April 2006 - New York City

Brian's POV

The sun is just beginning to spread its rays of sunshine over the Big Apple. The promise of a bright and quite warm day is rising with every passing moment, and Brian can't help but curse under his breath for his bad luck, while descending the stairs to the New York subway.

The ad exec is in town in order to participate in a meeting which promises to be a real challenge to begin with, and the prospect of having to be on the railroad to reach his destination is not what he hoped for when he first woke up next to his partner that morning.

In fact, he expected to take a nice cab and to enjoy the sights of the city, and to just relax in the comfort of the leather seat provided to him by the four-wheeled vehicle. Brian is in a good mood this morning, having reunited with his partner the day before, and therefore having spent a really good evening and night in the arms (and ass) of his young lover.

But, as it seems, the city is paralyzed because of a taxi strike he had not predicted, and he has no other choice but to fall back on public transportation, his only way to join the meeting with Wildflower on time.

He doesn’t know if he is going to tell Justin about his current predicament, for fear that his lover will laugh at him, or that his image of a narcissistic and egocentric bastard who can’t be caught in a bad situation will be altered. He can already imagine the scene with Justin making fun of him and consequently him having no other choice but to punish him severely.

In the subway, Brian is struggling to stop himself from killing foremost of his companions in misfortune, and his Prada shoes are dusted by too many feet which can’t stay between one another. The train is crammed and the temperature is unbearable. If not for the importance of the meeting he is going to, which can lead to a very lucrative campaign, he would have bolted from this car as soon as the door would open at the next station. Instead, he is stuck between a woman in her seventies who looks like an older version of his sainted mother and who seems to be ready to faint, a teenager who has to be a great client at Mc Donald's and who is sporting a shirt with a lot of fresh sweat, and a tall man in his fifties whose breath has not seen the beginning of a toothbrush for several days.

His mother would be glad.

He is in hell.

A few minutes earlier, Chelsea, New York City

Aidan's POV

Aidan Cole is late.

The shooting he is going to is in Manhattan, but his motorcycle has refused to start this morning. He is standing there, next to it, and cursing the gods that allowed him to party until three in the morning while at the same time plotting against him to ruin his only means of transportation for the day. His throbbing headache is slowly getting worse, and he only wants one thing at the moment: going back to bed in the comfort of his condo, and letting himself be transported to the sweet sensation that only sleep could give you.

But Simon will kill him if he doesn’t show, and if he doesn’t shake his camera in front of beautiful girls and boys, while boosting their already excessive egos, which have already been fed with empty promises for the most part.

If Simon has not been his friend for so long, he would stop this charade, having already decided that this world of fame and glamour isn’t for him. Instead, he reluctantly agreed to be the photographer for this shooting in order to preserve a friendship that tended to deteriorate over time.

Aidan had met Simon when he was in 3rd grade. He remembers that time like it was yesterday, because the arrival of the other child in his life was a promise of sweeter, happier days, welcomed after the darkness he had been through.

Aidan was a shy and introverted child. His parents, John and Mary Cole, had died in a car crash caused by a tired nurse who fell asleep at her steering wheel after her night shift. Neither of them had made it. He was seven at the time, his sister was seventeen and consequently, she couldn’t be Aidan’s guardian. That year was hell for Aidan, destroying the happy and smiling child he once was.

Eight months after the accident, Olivia went to live with a good friend from her school, Jessie Grant. Mr. And Mrs. Grant had understood the necessity for the teenager to finish her school year in order to pass her SAT, and they wanted to help the teenager they had seen grow up after grieving and then go on with her life. But while they could welcome Olivia because of her being near adulthood, they couldn't help Aidan.

Therefore, at seven, he was forced to move in with his foreign uncle in Philadelphia, who couldn’t care less about his lost brother's child, but who was just too happy to take the money the assurance was providing for Aidan, money which was disappearing in parties and poker games. Aidan was just an extra piece of furniture in the man's filthy home.

Soon enough, Olivia was eighteen and even if she would always be grateful to her host family, she did all she could to have her brother back.

She applied to be Aidan's guardian and the judge had no other choice but to accept it after reading the memo from child protective services. Two months later, he moved back with her in a two bedroom condo in Harrisburg, thanks to what was left of their parent's life insurance.

However, the money was tight and Olivia had to work as a waitress on nights and week-ends in a small coffee shop so as to provide a safe home to her little brother while taking courses during the week to become a nurse. As a result, Aidan had to grow up much too fast.

But this time, even if it was tough, even if the child wanted to scream sometimes because of this unfair world, he was loved. Loved unconditionally by his sister, who was doing anything in her power to ensure him a future. And for that, Aidan was fucking grateful.

And when Simon arrived into his world, the spoiled child with an inimitable and communicative laugh, he knew he was going to be ok.

That’s why he is standing today in this street, with a headache, a broken motorcycle, and a big bag at his feet.

After swallowing two pills of his meds and taking his bag, he squares his shoulders, takes a deep breath of air charged with the memories (Carbone really) of the city cars and finally, he enlists on the pavement a vigorous step. The sun is unusually warm at this hour of the day and by the time he reaches the entrance of the station, he is already sweating a little. Six minutes later, he is in the subway, next to a child too young to be on his own and an old woman whose face is compressed into a kind of rictus. That’s when he understands that he will never be at his shooting in time.

Brian's POV

Just as the train comes to a stop at the "Fifth Avenue" station, Miss Pettigrew, the Joan Kinney older version, collapses. The fact that her fortune teller has predicted an interesting encounter in a train two weeks before couldn't have prepared her for what was really going to happen. Because that encounter is happening right now, with a man whose hazel eyes are showing his surprise, soon to be replaced by fear.

Brian sees the fall in slow motion, and it seems that it is not two seconds but thirty before she falls, or more exactly, on his already wrinkled clothes and trampled shoes. While most people around him come down from the ream without suspecting what is going on, Brian is soon on the floor with the woman in his arms.

Brian is about to panic - a fate almost worse than being in the subway in the first place - when he hears a strong voice above him.

“She is having a stroke, somebody call 911! And you, make her lie down slowly and help me check if her airways are clear."

The voice makes Brian look up just as the siren alarm starts to sound. The man in front of him is tall, with shaggy hair and piercing green eyes.

The first thought that comes to Brian's mind is that this man is fucking hot. His eyes seem to see through him and Brian can't help but ask himself if this Adonis with impeccable taste in casual clothing is gay. The second thought that comes to Brian's mind is that he is in the fucking subway, on the floor, in a ludicrous posture, with a seemingly dying woman in his arms and that his first thought is sex.

Maybe he is more fucked up than he thought...

"Are you deaf? Come on, move! » The man orders.

The tone in the man's voice makes Brian snap out of his ramblings and he quickly does as he is told.

"Here, she isn't breathing, I'm going to start the cardiac massage," the man declares. "Put her head back and at five, give artificial respiration."

"Wait, what? Really?” Brian questions, the prospect of touching the woman’s lips repulsing him.

The man huffs by his side and barks, "Just do it, at one, two, three, four, five, now!"

Taking a deep breath, Brian obeys and together, they begin to try to bring this woman back to the world of the living ones. A third person provides them with a defibrillator a few moment later, and the green eyed man uses it until one minute later, the medical team joins them in the immobilized vehicle.

Brian moves away so as to let them take care of the woman, just as the man beside him announces that she is alive.

"We got a pulse, but she stopped breathing for three minutes." he informs the paramedics.

The medical team starts to speak to the woman who is beginning to show sighs of consciousness. Brian is standing next to the other man. He realizes that after the rush of the previous moment, he is more jolted than he thought.

"Fuck...she was dying in my arms." he breathes out. "If not for you..."

The man turns to look at him. Brian is once more stricken by his piercing gaze.

"My sister is a nurse," the man reveals. "She taught me how to resuscitate a person when she was practicing for her degree. I was about ten years old then, and she still makes me pass the test every year to make sure I'm a big boy."

The man smiles then and Brian feels himself relax completely.

"Well, good thing you were here. I'm sure I would have killed her if not for you," Brian discloses.

The man laughs and extends his hand.

"Aidan Cole, nice to meet you."

"Brian Kinney."

When they shook hands, a surge of electricity passes through Brian, and he grins inwardly.

Aidan Cole is definitively gay.

A few minutes later, the city's noises and the car's horns welcome the two men who are ascending from the underground subway station.

During the small walk from the platform, Brian learns that Aidan is a photographer who is back in the United States after having traveled all over the world for almost a decade. He talks about his previous work with passion and pride, and Brian is impressed by his eclecticism. The man is definitely more than just a pretty face.

And while his 29-year-old self would have wanted to prolong this moment after his meeting with Wildflower, and would have invited Aidan Cole in his bed, his 34-year-old self isn't really interested.

He could if he wanted to. He knows that Aidan wants him, and he and Justin have agreed not to be monogamous. But the truth is that both of them only want to be with each other when they stay in the same city for a few days. Of course, all is implied and not verbally expressed, but Brian knows it. And he makes sure that Justin knows it, too, with every touch and every kiss he gives to his lover.

Actions speak louder than words, indeed.

Aidan's POV

When he sees the senior citizen next to him fall backwards onto a man he can't see, Aidan reacts immediately. He asks for help while posting himself in front of the woman and orders the unseen man to move carefully.

That's when he sees him.

His first thought is that the man kneeling before him - or if said a little less subtly, spread on the floor - is beautiful. His hazel eyes are mesmerizing, and Aidan is hypnotized by the man's gaze.

But the slumber is furtive because at this moment, he can't allow himself to such scattered thoughts, and he has to focus on the old, unconscious elderly woman who seems to have stopped breathing.

Consequently, during the next three minutes, everything is a blur. Aidan focuses on the body beneath his hands with the help of the gorgeous stranger and begins to work on her, hoping to bring her back.

Ten minutes later, the woman is back to the land of the living ones, and the two saviors are making their way out, through people unaware of the tragic event that could have occurred.

Surprisingly, Brian engages in conversation. "So, besides playing Baywatch Subway's version, without, unfortunately, the red suit and the rubber life preserver, what do you do for a living? Lifeguard? Savior Extraordinaire? Knight in shining armor?"

Brian Kinney is obviously in a playing mood.

"Well, actually, that's a professional distortion.” Aidan responds. Brian raises his eyebrows, waiting for Aidan to elaborate. "I was a reporter-photographer for almost ten years, and I therefore had to go in benighted countries all over the world. Let's just say that first aid knowledge were essential."

"Oh, I see. Savior extraordinaire it is. Lucky me." Brian quips with a smile. Aidan laughs, finding the man’s sense of humor refreshing. "And what were you doing in these countries?"

Aidan is surprised by the interest of the other man, who certainly wouldn't have asked that question if he’d known he was exposing himself to a five-minute answer. But Brian doesn’t seem to mind as he listens to Aidan with genuine curiosity.

"And what are you doing back in fabulous New York, if you don't mind me asking?" Brian inquires. "It's not exactly a beleaguered country, even if sometimes, you might think so when there are only bikes allowed to move..." Brian looks around with disdain while passing his hands over his trampled Armani suit.

"Well, I happen to have a family." Aidan responds.

Brian turns his head and raises his eyebrow. “That’s your excuse?"

Aidan laughs. "Actually, yeah. My sister harassed me to come back to the States, even if only for a few months. So here I am."

"Here you are, indeed." Brian grins.

Aidan feels a thrill under the scrutinizing gaze of the other man. For a moment, he thinks that he sees something in the hazel eyes, maybe lust or desire. But as fast as it has appeared, it’s gone. There is something else, indefinable and almost distant, like Brian isn't looking at him at all. He seems lost in a memory, and the predator that was there a few seconds ago has totally disappeared.

Brian breaks the stare they were sharing. "Well, it's been nice and all, but some of us have a real job to do besides playing hero to boost their already excessive ego.” Brian smirks and looks at Aidan. "I have an important meeting and I'm already late, so I'm afraid I will have to cut this conversation short."

"No problem, I have a meeting, too, anyway, or maybe not, considering I'm already..." He watches his watch "...thirty minutes late."

Brian nods, extending his hand while intently looking into the other man's eyes. "Thanks...For everything."

Aidan takes it and feels a surge of electricity coursing through his body. The sincerity and intensity in Brian's posture, in his eyes, in the intonation of his voice and in his smile, has taken him by surprise. He ignores his disappointment over the man’s departure.

"Anytime..." Aidan reluctantly breaks the connection of their joined hands and allows himself one last comment. "You never know, maybe I will see you again spread out on the filthy floor of the subway. It's certainly a sight I'm not ready to forget."

Brian stares at him with a piercing look, tongue in cheek, before answering, a little smile at the corner of his lips. "Well, for one thing, I wasn't spread out, just in an uncomfortable position. And two, I will take the subway again in another life, but surely not in this one, thank you very much, so I'm afraid we will not see each other anytime soon..."

The message is clear and Aidan concedes defeat. "Well, Brian Kinney, in another life then."

Aidan watches as the other man begins to walk backwards. "Yeah, in another life, you never know what can happen..." Brian drawls. With these last words, his lips curl upward and finally, he turns around. Aidan stays here for a minute, observing this virtual stranger moving away. Finally, as Brian Kinney walks out of his life just as soon as he has walked in, Aidan starts to move in the opposite direction.

A few hours later, a studio in New York City...

Justin’s POV

The room is shining with bright light while the setting sun is offering its last rays of powerful sunshine.

The blond is focused on his work, a pulsating canvas made with vivid and sharp lines of paint. A vibration in his body makes him leave this unattainable state and, a few second later, he smiles as he hears his lover’s voice on the phone.

"Hey, Sunshine.”

“Hey… I was just about to stop for the day. The light is beginning to fade.” Justin declares.

“So you’re going to honor me with your graceful presence soon?" Brian questions playfully. "How altruistic of you. I’m flattered, really…”

Justin can hear the teasing tone in Brian’s voice, and he smiles. “I will be there in about thirty minutes.”

“Well, hurry up. You couldn’t imagine how stressful my day was, and I really, really need a good reviver for releasing all the tension in my body. You wouldn’t believe how hard my muscles are right now…”

Justin laughs out loud. “It will be a pleasure to help you relax, Mr. Kinney.”

“Later.”

“Later.”

When Justin walks in the impressive hotel room of the Four Seasons, Brian is standing, his back to him, in deep conversation on his cell phone, either with a client or a member of his staff.

Justin comes up behind him, his hands reaching his partner's broad shoulders, and he starts to fulfill his promise of finding a way to help him relax.

The conversation lasts another couple of minutes. When Brian puts down his cell on the near table, Justin continues to work the hard muscles under his hands.

“So, do you care to tell me what happened to you today?” He inquires.

“If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me…” Brian responds with a satisfying sigh, visibly enjoying Justin’s attention.

“That must be something huge,” Justin remarks.

“You have no idea.” Brian turns in Justin’s arms. “I got the account.”

“Congratulations!" Justin exclaims. "Was there any doubt?”

“Well, even the great God Kinney can fail sometimes, but that’s not the point.” Brian pauses, rolling his lips under almost bashfully. “I saved a life today.”

“Huh?” Justin frowns.

Brian clarifies with a chuckle, “I’m a fucking hero." In front of Justin’s quizzical stare, he explains, "I had to take the subway this morning.”

“What? You? In the subway?” Justin mocks as he bursts out laughing.

“Don’t fucking laugh, there was a taxi strike, in case you didn’t notice.” Brian retorts.

“Fuck, Brian, that must have been hell for you!" Justin exclaims with a grin.

“You don’t know the half of it. An old woman literally collapsed in my arms because of a stroke.” Brian discloses, knowing exactly how Justin is going to react.

“What? How? Is she okay?” Sure enough, Justin’s smile vanishes.

“Yeah, she is," Brian reassures his lover. "And I think she won’t have any sequels, thanks to my great person.”

Justin stares at him, seemingly waiting for more.

“There was a man who helped me resuscitate her.” Brian reveals.

Justin raises his eyebrows.

“So, he did all the fucking work, and I helped him, satisfied?” Brian huffs.

Justin grins. “And what do you mean, you helped him?”

“Hum….”

“Hum?”

“I assisted him.”

“And?” Justin urges.

“I gave her mouth-to-mouth.”

Justin bursts out laughing, even harder than when he heard about Brian being in the subway in the first place. Brian pretends to be offended.

“You fucking twat, I knew I shouldn’t have told you anything!” Brian professes.

“You’re right. You shouldn’t have.” Justin replies with a smirk. “I’m going to call everybody as soon as you return to Pittsburgh.”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“You want to bet?”

“You’re aware that I’m going to have to punish you…” Brian drawls.

“Isn’t that the point of this whole conversation?” Justin counters with a mischievous expression on his face.

“I always knew that I kept you around for a reason.” Brian smiles and takes his lover in his arms.

Their lips meet then, warm and demanding for more, until Justin seems to pause for a second, a hand on Brian’s cheek. “Was he hot?”

“Who?” Brian answers between kisses.

“The man you helped.” Justin clarifies.

“Hum, yeah, he was.” Brian pulls back his head and grins. “And he was gay.”

“Unbelievable.” Justin smirks.  “Only you could be stuck in the subway trying to save a life with another hot gay man. Anybody else would have had to help a big, fat, and old straight man.”

“Well, it’s my aura, I can’t help it.” Their foreheads touch.

“And did the emulation caused by the thrill of saving a life make you two enjoy each other afterward?”

Brian pulls back then and searches Justin’s eyes. He holds his gaze for a long time before capturing his lips in a meaningful kiss, giving him an unspoken answer.

Later that night, while Brian’s breathing has started to even out, Justin stares at his lover for a long time. And he prays to whoever is listening, to give everything to this beautiful man and to let them share each other’s life for a long time.

That’s when he hears it. A whisper.

“I love you.”

This is it. The love of a lifetime.

And they both know it.

 

 

 

 

July 2007 - Pittsburgh

Michael's POV

Ten stairs left.

Nine.

Seven.

Five.

Four.

Two.

One.

Michael is finally standing in front of his best friend’s door. He pauses for a moment, like paralyzed, and takes a deep breath. His right fingers grab the key in his pocket and he enters it in the lock of the loft.

At first, he doesn’t see anything. Not the shadow of a movement or the echo of a discrete noise. But as his eyes become more accustomed with the darkness, he sees a shape near a distant window and soon, his nostrils smell the smoke of a cigarette.

“Brian…”

The other man doesn’t move, doesn’t acknowledge the presence of his friend. He keeps smoking and staring through the darkness of the night.

Michael comes closer of his back’s friend and tries again to capture his attention.

“Brian…”

At last, his friend turns around to look at him. However, Michael wishes for a second that he didn’t disrupt him. The pain in his eyes is all Michael needs to see. It is soon replaced by a mask, but even then, the mask seems pierced with emotions.

Heartbreak, that’s what its look like, Michael can’t help but think.

“Michael…” A silence conversation seems to pass between the two men, until Brian understands. “He called you.”

“Yeah, he did. He was worried.” Michael confirms. He has received a call from Justin a few hours ago, to warn him that Brian would be back in the evening after their last goodbye in New York, and to ask him to be there for him.

“Well, I’m here, back in the Pitt’s, in one piece, so…” Brian shrugs his shoulders.

They stare at each other, both understanding that no words could really do justice to the situation. How do you put in words the feeling of having your heart stolen forever, but knowing that you have to stay alive anyway? And move on?

So Michael does what a best friend would do. He tries to lighten the mood.

“I bought food.” He shakes the bag in his left hand. “Chinese… and you provide the pot.”

“I do?” Brian says while crushing his cigarette in a near ashtray.

“Uh, huh…” Michael heads towards the kitchen counter, so as to put the bag on it.

“Christ Mikey! You look like your mother more and more every day,” Brian says with a funny look to his friend.

“Fuck you!” Michael smiles.

“You wish…” Brian teases.

Thirty minutes later, they are both spread on the floor near the couch, paper bags everywhere, Brian’s heavy head on Michael’s stomach; they are sharing very good pot.

“Fuck, I can’t believe you made me eat that shit, I must stink from my mouth.” Brian proceeds to blow in direction of Michael’s nose.

“Briiian!” Michael makes a disgusted face. “I corroborate, you stink!” They both laugh at the stupid joke.

“So,” Brian starts, “It’s just like old times, you and me, the Brian and Mikey show.” Brian states, blowing the smoke from the joint and doing rounds.

“Hey! Don’t forget Ben!” Michael exclaims, already a little dizzy.

“Okay; the Brian and Mikey show, with Ben on the side… Ouch!” Michael has just punched him in the shoulder.

“You deserve it.” Michael retorts with a smile.

“I thought I was the wounded man here and that you were here to take care of me…”

Michael stays silent for a few seconds and says, caressing Brian’s hair:

“I am,”

A minute passes, and Michael, maybe because of the pot - or maybe because he has no sense of self-preservation at all - ventures to talk about the reason of his visit.

“He wants you to be happy,”

“I know.”

“He loves you,” Michael insists.

“Michael…” Brian warns him. He is in no mood to talk about his feelings or Justin’s feelings right now.

“Sorry…”

They stay silent, both lost in thoughts, and Brian surprises Michael, but most of all himself, when he hears his own voice. Fucking pot.

“I couldn’t hold him back. He would have hated me in the end.”

“You don’t know that. But you’re both right, he couldn’t turned it down,” Michael’s heart goes out to his friend. “He loves you…but he doesn’t want to hold you back either, he doesn’t want for you to put your life on holds and to wait for him.”

“Yeah, pretty ironic when you think of it.” Brian says.

And he can’t help thinking , because if he’d ask me, I would have.

Brian’s POV

The flight back to Pittsburgh seems unreal.

In fact, the entire trip has seemed like it was just a dream, and not what it really was.

A fucking nightmare.

Brian had seen Justin one last time, one last night, and the memory of every moment is playing over and over in his head, like a broken record. Every touch, every silence, every kiss, heaven and hell at the same time.

Heaven because of the feelings they share for each other.

And hell because of that feeling.

Finality.

When Justin had first called him two weeks before, to tell him about the offer to spend five years in Europe, Brian stayed with the phone in his hands during a long time after hearing the news. Until that moment, he didn’t know that his life would be altered seemingly forever and when it finally downed on him, he fucking freaked out.

He called Michael, who found him in his office in Kinnetik, with a lost look in his eyes, and silent tears running on his cheeks. He was sure that his friend would freak out too, he was Brian Kinney after all, and except after some past encounters with his old man, he never cried. And Michael, even if he was the only witness of his last weak moments, wasn’t his mother’s son for nothing. But, instead of the drama queen he was unconsciously expecting, Michael had just held him and never said a word, like he already knew.

Later, he learned that Justin had called Michael even before him, anticipating Brian’s reaction.

Fucking twat.

After his meltdown, he debated during twelve days about going to say good-bye to his lover. He wasn’t sure he would have gone, if not for Michael and Debbie pushing him and ordering Ted to pressure Cynthia to buy him a one way ticket to New-York.

So, when he sees him, alone in the gallery, he knows that this is it.

And when their eyes lock, he can see his own pain reflected in his lover’s eyes. And that feeling again. Finality.

He is proud of Justin. The boy became a man, going after what he wanted and fighting every ordeal he’s been through. He is a survivor.

Brian knows that he would have done everything in his power to change Justin’s mind if the blond had considered turning down the offer of spending five years in Europe. It is his achievement, and if one deserves it more than any other, it is Justin.

But it is so fucking hard to say good-bye.

They don’t talked much, preferring to hold, to feel, to touch, to express their love in every gesture they made. Their lovemaking is slow, precious and when Brian finally pushes into Justin, he knows that this feeling of being home will never compare to anything else.

And then, when he wakes up in the morning, Justin is gone.

Gone from his bed.

And gone from his life.

And Brian can’t help but hope for a happy ending, even if he knows he has to try and move on.

But moving on can wait until tomorrow.

He doesn’t hear him at first, lost in all the feelings that are consuming him since he’s back a few hours ago.

He just came back from his trip to New York, and no one knows he is here. If not for Justin, Michael wouldn’t have made it to the loft so fast and he could have brooded in peace.

But luck is definitively not on his side.

He could tell his best friend to fuck off, but he isn’t sure Mikey wouldn’t refer to his mother, and Debbie on a mission isn’t exactly his idea of being in peace.

So, he sits down on the floor, eats the dreadful food he secretly enjoys, and let his best friend do his job. And after a while, it isn’t so bad.

Until Michael has the great idea to mention Justin.

Brian can’t help but ask himself if he is wrong and if he should have fight for Justin to stay with him in any way. Isn’t love supposed to be stronger than everything else? Shouldn’t being together is what truly matter, even if it makes you do bad choices about your professional life? And couldn’t they find another way of being together?

He knows that this reasoning is going nowhere, and that they had made the right decision, for both of them.

Justin had to go, there was no other way, and staying in a relationship would have tainted his trip with guilt and eventually, he would have come back sooner than expected, screaming under his breath that it was the right thing to do, and truly thinking it at the moment. But who could really say that in 5 years, ten years, or twenty years from then, it wouldn’t have come back in his face in a bang, haunting him and therefore, haunting his relationship too?

As for Brian, he would have done anything in his power to make Justin go, even unconsciously, because that is marked in his DNA. He couldn’t have stayed here, watching Justin fighting to make it, when he had given up the best opportunity of his life. And in the end, it would have altered their relationship, because Justin was in love, but not a fool. He wouldn’t have taken the pushing of the cliff with philosophy, when he would have been haunted by what he gave up in the first place.

And Brian can’t go with him. He has a son, friends, family and a company he can’t quit. Too many people depend on him.

But while his head is telling him that he made the right decision in letting his lover go, Brian’s heart isn’t so sure.

“What if I just made the biggest mistake of my fucking life?” Brian can’t help but ask his best friend, putting into words where his musings have been taking him.

“You didn’t.” Michael answers immediately, seemingly prepared for that kind of question. “First, you love him and you did what you thought was best for him, and believe me, it can’t be a mistake.” Michael pauses, letting the words sink in Brian’s brain “Second, you don’t know what the future hold for you or for him.” Michael looks at his best friend and adds “And third, I’m pretty sure you two will find your way back to each other if you really want to, at the right time for both of you.”

“Don’t!” Brian snaps and raises himself in a sitting position, his back to him.

Michael looks at his friend from behind, sensing the tightness in his broad shoulders. Eventually, Brian whispers, “Hope is the worst, I can’t allow it.”

Finally, he says aloud what he is supposed to do.

“I have to move on.”

Brian repeats the mantra in his head over and over, hoping that one day, he will really believe it.   

Three months later, October 2007-Pittsburg

Debbie’s POV

Debbie Novotny isn’t what you can call a discreet woman.

In fact, she is just the opposite. Loud, colorful, imposing, with a big mouth, a red wig and sporting proudly improbable shirts that only she could assume.

She is also the mother of all gay men, lesbians, transsexual, or undecided, and is often prying herself for being a good judge of character. She is the heart of the Liberty Diner, even if she has to cut her hours down because she isn’t the young lady she once was anymore.

Two of her favorite boys are here today, regaling each other with the latest gossip.

“You wouldn’t believe what I did yesterday night…”Emmett Honeycutt is in a great mood.

“Hum, let’s see, you had a divine conversation with Cher about her latest Chanel dress while being fucked by a nine inch cock?”

“Better than that,”

“What can be better than that for a Nelly bottom like you?”

“Teddy, you know me, I’m a queen and I like a little diversity in my sex life.”

“You were fucked by two nine each cocks?”

“Teddy!” Emmett pretends to be outraged.

“What, you just said that you like diversity!”

“That’s not what I meant!” Emmett comes closer across the table, like he is going to share a big secret with his friend, “I met a beautiful stranger and he fucked me without saying a word, nada, not a sound.”

“And that’s you big secret? You do it every day since you are sixteen!”

“Not like this!” Emmett explains, “I was at Woody’s last night, and this God alike guy came in and we accidently collide,”

“Accidently my ass…” Ted mutters.

“Teddy! Don’t be rude!” Emmett seems to think for a second, “Hum, where was I? Oh yeah, we collide and he looks at me; he doesn’t say a word, just takes my forearm and drags me to the restroom and God, it was so good! I haven’t been fucked like that in years!”

“Ah… I see; multiple orgasms! you should have started by telling me this, it would have explain your great mood a lot quicker.”

“What explains you great mood, Emmett honey?” Debbie joins the conversation, pretending to be here in order to take their orders, whereas she is listening to their conversation for a few moments now.

“Emmett had been fucked,” Ted explains.

“Teddy!” Emmett exclaims.

Debbie touches Emmett’s face with her finger. “No offense, honey, but you’re not exactly a nun.”

Ted adds, “and he was fucked by a really good stud,”

“The best!” Emmett can’t help but specify, clapping his hands.

“And he had multiple orgasms.” Ted concludes.

“Sweetie, that’s great. Always be good fucked and your life will rise up!” Debbie is proud of her gay boys.

“Debbie, how the world could survive without yours enlightenments, I really don’t know!” Ted laughs.

“It couldn’t sweetie. Or you’d be in deep shit!” Debbie agrees.

“Aren’t we always?” Ted can’t help but joke.

“Teddy, no offense, but sometimes, you have to turn your tongue seven times in your mouth to stop the words from spilling from it.” Emmett reprehends him and makes a face, “Eww…”

Debbie takes their order then and makes her way back to the kitchen. She is grateful to see that these two boys are happy and in a good mood, Ted having reunited with Blake some times before and Emmett… well…being Emmett.

But she can’t help but worry about one of her boy, and she wishes that life can help him going through the difficult time he is facing. To anyone who doesn’t know him, Brian Kinney still appears to be the sophisticated business man he is at day, and the narcissism and confident man he is at night, when he is leaving the sanctuary of his office that is, which seems to be less and less.

However, Debbie knows that this is just a façade. Justin’s departure has shaken him big times, and Brian’s walls are slowly but surely building up again. And that makes her sad, because to her, he is still the fourteen years old boy who was sliding into her house at night in search of tenderness and love, even if he will never admit it. It’s so unfair that he has to go through all this pain, after having accepted that he was human after all, and able to love, and more importantly to be loved.

Her heart goes to Justin as well; because even if he is the one who left, she knows he suffers as much as Brian over their break up.

Fuck, she can’t believe it’s even real.

And she can’t help thinking: It’s not fair.

Just as she is coming from the kitchen to make a pot of coffee, a beautiful stranger sits on a bar stool, right in front of her. From what she can see he is wearing a leather jacket and a white shirt, and a cap over his head.

“Hey, beautiful stranger; what can I get you?”

“Coffee, black, no milk,” In front of the pointing stare he is receiving, he adds, “Please, Mrs.…?”

“Novotny. But everybody call me Debbie, Honey.”

The man nods, and Debbie can’t help but notice that Emmett is pointing at him with his forefinger, and mouthing without saying a word, “Stud from last night!”

Debbie grins inwardly; she serves a black coffee to the man, while being the witness of the enthusiasm in Emmett’s gestures.

“I haven’t seen you before,” The stranger raises his eyebrows at her. “I would have remember you, with a face like yours, sure to be matched by your butt if I may had…”

The man chuckles. “Are you always so straight?”

“Well, yeah; and I’m fucking proud of my big mouth. So, if you have a problem with that, that’s your problem to deal with, but certainly not mine.”

“Ok; duly noted.” The man seems amused.

“And between you and me, I think that you already turn heads over here.”

“Well; that’s my curse.” The man jokes.

“Oh, come on! since when a gay man doesn’t enjoy admiration from other men?”

“Why do you think I’m even gay?” The man inquires.

“Are you kidding?”

“Is that so obvious?”

“Well, yeah; considering that you’re in a gay diner, and that your fuck from last night is sitting right behind you, ready to faint just from being so close to you again,” Then, she adds, for the two friends who are pretending to be busy talking, while they are really listening to every word she says since she started speaking with the man, “and Emmett, stop listening to every word I say!”

“Me? I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Emmett says, rising up from his place and coming closer to the bar, right next to the stranger.

“Oh my God! What a beautiful surprise! You again! We didn’t have time to be properly introduced last night, if I can say that, considering…” Emmett says with a smile and mischief in his eyes. “I’m Emmett, Emmett Honeycutt,” He extends his hand in direction of the other man.

While he could be annoyed by the plot he is subjected to, the man seems more amused than anything else; he shakes Emmett’s hand.

“Aidan Cole.”

“And this is my friend, Ted Schmidt.” Emmett gestures to his friend to come closer.

“Hi; nice to meet you.” Ted says, shaking the other man’s hand.

Aidan answers with a sigh of his head.

Debbie intervenes, “Boys; you know I love you to death, but couldn’t you leave the man in peace, and stop turning around him like vultures?”

The man grins. He likes this woman a lot.

“How can you say that Debbie? We’re just welcoming him like the good citizens we are. Hospitality is so important and often forgotten, right Teddy?”

“Yeah, sure.” Teddy supports his friend.

“So, if you need anything, and I mean anything , you come and see me and I will do all I can to help you, it’s the least I can do.” Emmett adds with a smile to Aidan.

“Okay. I’m sure he gets it boys; now, go back to your booth, or your food is going to get cold.”

“Okay Debbie, we’re on our way,” Emmett addresses one last look at Aidan “Remember? Anything.” And with a wink, he follows his friend back to their booth.

As the two boys make their way back, Aidan can’t help but laugh.

“Is he always like that?” Aidan asks Debbie.

“Emmett? Yeah, but he was kind of subtle for once.” Debbie laughs, then looks at the man “You’re like honey in a hive Honey, or fresh meet if you prefer. All the bees and vultures from this burg will want a piece of you,” Debbie says with a pointing look. “So if you need help to keep them all at a distance, all you have to do is ask.”

“Thanks; but I think I will be fine.”

“You’re here to stay?" Debbie can’t help but ask.

“Actually, no. I’m visiting my sister. She moved in Pittsburg last year.” Aidan explains, and Debbie notices a sober, or maybe worried look on his face.

“Family; that’s the most important thing in the fucking world Honey. Good for you.”

Just as she is finishing her sentence, a voice from the kitchen can be heard, screaming “Debbie, orders are not going to be served on their own.”

And Debbie answers, with her big and loud mouth “Don’t be rude, or I will stick my pen up your fucking ass and you won’t be able to sit and to be fucked until next Christmas.” making her host laugh once more.

Debbie is serving her last plate to a couple of gays kids when the belt from the door of the diner sounds. Her beloved son and his husband come in. A few seconds later, Brian Kinney follows them. Debbie greets them all, before engulfing Brian into a tight hold.

“It’s good to see that you’re still alive; where the fuck have you been?" Debbie inquires with a slap on his head.

“Ouch, Debbie! you really know how to make someone feel welcomed…” Brian scowls, rubbing his head.

“Sorry Honey; but you can’t exactly say that you’ve been around lately. I’ve been worried about you.” Debbie confides, an aggravated look on her face.

“Thank you, Ma…” Brian whispers, for only her to hear. “But, I’m a big boy you know; I can take care of myself.”

“Sometimes, I doubt it.” Debbie insists. “Have you eaten today? I’m not sure you’re taking good care of yourself, you seemed to have lost weight.” She palpates him and orders, leading him to the booth where all his friends are sitting, “Here, come and sit down. I will make sure you have at least one real meal today.”

Still, as she is making her way to their destination, Brian pauses.

“Holly shit.” Brian says to himself.

When she turns to look at him, his gaze is on the beautiful stranger, still sitting at the counter. And the other man is watching at Brian with the same look of disbelief on his face.

 

 

 

 

October 2007 - Pittsburgh

Aidan’s POV

After having returned to America at the beginning of 2006, Aidan Cole stayed in New York and Harrisburg for 6 months before going on a new mission in Asia. In June 2006, he took off for India, where he stayed for more than a year.

The bustling streets of India was a real wonder to him, and Aidan loved to sit in a corner of the street, camera in hand as he opened his eyes to view the spectacle before him. The feelings he had and the moments he shared with the local population were really precious to him. That was his life, without strings, and if not for the feeling of not having a real home to go to at night, he knew he could carry with this life for a long time.

But at the end of September 2007, a phone call made him change his plans.

“You have to come home, she needs you,” is what his brother in law said, sounding unsure and desperate.

The words echoed in his head, like bells with endless sounds that would accompany him in his misty dreams. Because there is only one thing that could make him give up his traveler's job so quickly.

It was his home.

His sister.

So, when her husband, Samuel Miller, pleaded with him to come back, Aidan didn’t hesitate for a second. After having called his boss to warn him about having to go back to the States because of a family emergency, three days later, he was back and making his way into Pittsburgh International Airport.

His sister had moved here a year ago, after having spent all her life in Harrisburg.

She had met Samuel when she was 21. Samuel had been an intern in cardiology, who dedicated his life to his passion, medicine. Three years later, Olivia was married, with a baby on her way.

Aidan was 14 at the time, and being an uncle so young had been one of the happiest moments of his teenage years. Aidan welcomed Samuel like a big brother from the first time they met, and they shared mutual respect and admiration for each other.

Now, 19 years later, Olivia, Samuel and their two kids, Claire and Noah, had just moved to Pittsburgh where Samuel had been offered a position as Chief of Cardiology at Allegheny General Hospital.

However, it wasn't going as well as it seemed, according to Samuel. Having taken a new position in a renowned hospital, Samuel had to spend long hours there, leaving Olivia on her own. Claire, their daughter, had been admitted to Carnegie Mellon University and was living on campus, wanting to become more independent. Noah was in high school and spent a lot of time with his new friends, or when he was at home, in his room. Olivia had yet to find a part time job as a nurse, not really needing one for financial reasons, but she loved her work and she always found her own happiness sharing her time between her job, her kids, her husband and her little brother when he was there.

But as it seemed, the move had unexpected repercussions for Olivia, who, with no job and virtually no family around, was showing signs of deep depression.

Not knowing what to do with the little time he had at the moment, Samuel had called Aidan to help him, hoping that seeing her little brother would cheer his beloved wife.

The problem was, when Olivia saw him, it didn't work.

Not really.

And Aidan was worried.

Scratch that.

He was fucking scared. Because he had a feeling, a feeling he can’t explain, but he doesn’t like it.

And he hopes really badly that he’s wrong about it.

When he first saw her, Aidan couldn’t believe he was looking at his sister. She looked thinner, older, but it was her eyes, always joyful and sparkling, that hadn't even recognized him.

“Where were you? I was worried, you could have called me,” were the first words out of her mouth when she opened the door. Then, she turned back and retreated to the safety of her house, leaving Aidan on the open porch, dumbfounded.

He followed her inside.  “Livia, it’s me.” He looked at her as she paused.  “I’m back.”

She froze for a few seconds before finally turning around. All her demeanor changed.

“Aidan…” She stared at him. “Oh, God! It’s so good to see you! When did you …? Come here!” She extended her arms and he enveloped her in his strong arms, really feeling her, all small and fragile under his fingers.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” She sniffled on his shoulders, and Aidan couldn't help but worry a little more.

He had never seen her cry.

Not since their parents' death.

“Why the fuck didn’t you call me sooner?”

Aidan was furious and by the tone in his voice, Samuel had no other choice but to listen to him. He was in his office and hanging up would have only served to make his brother in law angrier, if that was possible, considering the tone of his voice.

“I didn’t realize it was so bad until recently.” Even to his own ears, that sounded like a pathetic excuse.

“What do you mean, you didn’t realize? It’s your wife, for fuck’s sake! You live with her! Or aren’t you there at all?”

“Aidan, I can’t talk to you right now, I have a consultation in five minutes.” Samuel avoided answering. “Listen, I will be at home by seven; we can talk about it then, okay?”

“If you are even five minutes late, I will come and get you and you will give me some fucking answers, capisce?” Aidan wasn't playing.

“I will be there.”

When Samuel hangs up, he puts his hands in his head and takes a deep breath.

If Aidan was reacting that way, it wasn’t good. Olivia and he had always shared a deep bound, a connection, and even if it was  his wife, he wasn’t sure he was the one who knew her the best.

So, if Aidan was freaking out right now, it was not good.

Not good at all.

“So, spill it.”

Aidan and Samuel were sitting in the living room while Olivia was resting in her room. She was obviously exhausted by her endless insomnia, as Aidan had discovered when he had seen his nephew a few hours ago, which had been the only really good moment of his day so far.

“I don’t know how to explain.”

“Just try.” Aidan was losing patience, and knew he wouldn't be so polite if his fucking brother in law didn't start to speak soon.

“Well, at first, I didn’t notice that something was wrong. I was always at the office, and I thought that her strange behavior was the consequence of our move. She had lived in Harrisburg for all her life, after all, and she left behind her friends, her work, her home…to go with me.”

Aidan nodded, encouraging Samuel to keep going.

“I thought she was going to move on. You know your sister as well as I do. She always likes to volunteer and is so full of life, so I didn’t pay attention at first. But then, I don’t know, she seemed wistful and lost and… Christ!” Samuel passed a hand through his hair.  “I should have paid attention! Fuck!”

“Hey, I don’t understand, what happened?” Aidan was more and more worried with each passing minute.

“I…After a while, Noah told me that she was weird, like she wasn’t cooking anymore, or doing the laundry, or that she was forgetting to come and get him at school, stuff like that… I thought that it was Noah being Noah. You know how all teenagers are, always criticizing their parents, and finding excuses to leave the house all the time. I realized later that Noah was the one doing the cooking, the cleaning and all the chores in the house.”

“I took Olivia to the doctor, a friend of mine, and he diagnosed her with depression. That was two months ago. He put her under meds, and I hoped it would get better. I tried to stay with her a little more, but when things didn't change, that's when I freaked out and called you…”

Aidan stared at his brother-in-law with a questioning look.

“When I called you,” Samuel continued, “I was coming home early one day and I found her, with the phone in her hand, staring at it like it was going to jump her. When I took the phone, her friend Jessie was on the other line, saying, “What’s wrong with you?  It’s me, Jessie.”  Samuel looked at the floor, lost in his memory. “It seemed that the phone didn’t stop ringing all afternoon, but Olivia never responded to it until Noah put it in her hand, tired of the noise. When I arrived a few minutes later, Olivia was just listening to Jessie and claiming that she didn’t know her and that she wanted to be left alone...”

“…The look in her eyes, Aidan, it was…I don’t know.” Samuel put his hand on his forehead. “It was like it wasn’t her at all, like she wasn’t even there.”

Fucking Christ.  Aidan couldn’t help but blame Samuel for having waited so long to call him.

But most of all, he couldn’t stop blaming himself for not being here in the first place. He hadn’t seen his sister since May 2006, and he wasn’t great with phone calls. And, if he had been honest with himself, he had sensed something the last time he saw her, too, but he thought it had been an unjustified feeling at the time, caused by the imminent move to Pittsburgh, and the resulting anxiety that could emerge in such circumstances.

Unable to think properly and feeling that his head was about to explode, Aidan made a quick decision as he rose from his chair. “I need some air.” Aidan slipped on his leather jacket and added, “Don’t wait up for me; I need to be on my own right now. I'll be back tomorrow.”

Samuel watched him with the look of an exhausted man that had just run ten miles and was pursued by the devil. “Okay.”

Aidan headed to the door and paused in front of it. “What do you think is really happening?”

His back was the only thing that Samuel could see, so didn’t see the look of fear that appeared in Aidan’s eyes when he said, “I don’t know yet. But I have a feeling it’s more than just a depression. I hope I’m wrong.” He noticed Aidan tensing perceptibly.

Closing his eyes, Aidan took a deep breath. Then he opened the front door and made his way to the gay district. Fifteen minutes later, he was walking around on Liberty Avenue and turned off his brain.

Tonight, he wanted to forget, he needed to forget. Because he knew that tomorrow would come too fast, and just thinking about it made him want to scream.

Present Time...

After a night of fucking and drinking, Aidan is exhausted. When he enters the Liberty Diner, all he wants is peace and quiet and coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.

The waitress makes him smile and he even laughs a few times, including a rant about one of his tricks last night.

The easygoing vibe he feels in this diner is refreshing. Debbie, the waitress, is definitely a person larger-than-life, and the queen he fucked last night is doing all he can to make him notice him again. If not for Debbie, he would have told him to fuck off, because he is not in the mood. But all in all, he is more amused than annoyed, which is surprising considering his state of mind.

He sips his coffee, unconsciously delaying his return to his sister’s home. He refused to think about it last night, but now, with a few hours’ sleep at one of his tricks' places, and a rush of caffeine in his blood, he knows he has to face it, whatever it is.

He is just about to rise from the bar stool he is sitting on when he hears a voice and meets the hazel eyes of someone familiar.

It takes him about two seconds to recognize him.

I can’t believe it, is all he can think as he stares at the man from the New York subway.

Brian’s POV

Since Justin’s departure, Brian has lost himself in his work. If not for the frequent visits from his friends, and a few trips to see his son in Toronto, Brian’s life would consist of four words:

Work.

Booze.

Tricks.

Loneliness.

Not necessarily in that order.

At first, he decided to live his life, day after day, without thinking of tomorrow.

Drowning.

And pretending to try to stop drowning.

The only times he felt something real, something worth fighting for, was when he saw his son and his family. And he couldn’t thank his best friend enough, because Michael has been an anchor in the last few months.

His best friend has been here nearly every day, in one way or another, either by phone or inviting himself in the loft for an impromptu marathon of “Spiderman” or James Dean’s movies, always there to cheer him up. One month after Brian’s return from New York, Michael had come to the loft, told him to pack a suitcase for a week, and had taken his friend to Toronto to see their kids.

It was the beginning of a long and hard uphill battle, one whose purpose was to bring Brian back to the land of the surviving ones, to the land of the  living ones.

But it was hard work, with relapses.

One day Michael found his friend passed out in the alley behind Babylon, and if not for the bartender who had found him while taking the garbage outside, Brian could have been robbed, or worse. That night, the only word that Brian said before passing out again in the safety of his loft, after having been carried by Ben and Michael, was his name.

“ Justin,”

Now, three months later, Brian seems to fight a little more.

A little. But he hasn’t stopped drowning yet.

When he enters the Liberty Diner, he prepares himself for the lecture he’s sure to receive from his foster mother. Debbie doesn’t deceive him, proclaiming to whoever want to hear her that he is too thin and that he isn't taking good enough care of himself.

Yeah, right.

But as a matter of fact, he is touched by her concern. He knows that she means well and that she is worried about him. Well, he can’t blame her, considering that if he was in her shoes - just the thought makes him shiver - he would be worried, too. Added to that fact is the knowledge that she had seen him often enough during his pain management campaigns over the years to know that he isn’t always the best candidate to deal with his feelings.

Well, that’s the understatement of the century.

As he follows her to the back of the diner, his eyes land on a hot man sitting at the counter. Brian doesn’t know why, but something about him seems familiar. So, when the man turns his head in his direction, visibly intending to stand up, he watches in disbelief as he recognizes the man from the subway.

“Holly shit!”

He doesn’t know why, but he starts laughing out loud; he doesn’t believe in coincidences, and yet, it has to be the biggest one in his entire life.

Everybody looks at him as he makes his way to the bar.

“Fuck me.” Aidan Cole is staring at him, dumbfounded.

“You wish!” he replies with a smirk. Ok, it’s a little bold; but hey, he is Brian Kinney, for fuck’s sake.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Aidan says, unflappable.

“Ah, the wonder of the world; it’s a good thing you were sitting, or I’m sure my mere presence would have made you fall flat on the filthy floor…” Brian quips with a smile at the corner of his lips.

“As I recall, I wasn’t the one who was spread on the floor the last time I saw you,” Aidan points out, an amused look on his face.

“Yeah, well, shut up; that’s just semantics,” Brian jokes, before asking, “So, what are you doing in fabulous Pittsburgh on this wonderful Saturday morning, besides stalking me? I always knew you had a crush on me; they all do.” Brian can't help it.

“That’s an interesting idea; but the truth is I’m trying to clear my head after too much drinking and too much tricking.”

“Ahh… Well, then, you have all my respect.” Brian takes Aidan’s cup of coffee and drinks it, scowling when he realizes there isn’t a once of sugar in it.

“And you, what are you  doing here?” Aidan can’t believe that Brian - yes, that was his name - is here.

“You mean, besides this place being where I've practically lived since I was a teenager?” Brian raises his eyebrows, a habit that Aidan recognizes immediately.

“My condolences,” Aidan jokes.

“Thank you.” Brian plays along. “Debbie, the waitress, virtually raised me.”

“That explains a lot…” Aidan is smiling.

“Excuse me?” Brian feigns to be upset.

“I said, she is a nice lady…” Aidan smirks. “She is your mother?”

“Well, she is more of a mother than the woman who gave birth to me, that’s for sure.” Why is he sharing this with a virtual stranger, Brian doesn’t know.

Just then, Aidan’s phone rings, and Brian can’t help but witness the look on the other man’s face when he sees the identity of the caller.

“I have to take this."

“No problem.” Brian stands up and joins his friends at their booth in order to give him some privacy.

As soon as he arrives at the table, Emmett assaults him.

“You know him? Aidan Cole?” Aidan Cole, yeah, that’s his name , Brian thinks as Emmett continues. “I can’t believe it. And here I thought it was the first time this beautiful stud was coming to our lovely city!” In response to Brian's puzzled look, Emmett explains, “He fucked me last night, and boy, he is a real man!  ALL man.”

Brian looks at Ted to clarify. “Multiple orgasms… and without a sound.”

“Yeah, without even some dirty talk, do you believe it? That man is a genius made just for fucking!” Emmett adds.

“Hum,” is all Brian says, and he can’t help but grin inwardly. Well done Aidan; with Emmett, though? Really?

“ So, how do you know him?” Emmett presses.

“Not any of your business, Honeycutt,” Brian retorts with a grin.

“Don’t call me Honeycutt!” Emmett answers loudly.

At this point, Aidan joins them, looking pale, and excuses himself. “I have to go,” he says to the table, even if he doesn’t know half of the people around it.

Then, looking to Brian, he adds, “It was good to see you again.”

“Likewise.” Brian holds his gaze and finally Aidan starts to move and make his way to the door of the diner. With one last look inside, and one last lingering look at Brian, he opens the door and leaves.

That is the moment that Debbie chooses to walk back to the table. She stares at all of her boys, who are sporting different looks on their faces:

A surprised look from Ted and Ben.

An envious look from Emmett.

A questioning look from Michael.

And a wondering look from Brian.

So, in contradiction to the fine lady she always presents to the rest of the world, she opens her big mouth and says:

“What the fuck was that?”

 

 

 

Aidan’s POV

As Aidan awakes the next morning, his eyes open only to find they are fighting against beaming rays of sunshine coming through the very large windows of the loft. He therefore has no other choice but to immediately shut them again. He is suffering from the worst headache of his life and doesn’t remember anything about the previous night, although he vaguely recollects that he wanted to get wasting so badly that he went to a bar on Liberty Avenue.

After that, everything is a blur, and he doesn’t even know where he is or how he made it on to this white leather sofa. One thing he knows is that he is not at his place, which means that he had to be in a very bad condition last night to let someone help him, and to make him sleep here.

Then he remembers. Not the actual evening, which is still a fog in his memory, but he remembers why he was at Woody’s in the first place.

Fuck.

“Finally, Sleeping Beauty isn’t dead after all.”

The voice startles him, snatching him from his musings. When he opens his eyes once more he is looking at the face of no other than Brian Kinney.

Brian Kinney, why the fuck do I remember his name?

“Hi, I...” He’s speechless for a moment, wondering how in the world he has encountered this man, again. “What am I doing here?” His brain isn’t very cooperative right now.

“Well, you collapsed and wouldn’t move so I had no other choice but to let you snore and drool on my sofa.”

“I don’t drool.”

The only answer he receives is a raised eyebrow.

“Fuck, I must have been pretty out of it.”

“Try totally trashed instead, and you wouldn’t even be close.”

“Fuck.” Aidan passes his hand over his face. “Was it that bad?”

“Well, you couldn’t get it up.”

“What?”

“I said...”

“I heard what you said.” Aidan says with a movement of his hand. “But... you and me? Did I try to fuck you? And failed?” The look on his face is priceless, and if not for the obvious pain the other man is in right now Brian could have played him a little more.

“No, not me. For one, I do the fucking and believe me I would have never let you without a boner”, Brian teases, “and two, you tried to fuck a twenty something boy, nice ass if you ask me, but he wasn’t very happy with your performance or lack thereof.”

“God.” Aidan is so ashamed, and to know that Brian had seen it all...

“Well, you can call me that, considering I save you from the bad mouthing he was going to spread all over Liberty Avenue about your lack of performance.”

“You did, huh?”

“Yeah. Lucky you.”

“Why am I under the impression that I’m the one having to thank you right now?”

“Hey, I couldn’t let Emmett’s numero uno stud having his reputation destroyed during a weak moment.”

Aidan scowls. ”That’s your friend, right? The one I fucked?”

“Yeah, he has a shrine in his apartment just for you ever since.” Brian jokes.

“I’m entering the Twilight zone, that’s the only explanation for all this mess.” Aidan smiles a little.

He is grateful to Brian for having played the “savior extraordinaire” this time, and he knows that putting himself in such a bad condition, drinking shot after shot of beam and starting at six o’clock, is not one of his greatest move. In fact, it’s pretty stupid. Still, he needed it yesterday, just one night of oblivion, just one night of not having to look at his sister and to see it, this disappearance, this pain, this nightmare. God help him, but he had wanted to forget. When all she wanted was to remember.

Christ.

“Hey, you okay?” Brian asks, suddenly serious.

Aidan looks up at Brian. He feels something there, between them, but neither of them wanted to acknowledge it right now.

“I...” Aidan considers a lie, but decides against it. “Not really.” Then he remembers the last few months, and wishes it was just a nightmare.

All his life, Olivia has always been a mother to Aidan, and also his best friend. She has always supporting him, even when she discovered he was gay, she made sure he felt accepted and loved. Their shared history has bonded them forever, a brother and a sister, two souls that nobody could split, even if thousands of miles separate them a lot of the time.

When Aidan understood that something was seriously wrong with his sister, back in October, he was on a mission. After having lost himself last time in the gay district and having put his thoughts in order, he took charge of the situation.

He spent some time with his sister, and noticed a few odds things. She seemed confused sometimes, forgetting words or showing difficulties doing everyday things. She didn’t sleep because of insomnia, whereas she had always slept like a rock. Nothing too obvious, but for her brother, who knew her so well, it was disturbing. So, he decided to go to her doctor’s appointment with her.

The doctor, a bald man in his fifties, asked Olivia how she was feeling, or if she had any side effects with the treatment he had prescribed. Tiredness and anxiety, confusion or slurred speech could be observed in rare cases and Aidan was relieved by the doctor’s revelations, having been the witness of Olivia’s strange behavior in the last few days.

“It’s not common to have these side effects for a person of your age, but it happens sometimes. So, I will try and change your medication, and we will see each other again in a few weeks.”

“And what if the meds don’t change anything?” Aidan couldn’t help but ask.

“Then we will do some other tests. But don’t worry; I’m sure we won’t have to do that. We just have to find the right medication.” Then addressing Olivia, he added. “You need to sleep more; I will give you a mild sleeping pill, which purpose is to help you relax before going to bed.”

“Isn’t it too much? I mean sleeping pills and anti-depressant?” Aidan was not sure he liked it, even if it was for his sister wellbeing.

“Aidan, it’s okay.” Olivia didn’t like to see her brother so worried.

“Don’t worry, I have many patients who are medicated, and they’re happier with their lives now than when they came and saw me the first time”, the doctor reassured them before standing up, meaning that the consultation was over, “and one thing at a time. One, we treat the depression, and two, we will see about taking you off the meds, but it’s not going to be anytime soon.” Then as if it was an afterthought, he adds. “And you should consider seeing a psychologist, it might help you.”

“No.” Olivia was adamant.

“Your choice, but it could really help you.” the doctor insisted.

“I said no.”

The doctor frowned “Okay, as you wish.”

“Thank you, doctor.” Aidan helped his sister stand up, shook the doctor’s hand and lead Olivia to the door.

“And come see me in a few weeks, we will see how you feel by then.” The doctor reminded her.

She tensed slightly, though it was enough for Aidan to feel it. He frowned and looks at her, all small and fragile. As the two siblings made their way out of the building, Aidan couldn’t help feeling a weight had been lift from his shoulders and he hoped that they will be okay.

In the weeks that followed Aidan had no other choice than to go back in India. His employer, Robert Bale, owner of an independent journal delivered all over the word, was an understanding man, and also a friend. He hadn’t protested when Aidan had called him announcing that he had to come back to Pittsburgh because of a family emergency and Aidan was grateful for that.

Although his decision to move to Pittsburgh was made, in order to be closer to his sister, he couldn’t leave his employer without a man in the field, at least not until Robert found a suitable replacement. So, begrudgingly, he took a flight to New Delhi at the end of October, with a promise to his sister and his brother-in-law to be back as soon as possible.

For the first time in his life, he didn’t find the peace he was accustomed to when he put a foot on the Indian’s pavement of the airport. All he wanted was to get back on the plane and to go back to his sister. That’s when he knew he really wanted to go home. Not because he was feeling obligated, or because of his sister’s condition, even if it counted, but because he really wanted to be next to her and her family, and to stop this life of being on the roads every day. After having enjoyed it for more than ten years, he had finally had enough.

He had to stay a little longer than he had thought, and by the end of January he was still there, and getting pretty impatient. Samuel had found him a place to live not far from their house and he couldn’t wait to be there. When Robert called him a few days later to tell him that he could go home, he was relieved and ready.

So, two days later he left his life of traveling behind him and boarded a plane.

He was going home.

Admittedly, he was a little scared about what he was going to find there, but he truly wasn’t prepared for what was to come.

When he saw his sister for the first time in three months, he knew. He didn’t know how or why he had this feeling of doom which enfolded him, but it was there, intangible and inescapable. She was disappearing right in front of him and he couldn’t do anything to stop her.

Samuel hadn’t taken her to see the doctor because Olivia was resisting, like she didn’t want to know what was happening to her or like she already knew that she wasn’t going to get better with more meds or a shrink, or that she wasn’t going to get better, at all.

So, Aidan convinced her to see other doctors and specialists, sensing that something was seriously wrong with his sister. Regrettably, there weren’t any doctors who could tell him what was happening to her. In addition, Olivia wasn’t really cooperative, making the situation much more complicated.

Finally, her doctor referred her to a neurologist, who ordered a PET scan and an MRI for the beginning of March, after having seen her once and making her pass a test.

Aidan couldn’t help. He told himself that this was not a good sign and unfortunately he was right.

The news has the effect of a bomb.

His beautiful sister, his mother, his best friend, has Alzheimer’s.

Fucking Alzheimer’s at forty-three.

He can’t believe it. It’s worse that any scenario he had imagined.

Alzheimer’s.

Fuck.

The doctor explains that Alzheimer's disease is a neurodegenerative disorder that causes progressive and permanent damage to the nerve cells, causing the most common form of dementia. Of course, this disease is common in the elderly and much rarer in a younger person. It is due to the accumulation of abnormal proteins in the brain and while some symptoms can be treated, there is no cure.

No cure.

It explains all the odds behaviors of course: memory loss, difficulties to perform daily tasks, problems with language, loss of motivation, disorientation...

God, how is that possible?

Why is it happening to her?

Why her?

That day, for the first time in his life, Aidan feels a pain like never before, mixed with other feelings:

Loss.

Uselessness.

Helplessness.

Still he doesn’t show it. Not yet.

He held his sister in his arms for a long time that day. She doesn’t cry, just grips him with all her strength and he holds her, again and again.

In the days that follow, he was always by her side; trying to make her laugh, while knowing she has to learn to live all over again, with new rules, new methods and new constraints. He stayed with her and Samuel; sensing when Claire and Noah arrive home, that neither, Olivia nor Samuel will have the courage to tell them that all their lives will be altered forever. So, he does, and when tears spill from their beautiful eyes, he isn’t sure he isn’t crying himself. He looked intently at his sister, who shows her gratitude by holding his stare as silent tears running down her cheeks.

He left them on their own afterwards and that night all he wanted was to forget.

So, he headed in direction of Liberty Avenue and by eight o’clock, he is already wasted; finally forgetting, even if just for a short time.

Brian’s POV

When Brian wakes up in the morning, after a restless night, filled with various thoughts about his life and various dreams about a blond angel, he is confused for a second when he observes Aidan Cole, spread not so beautifully on his white leather sofa. As he approaches with a soft step, he has flashes of the night before and of the events that brought them here, at this instant; with him standing up, wearing nothing but black underwear, inside his not so warm loft, and Aidan, fully dressed in front of him, snoring softly and even drooling on the not so cold material under his face. The scene would be comical if Brian didn’t have the impression that he was on a fucking drama show in the first place, where the drowning hero had just met another drowning hero, to make sure they could share their painful experiences with each other and that they could cry endlessly on each other shoulders. Okay, so it is not really a drama, but more a scene from a comical play, or even worse, a romantic comedy, when two people in love with other people just find out in the end that they really were made for each other. Christ, stop taking drugs Kinney, it makes your thoughts fucking disturbing.

Brian heads to the bathroom where he takes a long and leisurely shower in order to clear his foggy thoughts, and after having slipped on a pair of dark jeans and a white tee shirt (Armani of course), he makes his way to the kitchen to put the coffee maker on. Then, he goes in search of the daily newspaper and finally, he sits on a bar stool and begins to read the news.

Ten minutes later Brian is getting impatient and begins to ask himself if his guest isn’t indeed in a deep coma, considering he has been asleep for ten hours straight now. It’s nine in the morning and the sunshine is pouring through the loft windows, bright and flooding the wooden floor.

He gets closer with a cup of coffee in his hand and just as he is about to enter the open space of the sitting room he sees Aidan, obviously wincing. Whether it’s because of the rising sun, or, and it’s his best guess, more likely because of the throbbing headache he must feel right now.

“Finally, Sleeping Beauty isn’t dead after all.” Brian can’t help but drawl, even if he knows the man must regret having being so fucking stupid with his booze.

Aidan seems surprised to see him. Well, he should be, because Brian really doubts that he remembers a thing about the night before.

“Hi, I...What am I doing here?” Aidan mumbles.

Brian can’t help it and smiles inwardly. This will be too easy. “Well, you collapsed and wouldn’t move so I had no other choice but to let you snore and drool on my sofa.”

“I don’t drool,” Aidan scowls. The look on his face is priceless.

Brian’s only answer is to quirk an eyebrow.

Aidan sighs in defeat. “Fuck, I must have been pretty out of it.”

Yeah, blind drunk and totally wasted, and it’s not even covering up.“Try totally trashed instead, and you wouldn’t even be close." Brian confirms.

“Fuck...That bad?” Aidan squirms.

Now the good part, Brian muses, before dropping the bomb. “Well, you couldn’t get it up.”

“What?” If Brian thought that Aidan’s face was priceless before, now, it’s truly invaluable.

“I said...” Brian starts, but Aidan cuts him off.

“I heard what you said...but...you and me? Did I try to fuck you? And failed?” Aidan laments. Seeing the man so contrite makes Brian want to laugh out loud. It takes all his willpower to stop himself from refraining himself. He finally decides to shorten Aidan's suffering, and reassures him that his secret, or rather his shame, is safe.

As the conversation flows, Brian observes the man. He seems lost, like he doesn’t know what to do with his life, like he is preparing himself for the pain he’s sure is coming, and tries his best to hide it. Brian feels a connection here, because he can feel the pain of the other man, having been here himself too many times.

“Hey, you okay?” Brian asks, suddenly serious.

“I...” the man takes a deep breath and says “Not really.”

No shit.

“You want to talk about it?” When he hears his own voice Brian can’t help thinking that it’s him who is entering the Twilight zone now. Really Kinney, you want to talk and not about the weather, but about pain? That’s it, I’m fucking losing it, I’m good to lock up in the asylum.

“I...”

Brian waits, half hoping Aidan will say no, while another part of his brain doesn’t cooperate with this feeling.

After that, I call Mikey and ask him to lock me up, that’s official.

 

 

 

Meantime at Ben and Michael’s house

Michael’s POV

When Michael wakes up, the morning after their aborted night at Woody’s, his husband is standing in the kitchen, a cup of tea in his hands and glasses on his aquiline nose, reading a book as he does every morning while the house is quiet. Usually at this time Michael would already be at work on a Saturday, but today isn’t a usual Saturday. Michael has taken the day off. He arranged for a student, who he employs part-time and who likes working extra hours in his comic book store to cover for him, as he thought he could use a little rest after the night they’d planned. So, he joins his husband in the kitchen.

“How are you feeling?” Ben greets him with a peck on his lips.

“Good. You?” Michael answers.

“I’m okay. I am just finishing reading this book for my next class.” Ben nods, indicating the book in his hands.

“Great. And do you think we could, I don’t know, maybe enjoy ourselves with others activities?” Michael asks, as he displays a big goofy smile on his face, while his husband takes him in his arms.

“That’s an interesting idea.” Ben smiles.

“Well, I’m an interesting man.” Michael declares.

“Yeah, you are.” Ben leans closer, inhaling deeply.

They share a kiss, a prelude of what is to come.

Then Ben looks at his husband and smiles. “Have you called Brian yet?”

“No.” Michael responds with a slight shake of his head.

“Well, do it now, I will be waiting in the bedroom, or would you prefer we take a shower?” Ben questions.

“Hum, I think I could enjoy a really good, hot, shower.” Michael teases, emphasizing the word ‘hot'.

Ben laughs, “Ok, hurry up,” before heading upstairs.

Michael takes the phone into the kitchen and presses the keypad to enter one of the three numbers he knows by heart, the other two being his mother’s and his husband’s numbers.

“What?” Is the welcoming greeting from his friend when he answers the phone, after a few rings. Okay, a lot of rings.

“Hello to you too. Had a busy night?” Michael quips.

“Michael.” Brian says as a way of greeting.

“Yeah, who did you think it would be?” Michael retorts.

“The Pope of course.” Brian sounds sarcastic this morning.

“Of course... So, is your guest still there?” Michael asks.

“Yeah.”

“And?” Michael pushes, curious as to what transpired the night before, after their departure.

“And what?” Brian’s antagonism of being a communicative man this morning is clear.

“Oh, I don’t know, did he explain to you his exploits from last night?” Michael is really curious, knowing it’s not every day that his best friend helps another unknown human being. In fact, if he thinks about it, he’s not sure it has ever happened before. Okay, maybe, a few times...

“No.” No such luck Michael.

“You’re very eloquent this morning.” Michael tries to get his friend to talk, but it’s more difficult than making a monkey sing.

“You noticed?” Brian sardonically replies.

“Yeah.” Michael waits, and after admitting to himself that it is obvious his friend is not going to confide in him any time soon, he adds, “so, you’re okay?”

The reply is in the form of a snort, and then nothing. Michael isn’t sure his friend hasn’t hang up on him.

Asshole...

“Brian?”

“I have to go,” is the unexpected answer - or expected; it just depends on which side of the fence you’re standing.

Now, Michael is beginning to get pissed. “Okay.”

“I will call you later.” Brian promises.

“Okay.” That’s surprising.

“Michael.” Brian insists and he finally gets it.

“Yeah, okay, I get it, you’re not alone and you can’t exactly talk right night, and I’m just the dumb friend in this play.” Michael resumes what he thinks to be an accurate thought.

“You’re a little slow, but there’s still hope”, Michael can hear Brian’s grin all over the phone, “which is a relief.”

“Fuck you.” Michael half reprehends, half smiles.

“Bye Mikey.” Then he’s gone, leaving Michael with the phone in his hands, asking himself: what are you doing, Brian?

Brian’s POV

When the phone starts ringing just as Aidan is about to answer his question, Brian doesn’t know if he must feel relieved or pissed.

Definitively pissed, considering the phone doesn’t stop ringing until he picks up.

“What?” He barks into the phone.

Of course, he should have predicted that his best friend wouldn’t be able to wait before calling him and asking him about the latest gossip happening in his life. Okay, so the only gossip in his life, since there wasn’t anything really exhilarating happening these days.

After having hang up with his best friend, not without the promise of calling him back, Brian turns back to his... what exactly? Not friends, not lovers, merely acquaintances really.

“I should go.” Aidan seems unsure of how to proceed during this “morning after”. No surprise there, considering he almost puked in Brian’s arms. There are better ways to get acquainted.

“You’re sure?” Brian questions with a frown. Why does he give a fuck anyway?

“Well, I’ve already taken too much of your time and I don’t want to be an imposition.” Aidan declares as he stands up from the couch.

“You don’t...you’re not...I mean”, Shut up, or this guy will think you’re a good Samaritan, or worse, that you’re actually nice. But that thought doesn’t stop Brian from specifying, “Believe me, if I wanted you gone, you’d be gone.”

“Yeah, I believe you.” Aidan looks at him. “I... Can I take a shower? I stink.”

“Over there”, Brian points at the bedroom. “It’s the door in the back; there are clean towels and an extra toothbrush under the sink.”

“Thanks.” Aidan gives him a nod.

Brian’s gaze follows Aidan as he makes his way to the bathroom, and closes the door. Then, frowning, the brunet returns to the kitchen and waits for his companion, while he finishes reading the newspaper.

Twenty minutes later when Aidan comes back into the living room, Brian just stares at him.

Aidan is only wearing his jeans and the impromptu show is nothing but spectacular. His body is lean, yet muscular; dark complexion, broad shoulders, flat stomach with firm abs and a toned chest. Drops of water are falling from his dark blond hair. He looks really edible. More than edible. Fuckable .

Slow down Kinney, the man isn’t up for it.  Yet...

“I was wondering if I could borrow a shirt, mine isn’t really wearable.” Aidan asks him, a vulnerable look on his face.

Brian swallows. “You sure you want to put a shirt on?” The questioning look on Aidan’s face makes Brian smiles. “Don’t play the prudish little girl with me. You know you’re fucking hot.” A blunt approach has always been Brian’s philosophy.

Aidan blushes, visibly not knowing what to say. It’s kind of cute.

Brian decides to put an end to the man’s misery while searching for a shirt. “I can’t help it, teasing is second nature to me.”

That makes Aidan smile, finally.

“You’re quite a character you know,” Aidan states while staring intently at him. “I noticed it the first time I saw you.” The man takes the clothes Brian gives him.

“Yeah, that’s me, while you are the “Savior extraordinaire”, I’m the unforgettable man and if you need proof, all you have to do is ask around. All the lucky fags in this burg could tell you how unforgettable I really am.” Brian quips.

Aidan keeps staring at him, making the temperature rise suddenly. “I’m sure.”

It’s fucking hot in here. Focus Kinney.

Brian breaks the stare as Aidan begins to put the shirt over his head. If he had kept looking, he fears he might just have forgotten his good intentions and he would have to fuck the other man right here and right now, and since when does Brian Kinney takes in consideration other’s feelings? Fuck, I’m getting old. Or worse, I’ve being contaminated.

And he can’t help but think of him.

Justin.

Brian closes his eyes for a second. Thinking of Justin always brings a hurtful pang in his chest.

Therefore, he decides to refocus his thoughts. “You’re hungry?”

Aidan seems to consider his words, before answering, “Actually, yeah.”

“Okay, let me get a jacket and let’s go.” Brian offers.

Ten minutes later, Brian is parking the ‘Vette in front of the Diner.

Aidan’s POV

Aidan doesn’t know how to feel when he hears the phone ringing. Brian finally responds to it, giving him a reprieve and a few more minutes to gather his thoughts. His sister has been the only thing on his mind these past few weeks so he allows himself to analyze his glorious night of drinking instead.

Glorious in his absurdity, I’m sure, Aidan muses. As for the rest, he truly doesn’t remember anything and that is saying a lot about his state of mind the night before, because as far as he can remember, this kind of blackout happened to him only once, when he was young and inexperienced.

He is relieved that Brian was the one who have helped him when he was in no condition to take care of himself. If not for him, Aidan doesn’t know what could have happened. However, he knows he has spoiled the other man’s evening with his friends and he is sorry for that, but grateful. He should really leave the man in peace now.

“I should go,” he finally announces.

The other man’s reaction is not what he expected and he can’t help but being glad that Brian doesn’t want to get rid of him at the first opportunity. He even takes a long, hot and enjoyable shower, and for a minute he is in heaven. He soon realizes that he doesn’t have any clean clothes with him. His jeans will do, but his shirt is too dirty to wear again.

When he returns from the bathroom, with only his jeans on, he unconsciously knows how Brian will react. He is aware of the effect he has on other men, and he has a feeling Brian will be no exception. But he is fucked up this morning, so he doesn't really think about it before seeing the look on Brian’s face. A stare that makes him hot. Really hot.

“You sure you want to put a shirt on?” Brian speaks. In front of Aidan’s gaze, he adds, “Don’t play the prudish little girl with me. You know you’re fucking hot.”

Aidan feels himself blushing. God, I can’t believe it, I look like a girl with a crush. Aidan, for fuck’s sake, get a grip.

“I can’t help it, teasing is second nature to me.” Brian reveals with a grin.

Aidan smiles. No shit.

“You’re quite a character, you know?” Brian’s gaze is on him, and Aidan keeps staring at him, seemingly unable to stop. Brian answers something about being unforgettable, and Aidan feels like he is hypnotized, and doesn’t think before saying, “I’m sure.” Fuck, it’s hot in here.

Fortunately, Brian breaks his stare and Aidan proceeds to put the shirt on. When Brian asks him if he is hungry, Aidan understands that he is giving him, or them, a way out.

A few minutes later, at the Diner

“Look who’s here! Over here!” Debbie’s loud voice greets them from a booth in the middle of the diner.

“Shit. We can never have a moment in peace in this burg.” Brian mumbles.

“Aren’t they your friends?” Aidan looks at the booth, where he recognizes two of the three men from his last visit in the Diner.

“Friends? What Friends? I don’t have friends.” Brian tells him, looking serious, if not for the mischievous gleam in his eyes.

“Sure you have Mr. Almighty. Come here and sit down, will you?” Debbie slaps his head.

“Ouch, Debbie, that’s a nasty habit you have. You should consult a professional, because you must have had a serious trauma for you to have a kink like that,” Brian declares, as he scowls and touches his head.

“Shut up and sit down with your friends, asshole.” Debbie barks. Emmett, Ted and Blake are watching the scene, amused. And Aidan just watches Debbie, obviously asking himself if she’s real. Then she turns towards him, “Hello Sweetie.”

Sweetie? Does she really think he is the sweet kind of guy? Aidan inwardly cringes. “Hello Debbie.”

She looks at him and recognizes him. “You’re Emmett’s idol! I remember you.”

Please, if anybody tells me once more that I’d fucked this guy, I’m digging a hole, I swear.

Debbie looks between him and Brian with a wondering look on her face and then finally, she goes to take other customer’s orders.

“Hi Aidan, it’s so good to see you again!” Emmett greets him, while Ted and Blake smile at him.

Brian and Aidan are still standing. “Hi Emmett, hi guys.” Aidan answers.

“You remember my name?” Emmett turns and looks at Ted. He puts his hand on his heart while he feigns crying. “He remembers my name. Do you believe it? It’s better than Christmas!”

Ted and Blake laugh.

In front of Emmett’s obvious exaggeration, Brian reassures Aidan. “Don’t mind him, he is a little proud and loud, but he is a real queen, and has a reputation to uphold.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Aidan smiles. “So Emmett, would you do something for me?”

“Do you really have to ask?” Emmett teases.

“Well, I think that’s the polite thing to do, considering we’re all good citizens and all...” Aidan responds with a smirk.

Emmett’s eyes grow wide. “You remember that?”

“Well, you’re hard to forget, you know.” Aidan quips.

“Are you implying that I’m not the subtle type?” Emmett plays along.

“Something like that.” Aidan seems to be enjoying the tongue-in-cheek banter. “So, considering you seem to be a fashion queen, can you tell me where are the places to go to buy decent clothes in Pittsburgh?”

Brian thinks he’s hallucinating. “You’re asking him? Really? Are you insane?” He asks as he touches Aidan’s forehead for good measures.

Aidan laughs, making a move to push Brian’s hand off his face. “Fuck you!”

Brian smiles. The others just stare at the two men, who seem oblivious to the incredulous looks they are receiving.

“Okay, game over.” Brian announces. “It was a nice interlude boys, but I’m starving, so, if you’ll excuse us...” Then he heads to an empty booth, far away from them.

“Well, it was nice to see you again.” Aidan bids goodbye to the three men and follows Brian.

Ted’s the first to speak “Did you see that?”

“Yeah.” Blake confirms.

“Seems that Brian has made a new friend.” Emmett says.

“A friend. Sure.” Ted seems to think about it for a few seconds. “They’re going to fuck...”

“Yeah, it’s a safe bet. The real question is when?” Emmett searches in his pocket and comes out with a twenty dollar bill and puts it on the table. “So Teddy, what’s your prognostic?”

Brian’s POV

As they make their way to the last booth, Brian releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Submitting Aidan to his friends's inquiry hasn’t been his intention when he decided to come with him to the diner, and he is grateful that they have refrained from questioning Aidan, without Brian having to intervene and threaten them with a slow and painful death.

Aidan seems more relaxed, and Brian is feeling quite proud of himself. It seems that his attempts at cheering the man up have been successful after all.

“So, what can I get you?” Raising his gaze, he meets the not so sincere smile of his foster mother, who obviously didn’t get the memo about minding her own business. Intimidating people is hard work and intimidating Debbie is like wanting to make Mikey stop whining. In other words, it’s impossible.

“I will take a coffee and white eggs.” Brian declares. Debbie takes his order and waits for Aidan’s.

“May I have orange juice, coffee, fried eggs with bacon, and French toast?” Aidan raises his piercing green eyes and looks at her, a big smile on his face. “Please, Debbie.”

Brian smirks. Well done Aidan, now, she will think you’re one of her lost boy. You don’t know what you’re in for.

However, Brian notices that it seems to have deflected her from her first goal, which undoubtedly was to pry into his personal life. “Sure thing Honey, I will be right back.” Debbie gives him one of her most shining smile and moves away to another table.

Thank God.

Brian looks at Debbie’s retreating form, before leaning over the table and snapping his finger in front of Aidan’s face. “So, do you feel better already?”

Aidan, who seems lost in his own thoughts, turns his head and looks at him. “Yeah, I’m feeling human again, and that’s a really good feeling.” He looks down at his hands and finally peers up. “I really want to thank you for all you’ve done for me in the past twelve hours.”

Brian’s squirming under the intense stare of the other man. He’s not exactly used to that kind of gratitude. “It’s nothing.” Yeah, really nothing, considering it’s the first time I helped a drunk man in a bar, other than my friends. Wait, have I already helped them, even once?

“No, you’re wrong,” Aidan insists. “It means a lot to me.” Aidan then covers Brian’s hand with his own, tightening his grip briefly before releasing him.

The spark that Brian feels all over his body at the mere contact is disturbing. What the fuck?

“You must be curious about the reason for my pity party yesterday?” Aidan questions.

Brian, who is still fixing his hand, gazes up and nods, encouraging Aidan to continue.

“I... Well, I just learned that my sister has Alzheimer’s.” Aidan pauses, letting the words enter Brian’s brain. “Considering Olivia is my only family and that she is only forty-three, it hit me hard. I needed to forget for one night, which is pretty ironic when you think about it.”

“Your parents?” Brian inquires.

“They died when I was seven. Olivia took care of me after that. She became my foster mother, like Debbie is yours, except not with the exactly same personality.” Aidan tries to joke.

Brian makes a quick deduction that would explain Aidan sudden appearance in Pittsburgh. “She lives here?”

“Yeah, she moved here last year. Her husband is a Cardiologist at Allegheny Hospital.”

Brian doesn’t really know what to say after that. He doesn’t know much about the disease, except what everybody else knows. He can’t imagine what it feels like having someone you love, slowly, but surely being swept away from you.

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. For the moment I have to be here for her. I can’t think beyond that, though.” Aidan reveals.

“Well, if you need anything...” Brian takes his wallet out of his pocket and pulls out a card. “Just give me a call.”

Aidan takes it. Just as he is about to speak, Debbie appears with a tray. “Here Sweetie, your coffee, eggs and bacon, and French toast,” she places every dish on the table. “And your orange juice.” She then addresses Brian, “and you, here.” She put a coffee, eggs and wholemeal bread in front of him.

“I didn’t order that.” Brian says, pointing to the wholemeal bread with his finger.

“I know, but you’re not taking enough care of yourself, so just eat it and stop whining, you sound like my son.” With that retort, she turns on her heels and rushes to the kitchen.

When Brian recovers from her diatribe, he realizes Aidan is trying to stop himself from laughing, and failing.

“Fuck you,” Brian declares but chuckles nonetheless, before putting a large slice of wholemeal bread in his mouth.

 

 

 

 

 

Two months later - May 2008 – Pittsburgh

Ted’s POV

That last year had been a very busy time for Kinnetik. Busy and Profitable. Ted Schmidt considered himself a lucky man, being the CFO of such a flourishing company and having a beautiful life partner by his side.

His boss is a genius in advertising. In fact, Brian Kinney is a genius in a lot of areas, and more than that, he is first and foremost a good friend.

Ted has witnessed the changes in his friend over the last few years. At first, like many others, all Ted saw in Brian was the endless club boy who made a point to show the world the narcissistic, heartless bastard he could sometimes be. “You’re all you have, you’re all you’ve got”, was a philosophy that Ted didn’t understand for a long time, thinking that it was just a way to assume the selfishness that came with the man. Now he knows he was wrong, the years having brought him a new insight in to the other man’s life; in fact, if he was to define the word “antonym” for Ted the example would be Brian Kinney and selflessness.

If not for Brian, Ted knows he wouldn’t be where he is today. The man saved him, literally, offering him a job when no one else would.  Even if Brian never admitted wanting to help him in the first place, instead in true Kinney fashion saying it served his owns interests, Ted knew the truth. What Ted found difficult to understand was the fact that his friend had wanted to hide it, and chose to be seen as an arrogant bastard rather than who he really was, a fucked up, but generous man. Working with Brian has helped him understand the man beneath the image, yet, it is still difficult to figure him out sometimes.

This last year has been hard for his friend. Justin’s departure nearly broke him and Ted couldn’t do anything, but be there for him, especially when Brian was too fucked up to come to work. It didn’t happen more than a few times, Brian wasn’t stupid enough to jeopardize what he worked so hard for, but when it did, Ted was there to cover for him and to offer his support, in one way or another.

Brian was grateful for that. Of course, he never admitted it to Ted, or he would have had to fire him, but Ted knew it.

He remembers the conversation they had three weeks ago, when Brian had just seen Jennifer by accident. Ted was going to Brian’s office on a Monday morning, wanting to greet his boss at the beginning of the week as usual, when Cynthia stopped him in the corridor.

“Ted.” She looked annoyed. Or pissed. Or both.

“Cynthia, you look lovely today.  How are you this morning?” Ted greeted her cheerfully.

“Could be better,” was the fleeting reply.

Under Ted’s questioning gaze, she volunteered, “Brian. He’s in a foul mood this morning.”

“Meaning…?” Ted questioned.

“He already threatened to fire Anna, the new assistant, and it’s not even nine yet,” she complained.

“I see.” Ted replied with a nod, frowning.

“Good luck,” Cynthia says with a not so sincere smile on her lips, before turning on her heels and heading toward her own office.

“Hum.” Ted responded absently.

He headed to Brian’s office and knocked on the door before walking in without waiting for an answer.

Brian was at his desk, on the phone. His left hand was on his face, his elbow on the desk, his eyes closed. A dilated vein caused by the tension in his body was clearly noticeable on his neck. He seemed ready to explode, literally.

“Listen Marty… are you listening?” Brian called, in a very calm, very cold voice. “Good…now, if you don’t show up in thirty minutes with the boards I want, you will have the pleasure to know what it feels like to be thrown out the door, without a pen or a stick of gum to take along with you, but only your poor little ass to fall onto. So, if you don’t want to be fucking unemployed by the end of the day and have to stand in line for hours at the Employment office, you will do as I say, understand?” Then without waiting for an answer, he slammed the intercom off and put his hands on his face as he sighed frustratedly.

“Hum, Brian?” Ted called. He really was a courageous man.

However, Brian didn’t react at all.

Still standing by the door, Ted decided to dare approach the desk, to try again get a response. “Brian?”

A sigh. Better than nothing Ted supposed. He repeated his friend’s name, loudly. “Brian!”

“What?” Brian barked, a murderous look on his face, but Ted was used to it. No luck boss.

“You okay?” Ted inquired, eyeing an invisible point on the opposite wall, like he was having a silent conversation with himself. He then seemed to focus again. “No, scratch that, I think it’s obvious you’re not, considering you managed to threaten to fire two people already, and it‘s…” he looked down at his watch. “Five to nine. Whoa! Boss, even for you, it has to be a record.”

“Fuck off, Theodore.” Brain snapped without glancing at him as he stood up to fetch himself a glass of water.

“No.” Ted courageously responded.

“No?” Brian turned around, glaring at him.

“You know your threats don’t work on me, or I would be long gone by now.” Ted stated.

Brian seemed to ponder Ted’s words. “Shit, I lost my touch,” he mused, frowning.

“Yeah.” Ted agreed with a nod. Brian raised an eyebrow, looking fucking intimidating, and making Ted squirm. “Or, not so much."

Brian almost grinned.

“So, care to tell me what is happening to you?” The CFO cut right to the point.

All he got was a sigh. Then silence. Patience is a virtue. Especially when your boss is Brian Kinney.

“I saw Jennifer this morning,” Brian disclosed after several seconds.

Oh shit.

“You mean, Justin’s mom?” Ted questioned, although it’s really a stupid question.

“Yeah,” Brian confirmed.

“Oh.” Double shit. “And?” Ted pushed.

“And what?” Brian barked.

“You want to tell me about it?” Ted asked, knowing full well what was going be his friend’s answer.

“No.” Of course.

“No?” Ted echoed. He is a really, really brave man.

“No.” Brian repeated, but his voice sounds weaker somehow.

Now, it was Ted’s turn quirk an eyebrow, while holding Brian’s stare.

Brian was the first to break eye contact. “Fuck.”

Ted smiled. He knew he had won this one.

The two men went to sit on the couch. Brian lowered his head and peered down at his joined hands resting on his lap.

Taking a deep breath, he disclosed, “I had to stop at the store this morning to pick up the newspaper. My fucking deliverer is sick or whatever. So, I stopped on my way here and... I saw her.”

Ted didn’t say anything, knowing his friend would speak when he was ready.

“It was awkward to say the least." Brian continued. "I mean, what do you say to your ex mother-in-law, anyway?” He paused, before resuming. "I don’t know why, I asked her about Justin…” He barked out a laugh. “With ideas like that, I should really try BDSM.”

“You didn’t?” Ted couldn’t help but ask. Under Brian’s now intimating gaze, he added hastily, gesturing with his hand, “Sorry, go on.”

Brian stared at him for a few more seconds, before revealing, “She told me he was fine, happy and that he was having, and I quote “the time of his life.” Brian laughed sarcastically. “After that, she had the good grace to look confused and to tell me he missed me, and that it was hard for him to be so far away. But from where I stood, she was just trying to be nice.”

“Brian.” Ted tried to interrupt him at this point, without success.

“And I know it was what we wanted and that I should be happy for him… and I am. I’m fucking proud of him.” Brian professed with a sigh. “Fuck, why am I being such a prick?”

“Brian.” Ted cut him off.

“What?” Brian mumbled.

“It’s okay to feel what you feel.” Ted declared in a kind voice.

“What, being a heartless bastard who can’t be happy for his ex?” Brian replied sarcastically.

“No." Ted refuted with a shake of his head. "To feel like you would rather be with him, than away from him. To feel like you’re happy for him, and yet, you’d rather he was happy by your side.” Ted paused, letting the words sink in. “It’s a feeling everyone would experience in such circumstances Brian. You’re only human.”

Brian just stared at him for a moment.

“Me, only human?” Brian scowled. “That’s kind of insulting.” Brian was always uncomfortable when he talked about his feelings. Ted knew it, yet he also knew that Brian had listened to every word he'd just said.

As if to validate Ted’s thoughts, Brian stated, “You’re really eloquent when I’m pissed, you know that?”

Ted smiled, proud to be able to help his friend.

Brian began, “You’re aware…”

Ted interrupted him. “Yeah, I know, you’ll have to fire me after that.”

“I was going to say that you’ll have to be murdered. I couldn’t risk having you spilling nonsense all over Liberty Avenue with that big mouth of yours,” Brian countered.

“Well, thanks for the warning.” Ted said, standing up and making his way to the door.

“You’re welcome…and Theodore?”

“What?” Ted stopped and turned around.

“Thanks.” Brian’s face was open and vulnerable, reflecting that he was grateful for his friend’s intervention.

Ted answered with a nod, and walked out of Brian’s office.

Yes. Brian Kinney was his friend, and he was proud of it.

That conversation happened three weeks ago. In the meantime, Kinnetik has won a new client, and Brian is currently having lunch with their CEO.

Ted is at his desk preparing a memo about the last four months budget reports when Cynthia calls him through the intercom.

“Ted, there’s someone at the front desk, who says he knows Brian,” she informs him.

“Really? What does he look like?” Ted inquires.

“Tall, dark complexion, dark blond hair, green eyes, in other words, to die for," Cynthia reports." I really should have been a man.”

“Why do you say that?” Ted asks as he grabs a file in his desk.

“He’s gay,” Cynthia announces.

“And you know this because…?” Ted insists, opening the folder in his hand.

“He didn’t look at my attractive deep neckline." Cynthia informs Ted. "He must be gay. If he’s not, I swear I’m becoming a lesbian.”

Ted laughs. “Ok, I will be there in a minute.” Then he rises from his chair, and heads to the door.

When he enters the lobby, all he can see is the man’s back, but he recognizes him immediately. It’s the man from the Diner, the one Emmett and he thought was going to become Brian’s what? Trick? Lover? Well, as far as he knows, the two men hadn’t seen each other ever since.

“Hi.” Ted greets him. The man nearly jumps before turning around, seemingly startled. Ted extends his hand. “You’re Aidan, right? I’m Theodore Schmidt.”

Aidan shakes his hand and volunteers, “Yeah, I remember you. You were at the Liberty Diner, right?”

“Right. I’m also Brian’s CFO. He isn’t here right now, but maybe I can help you in the meantime?” Ted offers.

“Hum, yeah, maybe.” Aidan hesitates.

“Well, come on. My office is this way.” Ted leads Aidan through the open space and to his office. “Have a sit.” Ted indicates the extra chair next to his desk. Once Aidan is sitting, he asks, “So, what do you need? I presume if you accepted to follow me to my office, it must be work related?” Ted has to admit, he’s curious as to why the man is here.

“Yeah, it is.” Aidan responds, seemingly uncomfortable. “Brian gave me his card, back when we ate at the Diner,” Aidan begins. “And he told me to call him if I needed anything.”

His eyes are the most beautiful green Ted can’t help but think.

“I am looking for a job, or more precisely for some works. I’m working freelance. I’m a photographer. So, I was wondering…” Aidan explains with a gesture of his hand.

“You were wondering if we had some works for you?” Ted finishes the man’s sentence.

“Yeah, something like that. I brought my resume.” Aidan extends it to Ted. “I’d be very grateful if Kinnetik would consider my application.”

Ted grabs the piece of paper and peers down at its content. After a few seconds, he nods, before gazing up at Aidan. “I can’t promise you anything, but we’ll see what we can do.” Ted puts the resume on his folder with the memo he is working on. “Brian should be returning shortly, though. Do you want to wait for him?”

“No, I don’t want to bother him,” Aidan replies.

“You’re sure?” Ted questioned with a frown.

“Yes.” Aidan stands up. “Thank you for your time.”

“You’re welcome.” Ted follows him, intending to escort him to the entrance of the building. However, just as he is about to reach the front door, Brian pulls in, visibly in a hurry.

“Fucking rain.” Brian mutters. His rain-soaked coat pulled over his head. He then looks up and sees them. Or more accurately him. “Aidan?”

They stare at each other for a moment, leaving Ted with the distinct impression that they have forgotten he is even there.

“Hello Brian.”

Aidan’s POV

The last two months have been hard for Aidan. After having broken down that night at Woody’s, it took him two days to recover, alone, in the safety of his apartment. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he had been reckless, and that if not for a providential encounter, it could have gone badly. Losing the ability to think, or forgetting a whole night altogether, was definitively not a common occurrence for him. If not for Brian, he didn’t know what could have happened to him.

Brian.

Aidan couldn’t explained it, but he had felt something, a connection, a bond, whatever people called it. It was there, almost palpable, yet invisible to anyone but them. He wondered what Brian’s story was, what could have happened to him to make him the man he was today. Aidan was sure that he saw a crack behind the man’s apparent bravery. It was there, almost floating around him.

And of course, Aidan wasn’t blind. Brian Kinney was one of the most handsome man he had ever met.

He hadn’t called him after that night, and that shared moment at the Diner. If someone had asked him why, he wasn’t sure he could have answered. Maybe because he was scared by the feelings he knew could emerge for the man, or maybe because he was a coward, or again because he didn’t want to impose his shitty life and his shitty moods on another human being. It didn’t really mattered why. He didn’t call, end of the story.

Or so he thought.

Once he had recovered from his meltdown, he focused on his first goal of the moment: helping his sister and her family. Olivia was having a hard time accepting her disease and trying to learn to live again with new rules. She needed help in her everyday life. Every upcoming moment, every word, every situation was always a new challenge, a new battle to fight. Aidan was the powerless witness of the damages that were emerging more clearly now that they knew what they were fighting. A fight that they could only loose.

Talk about a shitty life.

It had taken him some time to accept it, and even if he would always be angry that life was once again playing them, he resolved himself to move on, and to try and be happy again, for his sister.

He stayed with her, always by her side while doctors and specialists gave them some tools for her to go on with her life, and by extension for him to go on with his life. Rituals, Notebooks, Workshop to jog her memory, more rituals…everything was planned, talked over, rehearsed, from the moment she woke up in the morning to the moment she went to sleep at night.

Aidan was able to anticipate her behavior more easily after the first month, but he was also noticing that the damages were slowly, but surely increasing. He didn’t know if the shock that the announcement of Alzheimer’s disease produced was at play, knowing that the changes in her health could evolve more or less rapidly; this disease, as the doctor had explained, could last a few years or more, depending on the patient. Olivia was nearly at the moderate stage of the disease. According to the specialists, it was a common occurrence for a young patient, for whom Alzheimer’s was difficult to diagnose, as doctors often had the mistaken impression that they were dealing with a depression.

It wasn’t easy. Watching his sister struggling to keep her sanity, and failing… Even if there still were moments of happiness, it made him feel vulnerable and powerless.

Aidan didn’t know how she was holding up; all her family were trying to support her as best they could. Claire was coming home, as often as possible, to help Olivia and assistance her with even the smallest of tasks; like giving her directions to bake a cake with the notebooks and the methods she learned at the caregivers support group she was going to. Noah was helping her in her day to day life with the chores in the house. Her husband was there as much as possible, considering his demanding job. Everybody was adjusting to the disease and to this new life.

After two months Aidan knew he had to find a new job, having taken more than three months to help his sister. He couldn’t live on his savings alone for too long. Therefore, he started to look for works he could do as a freelancer, so he could still be available as much as possible for his family.

He didn’t know anybody in Pittsburgh. In fact, Aidan had always been a lonely man, preferring an itinerant lifestyle instead of a settled one. He had a few friends, but other than Simon, he didn’t have any real friends and even his most precious friendship had suffered over time. Simon was living in New York, being an agent for eccentric models, and their lives couldn’t be more opposed today. But he knew that whatever happened, he would always have a soft spot for his childhood friend.

When the time arrives to search for a job, Aidan debates for some time before going to Kinnetik. He had been surprised when he first saw the card Brian gave him, indicating in golden letters “Brian Kinney, CEO” but he forgot to ask more information, as they were interrupted by the lovely Debbie at the diner. So, he does his research and finally, two days later, he finds the courage to go and apply for a job as a freelance photographer.

He’s a little disappointed when he understands that Brian is out with a client. The woman that greets him is kind enough, in a professional kind of way, and asks him to wait in the lobby.

In front of him on the wall, a huge painting is displayed. Aidan takes in the lines of paint, vivid and powerful, and he feels it. It’s poignant, nearly perturbing, yet amazing. The piece is called “Life” and is signed by “J. Taylor”.

“Hi.” A voice calls for him.

The voice startles him and Aidan nearly jumps. He was so lost in his thoughts while looking at the painting that he didn’t hear the other man’s approach. Turning around he recognizes the man immediately from the Diner. It seems that he’s also Brian’s CFO.

After a brief discussion in the man’s office, Aidan is following the man to the front door when the door opens just as they were about to reach it.

“Fucking rain.”

Oh.

Aidan just stares at the man before him. He hasn’t seen him in two months but he feels paralyzed by his mere presence. He can see the exact moment when Brian sees him, as his hazel eyes widen in surprise.

“Aidan?”

Aidan seems to have lost his voice for a few seconds. “Hello Brian.”

“What…?” Brian’s eyes lay on his CFO for a second before coming back to him. “What are you doing here?”

“I just submitted my application.” Aidan reveals, with a gesture of his hand to Brian’s CFO. Ted nods, before having the good sense to walk away.

“Your application.” Brian echoes as he takes his coat off.

“For a freelance job.” Aidan clarifies.

“A freelance job.” Brian furrows his brow.

“To work for your company.” Aidan adds, clearly amused by Brian’s reaction.

“My company.” Brian repeats Aidan’s words once more.

“Are you going to repeat everything I say?” Aidan asks him playfully.

“I…” Brian closes his mouth and frowns. “I’m surprised, is all. I haven’t heard from you since your last performance at Woody’s.”

“Yeah, about that, I’m…” Aidan starts to apologize, but Brian cut him off immediately.

“If you’re going to say that you’re sorry, don’t bother. Sorry’s bullshit.” Brian states dryly.

“Hum, okay.” Aidan replies, not wanting to argue over his stupid behavior.

Brian walks a few steps inside the building, leaving Aidan in the lobby. As he’s about to open a door, probably leading to his office, he pauses, looks at him, and asks. “So, are you coming? Or are you going to stand here all day?”

“No, I…” Aidan recovers quickly and says. “I’m coming.”

Brian drawls, “Hurry up then, time is money, and money makes me rich, so move your ass from my lobby, would you?”

Brian Kinney, I missed you my friend.

Smirking, Aidan follows him in his office.

 

 

 

 

June 2008 – Pittsburgh

“You’re sure you’re up for it?”

Brian is sitting on his chair looking intently at the man on the other side of his desk.  Storyboards are spread out in front of them. Aidan and he are discussing a new campaign. A company who is contracted to Kinnetik is launching a new line of expensive underwear. Brian has come up with a neat perception of what he wants to pitch; a beautiful picture like a piece of art, which is displaying discarded underwear in the front, while in the background, a naked couple makes out in the shadows. The goal is to create a mouseover in black and white, subtle, elegant and stylish.

“Yeah, I can do it.” Aidan confirms, studying the work in front of him. “Are you afraid I’m not able to fulfill this particular task?”

“No.” Brian ponders his next words. “But you must know the man we work for isn’t the most open-minded man on the planet.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning we need to make it subtle." Brian suggests. "He accepted the idea that I presented during our first meeting, but this picture needs to be alluring, not in your face.”

“I get it. You want the woman and the man in the shadows, while the eye of the observer will be attracted mainly by the product, even if the real show is happening in the background.” Aidan resumes, studying the boards.

“Hum.” Brian smiles. “I’m proud of you.”

Aidan looks up. “What? Why?”

“You can read my mind. Which means I’m a genius for hiring you.”

“Yeah. Right Mr. Almighty.” Aidan huffs, reading the slogan on the board. “Elegance is here. It’s simple and effective.”

“Yeah, my first idea was 'Elegance, the underwear you want to keep on while fucking', but I’m not sure it would have been well received.” Brian divulges, tongue in cheek.

Aidan laughs and raises his gaze. “You’re obsessed with sex.”

“Me? What about you? You’re sure you’re even gay?” Brian counters.

“Oh, I’m gay alright.” Aidan snorts. “I’m just not talking about sex every five minutes.”

“Please tell me you’re thinking about it more than every five minutes then, or I will be really worried about your state of mind.” Brian drawls.

Aidan responds as he stares at Brian. “I am.”

Brian and Aidan have seen each other several times since Aidan’s reappearance three weeks ago. Aidan is lucky, Kinnetik having won new clients in the last two months which means Brian could offer him some work without giving the impression of playing the charitable man.

Their relationship is fast evolving into a real friendship. The two men have a lot in common. In addition to a difficult past, they are stubborn, independent and proud. Their charismas frighten or attract men they meet, but leave no one indifferent.

Yet, their differences are ultimately bringing them closer together.

Brian is more cynical, more incisive, more biting. Protecting himself from others has always been second nature for him, always on the alert, ready to attack before being hurt. , He doesn’t feel that way with Aidan though, knowing the man has enough problems to deal with in his life, without him overreacting because of a connection he knows is more than what it should be.

Aidan doesn’t know the fear of being hurt by someone close to him. Therefore, he is more accessible, friendlier with people he meets, yet more alone because of the wounds that fate inflicted on him and that made him a man who didn’t become attached to others easily. That’s why he is surprised by the sincere friendship which has arisen between him and Brian, as it’s the first one of his adulthood he really cares about.

The only problem is, usually, friendship doesn’t come with an omnipresent sexual tension.

Brian’s POV

“What are you doing tonight?”

Brian and Aidan have just finished their work session for Elegance. Brian has agreed to meet his friends at Woody’s at the end of the day, and after debating throughout the three weeks to invite Aidan to something which wasn’t work related, he finally decides that it’s not the end of the world. It doesn’t mean anything. He’s just a little worried about his friends's reaction, as he doesn’t remember having inviting one person in his life to officially meet the gang. It’s not a big deal. I can tell them I am just being nice with him. Nice, right, as if they’re going to believe me…

Aidan looks at him, seemingly puzzled. “Huh?”

Recovering from his musing, Brian repeats slowly. “What…are…you...doing...tonight?” Enunciates each words like he would do with a child. “Is that a particularly hard question?”

“No.” Aidan glances at him. “It’s just that it sounds like you’re inviting me on a date,” Aidan can’t help but answer, knowing exactly what his friend’s reaction will be.

“A date.” Brian echoes with disdain. “Are you sure you and I are even friends? Or do you have a death wish? I’m pretty sure I heard you asking me if I was inviting you on a date.”

“You must be getting old Brian. Have you ever gone to see an ENT? Or even better, an audiologist?”

“Definitely a death wish then,” Brian proclaims, staring intently at Aidan, who just laughs.

“Okay, you win,” Aidan concedes. “I have to go and see Livia, but I’m free after that.”

“Okay, meet us at Woody’s at eight.” Brian demands.

“Yes Sir.” Aidan stands up and heads for the door.

“And Aidan?” Brian’s voice makes him stop.

“What?” Aidan asks, turning around to look at Brian, who is watching him with a little smile at the corner of his lips.

“Don’t forget your meds that prevent you from throwing up?” Brian quips, tongue-in-cheek.

All he gets as an answer is a pointing look. Then Aidan huffs, smiles and walks out, muttering, “Asshole.”

Brian grins.

Later that evening at Woody’s

“Hey Brian, over here!”

Brian has just entered Woody’s and hears Michael’s voice calling him from across the bar. Scanning the room quickly, he makes his way to his friends.

“Mikey,” Brian greets him with a light peek on the lips. “Where is your better half?”

“Ben had a late class, he will be here shortly.” Michael discloses and guides his friend to one of the vacant chair at the table.

“Emmett, you look lovely tonight. What is the color of this beautiful mesh shirt? Blood orange? You sure want somebody to bite it and snatched it with his teeth,”  Brian teases with a fake smile on his face.

“And you look like an acquaintance I know, tall, handsome and totally full of himself.” Emmett replies, smirking.

“Touché.” Brian really smiles this time. Then, turning to acknowledge Ted's presence, Brian inquires, “And where is your better half? Saving a damsel in distress again?”

“Blake is in the restroom,” Ted informs his boss.

“Doing what?” Brian frowns.

“What do you think?” Ted objects.

Brian grins.

“No! Not that!” Ted feigns to be outraged by Brian’s assumption.

“What else? Don’t tell me he uses restrooms in public places only to relieve himself, it would be such a waste of time.” Brian drawls.

“Hey guys.”

Brian looks up and notices two things. First, Aidan has just arrived and looks once more too edible for him to ignore it. Second, his friends, after greeting him with various salutations, are now staring at him with a knowing or questioning look on their faces.

I’m fucked.

“Well, if it isn’t the 'savior extraordinaire'. Come on, don’t be shy and have a sit.” Brian indicates the vacant one next to him. “Guys, this is Aidan for those who haven’t been properly introduced.”

“I’ve been properly introduced alright," Emmett mutters jokingly to Ted, who snorts.

Brian then stands up and announces, “So, who wants to play pool?”

A few minutes later

“You invited him?” It’s more a statement than a question, but he should have known that his best friend would not let it pass without asking for an explanation.

“Well, I asked him what he was doing tonight and I told him to come spend the evening with us if he wanted to, so yeah, I think that’s what you can call an invitation.” Brian responds in a jesting tone. Noticing  Michael’s puzzled look, he adds, “And if you ask me if this is a date or even something barely similar, I’m going to have to kill you, and I love you too much for that, so please, just keep your mouth shut.” He places his cue on the table and shoots.

“It’s just…" Michael began. "I don’t understand…”

“What?" Brian barks. "Okay, let’s make it simple considering you don’t understand what an invitation means. Him. Queer and on his own in the burg. And hot.” Brian raises his eyebrows. “Me. Stud of the burg. And generous.”

Michael laughs. “Generous, yeah. That’s a good word.”

Brian laughs before turning serious. “Seriously Michael, it’s not a big deal. He just has a lot on his plate right now and I just want to make it easier for him.”

Michael stares at his friend, visibly analyzing Brian’s words. Finally he professes, “You’re aware what is happening between the two of you is more than friendship or even sexual attraction, right?”

“Michael,” Brian snaps. He doesn’t like his friend prying in to his personal business. More so, he doesn’t want to think about Aidan that way.

“Forget I said anything.” Michael is a courageous man, but he is not suicidal.

“You’re wrong.” Brian states.

“Okay.” Michael nods hastily.

“Seriously, Michael.” Brian insists, even if it’s not clear if he is trying to convince his friend or himself.

“I said okay, no need to get upset.” Michael complains.

“I’m not.” Brian refutes.

“Right.” Michael looks one last time at Brian and goes back to the game.

You’re wrong Michael…

Unfortunately, the words his friends had pronounced echo in his head. And Brian has no other choice but to acknowledge that his relationship with Aidan is, indeed, dangerous.

Too dangerous. I can’t allow it.

Not again.

Michael’s POV

Over the last few months, Michael has begun to notice a few changes in his best friend behavior. Almost imperceptible at first, he knows without a doubt what he is the witness of. His best friend is starting, slowly but surely, to heal and to start living again.

Of course, Brian is still in love with Justin Taylor. Michael suspects that he always will be, and that these feelings are shared by his blond ex-lover. The blond had called Michael twice since last July, always asking about Brian and Michael had heard the tone of his voice and the silence between the words. He knows Justin is feeling just as lost as Brian over their estranglement, even if his life otherwise seems to be a dream come true.

At first Brian had been fighting every day to stay afloat, to survive, making Michael fucking worried. However, time had passed, easing the pain and allowing his friend to start a new life.

Michael isn't stupid enough to think that his best friend is really okay. The scars left by the loss of his relationship with Justin are permanent for sure. Loving Justin Taylor was the first time Brian had allowed himself to open up completely to another human being and Michael knows his friend needed more time to heal.

However, even if Michael plays dumb sometimes, he isn't blind or deaf. This last three months, something happened that he couldn’t have predicted. Brian had met someone else, someone different.

Michael had not really understand at first when, this night back in March, Brian had helped Aidan, a man he didn’t really know and who was totally trashed at Woody’s. It had been a shock to see his best friend helping this stranger, not because Brian was actually helping another person - Michael knows that his friend is truly a kind and generous man and not the asshole he wants to appear to the face of the world - but because he seemed to care about the man well-being. Brian had revealed later that the man was in pain that night, without telling him exactly what it was about. He had also told him that they connected, whatever it meant. He hadn’t admitted out loud that they bonded because of the pain they both felt - albeit a different kind of pain, it was pain nonetheless - but Michael had surmised Brian’s feelings, knowing his friend too well. Brian had also informed him that they hadn't seen each other after that night, confiding to him that he was kind of relieved. When Michael had asked him why, Brian hadn't answered.

Two months later, he saw them in Brian’s office, laughing, as he was there to take his friend to lunch. The banter he saw and the obvious attraction between the two men was just that, obvious for anyone who took more than one second to look. He remembers thinking that if not for Justin, Brian would probably already be in a 'kind of' relationship with that guy.

That was one week ago. Now, Michael, Aidan, Brian and all the gang are making their way to Babylon, after having spent the beginning of the evening at Woody’s. The only problem is that Michael knows that he should have kept his mouth shut earlier, and that the damage of his revelation is now beginning to appear.

Brian, after having won the first game of pool, proceeded to show exactly how he didn’t care about anyone but himself, and especially not about Aidan. He took a hot twenty-something trick to the restroom barely five minutes after their conversation, and drank at least six shots of beam in the hour they stayed at the bar.

Michael was worried and couldn’t help but glance frequently at Aidan to gauge his reaction. The man didn’t seem to be affected and was engrossed in a deep conversation with Blake. Either he was sporting a poker face, or he really wasn’t affected or didn’t care at all, but Michael couldn’t decide which one was preferable.

Well done Michael, you really surpassed yourself this time.

One hour later, Babylon

Aidan’s POV

What does he want to prove?

Aidan has spent the last two hours or so surreptitiously watching Brian and is wondering what is going on with him. He is aware that Brian Kinney isn’t an easy man. He’s complicated, yet uncompromising and honest. But right now, he is doing all he can to show Aidan that he doesn’t care. Well, he can try, I’m not going to stop him; unless he starts puking in my arms, which would be only fair.

During the last three weeks, Aidan hadn’t seen this aspect of Brian’s personality and he wonders what is the real reason for his friend's behavior. Yeah, friend, keep telling yourself that, you’re really a fool if you think you’re not falling for him.

Aidan knows he cares a little too much to call their relationship friendship. He has known it for some time, even before they reconnected at Kinnetik. He also feels that Brian isn’t ready to hear it and he therefore didn’t act on it, and doesn’t plan to for the time being. He is pretty sure that’s also the reason why they haven’t fucked yet. Brian wants him as much as he wants Brian, he’s sure of it, but he knows that it would change their dynamic. If he’s honest with himself, he’s also scared about falling in love, hard.

However, Brian’s behavior is finally telling him something, but he doesn't have a clue of what the message is.

“You okay?” Aidan feels a hand on his shoulder and turns in direction of the voice. He comes face to face with Ted.

“Yeah, why?” Aidan is speaking loudly, in order to be heard with the loud music surrounding them. They are standing by the counter, while all the others are dancing, or, in Brian’s case, fucking.

“Well, Brian isn’t exactly a very good host tonight.” Considering Brian is currently in the VIP room, it’s not an incorrect assumption.

“Brian is a free man, he can do as he pleases and so do I,” Aidan states.

“Hum.” Ted answers, lost in thought.

Aidan understands that the man wants to talk. “You want to tell me something?”

“No…I mean yes… Or maybe not, because if Brian found out that I talked to you, he will fire and murder me.”

“I wouldn’t want that.” Aidan half jokes.

“Thank you,” Ted pauses, seemingly debating with himself about the conversation, and sighs. “Never mind, I will die with a happy conscience.”

“What?” Aidan questions.

“You should know something.” Ted discloses, as he turns to look directly at Aidan. “Brian…he was in a relationship for seven years, more or less.” Ted waits for the words to sink in. “And for a man like him, well, let’s just say that it wasn’t easy at first for the great God Kinney to discover that he had a heart after all, and that he had fallen for a young, hot twink, even if he tried his best to hide it.”

“What happened?” Aidan’s heart is beating fast even if he doesn’t want it to.

“Justin…that’s his name…he is an artist and he had a proposition to go to Europe for five years…After all they’ve been through…” Ted mumbles to himself, before adding, “Brian and him decided that he had to go, that he couldn’t pass up this opportunity. He left last July.”

“Oh.” Aidan doesn’t know what to say about this revelation.

“And Brian isn’t the type of guy to show how he feels. He built his character for years as the narcissist asshole who didn’t care about anybody but himself, and who only thought about sex and business, never apologizing, never regretting anything…” Ted explains “…until Justin.”

“He still loves him.” Aidan is beginning to understand that Brian had just lost the love of his life.

“He always will. Even more so because they didn’t exactly break up, although the result is the same.”

Fuck. “What does it have to do with me?” Aidan inquires. He is grateful that Ted decided to share this part of Brian’s life, even if it brings a pang to his chest. He isn’t sure what prompted Brian’s CFO to do so.

“I’m pretty sure you make him feel again...” Ted professes.

Aidan can’t believe what he just heard. “No, I… I think you’re wrong…”

“Maybe…Maybe not…” With those last words, Ted squeezes his shoulder and makes his way to the dance floor, leaving a dumbfounded Aidan at the bar.

Fifteen minutes later; backroom of Babylon...

Men everywhere. Grunting. Moaning. Feeling.

One man is knelt in front of him, pleasuring his cock in the most delightful way. Aidan doesn’t make a sound, and allows himself to close his eyes and to feel, to embrace his desire, while he shuts his mind off to the world around him.

It's not enough. He pulls out, and makes a sign to the beautiful man, who just turns around. Aidan pulls him against the wall and opens his pants. Then, he slowly prepares him with his fingers, until the man is begging him relentlessly. “Please, I need you inside me, just take me…please…”

Aidan kisses the shoulder in front of him, and the man tilts his head to give him a better access to his neck. He presses his covered cock to the willing hole and just adds a little pressure, again and again, sensing the man becoming crazy with desire, and the hole relaxing a little more with each advance of his cock.

He can feel eyes on him, wanting to be at the place of his trick, who is moaning and begging louder with each passing second. Finally, he pushes the head of his cock very slowly in the tight hole and he stops to let the man adjust to his size. The man doesn’t wait for him, so desperate to feel him inside of him and pushes his ass back against Aidan’s cock, making both men grunt because of the pleasure they both feel.

God, I love this.

The trick is moaning incoherently and Aidan hears words like, “harder…oh yeah…God, so good…fuck me,” that go straight to his cock. He quickens his pace, grabbing the man’s hips and fucking him without restraints.

They’re going to climax soon. Aidan can feel it by the way the tight channel is milking his cock. He reaches to cover the other man’s cock, which is leaking profusely. It feels good in his hand, so warm and heavy, and Aidan wants nothing more at the moment but to feel it pulse while coming deep inside the man’s ass.

Then he doesn’t know why, but he opens his eyes.

Right there, in the corner, a man is having a blow job while staring intently at him and fucking the man’s face kneeling in front of him in the same tempo that he is fucking his trick. Their eyes locked, crazy with desire and lust, and Aidan feels his orgasm through the man’s eyes, who begins to climax, his face contorted in a mask of pleasure. Seeing this makes it impossible for him and he pounds hard into the ass in front of him a couple more times, triggering his trick’s orgasm whose tight channel is contracting around his cock. God, this feels so good, is his last coherent thought before he breaks eyes contact with the man in the corner and closes his eyes, while he finishes, coming hard into the willing hole.

When he opens them a few moments later, after having practically passed out because of the force of his orgasm, the man is gone. A few moments later, Aidan goes back to the dance floor and then to the bar, where Ted, Blake, Michael and Ben are standing. Just one look at their faces tells him all he needs to know.

Brian is gone.

 

 

 

One day later, the Diner...

Emmett’s POV

This Saturday morning is just like any other Saturday morning at the Diner. Gay men are coming and going, enjoying a late breakfast after a busy Friday night, and Emmett Honeycutt is sitting at the counter, waiting for a booth to become vacant.

“Emmett, Honey! You’re here already?” A loud voice makes him jump from his stool, as the mother of all gay men does her entrance in to the Diner, apparently to assure the lunch shift.

“Hi Debbie! You look wonderful today. What have you done to your hair?” Emmett greets her, a big smile on his face.

“Why thank you. Just a little brushing… You like it?”

“Like is not the word, I love it!" Emmett praises. "It makes you look like Gloria Gaynor, when she sang 'I Will Survive', only with a red touch. It’s glorious!”

“You’re too kind Honey.” She says while putting an apron on, covering her The day we lock all the assholes in a cupboard, there won’t be many people left to close the door T-shirt. “So, what can I get you? It seems you need something strong to help you face the day.”

“You have no idea.” Emmett replies as he points to the coffee he already has in front of him.

“That bad, huh?”

“Too many margaritas last night.” He takes a sip from the cup.

“Babylon?” She questions.

“Yeah. I was offered a few drinks by some big bad wolf, if you know what I mean.” Emmett drawls playfully.

“I hope he didn’t bay at the moon.” Debbie jests while pouring more coffee into Emmett’s cup.

“No, not this one, although that did happen to me once, and boy, was it scary. I thought at the time Lindsay and Mel might cut me out of their life for good.”

“At the girls house?” Debbie’s eyes widen at the thought.

“Huh, huh. Yeah, I know, it was pretty stupid, but I was young then, with a wild spirit.” Emmett exclaims with a grand gesture of his hand.

“Oh, come on, you’re not old and your spirit is just fine, like the beautiful queen you are.” Debbie leans forward and brushes Emmett’s cheek with her thumb.

“Thank you Darling,” Emmett answers. Then, like he’s going to share an absolute secret, he leans over the counter and whispers, “speaking of queens, someone was being a real drama queen last night.”

Debbie, who is about to dry some glasses, raises her head quickly. “Someone did? Who?”

Emmett moves back. “Mr. Almighty.”

“Brian?” Debbie furrows her brow.

“Yeah… It seems that the asshole we all know and love made a real come back last night.” Under Debbie’s questioning stare he continues, “Well, he invited Aidan to join us, and let’s just say Brian ignored him the entire night. I’m afraid your heir might have let his big mouth say things that hit a little too close to home, if you know what I mean.”

Debbie’s gaze has changed from questioning to puzzled. “Actually Em, I haven’t a fucking clue what you’re talking about. Wait…Aidan, wasn’t he that guy you worshipped the ground he walked on for about a week after he fucked you? And that was here with Brian some time ago?”

“Yeah, that’s the one.” Emmett looks up dreamily. “God, every time I think about his performance, I’m in love all over again.” He sighs excessively, making Debbie raising her eyebrows while giving him a pointing look. “You know how we queens are, we have to add a little drama; it’s for the show!”

Debbie laughs. “And we love you for it.”

“Thank you. Anyway, Brian and Aidan have been seeing each other, work related, for about a month now, and Michael told us that he thought something was going on between them. Well, I had my doubts of course, but after seeing what I saw last night, I think he might be right.”

Debbie frowns. “What happened?”

“Michael told him.”

The frown doesn’t leave her face. “He told Brian…”

“Huh, huh..." Emmett nods.

“What? That he thought something was happening?”

“Exactly.”

“Is he crazy?" Debbie exclaims disapprovingly. "And what did Brian say?”

“You just love gossip, don’t you?” Emmett teases her.

“Emmett…I work in a diner, which should answer your question,” Debbie answers with a straight face.

“Okay.” Now he lowers his voice again. “But just promise me you won’t tell this to anyone.”

“You know me,” Debbie proclaims, with her hand on her chest resting over her heart.

“That’s why I’m afraid,” Emmett mutters.

“Emmett.” Debbie pretends to be offended.

“Okay, okay.” Emmett raises his hands in a seemingly defeatist posture. Then, he leans over once more and whispers to her. “Well, you know that our Brian has not been himself since our favorite artist’s left. And, it seems that the arrival of a certain man in his life has been a great benefit for him. Michael told us that Brian was slowly returning to his old self. But when Michael pointed it out to him last night, Mister 'I’m an asshole who fucks anyone I want' made a comeback with fireworks and all.”

“That bad?” Debbie looks worried.

“Yeah. Poor Aidan. I would have proposed to comfort him, you know I always put myself forward for a good cause; but I wasn’t sure it would be well received, so I restrained myself.”

“I’m sure you did Honey.”

Emmett looks at Debbie, who is visibly thinking. He can nearly see the wheels turning around inside her head.

“What are you thinking about?” He can’t help it if he’s a queen. And Queens want to know everything.

“I’m just thinking that if Brian acted the way you described, you’re probably right.”

“Meaning?” Emmett pushes, understanding Debbie must have an idea.

“Nothing. Just that.” Debbie takes her tray. “I better go and deliver the orders because the food isn’t going to serve itself.”

Debbie, I know that look, what are you up to?

Brian’s POV

Saturday morning; the loft

Fucking Christ! My head is like a fucking vice.

On this Saturday morning, Brian is waking up in the comfort of his own bed, with the worst headache of his life. Okay, I admit it, I lost count long ago of how many worst headaches of my life I’ve suffered.

He is lying in his bed, naked, with a sour taste in his mouth. Christ, why am I doing this to myself?

Wait…What? Of course, as soon as he tells himself it couldn’t get any worse, he realized three things.

One, he isn’t alone.

Two, the man beside him is drooling all over his pillow.

Three, he isn’t even hung.

God, Kinney, how high were you?

“Hey.” Just speaking makes him want to throw his head against a wall. “Hey.” He tries a little louder, shaking the man awake.

“Huh?”

“Get out.” Brian barks.

“Huh?” the man is awake now.

Whoa, he doesn’t even know how to speak properly. That wasn’t what I wanted him to do last night, but still…

“I said …Get…Out. NOW!” God, my head is killing me.

The man fortunately obeys and puts his clothes on before asking, “Can we hook up again? You’re the best I’ve had in a long time.”

Brian thinks he’s hallucinating and gives him a pointed stare. “Are you for real?”

“That’s a no then?” The guy tentatively inquires.

Brian just glares at him. “GET OUT…NOW!”

This time the man doesn’t need to be told twice and practically runs out the door.

Brian just stays on his bed, sitting on it with his elbows on his knees and his hands on his face. He closes his eyes to stop the light from hurting too much, and he tries to remember the night before.

I must have been pretty fucked up. What…

He opens his eyes as he remembers.

Oh Fuck…

Brian Kinney is a lot of things, but stupid isn’t one of them. As he remembers the events that took place the night before, he knows he overreacted after his discussion with Michael. He also knows that as a result, his actions only validated his best friend’s words in front of all his friends, and he doesn’t like that. At all.

Aidan is maybe a friend, but nothing more. He couldn’t be, not after having known the pain he went through with Justin. Brian can’t let anything happen between them.

So, what is he going to do? Aidan is a good guy, who already has too many troubles for Brian to burden him even more. But, how can he continue to be friends with the photographer when he knows that what he is feeling when he is with him isn’t just friendship. Lust, envy, desire, all these words come to mind when he thinks of Aidan. Wait. Why do I have this image of him fucking this guy? I couldn’t…

Closing his eyes Brian takes a deep breath. How can he have been so stupid? And yet, just remembering a few images in the backroom, he can feel himself getting hard. Really hard.

He decides to take a shower.

A moment later he is under the spray of water, stroking himself slowly, and soon, he is coming hard, crying out in the safety of his loft. Then, he just stands there, motionless, his arms supporting him against the tiles while the water falls on his back.

Fifteen minutes later, he emerges from the bathroom, naked and damp, with just a towel around his waist, and he crawls back into bed. Staring at the ceiling, he debates with himself on how he is going to proceed with Aidan from now on.

Ten minutes later when he stands up to get dressed, he doesn’t even have the beginning of an answer

Sunday night, the loft...

“Bye Sonny boy. I love you too.”

After having spent the week-end working, alone at his place, Brian is now standing in the middle of the loft, the phone in his right hand. He hangs up and lets his arm fall back to his side. He stays there, like he doesn’t know what to do next.

He just talked to his son on the phone, with a promise of a trip to see him soon. That’s the only conversation he had over the weekend, as he avoided all the phone calls from his best friend, wanting to be on his own for a while. He is kind of surprised, and grateful, that Michael hadn’t showed up during the past two days.

Eventually, he walks to the fridge, takes a beer, and heads for the sitting area. He puts the phone back on the receiver before sitting down on the sofa and opening his drink.

He is about to stand up to go and take some pot, when he hears the door open.

“Anybody here?” The loud and strong voice of his foster mother echoes in the air. Brian sighs. Great. An intervention. Just what I need right now. “Brian?”

Brian knows there’s no point in stopping Debbie on a mission, so he doesn’t even try. “In here.”

Debbie makes her way to the sofa. She’s wearing a long pink shirt with big earrings, and of course, she has a tuna macaroni casserole in her hands.

Brian scowls. “Debbie, you didn’t…”

“If you are going to say that you don’t like my tuna macaroni casserole, think again.” She grouses, and goes to put the dish on the counter before coming back to sit next to Brian.

She looks around, seemingly searching for something. “Where is the pot?”

“You didn’t give me enough time to start.” Brian retorts.

“Hurry up then. Oh, and do you have some beer, and maybe a pack of chips or something?” Debbie demands while making herself comfortable on the sofa.

“Chips…at my place.” Brian feigns being horrified.

Debbie gives him a pointing look.

Brian gives up the act. “Okay, stay here, I will be right back.”

Five minutes later, they are both spread out on the couch, sharing a joint and drinking a beer.

“You know what I love the most about your place?” Debbie inquires, tilting her head so she is touching Brian’s.

Brian inhales. “No, but I have a feeling I’m about to find out.”

She looks up, resting her head on the back of the couch. “The ceiling. It’s high. Very high.”

Brian just stares at her.

“The ceiling and I share a real and deep connection. We’re both high!” she chuckles. “And I love it, but don’t tell Carl, or Michael.”

Brian bursts out laughing. Debbie really knows how to distract him as he’s sure she isn’t really high, considering she only took one or two puffs.

Deciding that he needs to face what she is undoubtedly coming to share with him, he declares, “Okay Ma. Out with it.”

Debbie looks at him. Brian held her stare, quirking an eyebrow.

“Okay." Debbie agrees. "You want to know what I think?”

“No." Brian responds.

“Brian!” She exclaims with a scowl.

Brian pretends to be surprised by her outburst. “You asked.”

“Never mind. I’m going to tell you anyway,” She proclaims and moves back to peer at him before continuing, “I think you’re an idiot.”

“Excuse me?” Brian retorts.

“Fucking like crazy when you invited that guy to meet your friends, really?”

Great. She knows. “Who the fuck told you about that?”

“That’s not the point.” Debbie refutes firmly.

Brian hates it when she tries to avoid his inquiry. “From where I stand it is.”

“Then you’re wrong.” She stares intensely at him and her next sentence makes Brian want to run far away from her. “Listen Brian, you can’t spend your life waiting for him.”

All he can do is stand up from the sofa. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“The fuck you don’t!” She exclaims and stands up to position herself right in front of him. She then softens and takes his cheeks in her hands. “Just… Just hear me out here, okay?” She looks at him like a mother would look at her son, and he can’t do anything but nod. “You’re a good man Brian.” He tries to glance away, but she doesn’t let him and takes his chin in a deep grip, making him look directly in to her eyes. “You are.” She keeps her gaze on him. “And you will not be a better man by waiting for someone who you don’t know if he is ever going to come home again."

Brian feels his mask slip. Debbie has always been able to see through his bullshit, but even with her, it’s so hard to let go.

“I…” he shakes his head. “What if I can’t let him go?”

“You have to, Honey.” Debbie caresses his cheek.

Then, Brian voices out loud what he knows to be the truth. “I know…”

Debbie insists, “you’re strong Brian, and even though I know our little Sunshine will always be in your heart wherever you go, as he will be in mine, you have to give yourself a chance to be happy again.”

They stay silent then, and Brian sighs loudly. Debbie wants nothing more than to protect him, as he looks exactly like the fourteen year old boy she welcomed into her home and into her heart. She can’t help but feel an ache for her Sunshine, though, as she knows from different sources that it’s as hard for him as it is for Brian.

A few seconds elapse, a minute maybe and Debbie dares to ask one last question. “Who is he to you? Aidan, I mean.”

Brian gazes away before looking down to the floor.

“I don’t know…”

I don’t know.

Monday, Kinetic...

This Monday, the atmosphere in the former bathhouse is full of energy. Papers pass from hand to hand, hurried steps filled the air, and six people make their way to the conference room, adjacent to the CEO’s office. It’s two o’clock and Brian Kinney is going to preside the meeting, which goal is to validate the ‘Elegance' campaign, before the presentation to the client scheduled for Wednesday.

The shooting took place last Friday afternoon, just after Brian and Aidan’s meeting in Brian’s office. Everybody is eager to see the results and to prepare the last and final stage of this particular job. Mr. Lewis, CEO of Amour, the company which designed the line of underwear called ‘Elegance', is going to be there in two days and the pitch has to be perfect. This campaign, if properly executed, could be a very profitable one as the company is one of the best in the marketplace when it comes to selling superior quality underwear.

Therefore, Ted, Cynthia, Marty as well as three other employees from the Art department are sitting around the conference room table. Brian joins them, coming directly from his own office.

Just as he is about to start his speech, Aidan arrives in the room, a little late himself. Brian notices that he doesn’t really look at him, muttering a quick, “Sorry” before taking his place on a vacant chair next to Marty, the Art Director. Brian knew he had been on a shoot for another new campaign, and is grateful for that. Truthfully, for the time being, avoiding him is just easier.

“So...” He looks at everyone around the table, except Aidan. “Is everything in order?”

“Everything is fine,” Marty confirms. “We made the shooting last Friday and, in my opinion, the pictures are great. All you have to do now is choose.” He extends his hands to give the folder to Brian.

He opens it and looks at the pictures in front of him. The result is exactly what he had in mind, and he is pleased to see that Aidan is a hell of a photographer. As if you had ever any doubts about that one.

He chooses one and hands it to Marty. “Here. Make sure everything is ready by tomorrow night. Mr. Lewis is due to be here on Wednesday afternoon, and we’re going to mesmerize him with this work. Good job.”

“You will have it on your desk by five tomorrow,” Marty agrees.

“Anything else?” Brian inquires. Everybody except Cynthia shakes their heads. Brian notices that Aidan doesn’t even look at him.

“Cynthia?” Brian interrogates.

“If Mr. Lewis is mesmerized with your genius strike - and I’m sure he will be - everything is ready for a twenty second TV spot,” Cynthia informs her boss.

“Great… Good job everyone.” He congratulates his team before dismissing everyone as he gathered his folder. Everybody stands up and start to leave the conference room.

“Shit.”

Brian, who was picking up the files in front of him, looks up and sees Aidan staring at his phone. Just then, the phone starts to vibrate.

“What?” Aidan answers visibly worried already. “What? What do you mean you don’t know where she is?” His facial features reflect nothing but anguish. “I… No…Don’t.” Aidan begins to walk toward the door. “I’m leaving now. Have you called your Dad yet?” Aidan pauses, focused on the voice on his cell. “Okay, go home, just in case. I’m going to look for her. I will call you.” He snaps the phone shut and storms out of the room.

“Aidan.” Brian follows him, having understood what is happening from the little conversation he overheard. Aidan doesn’t stop.

Brian quickens his pace and grabs his arm just as he is about to reach the front door. “Aidan.”

The grip on his arm makes Aidan stop and turn around. “What?” His fear transpires through every pore of his skin.

“I’m going with you,” Brian informs him.

“What?” Aidan looks dumbfounded for a second, before saying. “No way, this doesn’t concern you.” He begins to turn back to the entrance.

Brian grips him once more. “I don’t care.”

Aidan looks at him, with an almost angry look on his face. “Don’t Brian, not now.”

“You don’t have a car,” Brian reminds his friend, hoping that this argument will cut this conversation short. As far as he knows, Aidan hasn’t bought a car or a motorcycle since moving to Pittsburgh.

That makes Aidan pause. Brian can see him thinking hard. Coming to a decision, he relents, “Okay, but we have to go now, please…”

“Give me two seconds to grab my keys.” Brian releases his arm and walks back to his office.

A few seconds later, as the two men made their way to the parking lot, Brian doesn’t even think twice about his plan of avoiding Aidan. The man needs his help, and for now, that’s all that matters.

 

 

 

Aidan’s POV

“I can’t believe this.”

The classic car has been navigating the streets for more than an hour now. Tension is filling the air, anxiety and fear gripping Aidan like an iron fist, while Brian doesn’t say a word, concentrating instead on driving carefully in order to maintain a good view of the street.

Aidan is a mess. He doesn’t look like it as he tries his best to hide his tenseness instead, but he knows he isn’t fooling Brian. They have been driving for more than an hour already, and they still don’t have any clue as to where Olivia is.

Noah had called him at Kinnetik to inform him that Olivia was missing. Claire had dropped her off at her appointment this morning before returning to the campus. Olivia had recently joined a group at the hospital to work on her memory, and she was supposed to wait for Noah to come and get her after his last class of the morning. Unfortunately, Noah had been late due to a friend unexpectedly spraining his ankle while walking on a sidewalk. He had to go with him to an urgent care facility, and had consequently missed his bus. When he had arrived at the hospital twenty minutes later, Olivia was gone.

Aidan and Brian had first stopped at the hospital to question the staff about Olivia. It was a lost cause, of course, Noah having already asked around, but Aidan didn’t want to leave anything to chance. He had yelled at the poor nurse who had left her without surveillance, even if he knew that they couldn’t look after all their patients all the time; and furthermore, Olivia had traveled to the hospital on her own a few times lately, even if it had not been too much recently. Suffering from Alzheimer’s disease didn’t mean that she had to be watched over constantly, although that statement was becoming less and less accurate with each passing day. So, Aidan knew that the nurse wasn’t guilty of anything, but fear was leading him to act like a madman. If not for Brian, who had finally told him to get in the car without giving him a choice to do otherwise, he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t have freaked out even more.

He should have seen it coming. After his disastrous night at Babylon with Brian, Aidan hadn’t had the time to dwell on it. Saturday morning, Samuel had called him, asking him to come over as soon as possible, because Olivia was having a really bad day. She was angry and aggressive, as she was more and more often now, and normally Aidan’s presence calmed her somehow. Aidan had stayed all weekend with his sister, and by Sunday night, he had been exhausted, even though he had been relieved to see that Olivia seemed better than the day before. They had cooked all day Saturday, because Claire was coming for the weekend, and even though at first she had been angry over breaking a dozen eggs, Aidan had managed to calm her and they had eventually had a good time. Sunday turned out to be even better, as she was smiling and laughing, even though she periodically experienced occasional, disturbing moments when her family noticed that she didn’t seem to be there anymore.

Fucking disease.

By Sunday night, when Aidan had said goodbye to Olivia and Samuel and to his nephews, he was feeling all sorts of emotions. Happiness and gratitude for this wonderful person, but also a mixture of other feelings that never seemed to leave him lately. Helplessness, nostalgia and a feeling too hard to put into words, when you know that these moments, which make life worth living, are slowly slipping away, and would soon become both a beautiful and painful memory at the same time.

Therefore, when he had made his way to the conference room on Monday, Aidan hadn’t known how to act. Brian had totally ignored him on Friday night except for their encounter in the backroom of Babylon, and he didn’t know how Brian was going to proceed from there. He hadn’t really thought about him during the entire weekend, even though what had happened at Babylon had crossed his mind a few times, but he had refused to analyze it. He had only known that he was kind of angry at the man, and kind of lost at the same time. His emotions had been taking over too much recently as he was feeling too many, and he didn’t like it. So he had decided to ignore the other man altogether. He suspected that it would be easier for everyone, Brian included.

The only thing that he hadn’t predicted was his sister’s disappearance.

At first, he hadn’t wanted to accept Brian’s help, but his argument about the car had made him change his mind. It would have been stupid to refuse, when he would have been forced to search by foot otherwise. He had enough troubles as it was, without adding his fucking pride to the mix.

After the fiasco of the hospital scene, Aidan hadn’t really known how to proceed. As a result, they had been surveying the streets a little haphazardly, driving in circles around the hospital’s vicinity, but unfortunately so far there had been no sign of Olivia. Aidan had even asked Brian to stop the car at one point in order to show the picture he had securely hidden in his wallet to random passersby, with Brian by his side. He was sure then that he had been about to lose it, but Brian hadn’t allowed it, letting him know in no uncertain terms that he wouldn’t help his sister by acting that way.

Several hours later, Aidan is at a loss. Samuel has taken his own car and is looking for his wife near their house, and Noah is staying at home to make sure Olivia doesn’t come back without them being notified immediately. Aidan is starting to lose it, again , when Brian comes up with a new idea.

“Aidan.”  They have stopped the car and neither man has said a word in the last ten minutes, both lost in their own thoughts. “Is there a place where your sister tended to feel secure, or felt a sense of calm or happiness, maybe?  When she was, you know…”

“You mean a place she used to go to? Before?”

“Yeah.”

“She didn’t live here before,” Aidan points out.

“I know; but maybe there’s a place here that could remind her of another important place for her.  A place she went to when she was younger.”

“I…” Aidan tries to think hard, but nothing comes to mind. Unless…  “We used to go to a park when I was a child. We lived in an apartment, so it was the only way for her to wear me out and enjoy being outside four walls at the same time. We used to go to this park next to our place with all these flowers and trees around… She always said that she loved it and that she loved to hear the children laughing around her; she even went with her own children later…” Aidan looks up.  “Is there is a park near this area? One with a playground, maybe?”

“Let me think for a minute.” Brian scratches his head. “I think there is a park not too far from here.  Not sure if there is a play area, but we could give it a try.”

“Let’s go.”

She is here.

Sitting on a bench without her shoes on, seemingly looking at the few children nearby, she looks like a mad woman.

Her stare is vacant, void of any emotions, like a forgotten doll, immobile. Aidan’s first emotion, relief, is soon replaced by something else. Something darker. Petrifying almost.

Tapping out a quick text on his phone, he snaps it closed and comes closer to the bench. Brian, who has been by his side from the instant he first saw her, has stayed behind, understanding without words that his place is not with the other man at the moment.

He sits next to her and waits for her reaction. There’s none.

“Livia?”

She doesn’t move, except for the little movements of her hands or the back-and-forth movement of her body. Aidan feels a grip inside him, like he is going to suffocate soon, without being able to prevent anything.

“Livia.” He puts his hand on her arms and she turns her head to look at him. The stare she gives him makes him want to run away, because he has never seen anything like that before in her beautiful, green eyes.

“Fuck, Livia…,” he whispers, taking her in his arms, carefully, and she lets him. He allows her to set the pace of the back-and-forth movement, hoping that it can reassure her, or even better, bring her back immediately, even if he doesn’t believe it for a minute.

The ride to the hospital is a nightmare.

Brian had called an ambulance when Aidan had joined Olivia. Aidan had been able to escort her to the ambulance, but as soon as the medical team wants to separate them, Olivia starts to scream, her voice turning into awful wails of despair. Aidan has no other choice but to stay with her and ride in the ambulance to calm her down, but she stays restless even with him by her side.

The medical team has to restart three times before being able to administrate her a sedative. Aidan doesn’t let go of her hand, fearing an even stronger reaction if not for the physical contact.

He is now waiting in the lobby, sitting with his hands gripping his face. Brian is once again by his side, as it seems that he decided that Aidan shouldn’t be on his own, even if his family is going to be there soon.

The wait is one of the worst part of this nightmare. Aidan doesn’t want to think about his sister, alone in a hospital bed, considering the state of mind she was in a few moments earlier. Still, it’s all he has in mind right now and he tries his best to stay strong. He doesn’t want Samuel and his nephews to know the truth just by looking at him, at least not yet, not like this. He wants to prepare them for what they probably all are going to face, not terrify them right from the start.

“Aidan… They’re here.” Brian brings him out of his thoughts. He composes himself before looking up and rising from his chair to gather his niece in his arms. “Claire…” He moves back then and hugs his nephew and his brother-in-law.

“How is she?”

“She’s…not good.” Looking at Brian, he adds, “We’re waiting for the doctor to arrive.” Then, almost as an afterthought, he says, “This is Brian.”  He pauses. “A friend…He was with me when we found her.”

They nod at each other and sit down in the vacant chairs. Brian returns to his place back next to Aidan, and squeezes his shoulder in a sign of support.

Ten minutes later, Olivia’s neurologist, as well as Samuel’s friend, comes to see them, a somber look on his face.

“Samuel, Aidan.” Aidan knows him, too, having been to several consultations with his sister. Dr. Moore greets Claire and Noah, nods at Brian and asks, “May I speak with you two? Privately?”

“Sure.” Aidan turns to Brian. “You should go, it will be okay now; you’ve done enough already.”

But Brian shakes his head.  “I’m fine. I’ll wait for you, at least until I know she is okay.”

“I…” Aidan’s gaze comes to rest on Dr. Moore before returning to peer over at Brian. The other man has been his anchor today, and if not for him, he knows he would have freaked out, or worse. He realizes that he doesn’t want him to leave. Not yet.

“Okay.”

Two hours later, Aidan and Brian leave the hospital. Olivia is asleep and will stay over at least until the next day. There is nothing they can do, except watch her sleep, since she is still medicated. She won’t wake up till the next morning, so there is really no reason to stay. Of course, it took three persons, Brian included, to make Aidan agree with that reasoning.

“Where are we going?” Aidan is so lost in his own thoughts that he hasn’t noticed immediately that Brian’s not driving to his apartment. It’s to be expected, though, since Brian has never been to his place and therefore could not guess how to get there, but the other man seems to know where he’s heading. So Aidan isn’t surprised when Brian answers his question, nor does he contradicts him.

“We’re going to my place.”

Brian’s POV

As the two men drive to the hospital right after leaving Kinnetik, there isn’t a word exchanged between them. All that Brian can feel is the tension emanating from his friend. He is sitting still in the passenger seat, too still actually, and Brian understands that if not for that stillness, the man would probably have already lost it.

So he isn’t surprised that when they arrive, he barely has time to park his car before Aidan literally jumps from the car, even before it comes to a full stop. Brian follows him as fast as he can. It isn’t hard, as he just has to follow the loud voice echoing in the corridors.

“How could you let her be on her own? She has Alzheimer’s, for fuck’s sake!” Aidan is shouting, and everyone around them can enjoy the show.

“Mr. Cole…” The nurse visibly doesn’t know how to calm him or if she can calm him at all.

“Don’t Mr. Cole me! She is gone, do you understand that?”

“Aidan,” Brian interrupts his friend.

Aidan doesn’t even look at him. “Don’t start, Brian!”

Brian grips his arm. “YOU don’t start! You’re scaring this poor girl, and you’re not helping, so stop being a stupid fag!”

“What?” Aidan turns to look at him, a look of fury on his face.

“You heard me,” Brian says, not backing down. “Now, move your ass and go back to the car. Let me handle it. You’re not in any condition to question her.” Aidan glares at him and Brian glares back. “Now!”

After a few seconds, Aidan gives up.

Ten minutes later, after receiving a confirmation that nobody in the hospital knows anything about Aidan’s sister’s disappearance, Brian joins Aidan back at the car. The man is restless as they begin to survey the streets nearby.

One hour later, Aidan asks him to stop the car and they try to fruitlessly interrogate passersby for the next two hours. Aidan nearly loses it then, forcing Brian to remind him once more that breaking down will not help his sister. “You need to stay focused. Do it for her. Don’t lose it now,” Brian urges him with conviction. It seems to calm Aidan, who, with a seemingly new resolve, makes his way back to the car.

After that they try again to find her, and finally, at seven o clock, Brian stops the ‘Vette in a parking lot, not knowing what to do next. Aidan is barely holding on.

Olivia is nowhere. Still, she has to be somewhere. Where would she go if she was lost? Where would he go if he was lost, physically and emotionally?

He remembers the numerous times when he was a teenager and he wanted to leave his loveless house, and to go someplace safe, someplace where he wasn’t feeling invisible and worthless. A lot of people didn’t understand why Michael’s friendship meant so much to him, but if they really knew the kind of life he had experienced as a child, they wouldn’t even question it. Michael and Debbie had given him a home where he had felt for the first time that he was valuable, like he was worth something. Furthermore, he had felt safe and happy.

Wait. What if…?

“Aidan…Was there a place where your sister felt secure, or felt a sense of calm or happiness, maybe, when she was, you know…”

That seems to get his attention. “You mean a place she used to go? Before?”

“Yeah.” Brian acquiesces.

“She didn’t live here before.” Aidan remarks.

“I know, but maybe there’s a place here that would remind her of another important place for her.  A place she went to when she was younger?” Brian questioned.

Apparently, there is one. Brian and Aidan make their way to the nearest park which fits Aidan’s description, and Brian knows immediately that they have found her.

She is sitting on a bench, alone. She seems lost, mad, and desperate, all at the same time. Seeing her, at this moment, brings a pang to Brian’s chest. He doesn’t know her, but just looking at her and gazing into her eyes, makes him understand with no words what Aidan is going through.

Just one look and all is out in the open.

The unexpected emotion comes over him without warning. Looking as Aidan sits next to her makes him feel cold inside, the scene in front of him filling him with a sensation of heartbreak. Being witness to the drama that is unfolding at this instant, with no words, just a name, a quiver and an embrace, is deeply distressing. The love and pain between the two siblings makes him feel like it’s almost palpable, like he can almost touch it with his own hands. It’s invading the atmosphere with such intensity that Brian forgets for a moment to call 911.

Aidan has to ride with her in the ambulance, Olivia being terrified when they try to separate her from her brother. Her emotional distress shakes Brian to his very core, rousing once again emotions that he can’t control. Too many times in his life, these emotions got the upper hand. His family’s abuse, Justin’s prom, his cancer, the bombing… All moments when he couldn’t control anything.

Tonight is different. It’s not his lover, his friends or his family who is breaking in front of him. It’s a perfect stranger. Yet, seeing her and Aidan disturbs him more than he can say.

They stay at the hospital for nearly two hours. Aidan tells Brian it’s okay to leave, but Brian doesn’t want to. So he stays.

When Aidan asks him where they are going afterward, Brian doesn’t even blink. There’s no way that Aidan should be on his own right now.

“We’re going to my place."

Fifteen minutes later, the loft

When they enter the loft, Aidan is calmer. He finally informs Brian that Dr. Moore has told him that these episodes happen sometimes when a patient encounters a distressing situation. They will take an MRI the next day, but they are confident that Olivia will be better after she gets some much-needed rest. All he can do now is hope that they are right.

Brian is glad that his friend seems to feel better and fervently hopes that the doctors are right for everyone’s sake. “You want a beer, or some water or something?” They are standing by the counter and Brian could use a drink after their stressful day.

“Don’t you have something stronger? I think I deserve it after this fucking awful day,” Aidan mutters.

“Beam? You’re sure?” Brian jests, gauging Aidan’s reaction.

Aidan huffs. “You really are not going to let me forget about that one, are you?”

“It’s my guilty pleasure, to remind people around me how pathetic they can be sometimes,” Brian confirmed.

Aidan raises his eyebrows. “And you’re never pathetic?”

Touché.

“Well… It happens, even to the best of us.” Brian responds with a shrug.

“Right.”

Brian knows that he and Aidan are thinking about the same thing as he shifts uncomfortably. “Aidan...about the other night…”

Aidan shakes his head. “Don’t bother. It’s okay, really.”

“No, it’s not. I…I want to apologize for being such a dick.” Brian confesses.

Aidan, who was looking at the counter, looks up and stares at him. “You? Apologize? Who are you?”

“Fuck you!” Brian frowned.

“Seriously, you don’t have to explain yourself. It happened. End of the story.”  Brian gives him a pointed look, prompting Aidan to clarify, “Well, I’d be lying if I said I understood why you did it, but…”

Brian interrupts him at that point. Why, he has no idea. Furthermore, why he even wants to open himself up to this man is even a bigger mystery for him. But he does.

“Why am I doing this, you mean? Being a shitless bastard to people who care about me?" he questioned sardonically. "Let me think...maybe because my father was an even shittier bastard than me, who loved his bottle of Beam and his nameless conquests more than his own children, and who thought at times that I was a punching ball. Or maybe because my saintly mother is a frigid bitch, who promised me that I was going to hell because I love to fuck men. Or again, maybe because she and my lovely sister accused me a few years back of being a child molester. Take your pick.”

As soon as the words pour out of his mouth, Brian inwardly curses, realizing what he has done. “Fuck…” He takes a deep breath and looks at Aidan with trepidation. But the other man just stares at him with an impassive look on his face.

What the hell.

“I never…” Brian pauses, seemingly debating with himself about how much he wants to reveal to the other man. Finally, he continues. “Protecting myself before getting hurt has always been second nature to me. Hurting before getting hurt. Punching before getting punched. It’s just…” Brian shakes his head before gazing once again at Aidan and adding, “…easier.” He starts to pace. “I was in a relationship for seven years, Aidan, and I…” He stops and turns around to look at the other man once more. “I had to let him go.”  Aidan doesn’t interrupt him or doesn’t comment, and Brian is grateful for that. “I still…I…I had to let him go.” Brian hopes really hard that Aidan understands what he is trying to say.

“You still love him.”

Brian nods imperceptibly, but it’s enough, Aidan sees it.

“I know what you are doing,” Aidan quietly states.

“What are you talking about?” Brian inquired, not understanding what Aidan is trying to say.

“This…Sharing this with me…After having been by my side all day, supporting me…” Aidan gestures between them with his hand.

Brian just stares at him with a questioning look on his face.

“You can understand pain. You’ve been there. You still are.” Aidan seems to hesitate before adding, “And yet, you stayed by my side all day.” Aidan’s stare softens as he looks intently at Brian. “You’re a good man, Brian Kinney.”

Time seems to stop. Brian doesn’t know if it’s his piercing green eyes, or the words spoken, or even the special atmosphere that surrounds them after all that happened today. He doesn’t think, doesn’t analyze, doesn’t anticipate what is going to happen next. He can’t.

Next thing he knows, he is walking directly over to Aidan, quickly covering the three steps that separate them. Aidan looks at him with a questioning look in his beautiful eyes. Brian places his right hand on Aidan’s neck and loses himself in his stare for several seconds before leaning in closer, making his intentions clear. He pauses then, asking a silent question. Aidan’s gaze tells him all he needs to know. Then their lips meet for the first time, warm and demanding, the electricity that Brian feels throughout his body by the mere contact making him forget all about his previous reticence.

For now.

 

 

 

Tuesday, 2 a.m., Michael and Ben’s house,

Michael’s POV

Bang.

Bang.

Bang…

The continuous noise of a hand knocking on the front door of his suburban house rustles Michael out of a beautiful dream about him flying in the air, sporting a fabulous Captain Astro costume. Just before waking up, he has the distinct impression that he hears explosions all around him and that, being the superhero he is, he can deftly avoid them. Of course, he realizes a few second later that the explosions are just the product of a madman who is hitting the door over and over again, quickly diminishing his previous, great mood. His husband is sleeping next to him, and about to wake up, too. Michael leans above him then, whispering gently while putting his hand on Ben’s muscular arm. “I’ll get it, stay here.”  Next, he gets out of his comfortable bed, rubs his eyes and sighs.

I swear to God, whoever it is, I’m going to kill him.

Of course, there aren’t many people bold enough to knock on his door at two in the morning, and by the time he makes his way downstairs, he is pretty sure he knows who the asshole behind the door is.

Well, don’t be surprised; Brian always has to be behind something….

As he opens the door barefoot, Michael takes a deep breath and looks up.

Bingo …

Brian is here, in front of him, supporting himself on the doorway, and is now knocking with his hand meeting nothing but air.

There he is. Wasted and all…

Finally realizing that his hand doesn’t meet any resistance anymore, Brian looks up. A goofy smile appears on his face. “Mikey! What are you doing here?”

“It’s MY door you’ve been knocking on for the past ten minutes, in case you didn’t notice.”  He reluctantly lets his friend in. “What are you doing here?”

“A man can’t visit his best friend?”

“It’s two in the morning, Brian,” Michael can’t help pointing out.

“Is it?” Brian scratches his head and frowns. “Oh, yeah, it’s night already, I forgot.” He looks around, seemingly searching for something “Where is the professor?”

“Where do you think?”

“He’s asleep? And you’re not? Really, Mikey, it’s nothing serious. You really should get some more sleep, or you’re going to have more wrinkles. Wait! Is that a white hair I see there?” Brian tries to pluck a hair from Michael’s head.

Michael pushes him away with a scowl.  “Brian…!”

“What?” Brian does his best to look like the perfect picture of innocence.

“You’re wasted.” It’s not a question, definitively a statement.

“You think?” Brian feigns to be genuinely surprised.

The two friends stare at each other, and Michael seems to see something that makes him give up any idea to go back to sleep anytime soon.

“Fuck…” He says to himself then raises his right arm in the direction of the kitchen and says, “Come on, I’ll fix some coffee; you’re going to need it.”

Brian dutifully follows his friend over to the kitchen and plops down at the kitchen table while Michael puts the coffeemaker on. Five minutes later, the dark-haired man makes his way to the table, two cups of hot coffee in his hands.

He sits on a vacant chair and puts one cup in front of Brian. “So, what’s going on?”

Brian takes a sip and frowns. “What? Why do you ask?” He takes three individual sugar cubes from a box on the table and unwraps one. Then he positions it between his thumb and index finger and tries to aim at the cup, successfully landing it inside. Grinning smugly, he repeats the action with the next one.

“Brian, it’s two o’clock in the morning and I was asleep before you decided to appear on my doorstep, so I ask you again. What’s going on?”

Brian throws his last cube, which lands on the floor, and begins to play with the sugar’s wrapping. “Nothing. I’m fabulous. Just fucked three guys in a row. Had fabulous E. Life is great. I’m the most fabulous fag of this burg, and every queer wants to suck my cock. I’m the King.” Then he repeats the same thing, more to convince himself than Michael.  “Life is great.”

Michael notices. “You already said that.”

Brian frowns. “I did? You’re sure?”

Michael looks at his friend, at his expression reflected by his strong facial features. “Brian.”

No answer. Michael tries again.

“Brian…What happened?”

Brian looks at the wrapping in his hands, now torn up into small pieces.

“I kissed him.”

Michael isn’t sure he heard him right. “What…Who? One of the tricks at Babylon?”

Brian looks up and gazes intently at Michael, who understands what it means before he actually hears it. “No.”

“You mean…”

“Yeah.”

To say that Michael is surprised by this turn of events would be an overstatement. Still, he didn’t expect for it to happen so soon. “And?”

Brian snorts, “And nothing. He stopped the whole thing, even before it happened.”

Now, Michael IS surprised. “What? Why?”

Brian looks at the wall, not wanting to reveal that the rejection hit him hard. “Some fucking bullshit about not wanting to add more drama to his life. He said he didn’t want to ruin our so-called friendship. And let’s not forget the best excuse of all:  bullshit about me not really wanting it.”

“Oh.”

Brian’s eyes look over at his friend. “Really, Mikey? I just tell you the biggest gossip of the year, and all I get is an ‘ oh’ ?”

“Well, what did you expect?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe something like, ‘You kissed him? With tongue and all? Tell me everything!’ ” Brian says with a high-pitched voice while making a disgusted face. A half-smile appears on Michael’s lips in reaction to his best friend’s obvious exaggeration.

“Brian…”

Brian is leaning with his face in his hands, his elbows on the table. “What?” he responds wearily.

“We’re not fourteen anymore.”

“Don’t remind me.” Brian takes a deep breath and looks up. “Fuck, we’re getting old! What are we gonna do?”

Michael smiles over his friend’s antics, and his use of the word ‘we.’ “Right now, you’re going to sleep.”

Brian looks horrified. “Sleep? That’s a bad word!”

“Brian, it’s late, I’m exhausted, you’re exhausted, and not to forget drunk and high, so you don’t have a choice. Either you go to sleep, or I swear I’ll make you take a cold shower.” Michael gives Brian a pointed look, but Brian seems more amused than concerned by his best friend’s threat.

“Really, Mikey, you would do anything to see my cock,” he replies, tongue in cheek.

Michael shakes his head. “You know, you’re really unbearable sometimes.”

Brian’s gaze doesn’t leave his friend. “But you love me anyway.”

Michael stares at him, and finally, in front of Brian’s tender gaze, his eyes soften as he concedes, “Yeah, I do.” They stay like that for a few more seconds, both looking at each other like two brothers would do, until finally Michael stands up. “Come on now.”

A few minutes later, Brian is lying in the guest room’s bed after his best friend helped him to take off his clothes, leaving only his underwear on. Just as Michael is about to close the door, Brian’s voice stops him.

“Mikey.”

“Hmmm?”

“I love you, too, you know. Always have. Always will.”

As soon as he says it, Brian puts his head on the soft pillow and falls into a deep slumber.

Michael closes the door of the extra bedroom and sighs. Then he makes his way back to his bedroom and to his husband, hoping that he will be able to fall asleep again.

Tuesday, 8 a.m.

Aidan’s POV

The corridors of the hospital are relatively quiet at this hour of the day. Auxiliary nurses are just beginning to clear away some breakfast which had been served in the rooms, and Aidan can’t shake this unwilling feeling which comes over him as he makes his way to his sister’s room.

A nurse has just told him that his sister had slept through the whole night and that she had just awakened an hour ago, seemingly calmer than the day before. Julie, the night nurse, had thankfully been present with her at that time, talking to her slowly and calmly to soothe any possible feelings of anxiety and disorientation upon waking up in an unfamiliar room.

Yet, Aidan is nervous about the encounter that is about to occur. Seeing Olivia in such a bad condition the day before has really shaken him.

He opens the door slowly without knocking, and peers anxiously into the room. He comes in, and a breath he didn’t know he was holding escapes from his tensed body. She’s here, in front of him, seemingly asleep once again.

Aidan moves the hospital chair closer to the bed, and sits near the edge of it, his arms on his thighs, his hands joined. He looks at Olivia, all small and fragile, before lowering his head and staring at the floor. The memories of the day before come back with a vengeance:  the search, the park, the ambulance, the hospital; all of this making him feel vulnerable and relieved at the same time. It’s over; she’s here, even if he has a feeling that this is just the beginning. But he doesn’t want to think about it right now. She’s okay, and that’s all that matters.

He can’t think about the day before without feeling a pang in his chest. And if the primary reason for this feeling of tightness in his body is due to his sister, it isn’t the only one.

Brian had been his savior the day before, having helped him during the entire ordeal he’d been through, and he was so grateful to him for that. Without him, he wasn’t sure Olivia wouldn’t still be out on the streets, alone, lost and desperate. Who knows what could have happened? Brian had saved both of them by calming him down when he was desperately fighting not to lose it, and by finding the sister he dearly loved when he didn’t know where to look for her anymore.

To anybody who would ask him, the man was a fucking hero.

Nevertheless, the day had finished just as badly as it had started.

When they had made their way to Brian’s loft, Aidan had suspected it wasn’t the best idea they’d ever had. The two men were shaken by the events they’ve just been witness to, and their emotions were all over the place. Brian had even confided in him about his childhood, no less, and about his ex-boyfriend, with whom he was obviously still madly in love with. Aidan would have been lying if he had told him that his words hadn’t affected him, but he was grateful to know the truth from the man himself.

Therefore, when Brian had kissed him, he had been both surprised and unprepared. Yet, he hadn’t been able to stop it. While his head had been telling him that it was not a good idea, he had wanted it with every fiber of his being. It had felt so good, Brian’s lips on his, taking him, claiming him, devouring him. He had felt his body responding as if he were slowly drowning under the man’s touch. Until…

Flashback …

“I want to fuck you.”

Five words. Five words that have the power to make Aidan freeze.

“Stop.” Aidan takes a step back, detaching himself from Brian’s body, and putting a safe distance between them.

Brian looks at him seemingly dumbfounded. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“What…Why? I know you want me, too, don’t deny it.” Brian tries to come closer, but Aidan steps back.

“I won’t deny it, but it’s not that simple.”

Brian becomes angry then. “Oh, fuck, NOW what?  Don’t tell me you want to talk about feelings, or some other bullshit like that.”

“It’s not bullshit, Brian! You’re a friend, and…”

Brain snorts, interrupting him. “Yeah, keep telling yourself that…”

“What?”

Brian glares at him. “You heard me. You want me, and I want you. It’s pretty simple to me.”

Aidan doesn’t know how to make him understand.  “No, it’s not.”

“Bullshit,” Brian snaps. “If you don’t want to fuck, what DO you want? Or is it because you don’t want to take it up your ass? Because, I must warn you, you’re not going to fuck ME.”

Ouch, that was low.

“Brian, stop.”

“Tell me.” Brian seems deadly calm now.

“Tell you what?

“Tell me why you don’t want to fuck.”

Aidan just shakes his head. “Listen, Brian, I have enough troubles in my life right now. Furthermore, I consider you a friend, and I’m pretty sure that if we fuck, you’re going to freak out.”

That seems to cause a strong reaction from the other man, but it is not the one Aidan is expecting.

Brian is furious. “Oh, come on! Don’t bullshit me with the ‘ I don’t want to lose your invaluable friendship ’ crap! That’s the most pathetic excuse on Earth, used only by hetero breeders who don’t have the balls to say fuck off!”

“You don’t understand!” Aidan is yelling now, too.

Brian glares at him. “You’re right, I don’t. But who cares? Not you. And certainly not me.” He takes his leather jacket and makes a few steps towards the front door.

Aidan has no other choice but to go after him and grip his arm. Brian pauses without turning to look at him. “Brian, do you really want to fuck me? I mean, do you really think it would be just a fuck? Look at me and tell me it wouldn’t mean anything to you. Tell me you just want me as you would a trick. Look at me, damn it!”

Brian doesn’t move. “You’re wrong.”

“No, I’m right, and you know it. I’m ready for it to happen, Brian. But you’re not.”

They stay silent for a few seconds. Finally, Brian turns around, his eyes cold.  “You’re right. I don’t fuck my friends; how could I forget?” He stares intently at Aidan then, making his message clear, before adding, “The keys and the code of the alarm are on the counter. The mailbox is on the first floor. Don’t forget to close the door on your way out.”

The next thing Aidan hears is the loud noise of the door being violently shut.

End Flashback…

Finally, Olivia is released from the hospital on Wednesday. Dr. Moore had insisted she undergo an MRI on Tuesday, and the results were not reassuring. The disease seems to have evolved faster than normal, and the neurologist insists for the first time that they begin to consider the possibility of placing her somewhere in the near future. A few private facilities are available in Pittsburgh, with their main goal being to relieve the family of constantly having to watch over a loved one. Nevertheless, both Aidan and Samuel don’t want to hear about that right now, considering she hasn’t reached an advanced enough stage in the disease yet to contemplate such a decision.

Aidan spends all his week taking care of his sister. He calls Ted Schmidt on Tuesday to inform him that he wouldn’t be there for the next few days, and that he would contact him again next week. He is glad in a way, because he isn’t ready to see Brian, not after what had happened in his loft the previous Monday. So, all in all, it’s just easier for everyone.

The news about the deterioration in Olivia’s health is once more hard to deal with. Noah is more withdrawn than usual, and Aidan suspects that he feels guilty about the disappearance of his mother, and therefore about the evolution of her illness. So on Friday, when Samuel comes back from work early to take care of his wife, Aidan decides to take his nephew with him to shoot some pictures of the city and its surrounding area for one of his projects.  Noah has long held a real passion for photography, having admired the beautiful pictures that his uncle had photographed over the years.

After an hour’s drive, Aidan and Noah stop at an unfamiliar location, where there is nothing but beautiful land abundant with yellow flowers and a dramatic view of the sun setting over a small river. Aidan and Noah get out of Samuel’s car, take the needed equipment from the large trunk, and begin to walk to a strategic point situated a few feet away. After installing the sturdy tripod, Aidan steadies the camera on top of it and begins to make the adjustments necessary to get a clear picture.

As expected after the pervading silence in the car, Noah finally starts the conversation.  “I know why we’re here.”

Aidan doesn’t stop what he is doing. “You do?” he responds softly.

“Yeah. You want to talk to me about Mom.” Noah is feeling nervous since his mother’s episode, and he suspects his uncle has taken notice.

“Maybe.”

Stubbornness is a trait that uncle and nephew share, making this discussion more difficult. “I don’t want to.”

Unfortunately for Noah, Aidan’s always had the upper hand, being the more stubborn man in the family. “Then don’t. But you’re going to hear me out.” He plants himself in front of his nephew, takes his chin in his hand, and doesn’t release him until he catches his gaze. Then Aidan says, “What happened wasn’t your fault, Noah. For all we know, she would have disappeared even if you hadn’t missed your bus.”

Noah’s eyes fill with unshed tears and his voice breaks a little as he answers, “You don’t know that.”

Aidan’s voice stays strong and firm.  “Neither do you. Your mom is sick, Noah, and she isn’t going to get better. It’s not your fault. It’s not my fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. But we have to deal with it. And playing ‘what if’ is not going to help her, or restore her to the way she was before. So, now either you stop playing martyr right here, right now, or you will have my feet up your ass, understand?” Aidan’s eyes are full of love and understanding, softening the hardness of his words.

That makes Noah smile.  “Fuck, you’re scary when you want to be.”

Aidan nods. “Yeah, and I’m serious, too, so if I were you, I’d stop this guilty shit right away.” As an afterthought, he adds, “And don’t swear.”

Noah nods and looks away, his body still. He shakes his head, as if he wasn’t really accepting the truth.  “It’s just…It’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair, Noah. But we have to keep going.”

“Aidan…I…” Noah looks at his uncle once more. “It wasn’t just a friend.”

“What? Who?”

“The friend who sprained her ankle.”

“It’s a she?”

“Yeah.”

“I see.” Imagining his nephew with a crush at seventeen melts his heart. Teenage love is so pure in a way. He’d never really been in love, but he’d had a few crushes in high school, though, so he understands what Noah is going through.

“Aidan?”

“Hmmm?”

Noah seems to hesitate, as if he isn’t sure if he wants to ask his uncle his next question, before deciding to do it anyway. “Have you ever been in love?”

That makes Aidan pause. “Why do you ask?”

“I just, I wonder sometimes…what it feels like.”

At that point, an unexpected thought comes alive in Aidan’s brain.

It feels like your heart is being ripped in two when he walks away from you.

“I don’t know, Noah.”

“You’ve never been in love?”

Aidan stares at his nephew, not denying or agreeing with the question. Silence is his best friend in this instant as he turns away to gaze out over the now quickly-disappearing sun.

“The light is perfect now. Why don’t you come and see it?”

Avoidance. That’s the word of the week.

That evening, while the sunset was illuminating the valley, creating an atmosphere favorable to questioning inner thoughts, Aidan decides to stop working for Kinnetik. He tells himself that he won’t have any time in the near future to invest himself in new projects, anyway, and therefore he has to stop working for the firm altogether. But deep down he knows the truth.

He is in love with Brian Kinney.

He has no time to deal with it, though. So, avoidance is just easier.

 

 

 

Brian’s POV

Friday, Pittsburgh International Airport

It’s Friday night already, and Brian Kinney is sitting in an uncomfortable chair, ready to board a plane to see his son for the weekend.

The last few days have been hell. After his little slip on Monday night, Brian had woken up groggy and hung over; still, he had no other choice but to go to work, as he had several meetings scheduled on Tuesday afternoon. He didn’t know how he had succeeded in working his magic, but he had. When he had come home that evening, he had crashed immediately on his welcoming bed without bothering to get undressed, taking time to only remove his shoes and jacket.

On Wednesday, he had spent the day with Mr. Lewis, and by the end of it, the “ Elegance Is Here” campaign was a reality. Amour’s CEO had been impressed by Kinnetik’s stylish work, and had given his green light to the whole promotion, including a 20-second commercial spot. Brian was proud of the work accomplished by his team.

On Thursday and Friday, Brian once again had no time to think about anything else but work. He was grateful in a way, because he didn’t really want to ponder the mess that was his life at the moment.

He decided to go see his son for the weekend and called Lindsay. His friend was ecstatic, and by Thursday afternoon Cynthia had booked him on a flight departing Friday evening, with a return on Monday morning.

Ted had told him that Aidan had called on Tuesday to inform him that he would be absent for a few days, and that he would let them know about his availability the following week. Brian hadn’t been surprised at all, revealing to Ted that he had helped Aidan on Monday regarding a family emergency, without entering into details, and that Aidan needed some time off.

He hadn’t had time to really think about Aidan after that, which suited him just fine.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we will begin boarding Flight No. 8034 to Toronto in a few minutes, starting with those needing additional assistance, followed by our first-class passengers.”

Hearing the announcement, Brian stands up and makes his way to the boarding gate. Twenty minutes later, he is sitting comfortably in a first-class seat, waiting for the plane to take off.

Unsurprisingly, his thoughts revert back to the events that took place earlier in the week. Avoiding dealing with it can only work for so long, though, so he finally admits that his reaction to Aidan on Monday night was a little over the top. First, he confided in him about his personal life, something he usually loathes beyond everything else. Talking about his life, his parents or Justin is something he hates to do, as it makes him feel vulnerable, and in a way, weak. He knows his feelings aren’t rational, but that’s the way he sees it. Opening himself up to Aidan was reckless and impulsive. If not for the day they’d just lived, with the emotional ride it had brought, he would have never done it.

As if that wasn’t stupid enough, he had felt the need to kiss him. God, what was wrong with him? Aidan was a friend.

A friend.

Right.

Brian knows it’s not that simple. The sexual tension is omnipresent in their relationship, and yet, neither man has ever acted on it until then. It’s weird, and Brian has to admit that the absence of sex is in fact the proof that there is something more going on here. Brian can deny it to everyone else until his last breath, but he can’t lie to himself.

He has feelings for Aidan Cole that aren’t just reflecting pure friendship.

I’m so fucked.

When he kissed him, he hadn’t anticipated it. The words spoken, Aidan’s gaze, the special atmosphere, everything had pushed him to do it. He had wanted it. God, how he had wanted it.

He truly hadn’t thought beyond it, but the kiss had released in him a hunger, a desire, whatever it was called, that he recognized immediately. It was the kind of hunger that devoured everything else, and that he had only felt with one person in his life. Yet, he couldn’t stop, because he wanted it so much, he craved it.

He had missed  it so fucking much.

However, when Aidan had stopped him, it had hit him, hard. First, he was confused over his own need, a need he couldn’t acknowledge that he felt for the other man, not after all he’d been through since his lover’s departure. Second, by saying no, Aidan was validating that he cared about Brian too much to cross a line for which the consequences were unknown.  He was telling Brian that there was something more here.

The truth was, for Brian, Aidan succumbing to his desire would have been easier; he could have convinced himself that it was just sex, need, lust, desire. Not something more…

By stopping him, Aidan had crushed his illusion.

As a result, he had kind of lost it. He isn’t proud of himself, he knows he had been cruel and a total asshole with Aidan in the end, leaving him alone in his loft while he went to fuck and drink the night away, after hurling hurtful words at him as a way of defense. Still, he couldn’t stop it.

Hurting before getting hurt…Fuck, I really am an asshole.

Now, he knows that Aidan cares for him, maybe even has feelings for him. And of course, he is scared shitless.

To top it all off, he feels guilty. He can’t shake the feeling that he is cheating on Justin. It’s irrational and stupid and even lesbianic in a way, but he can’t help it. How he wishes that the man was with him right now, sitting next to him as they travel to visit his son, babbling about some stupid comic he read, or the next show he wanted to attend, or Debbie’s newest, improbable shirt. He would do anything for it to be real.

Of course, life is not a fairy tale. His ex-lover isn’t here, and won’t be here anytime soon. He knows it. He is learning to accept it. He is even trying to move on.

However, it’s a long path and Brian is pretty sure he is heading toward a lot of detours along the way.

Sunday, Toronto

“I’m really glad you came. Your son is so happy to see you.”

Even after all these years, it still surprises him that he has such a good relationship with his son. Gus is smart, interested in everything, and seems to always enjoy his visits. They spent some time together the day before, man to man, and as always they shared a great moment, eating junk food and playing soccer, before they took a little side trip to do some needed shopping.

“I’m happy to see him, too. It’s been too long,” Brian agrees.

He and Lindsay are sitting on the same bench as the one last Christmas, with Gus once again playing soccer in front of them. The day is warm, the sunlight filling the air with just a little breeze caressing their necks. Brian is feeling good at the moment, with his son and the mother of his child by his side.

He notices that Lindsay seems nervous. Therefore, he isn’t surprised when she begins to speak.  “Um, I have a question for you.”

“Go ahead, as if I could ever stop you.” Brian knows that Lindsay always says what’s on her mind, whether he wants it or not.

“Brian!”

“What? It’s true! You’re a real bulldozer when you want to be.” Brian smirks.

She frowns. “Thank you. I guess.”

Brian’s grin doesn’t leave his face. “You’re welcome.”

“Can you let me speak now?”

Brian makes a gesture as if he was closing his mouth with a zip.

“Okay… What would you say if I told you that we were moving back, for good?”

That catches him off guard. “You’d consider it?”

“Yes. It’s been three years already, and to be honest our move here was a little reckless. Melanie has been working nonstop to obtain the proper qualifications to practice here, taking evening classes right and left…When the simplest solution would be to just come back home.”

“Is it the only reason?”

“No. I miss the family. WE miss the family. Believe it or not, but Melanie actually agrees with me. Our family is in Pittsburgh, but we were just too proud to admit it to ourselves until recently.”

Brian ponders her words for a few seconds. “What changed?”

“I don’t know. Last Christmas was a revelation in a way. Having all of you at the house and seeing the children so happy…”

Brian looks up and stares at her with softened eyes. “That’s the romantic in you, or maybe just your lesbian side,” he jokes as she punches him lightly on his arm. Then, he asks hopefully, “So, you’re really coming back?”

Lindsay’s smile is all the answer he needs. “Yes. Melanie contacted her old firm in January, and they said they would take her back. And I contacted Sydney to offer my services as a freelancer or as an employee a few months ago. I have a part-time job beginning next September.” By the time she finishes her sentence, Lindsay is beaming.

Brian doesn’t believe it. It’s too good to be true. He has to hear her say it. “You mean…”

“We’re coming home in two months, Brian.”

Finally, Brian feels himself smiling without being able to do anything to stop it. He doesn’t want to stop it. At that instant, even if life isn’t a fairy tale, it really feels that way.

Monday morning, Kinnetik

The flight back had been uneventful. As Brian makes his way to his office at ten in the morning, he almost feels like a new man, knowing that his son and his friend are coming back. Lindsay confided to him that they haven’t broken the news to anybody yet in Pittsburgh. They’ve already planned a visit the following week to announce their return, and to look for a new place. He promised Lindsay not to say a word to anybody until then. Still, while he has never broke a promise before, he knows it will be hard not to this time, but he will manage somehow.

Cynthia comes in and starts her report, just like every week, about things that have to be done, or calls that have to be made. Next, she lists all his scheduled meetings for the week before going back to her own work. Ted follows, entering the office with a folder full of various papers to sign.

“So, how was your weekend, Boss?”

“It was great, Theodore,” Brian answers, genuinely smiling.

Ted notices. “I’m happy to see that you seem to be in a great mood this morning.”

“I’m fine, thanks. How was your weekend with the counselor? Did you two massage each other’s prostate to make sure you were still able to get it up?” Brian says, smirking.

Ted doesn’t even retort. He’s used to his friend’s borderline jokes by now. His only answer is a shake of his head. “Here, I need these papers by the end of the day.”

Brian takes the file and rolls his leather chair over to the opposite corner of his desk. “Will do.”

Ted begins to head toward the door and stops. He turns around and waits for his boss to look at him. Brian, who was tapping on his laptop, gazes up. “Yes, Theodore?”

Ted seems unsure of how to proceed with the information he’s about to deliver. “I…Aidan called this morning. He…He said he was grateful for all you’ve done for him, and for all the assignments Kinnetik provided to him. He also said that he couldn’t work for you in the future, because of a family problem that will take up all of his time.”

“What?” That seems to capture Brian’s attention.

“Yeah. It seemed…I don’t know, I may be wrong, but…it seemed that he wanted to cut all ties or something.” Ted looks at his friend, who maintains an impassive look on his face. “Did anything happen?”

“What? Why do you ask?” Brian stands up from his armchair.

“No reason…Just that he seemed uncomfortable on the phone, so I wondered…” Ted shrugs.

Brian makes his way to Ted and puts his arm around his shoulder, leading him to the door. “Well, you wondered wrong, so why don’t you go to that little office of yours now and stop speculating about other people’s lives?”

Ted gets the message. Loud and clear. “No problem, Boss.”

“That’s better.” Brian makes a final push on Ted’s back with his hand, and says, “Bye, bye, Theodore,” before closing the door.

Hence, Ted doesn’t see Brian leaning his head on it and taking a deep breath.

Fuck.

Brian has two options now. Either he lets the man be, and he goes on with his life; or, he chases him and asks for an explanation for his little act. Because he knows that, even if it’s certainly true that Aidan needs more time with his sister, he is also using her as an excuse for a way out.

The only problem is, Brian Kinney never goes after anyone. So, he will certainly not begin to do it at thirty-seven- fucking- years old.

Fuck him; it’s better this way. As if two top studs could be friends, anyway…

However, the idea of not seeing Aidan again brings an unwanted pang to his chest that he once again can’t control.

Of course, he chooses to ignore it and goes back to work.

July 2008, the diner

Debbie’s POV

June is already a memory, days fading away seemingly faster with the busy atmosphere surrounding Liberty Avenue. Summer is always a period suitable to finding more men, more women, gays, lesbians, transsexuals or undecided, parading hand-in-hand down the colorful street adjacent to the diner where Debbie Novotny still works.

She could have quit her job as a waitress, and had even tried to once, but she loves it too much. Being here, making bad jokes, listening to the latest gossip, sporting in-your-face shirts, and opening her big mouth, was what gave her an identity. She loves it, as she loves all her lost boys and girls, being one of the best defenders of the LGBT community. She wouldn’t have it any other way.

Moreover, she’d just learned a couple of weeks earlier that her granddaughter and her mothers were moving back home. What a wonderful surprise it had been! Her son was ecstatic with the news as was her foster son. She couldn’t wait to have Jenny Rebecca, Gus and the girls back where they belonged. Something was finally right again in this fucking universe.

“Hi, Debbie.”

The voice makes her pause and frown. She was just about to go and serve more coffee to some customers, but now she stops and turns around. Right in front of her, sitting at the counter, is the man who has succeeded in associating the name of Brian Kinney with “Gossip Girl.”

You can’t imagine how fast a rumor can travel in this town.

“You’re Aidan, right? Brian’s friend?”

The man winces at her words. Nevertheless, he answers, “Yes, Ma’am,” but the half smile he gives her doesn’t reach his eyes. The man seems exhausted.

“You all right, Honey? Forgive me for being so blunt, but you look like a train ran over you…twice.” She gazes at him with soft eyes, sensing a wounded soul. Wounds you can’t see are often the worst to deal with  is the thought that comes unexpectedly to her mind while observing the man sitting before her.

“Do you have some coffee? Strong coffee?” Aidan asks, choosing to ignore her question.

“Sure thing; strong coffee, coming right up!” Not a minute later, she puts a cup of the dark drink in front of him. He takes a sip and nods. However, if he thought she would leave him alone afterward, he really should have thought again.

“So…” Debbie begins. Aidan looks at her, raising his eyebrows in a silent question. “You sure look like you need to talk to someone.” He is about to answer her when she cuts him off, even before he has time to open his mouth. “And don’t tell me that you don’t. I’ve seen too many men like you in my life to know when someone needs to share whatever he’s dealing with, and it’s safer with a relative stranger. So, now that we are in the clear, just know that I’m a good listener.”

Just then, the cook calls her from the kitchen. “Debbie, order up for Table Five!”

“I’m coming!” She shouts in the direction of the kitchen. “Think about it. I’ll be right back.” Aidan just looks at her and can’t stop a sincere smile from appearing on his lips. She really is quite a character.

Five minutes later, she returns to her initial place behind the counter and waits. When she sees that he hasn’t decided whether to start talking or not, she gives him her best pointed look, places her right hand on the counter and the left one on her hip, while her dish towel hangs from her shoulder, her eyebrows raised. The effect is both daunting as well as commanding. She has never met any man who can resist her with what she considers to be such an intimidating posture.

Aidan finally opens his mouth. “You’re not going to let it go, are you?”

“I knew you were a smart man.” She grins.

“Uh, huh…”

Something changes, then. The relative light mood they were in evaporates. Debbie sees Aidan’s eyes becoming kind of weary, and she sees something else too, something hidden, but not hidden enough. It’s sadness.

“You okay?” She drops the act altogether, sensing that the man in front of her doesn’t need it anymore.

“Actually, no.” Aidan lowers his head, sighs and begins to talk. “I…I’m having a hard time at the moment. Family issues…and I just don’t know what to do.” Debbie just listens and keeps her mouth shut for once. “My sister…She has Alzheimer’s. And because the diagnosis was a late one, it’s kind of ruling my life right now. She doesn’t sleep, she becomes angry about everything, and she is beginning to forget  more and more…” He pauses for a few seconds. “She has a family. Two children. A husband. And me…No one else.” He raises his piercing eyes to look at hers. “It’s hard for all of us, but especially for her children… And I have to stay strong for all of them…So, no, I can’t say life is easy right now, but I have to keep going.” He shrugs and waits for Debbie’s reaction.

“It’s a big responsibility you have there, Honey; can’t anybody help you? Don’t you have friends you can lean on?”

“I’m not from here, Debbie, and let’s just say I don’t have a lot of friends.”

She hesitates before asking, “What about Brian?”

Aidan’s demeanor changes as his body tenses. “What about him?”

“You’re friends, right?” While asking the question, Debbie has to admit that she didn’t hear about Aidan until recently. Maybe she should keep her mouth shut. Well, it’s too late now.

However, Aidan’s reaction isn’t the one she was waiting for. Hearing her question, he bursts out laughing, even if she can see that it’s more nervousness than anything.

“Sorry,” Aidan says when his laughter dies off. “Brian and I…friends.  Right.”

A puzzled look appears on her face. “Did I miss something?”

“You didn’t miss anything; I’m sorry about that. It’s just that your question is really funny when you think about it.”

“Why?”

Aidan looks surprised. “You don’t know?”

“I don’t know what?”

“It’s just that I thought…Never mind.”

However, Debbie isn’t known for letting things go unsaid. “You’ve told me too much already, or maybe not enough, so why don’t you explain to me what this is all about?”

“No.” Aidan’s voice leaves no room for a possible argument.

“No?”

“No. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, Debbie, but if Brian didn’t talk to you about me, I’m not going to.”

“He talked to me about you.” Debbie tries anyway.

“He did?” Aidan seems to be genuinely surprised about that. Debbie isn’t sure he believes her.

“Yeah…” In front of his pointed look, she adds, “Okay, he didn’t say much, but I know him as my own son, and I know that you’re important to him, whether he is aware of it or not.” Aidan’s gaze tells her that he’s not convinced. She tries to explain again. “You have to understand, Aidan. Brian is a proud man. I don’t know what happened between you two, but I know he cares about you.”

“How do you know? If he didn’t tell you…I mean, how can you know?” Aidan definitively doesn’t believe her.

“Because of what he didn’t say, Honey.” Debbie is sure that Brian cares for this man. If he didn’t, he would have told her that the last time she went to visit him at the loft. The almost silence she had encountered when she had questioned him about Aidan was all the answer she needed to know. This man wasn’t just a simple friend.

Aidan shakes his head. “Well, it doesn’t matter anyway.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Please, Debbie, stay out of it.”

“Okay, Honey.” She knows when a man doesn’t want to hear what she has to say, and Aidan definitively fits that category. “You want more coffee?”

“No, I have to go, my sister has an appointment, and I don’t want to be late.” He grabs his wallet and leaves a five dollar bill on the counter. Then he pauses, and adds, looking straight into her eyes. “Thank you for listening.”

Debbie’s heart goes out to this man. She smiles at him. “Anytime. If you need a break, you know where to find me.”

Of course, it has to happen just now, like in a bad movie.

As he stands up from the bar stool, Aidan freezes. The bell over the front door has just rung, and the man entering the diner in designer jeans and a t-shirt is none other than Brian Kinney.

“Fuck.” Aidan looks petrified.

Debbie turns her head to look at her son’s best friend, and sees the exact moment when Brian notices him . He freezes, too, and for a second the mask isn’t there, leaving only a deep expression of surprise and something else that Debbie can’t read.

Brian approaches them, cautiously. He is the first to speak. “Aidan.”

“Hi, Brian.” Aidan is definitively on his guard.

“What are you doing here?”

“Having some coffee.” If Brian thought that they could talk, he was deluding himself. Aidan seems to want to run away as fast as possible. Brian notices; Debbie, too.

“You okay?”

Aidan seems unfazed by the question. “I’m great.” Debbie suspects that Brian immediately understands that Aidan is lying. “Sorry, but I have to go.” The silence only continues for three seconds before he adds, “Have a great day.” Then, turning to look at the diner’s favorite waitress one last time, he says, “Debbie,” and nods as a way of salutation. With those last words, Aidan walks past Brian and exits, leaving a seemingly unsettled Brian behind him.

Turning to look at Debbie, he asks without any preamble, “What happened?”

“Hello to you, too.”

“Debbie.” Brian isn’t in a playing mood.

“What? You want to know what your friend here is up to?”

“I want to know if he said anything to you.”

“You mean, besides ‘my sister has Alzheimer’s and I’m drowning, but have to keep breathing underwater for the sake of her family’?” She looks at his reaction to her words, and the vulnerable look that furtively appears on his face is all the confirmation she needs. Brian definitively cares  for the man.

“Fuck.”

“Brian…” She has to try. “I know it’s not any of my business, but… he really seems to care for you, and…”

Instead of the “It’s not any of your fucking business” pitch she was expecting, Brian surprises her, confirming her earlier conclusion. “And I’m an asshole, are we surprised?” He interjects instead, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“Brian.”

“What?” He barks, but the bark is more directed to himself than to Debbie.

“You’re not an asshole.” He raises his eyebrows while looking intently at her. “Not all the time, anyway.” His smile over that last retort doesn’t reach his eyes.

“You really know how to reassure people, Debbie. I understand better why Mikey just can’t stop whining, even at thirty-seven-years old.” Debbie notices that Brian tries to avoid speaking about what he feels, as usual. That was to be expected.

“Brian.” Debbie is nothing but a tenacious woman.

“Yeah. Okay. I get it.” She doesn’t have a chance to answer, because Brian has taken his phone from his pocket and is making a call. “Theodore. It’s me. Find me Aidan’s Cole address…Yeah, that Aidan Cole…Or do you know another one?  No, me neither. So just do it already… I’m waiting.” He asks Debbie for a pen and a paper, gesturing with his free hand. She gives it to him as fast as she can. “Okay, I’ve got it…Yeah, yeah; okay, thanks.” Then he hangs up, folds the paper, puts it in his jeans pocket, and looks up at Debbie. “Don’t say anything.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

“And the Pope is my grandfather. Seriously, Debbie, just keep quiet about it, okay?”

“Sure thing, Mr. High and Mighty.”

He’s ready to leave, but he stops. He has one last thing he feels compelled to say. “Thanks.”

Debbie’s heart beats a little faster over her foster son’s gratitude. She suspects it’s as much for Aidan’s sake as hers. “You’re welcome.”

As Brian leaves the diner, Debbie feels a pang in her chest for a second. How she would have loved for him and Sunshine to stay together and to be happy after all they’ve been through. However, at the same time, she feels a deep swell of love for her second son, and she really hopes that this time life will bring him a share of happiness. After all the shit he’s faced over the years, it would be only fair.

 

 

 

Brian’s POV

As Brian drives to Aidan’s place after their chance encounter at the diner, he takes the time to contemplate his hasty decision to go there with more accuracy. He always believed in never going after anyone, and yet, here he is. Okay, so maybe he already bent that rule once or twice because of a certain blond man, but nobody knows it and he isn’t about to correct their assumptions.

Brian has to admit, if only to himself, that seeing Aidan, seemingly exhausted and beat, had hit him, hard. He had tried everything he could to forget about the man in the past couple of weeks, and if his reaction at the diner was any indication, it didn’t work at all. Strangely, he doesn’t feel bad about it, but he does feel bad for being such a prick. He never should have reacted the way he did. It was selfish, immature, and way out of line compared to what the other man was going through. Brian had no illusions whatsoever about Aidan’s state of mind. When he saw him, it had been written all over his face, or more exactly, reflected by his eyes. They showed so many emotions at once, but primarily they showed defeat. Desperation. Exhaustion. And Pain.

Pain.

Over and over again. He was so tired of the pain.  When was it going to stop? Didn’t they deserve a little break? Hadn’t they suffered enough? How long before life would cut them some slack?

Brian knows he is lucky. His life will be almost complete when his son comes back again into his day-to-day life. If not for Justin not being by his side, life would be good, great even. Actually, if he were honest with himself, he would have to admit that he is slowly but surely doing better.

For Aidan, it’s another story. He is condemned to watch his beloved sister’s decline, over and over again, and to be a witness to the deterioration of both her body and soul, which are shutting down slowly and painfully with no hope of getting better, ever; just the certainty that at the end of the road, she will be gone.

Christ! How could you be so fucking stupid, Kinney?

He should have been there. He shouldn’t have freaked out like a stupid drama queen.

No apologies, no regrets.

That’s always been his motto.

As if it were so simple…

His thoughts are all over the place, but he knows that he has to focus on what he is going to say, because he’s sure that Aidan will have no patience whatsoever with him if he doesn’t know what he wants, or if he feels he can’t rely on him. Brian couldn’t blame him after the way he had acted at the loft.

Aidan is right. Brian has to think about what he wants from the other man. More precisely, he has to accept the fact that the other man is important to him, and that he can’t freak out whenever he feels cornered, or whenever things become too ‘emotional.’ Aidan has to feel that he can trust him, and that he can count on him no matter what.

God, how am I going to do that?

Two hours later, Aidan’s apartment

It’s been two hours already, and there is still no sign of Aidan. Brian is sitting in front of the door’s apartment, his back to it, his right leg bent with his eyes seemingly fixed on the floor. Thankfully, Aidan’s place is the only one on the top floor, so he won’t have to explain to a curious neighbor what he is doing here, nor will he have to convince the man that he’s not a squatter.

As if anyone could think that. Me... Brian fucking Kinney. A squatter.

The thought makes him smile. He is a nervous wreck at the moment, the wait increasing his already high level of tension. He could run away, and the thought is more alluring with each passing second. Yet, truthfully, he doesn’t want to.

Suddenly, the echo of steps in the stairway makes his heart beat faster, the sudden feeling inside his chest making it harder to breathe. He waits anxiously as he hears the steps coming closer before stopping a few feet away. He still can’t find the courage to raise his head, and he knows without looking up that Aidan is here and is probably surprised to see him there on the fucking floor. Hell, he would be surprised.

The steps seem to hesitate for a moment before finally coming even closer, until Brian’s line of vision finally meets the feet of the other man. He can’t back down now; it’s too late. So he looks up, not knowing what he’s going to see in Aidan Cole’s piercing eyes.

The other man’s gaze is indecipherable. Brian has always congratulated himself on being an excellent actor when having to deal with his emotions, but he has to admit that Aidan is as good an actor as he is when he wants to be.

The silence is deafening. Aidan is standing still in front of Brian. Too still.

“What are you doing here?” There is an edge to the tone of his voice.

Here we are. Showtime.

“I needed to see you,” Brian says, standing up.

“You want to see me now?” Aidan appears deadly calm, but Brian knows the man is also deadly furious, if the look in his eyes is any indication. “Well, you’ve seen me. Time for you to leave now.”

“Aidan…”

“No. I’m through with you. Right now, I can’t deal with a man who calls himself a friend, but runs away at the first opportunity he has. I just can’t.” He turns around, his back to Brian, a visible indication that he is firmly intending on leaving him out in the corridor.

Brian tries to make him listen. “Aidan, you owe me. Just hear me out, and if you want me to leave after that, I promise I will. For good, if that’s what you want.” Okay, that was low, but Brian knew that Aidan would be difficult to convince. Bringing up the fact that he had helped him in the past was his only argument to make him cave in.

Aidan stops his movement, his back still. “Fuck you, Brian.” He turns around to look at Brian, voice filled with exhaustion. “I know what you did for me. For my sister. Hell, for my whole family when you really think about it. And I will be forever grateful for that. I mean it. I won’t forget, ever.” Aidan’s anger has vanished, transforming instead into a weariness that makes Brian feel like an even bigger asshole. “But I…If I let you in, I…I just can’t deal with your shit. Not now.”

“I promise I won’t run away.” Brian takes a step closer as he vows, “I promise I won’t freak out.” Then, he repeats with conviction, “I won’t,” and looks intently into Aidan’s eyes. “I just want you to hear me out. I don’t want to make things more difficult for you. I’m here to offer my help. And I definitely promise I won’t leave until you tell me to.”

Aidan’s gaze seems to search for an answer to his doubts in Brian’s eyes. Brian can only hope that he will find the answer he is seeking there.

Finally, Aidan turns once more to his apartment and puts a key in the lock. A few seconds later, he opens the door and enters. Brian waits, knowing that this moment is a turning point in their relationship.

He releases a deep breath when he hears the other man’s answer, delivered by a single word:

“Okay.”

Aidan’s POV

The last three weeks have been hard and challenging. After having stopped working for Kinnetik, Aidan had once again focused on his sister’s care. The consequences of her health’s deterioration were having repercussions on all the people who loved her. It was a really difficult time.

Aidan was exhausted. He had stayed at Olivia’s house for a big part of the past three weeks. Olivia’s moods were dictating the life of the whole family, and Aidan was trying to support and comfort the children for Olivia’s sake. Claire was coming home every weekend, but she was more and more cautious with every passing visit. Olivia’s reaction to mundane things was becoming more and more unpredictable, leaving her family with a feeling of helplessness and incomprehension that was deeper each time these episodes occurred. Noah was spending more and more time in his room, because seeing his mother like that was just too much to take for the teenager. Samuel was a mess, having a demanding job he couldn’t just stop to take care of his wife. As a result, he felt guilty, both for not being there for his wife, but also because of the growing sense of uneasiness he could sense emanating from his children. Aidan was trying to make everyone’s life easier by being there as much as possible during the day, and even at night when he sensed that his sister had experienced a bad day, and that, consequently, she would undoubtedly suffer once more with insomnia.

However, the tiredness he felt, both physical and emotional, was growing with each passing day. After three weeks, the constant watch was wearing him out.

Today, Samuel had taken a little time off to stay with Olivia in the morning, and to drive her to her 9:00 a.m. appointment. Aidan had stayed awake a good part of the night to soothe her and help her to relax, grateful for the five hours’ sleep that he had caught in the morning after having finally left Olivia asleep in the guest room at four in the morning.

By eleven, he is drinking a strong cup of coffee at the Liberty Diner. Of course, the waitress, Debbie, notices immediately that he is a wreck. She tries to make him talk; she’s obviously one of those persons who thinks that baring their soul to a stranger is helping people. Even if he doesn’t really want to, in the face of her persistence he gives in. She has the good sense to stay silent for the entire duration of his speech. Nevertheless, he is pleased with her tactfulness and thankful for what appears to be genuine understanding on her part; at least until she has the misfortune of mentioning the name of Brian Kinney.

After three weeks without seeing the man, his initial feeling of gratitude over Brian helping him on that fateful Monday is still there, but it’s not the only one anymore. Slowly but surely, anger and even disappointment have joined his first emotion. He knows it’s irrational in a way; the man doesn’t owe him anything. In fact, Aidan is the one who owes HIM, and who decided to stop his association with Kinnetik, and consequently, with the man himself. Still, when Debbie claims that Brian is a friend and that he cares about him, he nearly loses it. He stays polite, though, good manners having always meant a great deal in his family.

Of course, his reaction over Debbie’s statement isn’t a surprise to him. At first, Aidan tried to stop thinking about the man since making the decision to stay away from him. Unsurprisingly, it hadn’t worked. The fact that he had admitted, if only to himself, that he was in love with Brian Kinney didn’t help. However, ever since he had recognized the truth, he decided that it was time to move on. Still, he is angry with Brian, which makes no sense at all. It’s as if he wants to forget the man, but at the same time he wants Brian to not forget HIM ; it’s like his head is telling him to move on, but his heart doesn’t agree, and prevents him from doing so with the worst weapon ever. Hope.

He really is a fucked-up man at the moment, in more ways than one.

When he stands up from his stool to leave, he looks over in the direction of the door.

Fate seems once again to laugh in his face, because that’s the exact moment when Brian decides to make an appearance at the diner. Without his consent, his heart begins to beat faster and his hands become instantly sweaty.

“Fuck.”

Wait, did I just say that out loud?

He sees the exact moment Brian notices him as the other man freezes, too, their eyes locked on each other. Then, he comes closer and Aidan can only hope that his body doesn’t betray his emotions.

“Aidan.”

Just the sound of his voice is enough to make him shiver. Or maybe not, but it really feels that way. He doesn’t even recognize his own voice when he answers. “Hi, Brian.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Having some coffee.”

And leaving as fast as I can.

“You’re okay?”

Sure, all is so fucking great in this fucking world.

“I’m great.”

He can’t stay here, he just can’t. “Sorry, but I have to go. Have a great day.” Then, he nods at Debbie and leaves, without looking back.

With a fast beating heart, he catches the bus to go and meet with Olivia at the hospital. The way back home is a nightmare, as Olivia doesn’t want to take a bus, claiming that ‘they’ are going to hurt her. Aidan has no clue to whom she is referring to, and he tries to soothe her as best he can. When she calms down, he resigns himself to calling a cab, hoping that she will be okay with this solution. Fortunately, she is.

One hour later, Samuel comes home, having decided to take the afternoon off to release Aidan from his constant watch over his sister. The man has watched over Olivia for the past three days and nights almost without a break, and Samuel knows his brother-in-law is exhausted. He also knows he shouldn’t lean on him so much; it’s his wife, after all. But it’s so hard to see her slowly drowning due to this disease. Furthermore, forcing Aidan to think about himself isn’t easy, the man having such a deep feeling of obligation over his sister for all she’d done for him in the past. He loves her dearly and would do anything to relieve her from her pain. At least, with time, she will realize less and less that her life is definitively and irrevocably altered, but it is a hardly a comfort to any of them.

Aidan remembers that day in April when, in one of her moments of full lucidity, she realized what was happening. Her eyes had filled with so much pain that Aidan understood at that instant the true meaning of the word ‘heartbreak.’ He could literally feel it in his chest. He had held her for a long time that day.

He’s glad that Samuel has decided to come home early today. He knows he can’t keep going the way that he has, watching his sister all the time. Deep down, he realizes he has to talk to Samuel about finding help. He knows it. Samuel knows it. Yet, it’s not that simple.

As he makes his way up the stairway leading to his apartment, Aidan just dreams about one thing; going home and doing nothing, just savoring the little time he has on his own.

So, when he reaches the last step and catches his first glimpse of Brian sitting with his back to his apartment’s door, his head down, it takes him three more steps before the sight in front of him truly registers in his mind. For an instant, he’s pretty sure he is hallucinating.

He pauses and observes the man in front of him. Brian seemingly doesn’t notice him, not turning his head as he approaches; yet, he must have heard him rushing up the stairs. And considering that he is the only tenant on the building’s top floor, it shouldn’t be too hard to guess that it was he who was standing there.

Composing himself, he makes four more steps and stops just next to Brian, who finally raises his head to peer up at him. His eyes show no surprise over seeing him standing here, confirming Aidan’s assumption that he knew it was him all along.

“What are you doing here?” Aidan doesn’t know what he feels over seeing Brian at the moment, but he does knows that he can’t deal with more of his shit. Not today. He’s too exhausted for that.

“I needed to see you,” Brian says, standing up.

Needed? Really? And where were you these past three weeks? Knitting?

“You want to see me now?” The man is unbelievable. “Well, you’ve seen me. Time for you to leave now.”

He should have known that Brian wouldn’t give up so easily, though.

“Aidan…”

He doesn’t want to hear it.

“No. I’m through with you. Right now, I can’t deal with a man who calls himself a friend, and yet runs away at the first opportunity he has. I just can’t.” He turns toward the door, hoping that his little diatribe would work.

No such luck.

“Aidan, you owe me. Just hear me out, and if you want me to leave after that, I promise I will. For good, if that’s what you want.”

Asshole. You know I can’t turn you down now. You’re an even biggest asshole than I thought.

“Fuck you, Brian.” I can’t do this anymore. Don’t hurt me. Don’t fucking hurt me again. Not today. Aidan turns around and finally, he looks at the other man. “I know what you did for me. For my sister. Hell, for my whole family, when you really think about it. And I will be forever grateful for that. I mean it. I won’t forget, ever.” Aidan feels so weary, so tired. He has to make Brian understand. “But I…If I let you in, I… I just can’t deal with your shit. Not now.”

“I promise I won’t run away.” Brian takes a step closer, “I promise I won’t freak out…I won’t. I just want you to hear me out. I don’t want to make things more difficult for you. I’m here to offer my help. And I definitely promise I won’t leave until you tell me to.”

Aidan stares at Brian. The man seems genuine. However, is Aidan ready to deal with this? More importantly, is he ready to deal with anything else other than his sister right now? His emotions are so raw, he feels like he could lose it again in a heartbeat. It’s such an uncomfortable feeling for a man like him who has always been in control, but he believes that what he is going through is a good excuse to lose it. Maybe people can’t understand the bond that he and Olivia share after all they’ve been through; he owes her so much. However, people would understand that physical and emotional exhaustion could wear any man down, making him do or say things that he wouldn’t do if not for the emotional state he is in. Yet, this lack of control over his own reactions is difficult to accept, and consequently, to deal with.

I really need to rest, I can’t continue like this. I have to talk to Samuel.

Not knowing what to do, he turns toward his apartment and puts the key in the lock. He closes his eyes for a few seconds and breathes. In and out.

Then, he opens his eyes with a new determination. He can do this. Dealing with Brian is nothing compared to what he’s going through with his sister. He trusts the man to understand that he doesn’t need any more shit right now.

He hopes he’s right.

“Okay.”

However, as he lets the other man come inside his home, he can’t help but think, I really AM a masochist; that’s the only plausible explanation.

 

 

 

Brian’s POV

As Brian enters the apartment, he is struck by the simplicity and elegance emanating from the place.

The small hallway leads to a beautiful kitchen on the left, opening to a big room on the right, simply yet beautifully furnished. Brian can see a door adjacent to the kitchen in the far left corner, which he presumes is the bedroom. The bathroom must be in there, too, as he doesn’t see any other doors in the room.

Conversely, he immediately notices the multiple framed pictures which are adorning every wall, creating a feeling of awe from the observer who discovers them for the first time. Brian has never doubted Aidan’s talent before, but seeing his previous works from assignments all over the world, displayed before his eyes, makes him feel like a privileged person somehow. The passion clearly radiates out from every one of them, the subjects seemingly telling a story to the observer. Brian feels like he is discovering the extent of Aidan’s talent for the first time.

“Your place is…”

“Purpose-driven? Special? One of a kind?”

Brian tries to think of a good word to use as a way to describe how he feels about this place, but he can’t find one. “Well, all of the above, actually,” he finally responds. He peers intently at a picture of a man with two children, his hands on their shoulders as they walk through what appears to be a former building reduced to a heap of rubble and litter; the contrasting colors accentuate the forceful presence of the three persons in the picture, and is mesmerizing to him. “The pictures, they’re…I’m not sure that ‘beautiful’ is the right word for them. They’re…powerful, disturbing in a way. It’s just a picture, but it’s telling a real story.” He pauses to study a few more of them before he tells him sincerely, “They’re amazing. I love them.”

“You’re here to talk about the pictures on the walls? Really?” Brian turns to look at Aidan. “You should have told me sooner; it would have saved me from almost having a heart attack when I saw you earlier.”

“A heart attack, huh?”

Aidan’s eyes immediately glare at him. “Don’t play smart with me, Brian…” The man heads for the kitchen and takes two bottles of water from the fridge. He puts one on the counter for Brian, who understands the message and comes closer to the kitchen counter, focusing completely on the conversation ahead. “So…You wanted to talk to me?”

Brian knows he has to proceed carefully and not say something stupid. “Yeah.”

“Then talk.”

“You’re not going to make things easy for me, are you?”

“Easy is not in my vocabulary these days… And you don’t deserve easy,” Aidan adds with an insincere smile on his face.

Apparently not.

“So…” Aidan raised his eyebrows, as a gesture to encourage Brian to talk.

Brian clears his throat noisily, trying to find the right words. “I came to…” He stops.

Focus, Kinney. It can’t be that difficult.

Aidan prompts him to continue. “To what?”

Brian tries again. “I wanted to…”

In light of Brian’s obvious lack of words, Aidan huffs. “You sound like a girl.”

That causes an immediate reaction. “I do not.”

Careful, Kinney.

“I thought you used words for a living; it should be easy for you.”

Brian can’t help but give him a pointed look.

Aidan notices. He seems amused. “You’re actually nervous.”

Maybe trying to lighten the mood would be a better way to start this conversation. Brian can give it a try, anyway. “I’m not nervous.”

“No?”

“No.”

Aidan huffs again. “Try again.”

“I’m not.”

“If you say so.”

Brian can play this game. “You’re mean.”

A half smile appears on Aidan’s lips. “And you’re cute.”

“Me? Cute? Are you crazy?”

Aidan laughs then. That’s when Brian realizes that he isn’t sure this conversation is moving in the right direction.  Aidan’s laughter seems off somehow. Still, he tries to play along.

“Stop laughing. I’m not cute. I’m the hottest stud in this burg, I can’t be cute.”

Aidan regains his composure, and for a brief moment the atmosphere seemed less strained; now, it suddenly becomes charged with tension. Brian is right; he definitely isn’t going to let it go so easily.

“Okay, enough with the bullshit, tell me why you’re here.”

Silence has often been a good friend for Brian. But right now, it’s definitely the enemy. Yet, he can’t succeed in opening his mouth.

Aidan sighs, and Brian knows he is going to give up; if he doesn’t react right away, it will be too late. “Aidan, I…” God, I hate this . “I’ve been an asshole.”  Very eloquent, Kinney.

“You think? You’re perceptive when you want to be.” Aidan’s voice is filled with sarcasm, making Brian squirm.

“Aidan…”

“What?” Aidan finally snaps. This isn’t good. “You want me to say that all is fine in the world, and that what you did doesn’t matter?”

Brian doesn’t even know how to respond to that. He doesn’t have the time to, anyway, as Aidan seems to have just started.

“Well, you know what?  It doesn’t matter. And you want to know why? Because YOU don’t matter. Not now. Do you know that I’ve been by my sister’s side for these past three weeks, helping her not to lose it, helping her children not to lose it, helping her husband not to lose it? I’m there every day, helping, soothing, taking care of her, doing everything I can to make them all feel better, even if I know that there is a damn good chance the day after is going to be worse than the day before. I’m not sorry for doing it. I want to. I want to stay by her side every step of the way. But you know what? I’m realizing that I can’t do it anymore. It’s too much. And do you know how I feel? I feel shitty, even if I know it’s not my fault. I know it. I really do. Yet, I feel like crap. I’m physically exhausted. But even then, it’s nothing compared to what I’m going through emotionally…” Aidan pauses for a few seconds.

Sensing that Aidan isn’t finished yet, Brian stays silent while the man takes a deep breath.

“I’m a tough man, Brian. I will manage eventually. But, fuck! I can’t deal with you right now. I can’t. I’m not strong enough for that. So, either you tell me right now what you want from me, or you leave.”

Whoa.

Fuck.

Move, Kinney. Now.

“Do you feel better?”

Aidan shakes his head wearily and rests his elbows on the counter, cupping his hands in front of his mouth. “No, not really,” he admits.

“Well, now you’re going to listen to me .”

Aidan looks up, seemingly surprised by the conviction he hears in the other man’s voice. Brian takes a few steps closer, walking around the kitchen counter as he plants himself in front of Aidan.

“I was an asshole to you. I never should have reacted the way I did. It was selfish, immature, and childish. I could place the blame for that on my fucked-up childhood, my aborted relationship with the love of my life, or solely on the fact that I’m an asshole, but it really doesn’t matter. I fucked up. It’s as simple as that.” Brian stares at Aidan, making sure that the other man hears and understands all he is saying. “That being said, I want to make it up to you. I want to prove to you that I can be here for you, that you can lean on someone. I don’t know how, but I want to. You’re not alone.” He doesn’t lower his gaze. “So now all you have to do is to accept my help. And if you do, I will be with you every step of the way.”

Their eyes don’t leave each other’s until Aidan breaks the contact, pacing for a few seconds before turning once again to look at him.

“I don’t know, Brian. You know it’s not that simple. You can’t just expect me to say that I believe you after what happened…”

What happened? Oh, that…

“You mean after I kissed you and freaked out?”

“Yeah.”

Brian is determined. “I can’t blame you. But I can  promise you that it won’t happen again. I mean, I can still fuck up in the future – I’m not exactly known to be the best even-tempered man on the planet – but I can promise you that I won’t run away from you again.” Brian can only hope that it’s enough to make Aidan consider his help.

Aidan’s next question isn’t what he was expecting. “Are you sure?”

“What?”

“Think about it, Brian. Are you absolutely sure that you want to help me? That you want to put up with my moods? Because believe me, there’re going to be bad ones. Will you want to be there when I feel like killing anybody who tells me that life is worth everything I’m going through? Will you stay with me when I snap at every person who tells me they understand? I definitely won’t be the happiest man to hang with.” Aidan looks intently into Brian’s hazel eyes. “Think about it, Brian. Really think about it. I don’t want you to answer me before you’re absolutely sure of what you’re dealing with here.”

Brian pauses. One thing he knows without any doubt right now is that Aidan loves his sister unconditionally. You don’t react the way he does for no reason.

Brian tries to put himself into the other man’s shoes. If the woman that raised him and saved him in a way, the woman that loved him and accepted him like a son, was to disappear in front of his eyes, and he could do nothing at all to stop it, how would he react? It would be like a painful and infinite torture for all the people who loved her as they were forced to watch her slowly slipping away. Brian can’t begin to imagine how he would feel if that happened to one of his friends. Furthermore, he suspects that Olivia and Aidan share a connection not many people can understand. The only time he saw them together, on that fateful Monday in the park, Brian had understood that fate had bonded the two siblings with a seldom-seen intensity.

As for Aidan’s question, Brian already knows the answer.

“I am.”

Aidan is visibly startled by Brian’s voice, since he was simultaneously having a silent conversation with himself during the small amount of time Brian took to decide.

“What?”

“You asked me if I was sure I wanted to stay by your side, even if you’re going to be the worst companion to be with,” Brian responds, a little smile playing at the corner of his lips. “And I just gave you my answer.” He moves closer to Aidan and positions himself right in front of him. “I am.”

This time, it’s Brian who is surprised by what comes next. Aidan’s gaze fills with unshed tears as he looks at Brian. He comes closer and lays his hand on Brian’s cheek. Then, he closes his eyes and breathes deeply, before opening them again. There’s desire in there, but not only that. Caring, even love? Brian doesn’t know, and doesn’t have the time to analyze it.

A second later, Aidan’s lips claim his, and his heart suddenly accelerates. After his initial surprise, he responds to it with all his being, feeling all kinds of emotions.

Aidan’s lips are warm, so fucking warm. Brian opens his mouth to allow the other man’s tongue to enter, after he seeks permission by subtly pressing against his own lips. The fire he feels inwardly makes him react immediately. He pushes Aidan against the fridge as the kiss intensifies, both men letting their repressed desire for so long take over.

In the back of his mind, he knows his friend is too exhausted to stop this, even if he wanted to. Brian doesn’t think it’s the case, but still, he doesn’t want Aidan to think later that he took advantage of the situation. Yet, he can’t just stop this; it feels so fucking good, but he wants the man to understand he can be trusted.

Making a quick decision, he puts his right hand on Aidan’s hard on, held captive in the tight confines of his jeans, and begins to slowly stroke it without opening his pants. The other man responds with a long moan as the two men’s mouths continue to devour each other. Brian is already so fucking hard he thinks he could come just with a little rubbing like a fucking teenager, but he doesn’t want to. Right now, it’s not about him.

Brian’s hand picks up the pace, adding more pressure on Aidan’s cock. Both men are moaning softly now, Aidan’s reaction to his ministrations being such a turn on, that Brian can’t help but emit soft moans of his own. The desire and lust are nearly unbearable.

Brian feels the exact moment when the other man is going to lose it. He stops what he’s doing, and opens his friend’s jeans slowly, allowing his beautiful organ to spring free. Then he proceeds to give him a really good hand job, trying to make it last as long as the man can take it. Aidan’s cock is leaking, creating a natural lubricant, and Brian alternates his moves between slow, firm strokes, and quick ones, watching with fascination as Aidan’s face gives him indications of his degree of pleasure between hungry kisses.

Aidan’s gasps are becoming shorter and shorter. Brian finally can’t take it, and caves in to his desire, sinking to his knees and taking Aidan’s cock in his mouth, sucking the whole length in one move. He brings him over the edge, as the other man climaxes in his eager mouth. Aidan almost screams.

Next, Brian stands up and supports the other man as he recovers from the pure pleasure he just experienced from the masterfully executed hand job, theirs bodies melting, and Aidan’s face buried in his neck. Brian’s cock is still painfully hard, but he chooses to ignore it.

It’s not about him for now.

“Brian…” Aidan finally recovers enough to stand on his own and regain the power of speech. He’s still breathing hard, his forehead resting on Brian’s shoulder. Finally, he finds the strength to raise his head. “I…What was that?”

Brian laughs. “I’m pretty sure you can answer that one without my help.”

Aidan smiles. “I’m pretty sure I can’t, actually. That was…fuck, Brian!  I didn’t believe all the rumors about you on Liberty Avenue, but I think I will have to change my mind. You really are a sex god.”

“Glad you liked it. Now that you’re so relaxed and all – thanks to my mind-numbing skills – it’s time for you to go lie down and sleep.”

“Huh? What about you ? You didn’t even…”

Brian shakes his head. “It’s not about me.”

“Brian…”

“No. You implied you wanted to trust me.  So, believe me when I say you need to rest, not to fuck.” He touches Aidan’s forehead with his. “And besides, you will need all your strength to put up with me, too.” Referring to their earlier conversations, Brian hopes that Aidan finally believes he is the “friend” that he needs.

Aidan smiles and pulls back to look at Brian. “Okay, you’re right.”

“I’ll let you rest, then.” Brian is about to step back when he feels a pressure on his arms. Aidan’s stopping him from breaking their embrace.

“Brian?”

“What?”

“Can you stay? I mean, I’m going to sleep, I promise, but…” Aidan sounds hesitant, vulnerable.

Brian stares into Aidan’s green eyes and sees something here. He should be scared. He should freak out. Of course he promised that he wouldn’t. But it’s not the reason that makes him want to stay.

He realizes he truly wants to . “Sure. I promised you I wouldn’t leave until you told me to.”

Five minutes later, they are both lying in Aidan’s large bed, Brian fully clothed with his tee shirt and jeans on, and Aidan clad only in his underwear. Even if he had decided not to fuck Aidan, two precautions are better than one.

“Come here.” Brian encourages Aidan to come closer and put his head on his shoulder. He slides his right arm under the other man’s body, and takes the other man’s right hand in his left hand, their joined hands coming to rest on his belly.

As Aidan’s breathing evens out, Brian doesn’t move. Being here, feeling peaceful for one of the first times in a long time, he allows himself to think about his ex-lover. He still loves him so much that it’s frightening. He knows without a doubt that neither time nor distance is ever going to change that. Even if he never sees him again, he will love him until his final breath on Earth.

However, he believes now that it doesn’t mean he has to live in limbo for the rest of his life. His feelings might never change, but he can decide to stop fighting it, and find a little happiness. He can choose to allow himself to be happy again. Even if the thought brings a temporary pang to his chest because of the true meaning of what it implies…

…that he and Justin are over, and that his mind  is finally learning to  accept it, even if his  heart never really will.

Brian must have dozed off for a while, because he’s jolted awake by the insistent ringing of a phone. Disentangling himself from the body against him, careful not to wake him up, he closes the bedroom’s door slowly and makes his way to the kitchen. He finds the source of the ring, sitting on the counter. Coming closer, he notices the caller’s name displayed on the phone’s screen.

It’s not any of his business, but he doesn’t care. He answers it, ready to give the caller a piece of his mind.

“Brian Kinney.”

“I…” Samuel’s voice shows his surprise, and he seemingly has to think about his next sentence. “Hi Brian, it’s Samuel, Aidan’s brother-in-law.”

“I know who you are, we saw each other, remember? At the hospital.”

“Yeah, right…” Samuel pauses. “Listen, is Aidan there? I really need to speak to him…”

“No…I mean, yes, he’s here; but no, you’re not going to talk to him.”

“Excuse me?”

“Listen to me. Are you listening? In case you didn’t notice, your brother-in-law is about to burn out. He is about to literally freak out, crash, have a meltdown, whatever you want to call it.” Brian knows he doesn’t need to lose his temper now, but fuck, seeing Aidan in the state he is in, has really shaken him. “So, if you don’t tell him to stop, he won’t. He has such a feeling of love and obligation for your  wife and  your  children that he’s unable to listen to himself. And someone has to step in for him. If you’re not going to do it, then, I think I’m the only one who can.”

“Who are you to him?”

Good question.

“I’m his friend.”

The silence that follows makes Brian understand that Samuel is thinking about what he just heard.

“Okay.”

Okay to what? “What?”

“I…You’re right, Brian. I know I should intervene and find some help, other than Aidan. He can’t go on like this, I’m aware of that. It’s just…Have you ever tried to stop him from doing what he wanted? Aidan is a stubborn man.”

The man is still finding an excuse, even if Brian knows Aidan hasn’t left him with many choices. “Yeah, he might be stubborn, but believe me, he knows his own limits. And he is reaching them. But it’s too hard for him to admit that he can’t keep going. You have to make him stop.”

“How?” Samuel seems lost, like he truly doesn’t know how to deal with the situation. Hearing the tone in the man’s voice, Brian softens, as he finally realizes that he is genuinely lost. He is losing his wife, a part of his life, maybe even a part of himself. Brian can’t imagine what the man is going through.

Brian isn’t sure that Samuel would consider a placement in a private facility for now, nor does he know if it’s a good solution. He is no expert. So he keeps his mouth shut about that. Yet, someone who could take over from time to time would be a solution. “You’re a doctor. You’re in a good position to ask around and see if someone who is not emotionally involved like you are could come to your home and help you out. Maybe a few hours a day, or at night, or whenever it’s better for you.” As an afterthought, he adds, “Don’t ask Aidan for his opinion on the matter for now. Just do it. You  have to ask for help. Do it for you. Do it for Aidan. And do it for your children.”

“You’re right… I will.”

Brian feels the need to add, “Don’t misread my words. I don’t mean to pry; I’m only telling you this because I know that Aidan won’t before it’s too late. Furthermore, I think he is afraid to tell you that you both need help…One thing I know for sure is that he won’t hold out for long now.” He hears a deep sigh over the phone.

“Do you know what the worst is?” The silence adds a dramatic effect to what Samuel says next, which makes Brian shiver. “I can’t even look her in the eyes anymore.”

Brian can feel the man’s pain through the phone. Once more, he tells himself that people tend to forget that being healthy is so important, and that the alternative can alter so many people’s lives. “Ask for help. You can’t do this alone.” Brian waits for Samuel’s reply, hearing his breathing through the phone.

“Brian?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you. I’m glad to know that Aidan is not alone dealing with this.”

“No problem.” He is happy that he has stopped running away, and that he is acting like an adult for once. He thinks of one more thing to ask before hanging up. “Wait, do you want to leave a message?”

Samuel’s answers tells him that he was right to interfere. “No, nothing that can’t wait until tomorrow.”

After hanging up, Brian takes a deep breath. He is glad that Aidan’s brother-in-law had agreed to listen to him, and he can only hope that the results of their conversation will have a beneficial effect for Aidan and for his family.

Five minutes later, Brian is leaning on the bedroom’s doorway, watching the sleeping form in front of him. He stays there for a long time before making his way back to the bed.

 

 

 

Michael’s POV

Preparing to close his shop for the day, Michael feels really happy tonight. It’s Friday, and he agreed earlier to meet with the guys at Woody’s in order to catch up after too many days without seeing each other.

The last few weeks have been good, great even. His daughter is coming home in a few weeks, and he is ecstatic over the news. Having his little girl next to him in his day-to-day life is like a dream come true. He can’t wait for her to be here.

It also means that the girls are coming home, and his best friend is delighted. Michael knows that Brian is fucking happy to know that his son and one of his dearest friends will soon be back by his side, even if he doesn’t say it. Still, for anyone who would make the effort to look closely at Brian when he talks about their return, it would be unmistakable.

However, something seemed off in the last couple of weeks. Michael suspects it has to do with Aidan, but after Brian’s little show in the middle of the night at his house, they didn’t have much of an opportunity to speak about it again. Being busy with work and other concerns, they hadn’t seen each other a lot in the last couple of weeks, except for a Sunday dinner at his mom’s nearly two weeks ago. Still, it wasn’t the place to bring up such a subject, and by the time they had finished their meal and might have had a chance to talk about it, alone in the relative privacy of the backyard, Brian had taken off, claiming he had work to do. Michael supposes he could have called his friend to ask him about his love life, but he isn’t sure that would have been well received. So, he restrained himself and now realizes that he doesn’t even know if Brian has seen the other man since their last encounter or not. He definitely needs to see his friend, if just to make sure he’s okay.

So, as he closes the shop, he decides to call him, and to tell him about his plan to meet the boys later. It would be a good time to try and understand what is happening in his best friend’s head.

Punching in the number on his cell, he waits for it to ring before he hears Brian’s familiar voice on the other end. “Mikey? Wait a second.”

Hello to you, too, my dear friend… How am I doing? Great, thank you, it’s so good to hear you’re eager to know if I’m okay…really, I’m so touched by your concern !

Well, he shouldn’t be surprised; Brian never has been very good with greetings.

Michael hears smothered sounds, like the phone is being muted somehow, and he has the distinct impression that Brian is moving.

“Okay, you can speak now.” Brian voice’s is low, like he doesn’t want to make too much noise.

“Hello to you, too.” Michael pauses. When Brian doesn’t respond, he asks, “What are you doing?”

“Actually, I was…napping.”

What? “Napping? At nearly seven on a Friday night? Are you sick or something?” Michael is suddenly worried about his friend’s health. He hasn’t seen him for a while now. What if something had happened to him?

I really am my mother’s son,  he couldn’t help thinking dryly.  Maybe he IS just ‘resting.’ But why is he resting at seven o’clock on a Friday evening?

Brian is certainly grinning, if the tone in his voice is any indication. “No. Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because ‘Brian Kinney’ and ‘nap’ on a Friday evening in the same sentence are pretty contradictory, unless you’ve been to a big party last night that I’m not aware of.”

“No. And even if I had been, you’re not my keeper; I can take a nap if I want to without asking your permission, can’t I?” Brian seems more amused than irritated by his friend’s question.

Still, Michael has to be sure. “Well, okay, but you’re not sick, are you?”

“No, I’m not.”

What a relief…But that doesn’t explain why he is taking a nap…

“So, why ARE you taking a nap?”

“Why are you so obsessed with the idea of me taking a nap?” Brian retorts.

I can see his point… But I still want to know.

“You don’t want to answer me?” Michael frowns. Why doesn’t he want to answer?

“Mikey?”

“What?”

“Why are you calling me? Other than trying to play Colombo, I mean.”

Colombo? Me? Why not that cute guy on CSI? That would be hotter. And I’m not playing Colombo… am I?

“I’m not playing Colombo! I’m just worried, that’s all. I haven’t seen you in ages!”

“That doesn’t answer my question, or is it a particularly hard question?”

“I…” Michael opens his mouth and closes it, taking the time to think of the purpose of his call. Why was I calling again? Oh.  “I…”

“Mikey, you are so eloquent when you want to be, that’s a real delight to hear,” Brian teases.

“Fuck you!” At least his friend hasn’t lost his particular sense of humor, so he has to be fine. “I wanted to ask you what you were doing tonight.”

“Okay.”

And? “So?

“So, what?” Brian has always loved to play the part of the ungrateful best friend. Over time, it had become a real game between them. The only problem is that Michael has yet to find a way to win one of their little word battles.

Thus, Michael can’t help but tease his friend back. “Brian, you really know how to make a man feel special, you know that?”

“Yeah, that’s me, I always make people feel like they’re one of a kind…it’s not my  fault if that doesn’t always have a positive connotation.” Michael can hear Brian’s grin even through the phone.

Asshole.

“So, will you join us? At Woody’s, I mean? I’m meeting the guys in two hours.”

“I don’t know.”

Michael suspects that Brian wants him to beg  him to come.  Well, if it’s what it takes, then… “What? Why? We haven’t seen each other in ages!”

Brian chuckles. “You already said that, try again.”

I did? Well, I must be losing my touch…

“Okay, what about the fact that it’s the ‘Firmest and Hardest Abdominals Party’ at Babylon tonight? Lots of shirtless and sweaty men?”

“You should have begun by saying that to me first.” Michael grins, but then his smile falters over his friend’s next words. “Or maybe not, considering I’m the owner, so I already knew, in case you hadn’t deduced it already. You really can be a little slow sometimes.”

If you put yourself in the tiger’s cage, expect to get bitten. Especially if the tiger’s name is Brian Kinney.

“Fuck you!” Michael pauses and thinks for a minute. His friend is definitely not sick. In fact, he seems to be in a great mood, if his retorts are any indication. “You’re in rare form tonight.”

“You noticed, too?”

“So, you’re actually ARE in a good mood.”

“Perceptive, aren’t you?”

I’m perceptive now?

“I thought I was slow,” Michael can’t help but point out with a little smile at the corner of his lips.

“That means there’s still hope for you.” His best friend’s reply is delivered with a softness only they can understand.

Nevertheless, Michael is still hoping that his friend will answer him and, more importantly, that he will come tonight. “Brian…”

“Okay, I honestly don’t know if I will be there or not. I…I’m not alone right now.”

Oh. That’s a surprise.

“You mean, you’re…you’re with…?”

“Aidan, yeah…” Brian clears his throat, and Michael understands that he doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it. “Do not jump to conclusions, Mikey.”

“I wouldn’t dare.”

I can’t wait to tell the guys!

“Right…” Brian doesn’t seem convinced. “He is asleep right now. I… I’ll ask him if he wants to go out and call you back when he wakes up, okay? But please, just… you know…”

They’re not playing anymore. There is a vulnerability in Brian’s voice that makes Michael understand things may be a little more complicated than what he might have thought at first. Furthermore, his friend is telling him without so many words that he needs his support on this. Brian Kinney using words like “please” is not a common occurrence; it means real business.

“Okay. Just call me when you know what you’re doing.”

“Thanks. Will do. Later.”

“Later.”

As he hangs up his cell phone, Michael keeps staring at it for a minute, still thinking about what he had just heard. Brian and Aidan? What does it mean? He sincerely hopes that he will see his friend tonight, and that consequently, he will have some answers to his questions. In the meantime, he will keep his mouth shut, as he promised.

Twenty minutes later

Aidan’s POV

When Aidan wakes up alone in his bed, he is convinced that he had just experienced a beautiful dream. It had been so vivid – almost as if it were real – talking to Brian here in his apartment, kissing him, and even receiving one of the best hand jobs of his life, before falling asleep in the man’s arms. For a moment, he doesn’t want to open his eyes, wishing he could prolong his fantasy for a few more moments before emerging back into reality.

As he opens his eyes, however, he notes that he really is alone. Now that his brain is slowly coming back to life, dissipating the fog which was still there a moment ago, he could have sworn that it had  happened. Still, Brian is not here and the apartment seems too quiet to host another person.

He stands up and puts his jeans on, not bothering with a t-shirt, and heads toward the main room. As he suspects, Brian isn’t here, but as his eyes fall upon the two bottles standing still on the kitchen counter, Aidan realizes that he was  there.

Fuck me. It really happened.

Not knowing what to do, and since he is on his own, Aidan decides to take a shower to clear his clouded mind. Walking through the bedroom, he enters the adjacent bathroom and takes off his clothes, letting them fall onto the floor. Stepping into the large, tiled, open space separated by a wall from the rest of the bathroom, he turns the water on and after a few needed seconds to warm up the flowing liquid, he positions himself under the delightful cascade spray and just stops moving. His eyes closed, his arms supporting him on the tiled wall in front of him, the water falls onto his head, neck, shoulders and upper back, helping him relax by massaging his tense, hard muscles.

His mind is working perfectly now, with a million thoughts seemingly bouncing in his head. Aidan remembers the events that took place earlier in the day, and the conversation he had had with Brian Kinney.

Brian Kinney.

The man had truly surprised him, again.  When he had first seen him, sitting in front of his apartment door, he really thought that he had been hallucinating. Against his will, his heart had begun to beat faster, and he had felt a deep feeling in his chest just seeing the man there, waiting for him. Later, when they had talked and when Aidan had nearly lost it, Brian had said things and done things that had made Aidan’s heart beat faster again, making him nearly forget how to breathe.

God, I’m so fucked

He’d be lying if he didn’t admit that he is disappointed that the man has left without leaving a note. Yet, he understands that he wouldn’t just stay here while he crashed for nearly four hours, if the time indicated on his bedside table’s alarm clock is any indication.

He stays here, under the spray, motionless for a while, not knowing if it is five or twenty minutes, the time being an elusive element to his life these days. He finally washes himself, his hair then his body, and lets the water sweep away the already dissolved soap.

Coming out of the shower, he grabs a clean towel and quickly dries his hair before moving onto the rest of his damp body. Finally, he goes back to his bedroom and dresses in a pair of black underwear and blue jeans, with a white sleeveless shirt. As he finishes adjusting his clothes, he sits on the bed for a second, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. That’s the exact moment when he hears a noise in the main room.

What the fuck?

Standing up, he walks in the direction of the other room, and as he enters it he suddenly stops. Looking to his right, he sees Brian, sitting comfortably on a bar stool, casually reading today’s newspaper, a big bag sitting right in front of him on the counter and a wonderful smell slowly filling the air surrounding them.

Just then, Brian looks up, a beautiful grin appearing on his handsome face.

“Finally! I thought I would have to call Prince Charming. Or better yet, play him myself.” Brian teases, “You don’t joke around when you say you need to sleep. You crashed for nearly four hours.” He stands up, folds the paper he was reading, and raises his eyebrows. “Well, are you hungry? I can even play the handsome delivery boy, see? Or would you prefer a ‘fill-up’ of a different  kind ? ” he adds with a mischievous gleam in his eyes, smirking.

Porn references? Really?

“I’m starving,” Aidan blurts out without thinking. He should have known Brian would not let it go.

“Good to know, I can provide you with any sort of ‘fuel’ you like,” Brian teases again.

God, stop it, I’m already hard just thinking…fuck! Stop it, Aidan! Think lesbians doing it. There, that’s better…

“You’re in a good mood,” Aidan replies, making his way to the kitchen to retrieve a bottle of water from the fridge.

“Uh, huh…” Brian answers as the other man holds up the bottle in his hand to Brian in silent inquiry as he nods. Handing the bottle to him, Aidan then retrieves another one for himself and takes a long gulp from it. In the meantime, Brian takes out what appears to be Thai food from the bag.

Brian turns serious before asking, “So, do you feel better?”

“Yeah, I feel… refreshed. Thank you.” As an afterthought, he asks, “Do you know where my cell is?”

“Here…” Brian takes it out of his pocket. In front of Aidan’s questioning gaze, he says, “I wanted you to sleep, not be awakened by your phone.” Aidan frowns. “Your brother-in-law called, and before you ask, everything is fine. We had a little talk, and…”

That makes Aidan react. “You had a talk with Samuel?”

“Yeah...”

“What…” Aidan frowns again, not understanding what this is about, and how he feels about it. “Why?”

“Aidan…” Brian comes closer, and stops just in front of him. “You’re exhausted, and you can’t go on living like this, you told me so yourself.”

“I know, but…”

“No, listen to me… It’s simple. Someone has to step in for you. Your brother-in-law is incapable of doing it, so I did.”

Brian looks intently into the other man’s eyes, making Aidan realize that he really does want to help him, even if it means having to fight him in the process. “You both need help with your sister. I just pointed it out to him. He can’t continue leaning on you so much, and you can’t continue being your sister’s anchor like you are.”

Aidan is about to open his mouth, but Brian doesn’t let him. “And don’t tell me you can. Just think about the state you’re in these days.” He pauses, adding more effect to his following words. “Look me in the eyes, and tell me you can go on like this, if you dare.”

Brian’s eyes can be fucking intimidating when he wants them to be. His eyes and his stature reflects his feelings about the situation regarding Aidan’s sister, and his friend’s involvement in her day-to-day life.

Still, Aidan can’t help but fight him. “I just can’t let her down, it’s not that simple.” As he says it, he diverts his eyes. He knows he is wrong somehow, but maybe he needs to be reassured that he is not letting her down, no matter what.

“You’re not.” Brian steps closer and lays his hand on Aidan’s cheek. “Listen to me.” He captures Aidan’s gaze and finally starts to speak. “You are doing everything right, you hear me? In fact, you’ve done more than anybody could expect from you. Accepting help is not going to make you a  lesser man. In fact, it’s just the opposite. By accepting some help, you recognize that you’re human, and that in order to help her the best you can, you have to accept help and not become burned out and unable to help her in the near future. What do you think is the best solution? Being there for her, or crashing for her?” Brian takes Aidan’s face in his hands and puts his forehead on his. “Come on, you have to help me here.” Then he moves back and their eyes lock, Brian searching for an answer in the beautiful green eyes in front of him.

Aidan’s heart is ready to self-combust hearing those words coming from the man in front of him. Furthermore, he knows Brian’s right. “You’re right.”

That makes Brian smile. “I’m always right.”

Aidan tilts his head. “And modest.”

Brian purses his lips; still, he can’t prevent a grin from appearing on his face. “Yeah, that too…”

“I want to kiss you.”

“That’s the best idea you’ve had in days…”

They kiss then, letting themselves feel the passion growing between them with each new kiss. It’s frightening, yet Aidan can’t do anything to stop it. It feels so good.

Reluctantly, they separate for some much-needed air, and, foreheads touching, they breathe hard against each other’s mouths.

“I really am starving, you know,” Aidan responds after a few seconds.

Brian chuckles softly. “You’re mean; you know I have to let you eat to make you feel better.”

“You so care about my well-being; it’s really cute.” As he says it, Aidan realizes what he has just implied. It wasn’t his intention at all; he really just wanted to tease Brian back, but unfortunately he can’t take the words back.

Brian pulls back, an indecipherable look on his face, and looks at him for endless seconds without saying anything.

Aidan is pretty sure his heart stops beating when he hears Brian’s next words.

“I do.” Brian pauses and smiles. “Come on, then, let’s eat. I don’t play delivery boy for my only pleasure, you know.”

Aidan understands Brian is not comfortable talking about feelings; yet, as he follows him to sit at the kitchen’s counter, he can’t stop a genuine smile from appearing on his face.

Twenty minutes later, they are both enjoying the last remnants of the almost finished meal they had just shared, while talking about everything and nothing; from politics to history and the cultures of various peoples all over the world. Aidan is insatiable on the subject, being too happy to find someone who seems genuinely interested in what he has to say about his lost years as an itinerant man. He has seen so much, from good and beautiful things to extremely bad and heartbreaking events, and he misses the life that he had been a witness to. Yet, he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but near his family now.

Brian seems captivated by the animated, one-sided conversation Aidan has been leading now for the past several minutes about his former life. Aidan notices Brian looking at him strangely, and realizes he hasn’t let the man say a word for some time now. He stops then.

“Sorry. You will have to gag me if you want me to stop permanently,” he tells Brian sheepishly as he realizes he has been rambling. “I tend to get a little carried away when I talk about my past trips.”

Brian shakes his head. “No problem. You’re a lucky man to have me as a listener, since you don’t bother me too much,” Brian teases, before adding, “Seriously, your stories are enthralling. In fact, you should consider writing a book about it or something…”

“I already did,” Aidan stands up and goes to retrieve a book in his bookcase. He comes back and stands next to Brian, placing the book in his hand. “Here…I wrote this a few years back when I was in Africa. It’s mainly a book filled with photographs taken during my time there, but…it’s yours if you want it.”

Brian looks at the cover and opens it. The book is a collection of specific pictures. There aren’t very many, but their quality and the passion which emanates from them is undeniable. He takes his time looking at each picture, and finally closes the book. He keeps looking at the back cover for a moment, before looking over at Aidan.

“It’s beautiful; thank you,” he states sincerely. “Would you sign it for me? I’m a big fan,” he adds with a smirk.

“Not sure you deserve it,” Aidan teases.

“Are you kidding? I am the most deserving person you know right now. I think I deserve a real reward for putting up with you.”

“Fuck you!” Aidan retorts with a smile.

“By the way, my friends invited us to join them tonight. Are you interested?”

“They invited us ?”

“Well, considering I told Mikey that I was with you – and that he’s polite and has good manners – he must have felt it was the right thing to do, you know?  That’s what people do in general.”

“In general?”

“Well, if it’d been me, I’m not sure I would have been so well-mannered,” Brian adds, tongue-in-cheek.

“You’re mean.”

Brian huffs, “I’m the sweetest guy you know.”

“Huh.”

“So?”

“Okay, why not? It’s been a long time since I had a night out.”

“Great. I’ll call Mikey and tell him we’re coming, then. I just have to stop at my place to change first.”

“Okay, give me just five minutes, and we can go.”

“Hurry up, Sleeping Beauty.”

As Brian opens his phone to call his friend, Aidan peers over at him and can’t help but feel a strong feeling of gratitude for whoever has allowed them to meet. He has the distinct impression that this man will be his ‘savior extraordinaire’ in more ways than one.

 

 

 

Ted’s POV

In life, things evolve , indubitably. As time goes by, a lot of things stay the same. You always wake up the same way in the morning; you follow the same routine: waking up, showering, eating, brushing your teeth, dressing, going to work, seeing the same people every day, saying the same things, and having the same goals. The list of things that stay the same is certainly longer than the one where things evolve. Still, it’s in the details, in the fragments, that you can see an evolution. People don’t change in appearance. They change inside, slowly, undoubtedly, sometimes for the better and sometimes not so much.

Ted Schmidt knows a thing or two about life and evolution. Having felt so low a couple of years ago, he considers himself a lucky man. You don’t go through what he went through without learning a thing or two about yourself. Those dark days brought him a new insight to his own life. More than that, it opened his eyes to the world which surrounds him and, more importantly, allows him to scrutinize the people he loves as his own family.

Family . It’s a strange word for Ted Schmidt. He loves his mother dearly, and even if he’s not close to his sister, he thinks he loves her, too, but in a different way. Yet, when he thinks of the word ‘family’, those two persons are not necessarily the first to come to his mind.

His real family is the one he chose for himself.

First, there is his partner Blake of course; smart and beautiful, inside and out (even if he knows it sounds so ‘cliché’, it’s true nonetheless). The man has saved him, more than once. It’s ironic when some might consider he is the one who almost caused his death in the first place. But to Ted, he is the one who saved him, despite their first encounter.

Then there is Emmett, his flamboyant, generous, kind, and selfless best friend, the most beautiful queen Pittsburgh has ever seen. He shares so many memories with the man, not always happy ones, he has to admit, but for the most part they are cherished ones that contain important life lessons. He doesn’t know what his life would be like without his forceful presence in it, and he truly doesn’t want to imagine it. Emmett is and always will be by his side, of that he is certain. After all they’ve been through, the porn, the drugs, the failed relationship, even Blake, he is absolutely sure that nothing, and no one, could come between them again, ever.

The Novotnys are also a part of his family. Debbie is a second mother to all gay men on Liberty Avenue, and a unique personality in her own right; Michael, his oldest friend, has already proven time and time again that he will never let anyone down. Ted remembers his never-failing support during what he now calls his ‘dark period;’ and he is so grateful for the support that Michael provided during that time. He is what a man can call a true friend. As for Ben…well, Ben Bruckner is the wise man of this family and a wonderful person.

And finally, there is Brian, indisputably the most complex member of them all. Ted is pretty sure that he is the man who has evolved the most over the years; yet, his charisma has never altered, and he can still play the narcissist asshole to perfection when it comes to people for whom he doesn’t give a damn. Still, he can be a real madman if one happens to be foolish enough to hurt one of the people he loves .

Yes. Love. You get it.

Ted is pretty sure now that Brian is one of his friends who feels the most, even if he does everything he can to hide it. He feels deeply, like a keen knife cutting your skin. However, there is a strength that radiates from him, too. It’s as if the man could meet and face each and every challenge that life would ever throw in his face. Yes, Brian Kinney is definitively a complex man.

He’s changed a lot over the last years, too. Ted knows why, or, more accurately, who, to thank for that.

Justin Taylor.

This persistent little kid with a sunshine smile and a beautiful face, not to mention really nice assets, has changed the great God Kinney for the better. The man wouldn’t be who he is today, if not for this young man.

Ted misses Justin. He really does. They’ve never been close, not really, but Ted has to admit he considers him a part of his family, too. So, as with every member who isn’t a part of his life anymore, not in his day-to-day life at least, he can’t help the questions that arise whenever he thinks of this amazing young man who so changed his friend’s life.  He wonders what his life has become. Is he happy? Is he healthy? He certainly hopes so.

When Ted hears Michael announce that Brian will join them tonight, but that he will not be alone, he isn’t surprised, not really. He would be lying if he said he isn’t a little curious; okay, he can admit he really loves gossip. Still, he understands that since having met Justin, Brian has let himself feel  more and more during the seven years of their relationship. Ted has no doubt whatsoever about the intensity of Brian’s love for the blond, even now. He also has no doubt that after having known what loving and being loved really means, Brian would not fight it as much as before.

Yes, there is definitely a ‘before Justin’ and an ‘after Justin.’ Thanks to this kid, Brian Kinney has changed for the better. Ted can only hope that his friend will finally be happy again with Aidan, even though he has to admit it’s hard to imagine any other man but Justin by Brian’s side. He really thought not so long ago that the two men were meant to be together. He still thinks it’s true in a way; but Justin is not here anymore, and Aidan is obviously a good man, who seems to care about his boss.

So, as the adage goes, it was time to wait and see…

When Brian arrives with Aidan not far behind him, Ted is watching the man attentively.

There is something there, something that wasn’t there the last time he saw Brian. Ted doesn’t know what happened since this morning when he had met with him for a meeting at Kinnetik, but something definitely has changed. Brian seems almost happy, and doesn’t try to hide it. Everybody here notices his good mood immediately, and the obvious camaraderie the two men share.

As the night goes on, Ted sees the furtive looks between them, and, witnessing their silent conversation, he realizes with certainty that Brian has finally decided to allow himself to move on, and more importantly, to lower his walls for the second time in his life.

This is really happening. He was right.

Brian feels again.

Later that night, after having shared the latest gossip and the better borderline jokes, after having laughed and danced with his friends, his family, Ted is standing by the counter at Babylon, watching the activities with a nostalgic eye, reminding himself of what it was like before, and observing what it has become now.

His eyes land on Michael and Ben, always happy, always in love, a model for a lot of gay men, an example of courage and love. The words ‘you will love each other, in sickness and health’ come to his mind while observing them together. Those vows couldn’t be truer regarding these two men.

Next, he observes his partner and his best friend dancing together, all their differences and past resentments long ago forgotten. They are beautiful together, and Ted feels a swell of love bubbling up in his chest just looking at them. There are the two most important people in his world, and he is so grateful for their presence in his life.

Finally, his eyes meet another sight, one of two men dancing together, hands on each other’s hips and shoulders, forehead on forehead, eyes closed, barely moving, just swaying lightly. They are not in the room anymore, drinks and dance making them fly somehow. Aidan and Brian have entered into their own world, with their own words, their own feelings and their own touches, where nobody exists but the two of them.

It’s a mesmerizing sight; painful in a way for all the people who can’t forget that another man should be here. Ted is really a romantic by heart, even if he will never admit it to Brian. Yet, life is once again spraying its magic, and he is glad that his friend is finally ready to give himself another chance at happiness.

It’s time.

It’s life.

And life can always bring a lot of surprises at any time.

Finally, Ted stops his nostalgic musings for the night, and decides to join his partner and his family on the dance floor.

Life is short. Each moment has to be cherished. We shouldn’t forget it.

Brian’s POV

As they make their way into Woody’s, Brian immediately notices his friends scrutinizing his every move, and the stupid grin that Michael can’t seem to stop from appearing on his face. Ted is looking at him strangely, Emmett is beaming and clapping hands, while Blake and Ben have the good sense to stay neutral. With friends like that, he is pretty sure that the gossip is going to spread faster than the latest flu bug.

“Hi, guys, what are you going tonight? Besides slobbering, anyway,” Brian says, bending over the table and snapping a finger in front of Michael’s face, just before plopping down in a vacant chair next to Emmett.

“Hey! Why would you say that ?” Michael grins wider, innocently.

Asshole. I knew it. You just couldn’t help but rat on me, could you, Mikey?

Then addressing Aidan, Michael greets him.  “Hi, Aidan, nice to see you again.”

Nice, my ass. You’re just too happy to have some leverage over me, Mikey… Be a man and admit it…

“Hi.” Aidan greets everybody with a nod of his head and a smile, while taking a seat himself. Brian can hear various ‘Hi’s, Hellos, and Heys’ emanating from his friends.

Okay, gossip…I get it…Time for an intervention.

“So? What’s it going to be? Rumors? Direct questions? Inquisition ?” Brian cuts the bullshit, a not-so-sincere smile on his face. Aidan chuckles next to him.

Turning to look at Aidan, Brian exclaims, “What? Don’t laugh! You don’t know them like I do. They’re worse than vultures. They will pry and pry, again and again, until they know when you have a shit; I swear!”

“Brian! Don’t be rude, we wouldn’t dare! Who do you think we are? We are first and foremost your friends, and we’re just here to support you. That’s what friends do,” Emmett steps in, a mischievous smile at the corner of his lips.

“Honeycutt, you of all people must know you shouldn’t play with me. You’re gonna lose. Trust me,” Brian declares with an intimidating stare.

Observing the man in front of him, and apparently coming to the conclusion that he won’t be able to question Aidan freely about his relationship with the great God Kinney, Emmett doesn’t want to admit defeat, at least not yet. “Uhh, not even a question or two, please, pretty please?”

Aidan is laughing now, and Brian can’t help but smile himself, looking at him, finally relaxed and enjoying the moment. That is, until he looks up and sees his supposed friends staring at him. Reacting immediately, he takes his most imposing posture then, his facial features suddenly forming a murderous glare, hoping his friends will get the message and leave him alone. Inwardly, he is enjoying this, but he is definitely not going to admit it, least of all show them that he is amused by it.

Fortunately, everybody seems to get the message. Moreover, he is grateful for his accountant when the man cuts short any further possibilities of his friends continuing to invade his personal life.

“Couldn’t we have an evening without Brian being the center of the universe? I’d like to play pool. Anyone?”

Brian wonders then what Ted saw in the conversation that just happened. Yet, he is grateful and as their eyes meet, a silent message passes between them. Brian’s not sure what the message is, even if he can guess the general meaning of his intervention.

He smiles. Or is it a grin? Well, it doesn’t matter.

What matters is that finally, Brian can relax, too.

Babylon, two hours later

Brian is high. Or so he feels that way.

Moving on the dance floor, with Aidan’s body beneath his fingers, his brain has shut off.

He feels alive . The drinks, the music, the shirtless, sweaty men, everything around him is pushing him toward a state of pure bliss. He hasn’t felt this way in a long time. He has missed it, craved it and at this instant, he is embracing it completely.

He is horny. Fucking horny. Foreplay is a bitch, and the atmosphere of Babylon only serves to arouse him even more. He can feel the other man’s hard-on slowly brushing against his body as they sway to the music; his own cock is nearly twitching in his too tight jeans.

He has wanted this man for so long. He is not even sure how he resisted until now. Maybe he really is a good man after all who doesn’t think just with his dick. Who would have thought?

The dance is a torture, a blissful and beautiful torture. He doesn’t want it to end. Still, at the same time, he can’t stand it anymore.

“I want you.”

It’s just a whisper, but it’s enough to make Aidan open his eyes as he pulls back to lose himself in hazel ones. Then, Aidan’s lips come closer and finally claim Brian’s with an intensity that makes the brunet shiver. Their tongues are dancing, just like their bodies were doing a moment ago. However, they stand still now, lost in each other, their occasional moans swallowed by the music playing in the air. Beautiful men surround them, hoping to be like them, feeling lust and envy in light of the intimate show now playing before their eyes, understanding that for these two, time has stopped, and people have just faded away.

Finally, Brian pulls back, knowing he has to have this man tonight, but not like that.

“Not here.”

Aidan kisses him one last time, grazing his neck, giving him all the power over events to come. Brian smiles and leads him through the crowd toward the exit.

Finally.

Fifteen minutes later, the loft

A door is shut violently. They are frantically kissing against it, forgetting the world, forgetting everything else but this.

Brian thinks he might explode. Just the friction of too many clothes between them is bringing a delightful feeling in his cock. He can feel himself leaking already, and is beginning to fear that he might come just like this.

He pulls back, needing to slow down if he doesn’t want it to end before it even begins.

Turns out it is a bad idea, or a really great one, depending upon your perspective. Aidan doesn’t wait for him as he hastily opens the buttons of his jeans, slowly stroking Brian’s cock in his hand as soon as his underwear can be pushed aside. Their gazes don’t leave one another as Brian lets out a long moan then, watching Aidan drop to his knees to free his dick. Aidan looks at it for a few seconds before locking his gaze with Brian’s, who is staring at the other man with a lustful expression on his face. The sight of Aidan about to engulf him fully in his mouth becomes too much for him to watch as he closes his eyes and just relishes in the feeling of the delicious lips lightly sucking his already throbbing cock.

God, yes...

Aidan takes his time, alternating with little slaps of his tongue and faster ones, licking his entire shaft and his balls, and stroking his cock with his hand. He doesn’t stop when he visibly feels a scar there, and Brian is grateful for that. He should have known that Aidan would notice. Still, right now, the thought is just a fleeting one, Aidan bringing him back immediately to the pleasure washing over him.

He is going to come soon, it’s inevitable. The pleasure is too strong, Aidan having decided to swallow him whole now, moaning against his shaft and doing things with his mouth which feels too good.

Yeah...Like that...Do it again...God, yes...

Brian lowers his gaze and watches the beautiful man making love to his cock in front of him. There are no other words for it.

He notices that Aidan is moaning louder and louder now, and he suddenly understands. While sucking his cock, Aidan has opened his own jeans, and is now stroking himself. The vision is such a turn on that Brian feels a tingling in his balls just as Aidan swallows him again, humming.

“Aidan,” Brian warns him, just as the first spurts of come surges from his cock into the willing mouth. He cries out then, feeling himself exploding. In the back of his mind, he hears Aidan moaning louder, too, understanding that his friend is climaxing along with him.

Feeling his legs give in, he lets himself fall to the floor in front of Aidan and claims the other man’s lips immediately, feeling the last remains of his come on the soft tongue.

Brian finally recovers his voice to speak.  “You really are a stud. Only a stud can suck a cock like you just did,” he teases, smiling widely between kisses.

“Hmm...” Aidan is grinning, seemingly enjoying the praise.

“Why don’t we move this show into the bedroom?”

“I thought you’d never ask...”

Taking the edge off was definitively the right thing to do. As the two men begin to undress each other, they take their time to discover each other’s body. Aidan is so fucking beautiful, with his lean and toned body, his tanned skin, and his beautiful ass. It would have been a waste not to enjoy it to its fullest after having waiting so long in the first place.

Brian wants this man so much, his cock is already hard again.

“Roll over,” he instructs Aidan, who looks at him with a question in his eyes. “Trust me. I won’t hurt you.” Aidan stares at him for a few more seconds longer before complying, laying his head on his arms and spreading his legs in silent invitation.

God, he’s really beautiful.

Brian feels honored that the man trusts him enough to offer himself like this without any protest. He swears he will show him that his trust is warranted, and that the pleasure he is going to feel will definitively be worth his gift.

Slow kisses everywhere, hands touching and caressing his back, his neck, his thighs, his ass, Brian takes his time, letting the man he feels beneath his fingers and his mouth understand that he can relax and enjoy, that Brian is focused on giving him pleasure and making him want it. He doesn’t know if Aidan is exclusively a top or not. He is a stud, but even studs can appreciate being possessed by another man from time to time. He even knows proclaimed tops that, once settled in a relationship, admitted they were fucked more often than what people thought. All was a matter of trust and sharing, according to them.

Still, Brian knows he himself is a top through and through, even if he enjoys bottoming from time to time. Yet, he’s not sure he could do it on a daily basis, and considering he likes to fuck every day, it’s a question that he has to envisage. Wait, is he thinking about a more permanent relationship with Aidan now ? While he is about to fuck? Really?

Deciding that he will think about it another time, and wanting to concentrate on Aidan’s pleasure, Brian turns off his brain. He then proceeds to lick, suck and touch every part of the man more thoroughly. After a few minutes, he leads his tongue lower and lower and makes his way to Aidan’s ass, with a clear goal in mind.

Aidan’s breathing is slowly accelerating, deep breaths turning to soft moans now. As Brian uses his right hand to separate his cheeks and begins to slide his tongue in between the crack of his ass, Aidan tenses slightly. Brian pauses, and caresses his lower back, then starts to lick again, touching his hole and lightly licking it very slowly, all the while keeping his touch on his skin.

Finally , Brian can’t help but think. He has wanted this moment for so long. He loses himself in what he is doing, feeling Aidan relaxing more and more beneath his tongue, feeling himself rock hard while hearing Aidan’s louder moans while he begins to press against Brian’s mouth. The passion, lust and pleasure build up until, at last, Brian hears what he has been seeking since he began his ministrations.

“Brian, please...please...fuck me...”

Brian pushes his tongue in and groans, “Fuck! Yes...”

They are lost then, both of them. Brian can’t stop, it feels so good, having this man literally shivering with his touch and begging him to take him, to claim him. Soon, he reaches randomly toward the bedside table to retrieve some lube and a condom and opens the lubricant, applying some on his fingers. He rubs them together before slowly entering Aidan’s hole with his forefinger. He feels the man responding immediately, too far gone to not want it now; he adds pretty quickly a second and a third finger, wanting to prepare him as best he can for what’s to come.

“Brian...Now...I...”

Brian’s cock twitches, just hearing his lover begging him like that. He’s not even sure Aidan is aware of what he is saying now. One thing he knows for sure is that he can’t wait anymore, he has to be inside him. NOW.

Putting the condom on his leaking dick, and applying some lube on his covered shaft, he removes his fingers from Aidan’s hole and puts his other hand on his shoulder.

“Turn around. I want to see you when I enter you.”

The other man almost moans. “God, Brian, you really want me to come even before we begin.” Aidan turns around and smiles.

Pausing to look at him, Brian feels something swelling in his chest, gazing into the other man’s piercing eyes, something powerful. As he lines up his cock with the man’s hole, his gaze doesn’t leave the man’s face for a second.

“Here, now...”

At last, he begins to push slowly into the man’s tight channel, watching for any signs of discomfort from the other man. Aidan slightly winces, making Brian pause. He can feel his cock seemingly pulsing already, and he is grateful for the little time he has to gain control over his own body again. The channel is enveloping his dick in the most delightful way, and he hasn’t felt so out of control in a long time. In the meantime, Brian’s lips find Aidan’s neck, and his tongue begins to lick the irresistible flesh, making Aidan moan more and more.

Consequently, Aidan relaxes and squeezes him in silent invitation for him to push further. Brian resumes his progression, and soon he is inside him, his balls against Aidan’s ass. It feels so good. He captures Aidan’s lips and kisses him thoroughly, moving his hips imperceptibly.

Aidan can’t take it. He breaks the kiss, breathing hard and whispers, “Now...Do it, fuck me...”

Brian slowly pushes in and out, feeling every thrust sending pleasure throughout both their bodies. Soon enough, they are both covered in sweat, and Aidan is begging him to fuck him harder, deeper.

Brian obliges, and watches in fascination as Aidan’s face becomes a mask of pure pleasure, beautiful moans and grunts spilling from his mouth, just as he changes his angle one more time, the sudden new rush of pleasure with this position forcing him to close his eyes.

Yes, ahhhhh....so good...want it to last...but I can’t...I can’t...

He is pounding Aidan’s ass now, going in and out, in and out, over and over again, feeling the tight channel contracting around him at each thrust, signalling an impending orgasm.

This is too much, too good, too... Brian can’t think anymore, just  feel . He is just there, about to fall over the edge, without being able to do anything to stop it. Truthfully, he doesn’t want to.

“Now! Aidan...” Brian’s voice is almost desperate, but he doesn’t care.

Aidan grips Brian’s hand in his, and guides him to his cock, their two hands joined to stroke it together and their lips meeting in a hungry kiss, their smothered moans reverberating in each other’s mouths.

Suddenly, Aidan turns his head slightly, groaning, and Brian can feel the other man’s cock pulsing in his hand.

A second later, he feels warm come spilling from it, and he hears Aidan’s shout filling the air. This, combined with Aidan’s blissful face and his tight channel milking his cock with the force of his orgasm, pushes Brian past the point of no return. He freezes, deep into his lover’s ass, and comes so hard he literally sees stars.

He collapses, passes out, whatever. In the following moments, all that can be heard in the loft are deep breaths, like when two people just finish a marathon and need to fill their lungs with some much-needed air.

They don’t move for a long time. Resting from their high in each other’s arms, reality finally sets in. They’ve just had sex for the first time, and will soon have to face the aftermath.

Brian doesn’t want to think too much now. He is savoring the moment, the silence, the peaceful retreat you only go to just after having great sex. Seconds turn to minutes, with neither man showing any intention to move soon.

Finally, Aidan must begin to feel crushed under Brian’s body, because he stirs a little. Brian moves, careful to remove the condom from his softened dick and tying it off before placing it in a waste can nearby; then he rolls over, lying onto his back next to Aidan, facing the ceiling.

“It wasn’t bad...”

This sentence wouldn’t surprise anyone, if not for the fact that it’s not Brian who has just said it.

Brian feels himself smiling, “Um...yeah, you’re right...not bad...”

Turning his head to look at Aidan, he watches him laughing, a real laugh, the kind he hasn’t heard so often in his friend’s voice.

That’s when he knows. For the first time in a long time, he really feels it, at this instant.

He is truly happy .

The thought makes him pause. Then, an overwhelming pang makes his way to his chest as a sudden feeling of guilt appears at the back of his mind.

Justin.

He allows himself to feel once again the pain of his loss for a few seconds. He still wishes somehow that the man next to him wasn’t the one who was here.

Nevertheless, as his eyes lock with green ones, he is grateful that he’s not alone anymore.

And, yes, he is happy.

 

 

 

Aidan’s POV

Aidan must have dozed off for a while, because he wakes up in the large bed overlooking the loft’s living area, alone.

His eyes open as he lies there on his back, his mind is still fighting to properly function as he allows his thoughts to travel back to the events that took place earlier in the evening.

Sharing a drink with Brian’s friends had been kind of weird. He had felt them scrutinizing their every move, apparently asking themselves who he really was to Brian. A friend? A fuck buddy?

He had also felt something else. What it was, he wasn’t sure, but he was pretty convinced that it had something to do with Brian’s ex. He was their friend after all, and as it were, Aidan was replacing him, as if it wasn’t his place to take. Or so he had felt that way.

Brian had stayed by his side all night, laughing with him, dancing with him, and more. Aidan can’t believe that they had finally had sex together, and how good it had felt. He rarely had felt such a connection with his sex partner before. In fact, it was maybe only the second time it had happened in his lifetime, the first one being with his first partner when he had been a young and clueless man. He had stayed with this older man for about two years at the time, but it wasn’t meant to be. As soon as he had understood that the life they shared wasn’t what he wanted, he had taken off without looking back. He was twenty-one when he had left, and he had never regretted his decision since then, not even once.

Now, he knows it’s different, though. His feelings for Brian frighten him. To top it off, the other man is definitely not ready to hear about them. Yet, he hopes he will be able to restrain from showing him how deeply he has fallen already. He is not sure he could support a reality check right now. Still, at the same time, he needs to know where he stands; it would be easier to stop this right now, rather than later. They could still be friends. Or they could be fuck buddies. Or...

“Would you stop thinking so loudly? I can hear you from the kitchen.”

Brian appears in front of him, shirtless, with his jeans on, having obviously taken a shower not so long ago. He is cutting an apple with a sharp knife, and is eating each piece without bothering to peel the skin.

Aidan doesn’t deny his assumption. “Am I so obvious to you?” The thought scares him a little.

“Well, you’re over there, doing nothing but staring into emptiness, not really lying there, but not quite sitting, either.  So yes, it’s pretty obvious you are doing some pretty heavy-duty thinking to me.” Brian comes closer and plops down onto the bed, making both of them rock in the process.  After a few moments, he flops onto his back to lie beside Aidan, looking up at the ceiling.

“So, spill it.”

“What?”

“You obviously have something on your mind, so you might as well talk about it. And I appear to be the only listener available at the moment; so, do the math...It’s easy.”

“You’re bold.”

“And you’re wasting time; you might as well just start talking.”

“Uhh...”

The silence stretches out for a few seconds, before...

“I...”

“You…?”

Okay, I can do this…

“What is going to happen now? I mean, what am I to you? A friend? A fuck buddy? I...I’m kind of confused now about...about  us...”

“Us...”

“Yeah...”

Brian’s stare is indecipherable. He doesn’t look at him, just keeps staring at the ceiling. Aidan isn’t even sure he is going to obtain an answer to his question. Maybe he should have kept his mouth shut.

“You really want to know?” The voice startles Aidan, since he was thinking Brian wouldn’t give him an answer. “Because I must warn you, it’s probably  not what you want to hear; not entirely, anyway.”

Brian’s voice holds a sincerity that Aidan has never heard before.

Aidan looks intently at Brian, and reaches over with his right hand to squeeze the other man’s left, a silent gesture for him to keep going. He watches as Brian clears his throat noisily without acknowledging him with his eyes. Still, he feels a light response as Brian squeezes his hand back.

“I don’t really know who you are to me,” Brian admits at last. “I mean, I always loathe the worthless labels everybody seems to use all the time to qualify their relationships. Fuck buddy, lovers, partners, even husbands or fucking sexual slaves for all I care, it doesn’t really make sense to me. So, I would have difficulty answering your question, even without all the other things I think you should  know.”

He rubs his hand over his face, rising up into a sitting position, but without turning toward Aidan, as if to protect himself in a way. He takes a deep breath and starts, “I’m not an easy man. In fact, I was a fucking asshole to all the people who care about me for a lot of years. Always playing the narcissistic bastard card; because, in a way, it was easier, you know? That way, people weren’t expecting anything from me. Some were even stupid enough to find it attractive,” Brian huffs. “Christ!”

He rolls off the bed and stands up before declaring, “I really was a fucking bastard.” He paces a little and finally stops. Aidan notices that his look is softening, as Brian is seemingly remembering something. “And then, it all changed... Fate has a way to really surprise you when you least expect it.”

He pauses and sighs.

“When I was twenty-nine, I had a son, and I met a man. Not a man... a boy, a fucking teenager, actually.”

Aidan listens carefully, hoping that what he was about to hear would help him understand this man better.

“Gus, my son... I really was a fool, you know? When Lindsay asked me to be the father, I was young and smug and...I didn’t think. I really didn’t imagine for one second that I would ever be a good father. I thought I was giving this child the most wonderful gift by giving him an absent father, a sperm donor.” Brian laughs bitterly, “I truly thought that, can you imagine? I really was fucked up at the time.”

Aidan doesn’t say a word.

“And then, the first time I held him in my arms, I felt it . What people babble about all day, what movies and books and fucking music and songs try to sell you all the time...”

Aidan looks at him, waiting for his next words.

“It was love , not the one that develops over time or even with friendship, but the kind you can’t control; I was looking at him, looking at my son, and it was there, spreading in my mind like a fucking disease that was going to infect my body.” Brian’s gaze is seemingly lost in his memory. “I definitely wasn’t ready for it, though; and I tried to fight it, I really did. I even wanted to give up my parental rights right away, but Justin stopped me.”

That makes Aidan react.  “Justin?”

“Yeah…Justin.”

Brian turns around to look at him before speaking again.

“He’s the real reason why you’re here today...”

Brian’s eyes hold Aidan’s gaze for a few moments, letting the words and – more importantly – their true meaning sink in.

“I met Justin the same night Gus was born, believe it or not. He was a seventeen-year-old virgin at the time, a scared shitless little boy who wanted to have his cherry popped by the guy of his dreams. Turns out, he met me ...”

“He showed up at Liberty Avenue that night, and I took him home and thoroughly fucked him. It was a night to remember. But to me that was it, a really good fuck, and a first time for him that he would never forget; and then it was supposed to be ‘ bye, bye, little boy, go back to your toys, and I will go back to mine...”

Aidan notices a genuine smile forming on Brian’s lips.

“Well, I should have known he wouldn’t have let me go so easily...Long story made short, he claimed he was in love with me and became my stalker. At first, I tried to resist, but he was pretty irresistible when he wanted to be. Finally, I gave up, and he became…the guy I fucked more than once.”

Brian starts pacing again, before stopping a few feet away and turning back to face Aidan. “It was a rocky relationship. He struggled for years to get me to lower my walls, and to make me acknowledge our relationship as something, anything more than what I gave him.” He draws a shuddery breath before adding, “It took a bat to his head and a bomb to finally force me to open up to him completely.”

Aidan eyes grow wide. “A bat? A bomb?”

“Yeah, we live in a beautiful world, don’t we?” Brian states sarcastically. “Justin was bashed at his prom; I was there when it happened, but I couldn’t do anything to stop it. He almost died that night. And, as if that wasn’t enough, three years later there was a bomb at Babylon during a charity event against Proposition Fourteen; Mikey was almost killed, too.”

“Fuck.”

Crazy people are everywhere...

“Yeah, fuck, as you say...”

For a few seconds, a deafening silence rings in the air, providing an even deeper intensity to their shared conversation.

Finally, Brian sighs and sits on the bed next to Aidan; joining his hands on his knees with his feet on the floor; he stares straight ahead as he states, “I can’t even believe I’m saying all of this to you...It’s not...I’m not the ‘talk about your feelings shit’ kind of person usually; but I...I think I owe you that, if nothing else...”

He glances at Aidan before resuming his position with his stare looking into emptiness. “The point of my little speech here is... Justin...He made me the man I am today. He helped me grow up, and more importantly, with him by my side, I finally understood what it was to love and to be loved in return... I finally understood that I really wanted it, too...and when I had to let him go, to pursue his art in Europe, it was the hardest decision of my fucking life. I’m not even sure to this day I wasn’t wrong about it...”

Ouch . It hurts. But it is not a surprise.

There is one thing Aidan doesn’t understand. “Can I ask you a question?”

Hazel eyes look furtively towards him, and Brian shrugs. “Go ahead.”

“Have you contacted him since he left?”

“No.”

Aidan frowns.  “Why? You could have…I don’t know; maybe tried to stay with him, to make it work?”

Brian snorts. “Right...And make him feel bad about it, with him being so far away? He would have come back to me because of a fucking sense of self-sacrifice or something equally stupid; and, he is so young.  How could I do that to him? He needed to experience life on his own, without me.”

“Are you sure? I mean, if you love him and he loves you, how can being apart be a good thing?”

Brian shakes his head, seemingly fighting with that idea. “What’s done is done. There is no need to dwell on it, not now, not after...”

Aidan understands that the subject is off limits. One thing he’s convinced of, however, is that Brian must have thought he had to let Justin go because he loved him so much.

Nevertheless, he can’t understand how he could  let him go, unless...

“Can I ask you one last question?”

Brian raises his eyebrows and gestures impatiently with his hand, visibly not really wanting to hear his next question, but agreeing nevertheless.

“Would you have let him go if you hadn’t believed, or as least truly hoped deep inside you, that you would find your way back to each other one day? Would it have been possible for you to cut all ties if you were absolutely sure you would not have seen him ever again?”

Brian doesn’t respond.

The silence is all the answer Aidan needs.

Brian leaves the bedroom then, heading toward the living room, needing some space. Aidan suspects he needs some time to gather his thoughts as well as control his emotions.

Well, he isn’t the only one.

Fuck.

Ten minutes later, Aidan stands up, puts his jeans on, and walks over to the other man’s silhouette. Brian is standing by the window, perfectly still, in the darkness of the loft. Aidan isn’t sure he hears his approach until he starts to speak again, his voice soft and quiet.

“I still love him, Aidan.  I always will...”

Aidan suspects it’s hard, nearly impossible for Brian to share such a deeply personal part of his life with anyone. So in a way, the fact that Brian has decided to do it in his presence, while he might not even voice such thoughts aloud with his own friends, makes him feel both privileged and honored.

“So if you can’t deal with it, maybe it would be easier to just stay friends.”

Aidan squeezes Brian’s arm, making the man turn to look at him. He has never seen him with such a vulnerable look on his face. Brian finally looks up, and lets the other man see him – before he resumes his speech.

“I mean, I can’t promise you anything. I will never be monogamous.  I’m definitely not the easiest man to deal with, and you now know that I’m...in love with another man...And I...I always will be.  That would make any sane person run away really fast...” His eyes soften as he continues, “That being said, I  do care about you, and I promised you I would be there for you. So now, it’s your call...You have to decide...”

Looking at him, and hearing the shiver in his voice, Aidan knows he should run away. Any normal man would, after hearing such heartfelt words. But they wouldn’t see the plea there, the silent request of a lost man. Brian’s eyes hold so many emotions right now, and Aidan seems paralyzed by their intensity.

It won’t be easy; he is sure of it. It’s definitely not a good idea, either, considering he has enough problems in his life without risking a broken heart in the process. The man he’s in love with is in love with another man, and Aidan can’t even blame him. After what he’s heard tonight, he understands all too well that if not for Justin, he wouldn’t even be here. He even feels like it’s not his place to be here. Not permanently, anyway; like he already knows it won’t last. It’s just a feeling, but it’s there nonetheless.

So, yes, he should run away. Fast. Far away. Right now.

But he can’t.

So he stays and kisses the other man with all his heart, giving him an unspoken answer to his previous question.

Four months later, November 2008

Brian’s POV

Adjusting his leather coat, Brian strides across the street, heading toward the corner diner’s door. The last days of November are fast approaching, and he is glad for the two days’ break he’s planned in order to join his son and his friends for Thanksgiving next weekend. The air is frosty, announcing the beginning of an early winter, and his scarf and gloves don’t quite succeed in preventing the cold from entering his shivering body.

Pushing the door open to the familiar place that has partly defined his life, he can immediately feel himself warm up as he observes his son laughing in a nearby booth with his mother and sister; Brian’s best friend, Michael, sitting with them.

“Hey, Sonny Boy. Guys,” Brian greets them.

“Daddy!”

Brian smiles and takes his place next to his son, just as he hears a loud voice coming towards him.

Michael whispers in a ‘top secret’ kind of way, “Careful. Ma is in rare form at the moment.”

Brian huffs as he smiles mischievously. “Isn’t she always? In form, I mean?”

“Brian!” Michael and Lindsay reprimand him at the same time.

“Hey! What did you just say?” Debbie is standing next to him, looking kind of imposing.

Imposing. That’s a good word for her.

“I said you were looking marvellous, Debbie, as always,” Brian replies tongue in cheek with a goofy smile on his face.

“Don’t play with me, Mister.” She points her finger at him. “You know you will lose at this game. I’m the Master at this…” she states a little more loudly as she gazes at all the people around her, “…especially with having to deal with YOU all day.” Then her face softens as she looks over at the kids. “Except for those two, of course. Aren’t you just adorable?”

“Debbie, would it be possible to have some service here? Some of us actually have other things to do than chat all day.”

“Doing what ? Masturbating other people’s minds with bullshit? Or maybe it’s not their mind you’re...” She refrains to finish her thought, finally remembering that there are children sitting there.

Brian laughs as Michael and Lindsay both cover their children’s ears.

Debbie bends down to whisper in his ear. “Asshole.” But the word is delivered with a fondness only Debbie can convey while using that kind of word.

“So…turkey sandwich on whole bread, no mayo? Would there be anything else?”

“That will be enough, thanks.”

Then addressing Michael and Lindsay, she adds, “Anything else?”

“No, we’re good,” Lindsay responds with a smile.

As Debbie walks away, Brian finally sees the stare Lindsay gives him from the other side of the booth, looking at him as he sits beside Gus. That makes him smile even more.

“What? It’s not my fault she can’t help himself!”

“As if you don’t enjoy it,” Michael answers him knowingly from across the booth.

“Uhh...” Brian seems to think about it for a minute, still playing the act, as he feigns to reach a horrible conclusion. “Do you think I should schedule a consultation? It must be serious for me to develop a kink out of it.” Michael throws a fry at him as he joins in Brian’s laughter.

For the next hour or so, the three friends talk together about everything and nothing. It’s an ordinary day at the diner, and an ordinary scene for all the customers.

Brian enjoys this and allows himself to think about his life. The last four months have been good. The girls and the children have finally moved back, and everyone is thrilled to have them in their everyday life again. Brian sees his son every three days or so, even occasionally picking him up from school to drive him back to the Munchers’ place, or playing babysitter when they need one. He is definitely a more permanent presence in his life now, and couldn’t be happier about it. Who would have known, looking back a few years earlier, that he could be a good father, or at least a not-too-bad one, anyway? He is still surprised himself about that fact, but in a good way.

Kinnetik is doing well, great even. He still works like a madman to ensure that the company prospers carefully, catching some big, really influential fishes in the process, so to speak. His purpose is clear: not to grow too fast, but setting reachable goals. Four years after its creation, Brian is proud to say that Kinnetik is a fucking success, the best achievement he could have dreamt of in terms of his professional career.

As for his personal life, it’s doing well, too. He and Aidan have reached an understanding. They see each other several times a week, but not necessarily every day. Brian still fucks other men, still sees his friends without always inviting his lover to come along, still struggles sometimes when things are a little too ‘emotional’ for his taste. But all in all, it’s good to have someone by his side again.

His feelings for Aidan are real. The man brings him a kind of quiet peace. When he is with him, he can be himself and he truly enjoys their time together. He feels alive, and he likes every moment.

However, all is not easy. Olivia’s health is deteriorating fast, and even with a home nurse who comes several hours every day, it’s taking a toll on every member of the Cole-Miller family. Brian tries to be there as often as he can, providing moral support if nothing else, wishing that he could do something more. Aidan maintains that Brian is doing more than enough to support him; yet, it’s hard to watch the man fighting to stay afloat while witnessing his sister’s deterioration.

Last week, he had met with Olivia’s children. He had agreed to drive Aidan to Olivia’s home, but, when they had arrived Olivia was screaming, a really  anguished scream, filled with despair and fear; something close to  hysteria . Taking action – Aidan was alone with Noah and Claire, Samuel being still at work – he had told the kids to come with him, and they had taken a drive, allowing Aidan to deal with the situation. Brian had wanted to stay, but one look at his friend had told him exactly what he needed for him to do.

It had been weird being around Claire and Noah, knowing that he was a virtual stranger to them. Brian wasn’t good at dealing with this kind of situation. He could be considered a lot of things, but he didn’t know how to deal with two children who were witnessing their mother losing it completely. What can you say in a situation like that? ‘Don’t worry, it’s going to be okay?’  Or,  ‘you’d better be prepared, it’s never going to be okay again?’ What?  ‘I’m sorry?’ Bullshit.  ‘I understand what you’re going through?’  Bullshit again.

Brian was at a loss, so he did the only thing he could think of.

He took Noah and Claire to see his ‘ mother.’ His ‘real’ mother. At least the one that really counted, anyway.

When Debbie saw them standing awkwardly in her doorway, she had the good sense to not say anything. Maybe what she saw, looking at Brian with those two kids, was enough. He didn’t know how Debbie could be so perceptive, but she was. As Brian introduced them to her as Aidan’s niece and nephew, she immediately understood, thankfully.

She worked her magic then, succeeding in making them crack a smile not ten minutes after they had arrived. How could she do that? Brian had never really understood how she could make anyone smile when she set out on such a mission, but it worked every time. He was so fucking grateful for this woman and her son.

Later, when he had rejoined Aidan, Olivia was nowhere to be seen, seemingly asleep, and Samuel was finally home. Claire and Noah had hugged him before going back to the house, surprising him to no end. Aidan had looked back at their house one last time, a sober look on his face, before following him to the ‘Vette. They had stayed silent for an hour, both knowing no words could fix the situation, but Brian knew that Aidan was grateful for the silent support. Later, he had shown him exactly how much.

So, it isn’t easy. Brian isn’t perfect, and he will fuck up again at some point. Yet, their ‘relationship,’ whatever it is, works.

Brian hasn’t forgotten Justin. He thinks of him every day, wondering what he is doing, if he is okay, with whom he is spending his time. Most of all, he can’t help but ask himself: was it worth it? Because even if he is grateful for Aidan’s presence in his life, and even if he really cares about him in ways that he never thought he ever could again, Aidan is not Justin and he still misses him, every single day.

Yet, life has a strange way of playing people sometimes, because if Justin hadn’t left, he would not have experienced what he is sharing with Aidan. So, perhaps it was meant to be. Maybe he needed to be here for Aidan, to help him and support him with his sister. Who knew? The irony of it all was not lost on Brian.

“Daddy?”

Brian realizes that he has let his thoughts wander away from the diner, his friends, and his son sitting next to him. Michael and Lindsay were talking about Jenny Rebecca a minute ago, and he had lost himself in his own mind in the meantime.

“Yes, Sonny Boy?”

“Are you going to Paris?”

What?

“What?”

Looking up, Brian notices immediately the guilty look on Michael and Lindsay’s faces.

What is he talking about?

The silent question is hanging in the air, both his friends understanding it without actually needing to hear it. Lindsay is the first to visibly react, searching in her purse for something to show to Brian.

“Here.” She takes out what seems to be an invitation of some sort. Or maybe...

Brian recognizes the drawing immediately. Not necessarily the drawing per se, but he knows without a shadow of a doubt who created it.

“It’s an invitation. For his first show, in Paris, next February...”

Brian can’t seem to find his voice. He stares at her like she has just grown two heads, or at least it feels that way, if the look on her face is any indication.

“I...I thought you would want to have it...He sent it to me...for you.”

The mere idea of Justin sending him an invitation for his first big break in Europe makes Brian feel like he is going to suffocate soon. His heart rate speeds up. He feels like his entire body is shaking as his left hand reaches out to take the invitation.

Looking at the paper in his hands, there is only one word that comes to his mind, a word which reflects his astonishment over this turn of events.

Fuck.

Yes, if his physical and emotional reactions are any indication, Brian Kinney is definitively and irrevocably still in love with Justin Taylor. So, what the fuck is he going to do?

 

 

 

One week later

Michael’s POV

At night, the lamps of the street are projecting their rays of light through the windows of the tiny comic shop; as Michael comes out of his sanctuary located at the back of the store, he hears the bell ring. Looking up, he notices his smartly-attired best friend enter with a sure step, before he turns the sign hanging in the window over to the ‘closed’ side and locks the door.

That’s a surprise.

“What are you doing here?”

“Hello to you, too, Mikey; do I need a reason to visit my buddy?” Looking to his right, Brian walks over to the counter and plops himself down on top of it, picking up a comic lying nearby and casually flipping through it.

“Oookay, if you say so...” Michael comes closer and clamps his hand down over the comic Brian is feigning to read, capturing his attention, before asking, “So, what’s up?” Pulling back a little, he adds, “I haven’t seen you since last week at the diner.” Both men understand the implied meaning of that sentence, even if neither of them acknowledge it out loud.

“Nothing, I just figured you might want to have a night out with your eternal lost love. I knew it would be an offer you wouldn’t be able to refuse,” Brian quips, tongue in cheek.

“Right.” Michael smiles.  “Don’t you have other plans?” He asks knowingly.

“Nope.” Brian remains sitting on the counter, still pretending to be immersed in what he is doing.

Michael stares at him, and Brian must feel it, because he finally closes the comic in his hands and slides back down onto the floor. As Michael observes his friend, he finally understands that something is off.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Why would you think that?”

Michael raises his eyebrows at his friend. Brian sighs.

“So?”

Brian shrugs.

“Where is Aidan?”

Brian doesn’t look at him. “Don’t know. I haven’t seen him in a week.”

“Oookay.” So, that’s why Brian is here. “And may I dare to ask why?”

Brian shrugs again. “No special reason.”

Michael frowns, “Brian…”

His friend stares at him for several seconds before giving up. “Okay, I... I needed some air; is that so bad?”

“No, it’s not. And of course it has nothing to do with Justin’s show, right?”

Brian looks at him pointedly then, not agreeing to or denying anything. Finally, he takes a deep breath and turns around, while putting his elbows on the counter and his hands on his face.

“Hey...” Michael comes closer and positions himself next to Brian. “You want to talk about it?”

Brian straightens up and looks at him, a disgusted look on his face. “Since when do you know me as someone who ‘wants to talk,’ huh? I don’t want to talk.” Then, he starts pacing a few steps.

“Obviously.” Michael watches his friend retreating, but doesn’t move.

Finally Brian stops and sighs. “Fuck, why is all of this so damn annoying?”

Michael frowns. “What?”

Brian gestures with his hands. “I don’t know; everything...”

Michael can feel a half-smile forming at the corner of his lips. “You mean that your life is not a nice, long, quiet walk in the park?”

Brian snorts. “Can’t you think of a more boring metaphor? I don’t DO walks in the park...”

Michael huffs, “That’s for sure.”

Brian shakes his head as he confesses, “I don’t know what to do.”

Michael understands immediately that his friend is not talking about metaphors anymore. He opens his mouth. “You...” Then he pauses, not knowing exactly what to say.

Then, Brian gazes up at him, an open look on his face before he asks a question which surprises Michael to no end. “Have you heard from him?”

“I...” Michael stares at his friend. Brian is clearly distraught right now, and he has come to him to help him understand his own thoughts. Of course, Michael can’t answer for his friend, but he can try to help him as best he can. He has to tell him the truth. “Yes... I have.”

“Is he happy?”

“Brian,” Michael warns.

“Michael, I need to know.” I need to know that it was worth it . The unspoken words hang in the air, but both hear them anyway.

“He is...okay.”

“What do you mean…he’s okay?” To Brian, that could mean anything, and it was way too vague.

“I heard his first show is a big deal, and that he never could have accomplished what he has so far by staying here in the States. His work is gaining recognition all over Europe, much faster than he could have back home. It seems his show is an amazing feat for someone so young, and he seems ecstatic about being able to put it together in Paris, no less.”

“Good. That’s good.” Brian is nodding in a way that would make an observer think that he is trying to convince himself of that more than anything. But Michael knows better.

What he can’t make himself tell Brian right now, however, is that it’s still fucking painful for Justin to be so far away. He misses his family, misses his friends, but most of all, he misses Brian. Michael knows he is trying to move on, too, but it must be fucking difficult for him, being in a foreign country with no friends except for the ones he’s gained during the past year. Nevertheless, Justin has made him promise not to say a word to Brian about that. So Michael keeps his mouth shut, knowing it won’t do any good anyway.

“Are you going? To Paris?”

“I don’t know,” Brian’s gaze seems lost, but it appears to find a new focus as he looks up and instructs his friend, “But even if I decide to go, you have to promise me you will not say anything to Justin, you hear? I don’t want him to know… ever. ” Michael realizes that his friend is not stupid; Brian knows he and Justin are still in contact, and he also must know that Michael isn’t getting his information second-hand.

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“But...”

“No, Michael, I can’t...Promise me...”

Michael had never been able to resist Brian’s eyes when he looks back at him this way, open and too vulnerable to hide his feelings; so he can’t do anything but nod. “Okay.”

However, there is still one question that Michael feels the need to address. “What about Aidan?”

“What about him?”

“Are you going to tell him? If you decide to go?”

Brian doesn’t answer, not really. “He has nothing to do with this. Besides, he has enough shit to deal with right now, without adding this to the mix.”

“Uhh...”

“What?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Go ahead, as if I could ever stop a Novotny from digging into my head.”

Michael hesitates slightly before asking, “Aidan. Do you...?”

Brian looks at him then, and Michael is sure that his friend has heard him loud and clear, without him having to say the forbidden words. Love is not a word you associate in a question when talking with Brian Kinney even now, even after Justin, even after everything. Yet, as he watches his friend peering back at him, his heart goes out to him.

“I have to go,” he mumbles as he turns to leave.

“Brian, wait! I’m sorry...”

“Apologies are useless.” Looking intently at his friend, Brian finally leans over to place a chaste kiss on Michael’s lips before saying, “Love you, Mikey; always have…”

“…Always will; yeah, I know...” Brian pulls back then, gazing at him for a few more seconds more as a way to accentuate his gratefulness to his friend, before taking a few steps back and finally exiting the store.

As his friend leaves him standing here, Michael can’t help but muse about Brian’s life. Ten years ago, if someone had told him that his friend would fall in love with an annoying teenager who wouldn’t take no for an answer, he would have told whoever was saying it that he was freaking insane. Brian in love? It was inconceivable. What would have been even more insane would have been for someone to tell him that Brian could fall in love a second time.

Now, Michael realizes the true meaning of the adage ‘never say never.’

February 2009, Paris, 4 th District, Cloitre Saint-Merri Street

Brian’s POV

As Brian stands in front of the gallery that is displaying Justin’s first solo show in France’s capital, he is grateful for the umbrella he is holding which not only protects him from the rain, but also obscures him slightly, giving him some time to look through the window. He knows his former lover isn’t there; he called the gallery earlier that day, pretending to be a fan who wanted to meet with the artist. He was told by the owner that Justin was currently away for a couple of days.

Still, Brian’s heart beats fast; too fast. He hesitates, standing there in the pouring rain for a few more minutes, before finding the courage to move toward the door. He isn’t sure why he is so nervous, but he is. The exhibition’s opening had been held nearly a week ago, so as he opens the door he is surprised to see so many people in the open display area. Surprised and proud.

Leaving his coat and his umbrella in the cloakroom, his eyes are drawn immediately to the huge painting displayed as the first one in the room, just near the entrance. The lines, the paint, the colors, everything about this painting screams emotions, feelings, here, now.

God, he is so fucking talented.

Three hours later and Brian’s still there, still immersed in all the feelings emanating from Justin’s work. As he moves from one painting to the next, a certainty makes his way into his heart, more than ever.

It was worth it.

He finally positions himself in front of the last painting, a relatively small one compared to the additional twenty ones in the exhibition.

This painting takes his breath away. He knows without a shadow of a doubt that he is looking right at them , Brian and Justin, or rather, right at the power of love found and then lost. The canvas is an abstract, but two figures can be guessed in the sharp lines, two intertwined silhouettes, which seem to become one. It’s painful and beautiful at the same time.

“Powerful, isn’t it?” an elegant, middle-aged woman walks over and stops by his side, her eyes riveted on the painting.

“Yes...” He can’t help concurring.

Gazing at Brian, she extends her hand. “I’m the owner, Nathalie Olalie. I couldn’t help but see how captivated you appear with the exhibition.” Turning to look at the painting once again, she adds, “This young artist is really talented. He’s going to go far in the art world.”

“I agree...” Brian can’t help the smile from appearing on his face. “Also, I can’t help but notice that there is no price tag on this one...Is it already sold?” He inquires.

“No.”

“So?”

Nathalie sighs. “It’s not for sale.”

Justin...Sentimental twat...

“Okay. Can you tell me if there is one painting I can buy?”

Her face lights up. “Of course! Come with me, I will show you.”

One hour later, Brian is the proud owner of a new Justin Taylor original. He asks the owner to stay discreet about his purchase before he leaves the gallery with his carefully wrapped package.

Two days later, Brian is back at the same spot from earlier, standing still on Cloître Saint-Merri Street and peering through the windows of the gallery. Except this time, he won’t venture inside, even if he really wants to.

Justin is there, right before his eyes, just a window separating them, looking happy, healthy.

His former partner is laughing and gesturing with his hands, talking to an elderly couple. Brian has always been amused by his WASP manners, but he knows that’s why Justin can literally hypnotize others at times. This occasion is definitely one of them. The couple seem delighted by what he is saying, whatever it is.

Brian’s eyes can’t seem to look away. Justin is as beautiful as ever, even if he can’t see his face clearly. Brian’s heart is pounding in his chest, just witnessing his former lover’s discussion inside the gallery.

Just then, a man comes up behind Justin and slides his right arm around his chest. Justin’s smile grows wider, or so it seems, as Brian’s heart beats faster, if that’s possible.

Brian can’t move. Who is this man? Is he a friend? A lover? More?

It doesn’t matter. All that matter is that Justin is happy.

At that instant, Brian has never been more certain that he was right when he let Justin go. This exhibition couldn’t have happened if he had stayed with him, and he seems to be doing more than well. Brian is convinced that the smile on his face is not the smile of a sad man. Yet, at the same time, Brian feels like his chest is going to explode, seeing the man that captured his heart eight years ago.

He is so proud of him. He would want nothing more right now than to enter the gallery and tell him just that. He would ask him to have dinner with him, and they would go to his hotel and spend the night together. He would tell him with his hands, his touch and his eyes how much he still misses him. Finally, Brian would leave the next day without looking back, letting Justin return to his world, and him to his. Yet, Justin would know that the older man still loves him more than life itself, and that Brian is fucking proud of him.

That it was worth it.

Of course, it’s not that simple. He can’t do that, for a lot of reasons. He could enumerate all the reasons in his head, because there are plenty of them.

Yet, there is one reason that surpasses every other one.

He knows it.

He even can admit it, at least to himself.

So instead of entering, instead of letting himself act on his fantasy, he retreats and finally begins to walk back to his hotel.

It’s time to go home.

Pittsburgh, one day later

Aidan’s POV

“Are you okay?”

Noah’s question surprises him and startles him a little.

“What? Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know.” Noah pauses. “You seem... sad or something...”

“No, I’m okay, really.” Aidan doesn’t stop what he is doing, looking straight into the sink and the soapy sponge in his hand.

“If you say so...”

Aidan is at his sister’s house, washing the dishes in the kitchen. It’s getting late and he’s tired. The last few weeks have been emotionally hard, and Aidan is feeling the aftereffects from it.

Olivia is now living in a private facility, not too far from her former home. At first, she had come home from time to time, but everyone involved realized pretty quickly that it was doing more harm than good.

It’s been nearly two months now since she moved out, but it’s still hard for everyone to adjust. The guilt is eating up each one of them differently, even though they know it was the best solution objectively.

Or was it?

Aidan can’t help but ask himself that question, over and over again, because even if it’s easier now for the children, Samuel, and himself, how could it be easier for Olivia? It really isn’t, even if now there are some times when she doesn’t immediately recognize her own children. So, yes, it’s the best solution in order to preserve everyone. But fuck if it’s not unfair.

Everybody in the family is grieving in their own way. Grieving for a life that is irrevocably gone. It’s a hard time, but they all try to stay strong, and lean on each other when things become too difficult for them to deal with, especially for Claire and Noah, and even Samuel. Aidan can’t allow himself to break down, though, being the one who winds up providing comfort more often than not to his sister’s loved ones.

He had broken down once, about two months ago. It was the day they had finally decided that they couldn’t deal with Olivia’s illness on their own anymore; the pain and the feeling of finality had gripped him that day, and had been too strong.

He had gone to the loft, not knowing how he would be received, since Brian had been avoiding him for about a week at that point. He didn’t know the reason, but he had sensed that Brian had needed space, and he had not pushed him. Yet, that day he had acted impulsively, not taking the time to really give it ample thought before he made his way to Brian’s loft.

Brian hadn’t been there, so he had waited for him; and when his lover had finally appeared one hour later, there were no words exchanged. Brian must have sensed that something was wrong, because he didn’t push; he’d just let Aidan follow him into the loft, and had held him for a long time that night while he cried like he never had before.

If not for Brian, Aidan didn’t think that he could have been strong enough to deal with his own family. The man has helped him more that he can possibly know, just by being there when he needs him, and listening whenever he needs to talk about it.

However, Aidan knew even before Brian told him that something was going on.

One week ago, Brian had announced to him that he was going to Paris for a few days and that he was leaving the next day. Aidan had understood immediately then why Brian had been pensive in a weird kind of way for the past few weeks.

Flashback

“You’re going to see him.” It is a statement, not a question. Brian doesn’t go to Paris for business, so there is only one plausible explanation left.

“Yes,” Brian confirms before adding, “He’s having his first show. The exhibition opening was two days ago.” He tries to come closer to Aidan, who is standing by the counter of his kitchen, but Aidan steps back. “I just...”

“You have to be there.”

Brian signs and nods imperceptibly, pleading with his eyes for Aidan to understand. “I have to go.”

“Okay.” Aidan tries his best to not show his feelings, even if it’s fucking hard.

“Okay?”

Finally, Aidan can’t help it and snaps, “What do you want me to say, Brian? That I understand? I do, I really do. But would it change anything if I said I don’t want you to go? Because I don’t want you to go. How could I? Knowing there’s a big risk...” A big risk that you won’t want to come back to me…

Aidan takes a deep breath, trying to gain control over his emotions. “But it’s not about me. It’s about you . And I...” He gestures with his hand, trying desperately to do the right thing here, to let Brian do what he needs to do. “I’m not going to stop you. I just...Fuck!” This is hard; harder than he ever could have imagined.

Brian shakes his head.  “Aidan...” He tries once again to come closer.

Yet, Aidan can’t let him, or he fears he might lose it and reveal too much. “No.  Just...just go, okay? Please ...”

Brian stares at him for a long time before finally leaving without a word. By the time he’s gone, Aidan thinks that his heart is going to shatter into a million pieces. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before grabbing his jacket. That night, when he comes home, he is fucking wasted. As he fucks a nameless trick in his bed ten minutes later, he tries to forget all about Brian Kinney, if just for one night.

Of course, it doesn’t work.

End of Flashback

That is the last time he saw Brian, exactly six days ago.

Now, as he enters his apartment after having left Noah and Samuel for the night, he just wants to take a long shower, sleep for a week, and forget the rest of the world.

Thirty minutes later, he is just about to crawl into his bed when he hears someone knocking on his door. Not bothering to get fully dressed, he slips on some sweatpants before going to see who could possibly want to see him at eleven o’clock on a Sunday night.

Of course, he should have known.

“What are you doing here?”

“No special reason; I just wanted to look at the pictures on your walls,” Brian replies with a little smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

“The pictures, huh?”

“Of course; what else?” Brian grins, a grin that doesn’t really reach his eyes, before turning serious, almost vulnerable. “Can I come in?”

Aidan sighs. “I was just going to bed; can we see each other another day?” He isn’t sure he’s ready to deal with Brian right this instant.

“No.” Brian’s answer leaves no room for argument.

“No?”

“No.”

Under Brian’s intense stare, Aidan can’t do anything but let him enter. Yet, he will not let go so easily.

“How was Paris?”

Brian winces. “Do you really want to talk about it?”

“No. But maybe we should.”

“Why?”

Aidan isn’t sure he hears him right. Did he really just ask him why? “Excuse me?”

Brian clarifies. “What good would that do?”

“Probably none,” Aidan admits.

“So, why talk about it?”

This is not going anywhere. “Brian, stop this. If you want to play dumb, you can just leave. I’m done playing.”

“Playing?”

“Yes, playing.” Aidan comes closer to Brian, who is still standing in his hallway. “You know I have feelings for you.” Brian doesn’t look at him and tries to step back. “Look at me. Don’t you dare back down now.”

Brian pauses and finally stares at him, seemingly surprised by the determination he hears in Aidan’s voice.

“Don’t you get it?”

“Get what?” Brian’s tone is somewhat vulnerable now, making Aidan calm down a little, as he takes Brian’s face in his hands, making him look right at him as their eyes lock.

“I love you, you asshole.”

Brian tries to move, but Aidan doesn’t let him.

Brian whispers, “Stop.” It’s almost a plea.

“Why?” Aidan steps back then, gesturing with his hands between them. “It’s the truth. And I might have hidden it from you for as long as you want, but that would not have changed how I feel about you. And somehow I think I’m just saying what you’ve known all along, anyway. So just be a man and deal with it. And when you’re ready to tell me what happened in Paris, and can stop freaking out, you know where to find me. Until then, you can leave.”

Brian watches as Aidan turns toward the door, making it obvious he wishes for him to leave. He moves to stop him. “Aidan...”

“No, Brian. I’m sorry, but I can’t deal with a man who doesn’t know what he wants right now.”

“I do know.”

Yeah… Right . “Do you?”

“I want you to move in with me.”

Wait a minute.  What? “What?”

“That’s what I wanted to tell you. I came here as soon as my plane landed. I want you to move in with me.”

Aidan can’t believe the man’s casualness. “Fuck you!”

“What?”

“You heard me, Brian. Fuck you! You’re freaking out after seeing your ex, so you ask me to move in? Do you really think I would accept, knowing what – or more precisely, who – is prompting you to ask me that? Because you miss him?”

“What? No! You don’t understand!”

“Don’t I? I know you can’t even talk about your trip with me! How can I trust you to be sincere now ?”

“You want to know? Okay, I’ll tell you, then! I spent three hours looking at his exhibition, and realizing how right I was to let him go. After having seen what I saw, I have no doubt whatsoever that we made the right decision.” Brian takes a step closer. “And after that, I saw him .”

Their eyes don’t leave each other. “He didn’t see me. I was outside the gallery, looking through the window like a fucking voyeur while he was inside. And he looked...healthy...happy...and so fucking beautiful...”

Aidan can’t help but close his eyes over Brian’s words before opening them again, dreading what else Brian might have to say.

“I’d be lying if I told you that I didn’t entertain the idea of going in and seeing him, so I could spend some time with him. I thought about it for a few seconds, anyway...” Both men understand exactly what ‘spend some time’ meant.

“Still, I found several good reasons not to...”

Brian’s eyes soften then as he comes closer. “But one reason especially was enough.”

Aidan’s breath catches in his throat. Brian finally takes the last step that separates them and grazes his neck, a tender look on his face. Then he moves back and smiles.

“So, Mr. Cole...would you consider moving in with me? Or do I have to go and ask around Liberty Avenue to find another roommate? That would be a real shame, though, because, well...not everybody can suck my cock like...”

Brian doesn’t get the chance to finish his sentence, however, because Aidan quickly stops him with a kiss that stokes a burning desire in both their bodies within a few seconds.

Aidan can’t understand how or even why he feels so much when he’s with this man, but as he bends over the couch a few minutes later and Brian enters him, he realizes that he doesn’t care why. He just does.

He loves him.

END BOOK 1

 

 

 

Five years later – April 2014, Paris

Justin’s POV

Justin Taylor is late.

At thirty-one, his life is a blur made of work, work and more work. That is the reason why he is rushing to catch the subway at Saint Sulpice Station at the moment, because he has a meeting with a client; a meeting for which he’s already late.

Finally getting onto the train for a twenty-minute ride, he can’t help his mind from wandering, just like every other person around him who is lost in their own thoughts.

Justin Taylor has been a renowned artist for nearly five years now.

European’s cities have been his playground during all this time: Milan, Barcelona, Vienna, Berlin, London, Rome, Dublin and many more. In that time, he has experienced many things, met a lot of different people; people who are interested in what HE has to show.

Even after all this time, though, and after all his success, he still can’t believe it, not really. It has been a dream come true, something he never would have hoped for, something even in his wildest dreams he couldn’t have imagined for a second.

He knew he has his mentor to thank for that, the man with whom nothing would have happened otherwise.  Mr. Dale (everybody called him like that – it was as if the man didn’t even have a first name) had become fascinated with Justin’s works in New York seven years ago, and had been the one to offer him the world, literally. Mr. Dale was a renowned artist who, at the age of fifty-eight, had wanted to help a young artist to succeed. When he had met Justin, he claimed that he would change Justin’s life. At his age, he had nothing to prove to anyone anymore, and, according to him, his life had been becoming boring. He couldn’t wait, then, to help Justin become what Brian Kinney liked to call a ‘big, fat, fucking success.’

His relationship with Mr. Dale was really one of a student and a mentor. The man was as straight as Justin was gay, and he kept calling Justin his spiritual son. However he termed it, all Justin knew was that he was terribly grateful to have him in his life.

Thanks to Mr. Dale’s connections and his ‘business genius,’ Justin had been able to obtain his first solo show in Paris, barely eighteen months after he had left the States. The young man remembered the first months after leaving New York extremely well, since it had been one of the most wonderful, but also one of the most difficult times he ever had to face in his lifetime.

His memories of that time always brought a myriad of feelings rising to the surface. It had been a wonderful time, the kind of moment when you’re sure something beautiful and wonderful is going to happen to you, but the time to discover and fully appreciate it is still yet to come. Justin had been waiting impatiently for his big break into the art world, a wait that had been tainted with an inner fear that it never would materialize at all.

So, it wasn’t a surprise that it eventually became one of the most difficult times of his life, too. Waiting for something to happen leaves a person with unanswered questions, and consequently, it allowed inner thoughts to be slowly invaded with tendrils of doubt and a lack of self-confidence, so much so that if he hadn’t been careful, it would have eaten him alive and destroyed everything that he had worked so hard for.

Justin had left so much behind, and, during those periods of waiting, he had constantly questioned himself about the wisdom of his decision. What good would it bring if it meant leaving all the ones he loved behind? What if he was doing all of this for nothing? What if it wasn’t worth it in the end? How could he live with it, then?

Leaving his friends and his family had been tearing him apart. It had been so hard to not give up and persevere in the first few months. In fact, he had nearly given up once, and had purchased a one-way ticket to the States. It had been an impetuous decision, but he nonetheless had found himself in Pittsburgh on a cold night in December, 2007.

On Christmas Eve.

Christmas is a much harder time to be alone.  It’s a time for family, friends, lovers, and partners to be together, to share together. Christmas is not a time when someone wants to be alone, and if by some unfortunate circumstance you DO wind up alone, it’s more like a hibernation period when someone locks himself away from everything and everyone and waits for Christmas to be over. Generally, either you live it completely, or you avoid it at all costs.

Being alone with his thoughts and doubts in Europe - he was in London at the time - Justin hadn’t been able to bear it. He had hopped on a plane on the twenty-third of December, and had arrived in Pittsburgh the next day, after a long drive from New York.

Of course, he hadn’t thought, and should have called before his unexpected arrival. When he had realized that Brian wasn’t at the loft, he had gone to his mother’s home. She had been dumbfounded to discover him in her doorway, but deliriously happy, too.

When she had announced to him that all the Liberty Avenue gang, including Brian, was spending Christmas in Toronto, his first thought was that fate hated him. Really? The only time he had wanted Brian to be here, to hide from the world – well, at least a little, he always made time for Gus at Christmas – and he wasn’t there?  It was true that Justin should have put some more thought into his plans before just showing up, but he had hated his life at that moment.  He’d had Michael and Debbie on the phone previously before making his trip, but they hadn’t mentioned where they were spending Christmas. Going to Toronto hadn’t been a part of his plan. But after all the miles he had already covered, he wasn’t going to stop now. Or so he had thought at the time.

To this day, he keeps thinking about that moment on Christmas Eve at his mom’s place, and how it had been another turning point in his life.

Jennifer had sensed that his son was struggling with his decision to stay in Europe. When she had looked at him that night, she had sensed that loneliness and fear were leading his actions at the moment, and that he was ready to give up everything and run back to Brian, while he ran away from his dreams that meant so much to him.

Running away . That’s the term she used that night, while trying to make him see things more clearly.

As soon as his mother had voiced aloud what his inner voice had been repeating constantly in his head, he had understood. Suddenly, he could admit the fact that he was giving up on his dream; not because he missed his loved ones terribly, even though that was a big part of the reason why he wanted to come home, but because he was  scared shitless to be wrong about his decision and fail. He was running away.

After he realized that, it was clear to him.  He couldn’t come back, not now. Either he would succeed, or he would fail, but at least he wouldn’t be a quitter. He couldn’t be, not after all he had been through. He owed it to himself, and more importantly, to Brian. Without him, he wouldn’t be the man he was today. He  owed  him his life, and so much more. How could he give up what Brian had fought so hard to restore in him? His art was a part of him. If not for Brian...

He couldn’t do that to him. He couldn’t give up.

So, two days later, he went back to London without seeing Brian. It would have been too hard, and he had feared at the time that he wouldn’t find the strength to leave him again. Therefore, Brian never knew he was there, since his mother kept his confidence and never told anyone about his impromptu trip.

Six months later, his first show became a reality. Not only that, he was displaying his works in fucking Paris a few months later, too. He couldn’t believe it. Paris! It had been the beginning of his work being recognized, and also the beginning of a wonderful journey for him, professionally speaking. For the next few years, he had travelled all over Europe, with his home base in Paris, and it had been like a dream come true.

Now, five years after his first solo show in the French capital, he has finally decided to settle near the Marais District, where he has been offered the opportunity to run his own gallery with a friend he had made along the way, an old collector that had literally fallen in love with Justin’s work and didn’t know what to do with his money.

So, a few months earlier, he had found himself a little apartment on Madame’s Street in the 6th district and had started a new life, again, as the co-manager of the Taylor-Cohen Gallery. It was a new challenge, because not only was the gallery displaying his works, but he was also responsible for finding new talents to showcase. It was what Justin had always wanted after all he had been provided with; a way to help young artists succeed, and realize their own dreams that were much like his. The daughter of Pierre Cohen, his art collector friend, was helping him run the gallery. While Louise was there, he could paint in the studio area situated at the back of the one-floor building.

Now, here he is, breaking out into almost a jog on Rivoli Street after having arrived at Saint-Paul Station, heading toward the gallery where a client is waiting for him. He encounters a couple along the way, two men holding hands with matching smiles on their faces, and his step slows down as his mind wanders again.

His love life is not as ideal as his professional life.

When he had first arrived in Europe, he had been heartbroken. Leaving Brian behind with such a strong sense of finality that it gripped his heart, he had felt at first like it was being shuttered forever.

Even if it had been their mutual choice, it hadn’t made it any easier; quite the contrary. He couldn’t bitch or whine back then because someone had dumped him. He couldn’t blame anyone. He couldn’t even pretend that it had been insane, and that he would come back to him. It just wasn’t the  right  time for them. It was just unfair.

Still, a few months after he left the States, he began to move on and had even dated a guy or two.

The first serious relationship had been with Stuart, a young, English lawyer he had met at Mr. Dale’s show in the beginning of 2008. At the time, Justin had been residing in London for five months, so he had decided to give it a try. Stuart was beautiful. He had this aura surrounding him, making him seem almost like a fucking magnet, and Justin was immediately drawn to him. Their relationship was intense, maybe too intense. Justin would understand later that the intensity of their relationship had in fact been a way for him to redirect his feelings for Brian toward someone else.  It was doomed right from the beginning. Four months later, when Justin had left London to go to Paris, he didn’t even blink when he ended it.

After that, he had spent a year without seeing anyone seriously. He had tricked, gone to parties, met a few guys, and had even found a fuck buddy, Peter. He was an American artist like him who had also become a good friend, but nothing serious developed from it. All he had wanted to think about was his art and his show.

Inviting Brian to his first show hadn’t been an easy decision. He had debated the idea for a few weeks before calling Lindsay. He had finally contacted her in November 2008, and had asked her how she was doing since moving back (his mother had told him the news after hearing it from Debbie). He had told her about his show and, of course, she had been ecstatic on his behalf. Lindsay had always been his first supporter, so it had seemed fitting that he should share the news with her first. However, he had never mentioned Brian’s name or who he was inviting, merely telling her that he would send her an invitation.

He had called Michael then after not having spoken to him in more than six months, asking about his life and telling him about his show. They had also talked about how hard it was to be so far away from all his friends and family, and Justin had confessed that he was still missing Brian, but he had made Michael promise not to say a word to his former lover about it. Michael had told him that Brian was fine, without giving him any more details. Justin would understand later that his friend hadn’t been sure how to tell him that Brian was seeing someone; so he had shut up about it at the time, wanting to spare his friend any pain he suspected he would feel.

It is weird how long Justin has waited to call his friends again. He hasn’t called for a few months now, except for his mother, of course, and Debbie occasionally.

He misses them all, the gang of Liberty Avenue. Still, the first year had been so hard, he had been almost afraid to call them, for fear he might want to give up and go home. So, he refrained from calling too much, even if he did call Michael twice, mainly to know how Brian was doing, and to know if he was alright. If not for his first show, he didn’t know how long he would have waited to call again, so he was grateful that he finally had.

Of course, he’d obtained some news about his friends from his mother and Debbie. After all, Debbie had made him swear he would call her from time to time when he had left. He would be lying if he didn’t admit he had loved her for that. His mother, Debbie, and Michael have been his only real link with the people he had left behind that first year.

He received all kinds of congratulations from the gang for the show, even a video tape with them all in it, except Brian. Of course, he’d been disappointed that Brian hadn’t shown up at the gallery, but he had understood why he didn’t. It would have been too hard at the time, since Justin knew he wasn’t intending on returning home any time soon.

So, when the owner of the gallery had given him a letter with Brian’s writing on it, claiming it had arrived from the States, his heart had skipped a beat. As he opened it, his heart had warmed up as he read the words on the paper written in Brian’s familiar scrawl.

Fly away, Sunshine.  I’m so proud of you.

Love always,

Brian

That night, Justin had felt like laughing and crying, all at the same time.

Two months later, Justin had met Thomas, a French guy; smart, funny, killer smile, grey eyes, tall, lean.  In the immortal words of his friend, Daphne, ‘to die for.’ They had clicked immediately, sharing the same sense of humor and vision about life, talking for hours about politics and society’s questions.

For the first time in a long time, Justin had felt his heart pounding faster, his hands becoming sweaty, and his breath quickening over a first kiss.

It had been during their first months together that Justin had found out about Brian’s new relationship. He would always remember that phone call, back in August 2009, as Michael had finally decided to share the truth about his former lover. Maybe the fact that Justin was involved with someone himself had finally helped his friend to confide in him, but Justin had been grateful for Michael’s thoughtfulness. Besides, knowing the truth about Brian earlier wouldn’t have changed anything. Justin would still have been in Europe, and Brian would still have been in the States. Justin still had so much life to experience.

Even if it was for the best, though, it had been hard to know that Brian was moving on; yet, Justin had been so proud of him at the same time. Michael’s words had been weird, painful and beautiful to hear, all at once.

Justin was happy, knowing that Brian was living . He always had known that Brian had so much more to offer than what people might think. He was the most generous man he had known in all his life, willing to do anything for the ones he loved, without people knowing about it, of course. It had been hard, nearly impossible sometimes, for Brian to open up and fully accept that he could love and be loved for who he was. So, that day, knowing that he was finally moving on and taking another chance with someone else, Justin was fucking proud of him. Sad in a way, because their life had not allowed them to share all of it  together , but so proud.

Moreover, he had been with Thomas then.

Thomas would be an incredible lover. It had been the start of a three-year relationship with its inevitable ups and downs; yet, it had been one of the happiest times of Justin’s life. He had been developing his reputation as a renowned artist at the time, living half of the time with a beautiful man when he wasn’t travelling for a show. And at first, it really had been great. Justin had even begun to think that Thomas could be his ‘happily ever after’ story. The man was kind, generous, and gorgeous, with a sharp wit and a zest for living life to its fullest. At thirty-two, he was a physiotherapist, possessing a wonderful empathy for the people he helped every day, and Justin really thought at the time that he was ‘it;’ he was the man he would live with for many years to come.

Unfortunately, Thomas had wanted more than Justin could give him in the end.

Seeing Justin when the young man wasn’t in Italy, Austria, Germany, or in another country, hadn’t been enough for him. They had begun to fight more and more, until eventually their arguing had become constant. Thomas had never really understood the importance of Justin’s art in his life; therefore, when Justin had refused to change his life immediately and to cut back on the time he spent creating a name for himself, Thomas had given him an ultimatum. It was him…or his art.

Justin had chosen his art.

It had been painful for Justin, as he had really thought until the end that they could make it. It seemed he had been wrong.

One year later, in June 2013, Mr. Dale, who was back from a three-month trip to Hong Kong, introduced him to Pierre Cohen, an older, rich man he had met there. The seventy-two-year-old collector was a charming, witty man and a lover of art. Their meeting that day had changed his life, again. Six months later, Justin was finally definitively residing in Paris.

He hadn’t met anybody after Thomas. He had friends, good friends even, but no one to share his life with. Peter, his friend and fuck buddy from before, had found his ‘true love’ according to him, and was now his best friend here in Paris, even if said true love wasn’t too ecstatic about Justin’s place in Peter’s life. Justin couldn’t blame him, knowing their former relationship, even if it had always been clear between them that what they were doing was a way to add some fun into their life, and wasn’t meant to be anything more.

Still, he was missing the connection, the bond you have with the person you love. He even had thought a few times about reconnecting with Thomas now that he wasn’t travelling as much, but he had refrained. He couldn’t go back to him, not when the man couldn’t understand how important his art was, and all he had endured to become the man he was today.

He has thought about moving back to the States, of course. Yet, something had always stopped him, either because it wasn’t the right time, or because now that he could afford to move back – the gallery could function without him being there – the truth was that he was scared somehow.

One thing he knows for sure is that he has never been able to forget Brian Kinney. His feelings are still there, buried deep down inside of him. He is not certain that going back to the States to witness the older man sharing his life with someone else is a good idea. Furthermore, he really doesn’t know how Brian would react if he returned.

He misses his family and his friends. Phone calls are just not the same, and three visits in seven years are definitely not enough. He hadn’t even seen Brian a single time, as he couldn’t summon the courage to turn up when the man was there. The two times he had gone back after that Christmas in 2007, Brian had been on a business trip, and that had suited him just fine.

He knows one day he will go back, go back to his friends, go back to his family, and yes, go back to Brian, even if all the man can offer him is friendship.

Still, he isn’t ready yet.

Justin finally makes it to the gallery and meets with his client. Mr. Nguyen has been a fan of his work since his very first show, and has bought several paintings in the last few years.

Justin is still amazed that people can be so responsive to his art. After his meeting, resulting in Mr. Nguyen buying another piece of his work, Justin is about enter his studio when he notices a man standing in front of his painting entitled Lost Love .

The stranger is tall, wearing a hat on his head, a beard on his face and a well-used jacket slung over his shoulders. Justin doesn’t know why, but after ten minutes of furtively observing this man, who doesn’t move from his chosen place, he finally heads toward him and positions himself on his right, looking at his most cherished work.

“Is it for sale?” The voice startles him in the silent atmosphere of the gallery.

“No.”

“Why?”

The question is unexpected, but Justin is a very polite man. “Because I don’t want to.”

“Good reason.”

They stay like that, next to each other for one more minute before the man asks a question that surprises Justin to no end.

“So, who is  he?”

“Excuse me?”

“The man in the painting, your lost love, who is he?”

What the fuck?

“I...” Justin doesn’t know what to say. “How can you...I’ve never…nobody ever...”

The man cuts him off. “I’m a perceptive man. When you look at it, really  look at it, you can discern two shapes in there...”

Does he really see it?

“You...”

A little smile appears on the man’s lips. “Also, the title is quite revealing if you ask me...”

Of course, the title...

As Justin exhales a breath he didn’t know he was holding, the man next to him smiles. “Okay, I admit I wouldn’t have noticed, if not for the title. But, I dare say that the other man here was your true love, right?”

How can this man know so much just by looking at a painting?

“I...” Justin debates inwardly for a few seconds with how much he wants to reveal, before finally settling for the truth. “Yes...”

“I thought so. With you not being willing to sell it, it has to mean that you still love this man.” Justin doesn’t agree with or deny the man’s statement.

The man clears his throat then, and asks another personal question to Justin. “So, where is  he?”

Justin doesn’t even know why he answers this one. “I...He lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.”

“I know where Pittsburgh is.”

This is a surprise. “You do?”

The man nods, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. After a long silence, his voice rings in the air.

“Can I ask you another question?”

What the hell. Justin doesn’t know this man, but if he can understand his painting...

“Go ahead.”

“Why are you still here?”

What? “What?”

“If he is not here, why aren’t you with him now ?”

Okay, this man is definitely a little weird, even if there is something there that Justin can’t ignore. He just doesn’t know what it is, but it’s there. “It’s not that simple.”

“Not that simple as in ‘it’s complicated,’ or not that simple as something else?”

Justin hesitates briefly before responding, “Let’s just say that I had to leave him...He has moved on, and he...he loves someone else.”

“Hmm,” The man doesn’t seem convinced by his words. “Can I ask you another question?”

Justin shrugs. He is not going to stop the man now.

“Even if he is happy with someone else, if you still love him, don’t you want to be a part of his life? To be there for him? You never know what life can present for you. Or for him. Maybe...” The man stops then, and Justin witnesses a furtive look on his face, but he sees it nevertheless. It’s the face of a sad man.

The man goes on. “Maybe all hope is not lost for you. Maybe he will need you in the future. Don’t you want to be there for him?”

The man’s words echo in his head. Sure, if Brian needed him, he would want to be there. In fact, if someone would call him right now, telling him that he had to go home, for Brian, even as just a friend, he would go without a second thought. He would give up his life now, knowing he IS the best homosexual he can be, and he would go home. He has nothing to prove anymore, to anyone. Still, it’s not that simple, is it?

“Why do you say that? I mean, how could I go back now? It’s been years since I’ve seen him. He has moved on. And I have, too! I have a gallery to run, a life here, a...”

The man cuts him off once again. “Don’t you think he still loves you? That he would be there for you if you needed him to be?” Justin feels like the man is angry with him for wanting to stay here.

I must be imagining things; I don’t even know this man.

“I...” What was the question again? Oh, yeah. Would Brian be there for him if he needed him to be? Justin knows the answer without a doubt. “Yeah, he would...” Still, that doesn’t mean it’s so easy. “But I can’t just disturb his life like that, it wouldn’t be fair to him.”

“What does that  have to do with anything?  Life  is unfair, Justin...” The man uses his first name, as if they know each other, giving an even more intense meaning to his next words. “Just... think about it, okay? You rarely have the chance to meet your soul mate twice, believe me.”

The man’s words, even if a little weird, ring true nevertheless to Justin’s ears. Therefore, all he can do is nod. “Okay...”

“It was good meeting you.” The man smiles at him, but the smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Justin can’t help but see many emotions there; at that instant, he is sure that the person in front of him is the kind of man that truly feels passionately, and aims to achieve everything he can out of life.

“Likewise...”

As he observes the man leaving the gallery, finally breaking the awkward moment they’d just shared, Justin realizes that he hadn’t even asked him his name.

Still, heading toward his studio, his head replays over and over the conversation he has just had with the stranger; today, however, he doesn’t paint; he simply stands in front of his canvas with the brush in his hand, too busy thinking to create anything.

 

 

 

Three months earlier, January 2014, Pittsburgh

Brian’s POV

As Brian’s brain slowly but surely comes back to consciousness from the wonderful world of dreams his sleep has provided him, the first feeling that passes through his body this January morning is one of pure pleasure, as he realizes his partner is taking care of a certain part of his anatomy beautifully. Brian groans, his back arching unconsciously, propelling his hips upward, as his cock slides deeper into the welcoming mouth. The sensations are marvellous, Aidan knowing his body better than anyone, and soon he can feel this sweet feeling spreading all over his body, indicating an impending orgasm. However, his partner seems to have a different idea, as he abruptly stops what he is doing, leaving Brian momentarily surprised. That brief moment of inattention is enough for Aidan to flip Brian over with one clear goal in mind.  Whenever that happens, even though Brian initially pretends to be the helpless victim and often appears to resist, in reality he really enjoys it way too much to deny himself the pleasure of his partner taking charge. Aidan licks and sucks his skin on his back and finally reaches his ass with his tongue, making him shiver with want and need for his partner to claim him and to possess him completely. Soon enough, Brian is begging for more.

Aidan looms above him as he whispers in his ear seductively, “You so love me when I’m inside you, pounding your perfect ass.”

Brian can imagine the smirk of satisfaction on his face. Still, he doesn’t care. “Shut up and fuck me,” he almost moans as he feels his lover’s hot mouth on his neck.

“Well, since you asked so nicely…”

Then, Aidan reaches over to the bedside table, and soon he is lining up his cock and teasing Brian’s entrance, just pushing lightly with his covered shaft.

“You’re really a fucking tease…” Brian half-growls, half-moans. “Would you fuck me already? Ahh…”

Aidan is slowly entering him now, moaning himself at the wonderful pleasure he is experiencing, his cock fitting so well in his partner’s ass. Brian’s moans and groans, as he moves to take his cock deeper, are making Aidan lose it way sooner than what he would want. He knows fucking his partner has always been such a turn on, and that he needs all his experience and expertise to make it last. He changes his angle of penetration, eliciting loud moans from both of them. Soon, he knows by the way Brian is responding, saying words like “More,” or “Fuck,” or “Deeper,” that he has found his prostate. Encouraged by Brian’s body’s response, moving beautifully as if they are one, he lets go and pounds restlessly into Brian’s ass from behind, covering his partner’s back with his body and losing himself in the pure pleasure he is feeling.

Predictably, he feels his control slowly slipping away, even if he would love for this pleasure to go on forever.  “God, Brian! I can’t…” Aidan is feeling the beginning of his orgasm; he can’t last for long now.

“Yes…Come with me!” Brian arches his back and fucks himself on Aidan’s cock even harder, if that’s possible. Just as Aidan reaches for Brian’s to stroke it, he feels it pulsing at the first touch, Brian’s come covering his hand and Brian’s cries and convulsions around his own cock triggering his own orgasm. They come hard together, before Aidan collapses on Brian’s body, unable to move.

After taking a few more needed minutes to recover, Brian is the first to speak. “You’re really good at this.”

Aidan can hear the smile in his partner’s voice. “You are inspiring; that’s why I’m so good.”

Brian chuckles as he moves a little, disengaging himself from Aidan’s body but staying in a tight embrace. He reaches with his left hand for his partner’s face and caresses his beautiful hair before laying his hand on his cheek. “Mmmm…” He finally kisses his partner, and soon they are devouring each other and rubbing their bodies together, their softened cocks slowly coming back to life once more. Reluctantly, Brian pulls back. “I really don’t have time for this. I have a meeting in…” Brian looks at the clock on the nearby table, “…thirty minutes.”

Aidan grins.

Oh, no, Mr. Cole.  I know that grin.

“What a shame; and I was hoping you could fuck me really quickly in the shower.”  He sighs melodramatically. “I guess I’ll just have to take care of this…” He takes his cock in his hand and strokes it lightly in front of Brian, making the other man’s cock harden even more. “…All by myself…” With a wink, Aidan jumps from the bed and heads toward the shower, laughing.

Fucker. You know I can’t resist you.

As Brian follows Aidan into the shower a few seconds later, he smiles. His life is great; he has a beautiful partner by his side, a son he adores, a family he has chosen for himself, and a job in which he excels.

Little does he know that by the end of the day, his life as he knows it is going to be altered forever. He won’t realize it for a while, but fate is already at work, and planning to change his future irrevocably.

The last five years have been good for Brian Kinney, great even. His relationship with his partner has evolved a lot since that night in February 2009 when he proposed the idea of Aidan moving in with him.

At first, it hadn’t been that simple. Even though Aidan had been truly touched by Brian’s proposal and its real meaning, he hadn’t accepted right away. He hadn’t really believed back then that Brian wanted a real relationship with him, and therefore Brian had to fight for him to understand that that was what he really wanted. After a few weeks, including some time apart for Aidan to see things more clearly, Brian had succeeded in convincing Aidan that his invitation was genuine, and Aidan finally agreed to move in with him. As far as Brian is concerned, he’s confident that his partner has never regretted his decision ever since.

Brian knew he had real feelings for the man back in 2009. Deep down, he even knew he was in love with Aidan, even if it was hard for him to admit it at the time. He was also aware that in a way, asking Aidan to move in had been a little rushed, even totally stupid. After all, he had just admitted to the man that he had just returned from Paris at the time to see his former lover, with whom he was still in love and always would be. Still, it had seemed like a logical, next step at the time, and Brian had definitively been right to fight for it. Now, after five years with Aidan by his side, he knows that he really loves him, even if he has never succeeded in saying the words aloud. Still, every touch, every action, every look, is a proof of his feelings, and Aidan knows it.

They had shared a lot of things in the past five years. Some good moments, like Gus’s first crush with a girl and Noah’s graduation, as well as Ted and Blake’s commitment. Yet, they also had shared some tense moments, like Brian’s mother’s death, resulting in a really dark period for him when Aidan had to help him deal with his ‘past demons.’ Back then, in November 2011, when Joan Kinney had died from a heart attack, Brian’s reaction had been violent. Aidan had been there every step of the way, helping him as best he could, dealing with his pain and his anger that had resulted from his lost childhood. If it hadn’t been for his partner’s endless support, Michael’s insight, and the stability that Debbie had kindly provided to him when he had been younger, he didn’t know what he would have done.

Nevertheless, it had been hard as he fought against acknowledging his true feelings regarding her passing, but eventually he had permitted Aidan to see through his bullshit, and had allowed the other man to see his real pain, realizing it wasn’t such a bad thing to lean on someone else. Aidan had known exactly what to say, and more importantly, what not to say to help Brian. Michael had even convinced him to talk to someone about it, and Brian had followed his advice, asking Alex Wilder for a few ‘informal sessions.’ Brian would be forever grateful for what his family had done for him during that time.  

Aidan has also had some bad times to deal with. His sister’s mind was now totally gone , even if her body was still resisting, barely, and there had been some unpleasant moments along the way. Brian had been the helpless witness of the insidious queasiness introducing itself into her family, which was the result of their feelings of resignation and, even worse, acceptance that finally overran everyone. It was like she had already left , without having to experience a real process of grief. As a result, a strange sadness, an emptiness, had crept over them. Aidan himself had to stop going to see her every day, because it was eating him alive inside. Now he went to the facility once a week, bringing a book to read or talking to her about her children and how their lives were progressing. Claire was now working as a junior lawyer in a prestigious firm, and Noah was finishing his degree to become a photographer, just like his uncle. She would have been so proud of them. Aidan still desperately hoped that somewhere, somehow, she could hear him, because the person sitting in front of him with the vacant, unfocused stare, much like any other bedridden patient, was not his sister anymore, but just an empty shell of her former self. Brian had gone with him a few times, mainly to show his support when Aidan had tried so hard not to show how much it hurt him to see her like that. Still, Brian could sense every time when Aidan was about to lose it, and he never stopped Brian from accompanying him, even if it was simply to hold his hand when no words could ever be enough.

Aidan’s professional life had evolved in the last few years, too. He still worked for Kinnetik from time to time, but after being involved with Brian for a few months, he hadn’t wanted to lean on him too much. Brian had respected his decision – Aidan was a proud man after all – and their relationship hadn’t begun with him being able to control or hide his feelings. That time back in 2008 had been a rough time for Aidan to deal with, his emotions too raw to allow him to stop them from ruling his life. Therefore, he had shown Brian a part of himself that he would have wanted to keep hidden, at least at the time, and consequently, he had wanted to regain control over his life again.

As a result, he had worked for a few firms in the Pittsburgh area, and he had also gone for a few ‘short’ missions all over the world in those five years. Aidan still had a really good relationship with his friend and ex-boss, Robert Bale, who had found him a few independent assignments in Africa; the condition being that he could return in America within a month. That way, Aidan could still indulge himself with one of his passions – travelling – without having to sacrifice spending time with his loved ones. Brian had been very supportive of his decision, since he understood better than anyone the need to be independent and to be someone’s equal in every sense of the word. As a bonus, their reunions had always been unforgettable every time.

As for their friends, life has been relatively good. Michael still owns the comic shop, and Ben is still a professor at Carnegie Mellon. They are still disgustingly in love and happy with their life in ‘surburbia.’ Hunter moved to San Francisco, and is now working as a cook in a renowned restaurant there. He is engaged, with a kid on the way, and returns back home as often as possible. Ted and Blake finally tied the knot during a beautiful ceremony the year before, and even if Brian still feels as comfortable in those kinds of events as if he were dancing in a tutu and a G-string, deep down he is proud of his friend and happy for him. When Ted hugged him that day, patting his shoulders afterwards as only he could do, saying without words how valuable his boss’s presence and friendship was to him, Brian has felt that strange feeling spreading throughout his body as he fought to not let his eyes tear up. Of course, if anyone would have dared to call him on it, he would have denied it; he is still Brian Kinney.

As for Emmett, he has finally settled down with a bartender five years younger than he that he met a couple of years before, and is absolutely in love with the man. Their relationship is intense, with a lot of fights and break-ups, but it seems they can’t stay away from each other for more than a day. Emmett is happy with Liam, at last. The girls still have their up-and-down periods, and their love life is occasionally rocky at times, but they are still together. The kids are growing up way too fast; Gus is already fourteen years old, and Jenny Rebecca is eleven. Still, they are happy and loved. As for Debbie, she has cut back on her time working at the diner after a serious cardiac alert for Carl, and she is enjoying her semi-retirement with her beloved husband, who is starting to feel the effects that naturally occur with older age.

Brian still owns Kinnetik, and has expanded to the east coast, having opened a branch in New York City two years earlier, with Cynthia as the manager. He still owns Babylon, too, even if he doesn’t go there as often as before, primarily because he isn’t getting any younger, but also because truthfully, he doesn’t need or want to go as often as he used to. He still fucks other men from time to time, and sometimes Aidan is with him when he meets some hot guys. Still, at forty-three, his ‘fucking’ philosophy as a way of life isn’t as appealing as it was before. It is just a natural evolution in his sex life, so he really has never thought about it.

So yes, his life is great. He hasn’t forgotten his past and where he came from, and he sometimes ponders the choices he’s made and asks himself what would have happened if things had played out differently. However, he never dwells on it for too long, because when he looks at his partner of five years, he doesn’t regret anything. He still has warm feelings for another man, which are buried deep down inside him. He will always love his first lover, and he won’t ever forget that young man that allowed him to live his life to its fullest. Yet, he has moved on and he is happy.

So, until that day, he could have imagined carrying on with this life for many years to come. However, one phone call was going to begin a string of circumstances and events that he couldn’t have predicted and that he won’t understand the true consequences of for a long time. One day, he will think about the irony of life with an accurate vision and insight, and he will allow himself to close another chapter of his life once more. But today, he is totally clueless about what is to come, and more importantly, completely unprepared for the new ordeal he is about to experience.

Aidan’s POV

As Aidan walks through the doors of the place which has been a constant reminder of what had been and what has become a part of his life, he feels a chill in his very core, like a furtive premonition which doesn’t have the time to be absorbed by a man’s mind, consequently leaving just a faint and brief impression of doom on its way.  He heads toward the main room, where the residents of the facility are leaded during the day, when the weather doesn’t allow them to enjoy the beautiful garden surrounding the building.

However, for the first time in five years, he pauses at the doorway, as he immediately notices the vacant place by the window.

Olivia isn’t here.

Going backward, he heads toward the stairs and stops, before taking the first step. A few seconds later, as he reaches the first floor and finally arrives in front of Olivia’s room, he suddenly realizes that he knows something happened. Opening the door and peering inside, barely able to keep his eyes open for fear of what he will see, his heart accelerates when he notices the unmade bed and the empty room.

“M. Cole?”

As he turns up, Sarah, a nurse who takes care of his sister and that he has known and appreciated for a few years now, is standing in front of him, a sombre look on her usual pretty face, which seems less beautiful now, or is it just an impression? Aidan doesn’t know, because it seems he can’t breathe normally and that his heart is about to explode with the loud thump-thump that is beating against his rib cage and echoing in his ears.

“She is at the hospital. We couldn’t reach you. Your brother-in-law didn’t call you?”

Aidan doesn’t respond, as he isn’t sure what sound his voice is able to do at the moment, but he takes out his cell from his jacket’s pocket and of course, it’s off. The battery is dead.

“Fuck.” Aidan is paralyzed. What does it mean? Is she going to be okay? How could it happen so fast? Why? How? Realizing that he has to move, to do something, anything , he asks, “Do you have a phone?”

“Of course; this way,” Sarah gestures toward the end of the corridor and Aidan follows her.

Two minutes later, after having finally spoken with Samuel - and understanding that the man is a mess right now, and therefore hadn’t been able to think clearly and to call him to the loft, or to call Brian for that matter – Aidan is standing without moving, with the phone still in his hand.

His sister has pneumonia.

Fuck.

Aidan understands immediately. He senses it .

It’s the end.

What he also understands at that moment, is that even if he told himself he was prepared for this, having seen his sister declined for many years now, he really isn’t. A sense of dread comes over him, as he thinks of what Olivia’s death really means. It means he can’t run and hide anymore. He has to face his own truth, even if it’s the last thing he wants to do. He just hopes that fate will spare him. If not… life will never be the same.

A minute later, when he finally hears Brian’s voice greeting him with a professional voice on his cell, certainly not recognizing the number he calls with, he doesn’t recognize his own voice.

“Brian… She… I…” It seems he isn’t able to form a simple sentence, as he isn’t able to think properly.

“Where are you?” Brian’s voice is full of concern, having understood immediately that something is definitively wrong.

“The facility… but I have to go… the hospital… she could be gone if I don’t… I can’t…” Aidan is lost, unable to explain himself clearly.

“Aidan, listen to me. You’re by foot, so you’re going to wait for me and we will go to the hospital together, okay?” Aidan can hear Brian’s moving, seemingly already heading outside to take his car.

“Okay… Just…”

“I will be here as soon as I can, I promise. Just stay where you are.”

Hanging up, Aidan closes his eyes and allows the pain to embrace him for a minute. It’s really happening. This moment where you know things will never be the same anymore, as a part of your life is going to disappear forever, with no possible return.

Aidan takes a deep breath and finally open his eyes. Nothing has changed and yet, everything is about to change. He walks through the facility and finally reaches the entrance, and with one final look inside, he leaves.

Brian’s POV

Driving as fast as he can, Brian finally arrives at the facility exactly nine minutes later. His partner’s face is closed, impassive. As Aidan enters the car, Brian takes his hand and squeezes it, but Aidan doesn’t respond. He doesn’t even seem to be here.

When they arrive at the hospital, Samuel is waiting for them outside the room. He looks worn out. When he notices the two men approaching, he smiles at them sadly and hugs Aidan for long seconds. Then, Aidan walks in the room and goes to sit next to Olivia, who is lying unconscious on the bed, all small and fragile, dying . Aidan takes his hand and caresses her hair. Samuel and Brian stay outside, looking at the scene through the window of the room.

Brian is the first to break the silence. “When did it happen?”

Samuel sighs, “The facility called me this morning. It seems her body is shutting down. She just can’t fight anymore.”

Brian doesn’t say anything and watches as his partner is seemingly talking to her quietly. Finally, he asks, “How long…”

“Hard to tell… a few days, maybe a week at the most… It’s not going to be long now.”

“Your children?”

“I called them an hour ago. They’re going to be there soon.”

That day, Brian notices the strange mood his partner is in. He doesn’t comment, not wanting to add anything to deal with to Aidan, who doesn’t leave his sister’s side for a second until her last breath.

When Olivia dies three days later, Aidan doesn’t cry. He just kisses her one last time and leaves the room. When Brian makes it clear that he wants to be by his side, Aidan refuses, saying that he needs to be alone with his thoughts, and that he will call him later. Brian isn’t happy about it, but he understands everybody has his own way to deal with the passing of a loved one. So, he lets Aidan go, without trying to stop him.

Of course, he doesn’t know at the time that Aidan won’t call him for ten days, or he never would have agreed with Aidan’s decision.

Ten days later

“Where the fuck have you been?”

Brian is deadly furious, the constant worry he has felt for the past ten days finally taking the upper hand as he hears his partner’s voice for the first time since watching him leave the hospital. Aidan didn’t even attend his sister’s funeral. How could he do this? Brian thought he knew his partner, but at the moment, he isn’t sure he knows him at all. How could he disappear without at least a fucking text for the past ten days? Doesn’t he care at all? About him? About his family?

“Brian…”

“Don’t…” Brian warns. Taking a deep breath, he tries to control his anger, but it’s impossible. “Do you have any idea how fucking worried I was? I left you a hundred messages, and you couldn’t even take one fucking minute to let me know you were all right? Fuck!” He paces in the loft, his hand on his forehead, before finally stopping by the window.

Aidan doesn’t even fight. “I’m sorry.”

Fucking bullshit.

“No, you’re not,” Brian accuses.

“Okay.”

Brian sighs. “Aidan…” He had been so angry, but also so scared, not knowing where his partner was, and how he was feeling in the wake of Olivia’s death.  Still, even if he is relieved to hear his voice now, the anger is still definitely winning.

“Brian, I needed time. To think, to know what I want, to…”

That makes Brian react.  “What the fuck are you talking about? You don’t know what you want now? What’s next? You’re going to disappear again?” Aidan doesn’t answer, enraging Brian even more. “Answer me, damn it!”

“I… It’s not that simple… I…” Aidan pauses, and Brian feels his heart beating hard.

Realizing that his lover is not going to explain any further, and not wanting to talk about it over the phone, Brian asks, “Where are you?” He is suddenly extremely tired, and even if he is more furious with the man than ever, he still wants his partner to come home.

“I’m in New York.”

What?!

“New York?”

“I went to see Simon. I needed to speak with someone… you know…and to deal with… things…”

Brian doesn’t know how to feel about that, even if he can understand how Aidan would want to talk with his friend, a person who knew Olivia before, and who hadn’t been so involved in her life like the members of her family. Yet, he would have wanted to help Aidan, to be there for him. He feels useless. Aren’t partners supposed to be there for each other? Or is Brian so stupid he can’t help his own lover? Why is this happening? Brian doesn’t understand.

Finally, Brian says out loud the question he has wanted to ask since the beginning of their conversation. “When are you coming back?”

“Tonight.”

Brian closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before answering, “Okay.”

“Brian?” Aidan’s voice seems so small and sad, and Brian finally feels his anger slowly slipping away.

“What?”

Aidan pauses and Brian is about to ask him if he is still here when he hears the words, “I love you.” His voice seems to break on the last word and Brian wants to throw something when he hears the sorrow in Aidan’s voice.

Fuck you.

I love you, too.

“I want you here; just come home, okay?” Brian’s anger has vanished now.

“I will see you tonight.”

Five minutes later, Brian is still standing by the window. He feels drained. He doesn’t know why, but something in Aidan’s voice makes him uneasy. And fucking scared.

I must be imagining it; it’s just another fucking hard moment to go through. Still, while Brian’s mind is trying to stay optimistic, Brian’s heart seems to already know. Like a full circle, Olivia’s death has awakened fate once more, and the wheel is already turning.

 

 

 

Brian’s POV

 

 

Aidan comes home that night after having disappeared on his partner for ten days.

 

When Brian observes him entering the loft and scanning the room to see if he’s there, he doesn’t move. He takes advantage of the moment to really look at his lover from his half-hidden spot on the sofa, and unsurprisingly he doesn’t like what he sees at all.

 

Aidan is a mess. Anyone, even people who wouldn’t know him, could see it. His face is worn out, and it looks like he hasn’t had a shave in a long time; by the way he moves, Brian can recognize a defeated man, as if Aidan has been beaten down by his own life. Brian feels a deep pang in his chest at the sight, and forgets all about his previous anger.

 

As he finally reveals his presence, Aidan looks at him with so many emotions in his usually beautiful eyes, Brian can’t stand it. He takes the few steps separating them and pulls his lover into a tight embrace. Aidan grips him like he is his only connection to life, a lifeline that is the only thing standing between himself and drowning.

 

“Brian…”

 

“Don’t talk,” Brian whispers in his ear. “You’re exhausted.”

 

“I…” Aidan is already crying silently, but Brian can still hear the catch in his voice, indicating he would lose it completely if he wasn’t trying so hard to control his emotions.

 

“Not now.” Brian pulls back reluctantly, but he wants to be able to look Aidan in his eyes. “We will talk later. Now, you’re going to sleep; you look like shit.”

 

That makes Aidan smile a little. “You really know how to make a guy feel really special.”

 

Trying to lighten the mood for his partner’s sake, Brian retorts with a softer tone of voice, “Hey, you wouldn’t want me to be a hypocrite now, would you?”

 

Aidan laughs lightly. “Well, no; I wouldn’t like you as much if you were.”

 

“You just like me? You’re sure?” While saying this, Brian has begun to tickle Aidan, who isn’t able to resist.

 

“Okay, no! Stop it!” Aidan’s tears are replaced by a laugh, as he tries to escape Brian’s fingers. “I love you! You’re the best!” Satisfied with Aidan’s answer, Brian finally stops his assault.

 

“Very well, Mr. Cole. You deserve an A+ for your praise.” Brian takes Aidan’s cheek in his hand and brushes a tear away. “Now that you’ve come back to your senses again, you will do as I tell you, meaning you will go and have a much-needed rest.” Brian pauses, pretending to think some more before adding, “Of course, I will go with you; I wouldn’t want you to forget why I’m the best.”

 

Aidan looks at him then, and Brian sees something that he can’t identify, but a furtive thought creeps into his mind.

 

Something is definitely wrong.

 

However, as soon as the thought crosses his mind, Aidan smiles at him and leads him to the bedroom, making Brian forget all about his previous conclusion.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Unfortunately, Brian will realize way too late that he should have talked with Aidan about Olivia’s death and its consequences. As a day turns into a week, and then into a month, Brian and Aidan never take the time to talk about what happened in January.

 

Avoidance.

 

At first, Brian waits for the right time to bring up Aidan’s disappearance. Yet, he never was good when it came to talking about his feelings in the past, or relationships for that matter, and that didn’t change over time. Every time he tries to find the courage to do it, Aidan’s look and demeanor stop him, as if there was something insurmountable there. Consequently, the more Brian waits, the more impossible it is for him to ask his lover for an explanation.

 

Moreover, Aidan is not himself, and the more time that goes by, the more Brian feels his partner is slowly slipping through his fingers. As if that wasn’t enough, Brian doesn’t know what to do to make it stop so he can have his partner back. Aidan is withdrawn and depressed, and whenever Brian tries to call him on it, Aidan just leaves or doesn’t respond at all. By the middle of February, Brian is pretty sure he is going to go crazy if things don’t get resolved soon.

 

The worst part is when Aidan just grips him in his arms, often just after having sex, and seems to not want to let him go at all. Brian doesn’t understand Aidan’s reaction, and in moments like these, he feels such a deep pain for his partner. Many times he tries to reassure him, saying words like “I’m right here,” or “I’m not going anywhere.” But Aidan just hugs him tighter, if possible. Furthermore, when Brian quietly tries to ask him what is going on, Aidan just shakes his head, so Brian does not persist, sensing that his partner can’t take it and will break down if he does. At times like these, he is more worried than ever.

 

However, Brian can’t foresee what is going to happen at the end of February.

 

One day, as he comes back to the loft on his lunch break to retrieve a file he had forgotten that morning before going to work, he finds Aidan’s suitcase by the door.

 

What the fuck?

 

Taking a few steps into the loft, he hears noises coming from the bathroom, giving him a few needed moments to recover, but also to question himself. What is going on here? Why is Aidan’s luggage sitting by the door? Brian can’t believe it’s really happening. Is Aidan planning to leave him? If so, why? What the fuck has he done?

 

Lost in his own thoughts, looking at the floor in the direction of the apparent proof that Aidan is intending on leaving soon, Brian doesn’t hear Aidan’s steps coming closer.

 

“Brian?”

 

Hearing his name falling from the lips of his partner, Brian raises his head and finally stares at the man who has shared his life for the past six years. He feels like he is looking at a stranger. “Care to explain to me what this is all about? Or, are you going to run away from me again like a fucking coward?” Brian’s anger is so strong, he doesn’t think twice before spilling the hurtful words.

 

“No!” Aidan exclaims, seemingly feeling like Brian has slapped him with the deadly tone of his voice. Taking a step closer, without coming too close for fear of being rejected, Aidan repeats more calmly. “No.”

 

Brian’s stare doesn’t leave him, but he doesn’t say a word. He just raises his eyebrows in a silent invitation for his partner to give him an explanation.

 

You better have a good one for this, believe me.

 

“I…Robert called me this morning. He needs a photographer in Africa…” Aidan begins, then stops, letting the words sink in.

 

“And?” Brian is not stupid. He knows there is more to it than that.

 

Aidan finally says what he has neglected to mention in his previous announcement. “It’s a three-month assignment.”

 

“Three months?”

 

“Yeah. I…I think it might be good for me to go. I need to take a break from Pittsburgh.” Aidan is pleading with his eyes for Brian to understand.

 

No such luck.

 

“Take a break…” The words ring in Brian’s brain.

 

“Brian…” Aidan tries to come closer, but Brian raises his hand.

 

“No. Save your breath.” And fuck you. “I think it’s pretty clear.” Brian turns with the firm intention of putting some distance between them. Furthermore, he doesn’t want Aidan to see his true feelings over what is happening.

 

“No.” Aidan goes after him. “You have to believe me.” A desperate edge can be heard in his voice, which makes Brian close his eyes, as if to protect himself from what he might hear. “Whatever is happening to me now has nothing to do with you.”

 

Brian turns around then, because he wants to know if Aidan is telling the truth. He looks into his mesmerizing gaze as Aidan adds, “I love you so fucking much.”

 

So why would you want to leave, then? Especially now?

 

Aidan comes closer then, and reaches with his hand to touch Brian’s cheek. Brian doesn’t move. His heart is beating fast, and his gaze is drowning in Aidan’s piercing, green eyes. However, Aidan’s next words feel like a slap on his face, and not the caress that was there a second ago.

 

“But I have to go.” Aidan takes a step back.

 

“You already made your decision.” Brian’s voice is cold once again. He feels a fury in his mind that he can’t control. He isn’t even sure he is angry with Aidan per se, but at the moment, he is unable to control himself. So, in true Kinney fashion, he lashes out at his lover. “I’m just curious. Were you planning to say it to me before or after you left? Maybe you were planning on sending me a postcard or something?”

 

“Brian…”

 

“Don’t you fucking dare “Brian” me! You…What the fuck is wrong with you? What are you hiding from me? Do you really think I’m so stupid that I don’t know when my partner is lying to my face? I’m pretty sure Robert didn’t call you this morning. Since when does he call you at the last minute? Or is planning a trip to Africa so easy for him?” Brian is shouting now. “Do you really think I don’t know you at all? That I am that stupid?” While speaking, Aidan has turned around to put some distance between him and his partner; therefore, Brian is now following him and shouting at him around the loft. “So explain it to me, Mr. Cole. If you so love me like you claim you do, then why are you leaving?”

 

“Stop.” Aidan is pleading with him, nearly covering his ears with his hands to stop the words from entering his brain, but Brian doesn’t care.

 

“YOU stop lying to me!”

 

“I’m not lying!” Aidan shouts back, turning to face his partner.

 

Brian doesn’t believe him, obviously. “You can do better than that!”

 

“Fuck you!” Aidan puts his hands on his face, rubbing it, before looking at Brian once more. “Okay, Robert called me two weeks ago! Happy now? I just couldn’t find the courage to tell you, not after…”

 

“You mean after the thing we can’t talk about...your ‘grandiose’ disappearance? Yeah, how convenient!” Brian retorts sarcastically.

 

Aidan tries again. “Brian, please…”

 

“No. I’m sorry, Aidan, I can’t. Just…” Brian takes a deep breath and looks at the ceiling, shaking his head before looking at Aidan. He can’t believe the fight they are having, and the anger he feels.

 

Yet, he also can’t let his partner just leave him like this for three months. So, with all the effort he can muster, he calms himself and finally states, “If you need to go, just go. But don’t expect me to understand. Because I don’t. I can’t.” Brian’s voice breaks on the last word, revealing the pain he is feeling over his partner’s decision. Then, he comes closer without touching Aidan, simply looking at him intently. “Just promise me one thing before you go on this assignment.”

 

“What?” Aidan seems defeated, even more so now that their fight is coming to an end.

 

“Don’t you fucking disappear on me again. Give some news, okay? And…whatever you’re hiding, or feeling or…whatever the hell it is, I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

 

They stare at each other for long seconds, and during that time Brian’s heart breaks a little more over the obvious ordeal his partner is going through. He is still furious with him, but seeing him like this, looking lost and helpless over the events he is facing, Brian can’t help it. He takes the two steps separating them and pulls Aidan into his arms. Aidan hugs him so fucking tight he can hardly breathe. Brian can’t take it and kisses him then, a kiss tinged with love and sorrow and something desperate, powerful. When Brian pulls back, separates himself from Aidan’s body, and finally leaves the loft without a word, the file he was coming for remains forgotten on his desk.  He feels like he is going to suffocate because of the seemingly never-ending contraction in his chest.

 

 

*********************************************************************************

 

 

Michael’s POV

 

 

The afternoon is just beginning to surrender to the comfort of the evening to come, and Michael Novotny is reading a new comic book in his shop, waiting for more customers to enter and for his professional day to end. As he turns yet another page like an anxious teenager who can’t wait to devour his favorite book, he hears the ring indicating a customer is arriving, signally that, unfortunately, his reading is going to be momentarily interrupted. However, as he looks up, he is happy to see his best friend’s back while he is closing the door. Still, as he closes the comic he is holding and finally notices Brian’s strained face, the beginning of the smile that was going to appear on his face immediately leaves.

 

“What happened to you?” Michael doesn’t even greet his friend properly, knowing that being polite is not what Brian expects right now.

 

Brian snorts and half-laughs before posting himself in front of Michael and looking intently into his eyes. They stare at each other for several seconds, and Michael reaches the conclusion that he doesn’t like what he is seeing. Whatever happened had to be bad.

 

He raises his hand then and softly grips Brian’s arm in an unspoken invitation to confide in him. Brian sighs and closes his eyes at the touch before opening them again.

 

I haven’t seen this look in his eyes since…Fuck…

 

“Where is Aidan?” Michael is pretty sure he already knows, but he wants to be sure.

 

“He left…”

 

Double Fuck.

 

“…for three months.”

 

Oh…What? “What? Why?”

 

Brian shakes his head. “Not sure…He said he needed to take a break from Pittsburgh, after Olivia’s death, obviously.” Brian pauses and adds, “I just…I don’t understand. He said it wasn’t me, but…”

 

“It’s not because of you,” Michael interrupts him. Even if he doesn’t understand why Aidan would feel the need to escape, either, he is sure of one thing. Aidan loves Brian. He has seen the two of them enough together to know when two men are in love. And Aidan adores his partner. So, if he had to leave, it has to be for another reason. “Whatever you’re thinking right now, just stop.”

 

Michael looks intently at Brian, with the look of a determined man who isn’t going to stop repeating what he knows is the truth; not until his friend believes him. Under Michael’s stare, Brian’s eyes soften, and he finally takes his friend in his arms.

 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Brian whispers in Michael’s ears.

 

Michael doesn’t let him go. “You’re going to survive, as always. And you’re going to wait for him. Three months isn’t that long.”

 

They share a tight embrace for a few more seconds before finally breaking apart. Brian doesn’t say anything, but Michael knows he is grateful for his words. His hazel eyes are saying it better than any words he could use.

 

“I have to go,” Brian finally announces.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“Gus,” Brian says by way of explanation. “I promise I would come and see him at soccer practice.”

 

Michael doesn’t want his friend to be alone right now. Moreover, he could take advantage of this opportunity to spend a little more time with him. “Can I come with you? It’s already near seven, and things have been pretty slow here. If you give me five minutes…”

 

Brian grins at Michael’s obvious stratagem to assure himself that he will be fine, and finally accepts his proposition. “You have exactly one minute and a half to get your pretty ass into my car. After that, you will be on foot.”

 

“Not fair! You wouldn’t do that!”

 

“One minute and twenty five seconds. Tick, tick, Mikey; the clock is turning.”

 

“I’m coming!” Michael takes care of a few things quickly, before grabbing his jacket and closing his shop. As he turns around, he can hear a car fast approaching as the ‘Vette makes a screeching halt right in front of him. Every time he sees it, Michael can’t believe Brian still has this old-fashioned car, even if it IS a ‘classic.’ Yet, the thought quickly leaves his mind as he gets in. He’s just too happy to be with his friend and to offer him his support, because with the recent events Brian and Aidan have been through lately, Michael suspects he needs it right now.

 

*********************************************************************************

 

For the next three months, Michael tries to see Brian as often as possible. He knows the man is full of doubts regarding his future with Aidan, and he suspects that until the man returns, Brian won’t be able to find some peace about it. He himself doesn’t understand Aidan’s reaction, not really. He can’t help thinking if something as awful as what Aidan’s sister went through happened to a member of his family, he would need to be with his loved ones, not far away from them. However, everybody deals with death in different ways, and he hasn’t experienced what the man has been through. Still, it’s weird, like something in Aidan’s decision is off somehow.

 

He has witnessed Brian and Aidan’s relationship growing stronger over the last five, even six years. When Brian met the man, he wouldn’t have believed for a minute that his friend would fall in love again. Yet, it really has happened. The world never ceases to amaze him, especially regarding Brian Kinney.

 

Some time ago, Brian confided to him that he had never forgotten Justin, not really. The young man had been his first love, and they hadn’t exactly broken up; or anyway, they hadn’t parted because they didn’t love each other. It was more like they loved each other too much. Michael admires Brian in a way, because even if the man’s heart has been broken more times than he can count, between his fucking parents and Justin’s departure, he has survived. He always survives. Michael suspects that Brian’s love for Justin is still there somewhere, deep inside of him, and that Brian will love him forever, in his own way, wherever he is. However, Brian loves Aidan, too, with all his heart, and Michael asks himself sometimes if people can imagine how deeply Brian can feel. When he loves someone, there is nothing and no one who can stop him from doing what he thinks is right. Letting Justin go, or allowing Aidan to leave again, is just so ‘Brian.’ Michael isn’t sure he would have had the strength to do the same. He hopes he will never have to know.

 

Brian has had some news from Aidan. He has received three short phone calls since the end of February. Calling from Africa is not exactly easy, as Aidan is often in the field, and there is no telephone network in most areas. Still, Aidan has kept his promise by calling Brian to tell him he was okay. He should be back soon now, as June is fast approaching.

 

However, there is one thing Michael couldn’t have predicted in a million years.

 

One night at the end of May, as he is having a quiet dinner with his beautiful husband, the phone rings. Surprised to hear it, Michael gestures to his husband to stay seated and stands up to answer it. He is still smiling over a stupid story Ben has just told him about one of his students who arrived to his class with his girlfriend’s pants, because obviously he had been chased by a furious father who wanted to preserve his daughter’s virtue, and in his haste to leave, he had taken the wrong clothes.

 

“Hello, Novotny-Bruckner house, this is Michael speaking,” Michael greets the caller on the other end of the phone, still laughing from the previous exchange with his husband.

 

However, his smile freezes as he hears the voice on the phone.

 

“Michael?”

 

“Justin?” Michael is surprised, as he hadn’t heard from Justin in nearly a year. With time, their contacts have tended to become less frequent, even if they still speak on the phone sometimes.  They had even seen each other two years ago in Pittsburgh, during one of Justin’s too-rare visits. In a way, Michael hadn’t been surprised when the contacts decreased, since their lives have become so different. Still, he is really happy to hear his friend’s voice.

 

Looking at his husband’s questioning gaze and confirming with a nod that it is, indeed, Justin he is talking to, Michael smiles. “Hey, it’s good to hear from you. How are you?” Nevertheless, his surprise over hearing his friend’s voice turns into astonishment when he hears his answer.

 

“I’m moving back.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Early June, 2014

 

 

Aidan’s POV

 

If a man would observe Aidan Cole exiting Pittsburgh International Airport on that Thursday afternoon, he would think the man seemed hesitant to finally reach the pavement of the front entrance. Moreover, his thought would be validated by the fact that Aidan paces and waits for twenty-two minutes before he finally hails a cab.

 

If this same person would look closer, he would also notice how tired he seems to be. His face is burned by too much sunlight, and marked by too little hydration. Also, there is something else here, and the observer would certainly question silently what is happening to this man. After all, it is human nature to speculate about other people’s lives. Maybe he would think Aidan Cole is coming back from a road trip with his girlfriend in a warm country that didn’t end well. Or maybe he would imagine him being a captain who had just lost his job, and is reluctant to come back as a failure to his family.

 

One thing is sure, though. He could never guess what is actually happening to Aidan Cole.

 

The reality is way more painful than anything the observer could come up with. Aidan is about to do the most difficult thing of his life; namely, he is going to leave the man who he considers his true love. Just the thought makes him ill, and if he hadn’t promised his lover he would come back, he isn’t sure he would have found the strength to face him physically to deliver the news that he is not staying. Yet, he owes it to the man, even if he can’t tell him the real reason for his imminent and final departure.

 

Why? Because he is pretty sure that if he did, he would not be able to leave. Brian wouldn’t let him.

 

Aidan can’t allow that.

 

So, he finally squares his shoulders, takes a deep breath and does what he has to do.

 

He is going to face his destiny.

 

 

********************************************************************************

 

 

Twenty minutes later

 

 

As Aidan opens the door to the loft, he feels a rush of adrenaline coursing through his entire body. His heart is beating fast, too fast, and he is paralyzed. For a minute, he stays in front of the open door, without moving.

 

When he doesn’t hear a sound coming from inside, he is relieved and not really surprised. It’s too soon yet for Brian to be home. He makes his way inside, slowly walking around the place, stopping at strategic points where memories pop into his mind.

 

Memories. It’s all he is going to have soon. Still, even if it’s fucking painful to realize it, he wouldn’t change a thing and he definitely wouldn’t trade his memories for the greatest treasure of the world. These are his greatest treasures.

 

Then, he takes the time to remove some items he will have to take with him, and finally he makes his way to the sofa.

 

Sitting still, he waits.

 

*********************************************************************************

 

One hour later, the sound of the metal door being pushed open announces his partner’s arrival, as well as the fateful moment they are about to experience. Aidan closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He senses immediately when Brian walks up behind him, surrounding the space with his forceful presence.

 

However, Aidan can’t move. For a minute, there is absolutely no sound echoing in the loft. The time seems to stop. Aidan is pretty sure Brian has seen him, and he fears what he might see on the other man’s face if he moves. In fact, he is also scared he will not have the strength to go through with his plan.

 

So he waits. Again.

 

Finally, after an interminable instant, he can hear shoes clattering against the floor and coming closer. Aidan’s eyes are still looking at the same spot straight ahead, toward the window. Then, Brian appears in his line of vision, positioning himself with the coffee table between them, like he wants to protect himself in a way. Aidan can’t blame him.

 

Aidan gazes up and at last, his eyes lock with hazel ones. His heart beats faster, if that is possible, under the scrutinizing stare of his partner. Brian’s gaze reveals nothing about what he might feel, and that is a surprise to Aidan, because he always congratulated himself on his accuracy in reading Brian’s mood. Seeing his lover standing still in front of him with an indecipherable gaze on his face makes Aidan realize that the damage to their relationship has already been done.

 

“You’re back.” Brian’s voice breaks the deafening silence surrounding them.

 

Aidan looks away and winces a little upon hearing Brian’s words, knowing he is not back for good, but leaving again. Therefore, he doesn’t respond. Of course, Brian knows him too well by now. His silence over his statement is enough to make his partner understand what is going on.

 

“You’re not staying.”

 

Aidan doesn’t know what to say. He isn’t even sure he can say anything. There is a lump in his throat that stops him from emitting a sound, as he witnesses Brian’s mask slipping away momentarily before he asks his next question.

 

“Why?”

 

The question startles him. Brian doesn’t seem to challenge his leaving, like he already knew, or at least he suspected what was about to happen and has prepared himself for it. Aidan understands, of course, since his recent behavior could have been seen as a need to run away. It’s not a surprise. After all, Brian knows him better than anyone.

 

Yet, it breaks his heart to know that he is hurting his partner deeply in light of what he knows about Brian’s past. His childhood has left irreparable damages on Brian’s ability to feel loved. Furthermore, the departure of Justin, his first love, had hurt him deeply, even if no one was to blame for it back then.  It had been an act of love on both their parts. Aidan can relate to Justin, knowing the young man had no other choice but to leave. Their reasons might be different; but the pain has to be the same.

 

And the result is the same. Brian is going to be left behind, without any other options. How fair is that? Because of that reality, and the fact that he can’t tell Brian the truth about his departure, Aiden feels so guilty.  Brian will have no choice but to let him go, without really knowing why.

 

Aidan has thought about it over and over again. He has tried to find a solution, any solution that wasn’t this one. He wants nothing more than to stay with Brian for the rest of his life.

 

Still, he can’t do that. He just hopes that one day Brian will forgive him, because the alternative is not acceptable. Knowing that his partner, the man he loves more than his own life, might forever hate him for what he is about to do is unbearable.

 

He will tell him one day, one way or another, after Brian has moved on with his life, and when he no longer has waited for him to change his mind and return home. That day, he will explain to him his reasons, will tell him how sorry he was that he couldn’t confide in him at the time, and will beg for his forgiveness. He will follow through with that promise to himself, even if he is pretty sure Brian will not agree with what he has done, and would have wanted him to stay no matter what.

 

But that day is not today. Today, he has to lie by omission, and he hates it with all his heart. Still, he has no choice.

 

So, to answer Brian’s question, Aidan has only one thought in mind.

 

“I have to.”

 

“That’s not an answer.” Brian tries again. “You’re fucking leaving me after five years together without an explanation, and you expect me to take your answer and just say ‘Okay, no problem’?” Brian doesn’t seem angry with him, just defeated, which actually is even worse. Aidan understands now that his partner already knew.

 

“No.”

 

Brian shakes his head. “I don’t understand, Aidan. I thought...I thought we were...”

 

“Good?” Aidan laughs, the laugh of a bitter man. “We were.”

 

Brian comes closer and finally stands next to him. “So, what? You can’t fucking leave just like this...”

 

“As a matter of fact, I can. And I will.”

 

Aidan stands up then and looks at his lover. “Open your eyes, Brian.” He tilts his head, wanting to capture Brian’s gaze. “You are going to be okay. You will move on, as you always did in the past when life decided to throw shit your way. You won’t look back. There is still a lot for you to discover. You’re a good man, one of the best men I have ever known. You will survive without me. It will be hard at first, but you will do it. I know it’s not fair. I know you have been down this path before. I’m so fucking sorry to do this to you, to us. Please believe me when I say it kills me. But you will survive.” Brian resists, backing down a few steps with a pained look on his face.

 

Aidan insists, using a calm and forceful voice, “You will survive.”

 

Brian looks at him then, a vulnerable look on his face. Aidan takes the opportunity to come closer and tell him a truth he has never doubted.

 

“I love you. I will always love you. Never doubt that. Remember that time in the subway, the first time I saw you? I felt it even then, you know? The connection. I will always remember you, spread out on the floor with that woman collapsed in your arms. You were irresistible even then.” Aidan smiles at the memory.

 

“Fuck, Aidan...” They stare at each other, Brian understanding that no words will change what is about to happen.

 

Brian’s next words make Aidan freeze slightly, the emotion so strong over Brian’s reaction.

 

“I know that there is something I am missing here...”  Brian comes closer. “I know you. You wouldn’t leave me if you thought you had a choice.” Brian reaches for his cheek, as Aiden struggles not to start crying. “I’d just hoped you’d tell me, but I’m pretty sure you’ve made up your mind already.”

 

They look at each other for a long moment, and finally Brian takes a deep breath. “I won’t stop you. I’ll let you leave, because obviously I can’t chain you to me to make you stay. But I can’t let you leave without telling you...”

 

Aidan’s heart suddenly stops. He is physically feeling he is about to lose it, and can see everything happening in slow motion.

 

“Brian...”

 

“I love you.”

 

“Stop, please...”

 

“No.” Brian eyes are looking at him so intently Aidan thinks he is going to suffocate. The tears are now freely running down his cheeks, and he swears his heart is about to explode.

 

Seeing Aidan losing it doesn’t stop Brian, as he repeats the words he never stated before, even if it wasn’t a secret; Aidan has never doubted it. “I love you.”

 

The events that follow will be forever etched in both their minds. They kiss one last time, and as Brian pushes his cock into Aidan a few minutes later, both men needing this last connection before moving on with their lives, Aidan feels a myriad of emotions. Heartbreak, of course, but also a strange peace washing over him, knowing he has done the right thing. His heart might be damaged forever, but he’d rather have a damaged heart than go on with his life without any damage at all. He will never regret meeting Brian Kinney, and having the man in his life for almost six years, no matter how painful leaving him might be.

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

 

Two weeks later

 

 

Justin’s POV

 

 

It’s Justin Taylor’s last day as a European citizen, and he’s sitting on a bench on “Le Champ de mars” near the Eiffel Tower. He observes the people coming and going, their faces reflecting their mood or their determination. Some are lost in thought; others are laughing with their companion or just talking animatedly, and Justin muses about their lives. Is that young woman happy, the one that is walking fast with her IPod in her hand, listening to music and shutting herself off from the world? And is that old man walking his dog single and alone? Or will he join his beloved wife or his partner later? Where do they live, and how are they feeling?

 

Justin is nostalgic. This life, this town, had been his home for quite a long time now. He loves the atmosphere, the never-ending life that seems to burst from every street corner he travels. At the same time, he hates it, too, because people just don’t care about whoever they encounter every day, too busy thinking about their own lives and worrying about what little time they have to do what they need to do to, to simply look around and open their eyes.

 

Living in such a big town is a paradox, as the more people you have around you, the less people are interested in who you are. You’re just a nameless face who will disappear from their minds as soon as the day is over, or even earlier.

 

Still, Justin feels nostalgic, watching the scene playing out in front of him. But he is also feeling something else creeping into his mind.

 

He is serene. For the first time in a long time, he really feels like he is in total control of his life again. He already was, of course, but deciding to return to the States brings a new sense of peace to his life, and hope. Hope for a better life, surrounded by his friends and his family. He feels now that he has completely fulfilled his aspirations, and that he might have it all in the end.

 

He would be lying if he said that going back doesn’t worry him at all. After all, his friends haven’t seen him in seven years, or at least very rarely. He doesn’t know what changes time has brought to all their lives, not yet. Still, he doesn’t care. He’s just too happy to finally be going home.

 

But then he can’t help but let his thoughts drift to his former lover, Brian Kinney, the man he once referred to as ‘the face of God.’

 

Thinking of his first love, the man he had to leave behind to fulfil his dream of being an artist, and more importantly, to become his own man, still brings mixed thoughts to his mind. He has never really forgiven himself for leaving, even if he knows it was the right thing to do at the time. He had done it for them. Everybody who would question it, thinking Justin had called all the shots and had never thought that he was making a mistake, would be deadly wrong. Brian had given him so much. He had given him his love, his heart. More importantly, he had made him feel complete again, and had given him the greatest treasure in the world: his freedom to become the man he was meant to be. And Justin has done all he could to honor his gesture.

 

 

 

So, was it surprising that Justin never succeeded in forgetting the man? Of course not. Justin still thinks that Brian Kinney is the greatest man he has ever met in his life. He will always love him in a way.

 

Nevertheless, all that Justin ever wanted for Brian was for him to be happy and healthy. He wants Brian Kinney to have the life he deserves, even if he is no longer a part of it. And yes, he still thinks of the man as his true love, even if he thinks it’s not his place anymore to feel that way.

 

He doesn’t want to disturb Brian’s life. That is the main reason he has hesitated even thinking about returning home before. Brian is in love with another man, and definitely happy, according to all his friends. He knows going back isn’t going to change that. Yet, he doesn’t know why, but until now, he hasn’t wanted to take a chance. Staying away from Pittsburgh was safer in Justin’s mind, for both of them.

 

Now, Justin knows that excuse was ridiculous. Truthfully, he was just scared of going back and witnessing that everyone had moved on with their lives. Hearing it on the phone, and seeing it with his own eyes, are two different things. The stranger’s words at the gallery had definitely helped him understand the truth about his avoidance over moving back; the main reason was that he wasn’t ready to witness Brian’s happiness until now, preferring to stay away and escape the possible complications. Does that make him a bad person?

 

Yet, the conversation with the mysterious man has helped Justin to put things in a new perspective. Justin has realized that he can’t use Brian as a pretext not to go home. He is not a man who hides; he never was. He is the kind of man who fights for what he wants, who doesn’t give up. He has been through so much already. His coming out to his father, the prom and its consequences, being with Brian, Brian’s cancer, Babylon’s bombing, his departure for New York and later for Europe, his relationship with Thomas...He feels sometimes as if his life is the storyline for a drama show.

 

Now, he is ready to see it all. He will offer his friendship to Brian and nothing more, if the man wants it. If not, he will respect his choice. As he said, all that matters is that Brian is happy and loved.

 

Moreover, it’s been seven years, and Justin has changed a lot. He isn’t the kid he was when he left. He is a thirty-one-year-old accomplished artist who is finally going back to his hometown. He’s not even sure he is going to reconnect with all his friends, or with Brian. Time does change things. When once you were on the same page and shared the same feelings about love and life, the experiences your path have brought you can change that. Then, people become strangers, and you sometimes think your memory is playing tricks with reality.

 

Still, Justin doesn’t care. It’s a fear he is ready to face. Once he has made up his mind, he is not going backward. He wants to take the chance. He misses his home so much, and he hopes with all his heart that it still exists; that he will find again that feeling of being where you belong.

 

No matter what, he will endure, and maybe he will meet some nice guy along the way. Maybe he will find true happiness.  Sometimes, he forgets that he is still so young and that his life is not behind him. He has a lot to live yet. Furthermore, he already has a plan to open a gallery in Pittsburgh, and can’t wait to face that new challenge.

 

More importantly, he will definitely be there for Brian if the man needs him at some point in his life. That’s the least he can do after all the things he has done for him. He wouldn’t be here today, on this bench, a renowned artist at only thirty-one, if not for Brian.  Of that he is certain.

 

So, looking one last time at the townscape nearby, he finally stands up, ready to spend one last evening with the friends he is going to leave behind. Peter has organized a farewell party, which is supposed to be a surprise, even if hiding it from Justin is like someone mistaking Emmett for an alpha male. In other words, it’s impossible.

 

Justin will leave some real friends here. First, there is Peter obviously, who freaked out when Justin announced to him a month ago that he had decided to go back to the States. Justin will miss him the most. There is also Mr. Dale, who has embraced London fully now, but who visits him in Paris frequently. Mr. Dale is a father figure in Justin’s life, and has helped him so much in the past seven years. After Brian, he is the second man who has made him the person he is today, at least professionally. And, of course, there is also Pierre and Louise Cohen, who have helped him a lot this past year.

 

Justin hates goodbyes.

 

However, knowing that in two days he will be back at his Mom’s temporarily in order to begin a new life warms his heart.

 

So, tonight he will laugh, cry, and give out some hugs, issuing promises to keep his friends here in the loop and make plans to see them again soon, even if everybody knows things rarely work out that way. He will physically feel how grateful he is for these people who have been with him these past several years, supporting him. He will treasure these last few moments in Paris forever.

 

And tomorrow, he will go home.

 

 

 

 

 

Michael’s POV

 

 

 

 

 

June is slowly progressing, bringing long hours of daylight flooding through the large windows of Michael’s shop, and the dark-haired man is presently talking animatedly with a customer about the latest issue of one of his biggest sellers. The young teenager in front of him reminds him of his younger self when he was just a goofy child who saved each cent to purchase the newest edition of the Captain Astro comic.

 

 

 

It’s one o’clock already, and he hasn’t eaten yet. Therefore, he is delighted to see his friend Emmett walking through the door a few minutes later, bearing a paper bag from which a tantalizing smell arises. His stomach growling in anticipation, he smiles at his friend gratefully as he moves to greet him.

 

 

 

“Emmett! What are you doing here?”

 

 

 

“Hey, handsome! I was at the diner and your mom was there, telling everybody you probably were going to skip lunch again, so I thought I would come to say hi and bring you a little food!”

 

 

 

“Uh, huh...” Michael laughs. “Not that I’m not thrilled about your impromptu visit, but are you sure that’s the only reason?” He picks up the bag and turns to head back to the counter, his friend following him.

 

 

 

“Well...” Emmett looks guilty. “I heard our little Sunshine is coming home.”

 

 

 

Michael shakes his head slightly, not that surprised. I knew it...Gossip is the most powerful drug for a gay man like my friend here.

 

 

 

“Yeah,” he confirms. “He should be here any day now.” Looking at his friend, he adds, “It’s great, isn’t it? I mean, it’s weird after all this time to know that he is finally moving back, but...”

 

 

 

“Yes, you’re absolutely right, I can’t wait to see him!” Emmett responds with joy, clapping his hands.

 

 

 

Michael laughs at his friend’s antics. “You just love gossip, and Justin’s return is first-class gossip right now.”

 

 

 

Emmett seems to debate for a second between being outraged over that statement, or admitting his curiosity. He finally decides on the latter. “Okay, guilty as charged... But I am delighted our little artist is coming home, I swear!”

 

 

 

“Yeah, I knew you would be...” Michael takes the meal from his bag. “You want some?” he asks his friend, gesturing to the still hot sandwich in his hand with a nod of his head.

 

 

 

“No, thanks.” Emmett raises his hands in front of him. “I’m trying to keep my figure.”

 

 

 

Michael snorts. “As you wish.” He takes a mouthful and starts chewing, sighing in contentment.

 

 

 

Emmett asks his next question innocently. “Have you seen Brian?”

 

 

 

You’re as subtle as Maw, Emmett.

 

 

 

“Yes.”

 

 

 

“How is he?” Emmett’s behavior changes with his words, showing a real concern over his friend’s current ordeal. He and Brian have never been that close, but they have a real respect for each other, and are family nonetheless.

 

 

 

Michael looks up at his friend, understanding he already knows about Aidan’s departure. “How do you think?”

 

 

 

Emmett shakes his head. “Ted told me Aidan is gone. How is that possible?”

 

 

 

Michael shrugs. He doesn’t know, but he knows firsthand what state of mind Brian is in.

 

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

 

 

The day Aidan came back and left again, nearly two weeks ago, Brian had called him, cryptically informing him he needed to see him immediately. The tone of his voice had scared Michael, and he had feared that something bad had happened. Fifteen minutes later, he had found Brian in his loft on the floor, a vacant stare on his face. Michael had sensed immediately that something was definitely wrong.

 

 

 

As a result, he had moved to sit next to Brian, leaning in a little closer after a few moments and laying the other man’s head on his shoulder, taking his friend in a half-hug and offering his silent support. Brian had spoken then, saying simply, “He’s gone.”

 

 

 

Michael’s heart had broken for his friend that day. What? He couldn’t believe it. It really was happening, again. Seriously? What the fuck was wrong with the men in Brian’s life? Michael knew that it hadn’t been Justin’s fault the first time, and he suspected Aidan’s reasons were much more complicated, but that didn’t mean it was fair for Brian to go through the pain of losing his partner all over again. And why did it have to happen again, anyway? Wasn’t once enough? Was Brian destined to stay alone, with no other choice but to let the men he loves go? What the fuck was wrong in this universe?

 

 

 

Hugging his best friend, he had felt him shaking his head against his shoulder, like he had wanted to deny what was happening. Soon enough, he had felt moisture on his shirt, silent proof that Brian was losing it. Then, the tears were replaced by sobs, and Michael had hugged him tighter for a long time.

 

 

 

The last straw had been when Brian finally lost it for good, suddenly standing up and taking the first object he could find - namely a chair - and throwing it all over the loft, destroying a lamp as well in the process.

 

 

 

Seeing his friend in this state of fury over what was happening had been hard for Michael, because he knew the pain Brian was feeling had to be eating his friend alive.

 

 

 

That day, exhaustion had finally claimed Brian in a fitful sleep. Michael had stayed by his side all night, wanting to do more, yet knowing his presence and support were the only things he could offer then.

 

 

 

The next day, neither man had said a word about the events that had taken place the day before. Still, when Brian had left to go to work, he had hugged Michael and whispered two words:

 

 

 

Thank you.

 

 

 

Of course, the stare they had shared while the words were spoken had been even more significant than the words themselves.

 

 

 

Leaving Brian, Michael had called Ted to tell him the news, and more importantly, to ask him to keep an eye on him and to call him anytime. Hanging up, Michael couldn’t help but think over and over again how unfair it was.

 

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

 

 

Back at the store, Michael realizes he has let his thoughts take the upper hand and therefore, he hasn’t heard Emmett’s last sentence.

 

 

 

“What?”

 

 

 

“I said, is Brian alright?”

 

 

 

“Not really.” Michael has tried to be there a lot for his friend since that day, but Brian seems devoid of any emotion. Every time Michael witnesses his vacant stare, he can’t help but worry even more.

 

 

 

Emmett continues, “I can’t believe this is happening. He and Aidan were so great together, it’s incomprehensible. Did Brian explain to you why he left?”

 

 

 

“No.” That’s true. To this day, Michael doesn’t know a thing about what really happened, just that Brian had seen Aidan and that he had left again, this time for good, apparently. Michael doesn’t really want to ask questions. He figures if his best friend wants to talk about it, he will. Or maybe he should ask him? He doesn’t know.

 

 

 

“So...”

 

 

 

Michael looks at Emmett then. His friend is a real gossip.

 

 

 

“Does he know...you know...?”

 

 

 

“What?” Michael frowns in light of Emmett’s hesitation.

 

 

 

“About Justin...”

 

 

 

“Justin...No.” Michael shakes his head. He hasn’t found the strength to tell Brian yet. When Justin called him three weeks ago, he had considered telling him, but had dismissed the idea. Brian had still been worried about Aidan at the time, and Michael hadn’t wanted to add anything to his plate, so to speak. Of course, he couldn’t predict what was going to happen, and now seemed like an even worse time to tell him. Still, he has to at some point. Michael can’t imagine Brian’s reaction if he was to see Justin again, or how would he feel about being kept in the dark about his return.  Nobody has told him yet, and nobody wants to. Still Michael or someone else needs to, and fast.

 

 

 

“And...”

 

 

 

Now, what?

 

 

 

“Does Justin know?”

 

 

 

“Huh?”

 

 

 

“That Aidan is gone?”

 

 

 

“I...” Fuck, I hadn’t even thought about that. “No...But it’s not like it changes anything right now.”

 

 

 

“Uh...” Emmett seems to disagree.

 

 

 

“What?”

 

 

 

He shrugs. “I don’t know.” In response to Michael’s pointed look, he finally decides to share his thoughts. “It’s just... I can’t help but ask myself if Justin’s return now isn’t a twist of fate, you know? I mean, he’s the first lover who left him, and now that Aidan is doing the same, Justin’s coming home without having a clue about what Brian is going through.”

 

 

 

Michael can’t believe what he is hearing. “You’re not seriously thinking of the two of them getting back together, are you?”

 

 

 

“No, of course not! Brian just lost his partner! But the more I think about it, the more I tell myself it’s going to be pretty awkward between them. Who knows what Brian’s reaction will be, especially knowing what is happening to him right now? I just hope nobody gets hurt again, even if this time I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be Brian.”

 

 

 

“Fuck...” Emmett is right. Brian’s current state of mind could be dangerous for Justin, since he knows the two of them, especially Justin, still have unresolved feelings regarding their former relationship. Would Brian use his pain as an excuse to hurt him, though? Michael doesn’t think so; yet, he is definitely going to have to tell both of them what is occurring in each other’s lives if he wants to avoid a useless, possible disaster.

 

 

 

“So, what are you doing tonight? I’m meeting with Ted and Blake at Woody’s with Liam, if you and your beautiful husband want to join us.”

 

 

 

“Thanks, Emmett, I’d love to, but I think I’ll pass.” Michael sighs. “I have to see Brian.”

 

 

 

*********************************************************************************

 

 

 

Same day, evening, the loft

 

 

 

Michael is standing in front of the door. Taking a deep breath, he knocks and waits for an answer.

 

 

 

A moment later, Brian is looking at him pointedly, obviously asking himself what excuse his best friend is going to find this time to invite himself into his place.

 

 

 

“I need to speak to you,” Michael announces as he walks uninvited into the loft, leaving his friend seemingly puzzled over his boldness.

 

 

 

‘Cut the bullshit’ strategy, Michael decides silently as he steps inside. That’s my best chance at success.

 

 

 

“Come on in, of course...” Brian responds sarcastically, looking at his best friend with a sweeping gesture of his arm before closing the door. Turning around, he joins Michael by the kitchen counter. “So?” Brian asks, leaning an elbow on it.

 

 

 

“So what?” Michael replies innocently, sitting on a stool.

 

 

 

Brian watches him, tongue-in-cheek, before replying, “I don’t know yet. But I’m pretty sure you’re going to tell me.”

 

 

 

Michael stares at Brian; the two men hold their gaze in a silent battle of wills. Finally, Michael gives up first and looks down. “Okay...” He gazes up. “You’re right. I need to tell you something.”

 

 

 

Brian snorts, straightening his back. “Really? I never would have guessed.”

 

 

 

Michael sighs, debating with himself about the best approach to take. Finally, he asks, “Are you okay?”  Nice, Michael, you couldn’t come up with something more lame?

 

 

 

Brian half-laughs over Michael’s question, looking around. He finally states, in an ‘out-and-proud’ manner, “I’m great!”

 

 

 

“Brian...” Yeah, that was a stupid question, Michael knows. But he doesn’t want his friend to hide his true feelings from him.

 

 

 

Brian sighs as he stills his movement to stare over at him. “What do you want me to say?” he retorts, seemingly exasperated.

 

 

 

Michael doesn’t know what he wants to hear. Still, his friend’s partner just left him without explanation. He might want to talk about it. “I don’t know...Have you heard anything else from him?”

 

 

 

Brian taps his fingers on the counter. “Yes, I did.”

 

 

 

What?

 

 

 

“You did?” Michael is stunned. He really didn’t think that Aidan would stay in touch. From what he had understood, Aidan was gone for good.

 

 

 

Brian clears his throat. “Well, not from Aidan directly. I talked to Samuel.”

 

 

 

Or course. That makes sense. Brian must have gone to see him.

 

 

 

“Oh...” Now, Michael is curious. “And?”

 

 

 

Brian grins, but the grin doesn’t reach his eyes. “It seems Aidan has taken off with Noah.”

 

 

 

“His nephew?”

 

 

 

“Yeah; Aidan and Noah are going to work together in Africa for the time being. Noah has just graduated, so it’s a great opportunity for him.” Brian’s voice is betraying his emotions over the news.

 

 

 

“Wow... I mean, fuck...” Michael doesn’t understand. Brian snorts. “Did Samuel tell you...anything else?”

 

 

 

Brian shakes his head, as his mask furtively slips. “No, except that he has accepted a new position in Philly, so he will be moving soon. But concerning Aidan, I think he doesn’t know much.”

 

 

 

“And you?”

 

 

 

Brian looks up at his friend. “What about me?”

 

 

 

Michael shrugs. He wants to help Brian, but he doesn’t know how. Maybe asking questions to make him talk might be a good thing. Or maybe not. Yet, he has to try. “Do you know why he...”

 

 

 

Why he left?

 

 

 

“No. Not really...” Brian sighs, putting his two elbows on the counter and supporting his weight on them. “What I know is...” He seemingly looks at his fingers, but his stare is unfocused. “He wouldn’t have left me without a good reason...”

 

 

 

He is not saying what I think he is saying, is he?

 

 

 

“You’re forgiving him?” To Michael, it seems Brian is trying to excuse Aidan. How can he do that? “I mean... I don’t understand how he could leave you without an explanation...”

 

 

 

“Mikey...” Brian replies quietly with deadly calm, hoping his friend will take the hint.

 

 

 

Michael doesn’t understand at first, however. “I mean, you were together for five...”

 

 

 

“Michael!” Brian’s voice stops him and Michael understands he is crossing a line.

 

 

 

Looking at his friend, he finally stands up and takes a step closer. “Sorry...”

 

 

 

Brian shakes his head, looking at the same point on the counter. Michael doesn’t move and is surprised when he hears his friend starting to speak again. “I don’t know why he left. But I have to believe he had no choice in his mind but to do what he did; and I have to respect that. Because otherwise...”

 

 

 

Brian doesn’t finish his thoughts, but Michael hears him loud and clear.

 

 

 

Otherwise you would lose it completely...

 

 

 

“Okay.” Michael has to support his friend. He has to stop himself from opening his big mouth on the matter. And deep down, he understands Brian’s point, and he truly hopes that he is right in a way, even if it doesn’t change anything about the result. Aidan is still gone, and Brian is still hurt.

 

 

 

Fuck you, Aidan. At least, Michael can always be angry on his friend’s behalf, even if he can’t open his mouth about it, nor show it to Brian.

 

 

 

Finally, Brian rights himself and stares at Michael. “Now, what did you want to tell me?”

 

 

 

“Me? Nothing! I...”

 

 

 

“Michael...” Brian’s pointed look shuts Michael up immediately. He is not stupid and he knows Michael is not here to talk about Aidan. Or at least not only that.

 

 

 

“Well...” Michael pauses and looks at Brian. His friend raises his eyebrows in a silent invitation to continue. “I needed to warn you about...um...” He doesn’t know why, but the words escape him at the moment. He looks up, visibly thinking.

 

 

 

“Mikey?” Brian lowers his head to capture Michael’s gaze and grabs his friend’s chin.

 

 

 

Michael frees himself from his grip and steps back. “Stop!”

 

 

 

“Do you think I have some hidden power to read your mind like Rage or something?” Brian watches as his friend goes to the fridge to retrieve a bottle of water. He knows it’s a delaying tactic so his friend can formulate what he wants to say, and for some reason it makes him anxious.

 

 

 

“No...” Michael takes a gulp after opening the bottle in his hand. He is definitely stalling now.

 

 

 

Brian notices and comes closer. “You’re right; I don’t. So just cut the bullshit and spill it, for fuck’s sake! You’re making me nervous.”

 

 

 

Michael looks contrite. “Sorry...”

 

 

 

“Michael!” Brian is losing his patience now.

 

 

 

“Okay! Okay, it’s about Justin.”

 

 

 

Brian is taken aback. “Justin? What about him?” His face shows that he doesn’t have a clue about what Michael is trying to say. Then, seemingly thinking fast, Brian frowns, visibly worried. “Wait...Is he alright?”

 

 

 

“What? Oh, yeah! He is. It’s not about that,” Michael reassures his friend quickly.

 

 

 

Brian seems furious and puzzled, all at the same time. “So, if he is alright, what are you trying to say?”

 

 

 

Michael takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and finally takes the plunge.

 

 

 

“He’s coming back.”

 

 

 

 

 

*********************************************************************************

 

 

 

 

 

Brian’s POV

 

 

 

 

 

Since Aidan’s departure, Brian Kinney feels like he is merely staying afloat and treading water, like he is an observer of his own life, but not really a part of it. He feels like he is watching a movie in a detached sort of way, and can’t really empathize with the main character. He has no emotions, no feelings, nothing. He just feels empty.

 

 

 

He knows it won’t last forever. Brian is a smart guy who can recognize he is reacting like someone in shock after experiencing a traumatic event. Maybe he is. It won’t last, but right now, he really doesn’t care. Life sucks. It’s not a surprise.

 

 

 

However, what is surprising is that he keeps going. He doesn’t use his past ‘pain management’ techniques. Still, he is not sure if it’s a good sign – a sign that he has grown up and can face pain like a normal human being – or if it’s a really bad sign. Moreover, he objectively thinks he is losing it, without making a sound. Quietly and silently.

 

 

 

He doesn’t care, because it doesn’t matter.

 

 

 

As he has already said, if only to himself, life sucks. That’s his reality.

 

 

 

He still can’t believe it. Denial is so much easier, except when he comes home at the end of the day, because it prevents him from experiencing the void left by Aidan’s departure. But he still feels empty.

 

 

 

He doesn’t even know if he is angry with Aidan or not. He knows the other man has done what he thinks is right, whatever the reason is. Brian can relate to that feeling. After all, how many times has he himself done things to or for people because he thought it was the right thing to do, without explaining himself? The answer is obvious: a lot of times. And every time, he was sure of the rightness of his actions.

 

 

 

Every. Single. Time.

 

 

 

However, Brian understands now that when a person is on the receiving end of that type of action, not knowing why is hard. So, Brian went to see Samuel, to try and find some answers, but he had no luck, unfortunately.

 

 

 

He knows Aidan. Intimately. He knows the man wouldn’t have left him if he thought he could do something otherwise, if he didn’t think with all his heart that it was the only solution. Furthermore, he had to have had his reasons for not explaining himself.

 

 

 

Still, Brian has thought of so many scenarios to justify Aidan’s decision, all more painful than the last. It’s unbearable.

 

 

 

Emptiness is easier.

 

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

 

 

When Michael barges into the loft that evening, Brian is not really surprised. His best friend has never been the subtle type, and Brian knows he means well. Yet, the truth is, right now, he doesn’t really want to deal with it.  But he tries to answer Michael’s questions about Aidan nonetheless. The faster he pushes Michael to tell him what he wants to say, the faster he will be alone again, without being obligated to think.

 

 

 

Thinking makes him feel, and he doesn’t want to.

 

 

 

Of course, he can’t predict what Michael is about to say. Seeing his friend so nervous about what he is trying to tell him – and the hesitation in his voice – doesn’t sit well with Brian. He is going to lose it if his friend doesn’t start to speak soon. So, he decides to push him in the right direction.

 

 

 

“Do you think I have some hidden power to read your mind like Rage or something?”

 

 

 

“No!”

 

 

 

“You’re right; I don’t. So just cut the bullshit and spill it, for fuck’s sake!  You’re making me nervous.”

 

 

 

“Sorry...”

 

 

 

Oh for Christ’s sake, Mikey, stop apologizing and just get to the point!

 

 

 

“Michael!” Brian is losing patience now.

 

 

 

“Okay! Okay, it’s about Justin.”

 

 

 

....What. The. Fuck?

 

 

 

“Justin? What about him?” Brian is astounded. Hearing his former lover’s name is definitely not what he is expecting. Fuck, did something happen? A sudden and uncontrollable feeling of fear grips him.

 

 

 

“Wait...Is he alright?”

 

 

 

“What? Oh, yeah! He is. It’s not about that,” Michael reassures him.

 

 

 

Fuck, Michael...I could strangle you right now.

 

 

 

“So, if he is alright, what are you trying to say?”

 

 

 

Brian observes his friend visibly preparing himself for what he is about to say.

 

 

 

Finally, Michael just blurts out, “He’s coming back.”

 

 

 

The world surrounding them doesn’t stop. Yet, Brian Kinney feels like it just did.

 

 

 

“Get out.”

 

 

 

“Brian...”

 

 

 

“No. Not now.” Brian steps back and finally turns around, walking to the sitting area.

 

 

 

I can’t deal with this. Not now.

 

 

 

“Brian...” Michael tries again as he follows his friend. “Talk to me, please...”

 

 

 

Brian just shakes his head. “There’s nothing to say. Justin and I have been over for a long time. Period. End of story.” Brian turns around to face his friend, his mask firmly back in place. With all the strength he can muster, he comes closer and puts his hands on Michael’s shoulders, saying in a soft tone, “Now, get out. Go back to your husband. You’ve done your duty here.”

 

 

 

Michael stares at him for a long time. Brian holds his gaze, hoping his friend will get the message.

 

 

 

Finally, Michael sighs and heads toward the kitchen counter to grab his jacket. Turning one last time to look at his friend, he says, “Call me if you need anything.”

 

 

 

Brian just nods.

 

 

 

Five minutes later, alone in the middle of the loft, Brian is still standing at the same spot. There is only one thought that his mind repeats over and over in his head: 

 

 

 

It doesn’t change anything. Life still sucks.

 

 

 

Finally moving to sit at his desk, Brian shuts his mind and goes back to the only place he feels safe right now.

 

 

 

He stops thinking.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three days later

 

 

 

Justin’s POV

 

 

 

The plane bringing Justin Taylor home lands on a warm and sunny Sunday evening. At the exact moment the wheels touch the ground, the feelings that come over the young man are indescribable. Justin can’t even find words to explain how he feels, moving back to his hometown after so many years away. He supposes if he HAD to try and verbalize it, he might say it’s like a foggy dream, something unreal; like being in another dimension, another life.

 

 

 

His mother is waiting for him just beyond the security checkpoint area, and Justin observes her trying not to reveal just how happy she is about his return. For a second, his mind imagines her playing the fan girl with a lot of squealing and clapping, in an Emmett Honeycutt-type fashion, and as he comes closer, he can’t help but smile that smile he is famous for.

 

 

 

It is so good to be home.

 

 

 

Ten seconds later, his luggage forgotten on the floor, he is swept away in a hug that seems to never end. Closing his eyes, he relishes the moment, this fleeting instant of pure bliss, as he knows he wouldn’t want to be anywhere but here.

 

 

 

Finally, as they part, his mother takes his cheeks between her hands, looking at him with smiling eyes.

 

 

 

“Honey...”

 

 

 

“Hi, Mom. I take it you’re happy to see me?” Justin says with a teasing tone in his voice, smiling widely himself.

 

 

 

“You have no idea... Your sister is gonna be so happy to see you!” Jennifer exclaims, her body language betraying how thrilled she is to have her son back.

 

 

 

“How is she?” Justin takes an instant interest in his sister’s life, as he feels like he will finally be able to make up for lost time in the future. He knows he won’t be nominated for a ‘brother of the year’ award any time soon, though, since he hadn’t seen his sister growing up at all.

 

 

 

“Great, she’s great... But wouldn’t you like to discuss this in a more pleasant place? Not that I wouldn’t be happy to catch up here, but...” Jennifer links her arm around her son’s and nods, looking outside.

 

 

 

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go.” Justin leans down to grab his luggage and follows his mother towards the exit.

 

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

 

 

The next day, the diner

 

 

 

Coming back to Liberty Avenue is strange, unreal in a way. As Justin walks along the sidewalk, his gaze is drawn to so many things that he doesn’t really know where to look. Sensing the changes around him, Justin realizes that the street has lost a part of its magic. However, the place still symbolizes his youth, the first fluttering of his heart, the first place where he had been sexually involved with a man. It’s the place where he had ceased to be a child, and where he had become a man.

 

 

 

All had started here. Or at least, in the past here.

 

 

 

Or is his memory playing tricks on him? Because, even if some people wouldn’t consider this street to be so different from ten years ago, Justin feels it is different. Not because of the obvious changes, like the shops or bars which have been closed, or some of the buildings that have been rehabilitated; but because of the atmosphere.

 

 

 

It’s just not the same, even if it’s the same at the same time. It’s hard to explain.

 

 

 

However, some things haven’t changed. As Justin comes closer to the one place that had been his refuge when he was younger and experimenting the perks of being out and carefree for the first time in his life, his heart rate accelerates suddenly. This diner bring so many memories to his mind, and for a minute it’s like he is looking back through a kaleidoscope of the years that made him an adult. He pauses, inwardly taking it all in, before finally walking toward the front door.

 

 

 

Like in a movie, as he takes the first step inside, he is assaulted by the sounds emanating from the room. People are chattering and laughing, and for a moment, he has a flashback of another time, with other people, and he can see himself wearing a white apron over a tight shirt, rushing around to serve the customers. His vision finally ends as he sees himself sitting in the lap of a man with hazel eyes, laughing at a joke said by one of their friends on the opposite side of the booth.

 

 

 

Justin is nostalgic.

 

 

 

Finally, he comes out of his trance as he hears someone calling for him excitedly. By the time he comprehends what is happening, Michael is standing in front of him, a big smile on his face, with Emmett and a man he doesn’t know not far behind him.

 

 

 

“Justin!”

 

 

 

“Hi, Michael.” Justin pulls his friend into a big hug, and soon repeats the same action with Emmett. It feels so good to see them again.

 

 

 

“Hey, Sweetie! It’s so great to see you! Let me look at you!” Emmett does a circular gesture with his hand as he says, “Turn around!” Justin laughs at his friend’s exuberance and does as he is told.

 

 

 

Turning to the man beside him, Emmett says in a low and sexy voice, “Liam, this more than ever delicious morsel here, who still looks like an angel, is our little Sunshine, the famous artist who has conquered Paris!”

 

 

 

Liam extends his hand, “It’s nice meeting you, Justin,” he replies with a smile as Justin shakes it, his face a little red with embarrassment.

 

 

 

“You’re Emmett’s boyfriend?” Justin had heard that his flamboyant friend had finally met his match. Justin is impressed. The man is definitively gorgeous, with dark hair, blue eyes, and a beautiful body.

 

 

 

“Yes, I’m the lucky one,” Liam responds with a smile, looking at Emmett, who can’t help but smile widely himself over his answer. Then, Liam says to his partner, “I have to go. I’ll see you later.” He kisses Emmett and nods at Michael and Justin before walking out.

 

 

 

The three men are still standing in the middle of the diner. Michael suggests with a smile, “Come on, let’s sit down so you can tell us all about your adventures. We want to know everything!”

 

 

 

“Yes! And don’t leave any juicy details out!” Emmett demands enthusiastically.

 

 

 

So, Justin follows his friends to a booth he had sat in so many times in the past, and for the next hour he regales his friends with stories and anecdotes about his life in Europe, relishing in the laughs and smiles on his friends’ faces. It’s like the years he had been gone were disappearing to be replaced by a real spirit of friendship and family.

 

 

 

He had missed it so much. It’s great to be home.

 

 

 

*********************************************************************************

 

 

 

“So, what about you? How are you? And the others? Ben? Debbie? Ted?” Justin asks while drinking his water. Now, he wants to know everything about his friends.

 

 

 

Michael begins, “Well, Ben and I are great. As I said to you over the phone the last time you called, Ben had a couple of minor health issues in the last year, but nothing too serious. So, we’re just becoming a couple of old fags,” Michael jokes, fingering his straw with his hand before drinking a gulp of his Coke.

 

 

 

Justin laughs, “And Hunter is in San Francisco, right?” Justin remembers their last conversation as well, when he had called Michael to tell him he was moving back.

 

 

 

“Right. He thinks he’s the next Guy Fieri now.”

 

 

 

Justin laughs. “That’s great! And what about Debbie?”

 

 

 

Emmett, who is sitting next to Michael and across from Justin, intervenes to answer, smiling. “Debbie is as loud and proud as ever, of course! She is still illuminating us with her unique presence here from time to time.”

 

 

 

“Yeah, Maw has cut back her hours, but she still works here. I’m pretty sure she will never be able to really stop.” Michael laughs. “Are we surprised?”

 

 

 

“No.” Justin laughs, too, before shaking his head, a look of amazement on his face as if he really can’t believe he’s going to be able to share his friends’ lives again. “I can’t wait to see her.”

 

 

 

“Don’t forget to take a deep breath before greeting her, then, because I’m pretty sure she is going to suffocate you with the hug you’re certain to receive. She was so happy to know you were coming home,” Michael reveals. “I didn’t know we were going to see you today; but if I had known and told her, I’m pretty sure she would have been here.”

 

 

 

“It was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing, you know?” Justin never could stay away from Liberty Avenue, even though it had been less than sixteen hours since his return.  “Anyway, I’m kind of glad it’s just the three of us for now.” He smiles.

 

 

 

Michael nods. “Uh...Good thing Stuart is covering for me at the shop for the day. That way, we have plenty of time to catch up. It’s been more than an hour already!”

 

 

 

“Really? Where does the time go?” Justin wonders as the three of them enjoy each other’s company. “And what about the others?” Justin wants to know everything about everybody, even if he won’t admit that he wants to hear about someone in particular.

 

 

 

Emmett answers first, “Well, Teddy is doing great, still madly in love with Blake; can you believe it? They even tied the knot last year!”

 

 

 

“Yeah, Michael told me. Who would have thought? Really, it’s great.” Justin smiles.

 

 

 

Actually the truth is, Justin is becoming nervous, as there aren’t many people left to talk about. Moreover, as if to validate his thoughts, for the first time since they have sat down, neither man says anything else. Justin is beginning to think that neither Michael, nor Emmett, wants to speak to him about Brian. So Justin tries to move the conversation along.

 

 

 

“Ted still works for Kinnetik?”

 

 

 

Michael and Emmett look at each other then, and finally Michael answers, “Yes, he is still Brian’s CFO.”

 

 

 

Brian. Here we are.

 

 

 

Justin takes the plunge, “So how is he?”

 

 

 

“Who?” Emmett asks innocently. Michael doesn’t say anything.

 

 

 

Justin raises his eyebrows. “Brian.”

 

 

 

Michael sighs, “Um...” he clears his throat as Emmett looks at his fingers on the table.

 

 

 

What the fuck is going on here?

 

 

 

“Is he okay?”

 

 

 

Michael pauses. He knew this was inevitable. “Not really...” He takes a deep breath before starting to speak again. “He...He is going through a tough time, since...”

 

 

 

Justin’s heart is suddenly beating fast. What’s wrong? Is he sick again? Please, no...

 

 

 

Emmett completes Michael’s sentence after a few seconds. “...since Aidan left.”

 

 

 

“I...What?” Justin’s astonishment has to be written all over his face. “Brian’s boyfriend left him?”

 

 

 

“Yes...” Emmett confirms. Michael just nods.

 

 

 

“When did it happen?”

 

 

 

“Two weeks ago,” Michael reveals.

 

 

 

“Oh...” Justin is at a loss here.

 

 

 

Shit. His boyfriend left two weeks before I came home? Is this a joke?

 

 

 

“Is he...okay?” Justin knows before asking how stupid his question might sound to his friends. Brian must be devastated.

 

 

 

“He’s...” Michael pauses and sighs, before completing his thought, “...not in a good state of mind right now.”

 

 

 

Justin understands that there is more to it than Michael is willing to share. “Can I do anything?” Justin asks impulsively.

 

 

 

“What do you mean?” Michael frowns, seemingly disapproving.

 

 

 

Justin realizes how that might have sounded as he shakes his head.

 

 

 

“I don’t know...” Justin really doesn’t know. He hasn’t seen Brian in seven years. Even if the man was his first boyfriend, or partner, or whatever they should be considered, he really doesn’t know him anymore, and he has no right to disrupt his life. Yet, knowing the man is in a bad place, Justin can’t help but wish he could help him, even if he understands it’s surely not a good idea. In fact, he’s probably the worst candidate for the job right now.

 

 

 

Michael echoes his thoughts as he replies, “I’m not sure it’s a good idea, Justin. Not now, anyway. Brian knew you were moving back, but it’s too soon for you to come back into his life; he’ll just freak out right now,” he advises him.

 

 

 

“I agree,” Emmett interjects. “Brian and Aidan were happy until recently, and Brian must be devastated by Aidan’s leaving. Nobody can predict how he will react if you push yourself back into his life too fast, despite your good intentions.”

 

 

 

“I get it.” Justin nods with reluctant agreement. “I mean, it sounds like Brian doesn’t need any more difficulties right now. Knowing our past and the way it ended, I feel like the worst candidate to help him face what he must be going through at the moment. I’m pretty sure he would tell me to fuck off anyway,” Justin adds with a nervous half-laugh.   

 

 

 

“Um...” Michael mumbles, deciding to not-so-subtly change the subject of their conversation. “So what do you say about coming to dinner at my place this week?”

 

 

 

For the next ten minutes, the three men make plans to see each other in a few days. Justin still has a lot to do to settle down here; he has to find an apartment and to contact the gallery he is going to work for. Doing all that is going to use up most of his time. So they decide to meet the next Friday at Michael’s place with the boys. It’s an obvious, unspoken supposition, though, that Brian won’t be joining them.

 

 

 

A few minutes later, Justin leaves the diner. He puts his sunglasses on, deciding to take an extended walk around the area to compose his thoughts, and help acclimate himself to the ‘new’ Liberty Avenue area. As the scenery around him evolves, he can’t help but let his thoughts travel back to the conversation he and his friends had shared earlier, and about Michael’s and Emmett’s revelations regarding Brian.

 

 

 

Justin’s heart goes out to his former partner. Hadn’t Brian suffered enough?

 

 

 

Fuck the universe.

 

 

 

Still, even if he truly believes what he said to Michael and Emmett about him being the worst candidate to help Brian, Justin is also convinced things are not that easy. As he thinks about it over and over, he realizes that staying away from Brian is actually taking the easy way out, even if it’s safer. It would be like waiting for Brian to get better and to be there to ‘help’ him only when he wouldn’t need it anymore. Justin almost feels like it would be even worse, as Brian might see him as a interloper. He knows it’s not rational to think that way, but he can’t figure out what to do.

 

 

 

He wants to help Brian. If by that it means staying away from him, he will. Yet, maybe Brian needs someone to lean on now. Justin wouldn’t offer anything more than friendship, as he is perfectly sure that anything more than that would be a disaster, especially for Brian. The man doesn’t need that kind of connection with anyone right now. He has just lost his partner with whom he had shared more than five apparently happy years. Justin doesn’t want to presume how he must feel, and he doesn’t want to add any more drama to the man’s life. He just wants to help him, the way Brian helped him in the past; not to make things even, but because he feels he needs to.

 

 

 

And truthfully, Justin doesn’t know Brian anymore. What if time had irrevocably broken and destroyed every single thing that they had shared before? What if they couldn’t even be friends anymore? It is a possibility he has to consider.

 

 

 

Justin has changed a lot in the past seven years. He has become an adult, an accomplished artist, and a better man. Brian must have changed a lot, too. Add to that the knowledge that Brian must be living with real heartbreak today, and that alone could change any man.

 

 

 

So no, Justin isn’t sure that he and Brian have anything in common anymore. He truly doesn’t know.

 

 

 

But he wants to find out and to propose his help, even if it might be a mistake. He is willing to take the chance. What is the worst thing that could happen? If it is a mistake, Brian will tell him to fuck off and Justin will stay away, honoring Brian’s wishes.

 

 

 

If not, he will try his best to help him.

 

 

 

It’s the least he can do.

 

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

 

 

Four hours later, as the day turns into evening, Justin’s journey takes him to the familiar building on Tremont Avenue after an afternoon of walking aimlessly around, thinking. Inhaling deeply to calm his nerves, he enters the building he had known so well just as a woman exits, slowly making his way up to the fourth floor.

 

 

 

Biting his lip as he trudges up the steps, Justin doesn’t want to think too much about what he is going to do anymore. Analyzing it again at this point will only lead him to question his decision, and even if he knows it’s maybe not so wise to be here, he doesn’t want to back out now.

 

 

 

He always has been a persistent little shit.

 

 

 

He finally arrives in front of the door of the loft, the same one that had determined his fate in the past when he was a seventeen-year-old, clueless kid who didn’t know shit about being gay. The irony of the moment is not lost on Justin. Now that he feels he is finally the best gay man he could ever be, here he is, standing on the other side.

 

 

 

Thus, knocking nervously on the cold metal, he mentally prepares himself for what is coming and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. A few seconds later, he opens them again upon hearing the noise of the door being pulled open, and his heart stops.

 

 

 

He is here.

 

 

 

Brian is standing quietly in front of him, surprise written all over his face, as well as another emotion that Justin can’t identify.

 

 

 

They stand there awkwardly for a long moment, staring intently at each other, as Justin feels his heart beating faster and his body temperature rising under the scrutinizing, hazel eyes.

 

 

 

Fuck. He is as beautiful as ever.

 

 

 

Suddenly, Brian breaks the deafening silence between them. His words are neither welcoming nor harsh. Just...emotionless? “What are you doing here?”

 

 

 

Justin is petrified; Brian’s voice feels like a hypnotic spell, and he is temporarily rendered speechless. Finally, all he says is, “I...”

 

 

 

Brian’s indecipherable gaze makes Justin squirm. “You what?”

 

 

 

Justin breathes deeply, trying to say with his eyes what he can’t convey in words. “I wanted to see you.”

 

 

 

Brian’s stare doesn’t reveal anything. The silence goes on for a lot longer than what would be considered normal conversation; finally, Brian apparently reaches a decision. “Well, you’ve seen me.”

 

 

 

Justin frowns. The man in front of him is going to tell him to fuck off. Justin understands his reasons, but he has to try nonetheless. “Brian...”

 

 

 

Brian cuts him off immediately, exhaustion dripping from his voice. “Don’t...I don’t need this shit right now.”

 

 

 

“I just want to help you.”

 

 

 

Those words provoke a reaction from the other man. Brian chuckles sarcastically, before shaking his head and saying, seemingly exasperated, “You want to help me? Really? That’s a good one. And why - or maybe should I ask - how would you want to do that?”

 

 

 

Okay, fair enough. You must feel like I’m the last person you want to see right now. I can’t blame you.

 

 

 

Justin doesn’t respond, making it clear to Brian that he will not rise to the bait. Brian seems to understand that as he continues, making it clear to Justin what he thinks about his offer to ‘help.’ “If you think you need to help me because of some sense of fucking loyalty or some equally stupid shit like that, you needn’t worry. You don’t owe me anything. And I definitely don’t need you now. So please, go back to your own life, Justin.” Brian is trying really hard to hide his feelings, but Justin can hear the sadness in his voice.

 

 

 

Justin realizes that Brian’s reaction is just a way for him to protect himself. The pain he feels over his partner’s leaving must be unbearable. “I’m sorry...” Justin doesn’t know what else to say.

 

 

 

Brian softens, seemingly understanding that Justin doesn’t want to add any more drama to his life, but is truly sorry about his predicament. “You know how I feel about apologies.”

 

 

 

Justin nods, as he feels a squeezing in his chest.

 

 

 

“Just... just forget about me. I’ll be fine,” Brian whispers, looking at him intently.

 

 

 

Justin nods, knowing he must honor Brian’s wishes for now. Yet, he feels compelled to add, “If you need anything...” leaving the sentence unfinished, as he knows Brian hears him loud and clear.

 

 

 

Brian’s hazel eyes stare at him for a long moment before the man finally replies, “Good bye, Justin.”

 

 

 

At last, Brian closes the heavy door, leaving Justin standing alone in the doorway. The young man stays there for a couple more minutes, unable to move as his heartbeat slowly calms down, before leaving to go back to his mother’s place.

 

 

 

 

 

Three months later

 

 

 

 

 

Ted’s POV

 

 

 

 

 

The end of the summer is fast approaching, days growing shorter as the first signs of the upcoming autumn can be observed in the shifting colors of the landscape, and the coolness in the air. Ted Schmidt is walking with a sure step on the pavement, deep in thought; five minutes later, he arrives at his workplace, formerly known as the ‘Liberty Baths.’

 

 

 

The last four months have been a rollercoaster for him.

 

 

 

First, his boss’ partner had left him nearly overnight, leaving Brian in a state of mind that Ted had never witnessed before in the past. The inevitable effects, both in his professional and personal life, hadn’t taken long to impact the people that Brian interacted with. Ted Schmidt was on the front line to witness it all, being Brian’s right-hand man and personal friend.

 

 

 

Then, Justin Taylor, Brian’s first love, had suddenly made a comeback worthy of a best seller, after having been gone for seven years. Of course, his return had to take place two weeks after Aidan’s leaving. Talk about irony. Justin’s arrival didn’t help with Brian’s weird mood, as Brian had withdrawn even more from everyone.

 

 

 

Moreover, Blake had broken his arm in a stupid accident at work in mid-July; he had fallen from his chair during a disastrous session he was leading, involving a disturbed man who had experienced a breakdown in the middle of it, pushing Blake backward when the man hadn’t expected it. When Ted had received the call informing him that his husband was at the hospital, he had momentarily panicked in the middle of a meeting with a big client. Fortunately, Blake hadn’t been severely injured.

 

 

 

All that in less than four months. Let’s just say that Ted’s life – personal and professional – had been a little disrupted.

 

 

 

Blake had broken his right arm. Being a right-handed person, Ted has had to help him in his everyday life for nearly two months. The injury has nearly completely healed now, but Ted wants to be there as much as possible until Blake fully recovers. Still, he also has to resume his functions at work. That’s why he is entering his office this Monday at five past two in the afternoon, after having spent his lunch break with his husband, a habit he had acquired during the past two months.

 

 

 

At two-thirty, Ted makes his way to the conference room for a meeting with the staff about a new campaign they are going to undertake. Marty, the Art Director, and Cynthia are already there. Brian is nowhere to be seen yet.

 

 

 

Ten minutes later, Brian appears at last, walking straight to the front of the conference table without greeting anyone, a closed look on his face. Ted’s eyes follow him closely, trying to ascertain what the mood is going to be for the day. He doesn’t have to wait too long to receive his answer. As Brian scans the room quickly, his gaze hardens.

 

 

 

“Where the fuck is David?” His voice is sharp, betraying his visibly bad mood.

 

 

 

David is an employee of the Art Department who should have been there. Ted has no idea why he isn’t, but it seems Cynthia knows the reason. “He called in sick this morning. He has a high fever due to a bad flu.”

 

 

 

“A bad case of flu in September? That’s his excuse?” Brian shakes his head disapprovingly. “Well, I’m glad to know some of us can take the time to relax at home when there is so much work to do.” Brian scowls at the file on the table in front of him while speaking, his face showing nothing but disapproval over the man’s absence. “So, can we begin? Or, do we have to wait for something in particular?”

 

 

 

Ted frowns. Brian is definitely in a foul mood. It’s not an unusual trait these days, as Brian is not the happiest man at the moment, but there is something here that worries Ted more than usual. “No. We can proceed.”

 

 

 

“Good.” Brian finally lets go of his anger briefly in order to concentrate on the meeting. For the next hour, Ted forgets all his worried thoughts too, at least temporarily.

 

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

 

 

Sixty minutes later, the meeting comes to an end, and the people present around the table filter out one by one to go back to their own offices. Ted pretends to reread another file in his hand, gazing up from time to time to see if there is anyone left, so he can as subtly as possible have a word with Brian.

 

 

 

As he looks up one last time, Brian is looking at him intently, tongue-in-cheek, eyebrows raised.

 

 

 

So much for subtle.

 

 

 

“What?” Ted plays it innocently, knowing full well Brian will never buy it, but refusing to admit defeat yet.

 

 

 

“You really want to play that game?” Brian retorts, not grinning at all in response to Ted’s futile attempt to play him. Then, Brian turns around and enters his office, leaving the door open in a silent invitation for Ted to join him.

 

 

 

Ted sighs and follows his friend, closing the sliding door behind him.

 

 

 

“So, out with it.” Brian gets straight to the point, as usual.

 

 

 

“Okay. What’s going on?” Ted has learned a long time ago that going round in circles is not the solution when someone wants Brian Kinney to talk. Hell, even with a direct approach, it’s an almost impossible task.

 

 

 

The operative word being ‘almost.’ Ted likes to think he is one of the few that can take up the challenge.

 

 

 

“What do you mean?” Brian answers, standing in front of his desk and looking at some papers in his hand; In other words, avoiding the question.

 

 

 

“I mean you’re not yourself today.” Brian’s gaze stays down, seemingly scanning something on the paper, but an amused, yet sarcastic smile appears on his face as he snorts. Finally, he gazes up and says, “And you’re telling me this, because...?”

 

 

 

Ted frowns. “You’re not even denying it?”

 

 

 

“Whether I deny it or not, I’m pretty sure the result would be the same.” Brian lays the paper on his desk. “You will pry, and pry, and pry again, until I tell you what you want to hear. So, what would be the point in denying anything? It would only be a loss of energy.” Ted is momentarily rendered speechless by Brian’s diatribe.

 

 

 

Brian continues as he walks toward him, “So, what will it be, then?” the tone of his voice becomes derisive as he continues. “Brian, you really should talk about what you feel, you can’t do this alone! Or will it be, Brian, you really should accept our help? Or maybe, Brian, why are you such a fucking shit, we just want to help you, you must be so devastated with what is happening to you?  Oh, and my favorite: Brian, you have to suck it up and move on!” By now, Brian is shouting in Ted’s face, with a level of anger Ted has rarely heard from his friend. That’s telling him something.

 

 

 

Ted knows Brian’s anger is not really directed at him or even at his friends, but more at the choice his now former partner has made, and maybe something else that Ted isn’t aware of. After the initial phase of shock has worn off for Brian, now he is definitely angry, but doesn’t know how to deal with it. As the two men stand face-to-face in Brian’s office, Ted can almost see the steam escaping from Brian’s nostrils and ears. He can’t help but chuckle at the image. Of course, it’s more a nervous reaction than anything.

 

 

 

He is initially anxious when Brian peers over at him as if he has lost his mind, but decides his reaction was actually a good one, since it apparently serves to relax his friend as he asks, “What the fuck are you laughing at?”

 

 

 

The only problem is, now he can’t stop laughing, barely managing to answer, “I’d just imagined you blowing smoke out your nose and ears like some cartoon character; you should have seen your face. It was scary...!”

 

 

 

Brian tries hard to keep a smile from appearing on his face, but to not avail. He finally chuckles along with Ted.

 

 

 

When their laughter dies down, Ted heads for the couch, indicating to Brian to come and sit next to him. Brian pauses for a few seconds, seemingly debating what to do, before he follows Ted and takes a place to his left.

 

 

 

Then, Ted puts a hand momentarily on Brian’s knee and starts to speak. “I wouldn’t presume to give you any advice about how you should deal with your predicament right now. I really don’t know what you’re going through. But I do know you have good friends who are willing to help. Michael, Lindsay, Debbie, Emmett. Even...” Ted stops there, afraid to cross a line.

 

 

 

Brian surprises him by completing his thought. “Even Justin?” Brian sighs, cupping his hands in front of his mouth, before putting them on his knees. “Yeah, I know...”

 

 

 

Wait...

 

 

 

“You’ve seen him?” Ted isn’t sure he understands him right.

 

 

 

“Uh...” Brian hedges his response.

 

 

 

Ted frowns as he asks him, “When?” Even though he isn’t certain he’s going to receive an answer.

 

 

 

Brian clears his throat. “Three months ago.”

 

 

 

That is a surprise “Oh...”

 

 

 

“Oh? That’s all you can manage to say?” Brian teases him.

 

 

 

“I just...I didn’t know you’d seen each other. I’ve seen Justin several times since his return, and I’m pretty sure he’s never mentioned that to anyone.” Ted had spent some time with Justin during the summer. The young man had been slowly but surely reinserting himself into the Liberty Gang, and everyone had been happy to welcome him back into their lives, especially Debbie, of course. As the mother of them all, having one of her lost children back had been very emotional for her at the time. Ted was fairly certain Justin would have died from suffocation if it hadn’t been for Emmett’s intervention. Ted swears Justin was coughing a little after that, but the smile on his face was priceless and really quite revealing about how happy he was to be back. In addition, Justin seems to be doing really well and is in a good place in his life. Ted is really glad about that. But not once did Justin mention Brian in front of him, even when they had run into each other at an informal get-together at Lindsay and Mel’s place with the kids about a month ago. Naturally, Brian has been a no-show during the entire summer.

 

 

 

“Um...” Brian seems lost in thought. “How is he?”

 

 

 

“Justin?”

 

 

 

Brian nods.

 

 

 

Ted isn’t surprised by Brian’s question. He knows his friend still cares about his former lover, even if it is not necessarily in a romantic way anymore. “He’s doing well; great even. He seems truly happy to be back.”

 

 

 

Brian doesn’t respond, and Ted knows he won’t. So he decides to try and see if his friend is going to confide in him about what is going on in his head. “So, what happened today?”

 

 

 

Brian huffs, “You’re not going to leave this alone, are you?”

 

 

 

“I will, but only if you tell me to fuck off,” Ted answers in an attempt to lighten the mood.

 

 

 

“Fuck off!” Brian replies, pushing Ted’s shoulder.

 

 

 

“Hey!” Ted reprimands, rubbing his shoulder while pretending to be offended.

 

 

 

“What? You asked for it!” Brian smirks.

 

 

 

“Fuck you!”

 

 

 

Both men laugh a little over their stupid behavior before allowing a companionable silence to seep into their conversation.

 

 

 

Ted knows if Brian decides to confide in him, it will be his choice; he won’t push it. So he waits. However, Brian remains mute. 

 

 

 

After a few minutes, Ted is about to stand up and return to his own office when Brian’s voice finally breaks through the silence.

 

 

 

“I helped Samuel move yesterday. He accepted a position in Philly, so he could be closer to his daughter.” Ted looks up then, studying Brian’s facial expression. His eyes say it all, as Brian sighs sadly and finally confesses what has been eating him alive inside. “Now, Aidan’s presence in my life is only a memory. All of it is gone.”

 

 

 

Fuck.

 

 

 

“I’m angry, Ted... So fucking angry.” Brian shakes his head, his gaze unfocused-looking, lost.

 

 

 

Ted admits, “I’ve noticed,” earning an intimidating stare from Brian; one that he normally reserves for someone when he clearly wants them to shut up. Ted raises his hands as if in surrender before both men resume their initial posture, Brian with his hands clasped together on his knees and Ted sitting still next to him.

 

 

 

Finally, Ted tries again. “You should come to Debbie’s tomorrow. Everyone is meeting there at six.”

 

 

 

“Everyone?”

 

 

 

Ted understands the real question. “Everyone.”

 

 

 

Brian just stares straight ahead.

 

 

 

“You can’t hide forever, you know. It’s been three months already. And Gus will be there.” Ted pauses, letting the words sink in. He knows Brian visits his son, so Gus must be the only one who has had the privilege of seeing him these days. Even Michael and Debbie haven’t succeeded in reaching him this summer; Brian has shut down completely, and hasn’t wanted to see anyone. Lindsay has tried to talk to him, too, when he has come to pick up Gus, but she’d had no more luck than the Novotnys.

 

 

 

Then, as an afterthought, Ted adds, “You might remain angry for quite some time; but look on the bright side. At least you’ll have plenty of people to yell at,” he jokes.

 

 

 

Brian chuckles as he turns to look at his friend. “Theodore, why didn’t you bring that up sooner? I hadn’t thought about that. That’s the best argument you could have come up with...”

 

 

 

“It’s a joke, Brian,” Ted answers as if he’s reprimanding a child.

 

 

 

“Is it?” Brian answers with an innocent look on his face.

 

 

 

Ted shakes his head and stands up.  Squeezing Brian’s shoulder briefly, his friend gazes up at him with a searching look on his face as he tells him, “No matter what happens, you’re still Brian Kinney. Because of that, I have no doubt that you will make it.” Quietly, he nods briefly before turning and quietly exiting the office.

 

 

 

As Ted leaves the room, he can feel Brian’s eyes following him, and he is pretty sure his friend is currently pondering his words and the seriousness of it all.

 

 

 

No matter what, his friend will make it. There is no other way.

 

 

 

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

 

 

 

 

Brian’s POV

 

 

 

 

 

Fucking hell…

 

 

 

Brian is sitting in his car, peering over at the house across the street, and at the newly repainted red door at the front entrance. It’s 6:17 on a Tuesday evening, or at least according to Brian’s phone, and the man is struggling over whether he should exit his car or not. All his friends – or maybe he should use the word family – are inside that home, no doubt already spreading the latest gossip and laughing over their latest exploits, while he is alone and waiting for God knows what in the safety of his ‘Vette. Looking up toward the sky, Brian whispers, “Do you really think this is a good idea? You know I will fuck it up, don’t you?” before gazing down to his hands and closing his eyes.

 

 

 

The last six months have been hell for Brian. He doesn’t even know how he can still function some days, but he does. Aidan’s departure had hurt him so fucking much; he didn’t recognize himself the first few days after their last encounter. Sure, denying all of it had ever happened had been easier most of the time, but it wasn’t a solution. Shutting himself off from the pain, from his thoughts, even from his friends, had helped at the beginning, but not anymore. Now, he isn’t able to deny the pain, and he is so fucking angry at the world. So when at first he had refused to see his friends to protect himself, now he is hesitating in order to protect them.

 

 

 

He is one fucked-up man.

 

 

 

Michael, Debbie, Lindsay, even Emmett have tried to talk to him and to propose their help:  Michael with his subtle ‘junk food and James Dean movie’ party, Debbie with her ‘tuna-macaroni and pot’ party, and Lindsay with her ‘visit with your son’ party. Brian had been obligated to tell them in no uncertain terms to drop their masquerade and just leave him alone, even if he had been more tolerant with Lindsay because there had been Gus to consider.

 

 

 

Sometimes, it sucks to have a family…

 

 

 

Okay, not so much…

 

 

 

Brian knows he had been an asshole at the time. Still, he isn’t sorry. Anybody in his situation would have felt and done the same. Do people really think that you want to talk about it over and over when this kind of event happens to you? Does reliving the pain again, and saying how you feel, make things easier? Brian doesn’t think so. Shutting down is so much easier.

 

 

 

However, shutting down can’t last, or you would definitely stay alone for a long time. Truthfully, Brian is grateful for his friends, even if he wasn’t able to appreciate their efforts at first. Still, now that denial had been replaced by anger; he is scared he will hurt someone if they try to make him talk. Ted had been the first one to make an attempt in the last two months, and he had snapped at him immediately. If not for his unexpected reaction, Brian could have crossed a line at one point, and he would have been sorry for it if it had happened. Moreover, Brian needs Ted by his side, and the man knows him well. Even too well by now. It’s scary sometimes.

 

 

 

Then there is Justin.

 

 

 

His former lover’s return couldn’t have happened at a worst time.  When Michael had come to deliver the news, Brian couldn’t believe it. Really? Justin was coming home? Now? Was it a bad joke? Brian hadn’t been able to process the news. He was too busy forgetting about his own pain.

 

 

 

Therefore, when he had discovered Justin at his doorstep four days after Michael’s revelation, he hadn’t been able to face him. He couldn’t. Hurting him hadn’t been his intention at all, and Brian hopes that Justin had understood that. But really, what was he supposed to say? You want to help me? Of course, come on in; let’s forget you’re the only man I loved in the past, before Aidan came into my life, my partner that just left me? And no worries; all will be so cool between us and not weird at all? It goes without saying that I am perfectly able to deal with it right now?

 

 

 

Yeah, right…

 

 

 

Now, three months later, Brian still isn’t sure seeing Justin again is a good thing. Their past relationship could still be a problem between them, as Brian feels it could be awkward interacting today. Brian doesn’t know if they can have any sort of relationship, either as just acquaintances or as friends. One thing is sure, though; Brian isn’t ready for anything else with Justin. If he so much as hears a single suggestion about it from his friends, he doesn’t know what his reaction will be. And that’s one of the reasons why he is so worried about exiting his car.

 

 

 

Of course, Brian still loves Justin. Maybe not in the same way he had loved him when they had been together, but Justin has and always will have a special place in Brian’s heart. Justin is the man who taught him how to love. Brian can’t erase that from his heart. It will always be there.

 

 

 

Brian wants Justin to be happy; that hasn’t changed. When Ted confided in him the day before that Justin seemed to be in a good place in his life, Brian had felt a really satisfying feeling spreading in his chest. He was happy for Justin, because the young man only deserves the best. Brian hadn’t changed his mind about that. He never will.

 

 

 

Of course, even if Brian isn’t sure seeing Justin again is a good idea, he knows he can’t avoid him, either. Justin is back in the gang, and Brian will not be the one to stop him. Justin has as much right to be there as every member of the family. So, really, Brian will have to deal with it, one way or another.

 

 

 

Taking a deep breath, Brian reaches a decision.

 

 

 

I can do it. I can face them all. And if I’m going to see him in the future, I have to start somewhere. Better sooner than later…

 

 

 

Brian exits the car and crosses the street at exactly 6:42 PM.

 

 

 

Always be fashionably late to make a lasting effect on your audience; that’s the key to success…

 

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

 

 

A few seconds later, Brian is standing in front of the door, ready to knock. Just as he is about to do it, though, the door opens, revealing a delighted Debbie on the other side.

 

 

 

“Brian, Honey. It’s so good to see you! Come here!” She pulls him into her arms for a big hug; Brian is so surprised that he doesn’t respond to it at first, letting his arms hang by his side. Finally, he hugs her back, whispering in her ear, “Thanks, Deb, but please, I can’t breathe…” She has the good grace to look contrite as she releases him.

 

 

 

Brian’s eyes stay on hers for a few more seconds, revealing all he can’t say out loud, before the man finally turns to look around the room. Emmett is standing near the window while Michael, Ben, Lindsay, Melanie, Ted, Blake, Liam, Justin, Gus, Jenny-Rebecca and Carl are sitting at the family table.

 

 

 

By the looks on their faces, everyone is anxious, if not surprised to see him there, except maybe Ted. Also, all of them seem to be holding their breath for the next act like performers in a drama.

 

 

 

Showtime…

 

 

 

“So, who was the idiot who ratted on me, huh?” He turned to look at Emmett with an insisting stare as Brian adds, “Was it you, Honeycutt?”

 

 

 

“Hey, it’s not like your ‘Vette isn’t the most in-your-face car in all of Pittsburgh. It’s hard to miss it when you see it parked out on the street,” Emmett replies defensively.

 

 

 

“And what exactly were you doing, standing by the window? Trying to ‘see the light’ again?” Brian retorts, tongue-in-cheek, before making his way to the table and standing next to it, frowning. “Debbie…”

 

 

 

“What, Honey?” Debbie answers, coming back to the table.

 

 

 

“Do I have to sit on the floor?” He teases her, gazing at her with a soft look.

 

 

 

“Oh… Just give me a minute!” Debbie storms out of the room in search of an extra chair, as Michael stands up to go find another set of cutlery, which he places next to Gus and Lindsay.

 

 

 

Two minutes later, Brian is sitting next to his son as the conversation slowly returns to life after the brief pause his appearance had caused, and Brian feels like he might be able to survive this shared meal without a hitch.

 

 

 

Looking up, his gaze locks on his former lover for a few seconds.

 

 

 

As he finally looks down to pick up his fork, he realizes he is happy to be here. With his family.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thirty minutes later, Debbie’s house

 

 

 

 

 

Debbie’s POV

 

 

 

 

 

Life has a way of surprising you when you least expect it. Whether the surprise is good or bad, there are some times when a person can’t anticipate what is going to happen. One day you wake up, believing the day ahead will be the same as the day before, when it isn’t. Something is going to disrupt your little routine and change your life as you know it. Furthermore, the change can be an improvement or a step back, a win or a loss, but it always comes with a reaction of some kind.

 

 

 

Debbie has seen it a lot. Working as a waitress for more than twenty-five years has taught her to recognize the men and women who are experiencing these changes.

 

 

 

She has never been someone who stayed away from other people’s lives, even if she might suspect that she has occasionally crossed that ‘invisible’ line – the point when you realize you’re not encouraged to comment on what is happening in someone’s life and that you are going too far; when it’s not your place to give advice, or to take action on someone’s behalf. Or, when you’re just not welcome to share it at all. Of course, she knows everybody might not agree with the idea that she is the kind of woman that stays in her place and isn’t intrusive, mainly because of her ‘proud and loud’ behavior. Yet, truthfully, she does know when not to interfere.

 

 

 

Still, Debbie is convinced that usually when a life changes for the better, the exultation a person gains from it, and consequently shares, can also have a positive impact on those around them. Debbie herself has shared so many beautiful, emotional moments with her community, all those marvellous people with whom she has shared her life for more than two decades. Of course, everything isn’t always a fairy tale, and when the same men and women are in pain, conversely it’s nearly unbearable.

 

 

 

Debbie is a proud woman. She considers all her lost boys as her own. But, she is a real mother, too, with a real family. And while she can support everyone and help as much as she can, there is nothing that makes her react more than when a change happens in the life of one of the people closest to her heart.

 

 

 

So, it’s not surprising she is so happy tonight. Her family is sitting around the table of her home, sharing conversation and laughs, something she wouldn’t have thought possible not so long ago; at least not with everyone here tonight. That is, considering Brian hasn’t spoken to any of them for the past three months, except maybe to Ted and Lindsay…and the fact that one particular man is with them tonight.  To her, it’s nothing short of a miracle.

 

 

 

Of course, someone is definitely missing, and probably will be missing for a long time. Debbie can’t help but hope that Aidan will come back one day. Unfortunately, she doesn’t believe he will, and it breaks her heart to know he’s probably gone for good. She will never understand why he left in the first place. For Debbie, a man can’t leave his family. And Brian was his family. Hell, Aidan was a part of their day-to-day life for more than five years!  She still can’t believe he’s really gone.

 

 

 

However, one of her lost boys is back, and it fills her heart with joy. She has missed her Sunshine so much; having him back is one of the most beautiful gifts life could have offered her. And the still youngest man at the table seems to feel great. His presence lights up the room. Debbie has rarely seen a person who smiles as much as Justin does these days; he seems happy, comfortable and serene, like he knows he has made it and that life ahead represents a promise of good things to come. There is definitely a wisdom emanating from him.

 

 

 

Nevertheless, she knows Brian isn’t really comfortable with Justin’s presence. She can’t blame him; with all he’s been through lately, it’s a miracle he agreed to be here tonight at all, knowing that Justin would be here, too. Yet, at the same time, Debbie knows Brian would never want Justin to feel awkward because of him. Brian Kinney might not be in love with Justin anymore, but he still loves him and would do anything for the young man. His mere presence tonight is solid proof of that fact.

 

 

 

Debbie hopes the two men will be able to share some type of new relationship now for both their sakes, whatever it might be. It would be easier for everyone if they could be friends. Who knows what the future might hold? Of course, it’s not really her place to say anything about that, and she just wants both of them to be happy…

 

 

 

“Where are you, Debbie?” A strong voice penetrates her brain, but she still needs more than five seconds to respond.

 

 

 

“Huh?” She blinks and turns to look at Justin, who is sitting next to her at the table. Everyone is beginning to rise from their seats to head into the living room with their drinks.

 

 

 

“You seemed so lost and quiet just now; I thought it was my duty to bring you back among the living,” Justin teases her with a huge grin on his face.

 

 

 

Debbie smiles, too, grateful once more for this man’s reappearance in her life. However, as she looks around the table and then over at the living room, she frowns suddenly in realization as she inquires, “Where’s Brian?”

 

 

 

“Don’t worry; he just stepped outside to get a breath of fresh air; he’ll be back in eventually,” Justin reassures her, a soft smile playing on his lips.

 

 

 

Looking at him in that instant, Debbie realizes something. Justin has never talked once about Brian in the past three months. The only time he had said anything at all about his former partner has been when he had felt the need to defend him, and to ask everyone to just respect his privacy, typically during the times when Brian’s withdrawal from their lives had been the fodder of several discussions among themselves. Justin has continued to support Brian’s decision to stay away up until now.

 

 

 

So Debbie understands Justin is already being a real friend to Brian.

 

 

 

She leans over closer to the young man, nudging his elbow playfully with her own as she whispers, “You should talk to him.”

 

 

 

Justin stares at her, analyzing her words, before simply saying, “No.”

 

 

 

Debbie frowns. “Why not?”

 

 

 

“I’m pretty sure he would prefer that I leave him alone for now.” Justin looks down at the glass in his hands.

 

 

 

“How do you know that?” Debbie asks a little louder than necessary. She looks around, making sure no one is looking towards them, before focusing on Justin again.

 

 

 

“It’s the most plausible assumption for a man who is going through what he is experiencing,” Justin answers calmly, sipping his red wine.

 

 

 

“So, you don’t even give him a choice, Sunshine?” Debbie can’t help but try and push the young man. She knows if someone has a right – and the ability – to make up his mind, it’s Brian. Maybe he will, but it’s obvious for her that Justin would like to reconnect with the man.

 

 

 

Justin stares at her, seemingly pondering her words. Debbie persists, looking toward the back door. “He’s right out there, Justin; if you want to talk to him, this is your chance.” Justin seems to be considering it, not knowing if he should listen to her or not. Seeing him looking furtively at the back door, she gives him a pointed look. “I know you don’t want to be intrusive, especially knowing what he’s going through right now, and in light of your past history. But it’s been years, Justin. Brian is not the same man he was before you left, and neither are you.” She lays her hand on his, squeezing it momentarily. “He could use a friend right now.”

 

 

 

Justin stays silent for a minute. Finally, he closes his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath. “Okay...” Looking up at her, he says, “But you should know something first.” His blue eyes don’t reveal anything as he explains, “I already talked to him, Debbie.”

 

 

 

What?

 

 

 

“You did? When?” Debbie is astounded by this revelation.

 

 

 

Justin sighs, “When I came back... I wanted him to know that I was there if he needed anything.” He continues, “He wasn’t willing to consider it, though; and I completely understand why. I want to respect that.”

 

 

 

Debbie doesn’t know what to say to that. Justin smiles. “You’re at a loss for words, Debbie? Really?” He teases her.

 

 

 

Debbie looks at him, smiling back at her despite the fact that he might yet be rejected again by his former lover, and that’s when she realizes the man in front of her is not a kid anymore. He’s a man who still has feelings, whatever they might be, for a man with whom he shared most of his young life with, a man who helped him become the man he is today. Justin is grateful to Brian. That much is obvious. Still, he doesn’t appear to be hurt over Brian’s reaction, and seems to truly understand why he is reacting this way. That fact itself shows that Justin still loves Brian, maybe not as a lover anymore, but as a true friend, and that he wants to respect his privacy.

 

 

 

Therefore, she isn’t surprised, either, when she hears Justin’s next words. “I will go and talk to him tonight, just to see if he’s okay or needs anything. But please, Debbie, this is the last time we talk about this. I don’t want him to think that because of my return, he has to be careful around me or hold back anything. He doesn’t need anyone reminding him of our past or pushing him to accept my presence. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

 

 

 

That you want to respect him; to respect his life and his right to keep you out of it if he chooses...

 

 

 

Debbie answers, “I think I do...” Then, she stands up, leaving Justin remaining in his chair. However, before joining the others, she leans over to whisper in his right ear, “You’re a grown-up man now. I’m so proud of you.” She smiles softly as he gazes up to look at her. She cups her hand briefly over his cheek before finally moving to join the others in the living room.

 

 

 

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

 

 

 

 

Justin’s POV

 

 

 

 

 

Being back at Debbie’s house – in the place where he used to live when he was younger and in the midst of people he used to hang out with every day – is a  little surreal for Justin. Since he returned three months ago, he has felt like he is in some type of suspended animation somehow, like he is living in a foggy but beautiful dream.

 

 

 

He is happy. He has spent a lot of time catching up with his friends, and with his mother and little sister. Now, he doesn’t even remember why he hesitated for even a second before making the decision to come home. He is relishing every moment of his new life, surrounded by his family and back where he belongs.

 

 

 

He has truly been enjoying rediscovering his friends and appreciating the changes in their lives. Even if he has been gone for years, he doesn’t feel out of place, or left out at all. In fact, it’s quite the contrary. He is surprised he has regained his place in the gang so easily after all that has happened. Now, he understands how lucky he is to have found all of them when he had been so young and so naïve.

 

 

 

He has been spending a lot of time with his mother. Jennifer is so happy to have him back in her everyday life. She is engaged to a nice guy she met through the real estate agency, after having broken up with Tucker a few years ago. Matt is a little younger than her, yet not as young as her previous lover had been. She seems truly happy with him. It’s been two years now since she met him, and Justin is glad for his mother; when he observes them together, seeing the small gestures they share or hearing their laugher filling the house, Justin truly believes Matt is the one for her.

 

 

 

Molly, who is finishing her studies to become a teacher, doesn’t have as much time now that she is back in classes, but they have spent a lot of time catching up during the summer. During that time, Justin promised to himself that he would be more present in her life from now on, as she’d admitted she would like to see him more, too. Justin had been relieved when she didn’t just tell him to fuck off, since he hadn’t been a regular presence in her life for the past ten years.

 

 

 

Justin had also contacted Daphne, who is now working as a doctor on the West Coast. She is married to a man she met while doing her medical internship, and she is working as a primary care physician in a renowned hospital. Therefore, she doesn’t come home as much as she would like to. Nevertheless, she’d told him she should be able to take a few days off in a couple of months. Justin would have gone and seen her, but she seems too overwhelmed with work, so it’s not a possibility at the moment. Still, he can’t wait to see her.

 

 

 

As for his professional life, his plan to open a new gallery in Pittsburgh is slowly emerging. He has found an ideal locale, situated near the gay district, and he has already contacted some contractors who are scheduled to begin renovating the place in the next few weeks. His plan is to open another Taylor-Cohen Gallery, where he can show his works, but also promote emerging artists again, along with some masterpieces from his friend Pierre Cohen’s collection. The works from the most promising artists will be exhibited in both the U.S. and France, since Justin is still in contact with Louise Cohen and her father. He has yet to find an assistant, but Lindsay’s knowledge should serve him well, since she still works for Sydney Bloom and can help him find some good candidates.

 

 

 

Thanks to his being financially frugal and his mother’s insight, he had found an apartment near the gay district, too, within a ten-minute walk from his future gallery. The place is exactly what he had in mind before he’d begun his research. Huge windows, a lot of natural light, two separated rooms for a bedroom and a studio.  Justin has spent a lot of time in the past two months redecorating the place and doing some minor remodelling work to it. He has yet to organize a housewarming party, but he thinks it may happen soon.

 

 

 

He is one busy man at the moment.

 

 

 

Of course, the only drawback with his return has been his former lover’s predicament. So, when Brian had simply refused to see him, Justin had understood how lost Brian was over his partner’s departure, and how hard it was for him to deal with it. Justin suspected that his return didn’t help at all; quite the contrary. How would he have reacted if Brian had come back into his life, right after facing the loss of his current partner? Justin doesn’t know, but he suspects he would have had the same reaction. Thus, he perfectly understands Brian’s need to deal with it on his own and wants to respect his wishes. It’s the least he can do.

 

 

 

Still, it had been hard to know the man was in so much pain, and withdrawing from all his friends, but Justin had thought that Brian would come around eventually. He always did in the past. Justin could only hope that Brian hadn’t changed that much.

 

 

 

Now, sitting here around this table, with his friends chattering and laughing in the living room, Justin knows he had been right. Brian is still fighting to be here, but he is here. That’s the most important part.

 

 

 

He is here.

 

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

 

 

A few minutes later

 

 

 

Slowly opening the door leading to the backyard, Justin hesitates slightly before walking outside. It takes a few seconds for his eyes to get used to the relative darkness of the night. Finally, he spots the silhouette he was searching for a few feet away, sitting on the steps of the back porch, apparently lost in thought.

 

 

 

Justin comes closer and quietly sits next to Brian. He takes out his pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket, along with a lighter, and lights one. He definitely should quit, as he doesn’t even smoke a lot anymore; but, expectedly, he’s a little nervous. So, blowing the smoke in the relatively still, warm air of the rapidly encroaching night, he waits. He doesn’t have to wait for too long, though.

 

 

 

“You really should quit that shit.”

 

 

 

The voice is a welcome noise to Justin’s ears, as it means Brian is lowering his defenses, at least a little. The younger man chuckles and takes another puff.

 

 

 

After a few seconds, he retorts, “Says the man who has smoked like a chimney for a good part of his life.” Justin keeps his gaze ahead, not wanting to look at the man beside him for now, for fear of destabilizing the delicate balance they share at the moment.

 

 

 

“All the more reason for you to listen to me.” Justin can’t help but smile a little at Brian’s answer.

 

 

 

They stay silent for quite some time after that, Justin smoking his cigarette, while Brian just sits there, looking into the night.

 

 

 

“How are you?” It’s Brian who’s the first to ask that question, and Justin feels a swell in his chest. He looks at the cold ashes of his cigarette evaporating into the air.

 

 

 

“I’m fine.” It’s true. He is; more than fine.

 

 

 

“Good.” As Justin’s gaze slightly shifts towards his right side, he can ascertain that Brian is bending over, with his elbows on his knees, seemingly looking at his feet, as he rubs one foot against the cement of the steps.

 

 

 

“Don’t you think I should be the one asking that question?” Justin can’t help but point out. Leave it to Brian Kinney to ask about other people’s lives when he is the one going through hell.

 

 

 

“Maybe...” Brian answers, shifting slightly and looking up at the space in front of them. “Who gives a shit?”

 

 

 

Justin snorts, before responding sincerely, “I do.” He peers over at Brian, seemingly unnoticed, as Brian doesn’t acknowledge his gaze.

 

 

 

Brian looks down, concentrating on a stone lying at his feet. He leans over to reach it and finally whispers, “I know...,” before rearing his arm back and throwing it into the grass several yards away.

 

 

 

Justin has to say it once more. Taking a deep breath, he turns to really look at Brian, who is still gazing towards the place where the stone had landed. “If you need any...”

 

 

 

Brian cuts him off immediately, his facial features hardening. “Don’t start with that shit.”

 

 

 

However, as soon as the words come out of his mouth, Brian stops and softens before adding, “I’ve heard it enough by now to last a lifetime.” He sighs. “Do I look like a lost cause to you?” At last, Brian turns to look at Justin for the first time since their conversation had started.

 

 

 

“No,” Justin answers honestly, locking his gaze with Brian’s.

 

 

 

If someone would observe them now, he would think that there is an unspoken message that is being shared at that instant. The intensity of their shared look would show that there is undoubtedly a history between them.

 

 

 

Brian finally breaks eyes contact, saying playfully after pursing his lips together, “That’s comforting...” His retort makes Justin smile briefly.

 

 

 

Looking down, the younger man has to ask, “How are you? I mean, really?” Then, he turns to glance at his companion once more.

 

 

 

Brian hesitates, a vulnerable look appearing surreptitiously on his beautiful features.

 

 

 

“I will survive...” He finally answers, rubbing his face.

 

 

 

Justin understands it’s Brian’s way of making him know, without saying it out loud, that he is not there yet; that the hurt he feels is still there, like an unwelcomed friend who stays by his side every day. Justin’s heart goes out to Brian; still, he is grateful for the other man’s honesty. It gives him hope that one day, maybe in the not-so-distant future, he and Brian can be friends.

 

 

 

A new silence follows, but it is a comfortable one. Neither man needs to say anything more at the moment. Just being close to each other is enough.

 

 

 

Finally, Brian states, “Okay; I really don’t need any more gossip as it is. I should get back inside.” Standing up, he pauses for a few seconds next to Justin, before turning around and walking toward the direction of the back door.

 

 

 

Reaching it, he is about to open it when he halts. Frowning, Brian turns around and asks, “Are you coming? Or, are you going to play the nostalgic teenage girl who is sitting outside all by herself, secretly hoping that the popular guy is going to come back and woo her?” Brian finishes his sentence with a teasing tone in his voice.

 

 

 

Turning to look directly at Brian, Justin can’t help but tease him back, “In case you’ve forgotten, you are the one who just spent about thirty minutes outside all by himself; no doubt with a hang-dog look in your eyes,” he retorts, grinning.

 

 

 

Brian looks horrified. “Do you have a death wish I’m not aware off?” Still, he can’t help the ghost of a smile that appears on his face. “Come on, I’m not going to wait for you until dawn.”

 

 

 

“I’m coming.” Justin stands up and follows Brian inside, back to their friends.

 

 

 

Nobody comments as they enter the living room together. Brian leaves ten minutes later, saying his goodbyes to everybody at once as Justin’s gaze catches hazel eyes one last time.

 

 

 

When Justin goes back to his  place that night, he feels like the night air is a little lighter than usual.

 

 

 

Three weeks later

 

 

Brian’s POV

 

It’s a typical Thursday morning at Kinnetik. The phone is ringing, people are working on projects in the Art Department, and the noise of employees tapping on their computers can be heard in the open space situated right behind the reception area. The CEO is currently meeting with his Art Director in his office.

 

“You’re sure Stuart is up to it?” Brian is sitting at his desk, skimming through a file in his hands, a doubtful expression on his face.

 

“I know he is,” Marty answers confidently. “He did a great job on the Strauss account. It’s time for us to let him handle a bigger one.”

 

“Hmm…” Brian pinches his nose, frowning slightly.

 

Reaching a decision, he straightens up in his chair as he gives the file back to Marty. “Okay; just make sure he doesn’t fuck it up, or he will have my foot up his ass.”  Brian puts his joined hands on his desk and plants a big, fake smile on his face before looking at Marty and adding with a pointed stare, “And he won’t be the only one.”

 

“I wouldn’t dare,” Marty grins, knowing his boss too well by now.

 

Just then, Ted enters the office with a thick folder under his arm. Pausing to look at the two men in front of him, he asks, “Have you finished?”

 

“Theodore, only you can ask that kind of question when you are actually barging into the room without knocking,” Brian replies with an intimidating stare on his face, making Ted squirm a little. Then Brian adds with a smirk, “But don’t lose your confidence; it’s hot!”

 

Ted snorts and shakes his head, making his way over to a vacant chair as Marty leaves the room, nodding at Brian and Ted.

 

“So...” Ted puts the folder on Brian’s desk. “Here is all you have to sign by tomorrow...Pay checks, bills, and requisition requests.”

 

“Is it that time of the month again?” Brian half-jokes, already bored by his future obligations. All he receives in return is a patronizing sort of look from Ted.

 

Brian sighs and rubs his face before beginning to sign the papers Ted places in front of him. He can’t wait for the week to come to an end. He still loves his job, even during times like this, since it’s probably the only thing in the past few months that has helped him keep his sanity. Still, he is exhausted, which is not surprising considering he doesn’t sleep well these days. He hasn’t slept well in more than six months.

 

Frankly, however, he is bored to death by all these administrative duties. It is definitely one part of being a CEO that he hates the most.

 

A few minutes later, Ted frowns, realizing there are some papers missing. “Wait... I forgot some contracts in my office.” Rising up from his chair, he informs Brian, “I’ll be right back,” before leaving the room.

 

“Oh, joy...” Brian intones drolly, before going back to his duties.

 

Suddenly, Brian hears a buzzing noise coming from beneath the pile of papers Ted has just left on his desk. Pushing them aside, he discovers the accountant’s cell phone is vibrating, indicating an incoming call. Looking closer at the name on the screen, he grins somewhat evilly before impulsively picking it up.

 

“I take it no one has told you that calling Theodore during his work time is not a good idea? Hell, calling him at any time could even be considered detrimental to your health,” Brian greets the caller without any preamble.

 

“Brian?” To say that the caller is surprised to hear his voice would be an understatement, if the tone of his voice is any indication.

 

“You’re perceptive,” Brian teases.

 

“I...You...”

 

“Or not,” Brian replies, tongue-in cheek.

 

Justin finally snaps out of his astonishment. “Do you mind? I’m trying to form a sentence here.”

 

“Oh, he can speak! That’s a relief.”

 

“Brian,” Justin responds then, half-laughing.

 

“Justin,” Brian retorts with the same tone in his voice. He hears Justin groaning on the phone.

 

“Okay...” Brian hears some noise, like Justin is holding his phone in the crook of his neck.  “Can you just tell Ted to call me back? I need to talk to him.”

 

Brian frowns, pausing for a second, before asking seriously, “You need something?”

 

Justin sighs. “Actually... My plumber is a stupid jerk and I need to fire him.”

 

Brian repeats his words with an amused voice, “Your...plumber...really?”

 

“Don’t laugh.” Brian can hear Justin smiling through the phone, undoubtedly understanding how it must sound.

 

“I wouldn’t dare,” Brian answers, pinching his lips together.

 

“Right...” Justin doesn’t seem convinced. “Listen; I’m renovating a space to transform it into a gallery, and I just need one person I can trust who won’t break everything while they’re doing the work I pay him for.” Justin sounds exasperated by now. “And I swear I’m going to kill this guy by the end of the day! So if you could ask Ted to call me, I would appreciate it...”

 

Brian chuckles over the annoyance in Justin’s voice. “Sure.” He thinks for about two seconds before coming to a decision. “Okay. Tell me where you are.”

 

“Huh?”

 

Brian rolls his eyes. “I said...Tell me where you are. I’ll come over and take a look at the work that has to be done, and I’ll personally call my contractors. That way, you’ll be sure to have your work done on time.”

 

Brian notices a distinct hesitation coming from the other end of the phone, and can almost see Justin frowning now. “I...You don’t have to do that.”

 

“Actually, I do. It’s either that, or I have to stay with Ted for the next hour, sighing a shit load of fucking papers. Do you have any idea how boring that is?  You have to save me!”

 

Justin chuckles. “I’m glad to see that some things never change. Well, if you put it that way…”

 

“What? You actually thought that I might eventually learn to enjoy and cherish Ted’s amazing accounting skills one day? Think again,” Brian retorts in a very serious tone. Just as he says it, Ted returns to his office, peering back at him with raised eyebrows.

 

“You sure are a true friend, Bri,” Ted mumbles, shaking his head with an ‘I know your secret identity’ look on his face, before sitting in the chair he vacated a few minutes ago.

 

Brian stares over at him briefly before concentrating again on his phone conversation. After a few more exchanges with Justin to arrange a meeting for a half-hour later, he finally hangs up.

 

“Here...your phone, Theodore,” Brian informs his colleague before throwing it on Ted’s lap. Then, he stands up and grabs his jacket.

 

“What? Who was it?”

 

“It was Superman, of course. And once more, he’d just saved a life. Isn’t it great?”

 

Ted’s face is priceless. “What are you talking about?”

 

“Well, he needs my help with a little problem he has; thus, he’s saving me from a fate worse than death,” Brian quips. “So, Theodore, I’m afraid we will have to postpone our charming ‘rendezvous’ for another time,” he announces with a fake grin on his face.

 

Ted sighs, looking at his phone, ascertaining by now who ‘Superman’ was. He has the good sense not to comment about it, however. “You’re aware these papers have to be signed by tomorrow, right?”

 

“And you’re aware I’m the CEO, right?” Brian counters with a piercing stare back at him.

 

“Well, you’re the boss. Your company. Your money...” Ted tries to subtly make Brian change his mind.

 

“Ted...” Brian warns him with a stern look.

 

Ted peers over at him. Brian’s stare is so much more effective than words.

 

“I’ll see you later. Have a good morning!” Ted finally responds as he surrenders to the inevitable and exits Brian’s office, leaving all the paperwork on his boss’s desk.

 

Brian’s gaze follows his retreat before looking down at the papers in front of him. He leans in closer and looks at them with a disgusting expression on his face, hesitating for about ten seconds before making his way out his office door.

 

*********************************************************************************

 

Two hours later

 

“You didn’t have to do this.”

 

The diner is bursting with activity; conversation and the clanging of cutlery filling the air. Justin and Brian are sitting in a booth, facing each other, as they’ve decided to have some lunch before going back to their respective duties.

 

“Sure I did.” Brian answers the question as if were the stupidest one he has ever heard. “Have you seen your plumber? He was a real dork. You should have asked for my advice first, before hiring a loser,” Brian states, before taking a sip of his water.

 

“How could I have known he was a loser?” Justin retorts as he takes a bite of his cheeseburger.

 

Brian looks at him as if he is nuts. “You’re not seriously asking me that question, are you?” Brian takes his fork to plunge it in his Caesar salad. “Come on, have you seen him? He had ‘I’m a perfect fool’ written all over his face.”

 

Justin chuckles. “Okay...I guess you’re right.”

 

“I’m always right. You should know that,” Brian replies with a mischievous gleam in his eyes, shaking his head while raising his left hand as if his statement is the ultimate truth.

 

“Uh, huh...” Justin mumbles in bemusement, his mouth full.

 

They eat in companionable silence for the next two minutes before Brian starts speaking again.

 

“So; you’re really doing it...” Brian is now picking absently at some food on his plate.

 

Justin shakes his head, a confused expression on his face. “Doing what?”

 

“Opening a gallery in fucking Pittsburgh.” Brian looks up at Justin.

 

Justin seems puzzled over Brian’s question as he answers, “Yes; I’m doing it.”

 

“Why?” Brian doesn’t understand how a man like Justin, who has spent many years living in the most beautiful cities of the world, would want to come back to the Pitts.

 

“What do you mean?” Justin seems genuinely confused.

 

“Why did you come back? I mean, you’ve lived in some of the most beautiful cities in Europe for the past seven years...” Brian says, without finishing his sentence, his silence more profound than any words he could come up with.

 

“And your point is?” Justin pushes him deliberately, even if he already understands what Brian is trying to convey.

 

“My point is, how can you come back after all that?” Brian says with a gesture of his hand.  How can he come back here after all he has seen? After all he has lived?

 

“Because I wanted to,” Justin simply states, taking a last mouthful from his plate.

 

Brian snorts and shakes his head. “That’s not a good enough reason.”

 

Justin actually chuckles and swallows his food before answering, like what he is going to say is the most obvious thing in the world. “Sure it is.” He finally looks up to gauge what Brian’s reaction is going to be regarding his next words. “You taught me that.”

 

Brian was all set to refute Justin’s point of view until his brain suddenly acknowledged Justin’s last sentence.  “I…what?”

 

Justin pauses, looking at Brian intently. “Always do what you want. Don’t do what the others want you to do. Don’t let anyone decide what is best for you. Think for yourself. Follow your dreams. Make sure it happens...Does that ring a bell?” Justin expresses calmly, a light smile on his face.

 

In reaction to Brian’s silence, Justin becomes deadly serious. “Pittsburgh is my home, Brian. It always was. It always will be.” Justin studies him sideways, seemingly thinking, before admitting, “I might have been a little slow to realize that.” He peers unflinchingly into Brian’s eyes as he tells him, “But neither you, nor anybody else, is going to change the way I feel.”

 

Brian is momentarily rendered speechless by Justin’s confident response.

 

As he looks intently at his former lover, he realizes he doesn’t know him anymore. And yet, there’s something there, something...familiar.

 

It’s a weird feeling. But it’s not necessarily a bad one.

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

 

Several hours later

 

 

Justin’s POV

 

 

As the day comes to an end, a little chill filling the air while the sun begins to set, Justin goes home, alone, walking down familiar streets from his past, lost in thought.

 

The past.

 

It has a way of getting to you when you don’t really look for it. Or at least Justin feels that way at the moment.

 

When Justin had awakened this morning, he would have never imagined spending a part of his day with Brian. Since their last encounter at Debbie’s, they hadn’t spoken once, Justin being too busy with the gallery and his day-to-day life to even consider the possibility of seeing him again. Moreover, Justin didn’t really know what to make of their last conversation. Did it mean that a friendship could grow between them going forward? Or, had it been just an interlude, brought about by the circumstances of them being together in the same room for the first time? Had it even been real?

 

Either way, Justin had already decided that if Brian wanted to see him, he would be available anytime. Still, he wasn’t going to wait for him to call, either. He had his own life to live. If Brian wanted to be a part of his life, as a friend, Justin would have no problem with it. If not, he wouldn’t cry over it.

 

The last three weeks, Justin had literally been tearing his hair out dealing with the workers he had hired to supervise the construction of his future gallery. Everything had seemed to go wrong with the schedule he had set up. And then on top of that, his plumber had been better at sabotaging the work he had been paid to do, rather than actually doing it. He was supposed to install modern, low-usage plumbing features as mandated by the city, in order to reduce water consumption, since the former system was totally inadequate for any future use that Justin planned. Of course, he should have been more careful when he had hired the man, and should have asked for references of past job completions to prove the man’s technical competence.

 

Therefore, earlier this morning, Justin had been about to lose it completely when the man’s ineptitude had reached a new crisis point.  He had forgotten to turn off the main water supply, and had consequently flooded a good part of the main room. Justin was faced with two options at that point: yelling, which would have felt damn good, even if it wouldn’t have been very productive – or taking some other action. He had finally chosen the latter

 

It had definitely been the right choice.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Flashback, earlier that morning

 

After having decided to call Ted in order to ask him his advice about choosing a new plumber, Justin had been totally unprepared to hear Brian’s voice on the other end, greeting him with his unique, charming self. Unprepared, but also pleased, especially when Brian had offered to come and help him with his ‘plumbing’ problem.

 

Thirty minutes later, Justin meets him outside his ‘gallery-to-be.’ As Brian walks towards him, Justin can’t help thinking that his former partner is as beautiful as ever in his grey designer suit. Brian still radiates this aura of self-confidence everywhere he goes, even more so now that he is older.

 

Some things never change.

 

Halting next to him and looking at the front window, Brian leans sideways to greet him. “Hey.”

 

Justin can smell the other man’s unique essence. He smiles. “Hey.”

 

Brian’s face is indecipherable. “So, this is it?”

 

Justin nods and gestures with a grand sweep of his hand. “It is. What do you think?”

 

“The location is great. Is the interior as appealing?” Brian asks, raising his eyebrows.

 

Justin chuckles, knowing exactly what Brian is going to think about the place. “I wouldn’t exactly say that,” he answers mysteriously. “Come on, before the plumber does any more damage.”

 

Brian frowns. “You haven’t fired him yet?”

 

“I wouldn’t have dared deny you the pleasure of witnessing it personally.”

 

That one makes Brian smile at last. “How thoughtful of you...”

 

They walk through the front door and Justin stops, letting Brian discover the place by himself. He knows it’s impossible at the moment to imagine what the place is going to look like after the renovations are complete. There is dust and dirt everywhere, the floor is littered with dirty, flowered wallpaper that even Justin’s grandmother wouldn’t have wanted in her own place –and that’s saying something- and the walls are half-destroyed, as the workers have just begun to tear them down to open up the space and create one, big room.

 

A moment later, Brian walks back from the rear of the building before stopping in the middle of the room they’re in. Justin finally joins him, eager to hear his verdict. “This place...” Brian pauses, pursing his lips together, “potentially...” He looks at the ceilings before taking one more look around the place, “...has potential.”

 

Justin bursts out laughing. “Potentially has potential? Really? That’s the best you can do?”

 

Brian chuckles as well, before stating, “Would you prefer if I said, ‘Only you can even remotely see potential with this place?”

 

Justin shakes his head, smiling widely. “No. I know you have far too much tact than that, Mister ‘Ad Man.’”

 

Brian nods in agreement, concluding, “So, ‘potentially has potential’ it is.”

 

Justin retorts, “Lucky for you I have a great eye. This place will be the best gallery in Pittsburgh; hell, in all Pennsylvania! You’ll see,” Justin states confidently.

 

“I’m sure it will be; once you take down all these hideous walls,” Brian replies with a disgusting look on his face. “Who were the last owners of this place? Professional dope smokers?” Justin laughs out loud. “Seriously, have you seen all these flowers? Did they have some kind of hippie kink or something?” Brian asks, with a serious face and a frown.

 

“Who knows?” Justin answers, playfully. “What I DO know is that I got this place for way under market value, since it’s been listed for more than two years now. It was a real bargain.”

 

“Yeah…lucky you,” Brian repeats a little cynically. “But like I said, you’re the only one who can really see its potential, even if I do admit I might see it, too…” Brian frowns, before adding, “…potentially.” Then, his face lights up as he seems to remember something.  “Your plumber is in the back, by the way. He is having a deep conversation with a very long and very hard pipe…Can you believe it?”

 

Justin bursts out laughing once more.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

One hour later, Justin has finally fired the plumber and found a new one, thanks to Brian. The dismissed plumber has left the place without too much complaint, mainly because he had been scared to death of Brian’s murderous look when he had begun to protest. Also, Brian’s little ‘I’m going to stick that fucking pipe down your throat if you don’t shut up’ speech had been quite effective. Brian’s patience was not at his best these days.

 

Brian and Justin are eating at the diner when Brian finally asks that question. The one Justin has been waiting for, since he figured Brian wouldn’t understand his choice to come back after so many years.

 

“Why?”

 

After beating around the bush a little, Justin finally settles for the truth. “Because I wanted to.” Of course, he should have known Brian wouldn’t accept his explanation so readily.

 

“That’s not a good enough reason.”

 

“Sure it is. You taught me that.”

 

That takes Brian by surprise. Well, it was the point.  “I... what?”

 

Justin makes sure to have Brian’s full attention before stating calmly, “Always do what you want. Don’t do what the others want you to do. Don’t let anyone decide what is best for you. Think for yourself. Follow your dreams. Make sure it happens...Does that ring a bell?”

 

Turning deadly serious, Justin adds, “Pittsburgh is my home, Brian. It always was. It always will be.” Justin momentarily thinks back to the conversation with that stranger in the gallery; it had been the little push he had needed to make his decision. “I might have been a little slow to realize that.” His gaze shifts back to Brian’s. “But neither you, nor anybody else, is going to change the way I feel.”

 

Brian doesn’t respond. He just looks at him, with that intense stare that can hold so many emotions at once.

 

Finally, as the stare lasts more than necessary, Brian finally smiles and says one word before breaking their gaze.

 

“Okay.”

 

And then, Justin smiles, too.

 

 

 

 

 

The diner, four months later, February 2015

 

 

 

 

 

Emmett’s POV

 

 

 

Emmett Honeycutt is sitting at the counter in the diner, reading the news - or at least the fashion part of it - while blowing on his lukewarm coffee and sipping it. The doorbell rings, signalling a new customer is arriving, but the fact barely crosses his brain, since he is still focused on a captivating image of a very male and very elegant young man dressed in style – or should he say instead, in ‘Honeycutt’ style.

 

 

 

“Hi, Emmett,” Justin plops himself into the seat beside him, a wide smile on his face.

 

 

 

“Hi, Sweetie!” Emmett puts his newspaper down on the counter before looking at his friend. It’s Justin’s big day today. His gallery’s official opening is planned for tonight. “What are you doing here? You’re not about to panic and run away to New York, are you?” Emmett says teasingly with a playful tone coloring his voice.

 

 

 

Justin laughs, “No. I’m not going to do something stupid. Have you noticed I’m not a crazy teenager anymore?”

 

 

 

“I’ve noticed alright...But I do think you could still be carded because of your youthful, innocent but handsome face,” Emmett quips.

 

 

 

“Please, Emmett, don’t remind me.” Justin rolls his eyes as he grimaces.

 

 

 

Emmett puts his elbow on the counter and rests his head on his hand, focusing on his friend. “So, everything is ready?”

 

 

 

“Yes, it is,” Justin confirms, looking at his watch.  “In six and a half hours, the Taylor-Cohen gallery will be officially inaugurated.” He beams.

 

 

 

“And you are a very lucky man, Justin Taylor,” Emmett says, touching Justin’s forearm. “It’s your dream comes true!”

 

 

 

“Yeah,” Justin looks down and smiles that smile. “Who would have thought?”

 

 

 

“You should be proud,” Emmett states.

 

 

 

“Thanks, Emmett.” Justin looks up. “I am a little nervous, though. My friends Peter and Daphne will be here and, well, Mr. Cohen and Mr. Dale will be here too, and...I just...” Justin shakes his head, before smiling once more, “I’m so excited!”

 

 

 

“You should be!” Emmett proclaims. “You want to take a walk this afternoon? Maybe do some shopping or something? It might help you not to think too much about tonight…or you might just self-combust before it even starts!”

 

 

 

Justin looks at his friend softly. “No. Thank you, Emmett; but I’m meeting with Brian. And don’t you have some cooking to do for one of your favorite clients, anyway?”

 

 

 

Emmett tilts his head. “I’ll have you know that everything is under control, so I have the time to wander around for a couple of hours. But if you’re already meeting with Brian...” He shrugs.

 

 

 

“Hmm...” Justin responds a little self-consciously. “He wants to make sure I’ll be ‘appropriately’ dressed.” Emmett raises his eyebrows, prompting Justin to add, “You know, dressed with style as opposed to looking like some bohemian artist.” Justin rolls his eyes. “He wouldn’t have left me alone if I’d said no.”

 

 

 

“If you ask me, I’d say you’re a product, and Brian wants to sell you.” Emmett winks.

 

 

 

“Yeah; well, he helped me with all the renovations, so I didn’t have the courage to say no to him,” Justin explains, “But I swear if we spend more than an hour in this shop where we went twice already to choose this fucking outfit, I’m going to kill him.”

 

 

 

Emmett laughs, “You two are really great buddies now, aren’t you?”

 

 

 

Justin smiles cautiously as he confirms, “We’re friends.”

 

 

 

“Friends...?” Emmett inquires softly.

 

 

 

“Don’t do that.” Justin reacts immediately. In front of Emmett’s gaze, he feels the need to add, “Listen…Brian and I, we’re just friends. And if you, or anyone else starts up with that shit, nothing good will come out of it.”

 

 

 

Justin pauses and looks sideways momentarily before stating seriously, “Just...please; I don’t want anyone to imply anything else. I don’t want him to feel...” Justin gestures with his hand, not knowing exactly how to explain it. “…that we’re not in a good place. I don’t want to lose that.”

 

 

 

“Okay.” Emmett sighs. “Can I give you some advice, though?”

 

 

 

Justin stares at him, seemingly debating whether or not he wants to hear what Emmett has to say, before nodding slightly.

 

 

 

Emmett puts his right hand on Justin’s knee, and makes sure to have Justin’s full attention before saying, “Be careful, Justin. I know you want to respect him and all that; but, Sweetie…just tread carefully, okay?” 

 

 

 

Justin’s stare alters imperceptibly.

 

 

 

Yet, Emmett sees it. He can only hope things will not become complicated very soon.

 

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

 

 

In the last five months or so, Emmett has been witnessing the birth of a new relationship between Brian and Justin. What had appeared at first to be a quasi, non-existent reconnection eight months ago, when Justin had initially returned, had evolved over time to become a real friendship between the two men. 

 

 

 

At first, though, when they had finally started to speak to each other, all their talk had been work-related, or at least it had seemed that way. Justin had obviously needed help with the renovations of his future gallery. Brian, who never had been a man who could stay away when a member of his ‘family’ was asking for help, had offered to provide him with his expertise on the matter, along with his contacts.

 

 

 

Or course, Brian had still been vulnerable at the time, but everybody had been happy to see him moving on with his life and reverting back to more of his old self…at least apparently. Emmett had no doubts about the fact that it was way more complicated than that. During that time, when Brian didn’t know he was observing him, he could still detect a contemplative look on his friend’s face as if he were lost in deep thought.  In those moments, it was like Brian’s mask would momentarily slip, revealing his true feelings. Emmett doubted that anybody else noticed, but he knew that his friend was still struggling and hurting. Emmett could only hope that time would help him to really move on. Time, and maybe something or someone else...

 

 

 

And then, there had been Justin’s housewarming party.

 

 

 

*******************************************************************************

 

 

 

Flashback, early November

 

 

 

“Is everything ready?” Justin asks, looking around at all the dishes setting on his kitchen table. All his guests had just arrived, and Emmett is actively working to put the last, decorative touches on the various appetizers he had prepared earlier in the day.

 

 

 

“It is.” Emmett puts one last chive on the plate in front of him and straightens himself up. “Now, Baby, time to go greet your guests!”

 

 

 

Just as Justin moves to join his friends in the living room, Emmett hears a deep voice coming from the doorway, and looks up just in time to see Brian entering the kitchen. “What do we have here?” The man asks as if he owns the place.

 

 

 

“Hey, Brian.” Justin smiles as Brian makes his way over to the kitchen counter before carefully eyeing the dishes in front of him.

 

 

 

Almost as an afterthought, Brian gazes up and smiles at the other two men. “Hey, Sunshine; Emmett.”

 

 

 

Emmett isn’t sure he has heard him right. Sunshine...Sunshine?

 

 

 

Looking at the dishes once more, Brian inquires curiously, “What’s that?” He points to one particular plate of appetizers with his forefinger, sporting a frowning look on his face.

 

 

 

Justin explains, “It’s crêpes with salmon and a cream herbal sauce, Brian.”

 

 

 

In reaction to Brian’s disgusted look, Justin states confidently, “They’re delicious!”

 

 

 

“Seriously?” Brian looks at Justin like the young man has lost his mind.  “You’re actually telling me you like this kind of thing?”

 

 

 

“I do. Crêpes are delicious. You should try one.” Justin grins in amusement.

 

 

 

“Please! Next you’re going tell me you like camembert.” Brian seems to shudder at the mere thought.

 

 

 

Justin comes closer and replies playfully, “I like camembert. And French cheese in general. Cantal, Gruyere...oh, and Gouda; that cheese is the best!” He cocks his head a little and adds with a grin, “There’s nothing better paired with some charcuterie than a good glass of Bordeaux.”

 

 

 

Brian steps back, playing the horrified guest, “Red wine, really? What happened to Margaritas? And more importantly, what happened to you?” He asks with a slow shake of his head and a false, questioning gaze on his face, trying not to smile.

 

 

 

Justin plays along, pursing his lips and gesturing at himself with his right hand. “I think I grew up a little, in case you haven’t noticed.” Then, he turns around to grab a plate with the clear intention of taking it into the living room.

 

 

 

“I noticed alright...” Brian’s gaze follows Justin’s back. Emmett has the distinct impression that both men have forgotten he is even in the room. “You’ve become such a ‘French’ snob...” Then, Brian adds with a grin, “Good for you.”

 

 

 

Just then, Debbie barges into the room, followed closely by Jennifer and Blake. The mother of all queers seems to be on a mission. “What are you three waiting for? You want us to starve out there?” She takes a plate from Justin’s hand and orders, “In the living room, now!”

 

 

 

Justin does as he is told, grabbing another plate to bring with him, and Emmett witnesses the look on Brian’s face when Justin playfully whispers, “Behave!” and turns to walk towards the main room. Brian actually smiles when Justin can’t see him anymore.

 

 

 

Emmett realizes that this is it. A true friendship is really beginning.

 

 

 

End of Flashback

 

 

 

*******************************************************************************

 

 

 

At the time, Emmett had been surprised. He didn’t know that Brian and Justin had become so comfortable with each other since they had started speaking again. Everybody had known that it wasn’t going to be easy for them, seeing each other on a regular basis, sharing the same friends, even the same family, after so many years apart. They had both changed. They had both met other people; they had both deeply loved other men. Still, they were each other’s first love, a love that didn’t end because of some hard feelings. How would they deal with it?

 

 

 

Aidan’s leaving had hit Brian hard. Really hard. Brian was a strong man; otherwise, he wouldn’t have survived what he had gone through during that time if not for this inner strength he had inside of him. But his heart...his heart was fragile and had been shattered into a million pieces not once, but twice.

 

 

 

A man can still seem to be functioning in his everyday life.  But sometimes what others around him fail to notice is that he is actually dead inside. Emmett had been afraid of that, and he hadn’t been the only one. But each time Brian has been able to persevere, thanks to the men in his life. The irony was clear here. Aidan had helped Brian to move on from his heartbreak with Justin, as a friend. Now, Justin was doing the same thing; because what Emmett had seen that night at Justin’s housewarming party had been exactly that. Justin was helping Brian to feel better and to go on with his life as a true friend would do.   

 

 

 

Friendship.

 

 

 

It could be considered as something close to marriage in a way, without the ‘in love’ part. Real friends are there for each other, listening, reassuring, comforting. They are there when a friend is in a bad place. They don’t give up.

 

 

 

In some rare cases, the line between sincere friendship and ‘true love’ can be thin. In Brian and Justin’s case, that statement couldn’t be truer, in light of their past history. Consequently, Emmett knows their relationship is more meaningful than a simple friendship, a fact that is not surprising. However, he doesn’t know if this will evolve into something more or not. Only time will tell.

 

 

 

One thing is certain, though. Over the last few months since Justin’s housewarming party, Justin and Brian’s relationship had become stronger somehow. And yet, Emmett feels that the balance between them could still collapse in a heartbeat.

 

 

 

So, the question is, what will happen now?

 

 

 

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

 

 

 

 

Justin’s POV

 

 

 

 

 

Today is one of the most important days of Justin’s life. The official opening of the gallery is finally a reality, and Justin has to prepare himself for a big night tonight. All his friends and family will be there. All of them.

 

 

 

There will be the obvious guests: his mom and her husband; Molly, all the Liberty gang, along with the kids, and Debbie and Carl. Still, there are other people that Justin can’t wait to see again.

 

 

 

Peter had flown in from Paris two days ago, alone. His boyfriend couldn’t make it, and Justin doubted he even wanted to be here. But knowing Peter had travelled to be with him tonight touches Justin more than he can say. They already have spent the last two days catching up, as Peter is staying at Justin’s place. Moreover, since his friend hails from Philadelphia, Peter will fly there in two days to visit his family.

 

 

 

Then, of course, there will be Daphne, who managed to take a few days off to be here. Justin can’t wait to see her again. They had spent some time together two months ago, when Justin had finally flown to the West Coast, since her schedule had been too tight to come back to the Pitts. Their reunion had been an emotional one, as they hadn’t seen each other in nearly five years.

 

 

 

Mr. Dale and Pierre Cohen are arriving this afternoon. Justin can’t wait to see them, too, and to show them all he has accomplished. The exhibition is going to feature a promising artist, Aaron Shane, who uses a unique technique to create spectacular, abstract paintings. Justin had been blown away by his talent, and had pursued him until he agreed to exhibit his works in the gallery. He hadn’t been the only one who had wanted him, but it turned out that he had been the most persistent one. Along with a few of his own paintings and Pierre Cohen’s contributions, the exhibition should be nothing but sensational.

 

 

 

Justin can’t wait.

 

 

 

At the moment, he is back at his apartment after having spent again more than an hour trying on his outfit for Brian. He finally decided that he had had enough, when Brian tried one last time to get him to try on a different scarf like he was some model, or even worse...a fucking Ken doll. However, he knew Brian just wanted him to be the best-looking host he could possibly be for his grand debut in Pittsburgh. Still, shopping with Brian Kinney was definitely as annoying as ever.

 

 

 

Brian. Their relationship has evolved a lot in the last few months. They have gone from a non-existent one, when Brian had been a no-show for three months, to an awkward one when they had been tiptoeing around each other for a short time, to a real friendship a few weeks later. Justin is really glad Brian has allowed him to be a part of his life again. He doesn’t analyze or think too much about how easy it is for them to interact with each other as they discuss their lives or their aspirations. Yet, they never talk about feelings or other things of a romantic nature. They’re not ready for that.

 

 

 

Brian has helped Justin a lot with the renovation of his new space for the gallery. It is as if the gallery’s success was as important to Brian as it is for Justin. Brian’s expertise and devotion to the task has been the greatest support Justin could have hoped for.

 

 

 

And now, he is going to relish every moment of his night. He deserves it.

 

 

 

“Hey, where are you?” Peter brings Justin back to the present, throwing a pillow at him to make sure he’s still with him. Peter had taken a shower, and had spent almost an hour in the bathroom. Justin still has to get ready. They must be in the gallery by six o’clock – exactly one hour and forty-eight minutes from now. The opening itself is scheduled for 6:30 p.m.

 

 

 

“I’m right here, Mister ‘I monopolize the bathroom everywhere I go’! So nice of you to finally get out of my way...” Justin teases his friend. Peter has always been a ‘hygiene freak’ as Justin calls him.

 

 

 

“What did you say?” Peter responds, ready to start another pillow fight, a game the two friends have participated in frequently in the past.

 

 

 

“Come on, Peter; you know you want it!” Justin is so happy now that he would do anything to please his friend. Not that he would ever admit that he loves their stupid game, especially at thirty-one years-old.

 

 

 

“Okay, your shower will have to wait, even if I die from suffocation in the meantime,” Peter teases Justin back.

 

 

 

“What did you just say?” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Justin throws a pillow at Peter, who fights back.

 

 

 

It’s such a great day.

 

 

 

*******************************************************************************

 

 

 

Several hours later, Taylor-Cohen Gallery

 

 

 

“You really outdid yourself, kid.”

 

 

 

‘Kid.’ That’s the way Mr. Dale refers to Justin when he is proud of him. Justin beams under the praise of his mentor.

 

 

 

“Thanks. And really, I wouldn’t be here if not for you today; just so you know...” Justin replies cryptically, knowing how Mr. Dale feels about gratitude.

 

 

 

“It’s your talent, and nothing else that has brought you here today, son. Never forget that,” the older man responds firmly.  “I’m just glad it wasn’t wasted along the way. And of course, if you want to do something for me, you can help promote one of my works soon,” he replies, his expression strictly neutral.

 

 

 

That’s Mr. Dale. Always the expressive one. “I’ll be very glad to do so, whenever you want,” Justin assures him, unable to stop the light from appearing in his eyes. He is so happy.

 

 

 

“Of course,” Mr. Dale responds with a nod. “Now, enjoy this moment, Justin.” He finally takes a step in the direction of one of the paintings displayed on an adjacent wall, just as an art reporter approaches him. Justin watches them and shakes his head, a little grin appearing on his face. Mr. Dale has always been quite a character.

 

 

 

Good luck, Mr. Reporter; you don’t know what you’re in for...

 

 

 

Justin finally walks a few feet away to join Daphne, who is standing with Peter, Lindsay and Gus.

 

 

 

---

 

The evening is a success. The exhibition has been open for more than two hours now, and the gallery is full of people chattering and raving about the place, the paintings, and even the food. Important guests – through Mr. Dale’s connections – and well-known art reporters, in addition to the artists being promoted, are all sporting relaxed expressions on their faces, and Justin feels like he is floating somehow from the high he is feeling, almost like an out-of-body experience. Everywhere he looks, he can see friendly faces animatedly interacting with the people next to them, or loners staring pensively at the art. Justin has already talked with a lot of guests, playing the perfect host; now he can finally relax and enjoy all his loved ones. He is having the greatest time of his life.

 

 

 

“I can’t believe it...You did it!” Daphne is ecstatic, marvelling at how wonderful it is to be here today with Justin and share in his success. “I still remember us spending all our summers in my parents’ pool, talking endlessly about our goals in life. And look at us now!” She exclaims with a wide smile on her face, interlacing her left arm with Justin’s.

 

 

 

“Yeah...It’s kind of crazy. And I’m so happy to share it with you guys. ” Justin smiles, looking at Peter and Lindsay while squeezing Daphne’s hand with his own.

 

 

 

“You can be so proud, Justin! It’s amazing... I’m so happy for you.” Lindsay smiles back at him with a soft look before whispering knowingly in his ear, “Sydney is green with jealousy...” As she steps back, she winks.

 

 

 

Gus, who has been examining some of the paintings on display, wanders over to stand next to his mother.  Justin smiles at him in greeting, noticing how much he resembles his father, even more than when he was younger.

 

 

 

“What do you think about all this, Gus?” he asks him curiously. He knows how much he loved art when he was approximately Gus’s age, but he realizes it doesn’t hold the same fascination for everyone when they are teenagers.

 

 

 

“It’s cool...And the food’s not bad, either,” Gus exclaims with a grin, curling his lips under just like someone else Justin knows.  Like his father, indeed…

 

 

 

“Don’t forget the champagne...” Peter adds with a smirk, making everybody laugh.

 

 

 

Just then Jennifer, Matt and Molly, followed by Debbie and Carl, walk over to join them. Jennifer puts her arm around Justin’s shoulder, her eyes shining with so much love and pride for her son. “Honey, it’s wonderful!” She squeezes him a little and advises him, “Pierre was just telling us how impressed he is with the place, and the artist you’ve chosen for your first exhibition.” She finally releases him. “He is a charming man.”

 

 

 

“Yes, he is. And I’m glad he likes this place; it’s his gallery, too, after all,” Justin answers, gazing at his empty glass before looking up.

 

 

 

Debbie notices Justin’s silent wish. “Thirsty? Let me get you something to drink... And to eat! We wouldn’t want you to be drunk from something else other than euphoria tonight!” She says playfully in front of everybody, taking Justin’s glass from his hand before going in search of a waiter.

 

 

 

For the next two hours or so, everything is a blur. Justin enjoys every moment, taking the time to talk with everybody present: Michael and Ben, Ted and Blake, Emmett and Liam, Jennifer and Matt, Debbie and Carl, Lindsay and Melanie, Peter, Daphne, Pierre Cohen. Everybody congratulates him, the atmosphere becoming kind of magical and filled with a lot of laughter.

 

 

 

At last, Justin spots Brian standing in front of one of his paintings. But not just any painting. It’s the one that sealed his fate. The painting that got Justin to move back.

 

 

 

Lost Love.

 

 

 

Justin approaches him and doesn’t say anything. What Justin doesn’t know is that Brian has already seen this painting before, a long time ago.

 

 

 

Brian’s look is indecipherable. After a long moment, Brian turns to look at him and says simply, “Congratulations, Sunshine.” A real smile appears on his face, and Justin can’t do anything but smile back with a soft look on his face.

 

 

 

“I...” Justin opens his mouth, but the words seem to escape him for an instant. They gaze in each other’s eyes for a few more seconds than necessary before Justin finally responds, “Thank you...I wouldn’t be here today if not for you...” The double-meaning is not lost on both men at the moment, because they know Justin is not just talking about Brian’s help with the building’s renovations.

 

 

 

Brian just stares back at him with a soft gaze.

 

 

 

Finally, the older man asks, “So, what about a real celebration? I believe I heard someone earlier talking about Babylon? What do you say?”

 

 

 

Justin grins. “Hell, yeah! I’m all for it. Lindsay and Melanie aren’t going because of the kids, but I think Emmett has already left with Liam, Daphne and Peter. Michael and Ben, along with Ted and Blake are ready to leave, too. I just have to stay a little longer until everybody leaves, and then I can join you,” Justin explains. The exhibition is coming to an end, and all the guests should be leaving in the next twenty minutes or so.

 

 

 

“I’ll wait for you,” Brian offers before frowning slightly, looking at his suit. “Although I’ll have to drive by the loft to change before we go to Babylon.”

 

 

 

Justin nods. “Not a problem.”

 

 

 

The truth is, Justin hasn’t set foot in the loft since last June, when he had been royally dismissed by Brian. He isn’t sure why, but until today he and Brian had always met either at his place or at the diner; at Debbie’s, even at Michael’s, but not at the loft.

 

 

 

Still, Justin doesn’t want to dwell on it too much, thinking that going there won’t change anything now that they are more comfortable and at ease with each other. Moreover, he is too happy at the moment to question it.

 

 

 

He couldn’t have been more wrong, though.

 

 

 

*********************************************************************************

 

 

 

Forty-five minutes later, the loft

 

 

 

As Justin comes up the stairs leading to the loft following Brian’s steps, a strange sensation descends upon him. He doesn’t know exactly what it is, maybe nostalgia or something, but he feels a little nervous, at least if the erratic beating of his heart is any indication.

 

 

 

A minute later as he walks through the metal door, he pauses briefly just inside and looks around the place before taking a tentative few steps and stopping at a strategic point; from the middle of the loft, he can observe the kitchen area and the living room area, and as he peers over toward the bedroom he sees Brian’s form walking in the direction of the bathroom.

 

 

 

“Make yourself comfortable. I’ll back in no time.” He hears Brian’s voice briefly, but he isn’t focused enough for his mind to really register the words. Instead, his heart is strangely constricted as his gaze sweeps over all the details his eyes fall upon. Everything feels familiar, and yet so different at the same time. Justin’s seventeen-year-old self is screaming inside, while Justin, the thirty-one-year, is taking it all in stride.

 

 

 

Then, his feet propel him around the room almost against his will, and his mind plays tricks on him, as the present and the past melt into a single image in front of him. His trance lasts for a few moments until he stops in front of a new bookcase.

 

 

 

He will question this moment in the future. As his eyes are inexplicably drawn to a particular book, which is tucked away on the shelf, his fingers grab it almost unconsciously.

 

 

 

The book is a collection of pictures, every one more mesmerizing than the last. The details, the light, the subjects, the colors; everything appeals to the artist in Justin. The photographer is certainly a very talented one, and Justin inwardly congratulates Brian on his choice.

 

 

 

Then he finally closes the beautiful book and turns it over to study the back cover. His heart misses a beat, and his eyes go wide as he recognizes the man staring back at him. Noticing the photographer’s name for the first time, Justin forgets to breathe for a second as he finally understands.

 

 

 

It’s him...Aidan Cole, Brian’s boyfriend.

 

 

 

Oh, fuck...

 

 

 

“Hey,” Brian calls out to him, having made his way back to the living room. Justin didn’t heard him, obviously.

 

 

 

The voice startles him, and he loses his balance as he moves to turn around just before he drops the book, which lands on the floor with a big thump.

 

 

 

The silence that follows is deafening. Brian notices the apparent reason for Justin’s obvious agitation as the young man has trouble looking him in the eyes; the older man bends over to retrieve the book and stares at it for a few seconds, his face devoid of any outward emotion. Finally, Brian moves to quietly place it back on the bookcase, the front cover exposed for everybody to look at.

 

 

 

Brian doesn’t say anything or show any kind of reaction, preferring not to turn around, his back to Justin. The young man knows he has to explain why this particular book has shaken him, or Brian will reach the wrong conclusion. So, he takes a deep breath before saying the words he is sure will change the new and still fragile relationship they share.

 

 

 

“Brian,” Justin takes a step closer, making Brian look sideways before revealing, “I know this man...”

 

 

 

Justin sees Brian immediately flinch at his words; he isn’t surprised to see him turning around after hearing his startling words, the mask slipping from his face.

 

 

 

Justin stares at the man in front of him, wanting to spare him from the pain his next words are surely going to bring, but knowing it’s inevitable as he finally whispers, “I know Aidan.”