Brian likes driving.  He drives his new toy through the gate to his destination.  Hot off the assembly line; the latest Jeep Wrangler.  Why he purchased the off-road vehicle, he can't say: ‘Because I can', is a good enough reason he thinks.  As he drives down the long dirt driveway he contemplates that this is as close as he will ever get to off-road and he is feeling kind of good about that, as he likes his modern conveniences. He has his cell phone in his pocket, his laptop on the front passenger seat, and his car has all the bells and whistles you can purchase in an automobile that make life a little more comfortable. 

As he stops in front of the quaint well-maintained house he is aware that he is being watched.  Two young women and a man around the same age, which seems to be late teens, are watching him from a distance.  They stop what they are doing, the man comes in from the field he is plowing and the women from the garden they are attending, and start heading in his direction.  His attention turns back towards the house as the door opens and out walks the man he is here to see; Craig Taylor.  His father and Craig have known each other for many years and Brian is doing his father a favor by going to see Craig.   

Brian extends his hand and Craig shakes it.  The youth group, as Brian is mentally calling the approaching teens, have now reached the house.  They stand back a little as they will only be introduced if Craig sees fit to do so.   Craig does the introductions, although he isn't happy about it as the children should be working; there is no reason for them to stop their chores.  "Mr. Kinney, this is my son Justin and this is Molly my daughter and our neighbor's child, Daphne Chanders."  He then dismisses them, indicating they should return to their assigned work.

The group had been excited to see the Jeep arrive as they rarely have visitors outside of their own kind; still they know to return to their responsibilities, as disobedient is something they are not.  Brian looks anywhere, other than Justin.  Beautiful sun-kissed hair against pale skin, deep blue eyes and multiple other features that are impossible to describe, as words cannot do them justice.  He isn't going to ogle something he can never have.  He drops his gaze until the youth group departs.  Craig then invites him inside.  "Can I offer you a drink Brian?"

"Water will be suffice, thank you."  Brian hands Craig an envelope.  "Father sent me here to deliver this."  Craig takes the envelope and he puts it in a drawer for safe keeping.  He will read the contents once Brian has left and he is alone.

"Thank you."  No other words are exchanged as Brian drinks until his glass is empty.

Brian rises from his chair and shakes hands once again with Craig.  He walks around to the driver's side of the vehicle and realizes he has a flat tire.  Brian has never changed a tire before.  The only time he needed to do so he was with Emmett and Ted and they had taken control.  Craig hasn't owed a car in many years and really doesn't have a clue about changing a tire either.  In his previously life he would always call roadside assistance, American Automobile Association (AAA) to change a flat.  Also he isn't willing to demonstrate that he knows anything about automobiles.

Brian starts searching for the jack to hoist the vehicle, and although he has only been searching for a short amount of time the sky is getting dark.  Brian asks Craig if he has a torch, then realizes how silly the question is.  He is in Amish territory here and there is no porch light, no torches and certainly no phone to call anyone.  His cell seems useless as he can't get any reception.  

Craig speaks.  "You will need to stay the night."  There is no fuss in his voice just practicality.

Brian nods.  "Thank you."

Very few words are spoken in this household.  There is no television blaring in the corner, no radio and no sound from a running refrigerator or any electrical appliance; to Brian it is an eerie quiet.  Having someone stay is a novelty which Justin and Molly want to take advantage of.

Molly goes first.  She cannot hold back her curiosity.   "Brian..."

"Mr. Kinney."  Craig corrects her.

"Mr. Kinney, do you have your suits made for you?  They look like they fit perfectly and couldn't possibly be a hand-me-down, and the material seems very fancy?"  Molly is an expert when it comes to sewing.  She can make a complete dress in a morning.

Brian knows Molly is using the term hand-me-down, as preloved, so he ignores the other meanings of her phrase.  "My suits are made of the finest material Molly; although the suit is purchased, as they say, ‘off the rack'.  I do have them adjusted so the size fits me impeccably."  Molly wants to feel the fabric; however, she knows that will not be allowed.

"We make all our own clothes Mr. Kinney so I'm not sure what ‘off the rack' means."  Brian explains the concept and Molly said when she undertakes Rumspringa she would like to see a store that sells clothes, ‘off the rack'.

Justin desperately wants to speak to Brian, yet doesn't know what to say.  Well, he does know what he wants to say, he is just far too shy to say it.  He knows he will just stumble over his words while looking at this man.  This is a realization moment for Justin, an awakening.  He is twenty one years old and he has never thought of marrying or even being with a woman.  He now understands why.  This man at their table has caused a stirring in his loins.  Brian is sitting alongside Justin and Justin just has to have contact.  He drops his napkin and bends to pick it up.  While he is bending over in his seat he runs his hand along Brian's pant leg beneath the table.  Brian doesn't move.  He is getting an excellent view of Justin's butt and with the unexpected contact his manhood is now standing to attention.

Justin rises in his seat not daring to look in Brian's direction.  He has never wanted anything as much as he wants this man.  Nevertheless, his upbringing has taught him you don't always get what you want and your desires are not always in your own best interest.  Brian shifts uncomfortably and tries desperately to sound like he has been following Craig's conversation.  Justin's little display now has Brian eager to talk to him alone before they all retire for the evening.

Justin and Molly have more designated duties after the meal and while they carry them out Brian goes to his vehicle, which is still in the driveway.  He is filling in time while still hopeful he might get the opportunity to speak with Justin alone.  He turns on the Jeeps lights and radio, then he lights a cigarette.    As he completes his third cigarette he hears a noise behind him.  Craig approaches and gives him directions to the room out the back which is detached from the house.  He will sleep there tonight.  Craig bids him a goodnight and turns in.  Brian notices as Craig leaves that Justin is in the shadows. 

"Justin."  He whispers so Craig will not reappear from inside the house.  Justin shows himself and Brian can see his wanton yearning.  As he moves closer Brian moves forward as well, until they are only inches apart.  Both men are breathing heavily, they are very aware of where they are and Justin really isn't sure how to express or handle himself while being in such close proximity to a desire he has never known before, and may never know again after tonight.  It's then the car radio plays "Save the Last Dance For Me" so to break the tension rising from what appears to be a standoff, as neither man seems able to make the first move, Brian because he is very aware of the situation and Justin from absolute inexperience and fear of the unknown, Brian reaches out and gently takes Justin in his arms.   Brian moves Justin in time to the music.  Justin has never danced before so he just goes wherever Brian leads him and once he relaxes they begin to enjoy their moment in time.  As the song finishes Justin notices they are being watched.  He removes himself from Brian's arms and nods his head in the direction of the house so Brian will understand what he is doing.  His mother doesn't bring attention to what she has just witnessed; still the look on her face seems to conclude that she has suspected Justin's lack of interest in female company for some time.  How could she not have noticed, she had, yet she chose to ignore it, her son is twenty one and not married or ever courted anyone.  She makes it known she is there and bids Justin a goodnight while she waits for him to leave and go back into the house. 

Brian bids Jennifer a goodnight and walks towards the rear of the house where the room is that they have offered him for the night.  Brian is almost praying, which is something he doesn't believe in, that Jennifer will say nothing and will just let him leave.  Jennifer senses it isn't necessary to say anything as Justin would be very aware what he has just done could be cause for him to be shunned.  While Brian being very astute would also know the trouble he could cause for Justin should Craig have seen them, she is thankful that never happened.

Before Brian enters the room to sleep, he glances back at the house.  The screen door is closed, nevertheless he can see through it.  Justin is apparently washing before going to bed and he is standing naked in front of a bowl of water with a wash cloth.  Justin feels the heat coming from outside and he knows it isn't the balmy weather they are having.  He turns and looks directly into Brian's eyes while he holds his hands by his side.  He wants this man to see him naked, plus he wants so much more.  His upbringing has made him quite naïve and he isn't sure exactly what it is he wants this man to do to him.  Yet, just thinking about being touched again by Brian excites him.

Brian wants nothing more than to enter the rear door of the house and take Justin; however he knows that would ruin Justin's world forever.  He also knows Justin would never be a one-time thing and he knows there is little to no chance of ever seeing Justin after tomorrow.   Brian enters the room that has been allotted him; he closes the door and leans against it, using all his resolve not to go back though the door until morning.

At day break Brian is woken by noises; farm noises.  Birds signing, cows mooing while waiting to be milked and cats scurrying as they are shooed away from the milk already collected.  Justin and Molly have already set about their daily chores which they need to complete before breakfast.  As they all sit to a cooked breakfast, Craig tells Justin he will take Mr. Kinney into town in the buggy so he can use the public telephone and call for help.  Jennifer is about to protest, however she thinks better of it as she might expose her son's secret.

As the meal is completed, Justin gets the horse and buggy ready and they head off into town.  Brian wants to clear the air, yet ponders if he should just leave things as they are.  Justin doesn't try to make a conversation of any kind.   The trip into town is in total silence.   

Justin is greeted by some of his friends who are also at the local stores and he talks with them while Brian makes his telephone call.  They purchase the supplies Jennifer requested and head back towards the farm. 

The trip is almost complete when Brian decides to speak.  "I'm sorry, I just couldn't."

Justin nods his acknowledgement while remaining silent.  He knows words cannot undo his desires and he is relieved Brian will be leaving soon, as it is torture being so close to someone who doesn't seem to want you like you want them.   Brian isn't sure Justin gets his meaning.  He doesn't want to mess up Justin's life and if anything between them did happen it would surely have dire consequences.  He doesn't explain this as it is obvious Justin doesn't want to discuss it.  They sit uncomfortably in the buggy where it is impossible not to touch one another due to the space restraints, but the touch isn't the type they crave and is so very painful for both men.

The AAA arrives later in the morning and they change Brian's flat tire.  Justin makes sure he is away from the house as he doesn't want to see the man leave.  He is heartbroken and that sight would just leave him with another sad memory.  Brian tries looking for Justin without making it obvious and concludes it's probably for the best that he hasn't found him.  He drives off speculating how someone he has met so briefly can affect him so greatly.  The effect is so strong that his only thought is of Justin's situation, which surprises him since his normal pattern of behavior would have been to take what he wanted and get his needs meet at any cost.  He knows life isn't fair sometimes, yet it seems fate is playing a cruel hand by pushing them together just so they comprehend what they can never have.

Brian rushes through the door dropping his briefcase and throwing his suit jacket over the back of the kitchen barstool before leaving and rushing to the second floor.  He knocks on the door to the only apartment on that floor and waits for it to open.  "I apologize for not being able to greet you."

"No apology is necessary Mr. Kinney."

"Brian, please."

"Brian."  Both girls grin.  Brian looks for the third female that he was informed would also be arriving for a one year stay.  He detects another person in the bedroom a few feet away, which has the door open, and they appear to be bending over emptying their luggage.  His mouth falls open.  The butt he is ogling has made him instantly hard.  He can't take his eyes off it.  He is familiar with the outline showing through the material and has seen the beautiful manhood which also lies beneath the clothing.  The girls follow his line of sight.  Brian shakes his head and realizes that the girls who greeted him are watching.  They don't look too pleased. 

Brian starts speaking even though he isn't sure he is being coherent.  "Molly, Daphne, and this must be Sunshine."  He says the last word with an uncertain intonation.

The owner of the butt rises quickly.  "Only my mother calls me that or used to call me that when I was younger, Mr. Kinney."

Brian's body drains of energy and he almost passes out from the vision of the man in front of him.  "Justin."  The word comes out just above a whisper and with the reverence of a person worshiping a deity.  He tries to recover before his emotional state becomes obvious, nevertheless that isn't to be as Justin offers his hand in greeting.   To touch this man again is all he ever thinks about.  He reaches to Justin and shakes his hand gently, while basking in a touch he thought he would never feel again. 

It is taking all Justin's resolve to stand and face the presence that he has longed to see again.  Offering his hand is the most painful experience of his life.  He has longed for this man's touch again; however, this man does not want him.  He tells himself to remember that, and even though Brian's touch has caused a pure burning throughout Justin's body, he hesitates in pulling his hand back.  He turns away from the group to compose himself.   Why did he let his mother dictate that he must undertake Rumspringa in this situation?  What is her reason for tormenting him?  He knows he must endure it.

Molly clears her throat, bringing both men back to reality.  Brian recovers to voice what he believes the agreement was.  "I was under the impression that there would be three females heading out into the big wide world for a year.  When your mother wrote to me she mentioned Molly, Daphne and Sunshine.  I'm sorry if I misunderstood."  Brian is relieved he is still capable of speech.  He had been happy to help Jennifer and Craig out as three females on Liberty Avenue wouldn't require much supervision.  "I'm not sure I would have chosen this building or this area if I had known you would be part of the group Justin."

Justin is a little surprised Brian didn't know he would be arriving with the women, but he can understand the confusion since his mother had called him Sunshine in the letter.  He doesn't dwell on it.  "Mother said you live in this building Mr. Kinney." 

"Justin, I chose the gay part of town.  It's widely known this is the gay area of Pittsburgh.  I thought your mother understood that.  The girls will be safe here as most of the men won't even look at them."

Molly and Daphne look devastated because Brian must think they are so ugly that men won't be interested in them, so Justin speaks again.  "I'm sure your mistaken Mr. Kinney, my sister and Daphne are very beautiful women."  Both women smile.  Not only at Justin saying they are beautiful, but he called them women.  Even from their world brothers and sisters don't always see eye to eye.

"Gay has many meanings and it's a word to describe homosexuals.  The only people looking at these two beauties will be other women."

"Mother would never send us to such a place Mr. Kinney."  Justin isn't objecting, he is just stating what he thinks is fact.

"I'm sure she didn't know."  Brian states hesitantly, as he is perplexed.  Why would Jennifer send Justin to live in his building?  She knows of their attraction to each other.  She had requested Brian find a suitable apartment for three to rent for a year of Rumspringa, and he had explained there was an available one in his building where he could watch over the group, as per her wishes.  The letter had arrived only days after he had visited the Taylor's on behalf of his father.  Something is troubling Brian about the situation and he can't quite place what it is.

Brian needs to retreat and assess the circumstances; he is willing his brain to work through the situation, but to no avail.  While Justin is so close the world is just not making sense.  Also Justin maybe miles from home, yet he can still ruin his life.  Brian is scared, as he has no idea how he will ever resist the temptation that now seems to be part of his life for the next twelve months.

"Can we offer you a drink Brian?"  Molly apologizes for her seeming lack of manners to their guest.  "Fortunately the place has been fully stocked."

"I didn't think you would feel like shopping as soon as you arrived so I made sure the cupboards were stocked for you.  I'll pass on the drink offer, thank you."  Brian needs something stronger than what is in the cupboards.

"That was very kind of you Brian."  Molly then turns to Justin.  "The journey was long so Daphne and I would like to take a nap before we commence Bible studies."  Justin nods his head.

Brian knows there is no television or any other device that might entertain Justin.  "Would you like to come to my apartment and watch television while you wait?"  He spoke before he thought, or did he?  He realizes the turmoil his body, brain and emotions are displaying and that is over ruling any cogent thought.  Brian's need for this man has him making bad decisions and only within minutes of seeing Justin again has he taken the opportunity to be alone with the man.  Could his desire to be with Justin conceivably destroy Justin's life?

Justin looks at the girls and without words they indicate it will be alright if he left them alone to sleep.  "Thank you Mr. Kinney I would like to see your television."  Justin isn't sure he had wanted the females to agree that he goes to Brian's apartment as it is going to be complete torture being alone in this man's presences.

Justin follows Brian up the stairs and watches as Brian rolls back the door to the loft.  He doesn't step inside after Brian as he is waiting for an invitation.  Brian isn't paying attention as his thoughts are having an internal battle.  When he turns to give Justin the remote to select a program Brian becomes aware he is still standing outside.  "Justin, please; come in."

"Thank you Mr. Kinney." 

Brian walks over and closes the door.  He still has the remote control in his hand and he walks over to Justin.  He is only inches away from him and Justin doesn't back away.   "You want this don't you Justin."

"I'm not sure what it is Mr. Kinney."

"Not the remote.  You want to be with me don't you?"

Justin blushes.  "I know I want you Mr. Kinney, I'm just not sure of how.....I've never.....not anything; ever."

Brian isn't touching him yet so he leans in and kisses Justin's lips ever so softly.  There is no resistance so he does it again, and again.  He then places a hand on the nape of Justin's neck.  Not tightly, just enough to help him understand and enjoy the kiss.  Brian is lost in the moment; he is lost in Justin as the kiss intensifies.  Justin melts into his embrace and Brian places a hand on the small of his back to hold him in place.  Within seconds of the heat rising from their bodies he becomes aware of the lost contact.  Justin has broken free from his hold.

Justin has never felt lips on his own before.  Brian's lips are soft.  The sensation produces a tingling down his spine and when Brian's tongue touches the inside of his upper lip Justin thinks there could be nothing more pleasurable in the world.  As Brian penetrates his mouth Justin's body releases the pressure.  He melts against Brian as he can't stand.  Once he regains feeling in his legs and he has released himself from Brian's embrace he runs to the safety of his apartment to hide his embarrassment.  He is glad the women are asleep and he can change his trousers before anyone notices.

Brian hangs his suit jacket and empties his briefcase.  He knows he has to fix what has just happen, even if he doesn't understand it.  For all intents and purposes Justin is in his care and they can't avoid each other.  He waits one hour as he believes that is enough time for the women to nap, then he knocks on the apartment door.  Daphne answers.  "Mr. Kinney.  How can we help you?"

Brian notices Justin sitting on the couch with his eyes fixed on the Bible in his hands, like he is reading it.  He knows he isn't, he knows Justin is just feeling awkward.  "Once you have finished your studies would you like to join me for a meal at the Liberty diner."  Both women look towards Justin.  He doesn't want to go, yet there is no way he wants to explain to the women why.  He nods his approval.  "I'll come by at seven." 

Brian knocks on the second floor apartment door for the third time today.  As Justin, Molly and Daphne open the door it is obvious they are ready to leave.  Brian walks in and presses the light switch as he enters.  "Why were you sitting in the dark?"

"We couldn't find any candles."  It is a simple and innocent reply from Daphne.

Brian doesn't ridicule and he knows they are now aware of how to turn the lights on.  "Justin you might like to leave your hat here.  You aren't working in the fields and its becoming dark out.  Ladies you might want to leave your bonnets too, unless they are a necessity to your religious beliefs."  All three leave the building dressed as they were when they had greeted Brian at the door.

They walk to the liberty diner, and once inside Justin removes his hat.  There are a few wolf whistles which die down quickly when they see the two really hot men being accompanied by women.  Then the curious stares become obvious.  Brian Kinney is part of the group.   With all the attention they are getting Brian hasn't noticed his family sitting in the very next booth, however they have seen and heard all the commotion Brian and his guests have created.  As they make their presences known Brian does the introductions.  "Emmett Honeycutt, Michael Novotny, Ben Bruckner, Ted Schmidt, Blake Wyzecki, this is Justin Taylor, his sister Molly and their friend Daphne Chanders.  They are visiting from Lancaster County.  Their parents Jennifer and Craig have entrusted me with their care while they spend a year in glorious Pittsburgh to see if they want to jump ship from repression." 

"That's not true."  Justin seems very indignant at what Brian has just said.  He doesn't know Brian and doesn't realize that this is the man's way of joking with his friends."  "I think we need to leave."  He motions to the girls to leave.

"Justin, wait.  Sorry, I was joking around with my friends."  Brian's family couldn't believe they had been introduced with a mere gesture of the hand and no smart comments to accompany it, and now Brian is calling them his friends with no sarcasm or disdain. 

"We should probably leave Brian as this doesn't seem to be a suitable establishment for the women." Justin utters as he looks directly at Brian. 

Brian can tell Justin is trying to say so much more than he is, but he doesn't understand what it is he is trying to convey.  "Justin you are living only half a mile from this diner and even closer to the Liberty Avenue supermarket and other stores you will frequent while here.  You will need to be comfortable with your surroundings."

Justin is still standing, his eyes pleading with Brian to understand.  "I'll contact father tomorrow and inform him of the situation."

"And what situation would that be?"

"The area is unsuitable for, the women."  Justin's eyes never leave Brian's face.

"Sit and eat Justin.  I'll show you around the area tomorrow and if you still decide you need to leave I will make the necessary arrangements with Jennifer and Craig."  Justin looks at the girls and then back at Brian before he sits. 

Justin explains, along with Ben's unsolicited help, Rumspringa and the whole diner seems to eavesdrop.  Rumspringa enables the Amish who are undertaking it to do things which are usually forbidden, such as wearing non-traditional clothing, using electricity, driving cars, watching television and even drinking and smoking with people from outside their community.  As Justin speaks gaydars are pinging off the chart while the patrons hang on his every word. 

Brian has almost gone in to a state of panic with Justin's words.  Brian's inner turmoil is not outwardly displayed as he manages to project a very calm persona in front of his family.  While Justin and Ben are relaying facts of the groups existence on Liberty Avenue Brian replays Justin's words in his head.  Only then did it register the conversation Justin was portraying with his eyes and subtly with his words.  "The women", words Justin repeated for effect.  Justin wants to stay, it was a protest the women would have expected to hear and relay to their parents.  

The walk home is pleasant.  As they reach the second floor Brian doesn't want the evening to end so he invites the group to watch television.  Never having watched television the girls look hopefully at Justin.  Justin is the eldest in the group and of course they look to him because he is male.  He agrees.

The group sits on the couch and Brian sits in the individual chair.  He allows them to select the channel and suddenly they start speaking a different language.  Brian is hoping they aren't speaking in tongues as they seem to be having some in-depth discussion.  Brian doesn't know what is being said, yet he understands they have just automatically slipped into the language and there is no intention of doing it to keep him out of the conversation.  Once Justin sees Brian's blank expression to his question it becomes clear to him that they will always need to speak English while they are away from home.  He apologizes; they always speak what is commonly known as Pennsylvania Dutch in their community.  He informs the girls they should speak English from now until they return home.  Brian stifles his laugh once it is revealed they were disagreeing over what to watch and they wanted him to make the final decision.  Apparently it's just human nature to squabble over who controls the television remote or selects the program.  They settle for a horse auction documentary. 

Brian relaxes a little; he isn't watching the screen as nothing can hold his attention when Justin is close.  Just knowing Justin wants to be here, has made him extremely high on life. 

Justin can feel the heat from Brian watching him, as he has done all evening, and once again the desire within him is the same as the first time.  He is aware Brian understands the objection to this area was for the benefit of the women.  He is already looking forward to spending some time with Brian as he shows them the local area in the morning.  He knows it is a sin to even think about Brian, and his moments of weakness, of giving in to such thoughts, have been constant since he first laid eyes on him.  He could be shunned and dammed to hell for his feelings, yet that doesn't stop his desires evading his every thought. 

As the three leave Brian almost leans in to kiss Justin.  He is drawn to the man, however he pulls back just before anyone became aware of his unintentional lapse in concentration.  He bids the group a good night, knowing he can't have Justin right now, or can he.  He just needs to close his eyes and he can see every contour of Justin, taste his lips and feel his touch, these images will bring him to his own satisfaction.  There is no need for some random trick tonight.  He is eager to close his eyes and indulge in his fantasy.

Brian begins the day as he has scheduled it for the group with a tour of the area surrounding their accommodation.  Justin asks if they could see Brian's advertising business, Kinnetik, and he is only too happy to oblige.   They conclude the tour by visiting Brian's office.  The girls suggest they now leave and let Brian continue with his work.  Daphne and Molly depart to the lobby, where reception is, so they can bid Cynthia goodbye, yet Justin is still idling in Brian's office.

Brian is giddy with the reaction Justin has shown towards his achievements and he is making small talk about anything and everything just so Justin doesn't walk out the door.  Brian knows when some people get excited they babble incessantly, Michael has always been that way; however Brian never thought he would ever fall in to that category.  Justin is genuinely happy for Brian with his success and his reaction only heightens Brian's need to impress the man some more.  "I have another business, a club call Babylon."

Justin seems curious.  "You called your club Babylon?  What do people do in your club?  Is it a centre where people worship?"

Brian wants to laugh, yet he doesn't as he can see Justin is serious.  "No Justin.  I didn't name the club; it had that name when I purchased it.  There is definitely no praying going on there."  Brian wants to add unless someone is praying to get lucky.  "People dance, drink, smoke and generally have a good time."  He left out the part about drug taking as he wants Justin to be impressed with Babylon's success too.  "I will be happy to take you if you are interested."

"I will ask, the women, as it doesn't seem like something they would want to do."  Justin smirks.  This is the first time Brian has seen Justin display happiness.

"Maybe you could come alone tonight to see if it is suitable for, the women."  Brian smirks back, and Justin's face grows in to a full smile; now Brian can see why Jennifer gave him the Sunshine tag.

"That may be wise Mr. Kinney.  I will do that."  Things are getting a little flirty.

"I will pick you up at eleven."  Brian almost moves towards Justin, but stops when he hears Justin's reply.

"It's already afternoon Brian."

"Eleven o'clock tonight Justin.  The club only opens in the evening."  ‘Take things slow.'  He keeps reminding himself.  He doesn't want Justin bolting on him again.

"Should I wear my Sunday best?"

"Just leave the hat at home.  And Justin?"

"Yes?"

"Call me Brian as nobody wants to be called mister at Babylon."  Justin nods in the affirmative, although he doesn't understand why anybody wouldn't want to be addressed with respect.

Justin follows Brian into Babylon a little after eleven.  It is early to enter the club, however Brian knows there isn't too much activity at this hour which will allow him to show Justin the main areas, excluding the backroom, and then he can escort him to his office.  Justin has questions even before he enters the establishment.  He wonders about the queue out the front, the smell, and the seemingly lack of women waiting in line.  Although he thought seeing no women waiting made sense as women would be allowed in first.

Brian leads Justin to the bar without words as Justin has his fingers in his ears trying to block out the loud music.  He orders two drinks and hands one to Justin, then he stands back and watches his reaction.  The glass contains light beer as Brian isn't out to get him drunk and he knows this is Justin's first alcoholic drink; as Amish celebrations were usually an event to break out the cider, nothing stronger.  Justin drinks some of the contents and then he places the drink on the bar.

Brian is watching as men push between him and Justin.  Justin now has three men surrounding him; nonetheless he can still hear Brian say.  "Not interested."  He doesn't understand the conversation Brian seems to be having with himself, although he is looking at a different man each time he says it.  "Not interested."

Justin turns to pick up his drink and Brian lunges to stop him.  He has left his beer unguarded so it is no longer safe to drink.  Brian's reach to stop him isn't fast enough as a man has grabbed his crotch.  "Not interested."  Brian said it hurriedly as he wants to get to Justin and he doesn't want to have a whole conversation with the crotch grabber.  Unfortunately, Justin is now standing with an empty glass, staring at where the man had placed his hand on Brian's body, and he has a look on his face that Brian would never have wanted to be responsible for.

Justin tries to run, however Brian's reflexes are quick and he grabs his wrist before he can take more than a few paces.  Brian is furious with himself.  He is here to protect Justin, why would he bring him here just to highlight another one of his achievements.  He has put him in danger and introduced him to a world where he doesn't belong.  He may be gay, but that doesn't mean all gay men are cut out for the same lifestyle.

He is still holding Justin by the wrist as he pulls him towards his office.  Once inside Brian speaks. "This must be the worst night of your life."  Justin doesn't acknowledge the statement and Brian believes it is because he is upset.  He explains what has just happened; he explains about never leaving your drink unattended, what a trick is, his one fuck policy and how sex outside a relationship means nothing.

Justin makes his position quite clear.  He doesn't want to be and will never be part of Brian's lifestyle.  He tells Brian his lifestyle disgusts him no matter what excuses Brian gives himself for living that way.

Brian realizes he really has nothing to offer Justin.  Can he change his lifestyle?  Does he want to change it?  Why is he even thinking about not changing it?  He knows what he wants.  He knows everything else pales into insignificance to the way he feels about Justin and that's without anything more than a kiss.  He needs to let Justin walk away or offer him what no other man has ever asked of Brian Kinney.

Brian looks directly in to Justin's eyes, he can see the pain he has caused and he can also see the reason for that pain.  He can see the love he has for Justin reflected back at him.  "What if I give up my lifestyle?  What if you are the only man in my bed?"

"There are just so many problems I have with your lifestyle Brian.  You have premarital sex, with numerous partners; your body is unclean."

"And even if I was clean in your eyes I would have to marry you before we had sex."

"Yes."

"Let me understand this.  You have a problem with having sex before your married, yet you don't have a problem that the marriage is between two men."

"I don't Brian, not since I met you, but my people do.  I would be shunned for marrying you and I could no longer live in the community I grew up in with the people I love.  The answer to your question is yes.  I would make love to you if we were married, however; I'm not sure how you could cleanse your body from the acts you have already committed."  Justin sounds defeated and his voice trails off.  Brian knows Justin is struggling to make his beliefs and desires seem logical, so he is voicing what he has been taught to believe as confusion reigns for now. 

Brian moves towards Justin, there have been no raised voices as Justin does not argue.  He has never had heated words with anyone, as the Bible says you must not be quarrelsome.  Brian is standing side on to Justin as he reaches out and holds him in his arms and tenderly starts kissing him.  Although the kiss isn't returned he rubs his hand along the material covering Justin's erection.  Justin hasn't moved, he hasn't pulled away so Brian ever so gently continues with his masturbation of Justin's cloth covered erection.  Brian whispers near Justin's ear.  "Tell me Justin; tell me you don't want us to be together.  Tell me we should wait because I'm unclean and we don't have a piece of paper saying we are married.  Say it, my love.  Tell me and I will stop."

Justin tries to speak, yet his ability to voice his thoughts has been strongly diminished.  All that is heard is a feral cry.  Justin had ejaculated when his body and Brian's had rubbed together while Brian kissed him at the loft and that is why he ran away embarrassed.  Now upon feeling Brian once again touch his manhood he immediately ejaculates.  He hasn't heard Brian's words and now he isn't capable of movement.  Brian panics as Justin has cum before he would have had the chance to say stop or indicate he wanted him.  His heart sinks as he comprehends what he has just done is equivalent to rape.   He hadn't meant it to go that far so fast.  He thought he could persuade Justin to choose him over his beliefs.   He releases Justin from the embrace and Justin slumps to the floor.  It is only now Brian realizes Justin's drink had been spiked.

Justin didn't get the chance to say stop or participate because the drugs slipped into his unguarded drink earlier had taken effect once Brian had made his heart start racing; leaving Justin incapable of speech and movement.  Justin had been drugged.  His body's inhibition had been diminished, so Brian would never know what he truly wanted.

"I'll drive you back to Lancaster County tomorrow."  Brian now believes Liberty Avenue isn't the place for Justin or the women.  Justin hadn't been a consenting participant in what took place tonight.  He can't protect Justin and he wants him safe, yet it is obvious Justin's biggest threat is coming from his feelings towards him.  "I'm sorry Justin, I really am.  I should never have done that.  I hope that memory doesn't stay with you when you take your wife to your marital bed."

Brian carries Justin to the second floor apartment.  He has Justin's key so he takes him to his bedroom and gently places him on the bed.  Brian leans over and kisses Justin on the lips, for what he believes to be the last time.  "Goodnight my love and goodbye."  He turns to leave and sees Molly and Daphne standing in the doorway watching him.  "We'll leave at eight, as it will take four hours to reach Lancaster County."  Then he departs giving no explanation.  Justin lays unmoving, yet his eyes are open.  The drugs are still affecting him and he cannot move.  The women are unaware of the drug stupor Justin is experiencing and believe he should have pushed Brian away, and by not doing so he had welcomed the kiss.  They are now eager to return home.

The Jeep comes to a complete stop as they reach the front door of the Taylor's house.  The whole trip had been undertaken in silence as the women will not speak to Justin or Brian.   Justin and the women are accustomed to long periods of quiet, but for Brian it just amplified the mood, while allowing his mind to replay what his heart can't delete.

As Justin exits the vehicle his mind is racing as his chance of happiness is slipping away.  There are just so many things Justin wants to tell Brian; however this situation doesn't allow it.  Brian loves him, his words have revealed it, yet Brian doesn't want him in his world and if he is to voice what he wants, in front of the women, he might have no place where he belongs; as both worlds may reject him.  He forgives Brian for any wrong doing he thinks he is responsible for.  He blames himself for having flaunted himself in front of Brian, which may have led to Brian's impure thoughts.  He should never have stood naked in front of him and he should never have allowed Brian to kiss him as his wedding night should have been the night of his first kiss.  He should never have judged Brian's actions to be unclean, as it is not his place to judge others ‘Judge not lest you be judged'.  There is no opportunity to tell Brian this, or how his heart will not survive having this man leave him again; it will shatter his very being.

Brian exits the Jeep.  "We are fine to leave here Mr. Kinney."  Molly has reverted back to calling Brian, Mr. Kinney.

"I need to speak with your parents and tell them none of this is Justin's fault."

"I'm not sure how you will do that Mr. Kinney as Justin had a choice in letting you kiss him."

Only now did Brian realize the women thought Justin had just accepted his kiss.  They hadn't understood Justin had been drugged.  How much should he explain to them?  He elects to speak to Jennifer and Craig about the situation and not to Molly and Daphne.  Once Molly sees Brian's determination to speak with their parents she invites him in. 

Molly calls for her parents.  She doesn't yell.  There is no answer.  All four are now standing in the kitchen just forty eight hours after three of them had left for what should have been a year of fun, a year of Rumspringa (running around).  The house is spotless; there is nothing out of place, except for an envelope sitting on the kitchen table.  Brian notes the very large envelope is fully addressed to him and has the required postage attached.

Molly and Justin try to find their parents, but to no avail.   They suffer a prolonged and quiet period as they all sit around the table waiting for Jennifer and Craig.  When Brian can no longer endure it he declares they have waited long enough and he opens the envelope.  He wants to return to Pittsburgh tonight and indulge in some pain management; however, he fears there is nothing he can do for his heart.  There is nothing that will wipe his memory of why he is giving up Justin.

Inside the envelope there are various smaller size envelopes.  Brian removes them all and distributes one to Molly and one to Justin, yet he holds back with the envelope to Daphne's parents and the one to his father, Jack.  He opens the one that has his name printed on it.

Dear Brian

Although you have been very generous with your time, helping find a place for Rumspringa and watching over the children, I need to request additional generosity from you.  Molly will never be comfortable living outside our community and I hope when she is ready to return you will take her and the enclosed letter to Mr. and Mrs. Chanders.  The letter will explain our wishes for Molly and knowing the kindness of the Chanders they will take her in and raise her as one of their own.

Brian is reading the letter out loud and Molly's face crumbles in disbelief.  Brian is sure if she had heard the words any other way, than directly as he read them; she would not believe Jennifer and Craig's wishes for her future.  Brian is unable to help Molly with the rejection she feels from her parents as Molly will not let Brian or Justin near her.  Daphne is still with them so she tries to comfort Molly.  Daphne tells Molly they will be like sisters now, which is something they have always wanted.  The girls are very close, they are best of friends, which is why Daphne had chosen to go with Molly and Justin out into the world.  Brian takes the opportunity to read the remainder of the letter to himself while Daphne comforts Molly.  He's glad he did.

Please do not share this information with anyone.  We arrived here twenty three years ago on the run from the law, before either Justin or Molly were born.  The Amish community was a safe haven.  We undertook their beliefs to fit in and not draw attention to ourselves.  It is a way of life that suited us; the children grew up with respect and love.  Love of a community and love of their family.  We are only leaving because we have been informed the law is not far from finding us.  This is the reason we pushed the children to start Rumspringa, as we felt this is the best way for us to leave and not have them live life on the run with us.  Please destroy this letter once you have read it as we don't want to implicate you in any way.  The money we have left for the children is money we have made from the farm and is clean money.

After meeting you I realized this is also Justin's chance to leave the community so he can live his life as who he is and not just to fit in.  The few moments you and Justin shared here were very telling.  I have complete faith you will do the right thing and keep him safe in your world.

Brian concludes reading his letter while Justin and Molly open theirs.  Each letter told the children what is expected of them.  Molly is to live with the Chanders and Justin is to stay close to Brian and learn about the world where he belongs.  There is no mention in either letter as to why they have been abandoned.  The envelopes contain five thousand dollars, cash, for each child.  Each letter concludes with how much each child will be missed and will always be loved and wanted. 

Justin looks to Brian for reassurance.  "If you are sure."  The look on Justin's face said it all; his heart has started beating again now he knows Brian will be part of his future.  He nods his answer.  Although Brian is disappointed for Justin, as he has just been abandoned by his parents, he is ecstatic that they can start a life together. Brian can't believe it; whatever deity is giving them these opportunities to stay together cannot be against homosexual love.

Brian suggests Justin and Molly go and pack their remaining possessions; to which they inform him everything they own is in the luggage they carry.  They require very few possessions or material goods as they see them.  Brian then drives over to the Chanders house and distributes the letter to Mr. and Mrs. Chanders.  After several questions to Brian, which he can't answer or in some case won't answer, they accept Molly into their home.  They love Molly so Brian's answers wouldn't have made any difference to their decision.  Molly and Daphne did not bid Brian and Justin a farewell; even though Craig and Jennifer's departure had overwhelmed their past forty eight hours they wished to be no part of Justin and Brian's life.  They will not tell Daphne's parents about Brian kissing Justin, his declaration of love or any of the things they had seen on Liberty Avenue, and Brian saw no benefit in telling the women about Justin being drugged and having no say in the kiss, as he believes it will be easier for them to separate this way.

Brian is leaning on the door frame that leads to the bathroom as he watches Justin shave.  "How come your hair isn't cut in a bowl shape?"  Brian had noticed it was cut that way when they first met, yet it was a very different cut when Justin arrived in Pittsburgh.

"Mother cut it for me just before I came to Pittsburgh and she accidently made it this short."

Even with such a short time frame, it is apparent Jennifer had planned out every minute detail.  She had cut it short; you might even say she had styled it so Justin would fit in a little easier.  He watches as Justin shaves his upper lip, so no moustache will grow, and he doesn't shave the lower part of his face.  Brian has seen many an Amish beard.  "Are you thinking of growing a beard?"

"I was toying with the idea.  It's what married men do."

Momentarily Brian's voice is lost on the subject of how that would defeat the purposes of the haircut Jennifer gave him as the opportunity he is looking for just opened up.  "There are a lot of things married men do, still that doesn't seem to bother you that you're not doing them."   Brian is frustrated.  He has been really patient with Justin while he leans so many new things.  There is just one thing Brian's patience has now run out on.  Brian is looking for this argument; he has been itching for it.  The only thing stopping it will be a knock on the door as they are expecting a guest.   Justin looks at Brian unable to comprehend why Brian has spoken to him with that tone.  Brian has never raised his voice to him or belittled him when he couldn't carry out the easiest of chores, like starting the percolator or using the toaster, without instruction.  Both men's attention diverts as the expected knock comes.

Brian ushers Jack inside and hands him the envelope that the Taylors had left for him.  Jack reads the contents and places the envelope in his pocket.  He doesn't mention or offer up any clues as to what was written.  "What's in your letter Pops?"

"Craig and I were both detectives; we were partners.  The letter you gave him warned him of a situation and his letter thanked me."

"You warned him they were on to them?"

"I can't tell you anything else Brian as then you become an accessory."

"Hypothetically."  This is how Brian and Jack always talk about things they probably shouldn't discuss, such as Jack's work.  He knows Brian does not gossip and what he says will not leave the room.

"Did you hear the fairy-tale about....."

"No Pops, not in fairy-tale form.  How old do you think I am?"

Jack ignores Brian's protest as he likes teasing his son a little.  "Did you hear the, hypothetical, fairy-tale?  Once upon a time there were two seemingly honest detectives and one was given the task of taking four briefcases full of seized money to the evidence room.  Only two briefcases made it to that endpoint.  The law still had enough evidence, with the two briefcases that arrived at their destination, to convict the criminals.  Long fairy-tale short, the detective took the money because his wife couldn't conceive naturally and they wanted children of their own so badly.  Using his knowledge as a detective he was able to hide their new life from the law. They adjusted so well to their surroundings that they never had the need to use the stolen cash beyond having the wife artificially inseminated; which was undertaken without the knowledge of the community they were hiding in.  She bore two offspring.

Two years later one bible bashing woman, who was very addicted to alcohol, burnt down her family's uninsured house when she fell asleep while baking the evening meal, causing her whole family to be homeless.  As if by a miracle the money to purchase new dwellings landed in their meager bank account, which the law is unaware of to this very day.  Nobody understands why the money hasn't been lavishly spent and still today most of it hasn't surfaced.  The end."

Brian understands; he will not ask any more questions on the subject.  Craig had obviously stolen the money and Jennifer knew about it.  They used the money to conceive Justin and Molly, plus they also helped Jack and Joan out when they needed it and now the favor had been repaid.  Brian was only seven at the time; nevertheless, he had vivid memories of their burnt down house and the stress it caused.  He also had very happy memories of entering their new home for the first time after spending two months sleeping on a relative's floor.  Seemingly, Craig and Jennifer never used the remaining money which is probably how they will assume new identities.

Brian is now certain Craig knows Justin is gay, however, it would never be something he and Jennifer discussed, because if it was to be known they would have had to address the issue and Justin would have been shunned.  Brian believes neither parent would have wanted that, so they kept it to themselves.  Jennifer was the one to make all the arrangements and she wrote the letters.   Yet, by the mere fact Craig had agreed to the arrangements meant both parents had done the best they could for their son, and for that he is grateful.   The letters Justin and Molly received weren't just words written on a piece of paper "they will be missed and will always be loved and wanted".

It is apparent Craig hadn't opened Jack's letter until after Brian's visit as he and Justin had purchased supplies at the store, so they weren't expecting to leave then.  Jennifer referring to Justin as Sunshine in her letter was to ensure Brian would take the group under his wing.  He may not have agreed if he had known Justin was to be part of the group, as Brian would have been aware of the possibility of ruining Justin's life, and it may have been something he wasn't willing to do.  Brian assumes Jennifer trusted her instincts; that once they were together again they would never want to be parted, and Justin would have found his safe haven in Brian's arms.  Everything is now falling into place.

The flaw, if there was one, was that Brian and the group had surprised them by returning early.  Jennifer and Craig would not have foreseen that scenario.  Brian now thinks that finding the envelope containing postage means they were taken off guard and it may have been such a close call that they might have still been on the property.   If that was the case Brian hopes Jennifer and Craig were able to see the children that they risked everything to have and loved so dearly just one more time, even if it was from a distance.  Although, he is grateful that if they were in the vicinity, they did not try and say goodbye to them in person as it would have made the situation impossible.  Brian is thankful that they spent the time they had to make sure the children were set on paths to their destinies before they fled to their own safety.  Brian loves Gus and he wonders how much he would endure to ensure his happiness.  Would he be able to do what Jennifer and Craig have done?  Brian is pulled out of his thoughts.

Justin has begun baking the evening meal as Brian and Jack talk; he moves about the kitchen looking for a utensil that will whip the cream for dessert.  He pulls the item he thinks is the correct one from the bottom drawer in the kitchen.  He turns it on and holds it up.  "Brian is this a whisk?"

Brian turns to look and is horrified.  Jack looks at Brian.  "You've been married a week now and he doesn't know what a vibrator is?  I thought that would be one toy you would want to share with him."

Brian grabs his jacket.  He doesn't explain why the vibrator is in the kitchen drawer or that it is the only means, other than his hand, by which he is getting his needs met.   "I'm out of here, and Justin you can start counting the days we go without condoms from tomorrow, or better still, from when you decide to give it up."

Justin is not sure what that means and goes to run after Brian, however Jack stops him.  "Trouble in the bedroom?"  Justin doesn't answer.  He couldn't blush any rosier and he couldn't lift his gaze to look at Jack.   Jack tries to help in his own unique way.  Besides Jack's help, he also explains to Justin what Brian is doing while they talk.  Justin is upset, yet he will not let tears fall.

Two hours after he left Brian re-enters the loft.  Justin is in bed when Brian returns and as Brian climbs onto the bed Justin asks him to take a shower.  Brian does; not because he needs one, but because he doesn't want an argument with Justin right now.  He is happy to have his husband in their bed.  Justin has been sleeping on the couch since the first night they got married.  While Brian showers his thoughts go back to their wedding night.

*******

Brian had stripped, even though Brian and Justin had already shared their bed for two nights, this, their wedding night is the first night Brian went to bed naked.  Justin had requested they both wear some form of clothing until they were married.  Justin removes his clothing and they both stand while staring at the beauty of each other.  Justin then hurries to get under the covers; he is comfortable with his husband seeing him, but he is awkward about not knowing what is to come.  Brian leans over and starts kissing him, trying to make sure he is at ease with them touching while they are naked.  Justin enjoys the kissing as they are married now and it is allowed.

He relaxes somewhat as Brian takes things very slowly.  Eventually Brian is able to touch Justin and he is relishing the feel of the other man in his hand.  Justin is hard and responding to his masturbation.  With Brian's tongue dancing in his mouth it isn't long and Justin has come all over his husband's hand.  Brian knew this would happen and he wanted it to so Justin will now be even more relaxed.  He licks the cum off his hand as Justin watches.  He offers his hand to him for a taste and Justin shakes his head no.  Brian doesn't push.  Time and understanding is all Justin needs.  Brian then shifts position and lifts Justin's legs onto his shoulders.  Justin's eyes are as big as saucers and he has fear and embarrassment written all over his face.

"Justin, don't be embarrassed my love."  Brian isn't afraid to say such things as Justin would never judge him for displaying such a sentiment, he only wishes the first time he had said those words hadn't been at Babylon.  "I'll go slowly.  You want this don't you?  You want us to consummate our love?"  Justin nods his reply.  Brian reaches for the lube and put some on his fingers and some on Justin.  He lowers his hand to Justin's ass and Justin looks like he is about to bolt from the bed.  "Justin I need to open you up or it will hurt you too much."

"It will hurt?"

"Yes, but only for a short while, then you and I will be united in a way you won't be able to comprehend unless you experience it.  Trust me Justin.  I know you want this and I want you.  You are the only man I will ever want after this."  Brian reaches in to the bowl for a condom.  "Put it on me."

"What is it?"

"A condom."

"Oh, I've heard of these.  One of my friends was shunned when his family found some he still had; he used them during Rumspringa so he wouldn't get a female pregnant."

"You know I can't impregnate you, don't you Justin?"

"Of course I know that."

Brian isn't convinced.  "How are babies made Justin?"

"God makes them."

"That's not how someone gets pregnant."

"I know that Brian.  We had cows and we used the neighbor's bull when it was required.  However, the only reason someone falls pregnant is because God allows it.  So why do you want to use this condom?"

"It stops me from giving you any diseases I may have picked up."

"Do you have any diseases and if so where did you get them?"  This isn't the time Brian wants to go into his safety spiel.

"Can I explain that later?  It's for hygiene purposes.  Can you put it on me please?"

"Where do I put it?"

"On my dick."

"Brian this piece of foil won't cover you.  It's too small."

Brian holds back his laughter as he really doesn't want to kill the mood or ridicule Justin for not knowing.  He takes it from Justin's hand and tears the foil between his teeth, and then hands the contents back to Justin.  "Put it on my dick."  Justin moves his hand to Brian's cock and places the latex over the head.  He then pulls his hand away.  Brian reaches for Justin's hand and places it back on his cock while enclosing his over the top and now they are both running the condom to Brian's base.  Brian then lifts Justin's legs even higher and Justin closes his eyes real tight.  Slowly as possible Brian begins to penetrate him, but it hurt so much, both physically and spiritually; Justin stops him and declares they will never be trying that again.

Brian knows it will be almost impossible to keep his hands off Justin so he gets out of bed to sleep on the couch.  Justin won't allow it.  This was Brian's bed first, plus he is much shorter so he should sleep on the couch, and that is where he has slept for the past week.

********

Brian stops the internal dialogue in his head as he returns from the shower and slips in to the bed.  Justin leans over and kisses him.  Brian is caught a little off guard as Justin never instigates touch of any kind and still blushes after they kiss.  Brian has jerked Justin off and only for the first time last night was he able to give him head.

Brian kisses him back.  He loves kissing Justin, yet he knows it will end with him masturbating, so he stops it.  Justin doesn't give up; he reaches down and touches Brian's pubic hair while slowly moving towards the penis.  He moves his hand up and down it very gently not really knowing what he is doing, but he is enjoying the knowledge that Brian is hard because of his touch and he is responding by pushing into Justin's hand.  Justin successfully brings Brian to climax.  He kisses him again and tells him he would like to try sucking on his dick tomorrow night.  He doesn't want to do it tonight knowing Brian has been with other men.  Brian rolls them both over and he holds Justin so they can fall asleep wrapped up together in their own little world and he whispers in Justin's ear.  "I haven't been with anyone else since you arrived in Pittsburgh."  Brian can almost hear the smile break across Justin's face.  They hold each other a little tighter.  Even as frustrated as Brian must have been he hadn't sought sex elsewhere.  They held off on the blow job until the following evening as Justin needed to prepare himself for it.  Brian is okay with that as he is just taking pleasure in the fact Justin has touched him.  He had instigated it and had wanted it.

The following night Brian encourages Justin to practice as much as he likes which allows him to receive more than one blow job before he reciprocates.  Justin isn't a natural when it came to sex as his lifestyle hasn't enabled him to know the intricacies of the anatomy.  Brian doesn't care as he believes there is nothing hotter than Justin actually wanting to have contact with him.  He missed being touched by a man, but after being touched by this man he wants no other.  Justin declares the following night he will be ready to try penetration again.

Brian doesn't push Justin on why he has changed his mind.  Brian has done all he can for Justin's body to lessen the pain.  He knows this is to be an experience Justin will never forget and he wants to make it a memory of love not discomfort.  Justin cries out as Brian first starts the penetration and Brian leans forwards and swallows the sound in a kiss.  He goes so slowly and Justin asks him to pull back a little on a few occasions.  When he is eventually deep within Justin he waits for him to adjust, and for himself so he doesn't immediately shoot his load just from the mere fact he is finally one with his man.

Justin's desire to be with Brian almost consumed him, yet this goes against everything he has ever learned, and he initially thought if he commits this act it will mean he loves Brian more than God and that was part of the reason he pulled back on their wedding night.  He thought the pain involved was God's punishment.  Now however, he understands the love he has for God is different to the love he has for Brian and they are not a competing love.  His beliefs and his soul mate have thrust him in to a place he struggles with; and although clarity is not always attainable, there is no place he would rather be.

Brian is sitting at his desk in the loft watching Justin.  Justin is sitting on the couch with his bible on his lap.  He has the saddest look on his face Brian has ever seen on anyone, without the person actually crying.  He has never seen Justin cry, however his face certainly makes it obvious he is hurting inside.  Brian knows Justin constantly struggles with his beliefs and his new lifestyle, still this is different.

Justin is staring at the windows.  Brian can tell he is not seeing anything other than what is on his mind.  Eventually he seems to come back to reality a little, and he opens a random page in his Bible.  He moves his marker there and instead of reading he seems to be staring at the piece of paper used to mark his place.  Brian moves to sit alongside Justin.  "You miss them don't you?"

"Very much."

"Is that a photo of them?"  Brian points to the marker which he cannot see.

"No, we don't have photos."

"Maybe there is a picture or painting of them that we could retrieve for you."

"No, they are not allowed."

No photos, no drawings and no paintings.  Brian doesn't want to contemplate life without art.  His voice is soft and full of love.  "How can I help you, my love?"

"Time will help ease the pain and for now I just tell myself, all adults eventually leave their homes and make new lives for themselves."  Justin hasn't looked up and Brian knows he is still struggling, yet he loves what Justin utters.  "Besides, you are my family now."

"Justin."  Justin looks at Brian and offers a weak smile.  "We are family and I will always be here for you.  You know that right?"  Justin doesn't trust his voice so he nods his head as he looks directly into Brian's eyes.  He knows how love feels, he felt it from the moment he laid eyes on Brian, but now he sees it.   He thought he had seen it before, but now there is no mistaking it.  His feelings are reflecting in Brian's eyes; he is feeling pain, so Brian is feeling pain, he is feeling overwhelming love for his man and it is returned tenfold.  He turns to Brian and kisses him, gentle and closed mouth just like Michael would kiss Brian.  This is the first time Justin has instigated a kiss other than when they are in bed, and the clumsiness of it is the last thing on Brian's mind, as he is just enjoying the contact.  As Justin pulls back Brian doesn't want to feel the pain he sees in Justin's eyes anymore so he changes the subject.  There is no point in prolonging the kiss and trying to change the subject with sex, as sex is still only undertaken in the bedroom when they retire for the night.  "What page did you open?"

"One I know all too well.  I need to get a job.  I need to work.  Idle hands are the devil's workshop."

Okay, it isn't quoting verbatim, yet Brian is familiar with the piece of scripture on the page Justin must have opened.  Joan constantly dragging him and Claire to church is now benefiting Brian.  He knows this will not allow Justin to overcome the emotion he is feeling for his lost family, however it allows Justin to have a respite from the constant memory of his loss.  "What qualification do you have?  Where did you go to school?"

"We were home schooled.  Once we turn fourteen we start manual work, mostly we attend the fields, look after the animals and we are very good at carpentry.  I will need to work with my hands."

"What sort of work would you want to do?"  Brian realizes as soon as he has said it that Justin will have no idea what kind of work he might realistically be able to take on.  Even though he may be a very good carpenter he doesn't have the qualifications and working on a farm isn't practical.  "Once we have completed our trip to Philadelphia I will help you search if you like.  Or Justin you can always work at Kinnetik or...no just Kinnetik."

The following day they left for Philadelphia.  For now Brian tries to keep Justin by his side if it is at all possible as he worries that unscrupulous people might take advantage of him.  After Brian concludes his business he takes Justin to visit the Barnes collection which has just recently moved to Philadelphia.  A childhood without art seems almost sad.  He wants Justin to see art; real art.  He is hoping Justin will enjoy the experience of admiring art from some of the Masters.  Justin wonders why Brian has paid for them to walk around this building and look at the pictures.  "So people draw these pictures and give them to this place so they can charge people to see them?"

"Paint Justin, most are paintings, however that is just one art form.  Artist from every part of the world create art, in different forms, for other peoples pleasure and they have been doing it for years.  If the art is good enough for a customer to form an emotional connection with it, they might buy it.  Or they might buy it because the artist has a good reputation and they want an investment.  Only exceptional artists can make a living from it though."

"Is it difficult?  It seems like a nice occupation, to make things that give others pleasure."

Brian takes Justin to the children's section where he can dabble with the paints.  He hates to see Justin fail, but he doesn't think he can explain how difficult painting is.  Justin watches some of the children mix paints and then he starts.  He selects an empty easel and without much contemplation he begins.  He hasn't drawn in any shapes and doesn't seem to have any particular object in mind as he starts applying the paint.  Brian sits in the area where parents watch their children.  He is trying to find some encouraging words for Justin when he needs them.  He gives him twenty minutes as he thinks by then Justin will realize just how hard it is to paint what your mind's eye sees.  He walks up behind Justin and stops as he sees what is on the paper.  It is a replica of one of the Barnes most notable painting, Vincent van Gogh's, The Smoker (1888).  Apparently it had spoken to Justin and he had no other choice, but to put on paper the beauty he saw.  "Justin, have you painted before?"  Brian is delighted at what he is seeing and somewhat relieved Justin hadn't decided to copy one of the paintings with naked females adorning it, as that would never be hung in his office.

"No.  Is it that obvious?  I was trying to let my hand follow my thoughts"

Another parent notices Justin's work.  "Would you consider selling that?"

"Yes" and "No" were said in unison.  "Justin I'm sure there would be copyright laws in producing a replica of such a famous painting then selling it."

"You said people sell their painting.  Why can't I?  I will give you the money to help pay for the running of the loft and the accounts."

"Justin it is obvious you have a natural talent, it's a raw talent, nonetheless it's beyond anything I have seen produced in such a way.  You don't need to sell this painting, and I don't want you to because I want it.  It's amazing."

"Oh."

"We need to talk.  I think you won't need to find work Justin as you can have a career.  Our first priority though is for you to increase your education.  We can arrange a course that suits your needs; a tutor and I'll talk to Lindsay about a mentor.  She may offer to take on that role."  Brian is beside himself for Justin.  The man has talent and it has taken his parents abandoning him to get the opportunity to explore it.  Once Brian and Justin return home Brian makes arrangements to set Justin on course for his new career.

Brian arrives at Debbie's with Justin in tow.  Sunday dinner will be a little more hectic this week Brian thinks.  He knocks at the door and is greeted by Deb.  "Where were you last Sunday asshole?  Actually I haven't seen you for over a week, have you been away on business."  Brian ignores the question for now.

"Can we come in Deb?"

"What do you mean, we?"  Justin is hiding closely behind Brian as this lady is loud, very loud.  His hands are once again covering his ears.  He is becoming accustomed to loud unfamiliar noises; however this one might take a little longer than most.

"Deb this is Justin.  Justin this is Deb."  That is it.  That is the introduction.  Brian knows how to make introductions, but for now that is all he is saying.

"Welcome Justin."  As she moves forward to hug Justin, Brian puts his hand on her arm and leads her back into the house.  Debbie is very astute and doesn't try to hug Justin after that, as she knows to wait until Brian is ready and he will tell her what is going on.  "Please come in Justin and take a seat as we are just starting to eat.  I apologize Brian; we would have waited had we known you were coming."  Debbie waits for the joke about coming, yet Brian doesn't deliver it.

Brian pulls two chairs close to the table and both men sit.  "Hello Brian, Hello Justin."  Is said in unison from the men at the table, as they had met Justin with the women at the diner.  Unfortunately, or fortunately, Debbie hadn't worked that evening.

"Where are your sister and her friend?  Molly and Daphne isn't it?"  Ben asks.

Brian speaks.  "They have returned home."

"So you are alone now.  Well you're welcome to join us every Sunday if you like."  Nobody asks why the girls have left and they are pretty sure if they did Brian would give a curt "It's none of your business."

"He's not alone professor."  Brian holds up his left hand with only the ring finger extended.

"Holy shit!"  Debbie speaks.  Justin looks horrified at the expression.  Debbie isn't aware Justin has been raised Amish and probably wouldn't have been able to stop the words tumbling from her mouth even if she was.

Michael steps in.  "Congratulations."  He stands and moves to kiss Brian on the mouth and Brian turns his head, not even attempting to kiss Michael on the cheek, as the hug is all he accepts.  Justin will never understand anyone else kissing him on the mouth or any other place for that matter and he is happy to have it that way.  It is for them and them alone.  Michael isn't offended as he and Ben have discussed Amish life in-depth and it seems logical to him that a hug is the acceptable form of congratulations for Brian and him from now on.

Emmett jumps from his seat and rushes over and hugs Brian and goes to hug Justin; pulling back just before he does.  Justin rises from his seat and gives Emmett an awkward hug.  Once Justin hugs Emmett, everybody gets in line for a congratulatory hug while voicing their congratulations.

When everyone sits down the questions begin.  Brian raises his hand to stop everyone talking at once.  He looks in Debbie's direction as if to say he is starting at the beginning for her.  "Justin arrived last Monday with his sister and a friend to start Rumspringa.  That's a year of living away from the community so you can decide if you want to be baptized and live the Amish way of life.  Justin's sister and Daphne have returned home and will continue to live in the community."  Brian does not add all the details.  "Justin's decision not to return was made on Wednesday last."  He did not say who made the decision or that it was out of Justin's hands, as it is nobody's business.  "We went to New York and married that Friday at the court house."  He does not mention that they only just consummated their marriage three days ago; he knows that piece of information will never pass Justin's lips and his lips are definitely sealed on the matter.  "Just to be clear, Justin and I are monogamous so keep the wisecracks about my past to a minimum."

With the last statement jaws drop open.  Ted recovers first as he is pretty sure what he has learnt at work is exactly what Brian has said.  He didn't however, know Brian had married Justin.  "So, Gus has two mothers and two fathers now."

Justin looks surprised.  "Who is Gus?"

Brian has been so involved with Justin and the dramas unfolding around them introducing Gus has been overlooked.  It is an oversight on his part, but not a deliberate one.  Brian turns in his seat and takes both Justin's hands in his.  Justin turns to face him.  Brian and Justin are now keeping their voices low, as if having a private conversation, still they are not whispering as they expect the others not to join their discussion. That doesn't stop them from listening though.  "He's my son.  He lives with two women who are also gay."  Everyone listening can't believe the words munchers, wesbians or sperm donor have not been the first words out of Brian's mouth.

"Are you married already?  You can't have two spouses Brian it's against the law.  Not just the country's law which you have to follow, but also God's law."

Brian has become accustom to Justin's weird logic, that although he is married to a man he must still follow his beliefs.  "You are my only spouse Justin."

"So you are divorced?"

"No."  Brian realizes Justin thinks Gus was made through sex.  "I never married his mother."

"So you had a child outside marriage?  Who is his birth mother?  Who is this woman?"  The look on Brian's face tells Justin he has said something that Brian is struggling with.

"Lindsay, Lindsay Peterson is the mother of my son."

"I ask for forgiveness Brian I didn't mean my words to sound harsh."  Although Justin's tone had remained the same he could see the words "this woman" is not the way he should be referring to the mother of Brian's son.  Then it falls in to place for Justin.  "Lindsay Peterson; the person you ask to mentor me?  The painter?"

"Yes.  She is an artist, however painting is the art form she prefers."

"When you finished your conversation with her...sorry Lindsay, you then told Gus on the telephone that you loved him?"

"Yes, that was Gus.  I should be the one apologizing as I just assumed you knew about him, I forget sometimes how quickly our lives became one."

"And there is so much I don't know.  I understand Brian; sometimes it must feel like having a child in your home having to explain so much to me.  I understand the assumption that I knew of your son."

"I'm one of Gus's parents and I love him, very much, even though he doesn't live with me.  Not knowing who Gus was, were you jealous when you heard me say I loved him?"

"Love is patient; love is kind, it isn't jealous."

Brian is pretty sure Justin must have been experiencing jealousy for that particular part of the conversation to be commented on, however; Justin will never voice it as the bible says it is wrong.  Brian is a little bit happy about Justin's ‘unspoken-jealousy' as it shows how much he cares for him.  However, that is forgotten for now as he wants to make it clear his part in Gus' conception.  "Lindsay and I didn't have sex.  Have you heard of artificial insemination?"  Brian isn't about to explain the details with everyone listening.  He knows "they squirted it up her" isn't the way he wants Justin to think about his son's conception, no matter how true it is.  He also doesn't know if he should tell Justin that Molly and he were created the same way, so he takes lead from his father with a hypothetical.  "Justin if your parents loved each other very much, yet couldn't create you and Molly without help through IVF, that's artificially, do you think they would love you any less or that God would love you any less once you were created?"

There is a blank look on Justin's face.  "God doesn't approve of that, but children are not held accountable for the sins of their parents.  I don't know anyone who has come in to the world that way Brian and I'm not a parent so I can't comment on how they would feel."

If Brian tells Justin the truth then it needs to be a lot more in-depth than Brian originally thought.  "Can we discuss this later?"  Justin nods.

Brian then leans in and places his head on Justin's left shoulder while Justin leans in and places his head on Brian's left shoulder and then Brian's arms automatically wrap around Justin's body and Justin's arms instinctively take up their position around Brian.  It is like they are in their own cocoon and it appears that they are both comfortable and familiar with this position.  They can still be heard and Brian speaks.  "Are you okay with us discussing this later?"

"Of course."  Brian then lowers his voice and his whispers go unheard by all except Justin.  However, Justin's reply makes clear what Brian has said "I love you too."  Their faces are touching each other's, their eyes are closed and they are breathing in the love they shared for each other.  After about a minute of them seemingly just basking in each other's essences, they part and everyone expects Brian to bolt from the table with an excuse of using the restroom or some such like.  He doesn't.  He goes back to his meal and ignores all the questioning expressions on his family's faces.  Questions they know not to ask.

Justin looks around the table as he begins to eat again, everyone is staring at him.  "I apologize am I using the wrong piece of cutlery?  We never had this much cutlery.  I mean at...."

Debbie laughs; it's a big hearty laugh.  "Justin, nobody judges here, you can eat with a spoon if you wish."  The words "nobody judges" were emphasized and the meaning is clear to all at the table.  Nobody is to give Brian or Justin a hard time over what has just happened or Justin's lack of knowledge on the way Brian may have lived his life and produced his son.  "You are family Justin, and nobody judges here."  Debbie will never know how much her words are needed and cherished.  Brian looks directly at Justin.  It is the family comment that they both heard and Justin's eyes are close to tears which he will never let fall.  Justin doesn't cry tears from pain or from joy and Brian hopes one day he might be responsible for joy spilling from Justin's eyes.  For now though, Debbie being Debbie, has helped set their world right.  Justin has family, it may not be the one he was born into, but it is the one that will watch out of him, protect and love him from now on.

"Justin if you insist on cooking we will need to make a trip to the supermarket to stock the cupboards."  The men have already eaten everything Brian had stocked in the cupboards of the apartment on the second floor. 

"What will we need?  I haven't seen any vegetables, animals or even an area to put them in here?  What supplies do you have; maybe I could work with them?"

Brian's first thought is to be sarcastic, yet he finds it extremely easy to hold back with such remarks.  "Justin there are no animals, fruits or vegetables in this part of the city unless you buy them at a store.  There is no garden."

Brian can see the cogs clicking over in Justin's head.  "No chores."  He mutters to himself.  Brian laughs, as he is laughing with Justin, not at him.

As they exit the Jeep in the supermarket car park Justin races ahead.  He stops abruptly as he doesn't see how to enter the store.  He watches as people stand in front of the sliding doors, the doors open, and they go in.  Brian stands back and watches.  Eventually Justin asks.  "How do they get the doors to open so they can walk in?"  He is referring to the shoppers he has seen enter the building without physically opening the doors.

"They work automatically as they have built in sensors.  The door senses you are there and they open.  You will need to stand in front of them."   Justin appears to move towards the doors, yet stops as Brian reaches his side.  He allows Brian to go ahead of him so he can stand in front of the doors and enter the building.  Once the doors close he then stands in front of them so he can enter.  Brian wonders if they will always enter the supermarket this way, one at a time.  It could just be the novelty of this first time, still he makes a mental note to hold Justin's hand as they leave, which will show him that two people can actually use the doors at the same time.  He doesn't want to sound condescending telling Justin, as Justin is a smart man who is seeing things for the first time that most people take for granted.

Justin is amazed by the range of fruits, vegetables, and meats he can see as he enters the store, almost everything you could need in one place.  He stands in front of the magazines and he blushes a bright red.  He picks up one called ‘Gay Times'.  The cover is adorned with an almost naked man.   Brian speaks before thinking.  "I have that one at home.  There is no need to buy it."  Justin couldn't get any redder, and flabbergasted did not go anywhere near his sentiment towards an almost naked man's picture where everyone can see it.  He fumbles to put the magazine back and it is only then Brian realizes his mistake.

They both chose to ignore the incident and they proceed to the next aisle.  "Look Brian, movies in a box."

"So you've seen a DVD before have you?"  He is a little surprised, as when Justin picked up the item he was expecting the quizzical look he is seeing regularly and now finds adorable.  "Where have you seen a DVD?"

"It was the night your father first visited.  He chose a love story from your collection when I thought you had left me to go tricking.  He had to leave and he thought it would cheer me up."  Justin states, with a tone that holds no malice.

Brian doesn't know what to say.  He only has porn in his collection.  "What is this movie called?"

"I'm uncertain of the name.  It's the one with the twins in it.  You must have watched it Brian.  The first twin is lying by the swimming pool while another man cleans it; they give each other a longing glance, then they make love to each other right there on the pool deck.  It is so romantic, as they don't even wait to get inside.  Then his twin; they looked so much alike Brian I thought they were the same person until the delivery boy arrives and the twin answers the knock at the door.  They also give each other a longing look and they don't make it to the bedroom either as they wanted to make love immediately.   It was then I knew they had to be twins, because of the care they displayed for each other, it was then I just knew they wouldn't cheat."

Brian is dumbfounded.  His father had selected a porn DVD for Justin to watch and he left him to make his own assumptions.  Justin, obviously never having seen a movie before, thought the B grade porn was a romantic masterpiece.  He thought his porn was safe as Justin wouldn't be able to operate the DVD player without instructions.  He knows the movie Justin is referring to and there are definitely no twins in it.  Does he destroy Justin's illusion?  Did the DVD help Justin become more comfortable about having sex, and is it the reason Justin was so willing once he returned home that night?  That is a mindboggling thought so Brian deviates.  He deduces that according to Justin naked men flaunting themselves on the cover of a magazine where everyone can see them is wrong, yet what two consenting loving males do in private is alright.  Brian is happy now he had the painting of the naked man moved down to the basement when he thought a group of women would be coming for Rumspringa.  Now he ponders; how is Justin going to handle all the nudes he will be subjected to during his art education.  That thought doesn't last long as Justin moves towards the vegetables and Brian's awareness heightens to the fact he is in a supermarket.

The fruits and vegetables section, also known as the pickup area of a supermarket; Brian hurries to Justin's side.  Once Brian Kinney is around no one will dare pursue Justin.  Brian picks up an extremely large Zucchini, and his thoughts are of him and Justin having a bit of fun while ridding himself of the zucchini man memory.  It was only two days before Justin arrived in Pittsburgh, in this very supermarket, that memory was created and now he can't wait to get rid of it.  He puts the vegetable back as he doesn't think Justin is quite ready for the kink he may one day introduce him to, or not.  At the moment sex with Justin is very vanilla, yet it has never been more satisfying. 

Once the shopping is complete Brian swipes his credit card and enters in his pin.  Justin puts his hand in his pocket and tries to pay the cashier.  "Justin I've already paid for the groceries."

"Do you have an account here?" 

"No, I used my credit card."  Brian realizes that needs to be another conversation.  He will explain it to Justin on the way home in the Jeep.  He grabs Justin's hand and they leave through the automatic doors.

Sunday dinner is being held at a restaurant this week and all the family are there including Mel and Lindsay; however Gus is with Lindsay's parents.  Justin has met Gus and has been able to spend a little time with the Marcus-Peterson portion of the family.  Justin looks extremely dashing in the suit Brian has purchased for him, while giving him a lesson in how to use a credit card.  He had tried to explain it, but thought it would be much easier to have a little fun and improve Justin's wardrobe.  Brian looks just as debonair in his Armani.  Everyone has dressed in, what Justin calls, their Sunday best for the occasion.

Just as everyone sits at the very large round table Brian receives a tap on the shoulder.  "Mother, what a surprise."  There is no sarcasm or any other inflection in his voice.

"Brian."  Joan looks directly at Justin. 

"Excuse me, where are my manners.  Mother this is Justin..."  Brian introduces the only person Joan doesn't know and before he can finish everyone else shares a cordial greeting with Joan.

"It looks like you are celebrating."  Joan knows what event is being celebrated, and Brian has heard the tone of condemnation resonant in her voice.  

Brian finishes what he was trying to say before everyone greeted Joan.  "Mother this is Justin Kinney.  My husband.  We are having a belated wedding meal with our family.  Justin, this is Joan Kinney my Mother."

Justin offers a handshake.  Joan doesn't accept it.  "You are going to hell for this Brian."

"Yeah, I know mother.  Justin quotes the Bible at me all the time.  He is probably the only person who knows it better than you."

"Stop ridiculing me Brian."

"I ridicule you not.  Here's your chance Justin to display your knowledge.  Quote Mother dearest all the references that damn us to hell?"

"Brian, please don't.  Your Mother is entitled to her beliefs.  I apologize Mrs. Kinney.  I apologize for the way Brian is behaving and for mocking your beliefs."  Justin gestures for Joan to sit.  "Can I offer you a drink?"

"She won't be staying long.  What did you want mother?"

"I'll get straight to the point.  The only reason I even acknowledged the coincidence of us being at the same restaurant is to hear the words from your own mouth.  Your father told me and I couldn't believe it.  Marrying this boy; you are making a mockery of all that is good."

"What business is it of yours?"  Joan stands there silently.  What business is it of hers?  "I repeat; what business is it of yours?"  Justin doesn't feel comfortable so he tries to interject, but Brian stops him.  "Tell me mother, what is the greater sin.  Two happily married men lying down together or wanting to abort a child because they were conceived out of wedlock."  All the guests at the table, bar Justin, aren't shocked by Brian's words as he uses them against Joan whenever she starts on a religious tirade. 

Justin isn't immediately going to be able to comprehend what he has just heard.  He isn't going to understand that some people didn't want children and could discard their own creations so easily, yet others wanted a family so desperately that they broke the law and used artificial means to produce offspring.  He will have to store that data and try to make sense of it later.  His thoughts turn to the first comfort he can find.  "The Bible says an unborn is a person.  It is wrong to murder a person." Justin mumbles.  Joan is shocked; nobody has ever used the scriptures against her.  She is always the one to belittle people to make herself look like a saint.  So she strikes out at Brian again with her words.

"You will burn in hell Brian; mark my words."

Justin is at a loss, he doesn't understand heated arguments or sarcasm and although the conversation had started at a normal level the volume is increasing with every word.  "Go home Mother, I think you left the dinner burning."

Joan's poker face will not let that remark register, instead she continues with her rant.  "I tell you Brian you are destined for hell, along with this boy."

"Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone."   The words seem to just slip from Justin's lips.  Joan raises her hand and slaps him across the face.  Brian steps between Joan and Justin so she cannot strike again.

"Brian it's alright, I will gladly turn the other cheek."  Brian is astonished, as the words have sent his Mother scurrying from the room.  Debbie goes to follow her, however Justin stops her.  "I'll go."  Brian watches as Justin disappears to find Joan.

Brian scans the restaurant to see how much commotion they have caused.  He knows a big tip will have it over looked and he wants to know how big the tip should be.  There aren't too many people rude enough to stare and acknowledge what has happened, however there is one face smiling and a little wave is offered.  Brian motions the person over to join them.  "Pops, I thought you were out of town."

"I got back early which allowed Joan and I to celebrate our wedding anniversary."  Everyone voices their greetings to Jack as they all know the man.  They have spent time with him when Brian invites him to events at Kinnetik or other special occasions.   

"Join us Pops."  An extra chair is placed at the table and Jack sits to Brian's left.  "Thanks for introducing Justin to movies in a box."  Brian raises an eyebrow.  It takes Jack a few seconds to get his meaning.  "You really went through my porn collection?"

"Of course not, I just picked the nearest one.  He just needed to know the mechanics to ease his mind.  I know how hard it can be to get a virgin to open their legs Sonny Boy.  Did it do the trick?"

Brian now knows Justin's struggle was more spiritual than physical; still he smirks at his father allowing him to think he helped a little.  "I'm not thanking you as that would be wrong."  Both men laugh.

Jack wants to know how Brian is handling other aspects of married life.  "Is the constant Bible quotes and references driving you crazy son?"

"No.  Justin doesn't normally use random Bible references at home.  I just said that so Mother would know two can play that game."

"He played it well."

"I think it's just his way of backing me in an agreement.  He will never raise his voice, but he certainly knows how to get what he wants."

"Don't they all?"  Both men laugh again.

Ten minutes later Joan and Justin return.  Justin sits on Brian's right and he pulls up a chair to his right for Joan.  Justin and Joan seem to be having a private conversation.  "Love the sinner, hate the sin" is Justin and Joan's mutual ground. 

Everyone sits and Brian watches on.  He looks around the table, then he sits back and listens to the conversations and he feels life doesn't get any better than this.  His father is talking to the waiter so he bypasses him.

*****

"We need to get Justin into some jeans; did you see his ass when he ran after Joan?  What a waste to look like that and wear lose fitting pants.  What do you think Teddy?"

"I don't think that will happen Em as they aren't supposed to wear tight fitting clothes that show off their assets."

Blake joins Ted and Emmett's conversation.  "You never know Teddy, Justin is unique, he has blended both worlds rather well, and if Brian suggested it he may consider wearing them.  Both men appear to have each other wrapped around their little fingers and they seem extremely happy about it."

*****

"I think it's time Carl.  If Brian Kinney is happily married and Joan is here celebrating then we need to do it before Hell freezes over."

"I accept."  Carl and Debbie smile at each other as Debbie has just proposed.

*****

"Do you think Brian is happy about how his life seems to have changed overnight?"

"I'm happy it has, and I'm really happy you don't get to kiss him on the lips anymore."  Michael goes to chuckle until he sees Ben is serious.  Michael is okay with not kissing Brian anymore and he is more than okay with the knowledge that his Zen Ben gets jealous occasionally.

*****

"You can offer if you want.  I will support you anyway I can.  Making partner should allow me to work from home a little and that should free up some of your time."

"Thanks Mel.  I think it is the right thing to do as he has an amazing raw talent, and being family I can offer the extra understanding Brian said he might need in some areas."

*****

The last conversation Brian hones in on is the one right alongside him.  "I have art history class Wednesday morning so we will meet at your place in the afternoon.  I will bring my Bible and we will have afternoon tea.  Then I will go to church with you on Sunday and follow your rituals.  Make sure you come by the loft whenever you like as you are always welcome."  Brian almost laughs out loud listening to Justin invite himself to church with Joan.  How will she explain that to the priest? 

Justin has been sitting with his back slightly towards Brian as he speaks to Joan, and upon the completion of their conversation he turns to face his man.  He smiles his beautiful infectious smile and leans forward so they can share a kiss.  The loving, passionate kiss is not long in duration.   Justin places his hands on either side of Brian's face, and he presses his lips to his lover's.  As Brian opens his mouth to take control of the kiss Justin pulls back slightly and swipes his tongue inside Brian's upper lip.  He then leans back in to complete the kiss by covering Brian's mouth with his own.  It is the first time he has controlled a kiss.  Although he may have instigated some Brian generally takes the lead very quickly.  Justin looks around the restaurant and has a slight grin on his face.  He never judges people; nevertheless he has become aware he is constantly being judged.  Brian can feel Justin's body trembling, yet he is sure nobody else can see it.  He is certain the slight grin Justin is displaying is one of relief.  Relief he didn't burst in to flames for his display.  A smile crosses Brian's face; he knows, Justin and he have many first's to come, however, each time they experience one together it is like he is experiencing it for the first time.  This is Justin's first display of affection in public and in front of Joan no less.    

To Brian the reason for the kiss is clear, nevertheless, he is ecstatic to have received it.  The kiss is Justin's way of protecting himself from having another person reject him on religious grounds.  He is testing Joan before they become family, and Brian must pay her kudos as she manages to make no comment or show any form of repulsion.  However, he does wonder if she will make it through the toast Ted will offer to their happiness.  Or, if Justin will be receiving a call as the weekend approaches to say Joan cannot attend church on Sunday, as she feigns an illness.  As for himself; he doesn't really care if his Mother is part of his life or not, and if she chooses to disappoint Justin tonight, well, he can think of another first that will cheer his man up, while also benefiting him as he gets a certain itch scratched.

Brian cannot believe how his life has changed so much within mere weeks.  He is married to a man he couldn't possible love any deeper than he does at this moment, yet every morning he wakes it seems he loves him a little more.  This normal life he seems to be living, this Stepford fag normal life, this normal family gathered here, this is what defines him.  This is his normal, and if that were to change tomorrow then he would embrace his new normal, just as long as he has Justin at his side.