Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction
Reviews For Why Not With Me
Reviewer: Naughty_teaspoon (Signed) · Date: May 19, 2019 01:42 PM · On: Up To Today

 " I am so lucky to have Justin; Brian is so lucky to have Justin. Justin sees things for what they are and he helps Brian to see what’s what."

And we are lucky to have Justin too <3 

Reviewer: 7wildwaysup (Signed) · Date: December 27, 2014 05:28 AM · On: Up To Today

Wow, this chapter is a real eye opener...

Will the real Brian Kinney please stand up...

I love how deep all the emotions runs in this story... ~ Kathleen

Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: March 10, 2010 02:38 AM · On: Up To Today

“So Brian… what you need to think about is whether you’re ready to quit drinking. If you’re ready to quit taking drugs. And if you’re ready to deal only with the real you. With what you feel and what you need.”


 


Why??? I don't get this at all. Brian shouldn't have to quit drinking and doing drugs. That doesn't make you a better grown up or a better person. It mean even though he doesn't have an addiction he is putting limits on himself, limits he doesn't need. Drug and alcohol are fun. I know that isn't what the self help books tell us or our parents or uptight people that think they are above it and find it immature. Not only are drugs fun but they can be powerful amazing medicines that people need. Our bodies are teeming with dormat cannabinoids waiting to be activated to help us. XTC can help with depression and I think there was a study that it help with heart issues.


This is a challenging story. It challenges my lifestyle and my core believes in freedom of self and freedom of the spirit. Which isn't horrible but... I am going to finish it.



Author's Response:

Okay -- I think I should explain. I wasn't trying to suggest that he had to quit (first of all, this is the doc's opinion, and I think a lot of doctors would suggest that, but I digress). I wasn't trying to suggest that he should quit, necessarily... *takes a deep breath, hoping she can make this make sense* 

 

Most of this story is, to me, conceptual. What I wanted to do was think about the function that substances were having for him within the story, and to see if / how this function / ends could be achieved via a different means. Within the context of this story, I was trying to explore the idea that Brian was essentially using alcohol to suppress his feelings and ecstasy to try to feel an emotional connection to people. Then, I wanted to use his increased interpersonal awareness and relationship with Justin to see how the same sort of aims could be achieved in another format. My contention then was that, in line with this particular story, his substance abuse was not especially fun -- it served a particular function. Now, I'm not saying it isn't fun -- I'm saying, I wasn't focusing on that side of it for this story. I wasn't trying to disparage it necessarily, and I was hoping that I could show some of the validity of their use -- they had helped him for a long time. 

It was a hard choice for me personally as to whether he would quit substance use or not. The reason I eventually did have him choose it was when he found something else that could "replace" the sensation and function that it was serving in his life.

It's always hard to -- well, actually impossible to know how a story will be interpreted, and I think every interpretation is equally valid, mine as much as anyone's. I can say what I intended, but not really what I wrote -- that depends on what others read. So I wanted to thank you for sharing your thoughts and also to say that I never intended to write a story that threatened freedom of spirit at all. In my own interpretation of the story, Brian ends up more free because he is learning to achieve more emotional freedom through a greater variety of means, and he is more free to be himself (and not how others might sometimes see him).

Thanks for continuing the story although it's a challenging one for you. :)

Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: November 15, 2009 08:29 AM · On: Up To Today

I always look forward to new chapters of this story. I truly love the way you are dealing with the theraputic process and how Brian is not only openning up but that Justin is part of the process and is learning about something himself in the process.  Looking forward to more.  



Author's Response:

I'm glad that you mentioned that Justin's learning too. Occasionally I worry that I'm neglecting him. But then, the story is centered on Brian, so I don't need to go into Justin's own issues too much -- which is good because I don't think I could do him justice. But I'm glad that something comes through for him anyway!

Thanks so much for your thoughts and enthusiasm! 

 

Tiffany

Reviewer: JTSecrets (Signed) · Date: November 15, 2009 04:11 AM · On: Up To Today

Hi Tiffany,

This chapter was very good and I believe it from a psychological vantage point. I wonder how much further you can go into Brian's head from here.



Author's Response:

Hi! 

I'm pleased that you found it believable! I assume you're joking about how much further in I can go! I think I'll end up on the other side of his head soon! ;) 

Thanks so much for reading and commenting!! 

 

Reviewer: Kitty_Ballou (Signed) · Date: November 15, 2009 01:10 AM · On: Up To Today

Shit...

*sighs and cries at the same moment*

You did it again!!! You hit the spot deep inside of me + make me see things clearer by myself, by my own childhood, my teenage-time and my life! So stop being unsure about what you'd written... *hugs* It's wonderful + amazing and...

No, let me explain it otherwise. Yesterday a very close friend visited me. I know her since 20 years and more. And we talked about QaF. About Brian + Justin. And later she asked me: "Why are you so fascinated from these two men? These two gay men? When they make love? Having sex?" She worked for the church and we watched that episode when Brian fucked Reverend Butterfield. And I answered her: "Because there IS a fascination between this couple! They are so beautiful and gorgeous and sweet, they are sexy and they love eachother... in any way! Even if they don't talk about it!"

I think she really didn't understand it. I don't know. We stopped to talk about that theme.

What I want to say is: I think some people built their own wall. To hide things. Maybe to forget them. Because they don't want to talk about them. It's easier. Helpful. - But I don't think so. I want to talk about problems. About feelings. If I won't or don't - I would burst! Into tears or rage or - anything else! And I don't want to do that! Even if I'm sitting here and cry... But it felt good. Because I can understand what goes on in Brian. His problems are different to my own. But I understand him so well!

And because I am not able to hug him - let my hug you! Cause you help me to fight against my own demons. To face them - and to win! Because with this chapter I understand more things about myself. Things I never thought about before. And that's why I have to say THANK YOU again, Tiffany!

*hugs*

Love,

Kitty

 

 



Author's Response:

*hugs* 

This is going to sound crazy I'm sure, but oh well. As I was typing the part of this chapter where Dr. Stevenson says that Brian was unapproachable because it kept people from seeing that he wasn't perfect and loving him, I seriously typed it. Then I read it. Then I read it again. Duh, I'm totally talking about myself -- and Dr. Stevenson was talking about me!!! I couldn't even believe it. You see, people in real life have told me that I'm unapproachable / intimidating and I never can figure it out. Then while writing this chapter it all suddenly made sense.  So yeah.... I agree -- I understand Brian's problems, too! 

I'm amazed that people talk about QAF with friends. I managed to tell two of my closest friends that I watch the show, but I've never ventured to try to explain the characters, or what makes the show so interesting, or how I feel about some of the characters, etc. I wish I could. Or better yet, I wish I could be brave enough to let them read this fic! That would explain everything!

It means a lot to me that I was able to help in some way. Things have been pretty bad at work lately and knowing that other things are meaningful is exactly what I needed right now, so thank you!! :) :) 

Love,

Tiffany

Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: November 15, 2009 12:12 AM · On: Up To Today

Wow... this chapter was amazing..... it started out very upeat...with Brian and Justin happy and reassuring the good Doc.. that things were going well.. than BAM....  it got right to the heart of the matter why Brian takes drugs and drinks as much as he does..... to be able to express openly what he is always trying to hide ..... His True Self.....  because he was  afraid that if people (Justin) see him for what he really is.. they wouldn't want to be with him at all..... Now comes the hard part deciding if he is ready and willing to let everyone see "Him"... 



Author's Response:

Thank you! I think you have an excellent point about him hiding the rest of the time.  You've also given me a really good idea for a future chapter, but I don't want to say too much now! ;) But thank you! 

Also your thoughts about Brian feeling that no one would want him if he were more affectionate / open / etc. is exactly right, I think. :)

Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: November 14, 2009 06:05 PM · On: Up To Today

Oh, Yeah. I think your treatment of substance abuse makes sense. I didn't think of the image thing until you brought it up. No one at Babylon seems to be interested in having a relationship with Brian. Even at work, I seriously doubt Kip had the good intention for a relationship either. And I really like the way you brought up Justin's drinking habit too. He did drink to impress Brian at the beginning. But throughout the seasons, we seldom saw Justin drinking like a fish. Not even when he realized he made a mistake leaving Brian after the Ethan fiasco.

 



Author's Response:

I think you're right about Kip definitely. People wanted out of Brian what they figured they could get, and what he wanted from him. He never offered anyone a glimmer of hope for anything else, never offered a look at himself really.  I'm glad that the explanations worked for  you! :) 

Reviewer: bksbracelet (Anonymous) · Date: November 14, 2009 05:36 PM · On: Up To Today

Wow I love this fic so much Brian and Justin working together on who the real Brian is under the built up persona. More importantly is Brian's willingness to listen and learn and trust. Brillant



Author's Response:

Thank you! That's a great point -- Brian has been a pretty willing participant. Hopefully not in too much of an OOC way at the beginning... and I think as it gets started, it's gotten perhaps not easier for him to listen and trust, but more  obviously necessary. Thanks again!! 

Reviewer: MissMoe (Anonymous) · Date: November 14, 2009 02:08 PM · On: Up To Today

Wow, Doc is very poignant with his thoughts on Brian's alcholism. I feel like personally he's going back to that time in highschool because if he gives up alcohol and drugs then he'll need to accept himself rather than try for the affections of others. It would be like someone finding there true self for the first time. Which I think happens often in highschool. I hope I'm making sense. Either way, I'm very exciting to see how this develops and of course, loved this chapter. :)



Author's Response:

That's a really interesting point, especially considering that's the time of Justin's life when he met Brian, who affirmed his identity and his choices. It's quite a striking contrast to what Brian went through when he was in high school (though I'm sure Debbie was supportive of him being gay, but not in the same unconditional way). I may have to have B/J discuss this at some point in the story; thanks so much for the idea! :) :) Glad you loved it!!! 

Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: November 14, 2009 10:55 AM · On: Up To Today

so if brian gives up his crutches, his drugs and drinking, the person who emerges will be the real brian kinney. the one that justin knew was there all along. the one he fell in love with. i hope brian is ready for that.

you are doing a fantastic job with this story.



Author's Response:

Exactly! *smiles!!* That's what I was hoping to get across -- that Justin saw his potential (or felt it intuitively, etc.) where no one else really did. I hope Brian's ready for that, too. To see himself in such a positive way will probably be difficult. 

Thank you so much for your support and thoughts!!! :)

Reviewer: samcdee (Signed) · Date: November 14, 2009 10:10 AM · On: Up To Today

Wonderful chapter.  I like the way you delve into Brian's issues and the sensitivity being displayed through out.  Story line has a good flow and continuity, and feels well thought out.  I even like the shrink. :) 



Author's Response:

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your comments and support of the story's structure. I think it's finally in the "fourth quarter" of the story (meaning the last part, for those not familiar with basketball. I hope I can conclude it all in a way that preserves the rest of the story. :) I'm also glad you like Dr. Stevenson! :) Thanks for writing in!!

Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: November 14, 2009 08:40 AM · On: Up To Today

Whew, ok, I just had to take a deep breath after that.

I think Dr. Stevenson has hit the core of the issue with both drugs and alcohol. I think that Brian really did start drinking to fit in somehow and the E is a way to feel all the things he's afraid of feeling when sober.

I hope Brian decides that he's ready, ready to be who he really is and not let anybody elses oppinion factor into how he chooses to live his life.

Wonderful chapter.



Author's Response:

I am really glad that it rang true for you how Brian's use of alcohol began and functioned. It flowed naturally while I was writing it, but I am always nervous adding back story (odd, since a lot of this is back story in a way!). 

I think Brian will decide he's ready but there may be a little existential angst between here and there! :)


Thanks as always for your thoughts!!:)

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