following several homophobic attacks and particularly nasty ones at that in Pittsburgh, Melanie and Lindsay had decided to take their kids and move up to Toronto. Same-sex marriages were recognized up there and in actual fact, Michael and Ben had taken advantage of that when they were up there the year before. Though of course it didn't mean a damn thing once they crossed the border back into the US. But the men had never regretted doing it and had the piece of paper to prove that somewhere at least, their union was officially recognized.

And knowing that up in Canada at least, their kids wouldn't be looked down on or treated with contempt just because they had two moms, Melanie and Lindsay had moved their family up there. Their daughter, Jenny Rebecca, was Michael's, born this time to Melanie. But unlike Brian, Michael made frequent trips to TO in order to spend time with his child; Melanie always making him welcome whereas she always abused Brian and held him in little regard.

At first, Brian had agreed to the girls moving away, but then realized just what he was giving up. But as Lindsay pointed out, making them stay in the Pitts wouldn't make up for all those years he hadn't been around in his son's life and so Brian had bitten the bullet and agreed not to object to them taking his son to another country; just at the point when he knew he wanted to play a bigger part in Gus' life and in his upbringing. But Lindsay promised him that Gus would know his dad and Brian had kept her to that.

The loft he lived in had once been described as a fuck-pad and Brian realized it was hardly the place to bring a young child back to. His advertising company, Kinnetik, was doing well and Ted Schmidt, friend and accountant, had told him he should invest some of his money. What better than in bricks and mortar.

The house in West Virginia had started out as just that; an investment. But with stables and swimming pool and plenty of ground around it, it made an ideal home for when Gus came to stay and Brian wanted that to happen as often as possible. The first visit back, Brian had been a little nervous of having Gus all on his own for the week, but with help from Debbie, who was after all, practically Gus' grandmother and who put him right on a few questions he had, the stay had been a huge success for both father and son and Gus had enjoyed all his trips when either Lindsay would bring him down or they'd worked it out so that he could travel with Michael when he went up to see Jenny Rebecca. Subsequently, Gus was in danger of accumulating plenty of his own frequent flyer miles.

The house was also a perfect venue to host any potential out-of-town clients; especially when Brian wanted to impress and give them a relaxed atmosphere in which, hopefully, to seal a contract.

Of course he knew he couldn't have guys back to the house when Gus was with him, but that was okay. The rest of the time he would continue to live at the loft nearer the office and take guys there and now, looking at his watch, Brian was beginning to wish that's exactly where he was.

Michael began his talk and Brian tried to look interested, but it wasn't long before his attention started to wander as he began to get bored. But then things started to perk up as he made a connection and found he'd caught the eye of a rather cute brunet in his mid-twenties who was sitting in the same row and who motioned to Brian to join him outside. Brian smiled; maybe this weekend wouldn't turn out a total loss after all.

 

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The guy introduced himself as Kyle: “Whatever,” answered Brian, not bothering to give his own name. They fucked in a stall in the men's room and the guy asked Brian if he were staying at the hotel. Brian said yes, but don't expect second helpings. Sure he was cute, but Brian didn't do anyone twice. He'd tried to get to know someone better on a few occasions recently and hadn't been taken seriously. So why bother? Why should he? After all, there were just too many guys and not enough time.

“A client of mine's got a house not too far from here ... he's having a party tonight ... wanna come?” asked Kyle, as both men dressed themselves. “I could write down the address.”

“Okay,” Brian answered him and took the business card Kyle had written the address down on.

“Kyle Robinson ... Maitland Advertising of Cleveland?” asked Brian as he read the company name on the card. “Sure,“ answered Kyle and Brian smiled. “Looks like we've more in common than I thought,” and he handed Kyle one of his own cards: Kyle was impressed.

“Whose party is this?” Brian then asked him, his mind already working overtime. Maybe he could mix a little business with pleasure and pick up some new contacts for Kinnetik. Perhaps this weekend would be worth something after all.

Back in the conference room, Michael couldn't help but see Brian disappear from the room with the guy following closely behind him. Obviously, something had come up that was far more important than listening to his talk and maybe this was just too much like old times.

 

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“Come with me, Mikey ... I came here with you,“ and Brian put his arms around Michael and drew him in. “You ran out on me,” Michael reminded him. “But I came back,” Brian pointed out. “And I promise I'll spend all day tomorrow with you ... reliving our youth.”

“You only want me to come so I can drive you back.”

“What am I gonna do while you're getting laid?” snorted Michael.

“But how am I ever going to meet the man of my dreams if I keep turning down invitations?” asked Brian and he tilted his head to one side and smiled and Michael sighed: he could never refuse Brian anything when he turned on the charm.

In the end, Brian promised him they'd only stay an hour, so Michael agreed to go with him, though he knew it was highly likely they'd be there all night.

 

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The house was large and set in grounds out of town and all the lights were on and the music was blaring when they arrived: just as well there were no close neighbors or the cops would probably have been called.

The owner turned out to be none other than Harry Walker, CEO of Harvest Produce, one of the biggest fruit processing companies in the country.

“Well ... this is a pretty nice set up you've got here.”

“Harry,” replied their host, smiling and he and Brian shook hands.

“Kyle called ... seems like you and he are in the same business ... maybe we could talk later.”

“To be honest I think the business needs a more imaginative advertising strategy ... but in the meantime ... feel free to explore ... I think you'll find something to your liking,” and he laughed and slapped the ass of a young man that walked by.

Brian nodded and looked around. Several young men, obviously meant to be waiters, but dressed only in bow ties and loin cloths, were passing among the crowd and handing out drinks. But on the trays were little dishes of rather interesting looking pills and something that was probably coke and not the fizzy kind. Brian smiled and introduced Michael.

“Michael will have to refrain I'm afraid ... he's a married man up here for the comic book convention ... I'm just keeping him company.”

“There's a few comic book geeks ... no offense Michael ... here tonight ... maybe you can find someone to have a conversation with instead ... but have a drink in the meantime.”

“Just Pepsi for me,” stated Michael. “I'm driving,” and Harry called over a waiter and ordered Michael's drink. “Why don't you come with me Brian ... a discerning man like you ... I think there's a few young men here who might be of interest,” and he took Brian by the arm.

“You obviously have Michael trained well,” he stated once out of the other man's earshot.

“What can I say ... he's a sweetheart ... do anything for me,” answered Brian and Harry laughed as he took Brian into the next room.

 

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Michael took his drink from the waiter and sighed and looked around. There were couples making out and one or two groups of up to about five men in each; all fawning over a young man and divesting him of his clothing.

Absentmindedly, Michael wandered in the direction that Harry had taken Brian and it wasn't too long before he found him; lying on a chaise lounge, already half-naked with three very beautiful young men attending to his every need. Michael sighed and turned around and headed for the nearest exit and took his drink out onto the patio; taking a seat next to one of the outdoor heaters.

 

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Michael managed to find a couple of guys who shared his passion for comic books, but none of them were much interested in talking and then, to his surprise, two hours later, Brian appeared at his side.

“Are you ready Mikey?” he asked him. “You wanna leave ... already?” asked his friend, unable to believe Brian was wanting to go and it was just after midnight. “I've had anyone here worth having,” came the response and Michael got up from his seat as Brian swallowed the last of his beer and put the empty bottle down on the nearest table.

Turning around sharply, Brian bumped into Kyle. “Whoa there,” said the other man. “Little too much to drink huh? ... I guess you older guys can't put it away like you used to,” and before Brian could answer, Kyle had turned away and disappeared through the crowd.

“What's his problem?” asked Michael and Brian frowned. “He's pissed 'cos I wouldn't fuck him twice.”

“Older guy ... who the fuck does he think he is?” and Brian made to go after him, but Michael took him by the arm.

“It's not worth getting into a fight over,” he stated and he steered Brian away. Maybe his friend had taken a drink or two and may even have sampled a little of the other substances on offer, but at 34, Brian could hold his own with any man 10 years his junior.

“Did you get to talk to Harry?” asked Michael and Brian nodded. “Just a little ... I got his number and he's made an appointment to come down to the Pitts.”

“Just as well I got to him when I did ... I'll be lucky if he remembers our conversation ... he looked like he was going to get too tweaked to know what he's doing before long.”

They walked out of the house and down the steps and Michael stopped by the driver's door of the vette and held out his hand and Brian looked at him.

“Keys,” reminded Michael.

“You don't have to drive Mikey ... I only had one drink.”

“And?” Michael asked him. “And that's all,” answered Brian, a little peeved that Michael was doubting his word.

“You are kidding me?” said his friend disbelievingly and Brian shook his head. “Nope ... one drink ... Scout's honor .. I'd planned to talk business with Harry,” and he held up his hand in a mock salute. Michael narrowed his eyes. Brian seemed okay and if he said he'd only had one drink and nothing more, who was he to disbelieve him and walking around to the passenger door, Michael got in.

A mile down the road and Brian wound down the window. “Christ ... Brian ... it's freezing,” moaned Michael and he drew his coat around him and reached for the heater. But Brian was becoming warmer ... too warm in fact and he'd started to sweat. He blinked and drew the back of his hand across his eyes as the road ahead started to blur and then double vision set in and he started to get the shakes: Brian tried in vain to clear his head.

The vette swerved alarmingly and Michael looked over at him. “I thought you hadn't been drinking,” and though he could detect the smell of alcohol on Brian, it could just be the result of being in the heavy atmosphere of the house leaving a lingering scent. Or was Brian's erratic driving caused by something else?

“Brian ... what are you on ... what have you taken?” demanded Michael, now alarmed and he grabbed the wheel as the car hit the curb with Brian looking as if he were about to pass out.

Michael pulled the wheel hard and yelled, but it was too late. Luckily they were both wearing their seat belts, but when the car bounced up off the curb and hit the tree by the side of the road, Brian's head made contact with the side window and then all the windows shattered as the vehicle came to rest. Michael had realized what was going to happen and had braced himself, but his head hit the door frame and he suffered a few cuts and felt the pain in his ribs as miraculously, the vette stayed upright and wedged against the tree.

There was silence and then Brian moaned. Michael may have lost consciousness for a moment, but he was soon alert to their situation. At least he couldn't smell gasoline, so hopefully, they weren't in any imminent danger of the vehicle catching fire and he looked over at Brian.

They both needed medical attention, the vette was a write-off and obviously the Police would be involved as well as the insurance company. Thank God no one else was involved and Michael reached for his cell phone and then he hesitated: he could see car headlights in the distance and knew it wouldn't be long before they had company.

Carefully, his ribs hurting like hell, he managed to climb out of the car and make his way around to the other side of the vehicle. Using all his strength, he yelped in pain as he wrenched open the driver's door.

“Move over,” he yelled at Brian, but the man didn't react.

“MOVE OVER!” Michael yelled louder and vacantly, Brian turned to look at him. Michael didn't like what he saw: Brian's eyes were glazed and he obviously couldn't comprehend what was being said to him. He also had several deep lacerations along his cheek, jawbone and neck from the broken side window; the blood soaking into his coat.

Michael looked down the road; the car whose lights he'd seen would soon be upon them and so he lowered himself into the vette and forcibly pushed Brian over onto the passenger side. Michael had made up his mind, when the Police came he would say he was driving; that he swerved to avoid an animal and wrecked the vette: that it was an accident and if he were found in the driver's seat it would be far more plausible. He knew that when they did the blood tests, something was bound to show up in Brian's system and if it could be proved he'd been driving while incapable it could end up with a prosecution: Brian would lose his license and it could have an adverse effect on his business if he was found to have been driving while drunk or high, but if everyone believed Michael had been driving it could go down as an unfortunate accident.

 

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Michael slid off the bed and got gingerly to his feet and with Ben supporting him, sat down in the wheelchair; his mother picked up his belongings and they made their way out the door.

“Wait ... I have to see Brian,” stated Michael, but his mom pointed his finger at him. “You're doing no such thing, Michael Charles Novotny."

“I knew that guy was trouble the minute I laid eyes on him when you were both 14 ... and he's never proven me wrong yet ... he can sort his own problems out.”

Michael looked up at Ben, who shrugged at him. With Debbie in this mood, it would be all hell to pay to ignore her instructions and without stopping by Brian's room, they left the hospital.

 

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Brian was turned away from the door and what little of his face Vic could see, he knew how upset the man was and he heard Brian sniff.

Brian blinked as he heard the chair scrape across the floor and slowly turned over and was taken aback at finding Vic there, but his first concern was for Michael.

“How's Mikey ... do you have any news?” Brian asked, urgently. “He's okay ... they discharged him ... Ben and Debbie took him home,” answered Vic and Brian managed to nod, despite the heavy bandaging around his face and neck.

“Surprised to see you here,” Brian admitted. “I thought you'd want nothing to do with me,” he stated hoarsely and Vic raised an eyebrow. “I thought Michael was driving,” he said knowingly and then he put his hand on Brian's arm.

“I know when Michael's lying ... but luckily the Police don't,” said Vic quietly.

“He told them he'd swerved to avoid a deer and wrecked the vette ... they believed him ... no one else was involved so it's been written up as an accident,” and then Vic sighed.

“Were you wasted? Had you taken something?” he asked him and Brian hesitated and then shrugged.

“I didn't think so ... I mean ... I only remember having one drink ... nothing else.”

“But they say I had enough pharmaceuticals in my blood to stop a horse ... so ... I ... I guess I must have,” and Brian closed his eyes.

How could he have been that fucking stupid? He wasn't a kid any longer; he had a child and a successful business with a multi-million dollar turnover and people who relied on him for their employment and yet he was still going out and getting high. He'd put himself and anyone else who might have been on the road that night at risk and, worse still, he could have killed his best friend.

Vic got up and took off his coat and put it over the back of the chair and sat down again. Brian looked at him questioningly. “Someone's gotta stick around and make sure you're okay,” he answered him and made himself comfortable: Vic was obviously in for the long haul and Brian felt a lump form in his throat.

Brian didn't have much recollection of being brought to the hospital. He could vaguely remember the flashing lights and the sound of the sirens and being helped from the car, but then nothing more until he was being examined. And then they'd then given him a shot of something and he hadn't remembered anything else until he heard Michael calling his name.

As soon as he was allowed, Michael had insisted the nurse take him in to see Brian, though his friend was barely conscious at the time. Michael had taken his hand and Brian had stirred. “Well at least I didn't kill you,” stated Michael for the benefit of the nurse and anyone else who might be listening and Brian had tried to make sense of what he was saying.

Though he couldn't really remember too much about the crash, he did have a strong impression that he'd been driving, not Michael. But from the man's words and the expression on his face, it seemed he didn't want Brian to say very much and then the doctor had come in and given Brian the results of the blood test.

There had been enough chemicals in his system to stock a drugstore and slowly, Brian realized what Michael was doing. He was taking the blame for the accident; letting everyone know that he was driving and not Brian and Brian closed his eyes and with the pain killers still taking effect, he drifted off back to sleep. The next time he woke up, there was a Highway Patrolman standing over him.

Not for one moment did the officer think Michael would take the rap for a wreck he wasn't responsible for and so when Brian said he couldn't remember anything after Michael had driven them away from the party, the Patrolman just nodded and filled out the necessary forms.

But since the accident, four days ago, no one had come to see Brian and when he asked how Michael was and was informed that his friend's family had arrived, Brian thought that Debbie would come bustling in, mothering him and making sure things were okay. But, when she didn't, it began to dawn on him slowly that she knew he'd been driving, not Michael: had believed that Brian had probably been out of his head and nearly killed her son and no mother could forgive that.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Initially, the hospital staff had asked him who they should contact and Brian thought the only one who would really want to know was Lindsay. But Gus wasn't very well and Lindsay didn't really want to leave him. Melanie didn't give two hoots, and after a quick conversation with Brian to ascertain that none of his injuries were life-threatening, Lindsay had sent her love and said she'd get down to see him as soon as Gus was better.

Brian didn't tell her that he'd suffered facial injuries and the phonecall was the last he'd heard from her.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Vic stayed all night and then the following morning went to the hotel, paid Brian's bill and collected his things. Ben had already collected Michael's bag and then Vic had returned to the hospital in time for when the doctor came round to see Brian again.

“We hope to transfer you later today,” the doctor informed Brian as he took off the bandages to check out his handiwork. It was a relatively small country hospital with limited facilities. Brian would have to go back to the city for the plastic surgery required to repair the deep scars on his face.

Brian had asked if Vic could stay while the bandages were being removed. He trusted Vic and could do with the support right now, even though he didn't like to admit it. The men had always been friends and he'd known Vic since he was 14, as he was Debbie's younger brother and also gay.

Vic smiled and agreed. He liked Brian; he'd always reminded him of himself and, as an older gay man, Vic had been the one both his nephew and Brian had turned to in their teenage years in order to try and make some sense of it all. But Brian couldn't help but see the flicker of dismay that had appeared momentarily on Vic's face as the bandages were removed and Brian demanded a mirror.

“You do realize these are only a temporary measure,” the doctor sought to reassure him and Brian thought for one moment he was going to throw up as he looked at his reflection; he'd never thought it would look like this.

Being constantly told by unloving parents that he'd never amount to anything, he'd striven to be as successful in business as he could. Brian's choice of advertising as a career had been obvious: one thing he knew was the value of a good presentation and to Brian, how he looked had always been how he'd measured his own worth.

He may have never felt any love from his family, but he knew his looks could get him all the men he'd ever desired; that had never been a problem. Guys at least had always made him feel wanted: loved even, at least for the next ten minutes. But who would want him now, looking like this?

But maybe this was his punishment for taking one risk too many and nearly killing Michael; the one friend who had always been there for him.

Michael had gone to the clubs and bars with him, keeping him company until Brian found his trick of the night or would drive him home when he was too stoned to do so himself. He propped him up and put him to bed when Brian turned up drunk after visiting his father; the man who always made him feel utterly worthless, but who was quite willing to take his money when he didn't have enough to last until next payday.

Michael was always there, supporting him and telling him just how great he looked and how wonderful he was and how had he repaid him.

The doctor made a few notes on his clipboard and told Brian they would inform him about transferring hospitals and Brian had nodded, but immediately after the doctor left the room, he threw back the bedclothes and swung himself out of bed.

“Vic ... pass me my clothes,” he instructed and Vic looked at him. “What are you doing ...” but before he could continue, Brian got rather unsteadily to his feet. It took him a moment to get his sea-legs and Vic got up to steady him. “I want my clothes,“ Brian instructed him again.

“You're taking me home.”

Vic tried to protest but Brian shook his head and the older man knew Brian just wasn't listening. Reluctantly, Vic retrieved Brian's clothing from the bag he'd brought from the hotel. The clothing from the accident had been ruined and subsequently destroyed and he now helped the man to dress.

Apart from the facial lacerations, Brian's injuries were the same as Michael's, but he was still finding it difficult to breathe and he had to sit back down while Vic helped him on with his shirt. Then, ignoring the doctor's protestations, Brian discharged himself: he had no intention of being transferred to another hospital.

Vic was carrying Brian's bag and now hesitated and rubbed his chin as they started to walk down the hall and then he took Brian by the elbow and brought him to a halt.

“You know ... I wanna ask the doctor something before we leave.”

Brian sighed as Vic dropped the bag on the floor and indicated a chair. Brian started to protest, but Vic was pretty determined about this and made his way back.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Is there anything he needs ... anything I can do for him?” Vic asked and the doctor nodded. “Just be there for him ... I get the feeling he doesn't like asking for assistance ... so he's gonna need someone.”

“And it's not unusual for people to refuse follow up treatment right away,“ he continued. “Sometimes they need to think about it all ... but in the meantime he'll need plenty of rest ... you may also want to get him to think about counseling.”

“Other than that ... the stitches will need to be removed in a couple of days ... but you can do that for him if he doesn't want to see anyone at this time.”

“He could do it himself ... though where the lacerations are may make this a bit difficult ... come with me and I'll get you a suture removal kit.”

Going to the store room, the doctor retrieved the small kit comprised of forceps and a tiny pair of scissors. He also gave him some painkillers.

“If there's any sign of infection or you're worried about anything ... take him to your nearest hospital ... that would be ... “

“Allegheny General,” informed Vic and the doctor nodded.

“I know the scars look bad now ... but with some work ... it's pretty amazing what can be achieved these days.”

“Tell him I said good luck,” and the doctor smiled at Vic and returned to his duties.

Brian was beginning to get impatient: the sooner he got out of the hospital the better and Vic saw the relief in his face as he joined him in the hallway. Stopping Brian from stooping down to gather up his bag, Vic retrieved it for him and took him out to the car and drove away.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Initially, Vic thought Brian would want to return to the loft, but that was far too close to everyone and he'd asked Vic to take him out to the house instead and for the moment, he would have to make do with what he'd taken to the hotel for the convention.

Brian had dozed on and off during the journey and had fully expected Vic to turn around and drive away straight after depositing him at the house, but Vic had taken Brian's bag and helped him inside. Despite Brian's initial reluctance, he'd allowed Vic to take him upstairs and put him to bed. Brian hesitated for a moment and then frowned when Vic held out the painkillers and glass of water and he wondered just what he and the doctor had discussed behind his back.

But inwardly, Brian had to admit that it actually felt good to have at least one person looking out for him and he took the tablets and washed them down with the water. It didn't take long until Brian had fallen asleep.

Instead of just abandoning him there, Vic had taken Brian's keys. He'd checked the kitchen; it had obviously been quite a while since Brian had been at the house as there was no food in the refrigerator or cupboards and Vic started to mentally compile a list of the things he needed.

His first stop though was the loft and he collected everything he thought Brian might require, including the laptop that had been left on his desk. Then Vic went down to the grocery store and picked up the provisions and necessities that would last Brian at least for a few days and then he drove back out to West Virginia.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian didn't hear Vic let himself back into the house and was still dozing when the man came upstairs later with the tray.

Slowly, Brian became conscious of someone standing over him. “Mikey?” he whispered. “No ... it's Vic,” stated the other man gently; he'd put the tray down on the dresser and now helped Brian sit up.

“You should eat something,” and Vic retrieved the tray and placed it on the bed. “It's only chicken soup ... won't take much to get it down.”

Slowly, Brian picked up the spoon, he didn't have the strength to refuse and in actual fact, started to realize just how hungry he was.

“Careful ... it's still a little hot,” Vic cautioned and Brian took a tentative mouthful.

“It's good,” he stated and Vic watched as Brian ate.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian slept for the rest of the day and most of the next; a little more relaxed now away from the hospital and in his own house. Then, the following morning, Vic found him standing in front of the bathroom mirror; doing nothing: just staring at his reflection.

“The doc said those stitches could come out right about now,” stated Vi. “He even gave me the right things to use ... save you going back to the hospital,” and he disappeared into his own room and came back a few minutes later and held out the suture removal kit to Brian.

Brian hesitated. “I can do it if you like,” offered Vic, but Brian shook his head and took the kit from him and turned back to the mirror.

Slowly, Brian opened the kit and took out the instruction leaflet. All you had to do was grasp the knot of the stitch with the forceps and cut right below the knot; ensuring you didn't drag the exposed suture through the wound.

Brian was still shaky and combined with trying to see what he was doing in the mirror, tried a couple of times to work the forceps and scissors, but without any success; getting frustrated with himself and angry for allowing his nerves to get the better of him and in front of Vic.

“Here ... let me,” offered Vic again and he held out his hand. Brian hesitated for a moment and then handed Vic the forceps and scissors: keeping still, Brian allowed Vic to remove the sutures for him. He was expecting it to hurt and was almost disappointed that it didn't. It would serve him right if it had.

Vic stood back to admire his handiwork. “The doc says it's amazing what they can do now,” he ventured, but Brian ignored the remark and looked back in the mirror. He was grateful for Vic's help and while it was good to have someone to look out for him, he still didn't like the fact that Vic had been discussing him with the doctor. It made him feel useless; pathetic and hated the thought that he couldn't cope.

“Talking about me behind my back,” said Brian flatly and in the mirror, he saw Vic's embarrassed expression. Brian closed his eyes: the man was only trying to do right by him and as Vic went to walk away; thinking Brian was probably best left on his own right now, Brian turned and called after him.

“Vic ... I ... I never really thanked you for sticking by me ... I know I'm not going to be easy to be around right now,” and he saw Vic chuckle. “Okay ... when have I ever been easy?” conceded Brian, unable to resist smiling himself. “Thanks ... I ... I do appreciate it ... you being here.”

Vic smiled in acknowledgment and left Brian on his own: for someone who'd made it a policy of staying true to himself and never apologizing for his actions, that was one hell of an admission.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The only one who seemed not to be judging Brian was Vic and he'd gone back to the house he shared with his sister to collect some of his things and moved into one of Brian's spare rooms. Debbie had been furious; calling him a Judas and virtually disowning him. Vic was sure that his sister would eventually calm down, but he was glad to be out of that household and actually pitied Michael, who was bound not to hear the end of her griping that his uncle was siding with the enemy.

Vic was the only one who seemed concerned about Brian's welfare and as he'd recently been looking for alternative accommodation, moving into Brian's was the ideal solution: Debbie had asked her boyfriend to move in with her and Vic didn't feel like playing gooseberry.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Vic had been staying at Brian's now for a few weeks. The first week, Brian had spent a lot of time in bed, recuperating, but had then begun getting up, but spending most of his days in the living room in front of the TV; an activity that was very un-Brian-like.

Vic cooked for him, not that Brian had much of an appetite and cleaned the house and did the laundry. Brian had given up telling him not to bother, because the man obviously wasn't taking any notice of him and he decided that Vic would probably get bored on his own account and eventually leave him alone. Lucky for Brian, Vic didn't.

Michael wasn't returning Brian's calls: none of his friends were and with everyone but Vic shunning him, Brian felt as isolated and lonely now as he had as a child: before he'd met Michael. It seemed practically everyone was of the same opinion; that Brian had been driving while under the influence and his recklessness and downright stupidity had put his friend in danger: a situation that could have cost Michael his life.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A few weeks later, Debbie's boyfriend, Lt. Carl Horvath, managed to obtain the Highway Patrolman's report. It had been completed perfectly, which in itself was no small miracle, but the upshot was that to all intents and purposes, it had been a straight forward accident and nothing more.

Debbie hurrumphed and refused to accept it: she knew her son and she knew when he was lying and eventually, his mom wore him down and Michael finally admitted that Brian had been driving and Debbie told Carl she wanted the Police to press charges. Carl looked at her and sighed and asked her if she really meant that and Debbie nodded. “You bet your ass I do!”

But then Carl reminded her that Brian himself had sustained the worst injuries and that no other vehicle had been involved. But more significantly, the little matter of Michael making a false report to the Patrolman when he'd made the statement that'd he'd been driving at the time of the accident might not look too good for him and that maybe Brian had been punished enough.

Debbie had sighed. Carl was right, Michael could get into a whole load of trouble for lying, but she would make damn sure Brian would pay, but Vic hadn't really taken on board just how much the family had ostracized Brian and how hard the man was hurting, until he came back one evening from his volunteer work at the Liberty House hospice.

It was late and the TV was still on and Vic looked in to say goodnight and hoping to possibly get Brian to go to bed himself and was dismayed to discover that the man had been hitting the hard stuff and was obviously very angry about something and practically in tears.

Vic didn't try and stop him from taking another drink, he knew that would only annoy Brian more and instead sat down beside him and took himself the drink he was offered.

“They won't let me talk to him,” Brian had said eventually; his voice breaking and Vic nodded. “Don't worry ... they'll come around ... I can't see Michael ignoring you forever.”

Brian shook his head. “Not Mikey ... Gus,” spat Brian and he took another swallow of his drink.

“I called ... asked to talk to my son ... but it seems like someone got in first ... and I bet I know who that fucking bitch was.”

“Just the excuse Mel needed to tell me I could no longer be part of my son's life.”

“She's always hated me ... she knows I've always been close to Lindsay and this was just what she needed to keep them away from me,” and he threw the remainder of his drink down this throat.

It hadn't taken long for Brian to realize that Debbie would eventually wear Michael down so much that he'd tell her the truth: that Brian had been driving at the time of the crash, not him and she probably thought he should be grateful they hadn't told the authorities.

The tears that Brian had been holding back threatened to spill over and Vic reached out and put his hand at the back of Brian's neck; rubbing it gently. Christ; talk about kicking a man when he's down and he took the empty glass out of Brian's hand and set it down on the coffee table.

“It's still early ... things will cool off when people have calmed down,” but Vic wasn't sure even he believed his own words and he was damned sure Brian didn't.

Brian felt like he'd been kicked in the gut; the thought that he might never see his son again overwhelming and on top of everything else.

He could probably have weathered being treated like an outcast by most people he'd thought were his friends, but being ignored by Michael hurt like hell. He knew he hadn't spent as much time with him as he could since Ben had been around, but at least Michael had always been there when he needed him. But now, when he needed him the most; when he wasn't even allowed access to his own son; his best friend shunned him along with the rest.

Vic heaved Brian up off the sofa; he knew the man's ribs must still be a bit sore, but with the amount of alcohol he'd consumed, Brian didn't feel it and half-walking, half being carried by Vic, he was taken upstairs where Vic undressed him down to his underwear and put him to bed: Brian probably didn't even realize he was still crying when he fell asleep.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A couple of months later and Brian's ribs and bruises were healed, but he'd been unable to shave owing to the unevenness of his flesh and the tenderness he was still experiencing. He looked at his reflection in the mirror: he'd not bothered to tidy himself up of late, but he needed to get back at least a little self-respect and making himself presentable; even though he intended going nowhere, was a start.

“That suits you,” stated Vic. The bathroom door had been open as he'd passed by and he stopped; he could see Brian standing in front of the mirror and trimming his beard and Brian smiled weakly as Vic carried on with what he was doing.

After he'd finished, Brian stood back and studied himself; the beard was now neat and tidy and not half bad, but he could feel the scars beneath and still refused to even consider the surgery that would remove them; they served to remind him of his stupidity.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian found he didn't have the heart or the enthusiasm to go back into the office and it didn't help that Ted, who had become a good friend before the accident as well as being the company accountant, was also one of Michael's best friends. Whenever Brian called in, Ted had always been decidedly cool towards him; Brian could hear the hostility in the man's voice and whereas in the past he would have said: 'Fuck 'em ... I'm the boss ... who the hell do they think they are?' since the accident, his nerves were shot to pieces.

It was bad enough that Vic had seen the scars and not just the physical ones at that; he couldn't let anyone else see how badly he'd been affected by the accident and by what people thought of him and increasingly, Brian began to take a backseat in the business; handing more and more over to Ted and Cynthia, his PA.

Brian hardly ventured out of the house now except to walk on the grounds: the TV and the internet his only outlets, apart from jerking off in the showers.

Vic did his best to encourage Brian to socialize, but the man just shook his head and Vic could see how Brian was starting to retreat inside himself; hardly talking at all: not even to him and avoided making contact with anyone else.

“Brian ... you can't go on like this ... even you must see that,” Vic had stated one evening after dinner and when Brian had practically eaten nothing: again. He'd lost weight, despite the fact that he was doing very little, if any, physical exercise.

“Maybe you should see someone.”

“I'm not going to no fucking shrink,” came back the answer and Vic sighed and then got up and retrieved a notebook and pencil from the kitchen drawer and he dropped them down in front of Brian.

“I know you've got a lot of anger and frustration just burning you up inside ... and I know you've never found it easy to talk about how you feel.”

Brian frowned; unsure of where this conversation was heading and then Vic continued.

“Why don't you write down how you're feeling ... then maybe you can work out where you're headed,” and he patted Brian's shoulder and collected the dirty dishes from the table and took them over to the dishwasher.

Brian sighed and picked up the pencil and rolled it around in his fingers. What the hell was Vic on about; wanting him to write down how he was feeling. But the man was right; he'd never been able to verbally communicate his emotions; always seeing any display of sentimentality or words of kindness as a sign of weakness.

For a born copywriter, in this instance, Brian found putting words on paper incredibly difficult; as if even he were too ashamed or confused to get his feelings out in the open. Initially, he began to doodle on the page and gradually, the doodles began to form words.

Friendship

Betrayal

Love

Father

Son

Pain

And then Brian drew a line through the words and then another and another; his pencil moving quickly now over the paper until all the words were obliterated and he sat back in his chair and he frowned.

He remembered the last three words he'd written: Father, son, pain. Brian had hoped so much not to repeat the experiences of his childhood with his own son, but now it would seem he wouldn't get the chance to be a real father to Gus and then Brian got up from his chair and walked upstairs.

Gus' room. He'd been avoiding going in there since his telephone conversation with Melanie: it was too much of a reminder of how he was missing his son, but he loved this room and it was good to have some of Gus' possessions around him and, sitting down on the bed, it was easier to imagine the boy there with him.

“Dad ... can we go swimming later? ... I don't need the floats any more,” Gus had stated proudly, when he'd last been there. The weather was still a little cool, but the pool was heated and Brian had joined him in the water; swimming alongside him and giving him every encouragement, but had made him promise not to go anywhere near the pool without him.

During his visits from Canada, Gus had started to accumulate a few things that he'd left behind; familiar possessions that would make him feel right at home the minute he arrived back.

Brian walked over to the shelves and picked up one of the books he'd got for Gus, though he probably already had it; Winnie the Pooh. This book, along with the Sesame Street series, had always been Gus' favorites and they'd read them together, though Brian had made sure it was Gus who read most and out loud so he could practice his reading.

Looking around, Brian realized these really were the only books in the house. Brian only ever read the newspapers and trade mags; he'd never been one for novels, even as a child and as an adult he'd never found the time: something else had always come up and the only other reading matter was the occasional comic book he'd pick up from time to time in Michael's shop.

Kid's books were great; filled with characters and stories a young imagination could believe; before cynicism and the harsh realities of life set in. No one really told stories how they really were, decided Brian; that life was a total bitch and it didn't matter how hard you tried, there were always circumstances that kicked you in the gut: always someone who'd grind you down; enjoy seeing you hurting.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Over the next couple of weeks, a seed of an idea started to germinate in Brian's head. He still couldn't bring himself to venture out. He knew people would have heard what had happened, but as far as anyone outside of his immediate family and friends were concerned, it was still an unfortunate accident. But everyone would look at him with the beard and know he must be covering something up.

He could just hear what they'd be saying. “There's Brian Kinney ... poor guy ... got his face cut up in a car wreck,” and the one thing Brian hated more than anything else was pity.

Vic had once tried to ask Brian why he didn't consider the plastic surgery, but Brian had cut him off. The scars were deep and wide and would require extensive work; something Brian just didn't think he could put himself through and besides, they were a reminder of just how stupid he'd been.

Brian knew that many a time he'd driven after having been pretty wasted or high the previous night; even when he was going to have Gus the following day. Anything he'd taken the night before would still have been in his system and he was damn lucky he'd never had an accident before.

But what if one day he'd had his son with him and his judgment wasn't as it should have been? If anything happened to Gus, he'd never live with himself: the guilt would probably kill him.

No, it was much better all round to stay at the house and cut himself off from everyone who knew him; everyone who might feel sorry for him and to make sure he never did anything like it again: using the beard to hide not just the scars, but to mask his feelings: even from himself. But what the fuck was he going to do with the rest of his life and then Brian started to think seriously about the idea that had come to him previously.

Brian's advertising campaigns had always had the most memorable copy-writing underlining them. He always came up with the exact words necessary to sell a product or a service. Why couldn't he employ that skill elsewhere?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The Present Day:

“How are you?” asked Lindsay as Brian eventually pulled away from their hug. “Good,” came the reply and Lindsay had tilted her head to one side. Brian blinked and tried to smile; she always could see right through him. “Better now,” he said eventually and she smiled back at him.

Gus was still down at the stables and Lindsay took off her coat and left it in the hall. Vic had been working in the kitchen; he'd hung back, not wanting to intrude on Brian's reunion with his son and close friend, but now he and Lindsay hugged and Vic took the bags up to their rooms.

“So ... how many screen plays is it now?” Lindsay asked him as she and Brian headed for the kitchen.

“Four,” replied Brian. “And I'm almost done with the one I'm working on.”

“Have you seen any of them?” he asked, almost coyly and looking back over his shoulder at her as he poured out the coffee that had just been made. Lindsay grinned. “Every one of them ... much to Mel's disgust.”

“I can believe that,” came the reply and Brian chuckled and handed her a cup of the hot liquid.

“And every one of them broke my heart,” Lindsay continued. “Who knew you could write like that ... and about heteros.“

“Wasn't easy,” chuckled Brian, “Considering my limited experience with pussy ... luckily I have a good memory ... and a good imagination.”

Lindsay couldn't help blushing at Brian's reference to the few times they'd slept together in college during something they both tended to think of as their 'experimentation period'.

“Well ... you certainly seem to attract top names to appear in them ... and you've made quite a reputation for yourself ... even though people don't really know who you are.”

“And I'd like to keep it that way,” stated Brian as he took his drink to the table and Lindsay followed him.

After the accident, Brian had started to write the odd short story, for his own amusement originally and as a way of keeping occupied, but with a thought at the back of his mind that maybe he'd send them off to a publisher and see if they might be interested.

The more Brian wrote, the more intriguing his stories became, with twists and turns and unexpected developments. He'd give depth into his characters and make their adventures more and more compelling. And then one day he got a phone call from a Hollywood film producer.

They'd been given one of his manuscripts along with his telephone number and they were interested in making his story into a movie. It needed a little re-working to turn it into a screen play, but if he was willing to talk to them and they could come to an agreement about the changes, it could end up being quite a lucrative venture and they even asked if he had anything else they could see.

Brian had turned open-mouthed to a very tight-lipped Vic, who was in the process of tidying up the living room and trying to look the picture of innocence. “Do I need to ask how they got my story?” asked Brian pointedly, after he'd put down the phone.

He'd noticed Vic hanging around while he was taking the phonecall, something the man didn't normally do, not that Brian got many phonecalls these days. Vic knew Brian liked his privacy and the very fact that he appeared to be listening in while all the while trying to look disinterested got Brian wondering from the start.

“I did say I had the odd show business connection,” Vic had said. “I know ... you told me ... you always kept telling me ... you and Judy,” came back Brian, still trying to make sense of what he'd actually been offered. But Vic did indeed have a friend who worked for a movie studio and knew just the right person to pass on Brian's story to.

Brian frowned; he didn't really need to work. He was still CEO of Kinnetik, even though he now had nothing to do with running the business. But maybe this was just what he needed: a new direction in his life.

The producer was so enthusiastic, he agreed to come to WV. Fortunately, never having met Brian before, he didn't know his recent history or that the beard was anything more than his normal appearance and he agreed that only he would contact Brian regarding any changes that the studio thought were necessary.

Subsequently, after a not unreasonable amount of reworking, Brian's first effort had been a smash hit, attracting critical acclaim for being a movie that defied the mold and since then Brian's screen plays had hit the top five mark consistently and he discovered he was on to a winning, if unusual, formula.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Justin ... you don't mind that Jodie stays in with us tonight do you?” asked Daphne as she handed him the bowl of popcorn. Having been best friends since school, cozy nights in with popcorn and a DVD were a frequent occurrence: neither of them had much money since going out on their own and this was one of the cheaper forms of entertainment.

“No ... that's okay,” came the reply and Daphne put the DVD into the player and popped the top off her beer; she handed another one to Justin and picked up the remote.

“JODIE ... WILL YOU COME ON ... IT'S STARTING,” yelled Daphne as she sat back next to Justin and he winced; his friend shouting almost directly into his ear and she dived into the popcorn he was holding.

Most young people would have preferred the back row at the movies; but that was an option not open to them with Justin being gay, even though there was a time when Daphne had feelings for him that were more than just friendship. But that nonsense was thankfully over and forgotten and always comfortable in each other's presence, Daphne kicked off her shoes and draped her legs over Justin's knees.

Jodie rushed in and plonked herself down on the other side of Justin, who groaned as the titles came up. “A chick flick?”

“Well ... what did you expect?” came the voices in unison and Daphne grinned at him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

90 minutes later and it wasn't just the girls who were sniffling and looking for handkerchiefs, though Justin would never admit it.

“That ... was just ... the saddest thing,” stuttered Jodie and Daphne blew her nose. “I wasn't expecting that ... I thought they were going to go off and get married,” she sniffed and Justin pushed Daphne's legs off his lap and reached over to the coffee table and picked up the DVD case; he turned it over and read the back.

“Well no wonder ... it's one of that asshole Brian Kinney's ... didn't you see who'd written the screen play when you rented it?” asked Justin and Daphne shook her head. “I just liked who's in it ... it sounded like a great story ... I didn't think about who'd written it.”

Justin shook his head. “Well ... if you wanted a movie with a happy ending ... that was a pretty dumb choice,” he informed her and Daphne groaned and slumped back in her seat.

 

 

 

- o O o -

 

 

 

Chapter Two:

“Justin ... you know I'd help you out if I could ... but with dad's firm going under last year and him losing his job ... I'm still trying to pay off my student debts.”

Justin took Daphne's hand and squeezed it. She'd been in her residency at Allegheny General now for almost a year and though her parents had financed her as much as they could through med school, her father's firm had gone into receivership the year before and there was a period when he wasn't working. And, when he had found employment, he'd been forced to take a pay cut; more than he'd hoped for and they were still struggling to keep their heads above water.

“Hey ... I don't expect you to bail me out every time I'm ... shall we say ... financially embarrassed ... and I'm not exactly a starving artist,” reassured Justin. He hadn't meant to sound quite so sorry for himself when he'd complained he could barely afford to eat, let alone pay the rent on the place he called home and that also doubled as a workspace.

Daphne shivered. “Why is it always so cold up here?” she asked him, looking around the place. “It's the middle of summer.”

The paint was peeling off the walls, there were rusty pipes and grime everywhere, but it had high ceilings and, despite the grime, good light.

“Did you have to come and live somewhere so ... so ...” Daphne stopped; knowing how many times she'd asked him why he'd moved into such an awful place and always conscious of not wanting to offend him. You could hardly call it an apartment; it didn't even have a proper kitchen and there was a shared bathroom down the hall and the furniture was sparse and second-hand.

Justin looked around him. Despite its grungy appearance, he liked living and working in the same space and often found himself getting up in the middle of the night to paint when inspiration hit him. Besides, it was cheap.

“This is my place ... I found it on my own and I pay for it on my own ... just about.”

“And until ...”

“I know,” interrupted Daphne. “Until the house of your dreams comes along ...”

“With stables and a pool,” they said in unison and Justin grinned at how often he'd waved away Daphne's concerns about his living conditions with flippant words.

Craig Taylor, Justin's father, had refused to pay for his son's education; unless he went to Dartmouth. But Justin had no intention of being a business major: he was an artist and a pretty gifted one at that. Not that it had always been that way.

You couldn't exactly call it a 'run-in': that hardly described a baseball bat slamming you in the head, which is what had happened to him at 17 when a football jock wanted to make Justin pay.

He hadn't complained of the occasional hand or blow job Justin had given him in the showers or the school's sports equipment store room, but when Chris Hobbs tried to deflect attention away from his own closeted homosexuality and Justin had outed him, Hobbs' hatred for Justin's comfort in who he was had resulted in a violent attack which had left the young man in a coma and then spending weeks in re-hab as he tried desperately to regain the use of his drawing hand.

He would never make a complete recovery; the motor skills would never be quite the same as before. But there was no way he was going to give up his struggle to be the best artist he could be and becoming independent had been his way of stating to the world that he'd survived.

There was a time when Justin thought he would give up. But as much as he was spurred on by the support of his mom and best friend, the fact that his father hoped this would mean he would give up his dreams of becoming an artist, made Justin even more determined to fight back; his indeterminable spirit never diminishing for long.

So his father had cut him out of his life entirely; telling his teenage and still traumatized son that he never wanted to hear him mention his disgusting life-style again and that if he continued to frequent gay bars and sleep with guys that he would never get a penny off him, leaving Justin believing his father thought his bashing was a result of that life-style: that Justin had more or less brought it on himself.

It had been an incredible struggle. Justin's mom, Jennifer, had helped as much as she could and seeing her husband disown her only son had been the final straw. After Craig's behavior towards Justin, including striking the young man when he dared to tell his father that no matter what, he would always be his queer son and after years of Craig's affairs, Jennifer had enough and ended the marriage.

It tore Justin apart; believing he'd been the cause of the split and it had taken some lengthy discussions with his mom for Jennifer to finally make her heartbroken and guilt-ridden son realize he wasn't to blame for the breakdown of their marriage.

Craig continued to support Molly, their younger daughter and Jennifer was now a qualified realtor, but Justin had had to take a succession of part-time jobs in order to fund himself through art school; often working long hours. And, even now, Justin knew that he might still be forced to take a job in commerce in order to supplement his income; though this was something he was hoping to avoid for as long as possible.

In his mid-twenties, Justin had experienced moderate success, but was still waiting for his big break through. He was determined not to 'sell out' and produce only repetitive art he knew would be a sure-fire commercial success. Instead, he wanted to paint and draw from the heart: from his feelings deep within. Even if sometimes his work was dark and foreboding, for those were times he vividly recalled as he tried to work through the trauma following his attack.

Trauma not made any easier by either his father's attitude or the fact that Hobbs was only convicted of a simple assault and not a hate crime and only ended up being given community service.

What Justin suffered hadn't been deemed worthy of a custodial sentence according to the law; apparently the fact that he could so easily have died or been left a vegetable not worth taking into account when determining a suitable punishment and he'd developed a keen sense of right and wrong. The fact that so many people seemed to escape the proper penalty for their crimes irked him all the time and Daphne had chuckled and said more than once, that maybe Justin should have gone into law instead.

Thankfully, he didn't get the nightmares very often any more, but every now and again, Justin would find himself succumbing to the severe headaches he occasionally suffered from since his attack; like a dark cloak enveloping him and only finding release in painkillers and sleep, but would leave him depressed and lost for a few days; until he could pick up a brush or a pencil again. But at least he still had his art that he so nearly lost; even if that art so clearly displayed his pain as Justin tried to purge himself of the hurt he still carried inside.

As well as losing himself in his art, Justin liked to exercise, which he mostly did with weights in his rooms and the odd trip to the gym when he could afford it.

He was right; he was hardly a starving artist, in fact he had quite a beautiful, well muscled body, though without an ounce of flesh to spare. Not overly muscular, the working out helped him to focus his mind and bring him back out of those periods of despair; never giving up hope. And the exercise helped to relieve the tension that would build up when he was concentrating so much that he'd lose all track of time; not realizing just how many hours he was spending hunched up over whatever project he was working on and sometimes forgetting to eat and unable to sleep.

“What are you going to do if you can't pay the rent?” Daphne asked him seriously and Justin shrugged.

“I'm so sorry I don't have the room Justin ... but when Jodie's ex threw her out she came away with nothing ... she doesn't have anywhere else to go.”

“I wish I could do more,” said Daphne and Justin hugged her.

“That's alright Daph ... don't worry about me ... I'll think of something,” Justin answered her, though at this moment he didn't know how he was going to find next month's rent.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Lindsay had arranged to stay at Brian's a few days: she always came down with Gus now that he no longer traveled with Michael.

“Have you seen him? ... Have you even spoken to him?” asked Lindsay and Brian looked up at her.

“You mean Michael?” “Of course I mean Michael ... who else?” she answered and Brian shook his head.

“Brian ... it's been three years ... I would have thought Michael of all people ...”

“Would have forgiven me?” interrupted Brian and he leaned back in his chair. “I would have thought so too ... but apparently not.”

“He's doing okay though ... the business is doing well and he's giving quite a few speeches on gay comic book heroes these days.”

“Oh?” said Lindsay curiously, as she perched on the edge of the desk Brian was sitting at: Gus had gone down to the store with Vic and Brian and Lindsay had gone into the study as she'd asked to see what Brian was working on.

“How do you know that?” Lindsay asked him. She and Melanie were pretty much up to date with what Michael and the rest of their chosen family were doing these days, but she was surprised that Brian knew too, considering he and Michael hadn't been in touch. But then again, Michael's uncle Vic was living in Brian's house.

Brian blinked and rolled his lips into his mouth and Lindsay sighed. “You still care about him don't you?” she asked him and Brian shrugged.

Brian didn't like to admit it, but he still missed Michael and often asked Vic how he was. Initially, Vic had seen how awkward Brian was when he asked about news of Michael in a roundabout fashion and so now Vic volunteered anything he thought Brian might enjoy hearing about instead of the man having to ask him.

Vic was in regular contact with his nephew and once suggested meeting up with Brian, but unfortunately he'd asked within Debbie's hearing and had gotten a stony look in reply from her and a rather weak smile from Michael; since then, he hadn't bothered to mention it again.

Though never forgiving her brother for appearing to side with Brian after the accident, Debbie had mellowed a little over the last year especially. She'd heard from both Lindsay and Vic what a great dad the man had turned into and muttered something like 'about time', but still hadn't forgiven him for putting Michael in danger.

But the irony of this whole situation was that Brian was probably one of the most truthful men you could ever meet and would have held his hand up to being behind the wheel of the vette at the time of the crash. But once Michael had made and signed the statement he'd given to the Highway Patrolman, there was no going back; his fate was sealed. For Michael and Ben were trying to adopt Hunter, their foster-son, but there was no way the courts would allow them to do so if Michael was found guilty of false-reporting. So what was Brian to do; his family and friends would have ended up hating him either way.

But they had been pretty amazed at Brian's change of direction with his new career and at his success. He'd never allowed any interviews with the press, even though they'd been curious and his picture never appeared in any publicity regarding the movies he'd written. And it had been Vic who'd confirmed that the Brian Kinney who'd been mentioned occasionally in the media was indeed their very own.

But even with Brian's new success, Vic's heart had still gone out to him; Brian still loved his friend, even though that friend wanted nothing to do with him.

Lindsay bit her lip and was swinging her legs, Brian chewed the end of his pen as he studied her; she seemed to be pondering over whether to say something to him or not and in the end he couldn't resist asking.

“Okay ... out with it ... what's on your mind?”

“You're not going to like it,” stated Lindsay and Brian frowned. “Then tell me quickly and get it over with,” and she took a deep breath.

“I promised Debbie she could see Gus while he was down this time ...”

“Christ Lindsay!” exclaimed Brian and he got up out of his chair. “After the way she poisoned everyone against me?”

“I know,” accepted Lindsay. “But you've said yourself in the past ... she is practically his Grandmother ... but she is Michael's mother ... and I'd probably have reacted the same way if it had been Gus.”

“It took you long enough to come around,” reminded Brian and Lindsay nodded. True; it had been months after the accident before she'd contacted Brian, but Lindsay had initially thought it was Brian who wasn't contacting them. Melanie hadn't told her about refusing Brian's request to talk to Gus that night and it only came out after Gus had started to ask after his daddy and Lindsay had discussed with her partner the possibility of Brian seeing his son again. And then it was almost nine months after the accident before Lindsay had managed to talk Melanie into letting Brian see Gus without them having a major fight and, reluctantly, Melanie had agreed: Lindsay had then traveled down with him.

His first visit after the accident, Brian had been worried that Gus might be scared of him and had actually felt sick when they arrived at his door. The boy had never seen his dad with a beard before and Gus had been a little shy at first and hid behind his mom. But his hesitancy began to disappear as soon as Brian started speaking and he'd heard his father's familiar voice.

Brian had crouched down to Gus' level and spoken gently and slowly and with encouragement from Lindsay, Gus had gone to his dad and allowed his father to hold him and Lindsay had to keep her own tears at bay as she saw Brian pick the boy up and hug him for all his worth: the man unable to speak as he held his son in his arms.

Lindsay had seen how quickly father and son had become so comfortable in each other's company; there was a real bond and when they left a few days later, Lindsay had promised that Gus would come again soon and she'd kept her promise and they'd had regular visits over the last few years, including Gus spending the long summer breaks with his dad: Lindsay would bring him down and stay a few days and then go back to Toronto and then collect Gus and take him home in time to start the new school term.

Whatever Brian was supposed to have done; she knew he'd taken on board what he'd lost because of his apparent recklessness: not only his friendship with Michael, but time with Gus that he'd never get back.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“How's he doing?” asked Lindsay. Vic was preparing lunch and she stood by him at the kitchen sink. Through the window, they could see Brian and Gus kicking a soccer ball around the back garden and hear Gus' yell of delight and saw how he punched the air when his dad failed to stop the boy scoring a goal.

“Better for seeing the two of you,” stated Vic as he drained the salad vegetables.

“And the rest of the time?” prodded Lindsay.

“He keeps busy ... he works out ... he writes ... does research on the internet.”

“Does he have someone?” she asked him and Vic shook his head. “I can barely get him to go out and meet anyone ... it's a major event for him to go down to the drugstore or pick up the odd thing from the market ... a year ago he couldn't even do that.”

“So he lives like a hermit ... or even a monk?” asked Lindsay, appalled at the thought. Vic smiled.

“Not exactly,” and then he saw her eyes widen. “Good grief ... no ... not me!” said Vic in horror. Vic had always appreciated Brian's beauty, but having known the man since he was 14 and having been his nephew's best friend, Brian was family.

“But there are ways,” and Vic winked at her. “Ah,” smiled Lindsay in realization as they heard a commotion outside the back door. Father and son were horsing around and fell through the doorway together: Brian pushing Gus in front of him as he tickled the boy in the ribs.

“You two better wash up ... lunch is ready,” announced Vic as he started to lay the kitchen table and Brian and Gus disappeared to the downstairs bathroom. Lindsay smiled: it was so good to see her two favorite males getting on so well.

After lunch, Lindsay had hesitated for fear of Brian's reaction but had mentioned hiring a car so that she could take the opportunity and look up the old gang. Surprisingly, Brian offered the use of his own for despite rarely going anywhere, he did have his own car: a BMW coupe with tinted windows and it was dumb for Lindsay to hire a car when there was a perfectly good one in the garage.

“Drive carefully,” he instructed her as he handed over the keys and it didn't take much for Lindsay to realize how serious Brian meant it.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Lindsay was looking forward to renewing old friendships and her first port of call was Debbie's and though she intending trying to catch up with everyone she could in the next day or so, after a few hours in Debbie's company, Lindsay had more or less been brought up to date with them all. Lindsay grinned to herself: if they awarded prizes for talking, Debbie would have a cabinet full of them, but in some ways it was comforting that some things, at least, would never change.

According to Debbie, Emmett's party planning business was going from strength to strength and he'd earned quite a reputation for himself in all the right society circles and had to take on extra help. He wasn't in a serious relationship, but he was still seeing football player, Drew Boyd, from time to time.

Ted and Cynthia were making a fairly good job of running Kinnetik between them. And Lindsay couldn't help smiling to herself: Brian's legacy of delivering a product with punch and pizzazz, along with excellent visuals was apparently being continued, though she doubted they still had the reputation they once had, without Brian's hands-on involvement.

Any how, Cynthia was engaged to a local businessman and after several false starts, Ted was now living full time with Blake, a drugs counselor, whom he'd initially dated around the time Gus was born.

Michael and Ben's relationship had never been stronger. They'd adopted Hunter, who was now in college studying the performing arts; his heart set on becoming an actor and they were thinking of taking in more foster children.

Debbie of course asked after Melanie, Gus and her own Granddaughter, Jenny Rebecca and Lindsay invited Debbie and Carl to visit them some time soon.

Lindsay hesitated. “Gus is doing really well ... he's having a great time ... I have to admit ... Brian does a really good job with him ... it's great to see them together.”

Debbie put down the pot of freshly made tea and looked at her. “I know what you're trying to do ... soften me up ... but I can't forgive him Lindsay ... I nearly lost Michael ... what if it had been Gus?”

Lindsay sighed; she couldn't help but agree with Debbie that in similar circumstances, it was highly likely she'd have felt the same, but it had been a long time ago.

“It's been a long while Debbie ... don't you think Brian's been punished enough?”

“You know how close he and Michael were ... it practically killed him that Michael wouldn't talk to him ... still won't.”

Debbie poured out the fresh tea and shook her head. “Sorry Lindsay ... he nearly cost me my son.”

“Brian was lucky in the past ... he got away with more than he should've ... nothing stuck to him ... but not this time.”

Lindsay took a sip of her drink and inwardly sighed; it looked like even after this long that Debbie wouldn't budge; maybe she would see if she could get Michael on his own.

Lindsay was on her third cup of tea when Carl arrived home at the end of his shift having met Emmett on the doorstep and Lindsay hadn't realized just how long she'd stayed; she would have to leave soon, she'd promised to cook for the guys tonight.

Needing a bathroom break, Debbie left them and went upstairs, which at least allowed Carl to speak for himself, first of all checking that Emmett would keep what he was about to say to himself. Emmett told him not to worry, that despite opinions to the contrary, he did know when to keep his mouth shut and saying it with a grin and a wink.

Carl was on the verge of retiring and confided in Lindsay and Emmett that he was wondering what he was going to do with all that time on his hands and feeling just a little fearful of how he and Debbie would get on under each other's feet. Emmett threw up his hands saying that although he loved Debbie to bits, spending all day with her would send even him climbing the walls and Lindsay grinned; knowing that being around Debbie full time would be exhausting. And Carl had to admit that he wouldn't half mind if Debbie still worked the odd shift at the diner, just to give him a little peace and quiet.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Damnit; Michael was out of town giving yet another talk on gay comic book heroes: he was becoming quite an authority on the subject these days, but it meant Lindsay wasn't going to get the chance to talk to him face to face about him and Brian. Ben had listened patiently when she'd called and had said it wasn't really his business; that Brian was really Michael's friend, but he was willing to pass on to Michael that she'd called.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Still unable to forgive them for not accepting her relationship with Melanie, Lindsay had little contact with her parents these days: she couldn't bear to put herself through the struggle of trying to defend her lifestyle and choice of partner. But her sister, Lynette, had asked to see her and the following day, Lindsay borrowed Brian's car once more and set off to visit.

“How many husbands is this now?” Brian had asked her. “Three ... or is it four ... I lost count,” smiled Lindsay and she kissed both her boys and left them in the kitchen: Vic had various errands and plans for the day and had left earlier in the morning and for the first time since his son had arrived, Brian had been left alone with Gus.

Lindsay ended up staying at her sister's all afternoon. They'd gotten on so much better than she'd ever have thought and the two girls had ended up going out shopping and having coffee and then Lindsay stayed on for dinner and a chance to meet Lynette's fourth husband.

Lindsay got back to the house just as Gus had finished his bath. He looked a little teary and it didn't take much to realize that something must have passed between the boy and his dad and, sending Gus to his room to read before turning in, she tackled Brian.

“I leave you for a few hours and you're fighting?” She asked Brian. “We're not fighting Lindz ... it's just ... Gus wanted to do something and I wasn't keen ... that's all.” Lindsay frowned and waited for Brian to continue.

“He asked if we could go to the zoo one day ... I said I didn't think so.”

“Brian ... why on earth not ... for goodness sake ... the boy's eight years old ... he can't ride Buttons all day and he's not going to be content with just playing soccer in the back yard or staying in his room watching DVD's ... I thought you'd want to spend some quality time with your son?”

“I do,” answered Brian quickly and he sighed. Gus was getting older; he was going to be expecting them to do much more together.

“And what would be so bad about going out with your son ... in public ... you're hardly the Hunchback of Notre Dame,” observed Lindsay smiling and she reached up to stroke his face.

“In actual fact ... this is quite sexy ... you know,” said Lindsay, referring to Brian's beard.

“And you would know ... of course,” observed Brian, drawing away from her touch.

“I may be a dyke ... but I can still recognize a handsome man when I see one,” answered Lindsay, seriously, but Brian frowned. Surely, Lindsay was one of the few people who would still think him attractive; but then again, it's surprising what people see in you that you can't see in yourself.

Lindsay sighed; the knew that Brian's confidence had taken a tremendous knock after the accident, but why couldn't he see just how sexy a man he still was; that he could still have a life.

“You're going to have to get your act together, Brian.”

“This self-imposed prison sentence you've subjected yourself to has to come to an end eventually ... but the longer you leave getting back into the real world ... the harder it'll get,” and leaving Brian to mull over her words, Lindsay went upstairs to check on Gus.

Brian sighed and looked out the window as the light began to fade. Lindsay was right, outwardly at least, everything seemed perfectly normal; after all, he was in pretty good shape: the gym he had installed in the house a couple of years helped with that. But it was the feelings he had on the inside that were still so hard to come to terms with.

Three years since the accident and the feelings of no longer being the man he once was hadn't gone away; the scars had seen to that. Then there was the guilt and subsequent rejection; that hadn't diminished one little bit, not even with him now being allowed to see Gus.

His son had little recollection of Brian before the accident and he was thankful for that at least. But it was obvious that apart from Vic and Lindsay, everyone else he'd ever considered family or friends still remembered that time vividly and their isolating him from their lives ensured that Brian couldn't forget it either.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Hey Champ.” Brian knocked and popped his head around the door to Gus' room. Gus had been in bed for half-an-hour and was reading before settling down to sleep.

“Hi, dad,” answered the boy and he watched his dad walk across the room and sit down on his bed.

“About earlier ...”

“That's okay ... mom says you don't go out very much,” and then Brian saw an idea form in Gus' head. “Hey ... perhaps uncle Vic can take me to the zoo?”

Brian's heart sank and he swallowed. Now was the time to make up his mind: was he going to get over his fears that were keeping him a virtual prisoner in his own home and be a father to Gus or not; or was he going to let someone else fill that role for him: a role that once he'd surrendered would possibly never get back?

In the end, Brian smiled. “Well ... uncle Vic could come with us I guess.”

Hearing those words, Gus scrambled out from under the bedclothes and moved towards his dad and put his arms around his neck: Brian hung on.

“That'll be so neat.”

Brian closed his eyes and stroked his son's hair. In the end, it hadn't really been too tough a decision to make. His son, or his prison? No contest.

Gently, Brian set Gus back down. “Come on ... it's getting late ... lights out now ... you'll want to spend some time with your mom tomorrow ... she's going home soon.“

And then, before Brian could stop himself: “Why don't we drive her out to the airport ... we can watch some of the planes,” and he could hardly believe his own words and wondered why it was it seemed his son gave him so much courage.

“Wow, dad,” Brian smiled at Gus' excitement and he brought the duvet up and covered the boy's shoulders.

“You're not too old for a kiss ... are you?” asked his dad and Gus shook his head: Leaning down, Brian kissed Gus' forehead.

“Night Son.”

“Night, dad,” and Brian took the book Gus had been reading and placed it on the nightstand; he turned out the light and closed the door.

“There ... that wasn't so bad,” Lindsay's voice came quietly from behind him and Brian turned round.

“You eavesdropping?” he smiled at her.

“I was passing by ... not my fault the door was open,” grinned Lindsay and she reached up to kiss him and this time Brian didn't back away.

“I'm going to have a bath and an early night ... night Brian,” and Lindsay entered her room.

“Night Lindz,” came the reply.

Brian went downstairs to fetch a soda; he was going to do some research on the internet before turning in himself and he met Vic on his way in.

“We're going to the zoo,” he announced, smiling and leaving Vic standing in the hallway.

“We are?” came the answer and he watched Brian's back disappear out of sight and then the man's words hit home and Vic grinned before making his way to his room to watch a late night Judy Garland movie.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Lindsay promised faithfully to spend some time the next day with Gus, but there was one more errand she had to run and the following morning, Lindsay asked Brian if she could again borrow the car; there was one old friend she still needed to look up before she went home. Brian had grinned: Lindsay had chalked up more mileage in the car in the last few days then he had since he bought it, but he was curious as to why she wasn't exactly saying where she was going.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Sidney.”

“Lindsay Peterson ... well you're a sight for sore eyes,” and the owner of the Pittsburgh Art Gallery hugged her.

“How are you?”

“Very well, Sidney ... you?”

“Musn't grumble my dear ... look ... is this a flying visit ... or can we have coffee?” he asked her and Lindsay looked at her watch.

“I've got a little time,” she answered him. “Good ... I know just the place ... has some wonderful pastries for morning coffee,” and smiling, Sidney took her by the arm and pushed open the gallery door.

They exchanged news and Sidney was delighted to hear that Lindsay had found herself a job at an art gallery in Toronto and that Melanie had retrained in Canadian law and was now in a successful practice and that Gus and Jenny Rebecca were thriving well in their new environment.

“Sidney ... there's something I wanted to ask you.”

“Yes, my dear?” he answered her as he put the last forkful of apple Danish in his mouth.

Over the last couple of days watching Gus and Brian together, she'd seen for herself just how much Brian loved his son: how much they so obviously loved each other. She knew now that resuming Brian's access to Gus had been exactly the right thing to do; whatever was supposed to have happened and that Brian's role of father really did have nothing to do with the accident.

But Lindsay also knew for sure that every time one of Gus' visits came to an end that a little bit of Brian died and she was afraid that once Gus had gone back home, Brian would retreat once more behind his self-imposed prison walls. This visit, more than ever, Brian seemed to be more relaxed and overhearing him confirm his and Gus' trip to the zoo, Lindsay knew how hard he was trying to be a good father and hopefully, the long lasting effect would be that Brian's life would open up and give him confidence to start living again.

He needed something to hold on to; something to remind him of his son every day and confirm that Gus was never really that far away: a reminder that there was as least one person who would always need him and Lindsay wanted to do something nice for Brian.

“I'm thinking of having a portrait painted of Gus.”

“My word ... how old is the lad now?” asked Sidney, stirring his coffee.

“He's eight ... nearly nine.”

“Quite a young man.”

“Yes ... he is,” and Lindsay picked up her own coffee cup.

“The only problem is I want it done fairly quickly while Gus is on summer break ... so the portrait would have to be done at his father's home and Brian ...” Lindsay paused as she struggled to find the words.

“Brian doesn't like a lot of people around him ... he's not keen on strangers.”

“In fact things haven't been easy for him lately and he's stayed pretty much to himself in recent years ... so it would need a particular sort of person who could work on the portrait ... someone ... someone kind ... and discrete ... who wouldn't pry.”

“And of course Gus is a typical 8-year old ... so it's going to take someone with a lot of patience.”

“Have you thought about doing it yourself?” Sidney asked her, but Lindsay shook her head. “I haven't really painted seriously for so long ... I really don't think I could do it ... or that I have the talent ... especially as he's my own son.”

“Besides I have to go home tomorrow ... I can't afford to spend any more time here.”

Sidney nodded and then frowned as he picked up his cup as a name came to mind.

“There is someone who is just as you describe ... and his work is quite brilliant ... he doesn't do a lot of portrait work ... but what I've seen is sheer genius ... I could ask him.”

“Really ... do I know him?” asked Lindsay.

“Possibly ... his name is Justin Taylor ... he was in an emerging artists show a few years ago ... though probably just after you'd left.”

“He wowed them totally ... but you know what's it's like ... how difficult it is to actually make money out of art ... at least while you're alive,” joked Sidney.

“And like most young artists,” he continued. “I'm sure Justin could do with the money.”

“Give me the address and telephone number and leave it with me.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

One final evening with Brian and Gus before Lindsay went home for the rest of the school break. Vic had taken himself out, not wanting to intrude, though of course he'd been invited to stay.

Somehow, Lindsay was going to have to tell Brian about her plan to have Gus' portrait painted and she knew that getting Brian to agree to have a total stranger in the house wasn't going to be easy.

She'd volunteered to cook again and she prepared a home-made burger from the best ingredients for Gus and would do steak and salad for her and Brian, with Brian's steak so rare you could almost hear it moo and she'd been to the store and chosen an expensive bottle of wine to go with it; though Brian had politely refused and Lindsay had felt embarrassed at her stupidity. For the next few weeks at least; Brian was on the wagon; no alcohol at all while he had Gus. In any case, he didn't drink to excess like he used to; even if he hardly went out, but while in charge of Gus he was taking no chances.

Brian also wasn't dumb; he could tell he was being buttered up for something, but when Gus had gone off to bed and they'd taken coffee into the living room, Brian wasn't at all prepared for what Lindsay had to tell him.

“You've done what?” he asked her in horror when Lindsay announced that she'd arranged to have a portrait done of Gus for Brian.

Now what was Brian supposed to say to that? That he hated the idea of having a portrait of his son as it meant having a stranger in the house and Lindsay soon realized that Brian was blustering through his excuses as to why it couldn't happen.

“And besides ... you remember Sidney,” she reminded him. “If he says he knows just the artist that would do this ... a young man who's considerate enough not to pry into anyone else's business ... then I believe him ... so what objections do you have ... really?” she challenged him and Brian bit his lip. Put like that, he couldn't think of anything.

Lindsay had left it with Sidney that he would contact Justin and, if the young man agreed to undertake the commission, that he should telephone Brian directly and make arrangements to come over and discuss how it should be done.

Brian couldn't help smiling at her; seeing how smug she looked at getting him to finally agree to this. Lindsay could always get through to him where others couldn't and nothing had changed there, apparently.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The following morning, Lindsay went to find Gus down at the stables where he’d gone to feed Buttons and told him there was something nice she’d like to do for his dad and what did he think about having his portrait painted. Gus had frowned; “Does that mean I have to sit really still … for like hours?” he’d asked her horrified and Lindsay smiled.

“I’m sure it won’t take too long … but you wouldn’t really mind … would you … if it’s for your dad?”

Gus shook his head. “No … I guess not … cos I know he doesn’t say anything … but I kinda get the feeling he misses me when I’m not here.”

Lindsay ran her fingers through her son’s hair. “Then he’ll have a nice picture of you to look at until he next sees you … won’t he?” and Gus nodded and smiled in agreement.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Driving to the airport was fine; behind the tinted glass of the BMW, it was easy to look out on the world and know that you couldn't be observed. Getting out and mingling with the crowd in departures was a different matter.

Brian parked the car in the short-stay lot and he and Gus walked Lindsay to the terminal. Still uncomfortable in crowds, Brian carried Lindsay's suitcase and placed it on a trolley; it was a busy time with travelers and flight crews on their way to hundreds of different locations and they had to negotiate their way around various groups of people waiting for their flights or collecting people.

Brian noticed two flight attendants making their way through the concourse; one of them was particularly cute and they were talking to each other and then one of them looked up and saw Brian and said something to his companion. For a moment, Brian's heart lurched, but then, as the men passed closely by, one of them smiled at him and kept eye contact as he brushed passed.

“Excuse me,” said the man and Brian smiled hesitantly and stepped back; Lindsay grinned and reached up to whisper in his ear. “I think you've just been cruised,” she informed him and curious, Brian looked in the man's direction.

The attendant was still looking back; hoping wistfully that the very attractive bearded man might possibly be on the very flight he was taking.

Brian smiled and narrowed his eyes. Was it possible that somebody might still find him attractive after all and Lindsay knew exactly what he was thinking and put her hand on his arm as she spoke to him quietly again.

“I know what you think about how you look ... but take it from me ... the beard's great ... you look great ... you obviously work out ... no one would know about the scars just by looking at you ... they aren't obvious to anyone else,” and Brian blinked and rolled his lips into his mouth and squeezed Lindsay's hand in thanks at her attempt to boost his confidence.

As they neared the check-in, Lindsay stooped and took her son in her arms and then she straightened up and hugged Brian.

“You two have a wonderful time ... and I'll see you in a few weeks,” and giving Gus and then Brian a final kiss she started to push her trolley towards the check-in.

Gus was a little tearful at waving his mom goodbye, but Brian taking him up to the observation gallery more than made up for it and they spent the next hour watching the various planes flying in and out of the airport.

By that time, they were both pretty hungry and feeling more relaxed than he could have hoped for, Brian allowed himself to be taken over to one of the various fast food outlets.

The last time he'd eaten burger and fries was at the diner Debbie worked in and he couldn't believe how long that had been and after their meal, he wiped his greasy fingers on the napkin.

“That was great,” observed Gus and Brian had to wonder just how much fast food Gus actually ate, for feeling a little queasy himself, Brian just nodded in reply and the two of them made their way home.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“You're two weeks overdue,” Frank Burrows reminded him and he stood in Justin's doorway and scratched under his armpit. In his mid-fifties and at least forty pounds overweight and always wearing a dirty tee, you would hardly think he was the landlord and he made Justin squirm every time he had to deal with him.

The man undressed him; constantly looking him up and down when his eyes weren't resting at Justin's crotch. Justin was almost scared to turn his back as he left him to go find his wallet and he counted out the bills: What with having recently bought new art supplies and trying to keep his old heap of a car on the road, it wasn't enough and he'd be left with practically nothing.

“What about the rest?” Burrows asked him as Justin handed him the bills.

“There's an art show next week ... I'm expecting to do well ... I should have the money after then,” replied Justin and he saw the man chew his lip.

“We could always come to some ... other ... Arrangement,” suggested the other man and he moved surprising quickly and caught Justin at the back of the neck and Justin felt his skin crawl at the man's touch: swiftly he stepped back and out of reach.

“You'll have your money,” stated Justin and he closed the door in the man's face.

“I'd better, Taylor,” shouted the man through the door. “Or it'll be your ass,” and he chuckled at the delicious thought of the young man being unable to find the rest of his rent and having to pay in kind.

Justin shuddered. There was a show coming up and he was hoping to do well, but of course, there were no guarantees. Maybe he would have to find another job after all and he sat down on the tatty sofa and closed his eyes.

Maybe he couldn't cut it after all and that his dad had been right all that time ago and he was only fooling himself that he could be a successful artist.

Justin rubbed his forehead; he could feel the tension and he knew a headache was coming on and it promised to be a beauty and he went to find the tablets he needed, which he kept in one of the few cupboards in the place.

He opened the packet; it was empty and now he didn't have the money for a prescription. He hated to ask, but maybe Daphne could help out; maybe she could get him some pills and he could owe her.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Here ... I got them at the hospital pharmacy so they're not as expensive as the drugstore,” stated Daphne and she took the bottle of pills out of her purse.

“Thanks Daph ... I'll pay you.”

“Justin Taylor ... don't you even think about it,” said Daphne quietly, so as not to make Justin's head thump any louder. He looked as weak as a kitten; too weak to even open the bottle and with the child-proof cap, even Daphne struggled, but getting the top off, she shook out two tablets and held them out to him; gratefully, Justin took them.

“Thanks Daph ... you know I wouldn't ask ...” Justin's voice was low; it hurt to speak and the sound of his own voice, as well as Daphne's, made the jackhammer in his head scream even louder.

Going over to the sink, Daphne ran the tap; allowing the water to clear and then filled a glass which she took over to Justin, who popped the pills in his mouth and swallowed the water he was offered.

Daphne hated seeing him like this. She had vivid recollections of how Justin suffered with indescribably painful headaches after the bashing and had hoped they'd run their course. But every now and again, they'd come back, though generally when Justin was worried about something or occasionally when he was down, which thankfully, didn't happen very often now.

He was pale and shivering despite it being the height of summer. The light was strongest here and place was subsequently warmer, but the bright sunlight now coming through the windows hurt his eyes and Justin put up a hand to shield himself from the painful glare. Daphne went over and reached up to the windows and pulled the drapes so that they were partly closed and then she retrieved a pillow and blanket from his bed and wrapped Justin up to keep him warm and placed the pillow behind his head.

“Thanks Daph.”

“Do you want me to call your mom?” she asked him. Justin could barely shake his head.

“No ... no need to worry her ... it'll go once the pills start to work and I can get some sleep,” he mumbled.

He was already starting to feel drowsy just with the relief in knowing the pills would kick in soon. The Vicodin were the only things that worked and he'd be out for several hours and while he slept, Daphne had a little look around the place. Justin may have joked before, but in actual fact, there was hardly any food at all and once Justin was out for the count and sleeping peacefully, Daphne borrowed his keys and went down to the store to stock up on a few things: Just because Justin was an artist, it didn't mean starving was mandatory.

Returning to Justin's apartment, Daphne quietly let herself in and packed away the things she'd bought. Recently, Justin had acquired a second-hand stove and refrigerator and she stowed away the fresh items into the cooler and the dry goods in the cupboards; knowing that if the situation was reversed, Justin would do exactly the same thing for her.

They'd been friends through school and Daphne had been the first person he'd come out to and the one person he knew he could go to when things got so shitty at home with his dad. Justin's mom had always supported him, though she had struggled to come to terms with her son's sexuality to begin with. But Daphne had always been his friend, no matter what; they'd always supported each other.

It was always boys that had been the problem; for both of them. Countless times had they cried on each other's shoulders when one relationship after another hadn't come to anything or when they did occasionally get a good one, it never seemed to last.

“Has he got a gay brother?” Justin would ask, when Daphne took him by the elbow and steered him across the other side of the room if she'd brought a new boyfriend over for her friend to give the once over. But so far, Daphne's relationships had never lasted very long and the fact that she was still studying meant she didn't have a lot of time to spare to concentrate on men.

“Has he got a straight brother?” would ask Daphne if Justin said he'd just met the man of his dreams, for Justin was constantly falling in love; always believing this was the one, someone to love him and who he could love in return; only to be let down and his heart broken, but never for long. For Justin had such a determined, undying spirit.

“Never mind, Daph ... you'll meet your Prince one day ... and so will I,” he'd said to her more than once and they'd share a bottle of cheap wine and commiserate with each other in their misfortune in love; until the next time.

And she was still studying and now Daphne had her books with her when she'd called round to bring him the painkillers after his phone call and making herself as comfortable as possible in the one other chair in the room, she settled down to finish her paper.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The sun was almost gone when Justin awoke; he still had dark circles under his eyes but his head wasn't thumping quite like it was. Justin knew what to expect; they both did: that he would be pretty zombie-like for a day or two and that the best thing to do was just sleep when he needed to and try and keep still and quiet. It wouldn't be the first time Daphne had stayed over to make sure he was okay, but thankfully that hadn't happened in months. But she hated the thought of the shared bathroom down the hall and so did Justin, cos he wasn't up to going out with her and keeping guard while she used it.

“Go home, Daph ... I'll be okay ... another day and this'll be gone.”

Daphne frowned; she did have to be at work in the morning, but reluctantly, after having made sure he was okay and knew there was soup and other provisions there for him, Daphne kissed Justin on the cheek and let herself out. If she hurried, she could get out of the building and down to her car without running into any of the weirdoes and crackheads that also inhabited the apartment building.

Having seen Daphne off, Justin took the pillow and duvet over to the bed and crawled in and slept all night and it was almost midday when he woke up to his cell phone ringing.

It was the Manager of the Pittsburgh Art Gallery and he wondered if Justin would be interested in taking on a commission he'd recommended him for. Justin was still fuzzy and for a moment couldn't quite take in what was being said, but then the realization dawned.

“I'd love to ... but it wouldn't be for a few days,” he informed Sidney; Justin wanted to make sure he had no remnants left from the headache before he went to see what it was all about.

Sidney told him he was sure it could wait for a day or two and gave him the name and number and Justin wrote it down on a pad and left it on the table: he'd felt hungry enough to heat up some soup and was almost finished when Daphne came in to check on him.

“You want some ... there's some left,” he asked her. “Yeah ... Thanks,” answered Daphne and she watched him as he went over to the stove and picked up the saucepan to pour the contents into a clean bowl.

“Well ... you're looking better,” she informed him and Justin managed a smile. “Yeah ... thanks ... I am ... and I've just been asked if I'd like to undertake a commission.”

“You have?” Daphne was almost as thrilled as Justin; taking on a commission could bring in the funds he was desperate for and it was about time he had some decent luck.

“What is it ... who's it for?” she asked him. “It's a portrait ... some kid ... his father's name is on the pad on the table,” he called to her over his shoulder as he opened a drawer and brought out a spoon.

Daphne walked over to the table and picked up the pad.

“Brian Kinney ... THE Brian Kinney?” she asked him. “You know him?” asked Justin as he put the bowl down on the table; the name not really meaning anything to him.

“Of course I do ... we both do ... you remember ... he's the one who writes all those movies that never have happy endings ... someone always gets killed or ...”

“Oh my God ... that Brian Kinney?” asked Justin, taking the pad from her and reading the name again, as if just to confirm it. “It never registered ... Jeez ... can you imagine what he's like to write stuff like that? He's probably some dried up old guy who hates everyone ... I mean you'd have to be ... to write such depressing stuff.”

“It's not depressing,” defended Daphne as she picked up her soup. “It's always rather beautiful ... in a sort of sad ... melancholy sort of way.”

“What ... that the hero and the heroine are never together in the last scene declaring how they feel ... that they will love each other 'til the end of time? What sort of love story is that?” asked Justin and Daphne shrugged: put like that it was difficult to answer him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Gus was helping Brian clean out Button's stall. Strange thing was, Brian didn't mind this chore. The pony was good natured and friendly and he always marveled at the thought that animals didn't care whether you were black, white, gay, straight, beautiful or whatever. If you looked after them and loved them you got it back tenfold. And then after they cleaned up, they went in for breakfast.

With Gus around, Brian's schedule had gone haywire and he realized he was nearing the deadline that he'd promised to have his latest work ready by. It was almost done; just needed going over carefully to see if anything jumped out at him that didn't fit right before he'd send it off for proof-reading. Gus had understood and had gone into the living room to watch kids' TV while his dad was going to spend the morning working.

But Brian had noticed that Vic had been especially quiet at the breakfast table and as soon as he thought Gus was out of earshot, he asked him what was up.

“You're not going to like it.”

Brian groaned; Vic wasn't the first person to have said that to him recently and strangely enough, it was exactly the same subject that Vic was hesitant about mentioning to him.

“Debbie called me last night ... apparently Lindsay said she could see Gus while he was down here,” and Brian nodded and sighed. “Well ... I guess she is practically his Grandmother ... he loves her and I know she loves him at least.”

“She still loves you too ... you know,” said Vic, for in actual fact, for the first time since the accident, Debbie had actually asked after Brian. Lindsay's words of how hard he was trying to be the father that Debbie always knew he could be, hadn't been forgotten. But Brian closed his eyes and shook his head in disbelief and went to walk away; Vic took his arm and stopped him.

“I know that's hard to believe after everything.”

“You're damn right it is,” came the answer.

“But you can't deny she was always there for you ... patching you up ... feeding you ... giving you a bed ... that kind of love doesn't just disappear overnight ... whatever the circumstances.”

Brian nodded; all that about Debbie being there for him was true. In fact, Debbie had been more of a mother to him than his own, but that was the difference.

“But when it came down to it ... when she knew I was to blame for an accident that could have killed Michael ... she cut me out ... in favor of her real son ... and she poisoned Mel and Lindz against me ... and that nearly cost me my son,” stated Brian and Vic sighed.

“I admit ... she treated you badly ... but you have to see it from her side ... a parent's side ... how would you feel if it was Gus one day ... could you honestly say you would react any different?”

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and briefly closed his eyes, because honestly, if Gus was ever in an accident where a driver had been behind the wheel drunk or high, he wouldn't just cut them out; he'd probably want to kill them.

“So ... can Gus go?” asked Vic and Brian sighed. “Sure ... whatever ... call her back and fix a time,” and he turned his back and made his way to the study to start work, not that he was in the mood for it right now.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Around 2:00, Vic picked up the phone. It was someone calling about taking up a commission to paint a portrait and he went to find Brian.

Brian groaned; since his earlier conversation with Vic, he wasn't really in the best frame of mind and he'd sort of hoped this would be forgotten about, but apparently not.

Reluctantly, Brian took the call and it was fairly obvious to Justin that the man he was talking to really wasn't terribly enthusiastic about the whole thing.

They made a time for the following morning; but unfortunately, unbeknown to Brian, Vic had already arranged for Gus to go and stay with Debbie the night following and to stay a couple of days. He dared not call her back, she'd think Brian was messing her around deliberately. And so Brian had to call Taylor back to say he could come and see them in the morning if he still wanted, but would have to accept that he couldn't start on the portrait straight away.

“Asshole,” stated Justin at the change of plans, for Brian sounded bored with the whole thing already and as he put down the phone, Justin wondered if, despite the money, it was really going to be worth all the hassle.

Justin decided he'd still go the next morning as the sooner it got started, the sooner it would be over with. Kinney had given him the address; somewhere in the sticks in West Virginia for God's sake, so Justin hoped the car would make it there and back. It wasn't too long a journey, probably not more than around 30 minutes from the city, but even so, he never went too far in it these days.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Gus was looking forward to seeing Grandma Debbie, for with both Melanie's parents now dead, Lindsay's reluctance to contact her own and only Brian's mother still alive, Debbie and Carl were the nearest thing to grandparents the boy had. Joan Kinney was barely aware she had a grandson; not that Brian would inflict her on him, so the boy was excited at seeing Debbie; it had been a while and, like most grandparents, Debbie wasn't above indulging Gus. She wouldn't want to admit it, but he reminded her so much of Brian; much younger of course then when she'd first met Brian, but the likeness and the personality was all there: even some of the mannerisms.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin set off for the house in WV but it wasn't too long before he got lost and then the elements decided to conspire against him also. The weather had been pretty sultry the day before and a summer storm had threatened and it wasn't long before the thunder and lightening started and then it began to rain hard and he couldn't see where he was going at all.

Coming up to an intersection; the windshield wipers on full, the car died when he tried to pull away; the engine wouldn't start and so he let the vehicle coast down the slight hill and let it come to rest at the side of the road. Justin looked around him through the rain; there didn't appear to be any nearby houses and certainly no public telephones and he took out his cell phone.

“Shit.” The battery was almost dead and the signal was weak in any case, so what the hell was he going to do? The best thing he could do was get the car towed back to the Pitts; even if he got out to the Kinney house he might not make it back, but Justin couldn't afford to pay for the tow truck himself.

Thankfully, his mom's breakdown service would come out; for a fee, which she would pay for readily. But by the time he'd finished his call to her and tried to tell her where he was, the battery on his cell was dead and buried.

Unfortunately, it was a couple of hours before the tow truck turned up and after 30 minutes of trying to work out the problem, the mechanic shook his head; he wasn't going to be able to get Justin back on the road and would tow him back to the workshop in the city.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Gus' bag was packed and sitting in the hallway. Lunch came and went and no sign of Taylor and in actual fact, Brian was rather pleased to be let off, despite the fact that deep down he actually quite liked the idea of having a portrait painted of his son. But knowing Gus was going off to see Debbie, while he was still excluded from that family's life, still hurt more than he wanted to admit. A lot of people in Brian's position would have said fuck her, but not Brian. Gus deserved to have as many people look out for him and love him as possible, even if one of those people was Debbie Novotny.

With no sign of Taylor and no response from his cell, Vic asked what he should do; he knew Debbie would be getting impatient and so Brian said for them to go; to not worry about Taylor. If he turned up, then too bad. If he was still interested they'd have to make it another time and so Vic picked up Gus' bag and took it out to the car and off they went. Brian would be on his own for the next couple of days; Vic had recently met someone, Rodney, and he would be staying with him.

A couple of hours later and in the silence of the house, Brian paced up and down; his home suddenly felt very empty without his son running around and Vic not there either and the old feeling of loneliness started to descend. Maybe he could use a little company: after all, with Gus not around, what could hurt?

When Vic had mentioned to Lindsay that Brian hardly lived the life of a monk, it hadn't taken much for her to understand his meaning.

After the accident, Brian still had the needs of any red blooded male and for someone as highly sexed as he'd been, to suddenly become celibate was beyond Brian's comprehension and it was to the service he'd used since then that Brian put in a call.

Vic had known Phillip Parker for years; he ran a very exclusive and discrete call-service out of Pittsburgh; not that Vic, as he was at pains to say, had ever had the need to use what the man could provide himself.

But he'd seen how lonely Brian was in those days after the accident, when all his family and friends didn't want to know him and how he'd started to retreat into himself, but it had taken some insistent convincing from Vic to get Brian to make the call.

The first time, Vic had stayed at the house in case Brian freaked. Of course, he'd never needed to use prostitutes before; getting guys had never been a worry for Brian, but with the way he was thinking of himself back then, just meeting anyone new was a real chore.

The first time, Brian had kept the lights on low and the guy didn't ask why. Of course, unbeknown to Brian, Vic had also had a word with Phillip about the guy he should send. Gorgeous, of course, but that was a given. But someone who would be particularly sensitive should Brian, say, have any problems.

Of course, he knew the guy was being paid to say how fantastic a fuck he was; Brian wasn't under any illusions on that score, but he'd always kept himself fit. But it was the sounds of genuine pleasure from the man under him, that gave Brian satisfaction that on this level at least, everything was still as it had always been.

Fucking someone he'd only just met and who's name he didn't even know was hardly new to Brian and this time there'd been no introductions either. The man had been exactly as per specification, with a great body and a great ass and if he'd noticed Brian's initial hesitation, then he never made anything of it. Brian found that before very long, he could switch off from how he was feeling about himself and a tried and trusted method of pain management had been established. And he soon realized he could trust who Phillip sent him and didn't bother leaving the lights on low any more.

And although the sex was satisfying, it was hollow and empty and only filled a physical need. There was no one to fill the void of just having someone there; someone to care about and who would care for him: something that Brian had once thought he would never need.

And now with Gus at Debbie's for a couple of days, the loneliness had set in again and Brian had made the call.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

From the workshop back in the Pitts, Justin called Daphne: if she didn't mind him borrowing her car, he could get back out to WV again and hopefully, keep his now very late appointment with Messrs. Kinney.

Daphne finished her shift and swung by the garage and Justin transferred the samples of his work he'd been taking with him in case Kinney wanted to see them and dropped her back home. He'd tried calling the Kinney household, but it went straight to answer phone. He was taking a risk that there'd be no one home now, but having failed to turn up earlier and despite his initial misgivings, Justin felt guilty at letting the man down and not being able to apologize for his lateness.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

When Justin had pulled off the main road and driven up the drive, he brought Daphne's car to a halt as the house came into view; hardly able to believe his eyes. A mock-Tudor mansion lay before him, but this was hardly the home he'd envisaged for Brian Kinney. Justin somehow had in mind that some boring monolithic monstrosity would have been more to the man's taste, not this beautiful and idyllic residence and he took out the piece of paper from his pocket and checked the address to be sure he'd come to the right place.

Maybe he'd got the wrong impression from Kinney's movies and with the conversations with him on the telephone, for whoever lived in this house must be a born romantic and he wondered again how the man could write such sad endings to his stories when he lived in a place that just inspired romantic fiction with fairy-tale happy endings and Justin sighed; for this surely was the house of HIS dreams.

But then the greeting he received when the door was opened to him made him wonder why the hell he'd bothered and that maybe his first impressions had been right after all.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Mr. K ...”

“No need for introductions,” said the man who now stood in the open doorway and Justin blinked at Brian's apparent irritation, but for the second time in a few minutes, Justin could hardly believe his eyes. Could this really be Brian Kinney: the man who wrote all those heartbreaking stories, because he didn't look a thing like Justin had been expecting, but then again, neither had his home.

Brian was in jeans and wife-beater and had padded to the door bare-footed.

“You're late,” came the rather curt statement, before Justin could introduce himself.

“I know ... I'm sorry ... the car ...”

“Well ... you're here now,” and Brian turned his back; leaving Justin standing on the doorstep, but not before the younger man had a chance to notice those beautiful hazel eyes; eyes that smoldered and were emphasized all the more by the beard that covered the man's lower face.

But Christ ... what an asshole ... what sort of welcome was that? thought Justin as he followed him in and then the man turned back towards him. “You wanna close the door?” and Justin hesitated and then turned around and shut the door as instructed.

“We're up here,” and without another word Brian made his way upstairs and Justin frowned at the man's continued rudeness and inwardly sighed in disappointment. But then again, this was more or less what he'd initially been expecting, going by the material the man wrote.

But following him up the stairs, Justin couldn't help notice the guy had a nice neat ass and long legs that took the stairs effortlessly. And those arms and shoulders; shown up beautifully by the wife-beater, were just incredible: just his luck the guy was married with a kid and obviously straight.

Brian led them into the bedroom and Justin hesitated just inside the door; wondering what the hell they were doing there and where was the kid who was supposed to be sitting for him, when Brian suddenly stripped off the wife-beater and threw it on the bed and looked over at him and, for the first time, Brian took a really good look at him.

He couldn't help grinning: Phillip knew how to pick them all right. He might be a little younger than usual, but this was definitely the cutest guy he'd sent him in a very long time and he couldn't help notice the shiny blond hair and those incredible pools of liquid blue that masqueraded as eyes.

To Brian, Justin's silence and the fact that he'd not started to remove any of his clothing meant only one thing; he wanted payment and Brian shook his head as he went to retrieve his wallet from the nightstand. But in actual fact, Justin was so confused and just so overwhelmed watching Brian that he didn't know what to say.

Being taken directly to the man's bedroom was confusing enough, without Brian stripping down to just his jeans. And even though he thought the man was just about the rudest he'd ever met, he had to admit he looked fantastic and obviously worked out, but then it dawned on him what Brian was saying; what was being expected of him.

“Best get this outta the way I guess,” and Brian counted out the bills. Phillip still insisted on cash; determined to keep as much of his affairs as possible away from the IRS.

“I think this should cover it,” and Brian held them out to Justin.

Now the penny was dropping; not only was this guy definitely not straight, he was apparently expecting to fuck him and offering him money and Justin finally found his voice.

“I don't know what sort of arrangement you think you made …” and Justin shook his head in disbelief and unable to finish his sentence. The man might be quite beautiful, but if this is what he was expecting; to fuck him just for the privilege of giving him a commission, then he was going to be disappointed.

Thoroughly disgusted that Kinney thought he could buy him like this: that Justin would be so grateful for the work he'd let the man screw him, Justin turned on his heel and practically ran back down the stairs.

“What the ...” for a moment, Brian felt sick. Had the young man found him so unattractive that he'd run out on him: that even the lure of money wasn't enough to be fucked by him?

Slowly, Brian made his way downstairs; in his haste to get away, the young man hadn't even closed the door behind him and as Brian went to close it, he heard a voice.

“Sorry I'm late ...”

 

 

 

- o O o -

 

 

 

Chapter Three:

“Sorry I'm late ...”

Brian turned to look at the man who'd just spoken to him and then he closed his eyes in disbelief. Shit. This was the trick, not the blond young man that had just fled from his house in obvious disgust and Brian groaned. That must have been Taylor; he was the only other person they'd been expecting, but as he hadn't shown, Brian thought he'd telephone again and re-arrange their meeting.

“Everything okay?” the trick asked, confused by Brian's silence. He'd seen the young man jump into his car and roar away, in fact he'd almost collided with him as he'd pulled in to park. Pity he'd left; he'd looked kinda cute; a threesome would have been fun, but he wondered why the blond had left in such a hurry, especially now as he surveyed the guy standing on the doorstep.

He'd been told that the man who lived at the address he'd been given was a very important client and was to be treated with the utmost respect, but he hadn't expected him to look quite as good as this. Stripped down to jeans when he came to the door and as much as Brian disbelieved it; hiding behind the beard or not, he was still one hot guy.

Brian opened his eyes and studied the trick. He looked to be in his late twenties and was quite attractive; about 5' 11”, slim build, green eyes, longish fair hair and dressed in expensive casual clothes.

“Shall we go inside ... wouldn't want you catching a chill,” the man suggested; trying to hurry things along and Brian sighed. Lindsay would chew him a second one if she knew what he'd just done; confusing the young artist she'd hired to paint Gus' portrait with a paid trick and he probably wasn't even gay. He was going to have to sort this out, but in the meantime the trick had come around in front of him and had started to run his fingers down Brian's chest and Brian smiled; well, as long as the man was here ...

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“What an asshole ... I can't believe that guy,” stated Justin as Daphne passed him his coffee.

“Are you sure you didn't misunderstand?” asked Daphne and Justin looked up at her and raised an eyebrow.

“Misunderstand? Misunderstand him taking me up to his bedroom ... half-naked and offering me money there and then ... like ... like some trick?” answered Justin; an indignant tone to his voice.

“Sounds hot,” stated Daphne, grinning. “But who would have thought Brian Kinney would be gay... seeing as how he's got a kid and all ... what was he like?” she asked him and she plonked herself down on the sofa beside him. Justin had driven straight to Daphne's to return her car to her; she knew something must have happened by the expression on his face and the fact that he'd returned so early.

“I don't know ... I really didn't take that much notice ... he was so rude and arrogant ... and then when I realized what he was suggesting I just turned around and walked out.”

“Are you going back?” asked Daphne. “Are you kidding? ... He obviously thinks just because he's offering to employ me that gives him the right to fuck me ... just because he's some famous writer and lives in this huge fucking mansion ... well not this mister.”

“A mansion?” asked Daphne, frowning. “Does it have stables and a pool?”

“How the fuck should I know ... it was in the middle of no-where ... I only saw as far as Kinney's bedroom ... and then he starts to strip off and offers me money ... fucking asshole.”

Daphne frowned at this further barrage of words that came tumbling out and she watched as Justin stirred his coffee and she saw how he was now biting his lip.

“You've got the hots for him,” she ventured, still grinning. “No I haven't,” Justin contradicted her, but Daphne knew him far too well and she continued to grin at him until he finally relented; he never could keep how he was feeling from Daphne.

“Okay ... the guy is hot ... I guess,” Justin conceded and he put down the spoon and picked up his cup; taking a mouthful of coffee before continuing.

“He was younger than I expected ... at least I think he was ... it was kinda hard to tell ‘cos he has a beard ... but he had a great body and these amazing hazel eyes ...” and then he stopped and sighed.

“But he thought I was just going to jump into bed with him ... he didn't even introduce himself properly.”

“Like you've never done that before ... slept with a guy and not know his name?” Daphne pointed out and she chuckled and shook her head as she took a sip from her own coffee cup and Justin looked at his friend, shocked by her observations of him.

“That makes me sound so ... so cheap.”

“But it's so ... so true,” continued Daphne and she patted his knee; emphasizing that she was just teasing him.

“Maybe ... but if I didn't know their names before hand ... I always did afterwards ... I mean I didn't just fuck someone and walk away ... we always exchanged names and numbers.”

“And how many of them ever called you back?” Daphne asked him seriously, for she knew her friend so wanted to find someone to fall in love with that he often ended up falling for trash; guys who would use him but never call him back: something she could never understand.

Justin would be a catch in anyone's book. He had beautiful blue eyes, a killer smile and just about the world's most perfect hair. On top of that he was extremely talented, kind and sensitive and wanted to do right by everyone and Daphne just wished the right man would come along for him.

But now it looked like he'd been let down again, but this time it meant he'd miss out on the commission that would have come in so useful now that he owed so much back rent.

“If he's as hot as you say ... I wonder why he has to pay for it?” asked Daphne and Justin shrugged.

“I was wondering that myself ... maybe he's into S&M or water sports,” and he shuddered as Daphne pulled a face; both of them thinking that Justin probably got out of there just in time.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

For the first time since the start of Gus' visit, Brian poured himself a drink and closed his eyes as he felt the warmth of the Beam make its way down to his empty stomach.

The trick had gone. He'd been more than willing to do whatever Brian had wanted and was well schooled; knowing exactly the right buttons to push as Brian allowed himself to be lost totally in what they were doing. But for some unexplained reason, the look of disgust he'd seen on Taylor's face when the young man realized Brian thought he was his trick for the night, kept coming back to him; haunting him: staring at him with those incredible blue eyes.

Brian sighed; he would have to seek him out and explain the misunderstanding or he'd never hear the end of it and he didn't want to upset Lindsay. After all, she'd been so agreeable to him having Gus of late he didn't want to rock the boat on that score.

Brian wasn't exactly used to apologizing. Before the accident, he used to live his life exactly how he wanted: no regrets, which ultimately meant no apologies either and they still didn't sit easy with him. But it looked like he was going to have to make one this time.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The phone book had a J. Taylor listed in an apartment building just off Liberty Avenue, Pittsburgh which matched the number the young man had given him when he'd first called.

There was no avoiding it; Lindsay had set her heart on this portrait so he would have to try and talk Taylor around to agree to set up another meeting and apologize for the misunderstanding and that their disastrous first encounter deserved an apology in person, even though it had meant summoning up every ounce of courage he had in order to do so.

From behind the tinted glass of the BMW, Brian looked across the street. It was a pretty run down building and looked like it was in need of a lot of work: another reason to try and talk to the guy, because if this was the only place he could afford to live, then Taylor was definitely in need of the work and Brian frowned; wondering why that seemed so important to him.

Glancing behind to make sure the road was clear before getting out, Brian caught sight of himself in the rearview mirror. Lindsay was right, of course she was; outside of a few people, he was the only one who knew why he grew the beard and what it was covering up and taking a deep breath, Brian opened the car door and stepped into the street.

Taylor's apartment was on the top floor and it was no surprise that the elevator was out of service, but grateful that he was in pretty good shape, Brian was able to take the stairs and arrive outside the apartment without any ill effect. But he stood outside the young man's door a full minute before eventually knocking and then trying to make himself heard over the music he could hear from inside.

Justin had resigned himself to thinking the commission to paint the Kinney kid's portrait was all but dead and buried and he was getting ready for the art show and desperately hoping he'd do well. Immersed in his work and the CD player on pretty loud, he didn't hear the knocking the first time and it was only when the second knock came and louder than the first, did Justin look up from what he was doing and he reached out and turned the volume down on the player.

He looked at his watch. It couldn't be Daphne, her shift didn't finish until much later and Justin groaned; hoping it wasn't going to be Burrows. But looking through the peephole, Justin caught his breath and stepped back before taking another look. Brian Kinney was standing in the hallway and knocking on his door.

Brian was on the verge of walking away when he noticed that the music had been turned down, but it was a few minutes before there was a response to his knocking and he'd wondered if he was being deliberately ignored. But then the door was opened and once again, he found himself looking into those beautiful blue eyes and Brian coughed.

“I ... I didn't get around to introducing myself properly yesterday ... Brian Kinney ... I think there was a misunderstanding ...” and Brian hesitated for a moment before holding out his hand. Justin blinked; obviously the man wasn't used to showing up on someone's doorstep and he could tell by his voice that apologizing didn't come natural. But the fact that the man had come all this way had to count for something and Justin thought that just maybe he should give him the benefit of the doubt and he took Brian's hand. “Justin Taylor,” he answered and both men smiled.

Brian couldn't help but notice Justin's hand so much smaller than his own; delicate: an artist's hand and for a moment he didn't want to let go. And Justin hoped that Brian couldn't detect how much he was trying to stop himself from shaking at his touch; a reaction he didn't normally suffer from.

“You better come in,” said Justin; eventually breaking the silence that had overtaken them and they slowly dropped hands and Justin stepped back to allow Brian to enter and the older man looked around him; taking in his surroundings and Justin closed the door.

“This is ... “

“A dump,” chuckled Justin.

“I was going to say ... Interesting,” stated Brian, noticing the pieces of artwork standing around the room and leaning against the walls, but Justin shook his head.

“No ... it's a dump ... but at least it's my dump ... for the moment anyhow,” and he saw Brian frown as he looked at the younger man.

“A question of being a little behind with the rent and not seeing eye to eye with the landlord.”

“Ah,” acknowledged Brian and he nodded his understanding.

“But I've got a show coming up and I hope to do okay.”

“Well ... if this is anything to go by,” commented Brian and he walked over to one of the finished pieces. Justin observed him cross the room; he'd noticed how he carried himself before at the house, but now, even in smart casual wear, Brian looked elegant: his movements smooth and a pleasure to watch.

“Do you like it?” asked Justin. “Would it make any difference if I did?” came the honest reply, probably a little more quickly than he should have, as Brian looked back over his shoulder at him and Justin shrugged. But for some inexplicable reason, yes, it did matter, what this man thought of his work.

Brian took a deep breath and turned back to look at the piece he was standing in front of. It was so vibrant it was almost alive and about to jump right off the canvas and he nodded. “It's exquisite,” but it wasn't just words; Brian meant it. And although Brian didn't see it, Justin allowed himself a slight smile.

Brian closed his eyes briefly and rolled his lips into his mouth before turning around to face him.

“I ... I owe you an apology ... about last night ...”

“I guess I wasn't who you were expecting,” chuckled Justin and Brian nodded; grateful that the young man appeared to be helping him out with his explanation. But not only that, unless seriously impaired, Brian's gaydar was working overtime and was usually right on the button; he smiled.

“Shall we start again?” he asked him and Justin scratched behind his ear; an action that Brian found quite endearing and then the young man shrugged.

“I guess there's no real reason why not.”

“Good ... then you'd be interested in taking on the commission?” and Justin nodded. “If you think I'm what you want ... the type of artist I mean,” Justin stuttered and he tried hard not to blush and Brian tried hard not to show he'd noticed by wandering over to the large work area that Justin had set out in the middle of the room to study more of the younger man's art; greatly impressed by the quality of Justin's work.

“Yes ... I think so,” answered Brian and he glanced up at him and smiled and both men knew exactly what was happening; the subtle flirting that was going on between them and then Brian turned away from the table to face him full on.

“Then you'll come back out to the house ... my son is away for a couple of days ... staying ... staying at his Grandma's ... so if you want to come back then ... I promise to behave this time,” Brian chuckled; feeling so relaxed in this young man's company: more relaxed then he could remember in a very long time in fact and Justin smiled and nodded: unable to ignore the twinkle in the other man's eyes.

“Good ... then it's a date ... I mean,” and this time it was Brian who couldn't help smiling in slight embarrassment as he made his way to the door.

“See you in a couple of days,” stated Brian as Justin leaned passed him to open the door.

“Look forward to it,” came the younger man's reply and for probably longer than necessary, both men held each other's gaze; hazel eyes meeting blue and neither of them seemingly wanting to be the first to break away and finally it was Brian who looked away and down the hall.

“See you later,” Brian stated as he made for the stairs.

“Later,” answered Justin who couldn't help smiling himself as he closed the door.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Grandma Debbie ... why don't you love dad any more?” asked Gus innocently and from across the table, Carl glanced at her over his reading glasses as he waited for her response. Debbie blinked as she picked up a piece of toast and started to butter it.

“What's that honey?” she asked him; trying to give herself some thinking time and Gus put down his spoon.

“I heard uncle Vic and dad talking ... it sounded like the two of you had a fight ... but if you're my Grandma ... I thought dad must be your son ... and mom's always love their sons ... don't they?”

“But dad said you chose uncle Mikey over him ... that he was your real son,” Gus stated seriously, for in fact he'd been on his way back out to the kitchen to ask his dad something when he heard the, at times, slightly heated conversation between his dad and uncle. He hadn't understood that much of it, but enough to know it upset his dad and now the concern and confusion in his voice was obvious and Carl put down his paper and took off his glasses: this he had to hear.

Debbie sighed at the boy's words for in most cases of course he would be right about mother's loving their sons. She loved Michael and would protect him and fight for him with her last breath if she had to and she'd willingly taken on the role of mom to Brian, knowing the lack of love there was in that household and now Carl was staring at her; defying her to say she now no longer had feelings for Brian: her second son.

“You shouldn't go worrying yourself over things like that,” Debbie told Gus gently. “It's grown up stuff ... nothing you should concern yourself about ... now why don't you go and get washed up ... and we'll go and visit uncle Mikey at the store,” and Gus pushed his empty bowl away and left the table to go up to the bathroom.

“Don't go giving me that look,” instructed Debbie to Carl, once Gus had gone upstairs and she started to clear the table and losing her appetite.

“Well ... you didn't really answer the kid ... did you?” he stated and Debbie practically threw the dishes in the sink.

“You better be careful with those ... I don't think you can get that pattern any longer.”

“You saying my stuff's old?” Debbie rounded on him, but they both knew her temper had nothing to do with the age of the crockery.

“When are you going to admit you miss Brian?” Carl asked her as he got up from his chair and went to join her at the sink. “And that you still love him and that it's only your pride ...”

“I'll never forgive him for what nearly happened to Michael,” Debbie cut him off and she turned on the hot water tap.

“That's not what I asked,” Carl reminded her, but their discussion was cut short as Gus bounded down the stairs having brushed his teeth.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Justin Taylor ... you can't keep me hanging on like this ... you have to tell me!” pleaded Daphne as she followed Justin inside his apartment. He'd called her to say he'd had an unexpected visitor and she'd gone straight round there after her shift; dying to hear all about it.

“Oh my god ... what did he say ... what did he look like?” she asked him as soon as she closed the door and eventually, Justin couldn't prevent himself from grinning.

“He looked great ... and he wanted to apologize for mistaking me for ... well ... you know and to introduce himself properly ... and I swear Daphne when we shook hands I thought he was bound to see I was shaking ... and I never thought he was going to let go.”

Justin's obvious pleasure at his visit from Brian was hard to disguise, even if he'd wanted to.

“And?”

“And what?”

“The commission ... for the portrait ... are you going to do it?”

“Oh ... yeah ... sure ... I'm going back over there in a couple of days when the kid's back from visiting his Grandma.”

Daphne grabbed hold of him and hugged him. “That's wonderful news, Justin.”

“Whoa ... it's only a picture,” stated Justin as he pulled back, but Daphne kept on smiling: somehow she had the feeling it would be so much more than that.

“Oh ... can I borrow the car again ... please ... it's gonna be a while before I can get mine back from the shop,” pleaded Justin and Daphne sighed: how could she refuse.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Suddenly, Brian didn't feel quite so lonely any more; sure, he was alone and the house was still empty with Gus and Vic away, but it gave Brian the opportunity to knuckle down and finish his latest work without any interruption. Not that he didn't get interrupted, for every so often, Justin's smiling face as he'd agreed to give the portrait a go, kept coming back to him: a wonderful smile which lit up those beautiful blue eyes.

He couldn't believe how comfortable he'd felt in the younger man's company and that he was actually looking forward to him coming back to the house. But when he had to use the bathroom, Brian looked at himself in the mirror and sighed.

Who was he trying to fool? Justin didn't look much more than a kid and a pretty cute one at that. What the hell was he doing; thinking the blond would be interested in him and that whatever had passed between them at Justin's apartment was probably nothing more than the young man being polite to a potential employer.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Gus came back from his visit to Grandma Debbie with an armful of comic books given to him by uncle Michael from his store. He'd obviously enjoyed his stay and being fussed over and Brian couldn't help feeling the odd pang of jealousy as he picked up one of the comics and he closed his eyes briefly and dropped it back on the kitchen table. If it hadn't been for that damn comic book convention ....

“Hi, dad,” Gus came in from the stable where he'd been out to see Buttons and disturbed his father's train of thought and he gave his dad a hug. Brian smiled; it was so good to have him back.

“You were a good boy for Grandma?” Brian asked him as he ruffled the boy's hair and Gus scowled. “Course I was dad ... it was fun ... I like Grandma and Grandpa Carl ... but there's always so many people in their house all the time ... it's always busy,” and he turned to pick up the pile of books.

“I'll take these up to my room ... then will you come with me so I can have a proper ride on Buttons?” asked Gus.

“Sure ... he's been missing you,” informed his dad and trotting happily away, Gus headed for the stairs, meeting uncle Vic on the way down, after taking the boy's bag up to his room.

“Don't forget to unpack your laundry and throw it down the chute,” Vic reminded him.

“I won't,” came the reply as the boy disappeared upstairs and Vic chuckled as he joined Brian in the kitchen. “He's such a good kid.”

Brian smiled; barely taking notice of Vic's comment. He'd been deep in thought, for Gus' description of life in the Novotny household reminded him of what it had been like when he'd been a kid, with a constant stream of people in and out; staying for supper or just having a chinwag over a cup of coffee and always made to feel welcome.

There'd always been a lot of food at the Novotny's; an Italian trait, whereas in the Kinney household it had been booze; the downfall of two generations of Kinney male's it would seem and Brian was determined it wouldn't happen to Gus.

Brian was sure alcohol had been a crutch for his father; an abusive drunk who probably wouldn't have had the guts to lash out at his son all those times if it hadn't been for the courage his drinking had given him.

Though nowhere near the heavy drinker that his father had been, for Brian, alcohol was used to block out those times; to help him forget how unloved and unwanted he'd been made to feel during his childhood and beyond. But Gus would never feel like that; he would know how much he was loved and Brian would help make damn sure he never needed the alcohol or drugs he'd used in order to make it through the night; making those dark and lonely times just bearable.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin couldn't help but catch his breath; just like the first time he'd seen the house and he parked Daphne's car in the drive and taking his materials from the trunk, he'd barely made the front door when it was opened for him.

“Hi ... I'm Vic Grassi ... I work for Mr. Kinney ... let me help you with that,” and Vic took one of the boxes Justin was holding from the young man. Brian had seen the blond approach as he'd been watching from the window and Vic had frowned, confused when he saw Brian retreat to the study as the young man came up the path.

Brian had told Vic that he and Justin had re-arranged their meeting and Vic hadn't asked how they'd been in contact, but there was obviously something going on there, for Justin was expected and yet Brian had wanted to appear cool; indifferent almost, by withdrawing and not being on hand when he let the young man in.

Vic led Justin into the conservatory at the rear of the house. There were several plants and with the greenery and the air-conditioning, it was cool and comfortable and the light was excellent and leaving Justin there, he went to find Brian.

“He's here ... but you don't need me to tell you that,” stated Vic and he raised an eyebrow as Brian hesitated before getting up from behind the desk; Brian smiled but refused to acknowledge the comment and walked straight passed him. And Vic thought he could detect the scent of extremely expensive cologne on Brian; something he'd not bothered with in years.

Brian had tried to look as if he'd been working all morning, but periodically, Vic had found him looking out the window to the front of the house. And, when Brian left the room and Vic went to collect a dirty coffee mug from the desk, he caught sight of what was on the screen of Brian's laptop.

Brian had been logged into the archives of the Pittsburgh Art Gallery where, three years before, Justin Taylor had been one of their most promising emerging artists. Vic grinned: maybe Brian wasn't as disinterested as he made out.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Is this okay?” asked Brian as he entered the room to find Justin setting things out on the table. Justin glanced up; there'd been no hello or pleasantries: it was straight down to business and he couldn't help sighing. He was getting so many conflicting vibes from the man: on their first meeting he was rude and arrogant and then next time apologetic and pleasant and, Justin had thought, flirtatious. But now he seemed to be cool and aloof and Justin wondered what the hell was going on in the man's mind; trying to read his eyes and not for the first time did he feel a little shiver up his spine when those hazel eyes fell on him.

“This is fine ... thanks ... Mr. Kinney,” answered Justin, smiling and he saw how Brian's eyes flickered and seemed a little harder as he spoke.

“It's Brian ... Mr. Kinney always sounds like my father,” the older man informed him coolly and Justin couldn't help notice the edge in the man's voice that matched the coldness in his eyes.

“I'm not sure how far we'll get today,” Justin continued, hoping the man's mood would lighten. “But I thought I'd bring my gear with me anyhow,” and Brian nodded in understanding and the two of them faced each other and Justin put his hands on his waist.

“Where is he?” he asked eventually and Brian blinked; almost forgetting why Justin was actually there and he swallowed. “I'll ... I'll go give him a call,” came the reply and Justin couldn't help smiling as Brian left the room and he heard him calling for his son.

Two minutes later, a good looking 8-year old came in with his dad and Justin couldn't help but notice the likeness. He also couldn't help notice how Brian changed the moment he was around his son; he seemed to become instantly more relaxed and looked at the boy like he was the only thing in the world that mattered and the affection in his tone was obvious.

“Justin ... this is Gus ... Justin's going to be doing the portrait,” stated Brian to his son; his hands on Gus' shoulders protectively and the boy held out his hand. Justin smiled. “Good to meet you Gus,” and they shook hands and Justin stepped back to look at him.

“What?” asked Brian at Justin's expression. “Well ... I was just wondering ... what Gus should be wearing.”

“Wearing?” queried Brian and Justin nodded as he studied the young man in his plain white tee. “Sure ... what he's wearing ... the color ... it all contributes to the overall effect.”

“I've got that nice blue shirt,” suggested Gus as he looked up at his father and Brian looked at Justin for confirmation.

“That'll be good,” acknowledged the younger man and at his father's agreement, Gus went off to change.

“Kids,” chuckled Brian. “8-years old and a fashion fiend,” and Justin smiled up at him and produced a digital camera from his bag.

“That looks expensive ... but not the sort of gear I would have thought a traditional artist would be carrying around with him,” observed Brian.

“My mom bought it for me for my birthday ... I actually find it quite useful ... though I have to admit it's not standard kit.”

“I just thought that if Gus is like any other 8-year old ... getting him to sit still for any length of time is going to be practically impossible ... at least if I take a few shots with this ... I can do some of the work from them.”

Brian nodded, but his mind was working overtime. If Justin took photographs to work from, it meant that maybe he wouldn't need to spend all the time at the house and he was sort of looking forward to having the younger man around.

A few minutes later, Gus came bounding back into the room and Brian reached for him and straightened the boy's collar; an action that didn't go unnoticed by Justin and that only served to reinforce the bond there so obviously was between father and son.

“That's better,” stated Justin and he looked around for a chair and the right place to sit the boy.

Brian watched, intrigued, as Justin set about his work: taking everything into account. Like watching the light by noting the direction of the sun so that it wouldn't be in Gus' face but allowing for the right amount of natural light to shine on him and deciding what, if anything, would be in the background.

After Justin decided on the right place to set the chair and then settling Gus and making sure he was comfortable, he spent the next few minutes taking photographs from various positions. “I'll have a look at these ... work out the best angle before I start ... and before it all gets too much,” he smiled at Brian; knowing it was unlikely that Gus would be content to sit here like this for very long.

Having put the camera down, Brian was then much relieved to see Justin take out his sketchbook. “I like to make a couple of quick preliminary sketches too ... makes me think more like an artist,” he informed him and Brian smiled.

Trying to keep Gus still and quiet was going to be a nightmare, realized Brian and the boy couldn't stop chatting to Justin while he was trying to draw. But it wasn't long before there was a very passable likeness on the page and satisfied with the rough sketch, Justin passed the book to Brian.

“Is that what you have in mind?” asked Justin and Brian nodded; for even in this short time, Justin had got Gus' likeness down exactly.

Twenty minutes; tops. That's how long before Gus began to squirm in his seat and start to look uncomfortable and a little bored and now Brian understood why Justin wanted to take the photographs. If he could only work in 20-minute stretches, it would take a month of Sundays to complete the portrait.

Gus looked at his dad and Brian smiled. “Okay ... I guess that's enough before you start getting cranky.” “I don't get cranky,” contradicted Gus and Justin smiled at the interaction between the pair. “Well ... go on up and take the shirt off ... and hang it up,” called Brian after him as Gus ran upstairs.

“I guess that's all for today ... we can fix another time and I'll take a look at these later,” said Justin and he picked up the camera from the table.

Brian's stomach lurched; this was over far too quickly.

“Do you have to leave ... I mean ... if you don't have to rush away ... you could always stay ... use the laptop in the study.”

Justin turned the camera over in his hands as he thought. “Okay ... that'd be good,” and he chuckled. “Keep me out of the landlord's clutches for a little longer at least.”

Brian blinked. “Is he a problem?” he asked, suddenly anxious. “No ... I can handle him,” stated Justin; he'd meant it as a joke, but it looked like Brian had taken it quite seriously by his concern.

“Well ... let me show you where the laptop is ... it's hooked up to a printer if you want hard copies,” stated Brian and he lead Justin down the hall; Justin hesitated just in side the door to the study.

“So ... is this where it all happens?” he asked Brian.

“What's that?”

“Where you write your screenplays.”

“You know about those?” asked Brian, shocked that Justin actually knew who he was.

“Sure ... I saw your latest release with a friend of mine not too long ago.” Justin was dying to ask Brian why he wrote such sad endings to his stories, but now wasn't the time: maybe later when he got to know him better. And Justin inwardly smiled; he certainly would like to get to know Brian Kinney better.

“Well ... it's a living,” stated Brian, almost dismissive about his work and suddenly, Brian quickened his pace to get to the laptop before Justin saw what he was still logged on to and Brian closed down the Pittsburgh Art Gallery site.

Justin had brought with him the complete camera bag, which included the USB connector and he hooked the camera up to the laptop and sat behind the desk.

Brian went to stand behind him in order to see the screen. There were a dozen pictures; he hadn't realized Justin had taken so many: all from varying positions to find the right angle.

Brian leaned forward over Justin's shoulder to get a better look and, for the first time, the blond could detect the faint scent of Brian's cologne and he closed his eyes; his head starting to get giddy. Brian's chin was practically resting on his shoulder; he could almost feel his beard and he could certainly feel the heat emanating from him. And when Brian reached out to point at the image on the screen, it almost felt as if he had his arms around him and Justin's mouth went dry and when Brian spoke to him, he couldn't reply.

“I like that one ... but then I'm not an artist,” stated Brian and Justin tried to swallow.

Being so close to Justin, Brian had to fight the temptation to run his fingers through the blond hair: it looked so soft and silky and he could detect the scent of the shampoo that still lingered and looking over the younger man's shoulder, Brian breathed him in and it was all he could do to retain his senses and still sound rational.

Justin tried to concentrate on the images on the screen and he struggled to find the words to acknowledge the one Brian had indicated. “That ... that one's good ... it's probably the best angle for Gus ... if we can print it off ... it'll help me when it gets too much for him.”

Justin turned to look directly at Brian; his face just inches away from the older man's and Brian met his gaze. He saw Justin's lips part as the young man's heart missed a beat; beautiful lips, just made for kissing and for a moment, neither man moved.

“Dad ... uncle Vic wants to know if Justin's staying for lunch.” Gus came bounding into the room and Brian closed his eyes before straightening up, but wondering what might have happened if his son hadn't suddenly appeared like that.

“Dad?” asked Gus again and Brian coughed. “You're very welcome to stay, Justin ... if you want to carry on with this today that is,” asked Brian, trying to keep the pleading tone from his voice and Justin smiled.

“I ... I'd like that ... Thanks.”

“Then I'll leave you to get on ... we'll call you when lunch is ready,” stated Brian and taking Gus by the shoulder, he guided his son from the room and once out in the hall, he took a deep breath.

“Are you okay, dad?” asked Gus and Brian tried to smile. “Sure ... let's go see what Vic is up to,” and thankful to put a little distance between them; at least for a short while, Brian was happy to leave Justin in the study.

Justin had breathed a sigh of relief when Brian walked out the door with Gus; the heady mix of subtle cologne and the nearness of him had sent his senses reeling; the man so confusing with his mood and demeanor swinging one way and then the other.

After the other evening, when he'd mistaken Justin for a trick, Brian was obviously gay, but he had a son. Was he raising him, Justin wondered or married to the boy's mother? Did he live a double life; caught up in the make-believe he wrote about so convincingly?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Thirty minutes later, Gus went to find Justin to tell him lunch was ready and found him back in the conservatory. He'd printed out a couple of pictures of Gus and had gone back out to the car to collect canvas and easel and the rest of his equipment. He wasn't sure how far they'd get today, but he'd brought everything with him in the hope he could at least get set up for when he could continue.

Gus led Justin to the kitchen, where a lunch of cold cuts and salad was already laid out on the table. “Wow ... I don't usually eat much during the day ... actually ... I don't usually eat,” admitted Justin as Vic put the jug of homemade lemonade on the table.

“Well ... Vic'll get pretty upset if there's anything left,” stated Brian and he squeezed the older man's shoulder affectionately. “Too right ... dig in,” Vic instructed and Justin drew out a chair and sat along side him.

The conversation around the table was light and friendly and Justin quickly felt at ease and able to join in. He couldn't help notice how well the three males of the household got on together, with Brian's obvious affection and respect for Vic as well as the love he showed for his son.

Gus' ability for chatter had never failed to amaze Brian, but now it seemed his son was equally matched by Justin, who's seemed seemed to fit right in straight away and whose enthusiasm for just about everything made Brian chuckle.

Justin's main passion of course was for his art, which was overwhelming, and Brian couldn't help notice how he occasionally rubbed his hand; sometimes absentmindedly flexing his fingers.

“I guess that's a penalty of being an artist,” indicated Brian, as he saw Justin ball up his fist and then stretch out his fingers for the third time.

“What?” asked Justin and then he realized what he was doing and he glanced at Gus. “Something like that,” he stated, not wanting to go into gory details in front of the boy, but it was pretty obvious to the adults that there was more to that statement than met the eye.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Lunch was a very enjoyable occasion and there wasn't really anything more Justin could do today, but he, Brian and Gus agreed that Justin would come to the house every morning and paint as much as Gus could manage and then do what he could from the photographs.

“It is the school break after all,” stated Brian. “I can't expect him to want to stay in the house for much of the time,” and Justin nodded in understanding and he picked up his camera and sketchbook as these he was taking home with him.

Brian watched as Justin drove away; turning back to wave to father and son standing on the doorstep.

“He's nice,” stated Gus and he pulled away from his dad and trotted back inside.

“Yeah ... he is,” agreed Brian, quietly and to no one but himself and he closed the door.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Over the next few days, a routine was more or less established: Justin would come out to the house; still using Daphne's car and Gus would sit for him. Then, when Gus had enough, Justin would continue working from the photographs.

Brian asked if it was okay if he stayed while Justin worked and initially the younger man had thought it was to make sure Gus was okay. But increasingly he'd glance up and find the man watching him and Justin would have to close his eyes and mentally shake his head to maintain his concentration.

Brian had already made the decision that he wouldn't work on anything during the school break; that he wanted to be around as much as he could to enjoy his son's visit and for them to spend some real quality time together. But deep down, he knew it was because he also wanted to spend as much time in Justin's company as he could; for as long as it lasted.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Gus beat Vic to the door and let Justin in and then disappeared again, saying he was in the middle of something and would be right back. Vic chuckled and shook his head as the boy trotted off. “He's been doing some painting of his own,” Vic informed Justin. “I think he wants to get it for you.”

Gus was getting better at sitting still and quiet and the length of the sessions was gradually increasing, but this morning, Justin had turned up looking pretty tired and already starting to feel at home, asked Vic if there was any chance of a cup of coffee and they went into the kitchen.

“Heavy night?” chuckled Vic as he pulled out two mugs from the cupboard.

“Yes ... but not what you're thinking,” stated Justin, trying to suppress a yawn and he saw Vic raise an eyebrow. “I was painting ... I've got a show next week ... I really need to do well ... I'm still using a friend's car ... I can't get my own out of the shop until I can pay the bill.”

“If you need an advance against the portrait ... I'm sure Brian ...”

Justin waved the older man's suggestion away and shook his head. “I couldn't take a handout ... I expect to get paid once the portrait is completed ... not before,” stated Justin, taking the mug of strong coffee he was handed and he looked around him.

“Where's Brian?” he asked; trying not to sound too disappointed that the man wasn't there to greet him as he'd done every morning so far.

“He's had to go to the bank ... one of his insurances got screwed up and they needed his signature ... something I couldn't do for him.”

“You do a lot of that sort of thing?” asked Justin; taking a sip of his drink and Vic nodded. “Brian doesn't really go out very much,” and he saw Justin frown.

“He's just not very good around a lot of people,” stated Vic, hoping he'd not said too much and he indicated a chair.

“You mean like a phobia?” asked Justin as he took his seat at the kitchen table.

“Not exactly,” said Vic slowly and Justin put up his hand. “Sorry ... I'm not prying .. it's just ... I've never seen any photographs of him ... he never appears on any of the publicity for his movies ... so it's not like people would recognize him and hassle him,” observed Justin. “Other than ...” and he hesitated.

“Other than what?” asked Vic, curious and Justin looked a little embarrassed. “Well ... he is pretty hot.”

“You think?” Vic asked him, putting down his mug and he saw the younger man start to blush. In fact, Justin was finding it increasingly difficult to keep just how attracted he was to Brian under wraps, but it was hard to gauge exactly what the man felt for him; if anything.

“Well ... yeah ... sure ... don't you?” Justin stuttered. It had already been established that Vic was gay and he had wondered what his relationship was to Brian, other than that of housekeeper.

Vic nodded. “Yeah ... I guess he is pretty hot ... not that I think of him in that way ... to me he's family ... I've known him since he was 14 ... he was best friends with my sister's kid,” and Vic sat back in his chair and picked up his mug from which he took a sip. There was something about Justin that made people feel relaxed and open up; maybe it was because the young man seemed so honest and forthright himself, that it just seemed to encourage the same response from everyone else.

Vic chuckled. “A few years ago and Brian practically had to fight the guys off with a stick ... he wasn't known as the stud of Liberty Avenue for nothing ... he couldn't go anywhere without guys hitting on him and he didn't turn down that many ... but mind you ... it was generally Brian doing the chasing.”

Justin's eyes opened wide in surprise; not at the fact that guys had found Brian attractive and that it sounded like he'd deserved his reputation, but because this image just didn't seem to fit the one of reserved and dedicated father that he'd observed in the last few days. For Justin had seen for himself the genuine displays of love between father and son and the affectionate banter between them.

There was so much more Justin would have loved to ask, but he heard Brian's car pull up the drive: there were obviously a lot of layers to Mr. Kinney and Justin silently hoped he'd get to peel a few of them away.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The portrait was keeping pretty much to schedule, but now it was Friday and the start date for the art show had come around. Brian already knew Justin wouldn't be working on the portrait on the weekend and tonight, there was to be an evening reception and then the show would run for three days. And, at that reception and over the weekend, the artists were expected to be on hand in order to talk about their work to invited guests, any of the art critics covering the show, or with any potential buyers. And Justin was mentally crossing his fingers, hoping to sell at least one of his pieces, in order to keep his head above water.

And, just after lunch as he was packing up, Justin brought an envelope out of his pocket and handed it to Brian.

“What's this ... your bill already?” teased Brian and Justin shook his head. “No ... it's an invitation to the reception ... for the show ... just in case you get time to come along,” and Brian nodded, knowing full well just how much free time he actually had at the moment.

“Thanks ... but I'm not sure how pushed I am,” answered Brian; not wanting Justin to know exactly how empty his life was; for without Gus and his work, there was nothing left.

“Oh sure ... no pressure ... it was just a thought.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Justin ... I am so proud of you,” and Jennifer Taylor beamed at him and then hugged her son; much to his embarrassment. It was the cocktail reception and Justin's work was already attracting a lot of attention.

Having finally come to terms with Justin's sexuality, Jennifer was now his staunchest supporter. Not that it had been easy in those early days; learning her teenage son was sleeping with men and tracking him down to gay bars in the early hours of the morning as she tried to ensure her 17 year old would come to no harm. When in the end it wasn't the gay community who had hurt him; it had been a seemingly straight class mate who had nearly killed him and almost destroyed his life. And on top of that, having to deal with her husband's hostility as well as his repeated infidelity, which led to the break-up of their marriage.

But now Jennifer was a qualified Realtor and a PFLAG mom and proud of it and though Justin had long ago stopped attending any of their BBQ's or other fund-raising events; one of his most proudest days was when he marched with his mom in the Pride Parade.

“Congratulations, Justin,” came the voice behind him and Justin turned around to come face to face with his mother's boyfriend and his smile quickly disappeared as the man passed Jennifer her drink.

“Tucker.”

“This is all very impressive ... you must be pleased.”

Justin managed a slight smile; hardly able to hide his obvious dislike for the man and his disapproval at their relationship.

Not that his mother didn't deserve to be happy or have someone in her life of course, but the fact that he was so many years her junior made Justin uncomfortable. It would seem that Justin coming to terms with his mother being seen as attractive to men other than his father and as a sexual being in her own right, was no different than Jennifer coming to terms with Justin's homosexuality.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The weekends of course were like any other day of the week with Gus there and not working over the summer. But after having Justin around for most of the last week, Saturday and Sunday seemed strangely empty without him and Brian had found himself often wandering into the conservatory, where Justin's equipment had been left.

The portrait had been carefully covered up to protect it and Brian didn't dare disturb it; promising faithfully that he wouldn't touch it. But he couldn't help lightly touching the brushes, pots of paint, a palette for mixing the colors and other equipment Justin had left behind. Brian didn't understand the mechanics of course, though he had asked Justin why he was doing certain things. Everything seemed so painstaking and Justin obviously had tremendous patience. But then he'd demonstrated that not only in his work but in his dealings with an 8-year old boy.

He enjoyed watched Justin as he worked; losing himself so entirely in his art and Brian had begun to realize just how important art was to him; how it consumed the young man and here surrounded by everything that was Justin, he didn't seem so far away.

Brian sighed and went out into the kitchen. It was Sunday morning and Vic had taken Gus out for a drive; he loved spending time with the boy and there was a park Gus liked with a lake and wild fowl and they'd taken a picnic for themselves and loaf of bread with them for the ducks.

Brian picked up the envelope that he'd left at the back of the counter; the invitation and knew he should really have gone and that Justin hadn't been obliged to invite him, which probably meant he'd actually wanted him to go and he sighed at his foolishness and hated himself for disappointing the young man.

Having poured himself a fresh mug of coffee Brian took it over to the window looking out onto the garden. He took a swallow from his mug and put it down on the counter; Vic had left a copy of the local paper on the surface and absentmindedly, Brian started to thumb through its pages. And then an article jumped out at him.

The Pittsburgh annual art show for established as well as emerging artists had attracted a piece in the paper and Brian rolled his lips into his mouth as he read the details giving the times and dates of the show and wondered whether after all, he could summon up the courage to go. He'd been totally overwhelmed by the young man's work back at the apartment; Justin was obviously incredibly talented and seeing his creations in their proper setting would only serve to enhance them.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“That's the third time you've looked at that article,” observed Vic as he cleared away the dishes after their evening meal.

“Is it? I hadn't realized,” came back Brian from behind the paper and Vic couldn't resist a chuckle. “You know it is,” and he threw the dish towel over his shoulder and sat down next to Brian at the kitchen table.

Meals were only ever taken in the kitchen these days, whereas in the past and especially when entertaining potential clients of Kinnetik, Brian would get in caterers; more than likely Emmett and the large table in the dining room would be laid out beautifully with the best silverware and china. But it had been a long time since any entertaining had taken place in this house.

Gus had gone upstairs to watch the Disney Channel and Brian had picked up the paper and sat down at the table after their meal and Vic sighed and reached out and pulled the paper down so that he could see Brian's face.

“Why don't you go and see his show ... you know you want to.”

“Says you,” answered Brian and Vic smiled. “I've been watching you these last few days Brian Kinney ... and I don't ever recall seeing you like this around someone before ... so go ... you've got plenty of time ... it doesn't finish until 10:00 ... I'll watch Gus.”

On several occasions, Vic had taken refreshments into the conservatory and hadn't failed to catch the look on Brian's face as he watched the young man working or just generally around him. He was obviously enthralled by the young man's art, but Vic had thought he'd detected more than that: that Brian had feelings for the young man.

“I don't know what the fuck you're talking about,” came back from Brian and he put the paper down and got up.

“Are you going back into the conservatory again?” called Vic after him and Brian hesitated in the doorway. That's exactly where he had been heading, but instead, Brian now went upstairs and looked in on Gus.

“Hi, dad ... you wanna watch Rugrats with me?” Brian blinked and chewed his lip and finally shook his head.

“Hmm ... no ... not tonight champ ... there's other stuff I need to do.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was 9:30 Sunday and with his fingers entwined, Justin stretched his arms out in front of him and then he put his hands behind his head and arched his back; stretching. It was proving to be a busy show, as well as the period that had led up to it.

The last few days had started with him going out to West Virginia on the Friday morning to work on Gus' portrait and then in the afternoon supervising getting his work to the gallery and helping to hang it in position. Then there'd been just enough time to dash back home to shower and change to return in time for the official opening and reception.

But Justin smiled to himself; he'd attracted a lot of very favorable comments and had been interviewed by the art critics who had attended and had received some wonderful feedback from them and guests alike. But on top of that he'd sold one large and two small pieces of his work already; enough to pay to get his car fixed and to cover the amount of rent owing on his apartment as well as being able to stock up on supplies. There was only one thing that disappointed him.

After giving Brian an invitation to the reception, he hoped the man might come down himself to take a look. But in the end it would seem Brian's wariness of being out in crowds had proved to be too much. He knew Brian was interested in his art; he'd seen that at the apartment and how he asked intelligent questions while he was working on the portrait. But not interested enough it would seem to come and take a look at a formal show.

And now it was only half-an-hour until the show closed for the night and people were drifting away and after talking to an elderly couple who had been admiring his work and asking him about it, Justin had escorted them to the door and then returned to his section of the gallery and stretched his limbs.

The gallery had become pretty quiet, now that almost everyone had gone, save for the staff and fellow artists and Justin heard the door open behind him but took no notice, until he felt a presence standing by his side.

“I said it before ... and I'll say it again ... it's exquisite.”

Justin blinked and turned to face the man standing by his side who was studying his work and he couldn't prevent a huge grin spreading across his face; Brian looked back at him and the grin was returned.

“Then you do like it?” asked Justin, daring to ask for confirmation and hoping he hadn't sounded needy of Brian's approval.

“It shouldn't really matter what anyone else thinks,” Brian informed him. “You're the artist ... its creator ... it's how you feel about it that matters ... and it seems to me you've put your entire self into your work,” and Brian now moved across the floor to study pieces he didn't see back at the apartment; especially several darker pieces: menacing almost and he frowned.

“What ... what is it?” Justin asked him and Brian chewed his lip.

“It's okay ... you can tell me ... whether you love them or hate them.”

“Well ... to be honest ... I think I know what they're saying ... but I'm not sure I understand why,” Brian informed him and Justin moved to stand beside him. “Tell me what you see,” he encouraged him and Brian took a deep breath.

“Pain ... there's a lot of pain and anguish in these ... just these few pictures ... it's like ... it's like the heart and soul has been ripped out,” observed Brian and now it was Justin's turn to be amazed and he felt himself go cold; no one saw that element of his work and certainly no one else really understood it.

And then Brian moved onto the next pieces; brighter, with flashes of brilliant reds, oranges and yellows. “But in these there's hope ... spirit ... something new and reborn,” and he turned back to look at Justin to find the young man's eyes brimming with tears.

“Justin?”

“I'm okay.”

Justin turned away; unwilling for Brian to see him so weak and vulnerable but the man reached out for him. “Hey ... what did I say ... it's all brilliant ... every piece.”

Justin shook his head. “No one ever gets ...” and he stopped; unable to complete his sentence and shaking with emotion.

Brian studied him; he was pale and looked exhausted. Preparing for the show had obviously taken everything out of him and Brian was only just beginning to understand the pressure the young man had been under lately; trying to get everything ready and then on top, taking on the commission to paint Gus' portrait, not to mention being short on cash. And Brian kicked himself: he should have offered to help.

“Let's get out of here ... are you hungry?” Brian asked him, but Justin shook his head. “No ... I managed to grab something earlier.”

“Then do you need to stay?”

“No ... everything's going to stay as it is for another day ... so ...”

“Then I'm taking you home,” stated Brian and he stretched out his arm; indicating the door. Too exhausted to argue, Justin stooped and picked up his bag and allowed Brian to steer him out to the car and ten minutes later, they were climbing the stairs back to the apartment.

Justin felt so very weary; hardly able to put one foot in front of the other and he fumbled for his key in his pocket and then Brian saw a look of pain in the young man's face as his fingers failed to keep a grip on the small metal object and it fell to the floor; Brian stooped to pick it up. And seeing how Justin was rubbing his hand, Brian opened up the door and then handed Justin back the key, which the young man managed to take.

“That seems to be happening a lot,” observed Brian at Justin's discomfort and he saw Justin close his eyes. “If only you knew,” came the reply and Justin went inside and left the door open; an invitation for Brian to follow.

Going over to the sink, Justin filled the jug and put on some water for fresh coffee.

“Maybe I should go,” observed Brian. “You look pretty beat,” but Justin shook his head.

“Stay ... have coffee and I'll tell you why you saw what you did in my paintings.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

An hour later and they were sitting on the sofa; coffee going cold in the cups and Justin was still talking and Brian listened in horror as the young man described the bashing and how afterwards, he'd fought to regain use of his drawing hand.

And, even after he'd recovered a good percentage of use back in his hand, that there was a time when he thought he couldn't go on. That was when he produced the dark paintings that Brian had described with pain and anguish; the life ripped out of them: the life ripped out of Justin. For that was how he'd felt; that he might as well be dead if he couldn't paint.

And then when he'd regained his will; his determination to carry on, that was when he'd produced the work where Brian had seen the hope and re-birth.

Justin had put everything he'd been feeling down onto canvas: reliving his hurt through his work in the hope of purging himself; though some of that hurt would always remain.

And Brian had been the first person who had been able to put those feelings into words: something not even his mother or Daphne had managed to do.

And now the tears were streaming down the young man's face as he re-lived that darkest time for Brian and the older man could feel himself getting more furious and more desperate for the anguish Justin had experienced: was still experiencing and he hadn't even realized he'd moved closer to him until he suddenly found the younger man in his arms.

Brian held him and tried to comfort him; Justin quaking with the huge sobs that coursed through him and Brian closed his eyes and stroked the blond hair. It was silky soft and in all his years, he'd never felt as close to anyone as he did now; not even to Michael and he could feel himself falling: after all, he was no stranger to hurt and pain himself.

Justin clung to him and although Brian was glad he could be there for him, he also didn't want to let him go: it felt so good. Other than Gus, it had been a long time since anyone had really needed him, if indeed anyone else ever really had. But suddenly, regaining his senses, a feeling of guilt overtook Brian. How could he have any feelings of pleasure in holding this young man like this, when he was in such obvious distress.

For Justin, moving into Brian’s arms had seemed the most natural thing in the world. Something told him that Brian had his own demons and would understand his anguish and holding him, Brian made him feel safe and protected. But just as the sobs were subsiding and when he was beginning to feel relaxed, he felt Brian's body stiffen; as if pushing him away.

Sniffing, Justin turned in Brian's arms and looked up at him and Brian could have melted on the spot; looking into those beautiful blue eyes filled with so much pain and uncertainty as to why he felt the man was rejecting him.

Brian's own eyes showed signs of confusion; but they also shone with concern or, was it affection? This wasn't the first time they'd been close enough to kiss and Brian saw Justin's lips part and the younger man reached up to stroke Brian's face.

Brian drew back, but not before Justin thought he could feel something beneath the man's beard with those sensitive fingers.

Sliding out from under Justin, Brian pushed himself up off the sofa.

“I think I better leave.”

“I'm sorry ... I didn't mean ... shit ...” Justin rubbed his face; he couldn't believe how he'd come on to Brian like that when all the man was doing was literally offering him a shoulder to cry on: no wonder Brian wanted to run away.

“That's okay ... I can't imagine how intense it’s all been ... getting ready for the show ... you look pretty drained,” stated Brian and Justin managed a slight smile and nodded. Brian was right; he felt totally depleted having poured out his heart and soul into his art. But that was the only way Justin could be: when he gave, he gave completely.

Justin wanted desperately to tell Brian he didn't have to go; that he would give anything for the man to stay, but the uncertainty in Brian's face stopped him and for a moment, they held each other's gaze and then Brian smiled.

“You better get some sleep ... if you don't feel like turning up tomorrow ...”

“No ... that's okay ... I'll be there,” promised Justin and he started to get up off the sofa.

“It's okay ... I'll see myself out,” stated Brian, but with every inch of him wanting to stay and knowing what would likely happen if he did, but Brian didn’t dare. Didn't dare to even begin to think that someone might actually want him and that all Justin was probably feeling was gratitude; for him being there, listening and understanding.

 

 

 

- o O o -

 

 

 

Chapter Four:

Justin really thought he'd blown it.

When Brian had left the apartment, Justin had groaned and dragged himself up off the sofa and just tumbled on to his bed without even undressing. Brian must think he was a real moron for coming on to him like that and maybe he'd misread the signs that the man was interested in him and that all he'd felt in those strong arms that encircled him had been friendship. But it wasn't long until exhaustion overtook him and it was almost noon the next day before Justin woke up.

“Shit,” Justin grabbed the clock and took a closer look, just in case he'd misread it and crawling from the bed, he grabbed a towel, a change of clothes and his toilet bag and headed for the bathroom down the hall. But he didn't stay there long; the water in the shower was freezing, the damned landlord was cutting back again.

“That's another week you're behind,” Burrows reminded him as he met Justin in the hallway.

“Don't worry ... you'll get your money in the next few days,” Justin informed him and he couldn't fail to notice the look of disappointment on the other man's face: he had plans for Justin if the young man didn't come through with the rent and now it looked like he might not get his hands on him after all.

But the truth of the matter was that still being relatively unknown, the art he'd sold would just cover Justin's outstanding bills and in a few weeks, he'd likely be back to square one.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was almost 1:00 by the time Justin arrived at Brian's; the man not really expecting him after last night. But now, opening the door, Brian realized just how disappointed he'd been when it looked like Justin wasn't going to show.

“Sorry I'm late ... I overslept.”

“That's okay,” answered Brian. “I wasn't really expecting you,” and he stepped back to let the younger man in. Brian had been in the study when he'd heard the doorbell ring and had expected Vic to answer, but on the third ring, had been forced to go himself.

Justin hesitated in the hallway and Brian couldn't fail to see his embarrassment.

“'bout last night ...”

“Forget about it ... I have,” Brian informed him as he turned away and Justin's heart fell; he'd actually hoped that Brian would remember it: remember their closeness and even wonder what might have happened had he stayed, for the longer he spent in Brian's company, the more attracted to him Justin was becoming and he'd started to hope that Brian might feel the same way.

Brian was a man of mystery; though never volunteering any information about himself, Justin felt there was something in Brian's past that the man wanted to keep hidden. Justin was so sure he'd detected more than friendship in Brian's concern, but something in the man's reaction told him he wasn't used to having guys fall all over him of late. But Justin couldn't think for one moment why that was and would never dream it was because Brian himself wouldn't let anyone get close.

When Brian said he'd forgotten about the previous night, he'd hoped Justin didn't detect the lie in his voice. How could he forget last night; holding the younger man in his arms; so close he could almost taste him and wanting to comfort him; chase away whatever demons were still dragging him under. And when Justin had looked up at him with eyes still filled with tears but mixed with confusion at Brian's sudden coldness, Brian had hated himself for pushing him away, but knowing he had no choice.

Justin was like no one he'd ever met before. When he looked at him, Brian sometimes thought the younger man could look straight through him. Or worse; look down deep inside him: those blue eyes boring into his very soul and he couldn't allow that. Justin didn't know him; what he'd done and what he still carried with him and when he'd reached out to touch Brian's face: well Brian hoped he'd pulled back before Justin had a chance to touch the scars.

Justin watched as Brian turned his back and for a moment, thought he saw something in Brian's eyes that contradicted the words that came out of his mouth. But now, looking at him, something else suddenly came to mind.

Justin knew he'd been pretty upset last night and remembered now reaching for Brian; stroking his face. And remembered vaguely that he thought he felt something beneath the man's beard; hard ridges along his lower cheek and jaw line. Scars? Was Brian's face marked? Is that why he grew a beard or had he imagined them?

With his mind working overtime, Justin was making his way to the conservatory, when he couldn't help hearing Gus calling from upstairs.

“Dad ... mom's on the phone,” and Brian excused himself to go back to the study to take the call.

So, Gus' mother was still around and trying to understand who and what Brian Kinney was, Justin couldn't help but be curious as to his relationship with her and couldn't resist asking Gus about her, even though it wasn't his normal nature to pry.

“Where is your mom, Gus?” Justin asked him lightly as the boy trotted into the conservatory.

“Toronto ... mom and Mama took me and my sister up there to live ... I come down to see dad during the holidays,” replied Gus as he settled in the chair and Justin smiled. Well now, maybe things were starting to make a little more sense on that score at least.

Lesbians ... well at least they still needed the guys for one thing, thought Justin and who wouldn't want a kid by Brian?

Brian had become wary about Lindsay's calls. It was okay when Gus was back home, but when he was with Brian he dreaded them, just in case there was something he needed to tell her; like Gus had a stomach ache, or had fallen off his roller skates: giving her and Melanie any excuse to come and get him and cut his visit short. But this time at least, he only had good news for Lindsay; that everything with Gus was good and that the painting was well underway and beginning to look great. And when Lindsay had asked about the artist, Brian had merely said he seemed okay.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian had now, very reluctantly decided he couldn't spend all his time watching Justin work; that it might give the young man the wrong idea and had taken himself off to try and do a little research for his next movie. As long as Gus was occupied for a little while, then he might as well do something for himself and for the first time, Brian was absent from their session and Justin began to wonder if the man was trying to avoid him.

Later, when Gus had gone to use the bathroom, Vic brought in coffee and sandwiches into the conservatory. He'd been in earlier to say 'Hi' and seen that Justin had looked a little flustered and guessed he'd been in a rush and not had time to eat.

“So ... how did the show go?” Vic asked him and Justin nodded as he took a swallow of coffee.

“Good ... thanks.”

“I expect you got loads of interest,” ventured the older man and Justin thought he caught a twinkle in Vic's eye.

“Yeah ... I did,” Justin answered; deciding not to expand any further and Vic nodded. Last night after Brian had been up to check on Gus, he'd come back downstairs and asked Vic if he could take him up on his offer to look after the boy while he went out.

Vic had heard Brian come in just after midnight and he'd looked at the clock. The art show was due to close at 10:00, so presumably, Brian had been with Justin since then. At breakfast, Vic wasn't going to say anything, assuming that if the man wanted him to know any details, then he'd tell him. But after Gus had gone up to brush his teeth and Vic was loading the dishwasher, Brian helped take the rest of the dirty breakfast dishes over to the counter.

“In case you're wondering ... nothing happened.”

“Did I say anything?” Vic asked him, looking over at him. “No ... but you were dying to ask” came the reply and Vic shrugged.

“You were a pretty long time doing nothing,” observed the older man.

“I took him home ... we had coffee ... and talked ... nothing more.”

“You sound disappointed,” Vic stated and now looked at him square on and Brian blinked and looked away.

“He's just a kid ...”

“He's mid-twenties,” stated Vic. “Hardly a kid.”

“That still makes me too ... makes him too young,” and Brian sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Seems to me you're just making excuses,” Vic came back at him. “Justin seems a very mature young man to me ... you just can't get it into your head that someone might actually still find you attractive can you ... and might like you for who you are?” Vic asked him and Brian had looked down at the floor.

“There's a lot about me Justin doesn't know ... and I'd like it to stay that way.”

“The accident was years ago ... when are you going to stop beating yourself up over it?” Vic challenged him. “What ... instead of everyone else you mean?” Brian stated coldly. “But it isn't just the accident,“ Brian continued. “I was a different man back then ... and I'm not sure I want Justin knowing who I was.”

Vic frowned. “That doesn't sound like the Brian Kinney I know ... no apologies and no regrets,” and Vic reached out and put his hand on Brian's shoulder and moved closer to him.

“You know what I always admired most about you?” he asked him and Brian shrugged.

“You were who you wanted to be and you didn't give a damn ... you were your own man ... you had your code ... your own rules ... and you lived by them ... good or bad ... and fuck everyone else” and Vic squeezed Brian's shoulder in affection.

“It takes courage to do that and I don't believe for one minute you don't possess the courage it takes to still be the man you want to be ... and if that now includes letting someone like Justin into your life ... then what the hell's wrong with that?” Vic sighed and taking his hand off Brian's shoulder, the other man hesitated and then made to move away from him, but Vic hadn't finished yet.

“Maybe you did stuff back then you know you shouldn't have done ... but we all do that ... and all we can do is live with the decisions we made ... but instead of shutting him out ... why don't you talk to Justin ... let him make up his own mind,” Vic asked him, but unable to answer, Brian had turned and now made his way to the study and tried to concentrate on his work. And that's where he'd stayed until forced to open the door to Justin; Vic suddenly no where to be found.

And now, while Justin had Vic on his own, he took the opportunity to ask about Gus' mother.

“So ... Gus' mom's live in Toronto?”

“Yeah,” Vic answered him. “Lindz ... that's his birth mother ... she and Melanie moved up after that bombing in Pittsburgh some years back ... the one at Babylon,” reminded Vic and Justin nodded. He remembered; he'd planned to go there himself that night, but in the end, something had come up which prevented him.

“That was bad ... I was almost there,” and Justin picked up a sandwich. “Well ... Brian practically lived in the place ... it was only luck he wasn't there when it happened,” stated Vic.

“He did?” and Justin tried to rack his brains but nowhere in his memory could he visualize having seen Brian before, in all the times he'd been to the club himself.

“But he stopped going a long time ago ... after ...” and Vic caught himself. Damn. Justin was so easy to talk to, you found yourself telling him just about anything. But it was up to Brian to tell Justin about the accident, for seemingly Justin hadn't heard about it himself, which was surprising, since Liberty Avenue had certainly wondered why their very own Brian Kinney had suddenly stopped frequenting all the clubs and bars like he once did.

Justin frowned; he'd caught Vic's hesitation and realized the man knew he'd been about to say more than he should have. There was obviously so much more to Mr. Kinney than he could have imagined; and he was so curious to find out what.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin's session with Gus had finished for the day; the boy having had more than enough and Justin was now working from the photographs. After a while and taking a break, Justin took the tray back to the kitchen: Brian was there.

“Any idea how much longer you'll be ... on the painting?” asked Brian and Justin hesitated. Although Brian had said he'd dismissed what had happened the previous night, the fact that he sounded as if he was eager for him to finish, then the man obviously hadn't and must want him out of the way as quickly as possible.

“I guess another week,” answered Justin, trying to hide his disappointment.

“Only ... I think Gus could do with a day off ... I've been promising him a trip to the zoo since the start of the school break ... so could we leave it ... for a day?” Brian asked him, though the real reason was he wanted to put a little distance between the two of them, while he tried to sort out how he felt. And if that meant delaying the completion of the portrait, then so be it.

“Sure ... no problem,” answered Justin. “I need to get my paintings back from the gallery anyhow.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was Daphne's day off and she'd come over early to help Justin get his art back from the show.

“I'm sure he wants me out the way,” stated Justin as Daphne helped him lug his paintings up the stairs to the apartment.

“Did he say that?” she asked him. “Well ... no of course he didn't exactly come out and say it ... but he did ask me how long it would be until I finished Gus' portrait,” and Justin put down what he was carrying and unlocked the door.

“That sounds a fair question to me ... besides ... didn't you say he'd promised his son a trip to the zoo ... can't be much fun for a kid to be sitting having his portrait painted ... he deserves a day off,” stated Daphne, and she walked over to Justin's workbench in the middle of the room and laid down the paintings she'd brought up.

“I guess,” shrugged Justin, rescuing his work from the hallway and he smiled. “Gus is a such great kid ... and he and Brian seem to get on so well,” and Daphne saw Justin's face cloud over. She knew what he was thinking; that he used to have such a great relationship with his own dad, until Craig discovered he had a fag for a son and the man's prejudices then outweighed his love for Justin.

Daphne reached out and patted his arm. “He'll come around,” but Justin shook his head.

“No Daph ... I sometimes think dad would rather see me dead than gay ... I wish ...” and he stopped; about to say he wished he got on with his dad as well as Gus and Brian obviously did.

“You know ... it's been years since I went to the zoo,” Daphne informed him and eager to change the subject and she grinned at him and then she groaned.

“When is the landlord gonna get the damn elevator fixed?” she asked him and Justin took her by the elbow and steered her back outside.

“Just one more trip,” he promised her.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Initially, Vic had said he didn't mind if Brian and Gus went to the zoo by themselves, but Brian said he would actually feel a lot more comfortable if the man was with them.

Brian only had a vague recollection of going to the zoo as a kid; family outings weren't really much of a priority in the Kinney household and his one memory of such a time, was of his sister Claire, whining about something and getting on his parents' nerves. But it was Brian who'd felt the full force of his father's annoyance when he spilled his carton of drink down his new white tee and Jack had slapped him; something the 7-year Brian had never forgotten.

Even at that age, Brian knew not to shed tears after such punishment; for more than once that had brought on yet another slap for being a cry-baby and so even as a child, Brian had learned to keep his emotions under wraps. But Brian had never laid a hand on Gus; even when the boy misbehaved like all kids do: testing to see just how far they could go. He didn’t dare. The one thing he'd never want to become was anything like his own father: for the fears that he once held that he might, had kept him apart from Gus for too long already.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Gus loved the aquarium with all the colored coral and the different fish, many looking like they'd been created in the Disney studios with their different colorings and shapes and was totally fascinated by the sheer size of the sharks housed in the open ocean tank.

Next it was Kids Kingdom, where they could watch the California sea lions in their training session and Gus got to pet the gentle white-tailed deer along with the young goats and lambs and he'd giggled at their soft, tickling tongues licking his hand.

And then after lunch there was the Discovery Pavilion, where he could climb through a tunnel; popping up amidst the meerkats, or walk through a 40-foot bat fly-way, something that didn't really appeal to Brian and he made an excuse to keep well clear. But Brian and Vic couldn't help smiling at the boy's obvious excitement and Brian had tried to make himself relax and forget everything else that had been happening in the last few days.

“Dad ... can I have an ice-cream?” asked Gus as they passed the vendor's wagon. “After what you had for lunch?” asked his father and he shook his head; why was it boys of that age seemed to have hollow legs.

“I'll get them,” offered Vic and he left the two of them watching the wooly monkeys.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Where to now?” asked Daphne. They were standing outside the black bear enclosure and had already been to see the gazelle, kangaroos, penguins and aquarium all before lunch. Daphne had only been half-joking when she'd mentioned to Justin about how long it had been since she'd been to the zoo, but after they'd sat down, exhausted at having brought all of Justin's work back to his apartment without the use of the elevator, she'd thought it over and suggested that they actually go.

“The zoo?” asked Justin. “The last time I was at the zoo I was twelve,” he'd stated as he handed Daph a soda.

“You're never too old for the zoo ... it's ... it's educational, ” she'd informed him. “And besides ... you never know who you're going to meet there.”

Justin had pulled a face and then the penny dropped. “You just want to see him for yourself,” he grinned at her and all Daphne could do was grin back.

So now they were standing outside the bear enclosure and looking through the handouts to see where to go next, but so far there was no sign of Brian.

“What about the primates?” suggested Justin and Daphne nodded and then, having slipped her arm through his, that's where they headed off to.

They'd rounded the corner and suddenly Justin stopped. A hundred yards or so ahead, he saw Vic hand over to Brian and Gus their ice-cream cones and Justin stepped back. This suddenly felt very strange and if Brian saw him, he was bound to know the young man had gone to the zoo deliberately in the hope of meeting him there.

“What is it?” asked Daphne as Justin quickly pulled her back.

“Oh my god ... he's here ... isn't he?” she whispered and slowly, Justin pointed out the little family group in the distance.

“Jeez Justin ... you were right ... he is hot ... and what a cute kid.”

Gus and Brian had gone to sit on a bench to eat their ices and Vic's attention had been caught by something in one of the enclosures and he'd moved away from them.

They couldn't hear them from where they were of course, but Brian had said something that had given Gus the giggles and then Brian had found the boy's handkerchief in his pocket and handed it to him while Gus ate his ice. And then Justin could hardly suppress his own laughter; watching Brian trying to eat his own ice-cream and not spill any of it on him: he definitely didn't look too comfortable with it and obviously hadn't had a lot of practice in that particular skill.

Suddenly, Justin remembered he had his camera with him and quickly, he took it from his bag and snapped a few shots. But then he stopped as he continued to watch the little scene and his heart went out to Brian and he was now sure why it was Brian was always there when Gus was sitting for his picture. For as much as Justin hoped otherwise, he realized it wasn't just to watch him work, but that Brian absolutely adored having the boy around and wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. You could see it in his face and Justin couldn't imagine how Brian must feel when Gus' visits had to end and the boy went back home again.

Brian's love for his son just radiated from the man; it was in his eyes and in everything he did: their closeness when Brian leaned over to talk to him and putting his arm around the boy's shoulder's, the ruffling of Gus' hair, the straightening of the collar on his shirt, the way he genuinely listened to what Gus had to say and always gave him sensible and thought out answers. And now he saw Brian reach across and wipe Gus' chin and watching them almost seemed obscene; that they were intruding on something very personal and wonderful and Justin put his camera away.

When he'd agreed to come to the zoo with Daphne, Justin had got it in his head that they would just “bump” into Brian: that he'd get a chance to see him in an environment other than the house and that the other man might get used to having him around. But now they'd found them, Justin didn't want to disturb them and he took Daphne by the elbow and they started to move away.

“JUSTIN!” called the voice and Vic waved at them and Justin groaned. He was hoping they would be able to get away unnoticed but Vic walked right up to them.

“Well now ... this is a coincidence,” stated the man and Justin saw how he raised an eyebrow.

“I ... I just happened to mention to Daphne that I had the day off because Brian was taking Gus to the zoo and ... and she said she'd like to go too ... to the zoo ... didn't you Daph?” Justin struggled for something sensible to come out and he saw Vic nod and smile in total disbelief and then the man turned to Daphne; Justin so flustered he was forgetting his manners.

“Well ... it's nice to meet you Daphne ... I'm Vic,” and he held out his hand, which Daphne took.

“I'm sure Brian will be pleasantly surprised to see you here,” Vic smiled at them.

“Well ... we were just leaving ...”

“We were?” asked Daphne. “I mean ... yes ... we were,” but it was too late to make an escape; someone else had spotted them and Gus made a bee-line.

“Dad ... look ... it's Justin ... JUSTIN,” and wiping his hands on his handkerchief, Gus ran over to him.

Brian blinked and frowned; the very person he was trying not to think about was just a hundred yards or so away and getting up, Brian threw the remainder of his ice-cream in a nearby trash can and wiped his hands on the handkerchief he took out of his pocket.

“Hi Justin” “Hi Gus,” Justin smiled back at him. “You having a good time?”

“Sure ... isn't it neat ... did you see the sharks yet ... or the bats ... aren't they great?”

Daphne shuddered; neither the sharks or the bats were exactly cute and furry and not her bag at all, but it sure was a boy-thing and she grinned at him and Gus studied her.

“Hi ... I'm Gus.”

“Hi Gus ... I'm Daphne,” and she saw the boy frown.

“Are you Justin's girlfriend?” he asked her and Daphne chuckled. “Well ... I'm a girl ... and I am Justin's friend,” and she put her arm through Justin's: Vic smiled and put his hands affectionately on Gus' shoulders.

Brian held back as he saw Justin had a companion with him, but at his son's insistent calling he sighed and went over to join them.

“Well ... this is a surprise,” and Brian allowed himself a slight smile and then melted as Justin looked up at him; those beautiful baby blues blinking and a slight blush starting to creep across the younger man's face.

“Aren't you going to introduce us?” Brian asked him; forcing himself to look away and he smiled at Justin's companion.

“Oh yes ... of course ... Daphne ... this is Brian Kinney ... Brian ... this is my best friend ... Daphne Chanders,” stuttered Justin.

“Hello, Daphne,” said Brian quietly and he held out his hand.

“Mr. Kinney ... wow ... it's so great to meet you ... I'm such a fan.”

“Daphne!” chided Justin and Daphne suddenly looked awkward.

“That's okay ... glad to see I have one fan at least ... and it's Brian.” Brian smiled at her and then he looked back at Justin and it was a few moments before any thing more was said.

“So ... you decided on a trip to the zoo too?” asked Brian eventually and Justin smiled weakly.

Daphne looked at Justin and then at Brian and couldn't miss the way the men held each other's gaze and she glanced at Vic; Vic had seen it too and he squeezed Gus' shoulders.

“Why don't we go check out the elephants?” he suggested, with a slightly raised eyebrow and incline of the head.

“I love elephants,” exclaimed Daphne. “Can I come too?”

“Sure,” answered Gus and much to Daphne's surprise, the boy took her hand and led her and Vic away; Daphne glanced back, Brian and Justin hardly realizing they'd been deserted and she couldn't resist grinning to herself: so far so good.

It was a few moments before it registered with either of the two men that they'd been left on their own, but neither of them wanted to acknowledge the reason why their friends thought they should want it that way.

“So ...” and Brian eventually looked away first and dug his hands deep into his jeans pockets. For now being in the younger man's company unexpectedly, his initial annoyance had given way to the realization that now seeing him, his heart was thumping and he was finding it difficult to think straight.

“So ... looks like we've been dumped,” smiled Justin; trying to keep the mood light and he scratched behind his ear. Brian's thumping heart missed a beat: the blond was so damned cute when he did that.

“I guess ... I guess we should catch up,” suggested Brian, finally finding his voice and Justin nodded. “Where did they say they were going?” he asked him.

“I think they said something about elephants,” and Brian shrugged and Justin chuckled. “Then I guess that's where we should head too.”

Brian nodded in agreement and moved off; Justin fell into step beside him and allowed himself a grin and thankful that Brian seemed okay with him being there.

Brian decided not to make a big thing of Justin being at the zoo the same time he was there with Gus and Vic, but he knew it couldn't have been a coincidence. Secretly, he realized he was flattered that Justin would want to seek him out in his spare time and he began to wonder exactly what Justin thought of him. Could he really dare to hope the young man might actually find him attractive; desirable even?

Making their way to the elephant house, Brian and Justin slipped into comfortable conversation. Brian asked Justin some more questions about his success at the art show and about his art in general and Justin repaid the compliment by asking about Brian's work as a screenwriter.

Neither of them wanted to mention the episode at Justin's apartment or the fact that they were both at the zoo at the same time: they didn't want to spoil the apparent ease they felt in each other's company by complicating matters.

It was now getting late in the afternoon and enjoying Justin's company and away from anyone else, Brian suddenly didn't want it to end and as they approached the elephant house, he stopped and put his hand on Justin's arm, the younger man almost jumping at his touch.

“Do you really wanna go see the elephants?” he asked him and Justin frowned. “Well ... I guess I'd survive if I didn't.”

“Then why don't we go grab a coffee instead ... leave the kids to it,” and Brian's stomach lurched; hoping the blond wouldn't turn him down, but Justin just chuckled.

“You including Vic in that statement?” Justin asked him and Brian nodded. “Believe me ... Vic's a big a kid as anyone in Gus' company ... they won't miss us one bit,” and taking heart at the huge smile Justin gave him, Brian changed direction and they headed for the coffee shop.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Two lattes later, Brian's cell rang: he pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the ID. “Vic,” and he looked at his watch as he answered it: amazed to discover they'd been in the coffee shop for almost an hour.

“Where the hell are you ... or maybe I shouldn't ask too many questions,” chuckled Vic in Brian's ear and Brian blinked; grateful that Justin couldn't hear him.

“We'll meet you outside the elephant house in ten minutes.”

“Forget the elephants ... we moved on to the rhinos ages ago,” chuckled Vic again. “But don't let me disturb you ... you're obviously busy ...”

“The rhinos then ... in ten,” Brian stated, trying to ignore the leg-pulling that was coming his way and he ended the call.

“They about to send out a search party?” asked Justin, who had glanced at his own watch. Where did the time go when he was enjoying himself so much? Brian looked at him and nodded. “Something like that,” and having paid the check, they made their way outside.

Damn; he and Justin seemed to be getting on so well: both men finding the other so easy to talk to and eager to listen and Brian wasn't the only one who felt a little reluctant to have to go back and join the others.

Looking at his watch, Brian could hardly believe it was almost 5:00 and neither could he believe how quickly the day had passed and at how much he'd actually enjoyed it and hadn't even noticed how busy the zoo was: after all, it was the school holidays.

Since the accident, this was the first real “Dad” thing he'd done with Gus and realized now that as the boy was getting older, he'd need more structure to their time together. But it wasn't just Gus who had made this a special day.

Gus had watched Brian and Justin make their way across the compound towards them and even at his young age, he noticed something. Justin was grinning broadly; half turned towards Brian and gesticulating to emphasize whatever they were discussing and Brian smiling in return as he listened and talked with the younger man. Normally, Gus only saw his dad as comfortable as that when in his mom's or Vic's company and the boy frowned.

Being with Justin obviously made his father happy and the boy was sure his dad was sad every time he had to go back home to his mom's, so maybe Justin could be his dad's new friend. But it wasn't only Gus who noticed that Justin and Brian seemed to be getting on so well. Daphne hadn't seen her friend as happy as this in a long, long time and Vic couldn't ever remember an occasion when Brian spent time in the company of an attractive young man that he wasn't automatically trying to bed.

Having now met up with the others, Gus had slipped between the two men and took his dad's hand and Justin frowned. He'd noticed Gus watching them and began to wonder whether the boy was jealous of him being with his dad; knowing that if he tried to get closer to Brian, then that might become a problem. But suddenly, Gus reached out and took Justin's hand too; an action not unnoticed by any of the adults as they made their way towards the exit.

Daphne and Vic exchanged glances as they watched the three men in front of them and they saw Gus look up at first one and then the other and say something and they saw Brian and Justin smile at one another.

“That is sooo cute,” whispered Daph and Vic grinned; how could Brian say now he had no interest in the young blond and, as a bonus, Gus seemed to like Justin too.

Walking out the gates to the parking lot, they came to Brian's BMW first and using the remote, Brian unlocked the doors and Gus dived in the back and started to strap himself in.

Brian leaned against the roof of the car and the four adults looked at each other; seemingly reluctant to say goodbye and even Brian at a loss for words; in the end, it was Vic who broke the silence: determined to move things on a little further. Knowing Brian since he was 14 and never having seen him react this way in another man's company, Vic knew, even if Brian wouldn't acknowledge it, that the man was more than a little interested in the young blond.

The Brian Kinney before the accident would have fucked Justin at the earliest opportunity and moved on. The Brian Kinney since the accident most probably wouldn't even have left the safety of Vic and Gus and gone for coffee with a young man on his own. There was obviously something about Justin that drew Brian out of himself and that on its own was no mean achievement.

“Daphne ... why don't you and Justin come to dinner tonight,” asked Vic; knowing exactly what he was doing by directing his question at her and he ignored the sudden look of panic both Justin and Brian gave him. But before anyone else could speak, Gus leaned out the door.

“That would be great ... please Daphne ... Justin ... say you'll come.”

“We could have a barbecue out by the pool ... it's still pretty warm ... so make sure you bring your swimsuits,” Vic continued.

“Maybe they have other plans?” suggested Brian, but only half hoping the invitation would be refused, but gallantly offering Justin a way out if he needed it.

“I haven't ... I'd love to come,” stated Daphne before Justin had a chance to speak and she grinned; going along with what Vic was trying to do and inwardly Justin sighed. Gus was watching him intently, obviously willing him to say yes, even if he didn't really understand why it was so important. Now Daph was grinning at him and Vic was waiting for an answer and Brian was studying his shoes: but maybe what he said now could have a bearing on what lay ahead for the both of them and that the chance to spend more time in Brian's company shouldn't be casually thrown away.

“Sure ... we'd love to come.”

Brian's heart leaped; wanting Justin to come and wishing he'd refused all at the same time and wondering again, why he couldn't always think straight when the young man was around him, but now he looked up at him and smiled.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

They watched as the BMW drove past and getting into Daphne's car, Justin groaned; having second thoughts. “Why did I say that ... that we'd go to dinner ... it's not like I don't see him when I'm out at the house.”

“That's different ... you're working ... this'll give you another chance to chill out together ... and what could be more relaxing than a barbecue around the pool ... in your undies,” giggled Daphne.

“Swimsuits,” corrected Justin. “And you're forgetting ... I've already seen him stripped down to just his jeans,” and he couldn't help smiling at the memory.

“Yeah ... but I haven't,” stated Daphne and grinning at him, she started the engine.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

With Gus still excited by their trip to the zoo and talking constantly, Brian had hardly said anything during the ride back to the house. But Vic was sure the man was secretly pleased that Justin was coming to dinner and it was around 7:15 when Justin and Daphne arrived, having swung by both their places to pick up swim suits and towels.

Vic already had the barbecue heating up and had thawed the steaks and burgers out in the microwave. Having recently stocked up, there was plenty of salad, rice and potato salad and beer, wine and sodas chilling in the cooler; the summer evenings still pretty good. Brian had put up the umbrellas over the recliners, after first ensuring that Gus had on sun block times a zillion: the boy having changed into his trunks.

“I'll show you where to change,” Vic stated and he took Justin and Daphne indoors; letting Justin use his room and Daphne a spare bedroom.

“Aren't you going to change?” Vic asked Brian, when he came back outside. “I can always loan you something,” he stated, half grinning and Brian raised an eyebrow: the Bermuda shorts and colorful surfing shirt that Vic was wearing not exactly the usual Kinney style, but realizing he was going to look a little out of place otherwise, Brian went up to change and reappeared ten minutes later in the CK swimwear he favored. “Now ... that's much better,” observed Vic and family or not, he couldn't help noticing just how good Brian still looked and with any luck, Justin would notice it too.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Wow Daph ... you look great,” exclaimed Justin as he met his friend in the hallway upstairs. Dressed in white bikini and sarong, Daphne was the epitome of femininity coupled with modesty. “Thanks,” she answered him. “Not that it's going to do me any good tonight ... I hope you realize the sacrifice I'm making for you ... Justin Taylor ... this must make me the ultimate fag hag,” and she wagged her finger at him.

“Some sacrifice ... a free meal and lounging around the pool of a famous writer ... who must be pretty rich if this house is anything to go by,” commented Justin as they made their way downstairs and out to the pool.

Stepping out into the early evening sunshine, Daphne gasped and Justin looked around in time to see Brian diving into the pool from the low board.

“My God, Justin ... Brian's pretty damn fit,” she whispered to him and Justin grinned. And then Daphne turned and took a good look at her friend. “You know ... you're not so shabby yourself.” “Well ... I still work out when I have the time,” he reminded her and tossing his towel onto the nearest recliner, Justin went to the side of the pool at the deep end and executed a perfect dive; grinning to himself as he did so: noticing how Brian had turned in the water to watch him and surfacing, Justin swam to the far side of the pool and stopped; shaking the water from his eyes.

“Dad ... Dad ... watch me,” Gus called out to his father and he climbed the steps to the low board. “Feet first, Gus,” his dad instructed him as he trod water in the middle of the pool. “I don't want you diving in ... okay?” “Okay,” agreed the boy, reluctantly and moving slowly to the end of the board, Gus took a deep breath and then jumped out as far as he could before tucking up his knees and landing in the water. And, as he'd jumped, Brian had moved closer to him; just enough to be there if Gus got into difficulties at all, but far enough away not to crowd him; holding his own breath until Gus bobbed up to the surface and grinning. Then, and only then, did Brian let himself relax.

From the far side of the pool, Justin watched Brian and saw the concern on his face as his son hit the water and then the obvious relief when the boy emerged. If anyone said queers didn't make good parents, they should take a look at Brian Kinney.

With the confidence that only the young possess; when they've learned to swim before they know fear, Gus did indeed swim like a fish; despite the cautiousness of his father. He moved through the water over to the huge beach ball that was floating on the surface of the pool and, picking it up, he threw it to Brian who threw it back to him.

“Here, Justin,” called Gus and drawing their new friend into the game and Gus threw the ball towards him; Justin having to swim closer to them in order to retrieve it.

“If I didn't know better ... I'd swear you'd primed Gus,” whispered Daphne to Vic as the older man offered her a soda from the cooler. Daphne had decided not to venture into the water herself after all: the boys just looked to be getting along fine without out her and Vic smiled. “Then you agree ... you think there's something there.” “Absolutely ... Justin totally lights up when he talks about Brian,” stated Daphne.

“And you'd have to be blind not to notice that Brian feels the same way,” agreed Vic and he took out another soda and popped the top off. Grinning conspiratorially, Daphne reached out and clinked Vic's soda bottle with her own. If the two guys in question didn't move things along, then maybe they needed a little encouragement.

“But it's not necessarily going to be easy,” Daphne admitted as she sat down on the nearest recliner and stretched out. “Justin's had it pretty rough ... did he tell you he was bashed ... nearly killed ... for being gay?” she asked Vic, who looked back at her, shocked that the life of the beautiful young man in question was nearly taken from him. “God no,” and he sighed. “I'd hoped that had ended in my day,” but Daphne shook her head. “A class mate ... and he only got community service.”

“I remember that,” answered Vic in realization and then he sighed. “Well,” continued Daphne. “At one point, Justin thought he'd never draw again ... he fought tooth and nail to recover the use of his hand ... and had to deal with his homophobic father at the same time ... the man cut him out completely ... told Justin that if he continued to live his disgusting lifestyle ... his words ... that he wouldn't have anything to do with him ... he even refused to fund Justin through art school ... even though he could afford it.”

“And Justin is so talented ... he just needs the right break for his art to take off ... and if he found a great guy in the meantime ... it would be wonderful ... he so deserves to be happy,” and they turned to watch the guys in the pool horsing around.

“What about Brian ... I wouldn't have thought he'd still be on his own.”

Vic chewed his lip. Justin's past was virtually an open book; his bashing had been followed in the papers for several weeks. The circumstances of Brian's accident however, were still private and sensitive to all concerned and though Daphne obviously meant well and wanted the best for her friend, revealing Brian's past was still something for the man himself to talk to Justin about when the time came and not for discussing behind his back.

Daphne saw Vic's hesitation and she frowned. “Hmm ... I guess Brian's got a little history?” she ventured. “Something like that,” admitted Vic and he took the steaks and burgers from the cooler and threw them on the well heated barbecue.

“I'm sorry Daphne ... I don't mean to be mysterious.”

“That's okay ... I guess a man Brian's age ... and don't get me wrong ... I'm not saying he's old or anything ... just that he's bound to have been around the block a time or two,” and Vic nodded in agreement. “There's just some things Brian should talk to Justin about himself ... but believe me ... he's not had it easy either in the last few years ... despite his apparent success,” Vic confided.

“Well then ... maybe they both need each other ... but just don't know yet how much,” offered Daphne and she turned to see Gus jumping onto his dad and Brian picking the youngster up and gently throwing him back into the water for the boy only to now pick up the beach ball and throw it at Justin; the ball hitting the water in front of his new friend and splashing him.

Reaching out, Justin hit the water hard with his hand; Gus realizing was he was going to do and squirming out of the way and squealing as the water went over his head.

“Gus ... come and dry off and get something to eat,” Vic called out to him and the youngster clambered up out of the pool and made his way to the outside shower and quickly rinsed himself off. Daphne picked up one of the towels that had been left on a recliner and wrapped it around the boy and started to rub him down; the two of them chatting happily together.

Brian and Justin looked embarrassingly at each other, for now that Gus had left the pool, continuing to horse around seemed a little awkward and smiling at Justin, Brian climbed out of the pool himself.

Justin watched him make puddles of water on the patio as Brian padded to the outside showerhead and turned it on; allowing the clean water to wash away all traces of the swimming pool's odor; the water coursing down his body in rivulets and into the small grid, covering the drain. After a few seconds, Brian turned it off and shook his head, sending out a water spatter and Justin's heart missed a beat as the man then made his way to a recliner and started to towel himself down and how Justin wished he could do that for him.

“Are you getting out to eat Justin?” called Daphne and she saw Justin redden. “In a minute ... I want another swim first,” he called back and he kicked off from the side of the pool; Brian glanced back over at him. Vic had been watching the younger man as he'd been studying Brian and he now turned back to the barbecue and grinned; guessing that the reason why Justin didn't want to get out of the pool was because the young blond had been turned on as he'd watched Brian shower and towel down and indeed it was a couple of lengths of the pool before Justin had managed to control the attraction to Brian that would have been just a little too obvious had he got out of the pool there and then.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Once Justin had composed himself sufficiently, he clambered out of the pool and showered off and was handed a huge fluffy white towel by Brian; the older man smiled at him.

“You know ... if ever you want to use the pool ... don't wait to be asked ... just help yourself.”

“Thanks ... I might take you up on that.”

“That goes for you too, Daphne ... if ever you want to come over,” said Brian, turning to her.

“Thanks Brian,” and she returned his smile and tried to ignore the scowl Justin was giving her; not that he didn't want her to be able to come over and use the pool, but if he was going to get anywhere with Brian, having his best friend around could prove a little restricting.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Taking their meal to the table on the patio, Vic laid out the spread he'd prepared. As they were still using Daphne's car, Daphne stuck to sodas, as did Brian and Gus, of course. But Vic broke open a bottle of wine and he and Justin made their way through it.

The banter was light and the two older men enjoyed being in the young peoples' company. Gus sat himself between Vic and Daphne and chatted constantly; about his vacation, recounting their trip to the zoo and about his pony, Buttons.

“So ... stables and a pool ... the house of your dreams,” whispered Daphne to Justin as Brian brought more drinks from the cooler and was out of earshot and she grinned at Justin who tried to ignore her insinuation and he glanced at her and then at Brian. Maybe not just the house of his dreams either.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The sun was beginning to go down and Brian looked at Vic and then nodded in Gus' direction. Having had such a thoroughly wonderful and busy day, the youngster was almost asleep and Brian rose up out of his chair and moved behind Justin and Daphne to gently pick up his son. “Come on champ ... way past your bed time I think.”

And with the boy dozing and leaning over his shoulder, Brian made his way inside. Daphne shuddered, the lower temperature now noticeable. “I think I'll go in and change ... and then I guess we should think about leaving,” stated Daphne sadly; her shift starting early in the morning.

“Okay, Daph … I’ll follow you,” agreed Justin and they both made their way inside.

Having brought his son upstairs, Brian had left him in the bathroom brushing his teeth while he quickly threw on some clothes and then he’d gone back to him.

Justin had changed his clothes and collecting his things, was making his way along the hall when he heard Brian speak.

“You had a good day?” and Justin followed the sound of the man's voice and quietly looked around the door into Gus' room to see Brian helping his son on with his PJ's. Gus nodded sleepily. “The best,” he yawned and Justin saw Brian smile.

Brian pulled back the duvet and Gus rolled into bed.

“I like Justin ... and Daphne,” stated Gus. “So do I,” agreed his father and he pulled the covers up over the boy's shoulders.

“Dad ... can we do something like this again?”

“Sure ... you think of something you want to do and we'll arrange it,” agreed Brian, surprising even himself at the offer to do something so public again and he leaned down to kiss Gus on the forehead.

“Perhaps Justin could come with us,” said Gus, not forgetting how happy he'd seen his dad in their new friend's company and he rolled over onto his side.

“Yeah ... I'd like that too,” stated Brian quietly and he straightened up and turned towards the door; for a moment, catching a slight movement out in the hallway.

Realizing he may have been sprung, Justin coughed and smiled at Brian as he came out of Gus' room and closed the door behind him.

“He's a great kid,” stated the young man, ignoring the fact that Brian probably realized he'd heard their conversation; Brian nodded and the pair of them started to make their way downstairs.

“He's the one thing in my life I can be totally proud of,” stated Brian as they reached the bottom of the stairway and Justin looked over at him and saw the flash of sadness that briefly showed in the man's eyes.

“You can be proud of your work too,” Justin pointed out. “It's very popular ... people love it ...” and he bit his lip.

“What ... what is it?” asked Brian as Justin rubbed behind his ear and looked away.

“Well ... it's something I always wanted to know ... I hope you don't mind my asking you?”

“Fire away,” invited Brian and Justin took a deep breath.

“Your stories ... I mean they're terrific ... but ... why do they never have happy endings ... the lovers are never together in the final scene ... something always contrives to keep them apart.”

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and briefly closed his eyes and then looked at him and Justin couldn't help but notice the coldness in the man's eyes.

“I don't believe in happy endings,” Brian stated flatly and Justin frowned.

“Well ... you tell me,” Brian invited him.

“Is life like that? 'Cos I don't think so.”

“Life's a bitch ... no matter what you do ... there is always someone ... or something just waiting for you ... waiting to pull the rug out from under you ... sending you crashing down ... and I would think that you of all people would know that.”

Justin went to speak, but in all honesty, he had nothing to say. Because yes; he understood that perfectly.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Vic had poured out the remainder of the wine and the three men waited while Daphne came down and, as she appeared, Justin quickly threw down the remainder of his drink; feeling it warming in his stomach: he didn't usually drink and even with the food inside him, he felt a little light-headed.

Since his conversation with Brian at the bottom of the stairs, things had gotten a little quiet between them; as if Brian had revealed something he'd wished he'd kept to himself and indeed, the more Justin thought about it, the more he realized Brian was speaking from experience. That life sucked and not in a good way.

“Are you ready, Justin?” asked Daphne, looking in her purse for her car keys and Justin got up from his chair. Daphne hugged Vic and then Brian, who had started to walk her through the house and to the front door and Justin hugged Vic. “It's been great ... thanks.”

“My pleasure ... see you in the morning?” Vic asked him and Justin nodded.

“Bright and early,” and Vic slapped him on the back as he started to walk the young man out.

Daphne hugged Brian again and kissed him lightly on the cheek; his soft beard tickling her lips.

“This has been wonderful ... thank you.” “Any time Daph,” stated Brian, shortening her name as a means of showing his affection and she looked at him. “I'll take you up on that,” she grinned and she made her way down the path to the car.

Vic passed Brian and followed Daphne down to her car; deliberately leaving Brian and Justin standing on the doorstep and the two men smiled at each other.

“It's been great ... Thanks,” stated Justin and Brian nodded and smiled. “As I said ... any time you want to use the pool ...”

The two men stood facing each other awkwardly, but simultaneously, they then moved towards one another. Justin put his hand on Brian's arm and the older man blinked and, before he could stop himself, he leaned down and kissed Justin on the lips.

Justin’s excuse may have been that he was a little heady from the wine, but Brian had no such excuse.

The kiss started out lightly, but Justin leaned into him and Brian deepened the kiss; both men totally ignoring the fact that they were in full view of both Vic and Daphne, who grinned at each other and pretended not to notice.

Justin's heart was pounding, fit to burst as he reached up to Brian; wanting the kiss to go on forever; the sensation of Brian’s beard against his skin electrifying.

There were no tongues, no mashing of lips that normally accompanied such encounters, when usually either man and their respective tricks were trying to get into each other's pants at the same time and then, slowly, Brian pulled back and he smiled and looked away.

Justin grinned at him and stroked his arm; drawing Brian’s gaze back to his. Neither man knowing exactly the right words to say; scared to admit this was anything more than a goodnight kiss between friends.

“Night, Brian,” said Justin quietly and Brian smiled and nodded as he watched the younger man make his way down the path and climb into the car.

Vic and Daphne were talking through the open car window and Vic kissed her on the cheek and then straightened up; smiling at Justin as he made his way round the front of the car and back up the path to the house; he turned to wave goodnight and then went inside the house: leaving Brian standing on the doorstep.

“Night, Justin,” stated Brian, softly and on the night air; the breeze not quite strong enough to take his words to the young man's ears as the car drove away.

 

 

- o O o -

 

 

Chapter Five:

“Gus settle down okay?” asked Vic as he brought in the last of the dirty dishes from the patio and he started to load the dishwasher.

“Out like a light ... said he had the best day,” stated Brian, smiling at the recollection and secretly acknowledging just what a special day it had turned out to be.

Brian had licked his lips as he watched Daphne's car disappear out of sight; still able to taste Justin's wine-tainted breath and wondering what the kiss had really meant.

Totally unexpected, there hadn't been any real passion to it, but it had left Brian wanting more all the same and a kiss like nothing he'd ever really experienced before with any other man.

Whenever he'd kissed Michael, it was to say goodnight or as an expression of friendship: at least on Brian's part. Other kisses, shared with tricks, had always been a precursor to sex; lips pressed hard against the other man's: hot and bruising.

But the kiss shared with Justin had been tender and sincere and had left Brian wondering whether there could be any deeper meaning. When Justin had tried to kiss him before at his apartment, it had felt so wrong; as if Brian was taking advantage of him. This time, it had been mutual and natural and possibly the prelude to so much more, if only Brian had the courage to go for it.

For he was beginning to think that Justin may indeed have feelings of his own after experiencing the warmth of the young man's kiss. But Brian had never been in a relationship; had never done boyfriends: had never before needed to feel close to someone or risk falling in love and open his heart up for fear of having it broken.

But following the accident, there were times when he'd never felt more alone. If it hadn't been for Vic, he would have been totally isolated and Brian had started to wonder if he were fooling himself that he didn't need anyone else to help ease the pain of what life could sometimes throw at you and he sighed.

What was the point in trying to kid himself; he'd already told Justin he didn't believe in happy endings. What the hell made him think he'd ever find someone who would love him for who he was and have a happy ending of his own?

And after Daphne's car was long gone, Brian had moved slowly inside the house and closed and locked the door for the night before popping back upstairs to check on his son; gently brushing the boy's hair back away from his eyes and now, back in the kitchen, he took the plastic wrap down from the cupboard and started covering the left-over salad and rice.

“He wasn't the only one who had a good time today,” stated Vic as he went out onto the patio again.

“Yeah ... Justin and Daphne seemed to be having a good time too.”

Vic stopped in the doorway, having collected the empty glasses.

“Yes ... they did ... but I wasn't thinking about them,” and he moved back into the kitchen and placed the tray on the counter and put one hand on his waist, waiting for Brian to confirm his suspicions.

Brian saw the man's expectation and in the end smiled and nodded. “Okay ... I had a good time too.”

“It was fun ... I admit it.”

“And nowhere near as harrowing as you thought?”

“No,” conceded Brian and he sighed; just wondering how much he'd actually missed out on in his reluctance to start living normally again after the accident.

“Good ... then you'll do it again?”

“Sure ... Gus isn't going to let me off that easy.”

“Maybe Justin would like to join in,” Vic continued and Brian rolled his eyes in his head). “Is everyone conspiring to get the two us together ... Gus said the same thing.”

“And don't think I'm letting you off asking Daph and Justin over tonight ... I knew exactly what you were trying to do.”

Vic chuckled. “Like you were real upset about it.”

“Anyhow ... what makes you think Justin would be interested ... or that I'd be interested for that matter ... I'm hardly a good candidate for a relationship.”

“Ah ... so you've thought about it?”

“Thought about what?” asked Brian as he continued to place the covered food in the refrigerator.

“A relationship ... with Justin ... he obviously likes you ... and after what I saw tonight I hope you're not going to insult me by denying you like him too,.” Vic added, but Brian merely shrugged; knowing better than to deny it outright.

“Well ... then tell me ... when did you ever meet someone like Justin and not want to fuck him the first time you laid eyes on him?”

“That was different ... I was different.”

“Or is it that he's different ... from all the other guys you've ever met?” Vic asked him and he moved closer to the younger man.

“Everyone says how talented Justin is ... and he's beautiful ... anyone can see that ... but it seems to me he's special ... that he's touched something in here,.” and Vic reached out and tapped Brian lightly on the chest; just around where his heart would be.

“A place you've never let anyone in before ... am I right?”

“What the fuck do I know about that?” asked Brian coldly, and that if it wasn't Vic standing in his kitchen telling him some home-truths then he would probably have punched anyone else out by now and he turned away.

“You telling me you don't know how to love ... is that it?” and Vic groaned and returned to what he was doing.

“Look ... I know you think that ... as a kid ... your parents didn't love you ... but you only have to look how you are with Gus.”

“You love your son more than life itself ... so don't go telling me you wouldn't know how to love Justin ... that you're not capable.”

“Because it's obvious you like him ... and I can't remember when I last saw you this relaxed ... hell ... I don't think I ever have,“ the older man corrected himself. “And I don't think it's all about Gus being here.”

“And Daphne says ...”

“You been talking about me behind my back?” Brian asked quickly, really hoping this conversation would come to an end pretty quickly and he now turned back to face Vic, suddenly annoyed at the whole world seemingly discussing his business.

“Not like that ... I didn't tell her anything ... but she said that when Justin talked about you ... that he seemed to ... to light up when he did ... that's all.”

Now Vic groaned inwardly; wishing he hadn't mentioned his conversation with Daphne at all. He knew how Brian hated to think people talked about him and he didn't want him backing off or withdrawing into himself again.

“Good ... if anyone talks to Justin about anything ... it'll be me,” Brian stated emphatically and Vic nodded, but secretly, Brian's heart had given a little jump when Vic said how Justin lit up when he talked about him; so maybe the young man did have feelings for him after all.

“That's how it should be,” Vic continued and having finished loading the dishwasher and putting in the powder, he set it going.

“So ... are you going to?” Vic asked him and he turned to face Brian.

“Going to what?”

“Talk to him,” Vic sighed in exasperation; this was like trying to get blood out of a stone: actually getting Brian to admit he was interested in the young man enough to open up to him.

“When ... and if ... I'm ready,” stated Brian; drumming his fingers on the counter and for the first time in ages, wishing he could have a drink.

Well, thought Vic; from Brian's tone it was obvious that was the end of that particular conversation and knowing when to no longer pursue a topic, he started to wipe down the counter. “I'll finish in here if you want to go up.”

“Okay ... Goodnight,” stated Brian, but before he got far, he closed his eyes briefly and then turned back.

“Thanks for tonight ... going to so much trouble,” and Brian scratched behind his ear before finally turning away: Vic smiled, wondering if Brian meant preparing their meal or something else.

“Goodnight Brian,” Vic answered him, as he finished clearing away and tidying up.

But instead of heading up to bed, Brian made for the study. He wasn't really feeling tired and in actual fact, since Justin and Daphne had left, his mind was turning over too much to sleep and he sat down at the laptop, intending to do some work. But instead, all he could think about was Justin's kiss.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Are you going to be able to sleep tonight?” Daphne teased him as she stopped outside Justin's apartment building and she turned the car's interior light on. “Or are you going to be dreaming about a certain guy we both know?”

Justin had stayed fairly quiet on their journey back into the city and it didn't take a genius to know what was on his mind.

“Don't be ridiculous Daph ... it's not like I'm some love-struck kid ... it was just a goodnight kiss,” Justin answered her; attempting to dismiss her suggestion out of hand. But his friend raised an eyebrow knowingly and Justin couldn't prevent the grin from spreading across his face and he looked away.

“You are so busted, Justin Taylor,” Daphne declared, triumphantly.

“Okay ... I'm ... I'm smitten ... I admit it.”

“Brian's a great guy ... and he's hot as hell ... though he doesn't act like it.”

“But it's not just that ... I get the feeling Brian knows what it's like to have the world cave in on him ... and I think he cares about me ... just a little.”

“Has he said anything?” Daph asked him; remembering Vic's words to her earlier that evening, but Justin shook his head.

“Not in so many words ... other than he doesn't believe in happy endings ... which I thought was a bit of a weird thing to say,” and Justin shrugged and he folded his hands in his lap and his friend studied him.

“What is it you're not telling me?” she asked him and Daphne turned further towards him and Justin looked over at her.

“He came to the show.”

“He did? Why didn't you tell me?”

“Because something sort of happened ... well I thought it did ... I don't know ... I'm not sure,” and he sighed.

“When he looked at some of my paintings ... Brian knew ... he just knew how much pain they represented ... that I put everything I had into them ... and I told him how I was bashed.”

“He brought me home and I was tired ... no ... make that totally wiped out and sort of cut up and I ended up sobbing my heart out,” and Daph leaned over and squeezed Justin's hand.

“He held me ... stroked my hair and I really thought we'd made a connection ... that he felt something for me ... and then I went and blew it ... I almost kissed him ... but he backed away.”

“I didn't see him backing away tonight,” observed Daphne and Justin smiled. “No ... he didn't ... but I'm not sure what I'm going to say to him tomorrow.”

“Why do you have to say anything?” she asked him. “Just go back there and get on with the portrait and see what happens ... though I take it you would like something to happen?” she asked him quietly and Justin bit his lip.

“Thought so,” and Daphne answered her own question.

“To be honest,” Justin eventually continued. “I don't understand why ... well ... you know ... it's weird why we haven't done anything yet ... normally when I meet a guy and we like each other ... we can't keep our hands off each other.”

“So ... are you contravening some gay constitution that says two guys have to get into each other's pants the first time they meet?” chuckled Daphne and Justin grinned at her. “It's practically the first amendment,” and then he sighed. “But it seems different with Brian some how ... besides ... I still don't really know for sure how he feels ... so it's a case of taking it slow.”

“And all those guy's you slept with straight away ... how many of them still hanging around?” asked Daphne and Justin shrugged.

“Well ... maybe past experiences have taught Brian to be cautious ... especially if he thinks it's gonna turn out to be more than ... well ... a casual fuck.”

Justin groaned. “Why does everything you say always make such perfect sense?” and he looked at her and then he leaned over and gave Daphne a kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks Daph ... for everything ... and I should be able to get my car back in a couple of days so that'll make things easier.”

“Well I'll drop by and pick you up again in the morning,” she promised him as Justin got out of the car and with a wave goodbye, Daphne drew away.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Daphne hadn't been wrong. It had taken ages for Justin to get off to sleep; he kept reliving his kiss with Brian; recalling how the man had tasted and the touch of Brian's beard against his face. He tried to work out whether he'd been able to detect any signal from the man as to what he was really feeling. But eventually, Brian's emotions still undetermined, Justin sighed and, hugging his pillow, had fallen asleep.

But Justin was awake really early; up with the larks and with the bright morning light already shining in through the windows, he knew he just had to paint and played with one or two ideas until he suddenly remembered the shots he'd taken at the zoo.

Hooking his camera up to the computer, Justin ran through them and although he knew he was going to end up deleting them, one particular picture stood out.

Brian and Gus were seated on a bench as they ate their ice-cream cones and Brian had his arm around the boy's shoulders and was smiling down at him; Gus looking up and smiling back. It was perfect; there was no way Justin could destroy this; it illustrated so strongly the love and affection between father and son and Justin knew he had to paint their portrait; put their relationship down onto canvas.

His printer had been playing up for ages and Justin knew he was going to have to replace it soon and it took several attempts before he managed to print out an acceptable picture to work from. But eventually, he was reasonably happy with the copy he'd produced and made a sketch; more or less the same position, but this time, without the ices and with the pictures pinned onto a canvas, Justin began to paint.

Showering quickly in the still cool water, Justin had just dressed by the time Daphne arrived a little after 7:30 and he drove her to the hospital and then took the car back home; it was far too early to head out to WV and he went back to his painting.

Around 9:15, he looked at his watch; he should be leaving soon and not even bothering to make breakfast, Justin just grabbed a quick coffee before heading off.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin's heart was actually pounding when he rang the doorbell and it was Gus who'd run to open the door, watching for him to arrive.

“Hi Gus.” “Hi Justin ... did you have a good time yesterday ... I guess I fell asleep,” the boy stated and Justin moved into the hallway and Gus closed the door.

“Yes ... you did,” Justin answered him, grinning and he reached out and ruffled the boy's hair. “And yes ... I had a great time ... and so did Daph.”

“We should do it again ... shouldn't we, dad,” the boy stated and Justin glanced up as Brian approached them.

“It's okay,” and Justin made to wave away Gus' invitation, but Brian nodded. “He's right ... we should do something like that again ... Gus enjoyed it,” and reading Brian's eyes, Justin thought the man was really saying that he'd enjoyed it too and Justin smiled at him.

“Are you going to get ready Gus?” Brian asked his son; the boy not yet changed into the blue shirt he wore for the portrait.

“I forgot,” and Gus shot off and up the stairs and the two men smiled at each other. “He wouldn't stop talking about the zoo over breakfast,” Brian informed Justin as they made their way through the house.

“I had a great day,” stated Justin. “And thanks again ... for asking us back last night.”

“That was Vic's doing,” Brian reminded him, but then he came to a halt at the door to the conservatory. “But I'm glad you came,” he admitted quietly.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Wow ... it's a real scorcher today,” observed Vic as he took in a jug of iced-tea just before 11:00. Gus' session had finished and Justin was continuing from the photograph and even with the air-conditioning on full, the air was getting a little stifling.

“Why don't you take a break before lunch and go for a swim,” offered the older man. “I didn't bring my swim suit with me,” replied Justin, but acknowledging that sure sounded like a good idea.

“Well … I don't think I have anything you'd want to be seen in,” Vic chuckled. “But I'm sure Brian wouldn't mind loaning you something of his ... I'll ask him,” Vic offered and then he disappeared only to come back not two minutes later.

“I can't find him ... I think he must be down at the stables with Gus ... they said earlier they wanted to make sure Buttons had enough water ... but I know where everything is ... it's not a problem.”

Justin put down his brush and wiped his hands. “Well ... if you're sure Brian won't mind,” he asked him and Vic shook his head as he led Justin upstairs and Vic went into Brian's room; Justin hesitated in the doorway, remembering the last time he'd been brought up here.

“Are you sure this is okay?” asked Justin, feeling uncomfortable and strangely nervous at entering Brian's room without the man's knowledge, but Vic opened the bottom drawer of the dresser.

“Well I do all the ironing and generally put it away ... I know where Brian keeps just about everything,” the older man chuckled and he brought out a swim suit Brian no longer wore and handed it to Justin.

“It may be a little big on you ... but it has a drawstring waist ... so you should be able to pull it in okay,” and he passed them to Justin and indicated the ensuite bathroom. “You can change in there,” and Vic frowned. “You know ... I fancy going in myself today ... I'll get some towels and meet you out by the pool,” and with that, the older man disappeared to go and change.

Justin hesitated for a moment before heading into the bathroom and closing the door behind him and he quickly changed. Then, picking up his clothes, he moved back into the bedroom.

Something on the dresser caught his eye; a picture frame he hadn't noticed before, but he couldn't now help staring at it.

The silver frame held a photograph of a man, looking to be in his late twenties and holding a baby and with his clothes tucked under one arm, Justin couldn't resist picking the photograph up to study it more closely.

It was Brian; it had to be: holding Gus, who could only have been a few weeks old and Justin's jaw dropped open.

Even though he thought Brian incredibly attractive now, the clean-shaven man in the photograph was beautiful; dressed in only jogging bottoms and bare chested and Justin frowned.

Brian still obviously worked out; he was older of course but still in great shape, but why on earth was he covering up that beautiful face of his with a beard and then Justin closed his eyes. Of course; the scars. They weren't a figment of his imagination; what he'd felt had been real and not something he'd dreamed up after all.

And Justin realized also that this was one of only a few photographs that he'd seen around the house. But the others were all of Gus on his own; one as a baby and another that looked like a standard school photograph.

“Find everything you need?” asked the voice flatly behind him and Justin whirled round: being deep in thought, Brian's voice coming out of no-where made him jump out of his skin.

“What ... sorry ... yes ... thanks ... Vic said it would be okay,” stuttered Justin and he closed his eyes, seeing the look of annoyance in Brian's eyes and hearing it in his voice and the man walked over to him and took the frame out of Justin's hand.

“It's a beautiful picture,” Justin offered as a means of defense as to his curiosity and Brian nodded and studied it himself for a few moments before placing it back on the dresser. And then he looked back at Justin and saw the troubled look in the young man's beautiful blue eyes; worried that he'd overstepped some mark and Brian caved in; thinking he doubted he could ever stay mad at Justin for very long and he then stepped back to look at him: Brian smiled and put his hand up to his mouth.

“What ... what is it?” chuckled Justin; relieved that Brian hadn't been offended by his inquisitiveness and he looked down at himself and bit his lip.

“The trunks ... they look a little big on you ... just as well we're all guys together ... wouldn't want you having a little accident,” chuckled Brian and suddenly all Brian wanted to do was reach out and pull that damn drawstring; it would take very little effort to get Justin naked right now. And the blond looked up at him and smiled back; the two men holding each other's gaze and, for a moment, Brian thought he might just do it; pull the string and allow the trunks ...

“Dad ... I can't find ... oh ... hi Justin,” and Gus frowned; having walked in on the two men, wondering where his dad was and what was taking him so long to get changed and to tell him he couldn't find Justin. They'd returned from the stables and seen Vic in the pool and both father and son had decided that looked like a great idea and Gus had asked if Justin could join in too; his dad had said yes and the boy had run off to find him.

Justin reddened and smiled at him and hoped Gus would be too young to realize the sexual attraction between the two men; an attraction that was becoming more difficult for either of them to deny and that if Gus hadn't walked in on them then he might just have undone that drawstring and stepped right out of the trunks.

But Gus hadn't missed the way both his dad and Justin looked right now and he frowned at a sudden memory.

It reminded him of the way uncle Michael and uncle Ben had looked, the first time he remembered walking in on them kissing, one time when they'd come up to Toronto to see his little sister. Gus had grown up knowing he was different to a lot of kids in that he had two mom's, but thankfully, in Canada, he wasn't made to feel an outcast because of it. And, if that were the case, then surely it would mean he could have two dad's as well.

“I'll be down in a minute,” Brian told his son and Gus looked from Brian to Justin and back again, before nodding and giggling as he raced back downstairs.

“I guess I better let you get changed,” stated Justin and he smiled at Brian before turning around and following Gus; Brian sighed. “Yeah ... I guess you better had,” he agreed quietly.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The next day, Justin remembered to bring his own swim suit with him and hoped the daily swim might now become part of the routine. Neither Brian nor Justin would want to admit it of course, but the swim and the resultant late lunch could become a rather useful delaying tactic: inevitably holding up completion of the portrait, which would obviously mean Justin would be around a lot longer than originally planned.

Justin didn't mind; the money from the sale of his work at the art show had come through and he'd managed to pay for the work on his car and collected it that morning and relieved to get his own set of wheels back at last, as well as pay off his back rent: something Burrows actually looked annoyed at, but how annoyed, Justin didn't find out until a little later.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Having caught up with his mom for the first time in ages at the art show, this evening, Justin met up with her again. He'd turned down several invitations to dinner recently, owing to the fact that Tucker was bound to be there. But seeing how much Brian enjoyed having Gus around, Justin felt a pang of guilt; begrudgingly looking at his and his mom's relationship from Jennifer's point of view and realizing how selfish he'd been in not spending as much time with her as he should. After all, he'd only ever have one mom and she'd stuck by him by demonstrating her love time and time again while struggling to come to terms with Justin's sexuality and standing up to Craig. So, Justin went to dinner and tried his hardest to like Tucker.

With his sister, Molly, away at college, unfortunately, there wasn't anyone else to share the conversation with and from time to time he'd struggled to find something to say to his mom's boyfriend, reluctantly accepting it didn't look like these two were going to break up any time soon and in actual fact how happy his mom seemed to be these days.

Thinking back, there were times when Jennifer had looked pretty miserable; the kids not realizing the extent of their father's infidelity, but since she'd been with Tucker, Jennifer certainly seemed to have a twinkle in her eye.

Tucker was attentive, Justin had to admit that and openly affectionate towards Jennifer, something that Justin had a few problems with initially; watching the man slip his arm around her waist or put his hand on her knee or kiss her neck when he thought Justin wasn't watching. More than once Justin had shuddered; thinking about them actually “doing it." But when he looked at his mom, he had to acknowledge just how beautiful a woman she still was and he couldn't blame Tucker one bit for being taken with her and after dinner as Justin helped to clear the dirty dishes away, Tucker diplomatically withdrew and allowed mother and son a little time together.

“I haven't been very fair ... have I,” Justin admitted, as he followed his mother out to the kitchen and placed the dirty dishes on the counter top.”

“About you and Tucker,” he continued when he saw his mom's confused expression and Jennifer reached out and patted his cheek.

“I know this whole divorce thing hasn't been easy for you ... or Molly ... but for the first time ... well for the first time since I can't remember when ... I feel like a woman again.”

“Tucker makes me feel young ... desirable ... sexy even,” and she grinned mischievously at him.

“MOM ... T . M . I!” declared Justin; screwing up his face and making a show of covering his ears, which only made Jennifer laugh all the more and then Justin reached out to her. “It's good ... to hear you laugh like that ... I can't remember the last time we laughed as a family ... you ... me ... dad.”

Before Justin could add Molly to the list, Jennifer frowned and pulling her son into her, she hugged him tightly and they held on to each other for several long moments before she pulled back: tears in her eyes.

“If your dad can't see ... what a ... a ... gifted and beautiful son he has ... well that's his loss ... not ours ... and certainly not yours,” Jennifer told him sincerely and this time it was Justin who pulled them close and held on, before they both pulled back, smiling; not at all embarrassed by their shared affection and both having to wipe a stray tear from their eyes.

“So ... what about you?” Jennifer asked him as she reached for her purse on the kitchen table and searched frantically for a handkerchief with which to blow her nose.

“Do you have a boyfriend, Justin?” Jennifer asked him and her son chuckled. “I remember the first time you asked me that ... on the drive to Nike town.”

“Well ... it's a lot easier for me to say the words now then it was back then ... I can tell you,” she admitted, but it didn't pass Jennifer by that Justin hadn't answered her question, so she asked him again.

“Well ... is there anyone?” and she eyed him suspiciously. “There is ... isn't there?” she challenged him affectionately, seeing his reluctance to answer her, but Justin merely shrugged.

“I'm not sure ... I'd like there to be ... but I'm not really sure how he feels about me.”

“Have you asked him?”

“NO!” came the answer.

“Well you're not going to get very far with a negative attitude like that ... you won't know unless you ask ... but what young man wouldn't want to have you on his arm any way?” she asked him, reaching out to brush Justin's hair away from his eyes and Justin smiled and briefly closed his eyes.

“What?” “He's not exactly what you call a young man ... I mean he's not old ... but he is quite a bit older than me.” “How much older?” asked Jennifer; her eyes narrowing and Justin realized he'd suckered himself right in and he groaned. “About 10 ... 12 years maybe.”

“Ah huh!” exclaimed his mom triumphantly.

“But that's still not as much as you and Tucker ...”

“It's enough for you to take notice of,” his mother observed; amused at her son suddenly defending his, for want of a better word, relationship with this older man when he'd berated her so much about the age difference between her and Tucker.

“So what does he do ... this older man ... is he financially secure?”

Justin looked at her in disbelief. “What does that matter ... I'm not the type who expects to be a kept man,” but he saw his mom's raised eyebrow: she wasn't going to let up, but Justin bit his lip as he wondered whether he should tell his mother about the famous writer he was working for. In the end, he knew he was unlikely to get away without being a little more forthcoming.

“It's someone I'm doing a portrait of his son for.” “He has a son?” asked Jennifer; somewhat confused; still not totally getting her head around gay parenthood.

“Gus' mom's ...” and he saw Jennifer's eyes widen further at that information. “Gus' mom's live in Toronto ... he comes back to see his father during the school breaks ... in West Virginia.”

“West Virginia? ... There's some really nice property out there,” stated Jennifer, in Realtor mode and Justin nodded.

“It's a beautiful house ... with stables and a pool ... Gus has a pony.”

“Well ... he must be set up pretty well to be able to afford that,” Jennifer observed, but she was still a little unconvinced about his suitability as potential son-in-law material and even more apprehensive when Justin continued.

“His name's Brian ... Brian Kinney,” Justin informed him and he saw his mother frown. “I'm sure I know that name ...”

“He's a writer ... writes screenplays ... he had one released a couple of months ago.”

“Really?” she asked him, visibly impressed, but Jennifer shook her head; not really associating the name she thought she recalled with that of a movie writer.

“So does that mean he's into an L.A. lifestyle ... drugs ... wild parties,” she asked him, but Justin chuckled. “Hardly ... from what I've seen I'm not sure he even drinks,” and then Justin visibly sighed.

“He's a nice guy,” he stated quietly. “And hot,” Justin continued: grinning at her and his mom smiled back.

“You're really keen on this one ... aren't you?” Jennifer asked him, having been aware of Justin's varying degrees of success in his love-life and so desperately wanting her son to be happy and Justin ran his hand along the surface of the counter. “Yeah ... I am,” he admitted quietly and Jennifer reached out to cup his cheek with her hand.

“Then you go for it ... and good luck,” she wished him warmly and Justin smiled.

“Everything okay out here?” asked Tucker from the doorway; concerned about what had kept the pair of them in the kitchen for so long; hoping he wasn't still the cause of a continued rift between mother and son and both Jennifer and Justin turned towards him and linked arms.

“We're fine ... just fine,” Jennifer smiled at him and so did Justin.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin had returned to his apartment building in a relaxed and happy mood; he'd got on better with him mom and Tucker tonight than he'd ever expected to; reaching a new understanding with Jennifer that usually comes with continuing maturity and Justin hadn't realized he was whistling softly to himself as he climbed the stairs to the top floor; cursing the meanness of the landlord for not fixing the elevator.

The apartment next to Justin's had been empty for a couple of weeks and in the light of the lowest wattage globe Burrow's thought he could get away with, Justin could just make his way home in the gloom, unaware that the door he'd just passed was ajar.

Justin unlocked his door and stepped inside and had just reached out and turned on the light when he was physically picked up from behind.

He heard the man grunt with the effort and could hear the labored breathing and felt it against his neck; heavy with tobacco and whiskey and Justin reached out to grab the door frame, but the sheer weight of the man carried him forward towards the sofa.

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME!” and even though he couldn't see the man, Justin knew who it was; Burrows had been waiting for this chance since Justin had moved in.

Justin was placed on the floor and the man pushed him down onto his knees and forward. Justin tried to brace himself, but couldn't hold back the man's far superior weight and strength and was forced; face hard down into the cushions. Burrows had one hand threaded through the blond hair and with his weight against him, holding Justin down, he fumbled around the young man's waist until he found his belt buckle.

With one arm caught between his own body and the sofa; Justin reached around with the other; but with no way of obtaining the strength he needed, failed to make any blow count.

Burrows managed to undo Justin's buckle; the younger man's breathing coming in short gasps as he sought oxygen; his nose and mouth pressed into the fabric of the sofa and his heart and head pounding.

Justin knew what was going to happen; he knew he couldn't fight the man off and knew also it was highly unlikely that Burrows had thought to have already put on a condom. He was going to be raped, dry and with probably no protection and suddenly Justin wondered whether Burrows might lose it altogether and kill him; the panic rising inside him as the stronger, larger man fought to pull down the zipper on Justin's jeans.

With his one free arm flailing, Justin suddenly came into contact with something smooth and hard and managed to grab a hold of the empty soda bottle that he'd left on the side table. Taking as deep a breath as was possible and summoning up all the strength he could muster, Justin brought his arm back. Burrows was leaning further forward, over Justin's shoulder, desperately trying to open the zipper in order to pull Justin's cock out of the young man's jeans when the glass bottle made contact with the side of Burrow's head.

Justin had felt Burrows hand rubbing him in his attempt to get inside his clothing and having let go of the blond's hair, his attacker had pulled Justin's tee out from the waistband of his jeans; his next move would be to try and remove them. That's when Justin hit him.

Having made contact with the man's head, Justin heard the pained yelp and felt the man slip sideways; his weight lifting off Justin just long enough to allow the younger man to push himself backwards and Justin sat down on the floor; trying to recover his breath.

“You hit me ... you fucking hit me,” Burrows sobbed. There was a long gash along the man's forehead; not too deep, but enough to curtail his attempt at assault and blood came away on Burrow's fingers as he explored where the bottle had made connection.

Justin struggled to his feet, but Burrows was between him and the door and when Justin tried to pass him, the man reached out and grabbed his ankle, bringing Justin crashing back down. Justin kicked out and caught the man's hand with his other foot. Breaking the hold Burrows had on him and scrambling up off his knees, Justin tumbled out the door and losing his balance, fell against the wall in his panic as he attempted to make his escape down the hallway: almost falling down the stairs as he made to get away.

Hitting the coolness of the night air; Justin leaned against the brickwork of the building; trying to recover his breath and not throw up. He was shaking and his head was pounding fit to burst and if he wasn't careful, this was likely to bring on one of his horrendous headaches.

Justin searched the pockets of his jeans. Fuck. He'd been holding his car keys and cellphone when he'd unlocked his apartment door and must have dropped them when Burrows grabbed him. He didn't have his wallet either; it must have dropped out of his pocket during the scuffle. All he had was a few coins in his pocket; enough to make a phone call from a public booth, but not enough for cab fare.

His breathing was still shallow and rapid and, feeling a little dizzy, Justin had to hang on to the outside of the buildings as he made his way to the end of the street where there was a pay phone: he could call Daphne.

Daphne's phone rang out; both her home and cell: she must be on duty at the hospital and Jodie obviously wasn't at home either. Shit. Her place was too far to walk, not that Justin thought he was in any state to make it. He didn't want to call his mom; she would totally freak and remind him how she didn't want him to move into that apartment building in the first place, but there was one other number he had; Brian's. Justin remembered it because it was such an easy combination: 555-1535 and with his hands still shaking, he hit the buttons.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was now after midnight and Vic had turned in for the night, but Brian was still working when the phone rang; he picked it up quickly, so as not to disturb the whole house-hold, but his tone was annoyed at the late interruption.

“Kinney ...” but all Brian could hear on the other end of the line was labored breathing.

Thinking he'd got a hoax caller, Brian was about to hang up when he heard the voice on the other end, struggling to make the words.

“Bri ... Brian ...” gasped Justin.

“Justin?” Brian's initial annoyance turned into concern; there must be something very wrong for Justin to ring this late.

“Where are you ... what's wrong?”

“I'm about ... half-a-block from my apartment ... phone booth ... on the corner,” and the words came out rasping and in short gasps.

Brian didn't wait for his question as to what was wrong to be answered: “I'll be there as soon as I can,” and putting the phone down, he rushed upstairs and woke Vic.

“Justin's in some sort of trouble ... watch Gus for me,” and with Vic still trying to make sense of what was happening, Brian rushed back downstairs and grabbed his car keys, cell and jacket as he went out the door.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian knew he was driving too fast, but thankfully, the road was pretty much empty of traffic and twenty minutes later, having ignored all the speed limits, he turned into Justin's street. There wasn't any phone booth at this end and he drove slowly passed the apartment building, searching for the young man along the sidewalk.

In the light from the street lamps, Brian could now see the phone booth at the end of the block, but there was no sign of Justin, who was hunkered down inside the booth; the door open so the light wouldn't come on and so that he wouldn't be noticed. But seeing the BMW approaching, Justin managed to get to his feet and unsteadily stepped out into the air.

Brian saw how shakily Justin had stepped outside the booth and brought the car to a sudden halt and hurriedly got out and ran across the road to catch the younger man before he fell. Brian looked at him; he couldn't smell any alcohol, but he needed to be sure it wasn't anything else.

Helping Justin across the street, Brian opened up the passenger door and gently sat him inside the car and then crouched down; trying to study him in the interior light, he put his hand on Justin's knee.

“Justin ... are you hurt?” and slowly, the younger man shook his head.

And although he hated to have to ask, Brian felt he didn't have a choice. “Have you taken anything ... are you on something?”

Justin blinked; trying to take in what Brian's was saying and suddenly angry the man appeared to think that whatever had happened must be his fault.

“No ... I haven't ... I ... I.”

“Okay ... take it steady ... take a deep breath.”

“Do you want me to call anybody ... do you need a doctor?” Justin shook his head. “I tried calling Daph,” and Justin took a deep breath and swallowed. “But she must be working ... I daren't call my mom ...”

Brian frowned; whatever had happened, Justin obviously didn't feel he could take it to his mother's and his best friend was unavailable. There was only one solution.

“Then you're coming home with me,” Brian stated and he closed the car door and made his way around to the driver's side and making sure Justin was buckled up, Brian started up the car engine and moved off.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes; trying to unscramble his thoughts and trying not to think what might have happened had he not been able to get away from Burrows.

Opening his eyes and straightening up in his seat, Justin slowly looked across at Brian. The man was concentrating on his driving and not attempting to ask Justin any questions, though he must be burning to ask what had happened to get the young man in this state, and Justin closed his eyes again and leaned back against the cool glass.

From time to time, Brian glanced across to Justin. Moving out of the city into the country; with no street lighting to illuminate the inside of the car, Brian could just make out Justin's features in the moonlight. He could see the young man was pale, but his breathing had normalized, where before it was coming in short gasps.

Neither of them had spoken since they'd driven off, with Brian leaving it up to Justin to tell him what had happened when the young man was ready.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Vic got up and, putting on his robe, went downstairs to make some coffee while he waited to hear from Brian; he didn't want to go back to sleep in case he was needed and just over an hour after the man had left, Vic heard the BMW pull up on the drive and went to the door to meet him.

Brian took Justin by the elbow and helped him out of the car; the young man walking a little ahead of him up the pathway to the house when the door opened. Vic stood on the doorstep and as Justin approached, he could see by the expression on the young man's face that he was pretty upset about something. He glanced at Brian, who shook his head; motioning to Vic for him not to ask Justin anything and he closed the door behind them.

Brian put his hand gently on Justin's shoulder, but couldn't help noticing that the young man flinched at his touch. “Go through to the living room,” he told him and Justin nodded slightly and moved off.

Vic put his hand on Brian's arm. “Are you okay ... do you need me?” he asked him, but Brian shook his head. “Thanks ... no ... I don't know what happened yet ... but you go up ... I'll talk to you in the morning,” and Vic nodded and made his way upstairs.

Going into the living room, Brian found Justin sitting on the sofa, his head leaned back and with his eyes closed. “You look like you need a drink,” stated Brian and opening his eyes, Justin tried to smile at him and he nodded. “Thanks.”

Going over to the cabinet, Brian took out the bottle of Beam and poured out a hefty shot and took it back to Justin.

“Aren't you going to have one with me ... I don't like to drink alone,” Justin asked him as he took the glass; his hands still shaking slightly. Brian rolled his lips back into his mouth as he deliberated and then, for the first time since the accident when Gus was in the house, he went back and poured one for himself. “Okay ... just a small one,” and took his drink over to the armchair; sitting across from Justin.

Justin took a large swallow; feeling the warmth of the liquid work its way down to his stomach and hoped he'd keep it down and Brian watched him and took a sip of his own drink.

Justin rolled the glass around in his hands. “I'm sorry ... when I couldn't get hold of Daph ... I didn't know who to call.”

“That's okay ... I'm glad you did,” Brian reassured him and he looked down in his glass.

“I take it you can't go back to your apartment?” and Brian looked up. Justin shook his head.

“It's okay ... you don't have to tell me anything ... you can stay here tonight,” and Brian took another sip. There was silence, but eventually Justin spoke.

“My ... my landlord tried to rape me,” Justin stated quietly and Brian blinked but said nothing: allowing the younger man to continue uninterrupted.

“He'd made his feelings pretty clear since the moment I moved in ... but I thought I could handle it.”

“He must have been waiting for me ... when I came back from visiting my mom's ... there's never much light in the hallway and I'd just opened my door when he came up behind me and grabbed hold of me ... forcing me inside ...”

Brian heard the catch in Justin's voice as the young man took a deep breath. “He held me face down on the sofa ... I couldn't breathe ... I knew he was going to rape me ... but I did wonder whether he might kill me,” and Justin swallowed the rest of his drink.

“I managed to grab hold of something ... I think it was a soda bottle ... I'm not sure ... anyhow ... I hit him with it and he fell off me ... he grabbed hold of me when I tried to escape ... but I managed to get away.”

“I can't go back there,” he stated and then Justin groaned. “But all my stuff is there ... my art ... everything ...” and he put his hand up to his face.

Putting his own glass down, slowly, Brian moved across and sat beside Justin and removed the empty glass from the young man's hand, which he placed on the side table. Reaching out, he stroked Justin's shoulders; his hand coming to rest at the nape of Justin's neck and Justin gasped.

He'd made up his mind that this time, he wasn't going to cry in front of Brian like some girl and he fought to keep the tears and a combination of shock and relief, at bay. That was until Brian moved closer and held him tighter and Justin gripped Brian's hand and leaned back into the older man's shoulder and closed his eyes as memories of struggling to recover from a previous attack came flooding back and Justin couldn't stop himself from shaking.

Ten minutes later, Brian helped him up off the sofa and took Justin up to the spare room. Vic had already thought ahead and made up the bed and Brian couldn't help smiling: that was so like the man to be prepared and do something without even asking.

Justin sat on the bed. Suddenly, he was incredibly tired and couldn't summon up the effort to undress himself and Brian hesitated, not totally sure whether after the young man's experience, that his assistance would be welcomed. But slowly, he crouched down and started to undo the laces on Justin's sneakers and he removed them. Looking up at Justin, the young man smiled his reassurance and taking the hem of his tee in his hands, took the garment up and over his head and Brian took it from him and placed it on a chair.

Brian winced. There were bruises around Justin's waist and lower chest that the younger man didn't seem to be aware of, presumably where his attacker had held on to him tightly. And obviously totally comfortable and secure in Brian's presence, Justin pulled off his jeans and handed them to Brian who put them with the tee.

Justin slid under the covers and Brian heard him let out a deep sigh. Brian turned to leave, but Justin turned to face him.

“Stay ... don't go ... I don't really feel like being on my own.”

Brian blinked, but getting on the bed and lying on top of the covers, he lay close enough to Justin to feel the heat from the young man's body, but without any contact.

Not quite touching, but knowing the other man was there, it was only moments before Justin was asleep and Brian lay awake, listening to the young man's breathing.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian had eased himself up off the bed shortly before dawn; Justin still sound asleep. And, in his slumbers, the young man had moved into him and Brian had automatically put his arm protectively around his shoulders and that's how they were when he'd woken up.

Brian lay there for a moment and, for the first time in his life, realized how good it felt to just lay with another man in his arms.

When Justin was recounting his attack, Brian had once again felt the anger rise within him at the thought of anything happening to Justin. And it was then that he realized the extent of his feelings for the blond whose head was lying on his shoulder; feelings that quite likely, the younger man would never get to know.

Brian knew they couldn't wake up together like this as Justin might misread it for something deeper: more meaningful. But never having allowed anyone to share his life and never allowing someone inside the barriers that he'd learned to protect himself with over the years, Brian was terrified. Terrified of loving someone and terrified of never being in love; maybe going his whole life without ever knowing what it was like to share his heart and soul with someone else, but terrified also of opening up and giving his heart to another, only to have it smashed to pieces. Which is why he'd always tried to convince himself he never needed anyone. But maybe that wasn't true any longer.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin woke around 9:00 and thought he was alone, but as he turned his head, he caught movement; Brian had been sitting in a chair and seeing Justin wake, now got up and walked towards the bed.

Justin propped himself up on his elbow and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

“Headache?” Brian asked him.

“A little ... I get some really bad ones sometimes ... since the bashing ... I've got some pills ... but they're back at the apartment,” Justin answered him and Brian nodded.

“If you like ... I'll go and get your stuff ... you were right ... you can't go back there.”

Justin sighed and lay back down on the pillows. “What the fuck am I gonna do?”

“Go and take a shower and come down for breakfast ... we'll talk ... I've had an idea,” stated Brian and he smiled at him before turning around and leaving; for the last few hours, he'd been trying to work out a solution to Justin's predicament and wanted to run something past him.

Justin grabbed a quick shower. Earlier on, Brian had briefly left Justin to go and talk to Vic and let the other man know what was happening and to say good morning to Gus, who was bound to be wondering what was happening and might even be a little worried that his dad hadn't appeared that morning.

Vic had come back up with him and retrieved Justin's tee, which was grubby from the manhandling and had quickly put it in with the laundry and dried it and it was now clean, pressed neatly and lying with his jeans.

Justin was glad to immerse himself totally in the hot water of the shower and he winced a little when he felt the bruises. Inspecting himself in the mirror, he was thankful that they didn't seem too bad and hopefully, would only last for a few days.

Going downstairs, Vic presented him with toast, cereal and coffee; the others already having eaten. Brian watched him while he ate, helping himself to another coffee and after Justin had finished, Brian finally outlined his idea.

But first, he told the young man to follow him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The garage was huge; big enough for three cars, but housed Brian's BMW, a couple of bikes, which nowadays, Brian rarely used and the riding-on lawn mower. But it was the rooms above the garage that had given Brian inspiration and it was to there that he now led Justin.

“This is where the chauffeur would live,” and Brian chuckled at the ostentatiousness of it all.

It was a studio apartment, which included a kitchen area and with a separate bathroom; it had come furnished when Brian bought the house and he hadn't bothered to do anything with it and everything was still covered in dust sheets and in good condition.

The main room was light and airy with not only windows looking out to the back of the property, but a large skylight, allowing in a vast quantity of natural light. It would make a perfect home and studio combined.

“Are you serious?” Justin asked him, when Brian told him what he proposed and the young man walked around the large room, trying to take it all in.

“Don't you like it?” Brian asked him, suddenly wondering if he'd made a fool of himself in offering the accommodation and Justin stuttered in reply.

“What ... like it? What's not to like ... it's ... it's ... perfect ... but I'm not sure I could afford it.”

“I'm not asking you to pay rent,” Brian informed him, surprised that the young man even thought that he would, but he saw Justin's expression and understood. “Call it an investment,” and he saw Justin continue to frown.

“No strings,” Brian assured him and he almost held his breath waiting for Justin's reply. Justin bit his lip and scratched behind his ear; an action that Brian always found so appealing, before the young man eventually smiled at him.

“You've gotta deal.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin was desperate to retrieve his artwork, but was determined to go back with Brian and face Burrows if he had to and he still had to get his car back to the house in WV. But despite fearing what Burrows might do with his possessions, Justin needed just a little more breathing space to get himself together and he and Brian spent the next hour going through his new home and making a list of everything he might need.

Vic was with Gus in the paddock when Justin and Brian came down from above the garage and Gus waved at them. Brian disappeared inside the house, saying he had a call to make and asked Justin if he'd ask Vic to go and see him and so Justin walked over to the stables, where Gus had dismounted from Buttons and was unsaddling him.

Justin gave Vic Brian's message and the man left them. Gus had talked to Justin about Buttons often enough, but had actually never taken his new friend down to see him. And Justin patted the animal and fed him carrots and the two of them seemed to become buddies straight away and Justin looked around him.

This surely was a wonderful setting with the nearest neighbors' house just visible through the line of trees that separated the two properties. Away from the city and taking a deep breath, Justin drew the clean air into his lungs and for a moment closed his eyes and listened to the quiet.

Justin could see the attraction of living here. He'd grown up in the suburbs in an up market neighborhood himself with a house complete with pool, but nothing anywhere near as grand as this. And although he'd got used to the noisy, dirty and overcrowded city and the only apartment he could actually afford on his own, the environment here was perfect to wind down in and to find some breathing space and, almost certainly, conducive to inspiration.

And a chance of being this close to Brian was just too good to be true.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian had made a phone call himself and got Vic to make another one and, thirty minutes later, all four of them got into Brian's BMW and drove off.

Their first stop was the little terraced house that Brian used to know so well and Debbie was waiting on the doorstep as the car door opened and Gus got out. Brian needed Vic's assistance for what they were about to do and needed someone to watch Gus and, for a moment, when the electric window was lowered as Brian smiled at his son, telling him he'd be collected later, he locked eyes with Debbie; the first time he'd seen her in just about three years.

Gus ran to her and turned to wave to them from the step; Debbie's hands on the boy's shoulders. Eventually, Brian turned away as he put the car into gear and moved off and, for a moment, thought he'd seen something in Debbie's expression; regret and not just a little pain. But was it for what he'd done or for what they'd lost he couldn't be sure and in any case, didn't have time to think about it now.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

They dropped Vic off at the closest U-Haul to Justin's apartment and Vic signed for the van that Brian had booked by telephone earlier and then followed them.

Burrows didn't appear to be around when they climbed the stairs to Justin's apartment; the door was closed but unlocked and apart from there obviously having been a scuffle, nothing appeared to have been touched. Justin sighed with relief as he picked up his wallet and car keys from the floor and found his cell under the sofa, where it must have been kicked during the assault.

Thankfully, the headache had never really materialized, but the first thing Justin retrieved from the medicine cabinet was the Vicodin, which he put in his pocket, just in case.

Leaving Justin to take care of his artwork, Brian and Vic started to load everything else into the storage boxes that Vic had thought to bring with them for taking out to the van, or carried things down in their arms.

Luckily, Justin had managed to cover up the portrait he'd started of Brian and Gus; he didn't want the man to see it yet, but, as he handed it up into Vic, the cloth slipped. Vic looked at him and saw Justin's consternation; “I'll make sure he doesn't see it ...” the older man whispered to him and he winked and Justin smiled; a little embarrassed and patted Vic's arm.

An hour later, all of Justin's things had been retrieved; artwork, materials and possessions loaded into the van and his clothing laid on the back seat of his car; Vic drove off in the van as Justin dropped the keys to the apartment into Burrows mailbox.

“I'll follow you,” stated Brian and Justin hesitated; something telling him not to ask Brian what it was he was about to do and he left the older man standing in the hallway and went out to his car.

Brian looked around him; there was no-one else in evidence and he knocked on Burrows' apartment door; the first one inside the building.

“Delivery for Burrows,” called out Brian, when he didn't get an answer and the door was opened slowly and the man peered out.

Brian looked at him in disgust and couldn't fail to see the cut and large bruise which had appeared on the man's forehead and Burrows looked at Brian in confusion.

“I thought you said you had a delivery,” said the man; looking at Brian standing on his doorstep empty handed.

“I have,” came the reply.

The first blow caught the man in the stomach; Brian's fist almost disappearing into the surplus flesh and the man doubled-over and gasped as the air was knocked out of him.

“That's from Justin,” stated Brian and then he landed the second blow; catching Burrows on the chin and sending him sprawling backwards; the man falling heavily on his ass.

“And that one's from me.”

 

To be continued.

 

 

 

Chapters 6 - 8 by Julia

Chapter Six:

When they arrived back in WV, Brian parked his car in the drive and having stored all his gear in the dry and secure garage, Justin slept in the spare room in the house the first night while Brian got in a team of cleaners to go through the studio apartment and bring it up to scratch; giving them directions as to what tasks they were to carry out. Then, late the following afternoon and with Brian, Vic and Gus helping, Justin's belongings were transferred upstairs.

Vic had chuckled at Brian as the man carried up Justin's TV. “You know ... something of the old Brian Kinney seems to have emerged.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” asked Brian, keeping his voice low and not letting Gus hearing him swear: his son was at the age when boys know all the rude words and liked to use them occasionally to see what reaction they provoked.

“The Brian Kinney that sums up a situation and acts on it ... who takes charge ... like when Lindz and Mel's wedding looked like it was falling through ... until you got everyone organized,” Vic pointed out. “Ah ... but if you recall ... I actually preferred not to be there on the day,” reminded Brian, smiling; having won tickets and deciding to go to the White Party instead.

“Then ... why are you so involved this time ... so ... hands on?” Vic asked him and he reached out and tapped the back of Brian's hand; the redness from the punches he'd landed on Burrows having now disappeared, but apparently not gone unnoticed.

Brian stopped at the top of the stairs and gave him a long look and then carried on with what he was doing and without answering him; but he heard the older man continue to chuckle as he walked away.

Something of what Vic said had hit home. Having Justin around seemed to make Brian so much more positive about things than he'd been lately; well, since the accident in fact. Making him needing to play more of an active role in what was going on around him, taking control; rather than let Vic take charge, which Brian had been more than willing to do and Vic had been happy to oblige. But maybe Brian knew he really needed to do so much more for himself: for his self-esteem and satisfaction.

Justin had taken the picture he was doing of Brian and Gus and placed it inside the closet for now, making sure that Brian didn't see it. And with the rest of his belongings in place, he looked around him. The furniture, though a few years old, was in good condition and comfortable. It was more or less open-plan, apart from the bathroom of course, with a kitchenette off the living area and a room-divider separating the bedroom. There was plenty of closet and storage space and Brian offered to have more built in if Justin needed it and after only a couple of days, the place was already beginning to feel like home.

At Brian's insistence, Justin and Vic went out and did a little shopping; just making sure Justin had enough pots, pans, cutlery, crockery and groceries in order to be self-sufficient, together with some new linen; all on Brian's account, though the man drew a line in getting that much involved. Now, if Justin had needed to go clothes shopping, then Brian just might have been tempted.

The invitation was there, of course, for Justin to eat with them at the house whenever he wanted and the young man did indeed start to have some of his meals with them. But generally, he always ate breakfast on his own; the time varying hugely, depending on how the urge to paint took him and the hour at which he got up.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Around 9:30, Justin would go over to the house to continue the portrait of Gus; it would be finished soon and though always critical of his own work, even Justin had to admit he was pleased with it and hoped Brian would be too. And at least being on the man's property, he didn't feel disappointed that once it was finished, his dealings with Brian would be over. There was so much more about Brian he wanted to know and now, this close, he hoped to really make the man understand how seriously interested he was.

Gus was thrilled to bits that his dad's new friend would be around to keep Brian company after he went back home and would visit Justin and when neither Vic nor Brian could find the boy and he wasn't at the stables, they knew where he would be and, with Justin's encouragement, Gus had shown a little flair himself.

“I hope he's not bothering you,” stated Vic, late on Sunday afternoon.

“No ... of course not ... I love having him around,” stated Justin, genuinely, when he'd bought Gus back to the kitchen to apologize for the amount of mess Gus had on him; but it was an old tee and the boy had obviously enjoyed himself, even if he had ended up wearing more paint than he'd actually got down on the paper and Vic had taken the tee off him and sent the boy up to shower.

“His mom's an artist,” stated Vic; throwing the tee in the laundry basket.

“Is she?” asked Justin and he frowned. “Then ... why didn't she want to do Gus' picture herself?”

“She hasn't painted in a long time,” replied Vic. “Though she does manage a gallery up in Toronto ... that and the time ... she couldn't spend any longer down here ... she and Mel both work and they have a toddler ... Jenny Rebecca ... she's my nephew's daughter.”

“Your nephew?” asked Justin. “Does he live up there too?” Vic shook his head, but then looked around him; almost as if he was checking that no one could overhear him before he spoke.

“Michael? No ... he lives in Pittsburgh ... he's the one who gave Gus all those comic books you've seen him with ... he's got a store ... but he goes up to see them all the time,” Vic said softly and Justin wasn't mistaken, the man had definitely lowered his voice.

Justin scratched behind his ear; more than just a little confused. Vic had certainly seemed cautious before giving him his answer and careful not to be overheard and if Gus and Jenny Rebecca were being raised as brother and sister and Vic's nephew was the little girl's father, then he would have expected to have at least heard Michael's name mentioned in all the time he'd spent at the house. And then he remembered an earlier conversation with Vic; when the man was telling him how long he'd known Brian.

“I've known him since he was 14 ... he was best friends with my sister's kid.”

He WAS best friends with my sister's kid; they were the words Vic had used, so presumably there had been a falling out. But whatever it was, it couldn't have been that much of a rift; for Brian was more than happy to have Michael's uncle around and it was obvious there was a mutual respect and affection between the two men, but then there was something else Justin didn't understand either.

“If Brian wants to see Gus more ... why doesn't he go up to Toronto ... instead of waiting for Gus to come down during school break ... it's only what ... 90 minutes at the outside.”

“He and Mel have never seen eye to eye ... and I've often thought the real reason they moved there was that Melanie wanted to get Lindsay away from Brian ... and the bombing at Babylon was just the excuse she needed,” Vic answered him and of course omitting the reason that, after the accident, none of the family wanted anything to do with him and in any case, Brian would hardly step outside the door.

“So ... they're pretty close ... Brian and Gus' mom?”

Vic chuckled. “You could say that ... they met in college ...” and he left the words hanging; still chuckling to himself as Justin's eyes opened wide.

“Did they sleep together?” Justin asked and then immediately apologized. “I'm sorry ... I shouldn't have asked that ... it's none of my business ... and besides ...” Justin bit his lip and Vic turned to face him and raised that eyebrow.

“Well ... it's just ... Daphne wanted someone she could trust ...” and Justin could feel himself start to redden.

“And she asked you,” Vic nodded in understanding. “Please don't tell her I told you,” pleaded Justin and Vic held up his hand. “Scout's honor ... not that they'd let me in the Scouts,” and they both chuckled.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was almost a week since Justin had moved into the rooms above the garage and he'd hardly seen Brian in all that time and he couldn't work out why. But what he didn't know was that now having Justin this close all the time, Brian couldn't trust himself to be around him.

To think that the blond was merely no more than a matter of yards away at any one given time was driving Brian insane; he thought about him constantly and was terrified that it was only a matter of time before he gave himself away and was beginning to think it was a huge mistake offering Justin accommodation; that he should have just found him an apartment back in the city and how the fuck was he going to cope, with him living over the garage.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin knew the portrait was nearly finished and something kept him working at it and he came back to the conservatory in the evening after dinner. Brian told him to come and go as he pleased and had even handed him a key to the back door, so that he could get in during the few times when no one was around; accepting how impractical it was for Justin not to have access to the house so he could work on the portrait. At least that's what he told him.

And now; just after 10:30, Justin stepped back and looked at the completed work. He sighed in relief and then smiled in satisfaction and, not realizing the time, went in search of Brian to tell him Gus' portrait was finished.

Gus had turned in a long time before and Justin found Vic in the kitchen making himself a bedtime drink after he and Rodney had been out to dinner at Debbie and Carl's. And, his sister not having laid eyes on Brian in so long, Vic was hardly surprised that Debbie brought the man into the conversation.

“So ... what was that all about ... the last minute request to look after Gus?” she'd asked him when she'd got Vic on his own and her brother grinned at her. Debbie had been burning to ask Vic what was going on, but it was Rodney who'd collected Gus and picked Vic up from the U-Haul depot when he'd returned the van and then taken them both back to WV.

“Just concerned for Gus ... that's all,” she continued and Vic nodded. “You can't help yourself ... can you?”

“Why don't you just come right out and ask me how he is ... because you still care about him ... and don't deny it,” Vic stabbed his finger at her, cutting her off as she was about to do just that, but Debbie wasn't about to admit that she did still care and she harrumphed. “I bet there was a guy involved.”

“Well ... actually ... yes ... there was ...”

“Knew it,” came Debbie back, triumphantly.

“A young man Brian was helping to get away from a guy who tried to rape him ... if you must know,” stated Vic; knowing it really wasn't his place to reveal Justin's business, but he just hated Debbie being down on Brian for no good reason. For he'd lived under Brian's roof for the past three years and he'd seen the man go through hell and back. And he'd seen too how Brian had finally been able to be a father to Gus and just how much the man was capable of giving; despite what others might think.

“Saint Brian ...”

“When the fuck are you going to let up on him?” Vic demanded, lowering his voice. “Hasn't he paid enough?”

“After what he did to Michael ...”

“Like giving him the very means that allowed him to purchase the comic book store and encourage him to go for it ... because if you remember ... if Brian hadn't given Michael that Captain Astro first edition ... he'd never have been able to raise the money,” stated Vic, alluding to the fact that auctioning the comic on Ebay had brought in the $10,000 necessary for Michael to take over the lease.

“And what about the Brian who made sure Lindz' and Mel's wedding went ahead after all ... or who got Ted off that porn website charge ... or gave up his parental rights to his son so that Gus' two mom's would get back together ... did you ever think about that Brian?” Vic demanded and Debbie didn't have an answer for him.

Vic had then returned to the house in WV, having said goodnight to Rodney as the man went off to do his relief shift at the Liberty House Hospice and, having made dinner for himself and Gus, Brian had disappeared upstairs and was nowhere to be seen and Justin sighed; that wasn't unusual lately.

“Brian's upstairs ... working out,” Vic informed him. “Why don't you go up ... I'm sure he'd want to know you've finished ... I'm dying to see it ... but I promise not to before Brian does first,” and he poured the hot milk out the pan and into his mug. “You want one?” Vic asked him, but Justin shook his head.

“In that case ... if you'll excuse me ... I have a date with Joan Crawford,” Vic informed him, smiling and heading off to bed.

Justin hesitated and thought about putting it off until the morning, but decided he couldn't wait any longer to see Brian's reaction and he made his way upstairs; there had originally been five large en-suite bedrooms in the house, but one of them had been made over to a small gym after the accident, as Brian still wanted to keep fit, but there was no way he’d wanted to go somewhere public.

Making his way down the hall, he could hear the TV on low in Vic's room; there was only one door slightly open and Justin knocked before going in, but Brian didn't hear him: he had his eyes closed, earphones in and was listening to music as he worked out on the treadmill.

Wearing only shorts and gym shoes, Brian was keeping a steady pace and breathing rhythmically. He'd obviously been working out for some time; his body glistened, with sweat trickling down between his shoulder blades. And, as he stood watching him, Justin felt himself harden and briefly closed his eyes; not knowing whether to stay or back off. But in the end he just couldn't leave or tear his eyes away.

Justin continued to watch Brian for several minutes, but suddenly, as if realizing someone was there, Brian opened his eyes and turned his head and, for what seemed like an eternity, they held each other's gaze. Eventually, Brian looked away and reaching for the controls, reduced the speed and gradually, the machine slowed down enough for him to safely step off and he took out the earphones and put the Walkman on the chair and picked up a towel; wiping his face and wondering what the younger man wanted and just how long he'd been standing there.

“Gus' portrait ... it's finished,” said Justin, trying not to look embarrassed; knowing Brian realized he'd probably been watching him for some while and the older man nodded; putting the towel around his neck. “I look forward to seeing it,” Brian stated, genuinely and he smiled; waiting for Justin to continue: he obviously had no intention of leaving.

Justin swallowed; “This is quite a set up you've got here,” and he gestured around the room; as well as the treadmill, there were weights, a Stair-master and a spinning bike.

“Well ... if you ever want to work out ...”

Justin smiled and shook his head in amazement. “What ... what is it?” Brian asked him; frowning.

“You,” Justin informed him.

“You let me use the pool ... offer me somewhere to live ... your gym ... you wouldn't think I was just hired to paint a portrait,” and now it was Brian who closed his eyes and he looked away; not wanting Justin to read them; wondering if the younger man would ever work out he was so much more than hired help and Justin blinked: Brian hadn't been quite quick enough.

“It isn't just me ... is it?” Justin asked him, suddenly feeling so sure he'd read the man right and Brian turned back to face him. After a moment, Justin turned away, but only to close the door and he moved towards the older man who was still standing, motionless, in the middle of the room.

Slowly and holding Brian's gaze, Justin reached out and pulled the towel away from Brian's neck and shoulders and dropped it on the floor. Brian's chest, though not overly muscular, was nicely defined. But it was his still slim waist; his strong legs, arms and shoulders that had caught Justin's attention the most; well, for now, anyhow. And the young man reached out for him.

Brian backed away and Justin momentarily closed his eyes; maybe he'd made a terrible mistake after all. The older man's blood was still pumping in his veins from his workout and Brian was sure his heart was pounding loud enough for the younger man to hear and it wasn't just from the exercise with Justin being this near.

How could he be this close to Justin and not want him and indeed the younger man was more sure than ever that he could read exactly what Brian was thinking and now, up on tiptoes, Justin reached up to kiss him, but Brian stepped back.

Justin ran his fingers through his hair. “I know it's not just me ... you can't stand there and tell me ... after everything you've done for me that you don't care ... that you don't have any feelings.”

But Brian was already walking out the door and making his way to his bedroom; but Justin knew; he just knew how the man felt. This time, those hazel eyes hadn't disguised the man's feelings, however much he tried.

Knowing he was risking everything; his new home and whatever tentative relationship he had with Brian, Justin followed him: closing the bedroom door behind him and Brian turned to face him.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Seeing through your bullshit,” replied Justin; determined the man would acknowledge how it really was between them and then he continued.

“You take me into your home ... practically treat me like family ... smash the fuck outta Burrows ...” and Brian looked at him in surprise.

“Don't think I didn't know what you were going to do ... the marks on your hand told me well enough afterwards.”

“You move me in ... let me spend your fucking money ... making sure I had everything I needed ... and now ... when I ... I'm just feet away from you all the time ... you act like I'm not here ... you're never around ... you don't even come to see how Gus' portrait is progressing ...”

“Will you keep your voice down ... you'll wake Gus,” Brian instructed him, but he knew how right Justin was.

“You want me ... just the way I want you,” Justin stated and he moved closer to him; this time, Brian, taken a little aback by Justin's determination didn't move away; was rooted to the spot and Justin reached out and put his hand behind Brian's head.

“Are you really telling me that you don't want me ... that you've not felt this since the first time we met ... after all ... you thought I was a trick ... you wanted me then,” and he reached up to him.

And they both knew he was right; that it was inevitable.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The kiss they'd shared previously had been tender and gentle, but this time, Brian grabbed the blond by the back of the neck and pressed his mouth against Justin's; hard and bruising: tilting his head first one way and then the other for maximum impact; all the while undoing Justin's jeans.

Gasping for breath, Justin pulled back and grabbing the hem of his tee, brought it up over his head and threw it on the floor. Brian quickly toed off his sneakers and then pulled down his shorts and stepped out of them and pushed Justin back on the bed so that he could pull off the younger man's shoes and socks, quickly followed by jeans and underclothes and then he climbed up beside him.

Justin surveyed Brian's naked body as the man moved towards him and felt himself harden further; “Fuck me,” Justin commanded; his voice low and rasping and he reached out and grabbed the other man's hair. The desire in those eyes was undeniable; usually bright blue, they were now dark and smoldering and Brian smiled; he was more than happy to oblige. He'd been wanting and anticipating this since the first time they met and couldn't understand why he'd been holding off; why Justin had been so different. But then the more he got to know him, the more terrified Brian had become that Justin would see the real Brian Kinney and run a mile.

But he didn't give a damn about that now; that was for another time. Right now he just needed to be inside the man lying on his bed and though Justin didn't often bottom these days, on this occasion, he desperately wanted Brian to take him; needing to feel him pounding away inside and the blond rolled over onto his stomach and pulled the pillow under his chest: hugging it tightly.

Reaching quickly into the top drawer of the nightstand for condoms and lube; hands slightly shaking, Brian desperately tore open the packet with his teeth and sheathed himself and then applied lube, inserting some inside Justin; a little too roughly he knew, but Justin gasped in pleasure; wanting it that way.

Justin wanted to be fucked; hard; fast and deep and, from behind, Brian had to admit, Justin's bubble butt was glorious and he placed his hands on the younger man's buttocks and spread them. Brian knew he should try and slow down; to savor this, but Justin had other ideas and feeling Brian start to enter him, pushed himself backwards; thrusting himself onto Brian's cock and crying out in undisguised pleasure. And now it was Brian's fingers gripping Justin's hair, the other hand on his thigh as Brian leaned back and thrust his pelvis forward; his movements soon becoming faster and pushing deeper; riding him hard and Justin let out soft gasps of delight.

Brian wrapped his arms around Justin's waist and with a huge effort, pulled him upright and then sat the young man down on his haunches: on top of Brian's thighs and impaling him. The older man had entered him as far as was physically possible and, reaching around, Brian took the blond's cock in his hand. With Justin's back lying against his chest, Brian tried to match the strokes; bringing their throbbing, pulsating rhythm into unison and Brian knew he was close to the edge.

Leaning back against Brian, his head on the man's shoulder and taking his weight, Justin's world was a mixture of sensations. He could smell the unmistakable scent of sweat and sex, but he couldn't hear anything other than his own blood pounding in his head and he couldn't see anything; unable to focus his vision: everything in a mist of ecstasy. And all he could feel was Brian's hot body inside him; surrounding him: overtaking him completely.

Of course he'd been fucked before, but never like this; never as deep and as penetrating: as if Brian was reaching somewhere so far inside Justin that he touched his very core.

With the blond head leaning on his shoulder, Brian continued to thrust upwards; Justin moaning with every stroke, though he didn't realize he was doing so and, taking the younger man's cock and feeling its hardness, Brian slid his hand up and down the length several times before stopping; running the palm of his hand hard over the head before coming back to the root; delighting in hearing the sounds of pleasure as Justin came, sending spurts of cum onto the bedclothes.

Justin had reached around and put his hand behind Brian's head, trying to pull him forwards: as if trying to push Brian inside him even further; as if he just couldn't get enough of him: would never get enough. And just when he thought it was impossible to get any better, Brian felt Justin tighten around him and thought he might explode with pleasure as his orgasm coursed through the whole of Brian's body; making him tingle: as if an electric shock had passed through him. And he could feel the younger man's desperation; wanting him; needing him and he hated to admit it, but it felt so damn good.

Feeling the younger man shuddering against him, Brian rode his orgasm until he filled the condom and, finally letting Justin go, the younger man fell forward; experiencing the most pleasurable sensation of Brian's withdrawal, but then Justin moaned at the loss of contact; every nerve ending feeling like he was being stabbed with thousands of minute pins.

Brian collapsed down on the bed beside him; totally spent; trying to recover his breath and clear his head of the mists that were clouding his vision and to try and hear what the younger man was saying.

“I'm glad ... I'm glad we got that ... outta the way,” said Justin, fighting for breath and Brian blinked; trying to understand him as he slowly took off the condom and reached out for the trashcan nearby.

“Wha ... what did ... you say?” Brian asked him between gasps.

Smiling, Justin turned and leaned over him. “I said ... I'm glad we got that outta the way.”

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and then, with momentous effort, turned onto his side and pushed himself into a sitting position: his back now to Justin.

“So ... it was just a fuck ... after all,” Brian stated quietly; almost to himself and he shook his head and wondered why was he so surprised and how could he be so stupid to even think he might hope it would be something more.

It sounded like he was being dismissed after servicing Justin; an object of pleasure required to satisfy some acute physical need and although in the past, Brian had discharged his tricks similarly after he'd done with them, he'd never been on the receiving end before. But he'd thought this time had somehow been different, that he'd obviously misunderstood when he'd looked into the younger man's eyes and seen the longing; he thought he'd seen more than the man just wanting a quick, shallow fuck. But obviously, he’d been mistaken after all.

Suddenly, Justin realized what Brian was thinking and he quickly moved beside him, putting his hand on the man's shoulder.

“That's not what I meant,” Justin tried to reassure him and he reached around and put his hand under Brian's chin and brought him around to face him.

“You wanna know why I'm glad we got that outta the way?” Justin asked him and Brian shrugged; trying to hide the disappointment on his face.

Justin smiled. “So that next time ... we can make love,” he whispered. For although the need to be fucked by Brian had been so strong, what he really wanted from this beautiful man with hazel eyes; eyes that spoke volumes, was something a whole lot more and he moved in and covered Brian's mouth with his own, but he felt Brian hold back and Justin broke contact and looked up at him: he frowned as the older man slightly shook his head.

“I'm not sure ...” and Brian looked away; unable or unwilling to finish his sentence.

Justin didn't need Brian to explain any further; after all, he'd heard Vic say Brian had once been the stud of Liberty Avenue. He'd obviously had every man he'd ever gone after, but he was still on his own. The man fucked; he didn't know how to make love or, at least, he didn't think so.

But Bringing Brian back to face him, Justin's eyes told him everything he needed to know; that Justin might just possibly turn out to be someone he was capable of making love with; that maybe he shouldn't be afraid any longer.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian's powers of recovery still functioned like a man in his twenties, but Justin gave him plenty of time to get his second wind and gently pushing the older man back down onto the bed, he started at Brian's toes and slowly, stroked, caressed and kissed his way up the man's body: Brian first lying on his stomach and then allowing Justin to roll him over; feeling sweet, tender kisses along his spine and Brian felt like he was falling: spiraling out of control.

Closing his eyes, Brian wallowed in Justin's tender strokes; could this really be happening: could he allow this to happen? Could he really let go of all those years of not allowing himself to ever feel; believing he was incapable?

After a childhood of abuse and witnessing years of a cold loveless marriage between his parents, Brian had never thought love was real; that he didn't believe in it and that it was only something straight people told themselves they were in, in order to get laid: a love based on lies that would only lead to heartache.

But Justin's ministrations were so gentle and loving and yet so unfamiliar and it would be hard not to admit he had feelings for him; as the younger man obviously had for him; he could feel it in the blond's caress: for indeed the young man had touched him and not just physically.

Brian looked back over his shoulder as Justin reached the nape of his neck; allowing their mouths to come together and then Brian took over. It felt as if he were doing this for the very first time; the first time in his entire life. For Brian had never made love with a man until Justin came along and how different it now was.

Brian felt the connection; the connection that Justin had already experienced as he allowed the blond to touch him in ways no man ever had and then Brian touched Justin; running his hands up and down the length of his body; really feeling him; kissing him: that soft skin and hair bleached even lighter by the summer sun. And when Justin smiled at him; with those huge blue eyes, Brian knew then he would never be the same again.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin settled back down on the pillows; a little down from the headboard: allowing him to watch Brian, and this time when Brian reached out for condom and lube, once the packet had been opened, Justin reached out to take it and he carefully rolled it onto Brian's cock. Brian gasped and closed his eyes as Justin covered him in lube and he opened his eyes to see the young man smiling; reveling in the pleasure so apparent on Brian's face at his merest touch. It was then Brian's turn, and he covered his fingers in lube.

Justin pulled his knees into his chest, allowing Brian access to his hole and the man, gently this time, administered the cool, slippery substance. Brian leaned forward and Justin wrapped his legs around Brian's back; feeling him enter him only a little at first. But, with every thrust; this time slow and allowing both men to experience the sensations fully: Justin could feel him go deeper and deeper and Brian reached down to kiss him.

Justin tightened his grip with his thighs, willing Brian in further and he put his hands behind Brian's neck; coming up to meet him and prolonging the kiss; never wanting it to stop: never wanting to let Brian go and he ran his hand down Brian's ribs; feeling the man shudder in pleasure under his touch.

Brian took Justin's hand; their fingers entwined and he paused; the two men held each other's gaze and Justin saw the fear that Brian couldn't disguise. Justin smiled and with his free hand, reached out to stroke Brian's face and, for the first time, Brian didn't pull back as fingers gently eased their way through his beard and the younger man saw the fear slowly disappear under his caress.

And now Brian knew he was probably lost forever and leaning forward; continuing to thrust longer and harder now. And between thrusts, he kissed Justin's face and neck; smothering the young man with dozens of light, sweet kisses; kisses that were returned unconditionally.

Justin's own needs were over taking him and, reaching down between them, he took his cock in his hand; matching Brian's thrusts to his own hard tugs. But almost on the edge already, it wasn't long before Justin came; covering Brian's stomach with cum.

And for the first time, Brian heard himself whisper Justin's name and heard his own name on the younger man's lips; feeling the intense intimacy between them; intimacy never felt or even sought after before. But with Justin it seemed so natural and welcome.

Feeling his climax fast approaching, Brian leaned down to kiss Justin again; the younger man sharing his orgasm; a consummation of their feelings for each other; feelings not yet voiced but apparent all the same. And then it happened; the roaring sound that reached a crescendo before crashing around them; engulfing them. Totally anticipated and yet nothing like either of them had ever experienced with any other man. Both men reaching out to each other; discovering things about themselves they never knew. For it wasn't only Justin's body Brian had entered, it was the young man's very being and for Brian, it was awakening a part of him he didn't know existed.

After the bashing, Justin had his rebirth through his art; this was Brian's. Brought alive; for the very first time, by the beautiful blue-eyed blond whose love for him Brian couldn't now deny or ignore. And falling asleep, sated and complete; his face buried in Justin's neck, Brian knew he could never go back to how he was before.

He once may have thought he didn't know how to make love. How wrong he'd been.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Tell me about these,” Justin asked him quietly, the sun barely starting to shine in through the windows as he felt the ridges and Brian blinked. Justin's sensitive fingers had found the scars he'd guessed were there and were the reason why Brian hid behind his beard.

When he'd woken, Brian was alone and, for a few moments, wondered if last night had just been a beautiful dream and he closed his eyes in disappointment. And then he heard the bathroom door open and Justin; naked and pale in the watery sunlight, walked over to the bed: smiling at him. Brian's heart leapt and he tried hard not to grin like a loon as the memory of their lovemaking came flooding back: remembering every kiss, touch and lick that the two men shared, but still not fully believing it had actually happened.

Kneeling on the bed beside him, Justin leaned over and kissed Brian; “Good morning.”

“Good morning ... though it's hardly that,” came the reply and Brian realized this was the first time he'd woken up with another man that he wasn't in a hurry to have leave and Justin lay back down beside him and there was a comfortable silence; broken only by Justin's concerned words as he reached for the older man; caressing his face.

“I was in a car accident,” Brian said, eventually and he shrugged, as if trying to dismiss the incident out of hand.

“Must have been pretty bad ... was there any one else involved?” and Justin continued to run his fingers along Brian's jaw line, apparently not repulsed by what he felt there.

Brian closed his eyes; hating the thought of lying to Justin, but perhaps he could just be economical with the truth.

“My friend ... Mikey ... was with me ... we both ended up in the hospital ... but he had mostly bad bruising and a concussion.”

Justin bit his lip; Mikey. This surely had to be Michael; Vic's nephew. So maybe the accident had been the cause of the breakup of their friendship.

“Sounds like you were lucky,” offered Justin, but Brian just rolled his lips into his mouth, intent on not continuing this particular conversation; a hint that Justin picked up without any trouble. So instead, Justin went back to what he did best; after his art, of course.

And then the two men fell asleep again; not wanting to recognize the new day: neither of them really eager to bring this night to a close.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Vic was up pretty early and put on the coffee before going into the utility room and starting off the laundry and he leaned against the washing machine. There was something he wanted to tell Brian and he wasn't sure how the man would take it.

Going back into the kitchen, he found Gus pouring out two mugs of coffee and he frowned.

“Gus ... careful ... that's hot,” warned Vic, worried the boy might burn himself and he made his way over to the counter in order to watch over him. “And why the two cups ... you know you're too young for coffee,” but the boy shook his head as he carefully placed the mugs on a tray.

“It's not for me ... it's for dad and Justin,” came the answer and Gus picked up the tray, careful not to let the mugs spill.

Vic put his hand lightly on the boy's shoulder. “And where exactly are you going with those?” Vic asked him; almost expecting the answer.

“Dad's room ...”

On getting up, Gus had gone into his dad's bedroom to wake him and there, in his father's bed, he found them. They were sound asleep; Justin lying on his side with his back to Brian and leaning into him and Brian's arm protectively around the younger man: both men totally unaware that Gus had walked in on them; a situation that apparently the boy hadn't found surprising.

“Okay,” stated Vic and he carefully took the tray out of Gus' hands. “Why don't you let me do that while you go down and give Buttons his breakfast ... I bet he's missing you.”

“I guess I could,” came the reply and complying with Vic's request, Gus let himself out of the back door and made his way to the stables. Vic sighed in relief. So, it would seem Justin spent the night with Brian. Not totally unexpected and definitely desirable as far as Vic was concerned. And though Gus had grown up seeing his two mom's together and had never been shielded from seeing two people of the same sex openly showing displays of affection, Vic wasn't sure how Brian would feel if his son just walked in on him with Justin; especially if they were occupied. Besides, this was an opportunity Vic couldn't miss out on.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

With the sun now fully up, they'd taken it into the bathroom; Justin's caress arousing Brian once more and the younger man teasingly withdrew, saying he was going to take a shower: Brian had followed.

Vic could hear the unmistakable sounds of sex, even over the sound of the water running and he grinned to himself as he placed the tray with the mugs of coffee on the nightstand; a little disappointed that Brian wasn't there to see his knowing look.

“Oh oh ... looks like we've been sprung,” and Justin indicated the mugs, as carrying a towel and with another wrapped around his waist, he stepped back into the bedroom and began to dry his hair.

Brian hesitated in the doorway and groaned; he'd been hoping last night wouldn't be too obvious to anyone else, or at least give him a chance to mention it first. But now it was too late and he knew Vic wouldn't let him hear the end of it; that Justin had finally got to him and that for once, he knew that for Brian it wasn't just about sex. For if it had been, last night would have happened a hell of a lot sooner.

Brian's saw Justin's smiling face as the younger man took a sip of the hot liquid and looking very much at home and Brian felt a tightness in his chest. How had he let this blond beauty get under the wire; after everything he used to tell himself; after everything he swore he believed in. That he never needed anyone; that he never fucked the same guy twice and here he'd made love with Justin all night.

Brian blinked; had he really thought they'd made love and could he be ready for this? Because if he wasn't careful, Justin was bound to think there was now a bond between them; a relationship even. And even if this was indeed the truth, admitting it to the world was a whole different ball game, for Brian wasn't even sure he could admit it to himself: would ever be able to.

Pulling on his jeans, Justin watched as Brian took off his own towel and began to dress. He was so beautiful; why the hell had he been hiding himself away all this time. But then Justin suddenly realized guiltily, that he was glad he had; otherwise someone else might have got there first and denied Justin the chance to get close to this beautiful and mysterious man.

“I can't wait for breakfast ... I'm starving ... I seem to have worked up an appetite,” grinned Justin and he slipped on his shoes: Brian hesitated.

“It's okay ... you don't have to wait for me ... why don't you go ahead ... go down without me,” instructed Brian, dismissively and he sat down on the bed to tie up the laces on his sneakers; giving him the opportunity of not having to look at Justin.

The blond swallowed. Was Brian sending him down on his own because he didn't want Vic or Gus seeing them together; as a couple? Justin sighed; he'd hoped after last night; how close they had become, that Brian would see that was exactly how they should be. Justin was more than willing to give it a go; believing that this could be the man he'd been waiting for all his life, but suddenly, he felt Brian backing off. Had they got this close only to have Brian pull away again? He surely couldn't deny what they'd shared.

But Justin watched Brian as the older man moved around the bedroom and saw the set expression on his face; like a mask that had been put in place; Brian anxious to hide his feelings. And so desperately disappointed, but deciding not to push it any further for now, Justin made his way downstairs: alone.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Vic's grin soon disappeared as he saw first the expression on Justin's face and then the look on Brian's and Justin excused himself; saying he had stuff to do and wouldn't be staying for breakfast.

Vic watched him go out the door and looked back at Brian; unwilling to say anything in front of Gus, who'd come back from the stables and Brian reached for coffee and toast; the latter remaining uneaten on his plate as Brian fought the acid that threatened to rise up from his stomach.

“Dad ... I need some new sneakers ... can we go shopping?” Gus asked him, but Brian shook his head. “I'm gonna be busy today ... perhaps Vic can take you,” and he picked up his coffee cup and disappeared to the study: Vic watched him go.

“Gus ... when you've finished your breakfast ... go up and brush your teeth ... then I'll take you into town,” Vic informed him; his hand resting on the boy's arm and Gus tried to hide his disappointment. His dad had seemed so much happier just lately, he'd hoped he'd want to take him shopping instead of Vic; they'd never been together before; just the two of them. And, not for the first time, did Gus wonder why he never did the usual stuff other kids do with their dads.

Leaving Gus in the kitchen, Vic followed Brian into the study.

“Don't ask,” Brian instructed before Vic managed to speak and Brian sat down behind the desk and fired up the laptop, but Vic wasn't about to let this go.

“Are you going to tell me nothing happened ... I know Justin spent the night ... and so does your son.”

Brian looked at him and closed his eyes. Shit. He knew how much Gus liked Justin and was maybe even getting used to having him around and Brian sighed. Who was he trying to kid? It wasn't only Gus who enjoyed Justin's company.

"The son I'm taking shopping ... when it should be you,” Vic continued, pointedly and he turned to leave, but before walking out the door, he turned back.

“By the way ... have you taken a look at Gus' portrait ... I believe it's complete.”

Brian's heart lurched and he closed his eyes. The portrait; with what had happened last night, he'd actually forgotten about it, but he waited until he heard Vic and Gus drive away before going into the conservatory.

Brian took a deep breath and slowly walked around in front of the picture and he gasped. It was wonderful; his son's likeness exactly and he closed his eyes. Justin was so talented; so beautiful and, if he wasn't mistaken, had some very genuine feelings for him and what the hell was he going to do. Because talent like this shouldn't be confined to doing portrait work and relatively inconsequential art shows. A gift like Justin's would surely take him away and could he stand that; could Brian stand allowing himself to fall in love with Justin, only to have the young man leave him, as one day he would be bound to do so. For with talent like this, the world was his for the taking.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian must have stood staring at the portrait for twenty minutes; staring at it through misty eyes and knew he had to acknowledge just how good it was. He knew that eventually, Justin's talent would be spotted and he'd be given offers to go who knows where and that however much Justin was paid for this commission, it would never be enough, for the portrait's value was incalculable. But craft like this just couldn't be ignored and Brian took a deep breath before making his way to the garage.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After leaving the house and going back to his rooms, Justin had lost his appetite for breakfast and had tried to paint, but couldn't settle and didn't know whether he should start packing, even though he'd only just moved in. If Brian was going to continue to push him away, what was the point of ever imagining there could be anything real between them and he didn't think he could live this close to the man and keep his feelings to himself. And then he heard the quiet knock on the door.

“Can I come in?” Brian asked him, when Justin opened the door and then stepped back. “It's your place,” he stated coldly, but Brian shook his head. “It's your home too,” the older man came back at him and Justin frowned and wondered whether that was Brian telling him that despite his reaction this morning, that he indeed wanted him to stay. But there were other words on the tip of Brian's tongue, for he had almost completed his sentence with 'for as long as you want it', but he didn't want to remind even himself that Justin's stay here might be fleeting and Brian made his way into the middle of the room and then turned to face him.

“I just looked at the portrait ... it's beautiful,” said Brian huskily and Justin thought he heard the catch in the man's voice; the one emotion Brian could never deny: the love that shone through when he was discussing anything remotely connected to his son.

“I'm glad you like it,” stated Justin and he managed a smile. “He's a great kid ... but I never really thought he'd sit through all those sessions,” and he chuckled; Brian smiled back. “That's because he likes you.”

“Maybe,” Justin agreed. “But I think it's more likely because he knew it was for you ... he loves you ... really loves you,” and then Justin knew he had to take the chance: it was all or nothing.

“And he's not the only one,” he stated quietly.

Brian closed his eyes. “Justin ... you don't know me ...”

“How can you say that ... after what we did ... how you made love to me?” the blond asked him, but Brian shook his head. “You think what we did was love?”

“I know it was,” stated Justin, emphatically, but Brian wouldn't confirm it. “All we did was fuck each other's brains out,” Brian came back at him, but Justin didn't believe him and didn't really think Brian did either.

“It was love to me ... and I think it was to you too.”

“Justin ... I ...” and Brian ran his hand through his hair and he sighed.

Crossing the floor, Justin walked up to him and was now just inches away. “Are you really going to stand there and deny it?” challenged Justin, quietly. “Can you really look me in the eye and tell me you feel absolutely nothing?” and he looked up at the older man and Brian thought he might drown in those blue eyes, but he couldn't answer him.

“Well ... I don't hear you denying it,” stated Justin. But the truth was Brian couldn't speak; for if he did, if he truly denied he felt nothing, then he would be lying and Justin knew it and Brian looked away.

“Thought so,” said Justin and he reached out and put his hand on the other man's chest. “I don't know why it is you think you can't acknowledge what we both feel ... would it really be so unbelievable ... you and me?” he asked him.

“You're a lot younger than me,” offered Brian lamely and Justin chuckled. “Is that it ... is that your excuse why we can't be together?... You'll have to do better than that,” and he looked up at him and reaching out, stroked Brian's face.

“I wish I knew why you're holding back,” said Justin softy and why it is you're so afraid thought the younger man and he frowned.

“Is it because you're this rich ... successful writer ... and I'm just ...”

“You're not JUST anything,” interrupted Brian and walking away from him. “You're incredibly talented ... and one day the world will get to see just how much.”

“Maybe ... but I'm beginning to think ...”

“Justin ... there's no maybe ... you should have more faith in yourself ... you saw the reaction you got at the art show ... it's only time.”

“And until then?”

“Until then ... you keep on doing what you're doing ... become the best you can be.”

Justin sighed and looked down and Brian moved back towards him and put his hand beneath the blond's chin and brought him up to face him. “Isn't that the best way to get back at everyone who ever bullied you ... hated you because you were gay ... Hobbs ... your father ... and be the best homosexual you can ... because if there's one thing guaranteed to piss off straight folks ... it's a successful fag.”

Justin met Brian's gaze and knew every word he said was true, but there was still something else he wanted an answer to.

“And what about us?” Justin asked him and now Brian sighed and looked away.

“Don't say there is no us ... without giving us a chance ... won't you at least do that ... what have you got to lose?”

Brian blinked; what indeed. Only his sanity, that's what. But looking at the love that just shone out of those blue eyes; that oozed from every pore, Brian could hear that little voice telling him to take that chance: to let Justin in and see what happened. Because who knows.

Because once upon a time, Brian didn't even think he'd love his son; that all had been required was for him to jerk off in a cup and that would be the end of it. But having been born, despite every fear he'd had about turning into his own father, Brian discovered that Gus had become the most precious thing in his life. What if the same could be said about Justin?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I have to make sure Brian really believes I love him ... that I'm not just coming on to him because of who he is ... that I'm taking advantage of him and what he can give me,” stated Justin as he scoured the employment pages in the local newspaper. He'd been thinking over their conversation and even though Brian was right; that he was quite a lot older, that was no reason why they couldn't make it work. But he needed an income; he couldn't just wait around and trust in fate and Justin had gone into town to catch up with Daphne and they were seated in her kitchen; a pot of coffee on the table between them.

“I'm sure he doesn't think that way,” stated his friend as she picked up her cup.

“Perhaps ... but I need to pay my own way Daph ... it isn't that he's letting me stay there rent free ... it's everything else ... power ... light ... even feeding me.”

“No ... until whatever's gonna happen happens ... I need to get a job so that I can be independent ... let Brian see I can stand on my own two feet ... that I don't have to rely on him for everything ... that I'm with him because I want to be ... not because I need him to support me.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Despite Brian's reluctance to admit it was anything other than the sex they shared, Justin was learning. There were things that he did that Brian just couldn't ignore: like sitting on the desk so that he was in Brian's line of vision as he worked; or going around behind him and nuzzling his neck; or joining Brian when he was working out; hot bodies, exercising together: moves guaranteed to get Brian's attention and get him into bed. The sex was fantastic; that would never be an issue. But it was getting Brian to admit that Justin had got inside his head and his heart that was Justin's biggest challenge.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Having spent a successful day at the zoo, Brian had relented and was now far more agreeable to going out and doing things with Gus and was surprised to find that the more they did, the easier it became. And sometimes, Justin went out with them, but always making sure Brian was happy for him to do so. Justin knew how Brian cherished the time he spent with Gus and didn't want to encroach on that, but it would seem that both Kinney males liked having him around, even if Gus was a little more vocal about stating that fact. But Brian told him in other ways.

And now, with the summer holidays having gathered speed, suddenly, Lindsay was on her way back to collect Gus in good time to start the new school year. And though she'd heard very good reports about the portrait, she never expected to find the young artist installed in the rooms above the garage.

Gus talked a lot about Justin on the trip back to the house from the airport and Lindsay looked over at Brian and smiled. “Well ... I'm looking forward to meeting this young man ...” and she saw how Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and glanced out of the window; unable to look back at her.

And then Lindsay saw the portrait and she gasped. “My God ... I never realized he was this talented,” she stated and she sat down in the nearest chair as she studied it; Brian smiled. Somehow, hearing other people praise Justin's work made him swell up with pride.

“Well ... as an art teacher and gallery manager ... I'm sure Justin will appreciate any input,” offered Brian.

“You should see his other work, Lindsay ... he's incredible ... it's hard to think someone still so young can have such a gift.”

Lindsay turned to face him; never hearing Brian speak about anyone in the tone he'd just used to describe Justin and his work; a tender and gentle tone that surely gave him away. “Well ... you seem pretty taken with him,” she observed and knowing he could never successfully lie to one of his oldest friends, Brian avoided her gaze.

“Brian Kinney ... if I didn't know you better ... I'd say you'd got feelings for this young man,” and when Brian didn't confirm or deny, Lindsay continued. “Well ... he really must be something special ... I'd like to meet him for myself,” and, no time like the present, Lindsay headed for the garage.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“So ... Justin Taylor ... I've been hearing such good things about you,” and Lindsay entered Justin's rooms at his invitation and looked around; Justin's artwork now covering the walls.

“This is wonderful work ... Justin ... may I call you Justin?” Lindsay asked him over her shoulder as she studied first one piece and then the next.

“Sure ... and thanks ... thanks for the commission ... to do Gus' portrait.”

“No ... thank you ... I'm so glad it was you ... you've done a marvelous job ... it's beautiful.”

“Oh ... Here,” and Lindsay reached into her purse and took out the check. “I'm sorry you had to wait for it.”

“Thanks ... that's okay ... he's a great kid.”

Lindsay nodded. “He likes you too ... couldn't stop talking about you on the way back from the airport,” and Lindsay leaned against the back of the sofa.

“And I think Brian's taken quite a shine to you himself,” Lindsay grinned at him; Justin frowned. “Has he said anything?” he asked her, eagerly. “A little ... but it's more what he didn't say,” replied Lindsay and Justin smiled back; maybe he was starting to get through to him after all.

“You wouldn't mind ... would you ... only I know you're pretty close,” he asked her.

“No ... of course not ... why should I? ... I never thought it would happen ... that's all,” and then her smile disappeared as she studied him. He was a very beautiful young man and obviously passionate about his art. But when he'd asked whether Brian mentioned him, she'd seen how anxious he was to think the man might mention him to an old friend; Justin's sincerity was obvious, but did the young man know what he was letting himself in for? And could he love a man who never thought he wanted to be in love?

“You will be careful ... won't you Justin ... only Brian doesn't love easily ... in fact ...” and Lindsay paused before she continued; deciding to take Justin into her confidence.

“In fact I've never known Brian to be in love.”

“What ... never?” Justin asked her in surprise and Lindsay shook her head. “He didn't exactly have an easy childhood ... it's left him distrustful ... cynical even ... it's going to take a lot of hard work to dispel everything he's ever believed in ... and then after the accident ...” Lindsay stopped; she'd probably said too much already, but Justin was eager to know more.

“What happened? I know Brian's face is scarred ... and that his friend Michael was with him at the time ... and I think they fell out over it.”

Lindsay shook her head. “Yes ... they did and it was a very painful time ... but something that only Brian should really talk about.”

“But isn't they're anything you can tell me ... so that I know exactly what I'm dealing with ... so that I can get through to him?” and Lindsay could hear the pleading in Justin's voice and she could see in his eyes just how much he wanted to help the man he loved.

“Let's just say that everyone blamed Brian for the accident ... and he and Michael haven't spoken since.”

“But an accident is just that ... an accident,” stated Justin, unable to believe how a close friendship could be ruined by such an event but Lindsay put up her hand to stop him.

“That's all I'm prepared to say, Justin ... if you want any more you're going to have to ask Brian,” and then she smiled at him. “But I have this feeling that if anyone's ever going to reach him ... then it'll be you.”

Justin smiled and scratched behind his ear; if only Lindsay was staying longer, he might be able to learn more from her: she could be a good ally in his quest.

“How long are you here?” asked Justin; wondering if he would get a further chance to talk to her.

“We go back tomorrow afternoon ... it's going to be hard for Brian ... this time more than ever I really think he's going to miss Gus.”

“I'll do what I can,” Justin promised her and she smiled. “Yes ... I'm sure you will.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“What is it with those two?” whispered Lindsay, as she poured herself a cold drink from the jug and she sat down at the patio table; Vic joined her: knowing exactly what she was referring to.

“They're in love,” stated Vic, glancing first at Brian and then over at Justin. Brian was horsing around in the pool with Gus and Justin was sitting on a lounger by the side of the pool, sketchbook and pencil in hand.

“Only Brian won't admit it,” and Vic shook his head as he poured out a drink for himself.

“Is Justin serious about him ... only with everything that Brian's been through ... I'd hate to think he might actually have feelings for him only to find out Justin's been pulling his chain all along ... just to get free board and lodgings.”

Vic shook his head. “Oh Justin's serious all right ... you only have to see how he is when Brian's around ... it's like there's nothing else in the world that matters.”

“And Brian?” asked Lindsay, as she took a sip from her glass and Vic sighed. “Brian tries to act like there's nothing going on ... but with his history ... I can't really say I blame him for being reluctant to open up ... he just needs to trust a bit more ... himself as well as Justin,” and Vic smiled.

“Gus really likes Justin too ... and that's a good sign ... I guess we just better hope that Justin sticks around ... isn't put off by Brian's refusal to admit how he really feels.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“He's a really nice young man,” observed Lindsay, as she watched Justin assist Gus as the boy helped himself to lunch from the table. Gus and Brian had got out of the pool and Gus had showered first and Brian had dried him off and was now toweling himself down.

It was Gus' last day with his dad and they'd spent the early part of the morning kicking the soccer ball around the garden before going in for a swim; Justin joining them by the pool. And Lindsay hadn't been able to ignore the way the young blond watched Brian; could hardly take his eyes off him or how Brian had to give in occasionally and meet Justin's gaze and they would both smile before looking away.

“I guess,” agreed Brian and he tried to ignore the look Lindsay was giving him as she smiled. “And cute too,” she continued. “And it's very generous of you to let him live over the garage,” and Lindsay reached out to put her hand on Brian's arm.

“It's obvious how he feels about you ... and a blind man could see how much you think of him,” and she sighed.

“When are you going to allow yourself to feel anything?” she asked him. “If I'm not mistaken ... Justin loves you ... really loves you ... and you pretend as if nothing's going on ... like you don't feel anything or are too embarrassed to admit you have feelings for him.”

“Are you done?” Brian asked her and he tried to pull away, but Lindsay wasn't letting him.

“No ... I'm not,” she informed him and she pulled him around to face her; still keeping her voice low and hopefully using Brian as a shield so that no one else could see or hear what she was saying.

“God ... I never thought I'd be having this conversation with you ... telling you to reconsider every rule you've ever lived by ... but what the fuck gives you the right to be different from everyone else ... that deep down you don't need the same thing as the rest of us ... and that you're just as terrified as everyone else when it comes to it.”

“Because what have you got to lose, Brian ... other than being on your own?” she asked him.

“I have Vic,” Brian reminded her and Lindsay narrowed her eyes. “You know what I mean ... someone to share your life with ... someone to love and who loves you,” and Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and looked at the ground: Lindsay had never been afraid to tell him how it was.

“And don't go giving me any of your bullshit about not believing in love or understanding why people need each other ... need to be part of a couple ... because sometimes it's nice not to just have yourself to rely on ... to know that someone will always be there for you ... no matter how tough things get ... or to have someone to share the good times,” and she took another breath before continuing.

“All being on your own means is that you're not taking any chances ... you're taking the easy way out ... sure relationships need working at ... Christ ... look at Mel and me ... it's been hard ... it sometimes still is ... but we're together because we work at it ... because we wanna be ... and it is fucking scary.”

“But I never took you to be a coward, Brian ... so go for it.”

“If you love each other ... and I believe you do ... even if you are too damn stubborn to admit it ... for Chrissakes take that chance ... you may never get another.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Gus was down at the stables with Justin and saying goodbye to Buttons when Brian handed Lindsay a package.

“It's Gus' birthday in a few weeks ... give him this for me.”

“Did you actually go out for it?” asked Lindsay, hoping that Brian had overcome all his fears about being out in crowds, but he shook his head. “I bought it over the internet,” and Lindsay smiled at him: maybe it was expecting too much too soon and she took the package from him. “What is it?”

“One of those video Ipods ... I believe it's a must have.”

“Brian ... you're spoiling him ... but don't you want to give it to him yourself?”

Brian shook his head. “No ... it's okay ... I want him to open that on the day and know that I'm thinking about him,” and Lindsay smiled and reached up to kiss him on the cheek.

“If there's one thing I've never regretted, Brian Kinney ... it's asking you to be the father of my child.”

“Even after everything?” asked Brian; both of them knowing he was referring to the accident.

“Even after everything,” Lindsay confirmed and Brian chuckled. “Still ... I don't think Mel would agree with you.”

“Maybe not ... but she doesn't know you like I do ... and I know it was hard ... you never expected ... or even wanted to be a real dad ... and I know we didn't exactly make it easy for you at times ... but you know what ... you're doing an okay job,” and she smiled at him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Well ... this is as far as I go,” stated Brian, as they reached the check-in desk and he handed in Gus' case and Lindsay's weekender which, after formalities, disappeared from view.

“When will I see him next?” asked Brian; Gus out of earshot watching the airplanes from the window.

“You know you can come up any time you like,” stated Lindsay, but Brian looked away: Lindsay sighed.

“Maybe Christmas ... I'm not sure ... we like to spend some time with him during the school breaks too you know,” and Brian nodded; yes, of course they did. But they had Gus the rest of the time: he just had him a few short weeks of the year.

Brian and Lindsay looked at each other as the final call went out over the loudspeaker; they'd waited until the last possible moment in order to spend as long as possible before they left, but now Gus came trotting over to his dad, who bent down and pulled the boy into his arms.

“You be ... you be good for your moms,” Brian whispered; trying to hold back the tears: the last thing he wanted to do was fall apart in front of his son and in public view.

“I will,” Gus promised him and they hugged again.

“Love you, dad,” stated Gus as he took his mom's hand and Lindsay was having problems not falling apart herself as she saw how much Brian was struggling to keep his composure.

“Love you too, son,” stated Brian and he managed a smile and ruffled the boy's hair before Lindsay squeezed Gus' hand.

“Come on Gus ... time to go,” and with one final hug and kiss, Lindsay moved away: Gus waved at him from the gate.

Brian just about made it to the parking lot before falling apart; thankful for the tinted windows of the BMW.

And, coming back to the house from the airport, Brian headed straight passed them without a word to either Vic or Justin; who both looked at each other: recognizing just how much Brian was hurting at seeing his son go off back to Toronto and not really knowing for sure when he'd see him next.

But they knew where to find Brian now; he was in the study; the room he spent most time in and where Gus' picture had been hung on the wall.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian buried himself so deep into his work that if it wasn't for Vic, he probably wouldn't remember to eat and often worked into the early hours. And, as before, everything Justin was feeling came through in his art: Love, despair, hope, fear. They were all there: everything he was going through as he tried desperately to get through to Brian just how much he loved him and would always be there for him.

But sometimes, when Justin watched Brian's face as they made love it was if there was no real emotion there; that it would have mattered who he was with. Brian just needed the sex: a means of shutting himself off from what he was feeling.

“Don't take it to heart,” Vic informed Justin. “He's still hurting.” Vic had come down one evening with an attack of the munchies and was raiding the refrigerator; he'd found Justin sitting at the kitchen table and nursing a cup of coffee: Brian, at last, was asleep.

“But why won't he let me in ... let me help him instead of shutting me out?” the younger man asked him; obviously hurting himself from Brian excluding him.

“You have to understand ... Brian clams up ... shuts himself off ... when he's hurting.”

“But I love him ... he knows I do,” stated Justin and Vic nodded.

“Deep down ... yes ... he probably does ... but getting him to admit it is something else,” and Vic squeezed Justin's shoulder and leaned down to speak quietly into the younger man's ear.

“Don't give up,” and Vic smiled at him as he made his way back to bed. Justin closed his eyes before going back up to bed and climbing in beside the other man; taking him gently in his arms and so badly wanting to be there for him.

And though Brian had never been someone who'd needed to cuddle up, when he woke in the middle of the night, there was something so comforting about finding the blond's arms around him; like a shield, protecting him from the horrors and dangers of the outside world.

And so neither of them mentioned how it was they really felt. Justin for fear that Brian was still too scared to admit it and would push him away again and Brian, in case having taken that step; having put his feelings into words and opened himself up and demonstrated just how vulnerable he really was, that Justin would leave him like he feared he would.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The ad. in the paper had seemed ideal; 20 hours a week and days to suit, which would still leave Justin with time to paint. The salary wasn't bad and would be enough for Justin to at least start to pay his way. The guy who interviewed him seemed pretty decent enough and the reference the gallery manager had given him, along with his diploma and the samples of work he'd taken with him had impressed well enough. And, a couple of hours after he got back to the house, his cell phone rang, telling him he'd got the job and that he could start straight away.

Two days later, Justin turned up at the offices and waited at the reception desk until his new boss came along.

“Hi Justin ... good to see you again ... welcome to Kinnetik,” and the man held out his hand, which Justin took.

“Thanks Mr. Schmidt ... glad to be here,” and the other man smiled as he answered.

“We're pretty informal around here, Justin ... call me Ted ... now ... let me show you around the art department.”

 

 

 

- o O o -

 

 

 

Chapter Seven:

“I'll let Dan show you the ropes ... then I'll introduce you to Billie who handles personnel and payroll ... get your details down ... make sure you get your first paycheck on time,” and Ted chuckled. He'd taken to Justin right away and the younger man's references and portfolio had been first class; he was just what they were looking for in order to help with the increased number of accounts Kinnetik was currently handling.

Ted left Justin with Dan Clark, who worked full time as Head of Kinnetik's small but busy art department and who'd been complaining about not having enough help to meet demand.

“Good to meet you again, Justin,” and he took Justin's hand: like Ted, Dan had agreed that Justin stood head and shoulders above the other applicants they'd interviewed and had been the obvious choice. Dan was only concerned that after having seen the young man's work, that they were too small and exclusive an outfit for Justin to want to stay with.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin spent the morning being shown around the building and introduced to everyone as well as being taken through the art department's routine and practices. Then he spent thirty minutes with Billie Johnson; giving her his social security number and personal details she needed in order to set up his file and initiate automatic payment of his salary straight into the bank.

“You know ... I recognize a lot of these campaigns,” admitted Justin as Dan then showed him the boards from the various accounts they'd promoted in the past and Dan nodded with obvious pride. “We've got a good reputation for real down to earth advertising ... less bull and more grit ... a somewhat unique approach don't you think ...” he chuckled and Justin nodded in surprise and agreement and then Dan continued. “But that ethos has to be attributed to our founder ... Bri ...”

“Justin ... don't let Dan work you too hard now ... you're entitled to a break,” interrupted Ted as he popped his head around the door, accompanied by a taller, rather colorfully dressed companion. “He's cute ...” whispered Emmett Honeycutt into Ted's ear. “Maybe he'd like to come to lunch with us,” and he smiled at Justin. “Sweetie ... would you like to come to lunch with us?” and they saw Justin hesitate before speaking. “We all pitch in here Justin ... it's not management and everyone else,” Ted assured him, guessing why Justin seemed reluctant to answer.

Justin smiled at them both and wondered if everyone working for and associated with Kinnetik was gay, for it sure seemed like a large percentage of the staff were; from management down to the newest recruit. But then again, taking up offices in an old bathhouse wouldn't be likely by any company who wasn't particularly gay-friendly or didn't want to be associated with that community.

“Sure ... I'd love to ... if that's okay,” asked Justin, eager to fit in and he looked back at Dan. “Of course ... you're entitled to a lunch break,” answered Dan and he looked at his watch. “Shall we say be back by 1:30?” and Justin smiled as he followed behind Ted and Emmett; catching up with the taller man.

“Where are we going ... only I'm not exactly flush until I get my first paycheck,” Justin whispered: Emmett smiled and put his arm around the smaller man's shoulders. “It's my treat as it's your first day ... and there's a diner not far from here ... the food's not bad for the money ... and then there's always the entertainment ...”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The Liberty Diner was colorful and noisy and that was only the staff. The place was heaving as it was lunch time, but the manageress's voice could still be heard over the juke box and numerous conversations taking place.

“This isn't a fucking prize fight ... if you don't stop ringing that damn bell ... I'll shove it up your ass,” she growled at the man who'd been trying to attract her attention from the kitchen and then she turned sweetly back to the table she'd been taking orders from.

"And an extra order of fries,” Debbie jotted down and she reached out to feel the biceps of one of the young men at the table and looked at his rather well-built companion; Debbie winked. “I can see why you need to keep your strength up,” she chuckled and she tore off the order and handed it into the kitchen as she collected the meal all ready for her to deliver.

Emmett chuckled as he managed to grab a booth the occupants were just leaving. “Didn't I tell you?”

“She's pretty colorful alright,” agreed Justin as he sat down opposite him and Ted put out his hand to stop the passing waitress. “Hi Kiki ... looks like you'll never get Debbie to retire,” and he turned back to Justin. “We held a sort of retirement party for her a couple of weeks ago ... but she keeps coming back.”

“And thank goodness for that ... to be honest ... I don't know what we'd do without her ... the new manager didn't last five minutes,” she continued and Kiki tried to move away but Ted stopped her. “Can we give you our order?” Emmett rolled his eyes. “Just because you have the same thing every lunch time ... the rest of us have to make a decision,” and he handed Justin a menu. “There you go, sweetie.”

Kiki shook her head. “Well ... you'd better take a number hun ... we're running off our feet today,” and before Ted could speak further, Kiki managed to escape. But eventually, everyone having decided what they wanted to eat, Emmett managed to catch Kiki as she raced by and placed a hand on the waitress' arm and she stopped. “Kiki ... we don't have long,” and Ted looked at his watch. Kiki sighed but looked at the newbie at the table and Justin gave her a huge smile.

“Okay,” Kiki relented and getting out her order book. “How could I say no to a smile like that.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Over the next few weeks, this became the general routine and Justin ate at the diner most working days and couldn't believe how friendly and welcoming everyone was there as well as at his place of work. He was also starting to get more involved than he could have hoped for in the various campaigns Kinnetik was handling and was amazed at how soon Dan began to trust his judgment.

“You've got a great eye, Justin ... for both color and form ... I can't believe you're settling for a part time job in a relatively small concern like ours.”

Justin turned away from the workbench and smiled at him. “Thanks Dan ... but this suits me just fine ... it allows me time to do what I really love ... I mean …” and Justin frowned, not meaning to be rude or thoughtless, but Dan slapped him on the back.

“So ... we're just a stop-gap are we?” and he could see how embarrassed Justin looked. “Sorry Dan ... I didn't mean to sound ungrateful ... it's just I'm trying to be an artist ... but ...”

“But you need to eat ... I understand ... and I'd love to see some more of your work some time.”

“You would?” Justin asked him and Dan nodded. “Of course ... I admire you ... you're really trying to make a living out of something you love to do.”

“I'd loved to have been a full time artist ... but I'm afraid I didn't have the talent or the determination ... but something tells me you have tons of both.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was mid-morning on one of the days that Justin didn't have to work. He'd decided to work the 20 hours over three days if he could, but on the understanding they would be pretty flexible depending on deadlines. But this way, he could have breakfast with Brian and Vic, though Vic was spending more time at Rodney's these days and then Justin would be back in time for supper. So far, Justin's movements hadn't been questioned, but that wasn't to say they'd gone unnoticed.

He'd started to work on the painting of Brian and Gus again and this morning, he'd got up with the sun; his need to paint so urgent and had left Brian in bed. Brian had noticed he'd not been around during some of the days recently, but so far had resisted asking him where he was disappearing off to.

But Justin would never guess that in actual fact, Brian had started to fear that the blond was pulling away from him or, worse still, that there was someone else. But coming down to breakfast, Brian noticed that today, Justin's car was still parked out front so he must be up in his own rooms.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“If I make lunch today ... are you gonna eat it?” asked Vic as he took Brian's mid-morning coffee into the study. “Hmm?” came the rather absentminded reply.

“Lunch ... are you gonna eat it?” In the weeks after Gus had returned to Toronto, Brian had gradually started to come out of his depression at the boy leaving, but he still didn't eat very much and Vic had noticed that Brian looked like he'd lost weight again.

“I'll ask Justin if he'd like to join us,” stated Vic as he left the room, having not gotten a definite answer, but he hoped that the chance to eat with the younger man might entice Brian to the table. And Vic knew full well that the fact that Brian and Justin slept together didn't automatically mean that they actually conversed and any chance for talking, Vic was trying to encourage.

“He is here then?” asked Brian before he had a chance to stop himself and Vic looked back around the door. “Sure ... he's here,” and he resisted a smile. “I'll call you when lunch is ready.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“If I ask you .... will you tell me?” inquired Vic as he finished laying the table. He'd called across to Justin and asked him if he'd like to have lunch and the younger man had followed on a little later.

“Ask me what?” Justin came back at him. “Where it is you've been going off to ... or is it a secret.”

“It's no secret ... it's just no big deal ... that's all,” and Justin retrieved the jug of homemade lemonade from the fridge, but he couldn't ignore the stare the older man was giving him.

“I've got a job ... it's only part time ... but it'll mean I can start to pay my way.”

“Does Brian know?”

“Does Brian know what?” came the voice from the doorway and both men turned to face him.

Justin blinked and scratched behind his ear; a certain indication that something was up and Vic picked up the signs. “If you'll excuse me ... we've run out of ... of potato salad and a few other things,” and neither Brian nor Justin questioned the man as Vic made his excuses and left.

“Strange time to go shopping ... with lunch ready,” observed Justin and Brian nodded. “Especially as Vic always makes his own potato salad,” and both men looked at each other and smiled; knowing exactly why Vic had left them alone.

“So ... what was it you were going to tell me?” asked Brian eventually and almost dreading the younger man's answer. Justin reached into his back pocket for something he'd made out just before coming over. He'd already planned on having this conversation with Brian today, but he'd hoped it would be on his terms and that Brian wouldn't take it the wrong way.

“Here ... towards my keep,” and hesitating, Brian reached out and then took the check from Justin's hand and looked at it. “You can't afford this.”

“I've got a job ... it's only a few hours a week ... but at least I've got some money coming in,” explained Justin.

“Keep it,” stated Brian and he held out the check, but Justin shook his head.

“No ... I have to do this ... and I know it's not enough ... and that it won't cover everything ... but I need to make a contribution,” and Justin took a deep breath, wondering if he were about to overplay his hand.

“It's either that … or I try and find somewhere I can afford ... share somewhere maybe ... if I have to,” and Justin sighed and closed the distance between them.

“Let me do this.”

“You don't have to.”

“I know I don't ... but I want to,” Justin told him. “I want to prove to you as well as for my own satisfaction ... that I can do things for myself,” and then he frowned.

“Do you want me to be dependent on you ... is that it?” Justin asked him and Brian shook his head. “No ... of course not ... you're right to want to do things for yourself and not rely on anyone else,” and Brian looked him in the eye and smiled. In actual fact, he couldn't be more proud that Justin wanted to show he could be his own man. And even if this was a small beginning, he could see how important it was to Justin to prove himself in Brian's eyes as well as his own, and Brian smiled before reaching out and bringing the younger man in for a kiss.

So, Justin wanted to demonstrate his independence and the relief that Brian felt that this was all it was and not that the younger man had found someone else he'd wanted to be with. Not that he could have blamed him: Brian wasn't exactly vocal in allowing Justin to know just how much he meant to him.

It didn't even occur to Brian to ask Justin who he was working for and Justin didn't volunteer any further information; the two men just accepting Justin's right to do what he felt he needed to. And the fact that lunch didn't appear to have been touched by the time Vic arrived back, hoping he'd given the two men time enough to sort out something that otherwise could turn out to be a problem between them, had left the older man chuckling to himself. Especially when he realized that, in actual fact, the strawberries and cream he'd intended as dessert had indeed disappeared from the refrigerator. But there were no signs of them having been eaten in the kitchen.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Happy birthday, Gus.”

“Thanks, dad ... and thanks for the Ipod ... it's really neat.” Brian sighed with relief; thankful that he'd managed to get Gus the perfect gift.

“Mom and Mamma bought me a new bike ... uncle Vic sent me some money and I got a new video game from grandma Debbie.” Brian smiled as he heard the excitement in his son's voice and then Gus went quiet for a moment.

“When am I gonna see you?” his son asked him eventually and Brian swallowed. “I'm not sure.”

“Why don't you come up ... mom would love to see you ... and so would I.”

“I'm pretty busy at the moment.”

“Oh,” and Brian couldn't help but hear the obvious disappointment in Gus' voice. “But I'll call you in a couple of days and we can chat again then,” Brian added quickly. “Okay,” Gus answered; a little happier now.

“How's Justin?” was his next question and Brian smiled. He was so pleased Gus and Justin got on well and that Gus even thought to inquire about him. “He's fine ... I'll tell him you asked after him,” answered Brian.

“Maybe he could call me too?” queried Gus, anxious to keep as much in touch with his dad and the people around him as he could.

Then, after Gus asked about Buttons and Brian told him how much the pony was missing him but that they were looking after him and making sure he wouldn't get lonely, their conversation came to a close and Brian sighed with a mixture of still missing his son, but also of relief and a little satisfaction.

After the first couple of weeks, when Brian didn't think he could even hear Gus' voice without breaking down, he'd begun to call his son several times a week and was so glad he had. It was great to hear his voice and for the boy to tell him how his week was going and what he was doing at school. At least this way, Brian could feel like he was still part of Gus' life, even if it was at a distance.

And when Brian told Justin how Gus was asking after him, Justin too was more than pleased to call the youngster, which became a regular occurrence: it looked like Gus was becoming a part of both their lives.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Alright ... I'll talk to him,” Vic promised and he put down the phone and he sighed. He'd been seeing Rodney now for nearly two years; the other man a little younger than Vic and he wanted them to move in together. Vic knew he shouldn't hesitate too much longer. He wasn't getting any younger after all and Rodney was getting a little impatient.

Vic leaned against the counter and rubbed the back of his neck, wondering how he was going to break it to Brian. He knew how much the man had grown to depend on him, but in the last month or so, there were definite signs of improvement. Since Gus' last visit and having Justin around, Brian seemed to becoming much more independent and confident in coping with every day occurrences than he was after the accident and, hopefully, this might be the final push needed to persuade him he could manage without him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin was sure he wasn't imagining it and that Brian really was becoming more relaxed and now, instead of shutting himself away in the study all the time, he would sometimes take his laptop into the conservatory or, even out onto the patio. The weather was still quite warm for early fall and, because the pool was heated, for the moment, they could still go for a daily swim.

Justin found that he was really enjoying his work at Kinnetik and had been able to sit in on a few of the presentations. His opinion had both been sought after and was respected and less than two months after he'd started, Ted made him an offer.

“You know Justin ... the way things have been ... we've been way understaffed for a long time now ... if you ever want to increase your hours ... I think we could renegotiate your contract.” Ted had popped his head around the door and finding Justin on his own, took the opportunity to run his idea by the younger man, but Justin shook his head.

“Thanks Ted ... that's good to know ... but ... I have to be honest ... I don't really see that this is the direction I want to go in ... full time,” replied Justin and Ted nodded. “Well ... thank you for your honesty.”

“I've been hearing great things and I've seen your work for myself ... so I hope we don't lose you too soon.” Justin smiled at him. “Thanks ... I don't think there's any danger of that just yet,” he chuckled and Ted returned the smile and made to leave and then he hesitated.

“Oh ... by the way ... that Howard's Haulage campaign you've been working on ... we're gonna have to check out the copyright on the slogan ... it seems something like the one we thought of using might have been used before ... so don't go any further with it.”

“I've been meaning to run it by legal … but I haven't had the time.”

“Do you want me to see if there's a problem?” offered Justin. “Then I'll know whether I can carry on or not.” Ted smiled his appreciation; Justin was always eager to please and take the weight off.

“Thanks ... I'd appreciate it ... see Josh.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Joshua Morgan had been with Kinnetik just a couple of months longer than Justin, He was tall, blond and well-built and he would have been a natural football player and though they'd smiled as they'd passed each other in the building a few times, they'd not actually had a conversation: Justin knocked on the open door.

“Josh?” “That's me,” came the reply and with a big smile, the man got up from behind the desk and held out his hand and Justin introduced himself. “I don't think I was in the office when you started,” observed the larger man and he sat on the edge of his desk as Justin took a chair. “What can I help you with?” he asked him.

After passing on the query Ted had over the wording of the proposed slogan for the haulage campaign, Justin left Josh sorting it out and went back to work. Then, just before lunch, Josh came by to see him.

“There's no problem, Justin ... the boards can go ahead,” he smiled at him.

“Wow ... that was quick ... thanks, Josh.”

“My pleasure,” came the reply and the other man stopped in the doorway, looking like he was about to ask him something.

“Look ... I'm still pretty new in town ... I was wondering ... if you ever want to go out for a beer ...” “Thanks Josh ... but I'm sort of seeing someone,” Justin answered him and Josh held up his hand. “Sorry Justin ... I didn't make myself clear ... I'm not gay ... I just thought you might like to go for a drink ... as colleagues or friends.”

“Oh,” came back Justin, a little embarrassed at his mistake and Josh grinned. “It's okay ... working in this place ... you're not the first guy who thought I was hitting on him.”

“It doesn't bother you ... working here I mean?”

“Only I think the fags outnumber the straights 2 to 1,” Justin chuckled.

“No ... I don't have a problem with it,” answered Josh and he smiled back.

“Don't tell me ... your brother's gay?” asked Justin, but Josh shook his head.

“An uncle ... cousin?” but Josh only shrugged. “I guess I just know exactly who I am.”

“Jeez ... I wish there were more people like you ... who didn't feel threatened by us,” observed Justin sincerely, recalling painfully just how few people did indeed have Josh's acceptance of others for who they were and Justin bit his lip: Josh seemed like one really nice guy.

“So ... does that mean you're unattached ... girlfriend-wise that is?” asked Justin and Josh frowned at him. “Why? ... No … don't tell me ... you have a bachelor sister,” and then the man chuckled.

“No ... not a sister ... but I do have a very good friend you might get along with ...”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“A date? ... A double-date?” queried Daphne, horrified at the prospect, when Justin called her up and she could hear the smile in his voice.

“Hardly ... can you imagine Brian being in on that?” and Daphne grinned down the phone. She'd been up to the house a few times and taken up the invitation to use the pool and had enjoyed Brian's company. But picturing the man out on a normal date was something she just couldn't quite imagine.

“I just thought that maybe ... you could drop by the office ... over lunch,” Justin continued.

“But he knows you're setting him up,” protested Daphne, exasperated at her friend's attempt at playing Cupid. “He's a cool guy ... I've told him all about you and he'd like to meet you,” informed Justin. “And I know you'll like him,” he insisted and, in the end, Daphne relented.

“Okay ... I'll drop by to see you ... if Josh is there and we start talking ... we'll see,” and reluctantly, Daphne agreed to stop by the offices on her next day off, once Justin had made sure Josh would be there.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

In the weeks that Justin had been going to the diner, he'd been introduced to Debbie Novotny, but Justin never would have connected her to Vic until the man walked in this particular lunch time.

“Hi, Sis.”

Justin had been sitting in a booth with other members of staff from Kinnetik and looked up at the sound of the familiar voice as Vic sat down on a stool at the counter and Debbie leaned across the counter and they kissed.

“You wanna order?” Debbie asked him, but Vic shook his head. “In a little while ... I'm waiting for Rodney ... we're going linen shopping this afternoon.”

“Linen shopping? ... Don't tell me Rodney's going to make an honest man out of you?” she chuckled.

Justin listened to the easy banter between them. So, this was Vic's sister and, presumably, Michael's mother.

Going up to pay his bill, Justin stood beside Vic and the man glanced up at him; Justin smiled and was about to speak when the look on Vic's face told him to keep his mouth shut and Vic quickly looked over at his sister, who was taking another order.

“Justin ... what the hell are you doing here?” Vic whispered. “I work just around the corner,” Justin answered him, frowning. “Why ... what's the problem?”

“Careful Vic ... I'll tell Rodney you've got yourself a new cutie,” chuckled Debbie, who, unobserved by both Vic and Justin, had come back behind the counter and seen her brother and a young blond deep in conversation.

Justin blinked, but taking his cue from the silent Vic, only asked to pay his bill. “See you, Debbie,” he called out to her as he left.

“He's a real sweetie ... do you know him?” Debbie asked Vic. “I've seen him around,” Vic answered her. He hated lying to his sister, but he wanted to avoid her going off on one, if she found out that Justin was so close to Brian.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After work, Justin got back to the house to find Brian in the study and had hoped to entice the man away from his desk. Kissing the back of his neck and sending tingles down Brian's spine, the older man groaned.

“I have to get this finished ... they've moved things up a little ... the deadline's tighter than it was.”

“That's not the only thing that's tight,” whispered Justin in his ear and Brian closed his eyes as he willed his body not to react like it was threatening to.

“Give me a couple of hours.”

“I might not be so interested by then,” threatened Justin and he grinned at him; having worked his way around in front of Brian. He sat on the corner of the desk and, leaning forward, started to slide his hand up the inside of Brian's thigh. The older man grabbed Justin's wrist before it went any higher and passed the point of no return.

“An hour ... give me an hour,” and now Justin groaned. “Well ... don't be surprised if I haven't started without you,” he teased and he leaned forward, just letting his lips brush Brian's and then he withdrew and Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. Damn. He had to get this part finished real quick.

Going out to the kitchen to raid the refrigerator, Justin was in the process of making himself a sandwich when Vic came in the back door and Justin grinned at him.

“You and Rodney get all that new linen you went looking for ... and what was that all about at the diner?”

“Shh ... where's Brian?” asked Vic, quietly and worried that the man might have overheard. “He's in the study,” Justin answered him and watched, confused, as Vic crossed the floor and closed the kitchen door. “I didn't want you letting on you knew Brian in front of Debbie ... she hasn't forgiven him for the accident.”

“This accident gets more mysterious every time I hear about it,” frowned Justin. “I can't understand what all the fuss is about ... accidents happen,” and Justin took a bite out of his sandwich. “I wish you'd tell Debbie that,” frowned Vic, still keeping his voice low.

“Is that all?” asked Justin, for it seemed to him that there was something else on Vic's mind.

“Well ... actually ... no.”

“Rodney's asked me to move in.”

“Vic ... that's great news ... I'm so pleased for you,” and Justin hugged him; still clutching his sandwich and careful not to drip mayonnaise all over the man's shirt.

“Will you keep it down,” Vic urged him and he saw Justin's expression fall. “Sorry, Justin ... thanks for your good wishes ... but I haven't said anything to Brian yet ... and I'm still not sure how I'm going to.”

“Why ... what's the problem?”

“Let's just say things were pretty rough after the accident ... Brian started to depend on me for a lot of things ... I'm not sure how he'd handle it if I just said I was leaving.”

Justin sighed in frustration. “Why does everyone keep saying 'let's just say'? Lindsay said the same thing.“

“Why won't anyone tell me what really happened ... what went on with the accident?”

“I think it's something you'd best leave alone,” stated Vic. “You can't change what happened ... so why not just think about the future instead.”

“Is that what you're doing ... thinking about the future?” asked Justin and Vic sighed. “Well ... I guess if nothing else ... the accident did teach me that life is pretty fragile and none of us ever know,” and then he stopped himself and saw how Justin was studying the floor.

“Sorry, Justin ... I guess I don't have to tell you how tenuous our hold on life is,” and Justin looked up and smiled weakly. “Which is exactly why you should move in with Rodney ... if that's what you want,” he assured the older man.

“And as for Brian ... I'm here now and … well ... maybe if it were just him and me ...”

“Brian would start to think of you as a couple?” asked Vic, but Justin shrugged. “I don't know Vic ... sometimes I think I know what's going on in Brian's head ... that I know how he feels about me ... other times I haven't gotta fucking clue.”

“But maybe you need the chance to find out?” shrugged Vic. Maybe this was make or break time; for Vic to move in with Rodney, allowing Brian and Justin to be on their own and function as a couple, and see how Brian coped. How they both did.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

As it happened, Daphne took one look at Josh and suddenly found she spoke a whole new language: gibberish and in the end she groaned in embarrassment. Josh smiled. “It's okay ... I'm a little nervous too,” he admitted and they both laughed.

“Do you wanna have lunch?” Josh asked her and Justin couldn't miss the beam on his friend's face; on both their faces. “Sure ... I'd love to,” agreed Daph and chatting about where they might go, they left the building, apparently both of them entirely forgetting that Justin was even there.

Josh was smitten straight away and there was something about blonds that always caught Daphne's eye and it didn't get past her that in many ways, Josh was so much like Justin. But unlike Justin, at least Josh was definitely boyfriend material.

Suddenly, Justin realized he'd been left on his own and he had to chuckle to himself and decided he'd probably pop down to the diner and get a take-out: there didn't seem to be many people around in the office today and so he might as well get on with his work.

As it turned out, there were always going to be people at the diner he knew, but he'd never expected one of them to be his mother.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“That's the last of the flyer's, Debbie ... do you need any more volunteers ... I don't mind helping out.” Debbie smiled at her. “Jen ... we can always use all the help we can get.”

The next PFLAG family potluck lunch had been arranged for the following Saturday at the Gay and Lesbian Center and Jennifer had been out spreading the word and helping to raise funds.

“Mom?”

The look of pure shock on Justin's face as he found his mom at the Liberty Diner was met by the expression of equal surprise on Jennifer's.

“Hello, dear,” and she reached out and put her hand on Justin's arm as she leaned in to kiss him on the cheek.

“He your kid?” asked Debbie and Jennifer nodded. “He certainly is,” and you could hear the pride in her voice, but Justin started to redden. Debbie pointed a finger at him. “Then why haven't we seen you at any of the PFLAG get togethers?”

“I've been pretty busy,” offered Justin lamely.

“Too busy to support your community?” shot back Debbie and then the bell on the door rang as it was opened. “Speaking of absent sons ... and where the hell have you been these past weeks?” and Debbie's annoyance was now directed at the man in his late thirties who'd just come in the door.

“Hi, mom,” replied Michael and he reached over the counter to kiss her. “And it's not like we haven't talked on the phone at least three times a day,” he whispered to her, but Debbie wasn't having any of it. “Just because you're off giving those lectures on gay comic book heroes ... you don't have time to come and see your mother?” and Michael shrugged; he knew there was no way he was going to win that one.

“Kids huh?” stated Debbie and she shook her head and Jennifer smiled at Justin. “So ... how's the job going?” “It's going good ... thanks, mom.” Since having dinner that time and clearing the air between them, Justin and his mom spoke regularly on the phone and she was relieved to hear he was starting to earn a living. She was so proud of his talent as an artist, but feared how he was going to support himself; only wishing she could help out more herself.

“And that guy you're seeing ... you are still seeing him aren't you? Oh excuse me ...”

Justin thanked the gods as his mom's cell phone rang, preventing him from having to answer her question, bearing in mind the conversation he'd had earlier with Vic.

“That's okay, Katie ... just ring Mr. Martinez back and tell him the papers were sent off yesterday ... no ... the seller won't drop the asking price any more ... I thought I'd made myself clear over that.”

“What? ... Good heavens ... I hadn't realized that was the time ... I'm on my way,” and Jennifer closed down her cell and put it back in her purse. “I’ve got to run Debbie ... I'll call you later about helping out on Saturday,” and she turned to Justin. “Let's have lunch ... I want to hear all about that man of yours ... in fact ... when am I going to meet him?” she asked and Justin leaned in to kiss her.

“I'll call you.” “Soon ... make it soon,” urged his mom and Justin nodded, but couldn't help breathing a sigh of relief, as his mom walked out the door, that he hadn't been questioned any further about Brian in front of Debbie and Michael.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian couldn't help noticing that Vic had something on his mind. Having known the man since he was 14 and having shared the same house for over three years, Brian felt he'd got to know him pretty well. But Vic had been unusually quiet for the past few days, which wasn't like him unless he was worried or unsettled about something.

Vic then announced that Rodney would be coming to dinner. Not unusual in itself, but just in the way that Vic said it, Brian had nodded and knew in his heart what was coming. He owed Vic so much and though the Brian Kinney of old would never have admitted it, Brian knew that without Vic's support since the accident, he had no idea how he might have ended up and he didn't want the man to suffer any longer.

“When are you leaving?” Brian asked Vic quietly. Vic was putting the roast into the oven and Brian was leaning against the counter and Vic looked up at him in surprise.

“Did you think I wouldn't guess?”

“I know how close you and Rodney are,” continued Brian. “It was only a matter of time until you wanted to be together.”

Vic closed his eyes and gave a huge sigh of relief. How typical of the old Brian to come right out and say it: to cut to the chase and save Vic any more anxiety.

“I wouldn't leave before you're ready for me to,” Vic assured him and then he frowned. “But it's going to have to be closer to the Pitts ... there's no way we can afford to live out here.” Brian nodded in understanding. “You do what you have to ... don't worry about me ... I can look after myself,” and he saw Vic automatically raise an eyebrow and Brian approached him and put a hand on Vic's shoulder.

“Despite popular opinion ... I am a grown man ... I know how to dress and feed myself ... and I can do the laundry ... if I'm forced to ... or get in a service,” he admitted as an afterthought.

“That sounds more like it,” answered Vic and both men grinned. And then suddenly, Brian pulled the older man in and they hugged and Brian held on. He didn't want to admit it, least of all to Vic and make the man feel guilty for leaving, but he sure was going to miss him like hell.

“Well ... I hope you've got the Champagne on ice,” stated Brian and when Vic shook his head, Brian went in search of a bottle to put in the refrigerator. But mostly he wanted to put a little distance between Vic and himself for a few minutes, in order to get himself together.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“To Vic and Rodney,” announced Brian, who had stood and made the toast during dinner and all four of them clinked glasses. But Justin thought he could hear the slight tremor in the man's voice and when Brian sat back down, Justin took his hand under the table and squeezed it.

“I'll be here,” he whispered in reassurance and Brian tried to smile.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Well ... the first thing we have to do is look for a house ... my place really isn't big enough for us to live in permanently,” announced Rodney as everyone took the dirty dishes into the kitchen.

For the first time in over three years, Brian had insisted they eat dinner in the dining room instead of the kitchen and the table had looked wonderful with the china and glassware, so rarely used.

“And that's not going to be easy ... I have some savings ... but property prices have gone sky-high in the last few years ... we could end up in a tent in the back garden,” Vic chuckled.

“Not a good idea with winter coming on ... and your arthritis,” reminded Rodney. “Hey ... I'm not that decrepit,” and Vic flicked him with the dishtowel.

“In any case ... I thought you had your love to keep you warm,” grinned Brian, tilting his head to one side and Vic threw the dishtowel at him.

“I'm sure you'll find somewhere ... as long as you're together ... that's the main thing,” observed Justin and he and Brian looked on as Vic put his arm around Rodney's waist and the two men kissed.

Brian tapped Justin on the shoulder and motioned him outside, allowing the men to be on their own.

“You just wanna get out of the washing up,” grinned Justin as he followed Brian out into the hall, but Brian turned around and put his hand behind Justin's neck and pulled him in for a long kiss.

“Don't tell me all this romance is catching?” quipped Justin, only half-joking.

“Don't push your luck,” came back Brian, but even he had to admit how beautiful the relationship between Vic and Rodney looked: one to be envied. And Justin thought that's exactly what he saw in Brian's eyes as the man brought him in for a second kiss.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“It's getting a little chilly out there,” frowned Vic as he came in the back door, rubbing his hands together. It was his turn to feed Buttons, turn him out into the paddock for the day and then clean out his stall and there was already a sign of frost on the ground overnight.

“Any luck on the house front?” asked Justin over breakfast and Vic sighed. “We did view a really nice house ... but it needs quite a lot of work and I'm not sure we could manage that without me finding a full time job ... and that's not going to be easy at my age,” and Vic helped himself to toast and scrambled egg.

“Oh ... by the way ... there's new folk on the next property ... I met their little girl ... she was talking to Buttons over the fence ... seems like she's got a pony too.”

“Her mom came along ... a really nice lady ... she asked who rode and when I said Gus only got down here during school breaks ... she offered to help exercise Buttons along with Muffin ... that's the daughter's pony ... do you think Gus would mind?”

Brian shrugged. “I'm not sure ... I'll call him and ask.”

“Why don't you tell us a little bit more about the house.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Justin ... it's Cynthia's birthday tomorrow and we're all going out for a drink after work ... wanna come with us?” asked Ted, popping his head around the art department door. “Sure ... thanks ... where we going?”

Ted grinned. “She doesn't know it yet ... but we're going to get her along to Woody's.”

“They're going to lay on some food for us ... and it's a strip night ... then the guys might go on to Babylon.”

“But she's straight,” stated Justin, a little bemused.

“And what ... she's not going to enjoy seeing the guys get their gear off?” asked Ted. “Just because she can't touch doesn't mean to say she can't look ... anyhow ... Debbie will be there to keep her company,” and Ted winked at him; obviously, they were intended on a little light-hearted leg-pulling.

“Sure ... count me in.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The following morning as Justin was off to work, he remembered the invitation to join Cynthia's birthday bash.

“Vic ... don't worry about dinner for me tonight ... there's a birthday at work ... they've asked me if I'd like to go out for a drink afterwards.”

“Okay ... thanks Justin ... I'm out myself ... but I'll leave a little something for you in the refrigerator ... in case you get the munchies when you get home.”

Brian was in the hallway and heard Justin call out to Vic.

“So ... you're obviously fitting in well ... if they're asking you to socialize,” observed Brian and he halted Justin's progress by putting his arm around the younger man's waist.

“Going somewhere special?”

“Just Woody's ... and then Babylon.”

“Hmm ... should I be jealous?”

Justin grinned. “It's actually for one of the bosses ... and it's a woman,” and Justin frowned.

“It’s her birthday … so I guess I should get her some flowers or something on the way in to work.”

“Uh huh ... trying to get in the boss' good books ... and score a few brownie points,” grinned Brian, but Justin shook his head. “No ... she's not like that ... she works you hard ... but she's nice ... and doesn't have favorites.”

“Okay ... you go ahead,” and Brian sighed.

“Just think of me here ... on my own ... in a cold, lonely bed ...”

Justin grinned and reached up to kiss him. “You could always come with me ... I'm sure no one would mind,” but Brian shook his head. A few years ago, he could handle a evening's drinking at Woody's and then dancing at Babylon until 4:00 in the morning, with a couple of excursions to the back room to keep things interesting. But that was another life-time ago. He was a different person then.

“No ... you go ahead ... I've got plenty of work I can be doing anyway,” and Brian opened the door for him and then he called out. “Justin ... if you're drinking ... get a cab home.”

“Okay,” answered the younger man as he made his way to his car.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Hi Justin ... do you know Ben?” asked Michael Novotny as he and a well-built, taller man joined the group already at Woody's. Ben smiled and held out his hand and Justin took it. Going into the diner regularly, Justin had seen Michael a few times now and Michael, Ted and Emmett were obviously good friends and Michael had occasionally joined them for lunch. But despite the warning from Vic, it felt strange for Justin not to be able to mention Brian when he knew how close he and Michael had once been.

“Is the birthday girl here yet?” Ben asked, looking around and Justin shook his head. “Ted and Debbie are bringing her ... they're hoping that as Debbie's with them, Cyn won't guess where they're headed.”

“I wouldn't bet on it,” chuckled Michael. “I met my mom in this place more times than I care to admit.”

“Wow,” answered Justin. “You're lucky ... there aren't many moms who are at home in a gay bar like that.” Michael frowned; he could remember a friend saying something like that to him almost 10 years ago.

“There she is ...”

The cheer went up and Cynthia, a little embarrassed, but secretly pleased that so many people had gone to so much trouble to celebrate her birthday with her, reddened a little as she was cajoled through the door by Ted and Debbie.

“Something tells me this was a big mistake,” sighed Cynthia as a very large drink was placed in her hand and the music started. “You speak for yourself, hun,” chuckled Debbie and she settled Cynthia and herself into the seats with the best view as the muscular and already scantily-clad guy jumped up on the stage to start his act.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The place seemed strangely empty. After Justin had moved into the rooms above the garage, though in fact he never slept there now, Brian hadn't spent an evening on his own in the house since the accident. But Vic was spending more time away now and he sighed. Brian knew Vic needed to move out and be with Rodney and that he shouldn't stay just out of loyalty: he'd done more for him that Brian could ever have expected. The man deserved a life of his own, but Brian still wasn't sure how he would cope, especially if it was just him and Justin.

Brian had never actually asked Justin to move in and a good many of Justin's clothes and possessions were still in his own rooms, but when he wasn't working or painting, the younger man now spent all his time at the house and Brian was beginning to realize just how right that seemed: a natural progression of their relationship. For indeed that was how Brian was starting to think; that maybe, just maybe, he'd take a chance at a relationship with Justin. And the bed did seem big and lonely without him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Just after midnight, Justin was a little surprised to find the light on the nightstand still on as he quietly opened the bedroom door. He'd contemplated just going up to his own rooms and not disturbing Brian, but when he got back to the house, he could see a light still on in Brian's bedroom window. The man looked up at him.

“You're back early.”

Brian was in bed, but he had the laptop with him.

“Are you working ... or ...” and Justin started to shed his clothes at the bottom of the bed.

“Or are you logged on to some porn site?” he chuckled.

“Don't kid yourself ... I wasn't missing you that much,” smiled Brian in return, but Justin could see the mischief in the man's eyes. “Hmm ...” and slipping into bed beside him, Justin looked over Brian's shoulder. “Oh ... you are still working.”

“Don't sound so surprised ... I have a deadline,” Brian informed him, but he closed his eyes as Justin's hand started to stroke his thigh. Damn. He was hoping to get this finished tonight, but obviously the blond had other ideas.

“You have a good time?” asked Brian, trying to stall for little time and then he looked around at him. “I thought you were going on to Babylon?” Justin shook his head. “I went with the guys ... but then I realized there was nobody there I was interested in,” and now Justin's hand went higher.

“Ted and Emmett stayed though,” and now his hand found its destination and Brian gasped. “I think you better hit Save,” Justin suggested, seriously and then he grinned. Brian groaned. He‘d obviously get no more work done tonight and, as suggested, he saved the material he'd been working on and Justin took the laptop out of his hands and carefully put it down on the floor. That was when Brian suddenly realized what Justin had said.

“Ted and Emmett?” and he grabbed Justin's wrist: surely there couldn't be that many pairs of friends with those names.

“Justin ... where exactly is it you're working? ... I don't think you ever told me.” Justin frowned. “You know ... I don't think I ever did,” and he leaned forward and kissed Brian's neck before answering; his words punctuated with kisses as he moved down the older man's body.

“It's an advertising agency ... Kinnetik ... been in business now ... for about four ... maybe five years ... it's a great outfit ... real ballsy stuff ... you know,” and Brian nodded; he knew alright. But his mouth was dry and his heart was pounding fit to burst and it wasn't just because of what Justin was doing to him.

“You like it there?” he managed to say eventually and Justin looked up and nodded. But he was as confused as hell as to why Brian seemed insistent on talking: usually words weren't necessary.

“Yeah ... they're a great bunch ... Ted and Cynthia ... that's whose birthday it was ... they run the place between them,” and Justin slid under the bedclothes, determined Brian wouldn't be capable of conversing shortly, but Brian pushed back the duvet, for despite the temptation, he wanted to carry on with this particular conversation.

“Were there many people there?” Brian asked, wondering if any more of the old gang had been in attendance; like Michael or Debbie. But he never got his question answered. Justin's mouth was otherwise occupied.

Licking and teasing the end of Brian's shaft with his tongue, Justin quickly found the sensitive area underneath. Encircling the base with his hands, the blond began his strokes; taking him further into his mouth and Brian groaned. Taking a breath, but still holding him with his hands, Justin looked up and made eye contact and he smiled before resuming his sucking and licking; moving his head back and forth, exploring and tasting: bringing Brian ever closer to orgasm.

Brian tried to think, but was now lost in a haze of pleasure; his thoughts whirling around his head. Shit. Justin was working at Kinnetik. Of all the places he could have got a job, he was employed at the very company he'd set up and, on paper, was still CEO of. And if Ted and Emmett were at Cynthia's birthday party, then there was a good chance that Michael, Ben and even Debbie had been too. But very soon, all coherent thinking became impossible.

Now turned on as much as Brian, Justin rotated his tongue and varied his speed; slowing down and speeding up again; knowing from Brian's moans just how good it was feeling.

Justin took him down as far as he could and, as the younger man swallowed, his throat constricted. Brian arched his back as he came and Justin swallowed willingly and eagerly.

His task completed, Justin sighed and crawled up the man's body; moving sleepily into Brian. But once recovered and listening to the blond's gentle breathing, Brian was wide awake, wondering how much longer he'd be able to keep the circumstances of the accident from Justin. Because if he was mixing with the Kinnetik and Liberty Avenue crowd, it wouldn't be very long before somebody got to tell him and he could think of a few people at least who would actually find pleasure in dishing the dirt.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Having lain awake for hours, Brian fell asleep shortly before dawn; that hour of the day now getting later and later. But once awake, the short conversation of the previous night came flooding back. He'd spent so long re-living that damned accident and then when Justin came along, he’d started to think that was a period of his life he could finally put behind him. But now Brian knew it couldn't be long until Justin found out and that maybe he should get to him first.

With a heavy heart, Brian showered and dressed and then made his way downstairs to find that Justin had already left for work. Going into the kitchen, Brian found a message from Vic to say he was running some errands and wouldn't be back today as he planned to spend the night at Rodney's.

“Dinner's in the freezer,” said the note and Brian sighed. Vic had to be one of the best friends anyone could ever have and Brian picked up the information sheet that had been left on the counter.

It could be a very nice house, but it obviously required a fair amount of work, which inevitably would turn out to be quite expensive. But it was in a very nice area and taking the opportunity while he was unlikely to be disturbed, Brian picked up the phone.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Though the name was obviously familiar, Brian never made any connection until he opened the door to the still attractive blonde around fifty. Brian didn't really want to go to the Realtor, but when he'd called and inquired about the property they had on their list and said where he himself lived, there was no hesitation; the Realtor was quite happy to come to him.

Jennifer Taylor had all the information with her. She remembered Vic and Rodney viewing the house and thought the older of the two men had seemed familiar, but she'd been in a hurry and didn't have a lot of time for chit chat. She knew how taken they were with it, but had realized that with all the work needed, it was probably out of their price range. An independent survey had been carried out and structurally, the property was basically sound, but it required updating and decorating to taste. It was also ready for immediate possession and Brian had no hesitation: it was the least he could do.

Jennifer took down the details and then remembered, of course, seeing Vic at the diner one time. But still she had a feeling she knew him from elsewhere. With the bells still ringing in her head, Jennifer shook hands with Brian; leaving the man to arrange a bankers check for speedy payment.

It wasn't until a couple of days later when payment went through and she was able to notify Brian that the sale was confirmed that all the pieces started to fall together at last.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Jennifer wanted another chance to meet and hand delivered the paperwork instead of having it couriered over to Brian Kinney: the man her son was involved with. Of course she knew the name, though he wasn't quite how she'd pictured him and it wasn't just because of his association with Justin. She'd handled the sale of the loft three years before and though it had been Brian's name on the deed, it had been Vic who'd arranged the sale. And, as she was leaving, she saw her son's car draw up onto the driveway.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Justin.”

“Mom ... what are you doing here?” asked Justin as he got out of the car and just coming back after his day at Kinnetik.

“You've saved me a phone call ... we need to talk,” his mother informed him and confused about her obvious anxiety, Justin took her up to his rooms over the garage.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“What the hell are you saying?” Justin asked her, running a hand through his hair.

“That you're mixed up with a man whose reputation is ... shall we say ... more than just a little unsavory,” and Jennifer paced the floor of Justin's living room.

“I thought I knew the name ... and then I realized I handled the sale of his loft in Pittsburgh a few years ago ... and I heard some pretty hair-raising stories I can tell you.”

“What sort of stories?” asked Justin, confused and bewildered.

“Well for a start ... that he might as well have had a revolving door fitted ... he must have had more visitors to that loft than Disney World ... every man I showed around the place ... and there was a lot of interest ... said he'd been there before.”

“So what?” asked Justin in Brian's defense.

“He's a sexual predator, Justin ... he had a different guy every day ... or should that be every night.” Justin shook his head; wanting his mother to be wrong.

“He uses them ... chews them up and spits them out ... he installed you in here ... and I can only guess what he expects in return ... until he gets bored with you ... and moves onto the next ...”

“That is out of line,” and even though it was his mother, Justin's voice was increasing in volume.

“And then there was his excessive drinking and drug taking ...”

“You have got no idea what Brian's like ... or how I ended up here ...” and he stopped, for Justin was still a little reluctant to inform his mom about Burrow's attack on him; he knew how much it would freak her out.

Though Vic had said how Brian had his pick, Justin hadn't thought he meant like this; that Brian had exploited guys, fucked them and then moved on without a thought for their feelings. He had to have been better than that, surely. But who was he going to try and convince, her or himself?

“If you must know ... I went after him ... not the other way around,” Justin stated, wanting his mother to think he had at least some control; some credence in his relationship with Brian and Jennifer harrumphed. She was determined to think the worst and then suddenly, Justin realized something.

“What brought you out here in any case?” he asked her. “That's confidential ... Brian ... Mr. Kinney actually engaged me in a professional capacity ... that's when I made the connection.”

“He's selling the house?” asked Justin, shocked, but Jennifer shook her head. “No ... buying one actually ... but that has no bearing on his relationship with you ...”

“Hold on.” Justin's mind was working overtime. “Brian is buying a house?” and Justin briefly closed his eyes.

“And I bet I know whose name is on the deed ... Vic Grassi ... am I right?”

“So?” asked Jennifer.

“Well ... shouldn't that tell you the sort of man Brian is ... at least now?”

“Who gives a fuck what he was like a few years ago?” demanded Justin, ignoring his mother’s obvious disappointment at his language towards her. But Justin's heart ached in his chest; trying to make excuses for the man he thought he knew.

“Vic wants to move in with his boyfriend ... they saw a house but knew they couldn't afford it ... so Brian's buying it for them.”

“Paying off one of his conquests?” asked Jennifer and Justin shook his head. “No ... it was never anything like that between them ... but Vic was a good friend when Brian needed one ... this is his way of saying thank you,” and Justin sighed and closed the distance between them.

“I hear what you're saying about Brian ... but that's all in the past ... that's not how he is with me,” stated Justin, willing his mother to believe him. “And yes ... I don't always understand him ... but I know he'd never deliberately hurt me,” and Justin took a deep breath; hoping his words were true.

“I love him, mom ... and I think he loves me ... can't you be happy for me?”

Jennifer briefly closed her eyes and then sighed. “I want to be ... but this man ... he's going to hurt you.”

Justin shook his head. “Something tells me Brian's the one who's suffered ... more hurt than he's letting on ... but I plan to change all that.”

Jennifer looked in her son's eyes and frowned. She could see by the expression on Justin's face how desperate he was for her to believe him. Maybe he was in love with Brian and that the man had feelings for him and Jennifer reached out and took Justin's hand.

“I hope he knows just how lucky he is ... having someone like you falling in love with him ... but if he ever hurts you ...” Justin shook his head; desperately holding on to his hopes for his and Brian's relationship.

“If ever you need a place to go ... you will call ... won't you?” she pleaded with him; looking directly into Justin's eyes and he smiled. “I will ... but you don't have to worry about me,” and Jennifer hugged her son before he walked her down to her car.

Brian was standing by the window. He'd seen Justin greet her and the likeness was so obvious that Jennifer Taylor just had to be his mother. But the dark expression on her face as they made their way together up to Justin's rooms worried him: just like the expression on Justin's face did now.

“Everything okay?” Brian asked Justin as the younger man came in the back door and he let out a huge sigh as he saw Justin's hesitation.

“Out with it ... I saw you talking to your mother.” Brian's heart was beating hard; he knew he wouldn't like this conversation and he saw Justin take a deep breath. Now Brian was scared shitless.

“Mom says she handled the sale of your loft a few years back.” Brian raised an eyebrow; all he'd done at the time was sign on the dotted line. It had been Vic who'd arranged everything. “Could be,” he answered. “I didn't exactly have a total grip on reality back then,” and Justin frowned.

“She said she'd heard some stories about you.” Brian nodded. “And they're probably all true.”

“What ... that you had more guys than uncle Sam ... that you used and abused them ... and that you drank like a fish and took drugs ...”

“Guilty as charged.”

Justin's heart was in his mouth. So those stories were true, but how on earth had Brian gone from party boy to recluse in such a short space of time? It had to have something to do with that damned accident.

But another thought crept into Justin's head; could he ever trust that the old Brian Kinney would never make a come-back? And though he couldn't care less how many guys Brian had slept with, could he too be cast aside without a second thought like all the rest? Would Brian tire of him eventually?

“I don't understand ... it's like you're two different people,” and Justin moved forward and put his hand on Brian's arm. “It's the accident ... isn't it? Something happened ...” and Justin could see by Brian's expression how worried and concerned he was to have it brought up and Brian closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“It was my fault ... I was driving when the car left the road and hit a tree.” Justin frowned. “But it sounds like you came off the worst ... Michael seems fine.”

“You've met Michael?” asked Brian and then he answered his own question. “Of course you have ... if you've been working at Kinnetik and know Ted and Emmett ... then you're bound to have met up with Mikey ... at the diner?” Justin nodded. “Then you met Debbie too?”

“Then I'm surprised they haven't already poisoned you against me ... and that you're even still here,” and Brian pulled away.

“Vic says ...” “Vic's been talking to you about the accident?” asked Brian turning back; angry and hurt that it would be discussed behind his back. “Only vaguely ... and only when I asked him.”

“He just said that Debbie hadn't forgiven you and that it was something best left alone.”

“But accidents happen all the time,” pointed out Justin. “What the fuck was so different about this one?”

“Why don't you go and ask them?” came back Brian and leaving Justin standing in the middle of the kitchen, Brian pulled down the shutters; suddenly feeling so very tired.

So what if he didn't get to tell Justin himself, he'd only hear the other version anyway; the version backed up by medical evidence. The evidence that clearly stated, however much Brian protested himself, that he was as high as a kite at the wheel of a car and nearly killed not only himself, but also his best friend: but only he had the scars to prove it.

So many people would shrug it off and not give a damn and, in fact, the old Brian probably would have. But this Brian was surprised to find that he cared; that he actually cared what the younger man thought of him and that their relationship could be over before it barely began.

 

 

 

- o O o -

 

 

 

Chapter Eight:

Justin watched him leave. It wasn't just being reminded about the accident that was obviously making Brian angry and upset. Justin realized it was his references to Brian's past with other men. But then Justin asked himself, how important was it really? Surely, he should be more concerned with being the man in Brian's future; if he'd still have him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Allowing him a little time to cool off, Justin returned to his own rooms and took out the half-finished painting of Brian and Gus. It was coming along well and he studied it.

Brian was so confusing and Justin wondered whether Brian actually understood himself; the man was so full of contradictions. Even after he heard about Brian's past; how he'd discarded guys so easily: the way Brian was with him, from the outset, Justin was certain had been so different.

He'd told Brian he'd seen through his bullshit; that the man had said one thing when his eyes and body language were saying something totally different. And that just having his past brought up and made an issue had made Brian defensive and that he should go and tell him it didn't matter. That it should never have mattered in the first place.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Going back into the house, Justin headed for the study; that's where Brian was bound to be, but instead, he found the room empty. He called out, but there was no answer and unable to find Brian inside, Justin headed out to the stables, where he found him leaning over the paddock railing talking quietly to Buttons. The man he didn't hear him approach.

“Brian ...” and he saw Brian blink. “You still here?” came the curt reply and slowly, Justin moved up to him and put a hand on Brian's arm, but the man pulled away and folded his arms on the top rail. Justin sighed.

“Why should I give a shit how many guys you slept with in the past?”

“You forgot the bit about using and abusing,” stated Brian coldly and without looking at him. “But you're right ... it's none of your fucking business how I used to live my life ... it still isn't.”

“I know ... I have absolutely no right to criticize you or condemn you ... but just tell me something ... I'm curious ... were you happy?”

Without being able to stop himself Brian sighed and then he closed his eyes and rested his chin on his forearms. Had he been happy? What sort of fucking question was that? At the time, he thought he was. Happy to screw anything that moved and never the same man twice; conducting his life with no apologies and no regrets and being accountable to no-one but himself. But, if he were genuinely honest with himself, he'd surely acknowledge just how empty and hollow an existence that actually was and that he'd spent too many years telling himself that's what he wanted.

Justin knew Brian well enough to realize that he wasn't going to admit, there and then, he hadn't been happy; learning that Brian would rather say nothing than actually lie. And, when the man didn't answer him, Justin moved closer again and put his hand on Brian's shoulder and this time, Brian didn't move away.

“None of it matters any more,” stated Justin, quietly. “The past is just that ... we've both been through stuff we'd rather not ... and we've come out the other side.”

“Maybe we're both different people now ... I'm sure I am,” and Justin sighed. “I love you, Brian Kinney ... and I think ... no ... I'm damn sure ... that you love me too,” and he saw Brian roll his lips into his mouth. Justin smiled.

“I know how hard this is for you ... but maybe ... in time ... you'll know that you can trust me ... and that no matter what ... I'll always be here,” and then Justin momentarily closed his eyes and he swallowed.

“And if it means you still need other guys ... that's okay too ... it won't mean a thing ... it won't change anything between us ... who you are ... just as long as you come home to me.”

Now it was Brian who closed his eyes. The only guys he'd seen in the years between the accident and Justin coming along were paid tricks; guys who'd told him how great he was and then took the money. And slowly, Brian opened his eyes and turned to face him.

Justin's beautiful blue eyes were now misty and Brian knew how much it took for the younger man to say he didn't care if Brian wanted to sleep with other men; that he could endure it if it made Brian happy and if it kept him coming back to him, if that’s what it took for him to still be the man he was.

Brian realized that for the first time in his life, he now knew for sure what he did want. He wanted Justin; someone who it seemed would love him unconditionally. Someone who would never put ties on him, but who would constantly challenge his thinking; stretch him and keep him alive.

And, because Justin had told him tried to reassure him that he wouldn't expect him to give up other men and change for him, that was precisely the reason why Brian knew he could: that he wouldn't need anyone else.

And though he couldn't go that extra mile and say the words just yet, Brian's eyes, hands and mouth said it for him as he drew Justin into his arms and kissed him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Brian Kinney? God's gift to gay PA? Jeez hun ... are you sure it's THE Brian Kinney that Justin is mixed up with?”

“Could there be another?” asked Jennifer as she took a sip of her tea and Debbie chuckled. “No ... I doubt it.”

They were seated in Debbie's kitchen. Despite Justin's attempt to placate her, Jennifer still had grave misgivings over his relationship with Kinney and had sought the advice from the mother of another gay son.

“What do you think I should do?” Jennifer asked her and Debbie shrugged. “You've probably done all you can ... and that's let him know you'll be there to pick up the pieces.”

“Then you think he's going to hurt my son?” asked Jennifer and she sighed.

Debbie shrugged. “All I can say is that the Brian Kinney I knew fucked 'em ... if you'll excuse my French ... and then moved on ... no apologies and no regrets.”

“Everybody wanted him, but no one could have him ... so what's different about Justin?” Jennifer shrugged. “Justin says he thinks Brian loves him.”

Debbie snorted. “I'm afraid to say that I don't think Brian actually knows the meaning of the word ... except I'm hearing that he is a good dad to Gus,” she admitted, begrudgingly. “But I guess it's hardly surprising ... given Brian's upbringing,” and Debbie saw Jennifer's quizzical look.

“Jack Kinney ... Brian's dad ... was a little too handy with his fists ... if you catch my drift.”

“Brian grew up thinking he was unloved ... and it's true to say that Joanie ... his mom ... spent more time down at the church than she did caring for her family,” and Debbie couldn't resist smiling at the memory of a tall, skinny kid she used to know.

“I've known Brian since he was 14 ... and I doubt he's changed that much ... plenty of times he ended up on my doorstep 'cos things were rough at home ... I'd patch him up ... feed him and put him to bed.”

“His dad actually used to beat him up?” asked Jennifer, horrified, as most mothers would be, that this was allowed to happen and Debbie nodded. “But he was a strange kid ... never talked about his dad hitting him ... he just used to show up ... the bruises spoke for themselves ... I guess that's what made him how he is.”

“A user ... someone who doesn't care about other people's feelings,” stated Jennifer and she groaned. “Why oh why would Justin fall in love with someone like that?” she asked and Debbie smiled.

“Because he's Brian Kinney ... charming ... successful ... rich and quite a looker ... though since the accident I see he's grown a beard.”

“Accident?” asked Jennifer and Debbie nodded. “I used to think of myself as Brian's second mom ... though in actual fact ... I was probably his only mom.”

“But he caused an accident that could have killed my own son.” “How?” asked Jennifer, even more afraid about the man Justin was in love with.

“Well ... the authorities think that Michael was driving at the time ... but he wasn't ... Brian was.”

“They'd been to some party or other ... and Brian had insisted on driving back ... the car left the road.”

“Michael had a bad concussion ... broken ribs and it could have been a whole lot worse.”

“Turns out Brian had enough chemicals in his system ...”

“He was on drugs?” interrupted Jennifer, seeking confirmation of her worst fears and Debbie nodded.

“Michael could have been killed ... they both could ... and Brian was happy to let Michael take the rap.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin made him promise that he wouldn't be mad with Vic; that the man had only given out the vaguest of details and only when Justin had asked him directly and Brian smiled. “I promise,” he told him almost disbelieving his fortune: that someone like Justin, who cared so much about other people, would care for him.

And with things looking to be back on track with Justin, even though his words of commitment still wouldn't come, Brian felt they'd moved onto another level, but it was so strange. Would he ever be capable of being part of a couple? Taking someone else's wants and needs into account 24/7?

He'd thought about it years ago, before the accident, but hadn't been taken seriously. But Justin was so different; so willing to give. He made it easy. His love was so tangible, that Brian could feel it; taste it almost. It totally engulfed him. Encompassing but never smothering; giving him room to breathe and be himself, though Brian was beginning to wonder exactly what sort of man he now was.

Was he still the man who didn't believe in love? Who didn't believe in happy endings? How could he say that any more when Justin's love was so real and beginning to make him feel so complete? And all those doubts Justin had about Brian's previous life had seemingly been put away and out of mind with Justin concentrating on being the last man in Brian's life and not dwelling on his past.

And as for Justin, he knew they had a long way to go before Brian accepted they were a couple, but he had no doubts that in time he would get through to the man. He had faith.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was one of the days when Justin was working and Brian had gone into the garage to fetch the car as Buttons was running out of feed. It was a nice crisp fall afternoon and it was only a short drive to the wholesalers, which was normally pretty quiet at this point in the day and something Brian didn't mind doing himself. But something cold and wet hit him on the shoulder and he looked up to discover that water was coming through the ceiling: there was obviously a burst pipe or something up in the rooms above.

Shit. The water was coming from Justin's rooms: room‘s containing the younger man‘s artwork and rushing back into the house, Brian collected the spare key before heading back out to the garage.

The leak was from under the sink in the kitchen, but thankfully hadn't yet spread to the living area, where some of Justin's artwork was sitting on the floor, though it must have been happening now for a little while and phoning Vic, Brian got from him the number of the plumber they normally used and put in a call.

The guy was busy, but offering him three times the normal going rate got him there within the hour. The carpet was pulled back and sink dismantled, allowing the offending joint to be identified and repaired. The job itself wasn't particularly difficult, but it would take a few days for everything to dry out and there was going to be a bit of plastering needed to the garage ceiling. But it was while Brian was making sure there was no other damage to the accommodation that he came across something just so beautiful, it made his heart miss a beat and his mouth go dry.

In the corner of the living room and under a dust sheet was a picture that Justin was obviously working on and unable to resist, Brian carefully pulled back the cloth to take a look. It was the portrait of Brian and Gus.

It wasn't quite finished, but even Brian could see the love that passed between father and son and he rolled his lips into his mouth and stared at the painting in awe. Justin's talent for bringing out the emotions of his subjects were incredible; you could stretch out your hand and almost touch it, it was so real.

Brian sighed. Justin's talents were going to waste. He really should get better exposure.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin groaned when he walked into the diner during his lunch break a few days later to eat and collect the take out that Ted had asked him to get and saw his mother sitting in a booth talking to Debbie. Jennifer spotted him right away: almost like she'd been looking out for him.

“Justin ... I hope you're not thinking of walking out on me.” But in actual fact, that thought had crossed his mind. They'd barely spoken since she'd come to the house and he was sure she would still be trying to talk him out of his relationship with Brian and then Vic walked in behind him and patted his shoulder in greeting as he passed him by; an action that didn't get past Debbie.

“What's this all about, Sis ... it sounded urgent,” asked Vic and he slid into the booth beside her.

“It is ... we have to stop Justin making the biggest mistake of his life ... and I also want to know why you didn't tell me about it,” Debbie stated and Vic frowned as he looked up at the young man, standing at the end of the table, before addressing her.

“I didn't tell you because it's none of your damn business,” stated Vic. It wasn't often that his sister made him this mad, but she had such a bee in her bonnet about Brian these days.

“Is that what you brought me down here for ... so you could put the boot into Brian?” asked Vic, shaking his head. Ignoring him completely, Debbie aimed her question directly at Justin.

“Has Brian ever told you anything about the accident?” she asked him. “Well ... only that he was with Michael and that they both ended up in the hospital ... and I know that everyone seems to blame Brian,” answered the young man, a little nervously.

“Debbie,” said Vic firmly and obviously warning her off. “Don't you think it's up to Brian? ... It is his business after all.”

“But he's sleeping with my son ... and I think Justin has every right to know exactly what sort of man Brian Kinney is,” stated Jennifer and Justin frowned. Why did it seem that everyone was so intent on bad-mouthing Brian all the time. Though he knew who he should really be talking to about the accident, Justin closed his eyes and sighed and then slid into the booth beside his mother; perhaps if he just heard her out that would be the end of it.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Vic tried his best to counter Debbie's arguments against Brian by pointing out things that Brian had done for his friends in the past; things that both Justin and Jennifer had to admit, they thought were pretty amazing and Vic didn't even know yet about the house. That was something that Justin knew he couldn't bring up as it should be between Brian and Vic only and, thankfully, it would seem his mother hadn't compromised her professional integrity by mentioning it either.

But certain things just couldn't be denied: Brian's drinking and drug taking and his history with guys and the fact that the evidence showed that he was on drugs at the time of the accident.

“Brian nearly killed my son ... and then he let Michael take the rap for something he did,” stated Debbie firmly and Vic had sighed and sat back in his seat; he didn't have any argument to offer in Brian's defense this time.

“If you don't believe me ... ask Michael,” was Debbie's parting shot and Justin had looked around the group. “All right ... I will,” he stated and forgetting lunch and getting the address for the comic book store from Debbie, Justin set off; never giving going back to work that afternoon a second thought. He had to get this cleared up once and for all.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Hello, Justin ... what brings you here? I didn't realize you were into comics,” stated Michael as Justin entered the store.

“I'm not ... not really,” stated the younger man and he absentmindedly picked up a Superman comic from the shelf and then he put it back without really looking at it.

Michael studied him. “Okay ... what's on your mind?” he asked him and Justin looked at him before replying.

“Brian Kinney ... you were his friend?” asked Justin and he saw the man blink and then frown. “Brian ... what about him? I haven't seen him in years,” stated Michael, coming around the counter and he took a stack of comics from a box and put them on the shelf.

“We're ... we're together,” Justin answered him.

Michael chuckled as he tidied his stock. “What do you mean ... like a couple?”

“Well ... maybe ... maybe not a real couple ... not yet ... but we will be,” Justin stated, though the odd nagging doubt had started to creep back in. Michael shook his head as he turned back to face him. “No way ... the Brian Kinney I know would never become part of a couple.”

“Why? Why is that so difficult to believe?” asked Justin, exasperated at everyone's opinion of Brian as a perpetual bachelor.

“Brian Kinney? ... Are you kidding me? Mr. I-don't-believe-in-love-and-never-fuck-the-same-guy-twice?”

“Are you sure we're talking about the same Brian Kinney?” asked Michael.

“Brian Kinney ... the screen-writer ... lives out in West Virginia,” stated Justin, though he was sure Michael knew exactly who he was talking about.

“And founder and CEO of Kinnetik Advertising ... not that he's put in an appearance for years.”

“What?” asked Justin, feeling like he'd been hit by a sledgehammer.

“Well ... you should know ... aren't you working there ... with Ted?”

And suddenly, Brian's words came back to Justin; something he hadn't realized the significance of at the time. ‘You've met Michael ... of course you have ... if you've been working at Kinnetik and know Ted and Emmett ..’ and Justin closed his eyes.

“Kinnetik is Brian's company,” said Justin quietly, making a statement rather than asking a question.

“Sure,” replied Michael. “Kinney ... Kinnetik ... don't tell me you never made the connection? I'm surprised Brian didn't tell you,” but Justin shook his head. No, he hadn't made the connection and Brian had made no mention that Kinnetik was his brainchild. So maybe there were other things Brian hadn't told him either.

“Tell me about the accident,” asked Justin; his heart heavy and dreading what was to come.

“Oh ... so you know about that?

“Mostly from what other people have told me ... and that isn't much ... but I need to know.” Justin had thought the accident was just a part of Brian's past that could be forgotten, but now he realized it must have been a turning point for the man and something so serious it had completely changed his life around.

Michael looked at him and could see how confused and bewildered Justin looked. He always seemed like a decent guy and if he did genuinely believe himself to be in a relationship with Brian, then perhaps he ought to know what happened and going over to the front door, Michael put the sign round to read 'CLOSED'. “There ... we won't get disturbed.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Michael put on some coffee and he and Justin sat on the chairs at the back of the shop.

“We were up state at a comic book convention,” explained Michael. “I was giving a talk on gay comic book heroes and asked Brian to go with me,” and he handed Justin a mug and sat down beside him.

“Brian didn't want to go with me to start with … and bitched all the way there.”

“It was cold ... it was a long journey and he wouldn't let me share the driving ... though I did offer ... but I just think he didn't want anyone else getting their hands on his baby,” and he took a sip of his own drink and saw Justin raise an eyebrow.

“Brian had this ‘vette ... a classic,” explained Michael. “And no one else dared breathe on it,” and Justin smiled weakly as Michael continued.

“He got drunk the first night at dinner and I had to put him to bed ... and then he was late coming down to hear me give my speech.”

“'Course he didn't stay long ... he caught the eye of this cute guy and disappeared out to the men's room,” smirked Michael at the recollection and Justin looked down into his coffee mug.

“Turns out the guy he fucked was in a similar line of business ... and he asked Brian if he'd like to go to a party at one of his client's houses out of town ... I think Brian was hoping to drum up some contacts for Kinnetik as well as getting laid.”

“Anyhow ... I didn't wanna go ... I was already with Ben ... I didn't need to score ... but Brian insisted ... just like old times,” and Justin heard the obvious sarcasm in Michael's voice.

“What do you mean?” he asked, looking up at him.

“We had this system worked out ... well ... it worked out for Brian any how,” revealed Michael.

“And that is he'd spend the evening partying and then when it came time to get home ... I always drove him ... he generally wasn't capable,” and Michael took another swallow of his drink.

“So ... anyhow ... we get to the party and like a good little boy ... Michael sticks to Pepsi ... while Brian gets taken away by the host.”

“I found Brian a little while later ... three guys with him ... all of them having the time of their lives ... leaving me to wait for when he was ready to leave.”

“Then ... when he was finally ready to go ... telling me he'd fucked everyone worth having ... he nearly got into a fight with a guy who just bumped into him ... I had to stop him from following the guy.”

“And when we get back to the car ... I tried to get his keys off him and get him to let me drive, but he wouldn't let me ... he said he was okay,” and Michael snorted. “Sure he was okay ... a mile down the road and he winds down the window ... it was fucking freezing ... but he must have been starting to overheat or something.”

“And then the ‘vette swerved and so I asked him if he was okay ... but he didn't answer me ... and when the vette swerved again I was terrified ... I yelled at him ... and asked him what he was on.”

“He looked like he was about to pass out ... so I tried grabbing the wheel ... but it was too late ... the car hit the curb and then a tree ... fucking amazing we both weren't killed.”

“I think I might have passed out ... just for a moment ... and when I came to ... Brian looked pretty bad.”

“I knew he must have been on something ... the road was clear ... and the conditions were good ...there was no reason at all why he should lose control otherwise.”

“Anyhow ... my ribs were killing me ... but I managed to get around to the other side of the car and yank the door open ... I then got him into the passenger seat and got behind the wheel ... so that it looked like I was driving ... and that's how the emergency services found us.”

“I knew that once they checked Brian out ... there was bound to be something that would show up in his system ... he could lose his license ... his business ... maybe even go to jail ... but if they thought it was me driving ... it would just go down as an accident.”

“And he never said anything ... he just let you take the blame?” asked Justin and Michael shrugged.

Justin sighed. “Was he always such a ... a ...”

“Selfish asshole?” offered Michael and Justin closed his eyes. So, it seemed like those stories about how Brian used guys; even his best friend, were true. Even when it sounded like that friend could have saved his life, if not his reputation, his business and maybe even his freedom.

“Pretty much,” came back the reply.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

If Brian noticed a difference in Justin's attitude towards him over the next few days, he didn't mention it, but he certainly felt it.

Slowly, it felt like Justin was moving away when Brian reached for him: not obviously, but just managing to avoid his touch and his kisses. And the man couldn't work out why or whether he was just imagining it. And then when Justin said he had some painting he wanted to do and didn't come to bed that night, Brian knew for sure it wasn't his imagination.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin sat staring at the painting of Brian and Gus for what must have been hours. How could he ever think he was in love with this man; a man who'd used guys and even a friend so callously in order to escape punishment? It made him feel like he wanted to throw up.

It looked like Brian had deliberately allowed his friend to take responsibility for the accident in order to escape possible criminal charges for something he was accountable for: deliberately getting behind the wheel of a car when he was high on god knows what and almost killing his best friend. No wonder his family and friends didn't want anything to do with him, except for Vic, something that Justin didn't now understand having got to know just how honest and straightforward that man was.

At least Hobbs had been given some sort of penance by the law, even if it had only been community service for the assault that almost killed Justin. An act that could so easily have left him like a vegetable; suffering months of depression and nightmares and leaving a hurt that had never completely gone away. It had almost taken from him the very thing that made him who he was: his art. But an assault which had sentenced him to a lifetime of headaches and not a little self-doubt. And then Justin frowned to himself as he remembered the doubts he'd voiced and that Brian had tried to dissuade him from when he told him he should have faith in himself.

Justin groaned. Who the fuck was the real Brian Kinney? The selfish, dishonest asshole he'd once been or the man that Justin now thought he was? Could Brian really have changed?

He knew he couldn't face him tonight and Justin suddenly didn't even have the energy to try. He couldn't look at Brian and see the hurt as the man wondered what it was he'd done and with his place now all dried out, Justin went to bed in his own rooms.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Neither man slept much that night; both pacing their respective bedrooms and both so alone and lonely for each other. Brian was so confused and wondering why, after finally starting to open himself up, that Justin was pulling way from him and Justin knowing he had to face Brian with the truth and that if he was as dishonest as it would appear, that there could be no place for Brian in his life. And, just around daybreak, Justin looked out the rear window of his living room to see the light on in the kitchen in the house: Brian was up and there was no time like the present.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian was showered and dressed and watching the sunrise from the kitchen window when he heard Justin let himself in through the back door and he turned to face him and then indicated the coffee pot.

“Do you want some?” he asked him and before Justin had a chance to answer, Brian reached up into the cupboard for another mug. Justin sighed.

“Aren't you gonna ask me why I didn't come back last night?” he asked him, but Brian merely shrugged and then handed him his coffee.

“I guess you'll tell me in your own time,” came the answer and Justin closed his eyes. “Don't you care ... care enough to even ask me ... show the slightest interest?”

“Would you give a shit if I did?” answered Brian and now Justin stared at him. “Yes ... I would ... anything that gives me any indication that you have feelings too,” but Brian looked away; still unable to tell him how he really felt and how scared he now was.

Justin looked down into his coffee mug before speaking. “I went to see Michael yesterday,” he stated eventually and looking up, he saw Brian close his eyes. “He told me about the accident.”

“Good ol' Mikey ... always could rely on him to tell it like it was,” stated Brian and Justin wasn't sure, but he thought he heard the faintest note of sarcasm in his voice and then Brian sighed.

“And I guess if you didn't come to our bedroom last night ... you've already made up your mind about it,” and without looking at Justin, Brian turned around and walked from the room and out into the hallway.

“Brian.”

Justin put down his mug and followed him. His heart had leaped into his mouth as he heard Brian refer to 'our bedroom'. Was the man trying to tell him that he thought they were together? A couple maybe?

“Don't you want to tell me your side?” asked Justin, desperate to find a reason why they should still be together.

“What the fuck for? You've already cast me as the bad guy ... I wouldn't want to disappoint you,” and Brian turned back to face him.

“You're not going to hear me beg for forgiveness, Justin ... I'm not going to throw myself at your feet and plead for mercy.”

“I wouldn't want you to,” stated Justin firmly. “But an explanation might be good ... it just doesn't sound like the Brian Kinney I thought I knew,” and now Brian stared at him and then turned away again and moved into the living room, where he crossed the floor to stand in front of the fireplace.

“I'm not the Brian Kinney you think you know ... fuck ... I'm not even the Brian Kinney I thought I knew any more,” chuckled the man, mostly to himself and he sighed and turned his back on Justin: unable to face him. “The stories you heard ... the drinking ... the drug taking ... the guys ... all true.”

“Why ... why did you live like that ... you practically admitted you weren't happy,” stated Justin, trying to understand the man. “I didn't know any different,” answered Brian, truthfully.

“I never thought I needed any one man ... someone special in my life.”

“I didn't believe in love,” and Brian shook his head and closed his eyes.

“What about now ... do you believe in love now?” challenged Justin and he went to stand alongside him. The younger man was so close and Brian so wanted to reach out and touch him, but he couldn't: he could only sigh.

Justin's heart went out to this man who struggled so much to reveal his feelings and who was scared of facing him in case Justin saw the fear in his eyes. Fear of admitting that maybe, deep down, he longed to love and be loved like anyone else. For Brian had started to accept that Justin loved him, only for the young man to pull away when faced with the truth of his actions.

Having started this, Justin needed to know how it would end; whether he could find some mitigating circumstances in Brian's actions that would keep him hanging on to a thread of hope for their relationship.

“And the accident ... is it true you were out of your skull on drugs ... and let Michael take the blame?”

“Is that what he told you?” asked Brian, looking at him and he frowned. “I suppose that is what happened.”

“Well ... wasn't it?” asked Justin and Brian shrugged. “When I woke up in the hospital ... Michael was there ... saying he was glad he hadn't killed me ... I didn't understand what he was saying to start with ... I was so sure I'd been driving.”

“But then I realized what he was doing ... that he was taking the blame ... saying it was him who'd been driving when the accident happened ... not me.”

“Then when I heard the results of my blood test ... I realized why.”

“Then ... you didn't ask him to lie for you?” frowned Justin, trying to make sense of it all and Brian shook his head. “But the time I realized what he'd done it was too late ... I couldn't say anything,” and he saw Justin's questioning look.

“Not only would Michael get into trouble for making a false report ... he and Ben were trying to adopt their foster-kid, Hunter ... I don't think the courts would have looked very favorably on Michael lying to the authorities ... do you?” Brian asked him and Justin frowned again.

“But what about the drugs ... you were high?”

“Would you believe me if I told you otherwise?” asked Brian looking away and Justin took him by the elbow and swung the man around to face him properly. “I've known you long enough to realize you would rather say nothing than lie to me ... so ... what are you saying ... that you weren't high?”

Brian sighed. “I had one drink ... nothing else ... I said it at the time and I'm saying it now,” and Justin shrugged and turned away. “Now you don't believe me?” asked Brian and the younger man turned back and searched his face: looking for the truth. Or was Brian lying even to him?

Brian saw the doubt in Justin's eyes and his heart sank. If only he could make him understand.

“Michael was my best friend ... since we were 14,” stated Brian. “He was always there for me ... we were there for each other ... do you really think I would have put his life at risk if I didn't think I should drive?”

“Well ...” stated Justin, slowly, his mind working overtime. “What ... what is it?” asked Brian, seeing the younger man's frown and Justin scratched behind his ear.

“Michael did say you used to have this system worked out ...” and he looked up at Brian. “He said that you would usually spend the evening partying … and then when it came time to get home ... that Michael always drove you ... because usually you weren't capable.”

Brian smiled. “I'm ashamed to say that's true.”

“Well ... then why didn't you let Michael drive you back that night?” asked Justin. “Unless it was because you truly believed you were capable,” and Justin looked up at Brian and saw the glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“Then ... you believe me?” asked Brian, his heart pounding and he held Justin's gaze; proud hazel-eyes telling Justin this was the truth as Brian believed it to be.

Brian could hear his own heart beat; like the ticking of a clock and it seemed like hours before Justin finally replied. The younger man smiled.

“I believe you,” and he saw Brian swallow and now those hazel eyes flecked with gold misted over. “I believe that's what you truly believe ... that you had one drink and nothing else ... and that's what really matters,” he reassured him quietly and feeling a huge weight lifting from his heart, Brian reached for him and held him; Justin on tiptoes, enabling him to rest his chin on Brian's shoulder as they clung to each other.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin took Brian's hand and led him upstairs; they had a night to catch up on and he never wanted to be parted from Brian again.

And this time more than any other, Justin felt Brian give of himself totally. How could he not?

Brian hardly dared hope that Justin would believe him. But when he told him he did and he could see it in the blond's eyes, how could he ever doubt Justin's love again?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Why didn't you tell me about Kinnetik?” Justin asked him and Brian smiled. “I couldn't believe you didn't make the connection,” he chuckled and Justin returned his smile and Brian sighed.

“It was just easier not to ... it meant I didn't have to give any explanation why I wasn't there any more ... it doesn't sound like anyone's missed me,” he snorted.

“Don't sell yourself short ... the company has a brilliant reputation ... You were obviously a damn good influence ... Cynthia and Ted are doing a great job.”

“Well ... Ted always did want to be me,” Brian chuckled and Justin grinned at the first self-praise he'd heard Brian utter and then saw the man's expression fall and only guessing what was going on in the man's head: that he'd worked so damned hard establishing Kinnetik and now didn't take any of the credit.

Justin frowned. There were still a few things he didn't understand. “After the accident ... why did you shut yourself away ... practically admitting you were at fault?” asked Justin, sitting naked alongside him on the bed and Brian shrugged. “Everyone had already made their minds up ... I was drugged-up and Michael lied to save my ass ... either way I was fucked.”

“It was either I'd nearly killed Michael ... or I spoke out and probably cost Michael and Ben their chance to adopt Hunter ... they would have hated me either way.”

“But this way ... Michael got to adopt Hunter,” stated Justin. “The stupid asshole ...”

Brian shrugged. “He thought he was protecting me ... when instead he ...” “He ruined your fucking life,” offered Justin, but Brian shook his head. “I think I was probably doing a good job at that all by myself ... to be honest ... I had probably driven home loads of times when I shouldn't have ... I'm lucky it didn't happen before,” and Justin saw Brian's eyes cloud over and heard his voice shake.

“When I think of all the heavy nights I had ... and then had Gus with me in the car the next day ... that shit could still have been in my system ... it could have been Gus I'd put at risk ... I could have killed my son.”

“So instead you shut yourself away ... from everyone … and became some hermit?” asked Justin. “What the fuck was that for?”

“My punishment ... for all the times I'd been so fucking stupid ... and to try and make sense of it all.”

“I had to believe what the medical reports said at the time of the accident ... that despite the fact I was so sure I'd only had one drink and had taken nothing else ... that there was so much shit in my system ... it had to be true ... how could I deny it?”

“Besides,” and Brian's fingers went automatically to the scars along his jawline and he looked down.

“What?” frowned Justin.

Silently, Brian got up off the bed and padded over to the dresser, where he picked up the photograph of himself holding baby Gus.

“Who would want me?” and Brian stood looking at the beautiful man he'd once been.

Justin slid off the bed and crossed the floor to join him and he put his hand on Brian's arm. “Are you kidding me? You just want to hear me say how hot you are ... right?” and Justin saw Brian blink in puzzlement.

“You really think you're not?” Justin asked him in amazement, but the accident and scarring obviously had dented Brian's pride and self-esteem immeasurably and he turned Brian around to face him.

“Brian Kinney ... you have got to be the hottest guy I have ever known,” Justin reassured him, quietly and, despite all the doubts he'd had, Brian knew Justin meant it.

To be continued.

Chapters 9 - Epilogue by Julia

Chapter Nine:

“Vic ... have you got a minute?” Brian asked him as the man was about to leave. He and Rodney had an appointment to view a small house they could just about afford and he was running late.

“Can't it wait? ... I'm supposed to be meeting Rodney to go see this property.”

Brian reached into his back pocket and took out the document. “I just wanted to give you this.”

“What is it?” the other man asked him; still trying to get out the door. “It's something I need you to let me do,” stated Brian and Vic hesitated before taking it. Brian coughed as he tried to clear his throat.

Vic kept Brian's gaze as he opened up the papers. “It just has your name on it ... but if you want to include Rodney's ... it can soon be changed.”

Vic stared down at the deed. It was the house he and Rodney had fallen in love with.

“Brian ... I can't take this,” stated Vic; totally stunned at the man's generosity, but Brian nodded.

“Yes you can.”

“You were the only one who stood by me ... when everyone else treated me like shit.”

“You looked after me ... and I know I wasn't easy,” he conceded and Vic smiled back. “You can say that again ... at times you were just plain impossible.” Brian nodded his agreement. “But you still didn't bail out on me ... I won't forget that.”

Vic smiled at him. This was Brian's way of saying thank you; how could he refuse.

“You know this means the money we do have ... there'll be more than enough to fix the place up just like we want it,” and with his eyes misting up, Vic smiled at him and stepped forward to hug Brian and then he drew back and kissed him. Brian smiled, a little embarrassed at the man's gratitude, but Brian knew it was the very least he could do for him.

“I guess this also means you're ready for me to leave,” Vic stated and Brian blinked. He hadn't thought of it that way, but maybe it did: he just hadn't realized it. “You're gonna be just fine,” Vic whispered in reassurance and he pulled away.

“Thank you,” Vic told him, before turning to leave and he waved the deed in the air. “I better go and tell Rodney,” and grinning like a Cheshire cat, Vic couldn't wait to go and meet the man he loved and with whom he was going to be living.

Brian smiled again as he watched him go, but then his heart fell. He would miss Vic more than he could put into words and he hoped the man was right when he said Brian was ready for him to leave, because he had to come to some sort of decision about Justin and where they were heading. He knew the younger man was always looking for signs of Brian's feelings towards him; he guessed it was only natural and perhaps one day, he'd actually be able to tell him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Initially, Brian was a little uncomfortable with Justin continuing to work at Kinnetik, especially with it now generally known about their relationship. For Brian was sure that once Michael knew, everyone else soon would too. It was very much 'like mother, like son' in that department and he didn't want Justin to suffer because of it.

And when Ted had stood in front of Justin's work desk, looking like he was unsure of what to say, he obviously wasn't pleased and Justin had actually thought the man might fire him.

When Michael first told him, Ted had refused to believe it, but had wandered down to Billie's office and checked Justin's file. He hadn't bothered to look before; he didn't need to. But there it was in black and white. The address of the house in WV; the investment that Ted himself had suggested Brian make.

“You could have told me about you and Brian,” stated Ted and Justin shrugged. “Ted ... I honestly didn't know Brian started up this company.”

“So ... does this mean you've been running back to him ... telling tales.”

Justin stood up and went around the desk to face him square on. “If you must know ... the only thing I said to Brian ... is that I really enjoy working here and that you and Cynthia are doing a great job at managing it.”

“Brian sounded pleased that the company was doing well and carrying on using the same ethos he created ... ballsy ... edgy advertising,” and Justin shrugged. Ted sighed. He could see Justin was telling the truth and though he didn't like to admit it, he was secretly pleased that Brian approved of the job he was doing; trying to fill the man's shoes.

“Alright, Justin ... just ... just no more surprises ... okay?” “Okay,” agreed Justin and he sighed with relief. At least he still had his job.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Having finished work for the day, Justin returned to the house to find Brian in the bedroom, packing some of his clothes into boxes and for a moment, leaving the younger man totally confused.

“What are you doing?” he asked him, but Brian only sat on the bed and then hesitated before he leaned down and pulled open the empty bottom drawer of the nightstand.

“Making room in my drawers ... for your drawers,” he stated, looking up at him and Justin couldn't help grinning. They'd never really decided that Justin would actually move in permanently and for the moment, this looked like the closest he was going to get to a commitment. But it would do.

Justin didn't need telling twice and in practically no time at all, all his personal possessions were moved out of the rooms above the garage and into the house, leaving just his artwork behind in what was now solely his studio.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin knew how hard Brian was trying and that it wasn't easy. Being part of a couple didn't come naturally, but Justin didn't want the man he loved to compromise himself out of recognition. Slowly, he was sure that Brian would start to open up more, even if he hadn't yet said the words Justin hoped he would one day hear.

But the depth of Brian's love, Justin was only starting to understand. When Brian loved, he loved completely. He couldn't always say it, but it was in his actions; what he did, if not in what he said.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Lindsay had rung two days running and first of all, Justin wondered if there might be a problem with Gus. He'd spoken to the youngster often and the boy had never indicated a problem and Justin was sure he would as they seemed to be getting on really well. Brian hadn't said anything and didn't look particularly worried, so Justin dismissed his initial concerns, but the man was taking an ever increasing interest in his art; asking how many completed pieces he had and what he was still working on.

Then Dan asked him if he'd mind staying behind one evening as they had a large, prospective account to work on; a client that could turn out to be very lucrative but one where they would have to pull out all the stops. They'd pitched to this company before but it had come to nothing, but now with a change in the team, they had much better hopes for success.

Several of them ended up working late; Ted, Cynthia and a couple of the account managers and their P.A.'s, plus Dan and Justin and Ted sent for take-out to keep them all going. And, just before he was about to leave, Justin took a call on his cell phone.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Why the questions all of a sudden?” asked Justin, as he ran his hand up and down Brian's spine a couple of hours later and, for a moment, the older man forgot the question. “Hmm?”

“The interest ... in what I'm working on?” grinned Justin, leaning closer to him. “Oh that ... I thought I always took an interest.”

“Yes ... you do ... but this is more than usual,” replied Justin and he frowned. “Out with it ... something's going on,” and then Justin tilted his head to one side. “Does it have anything to do with Lindsay's calls?” he asked him, now running his hand over Brian's chest and the man looked away, trying desperately to hide his grin. It was getting increasingly difficult to keep anything from Justin and Brian shrugged in an attempt to plead innocent.

“Lindsay just mentioned she'd heard there was an art exhibition at the end of next month at the gallery in the Pitts.”

“Do you remember Sidney?” he stated and Justin raised an eyebrow.

“'Course I remember Sidney ... and strangely enough I got a call from him too tonight,” and he watched Brian's face, but now it was the older man's turn to feign surprise “That is strange.”

“But it's only been a couple of months since the last show ... I'm surprised there's another so soon,” Justin continued.

“Don't ask me ... but Lindsay did wonder if you were taking part and she just asked if you had enough new pieces to put in it ... do you?”

“I guess I could ... but ... shit ... I'll need to get a move on ... but I could have a few things worth showing.”

“So ... did you tell Sidney that you're in?” “I said I'd get back to him ... but I haven't had a chance to think about it ... we were so busy at work.”

Brian frowned. “If it's preventing you doing what you really want ... you could always give work up.”

“And be a kept man you mean?” asked Justin and he shook his head. “Thanks ... but no thanks ... I have to do this by myself.”

“I suppose,” agreed Brian, “But there must be something I can give you a hand with,” and now grinning, he reached out and ran his fingers along the younger man's thigh; Justin chuckled. “I'm sure I can think of something,” he whispered and he leaned over to nibble Brian's earlobe.

But this wasn't the only 'helping hand' that Brian was referring to, because surely, we all need a little assistance every now and again.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Well ... that's me all packed,” stated Vic as he put the last box into the trunk of his car. He and Rodney had already made several trips to the new house with all of Rodney's things and now they were moving Vic's. Rodney put his hand on the other man's shoulder. “I can't believe we're finally getting to do this ...”

“And you are okay with it?” asked Vic and his partner nodded and smiled. “Just don't expect me to carry you over the threshold,” and both men chuckled.

Initially, Rodney hadn't liked the idea of Brian being the one who'd provided them with their new home as he'd wanted him and Vic to have done that together. But when Vic explained, Rodney understood Brian's need and his gratitude. And the money they'd save meant they could do the place up really nice and Vic would only have to get a part time job if he wanted to. And Vic had made the most wonderful gesture of having Rodney's name put on the deed as co-owner.

Vic closed the trunk and sighed; it was time to leave and with Rodney re-arranging the boxes of Vic's possessions in his own car, Vic went inside the house to the kitchen. He smiled at Justin and the younger man put his arm around Vic's neck and hugged him. “Good luck ... and don't worry ... I'll take care of him,” Justin whispered.

“You better,” Vic told him and he looked around. “Where is he?” “In the study,” came the reply and wanting to give both men as much space as possible, Justin went out to wish Rodney well.

Brian was sitting at his desk, working at the laptop, when Vic popped his head around the door. “I just put the last box in the car,” he informed him and Brian looked up; forcing a smile on his face. “Well ... if I can't find any of the good silver ... I'll know where to come,” and then he stood.

He hadn't been looking forward to this one little bit and the atmosphere between them was a little strange; as if neither of them really knew what to say. And then both of them drew in a deep breath and took a few steps towards each other and met in the middle of the floor. Vic held out his hand and Brian took it, but then shook his head at the formality and instead, bringing the man in, he hugged him tightly.

Vic knew Brian couldn't come out and say how sorry he was that he was leaving, but it was in his hug and Vic knew he wished both him and Rodney all the very best. But it didn't stop both men tearing up and Brian swallowed and eventually pulled back.

“Better not keep that boyfriend of yours waiting any longer,” he smiled at him, but Vic could hear the man's voice break that matched his own and he didn't move away.

“If I didn't think you were going to make it ... I wouldn't be leaving,” Vic assured him. “I wouldn't want you to stay on my account,” came back Brian, but Vic shook his head. “I haven't come all this way just to desert you now,” he told him and Brian nodded his understanding.

“And it's not like you'll be on your own.”

Brian looked down and Vic squeezed the man's arm. “If you'd only let him in ... Justin would be so good for you ... he loves you ... and I know you love him,” stated Vic and he saw Brian close his eyes. Vic frowned.

“You haven't told him ... have you?” asked Vic and Brian shrugged.

“Don't leave it too long,” cautioned the older man. “I know you're living together now ... but that doesn't necessarily mean you're a couple ... it takes more than just sleeping with each other for that to happen.”

Brian looked at him and smiled. “I hope Rodney appreciates what he's got ... I know you put up with a lot of crap because of me ... most people wouldn't have.”

“Then it's just as well I'm not most people,” Vic pointed out to him. “And if you ever need me ... well ... you know how to whistle don't you ... just pucker up and blow.”

Brian couldn't resist chuckling. “You do a lousy Lauren Bacall,” he informed him and with any sign of tension now gone between them, Vic returned the chuckle and both men made for the door.

“Oh ... I better give you these back,” and Vic reached into his pocket and brought out Brian’s house-keys.

“Keep 'em ... and I know you won't need them ... but ... just in case.”

Vic smiled. This was Brian saying he would always have a place there no matter what and that his home would always be Vic's. Vic smiled and put the keys back in his pocket and both men moved outside.

“Good luck, Rodney,” and he and Brian shook hands. “I'll take good care of him,” Rodney assured him and with more than just a few tears shed, Rodney and Vic got into their respective cars and Vic waved as he moved off the drive.

Justin placed his hand in the small of Brian's back. “It's not like he's going far ... I'm sure you'll see him all the time,” and Brian nodded. But unable to say anything, he turned on his heel and walked inside and Justin knew he still had a long way to go with this man.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin had rung Sidney Bloom to tell him he'd be taking part in the show and he thought he heard the man's sigh of relief, but couldn't be sure.

“I'm really looking forward to seeing any new pieces,” Sidney informed him, enthusiastically and Justin scratched behind his ear; he was definitely going to have to get a move on to put anything really worthwhile in the show and for the next few weeks, every waking moment when he wasn't at Kinnetik, Justin would be in his rooms painting and even sometimes getting up during the night. Brian missed him: they weren't spending as much time together as they had been, but he knew the sacrifice would be worth it.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Sidney said he would take care of everything; the publicity, inviting the right guests and the catering. He asked Justin to trust him and stated that nearer the time, he would arrange to have his paintings collected and hung in the gallery in exactly the right way. Justin shrugged and agreed. He didn't see any reason why he shouldn't be able to trust the man as he'd been in the business for so long, he should know by now how to present something to its best advantage.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I thought you couldn't afford this house?” stated Debbie to her brother as she helped him unpack the china they'd bought over from Rodney's old place. As much as Vic and Rodney had tried, Debbie had insisted on coming over and giving the place a thorough clean, which in truth they were grateful for, though in actual fact they were going to have a complete kitchen re-fit in the next few weeks.

“We couldn't,” answered Rodney as he brought in another box from the garage, but it was said without any anger or malice as he'd fully accepted Brian needing to do this for Vic, who now saw the confused look on his sister's face.

“It was a gift.”

“A gift ... Jeez ... I wish someone would give me a gift like this,” and then she chuckled and dug him in the ribs. “Don't tell me ... some sugar daddy remembered you in his will.”

“Actually ... no ... it was a gift ... from Brian,” Vic answered, a smile on his face and knowing the exact reaction that statement was going to get.

“BRIAN!” stated Debbie. “What the hell he go buying you houses for?”

“Not houses ... one house ... and it's to say thanks ... and because he knew Rodney and I fell in love with this place but couldn't afford it ... that's why,” and he turned to face her before she had a chance to say anything else.

“Whatever Brian has .. or hasn't done in the past ... he's a changed man, Debbie,” and he ignored her snort of disbelief.

“And it's not just being generous like this ... you should see him with Gus ... he's a great father ... he loves his son more than any of us could ever have thought possible ... and you haven't seen him with Justin.”

“Well ... Brian always did appreciate a nice ass,” replied Debbie. “And Justin's certainly well blessed in that department,” but her attempt at humor brought only a stony silence before Vic eventually replied.

“Believe it or not ... sex had nothing to do with it ... at least not at the start ... and it's Justin who went after Brian ... not the other way around.”

“And if you saw them together ... you'd see how much Brian has changed ... he loves him ... they love each other. “

“Then maybe you all ought to have a double wedding,” came back Debbie; the barb in her voice unmistakable. It looked like her opinion of Brian was in danger of being threatened. Over the last few years she'd accepted that the man she'd thought of as another son had let her and himself down big time. To have that opinion challenged was confusing and not just a little scary.

“You might just have to face it, sis ... Brian's not the man you thought he'd become,” and raising an eyebrow, Vic left her alone in the kitchen while he went to get extra cleaning supplies from the garage.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“You know ... I was thinking ... you should wear something a bit ... less casual,” suggested Brian, sitting on the bed as he watched Justin change out of his work clothes. How he loved to watch the young man dress, though watching him undress was even better.

“What for? It's only a bunch of artists showing off their work,” and Justin shrugged as he pulled on his jeans. “But you never really know who's coming along for these events ... you want to make a good impression don't you?” Brian asked him and before Justin had a chance to do up the zipper, Brian reached out and put his arm around the blond's waist and he pulled him down onto his lap; Justin could feel Brian's erection and he turned in Brian's lap to kiss him and then he looked at him.

“Tell you what,” stated the younger man. “If I do get something ... how's about you come shopping with me ... we've never done stuff like that together,” and the younger man kissed him again. With Justin's tongue half way down his throat, Brian could hardly say no.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Thanks, Brian,” smiled Rodney, as he took the expensive bottle of wine offered him and he stepped back to let Brian and Justin into the hallway.

“Wow ... the place is coming along great, Vic,” grinned Justin as he looked around the newly decorated and now elegantly furnished living room they'd been shown into, with a fire burning in the hearth.

“You should see the kitchen ... I can't get Vic out of there most days ... I swear he's going to polish the shine off the stainless steel,” teased Rodney as he grinned at his partner. The kitchen had just been completely refurbished and though the house had looked like a demolition site for a few weeks, they'd been able to afford to have all the work done at once, rather than having to save up and do one room at a time.

Having been taken on a tour of the house, the group ended up back in the kitchen. “It's all looking beautiful, Vic,“ smiled Brian and he put his hand on the man's shoulder. “Well ... that just leaves the garden to landscape in the spring,” and he smiled at Brian.

Brian knew what Vic was going to say; thanking him once again for his generosity. But Brian squeezed the man's shoulder as he didn't need to say it and Brian didn't need to hear it and so Vic just kept on smiling.

And, being taken back into the dining room, Vic couldn't help noticing Brian's sigh of relief at seeing just the four place settings. “It's okay ... it's just us,” he stated, understanding Brian's concern and the man nodded.

“How did you manage to do that ... especially today of all days?”

“Easy ... I told Debbie that Rodney and I wanted to spend Thanksgiving in our own home and that we weren't all unpacked yet ... and that she would be the first visitor we had when we were all decorated and settled in.”

Brian raised an eyebrow and looked around because as far as he could see, the guys were well and truly settled and organized, but Vic went behind the sofa and picked up a box of books. “See ... I didn't lie ... we haven't unpacked these yet,” and all four men chuckled.

Debbie was someone who generally insisted the entire family gather at her house for events like Thanksgiving and Christmas and though Vic had said it would be the four of them tonight, Brian still wanted to make sure.

And, with the turkey and all the trimmings on the table and Vic having carved, Rodney poured out the wine and proposed the toast. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

“And to friends,” added Brian and Justin squeezed his hand under the table. He could only guess at how many Thanksgiving dinners Brian had been invited to spend at Debbie's and just how important tonight must be; being asked out socially among friends and being the first guests to Vic and Rodney's new home. And in fact it meant more to Brian than the man would ever care to admit.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin looked on in horror at the prices of the suits he was being shown, but Brian kept them coming. “I didn't think you meant anything this formal,” stated the younger man as he tried on yet another jacket. “Or this expensive,” as he surveyed the price-tag, but Brian was having the time of his life.

Armani, Boss, Baroni; Brian hadn't enjoyed himself like this for years, for without the business meetings that he'd been compelled to attend either at Ryder or Vangard Advertising Agencies and then as CEO of Kinnetik, his wardrobe had depleted somewhat over the last few years. He now lived mostly in jeans, tees and shirts and hardly needed to put on a suit; even the Prada shoes he owned were now four years old.

“Never mind the price ... Anton and I go back a long way ... don't we, Anton?” and the store owner smiled and nodded. “Mr. Kinney was one of our best clients ... we missed you when you no longer purchased your suits from us,” and Brian couldn't help smiling at the man's obvious disapproval as he surveyed Brian in jeans, sweater and sneakers. “But I hope you'll allow us to dress you again.” Brian shook his head. “No ... it's just Mr. Taylor who needs to look the part on this occasion.”

Justin turned away from the mirror. “Oh no ... you're not doing that to me ... if I have to dress up like a waiter ... then the least you can do is wear a tux too,” and Justin turned back and looked at Brian's reflection in the mirror.

“If you don't ... I won't.”

Brian saw Justin's determined look and he blinked and then sighed. “I haven't worn a tux in years.”

Justin grinned at Anton. “I think Mr. Kinney would like to look at something too, please, Anton.”

“Certainly, Sir ... and I think I have just the thing ...”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The credit card certainly took a beating, but Brian didn't even bother looking at the final amount, once both he and Justin had been fitted out with shirts and new shoes too and new underwear as well.

Getting back to the house, Brian insisted on an even more private fashion show as there'd been far too many distractions with Anton popping in and out before and he now helped Justin to dress; the young man not used to wearing a suit, Brian wanted him to be as comfortable as possible on the night. So, after showering together, they moved back out into the bedroom to dress: Brian back into jeans and tee, Justin into his suit for the art show.

“How does it look?” Justin asked him and he turned to inspect himself in the mirror and he frowned at his reflection and the unfamiliarity of it all. But the sight of the younger man dressed in the navy suit with the Junk Deluxe blazer, fair took Brian's breath away.

“You look ... beautiful,” stated Brian quietly and wanting to reassure him and Justin looked back at him, smiling. “Do I?” he asked him and Brian nodded, finding it almost impossible to speak.

“Well ... you didn't look half bad yourself,” Justin informed him. “Put it on again.” Brian shook his head, but Justin reached out and put his hand on Brian's arm. “Please ... for me.”

Brian looked back at him and groaned; how on earth could he refuse him and then he sighed. “Okay ... I guess it won't hurt,” and with Justin helping him remove the clothing he was wearing, Brian allowed himself to be dressed, knowing that it would soon all have to come off again and only hoped they could wait that long.

In the end, Brian had chosen a Hugo Boss and, as it was, they barely had time to compliment each other again before both of them knew they couldn't contain themselves any longer and both suits only just made it onto the hangers and under the protective covers.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Two days before the show, Sidney sent along a van with two very experienced crew who knew exactly how to handle Justin's artwork. But it was a little strange just seeing it all go off and not having anything more to do with it. And he couldn't help it, but Justin was getting increasingly nervous about this particular show.

Brian was being supportive, but Justin decided to go into work as usual; deciding it would be good to keep his mind occupied. He drove past the gallery on his way in, but all it said outside was that it was closed in order to prepare for a show. Justin frowned; usually there were posters up about any forthcoming event, but apparently not this time.

Justin had asked if Sidney could send out some specific invitations; it was always nice to have some family or friends at these events, but he had an ulterior motive as well. If he could get some of Brian's family together with Brian there too, then maybe the show could act as an ice-breaker. But Justin wasn't the only one cooking up surprises.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Your carriage awaits.” At last it was the day of the art show and opening the front door of the house with a flourish, Brian motioned Justin to step outside, where the limousine was waiting.

“Christ Brian ... what's this?”

“Well ... occasionally it's nice to do things in style,” came back the reply.

When Brian had agreed to try on a new suit, he knew what he was saying; that he'd be accompanying Justin to his show like the young man hoped he would. But he'd already made up his mind that this was one event he would be going along to in any case. This was one show he wasn't going to miss, even if it did mean something of a public appearance. But Brian knew all eyes would be on Justin anyway and he could probably keep in the shadows and out of view. As long as things went according to plan.

“Champagne?” queried Justin, as they entered the car and the chauffeur closed the door behind them. Brian nodded.

“Just a little ... to toast your success,” and popping the cork, Brian made sure none of the liquid spilled on them as he poured out two glasses. But he needn‘t have worried; the ride in the car was as smooth as silk.

“Here's to you,” and they clinked glasses. Justin looked at him. “Here's to us,” offered the younger man and Brian smiled. Justin was sure Brian was up to something but had no idea what, though he couldn't help noticing the serious look that flashed through the older man's eyes as the smile disappeared for a moment.

Brian knew he was taking a chance tonight and that if things really went as planned, then whatever future they might have together could be faced with all sorts of challenges. But it was also full of possibilities for Justin and that was the main thing and what tonight was really all about.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian hoped he'd be able to get Justin inside and then hang back and as the younger man stepped up to the front door of the Sidney Bloom Gallery, Justin stared speechless at the 'for one day only' publicity poster and then back at Brian.

“Shall we go in?” and Brian pushed open the door and they were both greeted by Sidney Bloom before the faint, but then growing ever louder sound of hands-clapping became deafening from the gathering of well-wishers and supporters, family, friends and strangers alike and not just a few influential representatives of the art fraternity and its critics.

Art News, Art Forum, Art Scene, Art Talk and more, representing New York, London, Paris and LA, for there was only one artist in this particular showcase: Justin Taylor and in just a few moments, all Brian could see was the blond head disappearing among the throng that enveloped him in their eagerness to meet him.

“Take care of him, Sidney,” instructed Brian and Sidney squeezed Brian's arm and fought through the crowd to stand at Justin's elbow.

Looking around him, Brian stepped back into the shadows of one of the large pillars, but a moment later, a tray of drinks was offered to him. He shook his head.

“You know ... this has the hand of the master all over it,” came the familiar voice and Brian looked up to face the man who was holding the tray. He didn't usually do the waiting himself, but having overheard several conversations of the assembled crowd and then recognizing Brian, even with the beard as the man had entered the gallery with Justin, things started to fall into place and Emmett was too curious to pass this chance up to speak to him and carrying a tray of drinks was the ideal excuse.

“Hello, Em,” replied Brian and he smiled slightly, having forgotten that it was quite likely that Emmett would be catering the show, seeing how he'd done so many in the past.

“You're looking well,” Emmett observed and, in fact, Brian looked terrific, much to Emmett's surprise.

“You don't look so bad yourself,” Brian came back at him. “Business must be good.”

“Can't grumble,” and Emmett smiled and then hesitated just for a moment.

“Justin's a very talented young man.” “Yes ... he is,” agreed Brian and Emmett didn't miss the pride in Brian's eyes or voice that he couldn't disguise.

“Well ... you've gone to a lot of trouble ... he certainly must be very special if ...”

“Don't you have drinks to serve?” interrupted Brian, wanting to avoiding the man's questioning of his connection to Justin and Emmett smiled and then nodded; knowing he wasn't going to get any kind of an answer from Brian about his relationship with Justin.

“Yes ... I suppose I do,” Emmett grinned at him, both men knowing just how much Brian was avoiding Emmett's curiosity regarding the young artist.

“So ... can I tempt you ... to a drink that is?” but Brian shook his head. “Justin and I had a drink on the way here,“ came the answer and Emmett frowned. The old Brian Kinney wouldn't have passed up the chance of a another drink, regardless of how many he'd had before. Maybe the whispers he'd been hearing were true: he sure seemed a different man now to the one he remembered.

Brian had been the topic of a few conversations recently, once his relationship with Justin had come out and Vic still defended the man to the hilt, insisting that Brian hardly drank any more and no longer did drugs. Vic also stated Brian was doing his utmost to be the best father he could for Gus and that he was generous to a fault and had helped Justin out when he needed it. And though everyone had raised an eyebrow at that particular statement, maybe Brian's motives had been the right ones after all, and that this particular young man might have an influence on him like no other he'd met before. Emmett and the gang had witnessed a few of Brian's conquests in the past and that's for sure. But somehow, this one seemed to be very different.

Emmett knew the show was due to Brian and was just about to leave him in no doubt that he knew, when he heard Brian groan and Emmett glanced back over his shoulder, in the direction Brian was looking in.

“Why would Justin ask us to come here? It's not like we're really close or anything ... though I can understand him inviting you,” stated Debbie Novotny to Ted as Carl took her coat, which was taken away by a waitress for safe-keeping. Michael and Ben were also in the party and had followed them in.

Emmett smiled back at Brian. “I'll try and keep them occupied,” he said quietly and the man moved towards them and offered them drinks.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The evening was going extremely well and even more than Brian could have hoped. He'd initiated the calls to Lindsay, not the other way around and had several more conversations with her and Sidney before everything had been set up. Luckily, the gallery had a gap in its calendar and Sidney was not without influence in the art world and Brian having money certainly helped.

“You are very lucky to have such a generous Patron,” the art critic from the Paris-based magazine informed Justin. Justin had just given his fifth interview of the evening and the Frenchman couldn't miss his confusion; that expression was the same in any language.

“I cleared my diary just to be here,” the man continued. “I think like everyone else ... I was more than curious to see your work ... after all ... when five-star accommodation and the use of a private jet is put at our disposal ... someone was very serious in getting us here.”

During the evening, Justin started to put the pieces together. This was obviously all Brian's doing, offering first-class hotel rooms and private transportation; whatever was needed to get the people there who counted and who could help make or break Justin's career.

At one point, Justin searched for Brian in the crowd. It had been wonderful being the center of attention and everyone genuinely interested in his work, but now he wanted Brian with him. The man should be sharing this and when Justin finally found him and motioned him over, Brian shook his head and mouthed: “It's your night ... enjoy it,” to him and then smiled and then another critic asked for an interview and Justin's attention was needed elsewhere.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

However, there were one or two things that Brian hadn't planned for and that, he'd concluded, must have been due to Justin, who obviously had added to the guest list.

Ted had spotted Brian across the room and the man knew he couldn't very well just ignore him and, slightly embarrassed, Ted had gradually made his way around the exhibits until eventually he faced Brian.

“Brian.”

“Ted ... it's good to see you ... I hear my business is doing well.” Ted smiled at him. “Yes ... we're doing good.”

“Only good?” asked Brian, his eyes twinkling. “It should be doing great ... you must be slipping.” In fact Brian had recently started to take an interest in Kinnetik again and had been pleased to see the latest accounts had shown them to be in a very strong position, but the obvious look of panic on Ted's face made Brian inwardly chuckle.

“We are ... doing great I mean ... not just good,” stuttered Ted and Brian smiled and put his hand on the man's shoulder. “Relax Theodore ... the business is doing great ... and so are you,” and he moved away, deciding the crowd was thick enough for him to hopefully get to the men's room without anyone else noticing. Ted smiled and sighed with relief and then frowned as he watched him go. Brian looked so much more relaxed than he remembered thought Ted, once he’d realized he was having his leg pulled.

But going to the men's room, Brian unfortunately ran into the man who was supposed to be his best friend.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The door opened and Michael stepped out into the corridor, right in front of Brian and for a moment, the two men faced one another before Michael looked down. Brian swallowed. “Hello, Mikey,” but Michael could hardly look at him and without speaking moved on. Brian took a deep breath and momentarily closed his eyes.

The two men had once been so close. Close enough that a lot of people used to assume they were together; a couple. And though Michael had been there since they were both 14, when Brian needed someone who'd stand by him, even when he treated him badly, they hadn’t spoken since the accident. That still hurt. It hurt Brian like hell. But accepting things didn't look like they were going to change, regardless of Justin's hopes, Brian sighed and stepped into the men's room.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Going back into the gallery and taking up his position by the pillar, all thoughts of Michael were swept away as he saw Justin smiling broadly at the people who were congratulating him. He was the one who counted now and would hopefully also be part of Brian's future, in whatever shape that took. But suddenly, Brian was aware of someone at his elbow and, when he looked around, Debbie was standing there.

“This isn't like you ... hiding in the shadows,” stated Debbie, now realizing why Justin had invited her and she saw Brian roll his lips into his mouth before he spoke. “There's a lot of things that aren't like me any more, Debbie,” he answered her before looking away and Debbie frowned before continuing.

“Believe it or not ... I was actually going to pay you a visit,” she said quietly and Brian raised an eyebrow and turned back to look at her again and saw the woman take a deep breath. Having mulled over her conversation with Vic, Debbie had already decided that credit had to be given where it was due, even before she realized about tonight and even if it did mean swallowing some pride.

“I understand you've been very generous ... thank you ... that was a wonderful thing you did ... for Vic and Rodney ... buying them the house.”

“And don't tell me it was nothing.” Debbie had seen Brian go to say something and knew that surely not that much of the old Brian had disappeared; the part that always denied helping out a friend who needed it and instead, Brian looked at her and then smiled. He couldn't stop himself. She used to understand him so well.

“Well ... at least some of the old Brian is still in there,” she chuckled. “You did all of this too ... didn't you?” and she gestured around the room. Brian shook his head.

“Justin's talent did this.” “Bullshit ... he might be talented ... but if no one gets to hear about it … or see it ... what good's that going to do him?” and she saw Brian blink in recognition of the truth.

“A little bird tells me you're in love ... and though I never thought I'd see that particular day ... Justin must be very special if you've gone to all this trouble for him,” and she saw Brian look away.

“Christ ... it's true ... isn't it ... you do love him?” and Debbie frowned at Brian's silence. “Well I hope to god he knows it ... that you can tell him something that you were never able to tell Michael ...”

“I always loved Mikey,” Brian stated, now looking back at her and Debbie nodded. “Just never been IN love with him ... right?” and she sighed.

“Pity you didn't think about him the night ...”

“You just can't let up on that ... can you?” Brian's annoyance at the accident being brought up out of nowhere rising to the surface.

“Well ... that was bad enough by itself ... but then you just let him take the rap for it ... made out Mikey was to blame.”

Brian turned to face her square on. “Have you ever talked to Michael about that night ... about whether or not I actually asked him to lie for me?” Brian spat at her and then he shook his head and lowered his voice. He wasn't going to make a scene.

“I'm not going to get into this with you right here and right now, Debbie ... but maybe you should have another conversation with your son,” and leaving Debbie a little red-faced at his rebuke, Brian stormed off to the other side of the floor; forcing his way through the crowd.

“Mom ... what was that all about ... what did you say?” asked Michael.

“I think we should leave,” replied Debbie.

“But there's something I want to talk to you about,” she informed him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Everyone had been there; all the people in the art world who'd counted, as well as Jennifer and Tucker, Daphne and Josh and Dan from Kinnetik. Only one person had declined to attend and though Justin probably knew the response it would receive, he'd sent his dad an invitation anyway; Craig Taylor’s failure to appear the one negative outcome of tonight. For in his heart, Justin had hoped the man would come along.

But that one disappointment was put aside and now heady with all the attention and not just a few drinks, Justin was more than a little loaded by the end of the evening and as the throng thinned out, Brian had joined him.

With such a large crowd, Brian had stayed at the back and away from the pieces of Justin's artwork hanging around the walls. But as everyone started to leave, Brian scoured the paintings. He frowned; he'd almost been expecting to see the one of himself and Gus, but obviously, Justin was keeping that for a special occasion and Brian smiled to himself. But then he spotted a painting he definitely hadn't seen before.

“That one drew quite a bit of interest.” Sidney informed him, grinning and he patted Brian's shoulder before leaving Brian staring at a picture of himself asleep and naked. He looked quite, quite beautiful and Brian felt the lump come into his throat. There was no mistaking it. Here was Justin's love for him on show, just like Brian: naked and exposed for the whole world to see.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin insisted on waiting until everyone else had left, once the last interview had been given and the last photograph taken. Brian smiled as he looked into those beautiful eyes that now shone with exhaustion, excitement and a fair amount of alcohol.

“They loved it ... they loved every fucking thing,” Justin informed him, practically falling into Brian's arms; his voice a little slurred. Brian chuckled. “And now I think it's time to get you home.” His mission seemed to have been accomplished.

When the cold night air hit them both, Justin shivered and stumbled a little. “I think I've had too much to drink,” he giggled and pulled Brian into him; clinging to the lapels of that very expensive suit and he nestled into the older man's neck.

With the Chauffeur's help, Brian got Justin into the back seat of the limousine and couldn't help sighing. The old Brian Kinney would have taken the blond there and then on the plush carpeting, even though he was pretty out of it. But he wasn't the old Brian Kinney and this was Justin; almost asleep and beautifully vulnerable.

The occasion, together with all his hard work and the hours at Kinnetik kicking in, the younger man curled into Brian's arms on the ride back to the house. Brian sighed and stroked the blond hair; chuckling at Justin's occasional and almost incoherent murmurings of how wonderful a night it had been and how so many people had said such complimentary things about his work and he kissed the top of the blond's head.

It had been a strange night, though a gloriously successful night for Justin, which of course, Brian had been sure it would be. But additionally, it had been a weird night for him. It had been strange seeing the old gang like that without warning and weird knowing that tonight might be the threshold of another life for Justin. One that might not actually include him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Once back at the house and practically carrying Justin, Brian took the younger man up to bed. Getting out of the limousine, the cold night air had woken him a little, but up in the bedroom, he allowed Brian to undress him; an action Justin always thoroughly enjoyed and tonight was no different.

Brian carefully hung Justin's suit up in the closet and he smoothed down the material. He'd looked so beautiful tonight and he hoped he'd get the chance to see Justin dressed in it again and soon. Brian took off his own clothing and hung his suit beside Justin's and he smiled at the sight of the two garments hanging side by side.

“Tonight was fucking amazing ... I still can't believe you did all that,” came the voice behind him and Brian looked around. “I thought you were asleep.”

Justin shook his head and reached for him. “Not yet ... and not before I show you just what tonight meant ...”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin was still asleep, but Brian had risen, tended to Buttons and then had eaten breakfast before setting to work on his current story in the study. Then, just before noon, the doorbell disturbed him and he was even more surprised to find Debbie standing on his doorstep.

“Aren't you going to invite me in?” she asked him when Brian had stood on the doorstep taken aback by her presence and then he stepped back and let her in.

“On your own?” “Why ... do I need an escort ... or should that be a bodyguard?” she asked him and Brian smiled. “I think you're safe enough,” he answered her and he showed her into the living room.

“Can I get you anything ... tea ... Coffee?”

“You forgot the arsenic,” quipped Debbie and Brian chuckled. Though he was loathed to admit it, he'd missed the banter and chats he used to have with Debbie. Her humor cut straight to the quick and she had a way of seeing through the crap and getting to what was really going on underneath. Or at least she used to.

“Why are you here, Debbie?” Brian asked her. “I don't see you in what ... it must be four years ... and then it's two days in a row.”

“I had a talk with Michael,” she informed him and straight to the point as usual. “And now I want to hear what you've got to say.” “Like what?”

“You know what,” Debbie wagged a finger at him. “Tell me what happened.”

“Now you ask me ... after four fucking years?” and Brian turned his back on her and ran his fingers through his hair.

“You could have asked me before.”

“Well I'm asking you now,” and without being invited, Debbie sat down on the sofa. She obviously wasn't going any where and Brian sighed.

For a moment, he wished he had a real drink in his hand, but settling for bottled water that he took out of the small refrigerator in the cabinet, Brian poured it into a glass before sitting down opposite her. But he'd missed Debbie's raised eyebrow; she couldn't remember any time when she'd seen Brian choose water over alcohol before.

“We went to a party ...”

“I know that bit.”

“Do you want to hear me out or not?” Brian asked her and Debbie put up her hand in apology. “I'm sorry ... I won't interrupt again,” she told him and Brian sighed and took a deep breath. He looked down into his glass.

“We went to a party ... I had a few guys and a drink ... nothing more.”

“Mikey offered to drive us back ... but I said I was okay,” and he looked up at her. “I WAS okay,” emphasized Brian and he saw her frown.

“But on the ride back to the hotel ... something happened ... I couldn't focus properly and thought I was going to pass out.”

Brian closed his eyes as he tried to recall the events. “I remember coming to and looking at Michael ... and the next thing I really remember was waking up in the hospital and Michael saying something like he was glad he hadn't killed me.”

“Michael said that?” asked Debbie and Brian nodded and then took a sip of his drink.

“I was so sure I'd driven ... but Mikey was making signs at me ... and then I realized what he was doing ... that he was saying he'd been driving ... and when the results of my blood test came back ...” and Brian spread his arms, as if to say he understood why Michael had done what he did.

“So ... you didn't actually ask Michael to lie for you,” stated Debbie. “Did he say I did?” Brian asked her and she shook her head. “Well ... that's something,” observed Brian.

“But what I don't understand,” continued Debbie. “Is that you never said it was you ... not even to us ... I can understand why you didn't want the Police to know.”

“Debbie ... if I'd known things would turn out like this ... I would have held my hand up straight away ... in fact I would have any way ... if it hadn't been ...” and Brian stopped himself and looked down into his glass again.

“If it hadn't been for what?” Debbie asked him, confused and trying to understand what it was Brian was saying.

“Have you never really thought about it?” he asked her and Debbie shook her head. Brian took a deep breath. “I had two choices ... let everyone know I was driving after all and take the blame for nearly killing my best friend ... or letting everyone think it was Michael,” and he looked at Debbie.

“You still don't get it ... do you?” he asked her and Debbie raised an eyebrow. Obviously, there was something she was missing, but she couldn't think what the hell it was.

“Michael and Ben were going through the adoption process for Hunter ... if it came out that Michael had made a false report ...” and Brian stopped as he saw Debbie close her eyes as the truth finally hit her.

“If Michael lied to the officer ... it would have counted against him at the adoption,” stated Debbie, flatly and she saw Brian sink into his chair and let out a huge sigh of relief. As simple as it was, the truth was finally out and understood.

“That stupid ...”

“He thought he was protecting me, Debbie ... and when I realized what was happening … it was too late.”

“So you carried on letting people think you'd let him take the rap deliberately,” and Debbie shook her head. “Michael's done some dumb things in his life ... but this just has to be the dumbest,” and then she looked at him. “I hear what you're saying, Brian ... and I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am that I thought you let Michael take the blame deliberately,” and she looked up and Brian saw the tears in her eyes. “But the fact still stands ... you drove with enough shit in your system ...”

“You still don't believe that part of it ... do you?” he asked her and Debbie shook her head.

“The evidence speaks for itself.”

“What if I gave you my word?” Brian asked her and Debbie frowned. “I'm not sure ... I ... I'll have to think about it.”

“If you have to think about it ... then you don't believe me,” and Brian stood up, now wanting to draw the conversation to a close. After the accident when everyone shunned him, he thought 'fuck 'em', why should he justify himself. But now, when it looked like Debbie was finally prepared to hear his side and was giving him the chance to explain, he'd hoped she'd believe him and would take his word. But that part hadn't changed. She was still Michael's mother after all.

“I'm sorry Brian ... I want to believe you more than anything ... but how can I?” and Debbie stood up. Brian nodded, though he could see the sorrow in Debbie's eyes as she genuinely wished she could believe him and, slowly crossing the floor between them, she reached up and cupped his face, touching his beard for the first time.

“You know ... this actually suits you,” and she smiled at him.

“Take care of yourself, Kiddo,” she told him and with genuine affection. But without a further word, Debbie turned around and left, not waiting for Brian to see her to the door.

 

 

 

- o O o -

 

 

 

Chapter Ten:

“If you have to think about it ... then you don't believe me.”

Justin was almost at the bottom of the stairs when he heard voices coming from the living room; the obvious hurt and disappointment in Brian's and then Debbie's, telling him she still couldn't believe him. They must be talking about the accident and Justin sighed. He'd hoped getting Debbie and Michael to the art show would have helped build a few bridges, but Debbie and Brian sounded as far apart as ever.

Justin continued to wait in the hallway; not wanting to intrude, but being close enough that he could let Brian know he was there if he thought he needed him. But it was only a few moments before Debbie came out of the living room as she headed for the front door and realizing Justin was there, she stopped and smiled at him.

“You've got a wonderful gift ... not that I know anything about art,” Debbie chuckled. “But I heard what people were saying last night ... they loved you,” she told him and Justin nodded and took the last couple of stairs and crossed the hall towards her. “Thanks ... but it took Brian to get people to sit up and take notice,” and Justin looked around as movement caught his eye. At the sound of voices, Brian had followed Debbie into the hallway and stopped a few paces away from them.

“Once an ad man ... always an ad man I guess,” Debbie stated and she looked back at Brian. “You did Justin proud ... there's no denying that.”

“Well at least I'm good for something,” came back Brian; a hint of sarcasm in his voice and Debbie frowned. “This isn't easy for me either, Brian ... I love you like you're my own.”

“But not enough to accept my word apparently,” came back Brian and without another word he turned and walked back into the living room, closing the door behind him. Debbie sighed and then reached out and opened the front door.

“If only you knew what all this was doing to him,” stated Justin. “I've only been around him a little while ... and I can see how hurt he is by everyone accusing him of lying to save his own skin.”

“Well then ... what the fuck happened ... did they mix up the test results or what?” Debbie asked him and Justin shrugged. “I guess not ... after all ... he did lose control of the car ... but he really believes he only had one drink and nothing else.”

“But the test results say different,” Debbie challenged him and Justin frowned and looked down in disappointment at his failure to bring about some sort of reconciliation. Debbie smiled and reaching out, put her hand under his chin and brought him up to face her. “I want to believe him, Sunshine,” she told him. “But when I got the news about the accident and thought I'd lost both my boys ... I thought I was gonna die.”

“And then when I learned from Michael that he was taking the blame and Brian was letting him ...” and she sighed. “It just seemed such a cowardly thing to do ... when Brian had nearly killed Michael in the first place.”

“But you know Brian didn't ask him to lie ... don't you?” asked Justin and Debbie nodded. “But that doesn't change what happened,” and she stepped outside and then turned back to face him.

“I'm glad he's got you in his corner ... and I never thought I'd say this ... but I saw how Brian was last night ... you'd have to be blind not to know that the man loves you.”

“No ... it's more than that,” Debbie corrected herself. “He's in love with you ... and that must make you very special indeed,” and she sighed.

“The heart is a very fragile organ, Justin ... and Brian's more than most.”

“I'm just finding that out,” Justin smiled at her.

“So then you know he doesn't love lightly,” stated Debbie and Justin nodded in agreement.

“You don't have to worry Debbie ... I love him ... and I think you still do too ... despite everything.”

“Well ... that's the thing about love ... it isn't always rational when it comes down to who we have feelings for,” and smiling back at him, Debbie turned and walked down the path and to her car.

Slowly, Justin closed the door and went to find Brian. “You were out there a long time ... and I bet I can guess what you were talking about,” Brian snorted; he was standing by the window and looking out into the garden.

“Actually ... we were talking about love,” replied Justin. He saw Brian frown and crossing the floor, Justin went to stand beside him. “I know what she said ... but she still loves you ... Debbie still cares about you.” “Bullshit,” came back Brian. “She only cares about her precious Michael.”

“'I love you like you're my own' ... her words, Brian ... not mine,” stated Justin, repeating Debbie's earlier statement. “She thought she was going to lose both of you ... both her sons ... it's not uncommon for someone to resent anyone who puts them through something like that. “

“When did you become a qualified psychologist?” Brian asked him abruptly, though immediately regretting his words; knowing he shouldn't be taking his anger out on Justin, but the younger man wasn't put off.

“She thought you were a coward not to own up to driving ... she didn't expect Michael to lie over something like that ... and I think she's probably going to be just as angry at him for that as she is with you.”

“And now she knows why you didn't come clean about what happened … her feelings about the accident are being challenged ... she probably doesn't know what to believe any more,” and Justin sighed and put his hand on the older man's arm. “But that doesn't mean that deep down she doesn't still care about you.”

And now it was Brian who sighed. “Well ... she has a funny way of showing it.”

Justin smiled. “You on the other hand ... if I didn't know how much you cared before ... last night left me in no doubt ...”

“And what did you think you were doing ... inviting Debbie and Michael to the show?” Brian interrupted him, unwilling to go where Justin was taking the conversation. But his eyes gave away the fact that he wasn't angry at the younger man for his attempt as peace-maker.

“I know you meant well ... but ... you weren't around when it happened ... you don't know how deep all this goes.”

Justin briefly closed his eyes; he knew the man had cut him short because he didn't want to go there and he wondered when the hell Brian was ever going to admit how he felt.

“Maybe ... but I just thought that if I could get all of you under the same roof then maybe you'd start talking ... and it did get you talking again,” stated Justin. “And that can't be a bad thing ... because I'm sure Debbie's questioning her thinking on the accident,” he pointed out, but Brian merely shrugged.

“But she did come to you today ... looking for answers didn't she?” the younger man asked him and he saw Brian roll his lips into his mouth, but continue to stare out of the window.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Within a week of the show, the first of the interviews Justin had given began to appear in the press and the phone started ringing off the hook. Many of the calls were of congratulations on such a successful event, a few were inquires regarding the sale of some of his pieces and talks of further shows; an offer by a gallery in NYC early in the New Year being the first confirmed, together with messages from Sidney saying other galleries throughout the US and beyond were showing enormous interest in his work.

Lindsay also rang to congratulate Justin and to say she'd read one of the articles too and how did he feel about a show in Toronto?

“We could go and see Gus,” smiled Justin, hopefully and Brian nodded. Yes, they could and he wondered why he now thought that was possible. Would it be because he'd have a certain blond by his side maybe? Brian was beginning to realize just how much stronger Justin's love made him feel, but certain other things were still proving too hard to master.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I hope you can hear me whistling,” Brian sounded desperate, but Vic couldn't help but chuckle.

Despite Brian's initial fears about Vic leaving, he saw the man regularly when he and Rodney came to the house or Brian and Justin went to theirs, once Brian had made sure the coast was clear.

Vic had asked him how he was coping and Brian would slap him on the back and say “Fine,” but then Vic would look at Justin and see the slight shake of the head and suppressed grin at Brian's attempt at keeping house.

And an altercation with the washing machine in which too much soap had been added was the final straw and Brian decided they needed a new housekeeper. No-one could never replace Vic of course, but it would be very useful to have someone who would cook their meals and clean; especially clean and do the laundry.

“What happened to the service?” Justin asked him and he took off his sneakers and socks and waded through the bubbles to switch off the machine and he turned back to look at Brian who stood safely in the door way; keeping dry.

“It always looked so easy when Vic did it,” admitted Brian in his own defense and he shrugged and Justin giggled; the other man looking the picture of innocence. But, having reeked havoc and unable to get anyone out quickly enough this time, the two men were left to bale out the utility room between them. And now, Brian couldn't avoid getting wet.

“You know what this reminds me of?” chuckled Brian, now also barefoot and his jeans soaked from the knees down and Justin looked at him and shook his head as he attempted to sweep bubbles and water outside and Brian scooped up a handful of bubbles and blew them at Justin.

“Studs 'n' Suds night at Babylon,” he grinned at him.

“Christ ... do they still do that?” the blond asked and grinning back at him and Brian shrugged. “I have no idea.”

“I expect they do,” nodded Justin.

“Well ... nothing ever really changes down Liberty Avenue,” observed Brian.

“Then maybe we should find out and go to the next one,” suggested Justin, returning to the task at hand and hoping that one day, Brian might feel bold enough to revisit old haunts, but Brian slipped an arm around the younger man's waist and pulled the blond back towards him.

“Why bother ... we can have our own private one right here,” Brian breathed into his ear.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

With Vic agreeing to interview likely candidates and with a view to hopefully engaging a housekeeper before Christmas, an ad. was placed in the local papers and, unsurprisingly considering the attractiveness of the neighborhood, a number of likely applicants submitted their interest.

Brian was also prepared to pay well to get the right person and Mrs. Kathleen Donahue appeared to fit the bill. A lady in her late fifties and recently widowed, she was honest enough to say she was finding it difficult to make ends meet on the small pension her late husband provided. And, when asked outright, claimed to have no problem working in a gay household. “Well ... I guess I had to ask,” shrugged Vic as he and Brian were going over all the applicants' references.

Brian frowned. “Hmm ... I guess it could curtail our activities a little,” he admitted; a slight grin on his lips. “I can always check out the gay agencies,” suggested Vic but Brian shook his head. “One drama queen in the house is enough ... and I wasn't referring to you,” he assured Vic, laying a hand on the man's arm and he glanced up at Justin.

“I am not a drama queen,” stated Justin, indignant as he overhead their conversation.

“No? ... Then what about your performance last week ... over that pink tee ...”

“The problem with that pink tee,” reminded Justin. “Was that it was supposed to be white ... but you put it in the wrong wash ... Remember?”

“It was brand new ... I'd only worn it once.”

“So I'm not exactly a domestic Goddess ... so sue me,” invited Brian. “And I said I'd replace it ... only you wouldn't let me.”

“No ... but you paid me back in other ways,” said Justin, grinning at him.

“This is interesting ... tell me more,” asked Vic, smiling and he put his elbow on the table and rested his chin in his hand, but Brian conveniently ignored him. “I definitely like this one ... Mrs. Donahue ...” Brian assuming her husband at least was from an Irish background; like his own.

Vic sighed. He was obviously going to get no more information regarding the price Justin had put on his ruined tee and so returned to the decision in hand.

“I agree ... her references are good and she only left her job and moved to Pittsburgh when her husband changed his job ... it seems he died very suddenly.”

“The only problem is ... I think she was looking for a live-in post ... she mentioned she was struggling.”

Justin frowned. “No offense ... but it would seem weird ... having a stranger actually living in the house with us.”

“I mean it's your house, Brian ...” Brian shook his head while looking through Mrs. Donahue's paperwork. “It's your home too ... but I've been thinking about how much room you're going to need ... once you start painting full time,” and he now looked at Justin.

“You are going to be painting full time I take it?” asked Brian and Justin shrugged. “I don't know ... I hadn't really thought that far ahead.”

“Well ... you want to ... the offers you've been getting ... I can't see how you're going to stay on at Kinnetik and keep up with the demands on you.”

Justin sighed. “I guess so,” and he scratched behind his ear as he realized the problem he would be faced with.

“Then you're going to need a lot more room than you've got now,” stated Brian. “But that means I'll probably have to look for premises back in the Pitts,” bemoaned Justin. He was horrified at the prospect of not being able to work at the house. He'd been used to painting more or less when the mood and inspiration took him; sometimes getting up in the middle of the night. But it wasn't just that. It would mean spending more time away from Brian, but the older man shook his head. “Not necessarily ... come with me.”

Dutifully following him, Brian led them out into the chilled air and headed for the stables. “Buttons' only using one stall ... the others are all sitting there ... doing nothing ... as long as there was enough support for the roof ... I don't see any reason why the area couldn't be converted into one big room ... it would be much larger than the space over the garage,” and he looked at Justin.

“There's water, light and power ... so we could put in a bathroom ... sinks ... put in more windows and better lighting and insulate the place ... whatever you need ... build out some if we had to ... whaddya think?”

“What about the smell?” asked Vic before Justin could answer and Brian grinned. “I don't think Buttons will object.”

Feigning insult, Justin reached out and dug the man in the ribs. Brian grunted and grabbed a hold of the blond's wrist and pulled him in. “Buttons is cleaned out every day ... and as long as this area's totally self-contained ... I'm sure there won't be anything offensive to upset Justin's delicate constitution,” promised Brian, which earned him another, but this time, gentler dig.

“Which means Mrs. Donahue ... if she wants the job ... could have the accommodation over the garage,” declared Vic.

“You always have an answer,” stated Justin, grinning at Brian. “Not always,” Brian admitted. “But what do you say? ... You're going to need the extra space anyhow,” and he waited anxiously for Justin’s answer.

“Yes ... of course ... anything so I don't have to think about leaving here,” replied the blond and Brian leaned down to kiss him; hoping Justin would always feel that way.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Once having made up his mind, Brian didn't let the grass grow under his feet. Despite the worsening weather, with most of the work being internal apart from putting in additional windows and a more secure door, the alterations began as soon as Brian managed to hire a suitable contractor and everything would be finished early in the New Year.

Vic approached Kathleen Donahue, who having been informed that the appointment would include the accommodation over the garage, was overwhelmed at being offered the position and this was when Vic told her what Brian did for a living. Kathleen was dumbfounded to say the least. She was a huge fan of his movies and the prospect of working for him now became all the more attractive and she agreed to take the job without further thought. And, as the property she was living in was currently rented, she was free to take up her post and move in fairly soon.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Buttons was often exercised by Sarah Powell from the neighboring property, who was also more than willing to clean out his stall and groom him. They were a young and pretty liberal family, but Brian couldn't help thinking they probably regarded it as pretty P.C. to be living next door to gay neighbors.

And although Gus had been a little reluctant to allow someone else to tend the animal to begin with, he'd relented when Brian pointed out it would save the little pony getting lonely when he and Justin were working if he had other people looking out for him.

The Powell's were horsey people and also owned a small terrier and as both Sarah and husband, Scott, had ridden as children, they'd gotten their daughter, Emily into the saddle as early as possible. And they were more than happy to have Buttons move in as Muffin's companion while the work on the stable block was being carried out.

In the meantime, though it was very cramped, Justin set up a temporary studio in Vic's old room, in order to enable Kathleen to move in.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A couple of weeks to go before Christmas and with Kathleen agreeing to take up her post in a few days, it was Justin's turn to make dinner and Brian came into the kitchen beaming like a loon.

“Lindz just called ... Debbie asked them if they'd like to come down and stay with her for the holidays again.”

“She asked me if I'd like to have Gus for a few days this time.”

“Brian ... that's great news ... will he actually be here over Christmas?”

Brian nodded. “Lindz said she and Mel are taking some leave and they're coming down on the 22nd ... and she'll drop him off on the 23rd and pick him up again a few days later ... and then spend a couple of days at Deb's before heading back,” and he grabbed hold of Justin. The younger man smiled at him widely, totally thrilled at how excited Brian obviously was to have his son for most of the holiday season.

“I can't believe he's going to be here Christmas morning ... this will be the first one I've spent any real time with him ... last year he was only here for a few hours ... and I didn't have time to even think about getting a tree or anything.”

“They didn't say Gus could visit until practically the last minute,” continued Brian. “I had it in mind to buy him a pony anyhow ... so I'd been looking around ... and luckily, Buttons was available at the time ... but the breeder didn't deliver him until the same morning Gus visited ... so it was all a last minute panic.”

“But that'll all change this year ... this year it'll be the works ... a tree ... lights ... every goddamn thing you can think of.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Kathleen Donahue had already down-sized when she and her husband moved to Pittsburgh and had now managed to distribute the decent pieces of furniture she had kept between both her married children, just keeping one occasional table that she was bringing with her that had been in her family for three generations. Consequently, it took just a driver and one small rental van to move her personal belongings from her rented house out to WV.

She was a straight forward, no nonsense woman who said it how it was and that always appealed to Brian. And after moving in, Brian invited her to the house to talk and make sure her duties were understood.

Brian had no expectations that Kathleen would prepare breakfast. Justin's days off were unpredictable as to what hour he actually rose and both men were quite happy to see to themselves in the mornings. However, she would provide lunch and dinner and leave cold cuts or soup prepared on her days off as well as take care of the cleaning, laundry and general running of the place. He also instructed her to call him Brian, not Mr. Kinney, as she'd been addressing him. And although he liked to be informal, he hoped she understood that his private business was just that and was to be discussed with no-one.

Kathleen understood that Brian valued his privacy, but a couple of days later, she walked into the kitchen just as Brian was about to kiss Justin; the younger man's hand working inside Brian's shirt and not realizing her presence. Brian had seen her, but determined not to feel self-conscious in his own home, he’d continued. Now would be the time to see her reaction and whether she was as accepting as she'd stated.

Kathleen smiled to herself. Her actual thoughts were probably the reverse of what Brian might have expected and not for the first time did she realize that she was now working in what was looking to be a very interesting household. She was certainly not put off by the presence of two very attractive men who obviously had deep feelings for each other, but Justin jumped at the sound of her voice.

“I'm going to the market ... anything either of you want?” she asked, matter of factly and both of them watched as she collected her shopping list from the counter.

“No ... no thanks,” stated Brian, trying to hide his amusement and Kathleen turned to Justin who shook his head and had put his hand up to his mouth in an attempt to hide his laughter and his embarrassment.

“Then I'll be about an hour,” she announced and smiling at them, she buttoned up her coat and put on her gloves as she left the house: Brian and Justin collapsed into giggles.

“She probably thought she'd walked into a gay porn movie,” giggled Justin and Brian shrugged. “Well ... the sooner she gets used to the idea that we're a couple ... and do everything that couples do ... the better,” and grinning back at him, Brian kissed him on the temple and grabbed his mug of coffee before heading to the study and back to work.

Justin smiled as he collected his own coffee to take up to his temporary studio and then he stopped when he realized exactly what it was Brian had said. He'd referred to them as a couple. Had it been an accidental slip Justin wondered, or a conscious description of how he now saw their relationship?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Justin ... have you got the final boards for the Liberty Air presentation?” Ted asked him and Justin nodded. “Just finishing them up ... they'll be ready in about an hour.” Justin had agreed to put in extra hours leading up to this and had to admit it had been hard work as the client had changed their minds about what they wanted and were still pushing for an early meeting. But he'd enjoyed the challenge and the fact that Dan had trusted his judgment to work unsupervised boosted his confidence.

“Good ... I want to do a final run through before tomorrow ... we have to put on a really good performance this time,” and Ted came in and looked over Justin's shoulder at what he was working on.

“They look great ... we're going to miss you,” and he put his hand on the younger man's shoulders and Justin looked up; confused.

“Well ... I really had no idea how talented you were ... I mean the pieces you showed us when you came for the job were great ... but when I saw everything ... all your work at the show ... it was amazing ... you're amazing.”

“Thank you, Ted ... but don't go taking my name of the staff list yet ... I've had lots of interest and a couple of offers to buy ... but that doesn't mean I'm going to be able to make a full-time living at it.”

Ted frowned. “Well ... from what I saw ... I'd say there was no doubt ... but you've got a job here as long as you want it.”

“Oh ... you are going to be there ... aren't you?”

“At the presentation?” Justin asked him and Ted nodded. “I know it's not a normal working day for you ... but I want both you and Dan there ... just in case there are any last minute changes they want ... so I would appreciate it.”

“Okay,” Justin answered him; proud that he should be included as part of the presentation group.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Paul Maynard, CEO of Liberty Air and his party, arrived on time as expected. Kinnetik was certainly pulling out all the stops with flowers on the table and refreshments, including having fruit delivered and coffee and non-alcohol drinks on a side table. Absentmindedly, Ted re-arranged the fruit bowl and he stared at it; green apples. Brian had always had green apples in the office. Hopefully, it was a good omen.

Justin's job was to put up the boards and, together with Dan, explain the thinking behind the different themes and the colors used if asked.

Because the account was so lucrative, with the airline looking to expand its routes, as well as Ted overseeing the campaign, two account managers had been assigned to work together. Kyle, though experienced in the business, was new to Kinnetik, while Glen had worked there for nearly two years and was regarded as the senior of the two.

Unfortunately, it would seem that Kyle thought his accomplishments elsewhere should have counted for more and there had been some friction between them. But under Ted's watchful eye, both men had been compelled to work side by side. But Ted wasn't convinced that Kyle was really quite what they were looking for and had decided he would probably release him when his contract came up for renewal.

Everything was set and the presentation seemed to go well, but with yet a few more adjustments. The client had decided on a different background color for each of the boards, which they chose from the color wheel and which Justin was tasked to note down for when the final ad. was produced.

But later that day, when the clients had left and Justin was working on the new layout, Kyle came along to see how things were going. Cynthia had promised everyone a good Christmas bonus should they secure the account and with the lifestyle he was leading, Kyle was relying on the money coming through.

“That one was Turquoise 7, Justin,” Kyle stated and he tapped Justin's notebook. “Are you sure?” Justin asked him. “I've got Turquoise 1 ... it's totally different color,” and Justin pointed out the colors on the wheel. Kyle shook his head. “No ... Turquoise 7 ... definitely.”

“No it wasn't,” came the voice from the door and Glen walked in. “I'm saying like Justin ... it was definitely Turquoise 1 ... I made a note myself,” and he took out his PDA to confirm it. It was a simple mistake, but the difference in the colors was so obvious and as one of the client's party had noted it down also, they definitely didn't want to get anything as basic as the color wrong.

Kyle looked from one to the other; angry with himself that he could make such a ridiculous mistake and without another word, turned and left the room, but his face was like thunder.

Justin bit his lip and Glen put his hand on the other man's shoulder. “Don't worry about it ... I'm always having to pull him up on something or other ... either he doesn't listen or ...” and he looked down. “Or what?” asked Justin and Glen looked back up at him.

“Some days he completely does his own thing ... he seems a bit ... frenetic.”

“What ... you mean like he's on something?” asked Justin, but Glen merely shrugged, unwilling to voice his opinion outright. “I wouldn't like to say for sure ... but if you were to ask me ... I think he's getting to be more of a liability every day,” and he sighed. “I'll be glad when we know one way or the other about this contract ... then hopefully it'll mean I don't have to work with him any more,” and smiling slightly, Glen turned and left the office.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The countdown to Christmas had begun and though Brian knew he shouldn't really spoil him, he still wanted Gus to have a wonderful time. But as it was, he and Justin came staggering home with armfuls of decorations and presents; the latest computer games and equipment high on the list.

After going to the art show, where no one seemed to pay him too much attention at all, other than those who knew him, Brian's reluctance to be out among crowds was diminishing. But he was a little surprised and Justin suspected, also secretly flattered, that the woman in the toy store actually flirted with him. As did the parking garage attendant until he saw the look Justin was giving him and then a few days before Christmas, they went to choose the tree.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The tree was huge; it almost touched the high ceiling in the living room and the delivery men had to get it in through the French doors, which was a feat in itself. And Justin watched Brian as the older man started to cover the tree with lights and baubles and colored bows, ribbons and tinsel.

Brian seemed to be lost in a world of his own and Justin supposed he was remembering his own happy childhood. Little did he know of course, because Brian had never discussed it, that Christmas was one of the worst times of the year in the Kinney household; even worse than usual.

The Kinney's would be thrown together during the festive season, playing at 'Happy Families' though normally at each other's throats.

His parents bickered constantly and together with his father's heavy drinking, Brian and his sister, Claire, would bolt up to the safety of their rooms. In latter years, Brian would more than likely head off to Debbie's, where everyone was always welcome and the Christmas lunch wasn't a burnt offering, as dished up by a sherry-soaked Joan Kinney when Jack eventually got back from drinking at the Social.

And having hung the last bauble on the tree, Brian stepped back to survey his handiwork and briefly closed his eyes. He'd spent years shaking off the fears that he would uphold the family tradition of being a shitty father, but he was now actually starting to feel quite proud of himself and he knew there was no way Lindsay would continue to let him have Gus for any length of time if she didn't approve of his parenting skills and understood how much he loved him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was late afternoon and nearly dark. Smiling, Justin turned off the overhead lights as Brian flicked the switch and the tree was transformed into a shimmering, sparkling vision of wonder and later, it would be surrounded by dozens of brightly wrapped parcels.

“He's gonna love it,” Justin reassured Brian and, slipping his arm around the older man's waist, both men bathed in the soft glow from the tree lights.

“I hope so,” admitted Brian, wistfully.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin still had a couple more working days before breaking for Christmas, plus today was also the day they were due to hear whether or not Kinnetik had been awarded the contract for Liberty Air over Vangard Advertising; the company Brian used to work for before setting up on his own.

It was 5:00 and Ted was pacing the floor; it was getting late and still no news when suddenly Cynthia came rushing in. “Maynard's on the phone ... Susie's putting him through here.”

The phone rang and Ted took a deep breath before picking it up.

“Ted ... Paul Maynard.”

“Good to hear from you,” Ted replied and he grimaced at Cynthia who was keeping her fingers crossed. Kyle, Glen, Dan and Justin had also heard the man was on the phone and had wandered into the office and were trying to gauge Ted's reaction from hearing his side of the conversation.

“Uh huh ... uh huh ...” Ted was nodding and everyone else groaning and Ted motioned them to keep quiet.

“Yes ... you too ... have a good Christmas,” and he put down the phone; his face deadpan.

“Well ... WELL?” demanded Cynthia urgently and she grabbed Ted's arm. Finally, Ted could hold it in no longer and grinned broadly. “WE GOT IT!” and he punched the air.

Cynthia squealed and hugged Ted and everyone started to congratulate each other on their success and Ted produced a bottle of champagne from the small refrigerator in the office. “I think this calls for a celebration,” he grinned at them and with everyone finding a clean glass or mug, the bottle was soon emptied.

“We must have a real celebration ... when everyone else is here ... make the Christmas party go with a real swing,” Ted informed them.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Are you sure you don't want me to prepare the usual Christmas lunch for you?” asked Kathleen, worried that the guys wouldn't be able to fend for themselves, but Brian shook his head; apart from anything else, such traditions reminded him of things he no longer experienced. The one he was thankful to no longer experience were the disastrous meals he had as a kid and the other, was one he'd been surprised to admit he'd actually missed: the countless Christmas lunches at Debbie's with the only people he'd ever regarded as being anything near to family.

“No ... thanks Kathleen ... but Justin and I would rather have steak and salad ... but would you be able to do something else for Gus?” he asked her and Kathleen nodded. “I'll do a steak burger ... that way he can think he's having more or less the same as you ... I'll leave a few baking potatoes out too.”

“Do you want me to do you a dessert?” “Well ... Gus loves ice-cream,” shrugged Brian and Kathleen frowned. “Well ... I can make sure there's plenty of varieties in ... enough to do ice-cream sundaes?”

“That'll be great.”

“What time is your daughter picking you up on Christmas Eve?”

“Around midday ... so hopefully we can get to Harrisburg before it gets dark.”

“Are you sure you don't mind ... only when Sally asked me to go to her house for Christmas ... I didn't think I would be getting a job so quickly.”

Brian shook his head. “Your family is important ... you can't break your promise ... the kids will be looking forward to having their grandma come and stay ... we'll be fine.”

“Well ... I'll cook a ham and make sure there's plenty of fruit in too,” and Kathleen went to check on what she would need and Brian smiled; she was obviously determined they wouldn't go hungry while she was away.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Guess what?” asked Justin, grinning, as he found Brian on the spinning bike that evening in the small gym. “I have no idea ... but you certainly look pleased with yourself,” observed the older man, who'd actually begun to wonder why Justin was so late.

“We got the Liberty Air account,” and there was no mistaking the excitement on Justin's face.

“No wonder you're pleased ... that was always one account I'd promised myself I'd get,” and for a moment, Justin thought he saw a pang of regret in Brian's eyes, a hurt that Justin was determined wouldn't linger.

“Well ... then we can celebrate together,” stated the blond and he moved towards him and without a further word, climbed up onto the crossbar. Brian sat back and looked startled as the blond started to undo the zipper on his sweater and then Justin leaned forward and licked the sweat from Brian's collarbone. Brian closed his eyes and sighed; the sensations of Justin's touch leaping straight to his cock.

“Shouldn't I get off the bike first?” he asked him quietly as Justin continued to lick his throat and Brian leaned back his head to give Justin more access. “Not necessarily,” came the mumbled reply.

“This could prove interesting,” observed Brian as he heard the rustle of the condom packet: Justin had obviously come prepared.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Melanie and Lindsay were driving down from Toronto for the holidays in order to bring Christmas presents, together with the children's paraphernalia and they arrived late afternoon. Debbie was so looking forward to seeing little Jenny Rebecca and couldn't believe how her granddaughter had grown since she'd last seen her and soon whisked her away from her moms.

Michael was coming over tomorrow to spend some time with his daughter and with Gus at Brian's, the girls were going to look up a few old friends and do a little more last minute shopping.

Much to Lindsay's surprise, Melanie had offered to drive them over to Brian's. But the truth was her curiosity had been aroused by the artist that seemed to have become an important part of Brian's life and even part of Gus'.

Lindsay was full of admiration for Justin's talent and though she hadn't been pleased, Melanie hadn't really been able to object when Lindsay allowed Gus to take his calls; Gus mentioning the young man often and he'd obviously made a big impression on him. But she'd snorted and shaken her head in disbelief when Debbie had recounted the fact that Brian appeared to have fallen in love.

“That man's only ever loved himself,” came back Melanie, never one to disguise her dislike of Brian.

“Shh ... Gus will hear you,” frowned Lindsay. The one thing Melanie did that really rankled Lindsay was her tendency to criticize Brian in his son's hearing. “And I don't know how you can say that after all we know and what we've been hearing,” Lindsay whispered in Brian's defense; having explained the art show was all Brian's idea and the extent to which he'd gone in order to ensure its success. And that was the one thing about Lindsay that really annoyed Melanie; how she always came to Brian's defense.

And around the dinner table that night, once the children were in bed in Michael's old room, Debbie found herself admitting just how damn confused she now was with everything to do with the accident and the fact that Brian had kept quiet about the real reason he hadn't admitted he was driving being that it could jeopardize Michael and Ben's petition to adopt Hunter.

“That kid of mine's done some dumb-assed things in his life ... but lying to the cops and saying he'd been driving just has to be the dumbest ...”

“Knowing Brian ... he probably would have admitted he was driving ... if he'd been given the chance,” stated Lindsay and Melanie hated the fact that she was probably right.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

There had been a generous fall of snow overnight and the following morning, Gus and Carl were out in the garden building the snowman they'd started on after breakfast and while Gus' moms were having a lie in after their journey. But now, Debbie and Lindsay were chatting in the kitchen when they heard the front door open.

“How's my little hunny-bun?” asked Michael, grinning, as he and Ben crossed the living room floor to greet them.

“Well ... I'm fine thank you,” Debbie grinned back at him and Michael went over to her and kissed her on the cheek.

“I meant the other hunny-bun,” he said quietly and his mother patted his face. “Of course you did ... I'm just your mother after all.”

“Hi, Debbie.”

“Hello, Ben,” and the two kissed in greeting and then both Michael and Ben hugged Lindsay. “Merry Christmas, Lindz ...”

“Merry Christmas guys,” and Michael looked around. “Where is she?”

“The real object of your affection is just getting her coat on,” Debbie answered him and with that, Melanie opened the stair-gate at the top of the stairs and holding hands with her little girl, helped her down to meet her dads.

“My god she's grown,” greeted Michael and he picked the child up and gave her a big hug and then he kissed Melanie, as did Ben; again everyone wishing each other a merry Christmas. Thankfully, with the frequent visits Michael took to Toronto, Jenny Rebecca recognized him right away and went to him willingly.

“It won't be long 'till I can have her down here to visit ... like we agreed,” Michael reminded Melanie and the woman nodded. After a period of accusations and even a family court appearance, when the girls were going through a bad time and Michael had petitioned for custody of baby Jenny Rebecca, they'd eventually reconciled their differences and Melanie had agreed that as their daughter got older, Michael could have her for visits.

“What do you plan to do today, dad?” asked Debbie and Michael put his daughter back on the floor and took her gloved hand.

“We're going to visit Santa's Grotto at the Big Q,” Michael informed them. “Yeah ... who's gonna get to sit on his knee ... you two ... or Jenny Rebecca?” Debbie chuckled at them.

“I'm not Brian ...” Michael answered her automatically and without thinking and he saw everyone's questioning looks.

Michael sighed. “Brian once told me he did one of Santa's Elves,” “MICHAEL!” Quickly, Debbie reached out and covered Jenny Rebecca's ears. Though nothing ever fazed Debbie in that department, little Jenny Rebecca was a bit too young for such horror stories. And while Melanie had one of her disgusted looks on, Ben and Lindsay could only grin. “That sounds about right,” Lindsay admitted.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After making sure Gus' room was ready and giving the rest of the house a thorough cleaning before she left, Kathleen was making home-made chicken soup for lunch, not that Brian could eat very much in his excitement. Tonight's dinner was pot roast and this afternoon she would prepare a lasagna to leave in the fridge for tomorrow night, Christmas Eve, that Brian and Justin could reheat.

Kathleen had arranged to spend Christmas with her married daughter before taking up the housekeeping post and had been very grateful to Brian that he'd been so agreeable about it and would leave a list of instructions for the food she'd left prepared for over the holidays. “But it's not like the stores are going to be closed for long ... and there's always a restaurant open somewhere,” Brian had reassured her, when Kathleen again asked him if he was sure there was enough food in.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“You're going to wear out the carpet,” Justin observed as Brian went to look out the window for the umpteenth time. Brian sighed and wondered if Melanie and Lindsay were deliberately keeping him waiting. He wouldn't put it past Melanie.

“I don't suppose they're in any hurry,” stated Brian dejectedly and Justin frowned and went to stand beside the man looking out of the window. Brian looked at him and saw his confusion.

“Mel and I haven't ever really hit it off ... and then after the accident ... she wouldn't let me talk to Gus ... it was months before Lindsay realized I wasn't ignoring them ... that I wasn't being allowed access to my own son.”

“Jeez ... what a bitch,” replied Justin and Brian smiled. “Succinctly put ... and very true ... and even more when you consider ...” and Brian stopped and sighed, realizing he shouldn't have said anything: it was so tedious going over old ground yet again, but Justin asked him what he meant.

“They split up ... when Gus was still a baby ... but they still loved each other ... or so I thought.”

“Why ... aren't you sure now?” Justin asked him and Brian shrugged. “They've had their problems ... but then again ... what couples don't?” and he took a deep breath.

“I signed over my parental rights on the understanding they give it another go.”

Justin was shocked. He'd gotten to see just how much Brian loved his son and couldn't begin to dream how much it had taken for Brian to do that; an action that ultimately had led to Gus being taken out of the country. Brian wouldn‘t have been able to prevent them doing that, even if he'd wanted to, once giving up his legal rights. And if Justin didn't know how deeply the man could love anyone, he knew then for sure and then suddenly, Brian couldn't disguise his excitement and a broad grin spread across his face as the car drew up outside.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“DAD!”

“Whoa!” Gus ran to his father and the two of them hugged tightly and Justin grinned as he saw Brian close his eyes as he held on. Then, pulling away from Brian, Gus ran to hug him too; Brian smiling proudly at his son showing Justin so much affection.

Justin ruffled the boy's hair and then went to the trunk of the car to retrieve his case. And even though Brian would never admit how excited he was at Gus' visit, he couldn't deny it now. And in fact Brian's excitement had proved contagious, with Justin looking forward to catching up with the youngster again himself.

Lindsay got out of the car and hugged Brian and then turned to Justin. “Hello Justin ... good to see you again,” she greeted him and these two also exchanged hugs, while Melanie looked on. Seeing Lindsay and Brian hug was bad enough, but she was more than a little put out at the connection Lindsay and this young man apparently shared. Obviously, this was Justin and then again, they did have something in common: Brian.

Brian leaned down to see who was driving and couldn't hide his surprise when he saw it was Melanie. They hadn't seen each other for years and the last time they'd actually communicated was when she continued to refuse to allow him to speak with his son.

“Are you coming in?” asked Brian and Lindsay ducked down to look at Mel through the car window and her partner shrugged. Lindsay looked back at Brian and smiled. “Sure ... and I'd love to see some more of Justin's work while I'm here.”

Lindsay introduced Melanie to Justin, who couldn't miss the look of suspicion the woman gave him or how she refused to actually acknowledge Brian's presence. Brian was right, there was obviously history between them and apart from what Brian had just told him, Justin recalled how he'd guessed that Brian and Lindsay had slept together in college. And then he remembered Vic telling him that he thought the reason Melanie wanted to move to Toronto was to put some distance between Lindsay and Brian.

So, Melanie was jealous of Lindsay's friendship with Brian after all and looking at the two old friends together, Justin could see why and, just for a fleeting moment, wondered if he should be jealous too. But he grinned to himself; he knew these things sometimes happened, but he was the one sleeping with Brian now and there was no way the man was ever going to be batting for the other side ever again.

“What are you grinning about?” Brian asked him, noticing how Justin was trying to disguise the fact and he followed the younger man in through the front door.

“You wouldn't believe me if I told you,” came back the reply and the blond put down the case and reached up to kiss him and feeling Brian's response, wondered why he'd been so stupid to even contemplate for a second that he should ever be jealous of Lindsay.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Having deposited Gus' case and leaving the boy to unpack in his room, Justin took them to Vic's old room as the stables not still not yet been completed. Even Melanie couldn't conceal her surprise and admiration at the quality of the young man's work and while she was talking to Justin, Lindsay grabbed the opportunity to take Brian to one side.

“Why didn't you ever tell anyone why you let Michael take the blame for the accident?”

Brian sighed. “You've been talking to Debbie.” “She's justifiably confused by it all and I can't blame her ... what was Michael thinking?” asked his friend.

“Mikey was just being Mikey ... running off at the mouth before he really thought anything through,” answered Brian. “But once it was done ... what was the difference ... everyone was going to hate me any how ... either for the accident or for ratting on Michael,” and Brian shrugged.

“Well that might be very noble of you,” stated Lindsay. “But people might have reacted to you a whole lot differently if they'd known the truth.”

“That I nearly killed my best friend?” pointed out Brian. “Well that is the truth Lindz ... there's no getting away from that fact any how,” and while Lindsay wanted to continue the conversation, Melanie's voice suddenly cut across them.

“Circumcised ... I should have known.” Melanie had discovered the picture Justin had painted of Brian asleep and naked and Justin turned to Brian in his confusion at her statement. “It's a long story ... I'll tell you later,” the older man informed him at Melanie's reference to the fact that once realizing their intent, Brian had put a stop to the Bris: the circumcision ceremony that Melanie had arranged for Gus, in keeping with her Jewish religion. Brian was glad of the interruption to his conversation with Lindsay and to be changing the subject; but preferably not to this one.

“I'd rather we kept that one private,” whispered Brian into Justin's ear and the younger man nodded and took the picture from Melanie's hands. “I'll put it away,” he informed Brian, but he couldn't stop a little grin from forming on his lips at the man's apparent discomfort and the room went silent.

“Wait 'till you see the one Justin did of Gus,” stated Lindsay, breaking the silence and leading the way back downstairs, Brian took Melanie proudly into the study, where Gus' portrait was hanging. Melanie was spellbound.

“Speechless ... this I have to record for posterity,” stated Brian and Melanie turned to each of them in turn and then eventually back to Justin. “It ... it's beautiful.”

“You sound surprised,” grinned Brian and putting his arm around Justin's shoulder. “I am,” admitted Melanie and then she apologized. “I'm sorry ... I probably shouldn't be ... but I never thought ... when Lindz said you were talented ... I didn't realize just how much.”

“You know ... I'd love you to do one of Jenny Rebecca,” and she looked at Lindsay for agreement. “Or maybe both of our children together?” suggested Lindsay and Melanie nodded. And it would be years down the road before Brian would learn that, in fact, Justin had refused payment for his portrait of Gus. What had started out as purely a business arrangement had, instead, grown into a labor of love.

With the older man's arm still around his shoulders, Justin smiled and tingled at the warmth of Brian's open display of affection and pride at his work and Melanie studied both men and blinked as she saw them look at each other. But she was especially interested in Brian and the man's eyes shone as he looked at the young blond who was now leaning into him; their close bond hard to disguise, even if they wanted to.

Debbie was right. Brian was in love. Christ, she never would have thought that would happen if she lived to be 100 years old. And then she realized something. If Brian was in love with Justin, then at least she shouldn't fear that one day Lindsay would leave her over some notion that she could be with Brian instead. She glanced at her partner; Lindsay was smiling at the two men, but Melanie thought she saw a little sadness in Lindsay's eyes too at the final realization that she would never be a part of Brian's life like Melanie was sure she once thought she might.

Seeing Lindsay's vulnerabilities, now was the time for Melanie to stake her claim once and for all and she put her arm through her partner's. “Well ... I guess we ought to be heading back,” and she steered Lindsay out of the study, but the door to the living room was open slightly and something caught their eye as they walked passed. Pulling away from Melanie, Lindsay stopped and looked in.

“Oh my God ... Brian ... what did you do ... buy up the whole store?” “Jeez ... I hope you left something for us to give him?” stated Melanie, only vaguely joking for although raised Jewish, she had never denied Gus the experience of Christian celebrations and had never seen so many presents in one place before. Brian walked past them and picked up a few parcels from under the tree.

“Here's yours ... there's perfume and a couple of things for Lindsay ... and a tool kit and motorcycle maintenance handbook for Mel ...”

“Only kidding,” he smiled at her, his eyes twinkling and Melanie couldn't be sure he was joking as she took the parcels from him. “There's also some of the chocolates that Debbie used to like ... maybe ... maybe you could share them ... or something,” he suggested and seeing his pain, Lindsay stretched up and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you,” and Lindsay indicated the chocolates. “She'll love them ... we'll get yours ... they're still out in the car.”

“Oh ... and there's this too,” and pulling away, Brian picked up a parcel sack and Melanie stared at it wide-eyed. “It's a stuffed rabbit for Jenny Rebecca,” and again, Melanie didn't know what to say as she passed the parcels she was holding over to Lindsay and now took the sack.

“Thanks ... thanks Brian,” her voice unable to hide her surprise at his thoughtfulness. “Well ... they are brother and sister,” Brian replied and then shrugged and Lindsay squeezed his arm. Melanie looked inside the sack. “God ... I think it's bigger than she is,” and she smiled slightly at him and recognized again how confusing she'd always found this man to be; someone who would help out a friend and never admit to it and even go out of his way to cover up the act by some word of insult and who used to mock and deride marriage and yet had organized hers and Lindsay's when all their arrangements had fallen through.

Closing the door to the living room behind them before Gus could see, they went out into the hall and Brian called up for him. “Gus ... your moms are leaving,” and the youngster came bounding down the stairs and ran to Lindsay, who put the parcels down and then hugged him and kissed the top of his head.

“You be a good boy for your dad ... and we'll see you in a few days.”

Gus nodded and reached for Melanie, who had to put down Jenny Rebecca's gift in order to hug and kiss him back. And then with Melanie and Lindsay picking up all the presents, everyone moved back out to the car; Lindsay retrieved the bag and gave it to Brian

“Gus knows he'll have most of his presents from us when he gets back ... but there a few things in there for him to be going on with ... and there's something for you ... and Justin too.” Melanie shot her a glance; she hadn't realized Lindsay's shopping trip had included buying gifts for Brian's ... for Brian's what she wondered; his boyfriend? Partner? For as sure as hell this didn't look like something casual. No, Brian Kinney was in love; finally and unfuckingbelievably as far as she was concerned.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Disappearing with the excuse that he had some shopping to do, Justin left the house just after Melanie and Lindsay. After waving him off and before Brian had a chance to explain to Gus that Buttons had taken up residence next door, the youngster had gone running down to the stables and had come back horrified that his pony was gone, only to be finally relieved when his dad had explained.

“Then ... can I go and see him and maybe go for a ride?” Gus asked him and Brian nodded. “Sure ... they know you're coming for Christmas ... they said we could go over any time we liked ... have you got your hat?” Gus nodded and picking up some carrots from the vegetable basket for both ponies, Brian took him over.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Emily was riding Muffin and Sarah was grooming Buttons when they got over there; Brian and Gus warmly greeted as Brian introduced his son. Gus loved his pony and had missed him and flung his arms around the animal's neck before offering him the carrots; Buttons whinnied in recognition and appreciation. Brian then saddled the pony and both adults watched as the kids trotted around the paddock.

“He sits well,” observed Sarah and Brian smiled. “Considering he only had a few lessons ... I guess he does pretty good.” “Well if he's going to continue riding ... he'll probably outgrow Buttons fairly soon,” Sarah observed. “I know lots of people ... if you're ever looking for anything bigger ... I can always help.”

“Thanks ... but he only gets to ride when he comes down to me ... and I'm not sure how Gus will feel about giving Buttons up just yet,” and Brian leaned on the top rail of the paddock as he watched Gus chatting to Emily as they rode together.

“They're getting on well,” Sarah grinned at him and Brian raised an eyebrow as he saw his 9 year old had obviously noticed how pretty the Powell's daughter was.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was starting to get dark when Justin returned and he managed to slip into the house unnoticed; he'd hoped Brian and Gus would be occupied with something and his prayers were answered. In fact, they were still over at the Powell's and Gus had now taken over his pony's grooming under Sarah's instruction.

“You're back,” stated Brian as he and Gus came in through the back door shortly after and Justin grinned as Gus went to wash up.

“I wanted to make sure I was back for the big switch on,” stated Justin and once out of the bathroom, Brian took Gus to the door of the living room and got the boy to cover his eyes. Justin opened the door and slipped inside.

“Are you ready?” Brian asked him and Gus nodded: Justin switched on the tree lights.

“WOW!” Gus' eyes opened wide. It wasn't just the tree that was lit up, but Brian and Justin had spent a good afternoon putting up other strands of colored lights, transforming the room into a magical wonderland; something Brian never thought he'd find himself doing. But turning the large and previously often lonely and empty house into a family home had such a right feel about it.

And then Gus saw the presents under the tree and for a moment Brian's heart leaped into his mouth, wondering if he'd just destroyed a childhood illusion.

“Oh, dad ... at least you don't think I still believe in Santa,” stated Gus, gratefully and Brian let out a huge sigh of relief and Justin grinned, realizing what had had been going through the other man's mind.

“But they're not to be touched 'till Christmas Day,” Brian instructed and Gus nodded. But it was obvious he wasn't going to be able to contain his excitement until then and Brian had a sneaky feeling that at least one of the presents would get to be opened before the day.

During a telephone conversation Brian had with Lindsay a few days before, he'd managed to find out which were Gus' current favorite movies and after dinner, through which Gus seemed to chatter non stop, he, Brian and Justin sat down to watch ‘Spiderman‘ with the boy plonking himself down on the sofa between the two men.

Justin grinned as Brian put his arm behind Gus's head, but so that he could rub the back of the blond's neck. Justin bit his lip and knew he wouldn't last long if Brian carried on like that for much longer, but it wasn't too long before Gus' head started to loll and he rested against Brian's chest: Brian ran his hand through the boy's hair and kissed the top of his head. “Come on Champ ... it's long past your bedtime.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Is there anything you want to do tomorrow?” asked Brian as he helped Gus into his PJ's and the boy yawned as he thought. “I know ... can we go skating?”

“Ice-skating?” asked Brian and Gus nodded. “Sure ... mom and mama started to take me.”

“Well I guess there is a lot of ice up there,” Brian chuckled and then he frowned. He couldn't remember the last time he went ice-skating; it was probably when he was in college, but it wasn't just that. Skating was very popular at this time of year and it would probably mean being out in a large crowd. There was also a delivery he was expecting tomorrow and he did a quick mental calculation. But then he looked at Gus, who was obviously waiting for an answer and Brian grinned; how could he refuse him anything?

“Sure ... 'course we can,” and he pulled back the duvet and the boy climbed in. “Night, dad.”

“Night, Gus,” smiled Brian and turning off the light, Brian hesitated in the doorway to watch his son settle down for the night for a few moments before closing the door behind him.

Justin met him in the upstairs hallway. “He asleep?” “Won't be long ... he's pretty excited ... he's had a busy few days,” and the younger man grinned. “I don't think he's the only one excited.”

“Are you referring to me ... or you?” chuckled Brian and he put his hand at the back of Justin's neck and continued the stroking. Justin groaned before taking the man's hand and leading him into the bedroom.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I thought you said you were going in to work today,” stated Brian after he came out of the bathroom. Justin appeared to be lingering in bed longer than usual on a work day and the blond frowned. “I don't have to ... now with the Liberty Air campaign completed ... I don't suppose there'll be too much going on today ... as it's Christmas Eve.”

“But isn't there a party you have go to?” asked Brian, but Justin shook his head. “It's okay ... I don't have to put in an appearance.”

Brian sighed and sat down on the bed beside him. “You should go ... you did your bit ... you worked damned hard to get that account ... you deserve to celebrate with everyone else.” Justin frowned and reaching out, rubbed his hand up and down Brian's arm.

“I guess it would give you and Gus some time together,” but now it was Brian who shook his head.

“I don't ever want you to think I'm excluding you,” he said seriously. “You know we'd love to have you come with us.” Justin smiled and reached up to kiss him. “I know ... and maybe next time ... but it will be good for Gus to have you all to himself,” and Brian smiled though he'd been sincere in his statement of always including Justin, on this occasion he would rather the younger man wasn't around the house. And Brian smiled and leaned across to kiss him and then he continued to get dressed as Justin headed for the bathroom.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

When Brian went downstairs after checking that Gus was getting showered and dressed, Kathleen had already left to go down to the market early, where she would collect everything she'd ordered, including the steaks, salad and fruit. She'd already prepared the marinade for the steaks, which was now in a container in the refrigerator and had gone through all the instructions on what to do with Brian. And having had breakfast and got on their coats, gloves and scarves, Brian and Gus were ready to leave to go skating just as she returned.

“I'm glad I caught you before you go ... do you want me to leave you out anything for lunch?” Kathleen asked him and Brian shook his head. “I was just gonna leave you a note ... thanks ... but no ... Gus and I are going skating ... we'll get something while we're out ... and Justin's heading off for work shortly.”

“Okay ... well I'll wash all the fruit and salads and put them in the refrigerator ... then I've just got to make Gus' steakburger ... and you're all set.”

“Thanks Kathleen,” and Brian put his arm around the woman's shoulders. He was grateful she'd made the transition of Vic no longer being there an easy one and he pressed an envelope into her hand.

Kathleen started to protest; it was obvious what Brian was trying to do and she'd been there no time at all, but already, Brian appreciated the order she kept to the house and her easy, friendly manner. “Then say it's for the grandkids,” he told her, referring to the healthy bonus he was intent on presenting her with and Kathleen smiled her appreciation and gave thanks for the fact that after all the upheaval of moving and then the sudden death of her husband, that she appeared to have fallen on her feet.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Before going into work, Justin visited his mom. She'd rung him a couple of days before and asked him over for dinner during the Christmas holidays, but he'd refused, unless Brian and Gus were invited too. That didn't go down too well and so Justin went on his own to deliver his mom's, Tucker's and sister Molly's presents and collect his own.

“I don't understand you ... even after I told you that Brian organized the art show just for me ... you still can't accept him ... and that I'm with him?”

“Justin ... are you sure he loves you ... has he ever told you?” Jennifer asked him and Justin sighed. “Not in so many words exactly ... but look at everything he's done for me ... doesn't that tell you anything?”

Jennifer frowned and studied him. Her son was obviously very much in love with Brian and he was right; everything the older man did pointed to the fact that he had feelings for Justin. She'd never questioned Justin's judgment before and was obviously going to have to give his and Brian's relationship a lot more consideration.

His mom then asked him if he'd heard from his dad and Justin shook his head. It was a constant source of heartache that once having come out as gay, the relationship they'd enjoyed had come to an end as his father was unable to see past Justin's sexuality and was now, apparently, unable to continue to love his son.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian looked at his watch; it was 2.30 and they should be heading back home as he had a delivery he was expecting. Venturing out on his own a couple of weeks ago, the salesman had promised him faithfully it would be here today but that it wouldn't arrive until late and he'd already rung him twice to confirm. When Justin had said he wasn't intending going into work, Brian's heart had leaped into his mouth; he hadn't planned on the blond being around.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian and Gus had a great time skating and Brian had to confess just how much he'd enjoyed himself and that once out on the ice, he'd got his 'sea-legs' back fairly quickly and didn't make a fool of himself once. In fact he'd managed to attract a fair number of admiring glances, from both genders. And despite trying to keep to a healthy diet, the hot chocolate with the marshmallow topping was too good to refuse. And then, on leaving the stadium, Brian rang the salesman again.

“Yes, Mr. Kinney,” and the salesman rolled his eyes at the man's third telephone call today. “It will be there between 4:00 and 6:00 ... you have my word.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Getting back to the house, Gus was keen to go and see Buttons and Brian rang over to the Powell's to see if that was okay as it was getting dark. Sarah said there wasn't a problem and that she would be at the stables herself in a short while in any case and Gus was more than welcome to go down and the youngster made his way over to the next door property.

Brian paced the floor for almost an hour and then saw the lights pull up. “About time,” and he headed outside to sign for a very special delivery.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

With the item safely stored out of sight, Brian grinned to himself. But suddenly, Scott Powell came running from the direction of their stables; a flashlight in his hand to illuminate the pathway.

“Brian ... you better come quick ... Gus has had an accident.”

Brian went cold and took off at a gallop; not caring that the pathway was badly lit and he found Gus sitting on a bale of hay inside Buttons' stall with Sarah bending over him; the youngster crying.

“What happened?” asked Brian as he knelt beside his son and finding the youngster shaking. Gus was clutching his left arm and he yelped when Brian took his hand away to see; the boy's fingers cold to the touch.

“I'm so sorry, Brian ... it was Rags.”

“Muffin's used to him ... but I've been keeping him away since Buttons moved in ... but he followed Scott and slipped in the gate.”

“Gus was grooming Buttons and the dog startled him ... and the pony kicked out and caught Gus on the arm and the next thing we knew … Gus was on the floor.”

“I checked him out before I got him up ... but I think his arm is broken ... should we call for an ambulance?” Brian shook his head. “No ... I'll take him myself,” and checking for himself that there were no other injuries, he gingerly took off Gus' scarf and used it to secure the boy's arm across his chest and, not bothering that he himself no longer had on any coat against the bitter cold, he carefully carried Gus to the car.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin had been right, not too much work had been completed at Kinnetik that day and the Christmas Party had started around lunch time. Ted had employed Emmett to provide refreshments, although the man had complained that he'd expected him to do miracles with very short notice. Ted had also organized a fleet of taxis for later. There was no way he was going to have people driving drunk on Christmas Eve and as most people lived in town, they could easily walk back and collect their cars once sober, though the small number of people with kids or other family members to visit decided to call it a day and headed off around 3:00.

Living out of town, Justin restricted himself to soft drinks, but was still carried away with the atmosphere and with the music on full blast, the party was well underway by the time Ted's other guests had arrived.

Justin thought he would probably stay until about 7:00; that would give Brian and Gus enough quality time together before joining them at home on Christmas Eve. He was so looking forward to it; it was like having a family of his own.

Michael and Ben arrived around 5:30 and said they would only stay for an hour or so as Hunter was due back from college later that night and he was bring home a girlfriend and they wanted to be there to meet them.

“Uh huh ... bringing her home to meet the in-laws,” joked Emmett; now enjoying the party himself having issued instructions to his team and Michael nodded. “I have a feeling it's something like that ... they seem pretty serious,” admitted Ben and they helped themselves to the bottle beer as neither of them were particularly fond of wine.

Emmett waved across the heads of the crowd to Drew Boyd, his on-off boyfriend, who had collected Blake Wyzecki, Ted's partner and the two had arrived together.

“Merry Christmas.” “Merry Christmas, Em,” Drew and Blake echoed and the men embraced.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“We leave him for five fucking minutes ...” Melanie's anger could be heard along the corridor and Lindsay tried, unsuccessfully, to quiet her down.

Gus had cried all the way to the hospital; he was obviously in a lot of pain and probably in shock and it broke Brian's heart to see him so distressed and as soon as they'd arrived in the ER, the youngster was whisked away for an x-ray. Thankfully, there was a familiar and very friendly face and Daphne took personal charge of Gus, who physically relaxed once he'd seen her. And then after Brian had given the nurse all of Gus' details he'd hesitated, but knew he had to call Melanie and Lindsay even though he was dreading it and with good reason.

While Melanie's fury was obvious, Lindsay was quiet, but Brian could see how upset and disappointed she was that her son had had an accident while in his father's care.

“This is just like the time I found out you'd gone to the Leather Ball and left Gus with a sitter ... thinking about your own pleasure instead of watching over your son.”

The volume of Melanie's voice had risen once more and she pointed her finger at him accusingly as they waited and Brian had tried to defend himself. “Jeez ... you never give up do you ... he didn't come to any harm ... it wasn't like I'd left him with a total stranger.”

“No ... but he was your responsibility then ... and he's your responsibility now.”

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth; inwardly angry with himself. That episode had been a long time ago, but he'd again been given charge of Gus' welfare and he'd failed the boy.

Daphne smiled as she came back out to see them and informed them that luckily, Gus' arm wasn't broken but just very badly bruised and that he could go home with some painkillers. Everyone breathed a huge sigh of relief, but it was Melanie who got back inside the room and to the bed first and put her arm around Gus' shoulders.

“He's coming back with us.” Brian was astounded at her attitude and tried to object. “You said I could have him for Christmas.”

“You think we're going to leave him with you after this?” Melanie spat at him and Brian looked at Lindsay for help, but she only shook her head.

“I think he should be with his moms right now.” “Lindsay ...” but Lindsay put her hand up to stop him going any further. “I don't think we should be doing this in front of Gus ... do you?” she asked him and Brian shook his head and looked down at the ground. He sighed.

“What about his things ... his presents?” he asked quietly; feeling as if it had been him that had been kicked by a horse.

“We've got some more clothes for him at Deb's ... we'll come over and get his presents in a couple of days,” stated Melanie and without any further attempt at conversation and determined not to let up on Brian, she started to steer Gus away. Brian stared at Lindsay who merely shrugged and wordless, turned and followed her son and partner.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Getting back to the house in WV, Brian threw the car keys on the hall table and stood and listened. The house was dark, quiet and empty and he turned on the light on the hall stand. Slowly, Brian moved into the living room and took a deep breath before switching on the tree lights.

Dozens of brightly colored, but still wrapped parcels surrounded the tree; parcels that he wouldn't after all get to see his son open. Another Christmas Day without him. Shit. He so needed a drink.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Merry Christmas, Justin.” “Merry Christmas, Daph,” and the two friends had to shout to each other in order to be heard and grinned as they exchanged gifts and they hugged. Josh' guest at the party was, of course, Daphne and he'd picked her up after she'd finished her shift at the hospital.

The music was even more deafening than it had been a little while ago; it was just as well there were no near neighbors or there would probably have been some complaints to the police and Justin was having trouble making out what Daphne was saying.

“How's Gus?” she yelled at him and Justin frowned. “Sorry Daph ... I can't hear you,” he mouthed at her and he gestured to the music coming from the system set up in the corner of the room.

“Here, Justin.” Josh had made his way through the crowd and was juggling with three drinks and he passed a soft drink to Justin and a glass of wine to Daph. “Daphne told me about Brian's little boy as we came over ... how is he?” he yelled in Justin's ear and this time Justin thought he heard right.

“What ... you mean Gus?” Justin yelled back and Josh nodded. Confused and concerned, Justin took Daphne by the elbow and steered her down the hall and into his office. He closed the door; it was quieter here and they could have a conversation.

“What's this with Gus?” he asked her, worried that Daphne had cause to see the boy in a professional capacity. “Brian brought him into the ER this afternoon ... he'd been kicked by his pony ... he's got a really badly bruised arm.”

“Jeez ... poor kid ... the pony's at the neighbors while there's work being done on the stable block,” and Justin sighed. “I bet Brian was devastated.” Daphne nodded. “He did look pretty upset ... from the details he gave us it seemed like the neighbor was watching over Gus when it happened ... and then Gus' mom turned up and after he was x-rayed and given the all clear ... they took him home.”

Justin frowned. “Who took him home Daph ... Lindsay or Brian?” “Lindsay,” answered Daphne. “And I think the other one was Melanie?” Justin nodded in confirmation. “I didn't hear all their conversation but it did sound pretty heated at one point ... I got the impression they were blaming Brian for the accident ... and it was the women who took Gus away.”

Justin closed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair. “Fuck,” muttered the blond under his breath. Why was it Brian always got the blame? And he took out his cell phone and hit speed-dial #1. Brian's cell was switched off and hanging up, Justin dialed the house: it want straight to answer phone.

“There's no answer,” and Justin shook his head. “I can't believe they did that ... that they took Gus away from Brian ... on Christmas Eve,” and exasperated, Justin patted his pants pocket, making sure he had his car keys.

“I have to get home, Daph ... Brian's gonna be pretty upset,” and picking up his jacket, Justin hurriedly made for the door.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Arriving home, Justin let himself in by the low light in the hallway. There appeared to be no other lights on in the house, but he could hear music playing.

“BRIAN!” Justin called out to him, but there was no reply. But now seeing a faint light coming from under the living room door, he took off his jacket and hung it over the banister and headed down the hallway.

Slowly, he pushed open the door; contemporary Christmas music was coming from the radio and the colored lights around the room and on the tree were lit. Brian was on the floor, there was torn and discarded wrapping paper and boxes strewn around the room where he‘d unpacked and put together the train set he'd bought Gus. Brian was kneeling in the middle of it with the tracks encircling him and there was a half-empty bottle of Beam on the floor beside him: he worked the controls and the train went around the track.

“Brian?” Justin moved slowly towards him, but it was obvious the man hadn't heard him and heading for the hi-fi, Justin turned the music off; Brian looked up, having noticed him for the first time. Picking up the bottle, he offered it to Justin. “Wanna drink?” Brian's voice was slurred and he'd obviously spent a lot of the evening drinking. Justin shook his head.

“No thanks,” he answered him and for a moment the two men stared at each other before Brian looked away; the Christmas lights catching the gold flecks in Brian's hazel eyes. Eyes that fought to keep his emotions in check.

Justin stared at him, unsure of what to say. Brian looked like a lost little boy and then he sent the train off around the track again.

“Did you have a train set?” Brian asked him as he watched the train go by and Justin nodded. “Yeah ... I did,” and he chuckled. “If I remember right ... my dad played with it more than I did.” Brian nodded his understanding and brought the train to a halt in front of him.

“I had a train set too,” he announced, smiling and then a shadow fell across his face. “I didn't have it very long ... my dad smashed it,” and Brian took another swig from the bottle.

“He broke it ... deliberately?” Justin asked him and he crouched down so that he was more level with the man. Brian nodded and Justin could see he was struggling to keep his feelings under control as the childhood memory came back to haunt him.

“Mom had sent Claire ... that's my sister ... down to the Social to get him ... dinner was spoiling,” Brian smiled. “But that was nothing new ... mom got stuck into the bottle herself from time to time,” and he leaned over the tracks and closer to Justin. “Her idea of a sherry trifle was a tumbler in the bowl and half a bottle down her throat,” he whispered to him and Brian winked and leaned back.

“But anyhow ... dad was pissed at having his kid turn up to tell him it was time to go home and by the time he got back we could see he was ready to pick a fight,” and Brian overbalanced and slipped sideways and sat down. “Whoops,” he giggled and then took another swig from the bottle before continuing.

“Claire and me shot upstairs out of the way ... we could hear them arguing about how long he'd been out drinking instead of being at home with his family ... Family?” Brian harrumphed and repeated the word; the word that in the case of the Kinney's merely described a group of people that used to live together under the same roof.

“But mom shoulda just let him stay out,” Brian continued. “He was so fucking pissed at being told what to do ... and he started trashing things,” and Justin saw Brian frown as the man remembered.

“I'd been playing with the train set ... it was still set out on the living room floor.”

“He stomped on the engine and a couple of the carriages ... smashed them to pieces ... I guess it was the closest thing at hand.” Brian's eyes were shining; no innocent childhood for this man, Justin realized, knowing that kind of behavior tended to repeat itself and that Brian had probably witnessed outbursts of anger on a regular basis.

“Good ol' dad ... God rest his soul,” and Brian picked up the bottle and took another swig. Justin sighed. Brian had obviously already had too much to drink and if he carried on, would very likely pass out some time soon.

Brian looked at Justin and even in his inebriated state could see how concerned the young man was; concern mixed with undeniable love that just shone out of those incredibly blue eyes. Brian blinked at the obvious declaration, which seemed to sober him up and he felt a lump come into this throat, knowing that Justin loved him for who he was despite himself and then the older man just seemed to crumple.

Justin stepped over the tracks and sat down beside him, putting his hand at the back of Brian's neck and rubbing; trying to ease any remaining tension out of him. Feeling Justin's gentle touch soothing him, suddenly, nearly 40 years of inner turmoil came to the surface and Brian finally needed to tell someone. Luckily, that someone was Justin.

“When my dad told me he had cancer ...” Brian's mouth was now dry and he swallowed. “Debbie convinced me I should tell him I was gay ... that it would build a few bridges between us,” and he shook his head. “Instead he told me I was the one who should be dying ... not him.”

“And when he died ... I didn't think I'd give a shit ... but it hit me pretty hard ... I finally knew we'd never get to work things out ... never reach an understanding.”

“Mikey was the only one who really knew how my dad got to me.”

“He didn't expect anything ... he aspired to nothing ... and achieved nothing ... except for me and my sister,” and Brian lowered his voice; imitating his father.

Never should have been a family man ... that's what he used to tell me.”

“Too fucking true ... I knew exactly how he felt about me ... he showed me often enough,” and instinctively, Brian put a hand up to his jaw: to some imaginary bruise and he took a deep breath before continuing. “Except of course he knew he could always come to his successful son when the money ran out before the end of the month.”

“Oh yeah ... I knew how he felt about me alright ... he told me I should have been aborted often enough,” and then Brian sighed and closed his eyes, looking exhausted and totally drained.

Justin hadn't said a word during all of this; knowing it was best for Brian to be left to say what he had to say without any interruptions as there was obviously a lot of hurt bottled up for a lot of years and that this was probably only the tip of the iceberg.

Justin doubted whether Brian had ever talked to Michael quite like this before as it seemed so painful for him and his heart went out to the man and also filled with pride that Brian would choose him to open up to. And now Justin was beginning to realize why Brian seemed to have trouble allowing people to get close to him and why he'd kept him at arm's length for so long and not allowing himself to feel.

When those closest to you; the people who create you and who are supposed to love you unconditionally let you down and even allow you to believe they'd wished you'd never been born in the first place, who do you trust? Who do you allow yourself to love without fearing getting hurt in return?

Brian had spent so many years trying to prove himself better than his father, even if he hadn't realized that's what he was doing. He'd worked hard, damned hard and not just because it was more difficult for a gay man to reap the rewards of his labors, but to also demonstrate to himself that he could amount to something.

Brian went to take another drink and then stopped and put down the bottle; he knew he'd had too much and he smiled at Justin. “I really used to be able to put this stuff away,” and Justin saw Brian's chest heave up and down and his breathing was ragged.

“They took Gus ... they took my son away,” and the tears that had been threatening now spilled over.

“I know,” replied Justin. “They had no right to do that,” and he stroked Brian's cheek with the back of his hand, wiping away a tear. But Brian nodded; a wry smile forming on his lips. “They always thought I'd fail ... and I didn't prove them wrong ... just following the fine family tradition of being a shitty father.”

“You're not a shitty father,” Justin tried to reassure him. “You love Gus ... anyone can see that ... you weren't responsible for his accident,” but Brian nodded. “Yes I was ... I always am.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Guys ... guys ... can we have some quiet please,” came the cry from the floor and Cynthia put up her hand to hush them. Once the music was switched off, she and Ted stood at the end of the room on a low table, which had been dragged in to use as a makeshift stage.

“Firstly ... on behalf of the management of Kinnetik,” and Cynthia and Ted turned to each other and clinked their glasses. “I would like to say thank you ... for all your hard work … which enabled us to secure the Liberty Air account,” and a cheer went up from the assembled workforce and guests alike. Ted put up his hand. “But especially to Glen,” and he turned to acknowledge the man; “Kyle ...” again, Ted raised his glass in salute. “And to Dan ... and Justin ... wherever he's disappeared off to.” Ted had found Dan in the crowd, but didn't seem to be able to locate Justin.

“Consequently ... the appropriate bonus ...” another cheer came from the floor and Ted grinned. “Like I say ... the appropriate bonus has been transferred to everyone's accounts ... so ... it just leaves me to wish everyone a Merry Christmas,” and he raised his glass.

“Merry Christmas,” came back the chorus and Ted stepped down from the table and he held out his hand for Cynthia to follow and they soon disappeared into the throng.

“Where did Justin go?” Ted asked Josh. He remembered seeing Justin talking to Josh and Daphne and then didn't see what happened to him after that.

“He's gone home ... Gus had an accident,” spoke up Daphne over the music that had started up again and Michael turned around. He'd been standing immediately behind her and had just heard her above the noise.

“Gus had an accident? Was it serious?” Daphne shook her head. “Not too bad ... but he has a badly bruised arm.” “Well that doesn't sound so bad,” observed Emmett. “That's not really why Justin went home,” Daphne continued.

“His moms came to the hospital and took Gus ... Justin only found out when I told him and so he's gone to be with Brian.”

“Jeez ... Brian must be pissed they did that,” stated Ted, remembering the animosity for each other that Melanie and Brian didn't even bother to try and hide and he frowned and patted Blake on the shoulder. “Wanna drink?” he asked him and together, both men headed for the temporary bar.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Using all his strength, Justin managed to heave Brian to his feet. The man was beat; physically and emotionally and Justin managed to get him up to the bedroom. Brian said nothing as he allowed himself to be undressed and rolled into bed and quickly, Justin slipped out of his own clothes and got in beside him.

Brian reeked of alcohol, but that didn't deter Justin as he snuggled up to him and he heard Brian sigh as he finally relaxed. Instinctively, Brian rolled towards him; needing to feel the man's presence. Needing at last to feel safe and loved and with Justin's arms around him as he fell asleep. A need, denied for so long, that was finally acknowledged and accepted.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“God ... are those two at it again?” asked Cynthia. She had been standing next to Ted at the refreshment table when they heard raised voices, even over the music and they both looked in the direction from which it came. It was Kyle and Glen who were obviously arguing over something and Ted shook his head. “We're gonna have to let Kyle go ... Glen carried him through the Liberty Air campaign,” and he looked to his side as Michael approached the table for a refill.

Also noticing the men arguing, Michael frowned. “I'm sure I know that guy.” “Who? ... Kyle Robinson?” asked Ted and Michael shrugged. “I guess it'll come to me,” and he filled his plate with enough food for him and Ben, but he couldn't stop glancing up at the men standing just a few feet away. It bugged him that he couldn't remember where he knew him from and Ted now approached the men to tell them to keep it down.

The man Michael thought he knew looked like he'd already had plenty to drink and he wandered off a little unsteadily after Ted had spoken to him and Ted shrugged at Glen and put his hand on the man's shoulder. Ted knew who the antagonist was; he'd overheard them before when either man didn't know he was within earshot. For the sake of the account, Ted had let Kyle know that Glen was the senior man which was something that hadn't gone done very well.

Then, about twenty minutes later, as Michael was still puzzling and trying to recall the previous acquaintance, he saw Kyle approach Glen. Glen had his back to Kyle and was also facing away from his drink which was sitting on a filing cabinet. Michael saw Kyle take something from his pocket and drop it into the beer bottle and couldn't miss the sly grin on the man's face and Michael moved across the floor quickly and he grabbed Kyle's wrist before he could move away.

“What the fuck did you put in that?” he asked him and Glen turned around to see what was going on.

“Nu ... Nothing,” stuttered Kyle, but Michael knew what he'd seen. “Yes you did ... you dropped something into Glen's drink,” and before the man could object, Michael shoved his free hand into Glen's pocket and brought out a small plastic bag which contained some very interesting looking pills.

“What's going on?” Glen picked up the bottle and looked inside; the beer was fizzing slightly but otherwise it looked okay.

“Guys ... what's this all about?” Seeing another altercation concerning Kyle; one which now involved Michael, Ted came over to see what was going on. “Kyle here put something in Glen's drink,” and Michael held up the bag and Ted took it. Kyle pulled away from Michael's grasp.

Michael glared at him and his mouth dropped open as he finally recalled where he'd seen this man.

“Oh my god ... now I remember where I know you from ...”

“You were at the comic book convention ... it was you who invited Brian to that party,” and then Michael closed his eyes as the realization hit him like a sledgehammer. The man probably made a habit of this.

“You spiked Brian's drink ... why the fuck did you do that ... what the hell had he done to you?” accused Michael.

“He was gonna steal my biggest client,” came back Kyle, defiantly and with enough substances inside him to give him the confidence to confess.

By this time, the room had gone quiet, someone had stopped the music and everyone was listening. “And you ended up getting a job here ... I can't believe I employed you.” Ted shook his head in disbelief, but Kyle merely snickered.

“When I saw the job advertised and I inquired ... they told me Kinney didn't come in any more ... I thought it was pretty amusing that I got the job and the man I'd shunted to the sidelines was actually gonna pay me.”

Ben stepped forward and grabbed hold of the man's shirt at this throat. “You asshole ... do you have any idea what you did? Brian drove away from that party and nearly killed both himself and Michael.” Kyle blinked and only now was it beginning to dawn on him exactly what shit he was in.

“Leave him Ben ... he isn't worth it,” and Michael put his hand on his husband's arm and pulled him away. “Though I don't know what Brian will say when he finds out,” Ted turned to Josh. “Could Brian file a civil suit?” Josh shrugged. “Probably ... Kyle's confessed to what he did ... we all heard him.”

Kyle looked around him. Those staff that had been with Kinnetik from the start had all respected and admired Brian for what he achieved and Kyle could feel their disgust and it seemed like the room was closing in on him.

“I'm outta here,” the man stated and the crowd parted for him to make his exit, but Drew, using his superior height and strength, stood blocking his path. Drew looked at Ted who nodded to indicate for him to move aside and let him go, but Kyle had barely moved when Ted's voice stopped him again.

“Kyle,” called Ted and the man stopped but didn't bother turning around. “Don't bother to resign ... you're fired,” and Kyle nodded and went to move when the palm of Drew's sizeable hand was pressed against his chest.

“Merry Christmas,” Drew stated dryly and holding him still for a few minutes before releasing him. Kyle slowly resumed his progress across the floor; feeling the anger of everyone in the room. Silently everyone watched him go. Kyle knew there was no way he would ever get a reference and would no doubt also lose the bonus he was relying on and could even find a civil suit made against him once Kinney knew what he'd done.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian stirred around 5:00 on Christmas morning. It was still dark outside, but the light on the nightstand was on. Blearily, he looked up at Justin and tried to focus on him. But his head was pounding and his mouth tasted like sawdust.

“Go back to sleep ... it's early,” Justin whispered and he saw Brian's eyelids flicker as sleep overtook him again. Justin had managed to get some sleep. Brian had been dead to the world; the alcohol he'd assumed seeing to that. But even in his sleep, the man looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders with his brow in a permanent frown.

Now wide awake and knowing that Brian would probably continue sleeping for a few more hours, Justin showered and dressed and made his way downstairs and cleared up the torn wrapping paper and empty boxes off the living room floor.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Around 8:30, Justin made himself some breakfast, though he didn't really have much of an appetite and then he tried to concentrate on some sketching, but his mind wouldn't settle. Hearing what Brian had gone through as a kid had shaken him and seeing how distressed he'd been last night at his son's accident and the boy not being with him for Christmas, Justin wasn't sure how he was going to handle him, other than with the utmost of care. For Debbie was right: Brian's heart was fragile. Far more than the man would ever admit to anyone.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

10:00 and the doorbell rang and frowning, Justin went to see who it was and, opening up, he found a group of people standing on the doorstep.

“Can we come in?” Debbie asked him and Justin stared at her for a moment before moving back to let them pass as Debbie, Michael, Ben, Lindsay and Melanie stepped silently into the hallway.

After the events of the previous evening at the Kinnetik Christmas party, when the truth had finally come out, the gang had gathered at Debbie's; a sort of council of war to decide what they were going to do, though they knew there was only one thing they could do. It had been a unanimous decision, but would Brian ever be able to forgive their treatment of him?

“Where's Brian?” Debbie asked him when the front door had been closed behind them. “He's still in bed ... he was pretty upset ... after Gus' accident,” and he looked at Melanie accusingly. Melanie went to speak in order to declare her right, as one of Gus' moms, to make decisions concerning their son. But Lindsay shot her a look, preventing her from speaking.

“Well we're not here to talk about that,” stated Debbie and then they heard a voice from the top of the stairs. “What's this ... a lynch mob?” Brian asked flatly. Dressed in jeans and a tee, he slowly padded barefoot down the stairs, stopping half-way. When he'd woken, Brian had managed to drag himself out of bed and into the shower, wanting to clear his head, and was going to look for Justin when he heard the doorbell.

“Tell him Michael,” Debbie urged her son and Brian saw the man's embarrassment as he tried to put his words together. Michael coughed. “Do you remember the guy from the comic book convention ... the one who asked you to go to the party?” he asked him. Gingerly, Brian shook his head wondering why the fuck all this old ground was being gone over yet again. “Brian ... do you remember him?”

Brian rubbed his temple. “What the fuck is this all about Mikey? ... Can't we let this go? ... It's been years ...”

“His name was Kyle ... Kyle Robinson,” responded Michael.

“So ... what the fuck does that matter after all this time?” Brian closed his eyes, vainly hoping that he would one day wake up from this nightmare.

“Kyle?” asked Justin and he frowned. “You mean Kyle Robinson who works at Kinnetik?” and Michael nodded. Ben stepped forward and put his hand on Michael's shoulder.

“Michael saw him spiking Glen's drink last night at the party ... seems the man makes a habit out of it.”

“What?” asked Justin. “Then ...” and he looked up at Brian. Michael nodded. “He confessed he spiked Brian's drink ... because he thought he was gonna lose his best client.”

“The fucking asshole!” Justin couldn't contain his anger any longer and to think he'd worked beside the man these past weeks. Brian hadn't spoken, but his mind was trying to absorb what was being said and everyone looked at him; it was Lindsay who spoke first.

“We all blamed you ...” “Yes ... you did,” said Brian quietly. “I told you what had happened ... that I'd only had one drink and nothing else.”

“I even gave you my word,” and he stared at Debbie who had difficulty looking him in the eye.

“We know ... we're sorry.”

“You're sorry,” Brian chuckled. “You're sorry?”

“You treat me like a ... a fucking leper.”

“You wouldn't talk to me or take my calls ... and even kept me away from my son ... and now you say you're sorry?” Brian took another stair, moving closer towards them and he gestured to the door.

“Get out of my house.”

“Get .. the .. fuck .. outta .. my .. house!” Brian's voice grew loud and firm as his anger rose, belying the pounding that was going on in his head. And then slowly, he turned around and walked back up the stairs.

“Brian ...” Lindsay made to follow him, but Mel put a hand on her arm.

“Leave him,” stated Debbie. “You can't expect him to welcome us with open arms,” and she turned to Justin.

“We are sorry ... all of us ... Ted and Em wanted to come and say it too ... but ...” “It's okay Debbie,” answered Justin. “I'll let him know later ... but don't expect him to come back into the fold as if nothing has happened.” Debbie nodded and knew it would take a long time, if ever, for them all to get over this.

Justin moved forwards and opened the door only to find more visitors about to ring the bell.

“We came to see how Gus is,” stated Scott Powell; his concern obvious.

“These are his moms ... Lindsay and Melanie,” introduced Justin and Sarah stepped forward, holding Emily by the hand. “Is he going to be okay?” she asked and Lindsay nodded. “Thank you ... yes.”

“He has a badly bruised arm ... but otherwise ... no harm done,” and Sarah breathed an obvious sigh of relief at the news.

“I am so sorry ... Gus was with me when it happened ... our dog frightened his pony ...”

Melanie and Lindsay looked at each other. So, it was another mother who'd been watching Gus at the time. Someone they would probably have trusted him with.

Debbie put her hand up to stop her as the woman obviously worried about the youngster. “Accidents happen,” Debbie stated, matter of factly and leading the way, she led the gang out. Sarah urged Emily forward and the girl handed Justin a parcel.

“This is for Gus ... we didn't get the chance yesterday,” and she smiled. Still a little embarrassed at not keeping a better eye on him, the Powell's made their exit and Justin stood in the hallway holding the present.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Slowly, Brian had retreated to the bedroom and sat down on the bed. His head was swimming and not just from the effects of last night's indulgence. So, his drink had been spiked. He had been right all along: he'd only had one drink and nothing else.

But no one had believed him; friends he'd known for years and even for the best part of his life. They hadn't been able to take his word.

The anger Brian had felt when he'd realized what Michael was saying had dissipated and all he felt now was numb. Years of feeling guilty that he'd nearly killed his best friend. Excluded and shunned from the only real family he ever thought he'd had. Even to the point where he felt he could no longer continue in the company he'd worked so damned hard to create and having to forge a new career for himself; his only friend Vic, who'd stuck by him throughout his darkest days.

And then there were the facial injuries Brian had sustained which had ruined his confidence and leaving him full of doubts and insecurities as to his desirability and worth, forcing him into seclusion. All because someone feared he was about to steal their client.

“Brian.” Justin's voice was gentle and broke into his train of thought and Brian sighed and slowly shook his head.

“I can't talk ... I ... I need to be on my own ...”

“You have a visitor.”

“Justin ...” Brian's voice was a sob. He didn't think he could be with anyone right now, not even Justin, though he knew the young man would want to be there for him. But hadn't Justin seen enough of his vulnerabilities?

“Dad ... are you okay?”

Brian blinked and turned around to see Gus walking across the floor towards him, still clutching his sore arm. Justin was behind him with a hand hands on the boy's shoulder and ready to steer him outside again if he had to. Brian gasped; his son had asked him how he was, despite his own pain.

“Gus ...” Brian held out his arms and took the boy in a hug, careful not to hurt him any further and he looked up at Justin in confusion.

“Mel and Lindz know it's the least they can do,” Justin smiled at him.

Once hearing the truth and realizing the depth of the pain and injustice inflicted on him, Melanie and Lindsay knew that letting Brian have Gus to stay for Christmas was only just the start in trying to make amends, whatever Melanie thought about Gus' father. And while everyone was trying to make their apologies, Gus and Jenny Rebecca had stayed out in the car with Carl.

And, now accepting that indeed accidents do happen, they'd brought Gus into Justin and asked if their previous arrangements could stand. Justin had smiled and taking Gus by the hand, had brought him upstairs.

Brian smiled and pulled back to look at Gus and he pushed the boy's hair back from his forehead. “Does it hurt much?”

“A little,” came the confession and Brian swallowed. “You do know ... don't you ... how much I love you ... and that I'd never want anything to hurt you.”

“Of course I do, dad ... it was an accident,” stated Gus and Brian saw the worried look on his son's face. “You're not mad at Buttons are you?” he asked him, fearing his dad might want to stop him seeing his pony and Brian smiled.

“'Course not ... he wasn't to know,” and Justin saw Brian's sharp intake of breath as he held his son close to him again and as tightly as he dare, given the boy's injury.

Gus went quiet and hugged his dad back. He was still a little shocked and subdued after yesterday's events and from the child-strength painkillers. Brian pulled him onto his lap. He might be nine years old, but right now Gus was hurt, had missed his dad and needed a cuddle. Something his father was more than happy to provide.

Justin smiled as he surveyed the scene and then turned to walk away as he wanted to give father and son some time to themselves. “Where are you going?” Brian asked him, looking up and he held out his hand. “Come here ...”

Justin hesitated and then moved forward and, taking Brian's hand, sat down beside him on the bed, his other hand reaching out and stroking Gus' head, which was nestled on his father's shoulder.

Brian took a deep breath and managed a smile. “Are you okay?” Justin asked him, searching Brian's face and wanting to know he was coping with this. Brian nodded.

“Why shouldn't I be?” came the answer.

“I've got the two people in the world I care most about with me,” and Brian squeezed Justin's hand and Justin saw in Brian's eyes the testimony he'd been hoping for all this time.

Brian smiled. “I do love you,” he whispered, at last voicing the confirmation Justin had hoped he'd one day hear, not that he'd doubted Brian's love for him for a long time. Brian's eyes were shining and Justin gasped. His own eyes were now brimming and he leaned in to kiss him.

“I know ... I love you too,” Justin told him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was some time before the beautiful spell was broken and time to draw a line under everything, at least for the time being and while Gus was with him. Hugging his son to him still, Brian carefully made his way downstairs with Justin following and they went into the living room.

Brian blinked. The room was perfectly tidy, for not only had Justin packed away the train set and cleared up the debris from the opened parcels, he'd found some more paper and wrapped them up again. He must have known.

But as it was, the paper didn't stay on the parcels for long, for even with just one good hand, Gus made short work of the wrapping and Brian sat back, occasionally literally giving a helping hand when Gus struggled and dozens of presents were opened and explored eagerly and excitedly.

Gus loved everything, but he absolutely adored his train set.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

With all Gus' presents opened, Justin disappeared upstairs to fetch Brian's that he'd retrieved from Daphne's where he'd hidden it away from prying eyes.

Brian pulled back the paper, although he’d realized, of course, what it must be. But he wasn't prepared for the finished article and he shook his head in disbelief.

The portrait of himself with Gus was incredible. Perfect in every way. Justin had captured the love between father and son that just shone out from them. A portrait of love, painted with love.

Another reason why Brian knew that he too loved and was in love with Justin.

Brian swallowed and Justin didn't need him to speak as the man's eyes spoke volumes and placing the painting carefully to one side, Brian went over to the cabinet and retrieved a box he'd hidden there, which he now gave to Justin.

Justin looked at it and smiling, slowly began to unwrap it to discover a mass of tissue paper inside and he looked up at Brian. “It's in there,” the older man grinned at him and eventually, Justin found the keys among the paper: keys with the BMW fob.

“A Beamer?” Justin asked him, his eyes widening with shock as he stared at the keys and Brian grinned again.

Brian slipped on some shoes and grabbing coats, they moved outside and Brian used the remote to open the garage doors. “That old heap of yours was about to give up the ghost anyhow,” Brian told him and still unable to believe that someone would actually buy him a car and a top of the line one at that, Justin shook his head as he moved inside the garage, where a sleek, brand new Coupe awaited him.

“It's incredible,” stated Justin, as he ran his hand over the gleaming polished surface and Brian smiled. “Well ... I wanted something with class ... but would also give you some protection.”

“That sounds like you,” Justin grinned at him and Brian smiled back.

“Can we go for a ride?” asked Gus, excitedly with his sore arm forgotten for the moment and Justin looked at Brian. “Can we?” he asked him and Brian chuckled.

“It's your car ...” but he put his hand around the young man's waist and drew him in close so that Gus couldn‘t hear.

“Just one thing ... You make sure you drive carefully.”

“After everything ... I'm sure I don't need to tell you how accidents can fuck up your life.”

Justin reached out and stroked Brian's beard. “I'll be careful,“ he whispered back and the two men kissed as Gus opened the door and got behind the wheel of the car. Brian broke away for a moment.

“Don't touch anything,” he instructed gently and Gus nodded. “I won't ...” he answered him and Justin smiled as Brian turned back to him and they kissed again.

“Merry Christmas, Brian,” whispered Justin.

“Merry Christmas, Justin,” came the reply.

 

 

 

- o O o -

 

 

 

Chapter Eleven:

They'd taken Justin's new car for a spin with Gus safely strapped in the back. Brian had taken care of the insurance and taxes and despite the younger man's objections, he'd informed Justin that he would continue to do so, or at least until he had some real money coming in.

Brian had been relatively quiet during the circular route they'd taken and had gazed out of the window, not really seeing anything. There was a lot for him still to think about, including whether or not he was now going to take a more active role at Kinnetik.

Justin had seen the pensive mood Brian was now in and not wanting him to feel awkward with the silence between them, had put the radio on and allowed Brian to tune out.

When they got back to the house, Gus rang his moms to thank them for his presents and excitedly related to them what he'd received from his dad and about their ride in Justin's new car.

Brian lit the fire in the living room. It had been cold outside and was starting to snow again.

Neither Lindsay nor Melanie asked to speak with Brian with Lindsay deciding it was best to allow the man more time before they tried to offer a further olive branch, for which Brian was grateful. He really didn't want to speak with anyone this soon. After all, it had only been a few hours since the truth came out and he wasn't sure how civil he could be and he didn't want to cause a scene with Gus in the house.

Then it was time for a late lunch and while Justin was laying the table in the dining room, Brian tossed Gus' steak burger and their steaks on the grill; medium rare for Justin and blue for himself. So rare that a good vet would probably have gotten it back on its feet again.

And with the salad tossed and a good bottle of wine chilling in the fridge; Brian allowing himself a small indulgence, he watched Gus drawing at the kitchen table. Justin had given him a really nice art set, having seen how keen he was to draw and there being a talent in the family he was bound to have some natural ability.

Just before they sat down to lunch, the phone rang. It was Vic; he'd just gotten off the phone from talking with his sister and having heard everything that happened, wanted to know if Brian was okay and were they coping. Justin had taken the call in the hallway and kept his voice low enough so that Brian wouldn't hear.

“He's getting there,” Justin informed Vic. “I think it was a bit of a shock ... it all coming out so suddenly like that ... he hasn't really said too much since everyone left ... but I think having Gus back will make all the difference.”

“I can't believe I've been working alongside that asshole all these weeks.”

Vic offered to come over and make their meal, but Justin declined. “Thanks Vic ... but we've got it all under control ... you and Rodney have nice day.”

“Who was that?” Brian asked him when Justin went to see how lunch was doing. “Vic ... he's been talking to Debbie ... he wanted to know that you were okay and should he come over.” Brian raised an eyebrow and nodded. The jungle drums were bound to be working overtime and the whole of Liberty Avenue would probably know what Kyle did before nightfall.

“I'll call him later ... Vic's the only one who stood by me from the start ... despite the evidence,” Brian sighed and he turned back to the stove. Coming up behind him, Justin put a hand on his shoulder.

“Well ... at least we know why that happened now ... have you decided what you're going to do ... about Kyle?”

Brian shook his head. “I don't know ... part of me wants to kick his ass all the way to Topeka,” and he sighed. “And the other part?” asked Justin.

“The other part of me wants to forget the last four years ever happened ... and just get on with my life.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian struggled towards the end, but managed to eat all his lunch. He still had this heavy feeling in his chest and couldn't quite believe it could be all over. He should feel ecstatic, having been vindicated, but somehow there was no pleasure in being right on this occasion. Because deep down, Brian knew he'd been lucky through the years and that there were bound to have been times that he'd driven when he shouldn't.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After their main course, Brian watched as Justin prepared the ice-cream sundaes; pretty sizeable ones for both him and Gus, both always able to eat Brian under the table, but Brian had refused, stating he'd eaten enough already.

Standing on a footstool and with Justin's hand in the small of his back to make sure he didn't fall, Gus had helped with the canned whipped cream for the topping and able to use only one arm, accidentally squirted some over Justin's hand. The boy giggled and with the mischievousness of a typical nine year old, another dollop was promptly deposited on Justin's nose this time.

“Hey!” The shout and the look of shock on Justin's face made Gus giggle even more and from the doorway, Brian's heart swelled at the easiness and obvious affection between his son and Justin. This was exactly what Brian needed and with everything else forgotten for the moment, he grinned and wished he had a camera right there and then. Suddenly he remembered and quickly stepping out into the hallway, he grabbed his cellphone from his coat pocket. Justin was trying to grab the can of cream from Gus who, playing on his injury, was evading Justin's attempts to get it off him.

“Justin ...” at the sound of his name, Justin turned around as the flash from the camera in Brian's cell went off. Christ, he looked so damned cute with the white blob on his nose.

“Hey ... that's not fair!” came the protest and then Gus reached out and wiped the cream off the top of Justin's nose and licked his finger. Brian raised an eyebrow.

Justin grinned and looked back at him. Both men were sure they were reading each other's minds. Whipped cream. Mmm and the thought was put away for later.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

With an enjoyable lunch over and the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, Gus resumed playing with his train set, with just a little help from his dad of course. At last, all memories of Brian's many unhappy childhood Christmases seemed to have been banished and locked away where, hopefully, they would remain.

Justin couldn't help himself and reached for his sketchbook. He was going to end up with dozens of books filled with pictures of Brian or Brian with Gus, but he didn't care. Everyone would be different and it would get to the point where Justin could draw them both from memory so easily.

Brian looked up from the floor and smiled at the younger man who grinned back. When it came to it, it had been so easy to tell Justin that he loved him and he planned on doing it again and again.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Love you, dad,” said the sleepy voice and Brian stopped in the doorway and smiled back at him. “Love you too,” he replied and he switched out the light as the boy settled down to sleep. It probably wouldn't be long, for despite the soreness in his arm, Gus had been on the go all day and had been allowed to stay up way past his normal bedtime.

It must have been quite confusing for him, being taken away from his dad and then left with him again barely 36 hours later, but he seemed to take it all in his stride.

With a light supper of ham and pasta, it wasn't long before Gus couldn't keep his eyes open and offered no objections to being taken up to bed. And with Gus tucked under the duvet, Brian watched him from the doorway and he sighed. At first, he'd put on a cheerful face for Gus, wanting to make sure his son had a good time. But, as the day wore on and Brian was able to relax, he found he was enjoying himself so much more than he thought he would under the circumstances. And that had everything to do with his son and the blond who was now walking down the hallway towards him.

“Do you plan on going back downstairs again?” asked Justin, as he approached him. “Only I've locked up.”

Brian frowned, it was relatively early by their standards and Justin appeared to be holding something behind his back. The younger man obviously had plans.

“Why ... what did you have in mind?” he asked him and grinning, Justin brought his hand around in front of himself. He was holding the can of whipped cream. “You didn't have dessert earlier,” he reminded him and Brian looked at the can in Justin's hand.

“Reddi-wip? Now there's a name to conjure with,” and grinning back at him, Brian hooked a finger in the waistband of Justin's pants and led him down the hall and into their bedroom.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin placed the can of cream on the nightstand and untied his sneakers and toed them off before Brian pushed him back onto the bed and pulled off the younger man's socks. Then, leaning forward, he unzipped Justin's jeans and pulled them and his underwear off and tossed them on the floor, while Justin took off his own tee.

Quickly, Brian took off his own shoes and socks. Justin grinned as he watched him strip off his tee, dropping it on the floor on top of Justin's and he reached out to undo the man's belt and zipper, pulling Brian's pants and underwear down below his knees to allow him to kick them off. Now both men were naked, Brian knelt on the bed and leaned forward to kiss him as Justin put his hands behind Brian's neck and pulled him down.

Brian's beard tickled his face like it always did and Justin opened his mouth to allow Brian's tongue to explore the warm cavern as both men's tongues battled for supremacy. Brian deepened the kiss, but eventually forced to take in oxygen, he pulled back, nipping Justin's bottom lip before releasing him.

During the kiss, Justin had his eyes closed, but now he smiled up at him and reached out to pick up the can of cream from the nightstand only to find it wasn't there and, surprised, he turned back to see Brian holding the can above his head.

“Hey ... that was my idea.”

“And like all good ideas ... it deserves to be shared” Brian came back at him. Justin made to grab it, but Brian kept it out of reach and grinning down at him, he gently pushed Justin back down into the pillows with his free hand.

“Close your eyes,” instructed Brian and Justin groaned. Brian's own eyes were shining with the light from the nightstand catching the golden flecks and unable to refuse the man anything, Justin did as he was told.

Brian watched Justin's face and heard him gasp; a reaction that increased his own hardness, but he was determined not to hurry this. He'd always thought Justin was good enough to eat and now he was about to do just that.

“That's cold!” exclaimed the blond. The first thing he felt was the cold, hardness of the can as it was rolled down his chest and over his stomach; the sensation shooting straight to his cock as Brian continued to roll the can down the inside of Justin's thigh and then back up the other, purposely avoiding his member: that would come last.

Brian felt Justin shudder from the cold as well as the anticipation of what was to come. Then the rattle of the ball-bearing could clearly be heard in the quietness of the room as Brian shook the can, followed by the air and contents being expelled.

The first dab of cream was for Justin's nose and he looked so damned cute: just like he had earlier when Gus had done it while making their ice-cream sundaes for desert. “That tickles,” giggled Justin, as Brian leaned down to lick it off.

“Keep your eyes shut,” Brian reminded him and he shook the can again, this time aiming for Justin's nipples. He rolled his tongue around the younger man’s hardened nebs before alternately licking and sucking, first one and then the other, tasting the light, sweetness of the cream. He then shook the can again.

Justin's navel was next to receive attention with Brian's tongue dipping in and out and he felt the blond's hand running through his hair, with his senses running riot and the need to touch him overwhelming, unable to see Brian with his eyes shut like he'd agreed.

Trying to keep from watching Brian was driving Justin insane and he folded his arm across his eyes in an attempt to comply with instructions, but it was maddening. Brian knew what Justin was anticipating, but it was too early for that and instead he next moved down to the younger man's feet and deposited a dab of cream on each toe.

Justin moaned and felt himself tighten as Brian first sucked the big toe on his right foot, moved across the top of his toes and then back again, before moving onto the left foot where he took the big toe in and out of his mouth as if he were sucking him off. The blond moaned loudly and arched his back; this was just so fucking hot and Justin knew he was likely to come at any time and willing himself not to as this was far too good to be over too quickly.

Brian straightened up and moved back up the bed and Justin again heard the can being shaken and he gripped the mattress, screwing the sheet up into his balled fists as he felt the coldness as a line of cream was squirted down the length of his cock and then on to the head.

The blood was pounding in Justin's head and he knew he couldn't hold on much longer as Brian licked the length of his shaft; licking off the sweet substance. Working his tongue around the head, Brian cleaned off the cream before taking Justin fully into his mouth and opened his throat: a well practiced move to take the younger man in as deep as possible. He swallowed.

Justin couldn't keep his eyes closed any longer and had raised himself up to watch Brian lick the cream from his cock. It was so fucking hot, seeing Brian's tongue scoop up the white confection and when the man's tongue took the last of the cream from the head, Justin gasped and fell back onto the bed.

Brian knew Justin had been close and ignoring the ache in his own cock had brought the blond to climax, holding the younger man by the hips in an effort to prevent him bucking as he came and Brian eagerly drank him down.

Justin's body was bathed in sweat; they both were and having taken all that Justin could give, Brian grinned up at him.

“You peeked!” he accused him, but there was no admonishment in his tone, just satisfaction in the knowledge of the pleasure the younger man had enjoyed and now Brian worked his way back up Justin's body to kiss him, allowing the blond able to taste both cum and cream on Brian's lips; some still dotted in his dark beard which Justin reached out to brush away.

“Jeez, Brian,” gasped Justin. “That was fucking amazing,”

“Alright for you Sunshine ... but it'll mean another ten minutes on the Stair-Master for me tomorrow.”

Justin grinned. “Not necessarily,” and he took the can of cream from Brian's hand. “I think it's my turn now.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The following morning, Brian took Gus over to see Buttons. Partly to assure the Powell's that everything was okay and partly to make sure that Gus wouldn't be scared of going near his pony again. But feeding him with carrots, the two quickly made friends once more.

Then young Emily spotted him and her mothering/nursing instinct took over and she started fussing over him and much to Brian's amusement, Gus was quite happy to let her. And when asked if he'd like to go over, Gus went back later to spend the afternoon at the Powell's.

Towards lunch time, Justin's cell rang; it was Daphne. She wanted to check on Gus and to let Justin know that she had news. Josh had asked her to move in with him.

“That's great news, Daph ... I mean, you are going to aren't you?” Justin asked her.

“Of course I am ... Josh is gorgeous and everything I could have hoped for ... I think this is the one this time, Justin,” answered his friend.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Lindsay rang to find out how Gus was doing and to ask how Brian was. “We're doing fine,” Brian assured her, but Lindsay was disappointed that she could detect an edge in his voice. For although like the rest, she hadn't believed him, at least she'd wanted Gus to know his father and had been in favor of his visits, once she'd got Melanie to agree of course.

“Will you ever forgive us?” Lindsay asked him and she heard Brian sigh. “I don't know Lindz ... I would have hoped at least you or Michael would have believed me.”

“Have you spoken with him?”

“No ... I was half expecting him to call.”

“I'm sure he'll be in touch,” said Lindsay, hopefully. “Well ... I won't hold my breath,” Brian answered her.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

In the end, Gus stayed five days, with Brian agreeing for Lindsay to come and collect him after that time so that he could spend a day at Deb's before they headed off back home. Brian was sure going to miss him.

It was his last evening and Gus had gone up to bed, saying he could manage on his own, but Brian followed a few minutes later just to make sure and, once his son was settled, he came back down to the kitchen to find Justin clearing up.

“He's had a great time,” stated Justin as he emptied the dishwasher. “He's not the only one,” admitted Brian and he helped himself to a soda from the fridge. “Want one?”

“Mmm please,” answered Justin and Brian popped the lids. Justin picked his up from the counter where Brian had placed it and he took a swallow. He looked at Brian to find the man gazing down into his soda bottle; he could tell where Brian's mind was.

“It's not been easy ... has it?” the blond asked him, finally deciding to brooch the subject they'd been mostly avoiding while Gus was there. “I can't imagine what you've been going through all this time,” he continued and Brian sighed.

“I can't believe it's finally over ... that everyone knows I didn't deliberately drive when I knew I shouldn't,” and turning out the kitchen light, they moved out into the hallway.

“They are sorry, Brian ... all of them ... and I know how feeble that sounds ... after everything ... and I'm sure they'd want to make it up to you ... if they can.”

“They can't give me back four years,” stated Brian as they reached the door to the living room. “When none of them wanted anything to do with me ... and all the time without Gus that I've lost forever.”

“But you've got him back now,” urged Justin and placing a hand on Brian's arm. “I don't think Mel and Lindz will have the nerve to be difficult about you seeing him again ... and it has to be the future you concentrate on now ... not the past.” Brian stopped in the doorway and looked at him and then he smiled. “Sounds like you're talking from experience,” he suggested and Justin looked down and then back up.

“After the bashing ... I never thought I could move on ... but then I realized I had to ... otherwise he would have won ... and I wasn't going to let that happen.”

“And you must do the same.”

Brian hesitated, but knowing how true Justin's words were, he then moved inside the living room, turning out the lights to leave the room bathed only in the amber glow from the fire and he sat down on the sofa with Justin beside him. Brian reached out and ran his hand through the soft blond hair. This younger man was so much wiser than his years and then he sat back in his seat and took a swallow of soda.

“So what do I do?” asked Brian, eventually and he shrugged. “Act as if nothing has happened? ... Go back to Kinnetik? ... Pick that part of my life back up again?”

“If that's what you want ... there's absolutely no reason why not,” Justin stated firmly and Brian knew what he meant and that there was now no reason whatsoever why he should continue to lock himself away. He no longer had to feel guilty about what he was supposed to have done, or because of the scars he still carried; the ones only he knew where there, both physical and emotional.

Brian shrugged. “I guess,” and he grinned.

“I could just imagine Theodore's reaction if I said I was picking up the reins again ... but it'd be good to know if I could still do it.”

Suddenly, Justin's heart lurched. Brian picked up that Justin had gone quiet right away and he saw the look of concern that flitted across the blond's face as he looked away from him. “Hey,” and Brian placed the soda bottle on the side table and then reached out and with his fingers under Justin's chin, tilted the younger man's face up to look at him.

“What is it?”

Justin bit his lip. “If you decide to start again ... go back to your old life and pick up the threads ... will there still be room for me?”

Brian frowned at Justin's apparent lack of confidence of his place with him. “Things could never go back to how they were before, Justin ... too much has happened,” stated Brian and he saw the fear in Justin's eyes.

“But I've kinda got used to having you around,” came the understatement and seeing the sparkle in Brian's eyes, Justin smiled. “And I want you around for a very long time,” Brian assured him.

“How long?” whispered Justin as he leaned in to kiss him and then he saw the seriousness in Brian's expression. “How does ... forever ... sound to you?”

“Sounds pretty good to me,” answered the blond and he kissed him again. And now, resting his head on Brian's shoulder, they watched the fire dancing in the hearth.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The following morning, Brian rang Lindsay at Debbie's to say what time he'd be bringing Gus back. He'd realized how much it had cost Debbie especially to come to the house that day to tell him the truth and one of them had to make an effort and, as Debbie had made the first move, then Brian figured it was up to him to make the next. They loaded all of Gus' presents into the car and the youngster hugged Justin and after he had bid another tearful goodbye to both Emily and Buttons, Brian and Gus set off.

Justin had asked him if he wanted him to go with him. Brian hesitated, but then politely declined, deciding Justin wasn't a part of the difficulties he'd had with the family and it wasn't fair to put him in the middle should there be any further tension.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Parking out front of the house he'd once been such a regular visitor to and where he'd been treated like family, Brian hesitated, but Gus was anxious to see his moms and was quickly out of the car and up to the house. Brian hoped that around Gus and Jenny Rebecca that everyone might be civil and Lindsay came to help him with the presents.

“There's even more here than I thought,” she joked and Brian smiled as he took Gus' suitcase out of the trunk. “How have you been?” Lindsay asked him and Brian nodded.

“Good ... it was great having Gus.” Lindsay sighed. “After everything ... it was the least we can do and I'm really sorry we put you through all that at the hospital.” Brian shrugged.

“You were only looking out for him and you were probably right ... he probably did need his moms right then ... most kids do when they're sick or hurt.”

“But we shouldn't have disregarded your feelings,” Lindsay admitted, as they walked up the steps and Brian hesitated on the doorstep.

“Aren’t you coming in?” Lindsay asked him and at that moment, Debbie stepped out onto the porch. “Jeez ... it's cold out here,” and she picked up a bag of Gus' presents.

“There's coffee on the stove,” she informed them and Brian smiled to himself; that was obviously Debbie's way of inviting him in.

Stepping inside and closing the door behind him, Brian heaved a sigh of relief when he saw Vic and Rodney sitting at the kitchen table because if anyone was capable of diffusing an awkward situation it was Vic. Both men got up and greeted him warmly, with Vic squeezing Brian’s arm and letting him know he was always behind him 100%.

“I'll take that,” offered Melanie and she half smiled at Brian as she took Gus' bag from him to take upstairs. It was sticking in her craw that they'd been wrong about Brian all these years, but she couldn't yet bring herself to apologize properly. Saying nothing and being civil was the best Brian could expect and that was what he got. Lindsay followed her upstairs with a bag of presents.

Having gone to the stove, Debbie automatically poured out a cup of coffee and handed it to Brian without waiting for him to reply. “Take the load off,” she invited him and she indicated the sofa. Brian hesitated, but he caught Vic's look and knowing it was probably now up to him as to whether or not he would allow everyone to apologize, Brian took a seat. But it wasn't going to be easy.

Jenny Rebecca had been sitting at the kitchen table drawing and Gus had gone over to her with the art set Justin had given to him, allowing his sister to use some of the colored pencils.

“That's nice,” noted Debbie. “Justin gave it to me,” stated Gus and Debbie nodded and looked over at Brian. “That was very generous of him.”

“Well ... he thinks the world of Gus,” stated Brian and answering Debbie directly. She held his gaze and smiled at him, recognizing what it took for Brian to come there despite everything and that maybe, just maybe, he wanted the family back together again as much as she did. But it would take time, especially for Brian, who'd spent years hiding behind walls and pretending he didn't have any feelings to be able to forgive and forget and why should he, after all they'd put him through. But this was a start.

With Vic and Rodney present, the conversation stayed light-hearted and friendly and mostly concentrated on what Gus and Jenny Rebecca had received for Christmas.

“How are things between you and Justin?” Lindsay asked Brian away from the group as everyone else had ended up in the kitchen and she'd put her hand on his arm and taken him to one side. The man couldn't resist a smile at her question and Lindsay smiled back. Brian didn't really need to say anything, his reaction had done that for him.

“He's a very talented young man ... I'm hoping he'll do a show in Toronto,” stated Lindsay and Brian nodded. “I'm sure he'll find a space in his diary for you somewhere,” he joked and Lindsay punched him lightly on the arm. “And what about you ... will you come with him?”

Brian thought for a moment and looked over at Gus chatting to his sister, knowing he had all the motivation he needed between Gus and Justin and Brian nodded. “Yeah ... sure ... I'd love to come up to Toronto ... it'll be a good opportunity to see Gus.” Lindsay smiled.

“Well ... it's good to hear that ... not that the invitation hasn't been there all along ... but it's good to hear you now think you can make the trip.” Brian smiled back at her and then looked away. She was right. He now had every reason on earth to pick his life back up. Surely there couldn't be any going back now.

Lindsay hesitated and then placed her hand on his arm. “How will you feel if Justin's career really takes off?” she asked him. “It could mean you spending time apart.”

Brian looked down at the floor and then back at her. He shrugged. “I don't own him Lindz ... he's free to do whatever he wants,” answered Brian and Lindsay narrowed her eyes and studied him. “Now ... why are you trying to sound as if you don't really care ... when it's obvious how much you love him?” she asked him.

“Just because I love him doesn't give me the right to tie him down ... stop him doing what he wants ... what he's good at,” Brian informed her.

“If I loved him that much ... how could I deny him that?”

“No ... I know you wouldn't do that,” stated Lindsay. “And I guess if you both want it bad enough ... then you'll find a way.”

They chatted for a little while longer, but then refusing a second cup of coffee and knowing he couldn't put off the inevitable, Brian got up out of his chair to leave and he hugged Lindsay and exchanged smiles with an embarrassed Melanie and with friendly acknowledgments to the others, Brian started for the door.

“Hey champ.” Brian cleared his throat when Gus came trotting over to him and mindful of his still bruised arm, Brian couldn't resist picking up the boy to hug him tightly and then placed him back on the floor and he forced a smile. Seeing how obviously upset Brian was at saying goodbye and not wanting to embarrass him, everyone looked away while the man composed himself.

“You be good now ... and I'll see you real soon,” Brian promised him as he ruffled the boy's hair and he moved away. But as he stepped outside, Gus came running after him and hugged him again.

“Love you, dad,” Gus stated, with tears now running down his face and he looked up at him and this time Brian could only just stop his own tears from brimming over. “Love you too, son,” he whispered back at him and Lindsay came over and put her hands on Gus's shoulders.

Looking back as he pulled away from the curb, Brian waved and Gus and Lindsay waved back and hitting the switch, the window rolled up to hide Brian's face once more as the man fought to get a grip of himself. But this time, his thoughts were of a visit to Toronto and that there was no reason now why he couldn't see Gus more regularly if he had a mind to.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin was putting away his cell phone when Brian got back and the younger man didn't need to ask him how he was. He knew how hard it was for Brian to see Gus leave each time, but now he hoped the man would start to see him more often and the offer of a show in Toronto for Justin would be an additional reason to get him up there. So he didn't bother asking Brian if he was okay, because he knew the man couldn't possibly be, so instead, he just kissed him and everything he wanted to say was conveyed in that one affectionate act. But while Brian had been out, Justin had received an unexpected invitation.

“Mom's asked us to go over on New Year's day,” Justin informed Brian and the older man frowned. “We ... as in ... you AND me?” and Justin nodded. “Well ... that's a turnaround ... she didn't want to know me before.”

“I know ... but I told her the truth about the accident ... I think she's a bit embarrassed she let Debbie and the others persuade her to think so bad of you.”

“I think she's actually a fan ... of your movies I mean.”

“And I'm going to have to get my ass in gear if I'm gonna meet my next deadline,” Brian answered him as he made for the study.

“So ... what do you think ... about going to mom's?” asked Justin as he followed him inside. Brian sighed. “I'm not sure, Justin ... meeting the mother-in-law isn't exactly high on my to do list,” and he sat down behind the desk and powered up the laptop.

“Is that how you think of her ... as your mother-in-law?” questioned Justin as he approached him and Brian hesitated. Maybe he was running a little ahead of himself, but he had told Justin that he loved him and had meant it with all his heart. But using the term mother-in-law implied he had the thought of marriage in mind; something totally alien to his consciousness, even if it could only be symbolic in the state of PA and he looked up at the blond.

“Just a figure of speech,” Brian informed him, but at the back of his mind, Brian was beginning to wonder if that was what he really meant.

Justin saw the hesitation in Brian's eyes and his heart flipped. Could Brian really have marriage on his mind, even if he hadn't thought about it seriously yet? But he knew this was definitely one subject he couldn't push. Besides, Brian had already told him he loved him and that he wanted him in his life forever, so what more could he possibly need? Justin didn't need a public declaration as he was sure he knew exactly what Brian's feelings were for him. Best to leave well alone. At least for now.

“So ... do we go?”

Brian sighed and looked up at Justin and he could tell by the expression on the blond's face that he really wanted him to say yes.

Justin had been raised in a loving family, even if his asshole of a father now wanted nothing to do with him. But his mom had stood by him and she was important to him.

“Sure ... why not?” Brian answered him and smiling, Justin walked back out into the hallway to make the call and to allow Brian to get on with some work.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

New Year's Eve arrived and even though Brian and Justin had been invited over to Vic and Rodney's, they knew Debbie and the gang would probably be there. Brian politely refused and Vic totally understood as coming face to face with the gang en mass like that again so soon would probably be too awkward and uncomfortable all round.

“Don't feel you have to stay in with me,” Brian informed Justin and the younger man smiled at him. “As if I'd want to be with anyone else ... tonight of all nights,” he came back at him, much to the older man's relief. “Besides ... I'm sure we can find some way of making the new year come in with a bang,” and he grinned. Justin had been out earlier to pick up a few groceries they'd needed and had replaced a certain can of whipped cream.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

New Year's Day and Brian had phoned his order through and a bouquet of flowers was delivered to the house which they took with them, together with a bottle of wine that Brian had chosen and some expensive chocolates that Justin had bought.

With formalities out of the way, it was obvious that Jennifer found entertaining her son with his male lover more than just a little embarrassing. She’d met previous guys that Justin had seen from time to time, but none of them had ever lasted long and certainly none of them had ever been as attractive and intelligent and a good conversationalist as Brian turned out to be. Nor had Justin been as involved with someone before as he was with Brian. And the older man was on his best behavior, whereas a few years ago Brian would probably have got drunk and ended up half-naked on the dining room table and making a pass at their hostess' boyfriend, gay or straight.

Tucker, eager to make Jennifer happy, had mostly gone out of his way to make Justin feel comfortable, even though he knew he'd had problems getting his head around the fact that his mother was still seen as attractive and sexy, especially by a much younger man. A great deal of give and take was required on both sides, but, as they both loved Jennifer and wanted to make her happy, an understanding had been met. And Tucker liked Brian. He liked the man's dry sense of humor and admired him for what he'd achieved and moreover, what he'd recently had to overcome.

And by the end of the evening, both Jennifer and Tucker were pretty much won over. Of course, Tucker's opinion was only secondary as far as Justin was concerned. But seeing his mom laugh at Brian's jokes and generally taking a genuine interest in his work, Justin inwardly sighed with relief.

“See ... that wasn't so bad,” Justin smiled at Brian as they drove away. They'd taken Justin's car as the younger man wanted to show it off to his mom, who had been suitably impressed.

“I guess not,” Brian reluctantly agreed and then he smiled. “I certainly hope it won me the appropriate amount of Brownie points,” and he cocked his head to one side and rolled his lips into his mouth. Justin grinned back at him and reached out and patted his knee. “I'm sure I can think of suitable way to say thank you.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Kathleen returned early January and had obviously had a wonderful time with her family and the grandkids especially, and they all soon settled back into the routine, with the house running like clockwork.

With Christmas and the new year over, Justin had returned to work. He'd taken leave between those dates, but Ted hadn't really expected him to go in and was only too surprised and pleased that indeed Justin wanted to continue working at Kinnetik at all after everything. But he was obviously nervous about Brian's intentions.

“I don't really know what he plans to do, Ted ... I don't think Brian knows yet himself,” admitted Justin and he saw Ted frown. Justin placed his hand on the older man's arm. “But I wouldn't have thought you'd have anything to worry about ... you and Cyn have done such a great job ... knowing Brian, he wouldn't want to split up a winning team.”

Then, three weeks into the new year, Brian had a surprise for Justin.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian had told Kathleen he wouldn't need her to make their evening meal. With the unexpected free time, she rang a neighbor she'd made friends with just after her husband died and who she was keen to keep in touch with and they made arrangements to go shopping and then have dinner and go to a movie.

Justin's studio was finished and while the younger man had been the one to design it, Brian had added a few extra touches of his own that the blond wasn't aware of and had overseen the work himself, going to great lengths to keep Justin out of the stable block in the last couple of weeks.

Brian grinned as he locked the door and though he'd fought it, he couldn't stop himself from calling Justin and telling him it was all done; tonight they were going to see it finished for the first time together. He'd tried not to sound too eager to make sure that Justin was going to be getting home on time.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Pacing the floor, Brian checked his watch again; Justin should be home any time now, judging from when he rang to say he was leaving. Sure enough, a few minutes later, he heard the younger man's car draw up on the driveway and then the car door close and the garage door descend. Christ, he was getting hard just thinking about what he'd got planned in the next few minutes.

Coming in the door, Justin threw his backpack on the kitchen table and moved across the floor to where Brian was standing. He grinned at him and, up on tiptoes, stretched up to kiss him.

“I have been so fucking horny since you called ... I couldn't wait to get home ... I thought I'd never get the new Eyeconic Optics boards finished,” and Justin pulled away. “Eyeconic huh ... it's good to hear we're hanging on to old clients,” and Brian grabbed him by the arm and playfully pulled him back. He wanted to prolong the anticipation as long as he was able, which wouldn't be long at this rate. Justin looked at him pleadingly. “Can we go now ... please ... please!!” and he tried to pull away.

Brian grinned at him. “God ... I love it when you're this excited.” But the truth was, Brian's stomach was turning somersaults. Knowing he couldn't wait to see the blond's reaction any longer, he took the younger man's hand and led him outside and locked the back door behind them. Justin frowned and wondered why Brian had done that and how long did it take to check out a studio, but Brian was practically dragging him down the pathway as the older man's own excitement was now too much to contain.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The security light came on as they approached the door, but the interior was still dark. Taking the key from his pocket, Brian handed it to Justin. “Here ... you'll need this.” Justin grinned as he unlocked the door and let it swing open. “Well ... aren't you going to carry me across?” he asked him, only half joking.

“Don't get carried away, Sunshine,” came the reply, but Brian was saving his strength for later and laughing, Justin stepped inside and felt for the light switch. And when the lights flickered and then came full on, he was dumbstruck; his eyes opening wide and his mouth dropping open when he saw how his vision had played out.

It was dark outside, but daylight bulbs had been fitted throughout inside and the light was perfect, even now. In the daytime, a skylight and large windows to the rear, front and one side of the room would provide more than enough natural light for what Justin needed.

Brian moved inside and closed the door behind him. Everything smelled wonderfully new and Justin brushed his fingers along the counter that ran along one side, grinning widely.

“It's incredible ... I never thought it would look like this.”

There was also a large work surface in the middle of the floor with a couple of high stools and plenty of storage space for all of Justin's art equipment, together with a comfortable leather sofa and a coffee table. In addition, Justin's computer with all the graphic software had been set up and one corner of the room served as an office area, with another new computer Brian had ordered in especially.

As well as there being a sink in the workroom, there was also a small kitchen area and Justin noticed what appeared to be a closet or large cupboard and he looked back at Brian in his confusion; he didn't remember that being in his designs.

Brian grinned and opening up the hinged doors revealed a fold-down bed, which he lowered. “I know what you're like ... getting up at all hours when the need to create hits you ... at least you can crash here for an hour or two if you need to.”

Justin grinned at him. “You think of everything.”

“Yeah ... well don't go leaving me in our bed ... cold and all alone too often ... I might just have to find other ways to amuse myself,” Brian informed him as a smile played on his lips.

Justin's smile turned into a frown when he noticed the red ribbon on the door handle to what he thought was going to be the bathroom and, approaching the door, he looked back over his shoulder at Brian who had folded his arms and now rolled his lips into his mouth, trying to keep a poker face. “Go on ... open it.”

Justin, with his hand on the doorknob, continued to look back at Brian and he cocked his head to one side with a question in his eyes. "Is this why you wouldn't let me in the last couple of weeks ... some kind of surprise?"

"You might say that ... go on ... open the door and see."

Justin turned the knob and opened the door and gasped when he saw the sunken Jacuzzi, large enough for two, sitting in the corner opposite. There were scented candles all around the room with shadows dancing on the walls and soft music playing from speakers recessed in the wall. The tub was full and he could see the steam rising from the water, a bottle of Champagne in a cooler and two glasses off to one side.

Brian had ventured no further than the doorway as Justin had explored inside and, with tears in his eyes, the younger man turned around to face him. “The studio ... this ... I don't know what to say.”

“You don't have to say anything ... just seeing you produce the work that I know you're capable of will be more than enough,” and in fact, just seeing Justin's reaction was all Brian really needed. But he was serious in what he'd said. Hopefully, in the right environment, Justin would produce his finest work but, for a fleeting moment, Brian wondered again, where Justin's talent might take him. But he couldn't allow that to bother him now. He couldn't allow himself to worry that Justin's gift might keep them apart. But what could he do? Justin was his art and without it, he most probably wouldn't be the sensitive, creative man Brian had fallen in love with and he could never hold him back.

“This'll be a great place for you to relax,” Brian continued, putting those negative thoughts to one side.

“For both of us,” corrected Justin and he moved back to him and, reaching out, he ran his fingers through Brian's beard, marveling again at the thoughtfulness of this man and the fact that there didn't seem to be anything he wouldn't do for him. Brian smiled. “I'd like to think I'd be invited from time to time ... but this is your space ... I wouldn't want to intrude.”

Justin shook his head. “You're a part of this now ... a part of my life ... a big part,” and he smiled. “The biggest,” but Brian shook his head. “No, Justin ... your art will always be the dominating feature in your life ... it was long before I came on the scene.”

And he took a deep breath before continuing. “It's what drives you ... makes you who you are … makes you the man I love,” and seeing Justin's worried look, Brian smiled. “But I'll always be here ... whatever happens … this is your home now.”

Eyes still shining with tears, Justin smiled up at him. “There must be some way I can thank you.”

“There is,” and Brian stroked Justin's face with the back of his hand. “Do what you were born to ... become the best ... the best homosexual you can be ... and then ...” and he hesitated and sighed.

“And then what?” asked Justin, trying to read Brian's expression. Brian knew in his heart what he wanted to say, but he didn't want Justin to think it was an expectation.

“Tell me ... Brian ... tell me how you feel ... what you want,” stated Justin and he sighed. “You've done everything for me ... there must be something I can do for you.”

Justin held Brian's gaze, almost daring him to look away and deny he didn't need anything from their relationship and eventually, Brian nodded and smiled.

“When you're ready ... when you've done what you need to do and only then ... come home to me.”

Justin's lips parted in a half-sob as Brian gave him permission to pursue his dreams. No, not permission, for Brian would never feel that Justin should need his approval or consent. The man had made it clear that he would never put a hold on him, which made Justin love him even more.

“I will,” Justin whispered and then Brian smiled, his heart now thumping in his chest at hearing the words he could only hope for and at the love that just radiated from the younger man. A love that gave him so much strength to love in return and he swallowed, trying to remove the lump in his throat.

“In the meantime ... there's a tub built for two going to waste in there,” and he smiled, not wanting this evening to end on a somber note, but needing to let Justin know there was no way he'd expect him to give up his dreams and aspirations and become something he wasn't destined to be.

Justin swallowed. “Well ... we can't let that happen,” and vowing silently to himself and Brian that he would indeed always come home to this beautiful man, loving man, he began to unbutton Brian's shirt. Brian raised an eyebrow and nodded. “I think you've got the right idea,” he grinned at him and undoing Justin's pants as his need for this young man now too strong to ignore.

Brian fought to slow down as he wanted this to last as long as possible, but once both naked, they moved to the tub, lowering themselves into the hot, bubbling water. Brian reached out and picked up the two glasses and handed them to Justin. He then picked up the bottle of Champagne and popped the cork.

“To great things,” toasted Brian, as he poured the Champagne and he replaced the bottle and took one of the glasses from Justin. “To us,” stated Justin, emphatically and Brian smiled, hoping the younger man would always feel that way.

Brian took a swallow of his Champagne, but Justin downed his drink in one and grinned as he leaned over and placed his empty glass on the floor. “The price of this stuff ... you're supposed to sip it,” Brian reminded him, but the younger man was already moving through the water towards him and he kissed him.

Justin's kisses seemed to go on forever and Brian leaned back his head as the blond proceeded down his neck and across his throat and down his chest and then Justin took a deep breath.

Feeling the younger man take him in his mouth under the hot water, Brian thought he was going to come straight away. It was obvious Justin wasn't going to be able to keep this up for long and in actual fact, Brian was amazed at how long Justin could actually hold his breath and blow him off at the same time. And then all too soon, he felt the younger man release him and Justin's head bobbed above the surface.

“That was pretty hot.”

“Sorry I couldn't hold my breath for any longer,” stated the blond, wiping his face with his hand. “Don't worry,” stated Brian as he put down his glass. “I came prepared.”

Justin looked at him quizzically, and then Brian reached out and slid back a small door behind Justin's head to reveal a recess behind it; condoms and lube all ready and waiting. “Just in case,” he grinned at him.

Brian opened the packet and Justin took the condom off him and watching Brian's face, he ran his fingers down Brian's chest and stomach and reached under the surface of the water to the man's cock, rolling it on to him.

Keeping one hand around the base of his cock to ensure the condom stayed secure, Brian leaned back as Justin moved onto him and feeling the man enter him. Using the tub for leverage, Justin rode Brian. Ensuring contact was maintained between them, Brian put his hand at the back of Justin's neck, pulling him onto his cock even further. Brian had been close to coming before and it wasn't long until he climaxed, filling the condom.

Justin grinned and leaning out the tub to retrieve bottle and glasses, poured them both refills. “You know ... that bed looked pretty comfortable.”

Getting out the tub, Brian took off the condom and tossed it in a small trash can and then reached behind the door, where he retrieved two white and hugely fluffy robes, the first one he wrapped around Justin and the second he put on himself. Then he grabbed further supplies and they moved outside into the main room and lying on the bed, for a little while they just talked, with Justin telling him all the things he hoped he might produce in his new studio; his excitement hard to contain.

Making love to Justin on the fold-down bed was probably the most romantic thing Brian had ever done in his entire existence and he wanted tonight to go on forever and he promised himself that whatever happened, he'd be doing this with Justin for the rest of his life.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

With the studio finished, there was no stopping Justin. The dates for the showing in New York had come through. It had been pushed back to March, for which he'd actually been thankful for as it gave him more time to prepare. Ted had been very accommodating and had allowed Justin to more or less pick his hours, but both of them knew the situation couldn't go on for much longer and that Justin would probably be leaving soon in order to paint full-time.

Brian knuckled down to work as well and had never been so content in all his life and for now, not daring to think about the future. And he made frequent visits to the studio; the Jacuzzi proving to be a very useful addition.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Justin ... I'm no expert ... but even I can see how incredible your work is ... even more than before,” stated Daphne as she picked up first one piece of Justin's artwork and then another.

“Do you really think so?” Justin asked Daphne and his friend nodded and sat on one of the stools at his workbench. They hadn't managed to catch up in a few weeks and Justin had invited her over to see his new studio. “Well I have been experimenting more ... taking a few chances,” continued Justin. His confidence had soared in recent weeks and he felt capable of trying different methods and styles and taking risks.

“I guess living ... and working here really has helped,” and he smiled. “Brian has such faith in me ... I feel like I can try anything ... accomplish anything,” and he sat down on a stool beside her.

“I know he'll support me in whatever I want to do.”

“Do you know how liberating that is, Daph? ... To know that the man I love and who loves me allows me such freedom ... without any questions ... boundaries or explanations?” and he sighed and brought his stool closer.

“You're very lucky, Justin ... to have found a man like that ... who'll love you so unconditionally,” and Daphne smiled at him. Justin studied her. “I think you've been pretty lucky yourself,” and Daphne grinned even wider. “Josh wants to get engaged ... he's asked me what I think about a summer wedding.”

Justin slid of his stool and hugged her. “Oh, Daph ... I'm so pleased,” and he pulled back to look at her. “You are going to say yes,” and Daph nodded. “I'm just holding out a teeny bit longer,” and she grinned. “But I've made up my mind ... I'm telling him yes when he gets home tonight.”

“Well ... I think that's cause for celebration,” and moving to the kitchen, Justin brought out a pitcher of orange juice from the refrigerator and poured two large glasses which they clinked them together.

“To the future,” proposed Justin and Daph nodded. “And to the men in our lives,” she added.

“I'll drink to that,” returned Justin, grinning broadly.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The date for the show in NYC was getting closer and with only a week or so to go, Justin was also getting quieter, which Brian had put down to tiredness and anxiety that he would be ready in time. Justin had talked to the gallery owner on numerous occasions and arrangements had been made for his work to be packed up and shipped out in a couple of days and then Justin would travel there in time to oversee its hanging and for the start of the show. After that, he wasn't sure how much longer he should stay there. The gallery manager had suggested that Justin get himself an agent and had put him in touch with Miles Dory, listed on the Art Register as someone used to handling emerging artists and someone he'd recommended before with successful results.

“After a show in New York ... all sorts of people will want to talk to you once they've seen your work ... they'll all want a piece of you,” stated Brian after dinner one evening, when they'd taken coffee into the living room.

“You'll probably need someone who can take care of you and get you in to all the right parties ... so you can be seen at the right places ...”

“But that could take weeks … months,” Justin protested. “What ... you thought you'd be the next Andy Warhol without getting out on the scene? Without mixing it with the arty crowd?” asked Brian and Justin frowned. No, of course he hadn't been that naïve. He just hadn't wanted to think about what it might take to get accepted and how long it might mean him being away and away from Brian.

Brian sighed and put down his coffee cup and walked over to Justin who was standing by the fireplace and who now seemed very down. He thought Justin had understood, but the younger man seemed to be wavering.

“Justin ... you have a gift ... an incredibly wonderful gift ... and it deserves to be seen by as many people as possible.”

“But it takes a lot to get established ... and if that means you being away a couple of weeks ... a month ... or even a year ... it doesn't matter ... it's only time ... and we have the rest of our lives ahead of us.”

“But I'm not even sure this is what I want,” stated Justin, obviously confused and Brian put his hand at the back of the younger man's neck and pulled him closer.

“You saw the reaction to the show in the Pitts,” Brian stated and Justin nodded. “It was incredible ...more than I could ever dream about,” and Justin sighed. “But it scares me too,” he admitted and Brian smiled at him.

“Success can be like that,” agreed Brian. “It brings responsibilities we have no idea about ... but you can't be scared that you won't be a success?” and he frowned at the younger man's apparent doubts.

“No ... not that I won't succeed ... but whether I want to ... especially ...” and Justin stopped abruptly and looked away.

“Especially what?” Brian asked him and searching Justin's face for the truth and Justin hesitated. He looked close to tears.

“Especially if it means I have to spend so much time away from here ... away from you.”

“If all the shows people talked about actually happen ... and that New York really is the center of the universe as far as the art world is concerned ...”

“Justin ... this is what you've been working towards ... this is who you are,” Brian stated, firmly and Justin closed his eyes and pulled away. He knew it was the truth, but the prospect of leaving Brian, even for a short while, was too painful to even contemplate, but Brian reached out and brought him around to face him.

“When you thought you wouldn't be able to paint after the bashing ... you thought you didn't want to go on ... didn't you ... well didn't you?” Brian demanded gently and Justin closed his eyes and nodded.

“But you did ... despite all the odds ... because it's what makes you who you are ... and without it ... you'd never truly be happy or fulfilled.” Gently, Brian stroked Justin's face with the back of his hand.

“I can't ... I won't let you give up the chance to be who you are ... who you are meant to be,” and he smiled. “Just because you feel you should be here ... with me,” and although Brian knew just how hard it was going to be to see him leave, it had to be this way in order to ensure they would survive.

“If you don't do this ... in a few years you'll look back and wonder what might have been ... and then you'll blame me for stopping you ... and that'll tear us apart quicker than anything.”

Justin sighed. He knew Brian was right, but it felt like he was taking everything and giving nothing back in return. “You've done so much for me ... it just feels like I'm running out on you,” confessed Justin.

“If this opportunity came up and I wasn't around ... would you go then?” Brian asked him and Justin looked away. “Justin?” repeated Brian, expecting an answer and the younger man nodded. “I suppose,” and then he nodded. “Yes ... of course I'd go,” he admitted.

Brian nodded. “There's your answer ... and you've given me more than you'll ever know,” he assured him. “I love you ... but we're not like straight folks,” stated Brian, hoping Justin would understand.

“We're two fags ... two guys who have careers ... not a couple where one of us is going to be content to stay home and play house ... be the little wifey ... that's not who we are.”

“And besides ... you have to go out there and be the best homosexual you can be ... remember?” Brian smiled at him and Justin smiled in return. “Because there's nothing that pisses off straight people more than a successful fag,” the younger man stated, remembering Brian's words. But he knew they were true and that he wouldn't even know how to survive if he couldn't express himself through his art and that if he didn't give this a go, he'd probably end up hating himself and, worse still, hating Brian.

Reaching out, Brian pulled the younger man onto his chest and Justin looked up at him. Brian pushed the blond hair back from Justin's forehead and smiled. “The only chance we have of making this work is because we want it to ... without one of us stifling the other.”

“And giving up your dreams to be something you're not isn't love ... it's sacrifice.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Kathleen had cooked a really nice dinner and without being asked, she laid the table for Brian and Justin to eat in the dining room instead of the kitchen. With everything ready, she said goodnight and went over to her own rooms, leaving the two men to dish the food up for themselves.

It was the night before Justin was due to leave for NYC and even though they'd decided this was exactly the right thing for the younger man to do, neither of them was looking forward to the moment he actually left.

Brian couldn't help himself, but he grinned when he saw the elaborate table settings, complete with candles. “She means well,” stated Justin, knowing romantic notions didn't really come easy to Brian. He knew the man was unlikely to ever buy him roses, but he gave him something much more precious than meaningless romantic gestures: he'd given him license to be himself. Something worth more than a thousand bunches of flowers.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

They tried to do justice to the food, but neither of them really had much of an appetite and it seemed to Justin that Brian still had something on his mind, even though he'd been emphatic in his agreement for Justin's pursuit of his art and he'd been around the man long enough now to know that a lot more went on underneath than was actually portrayed on the surface. But this time, Brian was finding it hard to keep his emotions in check.

Eventually giving up on the meal, they moved into the living room and for a few moments, Brian stood and looked at the portrait of himself with Gus that was hanging there and he smiled in relief, knowing he was doing exactly the right thing in his willingness to let Justin go.

Justin couldn't not ask; he didn't want to go away without anything left unsaid between them and he walked over to Brian and put a hand on the man's shoulder.

“It's not as if we're not going to be seeing each other ... the opening's only days away ... but if you want to talk about what we're doing again ... that's fine by me.”

“I don't care how often we go over it ... I'd rather that then not talk about it at all,” continued Justin and Brian sighed and rolled his lips into his mouth before reaching into his pocket and taking out a small box. But then he closed his eyes and groaned.

“What ... what is it?” asked Justin and Brian opened his eyes and looked at him. While Justin had been painting, Brian had done a little shopping.

“This seemed like such a good idea at the time ... but I'm not sure now that I'm not going to make a fucking idiot of myself,” and he sighed and rubbed his temple.

“You could never do that,” assured Justin and he smiled. “So ... tell me,” and his heart was thumping in his chest. Coincidentally, so was Brian's.

Brian looked at him and then opened the box. Inside there were two platinum rings.

“They're Irish Claddagh rings,” Brian informed him as he peered into the box and not looking at Justin and the younger man nodded. “I know what they are,” he said quietly and overcome by this totally unexpected and most romantic of gestures.

“But did you know that how you wear them has a specific meaning?” asked Brian, finally looking at him and this time, Justin shook his head. Brian took the smaller of the rings out of the box and held it up for Justin to see.

“If you wear them on the right hand ... with the crown turned inwards ... if means your heart is still unoccupied.”

“But if you wear them with the crown turned outwards ... it shows a special commitment to someone.”

“What if you wear them on the left hand?” Justin asked wistfully and Brian smiled. “With the crown turned outwards ... it means two people's love and friendship will reign forever.”

“Are you asking me to marry you?” asked Justin and then immediately regretted his question. He didn't want to put Brian on the spot and not be able to stick around long enough to completely talk it through. Brian sighed, it was obvious he really wasn't exactly sure what he was asking.

“If I show you how I feel,” stated Justin, after a moment's silence. “It doesn't mean you have to say the same ... I'll understand if you're not ready,” and now facing Brian square on, he held out his left hand. “Turned outwards,“ instructed Justin and Brian smiled as he placed the ring on the younger man’s finger.

“How did you do that ... get exactly the right size?” Justin asked him in amazement as he fingered the ring and Brian grinned. “I put a piece of string around your finger while you were asleep,” he admitted and both men laughed and then they went quiet as Justin took the second ring from the box in Brian's hand and waited. Brian put the empty box on the mantelpiece and looked down at both his hands.

“Marriage is a big step, Justin ... especially for a couple of fags,” sighed Brian. “But love and commitment?” and he nodded. “That part ... that part I now think I can manage ... if you'll have me,” and he held out his left hand. “Turned outwards,” stated Brian, echoing Justin’s words and smiling broadly, Justin placed the ring on Brian's finger.

“This doesn't mean we're tied down ... what I said before still stands ... that you're free to pursue whatever you have to ... and however long it takes,” reminded Brian.

“But I want you to know that I'll be here ... I'll always be here ... waiting ... and that I'll love you no matter what ... you do understand that ... don't you?”

Justin rubbed Brian's arm and looked up into those beautiful hazel eyes. “I do ... of course I do,” the younger man answered him and Brian took Justin in his arms.

“I love you,” whispered Justin and both men's eyes filled with tears and Brian nodded and swallowed. “What time's your flight?” he asked him. “10:00,” Justin answered. “In that case we have plenty of time,” and leaning down, Brian took the blond in a kiss that told Justin exactly what he needed to know. That he should go and that he should do this and then feel free to come home.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“You will come ... for the opening?” Justin asked him. He'd placed his suitcase in the hall just outside Brian's study and crossed the floor to the desk where Brian was sitting; the older man nodded. “I wouldn't miss it,” and Brian took a deep breath. Justin had said goodbye to Kathleen who'd hugged him. He then gave her his cell phone number and made her promise she would call him if she was concerned about Brian at all, because he had a sneaky feeling that Brian might not because he wouldn't want to worry him.

“I'll call you as soon as I land,” the younger man continued and Brian nodded and rolled his lips into his mouth, but didn't answer him. “I gave you the address of the place Miles has booked me into,” continued Justin and Brian reached into the pocket of his jeans.

“Here ... you'll need this ... a little survival money ... you don't want to have to rely on Dory for everything,” and he handed it to Justin, who shook his head. “You've done so much already ... I can't take your money.”

“Actually ... it's your money,” stated Brian and he saw Justin frown in confusion.

“It's the money you've been paying for your keep,” and Brian smiled. “You didn't think it came anywhere near to pay for the running of this place ... did you?” and Justin smiled back. “No ... of course not ... I guessed you were just humoring me.” Brian shook his head.

“No ... I'd never do that ... you wanted to pay your way and you paid what you could ... but you'll make better use of it now.”

Justin opened the envelope and took out the pass book. He opened it and whistled. “It's been in a high interest account,” stated Brian in his attempt at explanation for the amount of zeros on the page.

“On what ... the fucking moon?” Justin asked him and then he looked up at Brian and smiled. “Thank you.” They both knew Justin's contributions would never reap this kind of reward, but Brian was right, he would need some survival money and it would be better if the agent didn't think Justin wouldn't manage without him and again, Brian had thought of everything.

“And I hope you've got room for this in your luggage,” and getting up from behind his desk he picked up a brand new laptop and handed it to Justin. “It's all set up ... and I'm expecting lots of cyber sex,” Brian informed him, forcing a smile and Justin smiled too, despite his heartache. Going out into the hall, he opened up his case and placed the laptop inside. At least now they'd be able to keep in touch by email and I.M. as well as by phone.

“Well then ... that's me ... I'm all packed.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin turned in his seat to look at the house; the house of his dreams, as they pulled off the drive. “I'm going to miss this place,” stated the younger man, and indeed he would, though not nearly as much as the man who lived there.

“You'll be back before you know it,” Brian tried to reassure them both.

Brian had offered to drive to the airport, but Justin had told him not to come to the departure lounge and the older man was quite relieved as he didn't want a public parting either. But now they sat in the parking lot, grateful for the car’s tinted windows, for what seemed like ages before one of them spoke.

“I guess I should go,” stated Justin and Brian nodded. “I guess you should.” Brian smiled and looked at Justin; both men only just managing to keep their emotions in check.

“Kiss me ... and get on that fucking plane,” instructed Brian, his voice quivering and he caught hold of Justin around the back of the young man's neck and they kissed long and hard and as if both men's lives depended on it.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Even though they were constantly in touch, every day that Justin had been gone seemed like a month. But true to his word, Brian went to the opening. Not wanting to distract him, Brian didn't get there until the day and Justin had been talking to several art critics when he arrived.

Brian watched him for a few moments. Justin was laughing and seemed so totally at home and for a guilty moment, Brian's heart sank. If Justin felt too at ease here, then he might never want to come home. But then he noticed that Justin was fingering his ring and Brian smiled when he realized he was doing exactly the same thing.

Then, Justin caught sight of him and the expression on the younger man's face as the broad grin erupted, re-affirmed his own feelings and Justin strode quickly across the floor to fling his arms around Brian's neck and kiss him.

“I have missed you so much,” Justin whispered to him. “Phone sex isn't nearly as good as the real thing,” he grinned at him and Brian grinned back.

Brian stayed for three days and Justin insisted in taking time out and together they did a little sightseeing. And no, phone sex could never compare to the real thing.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

In the end, Justin was gone for almost a year; months of doing the rounds of the art crowd, giving interviews and trying to paint. Brian threw himself into his own work and tried his best to fill the days, but the nights were the worse.

Though there'd been a time when the thought of waking up next to someone, especially the same person every day, had actually appalled Brian. But now he missed not waking up beside Justin. And in NYC, Justin missed Brian every minute of every day and couldn't wait to get home and Brian flew out every few weeks to spend a couple of days with him.

Justin was slowly making a name for himself and gaining a reputation, but he wasn't totally happy with his work. He tried and though it was good, he knew it wasn't his best and it wasn't difficult to realize why that should be. Though he had all the right equipment and Dory had found him the perfect studio; a studio that cost a small fortune to rent, his heart wasn't totally in it. His heart was back at the house in WV and with Brian.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Six months later:

After the success of NYC, offers of more shows had followed; one more for another gallery in the Big Apple, together with provisional dates being set for the following year. Brian made several trips to see Justin and throughout the summer, Justin had begun to regularly sell his work and had even been offered specific commissions. Though this was some something he didn't do often as he painted from the heart, the odd one or two would help keep the money coming in so that he would be able to make a bigger contribution to the house; his and Brian's home.

Brian laughed when Justin sent the first check and was about to call him to ask him what the fuck was he doing sending him money. And then he realized that this was Justin's way of asking Brian to see him as an equal. Justin had always been equal in Brian's eyes, but he knew how important it was to Justin to be considered as such. And so Brian called him to say thank you.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian's relationship with Debbie had progressed so far to the odd phone call, especially when she'd learned from Vic that Justin was away. Vic assured her that the two of them had decided it was what Justin should do and she rang Brian to ask how Justin was getting along, when all the time, she really rang to ask Brian how he was doing with the younger man away.

Brian had smiled to himself. Debbie had always been so transparent in that way, but he appreciated the fact that she actually took the time to call and was able to recount proudly on Justin's success and the fact that he was doing okay too. But Brian still didn't hear directly from Michael.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Gus came to stay again during the summer break and at long last Brian had no qualms of going out and doing so much more with him. His son was growing taller and more mature all the time and every moment spent together was precious.

Justin made a point of flying back and spending a couple of weekends with them and to go out as a family meant more to Brian than he would ever admit. And then when Justin finally came back home in the fall and settled down to some serious painting, everything seemed to fall into place.

Brian had never been happier and any misgivings he may have once had about never falling in love seemed like a distant memory. Justin made it so easy and daily, Brian had grown in confidence about himself and his ability to love in return, with Justin making it very clear that while he may have to go away frequently, he would always come home to Brian and both men knew and understood that this was how it would be; how it was meant to be for both of them.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Another Christmas came and went, which for both men felt like an anniversary and another year on from when Brian was able to finally admit how he felt.

Justin had agreed to a show in Toronto in the early Spring. Lindsay made all the arrangements and Brian went with him. It was a great opportunity to see Gus as well as support Justin and no longer fearing how he looked and with seemingly his confidence fully recovered, Brian didn't even think twice about booking the flights. And then something happened that once again, changed everyone's lives.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian hadn't given the timing of the show a second thought and was never sure whether Lindsay just forgot to tell him in all the preparations, but it was Jenny Rebecca's birthday in a few days and Debbie, Carl, Michael and Ben had arrived in Toronto to visit. Michael had seen his daughter regularly, but Debbie hadn't seen her for months and when the suggestion came for her to visit, she'd jumped at the chance, even if she did bitch about how frigging cold the place was.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was the weekend and Lindsay and Justin were at the gallery when Brian called to collect Gus and walked right in on the Novotny-Bruckners. Carl was friendly enough and made a point of talking to him while Gus was getting his coat on and Debbie smiled and asked Brian how he was and that she was looking forward to seeing Justin's show too.

Ben was polite, if a little embarrassed, but when Michael came down from upstairs having collected Jenny Rebecca, he hurriedly put on her coat, hat, scarf and thick woolen mittens and made it perfectly clear that he didn't want to talk to him; something Brian still didn't understand considering what they all now knew.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

While Justin was occupied with the arrangements at the gallery, Brian had his son for most of the day. They thoroughly enjoyed themselves as Gus showed his dad the sights, including the CN Tower, though Brian hadn’t really wanted to admit that he wasn't overly keen on the glass floor all those feet up, especially when Gus insisted on jumping up and down on it to demonstrate just how safe it was.

“I know it's supposed to hold the weight of God knows how many elephants ... but I really don't think we have to test it out,” stated Brian, quite happy to move onto the carpet.

Later that afternoon, Gus had a friend's birthday party to go to, so Brian deposited him back home early and made plans with Melanie to have him again on the Sunday and he made his way over to the gallery to catch up with Justin.

It was starting to get dark and parking the car across the street from the gallery, he was just getting out when he heard the truck's air horn blow and when he looked over, what he saw made Brian act before he even had a chance to think.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Jenny Rebecca had been in the company of her dads and grandparents all day as Michael had wanted to take her shopping and buy her a new party dress. However, this was taking a lot longer than he thought, much to the dismay of his mother, who had seen at least half a dozen suitable dresses, but none of which Michael liked. Debbie declared she was giving up and finding themselves on the same street as the gallery, she and Carl had gone in to say hello to Lindsay, leaving Michael and Ben looking in the window of a children’s boutique, just a few doors down.

Like any other child of almost six years old, little Jenny Rebecca's attention was easily distracted and across the road, she saw a woman with her teenage daughter out walking a little dog. Jenny Rebecca smiled. “Puppy,” she whispered to herself and before he even realized it, Michael was left holding his daughter's empty mitten, with the youngster having pulled away quietly from his hold. In a panic, he quickly turned around. “Shit ... where did she go? ... Ben ... did you see where she went?”

Both men in a frenzy, Ben hurried along the street, looking among the crowded sidewalk for their daughter. Looking around him, Michael yelled out. “JENNY REBECCA!”

“MICHAEL!” Ben shouted back at his husband, who looked to where Ben was pointing, but seemingly neither man could move and everything appeared to be happening in slow-motion. And that's when they heard the air horn, followed by the screech of brakes and the earsplitting scream.

In her attempt at wanting to stroke the puppy, Jenny Rebecca tried to cross over the street and had wandered out into the traffic. Cars had miraculously pulled around her, but now the truck, with little room to maneuver, swerved in order to try and avoid hitting the little girl, but it was just too big.

Brian didn't even realize immediately who it was, but he was closest at hand and some sort of parental instinct must have kicked in.

With only seconds to spare, Brian dived into the street and he grabbed at the little girl and caught her by the sleeve and pulled her towards him. Turning to one side, barely able to keep his balance, he managed to deposit Jenny Rebecca in the curb, a little bruised but otherwise unharmed, where she was quickly picked up by a woman who had seen what was happening. But the truck had then caught Brian a sideways glance and as the woman on the sidewalk screamed, everything went black.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Broken shoulder ... two busted ribs and a mild concussion ... you were damned lucky,” stated the doctor.

“Lucky's my middle name,” uttered Brian hoarsely as he tried to sit up. He'd come to in the ambulance, but with the oxygen mask on he hadn't been able to say anything, but the fact that he'd opened his eyes, Justin had heaved a huge sigh of relief. They'd heard the commotion in the gallery and had stepped outside to see what was happening and Justin had been horrified to learn that it was Brian lying in the middle of the street and surrounded by onlookers. Jenny Rebecca was in the ambulance also, accompanied by Lindsay, who had called Melanie to tell her what had happened and who would meet them at the hospital. Later on examination, little Jenny Rebecca was pronounced fit and well and could go home straight away, but Brian would be x-rayed and scanned and would be kept in at least overnight for observation.

“You are fucking amazing,” stated Justin, once the doctor had left and he leaned over to kiss Brian.

“He's a fucking hero,” came the voice behind him and Justin turned around to see Debbie standing in the doorway holding two styrofoam cups of coffee and she walked over to them and handed one cup to Justin. Brian frowned.

“You do know what you did?” asked Justin, looking at him and Brian tried to shrug. When he'd stepped out into the street, all he'd seen was a little girl in danger, but in the ambulance and seeing Lindsay with her on her lap, it eventually seeped in who it was he'd grabbed hold of. Brian groaned and held his bandaged shoulder. “This ... hurts like a motherfucker ...”

“The doctor said the nurse will be in shortly to give you some painkillers,” stated Justin. “Just ask her to leave the bottle,” murmured Brian and he lay back down on the pillows. Justin smiled and took a sip of his coffee and he glanced at Debbie. The woman looked as if she wanted to say something and Justin got to his feet. “I'll go and check on Jenny Rebecca,” he stated and smiled knowingly at Debbie as he left the room.

“Well ... kiddo ... you never cease to amaze me,” stated Debbie quietly as she drew a chair up to the bed. “What is it with you and traffic accidents?” Brian tried to smile. “You know me Debbie ... never did do anything by halves.”

“And on this occasion ... I have never been so pleased that you did,” came the heartfelt admission.

“I owe you, Brian ... we all do,” and putting down her cup, Debbie got up from the chair and, leaning over, she squeezed his hand and kissed him on the cheek. “Now ... if you'll excuse me ... I have a son to disembowel.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin found them all gathered in the corridor outside and wanting to know how Brian was. “Why don't you go ask?” stated Justin and definitely embarrassed, Melanie took Jenny Rebecca in to see her savior.

“Michael ... I want a word with you,” and Michael closed his eyes at his mother's voice. He'd already had both ears and certain other parts of his anatomy chewed off by Melanie and Lindsay and he knew exactly how careless he'd been with his daughter's life.

“Ma ... it was an accident ... I was distracted for two seconds.”

“Two seconds which nearly cost your daughter her life,” his mother shot back at him and she saw how pale her son was and that he looked physically sick; he knew what he'd done.

“I guess you won't do it again?” his mother suggested and Michael nodded. “If I ever get the chance to see her again ... after this,” he sighed and he sat down on the chair and put his head in his hands.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Melanie struggled to start with, but seeing the tears in her eyes, Brian knew what she was going through and ended up waving her apologies away. For probably the first time ever, they were in tune. They were both parents and Brian knew full well how he'd feel if the same thing had happened to Gus and how grateful he'd be to whoever had put their own life at risk to save him. And now Melanie was indebted to him for the rest of her life which was a very strange feeling for Brian to experience and, if it had been for any other reason, he would probably have enjoyed immensely.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian was discharged the following morning and spent the day at Melanie and Lindsay's instead of the hotel he and Justin had been staying in. Justin wanted to postpone the show, but Brian refused.

“Everything's been printed and advertised ... there's no way you can cancel and re-schedule,” Brian insisted. But Justin only attended the opening day and then flew home with Brian. “There will always be other shows,” Justin told him.

And then, a few days later, Michael came to visit.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin offered Michael coffee, but the man refused and Justin left them alone. Michael had said he'd understand if Brian didn't want to talk to him, but he'd like to say his piece if he’d allow him to.

Brian nodded and sat on the sofa waiting for the man to begin and Michael just paced up and down. “You're going to wear out the fucking carpet,” stated Brian, wondering why it could be so incredibly difficult to talk to the man who had been such a big part of his life.

“I am so sorry,” stated Michael eventually and Brian frowned. “I'm surprised you're not talking falsetto ... I thought Mel would have removed your balls by now.”

“I'm not talking about Jenny Rebecca ... though I'll never forgive myself,” stated Michael. “I feel sick every time I think about it,” and Michael stopped his pacing and stood in front of Brian.

“I can never thank you enough.”

“You don't have to,” stated Brian. “What's done is done, Michael ... I'm just glad she's okay.”

“But I don't mean about Jenny Rebecca ... though of course I'm indebted to you forever for what you did ... again.” Brian raised an eyebrow as he tried to work out what Michael was referring to.

“I'm talking about the other accident ... our accident,” stated Michael and Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and sighed.

“Do we have to go over it again ... weren't you there when Kyle said ...”

“I'm not talking about what Kyle did ... I'm talking about what I did,” and Michael sighed and sat down on the sofa beside Brian.

“I should never have told the Patrolman that it was me driving ... I never realized what everyone would think when they found out ... that you'd deliberately let me do that to save your own neck.” Brian nodded. “Everyone thought I was a fucking coward ... that I was letting you cover my ass ... as usual.”

“But I couldn't work out why you didn't say anything,” continued Michael. “Until I was sitting in the Family Court at Hunter's adoption hearing.”

Brian sat slowly back in the sofa. His shoulder was still painful and he'd be out of commission yet for a few weeks and had to tell the producers of his latest movie that he'd be late, missing his deadlines. But now he was more interested in hearing what Michael had to say.

Michael took a deep breath. “During the hearing ... the judge talked about Ben and me … and how we'd coped being foster parents … and that he thought we'd done a pretty good job.” Brian nodded. “You did ... Hunter could still be on the streets ... or worse ... if you hadn't stepped in.”

“Maybe,” agreed Michael. “But his mom contested the adoption ... so it was really important for us to come across as nothing less than squeaky clean ... and then it hit me.”

“During his summing up ... the judge said how Ben and I were of good character ... without a blemish against either one of us … and I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut.”

“I suddenly realized that if it came out that I'd lied to the authorities about the accident ... there was no way a judge could have ignored that ... the adoption wouldn't have been approved and I might even have ended up with a charge against me.”

“I couldn't believe I'd been so fucking stupid not to see it.”

“Your first instinct was to protect me,” pointed out Brian and he shrugged, painfully. “But what I could never understand was why you ... of all people ... totally ignored me afterwards.”

“Why Mikey? ... I could understand why Debbie cut me off ... but why wouldn't you talk to me or take my calls?”

Michael looked down at his hands. “I was ashamed ... I'd ruined my best friend's life ... I couldn't face you ... so it was easier not to try.”

“Can you ever forgive me?” asked Michael and Brian closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the sofa. What was he supposed to say? Michael had always been there for him so much in the past; when his dad beat him up and when he died and was the only one who had witnessed and really understood what Brian had gone through during his childhood. The man who had propped him up emotionally and physically.

“I understand,” stated Michael, interpreting Brian's silence as a refusal to accept his apology and he got up to leave.

“Michael ... I'm not saying things can ever go back to how they were ... too much has happened,” and Brian got up slowly as he nursed his injured shoulder. He groaned and Michael instinctively put out a hand to support him. Brian smiled. “Still trying to help ... eh Michael?” and the other man dropped his hand to his side.

Brian looked at him. “You have Ben ... and I have Justin now,” stated Brian. “I have a new life ... with a man I love and who loves me,” and Brian smiled. This was the first time he'd ever been able to say that and it made his heart swell with emotion.

“And life's too fucking short to live in the past ... I've moved on ... with no apologies ... no regrets ... remember?”

Michael smiled, understanding how living in the past with regrets and recriminations does no one any good and that there comes a time when you have to let it go.

Michael put out his hand and looked Brian in the eye. Brian smiled and took Michael's hand.

“Then here's to the future,” stated Michael and Brian nodded.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A week later, Justin found Brian in the bedroom, studying the picture of himself cradling baby Gus. His shoulder was still strapped up and Justin saw Brian replace the photograph and move into the bathroom where he looked at himself in the mirror. Justin frowned and followed him in.

“Are you okay?” he asked him, obviously concerned and Brian looked at Justin's reflection in the mirror. He swallowed.

“After you left me in the hospital ... I asked to speak to the plastic surgeon,” revealed Brian and he saw Justin's surprise. Brian then looked back at his own reflection.

“I asked him how successful he thought removing the scars would be,” and he smiled. “I wouldn't shave the beard ... but he could feel them.”

“What did he say?” asked Justin, curiously and Brian turned around to face him. “He said a decent surgeon should be able to make a pretty good job,” and Brian moved back into the bedroom.

“Are you thinking of having the surgery?” Justin asked him and Brian rolled his lips into his mouth. “I'm thinking about it,” he admitted after a few moments and Justin walked up to him and put his hand on the man's arm.

“Why are you thinking about having it done now ... after all this time?”

“I couldn't face it before ... I didn't think it was worth it ... I didn't have any reason to do it,” admitted Brian.

“And now?” asked Justin and Brian shrugged.

Justin frowned at him. “Tell me one thing ... honestly ... okay?” he asked him and Brian nodded.

“If you do have the surgery ... who would you be doing it for ... me or you?”

Brian thought for a moment and then smiled. “For me,” he answered him and Justin smiled back at him.

“Good ... because I fell in love with you as you are now ... not how you looked before.”

“I don't give a damn about any scars ... you're still the most beautiful man I've ever met.”

 

 

- o O o -

 

 

Epilogue:

The separations were never easy, but Brian and Justin learned to make the most of the time they spent together, with each in the knowledge that their love was strong enough to overcome such hurdles. They never doubted that they'd made the right decisions, either for Justin to go to NYC and pursue his dreams, or in their commitment to each other.

Justin's art career continued to flourish, with his reputation for producing ever more wonderful work increasing all the time.

Deciding to leave Kinnetik in the safe hands of Ted and Cynthia, Brian concentrated on his writing. His screenplays grew even more popular, resulting in further demands on his time and winning him several professional awards for their unique and haunting qualities.

It took planning, but having virtually taken the art world by storm over the last few years, Justin could almost dictate his schedule and made sure he was never away from home for more than a month at a time. Brian always flew out to wherever he was to join him at least once, continuing to work on his laptop on his latest project while Justin was involved with his show. Then they would grab some time together when Justin was free, but next year, Justin had shows in both Sydney and Tokyo and for those, Brian was going with him for the duration.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Daphne and Josh decided to put off getting married until after Daphne's final exams. But once she'd become a fully qualified doctor, they had the whole church bit, which in the end had taken a fair bit of organizing.

They'd decided they wouldn't wait too long to start a family, with Daphne wanting to go into general practice after returning from maternity leave and they'd already sounded out Brian and Justin as potential godparents.

Brian and Justin had attended the wedding of course and, during the ceremony, Justin felt Brian squeeze his hand and he'd glanced up at him. Brian smiled at him and Justin smiled back and tried to concentrate on proceedings, but was sure the man was intimating that one day, it might very well be them.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“That was Debbie ... her and Carl would love to come to Thanksgiving dinner,” stated Justin, as he came into the kitchen from the hallway. “So with Vic, Rodney, mom and Tucker ... that makes 14 of us.”

“I'll ask Kathleen to confirm the numbers with the caterers in the morning,” stated Brian and he picked up the coffee pot from the hot plate and poured them both a cup. Justin grinned at him. “Emmett's gonna be pretty put out we haven't used him,” observed the younger man as Brian put both cups on the kitchen table and sat down.

“If we did he'll only keep organizing everything instead of being one of the guests,” stated Brian. “He'll probably do that anyway,” Justin pointed out to him and Brian nodded. “If Debbie doesn't get in first.”

“As it is I don't think Kathleen's too impressed about anyone else using her kitchen ... but it's only fair that she gets to have Thanksgiving with her own family,” Justin nodded in agreement and sat down opposite Brian at the table and he picked up the mug of coffee Brian had placed there for him and he shook his head.

“I can't believe almost another year has gone by ... I'm so looking forward to Christmas and going up to Toronto and seeing Gus.”

Slowly, very slowly, in the intervening months, Brian's relationship with the family had steadily improved. Since Michael admitted he'd been wrong in speaking out and making a false statement to the Highway Patrolman and knowing just how much he owed him in saving Jenny Rebecca, his and Brian's friendship had gradually been renewed. It would never be the same of course and nor should it be. Now that Brian had Justin, someone he loved and who loved him back and who could provide him with all the emotional support and physical need he could possibly want, as Brian did for Justin, Brian would never need to lean on Michael any more.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

With Gus now a teenager and taking ever more interest in Emily Powell, their neighbor's daughter was a frequent visitor to the house during the summer break and Buttons had taken up permanent residence with Muffin; the pair of them now constant companions.

It was another hot summer day and leaving the two young people enjoying themselves in the swimming pool and under the watchful eye of Daphne and Josh, Justin went to look for Brian.

Unusually for Brian, he was still working while Gus was visiting and had disappeared to the study a short while ago saying he was almost done and keen to put the finishing touches to his story. Justin was curious, as Brian always cleared his calendar whenever Gus came to visit so there must be something special about this particular screenplay to keep him so involved.

Justin spoke to him from the doorway, but the man was so engrossed in what he was doing he didn't hear him and crossing the study floor, Justin perched on the corner of Brian's desk.

“So ... how does this one go?” he asked him. “Hmm?” asked Brian, not really hearing him. But then he realized the younger man was sitting on his desk and Brian looked up.

“What?”

Justin chuckled. “I don't think I've ever seen you so caught up in anything you've been working on like this before,” and Brian smiled at him. “Well ... this one's a little different,” and he returned to what he was doing.

“How different? ... How does this one end?” asked Justin and then he put up his hand. “No ... don't tell me ... let me see if I can guess,” and he got up from the desk and started to pace the floor; after a few moments contemplating, he turned back to face him.

“The hero goes off to war before he can tell the heroine that he loves her ... and he's killed saving his platoon,” suggested Justin, with a slight smile playing on his lips.

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth but continued to type. He shook his head. “Nowhere near close ... try again, Sunshine.”

Justin frowned. “Hmm ... let me see ...” and he walked around behind Brian and ran his hand up the man's neck and through his hair. “I know ... the heroine falls ill in the final act ... she has some incurable disease ... and they get married from her hospital bed ... just moments before she dies.”

“Now you're taking the piss,” Brian accused him, but the twinkle in his eyes gave him away; there was no way he was mad or even thought that Justin was deliberately making fun of him or his work.

Justin shrugged. “Okay ... I give up ... you tell me how it ends,” and he sat down in a chair facing him. Brian took a deep breath.

“This one is different ... because it's about two guys ... two men who meet ... and fall in love,” and he looked up over at him. Justin moved forward and sat on the edge of the seat. “Are you serious?” he asked him and Brian nodded.

“Jeez ... do they know you're doing this?” asked Justin, referring to the movie makers Brian wrote for and the man smiled. “They haven't a fucking clue,” he answered him and Justin got up and walked over and sat back down on the corner of the desk.

“Well ... do you think they'll buy it? There's only ever been a handful of gay movies ... and the big boys stay well clear of them ... they're scared shitless.”

“I know,” answered Brian. “Which is why I could end up making this one myself.”

“You?” asked Justin in amazement. “Won't that be expensive?” Brian shrugged. “Why not me ... indies have a wider audience these days ... and besides ... it's only money.” Justin smiled and leaned towards him.

“Brian Kinney ... movie mogul,” and then suddenly Justin frowned. “You're serious ... aren't you?” and Brian nodded. “Never more so.”

Justin drew back and blinked. “But ... won't that mean you having to spend time in L.A.? That's the other side of the fucking country ... it's bad enough I have to spend so much time in New York or any where else come to that ... if you're going to be in California for any length of time ... when the hell are we going to get together?”

“Shit.” Justin sighed and momentarily closed his eyes. “Christ ... listen to me ... you've given me all the freedom I've ever needed to do what I wanted to do ... what I needed to do ... and I'm complaining because you want to do the same thing,” and reaching out, he took Brian's hand.

“If you want to do this ... then of course you should ... I'll support you all the way ... we'll make it work ... we have so far … we always will,” and Justin smiled. Brian squeezed Justin's hand and the younger man leaned across to kiss him.

It was strange but heartening for Brian to hear Justin say how he would support him in whatever he chose to do, but Brian only grinned at him. Justin narrowed his eyes; the man obviously had something on his mind that he so far hadn't mentioned.

“If I do this ...” “When you do it,” corrected Justin, because with Brian's confidence and self-esteem at an all time high, he had every faith that the man was more than capable of doing anything he'd set his heart on and Brian smiled, acknowledging the younger man's belief in him.

“When I do this ... it doesn't necessarily mean me spending any time in L.A. at all.” Justin frowned, wondering what Brian was getting at.

“A lot of movies … and TV … that we think are made in the U.S. ... are actually shot up in Toronto ...” Brian let the words hang and Justin started to grin.

“Toronto?”

“Sure ... the city actively encourages movie makers to go there.”

“We could rent a house ... Gus could come and stay,” Brian continued.

“And that would piss Mel off,” grinned Justin and Brian returned the grin. “Another reason to do it.”

Although Melanie would always be indebted to Brian for saving Jenny Rebecca's life, normal hostilities had been pretty much resumed and Brian wouldn't have it any other way. There was comfort in familiarity after all and her inherent dislike of Brian still came through on occasions: she just couldn't help herself.

Fingering his ring, Justin thought for a moment and then frowned. “This story ... is it about us?”

Brian shrugged. “I'd be lying if I said I hadn't drawn on my own personal experiences,” he admitted. “Then it is about us,” stated Justin, grinning and then he frowned. “Hmm ... who would you want to play you ... and who would play me ... would you want anyone who isn't gay to play either of us?” he asked him, with Justin's obvious enthusiasm for the idea running away with him.

“Whoa ... let's not get too far ahead ... I haven't really given much thought about casting yet.”

“Well I've got some ideas,” stated Justin. “How about ...” and Brian put his hand up to stop him. “I hope you're not going to suggest ... who I think you're thinking of.” Justin grinned at him. “No ... besides we all know HE isn't gay,” and then he sighed.

“But I know that with you behind it ... it's bound to be a runaway success ... it's an absolutely brilliant idea ... but ...”

“But what?” Brian asked him and he frowned at the worried look on Justin's face and saw those beautiful blue eyes suddenly cloud over. “This movie ... does it play out like all the rest?” Looking at each other, neither of them spoke for a moment and then Brian smiled and shook his head.

“I said this one was different,” stated Brian, slowly and deliberately and then he hit Save. Taking a deep breath and sighing with satisfaction, Brian then closed the lid of the laptop.

Justin sighed with relief. “Then ... have you any thoughts about what you're going to call it?” he asked him and Brian frowned.

“Hmm ... how does 'Happily Ever After' sound to you?” Justin chuckled. “You're not seriously going to call it that?” he asked him and Brian smiled back. “Probably not ... that's just a little too ridiculously romantic.”

Justin leaned across the desk and kissed him. “Yes ... I guess it is,” he whispered, and at last it seemed that Brian now believed in happy endings after all.

 

The End.

Christmas 2005

Everyone, have a wonderful Christmas and every good wish for 2006. And to Brian and Justin, wherever you may be, the love you share is never ending and will keep you together always. Julia

 

 

 

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