Well, I know that I'm just repeating myself but - Thank you very much for the beta, Becky! :) And lots of thanks to all of you for reading this fic :) Chapter 8------------- “I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I’m dying Are the best I’ve ever had” I had the weirdest dream last night and I just can’t forget about it. I’ve never really cared about my dreams. I’ve never spent long hours to find out their meanings. It’s no big deal anyway. Usually you don’t have to be a shrink to puzzle them out. They’re quite simple. There are these things that you’re concerned about, things that happen to you, people that you meet, things that you hear. It’s all in your head. And while you’re sleeping these little segments you’ve stored suddenly break free and get mixed up with each other. There’s nothing supernatural or inexplicable about it. It’s just a simple physical process that you can easily explain. Well, I sound pretty convincing and I know that I’m right. Then why is it that I shudder and feel a sense of fear overwhelming me every time I think about my latest dream? It was a very special dream for more than one reason. First, I remember it clearly. I usually don’t even remember if I’ve dreamed or not. It’s got to be something special to make me remember. Besides, this dream wasn’t so incoherent like the ones I usually have. It was a complete story actually. A surreal, absurd and scary story but still so believable. Frightening and amazing at the same time. I think they should make a movie out of it. It’d be a huge success. Okay, here it comes. I was alone at the loft, working on a painting. It was dark outside as well as in the loft; just a few candles gave light to the place. I don’t know how I managed to work without proper lightning; but hey, it’s a dream so it doesn’t have to be logical. I think it was late night and Brian wasn’t home. I took one step back and looked at the canvas to see my work. It represented planets. (It’s funny because I’ve never painted anything like that, but that’s not the point here.) I could clearly recognize the planet Saturn, the planet Mars and then the Moon. As I stared at the painting in front of me I noticed that the Moon slowly started to spin around on the canvas. It was so mesmerizing, so beautiful, something I’d never seen before. (And something I’ll never see for real for that matter.) I was just standing there, watching with awe. Then I felt an inexplicable urge to step to the window. It was totally dark outside and I couldn’t see the lights of the city. There was only one thing I could see. I saw the Moon over the dark city, spinning round, exactly the way it did on the canvas. And it became bigger and bigger as it moved closer to me. I was petrified. I knew that something dangerous was approaching me. I could feel it. I wanted to run away, I wanted to scream but I couldn’t do anything. Something didn’t let me. The Moon was getting closer and I could see a mysterious figure appearing slowly in the dim light. I suddenly jumped back and I could feel my heart throbbing rapidly in my chest. And as abruptly as it had come, that figure disappeared with the Moon and it was completely dark again. As I stared out the window I felt someone’s gaze on me. I didn’t want to turn around because I knew that I wouldn’t like what I’d see. I knew it would frighten me to death. “Well, close enough. But you can’t stand there forever. You have to face me sooner or later. And I have plenty of time.” A calm but stern voice spoke to me. It sounded unfamiliar. I couldn’t imagine who it could be but I knew he was right. I took a deep breath, clenched my fists and turned around very slowly, ready to face whomever it was. At first I didn’t see anyone. But then a tall and incredibly lean figure stepped into the candlelight. He scared me to death. He wore a black suit with a black stovepipe hat. His eyes were black as well and he had the most piercing glance I’d ever seen. His face was frighteningly pale, almost see-through. I was sure he wasn’t a human being but I couldn’t imagine who he was. Do you know that feeling when you’re in the middle of a dream and you’re aware of the fact that it’s just a dream? Though you still have to go through it, it’s much easier when you know you will wake up. Well, this time I didn’t realize that it was a dream. Though everything seemed to be surreal I thought it was reality. And I thought I would pass out. “Are you afraid of me?” He asked and I saw something on his face that was supposed to be a smile I guess. “No.” I answered a little too quickly. We both knew it was a lie. “Good. Are you ready? Can we go?” I didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about and who he was in the first place so I gathered all my strength and asked him. He looked at me and answered me slowly, like he was giving me time to get prepared for the answer. “I’m your Guide.” Was his answer. I didn’t get it so I asked, “My…what?” He sighed like he’d said it for the thousandth time and continued, “We help you people to get over to another world. To our world. It’s not easy for you to get there, that’s why you need our help.” I still didn’t understand a word. What was he talking about? I told him I didn’t want to go anywhere. “You’ve got no choice. It’s decided. And you can’t stay here after you’ve died.” He noticed my scared expression and before I could ask anything he went on, “Don’t ask me why, I can’t answer you anyway. And don’t start begging me because it won’t help. I’m just doing my duty.” It seemed like he could read my thoughts. I wanted to ask so many things. I wanted to ask why I must die so soon, who it was that had sent him here and if my fate was to die young then why didn’t they let me die when Hobbs bashed me in the head. But I knew I wouldn’t get any answers. I wanted to be strong but I felt tears escaping from my eyes. I thought about the people I loved. I thought about Brian; how much I loved him and I knew he loved me too. I thought about how hard it had been for us to get our relationship to this level but we finally made it. I wanted to feel his touch on me for the last time, because I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone in my life. I thought about Mom and Molly; I wanted to tell them that I’d been so lucky to have them in my life, and not to worry because everything would be alright. I thought about Debbie; I wanted to thank her for being my mother, and taking good care of me when I couldn’t count on anyone else. I thought about Daphne and the guys, what wonderful friends they had been. Then I just couldn’t stop crying. I asked my Guide if I was allowed to say goodbye to the people I loved. He shook his head and said, “It’s pointless, believe me. It just makes it more difficult for you and for them. The best way you can do it is – to disappear. It’s time to go. Come.” He stretched his hand out and waited for me to take it. I hesitated for a moment. I looked around in the loft one more time, wiped the tears off my face and took his hand. I didn’t see any changes first. I didn’t notice that anything had happened. Then I heard someone pulling the loft door open. Brian arrived home. “Hey Sunshine, what’s this dar…” He stopped at the canvas and looked on the floor. And then I saw it. I was lying on the floor dead. Have you ever seen yourself from outside? That’s a fucking creepy thing, let me tell you. Especially when you see yourself dead. Brian dropped down on the floor beside me and held my body in his arms while trying to wake me up. I could see how desperate and scared he was, totally out of his mind. He was shouting my name constantly and he was shaking from crying. I wanted to soothe him so I said I was okay. He didn’t hear me. I tried to take a step towards him but my Guide held my hand firmly and didn’t let me go. “You don’t exist in his world anymore,” He said quietly. “Not physically anyway. He can’t see or hear you.” All I could do was stand there and watch him crying over my dead body. And I cried, too. I turned to my Guide and said, “I can’t watch this. It’s killing me.” I realized how ridiculous that sounded; I was already dead anyway. “Let’s go then.” He said and pulled me towards the window. I looked at Brian one more time - and I didn’t care whether he heard it or not – I told him that I loved him. The next thing I remember is that I was floating down a river on a boat. It was dark everywhere, just an old torch gave some light. Suddenly something came into my mind and for the first time I hoped that something good would happen to me. I was thinking of Vic. It would be so great to see him. I turned to my Guide and asked him how I could see someone I knew. Someone who had already been dead. “Even if you meet him you won’t be able to recognize him. Our world is different than yours – your former human connections don’t exist there.” He couldn’t have said anything worse. Then I found myself sitting in some dark and cramped place. “We’re at the gate.” I heard my Guide’s voice, “We have to wait for a while.” He must have noticed my helpless face because he added quietly, “Before we enter my world do you want to see what’s going on in yours? What the people you know are doing?” I nodded eagerly. There was nothing I wanted more. I looked in his eyes then closed mine. I saw pictures surrounding me and I didn’t know where to look. I saw my friends at my funeral; it really was heartbreaking. I saw Lindsay opening a gallery that was named after me. I saw Debbie in the diner, wearing a t-shirt which said, “It’s so f*cking dark without Sunshine.” I saw Emmett organizing some event in the memory of Justin Taylor. I saw Mom and Molly looking at old family photos. I saw Michael decorating the comic store with my sketches for Rage. But I didn’t see Brian. And that scared me. I told my Guide that I wanted to go back. He didn’t like my idea and told me, “It’s not that easy. You can’t just come and go whenever you want.” I begged him to help me and told him it wouldn’t happen again but I had to make sure that someone was alright. “But only this one time. And it won’t be for very long.” He said and stretched his hand again. I nodded and took it. Then everything became blurred. I was standing in the middle of the loft. I couldn’t hear anything; it was dead silence. I saw several empty bottles of Jim Beam lying around. I saw ashtrays filled to capacity. I saw some of my works on the wall. I saw my backpack on the couch – I’d always put it there and Brian had always been mad at me for doing that. But it was there now. I slowly approached the bedroom and I saw him lying on the bed. He was lying on my side with his face buried in my favorite t-shirt. I thought I’d heard my heart break. And then I saw something else. Empty medicine bottles on the bed. Suddenly the terrifying recognition hit me. I couldn’t believe he’d done such a thing. I cried out louder than ever and I started to shake his body. I didn’t even wonder how it was possible for me to be materialized again. I wanted to bring him back to life. I didn’t know what I was doing; all I knew was I had to do something. “Brian!” I shouted, “Brian!” He remained silent. I tried to shake him even more and slapped him on the face gently, hoping maybe it wasn’t too late. “Brian! You can’t do this!” He didn’t move. “Brian! Please, say something!” I stood up and turned around to call an ambulance when I heard a distant, but familiar voice. “What the fuck; Justin!” I was so happy to hear Brian again, I turned around to face him but I didn’t see anyone. Brian had disappeared. And the loft had disappeared as well. “Justin.” I couldn’t see anything. But where was his voice coming from? “Justin, wake up!” The next thing I saw was Brian’s gorgeous face as he was leaning over me. “It’s okay. I’m here.” He said as he brushed my wet hair aside from my sweaty forehead. I started to realize what had happened. It had been just a dream. An incredibly scary and amazing one, but still just a dream. I’d never been so fucking relieved in my life. “Bad dream?” He asked softly and pulled me close to him. I just nodded because I still couldn’t say a single word. I could feel the tears drying up on my face as I wrapped myself around him. It was so good to feel him again; I felt like a lifetime had passed. “Do you want to tell me about it?” He asked quietly. I shook my head and buried my face in the crook of his neck. He held me tighter and said, “Okay, but it must have been pretty intense. You scared the shit out of me.” I whispered in his ear that I was sorry and he chuckled. “No more oysters for you after ten Sunshine…” So life is great and I’m more than willing to live according to this. But it won’t be easy to forget about my strange dream. That’s it for now, “J” End Of Chapter-------------- Quote from the song 'Mad World' by Tears For Fears