LIFE IN LYRICS by Nichelle Wellesly

Brian and Justin's reflections on the Death of an Icon

Categories: FEATURED STORY, QAF-U.S. FICTION, Brian/Justin Characters: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 4082 Read: 1309 Published: April 23, 2016 Updated: April 23, 2016
Story Notes:

First the Disclaimer, all recognizable characters and story lines belong to their respective owners. The original plot belongs to this author. No Copyright infringement is intended.



1. Chapter 1 by Nichelle Wellesly

Chapter 1 by Nichelle Wellesly
Author's Notes:

This has probably been one of the most emotional weeks of my life. Between the fourth anniversary of my dad's death on April 13th straight through to the death of an Icon- the man who will never know how much he inspired me in my own musical journey- Prince, we can safely say that the month of April is definitely NOT my favorite month. Yes I am that Prince fan that knows every lyric to every song he has ever written for himself and others (no shame but I do!) and consequently, it got me to thinking about the Brian and Justin dynamic. The song "When Doves Cry" is a prime example of what happened during each of their three ‘televised' breakups (you'll see what I mean in a few moments). Then there is the song "Adore" which reminds me of their first meeting under the streetlight. The title "Sexy Motherfucker" could describe both of them together and apart because that's exactly what they are. I consider "Purple Rain" sort of an Ode de Justin as Brian sat and waited for him after the bashing and vice versa. "The Beautiful Ones" is a song of conundrums and contradictory statements and or actions. Now if that doesn't define the early days of our most favorite couple, I don't know what does. But "I Would Die 4 U" sticks out in a huge way for so many reasons (again you'll see why in a few moments). There are a host of other songs that can describe the tumultuous history of not only Brian and Justin but of our own real life dramas and traumas. So although this is a work of fiction and a catharsis for me to channel everything I feel right now into, it is also a look at what music is SUPPOSED to be about; what it is SUPPOSED to do and ultimately what it is SUPPOSED to make you feel whether it's in a reflective moment or a celebratory one. Prince moved us- one and all- without respect of person. And I for one am grateful!      


If music be the food of love, play on! ~William Shakespeare from Twelfth Night

Brian finally arrived at the loft. He and Justin had converted it to become Justin's studio/gallery during their second year of marriage. He had received a message from Cynthia that said to meet Justin here instead of at home. Although it was rare for Justin to come to the city and not stop by the office, even more rare was the fact that Justin had not called Brian directly to issue the order cum request. After ten years of marriage such passive-aggressive tactics still worked on him...well at least when Justin chose to employ those methods.

As Brian alighted from the car, he could hear the music blasting through the speakers. Again that is not something that Brian would have considered unusual except for the song playing. It would not have even given Brian pause except that he'd just heard that a legend had died. Someone Justin greatly admired for his originality and boldness, his give-two-fucks-and-take-no-prisoners attitude which was something that Justin had always aspired to within his own work. Prince Rogers Nelson had died. Admittedly, if only to himself, it didn't make sense to Brian either.

Opting to take the stairs instead of the elevator, Brian was surprised to find the loft door wide open. He had expected to be assaulted with the ferocious smell of paint fumes and the sight of a near-naked Justin still beautiful in all his splendor even fifteen years after their first meeting. Instead what he got was a man looking far younger than his years crouched into one end of the sofa, weeping copiously. It was then that Brian really paid attention to the words coming through the speakers.


How can you just leave me standing, alone in world that's so cold

Maybe I'm just too demanding, maybe I'm just like my father too bold

Maybe you're just like my mother, she's never satisfied

Why do we scream at each other? This is what it sounds like when doves cry...


On the surface Brian understood why this particular song was reaching deeply into Justin at this very moment. Today was also the day of the Rage Party anniversary. Fourteen years ago, Justin had left him for a fiddledick who shall remain nameless. The problem was that during their first break-up, there was no screaming. Perhaps if there had been, that chin-rat bastard's time would have been up before it even started. If either of them had just thought to scream instead of suffering in silence, then perhaps they actually would have-- dare he think it-- talked and got their shit together the first time. But that wasn't Brian's way...and Justin had adhered to that at the expense of himself. Their non-communication had allowed other people into a relationship (yeah...he can admit that now) that wasn't theirs. And although, he and Mikey aren't anywhere near as close as they once were, what Michael had meant for evil had actually turned out to be the best thing for Brian and Justin. Each had learned to appreciate the other...or at least they did until the Big C came a-calling.

Brian in all his stubbornness was the one to end them at the time. It was selfish and egocentric and stupid but there it was. But fuck, Justin had fought for him. While everyone else was writing him off in their own way, Justin was there rubbing his back as he vomited and making sure that he ate; that he didn't give up on himself or them. And in the late hours when Brian had thought the young blond asleep, he would cry and thank whatever power was in control of Justin's actions for the tenacious man in a twink package. Brian was cranky and Justin allowed him to be. If he was an asshole, Justin told him so even while taking care of him without seeming to. He wouldn't let Brian get introspective and start doubting his ability to overcome what was trying to kill him. But that was Justin. It was ALWAYS Justin. Sadly, it took Justin leaving, a benefit concert that killed people and a fucking bomb to make Brian realize it.

The third break-up was combination of both their faults. Justin let other people---*clearing throat* Michael and Lindsay- pressure and tell him what their relationship should have been and Brian did nothing to contradict them. Yeah, he knew they were drifting apart but Brian didn't know how to stop it. He was feeling threatened by an unseeable, unpreventable force called age and was powerless against it but he decided to fight against it anyway because that was Brian...hard-headed, stiff-necked, ‘I-bow-down-to-no-one-Asshole' Brian. But he did bow....eventually. And it was something that Brian had longed to do but didn't know how until life and its atrocities made him.

Justin looked up from his place on the couch. Brian hadn't said anything since he walked in but Justin could tell what he was thinking...he always could. For his part, Justin couldn't stop remembering what it was like to be with Brian in the earlier days of their--dare he think it...HELL YES!- relationship. Although Brian would never have admitted it back then and Justin was in the heart of the ‘id' syndrome as a teen, they both had known what they had. It had taken Justin so many fucking years to make Brian see that he was worth every effort he put forth to win him.


Baby, Baby, Baby

Can't you stay with me tonight

Oh, Baby, Baby, Baby

Don't my kisses please you right

You were so hard to find

The Beautiful Ones , they hurt you every time

Paint a perfect picture

Bring to life a vision in one's mind

The Beautiful ones

Always smash the picture

Always every time

You make me so confused

The beautiful ones

You always seem to lose


"The Beautiful Ones" a song that described their first year together to a science played softly in the background as he continued to watch Brian. A small smile played at the corner of his lips as he listened to Prince sing in falsetto about his love who had made him feel less than special one minute and then the next like the platinum rings adorning their fingers. As a teenager and young adult, Justin had struggled with that. He was taught what the ideal relationship should be but Brian had taught him a different lesson altogether. The man who was now his husband could still be hard to read but Justin was sure now that Brian had loved him even while he was confusing him. Justin mentally chuckled to himself. It was funny how he could see all of this clearly so many years later. If he would have seen it then and not listened to what ‘they' had said, things would have been settled between he and Brian from the beginning. It wasn't that Brian had wanted all the ‘hims' he had fucked in Justin's presence or even out of it. Brian had needed something that only Justin could provide; it just took the brunet longer to see that than most.

Without saying a word, Justin got off the couch and crossed the expansive space to where his husband stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows. He pressed himself into the musculature of Brian's back, feeling the sudden tensing and immediate relaxation against his skin. Justin locked his hands around Brian's waist and gently swayed to the haunting beat of the music. It wasn't long before Brian's body began to move in time with his and he couldn't help the smile that had graced his lips.

What no one knew, especially not Brian's former ‘best friends,' was that when all else failed, their thoughts, feelings and actions could be summed up by listening to a Prince song. If music soothed a savage beast as William Congreve thought, then Prince spoke volumes in words that Brian nor Justin knew how to say. Brian turned into his arms then, looking down into Justin's eyes.


"You okay?" he asked simply.

"No. I'm shocked, angry and sad but I will be okay. You were always there to protect me, Brian, even from myself. I just..."

"I know..." Brian leaned down and kissed him. Pulling his head back, he continued. "It's a lot to take in Justin. This month alone has brought us more heartache than one person should have been able to handle. But we have."


Justin knew that Brian was thinking about the prom in addition to the ill-fated party. Twice fate had separated them within a year and twice they had fought back to be where they are today. Just as "I Would Die 4U" began to play, Justin leaned back and looked into Brian's eyes again, saying everything that words couldn't express with his own eyes.

Brian had died for Justin over and over again during the years. No not physically but those bad habits that were likely to kill him, were a thing of the past. Nine months before their wedding, Brian and Justin decided to engage in the thrill of anonymous sex one more time. They spent that last night romping and fucking whomever took their fancy. It was hot, exquisite even, but they were done with it. From that night on, Brian had willingly hung up his ‘Stud of Liberty Ave' spurs and saddled up for a life of matrimony with the only man who could keep up with him. And Justin hung up his "Twinkie King of Babylon" jockstrap to achieve the very thing that he'd always wanted from Brian. On their official wedding night, they decided to recreate the first time they had met minus Michael and Ben. Emmett and Ted were there, amazingly wearing the same duds they had worn the night that Brian Kinney met Justin Taylor. The four of them sat in the diner afterward and had a good laugh before Brian and Justin headed back to the loft to relive their past with a slight modification. That was the first night they had done it raw and they had never looked back.

Since then, Brian kept reinventing himself. Justin wouldn't dare call it ‘change' because at his core, Brian was still the same man that Justin had always known him to be. He was caring-loving even- when it suited him to be. He was still driven to be the biggest fucking success just to piss off the heteros and have a little bit of redemption in the process. But the other things- the sex with strangers, excessive drinking and other vices that Brian had, were no more. The strongest things he smoked was a cigarette or a joint but no more recreational drug use beyond that. Instead of running for the bottle when things got rough, he ran for Justin. And in the process, those insecurities that Brian had harbored also fell by the wayside.

Unfortunately with all of Brian's self-improvements and reaffirmations to become the type of man he wanted to be and a husband that Justin could be proud of, Michael and Lindsay weren't happy. For a time, Lindz had even tried to keep Brian away from Gus until Mel found out what she was doing and stopped it. She had threatened Lindsay saying she would give Brian back his parental rights so that he could ask for custody instead of requesting a simple visitation agreement. Of course Lindsay had thought that it was Justin's influence but in truth it was all Brian...and Melanie knew it. As a result, Brian hasn't spoken directly to Lindsay in a number of years opting to do all his business with Melanie. The two brunettes had grown closer with the tall willowy blonde out of the way. Justin was proud of the progress the two of them had made.

The problem with Michael was a bit more complex. Justin still couldn't believe that Michael had been so vindictive and petty to stand up at their secondary ceremony in Vermont- the one that made being married legally binding with a piece of paper- to declare that Brian and Justin were making a mistake. It had taken Ben and Debbie to remove Michael from the church even while Michael screamed his undying devotion as Brian's ‘best friend' and that Justin was a gold-digging, money-grubbing whore who was bound to leave Brian again. In the long run and thanks in part to much begging from Debbie, Brian had forgiven Michael but he was no longer a part of Brian and Justin's everyday life. Ironically it was Ted who had stood up for Brian at the wedding while Emmett planned everything. In retrospect, Justin couldn't say that he was mad or sad that things had played out like that. But he knew it still bothered his husband sometimes. Yeah, Brian-- the old Brian--had died for Justin and in his place the Brian Kinney that he was always meant to be emerged.


Until the end of time, I'll be there for you

You own my heart and mind, I truly Adore you

If God one day, struck me blind

Your beauty I'd still see

Love is too weak to define

Just what you mean to me


As "Adore" came onto the stereo, Justin laced his and Brian's fingers together. The looks which passed between them were as incendiary as they always were. With just a look and a simple touch, Justin felt his pulse speed up in anticipation of what he knew was coming. Brian leaned his head down, touching his forehead to Justin's and allowing his breath to ghost over the plump lips that he'd kissed many, many times but never tired of. They continued to stand there, each lost in the words of the song, in the melody of the music and in each other.


"I do you know?" Brian asked quietly, his eyes closing so that he wouldn't see Justin's reaction to his admission. Even after all the years they have been together, he still gets shy and reticent when it comes to admitting that he loves Justin. He tensed a little when he felt the soft palm, graze the side of his face.

"I know Brian and I love you too. If only you knew how much and how sorry I am that you ever doubted my love for you," Justin said, the threat of tears clear in his voice at hearing Brian's admission. It wasn't often that he heard it, but he'd always felt Brian's love for him even when he didn't know what it was. Age and experience were the best teachers....and the toughest.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for Justin. We were both egocentric assholes then only in different ways. But we've survived it all."

"Homophobes, crackpot musicians, liars and supposed know-it-alls. Yeah, I guess we did really survive it all."

"And we'll continue to do so because that's who we are; who we've always been. You were strong enough to fight for what you wanted."

"And you Brian, became strong enough to let me. Thank you."


And with that, Justin kissed Brian with all the passion and love in his heart, needing the closeness with his husband more than his next breath. Brian's arms encircled Justin's waist pulling him closer into his still-taut body. If ever there was a time when there were no more words needed, this was it. They would let their actions and the music speak volumes for them, adding their own vocal symphony much later.

Brian laid Justin down on the infamous pallet that Justin refused to get rid of despite the long ago renovations to the loft. He thought back to their Stockwell days, remembering one of the many times they'd made love there. The moon was rising outside of the bay windows, casting the room in moonbeams and shadows as the lovers began to take each other to higher heights physically but deeper depths emotionally. Brian wasted no time divesting both Justin and himself of their remaining garments, chucking them haphazardly on the sofa in the far corner of the studio. He leaned in to sup from Justin's lips, savoring every breathy moan that escaped the younger man during his assault. Justin met and matched his every move, twisting and tangling his tongue around Brian's and drawing answering moans from the brunet. Years of familiarity had taught them just what to do to make the other writhe and clamor for more pleasure. It was one of the benefits they had found when they embraced monogamy instead of running from it. At forty-seven Brian was still lean and fit and Justin had taken every pleasure and advantage of that fact. And Brian still delighted in his thirty-five year old husband's flexibility. As far as he was concerned it was a win-win.

Brian began making love to Justin in earnest then. Leaving his lips for the moment, Brian traced his tongue to the left side of Justin's neck, zeroing in on the spot that would cause Justin to gasp and moan. Justin stretched out beneath him as Brian continued to kiss and tug at the the sensitive skin just under his ear lobe. He placed several lingering kisses there causing Justin to claw at his back. Brian couldn't help but chuckle at that. Justin may have seemed like a cub to most people, all cute and harmless but he was a lion in bed.

Brian began to move down Justin's body. He mapped the porcelain skin with his tongue stopping at several erogenous zones on his way to Justin's hard cock which was begging for attention. Taking the pink pillar into his hand, he stroked it several times delighting in the sighs and pleas for more. With a slight twist of his wrist, he made Justin curse in his impatience. Brian loved it when Justin would reach the point of becoming a bossy bottom. Running his finger across the head, Brian drew copious amounts of pre-cum to the surface. Licking his own lips, Brian readied himself to slide his mouth down easily on Justin's cock.

For Justin's part he was walking the fine line between need and want. He wanted Brian to get on with it and let him cum but he needed for Brian to draw out the pleasure. Brian was a master at edging Justin and it made what he craved that much sweeter in the process. Justin reached down, tangling his fingers into Brian's chestnut locks as his husband licked and suckled him. He felt the tell-tale quickening within his core even as Brian slowed his actions down to a snail's pace, sucking on every single upstroke and letting his jaws loose on the way down. Justin loved and hated it with every  breath he took.


"Brian please..." he panted out but Brian wasn't hearing any of it.

"Shh... relax."

"I..." Justin was unable to finish his thought as Brian sped up his pace.


Justin damn near screamed in ecstasy as he felt his crown hit the back Brian's throat. Brian would swallow around him before making the sojourn back up Justin's length. Justin cursed loudly as Brian repeated his actions yet again and again. Justin's demands to be fucked was met with chuckles and then two fingers and Brian's thumb on his perineum caressing his prostate repeatedly in tandem to his tongue-dance on his dick. As Justin was about to demand that Brian stop and fuck him, the long, lanky brunet assumed the position to meet Justin's body command.

Positioning himself at Justin's rosebud, Brian stopped all movement. He couldn't help but to gaze up his husband's body to meet the bluest eyes he had ever seen in the throes of passion. There was so much Brian wanted to say in that moment but couldn't. He wanted Justin to know just what the young man had meant to him. The simple words of ‘I love you' were not enough...nowhere near enough to convey all that Brian felt for him. Reading the understanding, lust and pure love in the eyes that shone back at him, Brian lowered his member into Justin's chasm hoping that the young man had definitely received the silent message.

Brian proceeded slowly, allowing Justin's body to continuously stretch with every inch Brian fed into him. Justin was still as tight as the first night they fucked. It was truly amazing that no matter how many times they had sex, Justin remained the same. Once Brian had reached bottom, he gave a slight but powerful twist of his hips to seat himself fully within Justin. He smiled at the slight squeak that escaped Justin as Brian settled in the perfect position to nail his prostate with every downward thrust. Brian pushed in another fraction of an inch and Justin gasped at the sensation. He began a slow rhythm at first, building the intensity as time when on. Justin's hands gripped his forearms then traveled of their own volition to rest around his back. Brian loved the full body contact Justin's adjustment had given them. Justin was completely wrapped around Brian which allowed Brian to thrust even deeper. Adding a snap to his inward movements, he felt Justin's body start to quake as once again the gland was assaulted. Justin mumbled incoherently, at times chanting Brian's name as the older man continued to bring both of them to their orgasm. The slight hitch of Justin's breathing told him that Justin was close to cumming. Adjusting the angle once more and increasing his speed, Brian began to race for the finish line. He took Justin's lips again in a possessive kiss, letting Justin know who he belonged to. He was so tempted to ask Justin who his ass belonged to, but he knew the defiant twink would have come up with a smartass remark and besides they both really didn't need the reminder at all. Justin was there, laboring for climax with him and Brian couldn't have been more happy about that.

He felt the electricity shoot through the lower region of his body, a sensation so strong that his knees nearly buckled beneath him. Justin pumped into him begging for more. Brian felt more than saw Justin's cream erupt between their bodies. Justin's ass clamped down onto Brian member drawing his own orgasm down to coat the inside of the nearly-passed out man caught in the throes of the most natural euphoric high. Brian noted that Justin's eyes were closed, his lips parted trying to take in gulps of air and his forehead crinkled as he rode out the rest of his orgasm. Brian rested his forehead against Justin's stomach trying to slow his heart rate down and to allow the post-coital bliss to set in. The moment of peace and contentment was overshadowed by the bear in Justin's stomach which began to growl and make its request for food known.


Brian chuckled. "Somethings never change..."

Justin joined in the laughter at his own expense. "Be thankful that my stomach had the common decency to wait until you got off to start growling."

"Yes well I've always compared you to a German train."

"What do you mean Brian?" Justin looked at Brian with a slight frown marring his perfect features.

"You always cum on time."

Justin couldn't help the loud guffaw which escaped his lips. "Maybe if you're good, we can go for round two in a little while."

"Hm... insatiable for more than just food huh?"

"You better believe it."

Brian thought about it for a moment. He thought about all of the times when Justin just seemed to trade one appetite for another. Someone would say that Justin has some kind of addiction. But then it's evident that Justin is in fact addicted to Brian and the older man wouldn't have it any other way. He shrugged. "I can live with that."


And as they continued to make their way to the kitchen, pulling out the lunch meat, bread and salad while talking about the death of an Icon, Prince serenaded them to the ballad that said more than any song should,  "Purple Rain."


I never wanted to be your weekend lover

I only wanted to be some kind of friend

Baby I could never steal you from another

It's such a shame our friendship had to end...  


End Notes:

Another HUGE 'THANK YOU' to the Ladies of the LLLC... you all have been a steady support system for me during this difficult time. Love y'all!

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