I loved how you wrote both Brian and Justin POV during the Vermont trip. I agree that Brian would never call Justin since he left without him. Even though Brian would never omit it, he was hurt when he came home and Justin was not there. It would be a boring relationship if there were no drama and make up sex.

Author's Response:

LOL!  So true!

Yes, I agree that Brian was hurt - very hurt.  And confused.

Just wonderful.

You're showing so clearly the importance of talking..

And with every POV I can clearly understand their thoughts and reasons.

I can't wait for the next chapter.

Author's Response:

Sadly, this is the last chapter - I say "sadly" because we all know what happens next :(

I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and, yes, this is certainly a cautionary tale for all people in a relationship, no matter what kind.  Talk, talk, talk! . . . . . but not about *everything*.  I'm a big believer in not confessing things when the confession would create more pain and damage than it's worth.

Thank you for reading and commenting, Kathrin :)

I really like your version.  Now if only Justin would liisten to his phone messages.

Author's Response:

Interesting!!  I have to confess that I didn't think about what the messages were . . .  that seems kind of sloppy in retrospect.  I'm going to cover my butt and say Justin just deleted them without listening to them ;)

It's a shame that Brian didn't handle his melt down with Justin a little better.  Technically he's never been in a relationship before, so that's an excuse.  Justin not telling Brian what's bothering him is his own fault.

Author's Response:

Brian REALLY handled the situation poorly, and he knows it.  It's not entirely the best excuse, but you're right that he doesn't bring much experience in relationships to the table.

Poor needy Justin and poor frazzled Brian apart and unhappy.

Author's Response:

It's true!  They need to sort s**t out, but as we know it takes 11 episodes :-/

Outstanding writing! There are many points worthy of commenting in this short chapter but I will keep it to only a few. 

First, even though it's part of Canon and I should be accustomed to it, the way Brian uses orgasms to distract himself is disturbing. It must be the way it was written. I feel contempt for him in his weakness. Was this the written goal or am I misreading?

Second, Brian is consumed with distain for himself in regards to not keeping his eye on the ball. The major reason for not doing so would have been Brian's attention to Justin's recovery from the bashing.  It is not surprising then that Brian was dismissive of Justin in regard to the Vermont trip.  In Brian's current state of mind, Justin was once again distracting him from his goal, a goal he had worked his whole life for. Justin didn't help himself by being rather childish about the whole situation and Brian made it even worse by not explaining the severity of the situation. Although, placing myself in Brian's mindset, I would have tossed the boy aside, concentrated on the matter at hand which was keeping my job, and only after I had secured my professional future would I deal with the fallout of the missed trip to Vermont.  Brian still wanted to go with him, it simply wasn't his priority at the moment. 

Third, the tone of the chapter is unsettling and dark, as it should be. Considering Brian's childhood conditioning, his head must be a dark and unwelcoming place especially at a time when his professional survival is at stake.

I don't like Brian very much in this chapter. I feel soiled by being in his head and there is an unpleasant taste in my mouth.

i haven't read the additional chapters posted in your live journal as I really like to savor your cannon compliant writing.  I am looking forward to see what you did with "icky" Brian in the upcoming chapters

Deb

 

Author's Response:

What an interesting comment!!  Thank you so much for your detailed feedback!

Part of the reason I wrote this story was to even-out my feelings a bit.  I'm so pro-Brian during this time that I have a hard time liking Justin, so this story is my attempt to make Justin's choices sympathetic and give them a little more context than the show did. 

Brian, for me, is a rough & tumble guy. He's right out of the Ayn Rand school of only the badasses survive and thrive.  If you "fail" in life, it's your fault.  Pull yourself up by your boot straps.  Survival of the fittest.  He's hard on others, but he's also extremely hard on himself.  I also see him as incredibly smart and innately, inherently noble.  He's nobody's fool.

As for his frequent tricking and jerking off - I think it's very canon.  Remember the scene in the Vette after Ben punched that asshole bogot?  Brian gives him a cloth to wipe of the blood and tells Ben he keeps it to clean up after coming.  My guess is the guy has at least a half a dozen orgasms every day - some for fun, some for self-medication and some just to clear his head.  I have mixed feelings about it because it seems to come close to being an bsession/addiction of sorts, but basically I think it's quite innocent and something he's been doing since puberty.  I mean look how much time the guy spends surfing porn and watching porn and looking a porn mags! I think it's an escape to some degree - something that gets him out of his thoughts for a little bit.  I don't feel contempt for it or even grossed-out, I just think it's one aspect of his personality.  But I can definitely see how you and others are squicked by it.

You make a very interesting point about one of the reasons Brian feels like he took his eye off the ball (although I think he couldn't have known Ryder was going to sell the agency, no matter how vigilent he was) is because of Justin and taking care of him . . . I had never considered that. I can imagine that Brian wasn't in his best form during all those weeks he was spending the night at the hospital and doing coke to stay awake. I actually don't think Brian regrets a second of having taken care of Justin, but he is annoyed at this moment in time that Justin's just not getting how much work pressure he's under - although it didn't help that Brian did SUCH a bad job communicating what was going on.

I'm going to post the next chapter right now.  I'll be very curious to hear what you think.  Thank you SO much for commenting :)

I never did like that storyline, but you do write it well.  If only he'd talked to Justin, explained what was going on.  Think of the difference it could have made.  Reading how you get us to the disasterous end will be well worth reading.

Author's Response:

*sigh*  Yes.  If only Brian had explained.  You'll see in a later chapter that he laments that he didn't.  I'm glad you're enjoying the writing even though the subject matter is tough.

Great start.  Looking forward to more even though it won't be pretty when Brian tells Justin he is not going to Vermont.

Author's Response:

Yeah . . . sadly, as we know, he makes a total hash of it.  I'm glad I got you hooked despite knowing the plot :)