Spend all your time waiting For that second chance For a break that would make it okay There’s always one reason To feel not good enough And it’s hard at the end of the day I need some distraction Oh beautiful release Memory seeps from my veins Let me be empty And weightless and maybe I’ll find some peace tonight In the arms of an angel Fly away from here From this dark cold hotel room And the endlessness that you fear You are pulled from the wreckage Of your silent reverie You’re in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort there ~~~~~~~~ I’m clutching Gus to me as we stand around the hole. After my head healed, I got my sight back and I was able to see the horror our final battle had inflicted on my ‘family’. James had, had both his kneecaps smashed by our father and now had to use a stick. Ben’s vocal box had been crushed rendering him a mute. Lindsay was still suffering shell shock and depression. The only one unharmed was Gus. Though I wouldn’t even say that now that I’m the closest thing to a father he has. I’m finally showing in my pregnancy, my twins being the only last reminder, aside from Gus, of that wonderful man who’s being lowered into the ground in front of us. My Brian. I sniff, trying my damn hardest not to cry in front of Gus. Then again, I doubt he’d mind. He’d seen me tortured, blinded and heard me pleaing for my life. So I let out a choked sob and almost immediately, Gus’ little arms are wrapped round my neck as I sob into his soft shoulder, breathing in his sent as I cry. He’s crying into my hair, little fingers playing with my blonde hair. My father had gone to throw a conveniently placed axe at me and Brian had thrown himself in front of it. Needless to say, once I’d gotten my hands on that motherfucker, I’d made him pay. Blind or not, I still knew how to kill someone. So after breaking both arms and legs, him begging me to kill him, I’d ripped open his stomach, me and my brother licking at the wound before I drained him dry. It had been a filling meal to say the least. His begs and screams still haunted me in my sleep. I was a murderer and didn’t deserve to be here. I should have died, not Brian. Christ, here I am, wallowing in self pity at my lovers funeral. Pathetic. “Jussin, are you okays?” came the whisper by my ear. At least I’ll always have Gus, between him and my children, I’ll always remember Brian for what he was. A wonderful man. For some reason I look up and there, standing between two graves is Brian. He’s smiling at me. Dressed all in white, his tan skin made obvious by the pale colored clothes and his hair looking smooth and shiney; he looks breathtaking. And I start crying harder. I hear his voice in my head, he says he’s fine and that I have to move on for his children. But how can I move on!? Not when the only person I want is dead! But I know he’s right. I watch as he turns and walks away, disappearing into thin air and that’s when I decide I will live. For Gus. For the children. For my family. For Brian. “Goodbye….my love…” are my parting words as, with Gus still latched onto my neck, I turn and walk away. ~~~~~~~~ So tired of the straight line And everywhere you turn There’s vultures and thieves at your back And the storm keeps on twisting You keep on building the lie That you make up for all that you lack It don’t make no difference Escaping one last time It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees In the arms of an angel Fly away from here From this dark cold hotel room And the endlessness that you fear You are pulled from the wreckage Of your silent reverie You’re in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort there You’re in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort here ------------ Song: "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan