I don’t like the Great Whiney Tree. He makes us all dress up in some stretchy thing he calls Spandex and pretend we’re some loser like SkulltulaMan or something like that. But sometimes he whines so loudly, the whole village shakes. That’s never fun either cause things always fall on my head. Zacky: GET ON WITH IT! I glare in the general direction of the voice as I slowly but surely, make my way to the clearing. There’s the tree. And as usual, it has that kicked puppy look on its face. Christ can I just like, set it on fire. Put us all out our misery. “Boy Wonder!” Did I mention he’s nicknamed me? Of all the teens in our village, he had to pet name me! “Yes Mikey….I mean, oh Great Whiney Tree!” I say, bowing low enough so my nose all but brushes against the grass. “I have a virus and I need you to go into my body and remove it” I stare, was it the AIDS bug? Zacky: Justin you dips hit, it’s common knowledge, that AIDS is not a bug. And how the hell would a tree contract AIDS!? Shut up Zacky! I nod, drawing a sword that the writer had magically made appear before entering the mouth of Michael Novotny. AKA The Great Whiney Tree. ~~~~~~~~ Lots of hacking and slashing later, I was tugged out. Only because Zacky was too lazy to write exactly what happened in the Whiney Tree’s stomach. But alas, Whiney Tree died. And finally, we could all get a good nights sleep knowing it wouldn’t whine at 3am every morning. But Mel being the evil fly she was, sent me off to find a Princess. Called Emmett. Now I may have been raised in a forest, but as far as I know, there are no girls called Emmett. Zacky: That’s cause the Princess is male you dim-witted blonde twink! Ooooh, well that explains it. Well, off to Pittsburgh Field we go. C’mon Zacky. Zacky: Yes Sir Hero ….loser