Revolutionary Christmas by butterflytiger_1982
FeatureSummary:

*FEATURED STORY FOR DECEMBER 2018*

One revolutionary Christmas Justin's entire world falls apart; and even though he doesn’t realize it, he stops living. As the next Christmas approaches and introduces an equally damaged man; together, will they learn that living is better than just existing?

Beta: Karen, Banner: Nickie


Categories: QAF-U.S. FICTION, FEATURED STORY, Alternate Universe, Brian/Justin, Romance, Christmas Characters: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 12 Completed: Yes Word count: 27099 Read: 72240 Published: December 18, 2009 Updated: December 31, 2018

1. Community Center by butterflytiger_1982

2. Survivor's Guilt by butterflytiger_1982

3. Making Plans by butterflytiger_1982

4. New Family by butterflytiger_1982

5. Similar Thinking by butterflytiger_1982

6. Family Dinner by butterflytiger_1982

7. Plain Truth by butterflytiger_1982

8. Moving On by butterflytiger_1982

9. Listing Priorities by butterflytiger_1982

10. With Me by butterflytiger_1982

11. An Answer by butterflytiger_1982

12. My Boyfriend by butterflytiger_1982

Community Center by butterflytiger_1982

 

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Brian rolled his shoulders as he looked up at the building he was about to enter. He couldn’t believe that he would be forced to associate with the type of people that took classes at a community center for six months because he was stupid enough to go to the Kinney’s House of Hell for Thanksgiving.

He had known he wasn’t in the best shape when leaving his mother’s house after a predictable argument with her, but he couldn’t have forced himself to stay one more minute without killing the bitch so he had gotten into his Jeep and headed towards the loft. He had been about halfway there when he saw the blue lights in his rearview. As soon as he did, he knew he was fucked; he pulled over hoping that he could charm his way out of this. However, he figured as drunk as he was he wouldn’t be able to pull it off and when the officer came up to the window, the pudgy middle-aged man already sneering at the Jeep, Brian knew he was fucked.

While he was happy with no jail time when the judge had announced community service, all he could think was “fucked again.” Brian shook his head faintly at the circumstances, his chestnut hair moving only slightly but enough that the red and almost blondish highlights flashed in the sun as he figured he might as well get this over with. As he entered the building, he rolled his deep hazel eyes that depending on his mood bordered on either green or brown, the color an enigma that drew many people to him, men and women alike, at the garish Christmas decoration mixed with multicolored fliers and pamphlets stuck everywhere.

The brunet looked down at the slip of paper in his hands; it held only an address and a room number. Then he scanned the rooms in front of him, noticing immediately the numbers were nothing near the one he was supposed to go to so he looked from one end of the hall to another, trying to figure out which direction he should head in. Brian shrugged and headed to his right at a slow pace; he wasn’t worried about being late and his step slowed even more as he thought about how much he wished he didn’t have to be there at all.

Down the hall he had chosen, Brian passed door after door but couldn’t seem to find the one he was supposed to be in; many had room numbers that did not match while the others did not feature numbers on the doors at all. On those the brunet would, no matter how stupid it made him feel, look through the window to see what was going on. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for but he knew the ones he looked into weren’t his. In all of them there was either something disgusting going on like a birthing class, which made him shudder, they had a teacher, speaker, or whatever already in front of them or they were doing a million other things he did not want to know about.

The brunet then spied a room that had several people in it, a quick glance showed no one up front and by the looks on all the faces he could see the room’s occupants seemed to be waiting for something. He sighed in relief at not only having found the room he was looking for, although there was no room number to confirm his assessment, and that all the people within the room looked fairly normal so he wouldn’t have to deal with the unwashed masses as much as he feared.

With a confident stride, Brian entered the room but stopped dead when everyone turned and looked at him. His pause had nothing to do with nervousness as he was used to being the center of attention and if he were honest with anyone, even himself, he would admit there were times when he craved it. The thing that caused him to halt was the deep azure eyes that looked directly into his. Peripheral vision told him that all the others that looked towards him when he had come in pursued him fully, taking in his whole body, but the blond man’s eyes never left his, as if he could learn all he needed to know about Brian from his eyes.

Brian had seen, met, and Hell, had sex with many beautiful men and never in his life had he ever found himself as entranced by anyone, except of course his son but that was a different thing altogether. The brunet found himself trying to read something about the other man in those blue eyes as well, but within a single moment he was unable to stop himself from reverting to an action that he had perfected as a child when the pain he saw in the blond’s eyes had him sinking his teeth into his lower lip.

The brunet didn’t know what the story was with the blond, but somehow the pain that those blue orbs held made him think of the boy he was when he was young. Brian remembered looking into the mirror many times and seeing similar pain staring back at him as he wondered what he had done, why he was so bad that his parents didn’t even love him. As a young boy the hazel-eyed man had known with childlike certainty that somehow the way they were treating him was deserved, that somehow the deficiency was within him and that because of that no one would ever love him.

Brian closed his eyes slowly; hating to break contact with the blond’s but knowing he had to if he wanted to be able to keep his cool. He didn’t know why this stranger was affecting him so much; it wasn’t as if he had never seen pain in anyone else’s eyes before but somehow this was different. Brian might not have known why this was true, but what he did know was that he wasn’t going to let some chance encounter do any damage to the walls he had erected as a child to keep his pain at bay.

Brian had just reopened his eyes and was about to speak to the blond in question when another voice made itself known.

“Can I help you?” one of the occupants of the room stood up, his stance making his leadership position as compared to the others in attendance clear.

“I’m looking for the Basic Business class,” Brian answered, his brain already telling him that he had the wrong room but he was still unwilling to give any more information than that.

“Oh, well, you’re on the wrong side of the building.  If you cut around the next corner and head straight until you come to the next turn where you go left, it will be the third room on your right.” The man explained politely.

“Fuck!” Brian hissed, irritated that this building was so damn confusing. “Fuckers couldn’t make this shit easy; fucking marking room numbers would have made fucking sense.” Brian mumbled as he turned and stalked out of the room, though even his irritation couldn’t stop him from taking on last peek at the blond who looked slightly shell shocked at his outburst.

Brian stalked off, following the directions and finding the room he was supposed to be in within a few minutes. When he entered the room, he sneered with disgust at the collection of geeky or completely clueless-looking people that filled the chairs. The words Basic Business were written across a white board that stood at the front of the room. Therefore, he slammed his briefcase down on the desk and launched right into his presentation.

Brian had no training as a teacher but he could sell anything, so he just looked at the class like a pitch; he had to sell the idea of business to these people so he knew he could get through it. While the brunet was gearing up his opening he had to push the blond that he had been thinking about since laying eyes on the other man from his mind.

Brian looked at the thirty-plus people in the room and realized that this was going to be a little different than presenting to a client; just the sheer number of people in the room was a bit daunting and Brian was surprised to find himself getting a little apprehensive. Brian looked at all the intent faces, their eyes locked on him as if hanging on his every word, but all the brunet could think was, ‘What the fuck am I supposed to say?’

‘Okay, so business partnerships, sole proprietorship, eerrr different types of…oh shit I’m screwed here. Brian, just open your mouth and say something,’ he ordered himself as the plethora of eyes trained on him started to show a shared confusion at his silence.

“So, this is much more stressful than giving a presentation in front of a half a dozen people.” Brian’s joke sounded flat to his own ears but he garnered a few chuckles throughout the room.

“Well, today I’m going to start with the basics, first defining a business then we will move on to types of ownership and what each of those entails.” Brian explained, as he started to get his stride back.

Brian commenced with his explanation of what a business was, going into detail about what kinds of business are available and even explaining those that are not public, such as dog walking and other things with minimal startup costs that he believed would be easiest for this group of people to achieve.

“So are you going to teach us how to run ANY kind of private business? Even illegal businesses?” a voice from the back of the room called.

“You mean like pharmaceuticals in your bathtub kind of business?” Brian retorted, a smirk on his face.

“Well…” the voice hesitated. “Sure.”

“You could use this information in that pursuit, not that I’m condoning it.” Brian said but then he found that he couldn’t stop himself and his smirk grew bigger as he continued. “But if you’re any good at it I require samples to prove that you have started a worthwhile business.”

Brian refused to give it much thought as he headed back towards the room he had gone in earlier when he got out of his class. His mind wouldn’t let him be that blasé about it, however, when he rounded that last corner and saw the blond that hadn’t been every far from his mind hurrying out the door. There was no way that Brian was going to run after someone so he internally shrugged, but when he saw someone out of the corner of his eye that he remembered vaguely as having been in that room as well, he couldn’t stop himself.

“Hey, what was that meeting?” Brian asked nonchalantly.

“It’s for the families of victims of the American Airlines flight last year,” the women he had questioned answered quietly. She didn’t look up as she rifled through her purse, but something told Brian she was well aware of with who she was speaking to.

“So everyone who was at the meeting had someone die in their family?” Brian asked aloud.  However, he was in all actuality speaking to himself and the woman he had spoken to knew that but answered anyway.

“Yes, at least one,” she answered, finally looking up then following his eyes which were pointed out the front door.  She continued, being well aware of who he was asking about, who had been in the spot that his eyes stayed on. “He lost his whole family though, his parents and his little sister.”

While Brian attempted to digest this information a thought occurred to him, and before he could stop it or even consider what it meant the words it provoked came pouring out of his mouth. “Don’t you think that is private information to share with a stranger, especially since it is not your story to tell?” Brian hissed, angry for the blond and hating that this woman had this information and would tell just anyone something that he knew was life-altering for the other man.

The woman turned back and looked at Brian, her blue eyes taunting as she arched a sardonic eyebrow, an expression that made Brian's face twitch with muscle memory it was so common on his own face, and almost laughed at her answer to his indignant question. “For someone whose name you don’t even know, you sure seem to be awfully concerned,” the women grinned.  “Some might even say you care about the blond, Mr. Kinney.”

The fact that this woman knew who he was didn’t really come as a surprise to Brian; many people did.  It was her words that shut him up. Brian didn’t know what to say to that.  The man that lived by words, especially cutting words that shut people up, didn’t have the ones to refute what this woman was saying and he silently watched her walk away. He stood there a moment later and then stormed out of the building, intent on getting back to his loft, changing into his best ‘fucking’ clothes, and heading to high homo heaven, or as those who don’t know called it, Babylon.

 

Survivor's Guilt by butterflytiger_1982

 

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Flashback

“Are you sure that you can’t get the time off, Justin?” his mother asked, her loving eyes pleading that something shift the Earth’s axis so that her own personal world may be righted again.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I know you want me to go; I want to go but I have to work straight up until Christmas Eve. I have tried everything and I cannot get off work.” Justin said remorsefully.

He really did want to go but he could not lose this job; besides college it was his first step in the direction that he had always wanted his life to go and he had gotten it all by himself, without his father’s help, and that meant the world to him. Not that he ever begrudged his father’s or even his mother’s need to help him as much as they could, but it was great to know that he could be judged on his own merits and found good enough, even if it was a lowly assistant job.

In this instance, however, there was absolutely nothing he could do to get away for their yearly Christmas holiday. This was true even though he had never before missed a year; he really wanted to go and he would miss his family. He took this as an unwanted sign that he was growing up but he accepted it…much better than his mother did.

“Well, then we will just have to cancel the trip.  There is no way our family is not going to be together for Christmas.” Jennifer, his mother, declared.

“Mom, don’t do that.” Justin protested. “You should all go. You and Dad need this time away; you have relied on it every year as your break from the stress of work and social requirements. Not to mention that it would be so unfair to make Molly stay home when it is all she has been talking about for a month, just because I can’t go.”

“We are not going and that’s final and I will not hear anymore about it.” His mother put her foot down.

Justin knew that once his mother stated her point in such a manner that he would not have the words to change her mind, so he looked to his father with a desperate plea in his eyes. The young man would do anything in his power to not ruin this holiday for his entire family and as much as he wanted to go, he knew his mother had to also start seeing him as an adult with his own life.

His father, Craig, looked into his eldest child’s eyes and saw a million emotions flashing through the blue orbs. Therefore, while he himself would feel better being in the same place as his son for the holidays, he understood that this was a step that Justin had to take.  He had to be allowed to be an adult in this situation and as much as he and Jennifer loved Justin, they had to allow him this. The older man nodded to his son and then with a tilt of his head he silently directed Justin out of the room. Craig knew that this was something that he had to do for his son and that it would be easiest to convince his wife if the child in question was not in the room at that moment.

Justin left hoping that his father would find a way to convince his mother and it didn’t take very long to find out that he did, although his mother still clearly was not ecstatic about the idea. Justin wondered immediately what it was that his father had said to change his mother’s mind as he was sure the information would come in useful some day, but fate stepped in and the blond never even got to ask.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin sat waiting for his group to start.  Everyone in the group came early and the angelic-looking man that some still saw as a boy wasn’t sure why. He didn’t know if the others came for the conversation or if they, like him, needed time to gear up to the pain that would inevitably be revealed during the time spent there. There had never been a moment in the past months that Justin hadn’t felt consumed by his pain, but here there was no pushing it to the back of his mind or even attempting to; there was no faking a smile and pretending everything was alright like he did everywhere else.

There was no way to hide what he felt because everyone else in the room felt the same thing for the same reason.  Although each had their own personal stories, the pain was shared and that ripped the wound wide open every time. Justin sometimes wondered if this was a good thing as his frustration was mounting. He was a pretty patient person but he wondered endlessly when it was ever going to feel even slightly better. The blond despaired at the long time it had been since he felt anything at all other than grief, pain and guilt.

Justin had signed up for this group as soon as he heard of it; he didn’t know what he would get out of it but he hoped for so much. The time he had been in the group he had talked about a lot of things but he was not making the progress that he needed so much. He hadn’t felt anything in such a long time and the blond couldn’t help himself from thinking that it would be better if he just gave up and stopped coming to the group. His mind told him if there was nothing he could get from the time he spent at the community center then his time was better spent doing something else.

Justin knew that he was contemplating quitting and he had never been a quitter, but he didn’t know if he could continue to subject himself to the reopening of the wounds every time he came here.

These were the thoughts that were swirling around Justin's brain as he waited for the proctor of the group to call the meeting, but before this could happen the door behind him opened and the blond found himself looking into a pair of the amazing hazel eyes and his whole outlook on the group changed. After the man had left Justin had hoped to catch a glimpse of him when the group was over but was disappointed when the brunet was not around.  However, the chance encounter that lasted less than a minute had changed something in Justin.  He found that he was looking forward to coming to group on the off chance that he would see the other man again. The blond didn’t know what it was but he found himself drawn to the hazel-eyed man and that moment with its flare of feeling was more than he had felt in almost a year, so he found himself wanting to have more of that. He found himself looking forward to the next week and hoped that he could do more than just share a look with the devastatingly handsome stranger, although Justin didn’t give much more thought as to where he wanted it to go from there; he just knew he wanted more.

When Justin headed out for his group the next week, he found himself attempting to rehearse a conversation with the brunet that he hoped to see in his head. He didn’t know what he was going to say or even why it was so important; he almost felt that he needed to find the exact right thing to say, as if he was interviewing for his dream job or something of that nature.  However, he did know somewhere deep down inside that this was an important connection that he was attempting to establish.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian sat in his Jeep for a few minutes, his thoughts an argument that he couldn’t even believe he was capable of having with himself. He had refused to think about what he was doing when he got ready and left his loft a half an hour before he had to, but now as he stared at the door of the community center there was a part of his brain that rebelled against his actions.

“What the fuck? Since when do I doubt myself?” Brian bitched aloud.

The statement wasn’t entirely true but that was something that Brian would only admit to himself in his best moments, and those moments were very rare. Brian headed out of his Jeep and into the building, his determination to do whatever it was that he wanted firmly in place.

Once he got into the building the brunet stood by the door of the room that the grief counseling group had met in; he had done his research so he knew they would be meeting again today. The brunet figured that it was luck that the group met on the same day as his class. He wasn’t sure what it was that he wanted with the blond with the incredibly sad eyes, but for some reason he knew that he had to go through with whatever it was he had to do to find out.

Brian knew his interest wasn’t the same as it was for most guys that he found hot, not that he had not had fleeting thoughts about fucking the blond but the fact that they were fleeting told him that something else was going on here. There was something that few people knew about Brian and even those that did know had no idea of the extent of it. Brian had always been someone who felt the need to help certain people, be it his friends or someone like this blond that he just happened to cross paths with.

The brunet knew that he would do anything he could to remove the pain from those azure eyes, but first things first, he had to find out what he could do to fix what was wrong with the other man without arousing suspicion as to his motivations. Brian didn’t mind doing whatever he could to help the people it struck him to help, but he always did whatever he could to remain anonymous.

The tall man was broken out of thoughts when he saw people coming around the corner and heading towards the room he had parked himself near. He wasn’t sure what he would say to the young man when he saw him but he knew that something would come to him, it always did. He had never come across a time when he couldn’t at least bullshit his way through a situation and he was determined that this time would not be any different, so he amped himself up for coming face to face with the blond that had been occupying his thoughts for a week.

Brian saw the other man the minute he turned the corner but was almost surprised when he found himself staring into those blue eyes again. The brunet wondered if the shorter man looked at everyone in the same way; he considered that perhaps everyone was as unnerved by the blond’s laser vision that seemed to stare directly into your soul as he was. Brian didn’t know if it was just his egotistical nature, but for some reason he knew that this particular look was reserved just for him.

The older man tried to shake this thought off because some part of his brain screamed that it was ridiculous; it told him that the blond knew even less about him than he did about the blond.  It reminded him that even though he had this weird interest in the other man, the blue-eyed man probably hadn’t given him much more than a passing thought, but somehow Brian just couldn’t bring himself to believe that.  When the blond in question walked straight up to him, only stopping when he was directly in front of Brian, the brunet took this as proof that his internal argument was valid.

“Hi,” Brian said, his face carrying a rare smile.

“Hello,” Justin responded, his eyes searching but his face showing an openness that those who had known him since before his family died were beginning to think was gone forever.

Making Plans by butterflytiger_1982

 

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“Brian Kinney,” the brunet introduced himself for a lack of something better to say.

“Justin Taylor,” the blond replied with a smile, sticking his hand out to shake the other man’s. The blue-eyed man figured the importance he felt this meeting had was what was making the air seem strained around him and the taller man so he surged ahead; he refused to mess this up just because he was nervous.

“So are you taking the Basic Business class you were looking for last week?” Justin asked.  The look on his face showed that he found this thought to be strange as anyone who saw the Armani-clad Brian would probably think as well.

“No, I’m teaching it.” Brian gave a little laugh. “I’m an ad exec by day so I’m fairly sure I wouldn’t need this course.”

“Well, I thought you looked a little too successful to be taking the class, I mean Armani tends to give off that impression but I had to ask.”

Brian nodded slightly in concession of the point before he began to speak again. “So what is your day job?” Brian was really curious as his research had turned up a lot about the crash but little about Justin himself and he knew that if he couldn’t get all the information he needed out of the blond he would have to turn to Cynthia. His research skills were good but one of the reasons, one of the many, that Cynthia was his personal assistant and that he knew he couldn’t live without her was that her skills in that area bordered on scary. The brunet would turn to her if he needed to, but he would try not to as she always asked questions he didn’t want to answer whenever he had her research something that clearly had nothing to do with work.

“I work in _____ Gallery,” the blond started but then figured he might as well tell the other man the whole story. “I’m going to PIFA for my fine arts degree so it’s a great job for me.”

“Umm, so how’s that going?” Brian said before he could stop himself, although internally he was kicking himself for sounding so stupid.

“It’s great, my grades are wonderful if that’s what you’re asking,” Justin answered, the nervousness he felt had him shifting from one foot to the other continuously. “Plus I am learning so much.”

The blond figured he shouldn’t tell the other man that his drawings and painting were so dark sometimes now that they scared him, although he felt the burning need to say just that. A silence enveloped them as they were stuck between telling each other every one of the million things that ran through their minds and yet not wanting to scare the other person off.

“Well, that is good. It’s great that you are doing something you love, it makes all the difference in the world.”

“Are you?” Justin asked, thinking that the man’s comment could mean that he knew what it was like do something he hated doing. At the brunet’s confused look the shorter man clarified his question, “Are you doing something you love, do you love advertising?”

“Of course,” Brian replied with a grin on his face. “Selling shit to people that they don’t particularly want by convincing them they NEED it is great.”

Justin laughed at that; he instinctively knew that if anyone else had just said the same thing that Brian had said he would have been put off by their outlook on this sort of thing, but looking into the brunet’s face, there was something that caught Justin.  It was almost like childish excitement and the blond couldn’t help the smile it brought to his face. “Well, that is definitely one way to look at it,” the blond said with a slight laugh in his voice.

Brian grinned at the knowledge that the other man understood; he didn’t know how he knew that was the case, but for some reason he knew that this man would get him unlike anyone he had every met. Even the people who were closest to him never seemed to get what really drove him but something told him the mere slip of a man would.

The two men continued talking until it was time for them to go. Justin for once didn’t go into his group early; they had even had to move away from the door to that room as everyone that went in seemed to try to coerce Justin into the room as well, even though it wasn’t time for the meeting to start. Brian had started to get very upset with the people from the group as none of them seemed notice that Justin didn’t really want to go into the room. The brunet thought it might be something deeper than him wanting to continue their conversation though that kept him from wanting to go into the group. Brian couldn’t understand this as the group was voluntary, but he filed the information away so that he could bring it out later.

The two men reluctantly parted when time forced them to, both of them wondering at the draw they felt to keep up the conversation, to stay in each other’s presence.  However, there was nothing they could do to halt time so they said goodbye and walked away from each other, both barely resisting the urge to turn back towards the other.

The two men went to their respective rooms when they realized the time but something unspoken told them that they would be meeting again when the hour was up, and they did. They spent another ten/fifteen minutes talking before they each headed out, both of them looking forward to their next meeting. They left the building already planning to be there early the next week so they would again have this time to talk.

It took Brian a while after leaving the community center to realize that while he knew much more about Justin than he had before, he didn’t in any way know enough to figure out what it was that he needed to do to help ease the pain in those blue eyes.

Once he was back at the loft he wrote up what he had learned and let out a frustrated sigh when he realized that he hadn’t figured out what it was that Justin needed. With most people it came through fairly easily what they needed as he could make himself someone that a person felt comfortable to confide in rather easily, it was a talent that he had mastered early in his life and had come in handy on many occasions, but Justin was proving more difficult. The brunet wondered if it was because of that group the younger man was going to that he was just sick of talking about his troubles or if he just wasn’t some who complained.

Somehow he knew that like him the blond fell into the last category and he pinched the bridge of his nose before reaching for the phone. He wanted to help Justin as soon as possible and he knew the only way that he could possibly do that would be to suck it up and call Cynthia and hope that she had better luck in the research department.

“Hey, Boss,” Cynthia answered her phone, the lack of surprise in her voice from her boss calling her, at home, in the middle of the night showed not only how often it happened but another one of the things that suited her for being Brian's personal assistant, her inability to be thrown.

“I need you to look someone up for me,” Brian announced, skipping the pleasantries as was his custom. “I want to know everything I can about this person; from when he goes piss to his hopes and dreams,” he said crudely because not only did it get the point across but he knew it always annoyed Cynthia when he was unnecessarily crass.

Cynthia gave the expected exasperated sigh at his words but jotted down the name he mentioned. “Do you have anything else for me to go on?” she questioned, her pen poised over the page. She knew that this would be something she would have more questions on but figured she would get all the information she could before attempting to ask any questions as to why. She had gotten used to his weird requests for research, and though much of it turned out to be something for work even when it did not seem that way at the beginning, she could tell by the tone of Brian's voice that this time it had nothing to do with advertising.

Brian gave her the rest of the information that he had and waited for the million questions that he could almost hear swirling around in her head, so he was surprised to say the least when he had her response. “Okay, I will get on this. I should have something for you in the morning but it depends on how hard it is to find information on him.”

“So I expect results in the morning.” Brian answered and then promptly hung up on his assistant.

Cynthia shook her head at her boss’ lack of decorum, but being used to it she just booted up her computer and set about finding out everything she could about the man in question.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian rushed into work, walking right by his assistant without a word, but the look he gave her told her that she was to follow him and that he expected that she would have good news for him on the task he had set before her the night before.

“So?” the brunet questioned as he took a seat behind his desk once he had heard her close the door behind her.

“I was about to find out quite a bit, although it wasn’t as straightforward as normal because of who he is.” Cynthia replied, placing a folder on the desk in front of him.

“Who he is?” Brian questioned, flipping open the folder but not glancing at its contents as he waited for her to continue her verbal report.

“Well, not only is he a Taylor, an old money family which after his parents’ death in that plane crash makes him the sole owner of Taylor Enterprises which he employs an old family friend to run, but he is also an up-and-coming artist even though he is still in art school. He has already had a solo show which sold out on its second night.”

“So it definitely cannot be money, a job, his artist’s career…” Brian mumbled out loud, trying to figure out the puzzle that was presented to him when he considered how he could help the blond man. “Could there be something wrong with him?” he directed the question at Cynthia and tried to ignore the weird feeling he got in his chest at the thought.

“I have not found any record of that, although I will do a more thorough medical check. Nothing jumped out about that but I did not focus there.” Cynthia said, trying to assure him but not willing to lie.

The woman had known her boss for a number of years now but the reactions that his face showed when talking about this Justin Taylor and especially with the thought of the other man being sick told her that something important was going on. She had been sure that this research had nothing to do with work and she had planned on bugging the brunet about it, but something told her that wouldn’t be the right way to go in this situation. Cynthia committed herself to doing what she could to help him in this situation although she wasn’t sure exactly what was going on, but she knew if she pushed him she would never know.

Brian was at his wits’ end, the need to help the blond seemed to grow exponentially every moment and he was no closer now than he had been when he had first looked into the pain-filled orbs. The brunet pulled his eyes from the file he had been staring blankly at since Cynthia had laid it on his desk to look into the earnest eyes of his assistant. “I don’t know what to do,” Brian announced in a frustrated voice even though he knew the woman in front of him had no idea what he was talking about.

“Well, from my research I would guess that the problem this young man faces is that he lost his family.” Cynthia pointed out, revealing as she had done numerous times since she had started working for him that she knew more than he realized.

“Well, I know that,” Brian scoffed, taking it in stride that his assistant was aware of what he was doing. “There just has to be a way to help. It’s not like I can bring his family back from the dead, so there must be something else that would work.”

“You’re right, even the Great Kinney cannot bring his family back from the dead but I would think that you more than anyone would know that family isn’t always defined by blood. Sometimes when you’re an adult you are forced to make your own family, and no matter how dysfunctional that family may be, the important thing is that they love you, no matter how much of an ass you can be.” Cynthia explained to the man she admired, in words that he would understand.

“Give him a family,” Brian echoed, a smile lighting his face as ideas whirled through it and plans began to form.

New Family by butterflytiger_1982

 

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Brian looked at the clock; it was almost time for him to leave for the community center and put all the plans he and Cynthia had discussed in the past week into motion. He was happy that he now had the woman on his side because he knew that he didn’t have to worry about her leaking any information to anyone and there were now two people to do all the things that he needed to get done. It was also great to be able to bounce ideas off of her as he did often when he was in the planning stages of snagging a new account.

The brunet knew that the new step was up to him; he had to convince the other man to come to dinner at Deb’s this Sunday. Brian had played that scene in his head a million times. He thought about letting the family in on exactly what he was doing, but he knew that if he did that their reactions to Justin would not be genuine. He was also well aware that if he did that there was a chance that one of them would slip up and tell Justin; it was a well known fact on Liberty Avenue that if you wanted something known you could tell, Debbie, Mikey or Emmett. However, he still wanted his part in this to seem incidental even though he knew he couldn’t be completely anonymous.

Brian finally got up from his spot and with one last look in the mirror, smoothing down his carefully chosen outfit that said ‘I’m successful but still approachable’ and headed out. The entire way there, from the walk down the stairs, he wasn’t willing to take the elevator because the loud noise it made would have distracted him from his thoughts, to the ride over was filled with thoughts of the conversation he was about to have and all the things that could go wrong.

When Brian arrived at the community center he was surprised to find that he was early for the time that he and Justin had agreed to meet. He thought about sitting in the Jeep again so that he would not have to spend his time looking like an ass, waiting in the hallway yet again. That thought died a quick death though when he caught sight of a blond head walking towards the door to the community center. A smile crept across Brian's face at the knowledge that Justin was early too and he hurried out of the Jeep, intent on catching up with the other man.

When the brunet caught up to Justin they both grinned with smiles that were rare on each of their faces; at least for the blond the smile had become rare in the last months. The two fell into an easy conversation as they had the week before, after the awkwardness had disappeared. The older man decided he would wait to bring up the family dinner until they met after their respective engagements.

The two leaned against a wall a fair bit away from the room in which Justin's group was held, having learned from the last time. They talked about whatever came to their minds and the natural progression of some of those conversations eluded even them.

“How the Hell did we get here?” Justin asked in wonder.

“What do you mean?” Brian asked at the abrupt stop to the conversation they were having, a conversation that had them laughing uproariously.

“Well, explain to me how we got from Hello to Canadians jet skiing?” the blond asked with a mischievously inquisitive look on his face.

Brian looked at the younger man for a minute; he couldn’t explain the direction that their conversation had taken and when he tried to map it out in his head he could only come up with one solution. “I don’t know what to tell ya, we are certifiable,” The brunet concluded with an evil smirk on his face.

“I have to agree with you there.” Justin grinned back. Just then the blond noticed the greater influx of people moving down the halls of the community center so he glanced at his watch out of curiosity and was shocked at what he found. “It’s time to go already,” he informed Brian, his surprise clear in his tone of voice.

“Damn, we can talk,” Brian said with a laugh as he hadn’t been aware of the amount of time that had flown by either. “Meet back here after?” he asked; he wasn’t about to leave it to chance again and he felt secure enough about Justin's answer not to worry about asking.

“Definitely.” The younger man smiled before the two men parted, each of them taking a moment to look back at the other as they walked away and smiling again when they ended up looking into the other’s face.

The hour that Brian's class and Justin's group took seemed to linger on, the brunet huffing inwardly at having to teach, something that was not his nature, and the blond once again considering that continuing to attend this group was not in his best interest. Both men found themselves hurrying to get out of their respective rooms and towards their unofficial meeting place as soon as possible.

“Hey,” Justin said as he saw Brian walking up; it would always take longer for Brian to get there than it would Justin as the room the blond was in was closer and the older man always got stopped by quite a few of his students who seemed intent on asking him every asinine question that they could think of to torture him, or at least that was what he thought when he saw the other man waiting for him.

“Hey,” Brian gave a small smile before scrubbing his hands across his face. Teaching these classes took a lot out of him and it was apparent in every line of his body.

“If you hate teaching that class so much, why do you do it?” the blond asked intuitively.

Brian looked at the younger man for a moment and knew that he would have to tell him the truth; he just hoped that Justin would understand although something in him believed that he would.

“It’s part of my probation,” Brian stated.  He knew he should go on but just the thought that this news may change the way that the shorter man saw him made his haunches rise unwittingly.

Justin's face showed his shock at the information and he attempted to connect this new thing about the brunet with what he already knew. When something seemed lacking, the blond searched the other man’s face as if just by looking into those gorgeous hazel eyes this would make more sense, but when he saw the look of defiance in those orbs he knew that his reaction to this was important.

“What did you get probation for?” Justin asked, his face showing his curiosity but no condemnation which allowed Brian to relax a bit more but he still didn’t feel completely comfortable with the fact that this could change things.  The part of him that was saying that Justin would get this was being smothered by the part of Brian that no one knew about, the part that thought he wasn’t worth it, the part instilled by his father.

“Drunk driving,” Brian answered, still not giving more even though he was internally kicking himself for not doing so.

“Why do I think there is more to this story than just that?” the blond said.  His intuitiveness as well as what he knew about Brian already told him that there was something important that he didn’t know yet.

Brian looked into those clear azure eyes and had to force the words out of his mouth to explain; he knew he needed to and that part of him that was screaming that the blond would understand was fighting its way to the forefront of his mind. The brunet leaned back against the wall behind him and kind of glazed at the opposite wall before he started to speak, his eyes staying just where they were throughout the entire recollection of the events from the previous Thanksgiving.

In the middle of Brian's story he felt a slight pressure on his arm, the spot already warming before he looked down and saw Justin hand cupping his upper arm. The brunet paused for a moment and found himself unable to ignore the pull to look in those blue eyes, praying to a deity he had never been sure he believed in that he wouldn’t see pity in those orbs. The older man had lived through Hell all his childhood at the hands of his parents and all the people he would tell showed him pity but never did a thing to stop what he was going through, so not only did he not want anyone’s pity, seeing the emotion pointed at anyone inevitably pissed him off because he knew that if pity was the emotion that someone felt they would never lift a hand to help the person in question. Not that he wanted help, but he had not been able to lose that feeling no matter how much time had passed since he was a child under the tyrannical rule of his parents.

The older man almost couldn’t stop himself from emitting a sigh of relief when he saw that those clear blue eyes held only concern and an impossible need to comfort. Brian's reaction to this knowledge allowed him to finish his story while looking into those eyes, the pressure and the warmth from the blond’s hand strengthening him in a way that he was unaware of, just as he was unaware of the infinitesimal amount he leaned into that reassuring touch.  When he finished his story the brunet waited for a reaction from the other man, something he did not have to wait long for.

“Wow, they sound like winners,” Justin replied, deadpanned.

It took Brian a second to get what the blond had said because of all the things that he expected the other man to say, nothing could have prepared him for the joke. However, once the words registered in his brain he couldn’t help but laugh before he replied. “Oh yeah, they win family of the year awards, they have all my life,” the brunet said, once again unwittingly giving much more personal information than he would with anyone else.

“Well, take it from someone who knows, you do not require a family to live,” Justin said; saying the words seemed hard to him and his eyes clouded over further, but he almost visibly shook himself and continued with what he had to say to the older man. “So you can just forget they exist and they will never have the power to fuck up your life again.”

“The latter part of that sounds great and if they would only forget about me, especially when they need money, that would perfect,” Brian said, knowing he was revealing more than he wanted to but powering through the conversation anyway because he needed Justin to understand their similarities in that area so his next statement wouldn’t be so unwelcome. “However, I did make a new family. I guess I learned when I was in my teens that family are the people who care about you, no matter how dysfunctional those people might be.”

“You made yourself a new family?” Justin questioned in a disbelieving tone. He had always been in a small but tight-knit family, though they had died off as he grew, ending with his immediate family the year before leaving him alone.  Because of that he couldn’t imagine the ability or even what could drive someone to do something of this nature.

“Yeah, would you like to meet them?” Brian asked trying to sound casual while inside he was hoping that he had played this right and the blond would acquiesce.

“Definitely,” Justin answered after seeing how important this was to the other man by the look in those hazel eyes.

 

Similar Thinking by butterflytiger_1982

 

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Justin stared at his fifth change in outfit since he had started to get ready to go to this dinner. He wasn’t sure what exactly this dinner was and he knew that was part of his nervousness and inability to pick something to wear. The blond had agreed almost with no hesitation when Brian had asked him to meet the new family the brunet had made for himself, but as soon as they had parted company, the thought that he was meeting the other man’s family ran through his mind.

The thought that this could be a step in a relationship, ‘meeting the parents’ for a lack of a better term, made this nerve racking. The artist acknowledged to himself how much he wanted the brunet but he thought that this meeting the family thing was out of order. Justin had never had a relationship before, but he was sure that people at least kissed before being introduced to the other person’s family.

The blue-eyed man didn’t want to see more in this than was there but he also didn’t want to be caught unaware by something that could be so important so he was stressing every detail. He wanted to look nice enough that he would not be an embarrassment to Brian if this was ‘meeting the parents’ but not too fancy so that if this was just a casual invitation he wouldn’t look weird.

When Justin finally decided on an outfit, it was because after looking in the mirror, he pictured Brian beside him and his artistic nature loved the contrast. The fact that this was how he made his decision for what to wear made the blond roll his eyes. However, he couldn’t help but smile at the sight of the imagined brunet standing there. While the younger man had conjured up the fantasy of Brian without any ulterior motives, he quickly found himself envisioning things that were less than benign.

The blond bit his bottom lip as the image of the older man slowly unbuttoning his clothes, revealing the beautiful skin that Justin ached to touch, and so much more. While Justin hadn’t been with anyone sexually since his family had died, something he just realized was true the moment he thought it; his instincts told him that Brian was a top. He wondered what that would mean for them, being a top himself.

The artist scoffed at himself for his train of thought; he couldn’t believe that he was having sexual fantasies about the other man. However, these were the first such fantasies he had since last Christmas, at least while awake. Justin had to fight the urge to indulge in the budding sexual dreams that were working their way through his head.

He wanted so much to just let his mind take him. He wanted to mentally explore every inch of the brunet. The blond’s eyes were wandering over the mirror as he drank in the sight of his imagined Brian and the thoughts that were running through his head when all of a sudden, the image disappeared and he was facing just himself in the reflective glass.

Justin found his eyes focusing on the room that showed behind him in the mirror, on the room that had changed little since he had become a teenager and even less since his parents had died. He moved things, clothing, school things and other articles that he needed on a daily basis, but other than that, it was exactly the same. The blond knew that he kept his room much cleaner than he had before, or probably would under other circumstances, but because his mother had always complained about it being dirty making sure it wasn’t was some small thing he could do for her, although he never gave it that much thought.

The young man shivered when looking at his room, giving him thoughts of his family, and without a conscious thought, the outfit he was in was the one that he was going to the dinner in. He knew if he spent another moment in the house he would start to drown in memories, guilt and loneliness which would cause him to retreat like it always did, and he knew that if that happened he wouldn’t be going to the dinner, or anywhere else for that matter.

His footsteps were slightly hurried as Justin headed out of his bedroom, grabbing what he needed on the way to the front door but not looking anywhere that he didn’t have to. He had long ago learned how to get through the house without looking anywhere that would cause the pain to hit him like a sledgehammer, stopping him in his tracks. Those blue eyes hadn’t traveled over the doors to his parents’ or his sister’s rooms even though he had to pass them each time he left the house. Those doors had been closed since the realization that they were really dead had hit him.

When he got the phone call that the plane had crashed, he had spent almost two days sitting in a room at the local airport to the crash scene. He was waiting in a room with hundreds of other people who were waiting for the same news, people who were attempting to live on the same hope, people who broke apart just like he did when the final words of no survivors were explained to them as gently as news like that can be given.

Justin had thought the way in which they were informed, although with a kind voice, was extremely harsh. It was one of the things, along with so many others, that he could not get out of his head since then. Therefore, he had since realized that there were no words that anyone could use, especially someone who was a stranger to everyone involved, that could lessen the blow of the message that your loved one was dead, or in the case of Justin, your entire family had just been killed in the blink of an eye.

The blond wasn’t sure how he had gotten back; he just remembered standing on the front porch of the house he had grown up in, the one that he had been excited but scared to leave earlier that year when he had moved into the dorms, and he had not wanted to touch the knob. He knew that once he opened the door to that empty shell that had been his family home, nothing would ever be the same again. In his mind’s eye, he pictured his mother rushing to him when he opened the door, frantically explaining to him the mix up, his father standing right behind her, his aggravation at the chaos that someone’s mistake had made palpable but underneath a hint of the concern for his child would be seen. Justin could even imagine his sister’s annoying teasing about him being worried that she had died.

However, even as his mind came up with these things Justin knew that it would never happen; it wasn’t because he was above denial; Hell, he wished he could drown in denial. The problem was that he could feel that they were gone and once that feeling set in, the hope or delusions that denial usually allowed a person wouldn’t come, no matter how much the young man pleaded in his head for them.

Logically Justin knew that there were several steps to grieving and he knew he had gone through a few. The problem was he had been stuck in the same endless loop of feeling and they were suffocating him. Every part of his being was operating on a sort of auxiliary power, as if he could only perform the most general task so he wouldn’t overload it. And while he had been comfortable and safe this way for the last few months, he found himself hoping that Brian would help him get back to who he used to be.

The artist knew this was a lot to put on someone; however, it wasn’t as if he wanted anything from Brian. It wasn’t something that the other man would do for him that would help; at least he didn’t think so. Justin knew that the key was just to let all the things and feelings that Brian caused to just happen. He knew that somehow this was his answer to a question he was unsure of.

Time ticked on as Justin was lost in his thoughts; however, as soon as he started thinking the last thought, the thought about the progress that could be made because of Brian, the Taylor in him rebelled at the thought. The self-recriminations started and the part of him that wished for more than this existence that he had being living since his family died was silenced. Justin knew that he would never be able to go anywhere from there because he couldn’t even think about it without feeling like the worst person in the world.

Justin remembered a quote from something on his required reading list in high school; it said ‘death is not the greatest of evils; it is worse to want to die, and not be able to.’ It wasn’t that he wanted to kill himself; he had never even thought about it though he knew many in his survivors group had. He supposed he just wasn’t that type of person. However, he did want to be dead sometimes, a lot of the time if he were honest with himself. He wanted time to turn back and for him to have gone with his family. Nothing ever felt right while he was here and they were not.

Nothing, that is, until he met Brian, as just talking to the other man felt right. A rare smile from the brunet’s lips made him feel a sparkle inside, as if a peaceful feeling was attempting to grow. Justin wasn’t sure what any of this meant but he was willing, even something akin to excited, to find out. With that thought in mind, the blond shook all others from his mind as he steeled himself for what he needed to do.

This mental preparation was something he had been doing for months now, as if the effort to leave the house and do anything, especially if it had to do with socializing, was momentous. It only took a few steadying thoughts and deep breaths and Justin was ready, or as ready as he was going to be, so with his back straight with determination the blond headed out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian tugged on his dick harder, faster; he was so close and the steam that enveloped him hung so thickly in the air that it caressed his skin much like a million gentle hands moving across his body. He ran a hand across his taut stomach, feeling it convulse in preparation for his quickly oncoming orgasm. He closed his eyes to better enjoy the images his mind was conjuring up of raspberry red lips wrapped around his shaft.

When the brunet had first started stroking himself he had gone through many of his favorite fantasies, trying to fight his brain which seemed determined that he jack-off to flashes of silky blond hair and the deepest blue eyes he had ever seen. It didn’t take him long to figure out that resistance was getting him nowhere, and definitely no closer to cumming, so he had given in.

Brian lost himself in imaging those soft lips, that silken flesh and those azure eyes filled with passion. In his fantasies, he locked eyes with the blond a second before the other man swallowed around his cock and with that, the ad exec felt the heat surge through his body, every nerve ending exploding with fire as his seed was forced out of him as if a bomb was exploding. He bit his lips to still his voice and a name rushed to his lips, the name left unspoken; however, it was shouted by his soul, ‘Justin.’

 

Family Dinner by butterflytiger_1982

 

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When he left the house the artist got into his father’s (what kind of car Craig drove, the one that he hit Brian with), just another thing that he hadn’t changed after his family’s death, another thing that he hated both because of the memories attached and because it wasn’t him at all but that he couldn’t bear to part with. He had memorized the directions that Brian had given him so he knew exactly where he was going. This meant that he did not have to concentrate on his driving which gave him even more time to analyze what this dinner was about and worry about what he would say. Although Justin wasn’t sure of the reasons behind this dinner, he knew that it was incredibly important that these people like him so he set out to make the best impression.

When Justin pulled up to the house that Brian described he couldn’t help being surprised. He could tell it was the house by what the brunet had said but somehow he hadn’t believed the wild description that the other man had given. As was foretold the Christmas decorations were already up even though it was not even Thanksgiving yet, and to say there were a lot of them was an understatement; the only thing Justin could think when he caught sight of them was overkill. The artist in him cringed at the glaring mixture of colors but something inside caused him to smile at the obvious joy someone found in the season.

Justin hesitated at the door, clutching the bottle of wine that he had brought, his Wasp upbringing not allowing him to go somewhere and not bring anything. He was trying to gather up the courage to ring the doorbell but the moment was taken out of his hands when the wood expanse, just as garishly decorated as everything else in the vicinity, was yanked open.

“Were you planning on standing there all day?” Debbie boomed, the grin on her face and laughter in her voice taking the sting out of the words.

“The thought had crossed my mind,” the blond said truthfully but with humor in his tone.

“Ha,” the loud, in every way, woman laughed at his response. “Well, tough shit, get in here, Sweetie. You’re Justin, right?” she asked, already pulling him into the house.

“Yes, ma’am,” Justin replied, slipping his arm from hers and turning towards the boisterous woman. “I brought this for you,” the young man explained offering her the bottle, allowing the stretch of his arms to surrender the gift, making the space he was attempting to put between their bodies seem less awkward. He wasn’t used to people being so touchy feely, especially people he didn’t know.

“Aww that’s sweet, Honey,” she exclaimed before grabbing him and clutching him to her chest in a tight hug.

“Debbie, don’t kill him before he’s even in the house properly,” Brian chided, coming over and pulling the older woman’s arms from around the blond who looked severely taken aback by the colorful woman and her over exuberance.

“Oh,” the woman said with a slight smile when how tight she was holding the man was brought to her attention. However, somehow she knew that this Justin was important to Brian in a way that she had never expected anyone to be so she was enthused by his existence. So being the person she was, she just brushed off what could have been a weird moment. “Well, as you heard, I’m Debbie and you come on in and meet the troops.”

Justin was still for a moment even after Debbie started moving further into the house. His mind was whirling, trying to connect the Brian he had met, the Brian he thought he understood fairly well with this person. He knew from the little that the brunet had said about the woman that he loved her, even though he had never said the words but he couldn’t even imagine Brian associating with someone like the woman who had greeted him at the door.

Just then the artist looked up and met the older man’s eyes and with one look, although he didn’t understand it better, he knew that everything would be alright, that he would get it because he felt the reassurance of that in those beautiful hazel eyes. So he smiled at Brian and followed Debbie and though he wondered what the others were like when the comparison was the two vastly different people he had already met, but he silently and quickly prepared himself for anything.

Justin couldn’t believe how smoothly the dinner went; he wondered if it was because they were used to strangers in their midst because although they functioned much like a family and seemingly even considered themselves thus, they were in all actuality friends and by the stories that he had gotten they had all basically started out as a stranger one of the members of the group brought in.  The ties that bound these people together were not blood but the blond could see that in some ways they were deeper than blood.

The artist found that he could not quite figure out who was his favorite character besides Brian, and characters they all were; he knew though that his favorite would have to be a toss up.  The first person being Vic, who was Debbie’s brother, who was an older gay man who had the wisdom of having lived though a lot because of his age, the fact that he was gay and because of his HIV status. He also had the most perverted sense of humor; by the middle of dinner he had made several comments about how hot Justin's ass was, but the artist could tell that the man’s words were meant all in fun and he found it amusing and endearing in a way that the blond didn’t understand because he didn’t grow up around people like that, and even now he rarely ran into anyone who made a sex joke, much less one that didn’t seem vulgar.

The other person he found that he liked a lot was a flamboyant man named Emmett. He was out there and a bit queeny but he seemed to have an inner strength and was comfortable in his own skin. Within moments of Justin entering the room Emmett, or Em as everyone called him, had nicknamed him Princess and even though the blond would have been insulted had it come from someone else, he knew instinctively that the man meant no harm by it, that it was a term of endearment much like the name Sunshine that Debbie had started calling him a little while before that.

Those were Justin’s two favorite people at the meal besides Brian himself. He found that the ad exec’s sarcastic wit was well met in Emmett’s head-on approach to life and that when talking to Vic that sarcasm lessened under an almost hidden respectful tone that the artist understood slightly.  He knew there was more to it than the respect he already felt for the wise witty man and he wanted to find out what that story was; he found that he wanted to know a lot about Brian.

Not that those were the only other two people Justin liked. He already knew that he could come to adore Debbie because though she was loud, could out-swear anyone he had ever met and had a sense of humor just a dirty as her brother’s, he felt safe in her presence. He couldn’t explain that emotion but through shared looks and slight touches throughout dinner Brian silently convinced him to go with it, to just be comfortable and let things happen. Justin didn’t know how he and Brian seemed to be able to communicate without a word, but it had been that way since the day they met and it wasn’t something he was willing to spend any more time contemplating.

Then there was Ted, whom he had known even before he was told was an accountant. The man just looked the part and his eyes seemed to be trying to add up things even though there were no figures in front of him. Ted appeared to be a nice guy, who was average looking but he seemed so down on himself that it made Justin want to make him feel better. So throughout the meal the blond would smile at the man just to see a return smile; he hoped that it would at least make the man feel a bit better.

Lindsay was someone else that Justin pegged the moment he saw her. He had grown up with the country club set and could spot a fellow Wasp a mile away. The calculating looking in her eyes and the moments when he could see her manipulating those around her were also a dead giveaway. The blond was surprised then when he realized he liked her; he figured it was the fact that she was so blatant in her ploys that sent it over the edge for him, as he found it amusing but it didn’t hurt that she loved art as much as he did and that she genuinely complimented his stuff.

Lindsay’s partner, Melanie, Justin wasn’t too sure about at first. She seemed a little harsh but then she was nice to him so it threw him off, but it only took him about an hour to realize how he felt about her. He could see that she was stuck because the woman that she loved, loved Brian whom it was obvious she hated, although whether she hated him because of him or because Lindsay loved him, Justin couldn’t figure out. However, he watched and listened to her as well as Brian's comeback and quickly realized that although he could deal with her, he would never like her because she was hypocritical and the blond had never been able to stand people like that. He listened to her berate Brian for how he lived his life, going into sometimes explicit detail even though there was a newcomer, Justin himself, in their midst. He could tell though by some comments made by the people at the table, herself included, that she used to live much the same life before settling down with Lindsay and it irritated him that she could be so openly hypocritical. The artist quickly found himself doing what he could to put himself between Brian and Melanie, not wanting to insult one of the group the first time he met them but knowing that he would not be able to just sit there and listen to her attack the other man.

The other person that was at the dinner Justin remained unsure of.  He seemed nice enough if a bit of a geek, but whenever the blond caught his eye he seemed to be glaring at him. Justin didn’t know what he had done to provoke the other man, who unfortunately happened to be Debbie’s son, Vic’s nephew and Brian's best friend, but he suspected it had to do with the very obvious feelings Michael had for Brian. The younger man tried several times to get on better footing with Michael.  However, while the answers he got were polite, bordering on friendly, the chill still flew out of Michael’s eyes whenever he looked into them. Justin didn’t know what to do; he knew that Brian's best friend liking him was important, not just to him but to the hazel-eyed man at his side.  He could tell because Brian kept trying to start conversations between him and Mikey, as Brian called him, as well.

Dinner had been over for about fifteen minutes before Justin really noticed as everyone still sat at the table, chatting, laughing and picking at each other. It was then that the blond realized that not only had they welcomed him as a guest with no question but that it seemed they had welcomed him into the fold, into their makeshift family the same way. It was almost as if it was a given that he was now a part of their family and the thought nearly made Justin choke.

 

Plain Truth by butterflytiger_1982

 

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He quickly excused himself from the table, citing the need for a cigarette to make his escape to the back porch. As he sat there, staring out into the darkness, a million thoughts were running through Justin's head. He had such mixed emotions about being included in this family. On one hand it felt good to be considered as part of it having been without that for almost a year.  However, there was also a feeling of betrayal if he were to continue in this direction. For some reason he knew if he remained on the path in which this dinner, or even meeting Brian had seemingly put him on, he would be fully a part of this family.

Justin was consumed by feelings of fear and guilt and as he pulled the much-needed nicotine into his lungs, flashes of his family ran through his head. He was so absorbed in his thoughts and feelings he didn’t hear the door open and he didn’t know he was no longer alone until he felt someone sit beside him. The blond glanced over expecting to see Brian, but to his surprise it was Michael at his side, staring out into the darkness much like he had been doing moments before. He wanted to say something to the other man, something that would ease the tension he felt between them, but he found that he had no idea as to what that would be.

“Hey,” was what ultimately came out of his mouth before he started internally kicking himself for being so lame.

“Are you sleeping with him?” The question, although said in almost a whisper, seemed to echo loudly through the space surrounding them.

“That’s a little rude, don’t you think?” Justin shot back in surprise.  He still wasn’t used to the straightforward manner of these people; he wondered if he ever would be.

“Yeah,” Michael admitted but then he looked the artist in the eye, letting him know that he still wanted an answer to his question.

“No.”

“Oh.”

“Oh? I thought that would make you happy,” Justin snapped. He knew that he should not make an enemy out of this person but the turmoil of the last few weeks…Hell, of the last year was tearing at his last nerve.

“Happy?” the other man echoed in confusion. “I don’t care one way or the other, although I was curious. It would explain so much…maybe.”

“Explain what? What are you talking about? Of course you care, you have been looking at me like you want to sear a hole through me since I got here,” the blond argued.

“I…I didn’t mean for my looks to come across as angry. It’s just…he has never brought anyone before,” Michael tried to make himself understood but he realized he had failed when the artist spoke again.

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“Brian, he has never brought anyone else into the group before. I mean, if you discount Lindsay but that was because they needed each other back in college so she kind of brought herself in.” Brian's best friend tried to explain but then realized that he shouldn’t be giving out this story, that it wasn’t his to tell so he moved on with his point. “Everyone has over the years brought other people in, whether those people have actually become a part of the group or not, everyone has made the attempts repeatedly but never Brian.”

“So?” Justin said defensively.  He didn’t know what to make of the information he had just been given but he knew he wasn’t going to mull it over with his current conversational partner.

“So, that makes it strange…makes you strange and…well, I guess I’m trying to figure out what is going on here. I didn’t mean for it to come across as me thinking something bad of you or whatever. It’s just Brian fights pretty hard to not allow people to get close to him and this whole thing is…well, strange,” Michael laughed slightly helplessly at his overuse of the word strange but he couldn’t find another word that described the feelings he was having about the current situation as well as that one.

“What do you mean he doesn’t let people get close to him? I can tell he cares for everyone in that room,” Justin exclaimed, his mind silently adding, ‘even Melanie, although I have no idea why.’ “There aren’t many adults who have that many friends, especially ones as close as you guys all are.”

Michael wanted to say that most of the people in that room Brian barely tolerated because that is how his best friend acted most of the time, but he knew too well that if Brian didn’t like them, they would be gone. They would have never gotten to really be a part of the group so he figured he would just try to explain. “That may be true but it took a lot. The person had to be persistent for a long time or the one that brought them in did.”

Justin silently digested what he heard; once again he couldn’t connect the person that he had come to know with evidence of who that person seemed to be to this group. The blond had no intention of speaking of this with Michael but he knew he had to deal with this; there were too many questions, too much inconsistency with the man he thought he knew and the one that Brian seemed to be when he was around these people. The artist in him told him that he was right about the brunet but for some reason he cared too much to leave it all to chance; he had to know and he silently vowed to ask these questions of Brian.

“Well, I’m going to go back in, it’s cold out here,” Michael announced when he realized that he was not going to get any information out of the blond. “You coming?”

“Sure, in a minute,” Justin replied. He still needed some time alone with his thoughts, although now for a different reason.

“Okay,” the older man replied but he paused, his hand on the door, before going back inside. “If you hurt him, I’ll make you wish you’d never met me though.”

Then he was gone and Justin just sat contemplating his words. The blond knew that it wasn’t a joke as the tone Michael had said the words in had suggested.  He figured that the man had meant them as one, but he knew that if it came right down to it those words wouldn’t be a joke any longer. The words had been heard countless times in history; sometimes they were a joke, sometimes an empty threat.  However, sometimes, like this time, it was a protection instinct. Justin understood the feeling that one needs to protect Brian, at least emotionally, because he felt the same way and he was sure that Michael knew more about the horrible childhood that the hazel-eyed man had lived through.

Justin was only left alone with his thoughts for a couple of minutes when he heard the door behind him open again. He inwardly sighed and wondered who it was this time and if they were already checking up on him. He didn’t look back to see; he just waited for the person to say something. They didn’t, however; they just sat down at his side, closer than Michael had. This caused him to look over to see who was invading his personal space and he smiled gently when he locked eyes with Brian.

“So, did they scare you off already?” Brian asked teasingly but to Justin the joke fell flat because although the tone the brunet said it in was mocking and there was a grin on the older man’s face, something in those hazel eyes denoted that evidence as a lie. Justin wasn’t sure what it was that he saw in those eyes as it was only peeking out around the wall that Brian had around his emotions, but the blond knew it was there and knew that it meant that this question was very important to the man sitting next to him.

“No, definitely not, they’re great,” Justin assured Brian, keeping eye contact so that the other man would have no problem reading the truth in his words.

“So?” Brian asked and though he didn’t go on, the younger man knew exactly what he meant. When a few seconds had flown by and the only response he had gotten was the lowering of the other man’s head, the older man bumped his shoulder against the shorter man’s, silently demanding that the blond answer him.

“There are just so many things,” Justin groaned out, jumping from his seat in frustration and moving a little further from the porch.

“Like?” Brian questioned, trying to keep the worry he felt for the other man from his voice but it was evident when he followed the artist’s movement, coming to stand close to the smaller man once again. He was in such a position that were one to ask whether he was beside or behind the other man, the brunet wouldn’t be sure of his answer.

“It’s as if they have already accepted me into this family that you guys have cultivated,” Justin explained helplessly, turning his head to look at the other man, his eyes showing his desperation.

“That could be true; we are all fairly sure of exactly who we are and that tends to make decisions, even impulsive ones, easier.” Brian tried giving a short answer to why the gang worked the way it did, although he believed that an intensive psychological exploration would be in order for someone on the outside to understand them and why they worked. Hell, sometimes he wasn’t sure he completely got how this mix of people formed a family; he only knew that it did and that it had just gotten a new member.

“Well, that’s great for them,” Justin bit out but then he realized he shouldn’t be taking his frustration out on Brian and laid a hand on the other man’s arm, a silent apology that the brunet accepted with a slight nod.

 “But why is that a bad thing? I mean, I know that they are weird but…” Brian felt himself getting irritated, he knew that something needed to be said to ease the blond’s mind but as he was unsure of the problem he couldn’t find the words to fix it.

“I had a family,” Justin said beseechingly and the older man was quickly understanding the issue, but before he could say something, Hell, before he could even think of something to say, the shorter man continued. “I had a great family.  I mean I get why you made your own and believe I would have probably done the same thing in your position, but our positions aren’t similar.”

“You’re right, your situation is different than mine but then again so is Lindsay’s. Oh and let’s not forget that Emmett’s is different as well, and then there’s Ted. Hell, Mikey’s part of this gang and so is his actual family. It isn’t whether you had a good or bad childhood, it’s whether you need a family now,” Brian paused, knowing he was being harsh but also knowing that it had to be said. So he continued on, fighting a wince as the words left his mouth. “And I think that you need a family just as badly, if not worse than the rest of us do. You have to stop living in that moment where your family just died. You have to move on with your life and having people that care about you there while you do that will help so much.”

Justin tried to break in, to stop the tirade of words that were cutting him open leaving him bleeding and exposed, but Brian shushed him with a quick wave of his hand.

“Justin, nothing is ever going to change if you don’t change it. Do you want to continue living like you have been for almost a year?”

 

Moving On by butterflytiger_1982

 

 

Justin stared at the paper in his hand.  He couldn’t believe he was even contemplating this, but for the first time since his family had died he felt like he could move on and he knew now he could never do that staying here. Everything had changed so quickly and he would be forever grateful to whomever allowed Brian to come into his life because not only was the other man the catalyst for these changes but also because the blond wasn’t sure he would have ever been able to make all these changes without the man.

If someone had asked him if he saw himself doing all the things he had done since meeting Brian before that day at the community center, Justin knew he would not have been able to imagine it. Hell, they could have asked the night the two men were standing facing each other when Brian issued his challenge because that’s what it was; the brunet was challenging him to live instead of exist, but still, if the question had come then he wouldn’t have been able to contemplate it either.

Justin almost laughed when he remembered running away from that confutation as if he could run far enough away that the words just disappeared, that somehow they would become unspoken again. He had hurried through the house, throwing excuses as to why he had to leave early as he made his escape. He knew that the occupants would not buy his story, but with a sigh and a motherly look Debbie had stopped everyone who was trying to get him to stay and he had been so grateful to her.

The only person who hadn’t tried to talk him out of leaving had been Brian and the blond hadn’t given it much thought until he had gotten into his car and started to pull off only to see Brian standing beside the house, just watching him with a concerned expression on his face that was quickly masked by his normal disinterested look, but Justin knew he had seen the worry and it was one of the things that swirled around in his mind long after he was back home.

The blond had attempted to be angry at the older man for what he had said but he found that he couldn’t. He knew that although it was a harsh statement it was the truth, and what’s more, he knew that he needed to hear it. Justin spent a few days trying to forget those words, trying to forget Brian, but he was pulled to what the other man was offering him. Those hazel eyes had been earnest when the taller man had offered the artist a life. And it was a life that Justin was offered, he was well aware of that fact. Since his family had been ripped away from him he hadn’t been living, he had merely existed from day to day, going through the motions, doing what was required of him by social norms but nothing else.

Justin found himself looking around his room the night after the incident at Debbie’s. He called it an incident because at that time he hadn’t been able to figure out if it had been a good thing or a bad thing, all he knew was that something had happened; the ramifications of it were yet to be seen and he was self-aware enough to know that.

It had only taken Justin two days to decide what he felt about what Brian had said to him, and once he did he was unwilling to wait until the next day to see the other man. He had so much running through his head and he felt like he needed someone to talk it over with, someone who would be honest with him no matter how much it hurt and someone with more experience with living in spite of the things that had happened to him.

It didn’t take the blond long to find the address to the advertising agency where Brian worked and with an internal vow not to overanalyze anything, Justin jumped in the car. When he got inside the building that housed Ryder, Justin found his nervousness increasing with each step but he chided himself within his head, demanding he be more like the Justin that had existed before the last year, the one who brazenly went after any and everything he wanted. With this thought in mind he strolled up to the reception desk.

“Hi, I’m Justin Taylor and I’m here to see Brian Kinney,” the blond announced, slightly proud of the steady tone his voice had adopted.

The receptionist looked down for a moment, mumbling his name under her breath as she obviously was checking some kind of planner or appointment book for it. “I don’t see that name here.  Do you have an appointment?”

“No, I don’t but I’m a friend…” Justin trailed off wondering if he should be bothering Brian at work.

“I’ll call his assistant,” the receptionist informed him. She felt a little bad that the beautiful blond now looked a little lost. It only took a second to have a hushed conversation with Cynthia, Mr. Kinney’s assistant, before she addressed the young man again. “Cynthia will be down directly. You can wait right here,” she said, pointing out the chairs a few feet away from her desk.

“Thank you,” Justin replied before going to sit where she had indicated. He had only heard Brian mention the name Cynthia a couple times so he didn’t really know what to expect when she came down, but whatever reaction he thought the woman would have to his presence, what he got wasn’t it.

“Hi, Justin,” The regal looking blond woman greeted him, a huge, friendly smile on her face. “Come on with me and I will bring you up to see Brian.”

“Hi. Thanks so much for this, it didn’t even occur to me to make an appointment.  Stupid, huh?” the artist said as they walked towards the bank of elevators.

“No, not stupid, not stupid at all,” Cynthia said hastily, a slight frown marring her features at his words. When most people said things of that nature it always seemed that either they were joking or they were attempting to garner some kind of pity for themselves.  The problem the woman had with Justin saying it is that it seemed like some part of him believed the words. The research that she had done on the young man told her the words were the furthest thing from the truth and immediately she could see what had caused Brian to take such a vested interest in helping him out, beyond the obvious fact that he was gorgeous. “I believe there are two kinds of people who come in without an appointment. The first kind, which just from a look at your face I can tell you’re not, think they are too important to have to deal with such niceties and the other are the people who have something weighing on them, good or bad, and whatever it is it just crowds their brains and thus social formalities fly right out the window.”

Justin looked at the woman with a weird look on his face but she just smiled knowingly at him when they stepped off the elevator. In that moment the blond man knew why Cynthia was Brian's assistant; they were both capable and intuitive people.  He figured they must work really well with each other

“Hey Boss,” Brian’s assistant called out after her knock on the office door had gotten a shouted ‘come in’ from the brunet.

“What do you need now?” the older man hissed at her, not even looking up from the boards that were spread over the table.

“Don’t I look bus…” the ad exec had started his sentence looking down but he stopped mid word when he looked up to glare at the woman only to see Justin standing beside her.

“If this is a bad time I can come back,” the blond replied only half joking. He had been assured how the other man felt about him being here when those beautiful hazel eyes had lit up slightly upon seeing him, but he could tell something that he was working on was stressing him out and it made him feel worse about interrupting the brunet at work.

“No, don’t worry about it,” Brian said getting up and moving towards the younger man. “You may be just the distraction I need to keep me from killing the incompetent fools that work here.”

“Oh, sounds like you’re having fun,” Justin teased as Cynthia backed out of the office, unnoticed by the room’s other occupants.

“Yeah, I have never understood how those people you hear about killing people in fucked up ways ever even thought about doing something like that but NOW I get it. Because I have to tell you, my mind is coming up with some imaginative ways to rid myself of these imbeciles,” the brunet joked darkly.

“Well, I definitely need to distract you then. We can’t have you eviscerating your coworkers,” the shorter man shot back laughingly.

Brian laughed with the blond, as much at what he said as the knowledge that the other man hadn’t been thrown for even a moment by his black sense of humor. It was refreshing to find someone that not only got the joke but that could come back with something along the same vein. It seemed most of the people he knew were either too provincial to find the humor in the darker side of life or were just not smart enough to get most of his jokes.

“So, what’s up?” Brian asked leading the artist to the couch situated on one side of his office.

“I’ve been giving what you said the other night some thought,” Justin started, looking down at his hands but then the older man put his finger under his chin, bringing his face up until their eyes met. One look in eyes that defied true color description and his courage soared. “Okay, it’s the only thing I have been able to think about.”

For a second the blond waited for that sentence, the one other people would have given him had they said something, even something that needed to be said, if it caused such a reaction. Some phrase to make it less their fault, something that would lessen their words. However, he wasn’t surprised when the other man didn’t open his mouth because he had known Brian had meant what he said. The other man just nodded for him to continue so he did.

“You were right,” Justin started then he paused with a laugh. “Well, I guess you knew that or you wouldn’t have said it.”

“True,” Brian chuckled good-naturedly.

“So, I have realized that I need to move but…now I’m kind of at a loss as to how to go about that,” Justin explained, shrugging his shoulders in a helpless manner. “I thought seeing as it was your prompting that helped me figure out that I had to do this, you might have some ideas.”

The two had started talking about what Justin wanted to do, what he wanted from his life, but after about fifteen minutes Brian held his hand up to pause the blond’s rambling thoughts. At Justin’s questioning look all the older man did was walk over to his desk and with a push of a button announced to Cynthia, “I’m heading out for the rest of the day.” He then collected his things and his coat and the two men were off with no further conversation until they got to the parking lot.

“Meet me at the loft,” were the first words out of Brian's mouth as they stood next to Justin's car.

“I’ll follow you,” Justin agreed.

“Wait,” the older man said, stopping the blond before he could get into the car.

“Huh?”

“This car doesn’t seem very you. I’ve thought it was weird since we first met but I can’t stand it any longer, I have to know what’s up with the car.” Brian said his gaze flickering from Justin to the vehicle then back again repeatedly.

“It was my father’s,” Justin answered slowly, looking down at the car himself. “I mean, I was the sole heir so I got everything. So, why get another car when I have this one?”

“Well, that makes sense if that’s why you kept it,” Brian said, obviously mulling this information over in his head. “I mean it can’t be convenient for when you have to transport canvases. This car is meant to hold people, not cargo. That is, of course, ignoring the fact that it’s hideous.” The brunet smirked at the younger man.

And that was how the changes started.  It had been hard to sign the papers that had transferred ownership of his father’s car to the dealership. But it had been awesome to sign the ones that gave him ownership of that brand-new BMW XM5. Justin knew that in such a short time period he had moved on exponentially more than he had in the months previous. He had started painting for pleasure again; somehow his love for it had been reawakened.  Not that he had ever lost it, it had just seemed lessened.

He had started hanging out again, which included dinners at Debbie’s as well as much time spent doing things with Brian. They had gotten to know each other.  Hell, they were pretty much dating although nothing had been said about it. Justin wasn’t willing to voice it because in all their talks, and they had several of them, the brunet had told the younger man about his philosophy on dating and the artist didn’t want to rock the boat.

But now he stood in the face of this next big step, the move that Justin believed was the one that completed his path to moving on, and he needed the comfort and protection that only Brian could provide to be able to do it.

 

Listing Priorities by butterflytiger_1982

 

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‘Something’s wrong,’ was the thought swirling itself around Brian's head as he headed to the address that Justin had given him on the phone. The sound of the blond’s voice was a little freaked and the fact that the house he was going to was the blond’s home, which before now the other man had seemed to not want him to see, was adding to the brunet’s worry.

Brian pulled up at the house that looked just like he had expected it to, a country club, picket fence dream, or nightmare in his case. He looked at the door for a second before getting out of the Jeep; he wondered what problem was just waiting inside and what he could do to fix it. He had learned that although Justin was a bit of a drama princess, the blond never came to him with a problem unless he was completely lost and he only ever asked for advice.

This for Brian was a refreshing change that he hadn’t even been aware that he had wanted. The brunet liked helping people but for some reason only when the person didn’t ask for help; he liked helping those that were trying to do it on their own but for whatever reason couldn’t. However, the people in his life most of the time just expected him to fix any problem they had and it got extremely annoying. Justin, however, always seemed to want an ear, someone to bounce ideas off, or just to be pointed in the right direction.

The hazel-eyed man found this more than refreshing; he found that he now had someone he could expect the same from. There had been times since he had figured this out that he had talked to the shorter man when things were going wrong at work. Brian had even found that the blond had some great ideas for boards that were just not coming out right. It was once again time for him to help Justin so he geared himself up, got out of the Jeep and went to the door.

“Hey,” Justin said in a hurried voice, having opened the door before Brian could knock.

“Hey, wha…” the brunet’s words were cut off as the younger man grabbed the front of his shirt and started dragging him into the house. He arched an eyebrow but allowed the other man to do this both because he could feel the urgency in the blond and in some secret part of his mind that he was unwilling to consider at that moment he found that forceful action hott.

“So I have been making all these changes lately,” Justin started once they were seated on the couch.

When the shorter man paused Brian took the time to look around the house; the pristine condition and country club furniture told him that none of those changes had occurred within the area of the house that were in his eyesight. He knew that the blond had been making huge strides to change things in his life, but he would not be surprised to find that the house was one thing that hadn’t been touched in this process.

“And I think that there is one more step that I need to take but it’s so big, it’s a bit daunting,” Justin admitted.

“Okay, well whatever it is, I’m here for you,” the older man assured, laying a hand on the artist’s shoulder, offering comfort and his support.

“I think to move on I have to live somewhere else. I love this house,” the blond was quick to defend himself. “I grew up in this house and there are so many happy memories here.”

“But…” Brian trailed off waiting for the other man to continue this thought. He could guess what the ‘but’ was.  However, he knew that if the other man did voice it the plan might not come to anything because his fierce loyalty to his family would win out over what he needed to do for himself.

“But everywhere I look, every time I’m in this house, Hell every time I even think about coming back here at the end of the day all I can see is them. And I can’t help wishing for things that I can never have. If I keep doing that I will stay stuck in this place forever,” the young man said, and both of the room’s occupants knew that he didn’t mean stuck in the house, but rather that he would never live his life because he was too absorbed by the past.

Brian nodded; the small smile on his face was a reassuring one because he knew that this was something that Justin had already figured out in his head and there was nothing he could say, besides being here for the other man, that would make this easier. The brunet could tell there was more to this although he didn’t know why, so he waited, being quite literally a shoulder for the other man to lean on.  Although he had no idea when the blond had moved, he shrugged it off because it feel comfortable, good even to have the artist basically in his arms, not that he was willing to examine that, at least not at this moment.

“So, anyway, I got this card from the community center,” Justin said, reaching forward and grabbing the card off the table then handing it to Brian.

“You’re going to chose a realtor from some card you got at the community center?” the ad exec said, his horror and disgust plain on his face.

“Well, it’s not like I’ve kept up with the people at the country club,” the blond sneered, the joke about him being from the ‘country club set’ old hat with them.

“Well, those people had to be good for something,” the hazel-eyed man joked back. “Hold on,” Brian said as he sat up, grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and started scrolling through the numbers in his contacts. “Write this down,” he ordered when he found what he was looking for.

Without question Justin wrote it down, hurrying to the house phone as he wanted to get the ball rolling on this right away. A fifteen minute phone conversation later, the blond had an appointment the next day that Brian insisted on going to with him. He had made token protests that the other man didn’t have to take more time off work but was glad that the brunet had insisted that he accompany him.

“So what are you going to do with all this stuff?” Brian asked once the blond was done writing down the details of the meeting the next day.

“Well, I have to keep some of it,” the blond said, a slight panic appearing in his voice immediately. “I mean there is my grandmother’s vase.”  He rushed out, jumping up and hurrying to the object. “And this right here…” Justin started moving towards something else.

“Justin!” Brian called, grabbing the younger man by the shoulder.

“But…” the artist attempted to argue again but was once again cut off by the brunet.

“It’s okay,” Brian soothed as he pulled the other man into his arms. “No one said you had to get rid of everything. I’m just asking what you plan on doing with what you do get rid of.”

“Oh,” the blond muttered, embarrassment climbing up his face and turning it red, but the small grin that Brian flashed gave him the courage to go on. “Well, I don’t really need money so I will probably donate most of it. The pieces that are too expansive to rationalize donating are things I would probably keep anyway,” Justin said looking around the room with new eyes.

“Okay, well I know a couple of those too.  I don’t have their numbers in my phone but I will have them for you tomorrow,” Brian assured, his mind racing with all the things that needed to be done.

He knew that the younger man had to think of a list of things he wanted in his new place; that had been something he had mentioned to the realtor when on the phone with him. When the blond had said those words, the hazel-eyed man had dual reactions. On one hand he was surprised that he hadn’t thought of it before that moment, that he hadn’t given a thought to the fact that once the house was sold Justin would need somewhere else to live.  The second reaction he had, a terrible pain that had hit both his stomach and his chest, was unexplainable.

The two talked about things for around another forty-five minutes before Brian had to head out but still Brian didn’t mention the list; he just couldn’t bring himself to and when he hugged the blond goodbye he felt the pain again. The entire ride back to the loft Brian's mind didn’t slow down. He was trying to figure out what was going on with him but he wasn’t getting anywhere. He had no point of reference for these feelings; thus, he couldn’t figure them out in his own head.

When Brian got to the loft he noticed Michael sitting on his front step before he even got out of the Jeep. The brunet wondered if he had the energy to deal with whatever was up in his friend’s life.  He hoped that this didn’t have anything to do with the fact that he had been so busy lately there hadn’t been much time for the ‘Brian and Mikey show’ because he didn’t know if he could deal with the whining that would commence.

“Hey, Mikey,” Brian said as he got out of the Jeep.

“Is something wrong with you?” Michael asked; he was too worried to pay attention to niceties.

“Yes, of course. Why the Hell are you asking?” the brunet queried; he was stopped short by the question.

“Well, I called you at work to see if you could meet me for dinner at the diner and Cynthia said you weren’t there and said you had something you had to do. I can tell by your face that it wasn’t something with the Kinneys because you don’t have that pissed, resigned look,” the comic book loving man pointed out in a surprisingly astute manner. “So if you are fine then is Justin okay?” he questioned as the ad exec opened the door to his building, having already punched in the access code.

“Why would you ask that about Justin?” the taller man asked, still walking to the elevator like he didn’t care much about the question even though his insides tightened at the mention of the blond’s name.

“Well, he’s next on the list,” Michael shrugged not realizing how important the question was as he stepped on the lift with his best friend.

“Next on the list?” Brian shot back while he pushed the button for his floor, still struggling to stay nonchalant.

“Yeah, something’s wrong,” Mikey started as they rumbled upwards. “So if it’s not you, not the Kinneys and I know it’s not one of the gang because I would know that too, the next in line would be Justin.”

“Is that how you see my list of priorities?” Brian said as he yanked up the gate to the lift that had just reached his floor, barely keeping the snarl out of his voice although he wasn’t sure whether the snarl would have been for Michael thinking he always thought of himself first or because Justin came in dead last on that list.

“Oh, Hell no, I don’t think that is the order of your list of priorities,” the shorter man said with an almost shocked voice as he walked into the loft right behind Brian.  “Truthfully?” he said looking at Brian for assurance.

The hazel-eyed man nodded his acceptance, not sure he wanted to hear this but figuring if Mikey pissed him off he could just throw him out.

“Well, I figure that most of the time you are last on that list. I mean, you do all these things for people, even when they are inconvenient for you and don’t take thanks.” Brian opened his mouth to interrupt but his best friend shook his head slightly.  To forestall the whining he knew would commence if he didn’t allow the other man to continue talk, Brian held his tongue. “And then would be the Kinneys, although I so wish you would completely kick them out of your life.”

“Must I listen to this drivel?” the hazel-eyed man groaned. He kept trying to walk away, to make it clear that he didn’t want to be in this conversation, but Michael kept following him.

“Yes,” Mikey answered casually before going on. “Next would be the gang and although Justin's sort of in the gang now, he’s not really.”

“Huh?” Brian’s confusion at that statement apparent, but his best friend remained speaking as if he hadn’t said a word.

“And the top of your list of priorities is either a tie or as close to one as there can be.”

Michael took a small break in his statement and during that break the taller man wondered if he could pull off the reaction that was expected by his comic book loving friend. Brian knew that the other man was going to say that the tie was between him and Gus, but the ad exec was self-aware enough to know that although he loved Michael it in no way compared to the love he had for his son. Thankfully Mikey continued, pulling the taller man out of his thoughts.

“And as much as you don’t realize it, the tie is between Gus…and Justin.”

 

With Me by butterflytiger_1982

 

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“What are you talking about?” Brian asked astonished. Although his best friend had gone through everyone else on that list he was still surprised to hear Justin's name tying for first place. “I have only known him for a few weeks,” he denied.

“It doesn’t matter how long you have known someone,” Michael explained patiently, knowing that the other man really had no idea what went on with feelings. “I think, even though no one would have realized it, that he would have been in that position the day you met him. Well, I kind of think that that’s how these types of things work. You might not realize it right off but the way you feel about someone is the way you have always felt; while it might grow stronger with time and experience, it is always the same feeling.”

“What are you talking about?” Brian asked, more confused now than when he started.

“I don’t know, I just think that’s the way it is with feelings,” Mikey lied; he was talking about a lot more than that but he didn’t want to spook his friend and ruin any chance he had at something more.

“This is all so fucking complicated,” the gorgeous brunet said, plopping down on the sofa.

“What?” Michael said, wondering what had his friend so upset. He knew he couldn’t say too much or the other man would clam up so he walked the tightrope that often came with having this particular best friend.

“Justin is selling his house,” Brian informed the comic book loving man. He wasn’t sure what was prompting him to let his friend in as some part of his brain was sure it would do no good, but he needed someone else’s thoughts on it and as Michael was convenient he figured it couldn’t hurt to try talking to him, although he was sure he would end up having to discuss this subject with Vic.

“That’s good, isn’t it?” Mikey said sitting down next to the ad exec. “He is trying to move on with his life and he can’t do that living in his family’s house.”

“Yeah, it’s great but then he was talking to the realtor about finding him a new place to live and…” the taller man trailed off, not sure how to describe the problem.

“And?” Michael prodded.

“Fuck, I don’t know!” Brian exclaimed jumping to his feet and pacing around the room. “It just doesn’t feel right, you know. Like maybe, I don’t know, I have a bad feeling about it.”

“Explain the feeling to me,” the order was spoken in such a soft tone that it seemed like a question.

“What the fuck?” Brian questioned at a near shout, just cluing in that he was actually talking about his feelings and every part of the man he had been for as long as he could remember was rebelling against that. “I am not talking about touchy feely shit.”

“Brian, it’s obviously bothering you.  Maybe I can help.” Michael started, but when he saw that he wasn’t getting anyway he went for another approach. “Do you really want to keep feeling this way?” he asked. He wasn’t sure what it was that had his friend so fucked up but he knew the chance that it could go away was something the taller man would jump at as he had always tried to keep the strong feelings he had at a minimum.

“Fine!” Brian hissed, wanting not only to shut the other man up but wanting to take the chance that the feelings would be dealt with. “Every time it’s mentioned or I even think about it I get queasy and my chest gets tight. Now you see why I think that something bad is going to happen. Maybe wherever he moves something bad will happen to him or the realtor is going to try to take him for a ride,” Brian rushed on giving the excuses he had been able to pull out of thin air, trying desperately to come up with a reason for these feelings.

“I know you don’t want to hear this…but you love him,” Michael said as gently as he could then fought to keep the wince off his face as he waited for his friend to explode at him for even suggesting such a thing.

“What am I supposed to do about that?” Brian said in a desperate voice as he turned towards the other man; the expression on his face was just as lost as the tone in his voice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey you!  For a minute there I thought you were going to be late,” Justin said as he opened the door that the older man had knocked on seconds before.

“Well, I was going to be fashionably late but I figured that this is important so I wouldn’t be that much of an ass.”

“Okay, let’s go,” the blond said closing and locking the door before grabbing the other man’s arm and practically dragging him to the Jeep.

“I’m not a pull toy,” Brian barked wrenching his arm from the shorter man’s grasp. Once he was free he started walking to the car himself.

Justin stopped dead; he couldn’t figure out what was up with the brunet. He wondered if he had done something to aggravate the other man and then he realized that maybe he shouldn’t being pulling Brian in that manner. He knew just as well as everyone who had gotten to know the ad exec that he was a control freak, so Justin figured that he had just pushed his exuberance too far. The blond opened his mouth to apologize but before he could say anything to other man turned back around and started to speak again.

“Are we going or are you just going to stand there all day with that goofy look on your face?” Brian snapped.

For a second the artist believed that the brunet was really that pissed at him, but for some reason the word goofy coming from Brian's mouth, especially a ticked-off Brian, didn’t ring true. Then the younger man caught sight of a hidden smirk at the corner of the other man’s mouth and he knew he had been had. “Oh, you asshole,” he shouted running up to Brian, arms out and fingers splayed.

“Oh, no you don’t,” Brian warned his own arms out to ward off the attack. “You will not tickle me.”

“Oh yes I will,” Justin corrected, slowing down but getting even closer. “If you didn’t want to be tickled then you shouldn’t have picked on me, now should you?”

“No, Justin!” the brunet shouted as those fingers got to his sides; he couldn’t believe how squirmy the younger man was. Then when those fingers dug in, a high-pitched sound the ad exec would never admit to left his lips and he started running. “No, you little twat!”

“Oh, you know you want it,” Justin said cheekily chasing the older man.

“This is completely undignified,” Brian said stopping and holding out his hand to halt the other man once again. “Plus, we’ll be late,” he added when he saw that this first statement had, had no effect on the blond.

“Fine,” the artist said giving up the game in a huff. Then an evil thought came to his mind and as he was about to get into the Jeep he had a final shot for Brian. “But I will remember that I owe you, you impudent shit.”

“I’m impudent?” Brian asked astonished as he got behind the driver’s seat. He started to drive off but before he got to the first corner he lightly cuffed Justin upside his head muttering, “Impudent.”

About an hour and a half later the two men left the realtor’s, Justin excited by the prospects and the brunet once again trying to calm the raging in his system as his body rebelled against the knowledge that he was sitting there and doing nothing.  Hell, he was helping as the younger man made plans that he hated with everything in himself. As he started to drive away the words of his best friend echoed in the taller man’s ears and he knew that it was now or never; he either had to do something or he had to deal with what was going to happen, and soon if the realtor was to be believed.

“Let’s swing by the loft,” Brian said in a question that wasn’t really one as he turned the Jeep towards Tremont Street instead of the suburbs where the Taylor house was located.

“Sure,” Justin paused in his rambling about what had occurred in the realtor’s office to answer as the other man had interjected his comment into what he was saying, making the blond wonder if the ad exec was even listening to what he was saying. So he continued his rambling. “And then the purple unicorn told me that the green walrus would meet us in the magic forest…”

“What the fuck?!” the exclamation flew out of the brunet’s mouth as the words his companion said registered in his brain.

“Just checking if you’re listening,” the artist laughed at the dumbfounded look on the older man’s face as he tried to process the sentence about multicolored animals.

“Twat!” Brian snapped, his laughter-tinged voice belying his supposed anger even as he swept out his hand to cuff the blond again, though Justin was quick enough to duck this one, having expected it.

“I do not know why you keep calling me that; I do not have one, I assure you,” The younger man laughed, refusing to think that the nickname would mean that the brunet would never be interested in him as they both had no interest in twat.

The ad exec didn’t say anything to that as he was fighting off thoughts that surrounded the absolute fact that Justin didn’t have a twat, thoughts of what he did have. He tried to push away mental images that thought conjured up, thoughts of that creamy pale skin covering his entire body, of that seemingly fragile but deceptively strong being underneath him. Brian almost thanked every deity he could think of when he saw the loft because the process of parking and everything else that he needed to do helped break up his thoughts, at least slightly.

Once they got into the loft and had their coats off, Justin leaned against the counter watching the brunet stalk around the entire area without doing anything besides pausing every so often as if he was about to do something then thought better of it. The artist become enthralled by this ceaseless unnecessary movement from a man who had always seemed so deliberate, as if even his impulsive actions always had a pre-thought-out motivation behind them. In a way Justin was thrilled to see that the ad exec didn’t always know what he was doing but some deeper part of him felt the need to help the other man out; he couldn’t stand to see him looking lost in this manner.

“So what are we here for?” the blond questioned, wanting to help Brian but unsure of how to do so.  He just broke the silence hoping to prompt the other man to be able to either express or do whatever they had come to do.

The brunet turned quickly towards Justin, seemingly shocked by the younger man’s presence for a moment. But as the words registered and he realized what he had been doing since they had entered the loft, stopped his movement and stood a few feet in front of the shorter men. “I don’t think you should have the realtor look for another place for you to live,” Brian announced, his voice so sure and unwavering that inwardly he was proud of himself.

“What…what do you mean?” Justin stuttered, dumbstruck by the abrupt announcement. He couldn’t begin to understand what could have caused the brunet to say such a thing.

“I don’t think what he could find is going to be right for you,” Brian explained. “However, I think I know of the perfect place.”

“Oh really, somewhere that’s not listed yet?” Justin asked excited by the prospect. He knew if Brian thought he would love it, the chances were astronomical that it was true because the ad exec in the other man knew enough about art to be able to see things of that nature.

“It’s never going to be listed,” the older man informed him.

“Really? Where is it?” The blond’s excitement mounted. He knew the kinds of places that were never listed were exceptional, and knowing Brian as he did he knew he didn’t have to worry about not being able to afford it as the other man would have already figured that sort of thing out.

“Here,” the ad exec said softly.

Justin immediately started looking around the loft; he figured all the places in the building had at least similar layouts. The prospect of living in this open layout enthused him; he would have a lot of space to paint, not to mention the proximity that he would be in with Brian.

“That sounds great!” the younger man started excitedly and a huge smile stretched across the brunet’s lips. “Which floor is it?” he asked and the other man’s smile fell.

“No, I mean I want you to live here, with me,” Brian clarified.

 

An Answer by butterflytiger_1982

 

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“Brian?” Justin questioned in a voice that came out in a whisper. His thoughts were moving at a million miles an hour; all the things he had wanted had just been handed to him on a silver platter but the shock he felt at it as well as the cautious part of him that said that things that seemed too good to be true usually are.

“Well, if you don’t want to I understand,” the brunet said as nonchalantly as possible when the artist didn’t answer.  There was too much time for his mind to start thinking of a way out of this situation not to mention dwell on the fact that he had put himself out there, something he had always promised himself he wouldn’t do and was shot down.

“God, Brian it’s not that AT ALL,” the artist stressed moving to the older man and putting a hand on the other man’s arm. “I’m just surprised, that’s all. I mean we have never even kissed before; I wasn’t even sure you were interested in me and now you’re asking me to move in.” Justin explained some of what was going on in his mind.

“Oh,” the brunet said as he realized that what the blond said was true. He had been so caught up in denying this was happening, whether consciously or unconsciously, that when he had decided to stop fighting it he hadn’t given much thought to what signals he had been sending to the other man.

The ad exec looked down at Justin and he realized that seeing as he already revealed one part of himself keeping the other at bay seemed like a stupid idea, so he loosened the reins a bit. He didn’t let go completely because he didn’t want to scare the blond and he was sure the little country club blond would be horrified if he did exactly what he wanted to do and threw him to the ground and ravished him until he forgot his name so he just relaxed a little.

Brian reached around and cupped the back of the younger man’s head as he lowered his to meet those raspberry ones that had been flashing in his mind since the first time he had seen them. The brunet pressed his lips firmly against the younger man’s, wanting to convey how much he wanted the blond but it only took a moment for thought to leave the equation. As soon as those warm lips touched his, the passion he had been holding at bay reared it head and without thinking about it he wrapped his hands around the other man, pulling that supple young body closer to him.

All was lost, however, when without hesitation those lips fell open for him, granting him access which he immediately accepted, his tongue sweeping inside to meet Justin's. The two appendages caressed each other for a few moments before Brian's started to fight for dominance. The brunet wasn’t surprised when the younger man gave up without a fight, he automatically thought submissive, and if his lips hadn’t been devouring the other man’s mouth an evil grin would have stretched his face as he thought of all the things that a submissive lover could mean.

Those thoughts were shaken a moment later when wedged his leg between the older man’s, prying them apart only to move between them. As soon as the younger man got the groin-to-groin contract he had been working for he started to push up slightly, the friction enough to drive Brian nuts but lacking that extra pleasure.

While still concentrating on those lips that had been haunting him for what had felt like forever but had only been a few weeks, the ad exec tried to assist Justin in getting the position correct to offer them maximum enjoyment out of rubbing together but each time he did the other man moved away, settling quickly into his original position.

Finally after another couple of tries Brian reluctantly wrenched his mouth away from the artist’s so that it would be free so he could tell the other man what he was attempting to accomplish. However, as soon as he looked into those azure eyes, which he did while once again trying to reposition their bodies, he could see the wicked glint that lit them.

“Oh, you little twat!” The older man growled, his frustration deepening his voice and a warning about what was to come apparent to anyone who heard it. “You think it’s fun to tease me?”

The brunet didn’t wait for an answer to his question; he just pushed himself into the younger man’s personal space in such a way that the other man had no choice but to back up. It only took a couple of steps before they were stopped as one of the metal beams that was situated throughout the loft had halted the shorter man’s retreat. Brian caught sight of what had stopped them out of the corner of his eye and grinned deviously, thinking ‘I can work with that.’

The ad exec reached around his companion and, grabbing an ass cheek in each hand, hoisted the blond into the air. When he had Justin about a foot in the air he started simultaneously rubbing their groins together while attacking the younger man’s neck, licking, sucking, nibbling and even the occasional bite, which he immediately soothed with his tongue. Once he had that pale flesh in his mouth he found that he couldn’t get enough. Just being this close to the other man, smelling him, feeling him and tasting that beautiful body made Brian mentally chastise himself for waiting so long; of course the blond’s enthusiastic response didn’t help matters either.

When Justin found himself with his back against the pillar, his feet off the floor and the brunet between his thighs he had no choice but to wrap his legs around those slim hips, not that he minded at all. The young man found his body was straining, needing to get as close to the brunet as possible. He was not a virgin but at this moment he felt like one as nothing he had ever done felt like it felt to be in Brian's arms.

It didn’t take the artist long to get comfortable and the arms he had wrapped tightly around the other man’s shoulders were relaxed. Once more he felt the sharp pain of the taller man’s teeth sinking into the skin of his neck and he reached up and grabbed that beautiful chestnut hair, trying to keep that bewitching mouth on him. Justin had never known that pain could bring him pleasure and while he was sure he wouldn’t like a lot of it, this was intoxicating.

The need that had always been there whenever he looked at the blond soon started to overwhelm Brian and caution had long ago been erased from his mind. Therefore, there wasn’t anymore thought when the pulsating, demanding heat became too much and the brunet pulled away from the pillar, the younger man safely in his arms as he slowly walked to the bedroom.

The ad exec found himself taking each step with extra care in am attempt not to drop the man he was holding as said man didn’t make it easy for him. Because of his preoccupation, his lover seemed to have decided that he had the upper hand and was using it to his full advantage. Brian hissed out another breath as the dual sensations of Justin nibbling on his neck and the hand that the other man had wedged between them tweaking his nipple.

When the brunet got to bed instead of putting the artist down on it and climbing in after him, he fell forward on his knees, being careful to give himself enough room that he wouldn’t crack himself on the ledge that surrounded it. Brian found he couldn’t stop himself from laughing when Justin gave a breathy little giggle at the falling sensation.

“You seem to like taunting me,” Brian commented in a wicked voice as he moved them up the bed.

“It’s fun,” the blond answered in a strangely serious tone, strange because at that moment he was pushing his hands into any space he could find in the older man’s shirt.

“Why?” The brunet asked just as seriously when he realized that there was reasoning behind Justin doing it. Somehow the nature of their conversation wasn’t undone by the fact that Brian had leaned back and yanked the shorter man’s shirt off over his head.

“Because you’re far too serious, far too often,” Justin replied, removing the other man’s shirt as well. “It’s good to see you just let loose every once in a while. To show you that you don’t always need to be in total control of every situation.”  He continued reaching for the ad exec’s crotch, desperate to get the taller man naked. He needed to see every inch of that olive skin.

Brian arched his eyebrow and swiftly divested the man beneath him of his pants and underwear but otherwise did not say a word about what was said. For less than a second he had contemplated arguing, but he knew that one of the things that he enjoyed about being around Justin was that he didn’t have to always have his game face on. Therefore the thought of denying the validity of that statement left a bad taste in his mouth.

Not to mention that the distraction of his now unobstructed view of that alabaster skin was enough to make him forget how to form words. Brian found himself looking into those deep blue eyes that had him enthralled since the first time he had seen their color and depth of emotion. In response to the feelings he saw those orbs, he smiled that smile that even he was unaware was reserved for just two people. Before Justin had come along the smile had been solely Gus’; however, now the brunet had found someone else who made him so warm inside it allowed that smile to appear for him.

He just stared for a moment until a question appeared in the younger man’s face then without a word he started to travel down the slim body beneath him, his mouth marking his path with a series of kisses, licks and bites. The path Brian took may have seemed haphazard but he was focused in his ultimate goal.

When the brunet reached his own personal ‘finish line’ he took a minute to admire the young man’s cock, its size belying the stature of the blond. Brian felt his mouth water at the sight of the large dick. Even though he was a top he had always been a ‘size queen’ and he was more than thrilled that the only person he had ever been interested in as more than a fuck was quite well endowed.

After he blew a few puffs of air onto the enlarged organ just to see it jump at the stimuli, without warning Brian lowered his head, engulfing the entire length. The ad exec fought to keep himself from rutting against the mattress like a horny teenager at the sound that was ripped from the blond’s mouth at his actions, an instinct that was even harder to fight when the blond grabbed his hair, hard, and attempted to hold his head in place so that the sensations would back off.

Brian didn’t back off though; he craved tasting the blond so he pulled Justin's hands out of his hair and held them to the bed and he bobbed his head, swirled his tongue around the tip and basically just worked quickly not only to bring the other man off but so he could taste him. He knew he was great at giving blow jobs and he enjoyed doing it although he did it rarely because it did not coincide too well with his image. As he started fondling the artist’s balls he thought ‘just another reason to be glad that I don’t have to be “Brian Kinney, Stud of Liberty Avenue” with him.’

“Brian, I want to cum when you’re inside of me,” Justin protested as he was getting nowhere with bodily hints.

Before those words were spoken the brunet had no plans of stopping, but he found himself agreeing with the other man’s idea.  The thought of making the blond cum while his dick was inside of him, of being able to feel it, inside and out, was enough to convince Brian to pause his plan of tasting the younger man; pause but not give up because he was determined to do just that, he craved it.

Brian slid back up the artist’s body and started devouring those full lips again as he reached blindly for a condom and the lube, which he found without delay. His lips didn’t leave the other man’s as he pulled the bottom half of his body away enough to slide on the condom and just as he was about to push his already slicked fingers into Justin's hole, the blond’s hand on his arm stopped him. He pulled back completely to see what was wrong.

“Do you want to stop?” Brian asked, while a voice inside of his head was screaming ‘please, no!’

“No,” the younger man hesitated for second then went on. “Just be easy.”

“Are you a virgin?” the brunet asked; his voice was incredulous.

“No, I’ve just never bottomed before.”

“You’re a top?” The ad exec asked the question because Justin had the typical look of a bottom but as soon as the words were out of his mouth he realized that what he knew of the other man should have told him that he would be a top. The blond just shrugged at his question with a small smile so Brian set about assuring him. “I’ll be careful.”

True to his word the taller man took his time in opening the artist up, enjoying the sounds the other man couldn’t help but make as he brushed, and sometimes deliberately bumped against his prostate. Once he was satisfied that he had done all he could to lessen the discomfort that Justin would feel when he entered him, the brunet lined up to do just that, glad that he was about to be inside the other man. Then it happened, his brain started working again for a reason unfathomable to Brian.

“Wait,” Brian whispered quickly as he pulled away from the blond.

“What’s wrong?” Justin asked even softer if possible, looking down towards the older man’s groin.

“Oh, like that’s what’s wrong,” the ad exec sneered when he saw where those blue eyes had wandered. He pushed his cock, which was harder than he could ever remember it being, against the other man to prove his point. “Like that will EVER be what’s wrong.”

“So what is wrong?” the younger man asked in a voice that was seductive again as he wrapped his legs back around the brunet’s hips, a position that his body seemed to seek.

“You never answered my question,” Brian spit out the thought that had stopped him. He was almost afraid to hear what the younger man had to say but he knew he wouldn’t be able to get it out of his mind until he knew one way or the other. Before Justin began to speak, however, the brunet found himself starting to relax because of the smile on the other man’s face.

“I’m sorry, I thought this was an answer,” the blond grinned. “But just so we’re clear, I’m planning on it.”

There was something in those azure eyes that told Brian there would be some discussions before that answer was an actual yes, but for some reason he knew it would all work out. Therefore he took the answer for what he knew it would soon be and happily started devouring the other man’s lips again. He miraculously was about to go back to exactly where they were before and within seconds he was slowly entering the other man.

It didn’t take long before both men were cumming in a blinding flash, each clutching the other as if the physical contact would save them as they fell from a cliff together. It took a few minutes before either man felt the inclination to separate, much less move. When they were finally separated Brian pulled himself and Justin to the head of the bed and held the other man in his arms as he brought up what had been on his mind since it had started to function again.

“So, I guess we have to talk.”

 

My Boyfriend by butterflytiger_1982

 

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The words sounded ominous to Justin but a quick look in Brian's eyes told him that he had nothing to worry about. The look there was a mix between the ever professional ad exec, the man who was focused on getting this done and getting the best deal out of it and the fear that it was obvious the man himself felt. In some way the blond was glad the older man wasn’t completely sure as to what was going to happen and that made him breathe a little easier because he knew that they could figure it out together.

”Yeah, I guess we do,” Justin said leaning into the other man for comfort. “I’m going to start, seeing as you got to ask.”

“Well, I’m not sure I agree with your logic but go ahead,” Brian said with a laugh.

“So my question is, what do you see happening with us?” the blond asked.

“Ummm,” the old man hesitated.

He was thrown by this question because most of the people in his life just did or took what they wanted and never asked what he thought about it or what he wanted so this was a new one for him. Brian looked into the other man’s face while he thought about his answer so that it didn’t come across as him ignoring the question. The brunet knew that he would have to be clear in what he wanted but he was almost hesitant to say because he knew that it wasn’t what ever man would think was a relationship and although he still hated the world he was more than prepared to accept that what he wanted with Justin was just that, a relationship.

“I want to be with you,” Brian started his thoughts rambling around in this head and thus coming out of his mouth in much the same way. “I want to wake up with you, go to sleep with you. Even, you know, talk about how crappy our days were or whatever.”

The blond listened quietly, still not saying a word because he knew there was more to this. He knew that there was a but in this somewhere and that he couldn’t get blinded by all the great things and miss that clause because he was worried that whatever it was, it would be a deal breaker.

“I want to do all the things that I have no idea what they really are but they all seem to mean that I will have you by my side,” the older man said.

His words came slower as he ended that statement because he knew that next he would have to drop the bomb and he was unsure of Justin’s reaction to it. He knew that if the other man couldn’t handle it then they had no chance to be anything to each other. Brian found it so weird that he knew that they couldn’t go backwards from this moment but he did know it. He knew that he wanted this too much to be friends, so it would never work.

“I want us to go out to Babylon together, to party and maybe even pick up guys together,” Brian continued.

The brunet had forced himself not to rush out the last part even though that was his instinct, like somehow you learn as a child, ripping the bandaid of quickly, all at once was much less painful than pulling it inch by excruciating inch. However, he didn’t want Justin to know how nervous he was by the other man’s possible reaction to his statement. He didn’t want him to understand that he had the power to hurt in that much so Brian fought to keep his tone and the tempo of his voice even.

‘And there it was,’ was all that Justin could think after his brain interpreted the words that the brunet said. There was nothing wrong with how the other man said the words that caused it to be a moment before the artist understood them, a part of him just tried to deny them automatically, to convince him that he had heard wrong but alas he knew he hadn’t.

The blond knew this was the moment, this was the other shoe, it had dropped and the sound was deafening. Out of the corner of his eye Justin looked up at Brian and found the other man’s face was blank, there was absolutely nothing on it, no snark, no nothing. At first the look gave Justin the chills but he found himself searching the older man’s eyes, needing some emotion. What he found in them was fear, and in seeing it  the artist knew that while this was the way Brian felt, want he felt he needed, the brunet was worried that he wouldn’t be able to accept it and thus him.

The question for Justin then became, could he accept it? Could he be in a none monogamous relationship? He thought about everything he knew about the other man and that caused him to realize that as close as he felt to Brian he had only known him for a few weeks and before the blond knew it his decision was made and he was speaking.

“So you’re saying you do not want to be monogamous,” Justin ventured, he knew the answer but for some reason was compelled to make the brunet say it out loud.

“Yes,” Brian answered simply, his voice taking on a defiant edge.

“Alright, I agree to that,” the artist said but as he saw older man’s face start to light up he rushed on. He needed to get it all out before the ad exec got too excited. “For now.”

“For now?” Brian questioned.

“Well, at the place we are now, that’s alright and I understand it. However, I do not want to just agree and as we get deeper into this relationship over time, realize it bothers me then and for it to come as a shock to you,” the blond explained.

“But what do we do if that happens?” the older man asked. The stipulation that the shorter man had, made sense, but he could foresee problems if that time ever came.

“Um,” Justin said, sitting up higher and wrapping his arms around his legs in a position designed to bring himself comfort. “I guess that we have another talk.”

“What good will that do?” Brian said his voice getting a little harsh. He sat up as well, he was starting to get irritated however, he didn’t know if it was from the conversation or from the position that blond had taken. He knew that the younger man wrapped around himself in that manner meant that he was scared and/or uncomfortable and the ad exec detested that it was him who had done that to the other man.

“Well, if we want different things, ideally we would compromise.”

“Compromise?” Brian echoed dumbly.

“Yeah, we would both give a little on what we want me meet in the middle,” the blond explained absentmindedly, he was so focused on waiting to see what the ad exec’s reaction would be that the words that were coming out of his own mouth were getting a little lost.

“I know what the fuck compromise means,” the older man protested hotly.

“Right,” the blond said biting his lip. “I just need to know that if that or a situation like it comes up, you’ll listen and you’ll try.”

Brian looked at the artist, at his earnest face, his self-protective position and it clicked in his head that there was no way that he could have gotten a more honest answer. He knew that most, if no everyone else would have just agreed to his condition and then when and if things changed, as things always did, it would have been catastrophic.

He realized that the blond was being more self-aware than even he was because he had not taken into account the feelings that would be invoked and how they could change. Although he had no idea what those feelings were, what they would be or if they would in fact change. He was glad that the other man had laid it on the line; that he had admitted to both of them that life holds no guaranties and the most they could hope for was when the shit hit the fan, they cared enough about each other to work at it and what’s more was that Brian agreed.

“I will,” Brian answered steadily while looking into the other man’s eyes.

Justin heard those words and grinned, he felt as if a massive weight had been lifted from his chest and in his excitement he spun around and practically fell on top of the brunet, his lips guiding his way. He felt an insane need for the other man so he just went with it.

The ad exec was surprised at the abrupt action but accepted the younger man’s weight gratefully. He reached down and grabbed those firm ass cheeks, pulling the blond further onto his body. Once the shorter man was situated where Brian wanted him, the brunet did not release those perfect globes. Instead, he started to kneed them as the two men’s mouth fought for dominance.

“Wait,” Brian said, although he couldn’t believe he was once again the one halting the proceedings. ‘Fuck I need to have my head examined,’ was all he could think but he wanted to make sure of this now so it didn’t interrupt them later, when they had gotten so far, it would kill him to stop. “Don’t we still need to talk,” the brunet asked even though he cringed just saying the words.

“Yes,” Justin said looking at the other man hungrily from the distance that now separated them. He almost laughed when the sour looking on the brunet’s face deepened. “But not right now,” he continued then dove back towards those talented lips.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Do we have to make such a big production about this?” the blond asked for what seemed like the millionth time to both men.

“Did the fact that I’m a drama queen escape your notice?” Brian joked. He knew that the younger man was worried about their reception once everyone knew they were together and he had tried countless time to calm the other man’s fears but nothing had worked.

“I just don’t know why we had to wait until today to tell them,” Justin continued, ignoring the joke. The situation was too close for him to be placated but Brian’s wit. “Or now that it is today why we cannot wait until some other day to tell them. At least let them enjoy their holiday, I mean Brian this could ruin their Christmas Day if they don’t like it.”

“First off,” Brian started. They had just pulled up to Debbie’s so he switched the engine off and turned around and grabbed the younger man’s face so they were staring into each other’s eyes. “Nothing that anyone thinks should matter this much to you and I assure you that it doesn’t to me. Secondly, I know for a fact, that Debbie is going to be over the moon, Em’s going to go all grossly gaga, and Vic and Michael are going to do that proud thing. Of course, Vic will do so quietly while I’m not so sure about Mikey.”

Justin started to relax, he knew that although the older man would try almost anything to comfort him he would not lie to him and the little list he gave ran down most of the people he was about to face. That thought invoked another for the blond, he wondered why Brian hadn’t mentioned the other people but before he could asked the ad exec was speaking again.

“Plus, today you’ll finally get to met Gus.”

“What he is better?” Justin asked excitedly.

He other issues were forgotten in the face of this news. He had wanted to meet Brian’s son for as long as he had known the other man had one but the boy had been sick. While Lindsay hadn’t forbid him to see the youngster, she had asked that no one come over, as Gus wasn’t suppose to be in connect with any germs, the doctor fearing that it would make him more sick.

“Yup got a clean bill of health,” Brian said the love he had for his son shinning brightly in his voice.

“Let’s go!” Justin said hopping out of the Jeep and reaching in the back to grab a arm load of presents without even waiting for Brian.

The brunet laughed at the complete turn around but got out of the vehicle without a word to do his own impression of a pack mule as well. The two headed up to the door together, the ad exec fighting to keep from laughing out loud at the excitement bubbling in the shorter man which was evident with every step. Even though both of their arms were loaded Brian knew he had no worries about the door, an instinct that was proven right when Debbie yanked it open before they even got to it.

“You’re on time,” the older women said, kissing Brian’s cheek as he passed her. “And you brought Sunshine.” The excited exclamation almost deafened Justin as he was closest to her when she had yelled it. She rushed to hug him but seeing his loaded arms settled for kissing him on the cheek as well.

The two men got inside, put the presents beneath the tree and removed their coats before Brian began to speak, addressing the room.

“You all remember Justin, my boyfriend.”

“Aren’t you a little too old to have a boyfriend?” Ted snarked and everyone in the room was silent for a second but before they could rip his head off Brian answered.

“First of all, I’m not as old as you Ted. Secondly, it’s not your age that makes it so you can’t get a man, it’s you.” Brian bit back.

Debbie smacked Ted in the back of the head and everyone in the room offered they congratulations, some more enthusiastically than others. However, the entire time people were coming up to him Justin while giving them the appropriate answers was staring at the little carbon copy of himself that Brian held in his arms.

When they had come in the little boy had been on the floor playing with a ribbon that he had obviously ripped from a present but as soon as he realized his father had arrive the older man was all he saw. The little boy had his head tucked into his father’s neck and was playing with the hair that was the same color as his own.

“Awww, that’s precious,” Debbie cooed, his voice quiet, well for her. “I’ve got to get a picture,” she said grabbing the camera from the side table where she had obviously placed it because she planned on using it a lot that day. She moved it to her face to take the shot only to be halted by Brian.

“Hold on,” he told her and then motioned for Justin to come to him. When the other man hesitated he gestured again. “Come here.”

After the artist had made his way over to the pair, albeit reluctantly, the brunet pulled him to his side, the one opposite of Gus. The boy only looked up for a moment to see what was going on but then apparently deciding that Justin was alright and he didn’t care what was happening as long as his daddy wasn’t going away he laid his head back down.

The three stood there for a minute when Debbie took pictures and ohhed and awed but when she was down Brian found himself looking down at the people in his arms. They were the most important people in the world to him although they had both been in his life for a relatively short time. Somehow, at that moment the brunet knew that it didn’t get any better than this and he started smiling that secret smile, the one for his boys, for all the people in the room to see.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Justin asked seeing the look.

“This is good.”

“Good?”

“This is a good Christmas,” the ad exec announced decidedly.

“It’s a revolutionary one,” Justin agreed.

 

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