Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: July 09, 2008 12:16 PM · On: Eternal Sunshine

this was a wonderful chapter sapphire. for a moment there i thought that emmett was going to tell justin that he too had was an anorexic. how sad was the story he told.

home, i think they can live with justin as an outpatient.

“It wasn’t the bed that I missed,” Justin said with a grin, addressing the whole table, but still looking at Brian. “It was the company.” the most perfect thing he could say.

well done honey, well done.



Author's Response:

I don't think I could deal with Emmett being anorexic, too... I like angst, but not that much! Emmett's story was sad, but it put everything into perspective for Justin which was helpful for his recovery... Now he can go home with Brian and enjoy the 'company' ;) I'm glad you enjoyed it! Could I ask you a huge, huge favour? I’m still having issues with the reviews on MW and I appear to still be actively losing them. If possible, could I possibly ask you to leave comments on my LJ, as opposed to leaving reviews here? I’d just hate to lose feedback from someone whose option I value so much. Thanks!!!

Reviewer: TaraN (Anonymous) · Date: July 09, 2008 11:24 AM · On: Dark Secret Love

Great chapter. I see a turning point in all of this. I can't wait until Justin gets home. Although, I don't think that New York is the best thing for him.

Author's Response: Thanks Tara ;) Yes, this is a very significant step in Justin's recovery- but he's not out of the woods yet. After the strict regimes of the ED program the 'real world' can be both wonderfully liberating, but also counter-productive... But at least Justin gets to go home and be with Brian. It'll put a little more 'sunshine' into his life ;) Thanks again for reading, as always, and for your much-adored review! 

Reviewer: Edela (Signed) · Date: July 09, 2008 08:24 AM · On: Eternal Sunshine

Thank you honey... You know what I mean I guess!

Author's Response: I do know what you mean ;) Thanks Edda! I'm glad this chapter was meaningful for you. Thank you so much for reading and for your much-loved review!

Reviewer: Anna (Anonymous) · Date: July 09, 2008 03:58 AM · On: Eternal Sunshine

A wonderful chapter:) Thank you for writing:)



Author's Response: Thanks Anna! I'm so pleased that you've enjoyed this chapter! Thank you so much for reading and for your wonderful review!

Reviewer: gerri (Signed) · Date: July 08, 2008 08:09 PM · On: Eternal Sunshine

This is great news and I am sure it will actually help as well, things are looking up, loving it.

Author's Response: Thanks Gerri! This is good news, in deed! Justin is still not out of the woods yet, but he has taken a significant step in his recovery. He's starting to let the sunshine back into his life ;) Thank you so much for reading, as always, and for your wonderful review!

Reviewer: emmakinney (Anonymous) · Date: July 08, 2008 05:41 PM · On: Eternal Sunshine

Oh honey! I don't think you know how much I love this fic! This chapter had me smiling the whole way through, knowing that Justin is recovering and what Brian said in the bedroom was so fucking sweet, I almost cried.

Emmett's story was fucking heartbreaking, but I'm so glad that it was a turning point for Justin.

I actually cheered when I saw that there was an update!

Can't wait for more, love, Emma xx



Author's Response: Thanks Emma ;) I'm so pleased that you're enjoying this story! Glad that you like Brian's little bit of not-so-fluffy fluff at the end ;) Emmett's story was heart-breaking, but it did bring everything in perspective for Justin. I actually have a huge favour to ask you... I always update this story on my LJ before I put it up here. I’m still having issues with the reviews on MW and I appear to still be actively losing them. If possible, could I possibly ask you to leave comments on my LJ, as opposed to leaving reviews here? I’d just hate to lose feedback from someone whose option I value so much. Thanks again for reading- I do appriecte it so much!

Reviewer: Kaylee (Anonymous) · Date: July 08, 2008 04:15 PM · On: Eternal Sunshine

Yay! Justin's getting better. I can't help but feel this New York thing is going to cause a lot of issues....

Author's Response: Thanks Kaylee! Yes, it is great that Justin is progressing so well in his recovery, but he still has a long way to go. Being back in the 'real world' can sometimes be counterproductive, and he'll need Brian there to keep him on tract (which is why the New York thing might cuase issues)... Thanks so much for your review! I did reply to your review on the last chapter, but it somehow got deleted :( I hope you get this one! Thanks again for reading!!!

Reviewer: Jackie (Anonymous) · Date: July 08, 2008 01:46 PM · On: Eternal Sunshine

Yay!! He gets to go home. Now's the big test. Hopefully being home with Brian will help. Great chapter . I can't wait to see what happens next.

Author's Response: Thanks Jackie! It is wonderful that Justin finally gets to go home, but you're right in that he's definatly not out of the woods yet. Being in the the 'real world' can be both liberating and counter-productive in recovery... I'm very pleased that you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you so much for reading and for your much-adored review!

Reviewer: berrynutz (Signed) · Date: July 08, 2008 01:42 PM · On: Eternal Sunshine

Another great chapter. Will be watching to see how Justin does as an out patient and what Brian's reaction will be when he finds out Justin is thinking of going back to New York.

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm so happy that you enjoyed this chapter ;) The 'real world', outside of the regimes of the ED program, could be both liberating and counterproductive for Justin, and he and Brian will have to think very seriously about Justin's plans to return to New York... Thanks for reading, as always, and for your much adored reviews! 

Reviewer: Kat (Signed) · Date: July 08, 2008 01:34 PM · On: Eternal Sunshine

Oh bless our sweet Em and his colored socks! That was exactly what Justin needed! And how great that he gets to go home!! Another great chapter, I was sooooo excited to see you had added another one!

Author's Response: Thanks Kat ;) Need I mention that I'm a huge Emmett fan? Just when Justin needed the little bit of colour in his life :) I'm very pleased that you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you so much for reading and for your wonderful reveiw!

Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: July 08, 2008 01:00 PM · On: Eternal Sunshine

Yippppeee! Justin gets to go home! LOVED this chapter. Loved Em's interaction with Justin..

I'm up at 2 am, just to read this! lol  Well worth it!



Author's Response: Thanks Gina ;) I'm so glad that you enjoyed this chapter! I've always been so interested in Justin and Emmett's relationship- althought it was never played out in canon, I got the feeling that they were pretty close as friends. ;) Glad you're a fellow night owl- I'm up at 3:45 am replying to reviews ;) Hee hee. Glad it was worth it!

Reviewer: Kat (Signed) · Date: July 02, 2008 04:55 AM · On: Losing the Battle, Winning the War

My heart constantly breaks for Justin, but you know he's a tiger and is gonna fight. And I love Brian being so loving and supportive, always knowing what his Sunshine needs! Can't wait to read the next chapter!! I also have to say the calories in cum line was funny! Only Brian and Justin!!

Reviewer: Kat (Signed) · Date: July 02, 2008 04:54 AM · On: Losing the Battle, Winning the War

My heart constantly breaks for Justin, but you know he's a tiger and is gonna fight. And I love Brian being so loving and supportive, always knowing what his Sunshine needs! Can't wait to read the next chapter!! I also have to say the calories in cum line was funny! Only Brian and Justin!!

Author's Response:

*Hands you a heart repair kit* Sorry about those heartstrings ;) Justin is going through the hardest stage of his recovery in this chapter, but Brian was able to tell when it got a bit too much for him. He was also there to tell Justin that he was proud of him for fighting, and that he understood how hard this was for Justin. That understanding between them is so important. I'm really glad you liked the little bit of comic relief at the end of the chapter ;) Thank you so much for reading, and for your much-adored review!

Reviewer: Cait (Anonymous) · Date: July 02, 2008 01:34 AM · On: Losing the Battle, Winning the War

I love this story so much.  The heartfelt way you capture their love is so beautiful.  I can't wait to read more!!!

Author's Response: Thanks Cait ;) I'm really very pleased that you're enjoying this story, and that you can 'feel' the emotions. I hope you like where it goes :) Thanks again for reading and for your wonderful review!

Reviewer: Edela (Signed) · Date: July 01, 2008 09:02 PM · On: Losing the Battle, Winning the War

Hi Sapphire!

Good to have you back, I liked this chapter and I agreee with the last two comments. It was good. Justen needed this superfood and I´m sensing it will be slowly easier for him to eat from now on. Don´t get me wrong I'm only beeing sarcastic about ED on the surface. I have spend the last 20 years of my life dealing with... I'm better now than often but surely some days are a bit on the shit side. You are totally point on in Justin hating Debbies talk and the constant waching at the hospital. It is so much more beeing with those who make you feel relaxed and at the same time avoiding people and places that you can't deal with. <br>Sorry about this loooong comment^^ I just wanted to write this since chapter one because this story actually made me cry in the beginnig and I don't do that. I am so glat I only discovered this story when you had posted 4 chapters. It was distrbing enough to read it I would not have wanted to wait there in the beginnig.



Author's Response:

Thanks Edda ;) I can tell from your comments that you know exactly what this story is all about.  I do really feel for you- I spent a good chunk of my teenage years dealing with an ED as well. I wasn't sure I could write this story at first because I thought it would be too difficult to bring up all those painful memories. But I'm glad I did now- it helps to write about it ;) And rest assured, this story will have a happy ending- I wouldn't be writing it if it didn't (I'm a firm believer in happy endings ;))

Anyway, thank you SO much for your wonderful review! I do appreciate it very much ;) And thank you for reading, as always!

Reviewer: Gerri (Anonymous) · Date: July 01, 2008 07:45 PM · On: Losing the Battle, Winning the War

Brian is being so supprtive by saying and doing all the right things. The calories in cum was fucking hilarious, well done.

Reviewer: Kaylee (Anonymous) · Date: July 01, 2008 12:29 PM · On: Losing the Battle, Winning the War

I still love it! I'm glad Brian and Justin got a moment to themselves! I hope Justin gets better soon...Update quickly.

Reviewer: Amelia (Anonymous) · Date: July 01, 2008 11:30 AM · On: Losing the Battle, Winning the War

Wait. The use of the title in the final sentence has me concerned. This isn't the final chapter, is it?

Reviewer: Amelia (Anonymous) · Date: July 01, 2008 11:30 AM · On: Losing the Battle, Winning the War

Wait. The use of the title in the final sentence has me concerned. This isn't the final chapter, is it?

Author's Response: Ameila...would I do that to you? LOL! No, this is not the last chapter- there's a few more to go, so no worries :) Thanks so much for reading, as always, and for your much-loved reviews!

Reviewer: Sara (Anonymous) · Date: July 01, 2008 11:25 AM · On: Losing the Battle, Winning the War

Brian is so great being there when Justin needs him, you can just imagine the women at the facility swooning when Brian enters lol

Author's Response: Thanks Sara ;) Brian really is such a huge part of Justin's recovery. The eating disorder program can cure Justin on the outside, but he needs Brian to help heal him on the inside... And yes, on a ward of entriely young woman, Brian would certainly turn some heads ;) Thanks again for reading and for your much-loved review!

Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: July 01, 2008 07:55 AM · On: Losing the Battle, Winning the War

Each chapter is more amazing than the last. I'm so happy Justin is winning this battle. So happy Brian is being so supportive.

I am HOPING for a happy ending! If I haven't said it before, great, great job with this story!



Author's Response:

Of course the ending will be happy- I’m a firm believer in happily ever afters. Or at least, happier ever afters ;) Justin is passing through the hardest part of his recovery in this chapter, but Brian is always there to be his pillar of strength. He’s as much a part of the recovery process as all the meds and the meals. I can’t tell you how pleased I am that you’re enjoying this story. It does mean a lot coming from you :) Thank you so much for reading and for you amazing review!

Reviewer: Kat (Signed) · Date: June 25, 2008 04:23 AM · On: If You Need Me

Wow this is just intense! You can literally feel the emotions Brian and Justin are feeling. Looking forward to reading more!

Author's Response: Thanks Kat ;) I'm really glad you can 'feel' the emotions here- for me, they're really the driving force behiend this story. There is a lot of angst and the pain, but there's also hope and love in there, too ;) Thanks again for reading and for your very much adored review!

Reviewer: Kaylee (Anonymous) · Date: June 23, 2008 01:36 PM · On: If You Need Me

I don't remember if i reviewed this chapter yet or not, but if i havn't its a great chapter and i can't wait for the next one!

Author's Response: Thanks Kaylee ;) I'm so pleased that you've enjoyed this chapter! (I'll try not to keep you waiting too long for the next one...) Thanks again for reading and for your very much-adored review!

Reviewer: Sunny (Anonymous) · Date: June 20, 2008 02:51 PM · On: If You Need Me

I love this story from the first chapter on.

Hugs, Sunny 



Author's Response: Thanks Sunny ;) I'm so pleased that you do! Thanks so much for reading and for your wonderful comments, as always!

Reviewer: TaraN (Anonymous) · Date: June 20, 2008 10:31 AM · On: Dark Secret Love

That was a wonderful chapter. The emotions were so raw and it was well written.

I look forward to the next chapter



Author's Response: Thanks ;) I'm so pleased that you enjoyed it! I'm glad you found the emotions raw and real, but not over the top. Thanks so much for reading, as always, and for your wonderful review!!

Reviewer: Aimear (Anonymous) · Date: June 20, 2008 05:48 AM · On: If You Need Me

So beautifully written, the depth of pain and confusion being felt by Brian and Justin is nearly tangible. This is a fantastic story and I eagerly await how the plot develops

Author's Response: Thanks Aimear! I'm glad that you're enjoying this story and that you can 'feel' all of the emotions. This is certainly not an easy thing for Brian and Justin to go through. I hope you'll like where this story goes next. Thanks again for reading and for you're wonderful review!

Reviewer: Naima (Signed) · Date: June 19, 2008 11:44 PM · On: If You Need Me

jesus wheres a tissue when you need one.  remarkable story, really wonderful, im so happy you are writing this.  beautiful writing and characters, cant wait for whats next!

Author's Response:

*Hands you a tissue*

Thanks so much for this awesome reveiw, Naima ;) It made my day! I'm so pleased that you're enjoying this story and that you like the writing style. Hope you'll like what's coming next. Thanks again for reading and for your wonderful review!

Reviewer: gerri (Anonymous) · Date: June 19, 2008 07:49 PM · On: If You Need Me

It sounds so horrible for them, but I feel hope, thanks for the update, I love it.

Author's Response: Thanks Gerri ;) I'm glad you love this story, with all it's angst and heartbreak. I'm glad you can see there's hope here, too. Justin is strong enough to survive this. Thanks again for reading and for your always much-loved reviews!

Reviewer: Sara (Anonymous) · Date: June 19, 2008 02:25 PM · On: If You Need Me

I feel so bad for Justin, hes so scared and upset, maybe if Brian stayed with him during meals atleast at first it might calm him abit

Author's Response: Justin is in a very difficult and painful position here, but it will get easier for him after a while. It's very fortunate that he has Jennifer and Brian there to provide loving support- that's so important in the recovery process. Thanks very much for reading and for your wonderful reveiw!!

Reviewer: Amelia (Anonymous) · Date: June 19, 2008 10:30 AM · On: If You Need Me

GREAT story. I check the site every day, just checking for an update on this story...

Author's Response: Thanks Amelia ;) Sorry to keep you waiting on this one- it's been very busy at my end lately. When the insanity that is currently my life has died down, I'll get back to posting a bit more regularly ;) I'm so pleased that you're enjoying this story! Thanks again for reading and for your super awesome reviews!!

Reviewer: Edela (Signed) · Date: June 19, 2008 07:48 AM · On: If You Need Me

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!

My heart jumped when I noticed there was another chapter !! 



Author's Response: Thanks for the birthday wishes, Edda ;) I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks so much for reading and for your much-adored reveiw!!

Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: June 19, 2008 05:26 AM · On: If You Need Me

My heart, my heart, my heart....

Such a great chapter. So moving. Don't worry about not updating quickly enough.  This story is soooo worth the wait! Thank you, and happy birthday!



Author's Response: Thanks for the birthday wishes! Hope your heart is OK ;) I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter, and that you thought it was worth the wait. (I'm waiting oh-so patiently for an update on your story...but no pressure. I'm sure it will be more than worth the wait :) Thanks again for reading and for your wonderful reviews! I love them all!

Reviewer: Sigi (Anonymous) · Date: June 19, 2008 05:15 AM · On: If You Need Me

great story.. and: Happy Birthday!

Author's Response: Thanks Sigi!!! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story. Thanks so much for reading and for your review!

Reviewer: Jackie (Anonymous) · Date: June 19, 2008 05:01 AM · On: If You Need Me

First off Happy birthday! I hope you had a great day.

 You have a created a wonderful story and the way you've tapped into this disorder and still have the characters be themselves in amazing. Another great chapter. I hope that Justin will be able to overcome it and get better.

 



Author's Response: Thanks for the birthday wishes, Jackie! I'm really very pleased that you're enjoy this story, and that you're finding it realistic and ICC. And don't worry too much about Justin- I wouldn't be writing this if he didn't recover in the end ;) Thanks so much for reading and for your wonderful review!

Reviewer: Cait (Anonymous) · Date: June 19, 2008 04:39 AM · On: If You Need Me

Thanks so much for the update and this beautiful story!!!!  Happy birthday!



Author's Response: Thanks for the birthday wishes ;) I'm glad you enjoyed the update! Thanks so much for reading and for your review!

Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: June 19, 2008 04:35 AM · On: If You Need Me

sapph, i hope your birthday is a happy one.

this story is so heartbreaking. i hope it wasn't you that went through this. if so, then i applaude your for yur strength and bravery. it must have been extremly difficult for all involved.



Author's Response: Thanks for the birthday wishes- I had an awesome one ;)

This is, unfortunately, in part my own story. And yes- it was extremely difficult and painful for everyone involved. I guess that’s what makes this story it’s so poignant and heartbreaking. But I’m finding that it’s helping to write about it…it sort of puts it into perspective. And I am enjoying it as well, which I guess is what matters ;) It’s great to have such wonderful support! Thanks so much for reading and for your amazing reviews, as always!

Reviewer: Sunny (Anonymous) · Date: June 06, 2008 09:34 PM · On: Broken Wings, Unbroken Soul

WOW,

I can`t say often enough how great this story is. I love the emotions - good and bad - all of them. You are doing a great job, please go on...

Hugs, Sunny 



Author's Response:

Thanks Sunny!! I'm so pleased that you're enjoying this story (despite the rampaging emotions ;)). And no worries- of course I'll go on. What can I say? I'm hooked, too ;) Thanks again for reading and for your much-adored comment!

Reviewer: Karen (Anonymous) · Date: June 05, 2008 01:41 AM · On: Broken Wings, Unbroken Soul

This chapter was so heartbreaking and yet is so real and honest. I know I for one won't lose faith in Justin. Thanks and please update soon!

Author's Response: Thanks Karen! I'm very pleased that you find this story 'real and honest'...even if it is heartbreaking. I'm also glad you haven't lost faith in Justin (I know I haven't either ;)). Thanks so much for reading and for your wonderful comment!

Reviewer: Anna (Anonymous) · Date: June 03, 2008 10:17 PM · On: Broken Wings, Unbroken Soul

A great chapter, thank you for writing:)

Author's Response: And thank you for reading, Anna ;) I'm so pleased that you're enjoying this story! Thank again for this much-adored review!

Reviewer: gerri (Anonymous) · Date: June 03, 2008 08:45 PM · On: Broken Wings, Unbroken Soul

I am as sad for Brian as I am for Justin, beautiful work.



Author's Response: Thanks gerri ;) I think I actually feel worse for Brian in this chapter- he's in such a difficult position and he loves Justin so much. But where Justin is is a really scary place to be as well. But they'll get through it together- as I said, this story is about hope and love ;) Thank you very much for reading and for all your wonderful reviews!

Reviewer: Big J (Anonymous) · Date: June 03, 2008 07:46 PM · On: Broken Wings, Unbroken Soul

This is truly incredible. I appreciate the insight into this horrible disease esp. in gay men.  I read the previous review about the epidemic in this part of our society and hope that this story enlightens your readers the way it has me.  This was heartbreaking but I think Justin has made an important step and poor Brian feeling so helpless but trying so hard. He's about to do a very difficult thing but only because he loves him so much.



Author's Response: I sometimes think this story is so angsty its almost unlike my writing. But I just can't write it any other way- there is nothing good or possitive about an eating disorder except surviving to see the end of it- living with the knowledge that you've had the strength to fight it an the grace to accept yourself for who you are. I would never had attempted this story if I didn't know from the begining that this was what Justin would discover at the end of the story. The fact that there is a 'silent' epidemic in young men now just makes me want to write this even more... I really do hope that through this story I can at least make people aware of it. Anyway, as for Justin and Brian...yes, the road is long and winding- but at least neither of them are travelling alone ;) Thank you so much for your reviews! They do mean a lot ;) ~Sapphire.

Reviewer: Jackie (Anonymous) · Date: June 03, 2008 12:33 PM · On: Broken Wings, Unbroken Soul

Justin's desperation just grabs the heart. Amazingly done. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Author's Response: Thanks Jackie ;) This chapter tugged a bit at the heartstrings for me too, but I knew it had to be written. But things will get better for Justin and Brian (I know I keep saying that, but they will ;)) I'm very pleased that you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks so much for reading and for your always much-adored reviews!

Reviewer: jay corr (Anonymous) · Date: June 03, 2008 09:51 AM · On: Broken Wings, Unbroken Soul

I am so glad that you are writing this story.  For a writing class I had this past semester we were required to write a paper on the topic of our choice as long as it raised an issue.  I originally was going to write about eating disorders among females but found it far more intense and necessary to write about male eating disorders.  Learning the facts about it makes it heartbreaking to realize how many men let themselves hurt so badly.  I myself was thinking about writing a story on this topic but wanted to do the situation justice so I never could start it.  Its good to see that there are other people that want to raise the issue and makes sure that the topic is discussed and not discarded.  Thank you for being able bring this issue out into the open.

Author's Response:

Eating disorders are a very difficult and complicated issue to deal with. I find they’re such a delicate and painful subject for so many people- I think virtually everyone knows a girl or woman who’s had an eating disorder- if not themselves, a friend or a family member, then certainly an acquaintance. But you never hear about them in men, even though they are so prominent; it’s a silent epidemic. Knowing first hand how destructive and devastating an eating disorder can be, I can’t imagine how much worse it would be to have the added social and psychological connation associated with being male as well. It IS a huge issue and one that should be ‘brought out into the open’. If I can enlighten even a few people of it through this story, I might consider this to be one of the most important things I’ve ever written. I'm so glad you see it this way. Thank you very much for this review…it does mean a lot to me and it keeps me inspired ;) And sorry for the long response…I’m not very good at the ‘concise and to the point’ thing…hope you don’t mind ;) ~Sapphire.

Reviewer: TaraN (Anonymous) · Date: June 03, 2008 08:20 AM · On: Broken Wings, Unbroken Soul

Wonderful Chapeter!!!

I must admit that I am a little touched that you took part of my review and put it into this chapter {smiles}.

I certainly hope that Justin does not go into cardiac arrest. Although, given Justin's spurts of irrationality it would be good if Brian or Jennifer certified him.

Please update soon. I was waiting on this and was happy to see it when I got home from work.



Author's Response: Thanks Tara:) I hope you didn't mind that I used part of your review- it was so relevant that I felt I had to put it in somewhere. And I knew I had it on the best authority ;) I felt like I should have cited you or something... '(TaraN, pers. comm., 2008)' ;) I did try to give you some credit for it, though :) And I really, really appreciated everything you told me, so thank again! I'm glad that your enjoying this story! Thanks so much for reading, and thanks for your awesome review. It's so helpful to know someone in your field ;) ~Sapphire

Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2008 06:32 AM · On: Broken Wings, Unbroken Soul

sapph, i am speechless. such an emotional chapter. i gather that from the doctor's own words her back story is that she at one time was anorexic also.

"Please…take care of him…don’t let him suffer any more…" i agree. 

 



Author's Response: It is an emotional chapter... I needed to get the kleenex out while I was writing it, too ;) And you did guess right about the doctor. As for Justin's...as it goes in the story, 'recovery is a journey of a million miles, but the hardest step to take is the first one'. It doesn't get easier, but it gets better- and in the end, it's worth every second of the fight. I'm so pleased that you like this story. Thanks again for reading and for all of your much-loved reviews!

Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2008 06:09 AM · On: Broken Wings, Unbroken Soul

Heart-wrenching, and so beautifully written.  This is one of the most soulful stories I've read in fanfic.  Wonderful job. Thank you

 



Author's Response:

And thank you for you wonderful reveiws! They keep me inspired ;) 'Soulful' is a such great description...I think it's been good for my soul to write this. Thank you so much for reading and for your amamzing reviews. I do appreciate them very much!

Reviewer: Naima (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2008 05:09 AM · On: Broken Wings, Unbroken Soul

beautiful chapter, i feel so bad for brian,,,,i cant wait for the next one!

Author's Response: Thanks Naima! I'm very pleased that you enjoyed it. Glad you're able to feel for Brian...he's in a really difficult position. Great job with 'Dirty Little Secret' BTW- I'm glad you're getting around to posting some of your fics here ;) Thanks again for reading and for your much-loved review!

Reviewer: gerri (Signed) · Date: June 02, 2008 08:36 PM · On: Even If It Kills Me

I am finding the honesty of this fic refreshing. Ok Brian may seem a little OOC to sois, but I don't think so, we have all seen Brian's reactions to Justin hurt or in trouble and this si no diferent, well done.

Author's Response: Thanks gerri :) I'm glad you find Brian sort of ICC in this fic. I think with this story, it's not so much the character that's 'in character' but it's the love and understanding that is. If that makes any sense ;) But as I say, it's sometimes hard to judge. Thanks so much for reading and for all your wonderful comments!

Reviewer: Big J (Signed) · Date: May 26, 2008 11:36 AM · On: Even If It Kills Me

Ohhhh, this was so incredible.  I feel so sorry for both of them.  Brian is trying so hard to rescue him and their sex life was always such a highlight of their relationship.  I hope Justin starts to improve after this.  At least he thinks he getting better so that might be an incentive for him to further help himself. Did I mention how heartbreaking this is?

Author's Response:

Heartbreaking, yes. I feel that, too, and I'm the one writing it... But there is hope there as well. Brian hasn't lost sight of who Justin is inside, and that's the most important thing. I think I've said it before, but loving support is so essentail in the recovery process. Thank you so much for this wonderful review (and all your wonderful reviews!)- they keep me inspired :)

Reviewer: Anna (Anonymous) · Date: May 22, 2008 05:38 PM · On: Even If It Kills Me

A beautiful chapter with raw emotions:)

Thank you for writing:)



Author's Response: And thank you for reading! I do appreciate your review very much! I'm so glad you're enjoying it! Thanks again!

Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: May 22, 2008 11:39 AM · On: Even If It Kills Me

Congratulation!!! That is a wonderful story. I loved every single word so far and the way you can create emotions - just brilliant.

I know that Justin and Brian will fight and win at the end supporting each other as always. I`m just a bit concerned about the reactions and interferences of the "family".

I`m really looking forward to the next chapter. Please, don`t let us wait too long...

Hugs, Sunny 

 



Author's Response: Thanks Sunny!! I'm so pleased that you're enjoying this story (and sorry it took so long to get back to this reveiw...) I think you're right in that 'the family' will be horrified when they find out, and that they may not understand at first. But Brian will be there to help Justin through it. Thanks again for reading and for your much-loved review!

Reviewer: thess (Anonymous) · Date: May 22, 2008 07:25 AM · On: Even If It Kills Me

hope you will update ASAP!!! touching!!!! thanks

Author's Response: Hi Thess. I'll try to update ASAP. My life is a bit crazy at the minite, but I'll try my hardest to have the next chapter up within the next week or so. I'm glad you're enjoying it! Thanks so much for reading and for your review!

Reviewer: Sara (Anonymous) · Date: May 22, 2008 07:05 AM · On: Even If It Kills Me

great chapter, very emotional, I love how Brian is taking care of Justin

Reviewer: Jackie (Anonymous) · Date: May 22, 2008 06:43 AM · On: Even If It Kills Me

...Wow. The emotions are just so strong. You have done an amazing job of letting the reader feel what Brian and Justin are. Just a great chapter. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Author's Response: Thanks Jackie. I'm glad you were able to 'feel' it all- it's sometimes hard to describe what an ED feels like 'from the inside'. I'm very pleased that you're enjoying this fic and I hope you'll like where it goes. Thanks again for reading and for your much adored reviews!!

Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: May 22, 2008 06:18 AM · On: Even If It Kills Me

this chapter was so riveting. as lost as justin is and brian feels, there is a light at the end of the long dark tunnel of desperation. slowly brian is getting his justin back.

“That felt…like me,” Justin whispered, the smile getting just a tiny bit broader. “Me, Brian. Thank fuck. I’m still here inside somewhere.”

i understand that it will take alot of hard work, tears and frustration, but they'll get through it and do it together.

 

Author's Response: Hey- I finally managed to read this comment and really loved it. Thank you. I think the most important thing in this chapter was Brian's (and Justin's) affirmation that he hadn't lost sight of who Justin really is. There's still hope- a 'light at the end of the tunnel', as you say. Thank you again for reading and for all your wonderful reviews. They make me want to keep writing ;)

Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: May 22, 2008 05:54 AM · On: Even If It Kills Me

You are doing an amazing job with this story. I don't thin B/J are ooc at all.  I think this kind of disease brings out strenghts (and weakness) in people they never knew they had.  Brian always gave Justin want he needed (or what he thought he needed) in the show and that is exactly what he is doing now. Justin needs all the love and attention Brian is giving him. He needs the words and the actions. I see Brian totally in character in this story.

This chapter in particular was powerful. You describe not only the physical ramifications of the disease, but also the emotional.  I believe with love and support, Justin will beat this thing. 

Your writing is so powerful and real. I'm totally invested.  This is one of the most original and relevant B/J stories I've read.  I applaud your efforts and your courage in taking this on.



Author's Response: Thank you so much! That really, really means a lot. I'm so glad you can see and feel everything I try to describe; it's sometimes quite difficult to explain what an ED feels like from the inside. But, as you've pointed out, the most important thing (for this story and in relaity) is that recovery is possible with firm, loving support. I can't tell you how pleased I am that you find this story so appealing; I do really, really appriecate your comments. Thank you!!!

Reviewer: alys (Anonymous) · Date: May 22, 2008 05:27 AM · On: Even If It Kills Me

I think they seemed very in character. It reminds me kinda of the posse days when justin's preception was also kinda skewed. I thought it was beautiful that brian made love to justin, even though he was saddened by it. Excellant chapter, I like a forcefully but caring Brian.

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it! Eating disorders can make you act and feel like a different person...it's always so important for people not to lose sight of who is truely at the centre of it. I'm glad you found the characters ICC ;) Thanks so much for reading and for your comment!

Reviewer: Jackie (Anonymous) · Date: May 09, 2008 06:56 AM · On: Shades of Grey

Goodness. I'm pretty much speechless. Justin's pain and Brian's saddnes are both so real. Another great chapter. I cannot wait to see what happens next.

Author's Response: Yeah...writing this chapter was a pretty intense ride so I'm sure reading it must have been just as rocky. I know it seems a little angsty at the moment, but there really in now only one dirrection Justin can go. And Brian will make sure he gets there (even if he does have to pull Justin kicking a screaming through some parts). I'm so pleased that you're enjoying the ride on this emotional rollarcoaster. Thanks so much for reading and for your alwasy much-loved reviews!

Reviewer: TaraN (Anonymous) · Date: May 09, 2008 02:41 AM · On: Dark Secret Love

I think that this is a great story. I have a friend that is a practicing psychologist. She ocassionally does group therapy for people with eating disorders and told me that there is an epidemic among gay men (young gay men) in which anorexia and bulimia are an epidemic that is almost rivalling teenage girls. Many older gay men don't understand what is with the younger ones doing this to themselves. Particularly because the older ones lived through the AIDS epidemic and saw emaciated friends because of the disease. I am not sure if you realized this when you started the story. However, it is quite relevant to the times.

In fact, my friends agency is starting a group that will cater to men with eating disorders. A lot of the guys were having problems with the issue because they didn't feel as comfortable in a group that had women. They are also hiring a male psychologist that has dealt with gay men on this issue. Ironically, he used to suffer from anorexia and he is a PhD student now.

Sorry for the long comment, but I wanted to tell you how on point you are.



Author's Response:

I LOVE this kind of comment! This feedback is so helpful- thank you! I started writing this story because I know from personal experience just how devastating an ED can be, but also how essential loving support is in the recovery process. This is why I thought it would make such a powerful and poignant hurt/comfort.

 

And although I’ve had to convince a number of people very hard on this point, I think the post-513 Justin is a candidate for an eating disorder- he’s a high-achiever (citing his high SAT scores and his success in the PIFA) with a history of post-traumatic stress disorder (his bashing). He’s also been put through the emotional mill by Brian and Ethan, he was bullied in school, and his parents divorced when he was 17. From a body image point of view, he lived with Brian who was always fanatic about his weight, and (perhaps indivertibly) may have placed emphasis on the ‘thin is beautiful’ idea. Now Justin finds himself in New York with the added stress of having just left Brian, surrounded by new people and in a totally new situation. I can just see his need to feel in control of his life.

 

I knew when I started writing this that EDs in men were becoming a huge issue, especially in the gay community. It must be so much harder for men because anorexia and bulimia are so often seen a ‘women’s issues’. It makes it that much harder for them to admit they have a problem (as if that isn’t hard enough. I think admitting to my parents that I had anorexia was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.) But it’s great to know that this issue has been recognized and that steps are now being taken to help young men with eating disorders.

 

Thank you again for this wonderful review- the feedback is so awesome. I’m really glad you find this story relevant and realistic- that is actually a big comfort :) Your comments are always much-adored and always more than welcome. ~Sapphire.

Reviewer: Amelia (Anonymous) · Date: May 09, 2008 01:44 AM · On: Shades of Grey

Emotional rollercoaster? Funny you should say that, I just spent the whole day at Six Flags!! And apparently the ride isn't over! Great chapter!

...two weeks??? 



Author's Response: Is the ride ever over? ;) And it's not quite two weeks- it's ten days. I'll be writing it mentally as I slog up and down the badlands of Saskatchewan looking for fossils, so that when I come back, all I'll have to do is transfer the story into words. At least, that's the plan...Anyway, I'm so glad you enjoyed this chpater! And thank you so much for your review, as always!

Reviewer: Wildsweet_angel (Signed) · Date: May 08, 2008 09:48 PM · On: Shades of Grey

This fic is just awesome. Your description of Justin's pain, and his fear of losing control are just heart wrenching.  This story is beautifully written and tastefully done.  Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm really very pleased that you're enjoying this story :) I know it is a bit angsty right now, but I'm hoping it will make the 'comfort' of hurt/comfort that much stronger. I'm also happy to hear that you find it tasteful- knowing from experience how delicate this topic can be, I'm trying to keep this as realistic and compassionate as possible. Thank you again for reading and for you most wonderful review!

Reviewer: emmakinney (Anonymous) · Date: May 08, 2008 08:33 PM · On: Shades of Grey

Oh my god, this is just great. My friend has suffered from anorexia for a couple of years and I really understand the loss of control.

This chapter was great and I think it is quite true to their characters, definitely IC!

I'm ad that it'll be two weeks until the next update but I'll be waiting patiently.

Great job Hon, Emma xx



Author's Response: Hey Emma :) It's really good to hear from you! I'm so glad you think this story is realistic and IC. I have myself had an eating disorder which is how I know exactly what it feels like. But I also know how important loving support is in the recovery process and this is what I hope to make shine in this story. It's a bit of an emotional rollarcoaster for me, too, but I do enjoy writing it. I'll try to have the next update posted as soon as I can after I get back. Thanks so much for reading and for your much-adored review!

Reviewer: Cait (Anonymous) · Date: May 08, 2008 06:16 PM · On: Shades of Grey

Soooo good and sad adn wondeful!  The next two weeks are going to be torture!!!! :-)  I can't wait for the update

Author's Response: Don't worry- it's really only 10 days, and I'll be writing the story mentally the whole time. That way, when I sit down to write it next Monday, it will already be mostly written. Kind of. I'm very pleased you enjoyed this chapter- I know it seems a little angsty now, but things will get easier for our men. Thanks so much for reading and for your wonderful review!

Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: May 08, 2008 06:13 PM · On: Shades of Grey

Loved your metaphors in the beginning of this chapter "the charcoal longing of regret, the shimmering silver of memory, the heavy lead-gray of concern..."  beautiful

 This was the most amazing, beautiful, well crafted chapter I've had the pleasure to read. Please continue this amazing story.  The premise is haunting and intriguing, and your writing brings everything to life.

Thank you



Author's Response: Thank you so much! It's so awesome to hear this from such an amazing writer like yourself :) I'm so glad you're finding this story interesting but also realistic. I know this is such a delicate topic and I'm trying to be very careful to keep it real and compassionate while also ICC. Thank you again for your wonderful review- it really does mean a lot :)

Reviewer: alys (Anonymous) · Date: May 08, 2008 02:20 PM · On: Shades of Grey

excellant. enjoy saskatchewan.

hmmm maybe bri and J could go with you and find a great dr, get treatment away from the pitts...

great chapter, will try and be patient... ;-)



Author's Response: I guess I could write a story about Brian and Justin sharing a 1 1/2 man backpacking tent in the middle of a thunderstorm, kissing passionatly in their soggy sleeping bags as they pull ticks out of each other (Did I mention I love field work?) ;) But yeah, I will certainlly be writing the next update in my head as I trek across the prairie (the good thing about Sask. is that you can never get lost- it's so flat you can walk for three days and still see the campsite ;) I'm very pleased you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks so much for reading and for your review!

Reviewer: Big J (Anonymous) · Date: May 08, 2008 02:16 PM · On: Shades of Grey

OMG, yes, it was def. an emotional roller coaster and how dare you have a life.  LOL!!! You can't make us wait 2 weeks for an update.  I've been checking every day this week for one and was so pleased to see this.  Poor, poor Justin.  At least Brian is there to help and knows the truth now.  His reaction was soooo touching. Hoping things improve for them.  And the last bit where he wanted to hold him no matter what.  Sigh!  Counting the days till next time.

Author's Response: I'm sorry for my interfering life :) I promice I will be mentally writing this chapter next week as I dig up my dinosaurs (and hopefully find some more)- so when I go to write the update next Monday, it will sort of already be written. Kinda. I'll be good, I promice ;) And yes, this was certainly an emotional rollarcoaster- it felt like that when I was writing it. It's so hard for both Brian and Justin, but now they're both on the same page, they can deal with this together. I'm so pleased that you enjoyed this! I hope you'll hold out long enough for the next update ;) Thanks so much for reading, as always, and for your wonderful review!

Reviewer: gerri (Signed) · Date: May 08, 2008 12:37 PM · On: Shades of Grey

This is sad but hopefully Brian will get through  to Justin. I am looking forward to seeing how.

Author's Response: Brian will have to push Justin really hard but will have to be careful not to send him over the edge. It'll be a challange, but I have faith in our boys and thier love for one another :) I know it seems sad now, but it'll get happier (scout's honour). Thanks so much for reading and for your review!

Reviewer: Sara (Anonymous) · Date: May 08, 2008 08:51 AM · On: Shades of Grey

Brian saying he wanted to hold Justin because he was his sunshine and it didnt matter how much there was of him and he will be there holding his hand was so beautiful  and sweet

Author's Response:

Yeah- I think the most important thing in helping someone recover from an ED is remembering that they are still themselves on the inside. Brian never lost sight of Justin, and that will be of huge comfort to him as they struggle through this. Thank you so much for reading and for your wonderful review!

Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: May 08, 2008 07:11 AM · On: Shades of Grey

 "Although I try and avoid ‘angst for angst sake’, I do have to admit that this chapter is a little heavy on the emotional side. " ya think?

OMG! for brian to be shaken that badly you know it must be bad.

will be here waiting in two weeks.



Author's Response: Yeah...I guess that was a bit of an understatement. Believe me, by the time I'd finished writing this, I felt as if I'd written the whole Encylopaedia Britanica single-handedly. It's difficult because it's painful for Brian and Justin, but for different reason and it has to seem real on both sides. But yes, as I said, there are happier times on the horizon- difficult, but happier. I will be mentally writing the next chapter next week while I am sleeping in my little tent trying to ignore the roaring of the mosquitoes ;) Thanks so much for your reveiw, as always!

Reviewer: gerri (Signed) · Date: May 01, 2008 12:15 PM · On: Dark Secret Love

I stumbled upon your fics checking on other writers and this is so sad but so well described I think I will have to check out anything else you have written. Oh and Brian will help alright, just after he kills him.

Author's Response: Thanks :) This story is a bit of a departure for me because it is so dark (at first). I hestitated a long time over writing it because I was concerned about the delicate nature of the topic, and because some may see it as OCC for Justin to develop an eating disorder (I don't think it is, but others would disagree). But I think it has so much potential as a hurt/ comfort- for both Brian and Justin. So I decided to go with it...even if it did feel as if I was dropping an A-bomb. Thanks so much for reading and for your review!

Reviewer: TaraN (Anonymous) · Date: May 01, 2008 01:18 AM · On: Dark Secret Love

WHAT A GREAT START TO THIS STORY!!!! You have me hooked. As you know, I like your writing. Please update real soon.

Author's Response:

Thanks Tara :) I'm glad you think this is a promising start. I hesitated over writing this for so many reasons (namely because of the delicate nature of the subject dealt with), but I decided to go with it. 'Gently', as Brian would say. I'm really glad you're interested in this story. Thanks so much for reading, as always, and thank you for your much adored review!

Reviewer: Ashley (Anonymous) · Date: May 01, 2008 12:31 AM · On: Dark Secret Love

OMG! This story is so dramatic! I can't wait for chater two. I really hope Brian does somthing. My poor heart hurts just thinking about Brian's reaction.

 



Author's Response: Yes, it will be very difficult for them both- this is certainly not an easy thing to deal with. I'm so glad your insterested in the story! Thanks so much for reading and for your reveiw!

Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: April 30, 2008 08:32 PM · On: Dark Secret Love

I love your writing, and your word usage. This story is heartbreaking, and very real. I'm glad you are tackling this delicate subject. I look forward to seeing how you handle it, and where'll you'll take the characters.

Great first chapter



Author's Response: Thanks. This is the first time I've achtually tried writing in third person, so the writing style is a bit of a departure for me. Yes, this is a very delicate, very real and very sensitive subject. I hesitated over writing this story for a long time for that reason. But I think if it's handled with care it could be a make a powerful, if somewhat poignant, hurt/comfort fic. I think the hardes thing is keeping the characters ICC, but I'll do my best. Thanks for reading and for your review!

Reviewer: black sheep (Anonymous) · Date: April 30, 2008 05:28 PM · On: Dark Secret Love

what a wonderful start to what seems like it will be a great story.

Author's Response: Thanks- I'm glad you think so :) I know the subject is a little sensitive, but I think the story has a lot of potentail. Thanks for reading and for your comment!

Reviewer: Magda (Anonymous) · Date: April 30, 2008 12:50 PM · On: Dark Secret Love

I just love your stories.
The first chapter is greatm I'm already in love with this one too and can't wait for more ^^
btw, it was nice to see my real name in fanfic with Brian and Justin lol

Magda (aka Madlen)

 



Author's Response: Thanks Magda :) The character Magda in my story actually based on a tall, willowy blonde of the same name from a book by Jacquline Wilson (her books are written for teenagers, but my little sister had the whole collection). I've never acutally met anyone who was actually called Magda before now. Cool! Anyway, I'm very pleased you're enjoying this story so far. I know it seems a little angsty at this point, but I promice it won't always be. Thanks so much for reading and for your review!

Reviewer: Anna (Anonymous) · Date: April 30, 2008 12:07 PM · On: Dark Secret Love

This seems like an interesting story:) I can't wait for the next chapter



Author's Response: Thanks; I'm glad you think so. I know the subject is sensitve and I know many people would see this as OCC for Justin, but I personally disagree (I'm doing the best I can to keep him in character). Anyway, I'm really glad you're interested. Thanks so much for reading and for your review!

Reviewer: Big J (Anonymous) · Date: April 30, 2008 10:11 AM · On: Dark Secret Love

You really know how to get to me.  Poor Justin. Being someone who loves food and can never skip a meal I really don't understand this disease.  Looking at it from Justin's POV gives me an insight into it.  It's all about control over some part of his life.  Hopefully Brian can at least start to help him.  Can't wait for the next chapter. And you have taken a compassionate look at it.

Author's Response:

Thanks- I'm glad you think so. I unfortunatly have an intimate understanding of this illness which made writing this story a bit challanging. But I also know how much loving support is paramount to a successful recovery. I know the story seems a little angsty now, but I can promice a happier ending ;) Thanks so much for reading and for your much-adored comment!

Reviewer: Cait (Anonymous) · Date: April 30, 2008 08:32 AM · On: Dark Secret Love

This is really good so far and super sad.  I can't wait to see how Brian helps him.  Hurt/comfort is my favorite! 

Author's Response: Thanks :) Someone once told me that , 'hurt /comfort is a romantic's bread and butter'. I would have to agree with that- I just adore it. Anyway, I know this story is very sad and may be a little hard to read at this point, but I can promice you it will get a little lighter. I'm so glad you're enjoying it. Thanks so much for reading and for your comment!

Reviewer: Jackie (Anonymous) · Date: April 30, 2008 06:19 AM · On: Dark Secret Love

...Wow...that was just amazing. So wonderfully written. I hope Brian can help Justin. Fantastic chapter. I cannot wait to see what happens.

Author's Response: Hey Jackie. Thanks. I'm glad your on board for this story too :) I'm pleased you enjoyed this chapter- I know the story seems a bit dark and angsty now, but it won't always be. Of course Brian would never leave Justin to suffer alone. Thanks so much for reading and for all your much-adored reiews!

Reviewer: carlina (Anonymous) · Date: April 30, 2008 06:19 AM · On: Dark Secret Love

I love tis so far. I completely different storyline that I've read in a while. Keep up the great work. More soon PLEASE>

 Hugs,

Carlina

 



Author's Response: Hi Carlina. I'm glad you like this so far. To my knowledge, I don't think this issue has been explored before. But I'm willing to give it a shot. I know it seems a little dark and depressing at this point, but it won't always be. Thanks so much for reading and for your review!

Reviewer: alys (Anonymous) · Date: April 30, 2008 06:17 AM · On: Dark Secret Love

so what does bri do..... bring him back to pitts I hope.....

great chapter



Author's Response: Thanks :) Rest assured, one thing that Brian won't do is leave Justin to suffer alone. I know the story seems a little dark and angsty right now, but it will get better. I'm glad you're enjoying this so far. Thanks so much for reading and for your reveiw!

Reviewer: Amelia (Anonymous) · Date: April 30, 2008 06:14 AM · On: Dark Secret Love

You're too great. Are you ever going to write for publishing?

Author's Response: Thanks Amelia- you're awesome :) My only real publication to date is in a scientific journal (which is writing, but not nearly as exciting as this). I guess I've never really thought of writing fiction for publishing (other than here and on LJ). You think I should? Hmm... Anyway, I'm glad you seem to think so well of my stories :) Thanks so much for reading and for your much-loved review!

You must login (register) to review.