Reviewer: Angelstar2 (Anonymous) · Date: September 13, 2011 02:24 AM · On: Neglect
so emotional and yet so much growth! Thanks for writing!
Reviewer: bidyke73 (Anonymous) · Date: July 28, 2011 03:49 AM · On: Open Letter To Readers
Dear Tiffany,
I am not sure if I have commented on this one before, because I've read your fic for a second time these days. As a matter of fact, I hadn't read the ending, which wasn't for the reason that I didn't like your story back then, but that I kind of forgot about it after I had less time to be online.
So, now I've finished and read everything in one piece and I agree: It's one of the best QAF stories ever, a "classic". It's not flawless though, indeed it's very controversial and I'm not even sure if I'd call it "in character" most of the time. It doesn't matter as long as it's believeable in itself and as long as it "touches" me. Plus, I'm a sucker for "psychologic" stories. And for strong Justin.
What I don't really like so much, is the conclusion of your story. NOT for the reason that I dislike BDSM. I just would have prefered to have Brian go through all this with Justin's help and just psychotherapy - the way the story starts off. For me, it changes too quickly and whereas I do like the scenes you create, it makes me feel that in reality, a person like Brian wouldn't be sane enough to really consent at this point. And Justin, he's too confident, too patient, too knowing where they probably should have fought first. But these are small things, and it's your story and your choice. So let me just say: It was an amazing read, it was challenging in some ways and yeah, it was well worth it.
Regards, Sabine
Reviewer: LovelessSouls (Signed) · Date: April 12, 2011 08:15 AM · On: Open Letter To Readers
I stumbled across this story late last night and just finished it a few moments ago and I have to say I absolutely loved it. The characters felt very believable for the situations you put them and I think that Brian and Justin developed very well. I'll admit that I stuggled a bit at first accepting the 'new' Brian, but I thouroghly enjoyed watching him make his journey.
Reviewer: reiselust161 (Signed) · Date: January 07, 2011 10:12 PM · On: Open Letter To Readers
Well, Tiffany, it took me only like 5 days to finish your story as I couldn´t leave it till it was finished. It really moved me how intense you could write about that realtionship and the evolution of it. Though sometimes Brian seemed a bit too mushy for me and Justin a bit too much taking over, I enjoyed the story anyway. It´s fiction as the whole Brian/Justin relation is fiction so anything is possible. What is important to see that Brian could let himself fall once and for all into someones arms (figurativly and literally) which he totally deserved, and think was his greatest problem at all.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us and letting us relive one of the greatest "non-relationships"
Elke
Reviewer: scorpiobleue (Anonymous) · Date: September 05, 2010 05:48 AM · On: Loving You
I've just finished reading the story and it was an amazing, emotional, hopeful experience. I'm so glad that you dealt with how Brian Kinney became Brian Kinney. In the show you got glimpses of what made him tick, but it wasn't fully realized I think. With this story you showed how his horrendous childhood affected the man he became. To watch Brian go through therapy and have his breakthroughs and realizations that he's good and lovable was heartbreaking yet empowering. Just, thanks so much for this story.
Reviewer: Murgy31 (Signed) · Date: August 31, 2010 12:00 PM · On: Closing the Door
I read the whole story tonight and I was going to wait until the end to comment, but this chapter was amazing. This story is brilliant!
Reviewer: dzmom (Signed) · Date: May 08, 2010 01:53 AM · On: Open Letter To Readers
I have loved this story from the very first word. It's beautiful. I would have reviewed more if I'd been able to stop reading long enough to write it down. LOL!
Reviewer: onebookwoman (Anonymous) · Date: March 15, 2010 10:48 PM · On: On the Bathroom Floor
This is a great story so far. It's been a long time since I've read a complete b/j story. So far, your interpretations of events, and the anaysis of Dr. Stevenson are believable to me.
I agree with you that a doctor would want his patients to abstain from drugs and alcohol. I disagree with the readers who want to justify all of Brian's vices, because he's using them for the wrong reasons. When he lights up a joint to relax at the end of a hard day, that's one thing. To have one or 2 drinks for the same purpose is not abuse. When he drinks or takes drugs to mask his own pain, that's when it's a problem.
To the people who feel parents are too prudish about drug/alcohol use: most parents have already gone through their own versions of excess, and they love their children so much that they don't want to see them come to harm. Even if I knew my kids were partying like that, I'd never say to them, "Have fun getting wasted on whatever you can get."
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: March 10, 2010 02:38 AM · On: Up To Today
“So Brian… what you need to think about is whether you’re ready to quit drinking. If you’re ready to quit taking drugs. And if you’re ready to deal only with the real you. With what you feel and what you need.”
Why??? I don't get this at all. Brian shouldn't have to quit drinking and doing drugs. That doesn't make you a better grown up or a better person. It mean even though he doesn't have an addiction he is putting limits on himself, limits he doesn't need. Drug and alcohol are fun. I know that isn't what the self help books tell us or our parents or uptight people that think they are above it and find it immature. Not only are drugs fun but they can be powerful amazing medicines that people need. Our bodies are teeming with dormat cannabinoids waiting to be activated to help us. XTC can help with depression and I think there was a study that it help with heart issues.
This is a challenging story. It challenges my lifestyle and my core believes in freedom of self and freedom of the spirit. Which isn't horrible but... I am going to finish it.
Author's Response: Okay -- I think I should explain. I wasn't trying to suggest that he had to quit (first of all, this is the doc's opinion, and I think a lot of doctors would suggest that, but I digress). I wasn't trying to suggest that he should quit, necessarily... *takes a deep breath, hoping she can make this make sense*
Most of this story is, to me, conceptual. What I wanted to do was think about the function that substances were having for him within the story, and to see if / how this function / ends could be achieved via a different means. Within the context of this story, I was trying to explore the idea that Brian was essentially using alcohol to suppress his feelings and ecstasy to try to feel an emotional connection to people. Then, I wanted to use his increased interpersonal awareness and relationship with Justin to see how the same sort of aims could be achieved in another format. My contention then was that, in line with this particular story, his substance abuse was not especially fun -- it served a particular function. Now, I'm not saying it isn't fun -- I'm saying, I wasn't focusing on that side of it for this story. I wasn't trying to disparage it necessarily, and I was hoping that I could show some of the validity of their use -- they had helped him for a long time.
It was a hard choice for me personally as to whether he would quit substance use or not. The reason I eventually did have him choose it was when he found something else that could "replace" the sensation and function that it was serving in his life.
It's always hard to -- well, actually impossible to know how a story will be interpreted, and I think every interpretation is equally valid, mine as much as anyone's. I can say what I intended, but not really what I wrote -- that depends on what others read. So I wanted to thank you for sharing your thoughts and also to say that I never intended to write a story that threatened freedom of spirit at all. In my own interpretation of the story, Brian ends up more free because he is learning to achieve more emotional freedom through a greater variety of means, and he is more free to be himself (and not how others might sometimes see him).
Thanks for continuing the story although it's a challenging one for you. :)
Reviewer: Heidi (Anonymous) · Date: March 10, 2010 01:30 AM · On: Gaining You
Hmmm. I don't know how to put this without sounding nuts. I think it's really unfair that Brian has to lose all his vices in this story. I find that everyone needs vices in life. No matter how mentally healthy you are vices are there to help you keep things in balance, their there to help you keep control over your life. Even if it's that one smoke you have with your morning coffee. It's part of your routine and part of your life. In a way I feel that you are stripping Brian down and taking away his vices, just to have them be replaced by Justin and in a lot of ways that is unfair to both Brian and Justin.
One of the best things about QAF is how they showed adults liberally using drugs and alcohol and not making it into an afternoon special. Almost all the guys were shown using alcohol and drugs as a way of self medicating, but they also showed drugs and alcohol as something you do to enhance sex and enhance a moment. It's sad to Brian being stripped of those moments.
Brian Kinney means a great deal to me. I grew up in Pittsburgh, my father was a steel worker and a drunk, my mother was a devout Catholic who would drink herself stupid and from 4-9 I raised myself. I also had to miss school because of bruises and not having clean clothes to wear. So watching a person on TV that was so close to who I was and who I became made me feel like less of a freak and more normal. There were moments on the show where I was like OMG that's me. Mostly because Brian seemed to acknowledge his parents abuse and neglect and used them as a catalyst to become who he was and to be perfectly honest I found Brian to be pretty alright warts and all.
Author's Response: I understand what you mean. My goal wasn't so much for him to become perfect, but rather to present a story in which these things were serving him in a really negative way. And to say that *if* this were true, that the same outcomes could be had in a more productive way. I wasn't trying to say that it was necessarily so terrible in the show, or that it is a terrible thing in RL. I was trying to explore alternatives that might achieve what drug / alcohol use were achieving within this story.
I agree about the potential "positive side" to drug and alcohol use, but what I wanted to suggest in the "world of the story" was that this was not the primary function they had in his life, and that rather they were used to manipulate his own feelings in a way that ultimately denied him the chance to have genuine emotion. I'm not saying, again, that it was this way all the time in the show. But I wanted to consider how this *could* be, in a sense, handicapping him.
I guess for me the substance abuse was quite secondary to his identity. I never saw it as being a central part to his character -- I mean, in a way he was "infamous" for it, but in a way I think that did his a disservice because he did a lot of good things that could be overlooked if he is seen as sort of a one-dimensional character.
It was difficult for me to decide whether he would or wouldn't quit substances, because I don't really think it's necessary, called for, particularly in character, etc. But a lot of this story was, for me, conceptual and so I wanted to see how other experiences might achieve the same end via different means. I don't know if that makes sense or not -- I hope it does.
I really never meant to suggest that there was anything wrong with Brian... I'm sorry if / that it came out that way. I really had intended to try to showcase parts of his character that are, to me, too often overlooked, such as his generosity and selflessness. I wanted to consider possible reasons for some of his traits (not to condemn them) rather than just write him off as trying to be a jackass or whatever. I intended to try to respect where he came from and give that consideration in thinking about his behavior (i.e. that he might have legit reasons for not wanting to be married, not that he's "just" trying to be a forever young peter pan. I intended to try to explore more depth to his character into the sort of easy bromides that go with him at times.
I honestly never intended to suggest that I had any problem with him the way he was and I am sorry that it can be interpreted that way... Ultimately I wanted to show his triumph over all of this, and that despite all he'd been through, he'd succeeded and come through entirely intact.
Thanks so much for your thoughts and interpretation. It's very interesting to me to see how the story is taken by readers, and I am very glad that you wrote in! :)
Reviewer: Heidi (Anonymous) · Date: March 09, 2010 06:46 AM · On: Scarves
Is that really what you thought about the scarfing scene in the show? Or is this something you just wrote for this story to give it drama? I am very curious about your answer.
Author's Response: That is how I felt about the scarfing scene, because of how I felt about the events going on at that time... Not that I don't see / understand other interpretations, but I do favor this interpretation.
Reviewer: Heather (Anonymous) · Date: March 09, 2010 03:10 AM · On: Bearing Gifts
I wish there was a warmth to this story :( I want to like this story it's a great idea for Brian to face his demons, but I don't feel anything when I read this. This story would be so much better if the characters were let off their leashes and given room to move and tell us how they are feeling. They all seem a like robotic versions of the gang or something.
The only sound in the apartment is the water streaming down against the tiles and the glass. ( tell us what the water sounds like describe the steam on the tiles and the glass.)
Those are the types of details that bring a story to life.
In the bedroom, I light a joint and let the smoke fill my lungs. I can feel myself relaxing, feel the tension slipping away, the memories of tonight getting softer around the edges. ( is Brian sitting on the bed? Laying back? standing in front of his closet? Where is the tension being relieved. Does he feel it in his back loosing his muscles? Is the tightness in his brow go away? How does the joint taste?)
Off to read a bit more.
Author's Response: Thanks very much for the feedback. I honestly do appreciate it.
If you dislike the story so much, I hope you don't feel compelled to continue reading for another 50 chapters.
Reviewer: Jasmine (Anonymous) · Date: February 27, 2010 07:13 AM · On: Loving You
I'm always late discovering good writers! I started reading Heartbreaker in one sitting and than discovered "Why Not With Me'', I plan to finish reading this weekend...Just want to let you know you write so beautifully and I can just hear the words flowing from the mouths of these characters that I've come to love. You are a tru talent my dear!
Author's Response: Hi -
Thank so much! That is so sweet! I am delighted to hear that you like the stories so much (I hope you'll like the new one, too!). I really appreciate the feedback and your words -- too kind! :)
Tiffany
Reviewer: TrinTiff (Signed) · Date: February 23, 2010 06:39 AM · On: Loving You
Oh, honey, you did more than justice with it; the culmination of this story as you told it through this last D/s lovemaking scene took my breath away! I am sad to see it end but I think you were right to end it here. You've done a beautiful job with them! You should be very proud!
Hugs, Cindy
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm sorry I'm just getting to this comment! I am so glad you enjoyed the end of the story; I hope you'll enjoy the new one I've just started as well...
I'm proud to have readers like you! :) :)
Reviewer: MissMoe (Anonymous) · Date: February 22, 2010 09:27 AM · On: Open Letter To Readers
You know...I've shed a tear or two throughout your fic, but I've definetley cried more reading the end of this fic than I have just reading it. Thank you for such a wonderful read and experience through following it. I'm SO excited to read your other work. I kinda have to take it slow with WIPs, haha. If you're on livejournal my username there is 'sunshinecorazon', please add me there if you have an account :) I'd LOVE to keep in contact through there as well. Ohh I'm sad about this fic, but giddy about reading the rest of your work. *hugs* Again, thanks for such a WONDERFUL fic and for you being such a caring author.
Author's Response: I'm finally getting around to answering these, so I added you to my LJ account! I'll warn you, I hardly use it though.
I have loved having you along through the journey of this story -- your comments and enthusiasm have been such a help. I really hope you'll enjoy the rest of the stories as well. It's been my pleasurew to write for you and all the other wonderfully supportive reviewers out there! :)
Tiffany
P.S. I've shed a tear or two over it myself! And one or two reading reviews...
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: February 22, 2010 08:23 AM · On: Open Letter To Readers
Tiffany
This is a wonderful story, I truly enjoyed reading what you have written. I love the way you have enabled Brian to feel something other than empty and powerless in his personal/emotional life. And empowered Justin in a way that proved to Brian and Justin that they do indeed know and trust each other better than anyone else. I am also a big fan of this being B/J centered with little interferece from "the gang". Keep writing!!
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm so glad to hear that you feel the story turned out this way; it's all I could ever hope for. Thanks so much for the feedback and support! I hope you will / do enjoy my other stories as well!
Reviewer: sfscarlet (Signed) · Date: February 21, 2010 09:29 PM · On: Open Letter To Readers
I enjoyed Why Not With Me and Recced it to a few people. ( my beta and I correspond with recs frequently) Thank you for sharing this with us.
Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much! That is such a compliment. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed the story so much. Thanks so much for your support!
Reviewer: Kitty_Ballou (Signed) · Date: February 21, 2010 07:48 PM · On: Open Letter To Readers
And it's a very special gift and a wonderful one, an amazing + unique one to know you, Tiffany! Thank you so much for sharing "Why not with me" with us. For writing the story that I will never forget... Thanks again! God bless you.
Love, Kitty
Author's Response: Aww, it's been wonderful getting to know you as well. I'm so lucky to have readers such as yourself! :) I'm sorry I'm so late in replying to these last comments -- I will finish them!
It has been a marvelous journey and I'm so glad that you came along! :)
Love,
Tiffany
Reviewer: Kitty_Ballou (Signed) · Date: February 21, 2010 07:31 PM · On: Loving You
*still crying*
*smiles with tears in my eyes*
And Tiffany: You did a fucking good job! *hugs again* You and your story are amazing! And the end - typing while following your instints - is absolutely perfect!
Author's Response: I'm sorry I'm taking so long to get to these reviews!
I am so glad and lucky to have readers like you! :)
Reviewer: Kitty_Ballou (Signed) · Date: February 21, 2010 07:24 PM · On: The Love You Take
--- That message is meant for all readers who face trials, tribulations and who know Brian's struggles as their own... Please know you always have my support, and you have been such an inspiration... And you too will win! ---
*hugs you like mad* You're an amazing author! And this story is something special für me! And that's why I have to say that I love her - and you! For writing it! Thank you so much, Tiffany! *kiss*
Reviewer: Kitty_Ballou (Signed) · Date: February 21, 2010 07:13 PM · On: Everywhere
Hi + sooooooo sorry for waiting so long for go on reading! *hugs* I am a little bit busy at the moment - but that's another story... *gg*
But this chapter hooks me again! It's so sweet + charming and I am so proud of Brian + Justin! *sighs happily* And now I have to grab the following chapters! ;-)
Reviewer: Sunny (Anonymous) · Date: February 21, 2010 03:34 PM · On: Open Letter To Readers
Hey tiffany,
thank you so much not only for writing the story - tha´s a given - but also for your words at the end. I can rely to them in so many ways. I wish you all the best and I´m looking forward to your next story.
Hugs, Sunny
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm glad you found the quotation inspirational. I hope you'll like all the stories to come!
Hugs back,
Tiffany
Reviewer: Sturmeskind (Anonymous) · Date: February 21, 2010 02:09 AM · On: Open Letter To Readers
Hello, Tiffany,
I hope you can forgive eventual oddities in my English, I try very hard to do it right. That is a difficult task in any case and even more so regarding the fact it's not my native language.
I realise that this is my first review to your story, a fact which I now find hard to believe as it has been, in some sense, a part of my life these past weeks. I'm slightly ashamed to admit that I rarely review anymore as it is, though I'm not too sure why. Perhaps, I tend to avoid the actual self-reflection that comes with re-examining what I've read and how it makes me feel. Oh well, might as well continue now that I've actually started. You were amazingly honest with us readers, so I will try to be honest, too.
First of all, you wrote an amazing love story. That's a big complement on my part as I'm usually and very quickly bored by such things. "Why not with me" is gentle, warm and at times a bit rough (just the way I like it) and it made me feel all fuzzy inside.
However, this is certainly not everything that's to say about this story. I love that you are so perceptive in describing both psychological issues and the relationships and undercurrents between your characters. I think the most important thing is that you didn't try to make things more dramatic than they should be. At no point in the whole story I had the feeling you were using your Brian's (or your Justin's) issues simply to create drama.
Your Dr. Stevenson is an amazing character. I wish there were more people like that in RL. I love how you let his character evolve throughout the story. I remember him being so shocked about Brian's lifestyle and now look at him in that last chapter! Yay for the Doctor.
I admit, I was sceptical at first about the "bondage/submission thing" (lacking a better term here, sorry!). Introducing a, well, controversive matter like this can either ruin the story or turn it into something special. You managed the latter. There's not much more I can say about that without tapping into may personal story, which would take things too far for now. As it is, I'm starting to ramble.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I hope to read a lot more of your work. It truely was a pleasure.
Lisa
Author's Response: Hi Lisa,
First of all, your English is absolutely gorgeous. Gorgeous. So please, please, don't worry about that or warn me. If anything, warn me about your articulateness! :) Seriously, though, I have so much admiration for those who are reading / writing in a non-native language. I doubt that I'll ever have the talent or courage to do such a thing.
I really appreciate your honesty. I know it's hard to leave reviews -- even I owe some, and I know personally how meaningful they can be. You're right, I think, that part of the difficulty is that it's hard to express one's own reaction to a story. And usually, with traditional books/novels, that option is rather far off. The option of leaving reviews or notes is such an immediate way to communicate something that is so personal... I am very glad that you took the risk, though, because your note is really heartwarming.
Your thoughts on the dramatization of the characters / their issues are very interesting. I find that I love writing the very emotional scenes (i.e. Lock and Key, Let it Take You) and I'm relieved to hear that it's clearly more than drama for its own sake.
I love Dr. Stevenson, too, mostly because of his disinterested and nonjudgmental way of looking at things, plus, as you suggest, his willingness to change and grow. I also love him for adopting all my favorite psychological viewpoints! :)
You know, it was a risk to add the D/s element into the story... but from my point of view, it was already there. What probably seemed like a rather sudden decision in the story was not. I'd known about the D/s side of their relationship basically since a little before Chapter 10. What I didn't know was whether I would include the conceptual elements as I saw them and stop there (i.e., the chair as a safezone, the rules as a sort of contract) or whether it would be directly named. I did agonize over if, and how, to do that. Paramount to me was that it was a natural progression, with the "name" of it quite secondary to the fact and practice of it, in their relationship. It means a great deal to me that you feel that this risk paid off. Thanks for sticking with it despite the twist!
I hope you will read more; as you probably know I have some oneshots, another multi-chapter story and am working on another. (New chapter tomorrow). I am planning to do another Big Story, but the ideas are still solidifying...
Thank you so much for your warm thoughts and message. I am honored to have great reviewers like yourself who have made this journey so much better and the story so much better, too. :)
Tiffany
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: February 20, 2010 10:16 PM · On: Open Letter To Readers
Tiffany..
You are an amazing writer... you brought these characters to life.... the way you described all their emotions, love,hate and fear.... I felt as if I knew them... it takes a great writer to do that... I am an avid fiction reader.... and if a book doesn't interest me in the first few chapters... I will not read it.... I look forward to reading any future fics you will write... and will continue to let you know how much I like them... or not...lol... Thanks.......
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I am honored that you stuck with the story and found it worth the long, long nature of the story. I've really appreciated your thoughtful comments and questions on the story; I know they've helped me clarify my own thoughts and improved the story, too. I'll be lucky to have you reading for me in the future! :)
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: February 20, 2010 09:51 PM · On: Loving You
Amazing, Fantastic, Wonderful, Beautiful...... I am running out of words to say.... lol.. I loved this fic.... It was an incredible journey... I felt as though I was with them every step of the way.... like Brian said... "It was Hard" but... like Justin said.. "it's been worth it"...... I couldn't agree more.... I can't wait to see what other stories you have planned.... cause I will definetly be along for the ride....... Thanks Tiffany....
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I am so lucky to have reviewers like you -- thank you so much for staying for the journey! I'll look forward to seeing you on the next one!
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: February 20, 2010 09:18 PM · On: The Love You Take
Beautiful..... Amazing chapter.... they have all come so far.. and learned from each other...including Doc Stevenson.... he has learned from Brian's inner strength and from Justin love and devotion.. that you can overcome anything if you try hard enough....
Reviewer: JTSecrets (Signed) · Date: February 20, 2010 08:03 PM · On: Open Letter To Readers
Girlfriend a few more chapters and you would have passed my novel Embraced in review hits. Your comments per chapter are off the fu*king chain!
Major kuddos for an outstanding story which I plan to get back too once I'm no longer in a manic writing frenzy like now.
Did I say you have real writing talent? This is a brilliant story and one of the best I've seen in QAF fanfiction. Emotions are your themes and nobody spreads it as thick as you can.
I really like how you made Justin in this story. I take my hat off to you my lady.
Author's Response: *grins*
You are so funny -- you should talk! Your latest is going to pass up this story in a fraction of the time, days wise! I thought you'd be posting like a chapter every day or two, and even then I was skeptical (but hopeful) that I could keep up. Then it was like an absolute snowstorm of chapters and I'm buried now! I think the summer, with its warm weather and time off work, will be the time for me to be unburied and get caught up... I expect by then I'll have 2,000 chapters to read!! *laughing*
It's interesting to me that you'd mention emotions specifically -- maybe the reason they come out well in writing is because elsewhere I'm not much more communicative than Brian, I fear! :)
You are way too kind... I am touched that you liked the story so much -- quite a compliment from the master! It's been an honor to have you as a reader and I've (and the story's) benefited from it tremendously. :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 20, 2010 05:46 PM · On: Open Letter To Readers
Hey, Tiffany, it has been a great pleasure to get to know you too. I really hope you keep writing because you are a truly gifted writer.
I'm going to miss this story, but I will look forward to what else you'll produce :D
Author's Response: Thanks so much -- I can't imagine the story without all of your wonderful comments and support (for this story and the rest). I really don't know how you find the time and energy to be such a wonderful reader/reviewer *and* write so many compelling stories! :)
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: February 20, 2010 04:13 PM · On: Open Letter To Readers
That's a very touching letter. I too wish we all can find BJ kind of love. It makes like so much more interesting to share with someone, to go through the ups and downs with. It is such an accomplishment that you have there, to create something from your heart and share it with others. And writing 58 chapters and completing such a long story take persistence, faith in oneself to keep going, faith in readers to keep following. We all find refuge in writng or reading BJ fics. And it is great to be a part of this community. Thank you again for your story!
Author's Response: Thanks so very much... You're right -- the aspect of having written a story like this and then to share it and...then to have such a warm, welcome reception... It's more than I could ever expect or ask for. As you say, it's not ever really easy, but having thoughtful, engaged reviewers like yourself made it so much easier!
My best wishes always for you!
Reviewer: Bridget (Anonymous) · Date: February 20, 2010 03:38 PM · On: Open Letter To Readers
I just wanted to say thanks for being one of those authors that reply to reviews and keep a story going. Also I felt a real kind of satisfaction at the end of this story. I can't wait to read more.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! That's wonderful to hear -- that the story was satisfying! It's been completely my pleasure to reply to reviews -- I just hope I haven't missed any!
Reviewer: bksbracelet (Anonymous) · Date: February 20, 2010 01:29 PM · On: Open Letter To Readers
Thanks so much Tiffany this was a special story that rose above being just a fan fic. The differing emotional levels you had Brian/Justin negotiate were just so real and gripping that I eagerly sought each new chapter. Thank you I look forward to further stories from you :)Chris
Author's Response: That's so sweet...what a compliment... Thank you so much. I'm thrilled that the story was so compelling. Thanks so much for your comments and support throughout! First things first... I better work on finishing Heartbreaker! :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 20, 2010 12:33 PM · On: Open Letter To Readers
thank you tiffany for a wonderful story. take me with you on the next ride.
Author's Response: You're quite welcome -- and I'll be expecting you for the next one! :)
Reviewer: veglogic (Anonymous) · Date: February 20, 2010 11:02 AM · On: Loving You
*Huge round of applause* Without a doubt one of the best B/J fan fics I have had the pleasure to read. Bravo and thanks so very much for sharing this journey with us.
Author's Response: Aww, thank you!! *blushes and looks down embarrassedly at the applause, then smiles*
It has been a great journey -- made that way in large part due to thoughtful readers like yourself -- thank you so much for coming along for the ride! :)
Reviewer: Snow (Anonymous) · Date: February 20, 2010 08:15 AM · On: Loving You
That was been an absolute pleasure to read. I enjoyed watching both characters grow. Beautiful story.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so pleased that their growth was evident throughout. Thanks so much for taking the time to review and for enjoying the story!
Reviewer: Stephanie (Anonymous) · Date: February 20, 2010 07:55 AM · On: Loving You
One word: amazing...Ok more than one word, I started your story and had to physically make me stop reading it because I loved it so much and didn't want it to be over...You seem to have a wonderful insight of the psyche, can't believe how accurate...
And I love how you've given them both a way to get what they want and who they really want...so, thank you for this story, I'll look forward to the next one...
xoxo
Author's Response: That is such an amazing compliment -- I am so delighted that you enjoyed the story so much! That's a feeling I know well.... :)
As for the next one (well, the Next Big One), I have some ideas that are sort of... solidifying. I am looking forward to writing it and I hope to see you then! :)
Reviewer: Debbie (Anonymous) · Date: February 20, 2010 07:39 AM · On: Loving You
Tiffany,
I loved this story. I am hoping you will start a new one after a bit of rest.
I feel you really got the true feelings of Brian and Justin in this story.
I also know you are truly a gifted writer and need to continue to write stories for others to read to better our lifes.
Again, thanks for writing this GREAT STORY!!!
Debbie
PS. If I could, I would rate it a 20 or more in points as the best.
Author's Response: Debbie,
Thank you so much for your support throughout the story. It has been wonderful to write for this community knowing some of the amazing readers out there like yourself. I hope I have managed in some way to make things better. :)
Thank YOU! :)
Tiffany
Reviewer: HalfTime1030 (Signed) · Date: February 20, 2010 05:09 AM · On: Loving You
This chapter, this story - YOU - utterly brilliant. Really. This journey has been long and hard for all of us I think but oh, so worth it!
Thank you so much for taking the time and energy to write this and for being brave enough to share it - truly inspirational!
Author's Response: *blushes*
Thank you so much... *blushes again*
It's been my pleasure -- thank you for all of your support!
Reviewer: twoells (Anonymous) · Date: February 20, 2010 03:40 AM · On: Sunday Breakfast With Gus
Have really enjoyed this story - it's been a wonderful journey of discovery for both Brian & Justin (though especially Brian, of course!). Hope you will write more in the future :) :) :)
Reviewer: sfscarlet (Anonymous) · Date: February 20, 2010 03:15 AM · On: Loving You
Sorry to see the tale end. I've been reading from the beginning and have enjoyed the journey. I'll look forward to more in the universe.
Author's Response: I'm sorry to end it, too... Thank you so much; I'm delighted that you've made it through the story! I like the idea of having more in the WNWM universe -- I'll have to give that a try! :) Thanks again!
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: February 20, 2010 01:54 AM · On: Loving You
Wowww this was an heartbreaking, heartwarming, sweet, hot ( and lots of more words, that I don't know in english) story from an amazing writer.
Tiffany this was more than B E A U T I F U L
* a very deep bow * and * a big hug *
Author's Response: Awww, thank you so much. Your support has been amazing and you are so kind... I'm honored to be able to write for you! :)
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: February 20, 2010 01:23 AM · On: Everywhere
I'm glad to be back from vacation, I was missing this story.
Wonderful chapter as always, thanks.
* runs to the next chapter *
Reviewer: Blaculicous (Anonymous) · Date: February 20, 2010 12:40 AM · On: Loving You
Tifffany I found your story a week ago fell heads over heals instantly. I really enjoyed the inclusion of psychoanalysis and could tell you wrote from a knowledgeable position. It wasn't hard to empathize with Brian's journey and celebrate his triumpths. I wish there was more D/s play but I respected your depiction and characterizations nonetheless. Thanks, Leah
Author's Response: Awww, thanks so much. I'm so glad that the psych concepts fit well into the story; they were basically the driving plot for me personally in writing the story. I thought about doing more on the D/s side, but I didn't want to make it into the main focus of the story. Just starting them down the road... Maybe in another story someday.
Thanks so much for the feedback and for reading!
Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2010 09:36 PM · On: Loving You
Great job Tiffany. Wonderful ending. I enjoyed this journey
Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much! I'm glad that you ended up enjoying the story; I missed you there for a while! :)
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: February 19, 2010 07:18 PM · On: Loving You
When I read this: “I‘m with you,” I hear him say.
I immediately glance at the titile of the story: "Why Not With Me"
And I smiled =)
This is a beautiful conclusion to the story. Congratulations on pulling this off. Not an easy task. And it sure has been quite a journey for us all. Thank you.
PS. The second interview went ok (Not as good as I hoped for since I was really nervous). So, now I can only wait for their decision. Can't wait to get back to the workforce. And thank you for your support. It's nice to have this personal exchange wth you as I went through the ups and downs. It means a lot to me that someone cares :_)
Author's Response: *smiles*
Thank you... It really has been journey. I never would have thought, when I started this story, that things in RL would turn out like they have...
I am glad the interview went well for you and that soon you'll be able to find a job that you'll really enjoy and find worthwhile!
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: February 19, 2010 06:58 PM · On: Sunday Breakfast With Gus
Thank you so much for this wonderful story. You have an amazing talent to write very intense scenes. I woukd love to read more of your work.
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 19, 2010 06:57 PM · On: Loving You
*stands on chair, claps and whistles loudly*
A million shiny thank-yous for this story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: And at least as many shiny thank-yous to YOU for all of your..."support" isn't even the right word but... but...Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2010 05:44 PM · On: Loving You
Wow, Tiffany, this has been quite the journey. I'm a little sad it's over, but you have ended it perfectly.
The sex was hot, and very sweet; Brian has come such a long way from the first chapter.
This is an amazing story, and I'll promise to recomend it to everybody I ever talk to :)
Author's Response: I'm so relieved to hear that the end was okay -- I think I was more nervous writing it than any other because it was the last chance to do -- well, anything!
Thank you so very much for your support! You are my own Public Relations / Advertising committee ;). You're too sweet! :)
Reviewer: bksbracelet (Anonymous) · Date: February 19, 2010 03:20 PM · On: Loving You
Just a wonderful story I have loved every chapter thank you so much :)Chris
Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much! I've loved sharing it with everyone! :)
Reviewer: Hotesse (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2010 01:59 PM · On: Loving You
This is one of my favorite stories, I followed it from the start always waiting more or less patiently for the next update. I will read it again many times, thank you very much! xoxox, take care, Edda.
Author's Response: Thanks so much; that's so sweet! I'm glad you'll enjoy re-reading! Hope all is going well with school! :)
Reviewer: sara (Anonymous) · Date: February 19, 2010 01:47 PM · On: Loving You
This was a fabulous chapter, and did the story justice. This is one of the very best QAF stories that I've ever read, and certainly one that I will enjoy rereading. wonderful. thanks so much, tiffany!
Author's Response: Awwww!! *blushes*** Thank you so much! I'm so glad the end went well; it was nerve-wracking to write.
If ever, as you're re-reading, you want to comment, feel free -- I promise I'll be checking them. :) Thanks so much again!
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2010 01:45 PM · On: Loving You
i loved it. i get the feeling that together they can conquer/overcome anything that comes before them. picking gus up just to spend time with him was so sweet.
now tell me what do have planned next because i can't wait for another story from you.
Author's Response: *smiles* That's exactly the feeling I was aiming for -- that no matter what they face, they'll get through it together. :) And I loved writing Gus again ;).
Well --- first I'm going to finish Heartbreaker. Then I think a oneshot or two. I'm still getting all my thoughts together for the Next Big Story. But I'll be writing in the meantime!
:) Thanks so much for everything! :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 18, 2010 11:28 PM · On: The Love You Take
i'm so sad that this is ending, but so glad that brian got to where he is. i thin k seeing dr. stevenson once in a while will help.
amazing work hon.
Author's Response: I know... I just posted the last chapter and I feel all mushy... *sighs* Thanks so, so much for your wonderful support throughout the story. I hope the final chapter won't disappoint!
Reviewer: veglogic (Anonymous) · Date: February 18, 2010 09:12 PM · On: The Love You Take
This chapter illustrated even more Brian's growth and his strength and ability to now handle his own emotions all with the backdrop of an overwhelmingly supportive partner. While I'm sad to see Dr Stevenson go I think as readers we've gotten all we need from their visits to the good Dr's. Looking forward to what you have in store for the conclusion.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your thoughts and support! I'm glad that the timing made sense, and I hope the conclusion won't disappoint! :)
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: February 18, 2010 09:06 PM · On: The Love You Take
And I sure will miss Dr. Stevenson! No more coffee spilling =D
It is amazing to see Brian's progress from Dr's POV. Not just saying "fine" at the beginning... That was really really something. Not only Dr got a lesson from Brian, we all did, thanks to you.
Is bondage really officially documented in psychotherapy? Just curious :)
And some personal good news. Well, no job offer yet but at least one step closer. Got an invitation to a second interview. Fingers crossed.
Author's Response: Awww, thanks! I've learned a lot and had a lot of fun with all my wonderful reviewers, too! :)
As to your question -- not that I know of. I wish; I'd love to see the research. Thematically the links are there; how it would be practiced would be tough.
Wow, good! Congratulations on the second interview! I hope all goes well, and I hope you'll enjoy the last (!!) chapter of the story!
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 18, 2010 06:12 PM · On: The Love You Take
I think Dr Stevenson puts it perfectly when he notes that while Brian still struggles with emotional expression, the difference is that he now sees the value in trying. It feels that Brian (and Justin) have reached a point where they can just “be”; not that they won’t keep growing or have challenges to face in the future. Justin’s calm acceptance of the possibility of a relapse shows that. But rather than shutting down and trying to overcome the bad things in life by hiding, both Brian and Justin have a new framework which gives them permission to feel and cry and struggle and love…to be human in a positive, life affirming way *smiles*
For me it’s all summed up by Brian’s response of “I’m doing pretty well”. Because automatically saying “fine” when asked how you (especially in therapy) is really about confusion, insecurity, fear and putting a barrier up between yourself and everyone else. That Brian can identify and articulate how he feels is such a huge accomplishment, and not only for him. Because this story has also been about the journey of Justin and Dr Stevenson. The insight we get into Dr Stevenson thoughts and emotions in this chapter are lovely and really emphasize the connection between all three of them *waves good-bye to Dr Stevenson*
Author's Response: Yeah, it was huge that he finally answered honestly rather than dismissively... And I like your analysis of Justin's reaction to the relapse possibility. I think he was also considering the best ways to deal with such a problem via D/s... *smiles*
Your description of his use of "fine" is so marvelous! Dr. Stevenson passes along his best wishes and appreciation! :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 18, 2010 04:44 PM · On: The Love You Take
Dr. Stevenson has gotten better at controlling his reactions *smirk*
I'm glad they got to tell him how things went with their parents, I think they were proud of themselves and each other, but having the doctor proud of them too was a confirmation that they had done the right thing.
I would have liked them to tell him about the dinner at Deb's and the fact that everybody accepts the new Brian, but I guess we can't have it all, and the rest was definitely more important.
I'm sad this is coming to an end, but I look forward to reading the last parts :)
Author's Response: You know, I wish I would have thought about that -- them telling the doc about Debbie's. I guess it didn't occur to me b/c "public Beautiful" isn't anything they'd discussed with him (yet, anyway). That would have been a great idea, though!
I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter anyway. ... I just posted the final chapter (besides Author's Notes tomorrow) and it is definitely sad for me!
Thanks so much for your truly amazing support throughout! I hope you'll like the end!
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: February 18, 2010 02:58 PM · On: The Love You Take
lovely!
Author's Response: Thank you! :)
Reviewer: turtlegirl922 (Anonymous) · Date: February 18, 2010 01:15 PM · On: The Love You Take
Phew! I made it through all the chapters. It took the better part of two days, but it was worth the time investment.
This fic makes me feel good...In my book, that's the best compliment I can give an author.
I'll miss Dr. Stevenson too. I'm not always a fan of OC's but he has really grown on me. You did a great job creating him!
Author's Response: Wow...Thank you so much -- I'm honored by your compliments! I am quite fond of Dr. Stevenson myself and am glad others liked him, too. Thanks so much for your enthusiasm! :)
Reviewer: turtlegirl922 (Anonymous) · Date: February 18, 2010 12:34 PM · On: In My Submission
Loved, loved, LOVED the last section where they discussed Brian's submission. And can I just add that Dominant Justin is too hot for words!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I loved that part, too... it was so meaningful for them both....
*grins* Of course you can add that!! I'm so glad you think so!! *grins more*
Reviewer: turtlegirl922 (Anonymous) · Date: February 18, 2010 06:46 AM · On: A Question
“Is there enough of me left…after all of this?”
Ugh...poor Brian!
Author's Response: *nods sympathetically*
Reviewer: veglogic (Anonymous) · Date: February 18, 2010 02:17 AM · On: Everywhere
My favorite thing about this chapter was how Brian showed the gang "Beautiful" and how much he had grown/changed/learned without any prodding from Justin. I know that Justin's unwavering support made it possible and all this together created a beautiful moment. I think everyone's reactions were right on point as well. Hot ending too! More soon please.
Author's Response: That's a great point. Brian was basically ready on his own. Justin supported him when it got a little awkward, but he never had to direct him to be "Beautiful" or to be open, or whatever. That was his own volition. I'm excited that the various characters seemed IC, and that you liked the last scene!! :)
Reviewer: turtlegirl922 (Anonymous) · Date: February 17, 2010 04:08 PM · On: Scarves
Ack...crying again...need more kleenex. Think Dr. Stevenson will give me some of his?
This is really powerful stuff...and beautifully written. Seriously.
Author's Response: Dr. Stevenson always shares his kleenex and his bottled water...!! *hands over some*
Thank you so much -- I genuinely appreciate the feedback! :)
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: February 17, 2010 03:31 PM · On: Needs and Wants
That was incredible!!! Where are my tissues? *sniffles*
Author's Response: Thank you....!! *hands over the kleenex*
Reviewer: turtlegirl922 (Anonymous) · Date: February 17, 2010 03:00 PM · On: Gift Exchange
I loved these two lines...
"There really aren’t words for how I’m feeling about him. Justin says there is; he calls it love. And I guess that’s true. But a word only lasts a second; I want to tell him longer."
"Crying with Brian was…the most intense thing we’ve ever done together."
This was a great chapter...
Author's Response: I LOVE your quote choices -- a couple of my favorites from the whole story... Thanks SO much!!!! **so happy to have you as a new reviewer!*
Reviewer: turtlegirl922 (Anonymous) · Date: February 17, 2010 02:19 PM · On: About Me
Brian is always so controlled during sex, both in the show and in most fanfics. It's nice to see him "shattered" by a sexual encounter. Especially since it was Justin that did it to him.
Author's Response: That is such a great point! I have tried to look closely at how much of Brian's communication is physical, and as such, the sex scenes take on some additional meaning *clears throat* though of course... they're still you know... sex scenes! *grins* Thanks so much for your attention to those details!!
Reviewer: turtlegirl922 (Anonymous) · Date: February 17, 2010 01:06 PM · On: Believe
Wow, I don't want to leave a big long review since I am trying to read as many chapters as I can tonight, but...
That was powerful and intense...and beautiful.
Thank you.
Author's Response: Oooh, new reviewer! Hi!! Thanks so much -- I'm excited that you're enjoying the story!
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: February 17, 2010 11:30 AM · On: Everywhere
Great chapter, I love how open Brian is. He has always been shy so that vulnerability together with his new found "humble confidence" ( for lack of a better word?) madre this a very touching chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks so much -- I think your description is perfect! :) I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: February 17, 2010 05:00 AM · On: Everywhere
When will this end .....................................................
Author's Response: Umm, two more chapters, if you keep reading. You are also not obligated to continue a story that you started. Certainly not for 56 chapters and almost 200,000 words.... you could have ended it at any intervening point, just so you know for next time that you find yourself unhappy with a story.
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: February 17, 2010 02:20 AM · On: Everywhere
You shouldn't be nervous... the chapter was a glimpse of "Beautiful" that was shown to the people that matter most in Brian's life... besides Justin... the way everyone reacted...showed that they accepted.. that this is who Brian is and will always be ... and I agree with Justin there is no reason they have to tell anyone about... Beautiful and Sunshine... it is private and personal and there is no need for them to know....
Author's Response: *grins* I'm always nervous!!!
But I was especially nervous about this chapter because so many issues needed to be balanced within that scene, and so many people. I'm so glad that it turned out as you say -- that it demonstrated their acceptance of him.
Their D/s relationship is so private I almost feel bad writing it at times! (j/k). No, seriously... I know Brian is pretty open about his sex life, but to reveal so much about his emotional life would be so difficult for him, and I'm not sure if it could be worth it. As long as he can be Beautiful in public, then he's going to be okay. :)
Thanks so much for your support!
Reviewer: TrinTiff (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2010 08:43 PM · On: Everywhere
I thought the balance was just right. I'm so glad you didn't make anyone (like Michael) into a cliche' asshole and say stupid shit to Brian that real people would never say to each other. What Mel said was appropriately teasing and she didn't take it over the top.
I like that you're keeping it private between them. They certainly aren't ready for a public D/s display; it's way too new to the two of them and are just beginning to understand it; they wouldn't have a clue how to explain it to anyone else.
Maybe when it becomes second nature to them, going public will be a natural progression but that'll be a while yet ... like you said, maybe in a future one-shot. (Although! Maybe they could visit a BDSM club for, you know, research!) :-D
Anyway, great update! Brian's made a lot of progress! And, I loved the hot scene at the end!! Nice!!
Hugs, Cindy
Author's Response: I'm glad that the characterizations worked -- I figured they could all afford to be more mature, like 15 months post 513. Plus, I think they sort of knew Brian was going through a lot lately, so even Mel was relatively gentle with him.
Right now, yeah, it's far too private. I don't know if it's ever something they will share, in the greater arc of this story... Maybe... I'll have to think about it...
Thanks so much for the feedback -- and I'm glad you liked the last scene! Brian and Justin really enjoyed it, too! :)
Hugs back!,
Tiffany
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 16, 2010 08:28 PM · On: Everywhere
First of all, I very much liked Brian’s uncertainty and difficulty in articulating his emotions prior to going to Debbie’s. Especially the line that he still doesn’t find it easy to identify emotions. It’s not that submission or therapy have magically “fixed” Brian or wiped the slate clean. The difference, however, is his willingness to try and express that uncertainty to Justin and that he initiates their communication by sitting in the chair. For some reason I keep thinking back to chapter 4 where Justin had to hide in the bathroom before Brian was even willing to try and talk to him (!)Such a transition from the Brian we have in this chapter. Yet it seems completely natural at the same time (which is down to your skill as a writer).
Justin’s support and respect for Brian’s needs really shine through in this chapter too. The statement that it’s not whether the family identify Brian as Beautiful but whether they “feel” Beautiful in Brian is just *sighs* That’s perfect. It’s clear from their reactions that the family do see Beautiful *smiles* I thought the dinner scene worked really well too and that the separate reactions / pov of the different characters were nicely nuanced. It would have been easy with this chapter to have the family behave in a much more confrontational or caricatured way – after all, on the surface Beautiful is very different from the Brian they know and his new emotional openness must be quite shocking. Instead we see a group of thirty-something friends behaving as such. I think Lindsay’s pov is perhaps the most insightful, because she’s able to see “Beautiful” as something that’s always been present in “Brian”.
Author's Response: It's true -- and he doesn't exactly name what he feels, but he does come up with a question that Justin can address...putting it into words, which is closer.
I haven't thought about that chapter in a while -- it's so true though. Brian had to be in another room, with ambient noise and activities to distract/separate them in some way, or the closeness was too much. Now when he goes to the chair, he's asking for Justin's proximity (in the closest way) and for his undivided attention... *sighs*
I think the group was helped into their acceptance of Beautiful by writing their entries for the birthday book -- between that and sort of hearing that Brian had been "going through some things" I think perhaps the suspected some sort of change, though I am certain this was still a shock to them. Fortunately, as you say, a year and a few months post 513 and they can be more mature. :)
I loved writing Lindsey's part for that reason -- she sort of had that access to him more than anyone. :)
Thanks so much for the review -- thought-provoking as ever! :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2010 08:25 PM · On: Everywhere
I can just imagine the unease Brian would feel before that dinner, coming out like that is nerve wrecking.
He handled it so well, and I'm glad Mel was the only one who couldn't keep her big mouth shut, and Brian's answer was so great.
The sex after they came home was HOT!!! and I think it's great that Justin has a place on Brian's shoulder that is his :D
Author's Response: I know -- Brian was nervous, and at least he realized that Justin would be there to help him once he knew what was wrong.
And I loved writing his answer to Mel -- meeting her sarcasm with sincerity...
I'm glad it was hot -- was surprised to find something they hadn't done together yet (in the story at least!)! And yep, that's his little Brian spot! :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 16, 2010 07:48 PM · On: In My Submission
I think this chapter really underlines that without Sunshine there would be no Beautiful and without Beautiful there would be no Sunshine. We see the satisfaction of Justin’s needs here as much as Brian’s, the true demonstration of an “us”. I also love the description of Justin being surrounded by Brian’s trust. That’s a beautiful way of putting it. In some ways I see Brian’s momentary panic as caused not only by the physical conditions of being restrained but by the sudden realisation of what it all means.The physical step of being bound leads to an emotional “openness” and the freedom to fly; it’s a rejection of the isolating and self-limiting behaviour of his past (there’s that physical / emotional duality again!). Brian’s destructive limits and artificial control of emotions through drugs or alcohol are replaced here by an entirely different set of boundaries which give him the safety to feel and explore, as opposed to trying to escape or hide. Great chapter! *thinks the sex was hot too*
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2010 02:15 PM · On: Everywhere
i'm glad everyone was a bit shocked at the new brian but accepted him anyway. that he was honest in his response to mel says alot.
nice reward justin gave him.
Author's Response: I'm excited that their reactions were okay -- it was hard to decide, but I figured at this point, they all sort of knew something was going on with Brian and they'd all been thinking about the "Beautiful" side of him, so this wouldn't be something that they'd challenge too much. Even Mel wasn't nasty, and Brian handled her with some disarming honesty... :)
I think Brian enjoyed his reward, too! :)
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: February 16, 2010 01:45 PM · On: Everywhere
Brian was very brave at the gathering. Held himself up well, especially towards Mel. It's like opening up a pearl shell and you finally see clearly the jewel inside.
The gangs's reaction was great. Didn't make a big fuss, except Mel. I love Linds's comparison of Brian's behavior with the times when he was with Gus. It shows that the gentle Brian has always been there but now Brian has let others to see it as well.
Although... I gotta say, I kind of miss the sacastic asshole-ish comments. Ha Ha.
Author's Response: I sort of miss the snide comments, too, but I guess I have only myself to blame for writing it like this!
I'm so glad that Lindsey's thoughts resonated. They definitely did for me, to. And I love your metaphor about the pearl -- so true!
Reviewer: MissMoe (Anonymous) · Date: February 16, 2010 01:35 PM · On: Everywhere
“You know -- I wanted to thank everyone for that birthday book… it’s really helped me see how…” Brian paused for a moment and Justin leaned in and kissed his cheek -- “how I don’t have to be…” He stopped, hesitating, searching for words. “How I can be better. And yeah, Mel…that’s what I’m trying to be… What I want to be.”
OMG!Okay, I don't usually fangirl over fics. I swear, haha. Yet, after reading that I totally had a 'yay' moment and was waay excited! It was just like...a moment of everything just kind of coming together at this point. FINALLY. I loved it. I also like the fact that you didn't have Brian and Justin come to dinner and announce/label there relationship changes(the D/s involved specifically). I like that you kept some things private, but was still able to highlight Brian's changes. I liked that. The POV changes were great. Usually I get annoyed with changes of POV so swiftly one after another after another, but I really liked this one. This chapter was wonderfully executed.
*sniff* This fic is almost done?! What?! :'( I've enjoyed following this fic, a lot!! I haven't had a good WIP to read in a long while. I also haven't had as much interest in following the reviews in a while...until I found your fic!!The other reviewers definitley make me stop and go "Omg, I didn't see it that way!! So interesting, I'm gonna have to read this again!yay!" Your fic has fascinated me and I'm sure I'll be reading it over and over again for time to come. Dang it, I left a reeeeally long review. O well, I can't make it any shorter. haha. *hugs* Hope your Valentine's Day went well!! Mine wasn't too dandy but QAFfanfics have been brigtening up my days very well!!
Author's Response: **awww** I'm glad you liked that line. It does demonstrate so much about Brian's growth and his ability to stand up for it. I'm also relieved that the POV changes weren't too crazy. I wanted to make it clear that everyone noticed what was going on with him, and this was the fastest way to do that.
It was a tough chapter, so I really appreciate the feedback on it! Maybe I balanced everything okay after all!
I know, don't I have the best reviewers!?! I really, really do... you all make the stories and the writing so much better thanks to your feedback and support!
Now *clears throat*... as for WIPs... I do have "Heartbreaker" which will go on for several more chapters. Then I'm planning on a new long story (though probably not as long as this one has been!).
I'll miss everyone and the story, too... *sniffles*
My Valentine's Day was entirely uneventful, but thanks for asking! Glad the fics could cheer you! :)
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: February 16, 2010 01:31 PM · On: Everywhere
I was impressed that Brian stuck with it despite melanie's being melanie. really enjoyed this chapter, and I do like that they are, for now, keeping their d/s relationship private.
Author's Response: Thanks! Keeping it private seemed like the right choice, especially considering it's hardly been a week since they started!
Thanks for the review!
Reviewer: Cait (Anonymous) · Date: February 16, 2010 12:46 PM · On: Everywhere
Yeah! I've been waiting for this update eagerly and excitedly and I think it was absolutely lovely. I am going to be so depressed when this story is done. It always brightens my week. Thanks for being so thoughtful about it and writing it so beautifully. :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much -- I'm thrilled that you're still enjoying the story! I'm going to be sad when it ends, too... I'm planning another big story to follow sometime afterward (aside from "Heartbreaker", I mean).
*blushes from the kind words!*
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 13, 2010 08:46 PM · On: Let It Take You
You know my thoughts on this chapter already, so this comment was really just going to say again that I loved it :) But for something different, I decided to re-read the chapter while listening to “Helpless” at the same time. Omg…if I loved this chapter before now I’m just a puddle on the floor…I feel ridiculous for saying this but it made me cry…seeing Brian and Justin through and with the song…seriously, I’m just sitting here crying now....
Reviewer: m_elle (Anonymous) · Date: February 12, 2010 05:53 PM · On: Sunday Breakfast With Gus
Hello. My name is Michelle and I am a "Lurker." I've written maybe ten reviews in the last two years of fabulous reading, and your story is one I cannot just let pass on by...
I was loving your story until the dreaded D/s plot was unveiled. I actually had to step away from the story for a few weeks until I could return, after taking a deep breath.
You are a sly little devil, easing me, a dense naive reader, into the whole Dom/sub thing by not "naming" it. Clever.
As you my have already inferred, I am a bit reluctant to embrace new identites for my beloved bj characters. But, sigh, you have managed the impossible - as far as my personal stubborness goes - to both educate and intrigue.
Much like a number of your regular reviewers Im getting a bit of therepy from your fic. I truly adore Brian. He is the man I wish I could grow up to be like (if I wasn't already older, and a woman, lol). We are alike only in that I am also very repressed emotionally and get quite uncomfortable when confronted with too much...well, too much anything really. Hence my temporary hiatus from your story (and possibly permanant one from about halfway thru season 4 of qaf - why I turned to fanfic in the first place).
I've been to therepy off an on thru the years. Both group and one-on-one, even a retreat once where I was cajoled into bashing a pile of foam cushions with a bat (ironic, in conjunction with qaf, I know) trying to conjur up the anger and emotion I've learned to control so well. Nothing works, not well or for long, anyway. I've kinda given up, really.
Your story has taken my favorite co-dependant duo to a different level. You've given me something to think about. I've always loved the plot lines that revolve around an almost supernatural knowledge of each others' needs and careful loving attentiveness to meet them. The whole Dom/sub thing, while alien to me, does seem to fit into that, and more. Who wouldn't like to be in a place of utter certainty that your lover is 110% with you, supporting you, loving you? Just the word Dominant is cringeworthy for me, but in Justin's hands? With his love of Brian? With his intuition on how far to push when Brian is witholding/withdrawing his emotions?
If this is what a Dom/sub relationship is really like, sign me up!
Alas. In my reality, the thereputic high eventually fades (usually abruptly) when confronted with day to day reality and old habits and reflex reactions come to play. I am concerned and excited to read how you will integrate Brian/Beautiful with the gang, who have their own need to believe in the Brian-fcuking-Kinney myth. I've noticed Im not the only one who doesn't accept change very well, and I doubt severly that this crowd will either.
You say this story is almost done. I can only imagine it as Part 1. I don't know how you are going to wrap this up neatly within a few chapters without going into these kinds of issues, or at least facing the reality that most of us relapse at some point, especially at the beginning of such a foreign journey.
I think I am just afraid that I will be disappointed if this story wraps up too abruptly or too perfectly.
But I also wanted to say, great story! You have got me engaged and on the edge of my seat. Bravo!
Michelle
Author's Response: Dear Michelle,
First I wanted to thank you for your note. I am really honored that the story has been so engaging for you. The story has been so meaningful to me for many reasons, and one of the most important is because of the reviews I have received... It has been an amazing experience, both for the feedback on technique and content, as well as from the wonderful and supportive people I have met via the story. Your feedback means a great deal to me personally and as a writer.
It is amazing to me how much I have in common with Brian.. I was always drawn to his character, but it was only in the writing of this story that I suddenly realized the root of this sort of attraction. From difficulty in expressing and recognizing emotion, to perfectionism and difficulty allowing others to be close, it turns out that he and I have a lot in common! There have even been times when I've written words for Dr. Stevenson that I suppose I was really writing to myself...
I know I was rather sneaky in introducing the BDSM aspects of the story. It essentially mirrors my own journey into the concepts (if not the practice) of D/s. I have always envisioned love as something like what B/J have in this story...and the first time I ever read D/s stories, I suddenly recognized something (conceptually) that I had never had words or examples of, but that I'd felt in some way within my own heart... I suppose you could say that it was something I instinctively wanted, but did not know how to say.
I wanted to find a way to look at the conceptual side of D/s as an exploration of the themes of love, devotion and support that are in the story... I wanted to show the essence of love as I see it, and as I've begun to see within the context of (some) D/s relationships. I understand that this was a somewhat controversial choice to make, and a difficult one for readers to understand (especially given Brian's position as a sub). I appreciate that you took the time to look at it in concept and practice, despite the name that came attached with it...
I don't know if what I'm about to say will be repetitive or useful to you (or other readers) in any way, but I hope it might be. Sunshine's dominance is something that is given to him by Beautiful... Sunshine wouldn't exist as a Dominant without the gift of Beautiful's submission. His "dominance," such as it is, is an act of trust that he will devote himself to Beautiful's protection, support and growth....
In the particular context of this story, the concept of Beautiful is fleshed out in a particularly explicit way...as Brian's truest, most innocent self. And so Justin is really in the service of the part of Brian that is most in need of that support...
I agree about the issue of breaking old habits and backsliding from growth. I've tried to illustrate this in relation to other areas, such as when he tricked again and his flirtations with alcohol. I can easily see that this could apply to his relationship with Sunshine, but it would be up to Sunshine to deal with in the context of their relationship, via some type of punishment (not necessarily and not likely to be physical). I don't think it would signify the end of their D/s dynamic.. in fact, it would strengthen it, by giving Brian a further sense of security that he could make mistakes and be human and still be within Sunshine's care. Perhaps I could showcase this in a chapter, though it might have to be via a standalone set somewhat in the future. I do like the idea, but I don't know that I have enough to write the necessary intervening chapters...
I will admit, I'm nervous about writing the scene -- which will be the next chapter -- with the rest of the "gang". In all candor, it isn't terribly important to me or my vision of the story how well any of them "handles" Brian's decision... or even how much they know about it. I don't know if I personally have the requisite amount of insight into the other characters to write in any detail about their thoughts on D/s... I think it would be interesting -- very interesting -- and I've seen that done well in other stories... but I feel it's almost out of the scope of this particular story.. .because what is important (to me) is whether Brian feels that he can be caring and vulnerable in front of the group. The extent to which they know about the D/s side of his relationship with Justin is not necessarily important. I don't know yet if they'll make it public. I assume at some point they will, but perhaps not yet. But Brian's appearance as Beautiful can happen without naming Beautiful, so to speak. I'm sure the group will, to varying degrees, notice the difference, and the change in his behavior might be noted, and the reasons perhaps not. At this point, it's still such a fresh and private decision between them. But the effects are not... (I really hope this makes sense... this is an area that I'm struggling with as I write the chapter!)
And it's not that I don't want to "get there" in the story... And I can certainly see why this seems like "Part 1". In fact, I think you're right. The intent of the story was to heal Brian, and the essence of that will be complete. The further development of their D/s relationship is rather separate from that and continues "past" that. And I don't know that I have enough of that to make a new story of it. Perhaps I do, but at the moment it doesn't seem like it to me. And I have a fear of going on in the story with chapters that do not substantially develop the story. To get to those intensive D/s moments, I'd have to skip vast amounts of time in the story, which is quite inconsistent with the story structure so far...
That all said (!), I hope the ending will make sense and not be too abrupt. I hope it makes sense that it is not the end of B/J's journey (you're quite right) but rather that it signifies a major healing being complete, with all necessary issues resolved (but growth still continuing). I'm giving a lot of thought to these issues, and your comments have helped me to clarify my own feelings on these topics and have given me more to think about, which I sincerely appreciate. Everyone will benefit from a better chapter because of your comments! :)
Thank you again for your comments... I am so touched that the story has been meaningful to you and had some impact on you. It has for me, too... and I truly cherish the connection I've been able to make with readers. I hope that the end of the story ends up fitting well for you, and I definitely won't rule out further developing the D/s side in another story, whether long or as stand-alones.
Sincerely,
Tiffany
Reviewer: veglogic (Anonymous) · Date: February 11, 2010 12:15 AM · On: In My Submission
This nearly broke my heart, I listen to his heartbeat and I wonder if there was ever a time when he was very little when his mother listened to his heartbeat, or if I am the first one. It was a striking, tragically beautiful line and I loved it. I loved this chapter and how it highlighted everything Brian and Justin have learned from therapy and each other. It also let's us know that they will have a "happily ever after" very soon. Nice way to start wrapping up a wonderful journey.
Author's Response: I am SO happy that you brought up that line!!! It was a sentimental, almost painful one to write, though I think ultimately it is a positive step/scene.
Thank you so much for your comments on this chapter; it shows me that I am very much where I wanted to be at the end of it! I hope you'll like the final chapters as well! :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 09, 2010 07:26 PM · On: Closing the Door
You already know most of my thoughts about this chapter and chapter 54 from the message I sent you ages ago *is shocked at how long ago that was*. So this review (and the one I’ll leave for 54) are really just going into my additional thoughts :)
I found Joan very IC in this chapter. The impression I always have of her from the show is an intensely cold and emotionally repressed person; those characteristics come through very strongly here. Her willingness to enter into a surface “debate” with Brian while never really listening to what he says also resonate and capture the same attitude I get from her canon. The “Joan” lines that really stand out for me are: “And apparently it didn’t help him at all, because he’s more lost now than he’s ever been” and in the following sentence “I don’t understand why this is so important to him now”. That really sums up her attitude, insecurities and priorities. I can’t help thinking she has just as many “issues” as Brian, only instead of someone like Justin in her life she only had Jack…
In some ways I find Joan’s behaviour more understandable than Craig’s, because I see Joan in as a much more complex and damaged person. She clings to religious faith as a kind of lifeline and shield against having to face the truth of her own behaviour and it’s consequences. It seems to make life and its disappointments bearable for her. Craig on the other hand has transitioned from someone who could and did love, to rejecting Justin because he doesn’t fit into Craig’s image of the perfect son. Not that it’s a competition between which of them is the worst, but still…
Brian being able to confront Joan and express his hurt is a huge step forward. Because for all that Brian rails against Joan and rejects her in canon, his own problems in identifying and expressing emotion aren’t so far removed. Brian’s statement “It’s everywhere, it’s in me and it’s in my life” is so powerful and beautifully expressed. I think we're seeing an empowered Beautiful in this chapter rather than a repressed Brian.
Author's Response: I was definitely trying to give Joan some depth so that it was clear that she was (and had dealt with) dealing with lots of issues of her own. And she was more or less protecting herself with her lies about Brian's childhood; it was too painful to consider how she had actually let her son grow up, and so her denial was strong then and is strong now... bolstered by her apparent desire to "save" him...
Craig it harder to understand because he's such a single-issue hater. I mean -- the chapter, "Sins of the Fathers" or whatever it was -- in which Brian ponders whether maybe having a father only to lose him over your sexual preferences might be harder -- I think he is not far from the truth... And it casts the rest of his relationship with Justin in such a light that it ends up false at best and a blatant lie at worst...
I love your characterization of "empowered Beautiful" rather than "repressed Brian." !!! :) That is exactly who'll we'll be seeing in Ch. 56.
Sorry that it took so long to review this -- I thought I had but then found that I hadn't...!
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: February 08, 2010 11:07 PM · On: In My Submission
To be honest, I am not a big fan of submission. But I can understand the need for escape, release, and trusting someone you love. And it looks like the burden that Brian has been carrying for his whole life so far has finally been lifted. The question will be how will he choose to live his new life? Will he feel in control without having to be restrained someday? As you said in previous reply to my comment, it will take a very long time to heal to finally get there.
It would be interesting to see how his real family (Linds, Deb, Mikey, etc) respond to the new Brian.
Author's Response: I understand where you're coming from... With this story what I really wanted to do was look at a possible form that submission could take -- namely that Sunshine would be there to support the best interests and decisions of Beautiful -- with the idea being that Brian wasn't fully comfortable always in making these changes, recognizing these feelings, etc. I think as time goes on and Brian is more comfortable with these changes in his life, he'll need Sunshine's decree less and less... but then I also think it is meaningful to him that Justin's support is so palpable, and that Justin's commitment is at this level. In short, I think it "works" for them on many level.
As for whether he'll feel in control without the restraints... I see lots of sides to this question. One thought is -- yes, he will eventually see that he is not out of control with violence as his father was and he'll trust himself to feel things strongly without restraints. But then I also think -- maybe what he needs most is the not feeling in control. That maybe his greatest control is taken in each moment that he gives his control to Sunshine...
The rest of the group makes an appearance in the next chapter... I'm a tad nervous about it, but I hope it'll turn out well. Thanks so much for your thoughtful and honest feedback! :)
Reviewer: TrinTiff (Signed) · Date: February 08, 2010 09:07 PM · On: In My Submission
This chapter was so beautiful and so touching! I loved the way you showed that side of a Dom/sub relationship that shows how much resposibilty the dominant person has to take care of the one in submission. Too often Doms are porttrayed as power hungry bosses who get off on ordering their sub around; but the way Justin cherishes Brian's submission to him is really a lovely thing to see!
Don't get me wrong, I think it would be totally hot to see them performing together at a BDSM Club or something like that or in a playroom scene, but those scenes aren't nearly as hot without the foudation from nights like they just had.
So ... keep up your brilliant insight into these two! I hate to see it ending; but can't wait to see what else you have in store for our favorite couple!
Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I am really pleased to hear that the D/s dynamic flowed that way. I wanted to show Justin's commitment and also what he got out of their interactions... Also I wanted to show how Sunshine was going to enforce what Brian / Beautiful wanted (i.e. to stop substance use altogether) and help him find a healthy substitute.
I hate to see it end, too, but I really don't want to drag the story out for its own sake. I really hope you'll like the upcoming story too!!
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: February 08, 2010 08:44 PM · On: In My Submission
I think this chapter was an amazing breakthrough for Brian...he realized that emotional release is a better method of "pain management"... than what he had been using....drinking, drugs, tricking...they had always worked before... because he was so closed off it was his only method of release... but...now with Justin's help he has found a better and safer technique... Thanks for the heads up about the ending.... I will miss reading this.. but.. I think most of Brian's demons have been put to rest and a few more chapters to wrap things up sounds about right..... I am glad you have another long story planned and I look forward to reading that....
Author's Response: I'm so happy to hear that it worked that way -- that's what I was hoping to portray. Brian saw that this method worked too, and then he wanted the decision to be made to choose it over substance abuse, and Sunshine did that for him...
I'm going to miss this story a lot; I'm so glad that you'll be ready for the next one... I hope it won't disappoint! :)
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: February 08, 2010 03:11 PM · On: In My Submission
You amaze me every time * DEEP BOW * . You're a wonderful writer of emotions. I'm a bit sad to see this story ending.
* hugs *
Author's Response: *blushes*
Thank you so much.... I'm sad to see it end, too... I hope you'll enjoy the last chapters and thanks so much for your wonderful support!
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 08, 2010 10:12 AM · On: In My Submission
i thinking get brian to fly was amazing. that justin decided to breath along with him to experience what he could shows to me that he is looking out for brian and trying to do what's best for him. isolation seems to be a good start.
if all this results in him stopping his drinking and drugging that all the better.
what is dr. steven's reaction to all of this i wonder. they haven't been to see him since brian talked to joan and i just wonder what his thoughts are.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm especially glad that the part with the breathing stood out; to me also that was very important. And yes, the substance abuse is now over! (*cheers*)!
Not the next chapter but the one after has them at the doctor's office, so we'll have to see what will happen! I suspect he'll be proud and ready to be further educated! *Grins*
Thanks again for your support and feedback!!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 08, 2010 09:45 AM · On: In My Submission
God, I loved this chapter so much. I'm glad Brian told Justin what he would have done 'before'.
The restraint with no sight and sound was amazing. I can understand why he paniced a little at first, I would too, but then he just remembered that Justin was there and he could get free if he really wanted to, that was beautiful.
The sex was so emotional and heartfelt.
It's a good thing that Justin takes over and tells Brian how things are going to be from now on, Brian needs that direction, support and love.
I'm sad to hear that it's almost over, but only because I love it so much, I can understand you not wanting to drag it out, just for the sake of making it longer.
I'm looking forward to the next long one :)
Author's Response: *hugs you*
I'd been waiting on pins and needles for like an hour and almost 100 readers before finally, thank god for you, you left a review!! I was getting really nervous that people hated this chapter!! (or were mad that the story has only a few more chapters).
I loved writing that restraint scene, although it was a little harder since they don't have a fully equipped playroom, but conceptually it wasn't necessary. I am so delighted that you liked that scene, and the sex scene that followed....!!! *grins happily*
I'm sad and nervous about ending this story... I don't know if any other story could mean quite as much to me as this one does, both for the story and for the wonderful people (such as yourself) that I've gotten to know through it.... I hope the next big one will be a worthy successor! I'm more afraid though to drag it out, bore people, and end up with no readers or reviews...
Thanks again, so, so much for your amazing support and feedback!!
Love,
Tiffany
Reviewer: TrinTiff (Signed) · Date: January 28, 2010 05:50 AM · On: Knowing You
Tiffany,
Well, since you said that only 1 in every 60 of your readers leaves comments, I decided to stop quietly adoring this story and become one of your enthusiastic fans! A couple of weeks ago, I was in the mood to start reading a B/J story that was long, involved, and would take me deep into their world. I came to Midnight Whispers and looked under 'Most Recent' and happened upon "Why Not With Me." I haven't stopped reading it since! I read it on the web browser on my phone and leaving comments on it is very complicated so I've just enjoyed quietly floating along with your Brian and Justin and Dr. Stevenson.
I got on my computer today when I read your 1/60 statistic to tell you how much I love this universe. You take such care of Brian and Justin in your story; your love for them is so evident, it's really a beautiful thing to see coming out in your writing. I've read through Chapter 51 so far and wanted you to know that the way you lead up to the D/s part of their relationship was amazing and so respectful of them and especially of Brian; I'm impressed with how you had Justin make him feel strong in his submission, and the scene where Justin made Brian his own was absolutely breathtaking.
So, I've rambled on enough, I think! LOL I just couldn't remain silent anymore! I hope there are many more chapters; I will be here for all of them!
Hugs, Cindy
Author's Response: Cindy,
Thank you so much!! Wow, I am so touched by your comments and thrilled that you like the story so much! It has been an amazing journey to write and I've met so many wonderful people. That's one reason I like reviews so much -- I've learned so much from reviewers, gotten wonderful ideas, support and really friendship. So I have to say thanks so much for taking the time to write in!
Anyway, I'm just so touched that you like the story so much! I was so worried when I made the D/s part "out in the open" and I am so relieved whenever someone says that the way it was built up works for them. That was in my mind from very early on in the story and I did want to treat it as a chance to look at the feelings involved very seriously. I'm so grateful that I succeeded in that. Those chapters hold a very special place in the story to me.
*smiles sheepishly* Um... Well...the story is not over, but it will not be a whole lot longer. Most of the issues raised are now resolved in some way, or will be soon, and I don't want the story to drag on without legitimate reason. (There are already a couple chapters I feel I could do without!). I do appreciate your dedication, though...
I'm just starting another story that will be somewhat long too... maybe you'll like it; it's called Heartbreaker...
And after Why Not With Me there will be another long, long h/c story... I promise. I hope you'll be around to enjoy them all and will consider writing in again sometime!!
Thanks again,
Tiffany
Reviewer: veglogic (Anonymous) · Date: January 28, 2010 02:48 AM · On: Let It Take You
I loved that by Justin not blind folding him, Brian will actually face his emotions for the first time. I think this will go a long way in helping him not resist them in the future. I also wanted to say that I liked the way you wrote Joan. She's very complex. I liked how real you made her. I'm eagerly awaiting more.
Author's Response: Thanks so much. I do think that not having the blindfold was a help to him this time; I'm glad that you agree. Thanks so much -- I did want her to be somewhat complex, since she does have a story. Thanks so much for your great comments :) !
Reviewer: MissMoe (Anonymous) · Date: January 27, 2010 12:43 AM · On: Let It Take You
First off, one line that totally just, blew me away.
My whole body is filled with something venomous… I shake my head desperately, feeling now that I’ll explode if I speak. That I’ll die.
I truly understand that. When I was speaking to my bestfriend about my uhh issues, that's exactly how it felt. Like I had this monster within me fighting, but I just couldn't let it out. When Brian was struggling so hard to be vulnerable, it definitely made me reflect on things. This chapter is definitely intense. Most definitely. Your wording is so on point. I can totally relate and envision every moment that's happening. I enjoy that, a lot, because while I'm reading I'm really experiencing the story and getting to know the character. Beyond what I already know, getting to know him as he grows beyond his defense mechanisms.
Hm, wow, another long review..and it's written during the day again. Yes, it's another yay moment, haha. Yay!
I'm just happy Brian had that release as I did. Now we had totally different ways. I had to write to really release any emotion. Whereas Brian is blessed with Justin to push those boundaries to get him to face his troubles and come out the better for it. :) I can't wait for the next chapter. You're on the ball with posting and I'm on the ball with being less of an insomniac, yay!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your thoughtful and kind words. I'm so happy to hear that the emotions reflected were genuine and clear. It was such a "capstone" sort of chapter, as I see it. His fear of being emotionally (and then physically out of control, in the manner of his father) contributed a great deal to his terror. He was facing a flood of memories and emotions from the past, since this was the first time since being re-connected with himself as Beautiful.
It's interesting how the same sort of emotional issues can be dealt with in so many different ways...
I wish I could say that the next chapter will be up very soon, but I'm not sure. It's taking a little longer than I thought it would.
Thanks so much for your great reviews! :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: January 26, 2010 10:12 PM · On: Let It Take You
i don't know how i feel about this chapter.
Author's Response: I know this chapter is rather difficult. Brian was hurt for the first time since his very early years while in touch with himself as "Beautiful." That was what made it so difficult for him; and his emotions that had been kept in for so long were sort of triggered in the process. He fought to keep them all at bay, and was afraid of what would happen if his emotions got out and overran him (as it seemed they would because he felt weak in their presence). With the security of the handcuffs, he knew at least that he would be physically under control even if he emotionally wasn't... Ultimately it turns out to be a very healing experience for him, despite the extreme intensity of the moment.
I hope this makes some sense and thanks so much for your comments! :)
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: January 26, 2010 08:53 PM · On: Let It Take You
OMG.. Hearing Joanie say she let Jack do those horrible things to Brian for his own good.... had to be the worse thing he could hear... Thank God Justin found a way to release his pain... or it would have poisoned him......
Author's Response: It was terribly hard for Brian because of what Joanie said that day, and I think it brought forward many feelings he hadn't expressed for a long time (since he was last connected to himself as "Beautiful"). I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter. :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: January 26, 2010 08:27 PM · On: Let It Take You
I feel so bad for Brian, that feeling that he'll drown if he lets go is so sad.
I love that you made him react the way you did, that is very IC. Justin did the right thing, getting him to a place where it was safe to fall apart, where he knew that Justin would catch him.
So beautiful and I'm looking forward to Dr. Stevenson's reaction to these confrontations.
Author's Response: I'm very glad you liked the chapter. Brian was overcome with a lot of current and past emotions -- thank goodness for Justin! I am looking forward to Dr. Stevenson's thoughts, too. :) Thanks as always for supporting the story! :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: January 26, 2010 06:46 PM · On: In Public
I liked this chapter very much indeed - it was definitely worth the wait! While this story is more focused on Brian, Justin’s thoughts on “love” as a verb show just how much he has grown as well. The teenage focus on superficial romance and picnics on the floor have been replaced by something which seems less “silver screen” but is actually much more exciting. I also like the fact that love / their relationship isn’t viewed as a goal so much as a journey – that you don’t just reach a place called “love” and sit there for the rest of your life without having to analyse or work at it. That’s the reality of any relationship.
The unity between Justin and Brian / Beautiful really shone in this chapter. The fact that they retain their individuality while making each other stronger at the same time. In as much as we see Brian gaining strength and security from Justin, it’s clear that Justin gains an equal amount from Brian. It’s about support and finding a relationship dynamic that works, not about losing yourself to someone else. Brian’s headache and the scene between Justin and his father show that quite clearly, as did the respect Brian and Justin show each other in discussing how to confront Joan and Craig. The space they’re willing to give each other, support without being interfering or controlling. I found your writing of the confrontation between Justin and Craig really strong, by the way – it flowed beautifully and I could really “see” it. Seeing Craig’s point of view was quite brutal but necessary, I think. He has such a visceral response to Justin: his skin crawls and his throat goes dry. The physical manifestation of his hatred and perhaps, by the end, the realisation of what he’s lost. Finally (promise I’ll stop soon!!) I loved the lead in to the confrontation – that we move from Justin’s caring for Brian and thoughts on love, to Brian’s session with Dr Stevenson and growing strength in what he and Justin are together, grounding themselves and especially Brian with the memory book - all culminating with the Craig scene. It highlights what’s important in a relationship (at any level, whether romantic and sexual or not) and just what’s missing from Craig.
Okay, I know I said I’d stop but the other thing I really liked was Justin’s musings on taking care of Brian and how that’s different from being “maternal”. You’ve already heard all of my thoughts about the difference between the unconditional love, support and care parents are supposed to give their children versus treating someone “like a child”. That Craig does the latter by disrespecting Justin’s life, while failing to give the former just reinforces that there is nothing inherently “parental” amount Justin’s needs being met through dominance and nothing “child like” in Brian’s satisfaction in submission. Those issues were nicely dealt with here.
Author's Response: Wow, I'm so late in replying! I'm sorry about that!
I'm heartened by your reference to Justin's little "love speech." I wasn't sure if it would be seen as too sappy or if the substance of it would grant it a place in the chapter and the story. To me personally, it's a meaningful concept and one that I think was especially critical for Justin to reach -- I think it will also ultimately help him to see how Brian's loving him was evident in a myriad of ways throughout the seasons.
I greatly enjoy your analysis of their relationship. They truly are standing in relation to one another, continually treating one another as full human beings -- never as an object for what they personally are trying to accomplish or want, etc.
I'm delighted that you liked the Craig scene so much. I hadn't given a lot of thought to how I wanted to portray him, and when the moment came to write it I was a little nervous that I wouldn't know what to say. Fortunately, though, it fell into place and I'm glad the writing reflected that. The essence of his character was the very gut-level reaction he had to Brian, to their relationship and finally to Justin's words. No amount of intellectual understanding would be likely to break through.
I wasn't thinking about the parental / relationship parallels but I'm glad you were! You make, as always, an excellent and insightful point on these matters! Thanks so much for the review! (you know I'm addicted to them, lol!)
Reviewer: bksbracelet (Anonymous) · Date: January 26, 2010 05:27 PM · On: Let It Take You
OMG so brilliantly written the depth of pain Brian has been in for so long his defenses are so inbuilt he canot let it go easily. Thankfully Justin is there to be his safe place to fall. :)Chris
Author's Response: Thank you so much. It was an extremely difficult time for Brian because it was the first time he'd been hurt since being re-acquainted with himself as Beautiful. Having Justin there was so important... :) Thanks so much for your support of the story. :)
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: January 26, 2010 04:10 PM · On: Let It Take You
*** slient for a long time too ***
I think if one day Brian is able to release his emotion without having to be restrained, then it will be the ultimate rebirth.
Author's Response: I thought about doing that; I paused for a while before writing the sentence with the cuffs... Ultimately though I chose to include the restraints because I think that Brian needs them to feel safer with his emotions. I think at heart he's still afraid of expressing strong emotion. I don't think he physically trusts himself to handle it well and subconsciously requires assurance that in some sense at least, he will remain in control, even when he feels out of control. I think this was influenced heavily by how his father expressed emotion, that left him with a terror of being the same way.
I do think it would be wonderful if Brian could trust himself that much, but I also doubt that it would work, except maybe in the extra long-term. My hunch is that it is so ingrained that it will take a very long time for him to break that pattern.. I hope that makes sense. :)
I'm very thankful for your support of this chapter! :)
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: January 26, 2010 01:21 PM · On: Let It Take You
* cries * please I need a tissue, beautiful. I wanna hug Brian.
10+
Author's Response: *hands over kleenex*
Thank you so much!!!! I am very grateful for your response to the chapter; it was an extremely meaningful one for me. :)
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: January 26, 2010 05:37 AM · On: Closing the Door
I think Joanie was exactly IC...the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz has more heart than she does... it was very realistic and went about as well as I expected it would.... But... if it in any way helps Brian to heal and finally move on from his NIGHTMARE of a childhood... than it was definetly worth every minute of it..
Author's Response: I think it helps him a great deal because he knows now that he can face her; that he can own his pain without being overwhelmed by it; that he now knows more about why she did what she did (or more about her own mental problems, essentially). I think it ultimately helps him fill in a more complete picture of his childhood while affirming that he is far away from it all now (thank god!).
I'm so glad that it seemed IC; writing Joanie was sort of tricky! Thanks for hanging in for the chapter! :)
Reviewer: MissMoe (Anonymous) · Date: January 26, 2010 04:19 AM · On: Closing the Door
Haven't done the quote thing in a while, but wow, this one really made me melt!
“Beautiful,” he said softly into my ear, “you’re going to do this and you’re going to feel really good about it. I’m going to be right there with you. And when you’re done, you’ll never have to do this again.”
Along with that, wow, that chapter was intense!
It seemed realistic to me, but at the same time unexpected. I've read many stories where IC Joanie would of spewed her beliefs and just stormed off. Rather than listen to Brian's spiel of, what I think she could of interpreted as, criticisms. However, she was by no means too warm of a person to not be IC. Joanie is a kind of complicated character, imho, because we didn't exactly get as much as we could from her as a character within the show due to her appearing more of a minor character. As well as some perceptions we've had of her ,from canon(the show), were from Brian's POV.
Wow, I've left a long review, haha. Anyways all in all I think it went well. In the end Brian got to say what he needed to say. Which I would think could give him some sense of closure because at least he took that step. Oh, I'm so happy I'm, for once, awake during the day to read AND review :) yay!
Author's Response: Aww, I love it when people choose quotes. I was uncertain about this quote; I am glad you brought it up because now I feel a lot better about it.
I did want to show her as somewhat more complicated, at least human and not pure monster. I'm glad she wasn't too far OOC. I love your reviews whenever they're written, but for your sake I'm glad your awake during the day! Sunlight is good!! :)
Reviewer: MissMoe (Anonymous) · Date: January 26, 2010 03:45 AM · On: In Public
woow. I loved this chapter. You represent Justin so well. He's such a strong personality and yet, he has his vulnerable moments. I love how you showed that balance so well, especially in regards to his issues with Craig. You didn't make him some weakwilled character. He stood up for himself and had Brian at his side to support him. I loved that! Oh, and I love that Justin called him Beautiful...you realize I will never forget that nickname for him, right? haha.
Reviewer: twoells (Anonymous) · Date: January 26, 2010 03:18 AM · On: Closing the Door
great stuff! I was really looking forward to this chapter and you didn't let us down - Brian is stronger than he knows, forcing his mother to face a few 'home truths' . . . can't wait for the next chapter :) :) :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I was a little nervous posting this chapter because so much had led up to it; I'm grateful for the feedback that it didn't disappoint. I hope you liked the following chapter as well!
Reviewer: Kitty_Ballou (Signed) · Date: January 25, 2010 08:42 PM · On: Closing the Door
I forgot to log in just a few minutes ago... But I'm still that Kitty Ballou you know.
Just wanna tell you... *hugs*
Author's Response: *smiles*
Believe me, I'd know your reviews anywhere, because no others are so heartfelt!
*hugs back!*
Reviewer: Kitty Ballou (Anonymous) · Date: January 25, 2010 08:41 PM · On: Closing the Door
You want input?
You'll get it...
*cries*
It's just a day like today when I hated my parentes! Like Brian did! I hated them for don't caring for me! And I hated them because they gave me so much! But not that I wanted! I needed! I just wanted their love, their understanding!! And they fucking gave me material things! I never wanted that! And they knew it! And that's why I started eating! I ate and ate and became fat und fatter... And I couldn't talk with my parents because both of them are dead. Died on cancer. But I am still alive! And goddamned - I will survive! Somehow.
*coughs + sighs*
And believe me, Tiffany: Brians emotions are definitely flowed well and realistic... Because I wish I have someone near me who'll take my hand + tell me that he loves me. Be here for me. And sorry for my own feelings that came out so hard in this review...
Author's Response: *hands over kleenex*
Oh Kitty...you don't have anything to apologize for!! I just wish there was some way I could tell you how much your reviews mean to me, and how much I hope that the story can help in some way, that I can help in some way... Just know that I do care about you....
Love,
Tiffany
Reviewer: HalfTime1030 (Signed) · Date: January 25, 2010 07:24 PM · On: Closing the Door
Wow.
I've literally been sitting here for 5 minutes trying to figure out how to tell you how perfect this chapter is, how brilliant. I think everything about this part flowed well- Brian's emotions, Justin's reactions, Joanie's self-centered, self-righteous attitude.
I'll have to come back and revisit this once I've had my morning coffee because there's so much here and I am far too under-caffienated to do it justice.
Author's Response: Thank you so much. You are far too kind and I am very happy that you liked the chapter so much and that I did the events some justice. It was such an important chapter and in many ways "resolved" lots of loose ends. Thanks again for your thoughts and support!
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: January 25, 2010 03:34 PM · On: Closing the Door
I hope you have been having a great 2010 so far! It's really touching that you still remember me :_ ) Sorry that I have been a bit MIA. My Italy trip was great. But coming back to square one (no job) needed some getting used to since I seriously didn't even want to come back to real life. I had to adjust my mindset and finally now have a short-term schedule to do some studying for language exam and for a professional re-certification while I keep an eye on the job market.
"his precious pomegranate juice"... I haven't tried this type of juice yet. But tell you a secret. I started drinking guava juice after QAF =D
Joanie in a mink coat?! That already gives me the creeps :-)
Joanie thought Brian was dying of AIDS and his many since have finally caught up with him?! Gosh, that woman is really a monster.
"Why didn’t you ever help me?” My heart was breaking :_(
"You hurt me" It took 53 chapters for Brian to say this to his mother. Talk about a long journey...
I am just speechless. How can a mother be so heartless?
Yeah. I am very proud of Brian. You definitely handled him well. Joan was IC to me. She basically just distanced herself emotionally and physically from Brian.
Author's Response: I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed your vacation! And it sounds like you have a good plan to find a job. I'm an expert in not wanting to come back to real life -- it happens to me every Monday!
I picked the pomegranate juice because it is supposed to have a ton of health benefits and it struck me as a Brian-ish drink. :) I can also see that my characterization of Joanie had the desired effect!
It was a sad chapter in many ways, but also a triumphant one. I'm delighted that you enjoyed it so much!
Reviewer: Buffytess (Anonymous) · Date: January 25, 2010 03:28 PM · On: Closing the Door
GREAT update!!!! It was really good , both Justin and Brian needed to do what they did with there "parents" if yo could call them parents att all. Looking forward to read more.
Hugs Byffytess
Author's Response: Thanks so much!! They sure don't act like parents, do they?! But at least Brian and Justin have done what they can to put the past behind them. I'm thrilled you enjoyed the chapters!:)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: January 25, 2010 01:46 PM · On: Closing the Door
Oh, wow, Joan really is delusional if she only remembered the things she said. And the fact that she didn't want him to get hurt Sometimes just makes me want to pummel her, bitch.
She really is in denial if she didn't realize that what Jack and her were doing to Brian didn't help him, only made him resentful and closed of.
I think you did a wonderful job with this, it was very believable and now I'm looking forward to the healing that will hopefully start in the next chapter.
Author's Response: *smiles* I'm glad that my characterization came out this way. I wanted to try to make her sort of complex, but still with that repulsive quality. Thank you so much for your thoughts and support!! :) :)
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: January 25, 2010 01:25 PM · On: Closing the Door
great.
Author's Response: Thanks so much!
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: January 25, 2010 01:19 PM · On: Closing the Door
bravo brian. as painful as that was for him it was good for him. as long as joan knows that whatever her and jack did didn't break him, that he's happy and loved and can love then that's all there is.
great job.
Author's Response: Yeah -- that was the biggest message, when Brian says, "You didn't win. I've won." That was the moment that made it worthwhile. Thanks so much for your thoughts and support; I'm so glad you liked the chapter! :)
Reviewer: snow (Signed) · Date: January 25, 2010 09:22 AM · On: Closing the Door
It was amazing. Wow, everything was very realistic. I could picture every emotion on their faces.
I had no expectations before reading it, so I can't answer you question ("was it what you expected?") but I can say that this was a phenomenal chapter.
Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I am thrilled that the scene could be pictured so well; sometimes I worry that the "visual" side of the story is neglected.
Thank you again for your wonderful feedback, I really do appreciate it!
Reviewer: sfscarlet (Anonymous) · Date: January 25, 2010 08:19 AM · On: In Public
so sad that craig has so little feelings for the son he loved and raised just because he chooses to be with Brian. I wonder if Craig would feel that way if Justin had been with a female who was a real loser in his eyes. ( felony charges, drug user, wrong side of the tracks- etc)
sad that this happens more than we like to think
Author's Response: That's an interesting point. I guess it would depend on how class-ist he really is. My guess is that his reaction would be similar, but not as extreme, to that sort of situation. It is so sad, and poor Justin now left to wonder what those first 18 years really meant if they weren't worth saving. :(
Thanks so much for your review!
Reviewer: HalfTime1030 (Signed) · Date: January 25, 2010 04:22 AM · On: In Public
Wow. There's so much here I'm not really sure where to start...
I love the relationship between Dr. Stevenson and Brian. Even though Brian is the "patient" it's clear that Dr. Stevenson has learned a lot from their visits as well, and all that makes him even better at his job.
The scene between Craig & Justin was tense and edgy and perfect... and I'm glad you split the chapter up. I agree that both encounters deserve their own time & focus.
And I've got to try the floating thing when I get stress headaches at work - seems like that's been every day for the past two weeks :(
Thanks for updating! :)
Author's Response: You're right -- Dr. Stevenson has learned a great deal from them. I know for a fact *wink* that he's extremely grateful to Brian and Justin for all that they've shown him.
I'm so glad the Justin / Craig scene went well. It was much faster to write than I anticipated and I'm glad the result worked out well.
I hear you on the work headaches. I'm amazed if I ever make it to 11AM without one! I tried the floating thing for like two minutes and even that helped some, I hope it'll do the same for you!
I hope you'll like the next chapter, just posted!!! :) :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: January 24, 2010 09:53 PM · On: In Public
It was so great that Justin told Brian to call him, and that he actually did it. It was a little funny that Brian didn't realize that Justin oculd hear in his voice when he is hurting, you'd think he knew that by now :)
The idea of doing both their parents in such a short amount of time is genius, better get it over with and then they can start to heal from it.
Craig really is a bastard, as if it was in any way Justin's fault that their relationship is non-existing. Justin was so strong and so good when he said what he needed to say and then just left!
I'm so looking forward to Brian's confrontation with Joan, it should be interesting!
Author's Response: I thought it was interesting too, how Brian still doesn't get how much Justin knows him. He'll get used to it, though.
Yeah, the next chapter with Joanie is a short one, and the one after that will deal with the aftermath. I think Justin has much less "aftermath" in a sense and is better equipped to deal. Luckily he'll be there to help Brian, who will be having a harder time.
I know. I wrote the Craig part and I was like, "What a fucking jackass!" It was great to write Justin walking away from him, though I think my favorite moment was when Justin stopped Craig from grabbing the keys.
I hope you'll enjoy the next chapter; I'll post in 6-8 hours I think. Thanks as always for your wonderful and insightful reviews!!!!
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: January 24, 2010 03:33 PM · On: In Public
Thanks for the update, love it as always.
Please post the next chapter ... NOW !!! hihi
* hugs *
Author's Response: Thanks!!! I'll post soon! I promise!! :)
*hugs!!*
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: January 24, 2010 01:05 PM · On: In Public
It's so sad to see a father & son relationship disintegrate like this but it's great that Brian and Justin have each other to face Craig and Joan.
“Because Justin will be there.” What an admission. The Brian a year ago probably would have kicked Justin out of the loft to spare Justin from witnessing Brian's vulnerability.
Author's Response: Oh hi!! I'm so glad you're back; I've been wondering how things are going with you and the job search and all. I hope it's going well!
Exactly! Wasn't that huge that Brian would say that!?! You're so right that it shows so much of how Brian has grown and how much he now trusts Justin.
I'm so happy that you're still reading!! :)
Reviewer: bksbracelet (Anonymous) · Date: January 24, 2010 12:56 PM · On: In Public
OMG the tension for Justin he is such a 'strong little fucker' as Brian once said. Looking forward to the confrontation with Joanie.
Author's Response: Yep! He sure is strong. I hope you'll like the next chapter as well; I'm posting soon. :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: January 24, 2010 11:36 AM · On: In Public
i loved how justin got him to relax. to take some time in his day just for him. his floating images at first were hysterical. if he doesn't take the time to himself then justin is going to be there to do it for him.
talking about what was going to happen and how he felt about talking to craig was good for justin. he had to face his fears. craig is an idiot to throw his son away. i think justin handled the entire situation perfectly. if his father can't accept him for who he is not what he is then craig doesn't deserve him.
brian's attitude in dr. steveson's office i feel was mainly because he was surprised by their last session that brian didn't know what to expect this time. that he was willing to talk about his plans to talk to joan and what he was expecting from it was a big step for him. i'm glad dr. stevenson reinforced all the positive changes he's made.
very nervous about the up coming talk with joan and am glad justin will be there for support.
Author's Response: *grins thinking about Brian the Sex Superhero in his Armani cape!*
I liked the session with Dr. Stevenson a lot; as you say, the doc is very supportive and tried hard to be sensitive to how Brian felt. I think part of Brian's difficulty in that session was because he was alone with someone else who in some ways knew that other part of himself. So he was struggling with whether to be more of "Beautiful" in the office.
I hope you'll like the next chapter; I'll post in probably 6-8 hours. :)
Reviewer: sara (Anonymous) · Date: January 24, 2010 09:22 AM · On: In Public
thanks so much for another great chapter. love that they're still so definitely brian and justin while moving into a d/s relationship - you've done it in such a plausible way. can't wait for the next chapter (as always!)
Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much! I am thrilled to hear that they are still somewhat IC. And doing the D/s in a plausible way -- that's like the ultimate of what I was trying to do, so thank you so, so much! I'll be posting again soo, so I hope you'll enjoy that one as well.
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: January 24, 2010 09:16 AM · On: In Public
It's always worth the wait ...... I am glad Justin got to say what he needed to say to Craig... it gave Justin some closure and the knowledge that things would never change or get any better between them... I am sure the same thing will happen when Brian speaks to Joanie because she is even more of a lost cause than Craig...
Author's Response: It did give a lot of closure; now Justin can know that his father still doesn't care, even though he said outright that he was hurt. I think he'll feel much better now. I hope you'll like the next chapter; I'll post it in probably 6-8 hours. :)
Tiffany
Reviewer: veglogic (Anonymous) · Date: January 17, 2010 09:16 AM · On: Birthday
After an unforseen hiatus from the internet I was so thrilled to come back to three new chapters of this story. I love that Brian and Justin are exploring their relationship within a D/s dynamic. It helped me to better frame and understand all their past actions especially in regards to Justin's immense satisfaction in caring for Brian. I can't wait for more!!!
Author's Response: I am so glad that you are here to give some feedback about the Justin side of things, because I don't think I consider it enough on my own. I'm trying to explore the idea that one reason that Justin had been dissatisfied with their relationship was because of Brian's refusal to let him be close, and to care for him. That Justin needed that, (maybe he thought of marriage / monogamy as synonymous to this?) and Brian couldn't / wouldn't give it to him. Now they are both considerably more satisfied in the relationship.
Thanks so much for your support of the story!
Reviewer: MissMoe (Anonymous) · Date: January 12, 2010 03:28 PM · On: Birthday
It's really really early in the morning(3am) and usually I put off reviewing but I wanted to make sure I got a review out for this chapter. I loved it. I usually do, but I think it's because your writing can be so intense. When you describe Brian's struggles it's so vivid. Both the good and the bad are written so fluidly.
What I loved most about this chapter was everything, haha. I can't really pinpoint anything, not even Brian being Beautiful. Everything flowed so well and one part could not be without another. It was all so wonderfully written. Why choose what I love most? I loved it all and can't wait to read more.
Author's Response: Thank you so much......that's just so sweet and so wonderful to hear. I am humbled to have such kind and thoughtful reviewers!! :) I'll have another chapter up Saturday at the latest. :)
Reviewer: MissMoe (Anonymous) · Date: January 12, 2010 03:16 PM · On: Yes, Beautiful
Soo I went on a lil reading spree with your fic so I'd catch up on the chapters I miss. I was going to like, put all my reviews into one for the most recvent chapter, but how could I NOT review this chapter? You used THE nickname that I love for Brian. This is my favorite chapter. Maybe you'll top it, but I know this will be the one I'll read over and over again. I loved how selfassured Justin is but the best part to me? You showed Brian being Brian and I loved it. He really is a Beautiful character. :)
Author's Response: Oh, I'm so glad you're back and enjoying the story!! I definitely thought you would enjoy this chapter; you adore his nickname as much as I do, after all! I'm also glad to hear that Justin seemed comfortable in his new role; I worry that I neglect him sometimes.
Thanks so much -- I'm really delighted that this is your favorite chapter so far, and that you're back! :) *big smile!*
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: January 10, 2010 11:03 PM · On: Birthday
Lovely.... Beautiful and Sunshine are Amazing.... you could roast marshmallows off the screen it was so.. HOT.. lol..giving him the book at that point was a fantastic idea .... it showed Brian in black and white...what Justin has been saying all along... how "Beautiful".. he really is...
Author's Response: *grins* I like your description with the marshmallows... makes me think I need to do a scene with the two of them in front of that fireplace in Britin roasting marshmallows... hmmm..... *evil grin*
The book was huge for Brian -- to see that, although he had denied so much of his kindness to himself, people still saw it. And people love him. Knowing that will make it so much easier for him to begin making adjustments to his "public self" and integrate more of Beautiful into his interactions outside of the loft.
Thanks so much as always for your thoughts!!
Reviewer: Kitty_Ballou (Signed) · Date: January 10, 2010 07:05 PM · On: Birthday
*sniffs*
*cries*
Oh.
My.
God.
This is sooooo amazing. So sweet. So - so gorgeous! It makes me cry and smile at the same moment. And I am so happy for Brian. Now he's got it black on white that he is loved!
*cries again*
Thank you, thank you so much, Tiffany, that you do this to him. For him.
*hugs*
Author's Response: Awww! Thank you so, so much......I love this response -- exactly what I was aiming for!
So glad you enjoyed the chapter!
**hugs**
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: January 10, 2010 06:34 PM · On: Birthday
The first thing that needs to be said is omg you write good sex!!
I thought this chapter worked really well, it’s like we’re seeing the complete Beautiful (or the integration of Brian/Beautiful) for the first time. Not only did it feel like Justin presenting the birthday book was celebrating the “birth” of Beautiful, but the aspects of the birthday book that you focused on were wonderful. They take us back to the very first chapter and the breakfast scene between Gus and Brian in the diner (which is the start of Brian’s journey and the question “why not with me”) and to the third chapter, with the “Believe” painting (which is the start of Brian and Justin’s journey together). It’s interesting that if you go back to the third chapter the word “beauty” is used a lot and at the end Brian refers to Justin several times as “Sunshine” (not that I’m saying you knew where the story was necessarily going to end up at that stage, but I think it does create a lovely sense of continuity) and how Brian describes the painting as “purely beautiful”.
I guess that’s the feeling I get from this chapter and how I see Brian in it – as “purely Beautiful”. All the possibilities and potential and love which Justin put into “Believe” and saw in Brian at the beginning made real. Also, sometimes it’s the smallest details which resonate the most. I loved the sequence where Justin goes to put the blindfold on and Brian shuts his eyes without hesitating or having to be asked. There’s just something terribly moving and tender in that image and it says a lot about Brian and Justin together. In fact it’s very fitting that this chapter focuses so much on the physical intimacy between them, because I can’t think of a better way for Justin to demonstrate his tenderness and love for Beautiful or for Beautiful to accept that love and trust in it…
*I sound all mushy!! I’m never, ever mushy – I blame you for this!!* *big smile*
Author's Response: Ah ha! Now I have completed my mission -- to make Minoloushe mushy! Well, I guess this was the final chapter then!! (LOL!!!!)
I think it's interesting to consider whether this is the full integration of Beautiful. I don't think it is; it's the full inhabitation of Beautiful. It's the first time that Beautiful has been entirely and fully expressed, I think. Perhaps that does necessarily mean that an integration of sorts has taken place... I guess I was thinking mostly that integration would require some degree of "publicness" for Beautiful.
Once I started referencing the early chapters I did have this fleeting, rather panicked thought -- "Is this the last chapter of the story!?!" -- because it seemed suddenly so "full circle". Don't worry; it's not the end. But it definitely had that sort of "completion" to some of the early issues. I'm glad that it added to the chapter for readers, as well.
Okay -- for all the talk I've done to you about being amazed at how so much can be read into the story (for the better!!!), I now have to confess. I did basically know right around the time of the "Believe" chapter -- maybe just a few days / chapters later -- that Beautiful would be his sub name. This one really has been a long time coming! :) There is only one other tiny, tiny little theme that goes back almost as far (and which hasn't shown up at all in over 10 chapters I think)... one more to "finish", in a sense. And I will, in a few chapters.
*sighs contentedly* I loved the moment where Beautiful sees the blindfold and closes his eyes, too. I am so happy that this little moment caught your eye, too. :) (you as the Eternal Reader!). :)
Oh, and thanks for your compliment on the sex scenes. They're oddly easy to write, though I think other people are exponentially better at it than I am. :)
Reviewer: Buffytess (Anonymous) · Date: January 10, 2010 04:58 PM · On: Birthday
OOhhh this was a great chapter and so beautiful i can hardly wait to read more.
Many hugs Buffytess
Author's Response: Thank you so much!!! I am not quite sure when the next chapter will be done. The latest possible date will be this coming Saturday. Hopefully sooner.
Thanks so much for the review!! :) :) :)
hugs! Tiffany
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