Reviewer: Naughty_teaspoon (Signed) · Date: May 17, 2019 09:27 PM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
Doc good job! That's what I call a professional help. So glad Brian is moving forward. So proud of this boy.
Reviewer: Gloria (Anonymous) · Date: July 21, 2016 12:48 PM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
I'm just finding this story from a recommendation from someone and oh my God!
You are an unbelievable writer! Are you a psychologist yourself? This is so moving and poignant. I am laughing out loud & crying from memories, this really hits home for me. My experiences weren't as bad as Brian's but I had them just the same and I'm realizing some things from his therapy sessions. You must really be helping people with this story...I'm so moved...thank you
Reviewer: SunshineSally (Signed) · Date: May 12, 2015 02:44 AM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
Jesus Christ, I am sobbing - real big fat salty tears. I am so proud of Brian, like so bloody proud it isn't even funny. Are you for real? Like how are you such a talented writer? I am reading this and I can easily picture this in my head.
I NEED TO RE READ THIS ALL AGAIN
Reviewer: 7wildwaysup (Signed) · Date: December 26, 2014 03:47 PM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
Wow! You had me sitting in that chair by the window with tears running down my face... Awesome chapter, so powerful and heartfelt... Thank You Doctor...
Hugs ~ Kathleen
Reviewer: JTSecrets (Signed) · Date: October 25, 2009 12:05 AM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
Words fail me.....excellent read.
Reviewer: JTSecrets (Signed) · Date: October 25, 2009 12:05 AM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
Words fail me.....excellent read.
Author's Response: *honored at this response*
This chapter is extremely meaningful to me personally and it also means a lot to me that I could convey it this way....
Reviewer: Kitty_Ballou (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2009 10:59 PM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
---
“I deserve Justin’s love.”
I grin at him and pull him in for a hug.
He hugs me back.
Then he starts crying a little. ---
And guess what I am doing just right now...
*goes and gets some kleenex too*
Reviewer: HalfTime1030 (Signed) · Date: August 22, 2009 07:43 AM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
Wow! What a fantastic chapter... you do such an excellent job of conveying the emotional struggle they're going through... I actually felt relieved by the end of this chapter! :)
Can't wait to see what happens with Justin...
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad that the writing has that effect -- it does on me when I'm writing it (my stomach was totally in knots at points of that chapter) but it's impossible to tell if it will do the same for readers.
I hope you'll like the next chapter, just posted. :) Thanks so much for reviewing! ! ! And reading!! And enjoying!!
Reviewer: Debbie (Anonymous) · Date: August 22, 2009 07:37 AM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
I love this story because it really explains depression caused by past experiences.
You are truly a gifted writer. Please keep up with the story and I hope you do more stories here.
Brian and Justin do need to be together. I also see Justin needing help for his bashing problems.
Thanks!
Have a nice September!
Debbie
Author's Response: Awww, thanks so much!
I'm glad you like the way that I tried to make depression come in realistically. Especially given the state of Brian's self esteem, it seems inevitable to me.
I've been thinking about Justin a little and whether this will bring up anything for him. I don't know -- one, if it will happen naturally in the story (maybe, maybe not). Two, I don't think I'd be the right person to write for Justin. I just don't feel like I have the requisite amount of insight into his character (I love him, but I just don't think I "get" him like I should to write in a similar way about him).
Thanks so much for your very kind comments and for reading! :)
*is not sure she's looking forward to September. Mixed bag. Back to work :(, but family visiting :) and moving to better apartment :). Thanks though! :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: August 22, 2009 05:25 AM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
boy of boy does he ever deserve love. justin's, gus' everyones.
i am speechless. it was so good.
i love dr. stevenson. he's putting our man on the right track to happiness and love. i hope he believes what he's telling himself.
Author's Response: *loves your Brian focus!* You're so right... I just love Brian, and I want all of this for him so much.
*loves the speechlessness*
Thank you so very much for your comments and support here, and throughout the story. :)!
Reviewer: Kristina (Anonymous) · Date: August 22, 2009 04:23 AM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
I feel like I'm going through these therapy sessions also.
Author's Response: Oooh, another new reviewer!! Yippee! Thank you so much for taking the time to write in!
I feel exactly the same way -- I ended up with knots in my stomach on this one; I can only imagine what it was like for Brian!
I hope you'll enjoy the next chapters, too.
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: August 21, 2009 11:53 PM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
Two thumbs up for Dr. Stevenson!!!!!..Thank God he is the only person that has been able to break through Brian's.... carved in stone.. mental block about not deserving love.... He finally made Brian realize that Jack and Joanie were incapable of loving ANYONE.... I personally don't think... that either of them could even stand themselves.. or each other.....
Author's Response: I think you're totally right -- Brian's parents were just emotionally void. It seems to me that nothing and no one meant very much to them at all.
Thanks so much for your enthusiasm and support of the story!! :) Delighted that you liked the chapter!
Reviewer: Suse (Anonymous) · Date: August 21, 2009 10:13 PM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
This chapter was so beautifully crafted. You truly have a gift, never doubt it.
Author's Response: Awww...thank you so much *tearing up a little*. That means so much to me... thank you so much! *sniffle*
Reviewer: Rie (Anonymous) · Date: August 21, 2009 08:41 PM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
Wow that chapter was so good. I think you are really doing an excellent job with this story. Brian is such a contrast and this story is going deep into who he is. I just can't wait to read more.
Rie
Author's Response: Oooh, new reviewer!!! Thanks so much for the wonderful feedback! Brian has always somehow touched me so much as a character and I'm glad I could bring some of my sort of...sympathy effectively into the story.
Thanks so much and I hope you'll love the next chapters too!
Reviewer: MissMoe (Anonymous) · Date: August 21, 2009 08:06 PM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
“Brian. Do you want Justin to be the one to find you? Do you want him to be the one spending the rest of his life wondering why he didn’t see the signs? Why he didn’t stop you?”
Other quotes effected me, like ALL the time's Brian had to face the fact that he is worthy of so much love and more, but that one ^ just made me want to cheer for the Doc, it's good to be blunt sometimes :)
Phew! This chapter just made me release this huge breath right along with Brian. The progression of Brian's realizations of the truth in all the Docs statements is wonderfully written and I can just envision how Brian looked perfectly. I have to wonder how he'll interact with Justin and the others in his family after this session. Especially Justin because at the end of this Brian seemes really raw and burnt out emotionally. Doc knows just right where and when to push. I'm very excited to see if Brian will tell Jusin about everything that happened in this session or if, either way, he'll find out because he needs to go to Brian's next session anyway.
I enjoyed this chapter very much and after I finished reading your previous chapter I was talking to my best friend and I totally pimped your story big time. It may possibly be the reason she is even going to watch QAF and then read the fiction, of course yours will be her first conquest, haha. I spoke well of you. :D I'm too engrossed within this fic not to!
Author's Response: *touched and honored that you like the fic so much to recommend it that way!*
I liked that moment a lot, too. Dr. Stevenson decided just to deal with Brian pretty much in the way Brian deals with people -- with blunt honesty. And I think Brian really needed that one in particular.
I'm a little bit nervous about writing the future interactions after this session. It's hard to calibrate exactly how much Brian would be effected -- immediately and long term -- by such an intense thing. I really hope I can make it believable and meaningful......
I think Brian will manage to say enough to Justin. And Justin will definitely sense his emotional needs and be in tune that way, which will be a big help.
Thanks again -- it is just amazing and really, really... humbling that you like the story so much. I hope the next chapters won't disappoint!
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: August 21, 2009 07:11 PM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
This made me cry (okay only one tear I still say it counts). That’s something I do so rarely it was genuinely shocking to me - who knew eyes could leak. The growing tension throughout the session was wonderfully handled and when it reached a crescendo *sighs happily* Such beautiful Brian focused angst. I swear shops should give up selling vitamins and just market angst instead. I can definitely understand why you were so excited about posting this chapter and see it as the apex of the story - congratulations on reaching it : )
Ok, so prepare yourself for another shrieking rant but…...Yes! You actually have Dr Stevenson acknowledge in unequivocal terms that Brian suffers from depression! That makes me a very happy reader indeed. It frustrates the hell out of me sometimes, when Brian’s “issues” are seen as being solely caused by external situations such as his childhood or the relationship breakdown with Justin. Of course there is a blurring of the two; they feed off each other. But it still seems like you rarely (if ever) see Brian characterised as being “depressed” in a medical sense. So yeah, I’m in complete agreement with that interpretation *huge smile* I also really liked Dr Stevenson’s focus on the physiological aspects of depression. While many things can be improved with therapy, you can’t force your brain chemistry to change (subject to taking medication of course). While I don’t think a psychologist / psychiatrist in RL would behave in quite the same way as Dr Stevenson it doesn’t disrupt the suspension of disbelief necessary for enjoying any work of fiction (in other words, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest and it works well within the context of the narrative).
Oh, and did I mention how much I enjoyed the angst?
*swear that I don’t have a single psychic bone in my body…but it’s still a bit freaky isn’t it*
Author's Response: *very, very big smile!* Thank you so much! I am so happy to hear that others see this chapter the way I do. I don't think I would've been able to understand at all if people didn't.
The chapter just about made me cry, and I had to stop once, almost twice, because of the knots in my stomach. Which is sort of ridiculous, I think, but totally true.
*takes a deep sigh and wills herself not to jump on one of her biggest soap boxes, which is "psychological problems are physical problems, we should look at them objectively". Which is not to say that I deny environmental influence... it's that I believe that influence has a physical reality to it. *stepping away from soap box for the good of all readers.*
Dr. Stevenson is going to share my views on the psychology -- a very biological, physiological, naturalistic view. Big surprise, since that's my perspective. It's very true I think that in RL you wouldn't find Dr. Stevenson... Dr. Stevenson is like me stepping in, using the things I believe in most from what I know of psychology and trying to help Brian because I love Brian. :) Not at all likely to have a physical incarnation.
That said, I do think this approach will really help Brian -- to see that emotions aren't something he can avoid, because they are actually existent (not just like some vague thing that can be easily willed away). I think it will make these problems easier for Brian to deal with when they are explained using this focus. Or at least, I hope so.
*happy you enjoyed the angst. More coming soon, guilt-relief focused!*
*decides to believe you're just perceptive and not psychic*
Thanks so much for your comments! :)
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: August 21, 2009 04:51 PM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
I used my lunch break to read your second update. Wow. Well worth it.
Hands down you made the right move to make this fic not anti-Mikey. The focus definitely should be on Brian. And having Justin and Mikey united to help Brian is the right medicine. Anyone who has psychological problems need to have all their loved ones united to help. Bravo for that.
Chapter 25 is no doubt a monumental piece of art. I don't know about real therapy sessions but at least the counselor that I chatted with in college way back then was no way this skillful as Dr Stevenson. I am in awe at his compassion and skills. Every move he made, every word he says, every gesture or expression, even the timing of everything are so crucial to getting Brian to say "I deserve love". It is so brilliant that Dr Stevenson noticed Brian does not like to accept compliments, well except for his business success.
It's interesting that it took 5 years and a bomb in order to get Brian to say "I love you". And it finally takes a Dr Stevenson to get him to say "I deserve love". Sometimes saying 3 little words can be the hardest thing in the word.
Great chapter. You have enegerized me so much that I think I can get myself together to do my second half of today's work. Thank you!!
Author's Response: First -- thanks so much for your support of my Brian-focused, togetherness-focus of the fic. I really appreciate it very much.
*swallows hard at considering chapter 25 art* *genuinely stunned and grateful*
Brian's business success I thought would have to be what he would claim. I mean, he did name the whole company after himself; it's hard to back out of that one! :)
I think you're right... the gap that was missing was between "Oh, I know Justin loves me" (and THAT took a long time), to "I deserve that love." As you say, it's huge.
Thank you so much for your tremendous support of the story! :)
Reviewer: Annjeela (Signed) · Date: August 21, 2009 04:41 PM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
Another amazing, touching chapter. Thanks.
Author's Response: *so happy that you enjoyed it!* Thank you so much for your support!
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: August 21, 2009 04:38 PM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
Just WOW this was a brilliant chapter, so emotional. But at the end I was sitting here with a big smile. Brian did it.
This is not worth a 10 but lots more
* deep bow *
Author's Response: Awww, thank you so much! That is just...so...I'm just honored. Thank you so much.
**thrilled for Brian!**
♥
Reviewer: wh8208 (Anonymous) · Date: August 21, 2009 01:06 PM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
I am so happy for Brian.
Author's Response: Thank you SO much for reviewing!! I love this comment because your focus is totally where I want it -- on Brian. I am so thrilled for him, too!
Thanks so much!!!! *Huge smiles!*
Reviewer: Moonshadow Woman (Signed) · Date: August 21, 2009 12:05 PM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
I waited up to read this - usually I'm in bed at 9 - and it was worth the wait. Great chapter - very intense - erb
Author's Response: Wow -- I didn't think anyone would do that -- *feels a little guilty for late posting hour*... *genuinely delighted and almost unbelieving that it could have been worth the wait!* What an amazing compliment. Thank you so much. I am thrilled that you like the story so much. :) !!!!
Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: August 21, 2009 11:58 AM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
I was just on my way to bed when I saw this update. Wow! So emotional! Great job! There's really nothing else I can say! You said it all in this chapter. That was one hell of a session. The doctor character you created is amazing, and perfect for Brian! My heart broke when Brian was confronted with the truth that he does deserve love, and the only reason why his parents didn't give him love was because they were incapable. It was not his fautl. That really hit home.
Again, great job with this chapter! I'm so glad I was up when you posted this!
Author's Response: *big smile* Thank you so much! It thrills me that you like Dr. Stevenson so much. He is really useful because he notices a lot of things about Brian's behavior, which I really need since Brian doesn't say a whole lot and I have to know from someone how things are going.... He was a huge help in this chapter.
That moment killed me, too...I don't know if you ever saw the movie Good Will Hunting, but there is a somewhat similar scene in that, and I thought of that while writing this chapter.
Thanks so much. I'm glad you were up to read it, too!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: August 21, 2009 11:55 AM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
Wow, that was intense and so hard to read. I felt fo Brian, his whole body fought these notions. That tells a lot about the way his parents treated him.
I'm so happy the doctor got through to him, got him to say those things. Even if it was painful at the time, it must have been a relief afterwards.
I hope he tells Justin how this session went, and brings him to the next one, they both have so much guilt to work on.
As usual I loved it.
Author's Response: You're absolutely right -- the "guilt session" (as it's called in my mind) will probably be the next big session with Dr. Stevenson.
My stomach was just in knots writing the chapter; had to take a break at one point just to sort of relax myself. Maybe that's just ridiculous on my part, but it's true. So I figured how much worse it would have to be for Brian who would be living it (and not just writing it!).
Thanks so much for your concern for the characters and your involvement in the story! Thanks so much! :) !
Reviewer: Cait (Anonymous) · Date: August 21, 2009 11:54 AM · On: Order Into Chaos Into Order
Sooo intense! I was silently (or maybe a little out lous) cheering when Brian finally said it ;) The whole chapter was deeply heartwrenching and wonderful (like everything you write). Now that Brian's had this breakthrough I am DESPERATE to see how he interacts with Justin when he comes home and how it will continue to affect and change their relationship. I like how you continue to explore Brian's character and delve way past the small bits we got in the show while keeping it completely believable. Ahhh, I just love this story so much! I'm soooo looking forward to the next one now that these breakthroughs (by Brian and to a lesser extent to Justin in the last two chapters) will interact and change the relationship and the way these two communicate and engage eachother. Thanks for your wonderful and timely updates- they're always something to look forward to!
Author's Response: *smiles delightedly!* Thanks so much!! I am so happy that you liked the chapter and are so excited about the upcoming chapter and intereactions. To be honest, I'm a tiny bit nervous about that because after such a huge event in his life, it is hard to say how much it would change his behavior -- how much immediate, and how much over time... *takes a deep breath* I hope I'll be able to make it all work out in a believable and genuine way.
Thanks you so very much for your enthusiastic comments! :)!!
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