Reviewer: vic32 (Signed) · Date: April 04, 2017 05:00 PM · On: Chapter 18
Bloody heck Brian wtf are you doing telling Justin that when you know it's not true. You need him now more then every. Please let them be ok, my heart couldn't take it.
Reviewer: JTSecrets (Signed) · Date: February 03, 2010 03:53 AM · On: Chapter 18
He wants to protect Justin; fool. Is there a part of Brian not brused or broken yet I can get a piece of? :)
Reviewer: meme (Anonymous) · Date: November 30, 2009 10:22 PM · On: Chapter 18
What the hell??? for those who think that Justin never love brain enough to stay …how old are you guys..the fact is Justin never stop loving him even when he left to be with another person. Brain was Justin first love who later (Justin) fell in love more and more with the same went for brain Justin became brain first fall in love lover
and by the way what right did brain have to get mad at Justin for fucking with someone …he did it over and over again before Justin and during Justin let’s not forget after Justin did he not tell Justin this was what he believe in so the same way Justin was lead to believe over and over again by brain action that, brain didn’t so call do feeling , brain had to know Justin did ….the thing with brain is he was never taught by his mom or dad or his so call family how to really love and be love or to respect those that did… but wait didn’t brain feel something the first time he had sex with another person mmmm???? . but for real who in their right mind would put up with someone like brain for long I bet even brain him self wouldn’t put up with that shit ..there only THREE people I know that understand brain shit and would call him on it would be other than Justin or vic if he was still around is Cynthia, Daphne , Emmett. It seem like every story writers (well maybe one person who had written a B/J story and had the ball’s to put Justin in a stronger role) always make Justin seem so weak and helpless which in the show he was never that.
Author's Response: Thanks you for your comment, and for demonstrating, once more, how differently these characters impact different people. Hopefully, they will both find fulfillment and a final sense of destiny achieved in the end.
CYN
Reviewer: Jen (Anonymous) · Date: November 30, 2009 07:56 AM · On: Chapter 18
I can't tell you how much I enjoy this story. You have a better grasp on Brian's character than the writers of QAF did! I also enjoy the life you have given Cynthia.
You have set up a beautiful sense of irony with Justin and Brian. On the show, it took a near-tragedy for Brian to tell Justin he loved him, and now you have written that it took Brian's tragedy to make Justin realize how much he really loves Brian and wants to be with him despite everything. Now hopefully Justin will follow through on his internal vow to not let anything come between them ever again (despite Brian pushing him away). Can't wait to see Justin fight for Brian for once!
On a side note, you should seriously think about writing professionally if you don't already. Your sense of characterization and plot development is right up there with the best authors I have read! Great job!
Author's Response: What a lovely thing for you to say, Jen, and I am enormously grateful for your support. And I'm delighted that you've keyed in on my little ironic twist.
Thanks for your support.
CYN
Reviewer: Lizzie (Anonymous) · Date: November 30, 2009 06:11 AM · On: Chapter 18
I can't believe what Brian did, but I should have seen some of this coming. I hope I wasn't the only one who did this. :) Amazing chapter, can't wait to read more.
Also, I love what you're doing with Cynthia. Before, I liked her a lot, but now I'm all of a sudden loving her and can't wait to read more with her & watch QAF when she's in it. :)
Author's Response: Thanks, Lizzie. I always love it when the characters that I try to flesh out appeal to my readers. Hope you continue to enjoy.
CYN
Reviewer: Suse (Anonymous) · Date: November 30, 2009 01:01 AM · On: Chapter 18
If my heart wasn't hurting so bad I would tell you what an amazing writer you are.
Author's Response: Thank you, Suze. I can only say that I'm grateful for your response, and I promise that there will be better days ahead - eventually.
CYN
Reviewer: putinlvpu (Signed) · Date: November 29, 2009 07:46 PM · On: Chapter 18
Ok, I am not suprised that Brian lock himself up again, just like what he had done when Justin was bashed, or when he got cancer. At first, I am kinda pissed off by his lame excuse. Another hot-ass guy? I hope, and I believe this time Justin won't let it go.
However, when I connect what Brian said to Mathis and what he says to Justina292;a321;think maybe this time is different. He is not acting as that kind of lonely hero, licking his wound alone. Maybe the reason he pushes everybody away is that he doesn't want them get hurt. He must be scared by the words from those bastards who kidnapped him, like they would go to find his lover after they torture him.He is taking himself as an virus. Preventing his beloved people from being infectious, he pretends to be cold and distant???
But this time he can not handle everything alone. This is a hate crime. Those bastards are extremely dangerous. He, Justin, and anybody being threatened must work together to fight back!!How and when will he understand!!OMG, sometimes I really want to slap him.
I also like the conflict between Cynthia and Mikey. As for Debbie??I don't know. I always think she is the few people who really understand Brian. It was Debbie who told Brian he had fallen in love with Justinz90;And I think Debbie always reminded Mikey not to expect too much from Brian. Maybe she blames Brian for him not being love her son. Butz90;z90;z90;z90;z90;z90;I just always think she is the sensible one in this "pseudo-family". I thought she really loved Brian.
Anyway, I am not questioning your understanding of the characters. And I am waiting for more fantastic descriptions of these friends of Brian in your future update.
Author's Response: Thanks for your comment. And I really think that one of the most incredible things about these characters and their story is how different people see it in different ways. I hope you continue to find my version believable.
CYN
Reviewer: Jess (Anonymous) · Date: November 29, 2009 01:29 PM · On: Chapter 18
That was really a horrible thing for Brian to do. In all his rant, he forgot that he was the one who pushed Justin to realise his potential. Sure Justin left him a couple of times which was because of Brian's calloused treatment of him under the guise of, he is who he is. Justin is young and not that worldly and after the bashing, was not as sure of his feelings as well as Brian's motives. Lest we forgot, when Justin left Brian he was 19, 20 and then 22 when he went to New York. Brian manupilated Justin's decision to leave a couple of those times. Always telling him to be the best he can be. Now uses Justin leaving him as Justin's love being not enough. Brian is going through hell right now and I understand what he's trying to do, trying to keep him safe but dont have to be so cruel abt it. What Justin supposed to read his mind and know his motives. I just hope Justin after looking past the hurt realise what Brian was trying to do. In the past chps Justin realises his place is with Brian, so I'm hoping he'll not let Brian manupilate him again. This was a really emotional chapter. As always your writing Cyn is impeccable. Cant wait to read more. Happy Thanksgiving.
Reviewer: delvalmom (Signed) · Date: November 29, 2009 12:30 PM · On: Chapter 18
Ouch! Painful but not surprising...Brian had to go find the effing Cliffs of Dover this time, didn't he? But, I doubt Justin will be fooled for long, and he just may take matters into his own hands to call Brian's bluff.
As if I believed for a minute that you'd give us Sunshine & flowers already!!
Cynthia continues to be a delight. Lindsay was a little annoying falling apart and needing Brian to comfort her...again.
All in all, moving things along nicely!
Thanks for the Britin flashback though!!
And thanks for another enjoyable (but sad) chapter.
Fran
Author's Response: Thank you, Fran. And you are SOOO right. I don't think I've ever written sunshines and flowers in my life, because I just don't find it interesting. If this was Cinderella, I'd have been bored after the first act. Life is hard and filled with pain and betryal and hardship. The kind of love that deserves to go on and grow is the kind that comes through all that and triumphs in the end.
Hope you continue to follow along.
CYN
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: November 29, 2009 09:37 AM · On: Chapter 18
I actually agree with Gina Marie. The love we saw in the show and in this story is unbalanced. Despite the asshole-ish thing that Brian did to Justin numerous times, Brian really loves Justin whole heartly and he never gave up that love. Justin did, time and time again. There is just not enough for Justin to fully commit himself. I don't know if it is the actual storyline or it is because of other reason outside the show, I always felt that in S4 and S5, Justin's heart was not totally in it. Something was missing. Maybe it is part of growing up. When Brian said "It's only time". I can understand the doubt he has with the relationship. I would too if I were him. There are indeed so much about Brian that Justin doesn't understand. Cyn nailed it with the fact that Brian never cried in front of Justin. Another thing I noticed in Cyn's story is Justin has been referred to as "the kid" numerous times. Gina Marie is right. It's about time that Justin grows up to be a man, a real equal to Brian, instead of just being JT to Rage.
Author's Response: Thank you for your comment, Hon. And I suppose it's pretty obvious that I agree with you. I do believe that both Brian and Justin love each other - deeply, truly, endlessly - but the differences in their lives and their experiences make it difficult for them to come together and overcome what life has done to them. That's what I'm hoping to do in this story = eentually, but, in order to get to that point, there's a lot of crap that must be endured and resolved.
Hope you continue to enjoy.
CYN
Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: November 29, 2009 09:00 AM · On: Chapter 18
To trintiff and others who feel that my agreeing with Brian in this story, that Justin doesn't love him enough, please let me point out some facts from the show for you. Yes, there were times Brian threw Justin off the cliff. But not always. If you recall, the second to last time Justin left, he did so out of the blue. He told Brian that if two people wanted two different things then what chance did they have togehter? Where would the relationship go? Remember that? Then he moved in with Ben and Michael. Justin always wanted different things from Brian and as has been shown in the series, didn't love him enough to accept Brian as he is. But when Brian asked him to marry him, and changed, becoming the man he thought Justin wanted him to be, Justin didn't like him. Pan to bedroom scene....Brian wants to cuddle, Justin freakes out. He started that conversation about 'who are you? You're the the Brian Kinney I know." Yet he LEFT the Brian Kinney he knew because, to quote his own words again, 'they wanted different things'. Justin is never happy. And this is not a criticism on Justin. In fairness, Brian is VERY difficult to love. HE pushes people away, he believes in being an unfethered sexual human being. He lives his life to the fullest. No apologies, no regrets. Yeah, you can love him, but can you live with him? Can any of us? Come on, be serious. IT is asking too much of Justin. Hence Brian's thoughts, Justin doesn't love him enough to put up with all that crap. Like Michael said, 'who would?" It's sad, but true. Now I think they both need to do some soul searching, but first, Justin needs to grow up. He is still not thinking about Brian, he's thinking about his need not to lose Brian. He actually thought in the first part of this chapter how his reunion with Brian would go. He thought Brian would wake up and they would kiss. That yes, Brian would be mad, but he'd get past it then they would kiss. I read that and thought huh???? Where the fuck is this kids head? Doesn't he get what happened? This incident changed Brian. It would change anyone! It was a hate crime, and in Brian's mind, has completely altered life as he knew it. Does Justin not get what Brian is going to have to face when he wakes up and how he's going to react? Justin thinks he knows Brian, but he doesn't, not really. He has seen Brian through his own set of rose colored glasses. I do however, believe he is being tested now. It's time for little Justin to be a man and man up. And for Brian to do the same, especially when it comes to his family. He's let them get away with so much shit for so long. It's not that we Brian fans think Brian can do no wrong meme, Brian has MANY faults. Its that we cannot abide his friends and family that are so quick to condemn him for those faults, yet never give him credit, or appreciation for all the sacrafices he makes for them. Not to mention not one of them has ever sacrificed anything for him. Brian is flawed, yes, but he deserves love and loyalty from his family. Especially now, in his time of need. How they acted in that hospital room, with him right in it, was the breaking poin, imo, for Brian. I think he's going to reevaluate his relationships with them, and his own part in created the situation as it stands.
ok, end of rant. :-) Such a compliment to you Cyn that you can provoke so much emotions from us!
Author's Response: Thanks again, Honey, and I know that YOU know how much it means to a writer to get such wonderful diverse comments from readers. Thanks for being part of it.
CYN
Reviewer: meme (Anonymous) · Date: November 29, 2009 08:33 AM · On: Chapter 18
The last part is what I was more interested in…What get me is that there is always some die heart Brian Kenny fan in the review that believe that Brian can’t do no wrong well to each his/her own. While brain was being a real jack ass, I wonder if he realize how much he reviled his feeling about Justin leaving those many time. Knowing Justin he going to let brain and the other’s think he’s very hurt by brian words but when the time is right he going be the bad ass that show brain and the other’s that side of him that say don’t fuck with me I’m not the weak man you think I am. This is the shit…….
Author's Response: Thanks so much for speaking up and I'm glad to get your input. I'm always delighted and amazed at how differently people see these incredible characters, and how their actions can be interpreted so many different ways. I do believe that Justin is very strong, but I also always remember that he's very young, and that impacts so much of what happens between these two lovely individuals.
Thanks again for your comment.
CYN
Reviewer: Mediana (Anonymous) · Date: November 29, 2009 05:45 AM · On: Chapter 18
I really don't know if I can take any more angst. God, Brian is a mean man :)
Author's Response: Brian always does what he must, and sometimes, being mean is the only thing that works. Thanks for your comment.
CYN
Reviewer: bksbracelet (Anonymous) · Date: November 29, 2009 05:37 AM · On: Chapter 18
OMG I cannot stand it the angst omg the angst is going to fucking kill me. I would stop reading it but the story is so good and well written I am so hooked, I could not miss a chapter even if I tried lol.
Brian's love for Justin is so deep he forces him away as we knew he would. Brian needs him safe so that he can face the jouney of healing and if the evil ones come after him again. Brian ensures this by using the depth of loyality from Lance and Cynthia and I suspect Matt Keller.
I am always amazed that the 'family' never know the real Brian Kinney.
I am never sure if you get my comments I hope so
Author's Response: Yes, Friend, I'm getting them. It's just that this is an incredibly busy time of year at my job so I can't always respond as I'd like. But never doubt that I appreciate the time and effort you guys put forth to speak up and show me your support. Thanks ever so much.
CYN
Reviewer: Jules (Anonymous) · Date: November 29, 2009 05:10 AM · On: Chapter 18
Another brilliant chapter! My heart broke for both Brian and Justin, but I guess it had to be done. Now it is time for Justin to prove how much he loves Brian; not the other way around. I am looking forward to seeing how this story unfolds.
Author's Response: Thanks, Hon. As I quipped to someone on another site, it's QAF - not Mary Poppins, so readers shouldn't expect sweetness and light. Hope you continue to read and comprehend.
CYN
Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: November 29, 2009 02:51 AM · On: Chapter 18
This chapter was absolutely perfect! Ok, so much to absorb here. The first part of this chapter showed me how much Justin is still living in his little fantasy world. He has this image of his and Brian's relationship that is unrealistic. When I think about it, he's always created this image of Brian that was far from the truth. Brian was 'perfect', he just needed love. He was misunderstood but Justin understood him...No, Justin doesn't understand Brian, oh he loves him, I'll grant you that, but he doesn't really understand him. Or if he doesn't, he can't accept it so he 'believes' he's something different.
Brian was 100% right. Justin loves him, but not enough. Never enough. Not enought to love the 'warts' and all about Brian. Instead, Justin chose to ignore the warts and love him 'inspite' of his warts, and not warts included. Am I making sense? I totally loved it when you wrote Brian's thoughts on how Justin never loved him enough. It's at the crux of their relationship from the beginning. Justin not loving Brian enough, hence always leaving.
In fairness, Brian doesn't make it easy to love him. He doesn't trust it, and made a point of pushing his 'warts' (you know I"m being methaphoric here, right?) in Justin's facing hopeing one day he would see his faults and except them and not excuse them away or ignore them.
Having made this very astute observation, I believe that Justin will now do some serious soul searching and ask himself, 'do I love him enough?' It's a good question. I think he does, he's just been spoiled by the freedom he had in loving Brian. He's never been pushed to examine his own feelings on thier realtionship. Just how much does it mean to Justin? How much is he willing to sacrafice? Cause make no mistake, love is sacrafice. Willing sacrafice. As a parent, you sacrife a lot for the happiness of your children. Same for a lover. True love is wanting to see the person you're in love with happy, and not selfish. Justin's love for Brian has always been selfish, as displayed in the first part of this chapter. His thoughts in the airport were of Brian and he holding hands, walking down liberty avenue, good times. Even his thougths about Brian and another guy were 'good' thoughts. He wasn't thinking, "ok, Brian is not that guy anymore. He's a man now who has a major challenge ahead of him. I need to help him meet those challenges.' I don't know if it was your intent or not, but I do not feel real, intense love from Justin. Then again, I think that was my problem with Justin in the show. I never felt the same level of Love on Justin's part that I did on Brian's part. Brian often sacraficed for Justin. He always made sure Justin's needs were taken care of, that he was happy, even at the expense of his own happiness. Justin doesn't display that same level of love and loyality to Brian. The only time he did to some extent, is when Brian had cancer. But still, he left for LA when Brian was just getting over the cancer. Again, it was like Brian said. He is there when 'duty' called. And now, he's there again because duty calls. He convieniently remembers his undying love for Brian when Brian needs him. He doesn't want to lose Brian, because he does love him and needs him in his live, but he doens't love him enough to be there always, through the mundane shit of day to day living with Brian Kinney. To put up with a lifestyle that lets face it, is not to Justin's liking. Brian is not going to change, he is who he is. And the question again, (I know I'm repeating myself but I sooo loved that line you wrote! It was like a lightbulb moment for me) does he love him enough to accept all of who Brian is...
Ok, enough of those two! lol I also 'feel' Brian making some decisions in this chapter concerning his 'family'. Yes, he's pushing them away to protect them, but also I 'feel' that he's coming to terms with what pieces of shit they are. I think after this, he's going to be less forgving towards them. They have a lot of work to do if they want to keep him in their lives. They too are going to have to ask themselves if they love him enough to do the work they need to do. I hope so. But I have my doubts. Michael doesn't get it. Still. Cynthia saw that. It's all about Michael....so sad.
Now, last but not least. I fucking LOVE Brian. I am in his cheering corner! A realist. He knows he's fucked for life as far as his appearance goes, and he's already adapting. He knows he'll get use to it, because he's gotten use to worse. The strenght in him is astonishing! God I love him! And feel for him. He's truly alone, and he's always known that. He's never had anyone he could fully rely on, who he coud trust that completely. I think Cynthia is the closet he has to that kind of support. He knows, (how sad) that this too he will go through alone. All his family may want to help, but can't. They are incapable. They are selfish, and only want to help because of some sort of ownership they feel they have over him. No one gets him.
I get you Brian..lol I love ya! Great job cyn. Sorry for rambling on. this chapter really hit a note with me.
Author's Response: Alwatsm always adore your wonderful, in-depth comments, and insights. Your understanding and support mean so much to me. Hope you continue to read and comprehend and speak up.
CYN
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: November 29, 2009 01:34 AM · On: Chapter 18
I'm crying
Feroza
Author's Response: Thanks so much. Pithy is always welcome, and I'm delighted to know that it's touching you.
CYN
Reviewer: sfscarlet (Signed) · Date: November 29, 2009 12:17 AM · On: Chapter 18
I love how Cynthia tells Michael off and gets rid of the not so Brian fan club. Justin is too smart to fall for Brian's tirade. I know that B/J are eventually together- that's what the summary says so It'll be interesting to see how they get back together. Such emotional angst and up and down you take the reader- your work is rich and wonderful- sad that Brian has to do this to protect the people he loves the most/
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your comments, and I'm delighted that Cynthia is appealing to so many readers. She always struck me as being worthy of Brian's trust.
CYN
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: November 29, 2009 12:11 AM · On: Chapter 18
I was about to go to bed when I saw the update and stayed up to finish reading. Now I am not sure I can fall asleep knowing what Brian did to Justin. I have so many questions in my head. What did he say to Drew? Is he going to cut ties with Justin and Gus completely in order to protect them? Is he just pushing everyone he loves away? In the back of my mind, I still have a lot of faith in Justin that he will be able to regain his strength and not give up.
I can feel the happiness and the pain when Brian thought about that last night at Britin. That's really heart-breakingly beautiful :_(
Author's Response: I have virtually no time for responses this week, but just wanted to say a big thanks for taking the time to comment. Your support means so much to me.
CYN
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