Brian POV Turn away If you could get me a drink Of water cause my lips are chapped and faded Call my Aunt Marie Help her gather all my things And bury me In all my favorite colors, My sisters and my brothers, still, I will not kiss you, (O-Ooo) Cause the hardest part of this, Is leaving you. It’s official. The trick was right. I do have cancer. I’m going to die. How am I going to tell the bruise covered angel sleeping in my bed? ‘Hey Justin guess what? I’ve got cancer now fuck off…’ No, he won’t like that. But I don’t want his pity. For him to feel sorry for me is the last thing I need. He’s stirring, his azure eyes on me. I couldn’t bear to hurt this boy. I have to push him away, I have to do this alone. Sniffing I get off the bed, padding round the room with a bag, throwing all his clothes in it. “Brian, what the hell are you doing!?” he surprised and slightly annoyed. What does it look like Justin you halfwit, I’m kicking you out. I sigh and throw the clothes from last night at him, “Get out!” I watch him open and close his mouth a few times but he makes no move to dress and that just pisses me off, “I said get the fuck out of my loft Justin, now!” I didn’t mean to be so harsh, but if that’s the only way to get him to leave, then so be it. Now turn away, Cause I'm awful just to see Cause all my hair's abandoned all my body Angry tears are pouring down his face as he snatches the bag from me and storms for the door. The phone has been ringing during our spat but since we ignored it, it goes to the answer phone. It’s the hospital, talking about my cancer. Poor Justin looks floored. And, judging by his swaying, he’s ready to pass out. And as for me? I’m ready to throw up so I sprint for the bathroom. I feel his hand on my bag, tracing soothing circles as I retch, feeling humiliated he has to see me like this. But Justin doesn’t seem to care, he just wants me to get better. He wants to look after me. Summoning the strength, I push him away from me, ignoring his angry and hurt eyes from his spot on the floor, “Brian, I want to help you”, he argues but it falls on deaf ears as I stalk out the bathroom, flopping onto the bed, “Get out Sunshine, I can do this alone…” All my agony, Know that I will never marry, Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo, But counting down the days to go. It just ain't livin' And I just hope you know, He’s not buying it. Drawing up to his full height (which isn’t a lot I tell you), he looks down at me. Yes, I will admit, he looks slightly scary at this precise moment, “Shut the fuck up Brian! You can’t do this alone and I don’t care if you think you can. You can push me away, but I’ll always come back. Being mean to me has never really worked, you should try another tactic”, he snaps, heading for the kitchen. Wow, Sunshine can be really…scary when he wants to. Come to think of it, I’ve pushed him off so many proverbial cliffs in the past, I’m sure he walks around with a parachute so he doesn’t hit rock bottom. What gets me though, is that he knows I’m now ‘damaged goods’, that I’m not perfect and I never will be anymore. But, well, he doesn’t care. He still wants me even though I’m going to have a ball removed. That’s love for you. And yes, I’ll admit it to myself and not out loud, I love this boy too. That if you say, Good-bye today, I'd ask you to be true, Cause the hardest part of this, Is leaving you... (Whoa-oh-oh) I listen to pots and pans being clanged and I wonder if he’s fighting with them or just taking his frustration out on them. Sighing, I walk up behind him just as he’s about to literally punch a pan and grab his wrist, “Hey, those pans cost more than you earn”. I’m trying for humour but the withering look he gave me through his tears could stop Debbie in her tracks as he starts beating his fists against his chest, “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me? I love you Brian and I want to be there for you, why…why won’t you let me!? Are you going to die Brian? You can‘t leave me…Please don‘t leave me” he sobs, his breathing fast and irregular. Christ, I’ve never seen him this worked up over anything before. Slowly I wrap my arms around him, allowing him to cry into my chest as my fingers rake through his hair, “Shh Sunshine, I’m not leaving you, I’m not going anywhere. I promise…” Cause the hardest part of this, Is leaving you...