"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest."
-Confucius

It was so fucking cold, he could see his breath.  The puff of frigid air, almost crystallized before him.  It was going to be one of those brutal nights.  Once the harsh winter weather settled upon New York, nights like this were a regular occurrence.  

Since Justin already knew from past experience, that he wouldn't get lodging at a shelter, he hoofed the twelve long, agonizing blocks to Grand Central Station.  By the time Justin had reached his destination, his feet and fingers were so frozen, that they burned.  He huddled gratefully on a bench until the pain subsided, and the warmth slowly returned to each digit.  "Shit!"  His life really sucked. 

Justin was all of eighteen years old, and had been a vagabond for slightly over a year now.  Returning home was not an option.  It never was.  His dear old dad had tossed him out of the house when he found out Justin was gay, while his mother sheepishly stood by.  He'd never forget the pathetic tears that streamed down her face, as she watched her husband angrily denounce him as their son.  But he hadn't expected his mother to come to his rescue.  He knew she was too afraid of incurring Craig's wrath. 

Justin's sole regret was leaving his sister behind, but he figured she'd be okay.  His father had never laid a hand on her.  Justin had been the one Craig chose to unleash most of his twisted anger upon.  Molly was their father's pride and joy.  Although he missed his younger sibling, he wouldn't dare risk contacting her.  He had seen the devil in his old man's eyes that night, and knew he had been lucky to escape with his life. 

In a strange way, Justin was proud of himself.  He had managed to allude the police, and the do gooders who wanted to put him in a foster home.  Justin subsisted by drawing portraits of people in the park, charging ten to twenty bucks, depending on how wealthy the person appeared to be.  He enjoyed doing it, and had always been told he had a natural talent. Most of the time Justin made enough money to eat, and buy a few second hand articles of clothing here and there.  He would stay at the local shelters, often shuttling back and forth between them.  Everything he owned, he carried around in his backpack. 

Last winter, Justin had saved enough money to survive those few miserable months, barely making it through.  But this winter had started early, and his money was almost all gone.  Since he couldn't practice his trade to replenish his dwindling stash, in his desperation, he turned to hustling.  It's not something Justin was proud of, and he certainly didn't do it frequently.  It was only for those particularly low moments, when he had absolutely no other choice. 

Justin was utterly perplexed at how much some men were willing to dole out for a blow job, or a hand job from a fresh faced twink.  That's why he was fortunate, and didn't have to trick very often.  The money he earned would last for days, sometimes weeks.  Although he hadn't given up on his dream to some day go to college and study art, surviving the stark winter was his main concern right now.   

Brian Kinney was a successful businessman at the surprisingly young age of thirty.  He had accomplished a great deal since his graduation from college.  He was the proud owner of an extravagant loft, where he resided in glorious Pittsburgh.  Brian had also embarked on a business venture about a year ago, starting an advertising agency, which was thriving.  He was currently in New York, for an important business meeting.

After his hectic day, Brian was in the mood for a relaxing blow job.  He was about to make his way into Barracuda, a popular gay nightclub, when he spotted a young man shivering in the alleyway.  His long blond hair fell carelessly over his eyes, and his cheeks were bright red.  The kid wore a worn jacket with the collar raised, which apparently did little to spare him from the brisk wind.  Brian knew he should mind his own business, but something made him go over to the lad. 

"Hey."

"Hey.  You looking for a good time tonight?" Justin asked through chattering teeth.

Brian was initially startled at the proposition, but sadly, he had been approached by hustlers before.  He should have turned the kid down, and gone into the nearby building like he planned, but he didn't.  Instead, he nodded, and said, "Sure, let's get out of here."  

Hailing a taxi, Brian instructed the driver to take them to the Waldorf Astoria, which was the hotel where he was staying.  He eyed the kid curiously during the ride there.  There was a youthful innocence about him, and Brian surmised that he couldn't be more than eighteen.  At least he had gotten the lad out of the cold, which oddly made him feel relieved. 

The man sitting beside Justin had chestnut brown hair, and the most amazing hazel eyes.  The young man smirked to himself as he thought, his tricking tonight might not be such a chore.  He experienced a delicious tingling sensation, and felt that there was something special and different about this stranger.

Brian always traveled in style.  Cynthia, his assistant was well aware of that fact.  She had booked him a suite at one of the finest hotels in New York.  The golden haired kid gaped in wonder at the luxurious accommodations, and Brian wasn't quite certain what he was going to do with him. 

"Sit down, make yourself comfortable."

Justin quickly shed his coat, and placed it along with his backpack on a chair.  'Damn, this place was spectacular.'  As an artist, he truly appreciated the splendor of the art deco embellishments.  This man must be loaded to afford a room like this.  He was going to have to demand at least a hundred dollars for his services. 

Brian removed his own coat, and walked to the bar to pour himself a drink.

"My name's, Brian...Brian Kinney.  And you are?"

Justin immediately responded the way he always did.  "Just call me Sunshine."  He had learned a long time ago never to provide his given name. 

"Sunshine?"

"Yeah, that's what everybody calls me."

Brian arched his eyebrows inquisitively.

Justin explained further, "When I moved here, since I had blond hair, and a big smile, people started to refer to me as Sunshine."

"How sweet," Brian sarcastically quipped.  "How old are you anyway?"

"Old enough," Justin answered.  He was beginning to get annoyed.  "Well, shall we get to it?"

"Actually I have no idea why I brought you here.  Frankly, I've never had to pay to get my rocks off, and I have no intention of starting now."

"Fuck, I knew you weren't for real.  I'm outta here!"  Justin began to rise off the couch.

With one swift long stride, Brian reached Justin, and grasping him by the shoulders, pushed him back down onto the couch. 

"You're not going anywhere.  It's fucking freezing out there."

"Yeah and...?"

"I'll give you $200 to stay the night."

Justin furrowed his brows.  "You want to pay me $200 to stay overnight, but you don't want to fuck me?"

"That's right.  I just want to sit here and enjoy your witty repartee.  Fucking you is the farthest thing from my mind."

This had to be the weirdest proposition Justin had ever had, but he considered it thoughtfully. 

"And you won't try to kill me in my sleep?"

Brian let out an amused laugh.  "No, in fact I'll sleep on the bed, you can have this plush sofa."

Justin stared at the man for a few seconds, suspicious of his motivations.  Then he relented, "Okay, I'll stay.  But only if you give me the money up front."

Brian took out his wallet, and retrieved two crisp hundred dollar bills.  As he handed it to the leery boy he thought, 'this is going to be a first'.  He was actually bribing someone to stay the night, and without any fucking going on!  'What on earth had gotten into him?'

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."
-Mohandas Gandhi

Somewhat puzzled, Justin accepted the blankets and pillow Brian gave him.  He settled on the couch, as  he enjoyed the last hour of a recently released movie on the pay per view channel.  The older man had come across it when he was surfing the channels, and had noticed Justin's eyes widen in excitement. 

Justin couldn't remember the last time he was able to go see a film, or do anything else that required spending some cash for that matter. When the movie ended, Brian shut the TV off.  He angled his face towards Justin, and bluntly posed the question he had been anxious to ask, since he first laid eyes on the blond.

"So, what made you start tricking?  You must have a family somewhere, relatives who could help you."

Justin was accustomed to being asked that question, and he offered his standard answer.  "My father was an abusive bastard, who basically threw me out of the house when he discovered I was gay.  As for family, there's none I would accept any help from.  Do you mind if we dispense with the twenty questions, I'd like to hit the sack."

Brian shrugged his shoulders.  He then switched to a different topic altogether.  "There's some juice and snacks in the mini fridge if you get hungry or thirsty."

Retreating to his bedroom, Brian left his guest to turn off the lights.  He wondered if he was doing the right thing bringing the dubious blond here.  For all he knew, the kid could be a mass murderer or a thief, although he suspected he was neither. 

Justin flicked the lights off, and laid quietly in the dark.  He was curious as to why this virtual stranger was being so nice to him.  In any case, he was thankful for a warm place to sleep. 

Brian was having a restless night of tossing and turning.  He finally got up about 4:00 a.m., and decided to get a drink of water.  Trying not to disturb the sleeping young man, he padded over to the fridge and removed a bottle of Evian.  On his way back to his room, he stopped a moment, and gazed upon the motionless figure.  The boy looked even younger in his deep slumber.  Tufts of ash blond hair were splayed on the pillow, and his hands were clutching something close to his body.  Brian took two more steps toward the couch to see what it was.  He released a sad sigh when he recognized the tattered backpack the kid had been carrying. 

Brian stood there a few more moments as he reflected upon his own good fortune.  Had it not been for Mikey and Debbie, he could have been this kid, with no real home or family, struggling to survive on his own.  Thank heavens for the Novotnys. 

Brian woke up to the annoying sound of the phone ringing.  He picked it up and listened groggily to the automated voice on the other end.  "This is your 7:30 wake up call.  Have a nice day."  After he placed the receiver back on the base, he stretched.  He immediately remembered the blond on his couch, and went to check on him.

Amid the mess of blankets, there lie nothing.  'Could it be the kid was already up?'  Brian scanned the rest of the suite, but there was no sign of the blond.  Then he noticed a piece of paper on the desk. 

Time to get going.  Thanks for everything. ~Sunshine

Shit!  The kid had evidently snuck out early this morning.  Brian checked the fridge, and noticed that a bottle of juice, as well as some of the snacks were gone.  Well, at least the kid was smart enough to take advantage of his hospitality.  To his dismay, Brian found himself contemplating whether or not he'd ever see the young man who called himself Sunshine, again.

Four months later...

When Lindsay called Brian and told him that she would be in New York for a couple of days, she knew he wouldn't hesitate to hop on a plane, and meet up with her and Gus.  Brian was Gus' father, and he didn't get to see his son very often because they lived in Canada.  Fortunately, Lindsay had an art exhibition to attend, and Melanie, her longtime partner, was visiting relatives.  It presented a perfect opportunity to get father and son together for some bonding time.

Brian insisted that Lindsay upgrade to a better hotel, assuring her that he would pay for everything.  At least they would be staying in the same place.  Lindsay was relieved that Brian had agreed to entertain Gus, while she was at the exhibition.  And as for her little boy, he was ecstatic to spend time with his father.

"Daddy, can we go to the park?"  Gus inquired.

Brian was surprised by his son's choice, but exclaimed, "Sure Sonnyboy.  In fact, I  know just the one we can go to." 

The park they were closest to was Washington Square Park.  It happened to be Brian's favorite park.  There were always lots of street performers there, practicing their craft. 

"Daddy look at that!"  Gus was pointing to a man who was juggling.  They watched him for a while before heading to the playground. 

Brian sat on a bench and observed in amazement, his six year old son on the monkey bars.  He had grown taller since Brian had last visited him.  Brian wanted to savor this time they had together, since he probably wouldn't see his son again for months.   Gus was a terrific little boy, who loved him unconditionally, and Brian had never experienced that before.  Certainly not with his fucked up, dysfunctional family.

As they walked along a path hand and hand in the park, they passed a chess area.  Several games were being played, which amused Gus for all of five minutes, before he became bored.  Then they happened upon several artists.  Brian's eyes were drawn to a mop of blond hair, sketching a girl's portrait.  Charcoal smudged the young man's fingertips, and he squinted as he tried to block out the sun, while he concentrated on capturing his subject.  Although Brian had only seen him once before, he recognized instantly who it was...Sunshine. 

Since that cold winter day, Brian had often thought about the youth.  He had been to New York once more on business, and had found himself searching for the blond on every street corner, and in every alleyway.  Now here he was, in the flesh.  Apparently he was an artist as well as a hustler.

"You're very talented." 

"Thanks," Justin replied.  He then looked up to see who had just given him the compliment.  His eyes locked with familiar hazel ones. 

A smile tugged at Justin's lips as he said, "So, we meet again." 

"Must be fate," Brian quipped.  He turned to admire Justin's other sketchings that were being displayed. 

As Justin was finishing up his drawing of the seated girl, he couldn't help stealing glances at the man. 'God, he was gorgeous!' 

"Daddy do you know him?"

"Sort of," Brian responded, "he's someone I met a while ago."

'I like this one," Gus proclaimed happily as he pointed to a sketch of two dogs running through the park. 

Brian picked up the drawing his son had fancied.  Approaching Justin after his customer left, he inquired, "How much for this?"

"It's free," Justin informed him as he marveled at the little boy next to Brian.  The child had the same face and eyes as his father, as well as the same impish grin.

"It's the least I could do," Justin added.  "My token of appreciation for your kindness that night."

"Here you go Gus.  Sunshine is giving it to you as a present."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, Gus."  Then he gave Brian a puzzling look as he asked, "Your son?"

"Yes.  His mother is my best friend.  Her biological clock was ticking."

"Does he live with you?"

It was Gus who answered, "No, Sunshine, I live with my mommy and mama in Canada."

Justin blushed feeling slightly embarrassed, and informed the boy, "That's great Gus.  But you can call me Justin.  Sunshine's only a nickname."

"Can I call you Jus?"

"Sure little guy" he laughed.  The boy was adorable.   He had definitely inherited his father's charm.

"So, Justin," Brian began, emphasizing his proper name, "I'd like to speak with you sometime."

Justin must have looked perplexed because Brian added, "I have a business proposition for you."

Then Justin scowled.  'What was Brian thinking, propositioning him in front of his son.'

"Not that type of proposition," Brian explained with a frown.  "It has to do with your art."

Now Justin was intrigued. 

"How about tomorrow at noon?" Brian questioned.

"Okay...we can meet here."

"See ya."

"See ya.  Bye Gus."

Brian left with his young son in tow.  Justin tracked them until they disappeared onto the busy sidewalk.  He wondered what tomorrow's meeting would bring.

Later that night, Brian had yet another restless night, thinking of Justin.  He ventured to a bar in the Village for a few drinks and a blow job, before returning to his hotel in the wee hours of the morning.  He still wasn't sure exactly what he was going to say to Justin, he only knew he had to see him again.  

"So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable."
-Christopher Reeve


Brian had an early breakfast with Gus and Lindsay because they had to head off to the airport. He spent an hour playing with his son, before it was actually time for them to leave.  As Gus said a tearful goodbye to his dad, Brian felt a lump form in his throat.  He comforted the distraught boy, as he was trying to deal with his own separation anxiety at the same time. 

"I'll come see you soon Sonnyboy."

"Promise daddy?"

"Yes, I promise, and you know I always keep my promises,"  Brian said reassuringly as he winked at Gus.

The tearful child nodded, and gave his father one last big hug.  Brian squeezed him tightly, and then kissed his forehead, and told him he loved him.  Lindsay had observed the entire scenario with her own tears threatening to spill.  She gave Brian a quick embrace, her voice shaking as she said, "Take care of yourself Peter."

"You too Wendy."

With a stab of guilt piercing his heart, Brian helped both of them into the cab.  As their taxi blended into the traffic, his son and his best friend disappeared from his life again.  Brian was left standing alone, a solitary figure, brooding on the sidewalk.  

Although it was too late to have his little boy near, he was determined not to let another young man who presently dominated his thoughts, escape his grasp.  Glancing at the watch on his wrist, Brian noticed that he had about a half hour before he had to meet Justin in the park.  He decided he would walk there, to clear his mind, and focus on what he was going to say.

Justin could barely make it through the morning as he thought of nothing else but Brian.  What on earth was the older man going to propose to him?  Justin was nervous, but excited at the same time.  His breath caught in his chest, as he suddenly spied a tall, dark and handsome man sauntering towards him.  The gorgeous hunk who stood in front of him, could easily pass for a movie star in his sunglasses and jeans.   

"Hey Brian."

"Justin...How are you this fine day?"

"Anxious to hear what you have to say."

"Good...let's go grab some lunch while we talk...my treat."

Brian saw the young man stand there and frown, not making the slightest effort to move.  He raised his eyebrows inquisitively, while he waited for Justin to speak.

"I can pay for my own lunch,"  Justin proudly stated.  "I don't need any more of your charity."

Brian snorted, "Okay then, suit yourself.  Let's get going."  Based on Justin's mood, he doubted what he was going to say would be received well, but he was going to try anyway.

They meandered to a quaint cafe a block away.  Once the two men were seated, a waiter soon came to take their orders. 

"I'll just have a cheeseburger and a coke," Justin rattled off.

"I'd like a turkey on rye, hold the mayo," Brian requested.  Then he uncharacteristically added, "I'd also like a side order of fries...and a coffee."

Brian watched Justin gobble down the hamburger, savoring every morsel.  He wondered when the lad had last eaten.   

"Oh before I forget, I have something for you," Justin suddenly divulged as he was chewing a mouthful of food.  He dug his hand into his backpack, pulled out a sketch, and handed it to Brian. 

Brian stared at the portrait, completely speechless.  It was a drawing of Gus, the likeness was amazing.  It was not only the spitting image of his little boy, but Justin had somehow captured his son's personality too.  Brian looked up at Justin in appreciation, his beautiful hazel eyes misting with emotion.

"Thank you, this is incredible."

"You're welcome," Justin blushed.  A small smile crept to his lips, realizing how deeply his gift had affected the man. 

Brian placed the precious drawing next to him, while he finished his sandwich.  He ate two of the fries, before pushing the plate away. 

"I'm full," Brian announced.  "Maybe you can finish it for me, Justin.  I'd hate for all those potatoes to go to waste."

Justin needed no coaxing, he began to delve into the mound of french fries.  Now it was Brian's turn to smile. 

As he watched Justin wolf down the fries, he began explaining the reason for the meeting.

"I wanted to talk with you about that business proposition.  You're very talented, and I could use someone like you in my agency."

Brian had Justin's full attention now, and the boy looked at him with a myriad of questions in his eyes. 

"I own an advertising agency.  We have a large art department, and we're always looking for someone who's capable and creative."

"And what makes you think I can handle the job?"  Justin asked.  "Or that I would even want it, for that matter."

Brian responded confidently, "Justin I know you're young, but I also know you're not stupid.  Why wouldn't you want a job with a decent salary, so you wouldn't have to live on the streets or trick anymore?"

Justin was immediately offended.  "Fuck you.  You don't know shit about me or my life."

Brian instantly regretted his decision to bring up the tricking.  "Look, I didn't mean to insult you.  But don't you have dreams for your future?"

Justin calmed down, and thought about Brian's question.  'Yes, he did have dreams.'  After a few moments the blond reluctantly confided, "I've always wanted to go to college, to study art."

Brian grinned, "Well, if you come back to Pittsburgh with me, I not only have a job waiting for you, but I know someone who can probably get you a free ride to attend Carnegie Mellon, the local college."

Justin's eyes widened in horror, and his face blanched.  'Did Brian just say Pittsburgh?'

"What's wrong?" Brian asked, concern evident in his voice.

"Pittsburgh is where I lived with my family."  Then Justin added, "Look Brian, I appreciate the offer.  It's a really good one for someone like me, but I can't accept it."

"Why the hell not?"  Brian was beginning to get pissed now.  'What the fuck was wrong with the kid?'

"I don't expect anything in return, only that you work hard and give Kinnetik your loyalty"  Brian stated, surmising that perhaps Justin thought he had an ulterior motive.

"It's not that," Justin explained.  "I can't ever go back to the Pitts.  I didn't leave on good terms."

"So, let me get this straight.  You're going to deny yourself everything you want, a job, attending college, studying art, because of your parents?  That's totally fucked!" Brian spewed in disgust. 

"I'm sorry, I'm not going back there," Justin emphatically reiterated.  "I've got to go."

The blond started to rise, and fumbled with his money.  As he laid a crumpled twenty dollar bill on the table, Brian grabbed his wrist.

"Here", the older man said, retrieving a business card from his pocket.  He placed it in Justin's hand.  "It's your call Sunshine, but if you ever change your mind..." 

Justin nodded, and Brian released his grip.  The blond hastily departed the cafe, with a sick feeling in his stomach.  Something deep inside was telling him that he was making a mistake.  Unfortunately, he would soon regret that he didn't accept Brian's generous offer. 

"Life's blows cannot break a person whose spirit is warmed at the fire of enthusiasm."    - Norman Vincent Peale

Brian studied the empty space in front of him, where Justin sat moments ago.  He couldn't believe the kid had turned down his offer.  He was disappointed, but hoped that the blond would reconsider.  Perhaps he'd get a phone call in the near future.  Brian latched on to that possibility as he boarded his flight back home.

Justin wasn't sure if he made the right decision when he rejected Brian's proposal.  He had seriously been considering it, until he heard Brian mention Pittsburgh.  He just couldn't fathom going back there right now.   He couldn't face his family or his friends. 

Recalling the day he left, Craig had flew into a rage when he found out he was gay, and tried to "beat" it out of him.  The only reason Justin wasn't dead, was because of his sister Molly, who had pleaded with their father to stop. Bruised and bleeding, he was then given only ten minutes to throw some of his belongings into his backpack, before Craig literally tossed him out on his ass.  His father had directed a nasty slew of expletives at him, calling him a disgrace, while his mother stood silently watching, tears streaking down her face.  Craig informed him loud and clear that as far as he was concerned, he didn't have a son anymore.  He warned Justin in a deadly serious tone, that he better never see him in the neighborhood again. 

That's why Justin wasn't interested in tempting fate.  He also wasn't prepared to face the wrath of his best friend Daphne.  After he had initially left, he contacted her often, but then his calls soon became less frequent.  Justin hadn't spoken to her in over six months now, and knew she was probably pissed.

An uneventful week passed.  Justin was certain that Brian was long gone, having returned to his home and business in the Pitts.  However, he found himself constantly daydreaming about the man, and was curious to know more about him. 

Since it was sweltering, not many people were venturing outside of their homes.  Justin's dark mood seemed to match the miserably hot weather.  He shrewedly decided to embark on a trip to the library, and take advantage of the computer there, in the comfort of an air conditioned space.  Justin was intent on finding out what he could about the dashing Mr. Kinney, from the various sources on the internet. 

Googling Brian's name, Justin's excitement mounted when he was rewarded with quite a few articles about the man and his accomplishments.  It seems Brian had graduated from college magna cum laude.  He was a well respected businessman, and had won the prestigious Ad Man of the Year award for the past 3 years.  Other articles mentioned his sexual orientation, deeming him a notable figure in the gay community.

Justin became so engrossed in reading every tidbit about Brian, that he hadn't noticed the time fly by.  When he finally happened to peer up at a clock, he became visibly distressed.  Justin scrambled to scoop up his backpack, and ran out of the library.  He raced several blocks until he reached the shelter.  Out of breath and huffing, he approached a person standing by the entrance.   The elderly gent confirmed what he already knew...there were no more spots available for tonight.  He had gotten there too late.

Silently berating himself, Justin was resigned to the fact that he would have to spend the evening huddled in an alleyway, or stretched out on a park bench.  He wasn't looking forward to the oppressive heat, and what he knew was sure to be an uncomfortable night.

Since the alleys during the summer months usually carried the stench from nearby trash, Justin opted for sleeping in the park.  Using his backpack as a pillow, he laid down beneath a tree.  Although it was still quite warm, there was a gentle breeze that made it bearable.  Justin dozed off as he was gazing upon the stars. 

Waking up with a fright, Justin was cruelly jolted from the pleasant dream he was having.  Two strong hands snatched him, and were hauling him to his feet.  Justin's eyes strained to focus in the dim light, as he opened his mouth to yell.  However, a big sweaty hand stifled his cry. 

Three men came into view.  The one that had grasped him from behind, from what Justin could glimpse, was a giant mother fucker.  Then there were the other two shady characters, who were looming in front of him.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty, sorry to interrupt your dream," a gnarly looking man taunted. 

"Yeah, we need some cash, and there ain't no ATMs here.  We was hoping you would lend us some," the shortest one chuckled.

Justin's pockets were searched, and the thieves absconded his last six dollars.  The incensed blond struggled vigorously to break free.  However, the giant man's grasp was iron clad, and his efforts proved to be futile.  In frustration, Justin bit the abnormally large fingers that were restricting his air supply. 

"Oww...little fucker!" 

When the thug's hands dropped, Justin valiantly tried to make his escape.  Unfortunately, the two other men were on top of him in record time, pushing his face into the ground.   He was pummeled in his back and side by a flurry of punches. 

Gasping for air, Justin was dragged mercilessly to his feet.  The pain coursed through him like a million tiny daggers.

"I'm going to teach you some respect boy," the giant cad angrily declared.  "You little piece of shit!"

The other two men were now holding Justin up on either side. 

"Get him down on his fucking knees," the booming voice ordered.  "Suck me off you fucking whore."

Justin looked up in surprise.  His blue eyes becoming huge with panic.  Nails dug into his shoulders, pressuring him to kneel.

"That's right.  We've seen you and your tricks.  You're nothing but a two bit hustler.  Now open your mouth like a good little slut."

The despicable lug began unzipping his fly, revealing his enormous cock.  Just the thought of being forced to service him, repulsed the blond.  His assailant's dick swelled in anticipation, it's head all purple and plump.  Justin defiantly kept his mouth clamped shut. 

"Come on cunt.  Open your pretty mouth!" 

Justin's hair was pulled viciously from behind, snapping his head back.  His mouth was slightly agape from the pain, and the huge man roughly squeezed Justin's cheeks between his thick fingers, seizing the opportunity to thrust his big cock in.  Justin nearly choked on the invasion, and didn't have much of a choice, as the man savagely fucked his face, jerking his hips back and forth.  A short while later, the filthy pig came in his mouth.  After he withdrew, Justin immediately spit out whatever cum remained.  It sprayed on the startled brute in front of him, who furiously cursed.  Everything went black, as the brute landed a powerful kick to Justin's chin, knocking him to the ground.

As Justin lay unconscious, they rifled through his bag looking for other valuables.  A few items of clothing were taken, while the hoodlums laughed amongst themselves, before leaving their victim sprawled out on the dirt. 

Justin regained consciousness, cringing in pain as he slowly sat up.  He felt violated and humiliated.  His body ached all over.  Touching the gash on his chin, he became queasy at the sight of his fingers marred with his own blood.  "Shit!"  He probably needed a couple of stitches.  Regarding his pathetic condition, all he could think about was that he wished he had Brian's comforting arms wrapped around him.  'Damn, why the fuck hadn't he gone with the older man, then none of this would have happened.'

"Friendship needs no words - it is solitude delivered from the anguish of loneliness."
-Dag Hammarskjold

Dazed and hurting, Justin staggered to the nearest emergency room, which fortunately was only a few blocks away.  Since he didn't have insurance, he was relegated to waiting for hours, while others with insurance were attended to before him.  Justin became increasingly agitated as he sat there, holding a cloth a nurse had given him to his bloodied chin. 'This completely sucks!' he groused. 

His body throbbing in agony, Justin was emotionally a mess.  The situation at the hospital was not helping to improve his disposition.   When he was finally seen by an intern, Justin was informed that he would have to stay overnight.  Tests had to be performed to ensure that nothing was damaged internally.  'Well, at least I'll have a safe and cool place to stay,' he thought sadly.

In the pre-dawn hours, Justin tossed and turned in his sleep.  The pain medication that was prescribed for him, did little to relieve neither his physical nor mental anguish.  Suddenly, his eyes flew open in alarm.  Then Justin remembered where he was, and what had happened.  Panic and fear welled up inside of him, as tears started to fall down his angst ridden face. 

The blond admitted to himself, that he shouldn't have been surprised at what had happened.  He had just been lucky thus far.  Justin had been robbed once before at a shelter, and even roughed up sexually by a couple of tricks in the past, but nothing like this.  The absolute helplessness and violation he experienced, shook the very core of his being.  Justin needed to get away, away from this city, and the constant reminders of his ordeal.  His mind drifted to Brian's offer. 

Justin reached into his backpack, and pulled out Brian Kinney's business card.  He traced his fingers across the emblazoned name, then began to reach for the phone beside his bed, but stopped.  It was too early to call the man, and what would he say to him any way?  "I was mugged and raped by three thugs?  I'm scared, and I just want you to hold me for a while till I feel safe?" 

The conflicted blond eventually decided to take a chance, and head back to Pittsburgh.  He would soon find out if Brian was indeed a man of his word.  Just then the doctor entered, interrupting his planning.

"There doesn't seem to be any internal damage, just some bad bruising and swelling.  I'm releasing you today, but take it easy for the next couple of days.  Oh, and the stitches on your chin will dissolve on their own."

"Thanks doctor," Justin offered with a sigh of relief.  Now he could concentrate on his upcoming trek to Pittsburgh. 

Brian sat behind his solid oak desk, dealing with the incompetence of some of the clods in the art department.  The image of a blond young artist invaded his thoughts.  It had been nearly two weeks already, and Justin had not contacted him.  'Who the fuck needs him,' Brian said to himself.  'The kid probably would have been trouble.'  He buzzed Cynthia, in the perfect mood to ream out the poor asshole that fucked up the layout of his ad. 

Justin was in a quandary.  How can he get to Pittsburgh without any money?  He could try to hitchhike, but after what he'd been through, the option of relying on strangers didn't appeal to him.  He could try to save up money from sketching more portraits in the park.  But Justin dismissed that idea because it would take him a couple of days to earn the money.  With the way he looked all battered and bruised, he'd most likely scare customers away, and he needed to leave New York now! 

Hustling was definitely not an option, he was not mentally or physically up to it.  Justin cast his eyes down to the ground in defeat.  However, he caught sight of the watch he was wearing.  In their haste to teach him a lesson, the thieves had overlooked it.  It wasn't the most expensive watch, but it was valuable enough for him to hock.  With any luck, he'd not only have enough money for a one way bus ticket to the Pitts, but perhaps some money left over too. 

Cynthia wisely steered clear of her boss.  Ever since he returned from New York, he was unbearable.  Cynthia had known Brian for quite a few years now, but was perplexed as to the reason for his current foul mood.

Brian was talking with one of his employees when he saw the familiar blond haired, blue eyed young man walking towards him.  Justin's haggard appearance and tortured gaze tugged at his heart.  He immediately sensed that something was wrong.

"Justin, nice to see you," Brian calmly acknowledged.  "Follow me."  Then he turned his attention to a confused Cynthia and said, "Hold all my calls."

Brian strategically ushered the ashen blond into the privacy of his office.  Before he had a chance to ask any questions, the kid was in his arms.  He pressed his face into Brian's chest, and began quivering with muffled sobs.  A startled Brian tried to comfort him by stroking the soft wheat colored hair with one hand, while rubbing his back with the other.   

Justin managed to compose himself after a few minutes, and pulled away from the older man.  Wiping the tears from his cheeks, he braced himself for Brian's questions.

"You going to tell me what happened?" Brian inquired. 

Justin shook his head, "No, I don't want to talk about it.  I'm sorry for acting like such a drama princess.  I'm okay...really."

Brian's eyes passed over Justin with concern.  He could see that whatever it was, it had shaken the kid up pretty badly.  He noticed the bruises and cut on his chin.  Since Justin clearly didn't want to talk about it, he didn't press him further.

Justin spoke up before he lost his nerve.  "I know I'm a little late, but I'd like to take you up on your offer, if it still stands."

"Sure the offer still stands," Brian said smirking.  "In fact, you can start first thing tomorrow morning at 9."

"Thanks," Justin voiced with sincere appreciation.  Then thinking their business had concluded, he turned to leave.

"Do you have a place to stay?  Do you need anything?" Brian impulsively called out. 

The kid pivoted on his heels to address him again.  "No, I'm fine," Justin lied.  "I'm staying with an old friend."

"I see.  Well, until tomorrow Mr. ...?"  Brian arched an eyebrow inquisitively.

"Taylor" Justin finished for him, 

"Later, Taylor." 

"Later, Mr. Kinney," the blond said with a genuine gleam of excitement in his eyes.

Justin left feeling much better now that he had a job.  At least Brian hadn't pressured him about the incident that had prompted him to come back to the Pitts.  The only problem was that he still needed a place to stay.  He had lied to Brian because he didn't want to accept any more of the man's generosity.  He wasn't Brian's concern, and he didn't want to be a burden financial or otherwise.  He thought about calling his friend Daphne, but he didn't want her to see him all banged up.  He'd wait to contact her.

Realizing that he'd probably have to buy a shirt or two from a thrift store, he walked off in search of one.  Justin knew it was going to be rough, since he wouldn't be getting a paycheck for at least two weeks.  However, having survived on his own for this long, he knew he'd be able to manage until then.

"In actual life every great enterprise begins with and takes its first forward step in faith."
- Friedrich Schlegel

After his meeting with Brian, Justin was able to settle in at the local men's shelter for the night.  The next morning, he washed up in the communal showers, scrubbing diligently.  He dried himself off with one of the cheap, thin towels, and pulled on a tailored shirt he had purchased for a measly sum, at the thrift store.  Yawning because he had gotten up early at 5:30, the blond headed straight to the bus depot to drop off his backpack in a locker, before making his way to Kinnetik.

Justin was full of anticipation as he rode the bus to his first full day of work.  The only thing that put a damper on his spirits, was knowing that he wouldn't have a place to stay for at least a week.  It was a given since his official work hours were 9 to 5, and by the time he took the bus back to the shelter, no beds would be available.  That's why he had shrewedly secured his belongings at the depot.  For Justin knew he would undoubtedly be back, and probably have to sleep on one of the benches, or on the floor of the men's room.  However, he reasoned it was a small price to pay for the new path his life was embarking on.

Justin still couldn't believe his good fortune as Brian came sauntering into the reception area to welcome him.  Not only would he get some experience in a field he was interested in, but he would also get to spend time in the presence of a man he was quickly becoming enamored with.

"Morning, Taylor,"  Brian greeted him in a businesslike manner.  "I'll have Cynthia show you around.  Then you have some forms to fill out, and after that we'll put you to work."

Justin admired Brian's expensive taste in clothes.  He was impeccable as usual, and was undoubtedly wearing another designer suit.  Justin thought that with the way he looked, Brian should be gracing the cover of a GQ magazine.

"Thanks Mr. Kinney, I really appreciate the opportunity you're giving me."

"Well, you can show your appreciation by doing a stellar job then," Brian smirked.

Justin accompanied Cynthia, making all the rounds and being personally introduced to every employee of Kinnetik.  The people in the art department seemed very friendly and nice.  Justin had a warm inkling that he was going to like it here. 

"From what Brian's told me, you're going to be an asset to our art department," Brian's assistant said with a glint of respect.  "He doesn't dole out praise very easily, you must have really impressed him."  

Cynthia had no reservations as she left Justin in the capable hands of the art director.  She wondered if his cute boyish looks had helped him land a job at the top advertising agency in Pittsburgh.   Over the years Cynthia had proudly fine tuned her "gaydar", as Brian liked to call it, and it was presently blaring "yes".  Her own natural instincts told her the young man standing before her was gay.  Could her boss have more than a professional interest in the blond? 

Meanwhile, Brian was adeptly handling one emergency after the other.  It was one of those days, when he had little time to breathe.  To his annoyance, it wasn't until the end of the day, that he was finally able to approach Justin precisely as he was leaving.

"Taylor, a word please." 

Brian motioned for Justin to join him in his office.  "So how's it going?"

Justin took the offered seat in front of Brian and answered,  "Fine...everyone's been extremely nice to me."

"Great," Brian sneered.  "Glad to see you're fitting in."

"Your staff really seems to respect and adore you."

"What do you mean seems?," Brian sarcastically quipped.  Then he slyly added, "They're fucking terrified of me, which is the way I like it."

A faint smile appeared on Justin's lips as he said, "Little do they know that their boss is a big softy underneath."

At first Brian frowned, but then he said, "Let's just keep that our little secret Sunshine."

Justin's smile broadened at the mention of his nickname.  "Sure, no problem."  Then he boldly inquired, "I was thinking that maybe some time you can show me the cool places to go in the Pitts, since I never had the chance to find out for myself."

Brian came out from behind the desk, and sat on the edge facing Justin.  Justin couldn't help but eye the man's crotch, appraising his hidden, but obviously well endowed package.

"I guess I can arrange that.  Perhaps later during the week."

"I'd like that Brian," Justin said with genuine enthusiasm.  He blushed as he noticed Brian adjust himself uncomfortably. 

Brian cast a knowing, lustful glare into his new employee's suddenly flushed face.  Embarrassed and flustered, the blond rose to leave. 

"I'll see you tomorrow," Justin announced as he strode towards the opening to make his escape.

"Later," the older man replied in a deep raspy voice, that seemed to reveal his lewd thoughts.

Brian almost groaned in frustration, as he tracked the perfectly shaped bubble butt slip past the door.

'Christ,' Brian thought to himself.  'Did they just flirt with each other?'  Just at that moment, as he amusingly observed the nervous blond, he had become acutely aware of his strong attraction to him. However, Brian knew he was going to have to keep it in check.  After all, he was Justin's boss, and he didn't want him to think he was taking advantage of the situation.  But damn, there was most certainly an alluring invitation in the kid's eyes.  The fair haired lad was definitely tempting.

As Justin meandered to the bus stop, he couldn't help the silly grin that was plastered on his face.  Brian Kinney effortlessly exuded an abundance of charm and sensuality.  Justin longed to taste those cherry lips, and sift his fingers through those beautiful chestnut locks.  If he was reading the older man's expressions correctly, and he hoped he was, Brian wanted him too. 

"The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength , not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will." -Vince Lombardi

The panic struck him swiftly, and it was threatening and real.  Justin couldn't breathe, and gasped frantically for air.  The pains in his chest intensified, as the frightening, degrading words echoed in his mind, "You little piece of shit!", "Suck me off you fucking whore!"  He struggled fiercely, but couldn't seem to break free.  He was whimpering, and crying, but no one seemed to hear him, or come to his rescue.

Suddenly hands were gripping him, causing Justin to transition from his dreamlike state to consciousness. Something or someone was shaking him, and summoning him back to reality. His tortured blue eyes were wide with fear as they opened, and fell upon a young man in his early twenties. 

"Hey man, you okay?"

Justin blinked, and warily took in his surroundings.  After a few moments he realized that he was at the depot, and was probably having another one of those dreams. 

"Yeah, I'm okay...thanks," he said gratefully, as he sat up.

As Justin's heartbeat slowly returned to normal, he felt droplets of sweat trickling down his brow.  Wiping them away with his hand, he glanced up at the big clock, which showed that it was barely 3:30 in the morning.  Justin thought back to the initial time he had experienced a nightmare, it was a few days after the attack in New York.  Since then, he had occasionally suffered through recurring visions of his horrific ordeal, disturbing his sleep.  Although he had hoped they would eventually subside, they now seemed to be occurring more frequently.  

Filled with anxiety, Justin stayed awake until it was time for him to get ready for work.  At 7:30, he bounded to the nearest bathroom to wash up.  He gently passed the wet paper towels under his armpits and over his chest.  Splashing water on his face, he took the next handful, and brought it to his parted lips.  Justin swished the water around inside his mouth, in an effort to cast the dry, stale taste from it.  He longed for the day when he could take a leisurely shower, and afterwards dry himself off with a nice, fluffy towel.

Despite the daily hardship of using public transportation, Justin aspired to be one of the first employees at Kinnetik.  It gave him that much more time to ogle Brian, since it appeared the man came to work at the crack of dawn.   Everyone in the office had informed their new co-worker that you should never bother the boss before he sucked down his first cup of coffee.  But Justin noticed that Brian always made an attempt to flash his pearly whites at him, forcing a fake smile as he mumbled the obligatory, "Good Morning."

Justin was not put off by Brian's morning grunts and scowls.  In fact, he found him quite amusing, and tried to counter the man's moodiness by being overly cheerful.  Brian would usually snap at him accusing, "Why are you so chipper this bright and early?  I'll have to ensure that my art director works you harder." 

Although Brian snarled at the kid's happy demeanor, he would always walk away feeling a little better.  A smile would even eek out, although he was quick to turn and hide it.  Justin had only been at Kinnetik for a total of four days, and he was already accepted and loved by the staff.  To his surprise, Brian found that even he was not immune to the lad's infectious optimism. 

It was 6:00 p.m., and all his employees had left for the day, including Cynthia.  Brian had just gotten off the phone with the head of a major car manufacturer.  He was ecstatic because he had clinched the multi million dollar deal, but knew it was largely due to the brilliance of his effective presentation.  The client had been highly impressed with the ads, and Brian was well aware of why.  This was one of the projects Justin had been recruited to work on.  It seems the lad had a natural ability and flair for being able to interpret the client's wishes onto boards.  He was creative and precise...hell he was a genius!  Brian commended himself for being such a good judge of talent, and for hiring the kid.

The older man was in the mood to celebrate, but he didn't want to celebrate alone.  Being a spontaneous person, he delved into the personnel files, and withdrew Justin's paperwork.  He jotted down the address onto a piece of paper and took off in his jeep. 

A short time later, Brian pulled up to a huge brick building.  He hiked up the four flights of stairs to apartment 4 F.  He knocked a few times, and then waited.  A young dark haired girl answered the door and eyed him curiously.

"Yes, can I help you?"

"Is Justin home?" Brian asked.

"Justin?", the girl inquired with a puzzled look on her face.

"Justin Taylor", Brian offered.  "He does live here, doesn't he?"

Recognition registered on her light brown features. 

"Justin is a friend of mine, but I haven't seen him in a long time.  The last time I heard from him was over six months ago." 

Brian rubbed his chin and frowned.  Now he was totally confused.

"Justin is working for me.  I own an advertising agency here.  He gave your address as his place of residence."

"Justin's in Pittsburgh??" 

Brian watched the girl's facial expression change from excitement to pissed off.

"Why wouldn't he call me?  That jerk.  Well, you tell him when you see him that he better give his best friend Daphne a call, if he knows what's good for him."

"Uh, sure.  By the way I'm Brian, Brian Kinney." He held out his hand, and Daphne took it.

"Nice to meet you.  But to tell you the truth I'm a little in shock right now, I thought Justin was in New York."

"He was, but I convinced him to take a job at my company."

"Oh."  Daphne could see how Justin might be persuaded to come back to the Pitts by this gorgeous hunk.  She wondered what the real deal was between the two of them.

"Look, do you know where I might find him?"

"No, I don't have a clue.  Did you try the homeless shelter?"

"No, but that sounds like a good idea.  Thanks."  Brian turned to leave.

"You remember to tell him what I said," Daphne called out after him.

"Don't worry Daphne, I'll be sure to give him your message."

'Shit!', so the kid had lied to him about having a place to stay.  Brian angrily headed to the only homeless shelter for men in the Pitts.  He hastily parked in front of the Light of Life Rescue Mission on East North Avenue. 

After walking through the front door of the shelter, Brian disgustingly surveyed the meager accommodations.  Basic needs could be met here, but nothing else.  He was appalled and repulsed, as he perused among the filthy, smelly men. 

A neatly dressed gray haired man soon interrupted his search.  Brian found out that the man who approached him was the director.  He questioned him, and discovered that Justin had been there his first night in Pittsburgh, but he hadn't been there since.  A wave of concern and protectiveness overcame Brian, as he agonized over where the kid could be sleeping.  Noting his distress, the director was kind enough to offer some places for Brian to look.

After scouring the parks, Brian pulled up to the bus depot.  Although it was already past midnight, he was determined to find the lad no matter how long it took.  As it turned out, he didn't have to look much further, because he spotted a blond haired young man laying on a bench.  Brian pinched the bridge of his nose, as he walked up to the sleeping figure.  He roughly shook Justin's shoulder.

Justin quickly bolted upright, and rubbed his eyes.  His heart dropped as his gaze engaged a tired and pissed off Brian. 

"Brian," was all Justin managed to croak out.

"Sunshine,"  Brian acknowledged trying to control his anger through gritted teeth, "you mind telling me what the fuck you're doing here?"

"None of us got where we are solely by pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. We got here because somebody - a parent, a teacher, an Ivy League crony or a few nuns - bent down and helped us pick up our boots."
- Thurgood Marshall

Brian's hazel orbs turned almost black with fury.  The little twat appeared to be truly stunned that his charade had been exposed.  Brian felt like throttling the kid, but instead he just glared at him.  While he waited for an answer, he felt the hotness of his anger burning his cheeks.

Instead of addressing Brian's question, Justin inquired anxiously, "How did you find me?"  

"I had some good news to share with you, so I took a trip to your apartment.  Funny thing is, the young girl who resides there, I believe her name is Daphne, told me you didn't live there.  In fact, she was pretty riled up when she found out you were back in Pittsburgh, and hadn't called her."

"Shit", Justin expelled, rifling his hands through his tousled hair.  He'd have to remember to smooth things over with his best friend.  However, the more pressing problem at the moment, was that Brian was infuriated with him.  Justin was fearful that he was going to lose his job, a job that he loved.

In a guilt ridden voice Justin attempted to make amends. "I'm sorry I lied to you Brian.  I'd understand if you didn't want me to work for you anymore."

Brian's eyes swept over the kid's sullen demeanor.  He looked remorseful, and unshed tears glistened in his beautiful blue eyes.  Taking his apology into account, Brian's anger diffused.  He released an exasperated huff, before addressing Justin again. 

"I expect all my employees to have enough respect for me to tell me the truth."  Then he paused as if he were pondering something.  "I'm not going to fire you, even though I probably should."

"It's just a temporary situation.  I was going to find an apartment when I got paid," Justin explained in an effort to justify his actions.

"And what were you going to use as security for the rent, your ass?"  Brian snarled.

Knowing he couldn't refute the validity of Brian's words, Justin dropped his head down and stared at the ground.  He knew he had screwed up big time, and Brian had every right to be pissed at him.

"Look Justin," Brian began in a softer tone, "I asked you if you needed a place to stay."

Justin lifted his head up, and his weary eyes engaged Brian's tired hazel ones.  "And I know that you were trying to help me, but you've done enough."

"So you'd rather sleep on a bench, or in that disgusting shelter?" Brian retorted, continuing to press the issue.  The mere thought of that shelter made the bile rise in his throat.

"No, of course not, but I didn't want to be a burden to you.  I'm not your responsibility."

"Well, it seems that you need someone to knock some sense into that stubborn head of yours.  Let's examine the situation, you're in need of some assistance, and I'm in a position to help you."

"I don't want to take any more of your handouts."

Brian stared at Justin for a minute, trying to figure out what he was going to do with him.  Then the answer suddenly became obvious to him.

"Okay, I'm not going to offer you any money.  However, you're going to stay at my loft, until you can afford your own apartment."

"But..."

"Don't even try to argue with me.  If you want to keep your job, you're going to have to suck up your pride, and stay with me for a while," Brian decreed.

Justin remained uncharacteristically quiet.  After a few moments of silence, Brian grilled him for an answer.  "So, what's it going to be Sunshine?"

"I guess I'll take you up on your offer.  But only until I can move into a place of my own."

"A wise decision.  Now let's get out of here." 

Brian accompanied Justin to the lockers so he could retrieve his backpack.  Then they walked side by side to the jeep, without uttering a word between them.

When they entered the loft, Justin stood in absolute awe of the exquisite beauty of the place.  Everything was expensive and imported.  He admitted to himself that he should have expected this, given the man's fondness for designer clothes.

"You coming in, or are you going to stand there all day?" Brian sarcastically quizzed.

"You have a nice place,"  Justin appraised as his eyes traveled over the rest of Brian's home.  He almost blushed when he honed in on the raised bedroom, which appeared to be the focal point of the loft. 

Justin was impressed with the set up, as well as the man.  He recalled Brian telling him when they had first met, that he never paid to get laid.  And according to all the gossip at the office, Mr. Kinney was the King of Liberty Avenue, and could have anyone he wanted.  Sadly, Justin thought, he was just one more person pining for Brian. 

"Justin," Brian interrupted his thoughts.  "We'll share the bed.  The couch is too uncomfortable." 

Brian didn't want Justin to have to sleep on the sofa, because he knew the lad hadn't enjoyed the luxury of a real bed in a long time.  His heart lurched as he saw the young man's lips curl upward into a grin.  A familiar heat began to stir in his loins.  The kid was creating a conflict of emotions inside of him.  On the one hand, he would love to ravage that youthful supple body.  But on the other hand, he didn't want to take advantage of Justin, even though he knew the kid sometimes hustled to get by.  He didn't need any complications in his life, and if he fucked the lad, there was sure to be many repercussions.  

Brian was glad that tomorrow was a Saturday, since it was already 5:00 in the morning.  He knew that both he and Justin needed to get some rest.  Brian stripped down to his underwear (because he didn't own pajamas), and slid into bed. 

Meanwhile, Justin had gone into the bathroom to brush his teeth.  He came out wearing the sweats that Brian had thrown at him. 

Brian let out a chuckle when he regarded Justin's appearance.  The sweats were too big for him, and it made him look even younger than his eighteen years.

"What?"  Justin queried.

"Nothing, just get in the bed.  Don't forget to shut off the light," Brian reminded him. 

Justin carefully peeled back the covers on his side of the bed, and sidled in.  He almost let out a sigh of contentment, as his head hit the pillow.  The bed was incredibly comfortable, and Justin snuggled happily under the soft clean sheets. 

Exhausted from their eventful evening, they both fell fast asleep.  Justin was so tired that he slept most of the morning away.  Unlike Brian who woke up surprisingly early, and decided to make some coffee. 

When Justin still didn't rise when it was about eleven, Brian positioned himself on the edge of the bed with a mug of coffee in his hand, admiring the sleeping young man.  He was lying on his side, his blond hair strewn about.  His face could be that of an angel, Brian subjectively observed, with his long pretty lashes, fair porcelain skin, and cute upturned nose.  The kid's cherubic features belied the hard life he had experienced lately.  Brian became aware of a strange, unfamiliar warmth spreading throughout his body.  He realized that studying the blond was fast becoming a habit with him.   

Justin felt a pair of eyes gazing upon him.  He unglued his eyelids in time to catch Brian standing up.  He propped himself up into a sitting position.

"Good Morning Sleeping Beauty," Brian teased.

Justin froze with fear at the mention of those words. A flash of big hands accosting him caused him to start hyperventilating. 

"Hey Sleeping Beauty, sorry to interrupt your dream." 

"Justin...Jesus, what the fuck's wrong with you?" 

Brian approached the bed, but Justin flinched sharply away from his touch. 

"Justin," Brian called again, worry infused in his tone. 

This time Justin's face seemed to register recognition, and his breathing began to slow.  The kid was pale, as if he'd just seen a ghost.  It was then that Brian knew something was terribly wrong with the lad, and he was going to make it his business to find out what it was. 

"Neither genius, fame, nor love show the greatness of the soul. Only kindness can do that." -Jean Baptiste Henri Lacordaire

Justin stood in the shower, his head angled back, languishing in the sensation of warm water spraying on his face.  He didn't want to think of anything right now, except how spectacular it felt.  For even when he could take a shower in one of the shelters, it was usually cold and quick.  There were always so many other men who wanted to use it, that there was never enough time or hot water to go around. 

Jets of water massaged his still healing body, while he generously lathered up with Brian's expensive soap and shampoo.  After rinsing off any remaining traces of suds, Justin stepped out of the huge stall.  He began to dry himself off with the softest towel he had ever felt, when his anxiety quickly returned.   His mind drifted to Brian's worried look, and the note of concern in his voice. 

Justin was surprised when Brian hadn't stopped him from retreating to the bathroom.  However, he knew that the man would be questioning him as soon as he emerged from his haven.  The lining of his empty stomach burned in anticipation.  But Justin reminded himself that he was a guest in Brian's house, and as Brian had pointed out to him before, he owed him the truth. 

Pulling on his clothes, Justin tried to mentally prepare himself for the inevitable.  As he had predicted, Brian sat stoically at the breakfast nook in the kitchen waiting for him.  Brian's eyes followed his every move, and it was freaking him out a little.  Justin nervously made his way to the stool next to the older man. 

"So", Brian inquired.  "Something happened in New York, and I want to know what it is."

"You're right," Justin admitted.  "Something did happen in New York.  But it's hard for me to talk about."  Justin looked at Brian with pleading eyes, hoping that he would drop his line of questioning.  "Besides, I can deal with it on my own," he announced with false bravado.

"Listen Justin, are you listening to me?"

"Yes, I'm listening."

"You may think you can handle this on your own, but you can't.  That little episode, panic attack, or whatever the fuck that was, proves to me that you need help."  Brian ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. 

"It's not that I don't want to tell you Brian.  You've been really great to me, I owe you so much.  It's that I can't tell you, it's too difficult."

"Justin, everyone needs help sometimes.  If you won't talk to me, at least talk to a professional." 

The blonde scrunched up his face in obvious disapproval. 

Brian persisted.  "I'll set up an appointment for you with a psychologist who's a friend of mine.  If you try one session, and feel it's not going to be helpful, you can quit.  Okay?"

Realizing that Brian was not going to leave him alone about this issue until he agreed, Justin nodded yes.

"Good boy," Brian commended him.  He reached his hand out, and squeezed Justin's shoulder. 

A small smile played on Justin's lips, at the delightful tingle he felt from the man's touch. 

"Now let's go get something to eat," Brian suggested.  "I'm sure you're starved.  Or wasn't that your stomach that I just heard growling?"

Justin laughed.  "I am kind of famished.  Lead the way."

All in all, the two men shared a surprisingly pleasant and relaxing weekend together.  Brian didn't seem to mind having Justin as a guest, and oddly enough they seemed naturally at ease with each other.  However, an incident occurred on Sunday night that caused another bout of concern for Brian. 

They had both been in a deep sleep, when Brian was hit by a thrashing Justin.  The kid was whimpering and crying in his sleep.  Brian couldn't make out what he was mumbling.  He grabbed Justin's wrists, and spoke to him in a calm low voice.

"It's okay Justin.  No one's going to hurt you.  It's me, Brian.  Shhhh...everything's going to be alright."

Justin slowly awakened from his nightmare, to Brian's sympathetic eyes.  He was so close to Brian that he could feel his warm breath against his skin.  Tasting the saltiness of the tears that had waltzed down his flushed cheeks, Justin realized he had had another harrowing dream. 

Brian's soft murmurings were soothing.  He felt so relieved, and so safe to be in the older man's grasp.  Justin hugged him tightly, needing to feel the security of his arms.  Brian patiently stroked his hair as if he were comforting a child. 

Time seemed to stand still.  Justin didn't know how long they remained enmeshed in their embrace, but he pulled away first, and peered into Brian's face with moist eyes.  It seemed Brian was always there for him.  It had been such a long time since he was able to trust anyone, and it felt good. 

At that moment, Justin appeared the picture of innocence, so vulnerable and beautiful.  Brian lost himself in the pools of watery blue.  Later on, he wouldn't remember who moved first, but suddenly their lips were connecting, their tongues searching and probing.  Justin clung to him, attacking Brian with desperation and want.  His tongue explored the inside of Brian's mouth, while his hands moved over Brian's torso at a frenetic pace. 

Caught off guard by the overwhelming passion between the two of them, Brian gave in to his desires at first.  He devoured those luscious rose colored lips, and groped the firm globes of Justin's ass.  Groans escaped from them both, bringing Brian back to reality.  Justin was willing but emotionally vulnerable, and he knew he couldn't do this right now.  So Brian mustered all the self control he could to break away from the needy young man.

"No, we can't."  His words were final and clear.

Justin stared at him with confusion and hurt in his eyes.  He watched Brian get up, and throw on some clothes as he grumbled to himself.  Then the older man grabbed his keys and jacket, and without looking at Justin, headed out the door.

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand." -Henri Nouwen

Justin was devastated.  He was seeking solace in the arms of a man he admired and adored, when Brian abruptly put a stop to it.  No explanations, no parting words, he just left.  Justin felt humiliated and hurt.  He wanted to be angry at Brian, but how could he?  The man had been extremely generous and kind towards him. 

Justin should have known that Brian wouldn't be interested in someone like him.  He was a nothing, a nobody who had lived on the streets, and occasionally sold his body for money.  Of course Brian was turned off.  What was Justin thinking?  He would always be trash.  Even his own father had told him that the day he kicked him out.  How could he face Brian again after the pathetic way he just behaved?  He wished he could make the last 15 minutes disappear.  Hell, he wished he could erase the last year and a half!

When Brian didn't return after an hour, Justin started weeping silently into his pillow.  He hoped he didn't ruin his current living arrangement.  If only Brian could fall in love with him, he would be the happiest person alive.  But instead, Justin was feeling miserably depressed at the reality that Brian Kinney could never be his, not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

Brian had departed the loft out of self preservation.  He was flabbergasted by the powerful attraction he had experienced for the blond.  He'd never felt so strongly drawn to someone as he did tonight. Brian had lost his resolve in a matter of seconds, and it scared the shit out of him.  Justin's yielding form was reeking havoc on his lifestyle, not to mention frustrating him beyond all words.  He did the only thing he could, he escaped to try to make sense out of what just happened in there.  Brian couldn't bear to look at the kid before he walked out, knowing that he would have broken down and stayed, probably even caved in to his longing to possess that spry youthful body.  Damn, what was he going to do now?

One blow job, two fucks, and seven drinks later, Brian felt blitzed enough to venture home from Babylon.  He had spent nearly three hours indulging his needs, and trying to wipe visions of the kid from his mind.  However, as hard as he tried, he failed in his quest.  Brian was disgusted, and felt light headed and dizzy from the combination of booze and drugs he ingested.  His unsteady feet miraculously found their way to his parked jeep.  He leaned his head against the cool glass of the window, and cursed the day he met Justin Taylor, with his pretty blue eyes, and his soft inviting lips. 

When Brian opened the door to the loft, he wasn't sure what to expect.  'Would the kid be waiting up for him?  Would he be gone?'  Brian experienced a searing stab of panic at that last thought.  Entering his lair, an eery silence caused his anxiety to increase.  He apprehensively padded up the steps to the bedroom, and breathed a huge sigh of relief when he discovered the sleeping blond. 

Brian clumsily disrobed, uncharacteristically throwing his clothing about.  Pushing the covers back, he insinuated himself between the sheets.  He turned his head to once again study the young man who was at the center of his dilemma.  Justin's fair complexion was streaked with tears, and the surrounding tufts of hair appeared to be damp. 

Brian immediately felt guilty as he surmised the kid had probably cried himself into an exhausted slumber.  He extended his arm to touch the strands of gold with his fingertips.  But he thought better of it, and retracted his outstretched hand.  His temples were pounding, and he closed his eyes trying to will the pain away.  Somehow, Brian managed to drift off to sleep himself, despite his persistent discomfort. 

That morning, they had both overslept, and were now rushing to get ready for work.  There was no time to talk, and Brian was grateful for that, since he didn't have a clue what to say.  They survived the awkward ride to work without any meaningful conversation.  When they arrived at Kinnetik, Brian just weakly mumbled "See you later" , before they parted and went their separate ways. 

Justin was well aware of the tension that now existed between him and Brian, but he was going to try his best to act like nothing had happened.  The work day was busy, and passed by quickly.  Justin paused at Brian's office at 5:00. 

"You staying late?"

"I have a few things to take care of Justin.  Why don't you go home, and I'll see you at the loft."

"Okay," the blond replied glumly.

"Oh, Justin," Brian called after him. 

Justin turned to engage the mesmerizing hazel eyes once again. 

"I made an appointment for you tomorrow at 6:00.  I'll take you."

Justin nodded his agreement, and then continued on his way out.

The night and following day passed without incident.  They were friendly, but polite to each other.  After work, Brian drove Justin to his doctor's appointment as he had promised.  He sat patiently in the waiting room, while Justin met with the therapist for what seemed like an eternity.

An hour later, Justin emerged from the room.  Brian couldn't judge how the session went, because the kid's expression didn't denote anything.  The blond walked directly to Brian, and addressed him with a strange tone of indifference.  

"The doctor wants to talk with you."

Brian entered the office, and greeted his old acquaintance with a handshake.  The room was comfortable, and painted in warm earthy tones.  He took a seat in a plush arm chair situated in front of the doctor's desk.  The bespectacled man looked serious as he prepared to speak, and Brian's curiosity heightened.

"Brian, I have Justin's permission to share some things with you.  I assume you're interested in what I have to say?"

"Of course.  So what did he tell you?"

"I'm not at liberty to reveal all the details, but you need to know something.  It's important that you understand what's going on with Justin right now."  He hesitated, and then nervously posed,  "What exactly is the nature of your relationship?"

Brian regarded the concern displayed on the man's face.  He smirked as he realized what the doc was really inquiring about.

"I haven't fucked him, if that's what you mean.  I care about the kid and his well being, that's all."

The man visibly relaxed.  "That's good, because Justin is going to need your help if he's to make a full recovery."

"Recovery from what?  I don't know what the fuck you're talking about doc," Brian said becoming agitated.

"I'm sorry Brian, let me explain from the beginning. As you know, Justin had a traumatic experience in New York.  I suspect it was exacerbated by Justin's own underlying issues of self worth.  Which takes us to the current problem.  Justin's been having nightmares and flashbacks.  From the information he's given me, I was able to make a diagnosis.  To skip right to the point, I believe Justin is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder."

"Holy shit!" Brian exclaimed in surprise.  He knew precisely what affliction the doctor was referring to.  It was all starting to make sense now.

"To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world." -Brandi Snyder

Brian had been right.  Justin found it much easier to talk to a stranger.  It helped when the doctor had assured him that whatever was said in the office would stay in the office, so he didn't feel judged or inhibited.  In fact, he was able to relate the entire incident in New York without any hysterics. 

When the doctor informed Justin that he was fairly certain he was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, he actually felt relieved.  At least he wasn't losing his mind.  Brian's psychologist friend also gave him hope that this condition was temporary.  Now that he had a label to go with the symptoms he was experiencing, it felt somewhat liberating. 

The decision to share information with Brian was an easy one to make.  Brian needed to know that he was suffering from something real.  His therapist had also stressed that he needed to select one person to confide in, so they would know what to do in case he had another disturbing episode, especially if it was in public.  Since he presently lived and worked with Brian, he appeared to be the logical choice. 

Justin elected not to be in the room when the doctor spoke to Brian, because he wasn't sure he could handle it.  He'd find out soon enough what Brian's reaction was to the news, because the door to the office was creeping open. 

Brian emerged first, and then the doctor followed close behind him.  Upon concluding their conversation, the therapist turned to address a seated Justin.

"So, will I see you next week?"

"Sure doctor.  Thank you for everything." 

"No need to thank me.  I'm just doing my job.  If you or Brian have any questions before then, remember, you can give me a call."

"Thanks doc, we appreciate that," Brian responded with sincerity.  Then he faced Justin, "Ready to go?"

"Uh, yeah."

Brian had several unanswered questions running through his mind, but he kept them to himself for the time being.  A solemn Justin sat beside him, totally lost in his own thoughts.  Brian didn't know if that was a good or bad thing that the lad was in such a pensive mood.

As they rode the elevator up to the loft, Justin still seemed to be contemplating something.  Once Brian unlocked the door, the blond took refuge in his temporary home, making himself comfortable on the couch.  He kicked his off his shoes, laid his head on the armrest, and stretched the rest of his body out on the sofa. 

"Are you okay?" Brian inquired, slightly thrown by Justin's odd behavior.

"Hmmm...oh, um yeah."

"You spent an awful lot of time in the good doc's office."

Silence.

"I just want you to know Justin that I'm willing to help you in any way that I can."

"Thanks."  The blond was curt because he didn't really feel like talking.  He just wanted to be left alone.

"You're just a chatterbox tonight aren't you?" Brian quipped, not really meaning anything by the statement.  However, Justin's one word answers were beginning to irk him a little.

All of a sudden, Justin shot straight up to his feet, standing rigidly with his fists clenched. 

"Fuck off Brian.  I don't need you fucking hassling me." 

Brian had tried to be patient with the kid, but now he was pissed with his attitude.   He let Justin have it.  "I'm trying here, you ungrateful shit.  I brought you to the doc to get you some help.  I'm the one who took you in and gave you a place to stay."

Brian realized he had said too much.  His comments only served to inflame the already incensed young man.

"Well, like I said before, you don't have to do anything for me.  I'm not your fucking responsibility!"

With that last heated statement hurled out there, Justin raced over to get his backpack and bounded for the door.  Brian immediately covered the short distance between them to block him.

"Get the fuck out of my way Brian." 

Justin tried unsuccessfully to shove past him.  Brian knew he had to get the kid to stay.  He had to reason with him.

"Listen to me Justin." 

He gripped the blond by the shoulders, but Justin struggled to wrestle free.   

"Will you calm the fuck down a minute?" 

Justin stopped and glared at Brian, his beautiful face contorted with rage.  He was angry at the older man, but it was more than that.  He didn't really understand why he felt like punching something.

"I apologize if I offended you.  I didn't mean to get you upset.  Can you sit down...please?"

Justin took a moment to consider his request, but then complied by leaning against the arm of the couch.  Brian had used the word please, and Brian Kinney hardly ever used that word.

"What are you so angry about?" Brian quizzed, truly interested in an answer.  He'd never seen Justin like this before, and it concerned him.

Justin exhaled an unsteady breath.  Shaking his head he threw his hands up and admitted, "I don't know."

"If you don't feel like talking, next time all you have to do is tell me, okay?" 

"Alright.  I guess I could do that."  A small smirk escaped Justin's lips.

"I have to be honest with you Sunshine.  There's still some things I'd like to know about what happened back in New York.  I won't pressure you right now, but think it about it.  If I'm going to help you through this, I need to know everything."

Justin offered, "You really don't need to do this.  I'm going to continue with the counseling if that's what you're worried about."

"I know I don't have to do it, but maybe I want to do it.  Did you ever stop to think about that?" 

The thought had never even crossed Justin's mind that Brian would want to go through this ordeal with him. 

"Why would you want to do that?"

Brian took a deep breath before replying.  "Because I want to help.  Because we're friends.  Because...I care about what happens to you."

Justin relished every word coming out of Brian's gorgeous mouth.  He especially delighted at the man's last unexpected confession. 

"Thank you for being such a good friend to me," the blond blushed, feeling guilty for his earlier irrational outburst.

"No problemo senor."

Justin beamed back with a sunshine smile.  He felt a glimmer of hope that perhaps someday he could have something more than just a friendship with Brian.

"If you don't mind, I'm kinda tired," Justin announced.  He was more emotionally drained than anything else.  "I think I'll go to bed now."

Brian watched thoughtfully as Justin retired to the bedroom.  He sat at the counter in the kitchen for a bit, drinking a bottle of Evian.  Pulling out the information sheet the doc had handed him today, he reviewed the list of possible symptoms of PTSD with his weary eyes. 

• Flashbacks, or reliving the traumatic event for minutes or even days at a time
• Shame or guilt
• Upsetting dreams about the traumatic event
• Trying to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic event
• Feeling emotionally numb
• Irritability or anger
• Poor relationships
• Self-destructive behavior, such as drinking too much
• Hopelessness about the future
• Trouble sleeping
• Memory problems
• Trouble concentrating
• Being easily startled or frightened
• Not enjoying activities you once enjoyed
• Hearing or seeing things that aren't there

"Christ," he muttered to himself.  Justin certainly was exhibiting a lot of these symptoms.  He then recalled that the doc had also warned him that things could get worse before they got better.  Since Justin was now talking about the event that caused the trauma, it was bound to unleash pent up emotions, and Brian was the one who would bear the brunt of it. 

'Was he really willing to deal with all of this bullshit?'  But what was the alternative, let the kid go through this alone?  Brian knew he had to be there for Justin, and he realized, yes, he actually wanted to be there for him.  The kid had already gotten under his skin, and there was no turning back now.

"Keep your eyes upon me, keep me in your sight, Help me don the crooked road, lead me to the light. The road I'm on is dark, I'm not sure if I know the way, Yet with you right beside me, I'm certain I won't stray. Protect me from the world, I know we'll make it through, Give me all the strength I need..... Let me lean on you."
- Megan Stroup

Brian slid his fingers into Justin's tight, inviting hole.  The blond was lying on his back, writhing with pleasure.  Anxious to have his swelled dick inside the eager twink, he soon replaced his fingers with the head of his cock.  Pushing into the narrow passage, he heard Justin cry out in ecstasy.  "Fuck me, Brian...harder!"  Obeying his desperate plea, Brian was rewarded when he heard the kid's moans become louder with each forceful thrust.  He could tell he was on the verge of a mind blowing release.  Arching his back, he closed his eyes...

Brian's body jerked, forcing him awake.  It took him a minute to focus because it was still dark.  'What the fuck?'  This was the second night in a row in which his sleep had been interrupted by a vivid fantasy about Justin.  Last night he had been lucky, and was able to quietly escape to the privacy of his bathroom to stroke himself to completion.  But tonight, he had not been so fortunate.  The tangible evidence was that his new designer underwear was now soaked with his own cum.  "Fuck!" 

Brian quickly checked Justin's side of the bed.  He was relieved to find that the young man was still fast asleep.  The irony was not lost on him.  Justin had slept soundly, and free of nightmares these past two nights, while his own sleep was suddenly being intruded upon by these darn sexual fantasies.

Slowly rising to clean up, Brian was thankful that his dream hadn't jostled Justin.  This new living arrangement was presenting an embarrassing  problem for him.  The close proximity of the blond was engendering an involuntary visceral reaction, even in his sleep.  Brian kept reminding himself that the kid wasn't emotionally ready for any kind of intimate relationship.  But he wasn't a saint, and Brian didn't know how long he could contain his desires, especially when he knew the kid wanted him just as much.

Justin woke up when the alarm went off.  He was surprised when he opened his eyes and found Brian's side of the bed empty.  But then he smelled the aroma of freshly brewed coffee.  A fully dressed Brian waded into the bedroom, greeting Justin with a chipper, "Good Morning Sunshine."

"Morning to you too Mr. Kinney."  Justin said, returning the sentiment with a shy smile.  "You're an early riser today."

"Something suddenly came up that needed my attention,"  Brian said, flashing a toothy grin.  He resumed the consumption of his morning coffee, while Justin showered, and prepared for the day. 

On the way to work, the two of them shared what was becoming an easy going camaraderie.  Brian noticed that Justin had an unusually cheery demeanor for this ungodly hour in the morning. 

"Why the ridiculously happy mood?" Brian questioned curiously.

"Oh, did you forget?  I'm meeting Daphne for dinner after work.  Shit, the last time I saw her was right before I left to go to New York."

"That's right."  Brian remembered that Justin had mentioned it.  "So glad you two kids made up."

"Me too.  But Daph could never really stay mad at me anyway." 

Justin had been hesitant to make the initial dreaded phone call.  But after going off on a tirade for the first five minutes, Daphne eventually calmed down.  She forgave him, just like he knew his best friend would, and they immediately made a date to meet.  He was anxious to see her after all this time.

At work it was the usual hectic day.  Justin completed the finishing touches on a campaign for yet another one of Brian's major clients.  The art director seemed more than pleased with his efforts. 

Justin was viewed as the new rising star at Kinnetik.  However, the merit of his accomplishment was diminished by the rumors of his romantic relationship with the boss.  This irritated Justin, especially because it wasn't true.  But he chose not to say anything to Brian.  People were going to believe what they wanted to believe.  Justin only wished it was a reality. 

After saying a rushed good bye to Brian, Justin walked briskly to the bus stop.  A short while later, he was hugging his oldest and dearest friend, while she squeezed him back, tears glistening in her large brown eyes. 

"You look terrific Daph."

"So do you."

They sat down to a nice, relaxing dinner, and reminisced about old times.  However, during desert Daphne tactfully brought up the subject of why he had decided to come back to the Pitts.  Justin was reluctant to tell his friend the real reason, but she managed to worm it out of him by wearing him down.  She felt guilty for harassing him, and had cried openly, when he described the horrific events that caused him to flee New York. 

"You'll be okay Jus.  You're strong and smart, and you've got Brian on your side.  I think it's important that he knows everything, that way he can help you,"  Daphne sniffled.

"Um well, he knows almost everything," Justin corrected her.  "I still haven't shared with him the details of what happened that night."

"You're shitting me.  Why not?"

"I don't know.  It's hard to talk about."

"But you just told me."

"Yeah, I guess so.  But I'm not..."  Justin didn't finish the sentence, he didn't need to.

Daphne studied him a second, and then said with a raised eyebrow, "You're not in love with me, like you are with him."

"Is it that obvious?"

"You light up every time you talk about the man, which is like, every other sentence.  I can't say I blame you though, he is to die for."

"God, he's gorgeous,"  Justin sighed dreamily.

"Oh boy, someone's got it bad.  Does Brian feel the same way?"

"I don't know.  He's hard to read."

"He must care about you a lot if he's letting you live with him.  And he's always been there for you when you need him."

"It's not that simple Daph, with my past and all."

"It is that simple, Jus.  If he loves you, nothing else will matter."

"You're right," Justin conceded, knowing that his trusted friend was speaking the truth.

Later on that night at the loft...

"Hey Brian."

"Sunshine.  So how is the little woman?"

"She looks wonderful.  And we got along great, as if I never left."

"Sounds like the two of you are as thick as thieves again."

Justin frowned at Brian's coincidental choice of words, but then addressed him in a serious voice.  "Speaking of thieves, I'd like to talk to you about something."

Brian cocked an eyebrow indicating his interest.   "Okay, but you've got me a little on edge with your ominous tone."

Justin sat down on the couch, close enough to Brian so that they were almost touching.  Looking him squarely in the eyes he stated, "I'm ready to tell you everything about what happened in New York."

Relating the details of the robbery to Brian in a detached manner, Justin's mask of indifference began to crack when he repeated all the degrading remarks that were made to him.  However, when it came to recounting the trauma of being sodomized by the giant of a man, he became even more visibly upset.  A torrent of tears streaked down his perfect features, and his voice quavered with raw emotion.

Brian listened attentively and patiently to what Justin had to say.  But when Justin began reliving the sexual abuse he was forced to endure, his facial expression changed dramatically.  Brian became enraged, and he wanted nothing more than to hunt down those men, and rip off their dicks with his bare hands.

However, Justin needed him right now.  His heart ached for the sobbing, damaged kid, and Brian made a motion to reach for him.  Justin rejected his offer at first, stubbornly pulling back.  But Brian persisted, and no longer able to fight it, Justin gave in to the overwhelming pain and mental anguish, collapsing into the older man's arms. It felt truly comforting to have Brian's strong arms wrapped around him, almost like he was shielding him from the rest of the world.

A familiar longing welled up inside of the older man.  He wanted to kiss Justin and wash away all his hurt and fears.  The kid surely didn't deserve the cruel, harsh occurrences of the past couple of years.  Brian wanted to replace his misery with warmth, love, and understanding.  But he couldn't.  Justin was not in a good place at this moment in time, and he wouldn't risk the further damage it might cause to his overall recovery.

"You were made perfectly to be loved - and surely I have loved you, the idea of you, my whole life long." -Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Justin's head was firmly nestled into Brian's chest.  He didn't want to leave the security of the older man's arms, not just yet.  He knew the cocoon he was in wouldn't last for long, and he wanted to revel in it for a while longer. 

Brian absentmindedly stroked Justin's mop of blond hair.  The kid was clinging to him for refuge from his nightmarish experience, and he couldn't blame him.  As he held him, Brian was trying to let go of the anger he felt raging inside of him, towards the blond's attackers.  Justin, his beautiful brave boy had been through so much.  But the kid was a survivor. 

After a while, Brian finally decided it was time to sever their physical connection before he succumbed to Justin's need to be loved, as well as his desire to love him.  Extracting himself from the kid's grasp was not easy, and he felt a twinge of guilt at Justin's reluctance to part.  Brian was deeply affected by the kid's puffy red eyes, and wounded look.  'Damn those fucking animals,' he thought. 

"You alright Justin?"

"Mmmm...yeah, I guess so," the blond answered, rubbing his eyes.

Brian gripped him by the shoulders, and exclaimed sincerely, "I'm proud of you for telling me about what happened.  Alex said that would be a huge step for you to take."  The Alex who Brian was referring to of course, was Justin's therapist.

Justin timidly peered down for a moment, and then honestly professed, "I wasn't sure if I could do it.  But now I feel as if a burden's been lifted.  I guess telling you was sort of cathartic for me."

"Do you think you could identify those bastards if you saw them again?"

Justin knew where Brian was going with this.  "I just want to deal with this Brian, and move on with my life." 

Brian saw the look on Justin's face and heard the emotion in his voice, so he decided to drop it.  He was at a loss of what to do to help the kid, but then something came to mind. 

"Sunshine, how about coming with me to Babylon tomorrow night?" he suggested.

"I don't know."

"You could use some fun for a change.  It might help you forget about life's problems for a while."

"It's been ages since I've danced.  I do miss it," Justin said trying to make up his mind.  "Okay, I'll go."

Brian brandished a lopsided grin, pleased in knowing that he'd persuaded the kid to say yes, and that it would probably do him a world of good.

Justin had felt encouraged by his progress.  He figured that a night out might just be what he needed.  Maybe he'd even get to dance with Brian.

The work day passed by quickly.  Brian and Justin changed into their club attire after dinner.  Brian was dressed all in black.  He had on a sleeveless shirt, and skin tight pants.  Justin was immediately horny when he saw how hot the older man looked.  Little did he know that Brian was thinking the same thoughts about him. 

Justin had selected to wear something from his hustler days, because he hadn't had much time to expand his wardrobe.  He had on a cut off sports jersey, and form fitting jeans that hugged his ass, and were worn in just the right places.  Brian was so tempted to kiss the boy senseless, and fuck him right there where he stood.  However, he just commented appreciatively, "You look hot."

"Thanks," Justin responded, smiling ear to ear. 

Before they entered Babylon, Brian warned Justin to stick close to him, and not go off with anyone he didn't know.  Justin frowned at the man's overprotective speech, but agreed to it anyway. 

They met up with some of Brian's friends, and hung out at the bar for a while.  Justin liked Brian's buddies, especially the flamboyant one named Emmett.  It was Emmett who motioned for Justin to join him on the dance floor, since he sensed that the boy was itching to dance.

Emmett was tall and Justin was short, and the physical contrast was amusing as they began to sway to the music.  Justin seemed a little awkward at first, but then he began to loosen up.  Brian's eyes were trained on the blond, as he moved his body to the beat.  The young man closed his eyes, and seemed to be in a world of his own. 

Brian felt his dick twitch to attention, and strain against the roughness of the material of his pants.  He knew he had to deal with his arousal soon, before he went up to Justin and dragged him off the dance floor to fuck him.  The sweaty blond and his flaming dance partner came back to where Brian and the others were standing.  Justin's face was flushed, and his blue eyes gleamed with excitement over the pleasurable workout he just had. 

Brian was glad the kid was having a blast, but it was time he satisfied his own needs.

"Justin, I've got something to do.  You stay here with the gang.  I'll be back."

"Sure Brian," Justin replied amenably.

As Brian left his group of friends, Justin tracked him with his eyes.  The other guys were laughing, and nudging each other, as Brian walked up to a hot young brunet.  The kid smiled seductively at Brian, as the older man whispered something in his ear.  Justin watched curiously, and was suddenly getting a foreboding feeling in his gut, as the scene unfolded before him.

Brian pulled the brunet by his belt towards the back room, with a lascivious smile adorning his face.  Justin started to feel nauseous as he realized what was happening.  Brian was obviously going to fuck the guy, who appeared to be nearly the same age as him.  Justin's stomach was in knots, as he listened to Brian's friends and their snide remarks.

"Looks like the stud of Liberty Avenue hasn't lost his touch," Michael declared with a grin.

"Brian always gets the hottest guys," Ted lamented.

Justin was feeling worse by the minute.  'How could Brian do that?  Didn't he know how much Justin cared about him?  Why wasn't Brian interested in him?  He had told him he looked hot.  Was he just lying to make him feel good?'

Brian returned to the group looking more relaxed.  Justin was highly irritated that Brian had left him to pound into some twink's ass. 

"Can we go?" Justin asked Brian in a curt voice.

"You tired already?" the older man questioned.

"Something like that,"  Justin replied.

They rode home in silence.  Brian was confused at the shift in Justin's mood.  He seemed to be having a great time, and now he appeared to be upset about something.

Once in the loft, Justin headed to the bedroom to change.  He came out to get a drink before retiring to bed.  In doing so, he slammed the refrigerator door shut.

"You gonna tell me what's on your mind?"  Brian asked. 

"What makes you think that something's bothering me?"  Justin snapped in a sarcastic tone.

"Oh, maybe it's because you haven't said two words to me since we left Babylon, and now you've taken to slamming things."

Piercing blue eyes bore into Brian.  The older man cocked his eyebrows waiting for Justin to tell him what was going on with him.

Justin huffed, and then relented, "You bring me to Babylon, you tell me to stay close, and then you abandon me to fuck the first hot guy you see."

"I didn't abandon you, but yes, I did fuck that guy in the back room.  Not that it's any of your damn business."

"Fuck you Brian."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"  Brian queried, perilously close to running out of patience.  "I thought you were having a good time."

"The last thing I wanted to see tonight was you in predatory mode.  Is it that much of a hardship to spend some time with me.  Did you have to fuck that guy and flaunt it in my face?"

Brian was silent, and just stared at the blond.  He was puzzled by his hostile behavior.

Justin realized that he was going to have to spell it out for the man. 

"I'm attracted to you Brian.  It was difficult for me to see you with some other guy."

When Brian still didn't say anything, Justin continued, starting to queen out.

"In all this time we've know each other, you've never fucked me, and we sleep in the same bed!  Is it because you think of me as a hustler?  That I'm not good enough for you?"

Now Brian was getting pissed.

"Listen to me, you little twat.  Do you know what it's like being next to you every night, and not being able to ravish you?  Denying myself the pleasure of your body because I'm worried that it may screw up your recovery if we fucked?"

Wow!  Justin was absolutely shocked by Brian's impromptu confession, and didn't know what to say.  Brian had obviously thought about this a lot.  Once again, he had terribly misjudged the man.

"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."
-Sam Keen

Brian couldn't believe he had just professed to Justin how much he wanted him.  'Brian Kinney does not talk about his feelings.  Brian Kinney does not act like a love sick lesbo.  And Brian Kinney certainly does not sound pathetic.'  Unless it apparently involves one infuriating blond twink named Justin Taylor.

To say that Justin was stunned at Brian's unexpected revelation, was an understatement.  After all his doubts, Brian did want him as much as he wanted Brian.

"I can't believe you just said that to me.  Do you really think about me in that way?" Justin asked, his eyes shining brightly with hope.

Brian knew it was no use denying anything, he had already said too much.  "I think about you enough."

"What are we going to do about it Brian?" Justin mused coyly, thoroughly enjoying his newfound knowledge that Brian lusted after him.  In fact, he was so turned on, the ecstatic blond felt like pouncing on the older man.

Brian uncomfortably cleared his throat.  "Um, nothing at the moment," he stated, beginning to feel unusually warm. 

When Brian saw disappointment register on the kid's face, he spoke up again. 

"However, I do have a proposition for you young man."

Now it was Justin's turn to arch an eyebrow. 

"If you work hard enough at getting better, and by that I mean you have to cooperate fully with the dear doc, then you can have me as your reward."

"Are you using yourself as an incentive?" Justin asked incredulously, barely containing his mirth.

"In a word, YES.  If you make significant gains in your therapy, then I'll give you a night that you'll never forget."  Brian's hazel eyes grew dark with promise.

"You really think that the prospect of sleeping with you is going to make me be a good little boy, and keep going to therapy?"  Justin couldn't believe the size of the man's ego.

"I was hoping that would be the case."

"Well, you might be right," Justin conceded in a low sexy voice.  "Because there's nothing more that I want, then to be with you Brian." 

Brian put his tongue to his cheek.  Looking into Justin's baby blues, and hearing him say those words in that tone, fostered a strange but pleasant fluttering in his chest. It was then that he knew he was fucked.

"Now that that's settled, let's get some rest,"  Brian reasoned, desperate to escape Justin's wanton stare.

Brian proceeded to strip down to his underwear, and then joined Justin in their shared bed.  The little shit was smirking when he turned to Brian and taunted, "Sweet dreams Mr. Kinney."

Brian grimaced in defeat, and retorted, "You too brat.  Sleep well."  Then he purposely pushed the covers lower so that his toned physique was exposed for Justin to ogle. 

Justin took in the enticing sight of Brian's hard, lean but muscular body, and quickly turned his back to him.  It was all he could do to keep from attacking the older man.  The blond was only able to fall asleep by envisioning a naked girl, which never ceased to cause his dick to go limp. 

True to his word, Justin began seeing Alex twice a week.  Thankfully, his nightmares had diminished significantly, and he hadn't experienced any debilitating flashbacks since their therapy sessions had commenced.  The effective techniques Alex had taught Justin for managing his anxiety had really helped.  Brian had even volunteered to be trained, and diligently attended an informative session with the therapist.

The next couple of weeks came and went.  Brian and Justin were heavily engaged in their own private seductive game.  They would tempt each other with sexual innuendos and slight accidental touches.  The tension mounting between them so much, that they each had to relieve themselves before climbing into bed for the night. 

Brian had never been this patient in his life.  He was accustomed to taking what he wanted, when he wanted.  But he knew Justin was special, and he didn't want to do anything to jeopardize their impending lovemaking.  Somehow in his heart he was sure the kid was worth the wait.

The third week into their pact, Brian sat down for a serious talk with Justin.  The younger man could sense the importance of what Brian was about to say.

"Today after work, I have an appointment with Alex." 

Justin fidgeted as he waited anxiously for Brian to continue. 

"He's going to give me an update on your progress."

"Does that mean what I think it does?" Justin asked nearly jumping out of his skin with excitement.

"It means that if I get an encouraging report, your ass is mine tonight," Brian smirked.

"Hallelujah!" Justin exclaimed.  The kid was so giddy that he impulsively lunged forward, and captured Brian's lips.

Brian was a little surprised, but easily accepted a taste of what was to come.  He returned the kiss with exuberance, all the while his body was screaming for relief.  However, Justin broke their impassioned liplock proclaiming, "It's going to be a long day.  We should get going."

The two men tried unsuccessfully to focus on their work, the anticipation driving them to distraction.  Brian had to fight the perpetual hard on he embarrassingly seemed to be sporting, while Justin almost came in his pants twice from Brian merely glancing in his direction. 

At the end of the work day, Brian and Justin conveyed their goodbyes with their eyes.  They were both too revved up to speak coherently.  Brian went off to the doctor's office, while Justin decided to pick up some things to add to the ambiance of their special evening.

Brian was relieved to hear the doc's report.  Justin was doing extremely well, and was a highly motivated patient.  The doctor was decreasing his sessions to once a week.  He projected that in a month, or perhaps even less time, Justin would no longer need to see him.  He would then be seen on an as needed basis.

Meanwhile, the blond had enlisted Daphne's help to prepare for the night.  They had a fabulous time together choosing an expensive wine, and some cheese and crackers to set the mood.  However, Daphne had to run off because she had to study for a test.  She hugged her best friend, and wished him good luck.

Justin was on his way home, when he heard his cell phone ringing.  It was Brian sounding unusually amped. 

"You ready for tonight?"

"I'm on my way home right now."

"I'll meet you there.  And Justin," Brian paused,  "since the doc gave me a terrific report, I'll have your reward waiting for you."

"I can't wait!  Later Brian."

"Later."

Justin was on an emotional high.  He was finally going to consummate his relationship with Brian, the man of his dreams.  He was so preoccupied with his thoughts, that he didn't notice the middle aged man crossing the street in a fit of anger.

"What the fuck are you doing here Justin!" the all too familiar voice demanded.  Justin froze dead in his tracks, as he came face to face with Craig Taylor. 

"Dad."

"Don't call me that you fucking piece of shit.  I thought I told your faggot ass to leave and never come back."

Justin couldn't move, he couldn't speak.  He just stood there feeling helpless.  He could feel his chest constricting, and his eyes started to water.

"Don't cry damn it!  You're embarrassing me."  Craig grabbed Justin forcefully by the arm, his fingers painfully digging into him. 

"You better get yourself far away from here Justin.  You're disgusting, and you make me sick."

Craig then pushed Justin roughly out of his way.  The blond started gasping for air.  He clutched his chest because he felt a frightening pressure, and his heart was racing frantically.  The bags he was carrying dropped precariously to the ground, as he began to run.  Although his feet were moving, Justin felt like he was sprinting in slow motion.  He practically stumbled the few blocks back to the loft.  With all his might, he flung the steel door open. 

"Sunshine, it's about..." 

Brian didn't finish what he was going to say, because he saw Justin's pallid complexion and sweat drenched shirt.  His breathing was labored, and the blond looked like he was going to faint at any minute.

"Shit, you're having a panic attack." 

"I know that every good and excellent thing in the world stands moment by moment on the razor-edge of danger and must be fought for."
-Thornton Wilder

Brian immediately recognized that Justin was in crisis.  However, his training with the good doc kicked in, and he rushed to Justin's aid.  He guided the harried young man to the couch, and crouched down in front of him. 

"Look at me Justin,"  Brian commanded in a stern voice, that sounded oddly calm even to his own ears.  "Just focus on me.  We're going to get through this together."

Justin's face was extremely pale, and he was straining for each breath.  Although he was scared, Brian's voice helped him to concentrate, and he struggled to regain control.

"Remember what Alex taught you," Brian reminded him.  "Lay your head back...relax."

Justin laid his head back against the couch, and tried to relax his shoulders.  He could already feel more air entering his lungs.  Justin had practiced this so many times before, yet he couldn't think of what to do next.  To his relief, Brian continued to instruct him.  'Thank God Brian was with him.'

"Now put your hand on your chest up here, and the other one below your rib cage.  Breathe in through your nose, and then out through your mouth." 

Justin's eyes were firmly fixed on Brian's face, as he followed the older man's directions.  His body seemed to remember the technique, and automatically responded by tightening his stomach muscles.  He inhaled through his nose, and then let out a controlled breath through his mouth.  When he exhaled, Justin consciously pursed his lips as Alex had taught him.

Brian shifted so he was now sitting next to Justin.  He ran his fingers through the blond's sweaty locks, in an effort to further relax him.  He released his own ragged breath along with Justin's, as he realized the young man's breathing was slowing down. 

"You're doing great, Sunshine," he encouraged.  Some color was returning to Justin's face, and Brian knew the worst was over.

"Thanks Brian," Justin stated appreciatively once his breathing had returned to normal.  "I'm glad you were here."

"No problem,"  Brian expressed sincerely, as he ruffled the blond's hair.  He then rose and got a bottle of water from the fridge, and handed it to Justin. 

Brian regarded Justin thoughtfully before he posed his next question.  He didn't want to upset Justin, but he needed to find out what brought on his attack.

"What happened to you Sunshine?"

"I was walking back home, when I unexpectedly came face to face with my father." 

Justin cast his eyes down reliving the panic of that horrible moment, put then picked his head up to peer into Brian's inquisitive face.  He proceeded to tell Brian about Craig's verbal attack on him, and how he was manhandled.  Brian examined Justin's arm where there were clearly red finger marks marring his flawless ivory skin.  His blood started to boil, but he tried to appear outwardly calm for Justin's sake. 

"You should talk to Alex about this,"  Brian wisely advised.  "I'll set up another appointment for you."

Justin nodded his head in agreement.  He was still shaking from the chance meeting, and he knew that talking with Alex would help him deal with some of his issues. 

Brian determined that Justin was in no shape for anything he had planned for tonight.  Their sexual liaison would have to be put on the back burner for now.  Although Brian was disappointed, he was more concerned about Justin's emotional well being. 

Brian tried to get Justin to eat something, and was not surprised that the blond didn't seem to have an appetite.  So after watching some TV,  he led Justin to the bedroom, and helped him undress.  Then he slid under the covers with his boy, and drew him close to his body.  Justin thankfully snuggled into his protective embrace, and fell asleep in a matter of seconds.  Brian stayed awake most of the night, listening to the sound of Justin's breathing, and feeling the movement of his faint, but steady heartbeat.  He knew he'd go to any lengths to keep his Sunshine safe.

The next morning Justin appeared to be refreshed, but still troubled over his encounter with his father.  Brian could tell that he was uptight, and he asked the blond if he was okay.

"I'll be alright.  I know I shouldn't let my father's words affect me this way, but you should have seen his eyes.  There was so much hatred in them Brian."

"You need to forget about him Justin.  Your best revenge would be to become a big fat fucking success." 

Justin chuckled.  "You're right.  That would make him really pissed."

Work was the usual hustle and bustle.  Justin was actually happy to be distracted by the numerous projects he was currently working on.  Plus every time he happened to exchange glances with Brian, the man would wink at him or smile.  He wondered if Brian knew how much those small displays of endearment affected him.  On second thought, Brian most likely did, which made Justin love the man even more.

Five o'clock finally came, and Justin swung by Brian's office to see if he was ready to go home.  He was surprised to find that the man wasn't there, or anywhere else for that matter, so he stopped by Cynthia's desk.

"Brian left early," she informed him.

"Where did he go?"

"He had something very important to do," Cynthia replied.  She looked at Justin nervously.

Justin started to feel uneasy.  "Where exactly was he headed?"

"Brian would kill me if I told you," Cynthia began, "but I'm really worried about him Justin."

Brian's assistant was one of the few people in the office that knew about their living arrangement and sort of relationship.  Justin astutely detected that her concern for her boss had something to do with him.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on," Justin threatened.

Cynthia required no further prompting as she eagerly disclosed, "He went to have a talk with your father."

"Shit!" Justin exclaimed as he charged out the door.  "Shit, shit, shit!"  He only hoped he got to his father's store on time.

Brian Kinney was on a mission.  His jeep cruised sluggishly down the street, as he searched for Taylor Electronics.  Cynthia had looked it up for him, and then on Brian's directive, reluctantly called to make an appointment with the bastard.  Brian had shrewdly instructed her to lie about the purpose of the visit.  He knew that Craig Taylor would never let him anywhere near him if he knew why he had really set up their urgent meeting.

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."  -Judy Garland

Mr. Kinney, a pleasure to meet you," Craig Taylor greeted him, as he ventured from behind his desk.  His smile quickly faded, as he immediately sensed something amiss when Brian didn't accept his outstretched hand.

"I'm not here for business.  This is a personal matter," Brian informed Justin's father, his tone denoting the serious nature of his visit.

"How can I help you?" Craig said with a curious expression. 

"I'm here to talk to you about Justin."

"Justin?" Craig repeated, confusion emoting from his eyes. 

"Justin, your son," Brian emphasized.

Craig's face changed instantaneously.  His features became distorted, giving him an even more pronounced sinister look.

"What about him?" Craig said angrily.

"Justin is working for me at my advertising agency."

"Look, Mr. Kinney.  Justin is no longer welcomed in my home, and I no longer consider him my son, that is, ever since he decided to become a pervert."

"Pervert?" Brian questioned as he raised an eyebrow.

Just then Justin arrived at the store.  He quietly found his way to his father's office, and listened intently to the two distinct male voices coming from behind the closed door.

Craig obviously thought Brian was straight because he advised, "Do yourself a favor and fire him.  He's gay and lives a disgusting lifestyle.  Is that why you're here?  Did he already screw you over?" 

Brian almost laughed out loud at his choice of words.  "No, on the contrary.  Justin is one of my best employees.  His work is brilliant, and everyone loves him."

"Then why the fuck are you here Mr. Kinney?" Craig was beginning to get annoyed talking to him, since discovering that the man wasn't on his side.

"Listen you prick," Brian addressed him through gritted teeth.  "I'm here not only as Justin's boss, but because he lives with me.  I'm here Craig, because of how you treated him when you saw him yesterday on the street, because of the inexcusable hateful remarks you hurled at your own son, and because of the bruises you left on his body."

"He's lucky that's all I did." Craig snarled, finally getting the whole picture.  "Now get the fuck out of here you...you deviant.  And you can tell that faggot son of mine that he better hope he never runs into me again."

With those words resounding in his ears, Brian lunged at the older man, clutching him by the shirt, twisting the material in his hand.  He thrust his furious face within an inch of Craig's.  With a look that could kill, Brian warned in a loud imposing voice, "If you so much as look at him crooked, or harm one hair on his head, I'll ensure that you wind up in jail, which I know you won't particularly like, because you'll get fucked up the ass on a regular basis." 

It was then that Justin decided to intervene, and make his presence known.  He opened the door and took in the heated scenario.

"Justin,"  he heard his father croak out in surprise.

Brian did not release his grip, but instead glared at Craig menacingly.  He kept tightening his hold on the material of the shirt, forcing Craig up on his toes, and beginning to cut off the older man's supply of oxygen.

"Brian, Brian," Justin called.  He tugged at Brian's arm, trying to snap him out of his enraged state. 

"He's not worth it.  He's just a pathetic, miserable man.  Brian, listen to me.  Please...let him go."

Justin's plea finally sunk in, and Brian relaxed his grip on Craig.  "He's too good to be your son," he spewed at the shaken man.  Then Brian deliberately turned to face Justin, and grasping him gently by the nape of his neck, pulled him in for a passionate kiss.

"Let's go home Brian," Justin said with a sigh, as he brushed the older man's cheek with his thumb.

They put their arms around each other, and left a flushed Craig Taylor dripping with sweat, and gaping in disgust.

Riding in silence, Brian held Justin's hand against his thigh.  When they got to the loft, he unarmed the alarm, and let the blond enter first.  Brian followed him, flinging his jacket on the couch, and loosening his tie.

"I can't believe you did that for me," Justin said, admiration and love reflected in his eyes.  "No one's ever stood up for me before."

Brian took two beers out of the refrigerator and offered one to Justin.  He plopped himself on the couch and said, "Well it's about time someone stood up to your homophobic father in your defense.  He's been abusing you for far too long."

Justin deposited himself next to Brian and rubbed his hand up and down the older man's leg.  He took Brian's beer out of his hands, and moved in to kiss him.  By the time the kiss was over, Justin's entire body was draped across Brian. 

Staring lovingly into Brian's hazel orbs, Justin proposed, "I don't want to wait any longer Brian.  I want you to make love to me tonight."

Brian bit his lower lip.  He stared at Justin briefly before stating, "For once you'll get no argument from me Sunshine."

Their mouths collided, with a hunger that served to unleash their pent up emotions.  Opening several buttons on Brian's shirt, Justin's hands slipped inside.  He grazed his fingertips over the nubs of the older man's nipples, eliciting a pleasurable groan into his mouth. 

Planning his own attack, Brian began nibbling at the crook of Justin's neck, while his hands delved under the blond's tee shirt to caress his soft, bare flesh.  As his lips traveled to Justin's shoulder, he suddenly lifted the bottom of the shirt, and pulled it over Justin's head.  His mouth immediately covered the blond's again, as Justin grinded into Brian's groin.

Never breaking their kiss, Brian cupped Justin's cheeks and stood up, hoisting him off the couch.  Justin instinctively wrapped his nimble legs around Brian, as the man easily carried him across the room to their bed.  He gently laid the kid down on top of the duvet, and divested him of the bottom half of his attire. 

"You're perfect," Brian murmured aloud, as he admired Justin's exposed body.  The entire time he was undressing, he couldn't seem to take his eyes off the kid's youthful form.

Justin almost gasped at his first glimpse of Brian.  He opened his mouth, but nothing seemed to come out.  Brian was every bit as beautiful on the outside as he was on the inside.  But then again, Justin knew that he would be. 

Brian walked towards him, and climbed on top of the bed.  He grabbed hold of the blond with one arm, and dragged Justin's body up towards the pillows.  Brian gazed into the pools of blue, before leaning in to kiss him once more.  He playfully bit his lower lip, and then moved downwards to focus on Justin's erect pink nipples.  He nipped and sucked on them until the kid was moaning and arching his body with need.

"Turn over Justin," Brian ordered.

Justin obediently did as he was told.  Brian drew in a sharp breath, when he saw the delectable rounded bottom that looked like it was made to be fucked.  He hovered over the blond's body, using only his arms as support.  His flesh was within an inch of Justin's, when he lowered his head and whispered into his ear.

"Do you want me to rim your tight little ass?  Drive you crazy with my tongue so that you're screaming for me to fuck you?"

"Yes Brian, oh yes...please," Justin whimpered.

With his knees, Brian prodded Justin's legs to spread farther apart.  He kneeled between them, and proceeded to bend down to skillfully use his tongue, flicking it in and out of Justin's hole.  He laved the inside of his boy's opening with warm, wet saliva to prepare him for what was to come.  Justin began writhing, and begging Brian to fuck him.

"Patience young man," Brian said, as he retrieved a condom from his nightstand. 

Justin had already begun rutting against the sheets trying to garner some relief, when he heard the tear of the condom wrapper.  'It's about time,' he thought.

Brian slid the condom over his hard throbbing cock.  Rubbing it against Justin's crack, the kid groaned with desire.  Then he grabbed two pillows, and placed them under the blond's hips to elevate his butt.  Grasping Justin's side with one hand, he guided his cock with the other, and pressed the tip against Justin's entrance. 

"Fuck me Brian.  Do it..now,"  Justin pleaded.

Brian took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and pushed.  He let out a grunt, as the head of his cock squeezed past the first ring of muscles.  Justin was panting now, and Brian stopped moving to make sure he was okay. 

"Keep going Brian," Justin implored him. 

So Brian pushed again, this time sliding all the way in so his dick was snugly ensconced in Justin's ass.

"Mmmm.... that feels good," Justin purred.

"Christ, you're tight Sunshine," Brian exclaimed.  And then in a more seductive tone asked, "You ready for more?"

"Yes, please."

Brian pulled half way out, and then thrust back in.  With each thrust, he varied his angle in search of Justin's sweetspot.  Brian knew he had found it when the kid cried out his name in pure bliss.  That's when Brian picked up momentum, his balls slapping against Justin's cheeks.  He stroked Justin's prostate with his cock, until he heard the kid announce that he was close to cumming. 

Brian shocked Justin when he withdrew completely.

"Brian, what the fuck?"  Justin grumbled.  But then he felt Brian's strong hands flipping him over. 

"If you don't mind Sunshine," Brian remarked.  "I'd rather look at your face when I cum."

Justin just smiled in response to Brian's surprisingly romantic request.  He had to admit, he was more than thrilled they were going to be facing each other when they climaxed.

Brian went back to work, hastily lifting Justin's legs over his shoulders.  He then reached down and planted a kiss on the blond's swollen lips, before plunging his dick back into him.  They rocked back and forth, both emitting sounds of pleasure.  Justin could feel that he was going to cum, so he palmed his dick, giving it a couple of tugs.

"Briiiian!" he cried out, throwing his head back. 

Streams of Justin's jizz were unleashed, the warm milky substance landing on Brian's stomach and chest.

"That's it Justin, cum for me,"  Brian encouraged. His dick went rigid and his balls tightened, as he deposited his own potent wad into the latex sack.  He collapsed on top of his boy, both of them spent. 

A few moments later, Brian rolled onto his back, removing his dick from Justin's ass, and tying off the condom.  Justin curled dreamily into the sheets and acknowledged, "That was great."

"Yeah, that was pretty fucking fantastic," Brian agreed.  He reached out and pulled Justin closer to him.  The blond laid his head on Brian's chest that was still branded with traces of his cum, and possessively threw an arm across. 

As they were both drifting into sleep, Justin professed in a low voice that was almost a whisper, "I love you Brian...more than anything."

Brian didn't skip a beat when he replied in a voice strained with emotion, "Me too, Sunshine."   He gave his sleepy boy a kiss on the head and an affectionate squeeze, before they both lapsed contently into a peaceful slumber.

"When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing -- then we truly live life."  -Greg Anderson

Brian was waking up, and became vaguely aware of the outline of a warm body pressing up against his bare skin.  When he actually opened his eyes, honey colored strands of hair were in his face, tickling his nose.  Instead of waking Justin up, Brian lay there, and gave in to his sudden desire to start stroking the smooth, porcelain white skin with his fingertips.  It was while he was indulging his whim, that he remembered in vivid detail, all that had transpired last night.  His morning hard on grew stiffer as it rubbed against the curve of his young lover's ass.  When Brian began to shift onto his back to avoid becoming more aroused, the blond beneath him snuggled closer, once again molding their bodies together.  

Allowing the lad to continue snoozing, Brian recalled Justin's heartfelt declaration before sleep overtook him. When the young man had confessed his love, he had returned the sentiment, however, notably without the use of those three important words.  Brian had cleverly avoided that statement, although he wasn't sure why.  He began to itch from the dry cum on his body, Justin's cum.  It made Brian remember something he had said to Mikey when he was dating the doc.  He had once asked Michael if David cuddled with him immediately after they had sex.  When his best friend had said "yes", he knew that the older man truly loved Michael.  Just as it dawned on him this very moment, that his own actions towards Justin, proved that he was in deep. 

Brian realized with sudden clarity that since the blond had come in to his life, he had broken most of his precious rules.  And so, it seemed only fitting now that Justin should be the one to cause him to break his most steadfast resolve, that Brian Kinney doesn't do love. 

Justin stirred, and Brian could detect a change in his breathing, signaling that he was alert.

"Good Morning Sunshine."

As Justin turned to face Brian, he stretched, his lips curling upwards to form a grin. 

"Mmmmm.....Morning Brian."

"I trust you slept well?"

"I had this interesting dream," his eyes drinking in Brian's state as he continued, "only to wake up now and find that it wasn't a dream.  We really did finally make love last night, didn't we?"

"Unless you have a clone Sunshine, yes, as you so aptly put it, we finally did it."

Justin's fingers lightly danced across Brian's chest.  "Looks like I branded you," he observed happily.

"Yes, it appears that you did.  How will you repay me for that?"  Brian asked with an evil smirk.

"I could think of one way." 

Justin proceeded to duck his head under the covers to attend to Brian's burgeoning erection.  He encircled the base of the older man's cock, and began laving the head with his tongue.  Swirling it around the plump tip, he dragged it along the raised vein of the thick shaft, eliciting a groan from Brian.  His tongue traveled further down skimming over Brian's balls, until it was touching the sensitive stretch of skin.  Justin spent some time licking Brian's perineum, causing an involuntary reaction from his lover, as he arched his back in pleasure.  Expertly engulfing the length of Brian's manhood, his head bobbed up and down as he sucked, steadily increasing the pace, as well as the pressure.  

Brian marveled at Justin's talented tongue, as it worked on drawing out his seed.  He entangled his fingers in Justin's silky locks, as his warm, wet mouth surrounded Brian's cock.  The lad sucked him with such exuberance, that only a short while later, the older man yelled Justin's name while shuddering, as he expelled his virile load down the young man's slick, eager throat.

"That was fuckin' hot," Brian exclaimed in a hoarse voice, still riding out the waves of his powerful orgasm.

Justin emerged from under the sheets, with a huge smile on his face, his sapphire eyes shining brilliantly.

Grasping Justin by the wrist, Brian rose from the bed, and pulled him to his feet. 

"Where are you doing Brian?" Justin asked.

"We're going to take a shower, and then I'm going to return the favor, Sunshine.  You're not the only one with a magic tongue." 

Brian proceeded to thrust his tongue out, and wiggle it around.  Justin started to giggle.  He was putty in Brian's hands, as the older man playfully led him to the bathroom.  Justin couldn't wait to feel Brian's lips around his own stiff cock.  Based on everything he knew about the man, it was going to be nothing less than amazing.

Without fail, Justin attended his counseling sessions every week.  His nightmares had stopped all together, and the flashbacks were far and few between.  Brian was always there to lend him support, and whisper words of encouragement.  The blond was learning how to deal with his dysfunctional past, as well as addressing his issues of low self esteem.

Brian was surprised at how content he was.  He wondered if Justin was aware of how much he had changed his life.  They were perfectly matched in the bedroom, and made an equally potent team at Kinnetik.  It had progressed to the point where Brian was strangely giddy at the prospect of seeing his blond at the end of the day.  He couldn't imagine his life anymore without Justin.  The kid had subtly infused himself into his life, and into his heart.    

Justin was ecstatic for the first time, in a long time. He had always hoped that someday he could turn his life around.  However, when he was trying to survive on the streets not that long ago, he never thought that all his dreams would come true.  But he had a great job, was in love with a terrific man, and now he was going to be studying art.  In fact, if everything went as planned, Justin would be enrolled for the spring semester, as a full time student.  Brian had kept his promise, and had asked Michael's current boyfriend Ben, to help Justin get into Carnegie Mellon.  He had also assured Justin that he could cut his hours at work, so he could devote more time to his studies.  So who had it better than him?

Maybe he could have his fairytale ending after all, Justin thought.  On the other hand, perhaps he was just being naive.  Justin wasn't entirely sure that he should believe his good fortune would last.

"You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present."
- Jan Glidewell

"Say it," Justin taunted, as he loomed over Brian, tickling him.

"Say what?"

"Say that you love me.  You know you do."

Brian pushed Justin off of him.  He grew very quiet, and made no effort to respond.

Justin hopped off the bed and frowned, now suddenly very serious.  Perplexed, he questioned, "Why the fuck can't you say it?" 

"I'm not going to say it just because you tell me to," Brian answered, starting to get peeved.  He rolled onto his side to get a cigarette.

"But Brian, you've never said it to me, not once."

"Stop being such a princess, and get your ass back in bed."

Justin was beginning to become visibly upset, and he continued to harp on the issue. 

"Maybe the reason you can't say it, is because you don't love me."

"Stop being ridiculous.  This conversation is beginning to bore me," Brian said as he rolled his eyes.

"I'm not being ridiculous.  It would just be nice to know that you care.  Do you realize that you can't even call me your boyfriend."

"Look, if you want flowers or cards, that's not me.  I don't do romance, and I don't do boyfriends."

"You know, maybe me staying here isn't such a good idea," Justin hissed.

"Maybe it isn't," Brian sneered.  "Not if you're going to queen out like this every time I don't say what you want to hear."

"Fuck you, Brian.  I don't need your charity, and I don't need to be where I'm not wanted.  I've already saved up enough money to rent my own place now."

Discarding his unlit cigarette, Brian just shrugged his shoulders, and nonchalantly strolled into the bathroom to shower and get ready for work.

Justin was frustrated.  Why was it so hard for Brian to admit that they were in a relationship.  Why couldn't he tell him the words he longed to hear?  This was bullshit.  The blond felt hurt by Brian's indifference, and pondered if he should start searching for an apartment.

The estranged couple didn't speak on the way to the office.  Brian was in a terrible mood from their morning sparring, and Justin was avoiding him as much as possible.  However, Justin was also fully aware that he had to assist Brian with an important presentation later that morning.  He couldn't get out of it, especially since it was his hard work that was being showcased. 

Justin's worst fears came true, when Mr. Tom Roddick sauntered through the doors of Kinnetik.  If he thought his day wasn't going well, at that very moment, things just took a steep nose dive.  

Unfortunately, Justin had recognized the smug man immediately.  Tom was a businessman who Justin had blown once, when he desperately needed some money.  Ever since that day, whenever the man was in New York, he would seek Justin out.  It seems that he was smitten with the blond, and didn't take kindly to being rejected.  He would try to entice Justin with a sizeable amount of cash.  However Justin would never accept his offer, because he was too freaked out by the man stalking him, and leering at him with his beady eyes.

Tom was relentless in his pursuit of Justin.  He had somehow found out that the object of his obsession sketched portraits in the park.  Things got so bad, that one day Justin had to seek out a policeman who was patrolling the park, to come to his aid.  It finally seemed to scare his unwanted suitor away.  

Listening carefully to the receptionist, Justin deduced that Tom was here for a meeting with Brian.  Shit, it had to be the advertising campaign that he had worked on.  Apparently Tom was the CEO of  the major cosmetics company that Kinnetik wanted to clinch.   Brian had specifically asked him to draw the mockups because this was a huge account, that could greatly improve Kinnetik's profits. 

Justin was beginning to feel a panic attack coming on.  He tried counting slowly in between deep breaths, which luckily succeeded in keeping it at bay.  'What was he going to do?'  The presentation was in fifteen minutes, and Brian was expecting him to be there.  Justin knew that he had to go through with this meeting.  Hopefully, even if Tom did recognize him (which he's sure he would), the man would be too embarrassed to mention anything to Brian.

Justin entered Brian's office with the boards he had created in hand.  Brian had barely made eye contact with him, before Cynthia buzzed her boss to inform him that Mr. Roddick had arrived. 

"You ready?" Brian asked, finally addressing Justin as he lead him to the conference room.

Justin nodded, and took his position in front of the easels.

Mr. Roddick made his grand entrance, looking professional and confident.  He greeted Brian with a sturdy handshake.  Brian introduced Justin to Tom.  When the man turned towards the blond, instant recognition flashed on his face.  He didn't say anything, but merely nodded his head to acknowledge the younger man. 

Brian was his usual dazzling self, very clever and convincing. Even Justin had been impressed by his cunning sales pitch.  Justin quietly stood by, assisting Brian with the presentation at the appropriate times.  He politely excused himself when Brian had finished saying his piece, and he knew he didn't need him anymore.  

After leaving the two of them alone, Justin went directly to the men's room, and leaned his back against the door.  His heart was racing, as he tried to calm his frazzled nerves.

Pulling himself together, Justin walked out and traced back towards the conference room.  He had left the door slightly ajar on purpose, so that he would be able to overhear Brian and Tom talking.   

"What are you saying Mr. Roddick?" 

Justin noticed that Brian had raised his voice, but was still exerting a measure of control. 

"I'm telling you, I know for certain that kid who did the artwork is a common street hustler."

"Look Tom, Justin is my employee, and a good one at that."

"So you're admitting that you hire punks off the street?  I'm not sure that I can hire an agency with that kind of reputation.  Although I was impressed by your presentation Mr. Kinney, I will not sign with this agency unless you fire that...that boy."

"So you mean that if I fire him, I can have the account?" Brian reiterated. 

"You can have sole exclusive rights to all of our cosmetics lines, with a three year contract."

"Wow, that's a very tempting offer, Tom,"  Brian acknowledged.

Justin had heard enough.  His head was pounding, and he felt nauseous.  The blood drained from his face, as he began to stumble down the corridor.  When he passed by Cynthia, she had tried to ask him where he was going, but he waved her off and picked up speed, as he shot out the door.

Rushing to the side of the building, Justin squatted with his hands on his knees, and threw up.  He always knew this day would come.  He'd never be able to escape his past.  Justin realized that although he had a job, and a roof over his head now, he was still a piece of trash.  He couldn't blame Brian for wanting to appease Tom, so he could land the account.  Justin decided that he should make it easy on himself and Brian, and just disappear. 

Meanwhile, back at the office...

"Then you'll agree to my terms?" Tom asked.

Brian sported a wicked grin as he said, "Tell you what, you can take your twenty million dollar company, and fucking leave."

"What?"

"You heard me.  I will absolutely not fire Justin.  He's my most talented and trusted employee, and he's not going anywhere.  But I think you should go now, Tom."

"But he's nothing but a two bit hustler," Tom fumed, completely astonished by Brian's answer.

"You'd better leave now, before I kick your ass out that door," Brian said in a menacing tone.  He moved physically closer to where Tom was standing, and gave him the Kinney death glare. 

Tom was angry that Brian had the nerve to threaten him, but he also knew that the man wasn't kidding about kicking his ass.  He let out a huff, and shook his head, as he made a hasty retreat out the door.

Brian's face was still a little flushed, when Cynthia anxiously informed him of Justin's odd behavior, and how he had tore out of the building.  She commented that he appeared to be very upset about something.

Brian's worried expression told Cynthia that whatever was going on, was not good.  Her boss muttered a curt, "I've got to go," while he took out his cell phone, and left.

"Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves."
-Walter Anderson

Justin wandered aimlessly.  He had lost all concept of time, and didn't know how long he had been walking.  He eventually stopped to rest at a nearby playground.  As he sat on the bench, he stared wistfully at the cluster of children playing.  A young girl with pig tails scooted over to him, and tugged on his sleeve.

Peering into Justin's face with curious green eyes she boldly asked, "Mister, why are you crying?"

'Shit, was he crying?'  Justin was so numb, that he hadn't felt the tears that were slowly gliding down his cheeks.  He blinked, and brushed them away as he answered the child honestly.

"I'm a little sad, that's all."

"Why, what happened?" the girl inquired with great interest.

"I lost someone I love," Justin revealed in a quavering voice. 

"How'd you lose him?"

Raking his fingers through his hair, he patiently responded, "I did some bad things a while ago."

"Mommy says that if you say you're sorry and mean it, the other person will forgive you."

"Thanks for the advice, but I'm not sure that will make everything alright this time."

Justin smiled weakly at the sweet child's innocence, and her earnest attempt to make him feel better.  The little girl became distracted by a pretty, thin, blonde woman, calling her name.  From the resemblance, Justin could only assume it was her mother walking towards them.   

"It's time to go Faith."

For a brief moment, the woman's eyes met Justin's, and she managed a sympathetic smile, as if she sensed his plight. 

"Bye Mister.  I hope you feel better," the girl said before skipping off to her mother.  She took hold of the woman's hand, and they left together.  Soon after, Justin stood up, ready to resume his travels.

The park and the children in it, made Justin think about New York and his struggle to survive there.  It amazed him that it had already been four months since he came back to Pittsburgh.  However, his thoughts quickly shifted to Brian Kinney, just like they always did.  The older man had been wonderful to him.  He had given him a job, a home, and tended to his every need.  Surely Brian deserved someone better than him.

Brian's concern grew as he rushed back to the loft.  He considered the possibility that their fight this morning had upset Justin, but then again, perhaps it was something entirely different.  Brian entertained a disturbing notion that if Tom Roddick had recognized Justin, then his young lover had also recognized him.  Did encountering the man at Kinnetik somehow upset the blond? 

Brian hollered Justin's name as he entered the loft, scanning it with his eyes.  From the moment he stepped inside, he hadn't really expected an answer.  The kid's clothes were hanging up in the closet, and his socks were still in the drawer.  He noticed Justin's art case on the computer desk.  Brian reasoned, 'He wouldn't have left without his art materials.  He'll probably come walking through the door in a few minutes."' 

A half hour passed.  'Where the fuck could he be?' Brian wondered.  He pulled out his cell phone and hit redial.  Justin still wasn't answering.  'Suppose the kid was freaking out by himself right now?' 

Brian didn't hesitate to dial Daphne's number.  Thankfully, Daphne had answered her phone after two rings.  She sensed the urgency in Brian's voice when he asked her if she had seen Justin.  When Daphne said she hadn't heard from her best friend, Brian explained the reason for his concern.  Daphne promised she would contact him if Justin showed up at her apartment.

Brian couldn't sit around and do nothing.  It was going to be dark soon, and his anxiety was mounting, knowing that Justin was alone somewhere in a troubled state.  He took it upon himself to track down the blond.  Remembering the first time he had gone searching for the kid, Brian decided to enlist some help to speed up the search.  He recruited Michael and Emmett, who were more than willing to assist him with looking for the young man, since they had become quite found of him.  They were going to visit every homeless shelter, park, and bus depot if they had to. 

Amazingly, Justin had hiked all the way to the Allegheny River, and was now paused at one of the trails.  If he kept on this road, it would lead into New York, but did he really want to go back there?  It was an option, but one that he didn't want to pursue.  Besides, it would take him a few days of walking to get there, and he hadn't lost his mind completely yet, although he was perilously close.

Lying down near a rock, Justin gazed up at the stars, just as he used to do.  His empty stomach grumbled, and he began to feel some anxiety creeping into his body.  He performed a breathing exercise to help him relax, as he tried to block out all other thoughts, and concentrate solely on the sounds of the chirping birds. 

Sometime later, his anxiety had subsided.  The eerie darkness of night had descended, infusing a crisp Autumn chill into the air.  Justin imagined Brian's strong, protective arms around him.  If only the man loved him.  For a while Justin truly believed he did.  But when Brian couldn't say those words, and after Justin heard his reaction to Tom's offer, he knew it was not meant to be. 

Sadly, Justin was well aware that it seemed he was always running away from his problems.  He had done it in New York, and he was doing it now.  'Damn, hadn't he learned anything in his sessions with Alex?'  Justin knew that it was high time he faced Brian, as well as his troubled past.  He scrambled to his knees, and steadying himself with his hands, rose to his feet.  Justin decided to seek out the nearest clearing, so he could call his friend Daphne to pick him up.  Since it was close to 9:30, he knew she would most likely be at home studying.

Exhausted and shivering, Justin was surprised when Brian's black jeep came into view.  It slowed, and pulled up to where the blond was standing. 

"Get in the car," Brian ordered. 

'Fuck,' Justin thought.  Daphne must have called Brian.  He wasn't quite prepared for this, but he slid into the passenger side of the jeep anyway.

"You alright?" 

"I'm fine.  Just tired and cold."

Brian tossed a jacket at Justin, and then put the jeep in drive.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" Brian demanded.

"Can we please talk about this later?"

Brian furrowed his brow.  He wanted an explanation, but he figured he could wait until they were at the loft.

"When we get to the loft, you have some explaining to do Sunshine."

On the ride home, Justin stared out the window, contemplating what he was going to say to Brian.  He didn't want to leave, but he knew he couldn't stay with Brian.  The man was clearly better off without him, for so many reasons.

They reached the loft, and Brian unlocked the door to let them both inside.  He was relieved to finally have Justin home and safe.  He didn't know whether to throttle the kid, or hug him tightly. Instead of immediately attacking the blond with questions, Brian became alarmed by his pale, drawn face, and bloodshot eyes.  He went straight to the fridge to get a bottle of water.  Handing it to Justin he stated, "You need to get some food in you.  I'll call for some Thai."

"That sounds great, thanks."

Brian's worried hazel eyes followed Justin, as his young lover removed his shoes, and scrunched up his body on the couch.  He waited for the lad to say something.  Anything was better than this uncomfortable silence, that was grating on his nerves.

Although he knew that he had to tell Brian he was leaving, Justin couldn't bear to say the words out loud.  Brian was frowning at him, and he knew he owed him the truth about all that had happened today.  His stomach felt queasy, as he mustered the courage to speak.

"I'm sorry for running out of work like that."

"Cynthia said you were upset, and that you brushed past her when she tried to talk to you.  What the hell caused you to react that way?"

Justin cast his eyes down into his lap, and started to fiddle with the hem of his shirt.    Lifting his head he revealed, "That man in your office, Tom Roddick, I know him."

"He told me he saw you in New York, and that he knew you were a hustler," Brian divulged.

"Did he also tell you that he was a customer?  That I gave him a blow job, and he became obsessed with me?" 

"Hmmm....it seems he chose to leave those little details out.  Is that what upset you?"

"I...the door to the conference room was open... fuck, I purposely left it open....and I heard what he said to you."

"What is it that you think you heard?"

"He said that he wouldn't sign with the company unless you fired me."

"Oh that,"  Brian said.

"Love alone is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfill them, for it alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in themselves." -Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

"I don't blame you," Justin began.  "That's a huge account.  It will probably mean financial security for Kinnetik for the next few years."

"Are you finished yet?" Brian questioned.  "I shouldn't tell you this because you're behaving like such a twat, but I didn't accept his offer."

"You didn't?" Justin said, raising his voice an octave.  "Why wouldn't you?"

Brian expelled a deep breath before he answered, "Why should I?  No one tells me what to do, you know that.  I told the pompous asshole to get the fuck out of my office, before I kicked his ass out the door."

"But that was a multi-million dollar account.  Why would you give that up...for me?  You could have easily gotten someone else to replace me."

"No, I couldn't.  We make a helluva team Sunshine.  They'll be other opportunities in the future.  Stick with me, and someday soon we'll be lounging in the sun, and drinking mimosas on some tropical island." 

Brian grinned, and his encouraging words about the future affected Justin.  However, it didn't dissuade him from what he knew he had to do.

"I can't stay," he announced in a definitive tone.

Brian crooked an eyebrow, as if to ask 'why not?'.

"I don't belong here.  Someone will always pop up to remind me of my past.  You'll get tired of defending me."

"That's bullshit.  You're just running away," Brian snapped.

"I've sold my body more times than I care to remember, and I've lived in filth on the streets.  My presence in your company, and in your life, can only cause you trouble.  Why would you want to keep me here anyway, when you don't even love me."

Brian put his head down, and rubbed his hand over his face.  It was his fault, that the kid actually believed what he was saying was true.  Why the fuck was it so hard to tell Justin how he really felt?  He watched stoically, as the blond ascended the steps to the bedroom, and began to pack. 

Justin haphazardly threw some clothes into his old duffle bag, and went to the computer desk to retrieve his art case. 

When Brian saw Justin gathering up his art materials, it was like someone finally pinched him to wake up.  It hit him that the kid was really going to leave, and he may never see him again.  He had to do something to stop him.  The only way he could do that, was by being honest with him.

Justin dropped his belongings in front of Brian, and hugged him. 

"Thanks for everything.  You've been great to me.  I can't tell you how much you've done for me."

When Justin picked up his things to leave, Brian finally seemed to find his voice.

"Wait!"

Justin stopped, and turned to look at him, a confused expression adorning his face.

Brian bit his lower lip.  "I acted like an ass this morning.  It's always been hard for me to talk about my feelings Justin.  But I...I don't want you to leave."

There was an awkward silence, as Justin processed what Brian had just admitted.  However, his mind was still made up.

"I'm an emotional mess, Brian.  Part of me will always be that kid you met on the street.  The one who comes from a fucked up family.  The one who let strangers use him for money.  The one who desperately needed someone to love him."

"I know all about your past, and the funny thing is, I don't give a shit.  I don't care how fucked up you are. We're all fucked up in our own way.  I care about the man you are today.  You've struggled hard to be self sufficient, to go after your dreams.  You should be proud of how far you've come, not ashamed."

"I can't stay here Brian.  You can't give me what I want," Justin stated despondently.

Justin started to walk away when Brian grabbed his wrist.  The older man knew it was now or never. 

"I won't let you leave.  You can't leave, because... because I fucking love you."

"You don't have to say that just because you think it's what I want to hear."

"I'm not saying it for you.  Well I am, but I'm saying it for me too.  Truth is, I can't imagine my life without you Sunshine.  You're the reason I wake up smiling.  You're the one person who's made me rethink the way I live my life.  So, I'm going to tell you this one more time, because I think you need to hear it loud and clear. I love you, Justin Taylor.  I love the person you were, the person you are right now, and the person you're going to be."

Justin was astounded.  He couldn't move or speak.  Brian's confession left him elated, the depth of his emotions too profound to express.  Tears formed in his eyes, as he searched Brian's beautiful face for any sign of doubt, but there was none. 

"Well?" Brian asked.  "Don't you have anything to say?"

Justin managed to propel his feet into motion, until he was standing directly in front of the man he adored.  A few tears escaped, as he lovingly caressed Brian's face and said, "You may wind up regretting your words because now you're never going to get rid of me Mr. Kinney.  You're stuck with me, forever."

"I was hoping you would say that," Brian smirked, a sheen of moisture glistening his own eyes. 

Brian reached out to draw Justin against him for a long passionate kiss.  He could taste the saltiness of Justin's tears, in the corners of his mouth.  When their lips parted, the younger man stood on his toes to embrace him, letting a few more teardrops spill onto Brian's shoulder. 

After all he'd been through, the blond finally felt completely safe and loved for who he was.  Reveling in the warmth of Brian's arms, and the tease of his lover's hot breath against his neck, Justin realized that he had not only fulfilled his dreams, he had surpassed them.  He knew that whatever trials and tribulations the future may hold, they would face it together.