Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: January 19, 2010 11:07 AM · On: Everything I Am

This is an interesting idea-  I waited until you finished the story, even though I knew you were posting regularly-  not so sure about Brian being the cutter-  I would have seen Justin in that role- so a twist on the topic. Very relevant topic for today-  a more common practice than people think- 

 

from a clinican standpoint, I don't think having Brian show Justin his cutting is good, but from a story point, it definetly was appropriate. 

 

sfscarlet



Author's Response:

Thank you so much. I thought it would be an interesting topic to explore, and heavens knows Brian is dealing with enough already in Why Not With Me.  I can see what you mean from a health perspective, but I'm glad it at least worked for the story (1 out of 2, right!?!). :)

Thanks for reading!! :)

Reviewer: Sunny (Anonymous) · Date: January 17, 2010 06:50 PM · On: Everything I Am

That was a very intense story with a difficult content but you did a wonderful job. I would like to read an epilogue. I´m happy that you´re writing here in the QAF fandom and I´m following all your stories even if I´m not commenting every time. Sorry for that.

Hugs, Sunny



Author's Response:

Thank you so much! I am so glad to know that you're enjoying all the stories. I don't do much on QAF outside of this, and I absolutely love all the people I've met here on MW. I hope you like the epilogue that I finally posted! :) 
Hugs back, 

Tiffany

Reviewer: Kitty_Ballou (Signed) · Date: January 15, 2010 09:11 PM · On: Everything I Am

*still crying*

You really kill me with your stories, do you know that??

*hugs*

But they are really awesome. Amazing. Wonderful. And I really love you for writing them...



Author's Response:

Awww, well -- I'm always so happy that you love the stories, but maybe I need to write some happy fluff stories for Kitty!!!! 

*hugs*

Reviewer: v eglogic (Anonymous) · Date: January 14, 2010 10:42 PM · On: Everything I Am

Different from your other stories but just as powerful. I loved every minute of it. Thanks for sharing.



Author's Response:

Thank you so much. I am thrilled that you liked this one as well! :) I'm surprised people liked it so much; it's a risk posting something so different. :) 

Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: January 14, 2010 01:44 AM · On: Everything I Am

Well, you know some of my thoughts on this series already :) But not all, so this review is really a comment on the story as a whole.


 


First of all, I think the style you’ve chosen fits really well. The dual points of view initially emphasize the devolution of a “relationship” into Brian and Justin as separate people with apparently separate lives. That it’s “him” and “me” with a underlying desire for an “us”. And it’s that structure which really allows us to feel the tension and longing as Brian and Justin gradually move closer to a reconciliation – because we’re grounded in their separation at a textual level. In my mind, I see Brian and Justin in this story as two tumbleweeds spinning madly in their own seemingly random and uncontrolled whirlwind just waiting for the right gust to blow them back together.


 


Secondly, I’m a huge fan of the pacing in this story. The snapshots into their lives and the time jumps are like a shuttering movie reel and make us think about the times in between as much as the events we’re shown. The standout “Justin” line for me was in chapter two, where he says “I like New York. It’s been a fun visit. Maybe I should write Brian a postcard and tell him that”. I don’t know, I just found that line very moving – all the uncertainty and longing summed up in three short sentences.


 


Finally, my vote is for an epilogue. Because while it’s true that the circumstances which gave rise to Brian’s dysfunctional behaviour may have been somewhat resolved by his reconnection with Justin, you’re absolutely correct that recovery is not a “quick fix”. I like the fact that Justin made an unequivocal statement about what is and isn’t acceptable, together with the emphasis on Brian not hurting himself. Because while in an obvious sense self-harm is physically injuring yourself, in most cases that’s not where the damage actually lies. It’s harming yourself in a different way. No matter how much Brian means it when he says that he’ll stop, at that point of heightened emotion and confrontation, it’s an addictive behaviour. An external circumstance may trigger the behaviour but in the absence of alternative coping strategies I don’t know that it’s something he’ll merely be able to stop, no matter how much he means it at the time or how much Justin wants him to.



Author's Response:

It's interesting that you mentioned the effect of the varying POVs as "him" "me" and "us." At one point, I considered writing one or two sections of the story in the third person (i.e. achieving "us" in some form). Obviously I didn't choose to go with it for this story, but I think it is something worth exploring, perhaps in another story. Makes me think of the play, Roshomon... That would make an interesting style for a fic, assuming that there could be a central event that everyone described from their own perspective. 

It was such a relief not to have to keep track of whether it was Monday, Wednesday or Friday in the story, or think of a day-by-day account to get through every moment of time until the next "moment" in the story. I could really get used to this!!! 

That line of Justin's was a poignant one for me because it showed a) the way his denial was swept up with nostalgia and longing, and b) it showed so well how this coping mechanism was keeping them apart. If he wants to pretend his visiting, he can hardly talk to Brian without shattering that illusion. Sending a postcard would reveal too much about how much he did miss Brian... So it highlights Justin's plight in that way. I usually don't like it when I "write for" Justin very much, but this actually made some sense I think. 

I definitely am going to do an epilogue. I agree that this moment was as good as it could be as a starting point. I love that you chose the word "confrontation" -- that is precisely as I thought of it. It's a confrontation on many fronts -- confronting each other with the realities of their silence, of their growth apart, a confrontation with their own emotions and finally Justin's confrontation of Brian with the idea that this was not normalized as he wished to pretend.  And moreover, Justin's confronting Brian's fear of being rejected. The drama of that moment might be enough to get him started, but it will take a great deal of work and substance to sustain a commitment to his own wellness. I hope I can capture it in an epilogue!  

Thanks so much for your thoughts on the story! (do I say this too much?!)

Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: January 13, 2010 07:01 AM · On: Everything I Am

I think an epilogue would be great.... to see how well Brian handles this problem as time goes on...



Author's Response:

Yeah -- I will definitely be doing an epilogue; it seems to be popular demand. I'm going to do a little research and make sure that my thinking about it is on the right track first, then I'll write and post. I hope everyone will enjoy it. 

Thanks so much as always for your thoughts and support! 

Reviewer: shimayo (Anonymous) · Date: January 13, 2010 02:56 AM · On: Everything I Am

Hi, Tiffany,

Just to tell you I loved this story and an epilogue will be warmly appreciated! Also to send you a bunch of sunny thoughts from the other side of the world. Thank for sharing. 

 



Author's Response:

Hi! I can use lots of sunny thoughts, so thanks so much -- actually probably I need that more than anything so they are very, very much appreciated! :) I'm delighted that you liked the story and rest assured an epilogue will be posted soon. 
Tiffany

Reviewer: Meggi (Anonymous) · Date: January 12, 2010 10:17 PM · On: Everything I Am

--Knowing this… that I have him here unconditionally, that he really loves me… it’s an incredible feeling. And within this safety I think we can get through anything together. So when he tells me he needs me to promise that I won’t cut myself any more, I can. --

Thats all Brian needed to know, he will always have Justins love. *sigh*

An epiloge, please!

Thank's so much for the wonderful and amazing story!



Author's Response:

*smiles* 

It was definitely huge for Brian -- that he trusted someone with his emotions, and Justin was able to handle it, and not look away or turn away from him in any way. He was still there... it was a great moment for him. 

I'm delighted that you enjoyed the story so much and I will have an epilogue coming soon!! :)

Tiffany

Reviewer: bksbracelet (Signed) · Date: January 12, 2010 03:30 PM · On: Everything I Am

Epilogue please I loved the fic thank you



Author's Response:

*grins* 

Okay, one epilogue coming soon! I'm glad you enjoyed the story!! :)

Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: January 12, 2010 03:10 PM · On: Everything I Am

Hi Iread the story and I think it was brilliant! You handled a difficult subject with sensitivity and understanding! Loved it!! Can't wait to see what you write next! :)



Author's Response:

Thank you so much; you're far too generous! I really appreciate your thoughtful comments throughout. I'll have more stories soon, probably mostly short ones until "Why Not With Me" is done. I hope you'll enjoy them all just as much as this one. :) 

Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: January 12, 2010 02:50 PM · On: Everything I Am

Interested in a epilogue!? YES YES YES. I need more, you write wonderful.

* hugs *



Author's Response:

*grins* Okay! I get the point!! :) I'll do an epilogue soon! So glad you enjoyed this one as well! 

*hugs back! *!! :)

Reviewer: BigPaw (Anonymous) · Date: January 12, 2010 10:11 AM · On: Everything I Am

I'm sure you can guess I'm all for an epilogue.  This was such a great story, the wonderful plot and style of writing blended so well.  I know this might sound a little too picky but I really get turned off by reading a story with too many errors, this was flawless.  I will wait on pins and needles for the next story.

Lori



Author's Response:

Thank you so much!! I am so thrilled that people enjoyed this story so much; it seemed to go so fast to me! Thanks so very much for your kind words... 

I must really be an incurable perfectionist, because while I blush at it being called "flawless" I think I've found 10 errors in the final two chapters alone!!!! You're too kind! *grins* 

I'll have more stories soon; probably short ones until the day comes when I finish "Why Not With Me;" hopefully I'll find a new "big one" to write by then. I'm fortunate to have such wonderfully supportive reviewers like yourself! 

Oh, and I'll have an epilogue up soon. :)
TIffany

Reviewer: grandmapam (Anonymous) · Date: January 12, 2010 09:50 AM · On: Everything I Am

I had a student who cut..and yes, it is a long path.  This was an elementary student..and the mom had no idea it was as serious as it is.  I hope you do write an epilogue showing him getting prof. help for this.  It took an act of God to get it for my student...nice that Brian has Justin and a lot of resources!

I enjoy your writing a lot..always nice to have stories with good plots, great grammar and sentence structure!  Keep it up!!  Pam



Author's Response:

I've had a student with similar issues (first grade....). It is so hard to get help; it takes forever, and a tremendous amount of paperwork, and twice the amount of luck (and time, unfortunately). 

Thanks so much for your compliments! Wow! I'm so glad you like the stories so much! I'll have more stories soon, and of course the big one. :) I hope you'll keep reading! :)

Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: January 12, 2010 09:25 AM · On: Everything I Am

Yay, fluff to end the heart ache. You even managed to almost mend it. I think an epilogue would do the trick ;)

Not to put pressure on you or anything *tries to look innocent and failing misserably*



Author's Response:

Yep, a little fluff is good! *smiles* I'll do the epilogue soon, I promise! :) Can't leave hearts only partially mended! :)

Reviewer: Brit (Anonymous) · Date: January 12, 2010 09:20 AM · On: Everything I Am

Hi I read your story! =)  and I have to say it was very good... I haven't been on here in months and I have to say becasue of you I'm going to be checking out and reading more stories!!! Thanks for helping me to remember why I always loved this fandom xoxo



Author's Response:

Wow, thank you so much! I am so glad to hear that, and really flattered. I hope you'll find lots of stories that you'll enjoy!! :)

Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: January 12, 2010 09:04 AM · On: Everything I Am

 "I used to hide so much from him. How much I cared about him, the guilt I felt after the bashing, the very fact that I loved him, that I wanted him to choose me over Ian… that I had cancer… that I really did want him with me through all of that… I never told him that I worried he would never return from California. And I never tried to keep him with me even when he came back. I hid all my heartache, all my pain and loneliness from him. Well, from everyone. Maybe I didn’t trust that he would love me if he saw it all… if he saw all the imperfection and the very depths of me. And I guess I feared that if he did know everything… if he knew all of me… that he might leave."'

i hope that while he was thinking this, he was speaking out loud. that's everything he's always wanted to hear.

wonderful ending,

 



Author's Response:

Thanks so much!! That part -- I hope Justin did hear it, one way or another... I think this was such a huge moment for Brian to be totally "open' for a while and see that he would come through the other side, and Justin would be there with him. Thanks so much for your reviews!!

Reviewer: HalfTime1030 (Signed) · Date: January 12, 2010 08:44 AM · On: Everything I Am

Amazing. Just amazing! :)

And yes, clearly recovering from cutting behavior is not as easy as saying "I'll stop" - just like not doing drugs/drinking is not quite as easy as just saying "No."  But sometimes it's enough to see them start down the path without seeing the journey itself.

That being said, I'd personally love to see an epilogue if only because I enjoy your writing so much! :)



Author's Response:

Thanks so much. Definitely it would be a long, long road ahead for them both. I will do the epilogue soon; I hope I can do the journey some justice. :) Thanks again as always for your support. 

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